When does it stop?

CB33isGMC · 2025-09-10T06:03:53+00:00

Been a decade for me and I dream of my ex at least weekly.

I still love her. Always will.

I also deeply hate her, which keeps me in check.

Life post divorce has been very good to me but I still miss her sour, perpetually ungrateful ass.

Putrid-Detail-2933 · 2025-09-09T13:57:45+00:00

Sadness is totally normal, it definitely gets better over time.

The life you once thought is gone, partially. You can still live a very happy life and have your kids be in it, try to find fun and simple ways to connect with them when you are spending time with them.

As for your ex-wife, she decided that another person was more important than your relationship AND keeping your family together.

I would go Gray Rock on her pronto and for as long as possible. If she asks how you're doing, say "great". No need to elaborate. No need to ask about her life either, she's on a different path now.

Lastly, be wary of the relationship you are already in. May turn out to be magnificent though you also may drag emotional baggage into that relationship. Be honest with yourself and with your current partner.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-09-08T23:21:40+00:00

It’s definitely lonely, but the key is to focus on setting goals for yourself, not other people. So many men are codependent but aren’t willing to admit it. I am a recovering codependent and once I realized that and learned more, I could focus on growing and healing. The key is learning to be alone and not jumping into another relationship. I did that too and even though on the surface she was “better” than my wife, she had identical issues and hadn’t felt with her trauma and eventually it showed its ugly head. Focus on yourself and learn to get comfortable with your solitude instead of being lonely.

Intelligent-Clue6108 · 2025-09-08T22:53:35+00:00

I did what you did, jumped into a relationship quickly. For me it was only 3 months after my separation. She cheated as well, but still with the guy. I ended up getting married again to the same girl a few years later. I know it is not recommended, but if you were like me, you needed to get your mind off it. What happens is that you will go through the emotions, the missing of your old life. Eventually it passes. For me, I'm much happier now. But it never fully goes away, but it is much more tolerable.

Ok_Builder_3285 · 2025-09-08T19:41:19+00:00

I'm happy for you.

Substantial-Run3367 · 2025-09-08T18:07:06+00:00

https://share.google/X2A33iSf5lQaig9hQ

Letterkenny on cheating

Substantial-Run3367 · 2025-09-08T18:05:17+00:00

Missing your ex-life is different than missing your ex-wife.

FormalOpportunity668 · 2025-09-08T17:32:45+00:00

Tough one and understandable, dreams broken, familiarity lost, betrayal etc.

Usually when a woman leaves the relationship that’s a big sign something was really wrong and it’s harder to recover.

Trust can be rebuilt though.

For me, and I help people recover from affairs, I would be curious when how and what got in the way for you both in the relationship and especially for your wife.

Is any of it realistically changeable and are you both up for the challenge? If so, I would want to know why?

An individual therapist can help you sort the issues out for you, so you know.

Good luck

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-09-08T17:20:40+00:00

It will take about 3 years from the divorce to heal and to get back to normal. The new girlfriend will add to that time unfortunately.

When this new rebound relationship ends you will have to process the end of two relationships and it is going to be a real bitch to contend with. You will be tempted to jump into a third quickly to avoid having to work on yourself...up to you if you let the cycle continue or decide to put in the work.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-09-08T15:18:20+00:00

She cheated. You shouldn't be conflicted about divorce. There's no such thing as a family when your wife is banging other dudes and calls one of them her boyfriend.

marwanenn · 2025-09-08T13:28:03+00:00

I recently was in a similar situation, After my divorce I started dating someone and she was good to me but everytime I'm with her feels like I'm cheating on my ex wife and that sucks, You miss the sense of family and the future vision you had and now all is gone, My advise would be to seek therapy and take time to heal and understand that your ex wife is in your past and she's nothing more than a mother of your kids / Co-parent. Also have an open honest conversation with your new GF about your feelings you never know what could happen. Wishing you the best of luck.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-09-08T12:29:41+00:00

Therapy. Get it.

I surprisingly dated not long after I moved out, halfway through the separation process. I attribute that to therapy, as when I started wondering if I was good to take that next step. It was confirmed that I should by my therapist.

Albeit, my experience is different than yours. So I am farther removed from my ex. Regardless, therapy was key.

Timbers-creek · 2025-09-08T11:39:17+00:00

Do not, I repeat, do not date until you are emotionally & mentally healed & stable. You are obviously not ready for dating. Go get therapy my guy.

jbowman12 · 2025-09-08T10:53:55+00:00

You miss what you thought you had, and maybe once had. That is long gone, and even if you and the ex did get back together, it will never be the same. At best, it could be a fraction of the same, but what you once had is gone. You are missing the highlight real and what once was, but not what is and would be.

