Update to my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1k4j3g3/wife_filed_out_of_the_blue_but_continues_to_act/

At the end of my last post we were in limbo, with not a lot going on. A few days after that post I hired a lawyer who was recommended to me. When I told my wife, she went ballistic saying I was trying to cheat her, and a bunch of other shaming stuff that I honestly don't remember because it wasn't worth listening to. After she finally ran out of steam she said "you know damn well I can't afford a lawyer".

So the haggling process started for the preliminary agreement, required for my state otherwise you'll go to a hearing. Per my lawyer she said it was in my best interest to sweeten the pot for the agreement, otherwise the judge might make me move out as she doesn't have the income. During the process my Dad was put on hospice, so I spent a ton of time at my parents place helping my mom. After some time he passed away on Father's Day, which he would have found ironic and hilarious.

During this process the hearing was continued, and after my Dad passed my lawyer had received the final agreement from my wife but refused to send it to me because I was dealing with that. My wife was honestly pleasant, to my face. Since I was helping so much with the hospice during May and June I asked for a deadline of July 16th to move out of the master bedroom. Up until that time I told her to pound sand about my moving out. My lawyer advised me to move out of the bedroom, as according to her gender roles are a thing and the judge we were going to see had looked unkindly on male clients who made their wives move out.

However, after I agreed to the terms which included reduced child support payments and some money towards legal fees, my wife decided she no longer agreed to the terms that she put forth and said she would instead force the process before a judge. She told me that it was because I took too long, you know cause my Dad died, but in an email from her lawyer it turns out the real reason was that I wasn't going to budge on allowing her to lease the house from me.

Given that the original hearing was continued, and in my state the final hearing is generally 90 days from the date of filing, the preliminary hearing would be within 3 weeks of the final hearing. So my lawyer convinced her lawyer to continue the prelim hearing and just move to mediation. In my state mediation is required prior to a hearing, and often a hearing isn't done.

During mediation my wife demanded that I lease the house to her until our son graduates, as she doesn't have the income to assume the loan. I said no, and said I wanted 50% custody. She relented on the house, and since we haven't been in the house long a cash out refinance would be difficult due to a lack of real equity, she would get the lion's share of my 401k and I would keep the house. However, she refused 50/50 custody, instead demanding the state minimum of 98 overnights plus 1/2 of the summer. If I didn't agree, she would force the hearing. During the hearing the judge would most likely force the sale of the house.

I want to keep the house for our son, and it's my home, but I don't have the cash for the equity. The mediator asked me if I wanted to divorce, and I told her that I've been thinking about leaving but I would have waited until my son was graduated and my wife was able to support herself. My wife said I was her "soul mate" and that we could go to counseling. I said I would think about it as a delaying tactic cause that little custody is agony.

I found this text message on my son's phone 2 days after mediation: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ASUvTovYhP10cu_399BXYdaAYSnCtcr2/view?usp=sharing

I do know after talking to my son previously that my wife has been telling him everything, including her desire to stay as a stay at home mom for him (he's 16 by the way), and how much she would get from the 401k, etc.. I've been trying to keep things as normal as possible for him.

Now I know the manipulation goes much deeper. I've shown my lawyer the image, and we'll be talking about options tomorrow. This will probably go to a hearing at this point, which was continued until fucking February. That's basically it, I've been recording many conversations on this guy, which has surprisingly good audio quality https://www.dictation.philips.com/us/products/audio-video-recorders/voicetracer-audio-recorder-pen-with-sembly-speech-to-text-cloud-software-dvt1600/ but the clip fucking sucks. I also have a hidden camera that I'm going to install today, cause I think this shit is going to get ugly.

A bit rambling, my thoughts are jumbled as fuck as I didn't expect this sort of thing from her. Now I know.