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Boglehead101 Archive

View 56 posts and 745 comments by Boglehead101 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
229

Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 09:26 PM
112

Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 09:35 AM
88

RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 08:38 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 11:59 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 08:33 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 09:55 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 09:04 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 02:29 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 09:57 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 07:27 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 09:56 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 11:24 AM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 11:19 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 04:19 PM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 05:48 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:34 AM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 11:24 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:33 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 06:31 PM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 09:02 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 09:03 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:56 PM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 05:31 AM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 12:35 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 06:18 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:56 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:13 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 11:01 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:06 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 08:55 PM
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Self CareBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 06:24 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 05:13 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 01:01 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 08:03 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 06:53 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 09:32 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:53 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 02:32 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 10:40 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:50 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 06:36 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 11:29 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 07:45 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 07:23 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:25 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:25 PM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 07:40 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 08:05 PM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 07:22 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 02:49 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:28 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:05 PM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 10:36 AM
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Boglehead101/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 06:49 AM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 04:18 PM
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RantBoglehead101/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 08:24 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

Man listen carefully, very carefully. Get out now, it’s only 6 months, yes it’s a short marriage but we make mistakes, call a lawyer in the morning. I’m serious. I was where you are now. I fucked up my life by not acting on my gut.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 04:12 PM
6

Don’t leave. Simple. You negotiate a way for both to move forward whatever that looks like. Leaving her in the house puts you at a huge disadvantage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 11:01 AM
1

Treat yourself to a new car.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 11:57 PM
2

Just leave her like now, dissipating assets tends to backfire. Revenge is a dish best served cold, exit quickly on the best terms possible showing little emotion.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 10:38 PM
1

Move on, gambling addiction that continues despite all that’s happened 🤷‍♂️ Jeez man, vaping, no big deal. She’s using that as a stick to beat you to cover up her misgivings. Get out like yesterday, clean break and 50 50.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 09:33 AM
2

Narcissists aren’t on here filled with regret and self reflection.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:37 AM
1

I’d give the phone back so she won’t be able to say you stole it. See a lawyer and file. Communicate only as needed, say nothing about divorce to her, record all interactions & your movements daily using MS OneNote, don’t be in the same room as her if possible, when passing in the hall or on the stairs stand well back and let her pass first. Sounds like a rough ride is ahead, good luck OP, unfortunate for you and your children but things do improve.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 07:51 AM
4

Too soon but it really doesn’t matter. Think of the positives, now there’s absolutely no chance of a reconciliation. Sorry we’ve all been here. Life does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 05:43 AM
2

Totally agree, it’s about accountability on both. I made that mistake and let her away with murder. Came home to roost.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:17 PM
2

Yep devaluation over decades in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:13 PM
3

Had this, fucked up royally on some investments, with MY money. Not my wife’s money, we always kept separate accounts thankfully, she spends like a sailor and has a $30K handbag collection. The money lost will come back eventually if and I’m not worried, our standard of living never dropped and I continued to pay all our bills. Wife went ballistic anyway regarding the loss, refused to help out with anything and filed for divorce. It really was a wake up call for me, she was only happy while she …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:04 PM
2

If she won the PowerBall and received a brain transplant I still wouldn’t take her back!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:10 PM
2

Really, seemed genuine to me. He’s well up on Irelands nonsensical family law system.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:16 PM
13

They don’t want your money, they say they are going to be reasonable. Then they go for the jugular. As soon as mine saw I wasn’t prepared to roll over she immediately turned high conflict.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 02:44 PM
1

I think your take is 100% correct Sir !
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:01 PM
2

Trans Atlantic Cabin Crew, it’s a parallel universe.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 10:45 PM
1

The process is designed to have you both at each others throats. If you can get into mediation to work out something amicable it’s the way forward. Ask her, if she agrees, move quickly, it’s in everyone’s interest. My ex wants her day in court and is doing her best to absolutely destroy me with her accusations, refusal to contribute to anything financially and her social media posts telling the world (and our children) she’s a victim of abuse. Don’t be like me. I wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 07:37 AM
1

Clean break, get out as soon as you can. You’re lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 06:26 AM
11

I don’t know how to reconcile this and am going through it myself, you do ask how she has no sense of guilt. My views on that below. The sisterhood has crafted a long running narrative that supports her view that she sacrificed her own career for you and the family, that she provided the support to get you where you are now. That she was the stable one providing the support to the children that you couldn’t or wouldn’t. That you abused your position, that you are also coercively financially cont…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 06:14 AM
28

Not saying it’s not the case here but Lawyers need to stop advocating silver bullet divorces. In my situation the wife kicked off with the “living in fear”narrative day one. Astonishing and deeply disappointing, I can see how some guys could lose the plot. My friend is divorcing in Belgium, one solicitor for both parties, you keep what you had before the marriage. Everything accumulated in the marriage gets split 50 50 including time with the children. Much fairer, less adversarial and less scop…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:19 AM
3

Take tadalafil and you’ll be able to punch holes in plasterboard with it. Amazing stuff….
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:13 AM
1

Tough one, offer counselling if she refuses you just have to pick yourself up and get a plan to live your life. Lot of us have gone through this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:50 PM
5

This thread is fucking hilarious, we’ve all had the same shit. It’s a playbook 😂
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:04 PM
1

I said to her that divorce is devastating, she said some people have parties to celebrate.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:03 PM
1

Yep true too
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:24 PM
3

I remember kissing her one time and she refused to French kiss. I asked her what was going on, she said we never French kissed. Gaslit everything!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:01 PM
3

Once I had a divorced friend of hers tell me about how her “kids have two families, isn’t it brilliant for them”.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:56 PM
3

Yes, she was hostile and horrible to me for a long time. The hostility has continued and she’s now a victim, scared of me, living in fear, communicating through lawyer etc. My advice, if she wants to talk and is ending the marriage, tell her you are only making the request for counselling once, then ask. If she refuses get the show on the road as soon as possible and file. Get out as soon as you can (don’t leave the family home until the deal is done) and start living your life. Divorce is an ac…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:56 AM
6

She cheated, you blame your childhood trauma on the marriage failing. Yes you need therapy 🤔
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 07:10 AM
2

Considering this. A friend who’s been through divorce while the high conflict wife voluntarily reduced her income was absolutely hosed. She also moved her family members into the home while he was living there. The courts view was he was the higher earner, he can build up again. She got 75% of the family home, a massive maintenance payment and as soon as the divorce was concluded moved her boyfriend in. As he said to me, if you have more you will pay more. He’s now sorry he didn’t engineer a lay…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 08:21 PM
2

Interesting points, wasn’t aware of the winery situation but a cursory search tells me his case is solid. “Pitt’s central claim is that when they bought Miraval in 2008, they “agreed they would never sell their respective interests in Miraval without the other’s consent.” His attorneys argue this existed as both a verbal agreement and a 2013 written agreement between their holding companies (Mondo Bongo and Nouvel) giving each other a right of first refusal over any sale . A judge has already di…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 09:17 AM
7

As someone going through a high conflict divorce with a horrible person who’s tried to alienate my children, posted stuff on social media I commend you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 09:46 AM
1

It’s tough, we’ve all been unlucky in our choices, we are rid of the ungrateful parasites, although they come back in an effort to feed off us from time to time. I have been cleaned out, my daughter never speaks to me. My sons treat me like an ATM. My ex went down the false DV road. She posted false stories on social media about me. For me the first ray of sunshine that a new day brings is a reset. Start small, maximise your earning potential, dollar cost average into an all world index. Get fit…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 08:41 AM
3

That’s what they do, expect everything, give nothing then blow up the marriage accusing you of controlling them because you bent over backwards to give them the life they have. I’m right with you, now going through a hostile divorce that she wanted. She tells me she’s living in fear because I disagreed with her, it’s hilarious really. These ladies give women a bad name. As I went to a meeting this week with my lawyer my wife was still in bed at 11.30am, her door closed. This is every day. My fem…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 02:01 PM
16

Totally agree. Mine is an avoidant with Narcissistic characteristics. Didn’t want intimacy, closeness or affection, did want the house, the jewellery, the handbags, the holidays, the car and for me to pay. She didn’t even want shared one on one experiences like a night out or a walk. Then she decides to blow it up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 07:16 AM
1

She has been so horrible to me I can’t ever see myself moving past it. So much so that when we eventually split I never want to see or hear from her ever again. This is difficult as we have 3 teens.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 10:46 AM
2

I have the exact same situation. I have never shown my cards and wanted to meditate all along. She prefers litigation and standing behind her lawyer who’s now stalling. In the meantime I’m paying the bills. I’m now just pushing it to court for the judge to decide, there’s no point engaging with someone who doesn’t show a willingness to cooperate.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 07:27 AM
5

Tough situation my friend. Don’t let it get in on you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 05:39 AM
1

Sounds like you are out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 05:31 AM
3

If you can come to an agreement between you and get it formalised by the court go for it. Get a lawyer to run over it so you’re not leaving yourself short.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 12:50 PM
1

Just accept it and move on, quickly. Radical acceptance.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 04:45 AM
2

Not for me, she gets half of everything you make between now and retirement and you get to look at her daily. Split and life your life a free man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 06:08 AM
5

The wife decided she wanted out, refused counselling much to my frustration. She had financially abused me & devalued me for a decade or more turning her family against me. My 15 yo took it so bad he was hyperventilating for a few weeks. He would sit beside me in the car and sigh constantly. He told me the pain in the pit of his stomach went away after about a month. He took it real bad. It took about 5 months for him to accept things, a year down the road life is pretty normal for him. My wife …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 06:04 AM
5

Does the pope wear a funny hat?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:29 PM
2

Yes, my parasite gave up work, refuses to contribute to the household bills, has the heating on all day every day, charges her electric car during peak times, gives items I have purchased to her family and fooled me into raising another man’s child for 18 years (details emerged after she filed). She is a parasite and I have told her as much. She loves her jewellery, clothes, makeup, designer handbags and has stated that she only drives Range Rovers. I kid you not! Luckily I have since met a real…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 11:24 AM
7

For me it took a month or so, then it returned in waves. A year later I’m back to normal and never, ever think of her. I might add I started dating at the 12 month mark and met an amazing woman early. She seems to really care without love bombing me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 03:29 PM
4

Like you dated a lot, 56 also, going through divorce. Started dating, met a wonderful woman who treats me so well. Life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 02:24 PM
1

Hi, I’m glad you asked that question. It was a fear of mine that women would be turned off by the fact I am still cohabitating. You might be surprised to hear that in my experience women don’t care. I have a pretty strong story about my marriage breaking down and it’s obvious to any woman that meets me I’m just stuck in limbo. A lot of women have been through this themselves and fully get where you are in the cycle. My advice, reclaim that aspect of your masculinity, build an on line dating prof…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 11:07 AM
7

Firstly it nearly broke me. I grieved hard for the marriage and my children for 6 or 8 months. What would I do; Exercise, listen to music / podcasts, rekindle old friendships, spend time with your family, bring your kids skiing, walk, swim in the sea. Binge watch Netflix. Work harder. I did all these and it helped me. I also had a therapist. Things however took a really positive turn when my female lawyer suggested I start online dating. I was waiting until I had my own place but she told me not…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 07:37 AM
2

I wrote this post 4 months ago. It was well received. https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/XvXbiIHm8G I was in your position, for the sake of the children I begged her to try one last time and now regret so much doing so. Where am I now? Although still sharing a home with the ex as we extract ourselves I am well rid of her. I have since met a caring lady, a widow with her own family. The sex is amazing and I can’t believe what I put up with for two decades. Exercise, sea swim, listen to podcas…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 09:21 AM
4

You must have a lot on her if you feel you can get full custody and a favourable financial settlement. In my case where there has been proven paternity fraud in a country with no fault divorce this has had zero impact. Personally I’d just try to settle on 50 50 including custody and move on with your life as soon as possible. Might not be what you want to hear but it is the best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 12:26 PM
1

French Onion Dip, jeez. You seem to be too engaged, you only have a month left so take it easy. I’m cohabitating and we haven’t spoken since October. Probably 10 lines between us in all that time. It’s been oddly calming.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 08:27 AM
3

Personally I wouldn’t
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 05:53 PM
3

Closest description for mine, a witches tit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 09:14 PM
2

I had a recurring dream she was trying to kill me. Seriously. She really does despise me though
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 09:13 PM
1

It’s a tough time, they’ll get over it. Told mine during the summer I felt really bad for a long time, things settle down.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 11:37 AM
2

I laboured over this one, I didn’t want to let her away with blowing up the marriage and telling the kids it was an us decision. I told them she wanted out and I wanted counselling for us. Wife was traumatised by the kids hearing this about her. Anyway roll the clock forward a year and it’s made zero difference to anything. Just tell them it’s a we decision.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 10:20 PM
3

Use OneNote to journal each and every interaction daily. Try not engage with her ever, most days will then have a “No dialogue with Jane Doe today” If there is a detailed conversation record it on your phone. Remove alcohol and guns from the home. Always stay 10 feet away from her. Don’t phone ever, send text or mail when you absolutely have to, then keep it brief. If she sends you a message reply with a thumbs up, a yes or a no. Don’t get pulled into anything, she’ll do things to piss you off. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 07:45 AM
3

Well done friend, like you I gave everything to a woman who lied, betrayed and gave me nothing in return. HNY and thanks for your post.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 09:58 PM
0

Theres a bit of subjective stuff here. The co worker, the parents being alienated. Sounds like he turns up, pays the bills, buys you flowers, goes on dates, does housework, you’re having sex ( a lot aren’t). He spends time with his parents, so what. They’re his parents, you get him the rest of the time. A lot of overthinking / potentially control going on here me thinks, what interests do you have?
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 09:49 PM
3

Never was interested in penis, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 12:36 PM
3

Yep, get it wrapped up as soon as possible. Start living your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 08:45 AM
1

Don’t worry, not your problem. She’s gone.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 11:36 PM
3

Silver bullet, false DV allegations, alienating the kids, already alienated her family. Trying to get me out of the family home, gave up her job etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 09:37 PM
6

Yes it’s been easier to move on, however she’s still inflicting max pain and is out to ruin me. She’s a wench.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 09:31 PM
8

I will be single forever more on that basis. I’m not some Romeo PR guy that serenades women 24 x 7. Fuck them. There’s women out there who are caring, kind and want to be treated with respect. I’ll find one of those.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 08:45 PM
7

At least you guys got the “I love you but I’m not in love with you." Mine told me she despised me as did her family.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 08:42 PM
15

They all engage in character assassination, no big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 12:06 PM
4

Wife doing her best to silver bullet me, I’m meticulous in my record keeping and haven’t spoken to her in 3 months. I’m digging in and not going anywhere. Lawyer told me to expect to be put out of the home over the next 12 months, just because “if she wants it she’ll make it happen”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 03:36 PM
3

It’ll get better, promise
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:20 PM
3

My wife is a hoarder and a fashion victim. It’s truly astounding how she wastes her money. Christmas has always been a source of frustration for me, money spent by her with abandon. I can’t wait not to have to witness it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 06:55 AM
1

Really, she told fessed up about your son. My God, mine is trying to take that secret to the grave. It’s about to blow up in the New Year. I just didn’t want Christmas forever more to be a reminder of the day this came public.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 12:07 PM
6

Same here, I realised she was skin deep years back, everyday or two I made a point of telling her she looked beautiful, that I loved her and giving her a hug or a kiss. She was an ice maiden, an avoidant. Anyway she devalued me and brutally discarded me. I was a simp. I know it’s not going to work out well for her, she’ll be back but she’s done so much bad shit now the door has well and truly closed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 10:52 AM
2

Thanks man, puts it in perspective
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 02:27 PM
1

I think the best minds on this will advise you not to leave. Let her leave, failing that sell the property.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 11:37 AM
2

I’m divorcing a narcissist also, turned her family against me and did her best with the children. Also discovered I’m a victim of paternity fraud, that’s a whole other story. Good luck OP you’ll need it. Grey Rock, file at the first opportunity and get ready to leave. Start journaling every interaction, record conversations. They never change and get worse with age IMHO.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 10:49 AM
3

Everything works, it’s psychological. Would she watch some porn with you? Went through a phase like that in my 20’s and it worked a treat. I have also found out my wife is a serial adulterer. Hard luck man we did our best. Some people are just set up for it and can’t help themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 05:38 PM
4