That woman thought you weren't good enough, and the only reason she still entertains the thought of you getting back together is because she is not happy herself the way she thought she would. Do you really want to be the guy she wants because she doesn't have another option? She doesn't think any better of you right now, and the "choice words" she had for you shows.

Go home, cut the Christmas music off because you can't handle it right now. That's what's driving these feelings along with the split custody. When that's done, take that new girl's face in your hands and kiss her like she deserves. Maybe put her up on the counter or carry her to the bed and take care of business and give her the pleasure she deserves for loving and treating you the way she does. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then cut her loose because you're not ready to love her the way she deserves, and you're only with her out of codependency feelings.

Seriously, you've got a real bombshell at home by the sound of it, and you want the one who cheated on you back. Take a good long look at reality right now. Decide which way you want to go. If you truly want the ex back, go on back, but don't come to us when the process repeats because we're trying to tell you right now. Sorry to be blunt here at the end, but this is real life and you have to see it through those lenses and not a Christmas Hallmark movie lens.

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-09-08T07:56:59+00:00

Let the new lady go, you don't deserve her, go seek help and when you are finally ready maybe she will be around, but I personally hope she would have moved on. No one wants to be around a guy who's still hanged on a person who destroyed their family for their selfish entitlement. This person took away something from your kids, yet you still think about her. You will learn, the hard way.

One-Wish1955 · 2025-09-08T04:30:49+00:00

She made her bed now she gets to lay in it, she took a gamble on your marriage and she lost….not YOU!

Enjoy the rest of your life and don’t look back, or do you need to be reminded that every time she came home after being with her AP she kissed you and your kids goodnight and 30 minutes earlier she was sucking his cock….how’d he taste?

Ya it’s not pleasant to think about now, but remember this every time you drop or pick up your kids….

Boglehead101 · 2025-09-08T04:09:29+00:00

Give up the candles and Christmas music, it’s all too sentimental causing you to indulge in pity.

Was your ex a Narc and you codependent? Seems a possibility given the little you’ve included here.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-09-08T04:01:02+00:00

Why would you ever engage in this kind of discussion with her ever again? Just change the subject. Are there any circumstances under which you would get back together with her? If not, then don't play the emotional games.

BaldieGoose · 2025-09-08T01:52:42+00:00

Stop putting whores on pedestals and treat the good woman you have now right.

Direct_Cattle_6638 · 2025-09-08T01:46:38+00:00

Do not compare your new girl to your ex, not fair for either of you. Forge new traditions, your old life is dead. It gets better quickly, focus on building the life you want

Toddw1968 · 2025-09-08T01:38:21+00:00

I read somewhere else on reddit that you’re not sad about this relationship ending, you’re sad about the one you SHOULD have had that’s not possible now.

warrior_up · 2025-09-08T01:30:02+00:00

Bruh. Just keep moving forward. The cheating bitch did this to your family, not you.

You were forced into this situation and it sounds like you’re making the best of it. Don’t let her impact your new life, she chose NOT to be involved in it any longer. She was just too stupid and fell for some chump that just wanted to hit it and quit it.

Everything will become afresh once again, it’s a comfort thing - but who wants to spend the holidays with a secretive, cheating, lying, skank. Stop romanticizing her, there’s no way you can make what she did and better, worse of the worse, lowest of the low

StatisticianOld8246 · 2025-09-08T01:10:32+00:00

Take your ex off a pedestal. She doesn’t love you if she cheated and ended your marriage and impacted your children to pursue an AP. I know that it stings but try to think reasonably here. Put that energy into your new girl who treats you better or don’t string her along if she really is a wonderful girl.

tyyyy110 · 2025-09-08T01:02:50+00:00

Dude, on the flip side of all this sulking over a cheating, lying ex! You now have a wonderful girl (your words) whom you are dating. She accepts you and your two kids! Dude, at least you're not alone atm! So stop worrying about the ex, and focus on the future, mate! It'll stop once you change your mindset/focus

arissdc · 2025-09-08T01:00:35+00:00

Wait.. you be chetead?

Title	When does it stop?
Author	AstroHustler22
Upvotes	67
Comments	33
Date	September 8, 2025 12:54 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nba27l/when_does_it_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-does-it-stop.1561514 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561514

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