Hard luck Man. It’s a woman’s world.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 11:22 AM
1

JADE. Another one for my arsenal
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 09:06 PM
2

No man, she does. BTW I had a good scoot around your instagram, you need to change your profile for the sake of secrecy. You seem like a decent man, and talented. Good luck with it all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 09:04 PM
5

Exactly my situation, then I discovered an affair and paternity fraud. I got her real good!
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 05:42 PM
5

Set up to fail.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 05:39 PM
2

Brain Washed by SM and friends that have stuck with their husbands
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 05:37 PM
4

Get you 💯
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 05:35 PM
2

Sounds like Narcissism OP
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 05:32 PM
11

Mine stays in bed until 11 everyday and refuses to work full time to keep her earnings low.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:16 AM
10

Ehhh! Shifting the definition of “enough” Conditional intimacy as a moving target Chores / Labour imbalance framed as personal failure
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:15 AM
2

Your wife sounds like my wife’s twin. I make a note everyday using OneNote (time stamped) of all interactions. I record key flashpoints / where the temperature is rising, on my phone. I screenshot WhatsApp messages where she’s being controlling or abusive. Last two months have been largely no contact, I don’t even say hello to her. There’s nothing to misinterpret. If she kicks off I ask her to mail me, then I leave. She will be trying to get me kicked out of my home & taken away from the Childre…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 07:50 AM
17

Yep, don’t lose sight of who you are and start doing things for you. I fell into that trap, subservient, a lackey, received zero respect and was finally discarded.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:36 PM
2

I could do with a cousin like you. Does he listen to music, podcasts etc while exercising, walking or doing jobs in the house? Could be good therapy to help him through this phase. I listen to loads of divorce podcasts, men help type material and of course music. It’s helped me immensely. I bought a new set of headphones on Amazon, the soundcore AeroFit 2 by Anker. The great thing about these is they don’t cover your ears or sit in your ear canal like AirPods so you can still hear what’s going o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:18 PM
1

Who cares what she thinks or feels?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 05:39 AM
1

Yep working with a Therapist for the last while.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 07:44 PM
7

We all waited too long, hoping the relationship would change. Remembering the good times hoping they’d return, remembering that gorgeous simple woman we once knew. My wife is very beautiful, an avoidant and I now see a narcissist. A lot of how you describe your wife resonates with me. I’m still struggling with it all, as a codependent empath we are addicted to these people who treat us poorly. Even my wife’s family treated me badly, brainwashed by her. Oh yes, I paid for everything too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 10:58 AM
7

Listen mate, the amount of wives that create a false victim narrative is off the charts. It’s nearly unique to have a rational woman that wants a fair outcome. Most want you to look like you’re the villain, limit your access to your children, get you kicked out of the house, drag you through a costly legal battle and take everything they can from you. If you end up with a criminal record that’s the cherry on top. How do I know, I’m going through this with a narcissist who is guilty of paternity …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:48 PM
2

Every time it seems you’ll be interacting with her put the phone on record in your pocket.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 10:58 AM
8

What a ghoul, turning her back on her son.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 07:20 AM
2

All about the search for admiration.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 09:39 PM
1

What’s the bingo on, you a victim of paternity fraud also?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 08:59 PM
1

Well done 👍
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:46 AM
2

When do you start living your own life ?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:34 AM
3

I hear you, in exactly your situation work wise and with the wife.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:29 AM
6

A ha! “Do they swipe” 👊🤡
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:26 AM
4

This ⬆️ Mine had many affairs, I’d guess she was a sexual gymnast for these men like she was with me in the early days. She gave amazing blowjobs which stopped after we moved in together. The child of an alcoholic and an embittered wife it’s all about validation for her. Once a man is successful and shows her attention the legs open.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:20 AM
3

I’m in your shoes. She sounds like my STBXW, an avoidant Narcissist. Disengage, operate below the radar and get your thoughts together. Maybe you should attend counselling for yourself. Then file on your terms.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:31 AM
4

Tell her, No. And “No” is a full sentence. Ideally wait 48 hours or longer to respond. Oh and good luck trying to get your kids to 18 without phones. Mine had them from 10 or 11.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 07:18 AM
20

She didn’t make her way over to you with him. She’s disingenuous with her message trying to establish you as the one with an issue. “You should have come over and said hello”. Just send a thumbs up emoji to this morally superior person.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 06:11 AM
4

Yep the guy that impregnated my wife on a work trip is well known to get up on anything. The way it was relayed to me by a colleague of his was; old, young, ugly or good looking he doesn’t discriminate. A handsome man and a charmer, he has four children and a wife thats well aware of his antics. My wife who is good looking but shallow, entitled, opportunistic and materialistic fell for his charms. It’s all soon to be blown open in the public domain.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 11:49 PM
2

It’s a tough one, find the best therapist you can, you might need to see a few to get the right one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 08:24 AM
11

I have a similar situation and I’ll describe how mine played out. My wife works at a large company, it’s like a parallel universe, impenetrable and secretive, they travel a lot on business and socialise together. People start there young and stay to retirement. I’m also in a support group for people going through divorce, through this I met a retired FBI guy who does PI work on the side (corporate stuff). We were talking about our respective situations and he asked if my wife was having an affai…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 07:35 AM
1

2 x Divorced and Separated groups local to me, they have a gathering at least once a week. They also have holidays, walks, meals and cinema nights.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 06:51 PM
3

I hear you man, I’m struggling with bad depression also at the moment. Some days better than others but that hollowed out feeling lingers. I realise that I have an anxious attachment style, I was an empath, she was a narcissist. She was abusive and I was codependent, the marriage breaking down and her discard was like coming off drugs. As with drugs the marriage was bad for me but I kept going back. What really helps me today is staying busy, participating in any group or event that will have me…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 08:32 AM
1

Maybe the antidepressant didn’t suit. There’s others to try? Also they generally make you feel worse until they kick in.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 07:04 AM
6

“She also indicated talks that she is not happy and told her mother behind my back which I luckily overheard” I had this for 2 decades. They paint you as the villain. My wife’s family are overjoyed she’s divorcing me. Little do they know she will never be happy. I’d say your wife like mine is a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 04:39 PM
1

They can’t resist, mine is a good looking woman, not so good looking that intimidates guys. She also travels every week with her job. I always suspected it but it was confirmed recently. Then the rest just slotted into place. Many men over many years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:43 PM
9

BPD, that’s all you need to know to complete this stage in life. She sounds awful. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:04 PM
4

At least you got sex as payment, I never got a thing. These women operate in their own self serving world. They have no morals or conscience. You are merely a gilly to be used, abused and taken advantage of, then disposed of when suits. I’d be amazed if your wife hasn’t had an affair or multiple affairs. I’m in your shoes and mine did.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 06:18 PM
3

A whole load of hassle for no good reason. These women couldn’t care less about getting a dressing down from a judge. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that some people are just the lowest of the low with no moral compass & I unfortunately married one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:53 PM
1

My boss is himself divorced twice. He’s an operator, knows the system and has been incredibly supportive.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 11:13 PM
1

Unreal, it really is. Well done. 👍
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:47 AM
3

Did you keep the little guy?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:32 AM
9

Last week I received another lawyers letter alleging abuse and threatening behaviour. Words have been exchanged about whatever mundane disagreement she has at the time but I’m never aggressive or intimidating, nor do I swear or raise my voice. I showed this letter to a friend on Friday and as he said it takes someone with a really skewed moral compass to even think it’s ok to stand over and send communications like that. As soon as this divorce is over she’ll won’t even get as much as a text mes…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:42 PM
2

Careful, you’re writing from two accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 03:57 AM
8

Blocking that man’s wife is next level devious. I could never trust a word out of her mouth.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 09:32 PM
4

Biggest bargaining chip is being in the house, simple.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 05:59 AM
4

Jeez, give him a break. She lied, he tried to talk to her about it, got silent treatment, then she left. All a bit unfair.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 01:30 PM
4

Hard luck man, she did you a favour.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:46 AM
7

Can’t see what impact an anonymous Reddit account would have on my divorce. How could they prove it’s me, what are they going to do subpoena Reddit and some IT expert to the family courts. Nah. I tell my story on here. Leave out elements that might identify me or her. If she finds the account and makes the connection, fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 08:47 AM
3

I like this analysis and agree
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:56 PM
3

A cornucopia of discontent encompassing vague statements around not understanding, respecting, loving, caring for her. Add in baseless allegations of living in fear, financial coercion, intimidation and aggression and there you have it. It’s a formula. If I tried to talk to her with the objective of exploring these feelings, she refused. Our limited discussions on these matters always turned into a barrage of abuse aimed my way. Anyway I’ve since received information that my 19 yo son might not …
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:20 PM
6

My wife refuses to contribute to anything, insurance, mortgage, property taxes, college fees, college books. Yes she spends her money on the kids, only on things that enrich her relationship with them. I have countless WhatsApp message replies from her regarding this refusal to make reasonable contributions which she sees as intimidation. My lawyer says this level of lack of co operation will go against her in court . These women are for the streets.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 05:40 PM
18

Unfortunately I don’t have to look into subs to see the difference. I wanted us to go to counselling firstly to reconcile, failing that to approach the process with cooperation and dignity. I also wanted mediation and a collaborative process. She has unleashed her legal team, wants to get me out of the house on false DV allegations, to alienate the children and to treat me with contempt at all times.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 09:42 AM
5

It’s all about money unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:31 PM
2

I’m living with it since March. Have that hollowed out feeling every few days. Some days are better than others
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:29 PM
4

I’m coming back here to write a second reply. All here will advocate intense exercise to deal with the stress of this. Sometimes that’s just not enough or one can’t motivate themselves to get to the gym. Therapy also helps but at one meeting a week it barely scratches the surface. If this is the case a more rigorous treatment might be in order, don’t discount as a last resort SSRI’s like Lustral or Prozac. I’ve gone down this road a few times and they were a great help and weren’t difficult to g…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 09:24 AM
14

Shocking, men are treated terribly by family courts. Thankfully mine are grown, I’d dread this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 12:07 AM
2

I’m with you man, covert Narc and troublesome 18 year old daughter. It’s tough co parenting or trying to. I can’t wait to just walk away from them both as they’re wearing me out
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:55 PM
3

She sounds like an avoidant and you sound anxious. Dad’s Starting Over podcast has covered a lot of material on this. Worth a listen as you try and piece together what’s left. Lots here in your situation including myself. It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:08 PM
3

Not mine 🙋‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 04:48 PM
4

Mine started out like this, dead bedroom for years. She then created a situation, I lost it and then she played the D card. Advice, get it sorted through counselling or get out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 04:47 PM
5

Narcissist most likely. Therapy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:17 PM
1

Any equity in the house. I’m in the same boat and pay for everything, lawyer just said keep paying and document it. She will have her day of reckoning in court. I asked her by WhatsApp and asked her lawyer by letter for her to contribute. They wrote back saying my request was intimidating.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:08 PM
5

Are you dumb, if this is true this poor man is dealing with a fruitcake.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 02:32 PM
6

There’s a great Meetup app in my city, there’s a divorced and separated group. They seem to run 3 nights a week at the moment. Concerts, sport, shows. art events, dinner and have drinks in a downtown bar one night every week. They even organised a group holiday. It’s a great outlet and I’ve met super people through it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:51 PM
13

I have about 5 lifelong male friends, I told them and I hear from one every few weeks. I worked with a guy who’s divorced 5 years, he totally gets it and we speak everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 03:45 AM
5

We’re all moving through the fog at different levels. Take care…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 09:28 PM
2

Chat GPT is your friend. Visit a campus’s, call in to the admissions office.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 01:05 PM
1

How’d it go?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:55 PM
1

You and me too and whole load of guys who don’t admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 08:15 PM
19

I work from home, I am on video calls nearly every day. I have seen many men I work with wives dropping in a cup of tea or a sandwich. Sometimes funnily it’s just an outstretched arm that comes thru a slightly open door handing over the tea or coffee. It used to sadden me that my wife would never do this for me. I’m here working from home since 2016 and she’s never done it once. Married 22 years now. Oddly she also used to cook up the children a fried breakfast twice a week. Despite the fact tha…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:03 PM
4

Not welcome and being forced out of “your own home” are two totally different things. Time to dig in, tell them to fuck off. You’re perfectly happy living in that house with your cats. “Let the games begin!”
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:29 PM
8

If she’s not happy and her friends are helping reinforce that, nothing you can do whatsoever. Cut her loose today. There’s nothing like the wake up call of seeing you’re serious and not a simp.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:25 PM
6

Tell us more about this friend that’s moving in, all sounds very strange. Your wife doesn’t give two fucks about you. The sooner you understand that the easier it will be.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:20 PM
2

From what you’ve written it all seems final. You seem very open to move but say it’s your house, what’s the deal there. Is she buying you out? If not stay where you are and tell her to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:12 PM
8

Jeez man that’s tough, pull yourself together, things will get better. Don’t mean to rain on your parade but your wife seems to have left the station. You need a plan, therapy and exercise to get through this awful discard. We’re all where you are, things improve with time. I suspect your wife is BPD or a Narcissist tbh. I wouldn’t rule out an affair either. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:03 PM
2

In my case my wife wouldn’t even go to counselling to discuss things in a structured way. The reasons cited were a cornucopia of, lack of care, love, attention etc. nothing objective and no examples. Game over.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 08:32 PM
5

I’d be getting her on the Dave Ramsay show. Seriously could you both go to a financial planner, might be a worthwhile reality check. Otherwise you’re fucked, this woman won’t change without some sort of intervention. I tried and tried with my wife “asking” her to put her spare cash into her pension. My reward for this help was her accusing me of financial abuse and coercive control. The only thing that stopped my shopaholic is having to pay her solicitor.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:34 PM
1

I don’t understand how I can make her pay half. Any advice?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 08:22 AM
1

Wish you the best 💪
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 07:07 AM
3

Great post and will form the basis to a letter I’ll be writing to Politicians in my area.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 06:39 AM
4

I just accept that they want out and create “their truth” to justify their decision. Have you kids? I’ve 3 and it’s killing me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 06:24 AM
3

Yes I have been told she is living in fear. It’s total fabrication. The thing is she’s gone toxic and despises me, she now believes it herself. I find it so hard.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 06:12 AM
6

A friend is a Judge, he tells me he rolls his eyes when he sees things like coercive control and living in fear claims with no documented history.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 05:25 AM
12

Victim of contempt here, can’t even get her into counselling. When they hate you it’s game over.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 11:17 PM
3

There’s a group for divorced and separated people on Meet-up in the city I live. Most are in their 40s and 50s, though there seems to be a lot of women in their late 30’s have joined the group recently. It’s really active and they’re always up to something and have three events a week, from meals, cinema, concerts, art exhibitions to walks. They even went on a holiday recently. They also have a really busy WhatsApp group. At the weekend they have scheduled drinks on a night at a busy bar at the …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:01 AM
18

As someone who’s going through a horrible discard and divorce your words give me solace and hope.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 08:12 AM
2

Don’t beat yourself up, some women are never happy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 10:05 PM
5

She sounds like a tough one. Did she address this before she pressed the eject button. If not you’ve being spun a line. Even if she did it seems unreasonable. You’re better off away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 09:40 PM
1

As it happens yes. They want to get the youngest to 18 to force the sale of the house rather than her making a case to stay in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 08:31 PM
1

What do I do, move out and leave her in the house, while I move to a studio apartment in a bad part of town?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:43 PM
0

Sometimes AH moves are part of the push back when the other party is controlling the agenda.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:10 PM
3

I did wrong, though in her eyes I was never right. I encouraged counselling, it was declined.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:09 PM
2

The delay is to protect time with children and negotiate fair terms, it’s not inherently narcissistic. This is a tactical negotiation of which time and occupancy of the family form the basis. Narcissists may weaponise time, but so do strategic litigants generally. This alone is not diagnostic of narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:07 PM
3

I don’t see myself as being selfish, I have offered counselling and done my best for this woman and our family. My children don’t want me to leave, my wife does and wants the family home which I have paid for. My sense is if she really wants out she can leave.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:02 PM
2

Disaster, keep her on blocked. There’s nothing to be gained by speaking with her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 08:14 PM
1

Nothing you can do, don’t hate yourself. She’s a nasty person. Don’t let her live in your mind rent free.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 08:28 PM
1

What a wench. At least it didn’t go on for 25 years like me. No affair as I know of but nothing would surprise me as she’s devoid of decency.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 08:26 PM
1

I wish I chose someone kind and conscientious. In my 20’s I was too focused on physical beauty, partying and uninhibited sex. A woman that when the chips were down didn’t care. I was there to merely provide and pay. She resented me in my own home, resented my relationship with my own children. A woman who contributed nothing financially but has now lost interest and respect for me, she can pass GO to collect half MY wealth. She is embarking on this task with a determination I have never witnesse…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:33 PM
4

Yep did this, asked her to start paying towards bills too, she said a week later she wanted a divorce. Fucking hilarious.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:55 PM
13

I was in your position, dead bedroom? You forgot about that. Parallels, many, good looking divorced friend who was getting lots of interest from men. My STBXW is a solid 8 or 9, they started going out on nights out together. I have my suspicions but no evidence. I tried hard to save it. She refused counselling. Her contempt built into hatred. I qualified it out quickly, no point in making a fool of myself. I broke the cycle of mourning and sadness over 5 months ago. I’ll also do my best to make …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:51 PM
11

Haven’t found the secret friend but haven’t got access to her phone and she’s away for 2 nights a week, anythings possible. Everything else checks out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 07:50 PM
2

I’ve tried to encourage her to seek help, for us to attend counselling and it’s been shot down.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:34 AM
2

I get that, you tell yourself no one has a happy marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:29 AM
5

For me there was never any financial boundaries. I paid the bills, she chose to keep her income and savings for herself. I exhausted my income on running the house, our savings and my pension (50% of it is now hers). She got to treat the kids with clothes, trainers etc. She chose to work part time before we even had children. Our kids are grown, she’s still part time. She kept her income and savings secret, I encouraged transparency. She denied affection for over a decade. She spoke to me with d…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:27 AM
7

Hilarious the way they try to convince you that the marriage was over for you too. Putting words into your head.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 09:28 PM
8

Well done with the AP’s ex-wife, a match created from adversity and forged in truth. Two people who didn’t deserve betrayal finding something real in the aftermath.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 09:25 PM
37

Mourning their marriage 😀 That line has become one of the most manipulative phrases in the modern breakup lexicon. It’s right up there with another term used by delusional women “my truth” a self-serving slogan that dresses up anything they want it to be. It’s always women who use it, and it usually arrives just before they rewrite history, cast their partner as a useless villain to justify blowing up their family unit. “I mourned my marriage while I was still in it” translates to, I decided lon…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 09:10 PM
4

Great post man, hits a lot of pain points for me. I have experienced everything you have without the affairs. Has my wife had one or two, very possibly. One thing is certain, I have emerged from her narcissistic devaluation and discard a better stronger man.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 09:02 PM
1

Yes I’d be getting a lawyer involved now to send her a letter ensuring she leaves you off the birth certificate.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:27 AM
1

I could have written this, speaking from experience you’re doing the right thing by getting legal and therapeutic support before confronting her. Don’t rush disclosure. Focus on understanding your financial exposure, custody implications, and how to protect the kids from emotional fallout. Keep your tone calm, document everything, and avoid emotional discussions until you’ve spoken to your solicitor. Therapy will help you stay grounded. It’s not betrayal, it’s damage control after years of abuse…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:38 PM
5

At least you got that. There’s some semblance of decency in this, a softer let down and whatever way you look at it there is some care for you. My wife said, “it’s over, it’s finished, I’m done with you, get that into your head” Since she’s filled with hate and contempt, mediation is unworkable because of her angst.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:19 AM
13

Forget and move on, block on all channels. Non children or a dog, no need to ever see this person again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 06:39 AM
3

We all do.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 09:40 PM
4

Wouldn’t worry about it & just bin it. My opinion is they really couldn’t care less what you say, think or do. If she’s that set against you it won’t carry any meaning for her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 04:56 PM
2

If you have a Spotify Premium account I highly recommend these 2 books. Sounds like you might be dealing with someone with a personality disorder. https://open.spotify.com/show/2Tyi53ePyPtkDgUzPjLuY8?si=S6K05aaUTnmlfAZdErvtEQ https://open.spotify.com/show/40M0ycQxGYEvBZmTbzN29h?si=Ssp4baY9TLCORntlCZXNHg
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 07:36 PM
1

Good points. What to do so? The narcissist isn’t interested in rational, fair agreement or resolution. The only option as I see it is to keep pushing on in the hope of better times. Radical acceptance is key.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 06:37 AM
4

Yes, oddly in my case I made some demands, I wasn’t prepared to live in a marriage with no affection, she couldn’t speak to me the way she was, she was to start sharing some household bills. A week later she said she was out and it was all my fault 🤦
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 06:23 AM
1

I’m going to answer this from my own experience. You stay because you remember the good times. You long for her to change. You invested so much you can’t walk away. In my case the limited sex was good, she was very physically attractive. We had three beautiful young children and a house in negative equity we were down over half a million on. The equity loss would have been mine. Pulling her up would have blown this all up. You don’t win with Narcissists, there’s no level of mutual understanding …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 06:09 AM
3

As my therapist said, it’s my fault I’m here today. Like you I tolerated far too much. I do believe if I had of pushed back she would have left over a decade ago.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 05:59 AM
7

$25K, what a waste for all concerned. Never mind the mental impact and disharmony while dealing with this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 05:39 AM
2

I should have used the word recently as it was a few years back. It is a bizarre story. One detail I omitted was in the divorce proceedings that ensued after his wife contacted him was that she had forged his signature and heavily remortgaged their house so she could loan her brother money for his failed business. My friend eventually met a woman, moved to Spain, set up a small business in the leisure sector where he lived for close to two years. One day he collapsed while exercising of a suspec…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 05:55 AM
2

And long may it continue. A friend separated 14 years ago from a caustic wife, foolishly never got a divorce. Left his wife in the family home and never wanted any of it. She had many lovers since and a live in boyfriend for 6 years. He was recently made redundant after 15 years of service as a VP with a successful tech company. He received a large pay off. His children told his wife and as expected he received a letter from a lawyer seeking half of the pay off. They’re lying in the long grass w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 05:26 PM
1

Wife wants out, no big deal. I can tolerate that, what I struggle with is her contempt and hatred towards me. It’s bizarre behaviour.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 04:32 AM
5

25% to the wife, Jeez that was generous, I really would struggle with that aspect. She should really fuck off after that. Anything else is totally unethical.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:55 PM
9

Jeez they’re fckin lunatics. Good to hear your therapist is on the same page as you. Drive on and don’t give it a second thought.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:42 PM
3

Yes. Having put up with the contempt and hostility I have for the last year I won’t be playing forever friends either .
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 04:22 PM
4

I have this too, mine is avoidant and narcissistic.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 04:12 PM
5

I think women who behave like this have personality disorder. Look up narcissistic discard.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 03:56 PM
4

Fuck me, I thought mine were bad. Blood is thicker than water and they’ll always support their daughter. You were a mere sperm & financial donor.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 02:26 PM
4

I’ll never have to see them again. I plan on leaving the country just to make sure. Her family despised me, jury’s out on who poisoned who, she poisoned her parents and sister or vice versa. Anyway the whole lot of them hate me, for what I’ll never know. I paid all the bills, I’m not an alcoholic and I haven’t had an affair. I have no enemies outside of this lot of dysfunctional clowns. Her father on the other hand was a total alcoholic narcissistic waster, he rubbed off on them all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:46 PM
2

Hard to do this but focus on detachment, protecting your energy, and finding a way forward. She’s gone past the point of return, a place where decency and respect are normal.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:51 AM
6

Fuck me, they never change.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 05:31 AM
2

Well that’s something to build on, my wife despises me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 05:10 AM
4

Stayed too, that and financial commitments. TBH, bad as it is to follow our path I intend to stay another two years to get my son to 18. That and the fact my wife is discarding me and wants me out of the house. It’s the ultimate FU to her and her family who are advising her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 05:09 AM
3

Hard luck man, great username.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 09:30 PM
5

Like you her family interfered, they despised me, I blamed them originally but I now see my STBX as the root of all the problems. She created the image they have of me with her constant moaning and complaining. Fuck her and fuck them, how’s that for advice on how to get over her. Consider yourself lucky you had no children with this clown, now you can maybe find someone who respects you, if you’re lucky they might even love you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 04:23 PM
5

This is a lesson on why not to move out. She sounds like a piece of work. Wait until she leaves the house and just move back in, simple. Then tell her family member to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 05:04 AM
3

My wife took it upon herself to call my mother up about me. It was something innocuous and my mother just got her off the phone as soon as she could.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 07:56 PM
2

Would you not tip the husband off.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 07:52 PM
3

I have a friend who been through a shitty divorce with a narcissist, he’s been fantastic. We speak 3 times a week and text daily. Better than any therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 05:47 AM
6

Yep low level drinking, not getting pissed but 3 or 4 every day, just enough to medicate. I also paid off credit cards and we had an agreement she would never get one again. In the discovery what came up? Yes a credit card with $4.5k balance on it. Shameless.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:19 PM
5

You’ll never get anywhere with a shopaholic and they’re always resentful of you, especially if they have wealthy friends or you pull them up on it. I did and I’ve been accused of coercive control. In my wife’s case the compulsive shopping was a dopamine hit. I said to her once she was only happy when shopping, after this it was drinking and codeine. Take these away and she’d go into a state of depression. With you on complacency too, I should have been more assertive over the years, took too muc…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:53 PM
13

My wife (attractive) started working with an accomplished attractive divorcee who apparently gets a lot of dick. They spent a lot of time together. She was always moaning about something or other related to me so I’d say I was a topic of conversation from time to time. She then engineered a significant argument where she was without question unreasonable. I reacted by giving her a few home truths and bang she filed. Without question shes been influenced but tbf she was never content with anythin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:06 PM
3

You know the answer, like many of us here I might add. It’s all so hard. Roll the clock forward two years your kids may be in the same situation. I’ve just come through something similar. It’s still going on. With the financial fallout you describe and the kids as they are with a heavy reliance on you I’d dig in. Not the right answer I might add. Build a life outside the home with sport / gym. I did exactly this and my narcissistic wife filed after the bereavement of her father. She had been hor…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 08:03 AM
1

I did that and it’s forgotten 🙄
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 08:06 PM
5

Examples?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 05:17 PM
16

Mine is a total narcissist, materialistic, entitled and no empathy. Engages in performative parenting, has done a job on one of the teens who dislikes me now. The discard was brutal. She filed & absolutely despises me. I’m not conceding to her demands and the further down the rabbit hole this divorce takes us the more she despises me. At this point I’m weighing the benefits of totally pissing her off for sport.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:37 PM
3

Fuck me. Mine is in for a rude awakening.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:32 PM
4

Good call
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:27 PM
1

Don’t they hold professional indemnity insurance? You’ll struggle to find one lawyer to take on the other.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:57 AM
12

My STBXW is the same, she must despise me. Everything we’ve built means nothing. I paid for everything, she spent. It’s how they cope with it, they discard you. Look up Narcissistic traits.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:51 AM
2

Yep have one of those myself
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 09:49 PM
-1

Losing the perfect wife in a car crash of course.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 09:50 PM
3

Yep, get that too. Hated seeing the kids having a laugh with me. Sees them talking with me, tries to butt in.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 09:36 PM
5

Never discounted the possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 07:11 AM
12

Some women are never happy. My STBXW is a selfish, mean narcissistic individual filled with contempt. There was nothing I could ever do to keep her happy. Shes filed in her discard of me. There’s nothing I could have done to prepare other than file first (of no benefit in my country). Has she prepared more, who knows? This divorce will take years to go though, I’ve ample time to respond to anything.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 07:10 AM
4

Why give it all away, what will you retain, sounds extreme?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 11:21 AM
3

Easy as it sounds to pass all to a lawyer, that’s when the legal letter tennis starts at $500 a pop.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 11:16 AM
2

How much is at stake? What’s the pot to be divided? Those fees seem excessive but I’m hearing stuff like this more and more.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 11:08 AM
3

Going through this, my wife looked for a divorce refused counselling and then treated me with hostility and contempt. I tried to discuss things with her compassionately many times in an effort to get her show a united front to the children and get some couples counselling, even if it was only to work through this period more constructively. She refused and filed. I’ve given up and I’ve now been grey rocking her for 3 months. If you spoke to her, she’d say I’ve changed and would maintain I’m horr…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 07:34 AM
2

6 weeks for the Zoloft to kick in proper. Should make a difference. Jeez man, give yourself a break, nothing wrong with porn.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 09:34 PM
4

Yep she’s doing it to piss you off. Nothing you can do. They know and work the angles.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 08:07 AM
1

Thanks, good advice
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 06:11 AM
2

Too late now but I wouldn’t be happy with the children leaving. Were they born in Belgium? Sounds like your wife has narcissistic traits.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 05:25 PM
1

Yes in my case a deep resentment was present. She couldn’t control it. A glass half empty type of girl.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 05:41 AM
9

Those kinds of lines “I want my independence,” “I need to find myself,” “I’ve outgrown this” are just banal crap dressed up as philosophy. They’re not deep insights, they’re pre-packaged excuses. It’s an easy way to end the marriage while pretending there’s some higher reasoning behind it. In reality, it’s just self-serving noise to justify walking away without accountability never mind trying to fix the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 09:15 PM
13

Common enough I think for husbands to come in after kids, parents, siblings. Fuck them. I’m my case it’s our kids first.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 09:11 AM
1

What’s she going to do, sell the house? She could however clear out the joint account.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:13 PM
1

Wish I discovered him 30 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:15 PM
2

You need therapy to help you understand what’s going on here. You’re codependent and that makes it harder.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:54 AM
3

“She dictated how the apartment looked and didn’t let me have a say • ⁠Dictated how our day to day went • ⁠Didn’t value my opinion • ⁠Resented every hobby I liked • ⁠Hated my coworkers • ⁠Hates my family • ⁠Let’s her family rip on me and doesn’t stand up for me” I had all these, slugged it out for over 20 years. Now she’s had enough of me and wants a divorce. Get out while you’re young & well done for recognising these patterns and coming here for advice.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:54 AM
3

Who’s the lawyer, her brother? Maintaining dignity is certainly not giving her what she wants🤷‍♂️ You have a lot of work to do? you’re being made out as the problem. Jeez man, you sound beaten down, grow a pair and push back subtly. Start with saying you’ve reconsidered, want to be with your children as much as possible and won’t be moving out.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 04:23 AM
1

Thanks man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 02:57 PM
1

Very easy to for a child to convince siblings or parents they’re married to an asshole. In my case she did it over decades, I never stood a chance. I wonder do her parents feel that divorcing me will finally shut her up complaining. It won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 02:56 PM
2

So are mine, they’ll adjust soon I hope
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 02:35 PM
3

Mom will punish her for living with you. I get the same thing, I’m having a laugh with my kids and she comes into the room. They shut down and ignore me. It kills me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 10:16 AM
2

Gaslighting you there man. Don’t struggle anymore, she’s not capable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 09:25 AM
1

My Narcissist wife is the child of an alcoholic also. There’s heaps of research on line about the effects an alcoholic parent can have on the family dynamic. I failed to grasp the implication early on until I was on a long bus journey with a drunken alcoholic sitting behind me with their 6 year old girl. The conversation they had was a total eye opener with the child taking on the role of parent and even showboating to the audience of fellow travellers. One other aspect I’ve found is that my wif…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 05:14 AM
1

That’s the outcome I’m praying for. My entitled wife went part time years before children.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:59 AM
8

Well done. 👍 obviously she’s on another planet if she can’t comprehend what feeling wanted means.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 09:41 PM
2

Yes so did I, my kids are now in their late teens and take me for granted.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:25 PM
2

Yep, my point validated. Maybe part of the reason you’re here with us today. For some reason men with lives outside the home and solid boundaries seem to do better in marriage. Read No More Mr Nice Guy. Having said all this when I built a life outside the home by getting seriously into a sport she never stopped complaining.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:01 PM
4

Join a golf or cycling club. Join a gym, play Padel or tennis. Sounds like you’ve nothing but her and the family.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 07:57 AM
6

You need to work on that. You should see a therapist, do you love her or the security of the family, the home and memories of a past long gone. I walked that path, when I was able to separate these feelings from reality, I soon understood my love was misplaced. My wife was horrible to me and still is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 07:23 AM
3

You’ve been emasculated. She’s calling the shots, she earns more than you, she owns the house. She despises everything about you down to your practical ways of doing things like recycling drinks cans. I see parallels in my situation. My advice, she sounds like a Narcissist who’s devalued you, she’s now discarding you. She won’t go to therapy, red flag. You now want to earn more so she accepts you again. Contact a lawyer, get what you’re due and only then get in your Pontiac Grand Prix GTP and ge…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:42 AM
2

Agree, that’s what happened to me. So many downvotes for calling out the age old trap a lot of us fall into.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:30 AM
2

That would fking kill me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:29 AM
3

Make sure she’s paying half, can’t comment on anything else because right now this situation would suit me purely because I want to stay close to my kids and I don’t want the hassle of splitting the estate. We have a big house and I can avoid her. If I was living in a 2 bed apartment I’d feel differently. I don’t care who she’s with, it’s finished and they’re welcome to her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:17 AM
7

You need to get past the “she’s my best friend” she’s not you know! Best friends don’t treat their friends with resentment. I’ve been through this, I took stock of different situations that played out with her family, I now know my wife has has a subliminal resentment for me for decades.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 10:37 AM
2

Men are fixers.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 06:15 AM
1

This concept has crossed my mind. I chased her for a long time, she was unpleasant in her dismissal of me. I chased harder. I then by chance hooked up with a colleague of hers. Oddly from that point she was interested. This was the first scene in the Narc Empath drama.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 06:14 AM
1

Same age as me so
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:53 PM
14

Divorced men are unfairly treated with scepticism and caution, especially from women, as if their past defines their future. We all know there’s a war on middle aged men, an even bigger one on divorced men.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:50 PM
1

Yes. If like me being planned for years.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:26 PM
3

Listen Man, I’ve had ups and downs since March. Extreme sadness. The last couple of days I’ve had crippling anxiety, like really bad. It’s had me so stressed I’m contemplating going onto anti depressants. My daughter is drinking heavier than she’s ever drank and breaking down crying, my teenage son was hyperventilating for a few days on and off after I told him. I will say one thing, strenuous exercise helps an awful lot. I’m talking an hour or four of cardio (cycling / running) three times a we…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:32 PM
9

As someone exactly at the point you describe with a menopausal wife filled with contempt & hate for exactly what I still have yet to find out, you’re correct.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:27 PM
4

Quickest way to get over an old girlfriend is to get under a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 03:33 AM
5

Start less than 50/50 which is the final offer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 04:21 AM
14

Give up the candles and Christmas music, it’s all too sentimental causing you to indulge in pity. Was your ex a Narc and you codependent? Seems a possibility given the little you’ve included here.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 04:09 AM
6

Well done. You’re out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 08:35 PM
2

Loved Charlie. Pity I didn’t pay attention to him & his wisdom until the last couple of years.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 03:07 PM
2

Contested divorce, contempt from the other side. They want rid of you under any circumstances. Don’t read too much into it and release the anger, move on.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 03:05 PM
10

I think a lot of women struggle to decipher between right and wrong when they decide they want out. In their world it’s all fair game in their battle for them and “their children”. We live in a world where, DV allegations, barring and safety orders are nearly the norm. The whole legal profession needs to be investigated. If I was an investigative journalist I’d place a tap on a female posing as a disgruntled wife and send her into lawyers offices to run through scenarios and get advice on how to…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 08:54 AM
3

Yep, whole bed here for years. She’s in the spare room. For some reason I slept better with her in the bed beside me even though she despises me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 05:43 AM
2

Yes but not for 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:44 PM
6

One word, Bail. This woman isn’t good for you. You need to get your head around this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 06:25 PM
2

Thanks for the recommendation, just to add Audiobook available free on Spotify if a premium subscriber.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:36 PM
18

I read the first paragraph and it screamed affair, then came the part about tattoos and seeking validation from others at the gym. I’d be seriously considering this as the reason for your predicament. There may be another man, if a woman says she wants a divorce let her. Don’t plead, get busy and fit. Get a lawyer. Your feelings will pass in time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 05:23 AM
1

Be careful with covert cameras, you’d be in a whole load of trouble if you were recording her when not there. The txt on your son’s phone is without doubt alienating him against you, good to have this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 05:15 AM
7

You should be able to find a woman that respect you. You might even find a woman that loves you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 09:47 PM
2

My youngest is over 15, for the reasons you mention I’m ok with this divorce dragging out. Spending time with them is so important to me. If they were under 10 it would totally kill me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 09:52 PM
11

Been through it recently, she behaved like your wife is now. Shes creating the narrative, it’s all you and your fault. Mine refused counselling. Let it go, live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 06:21 AM
12

Yep, they don’t give a f**k. The message I’ve constantly given the kids is I’m doing my best to keep this family together, which I have. I don’t know if their get their mental fortitude from TikTok or the sisterhood.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 09:17 AM
3

I was referring to the part about the old lady’s advice. Disposable here too.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 09:06 AM
2

Wow, cool story.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 08:22 AM
4

Narcissistic maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 09:23 PM
4

How about something simple and sophisticated like “Stupid C**t”
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 11:36 PM
14

She wasn’t the brightest, easily influenced and couldn’t rationalise between right and wrong. Entitled and materialistic. I put up with her nonsense for decades. It was my issue, I gave away and tolerated too much. I did myself an injustice. It was my fault, I should have told her to fuck off 15 years ago. Never again. In your case, not letting you see your children for 8 months is a terrible injustice. You have to resign yourself to the fact that this woman is horrible and mentally disturbed. D…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 10:37 PM
4

My situation timeframe and kids, she’s bailing. Has turned toxic, accusatory and refusing counselling
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 10:49 AM
11

Hate to say it but increased libido while seeking a divorce isn’t a good sign. Do you think she might be having an affair, consider an emotional affair also. Sounds like you’ve been emasculated and she has narcissistic characteristics. You could be backing a loser with this one for many reasons. From the little you’ve written she sounds like a Blamer! Do you have a Spotify premium account, this Audiobook could be very helpful. “Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderli…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 04:54 AM
1

So I’ve been trying to make sense of what happened in my marriage, and the more I write it down, the more surreal it feels. I was the one who provided financially, kept the household running, and tried again and again to talk things through. But over time, she grew colder, more distant, and eventually outright hostile. Some of the things that have happened: She told me outright that she felt nothing for me, that I “bored” her, even when I just asked if she was busy at work. Refused counselling, …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:27 PM
2

Tell me more about your Narcissistic ex wife? I’m intrigued. Tell me how her narcissism manifested, when were you aware of this, what red flags did you miss early on ? How did she behave during and after the divorce? Just comparing notes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:07 PM
6

Empath married to a Narcissist who’s devalued me over decades and is now discarding me, she’s the daughter of a Grandiose Narcissist, That’s my lot.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 05:12 PM
4

With so much at stake can you not find a decent lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:28 AM
2

Yes a friend going through a divorce is doing exactly this. Wife was diagnosed with stage 4 just after she filed out of the blue.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:15 AM
2

You both had affairs, you say you were meticulous but the signs are always there. The subtleties are apparent. In your case you’re dealing with the shame of her shagging locals. Your situation isn’t that bad, at least you can say you had some fun too. A lot going through worse, some of us even question the DNA of our children. I’d move on and don’t look back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:13 AM
5

Just do and say nothing but pleasantries. Get headspace, go for a walk, gym, see a friend. It’s happening and you’re being swept along, she wants the house sold and you out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 05:55 AM
4

Agree with all this, she also sounds like an entitled Narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 05:23 AM
3

As someone who’s kid are in their late teens and spend hardly any time with me, I agree with this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 05:18 AM
8

I wouldn’t bother. More hassle.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 05:14 AM
15

Misplaced anger. Your wife is the issue.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 08:54 PM
3

I’ve seen many things over the years that made me wonder. She’s an opportunist, I’m ready for the news and won’t phase me in the slightest.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 09:36 PM
11

Never supported her, never listened to her, never valued her, never cared for her, never loved her. Blah, blah, heard it all. Asked her to cite specifics, couldn’t even reference one instance other than looking at my phone which I could equally accuse her of. Like you my wife travelled away 2 nights a week but she tells me she single handedly raised the children. These women are narcissists with main character syndrome. They devalue and discard.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 08:41 PM
8

If your wife refuses to attend counselling what choice do you have? Embarking on a serious exercise routine does make you feel bulletproof after a short while. It’s of great benefit in these uncertain times even if the STBXW presses on with her journey.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 07:50 AM
3

Wouldn’t get hung up on the Porn.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 07:05 PM
2

If both in agreement why pay solicitors.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 06:52 PM
18

All these divorce coaches on TikTok and instagram burning down families. Have a look at some of these women’s profiles, a bunch of self centred, entitled narcissist’s using their children for validation. I found a load of TikToks my wife had sent herself before she filed. I even spoke to her about it and she admitted being influenced by TikTok. Having said that her mother and her sister would have done far more damage to our marriage as they believe in “Knights in shining armour and being treate…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 04:20 PM
0

Try and get her into couples counselling. Failing that prepare to separate. Sounds like she’s moved on in her mind. She’s in the power seat, a lot of women get off on this. Don’t even mention a reconciliation or a wish to get back with her other than this one request to go to counselling. If she refuses, grey rock her, don’t make an effort to discuss anything. Stay away from her. Get yourself into therapy to accept what’s happening. Go to the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:20 PM
9

Hard luck man. Keep everything under cover, gather evidence. Work out where all your and her money is, deplete your share of joint accounts. Start piling cash. Go to therapy. Work out and exercise.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 09:34 PM
1

I love that analogy of the house being on fire, describes my position accurately.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 07:20 AM
2

My narcissistic wife who I provided for over the last 22 years is doing her best to destroy me with allegations of coercive control, harassment, intimidation, that I’m an alcoholic and that she’s living in fear. I find it astonishing how a woman who allegedly once loved me and had 3 children with me can turn septic. I fail to understand how someone’s morals can be so low to lie about the father of their children. So I understand fully your position, it’s hard. Disengage, let her leave and look a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 07:18 AM
2

Newlywed, you’re in a lot better position than the majority of us. Chin up, my man. We all get screwed, I think the only ones leaving happy are those men who’ve met a new love. Even those of us in abusive relationships including me struggle with the break up. Bad news for you, people really don’t relate or care. A divorce is seen as nothing more than a relationship breakup by many. I have lots of friends who I’ve told, the ones I thought would be supportive I never hear from. I do have two frien…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:15 PM
1

A friend is in your position, pro rata is the way to go otherwise you just won’t be able to afford the lifestyle.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:55 PM
1

Moved my death in service benefits across to kids last week. Working on the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:28 AM
4

It’s free on Spotify for members
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 12:36 PM
1

$700K +, FFS that’s a lot, what’s her line of work.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:30 AM
13

As they get older the narcissism and entitlement gets worse.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:51 PM
17

Going through this too. A Narcissist in the discard phase. Drive on, she never appreciated you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:16 PM
4

One day I spoke to my wife about the years long dead bedroom, her lack of affection, how she was speaking to me and her refusal to engage in financial planning or contribute to our household expenses. All spoken with an even tone, she pushed back hard. A week later she said she wanted a divorce, no counselling. She’s ignored me since. Fuck her!
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 08:15 AM
7

I think it’s the same everywhere
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 04:41 AM
1

Sadly for humanity I agree. Never again 🤦
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 07:35 PM
3

Thanks man, I’ve been reading your posts for a while now, you are indeed a helpful paramedic. Good luck on the journey.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 03:14 PM
1

Why?
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 01:01 PM
3

I have a great friend who’s been through a divorce with a high conflict individual, he’s stuck with me through this and we speak once a day, without him I’d have been lost.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:54 AM
2

Listen man, we’re all going through this BS. These women are for the streets, what’s got them there god only knows, social media, their upbringing whatever. One thing is clear, they don’t want us and see us as being simps or not good enough for them. This is despite all we’ve done for them. Move on with your life, practice radical acceptance. Excercise, gym whatever it takes. You’re a good man that’s been walked all over, better times are ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:32 AM
6

Tough one man, you’re better off without her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:11 AM
3

And what would that achieve, the man is struggling with dark thoughts. This could be the final push. In my case DNA testing has been considered. Sometimes you just accept you’re the Dad for better or worse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:10 AM
3

7 kids, that’s going to be hard going. One comment I picked up on was “it’s not my problem. You destroyed this family and we are not going to suffer because of what you did. Get another job” I have this, everything pushed onto me. She’s a total Narc and I’m just working my way through things at the moment. I hope you’re not listening to this abuse and recognising that you’re not the only one at fault.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 07:05 AM
5

Yep man. Agreed. In my country there’s an elderly female family law solicitor that insists on DNA testing before any child support is paid. She’s known for this strategy. It certainly creates problems for some women.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 11:38 AM
4

Yep, married to the exact same woman. No evidence of affairs but I have my doubts. I’ve created a lot of posts here and over on NarcSpouses you might relate to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 07:41 AM
1

Sounds like my situation with regard to false accusations, abuse from her & abuse from her family and not sticking up for you. In my case my wife’s family of origin are dysfunctional. A Narcissist alcoholic father and an embittered mother. They have no moral compass, that is why they can’t recognise the impact of lying and false accusations. My adult children asked me would we be friends after the divorce, I told them that under the circumstances of false accusations I doubted it. Women need to …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 06:03 AM
13

Yes and then to be told she single handedly raised the children. These women are delusional.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 05:47 AM
3

I had this, wouldn’t even share how much she earned but would expect me to pay for everything.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 05:46 AM
1

Fuck man, some guys on here have it tough. I can’t comment as I’m in Europe but wish you the best in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 09:13 PM
2

Google is your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 08:24 PM
9

Sounds like you’ve done your best and given her as much leeway as possible. As someone once said, when a woman says she wants a divorce, listen to her. You shouldn’t need to go on those trips. I wouldn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 07:32 AM
13

Don’t feel guilt, your kids will appreciate the generosity to their mother. In my case my wife is hostile and is falsely using accusations of emotional abuse and fear to achieve her aims. After this I won’t be even able to look at her. More women need to understand the fallout from false claims.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 06:54 AM
5

Yep, silver bullet destroys all respect.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 06:39 AM
3

She’s gone, shown her true colours. You’re doing well getting out after such a short marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 10:03 PM
3

Yes I’ve never cursed at my wife either. Good point.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:37 PM
1

Like my STBXW, a narcissistic parasite. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 03:48 PM
6

Jeez man, don’t be that hard on yourself, can’t have been all a bed of roses.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:15 PM
10

I’m in a similar boat, and I’ll be straight with you, if she’s already decided it’s over and is refusing therapy, that’s usually a sign her mind is firmly made up. Don’t lose your dignity begging for a reconciliation. Are you really guilty of not showing love and affection, I wasn’t. My wife was a cold fish, struggled with intimacy. I told her daily she was beautiful, I told her weekly I loved her, to her I devalued her. In my case, I offered counselling multiple times, even after 20+ years toge…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:19 PM
6

Snakes with Tits, expect nothing more from them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:56 PM
1

Sure throw in Part 2, we all love to compare if your clown Ex more Entitled than ours.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:03 PM
2

Award for best outcome!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 06:34 AM
2

I started writing here in April or March, received papers a few weeks ago.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 04:31 PM
2

I’m still in the house, feel exactly the same about not being there with them.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 05:59 AM
10

Sorry Man, I bought my STBXW a Mother’s Day card and flowers. Wrote a really nice note in the card. Father’s Day, nothing. Won’t happen again. Forget and Erase, move on. They deserve nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 10:59 PM
9

Buy a painting, get to throw the leg over the artist. Interesting business model. Where do I sign up?
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:32 PM
1

Can appreciate.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 06:26 AM
6

Can you get her committed to a mental asylum? Seems like she needs a lot of clinical mental support and this has potential to go very wrong. Does she have family, can they assist ? Failing this forget about the vows, you need out. You don’t want to do anything that’ll get you in trouble with the law. Last and final option but needs to happen soon, don’t waste two years getting to this point. Take your kids that support you and move to your moms, filing simultaneously.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 06:24 AM
8

All part of the narrative in the her effort to distort the truth or tell “her story”. Don’t pay it any attention. They’re all at this, I was accused of making my wife live in fear, accused of coercion and financial abuse. Only this week my wife told my son that she wasn’t happy for 12 years. She could have done me a favour and told me. During said 12 year period we had amazing times, great Christmas’s, holidays and adventures with the children. Our sex life was good and we supported each other. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 05:53 AM
12

Get it, they’re just not into us. They were, maybe at one point. It’s like flicking a switch, never to be turned on again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 07:40 PM
14

Just starting out and have been accused of financial coercion, controlling her mind and lastly she is living in fear.🤡 I gave her everything, she was selfish and paid for nothing. She is verbally abusive and aggressive. It really is astonishing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 07:35 PM
4

Exercise, weights, Padel, cycling, running, reconnect with old friends, eat well, read, listen to music / podcasts all the time. It’ll pass. If they refuse counselling it tells a multitude, you’re better off without them.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 06:00 PM
1

Both your posts reflect exactly my situation. Dealing with a Narc, won’t attend counselling, all my fault, hates me. Never wrong. She has financially abused me for decades. Looking forward to getting rid of her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 04:24 PM
1

Lots here from Europe.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 04:19 PM
4

Heard a woman in work saying that her recently divorced sister’s children now have two Dads and it made my blood boil. Described the ex as a loser Dad. Both of these women engage in hypergamy which makes it worse. I also seem my STBXWs family trying to take more of a role in my kids lives in an effort to push me out. Part time jobs in their companies, paid weekends away, lots of dinners in nice restaurants. Wife asks me to part fund these activities 🤷‍♂️ Thankfully my children are in their late …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 08:03 AM
1

You are a good person, luckily I have a sister like you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 07:22 AM
3

Listen, it’s well catalogued. Ask your exact question on YouTube, lots of videos from respected psych’s. Scrape from a search, “they harbor a deep-seated sense of entitlement, a need for validation, and a tendency to manipulate others. They often use passive-aggressive tactics, such as the silent treatment or subtle insults, to control and punish others” After watching a few videos and talking to my shrink it all fit into place.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 08:06 PM
12

I was in your shoes. Ignored the signs, 20 years later, 3 kids and going through divorce. I’m married to a Narcissist, try and work out if you are, they never change and get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 07:25 PM
1

Same, it’s really hard, lived with this for 22 years and then she discarded me. If the bonds of intimacy, touch and closeness were there, maybe this wouldn’t have happened so easily. I have previously been in long term relationships with open, warm and giving women so I understand what normal looks like. I also know what I saw from early on in our relationship was abnormal behaviour. Foolishly and because good regular sex was a constant feature I just accepted it. My wife is a child of an alcoho…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 07:24 AM
6

Amazing post, 🙌
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 04:48 PM
2

Interesting, will take your comments on board.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 02:11 PM
1

😀 well I can reassure you, this woman is very unreasonable and over the last few months has shown herself to be unhinged.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 11:40 AM
1

Thanks for the comment. She is already reasonable? Typo maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 10:42 AM
-9

While not a supporter The Donald seems like the type of man that could push this through. Wonder how Don Jr is getting on in his situation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 08:01 AM
1

It sounds like she’s checked out or depressed. My wife wouldn’t do anything with me for a year before she decided to blow the marriage up. You have a choice, try and turn the ship by wooing her or let things spiral and call it a day. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 08:19 AM
0

Fuck man that’s tough, my wife is the same filled with hate and anger. I can’t do anything with her, she won’t attend counselling. It’s my only hope at this point. Maybe you could throw some money at it, take her on a series of breaks, go for dinners & shows. As my sister said, even if she worked and contributed to the bills it wouldn’t be a lot. Maybe don’t get hung up on that part. With her not working you’ll end up paying a shit load of alimony. I’d be doing everything I could to fix this. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:54 AM
2

You describe a complex situation against the backdrop of depression, young children, moving about when in the military, influence of friends and not sharing the same interests. Forgive me for saying this but I wouldn’t say money is too plentiful either. Obviously you agreed with homeschooling? So you can’t complain too much about the freeloader part, unless there’s more to the story. Her depression could play a part in not wanting to enter the workforce. Recognising you’re both broken hearted an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:21 AM
3

Asking in the wrong sub I’m afraid, not too many here that have made it through any sort of impasse. It seems most here are caught up in the wars divorce brings. Those on R/marriage might provide more insight.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 07:08 PM
7

Once they make their mind up it’s over, when the legal process of the divorce starts it just compounds things. I’m here myself at the moment, kids are devastated, there’ll be no way back from this. Do what you have to do, start living life
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 06:15 PM
2

Talking to divorced guys really helps me!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 11:14 AM
5

One area you don’t mention is exercise. I’m talking about something that gets your HR up for extended periods. Cycling, running, cardio, get the dopamine flowing. It works. When you feel teary or sad, throw on a set of AirPods, listen to a podcast and head out for a walk. Time does heal but this speeds up things.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 11:10 AM
3

Jeez man, I’d kill for a wife like yours. Have a look through some of the posts here to get an idea as to the Narc agressive idiots a lot of us ended up with.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 07:59 AM
1

Came back to say your post is great
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 05:23 AM
1

Great routine and your attitude is exceptional. Thanks for writing this, inspiring.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 05:08 PM
4

Yes Narcs only value you for whatever function you provide. In your case money. Show them disrespect or ask them to pay their way and you get disregarded.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 05:02 PM
11

Keep making the money man, there’s a lot of Narc women out there, sounds like yours is. Going through it myself at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 04:23 PM
3

Gotta get out of that situation unless you’re ok with an open marriage. Hopefully you’ve no kids, if not pack a bag and leave tomorrow. She quite obviously doesn’t care for you if she’s still in contact with the AP. Sorry OP but these are the lessons we learn over decades.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 08:13 AM
2

Thanks for the reply man, I had a quick read over your previous. Wishing you better days and stay strong 💪
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 07:26 AM
2

What country are you in with rent like that?
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 12:53 PM
9

Yep that seed has been sown back in March.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 08:53 AM
3

Don’t mingle anything and keep investing. No choice, build wealth. You will still benefit. My wife stopped contributing to her pension as soon as she filed. Bizarrely she gets 50% tax credit on every contribution, so by cancelling she’s just diverted the 50% to the Govt. What a 🤡
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 08:28 AM
2

Thanks man!
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 07:40 AM
11

Great post. Similar experience from r/menopause. In my search for insight into menopause and its psychological effects, particularly in cases where women pursue divorce. What I found there left me stunned. Post after post, women were venting with bitter resentment toward their husbands, describing them as useless, lazy, emotionally stunted men who bring nothing to their lives. There was no talk of reconciliation, no self-reflection, no acknowledgment of years shared, just a collective chorus cel…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 11:12 AM
5

Just starting out myself. Was finally served in the last few weeks after she told me in February she was going ahead with the divorce. She has been vicious & horrible with me for a long time now. Can’t even speak with me without a scowl and criticism. I’m finding it very, very hard. Dead bedroom and refused all affection for years, I knew she was difficult but what I’m going through now is really on another level of contempt and hostility. Your post is encouraging.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:59 PM
1

This ^
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:54 AM
1

As someone just starting out on the process your post is comforting. Thanks 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 01:30 PM
1

Yes it is, thanks for pointing that out. As I struggle with my own sadness’s I turned to CGpt for insights. Its response was so good I felt it of benefit to the community.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 05:08 PM
9

I’m in that situation, fucked by a large mortgage which itself has put strain on the marriage. She loves the house, although never put a penny into it. Wants me to leave and she can stay for the next 8 years. No chance.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 04:51 PM
3

In my case while there has been prolonged emotional, financial and verbal abuse she rarely raised her voice and never her hand.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 08:44 AM
7

Like my wife she alleged financial control where there was nothing of the sort. Born beautiful like my wife she was probably told as a child she was a princess waiting to be swept off her feet by her knight in shining armour. I seriously heard my deluded MIL use these words. Good to see she was found guilty, 99.9% will never be prosecuted or on a personal level even remorse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 08:09 AM
1

Brazen
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 05:14 AM
7

I can’t believe women even think an “emotional affair” is a thing. Total deluded nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 12:17 PM
1

Bronze Face = Fake Tan? If so I have a STBXW that puts it on with a trowel. Personally I feel it’s a Narc thing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 11:17 AM
2

I have this, she won’t go to counselling and is divorcing me. Shutters are pulled down.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 08:49 AM
2

Most important characteristic is kindness. Get sick or depressed, make a mistake, lose money or a job & they help make things better. Not ignore or deny your illness or pile on after your mistake. My STBXW is a hatchet, a battle axe btw. I’m qualified to make an educated call on this. 🪓
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 06:50 PM
6

Stress my man. Excercise.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 04:10 PM
6

Nonsense from the ex. Jeez, they think of every angle.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 06:11 PM
2

Thanks, just started it
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 06:58 AM
3

Don’t sign or transfer anything without legal advice Your wife is asking you to: Give up your £90K share of equity from the house sale But still stay on the title of the new house That’s contradictory and very risky for you. If you’re on the title, you’re still legally tied to the new mortgage/property, possibly liable for costs, but you’ll have no equity and no rights if you give up your share. This setup could: Be a way for her to get a new house with your financial backing Leave you exposed i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 12:35 PM
1

I’ll ask for mediation myself in writing. I have a barrister and a Judge as friends advising.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 12:26 PM
6

Lots do this, although most haven’t admitted to themselves the marriage is fucked. Dead bedrooms, resentment, contempt but still haven’t pressed the button. I see it in my friend’s group of guys in their 50’s. I do also have personal experience of this in my extended family and finances don’t come into it. They muddle along as they always have, hoping for one of them to be struck down with terminal cancer or run over by a bus. Often a catalyst comes along that pushes them into divorce like the d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 06:37 PM
2

I listened to it a month or so ago on Spotify, great book.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:54 PM
0

I pay for everything anyway. She pays nothing and keeps her wage for herself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:52 PM
2

No point, it’ll take two years to go to court. Nothing is binding until then. I’ll handle the early comms / discovery myself then I’ll engage a lawyer. No point in handing 25k to a lawyer to send a few letters.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:51 PM
2

She’s not taking advice or suggestions from me and will be taking direction from her solicitor on these matters
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:49 PM
3

Presume you’re Indian, is this common with Indian women? Reason I ask is as follows. A really good friend from India working in London has caught his wife multiple times having affairs. Due to his religion he’s been very tolerant and the elders in the community have brokered a reconciliation. Ironically in this situation like yours her parents got very involved and chastised my friend. Crazy stuff. In the small office I work an Indian woman, MBA grad, married with two children has been meeting f…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 08:25 PM
2

Yes this is likely a narc you are dealing with, I’m in your shoes. Wife complained about everything all the time while contributing nothing financially. They get worse as they get older. Like you I pushed back on her eventually and she pressed the eject button. I’m in a horrible place and with a hostile aggressive STBXW who’s depleting her limited finances on expensive lawyers. Don’t expect sympathy from her family, she has been complaining to them about you for years. They likely have been brai…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 07:48 AM
3

Chat GPT says. 1. Secure Evidence Immediately • Document everything. Take photos or videos of the property layout and key items. • Make a list of jointly owned items, including estimated values and how/when they were acquired. • Keep records of bank withdrawals, asset transfers, or any unusual spending (joint accounts, credit cards, investment/savings). • Preserve communication (texts, emails, WhatsApp) where she discusses taking items or spending without your input. ⸻ 📩 2. Write a Formal Letter…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 05:52 PM
6

“Told You to put the house up for sale” I’d be ignoring that for starters. Get a lawyer, she seems to be ramping this up quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 05:39 PM
1

2 months, jeez man you did well. Some withholding here for a decade 😆🤦
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 01:39 PM
2

I think you replied to a post I made months back with similar rhetoric. “You are a Sperm and ATM” At the time I suggested this response was made into a sticky. Never a truer word spoken and put a lot into perspective for me. Thanks Man!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 06:09 AM
9

The broken home part bothers me, hugely.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 05:43 AM
2

Great post, thanks for the update.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:48 PM
4

I’m with you, always saved hard, invested and over funded my pension. She had a “you could die tomorrow” attitude. Now she’s coming for it all. She knew you would bail her out, nothing has changed in that regard. If that’s her mindset get away. It’s worth paying good money to be rid of a woman like that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:45 PM
5

Get therapy. Start living.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 08:18 AM
3

Great post
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 06:36 PM
3

Great post, thanks. Should be a sticky.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:42 AM
1

Yep agree
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 06:19 PM
5

This is how I feel, never given credit for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 09:00 AM
5

Yes, my wife had a check list for every argument, hops from one slight to another. Some from decades ago, can never draw a line and look forward.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:57 AM
3

Jeez man, careful with these posts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 10:19 PM
19

Take at least 4 hours to respond with a 👍 preferably 12 hours and ideally 24.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 08:32 AM
7

A friend in this situation pulled the plug, gave up working for “stress reasons”. Now he’s a full time day trader using accounts he set up in his 80 year old mother’s name. He’s part of a legit paid trading group and copy trades a lot. He makes approx the same as he did while working full time. He has a credit card on the account and pays taxes on his mother’s behalf. His ex had to go back to work, life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 06:59 AM
12

Sounds like you’re escaping and things couldn’t have worked out better for you. You could probably sue her for breach of contract or whatever. My advice however is a clean break and put distance between you both. Most here are suffering or have suffered in the mire of alimony, child support and giving away a lot of their personal wealth. Consider yourself lucky this won’t be you & you’re getting away from this woman.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 08:58 PM
1

I have this as well, I provide everything, she complains about me to anyone who’ll listen, lots of turning the kids on me. She has now literally worked herself into a frenzy of hate towards me. She adored me a the beginning, then she entered the devaluation phase which has lasted over 20 years on and off, now she’s discarding me. I know if I stay with her my retirement would be totally miserable. You need to post this over in r/narcissistic_spouses btw.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:15 PM
3

€4000 biweekly isn’t that much for a family. I’m seeing a lot of marriages fail where husbands stay at home. There’s a lesson here.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:34 PM
3

Man, 4 kids under 10. That’s going to be rough on you all. You need to get her into couples therapy. Take her comments seriously. This is not a time for bravado or trying to be the big man. She’s in control here, accept it. The only way you’re going to take back control is to accept what she says and file first. If she’s headstrong on what she’s saying she’ll go through with it. Filing is not a way to get her to see the light. If I had my way I’d have had therapy throughout my marriage. For toda…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 07:05 AM
2

I have this issue, I make 3X what she does but pay for every bill. She spends everything she has on whatever she wants. She never has a penny saved. I have encouraged her to save but my comment’s have been misconstrued as financial coercion. You can’t win.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 06:20 AM
8

FFS, I’ve nothing to contribute other than to say US Divorce entitlements around Alimony are truly insane.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 06:22 PM
2

I have had dreams she’s trying to kill me. Mental.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:16 PM
3

I had serious sleep disturbances for a few months. Seems to have levelled off of late.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:10 PM
2

Destroy my life, and that she does.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 10:33 PM
7

It’s a deeply painful situation, not only are you left to deal with the collapse of the relationship and the damage to the family, but you’re also forced to endure your partner’s lies and deliberate attempts to destroy your character.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 10:33 PM
1

Great thanks, that book is included in Spotify Premium
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 09:19 PM
3

Hate to tell you her family will treat you like an outsider when this all blows up. She’ll spin them a yarn, they’ll support her. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 12:07 PM
7

Complex situation, from the little you’ve written about her your wife does sound like a great person. You need to get your head sorted. Finding a compatible partner where sexual preferences are high on the pecking order won’t be easy. Could be time for a radical rethink and I would say time is of the essence.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 06:22 AM
1

My kids are late teens and I struggle with this. I tell myself they’ll be flying the nest soon anyway. Good luck with your journey OP.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 04:22 PM
3

Personally it would suit me to drag this out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 05:41 AM
8

Forget about the apology, what would it be worth anyway. Jeez man, she’s ticked so many boxes, sounds like a horror. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 12:45 PM
13

If anything screams she’s trying to shaft you 2 days a month supervised does. They’re horrible wretches.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 11:51 PM
2

You’re 35, take solace in that. Your whole life is ahead of you and you’ve learned massively from this. Lots here in their late 50s and 60s going through this BS.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 12:53 PM
1

Get him dna tested, sounds like the writing is on the wall for your marriage. She’s no respect for you, don’t feel bad, we’re all at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 11:22 PM
3

One thing I’ve learned going through this mess is that people eventually switch off, even your closest friends. They mean well, but they get tired. They’ve got their own lives, and watching someone go through a drawn-out, soul-crushing divorce isn’t easy. Divorce is a slow, grinding process that breaks you down piece by piece, emotionally, mentally, financially. It doesn’t just affect you, it pulls in everyone around you. It isolates you. What you really need is support from men who’ve been thro…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 11:31 AM
6

Don’t bother with the Playlist or shared Spotify. Cut all ties for your own sake.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 10:12 AM
2

You’re right OP, bad parenting on wife’s side. Don’t know how you can resolve thou?
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 05:46 AM
8

As someone who’s wife manipulated the tax system to move my tax credits to her and diverted tax refunds to her account I’ll be watching this thread closely.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 06:34 PM
3

A relationship princess, yes. Good description, how do you find the good ones in this day and age.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:27 PM
8

No evidence of affair but stranger things have happened. Wouldn’t put it past her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 09:38 PM
9

I bought my wife a Mother’s Day gift of a beautiful plant and card. I wrote a personal message to say that despite everything she was a great person. I reminded the teenage children to buy her something and give her cards. Roll the clock forward to Fathers Day and I received fuck all from her or my children. It made me sad.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 08:28 PM
6

I think a very high percentage of men going through divorce who are suffering feelings of immense sadness, loss of identity and utter despair would use it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 08:25 PM
7

Thanks for your insight, early days for me, waiting for her to file.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 09:39 PM
5

Hard luck man, I can relate. Your story will resonate for a lot of men who pay all the bills and find themselves forced out of their homes on fake DV accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 07:06 AM
2

Idealistic views but on point. Over time society will move away from the institution of marriage. Rest assured however, the ongoing care and welfare of children will be at the forefront of government policy in this area. It’s the lifetime provision for the other partner I really struggle with.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 05:59 PM
3

She’s bonkers and despises you. Don’t expect anything good from this woman. She also sounds like a full blown Narc. Divorce her asap, it sounds like your daughter will come with you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 07:07 PM
1

Clothes dried outside are so much better, unless a bird shits on them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 04:32 PM
2

Doesn’t take them much to fall out of love in my experience
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 04:21 PM
8

Your situation is typical of my experience. I’m convinced my wife is a covert narc who’s discarding me right now. She plays the victim while quietly controlling and manipulating behind the scenes. She withholds affection, rewrites reality to suit her, and uses passive-aggression instead of open conflict. In public, she appears charming and supportive; in private, she’s cold, critical, and emotionally unavailable. She isolates you from loved ones, twists the truth, and uses the children or her fa…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 04:10 PM
10

Snakes with tits
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 10:37 AM
4

Hits hard, as someone who gave everything they could and was also banished I hear you. My materialistic STBXW has chosen a path she will regret, of this I’m certain. It will take time for her to realise but she will.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 10:21 AM
7

That’s rough man.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 09:17 PM
7

Well done 👏
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 08:42 PM
10

Wife ran a 2 decade smear campaign.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 08:08 PM
5

Now I see the funny side 🤣, it was rightly pissing me off before your comment 👍
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 07:19 PM
2

Well I don’t know who these solicitors are or if you moved on it too late but taking a child to another country without consent of the other parent is breaking EU law. https://e-justice.europa.eu/topics/family-matters-inheritance/moving-settling-abroad-children_en
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 04:18 PM
3

There’s massive legal considerations around moving your children to another country and away from their other parent. Are you ok with this? Personally speaking I wouldn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 03:29 PM
1

More expensive to file first in my country and absolutely no benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 05:11 AM
1

6 weeks for the anti depressant to kick in. You may feel worse during this period. Worth waiting. Wishing you the best OP, it’s a tough journey.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 10:22 PM
11

They all plan to leave, some for a decade. They all claim to have no feelings left. Because this decision was done a long time ago she’s out the gap. You won’t see her grieving. She does sound cold, however some women take satisfaction from turning the knife. You could possibly do with some medication (anti depressants) to help you get to the other side of this. Other alternative is to exercise daily but that’s tough for some.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 09:39 PM
1

She has her own job and makes the nearly same as me. Thanks for stalking me though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 08:46 AM
6

What should I document if there is no conversations or hostility. Shes grey rocking me. I’m expecting my STBXW will pull this, a fake DV. She said three months ago that she was living in fear. I spoke to her about this and thought we had closed it out as being untrue. She’s about to file, this will drag out for two years at least and she may resort to tactics to get me out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 05:33 AM
3

This happened to me, I married a young sweet girl who was great fun. After marriage the complaints started, she was complaining about me so much to her parents her father told me. These complaints were about nothing significant. Over the next 20 years she became embittered about everything. She always thought I was trying to get one up on her, she stopped affection and was verbally abusive. She would argue black was white and tried to turn the kids against me. She never gave me a penny to help p…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 05:25 AM
2

Not how it works, equity is split
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 04:59 AM
8

Female poster here, no surprise!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 04:57 AM
2

Bullshit excuse, similar here, just a list of subjective issues like “she never had a voice”. BTW, your post deserves its own thread if you haven’t already.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 07:05 PM
3

Great explanation of children noticing the little indiscretions to build the story. Never thought of it like that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 07:00 PM
2

I am in the same situation, I have used Chat GPT to draft early responses. I’ve yet to hear from someone who’s gone the full distance with Chat GPT but it’s certainly promising.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 11:53 AM
7

She’s rewriting history. Won’t own a single mistake. Blames everything on you while emotionally cheating and chatting up strangers during family time, and somehow you’re the one doing all the self-work, therapy, reflection, and holding the family together? Classic narcissistic cycle: • Idealize. • Devalue. • Discard. (in progress…) You admitted your faults. You’re trying to grow. But she’s emotionally unavailable, never accountable, and uses just enough breadcrumb connection to keep you clinging…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 06:26 AM
2

A lot of women ensure they’re unemployed and unemployable before divorce. Sounds like yours is a keeper.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:09 PM
6

I used to compliment my wife all the time, she was a solid 8, and I told her so. I also told her I loved her at least once a week. It didn’t matter. When she finally blew up and demanded a divorce, she claimed I never regarded or respected her. Go figure. You try to show appreciation, and somehow you still end up the villain. Can’t win.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 07:58 PM
8

Like yours my wife is very attractive. She knows it. She is however aggressive and unreasonable with rigid views and her problem solving ability is abysmal. Everything is a crisis and she’s awful with money. Shes also too used to men fawning over her and getting things her own way. Has she been unfaithful, anything is possible. Thanks to her mother, she has a deluxe, platinum-tier entitlement complex. Her father was an alcoholic, and honestly, after spending time with her family, I get it. Famil…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 05:55 PM
1

Well put, and gave me a laugh. I concur.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 05:41 AM
5

Give me an example of what you see on the female only subs? Intrigued!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:39 AM
3

I’m not too far behind you at 55. Can’t imagine ending things though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 01:00 PM
16

She was good, then her ire turned to me. I just thought this was the way of married life. She was never happy. Now she’s unrecognisable, a toxic, septic human filled with anger. This person is the one I will remember her as.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 05:08 PM
3

In my country you are not liable for the other party’s legal fees. They have to pay an extra 3K to file and there’s no benefit in filing first. She said she wanted it, I’m not leaving the house, bring it on. Let’s see how far she wants to take this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 04:27 PM
2

Living together waiting for her to file so aligns with what you’ve said.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 10:42 AM
3

Yes I know it, and have known for over a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:38 AM
2

She denies hating me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 07:26 AM
2

Yes didn’t share finances. She refused as she never wanted me to see how she used her money. She has a compulsive shopping addiction and gave her parents an allowance. I’ve been a victim of financial abuse for decades. My wife expects me to pay for everything and treats me like shit, I’m not toxic. But thanks. Also she framed it as a loan, I never would have wanted it back. She took the money and a couple of weeks later wanted a divorce. She says she doesn’t have the cash to pay me, but wants to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 05:40 AM
5

Your lawyer sounds like the one we all need. Good luck OP.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 05:30 AM
8

If I remember your wife had an affair. I would do everything in my power to give her as little as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 10:46 PM
1

Loved Ray, what an actor RIP
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 05:12 AM
1

If things are getting in on you, potentially look at an SSRI, Zoloft is one. After 6 weeks or so you will have the most amazing sleep.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 06:53 PM
1

What do you mean locked financially? I had those dreams real bad, even dream’t she was trying to kill me at one point. Thankfully passed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 06:31 PM
1

Have a rough idea. I know I’m a clown putting up with it all. She did have an amazing ass at one point 😬
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 04:17 PM
3

One of the only things I’ve ever spent money on thats appreciated in value.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:04 AM
1

My situation, started pushing back on the verbal abuse, brought up the dead bedroom as something I wanted to resolve, brought up the fact she wasn’t paying anything to the running of the house. Boom! Divorce served 2 weeks later.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:01 AM
1

I agree, couples who save together stay together, she never wanted me to have any insight into her earnings or spending which is out of control btw. It’s bleak.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 07:16 PM
1

Agree, we have separate banks accounts. It’s always been a one way street, me to her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 03:55 PM
3

Very helpful, thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 03:49 PM
1

Better times, and the question of what’s fair and just. Oddly I feel now she knew she was going to be looking for a divorce at the point of the loan, otherwise she would have just accepted it as a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 10:46 AM
1

I get you @fives_gw I’m in this position myself. Wife decided to take a backseat, she even went part time before we had children. Insisted I had an equal role in chores (which I gladly accepted) and then plays the stay at home wife card when she decides to blow up the marriage. She’s still part time despite the children being in their late teens. Luckily Alimony is not a thing in my country so she’ll have to go back to work full time. She’ll absolutely hate that as there’s a status thing about b…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 08:46 AM
3

There’s nothing at all you can do other than things for yourself. Stop telling her you want to reconcile. Act normal, get out of the house more, rekindle old friendships, take up a new sport. Reading your post you seem to be indulging yourself, ruminating, you mention getting away to consolidate your feelings. This will play into whatever narrative she has of you, now she’ll have you down as having a pity party for yourself. Snap out of it, put on the game face and live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 10:00 PM
18

I’m embarking on this journey with a woman who wants out. She has told me she lives in fear and I’m financially coercive. Her rationale, I raised my voice, pointed my finger, I also pay every bill. Go figure. Has she been unfaithful, possibly, I have no access to her device but there has been signs. Your story inspires, thanks for telling it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 09:09 AM
–

Give the meds 8 weeks to work, don’t lose hope.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 08:18 PM
2

Hard luck man. It’s tough, hoping things get better for you all. Younger children adapt better than older ones apparently. With your depression and social anxiety I hope you’re getting help through all this?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 05:36 PM
6

In the same boat, influenced by someone, she made a claim recently that she lives in fear. This woman has been a bully, is physically strong and aggressive. She never takes crap and never has. It’s playing out now as she files for Divorce. For me it’s all been terribly unsettling and unfair, makes me sad tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:17 PM
5

Need more judges like this
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 11:42 AM
5

We’ve had an IM on this but in the meantime I checked that famous new therapist Prof Chat-GPT. Here’s the response. First, you’re not alone—and you’re not crazy. What you’ve described is emotional abuse and narcissistic behavior, and it’s exhausting, disorienting, and soul-crushing. The fact that you’ve held things together for nine years, as the sole provider and a committed father, speaks to your strength and dedication—not weakness. Second, your pain is valid. You’re not “oversharing.” You’re…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 07:51 PM
3

My wife dislikes my family who’ve been nothing but generous to her. Her family of origin dynamic was fucked, an alcoholic father resented by the mother for decades cause he never provided and left them without a pension.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:58 PM
5

That phrase is a reflection of how many men are in abusive relationships. My 16 year old son said it to me recently and I had a serious conversation with him about its meaning and its context in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:54 PM
4

Never had an apology, ever
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:41 PM
7

Thank you for sharing this, it really resonates. I was married over 20 years and didn’t realize how deep I was in until much later. My wife let me pay all the bills, while rejecting me emotionally and physically, and belittled me, often in front of our kids. I stayed because of guilt, fear, for the children and the belief that marriage was supposed to be hard. I kept trying to fix it, blaming myself. She’s now the one seeking separation, painting herself as the victim. No one asks what it was li…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:32 PM
6

My wife subscribes to the Hallmark mentality too. A warning sign I didn’t pay any attention to was her mother saying that she (girlfriend at the time) deserves her Knight in Shining Armour. What a load 🤮
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 07:56 PM
0

😂 Brilliant and noted
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 07:33 PM
7

A guy who’s a player, recently divorced, knows wife in passing also appeared on my people you may know list in the last few weeks. Facebook knows.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 11:33 AM
8

I live with my wife while I await her to serve notice. She wants a divorce not I and there’s no benefit to serving first where I am. We are living separate lives and she treats me like I don’t exist, she won’t discuss her plans regarding the divorce or what the future holds, taking a “you will find out in time” approach which is incredibly abusive. I have asked her to go for counselling and she has point blank refused, she can’t even be in the same room as me. Like you she does things which I fi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 10:32 AM
3

In exactly the same boat, I started pushing back on the emotional, verbal and financial abuse. Took her about a month, she is in the process of filing. Good luck to her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:57 AM
1

Such a sad story.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:45 PM
3

Don’t leave it Man! You need to see them grow up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 07:38 PM
3

Bring the dog for a walk, you both will benefit. I wish I had a dog to distract me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 07:11 PM
2

In my case, my wife isn’t particularly curious or informed, she had little interest in the wider world. She didn’t watch the news, never read newspapers, and chose instead to stay in her own little cocoon of gossip, fashion, or whatever the latest superficial distraction was. She isn’t resourceful, lacks problem solving ability, and rarely shows any real initiative in life. These things I felt were endearing at the beginning of our relationship. Life’s pleasures were simple and she was adventuro…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 02:28 PM
1

Yes, my wife became hard and bitter. If this didn’t happen now it would in retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 06:06 AM
6

In my case, I spent 22 years trying to be a good husband and father. I paid every single household bill without fail. I supported her lifestyle, her shopping habits, her part-time work decisions, and I never once asked her to contribute financially, even when interest rates rose and I was drowning in debt. I thought that’s what love and responsibility looked like. But over time, I let too much slide. I lost myself trying to keep the peace. I stopped making decisions, stopped being heard, stopped…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 05:57 AM
2

Hit the nail on the head with that one, they love themselves more.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:10 AM
1

She sounds like a Narc, you sound like you’re emasculated and there’s role reversal going on here. I’m in the same boat although there’s “apparently” no AP but a lot of aggression. Start living your life, pulling her into child minding duties where needed and get into the gym. Therapy may help.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 09:29 AM
1

In this situation, she’s a Narc, pays nothing towards the household. She decided she wanted a divorce, refused counselling, her sister paid the retainer. Her hatred for me is palpable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 05:21 AM
4

In this position, I pay every household bill. She keeps her income for herself, she has nothing saved, I suspect she pays her parents an allowance. I asked to see her bank statements to understand where the money was going as we have a high income and seemed to living hand to mouth. I asked her to jointly pool our finances and have a savings plan. She said I was being coercive. She was verbally abusive for years to me, I started calling her out, then she decided she wanted a divorce. I explained…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 05:13 AM
2

Definitely Borderline Personality characteristics there. What a car crash.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 07:28 PM
-2

Jeez, give him a break, he said he made other good investments. Wife sounds totally self absorbed. I’d gtfo.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 01:47 PM
2

Yep that’s me, I called her out on her verbal abuse and her spending. I was sick talking to her about saving or contributing to her pension.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 08:47 PM
1

Thanks for the informative post & so many similarities, my wife wants me out of the house. This isn’t just since she wanted a divorce. She has told me she’s sick of seeing me around the house during the times when she’s at home and wants me out. She wants me out at work and out of her face, all when denying affection sex and not contributing to the bills at home.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 08:01 PM
7

Don’t argue with her, be nice. Live your life normally, get some exercise. Get out of the house for walks or whatever. Sleep in your bed, with the drama of the pending arrival it may pass.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 07:47 AM
2

Sounds like main character syndrome. Mine puts pictures of just herself in frames and puts them around the house. Megalomaniac.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 06:19 PM
1

I’ll get into Therapy next week
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 04:58 PM
2

Thanks. I’ll likely be forced out in a judicial separation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 04:33 PM
3

I can only wish she’d fuck off and move in with an AP at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:20 PM
2

Yes I agree. She told me she wanted a divorce back in Feb, refused counselling. I was confident I could turn the ship around. Between then and now however things are just spiralling into the abyss. She’s getting more and more toxic by the day, I’m indifferent now to reconciliation. Her hatred runs so deep I’m uncertain if she could ever change.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 12:13 PM
1

What Chat GPT makes of it all. Dream Interpretation (Not Woo-Woo, Just Psychological Insight) 1. Loss of Control – Dreams of being attacked often relate to feeling powerless or vulnerable in waking life. Your subconscious might be expressing how unsafe or uncertain you feel about the situation. 2. Emotional Processing – If she’s being hostile during the day, your brain might be working through fear, anger, betrayal, or confusion while you sleep. These emotions can manifest as threatening figures…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:52 PM
13

For every man in a divorce who receives financial support from his wife, there are thousands more silently doing the opposite, handing over hard-earned money, sacrificing assets, and often walking away with little more than their dignity. These men are rarely seen, seldom heard, and almost never acknowledged. Society still clings to outdated assumptions about gender and financial responsibility in divorce, painting men as providers by default, regardless of the realities of individual circumstan…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 07:33 PM
1

In my country the value that was accumulated from the time you were married is split 50 50. Or the combined sum of both your pensions (from the time you were married) is split 50 50. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You will be working for a few more years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 04:28 PM
17

Divorce her man, jeez she’s messing you about.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 09:12 PM
5

I get the same disrespect from my teen children as I do from my wife, all learned. In my case I woke up one day said enough was enough, I decided to call her out on her verbal abuse, a month or so of this & she wanted a divorce and said she’d been unhappy for at least 2 years. She won’t attend counselling and I’m awaiting to be served. I have a little ADHD and a lot of areas in my life could be better. Is everyone not the same with areas of their life when put under the microscope aren’t perfect…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 10:47 AM
11

Agreed, didn’t I give her the wonderful children she has, she was always boxing above her weight with me anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 06:59 PM
3

They’re idiots & I’d just let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 05:04 PM
3

Sounds like you found a good one.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 04:52 PM
2

Ffs man, went through this. The disrespect towards your mother is the norm. Very little you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 05:37 AM
1

Get rid of the face tattoos, get work. It’s the biggest investment in you that you can make today. See what change that brings to your life & marriage. Your wife not going to work is 50% of the problem, try and work on your 50% it’s all you can do. It seems she will go back to work when the child is older.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 05:31 AM
12

I could have written this without the religion. Exactly my situation. She denies an affair, I have no evidence. I’m waiting on her to file and I suspect she will when our kids finish summer exams. She’s treating me with contempt so can’t even bring herself to discuss her plans. In my case the longer this goes on the more reluctant I am to remain married. The contempt & resentment I feel from her is palpable, I can’t ever see this changing unless she has a lobotomy. I now see her flaws, how rigid…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 05:09 AM
2

You are lucky you are so young. Whole life ahead of you, unlike a lot of us realising our marriages are dead 20 years down the road. Don’t make the same mistakes again.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 03:48 AM
16

As someone once said, I see many cats and wine in their future.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 07:34 PM
9

Funny enough that one popped up on my feed. She targets 30 year olds and refers to her home as a cougar den. Avoid like the plague, especially if you are 30.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 07:31 PM
0

So true, the scene I refer to is the singles scene. It’s a melting pot of all demographics, some are in it for years some not.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 07:24 PM
3

Most here will advise to wrap it up now. She’s not for changing. I disagree and couples have survived infidelity, others have divorced and reconciled. Some are in open marriages and are happy like Mel Robbins. It could be hormonal, could be depression, advice to see a doctor won’t get you far. My own personal view is you need a really good therapist to broker the conversation when you get to this point. In my case the wife still refuses to go to therapy, couples or individual. I’ve heard of situ…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 01:23 PM
3

I’m in the same boat, waiting for her to serve after she called it a day. The first 6 weeks was really hard. I’m still sad every day but it doesn’t dominate everything. A couple of things really gave me a lift, they were meeting with a lawyer and getting a game plan together & talking for about 5 hours a week with a friend who’s been through a contentious divorce. I did some therapy sessions with a female therapist and it was a total waste of time. I have found another therapist and going to giv…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 11:24 AM
3

User name checks out Vinegar Tits
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 07:49 PM
3

The stories I read here are just heartbreaking. Wishing you strength.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:56 PM
1

Thanks, fully agree. I’m fully expecting at least one of my teenage kids to go off the rails after this. We’ve already been dealing with some parenting issues and class A drugs.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:49 PM
2

Anal, good luck with that OP 😀. Gattsama I admire your optimism.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:44 AM
0

Sounds like you’ve something to work from. A lot of us here are dealing with abuse, a decade of neglect and infidelity. February is like yesterday, if I had amazing sex with my wife back then I’d still be on cloud 9. You should kick off couples therapy and give it everything.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:36 AM
2

Playbook
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:24 AM
4

Same here, I’m aggressive and she’s now afraid. I just started challenging her nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:43 PM
4

Narcissistic characteristics there my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:41 PM
2

Don’t worry about not meeting anyone, it’ll happen in time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:39 PM
2

My wife said the children are resilient and will get over it. When I said divorce is devastating on couples she said some have divorce parties. Keep dreaming bitch. Looking forward to fucking her around as much as possible during divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:37 PM
5

Fuck that’s rough. Brought a tear to my eye reading it. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:34 PM
5

One friend is a big man, 6.6 balding, double chin, 230lbs, few medical ailments, 48yo. Nothing special to look at. He and I talk all the time. He’s on Tinder and Hinge, meeting women for dates and told me he’s even had situations where an afternoon coffee on the first date ends up in bed. He’s been very open about all aspects of his divorce and the relationship with his ex wife so he’s being truthful. He is however a really funny chap and charming. I’ve never asked him if the women he’s with are…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:31 PM
10

Zero affection from my wife who won’t even touch my hand or french kiss me. Recently she dropped the D bomb. I’m lawyer’d up and happy to be proceeding.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:25 PM
5

I know a handful of divorced men in their 50s, even one in his 70s getting more sex they ever got with their wives in the last decade of their marriages. They don’t tolerate the crap married women go on with.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 10:21 PM
6

Me too man. It’s the norm apparently. They become unrecognisable from the women they once were. I’m just waiting for my resident psycho to serve me. Then the real fun will begin. I have no intention of leaving the family home. Between activities, business, golf and golf trips I can still live a good life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 04:30 PM
5

I’m not saying for confidentiality but it was a thing years ago. It has to be argued in court. Wives will request it but will be mostly denied unless there is a massive disparity in incomes. The argument over keeping ex wives in a lifestyle they are accustomed to isn’t valid nor should it be. Divorce means a drop in living standards for both parties. If in a divorce the wife has a job and earns over the average industrial wage she will be expected to cut her cloth to suit her measure. If she wan…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 04:25 PM
20

My materialistic wife is in a permanent state of general unhappiness. She has a shopping and Codeine addiction, moving from one dopamine rush to another. She refuses to drive any other make of car but Landrover and spends all her money on herself. Hair, nails, eyebrows, waxing, Botox, diamonds, fast fashion, it doesn’t end. Never has a penny saved. I pay all the bills with no help from her. Surrounded by friends and family that have achieved a lot she expects everything while being feckless with…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 09:49 AM
1

Guarantee if he can get by without them he’ll stop wearing them anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 06:02 AM
1

The US Marine Corps motto is "Semper Fidelis" which means "Always Faithful" another good one.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 06:00 AM
2

Well done on making it this far. I remember your first post, things moved fast for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 05:18 AM
1

Thanks, had a read through some of your earlier comments.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 11:16 PM
1

Unfortunately the children are late teens. They will find it hard.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 08:13 PM
3

Need this as a sticky @mod
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 04:35 PM
2

Nearly my situation exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 01:04 PM
2

Out of curiosity how do the laws in Bali treat husbands in Divorce! Narcissistic wives are difficult, I have one myself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 10:37 AM
7

You can still be respectful and humane while protecting your interests. She’s chosen her path, now you need to secure yours. Caring doesn’t mean carrying her responsibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 09:02 PM
1

Great point.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 08:16 PM
3

I think you are right.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 08:14 PM
6

Yep, going through it is even harder.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:33 PM
26

Married woman flirts with guy at work / bar / gym / tennis club makes it known early on she’s unhappy with her marriage. The rest is a well defined unstoppable process and chemistry. This isn’t about women pursuing men or vice versa. It’s about women making themselves available for the chase. For me it’s the after the event I struggle with, changing the narrative to suit her bad decision, making you out to be vile and abusive. Treating you with toxicity and contempt. Wanting everything in the di…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:30 PM
2

I have this issue, I found a what’s app message she had texted herself of 40 / 50 links of TikTok divorce coaches.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 09:54 PM
9

Emotional Affair 🤔 Ffs man you didn’t ruin it. That’s all HER narrative, seen it many, many times before. She wanted out and you got dragged along for the ride. Fuck her, get counselling, do some exercise and grow a pair.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 08:20 AM
1

Great recent reply to a post about the attitude of STBXW family members towards you. One area I found difficult to come to terms with. Worth including. Here’s the txt from this valuable post. “This is an easy one. First, you are not blood. Second, she is blood. Third, she is female. Make no mistake: in a familial split, blood relatives will close tight ranks around their female blood relative. Even if you were the perfect male husband, and she is the spawn of satan, her family is related by birt…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 08:06 PM
4

Just described my wife and marriage perfectly. Shes looking for a divorce and past the point of reasoning.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 05:03 AM
24

She’s just another idiot seeking to validate her idiotic decisions. She’s trying to tell her version of whatever story she’s convinced herself of.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:54 AM
3

All these signs are signs. I’ll throw in another, dead bedroom? You’ve 2 choices, call it a day or speak to her about this and look for a way for both of you to move forward and reclaim the connection you once had. Maybe you’re both in a rut.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 09:24 PM
2

What? 🤷‍♂️ I’ve never criticised men here or on any other board. Can you link the post you refer to. I might add I have zero time for toxic masculinity or Alpha type rhetoric. I also cook, clean, pay all the bills and help out with school runs, sports blah blah. I’m on your page.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 07:42 PM
1

I disagree, men (including myself) in these situations DO mourn the loss of a partner. We didn’t marry the lady of their dreams for nothing. Jeez, the misandry runs deep.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 07:12 PM
0

It’s a figure of speech, have a look at the comments on the videos of “The Happy Wife School” on YT for context. Refusing sex permanently and denying affection in otherwise good marriages is a thing!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 07:09 PM
2

Don’t fall for it, they’re baiting you and have nothing constructive to add to your responses.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 02:23 PM
0

I don’t think men use sex to get what they desire and when that objective is achieved turn off the supply ?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 03:27 AM
-2

Astonishing the course this thread took. Female contributors denying the impact of menopause on mental health, all while it’s been well documented by the medical community. Another aspect to this Walkaway Wife syndrome is whether wives ever really loved their husbands, where their main objective was to get married and have children. It’s also well documented some women use sex and affection as a tool to get what they desire. When this goal was achieved the sex & affection stopped based on a cite…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 03:08 AM
4

Agreed. I’m not an entertainment rep or a pr for her. She wants me or not. When I did all that crap she still was complaining, never happy. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 09:59 PM
1

She’s paying both. Unfortunately for me if I start not paying stuff, utilities & mortgage don’t get paid. Will affect my credit rating and can’t have the kids reading by candlelight.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 09:37 PM
2

Sounds like early stages for you last weeknight she was staying, this week ranting and going? The rant stinks of main character syndrome. Features prominently with my narcissistic stbxw.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 09:33 PM
1

How can you threaten to pay the bills? I’ll be at this point soon.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 05:07 PM
3

Thanks, 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:30 PM
-1

Thanks for the excellent insight. @Mod Should also be a sticky.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:29 PM
2

You’ve been through a lot. Kicking her out, starting therapy again, focusing on your son—that’s a great start. It’s not about being alone forever, it’s about finding peace and building yourself back up. Keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:28 PM
9

Tough times, the impact of a miscarriage on a woman should never be underestimated. Sorry to hear about your situation. Look after your mental health, do some exercise and you may need therapy. Maybe she does also, she could come back around in time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:13 AM
4

Says he has children
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 05:47 AM
8

I saw signs like this and ignored them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 09:21 PM
8

Thanks for that, I shudder when I hear remarks like “when she’s done she’s done” I find it bizarre when marriages have survived infidelity and other worse things. It’s down to individuals I suppose.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 05:24 PM
3

Such a sad situation for all concerned. It’s a woman’s world despite what they say
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 05:19 PM
9

Wife overrules everything related to the kids. Example; Expects me to hand them money hand over fist but chastises me for asking them what they’re doing with the money, says the kids hate asking me for money for this reason. It certainly doesn’t feel like it. This is 100% a control tactic from my covert Narc wife.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 12:08 PM
9

This ⬆️
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:38 AM
5

I might add I don’t believe it’s insurmountable. People overcome all types of relationship trauma not least spousal infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 12:53 AM
1

Mine suspect too, made some dubious comments re other women re their weight. Dislikes women she doesn’t know for no reason. Openly supported tax evasion, treats work property as her own. Dislikes animals. Doesn’t know how to use a toilet brush and left her mess behind constantly. Left for me to clean. Throws used sanitary towels in the green recycling bin, that one gets me as I think it’s disgusting, so much so I have to take them out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 12:07 AM
1

Does yours do that? Her parents didn’t get on for decades, her mother would disappear upstairs sorting out wardrobes, clothes etc so it’s learned behaviour. In my case she’s doing it to get away from me cause it takes her upstairs, the kids see her as being “busy” It’s probably also a stress reaction and she’s keeping her mind occupied. She’s a very unhappy person and rejects my efforts to offer help. The only time she sits still is when she has a drink in front of her. I haven’t seen her sit do…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:52 PM
2

Yep, victim here of a covert Narc and her toxic family. No infidelity that I know of but nothing would surprise me. Never any affection, rationed sex, financially abused and the silent treatments. I recently brought up the verbal abuse, the excessive spending while contributing nothing to household expenses and the denial of affection / sex. She couldn’t handle it and flew into a rage. The very next week she said she wanted a divorce. That was the middle of January, she has been septic since and…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:21 PM
2

MIL and hatchet-faced SIL in my case. The family of origin of the Narc always takes priority.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 02:38 PM
4

Story of Cinderella even being cited as having a negative effect on women in later life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 09:23 PM
1

In my country Grandparents have no right to access Grandchildren in situations such as this. The only way to sort this is to appease your wife. Surely at times when you have access to your children you can take them to your parents. If she has a problem with this you should enforce that her parents shouldn’t see them either. Sounds like you’re going to need external help to resolve this. Lastly don’t leave your house.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 09:11 PM
1

I’m expecting to be served in July, I won’t be opening any mail I don’t recognise or identifying myself to a Server. Fuck her, I’ll be frustrating the process at every opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 08:45 PM
3

Immature without question, sounds spoiled.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 08:16 PM
13

Count your lucky stars you didn’t have any children with her. Have a look at the horror stories on here with wretches and their affair partners, alienating children against good men who like you pay all the bills and do their best. You escaped. Don’t go back, read the book Gatekeepers by Shawn T Smith. I wish I was in your position rather than mine (apart from our kids). And to answer your title question she’s spoiled, narcissistic maybe 🤔 and definitely immature. From what you’ve written she so…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 08:15 PM
9

Fuck her, stay in the house and see your son 24 x 7. If she has an AP she’ll want to wrap up things quickly. In any event all will come clear soon enough on that front. In the meantime discuss nothing about the divorce with her whatsoever. Offer the olive branch of counselling, failing that mediation. My wife is going through this, landed a divorce demand on me in February, she is however ignoring me currently. This is coming off the back of a period of a month where she was totally septic. It s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 07:59 PM
2

Hope you let his wife know ?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 02:28 PM
5

Find the best couples counsellor you can and meet them every week until things settle. Seems like you want it to work and your children are at a vulnerable age. I’d be doing everything I can to make it work unless my wife was abusive or a Narc.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 09:57 AM
3

As a father I can appreciate the worry of a situation like this. I’m also noticing an allegiance between my youngest son and his mother, it’s not so evident in my oldest daughter who seems more aligned to me. It’s tough for them. As I’m only beginning on my journey I can’t offer advice but I wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 01:13 PM
1

If she’s a Narc they always prioritise their family of origin. I’m learning as I go.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 12:34 PM
3

I’ll be divorcing my wife’s sister too, she’s a battle axe and has so much influence over my wife. Nothing you can do. It just reinforces the fact the situation is all wrong and strengthens the case for divorce. My wife’s sister had more influence over her decisions than I ever did.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:50 AM
3

In my case my wife is looking for a divorce also, we still live together and I’m waiting for her to file (makes no difference in my country, although who ever files first pays an extra €3000) For reasons related to my children she is delaying filing until the summer. She has 100% seen a solicitor but is denying it. I’d guess the day to serve can’t come quick enough for her and she’s been absolutely toxic towards me over the last few months. I was trying to play the supportive husband but have ha…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 06:45 PM
4

Seems to be the way to go if you don’t want to give all your money to unscrupulous lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 09:51 AM
4

I don’t think of her sleeping with anyone. She had lovers before me and will have lovers after. When I’m in bed I try to have positive & pleasurable thoughts of ex girlfriends and purposely exclude negative thoughts of my Caustic STBXW. If some poor bastard gets to climb up on my STBX, good luck to them. They have lower morals than I & I wish them patience, fortitude and good health. They’ll need it. This is a mind over matter exercise, it seems you are just tormenting yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 08:40 PM
1

Thanks Benji, l’ve noticed your replies on other posts, I doubt she will ever see a doctor. Everything is on me. She did meet a new doctor 6 months ago and seemed to think the Doctor was crap! So she has no doctor. She’s also had arguments with service staff like a store clerk and our elderly postman. All bizarre and points to an underlying pattern for the reasons you refer to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 07:23 AM
3

Just get out. Too many signs so early on to ignore. You have no children, don’t have any with this woman. Sleeping all day thing is a total red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:24 AM
2

Maybe. 🤔 I’m open to the possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 08:19 PM
4

Thanks 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:04 PM
3

4 kids 15 to 19
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 07:24 AM
2

I told my wife I wasn’t supporting her narrative to the children that we fell out of love or whatever nonsense. I would be telling them that I love your mother very much and it’s 110% her decision to leave and break up our family. This blew her mind, I was accused of being abusive and weaponising the children. It’s still not over as my wife who has secretly seen a solicitor has been waiting on our daughter to finish her exams.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:37 AM
2

Well done.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 08:14 PM
3

$6000 a month, Jesus. How much you making?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 07:54 PM
14

They use any old excuse to fuel their Narrative, don’t listen, don’t love her, incapable of love, smell, boring sex life, mean, spend too much time at work, spend too much time at home, no interests, angry or whatever it is. I had an argument with one of her family 15 years ago and this is being cited as my wife’s reason to blow up our marriage. The fact I single handedly financed the household, holidays etc. am a great Dad, am actually generous, are mere details to be discarded like me. Don’t f…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 01:54 PM
7

Great attitude and post Henry
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:23 PM
12

She has no respect for what you both built. She is thinking only of herself. Some women take you in, you become part of their world, like oxygen they need you. They would never treat you badly or cut you off. In my situation my wife is independent, firm in her opinions (not always correct). Aggressive in her manner and selfish. Never affectionate and could easily pull a stunt where she says can’t stand the look of me. If I brought this up I’m certain I could elicit this admission. She’s already …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 09:17 AM
21

Right now you’re fucked. No identity, a simp (sorry) who has put up with being told she couldn’t stand the look of you and no sex (or affection I’d guess for 6 years). You’re probably pleading with her. Grey rock, get on a diet, get into the gym, take up golf, cycling, hillwalking whatever, get some buddies and see how that goes. She’s not for you, she’s told you. I’d also guess she’s pretty horrible to you. I’m married to a Narc myself (who is divorcing me) and know what you’re going through. I…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 08:00 AM
17

Lots here in your shoes, unwilling participants in a divorce. Hate to say it but the writing was on the wall 6 years ago, if this situation didn’t change after 6 months to a year you should have called it. The role of being a husband, provider and father has dominated everything. What about the real you, what did you feel 6 years ago when she told you she couldn’t stand you (sounds like contempt). From the little you’ve written you could be dealing with a Narcissist. Others will wade in, there’s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:51 AM
6

In my case, the lack of affection and her bad attitude are making me despise her. I’ll be glad to see the back of the wench.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 10:34 PM
3

Good post, well done. Like you I am divorcing an aggressive wench who thinks the world owes her. She’s totally toxic and we haven’t even begun the negotiations.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:22 PM
1

There are ways of covertly getting DNA
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 02:50 PM
5

And this is why I’m here, opinions like this.👍
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 11:18 AM
4

I don’t even know why I’m bothering to respond to this. Bonds are formed regardless. Nagging doubts are disregarded.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 10:51 AM
6

The bond between us is strong, he was a great boy and now man. This took priority.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 05:07 AM
1

Good advice, I just read through some of your other comments and you seem rational. Especially the one relating to being a child of divorced parents. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 09:31 PM
3

Tough run my friend, look for 50% custody. Do a covert DNA test first, you don’t want her to go totally psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 05:21 AM
2

It’s a crap shoot finding the right therapist. I’m working with one and considering wrapping it up, I feel she’s trying to project onto me her challenges with her husband.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 03:12 PM
2

Sorry to hear this. That’s rough.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 05:13 AM
4

The fact the kids are with you and she hardly sees them is something the kids will recognise. I’m European and I’d rather be in Hawaii any day, can recommend the Four Seasons HUALALAI, it’s just amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:23 PM
9

Sound like you’re doing great, fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:03 PM
4

What’s your goal, want to remain married? Sail a steady ship and try and make every engagement with her a positive one. Don’t get baited and pulled into meaningless arguments. Don’t play needy either and give her distance. Try get her into couples counselling. Want a divorce, same as above only instead of counselling, consult a lawyer. Play the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 12:23 PM
20

You’re happy married but choose to wade into a group of Divorced or Soon to Be Divorced Men to offer up a load of statistical information. You need to find other things to do. But thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 05:02 PM
11

For the value that the dog brings to your children (and the association they make between the dog and you) I’d do everything I could to keep him. Calm down on making any decisions regarding your home. The wife is gone, you need to accept that she’s free to do as she likes. Sounds like you are well rid of her. Don’t pry, hearing about her sexual antics will do you no good and isn’t healthy. When you are mentally free from this woman you will be in a better place to make rational decisions regardi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:54 PM
4

R/narcissisticspouses for you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:48 PM
2

I’m talking about independently verified (by you) documents. Even the mention of folders of material sets off an alarm bell.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 11:45 AM
3

You need to be absolutely certain this man is telling the truth. We’re talking about evidence of his divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 06:16 AM
1

Sounds like Xanax, have some here
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 09:42 PM
3

Interesting, what do you make of situations where wives in long term marriages withhold sex and affection citing trust, respect and love, then they go and have torrid sex with a man previously unknown that they picked up at a bar that night. Lots of situations such as this reported both here and in the comments on YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 06:47 PM
1

Thanks for your reply, she did hence the fall out on my side. When I said that divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can through she said in her case she will be having a party. For someone who put a lot into the marriage financially and emotionally it’s hard.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 03:01 PM
8

I’ll be advising my sons never to get married, ever. I’m already debunking the myth of happy life, happy wife with them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 05:46 AM
6

That’s tough, I suspect my situation is the same. The Nympho I once knew is ever present, just not for me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 05:42 AM
3

I recall how your wife smeared your good name with this group when you posted here some time back. Don’t get bent out of shape about the man’s comments, he’s likely pussy whipped and hoping to get some by participating in this pack activity of chastising you. They and your wife are truly toxic, I encourage you to continue to piss them off.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 10:14 PM
1

Sorry, what part of Spain. I go to Marbella a lot and would have thought it’s a good place for meeting members of the opposite sex.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 09:22 PM
1

What part?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 08:14 PM
6

Golf, 5 a side soccer, Padel, Cycling. Heck you could even go on a few dates.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 07:58 PM
3

For financial reasons I could see this playing out for us. Being in a sexless marriage devoid of affection it won’t be too different to that last two or three years anyway. To get to stay in the family home and see my beautiful children every day is really all I want in life right now. Sports, Golf and the occasional holidays with friends will provide the reprieve I will need to get away. When the kids fly the coup in a decade we will both be a better place financially to make the split easier. …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 07:35 PM
6

Made it all very easy for her it seems. Can you move back into the house?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 05:09 AM
10

Lawyer Up, simple.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 09:45 PM
1

Great post, good to see professionals on here adding to the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 12:08 PM
2

What a nightmare some of these women are.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 08:28 PM
8

You’ve read it, what more do you need? Just be really certain. There’s books on how to know. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 05:51 AM
3

Jeez that’s hard. In my case there are behavioural signs but zero proof as of yet. I did have a good scout through her phone a few weeks back. No new underwear or fitness routines. Even my solicitor said that for a woman to ask for divorce in a marriage where there’s no abuse or infidelity is highly unusual. She said that I should be prepared to discover an affair. I wish you the best and good luck in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:52 PM
4

Wow, I was with you all the way on that one until the AP. Not something I have discovered as yet. But being married to someone who spends two nights a week away with her job nothing would surprise me. I liked how you viewed it from her perspective, purposefully disconnected. Never thought of that, yes, it’s callous. In my case my wife (who used to very sexual, but oddly never affectionate, I could survive on that) stopped me from French kissing her saying “No Tongues”. That freaked me out. Remin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:38 PM
5

I’m with you. Hard for someone that despises you to climb aboard.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:08 PM
5

First he’s no friend. Secondly if she’s has a pension that pays 7K pm, wow. Significant. You need counselling to break free, sounds like you’re anxious co-dependent and she’s avoidant. She’s shown you what she’s worth.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:32 PM
1

Yes, not sole but close.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 08:34 PM
1

5 days
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 08:34 PM
1

Too much invested. If we rented possibly. She has too much crap here. A house full of her junk ornaments and clothes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 08:04 PM
1

Whatever you don’t turn to alcohol.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 07:11 PM
2

Sorry to hear that, in a similar boat myself here at the moment. It’s tough. Wishing you strength to carry on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:55 PM
6

I subscribe to this, I want to be with a confident self contented woman. Not some miserable shitebag that lacks confidence and feels she needs a man to empower her. I’m not an entertainer or PR. This is the problem with women today, they want a knight in shining armour to worship them (my STBX said this) and to contribute nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 09:58 PM
2

Well done on spotting it and your reaction seems in check.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 09:52 PM
7

Make sure to update us man, we’re rooting for you! Stay calm, don’t look desperate, this will run its course.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 09:39 PM
1

Personally I’m finding that I’ll only support her telling the “she wants out” version of things is focusing her mind on what she really wants vs what she thinks she wants. Good video here My Wife Wants a Divorce
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 07:20 PM
0

Keep the head down and continue on as normal. Give her space and see what unfolds. Maybe suggest couples therapy if it seems she’s not coming around to life with you. Failing all this it’s divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 02:58 PM
11

I have taken a lot from your post, being in a similar position to OP
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 05:20 PM
7

Fuck me, mine would do the same. Clueless
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:48 PM
1

If you ever need the Antidote to this loon, Dr. Tara Palmatier is the woman.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 08:23 PM
1

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 07:48 PM
2

Heard that too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 04:11 AM
4

Brilliant and true👏👏
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:01 PM
1

I hope you don’t need to use it too much, best avoid conniving fckers.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 05:41 PM
1

Thanks man. Glad you made it out the other side
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 09:19 AM
1

I would struggle with the 2k pm and the mortgage. It’s going to get rough.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 09:17 AM
9

Yes, I concur. I have a number of close friends, we speak openly, they’re all in unfulfilled marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 08:46 PM
1

Thanks 👍
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 09:04 AM
5

I have considered it. I did ask her and gave her an out saying I really wouldn’t mind if she was and it would help me with closure. She denied it, not missing a chance to put me down saying I’ve put her off men. She’s also very particular about how she dresses with a distinct type of outfit for nights out and leisure time. Only leisure clothes are taken. I’ve kept an eye on the washing and had a sneaky look in her case when she returns. Can’t find any evidence, even brings the same washed out un…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 10:03 PM
5

She makes ok money but chooses to work part time. I’m mid 50’s. Good relationship with the kids. They won’t take sides.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 09:52 AM
1

I relate to all you say about your wife. I’m in exactly the same position, does nothing for me. Never even hand on the shoulder. I always felt she is opportunistic although I can find no evidence of an affair. My opinions are also disregarded. My wife keeps all she earns for herself. I pushed back on her recently, I most likely hurt her pride by challenging her. Her Narc leanings have been stirred. Now she wants a divorce at all costs and has refused counselling.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:35 AM
1

How does the insincere aspect to her personality manifest?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 10:20 PM
7

Lots of supporters here of what you’ve written.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 05:43 PM
8

Jeez man, that’s rough. Hoping better times for you and your children. The photo story illustrates a lot and you were right to include it. Her moral compass is off. Have you spoken to the APs ex. She might be able to provide context to help you close this chapter in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 08:17 PM
5

The amount of shit on TikTok is bizarre. I saw my wife saving these videos for ref.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:15 AM
5

Jesus, the first post I read in response to this poor guy has the worst input. Similar situation myself to OP.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:00 PM
1

Watch, great channel. How this woman hasn’t been lynched by Crazies is beyond me. https://youtube.com/shorts/zsPlFN5MOcA?si=_WcvDdfYOqDIApRY
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 05:54 PM
1

What’s the Alcholic parents got to do with no affection. What’s your view on this?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 02:55 PM
1

The nuclear option but worthwhile now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 12:56 PM
16

Clicked into your profile to stalk and pressed connect by accident. Happens.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 11:04 PM
1

I related to your original post so much I copied it for reference. Your analogy is on mark too. My wife calls her Mother (the matriarch) her best friend. She has a very successful but poisonous sister. Between them all them they brought this situation to where it is now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 05:38 PM
1

This is what I’m dealing with 110%. She’s also poisoned her family against me who pile on every time theres a flare up. All this coupled with an addiction to codine and shopping does not make for a pleasant self contented wife.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 04:26 PM
3

Sounds like your wife doesn’t care about you? If this rings true in other areas of your marriage and how she treat’s you there’s a decision to be made.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 09:09 PM
1

Apologises but you feel it’s your fault? Doesn’t compute. At least she apologised. My wife has never ever apologised for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 01:48 PM
6

As an older & experienced Project Manager said to me back in the 90’s “Sail a Steady Ship”
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 08:48 PM
7

That’s tough. Some of these Ex’s really know how to pull the levers.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 08:44 PM
10

Fck me, still married and she puts it on Fbook, GTFO like yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 10:47 PM
1

You’re not 100% & you are acting and thinking rationally. Jeez some women. Sorry for you OP.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 07:02 PM
6

Well done and congratulations. There is light at the end.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:29 PM
4

I have this exact situation, blood is thicker than water. Father was an alcoholic into his late 50s, long periods of unemployment, he gave up just before it killed him. On a personal level I always thought he was a decent chap until she turned him against me. Now he walks on water. When he passes I expect to be pummelled into the ground with hate. Not named in the death notice, told not to attend the funeral while my children do etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 08:19 AM
1

Ok thanks, the crusade continues
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 05:08 PM
4

Not out yet
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 05:07 PM
21

Sync a Whatapp desktop app on another device. Need to have access to the phone for a few mins
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 11:59 AM
1

A lot start out with this level of enthusiasm. Just sayin.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 10:09 PM
1

True, once a day does not qualify as addiction.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 10:06 PM
7

Yep, imagine living with her and not being able to have a go
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 09:36 PM
5

True, but when tied up in the complications of family, finances, children and the connection you once had it’s complex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 10:40 AM
5

Wow, thanks for the great response. You should write a book.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 10:38 AM
9

The visuals help the story🤦
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 03:17 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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