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Icerunner45 Archive

View 23 posts and 286 comments by Icerunner45 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
24

Need SupportIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 07:58 PM
16

CustodyIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:51 AM
14

Icerunner45/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 09:53 PM
14

CustodyIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 06:08 AM
12

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 12:56 PM
11

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:21 PM
10

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 10:03 PM
10

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 12:40 AM
9

CustodyIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 01:47 AM
9

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 04:27 AM
8

Dealing with the Ex / STBXIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:21 AM
7

Icerunner45/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 03:47 AM
6

Military DivorceIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 01:31 PM
6

LawyersIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 12:40 AM
6

Icerunner45/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 05:32 PM
6

Icerunner45/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 04:16 PM
5

Military DivorceIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 09:17 PM
4

Icerunner45/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 04:08 PM
4

Dating After DivorceIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:34 PM
4

Icerunner45/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:52 AM
3

Living SituationsIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 06:04 AM
3

Need SupportIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:47 PM
1

Military DivorceIcerunner45/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 09:05 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Sorry dude, I would find a new lawyer if yours is sitting back and letting that happen. I found a bulldog that brought my kids back and I got sole custody ~3 months after they were taken. Fast forward almost a year and a half since she left, I gave her shared custody and we get along great now. She's going to marry her boyfriend soon and we coparent great. Kids > ego, as hard as it can be sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 05:09 PM
1

She blew me off when I told her I’m not OK with it and I expect it will not happen again. She did keep telling me this guy is willing to meet me, so I think I’m going to meet the guy and I’ll tell him when I meet him that he better not be sleeping with my kids again.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 11:17 AM
3

That’s actually not a bad perspective at all.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:06 PM
3

That makes sense. I was leaning toward 2+ years of dating, but then I started thinking does that make sense…maybe we know faster after having done it once before and don’t need to wait as long.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:05 PM
2

It’s nice to see guys stating the hard, objective truth. If this was a woman’s post, it would be filled with blaming the man and she did everything right by ripping the family apart.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:17 AM
1

I didn’t think about being able to claim the kids as dependents or not if you’re at 50/50. Is that a guard issue you’re running into? I’m still active duty right now and I might see if the ex will agree to 51/49 if 50/50 removes the dependent rate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 03:09 AM
1

Classic finance lol. What is it that’s causing a problem?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 01:01 AM
1

We're not doing any child support in the court order, but I said I would carry them on my insurance and cover the vast majority of their sports, school, and medical fees. If it's something more expensive, like braces for example, then we agreed we would discuss it and I would cover the majority of it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 11:18 PM
2

$85k and not even through the juvenile court. Thankfully it looks like we're going to settle outside court now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 02:27 AM
1

I talked to them and it's actually a very easy process. They just need to see the divorce decree and they'll remove her from the mortgage. I thought they were going to try to make me refinance or pay a lot of fees to switch it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:02 AM
1

Would a realtor be the right person to talk to, or maybe an accountant? Her mom received multiple millions when her dad died last year, so she’s not that concerned about money. Her mom pays her rent, legal fees, etc. She even just bought her a brand new $50k car and she dropped off her van at my house with over 20k new miles on it and major dents/scratches on it lol.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:29 PM
1

I read last night that I’ll need to check my loan to see if it has a “due at sale” (I think that’s what it was called) clause. It sounds like if there is, then I have to refinance. If there is not, then we can do a quitclaim.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:25 PM
1

I can’t do that. I don’t believe child support should be used for housing that the parent would have to pay for anyway. Women abuse child support all the time for their house, car, nails, etc. I don’t think child support should be paid to the other parent at all. It’s far too corrupt. The plan as of now is I’m going to cover healthcare and pay for as much as I can for their school, sports, etc, but keeping it all out of the court’s hands. It’ll all be between us privately.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:23 PM
1

By building equity in the expensive house, do you mean to keep the house and rent it? It seems like I would most likely have to refinance the house to drop her off the lease, with high interest rates right now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 07:53 AM
1

Idk, I don’t agree with this. Divorce should not be the answer. The answer is for adults to be adults and stick to your vows. Peeling the onion even further back it’s about choosing the right person to have kids with in the first place. If kids are growing up in a war zone, that’s your fault as immature parents.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 06:44 AM
3

The government destroyed marriage with no-fault and alimony. Women (generally) are incentivized to rip apart families.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 06:00 PM
5

My understanding is that going through someone’s phone/tablet/etc without consent, even if you’re married, is considered cyberhacking. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I’ve heard and read it more than once.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 01:20 PM
4

We are doing the custody in juvenile court. We go back for the final hearing in about two weeks.. we can’t file for divorce until the end of July. Mine is very similar with being vindictive. Part of the financial settlement keeps it going on that you can’t agree on? I just want this to be over. I have spent over $70,000 now on bringing my kids home after she kidnapped them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:24 AM
1

What’s making your divorce take so long?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:33 AM
1

When I got called in to talk to OSI about her false accusations, they asked me to describe her. I said she was still my wife and I didn’t want to insult her. They asked me to just give a word that best describes her. I said she’s immature…that she grew old and she never grew up. Then I found out after the investigation was over that multiple people interviewed said the exact same thing about her lol - “she hit 15 and never matured past that.”
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:30 AM
1

I don’t understand why these women believe they have complete control of the children. My ex repeatedly made statements they were her kids and I would never see them again. As much as I hate the idea (and cost) of lawyers, I think you did the right thing. These women only care about themselves, not the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:28 AM
2

That seems to be almost all western women these days. Zero accountability and they tell each other they “deserve to be happy”. They know the family courts will let them ruin the men and put them on the gravy train from their ex-husbands for years.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 10:10 PM
1

My stbxw sounds very similar, except her mom recently got ~$7million when her dad died. Her mom is funding her entire lifestyle and just bought her a brand new $50k car. On the other hand, I’ve spent over $70k now to bring my kids back since she kidnapped them. About 14 false accusations of abuse later, I’ve lost $70k and I have had sole custody in a temporary order for about 7 months now. I’m at the point where I can’t afford to keep fighting. No idea what else to do at this point as she dumped…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 10:01 PM
5

I don’t think so. As much as I’ve hoped for it and remained peaceful, she hasn’t. She kidnapped our kids and tried to permanently move them in with her mom 5 states away. She’s tried to ruin my career and put me in prison with false accusations. Started with I don’t do enough dishes or validate her feelings and ended with claiming I raped her because she didn’t want to be pregnant with our last kid 6 years ago. She kept escalating the false accusations when none of them worked. She’s been extrem…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 01:53 AM
2

It seems that’s what they all do - Claim you were abusive and pretend to be a victim.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:55 AM
1

My favorite part is that she requested for the no-contact order to go away, then she hired a new lawyer who represents almost every female spouse of a military member on this base who is going through a divorce and accused her husband of rape or sexual assault. She’s notorious with the legal office for abusing the military processes and her clients making false claims. She hired her, showed up at my house in the middle of the night when I told her not to, threw my kid’s blankets in the driveway,…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:53 AM
1

I live off-base. It’s just another thing I don’t understand. We bought this house knowing we needed both of our paychecks. She gets to run away, kidnap the kids, keep them from me for months, then move back to a nearby apartment, continue harassing me at work, and stick me with all the bills and the mortgage. My lawyer alone was over $7k this past month. She has zero responsibility and zero accountability while I get stiffed with everything. My CoC won’t ban her from base.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:47 AM
1

We are doing the custody part in JDR court. That will be done before we can file for divorce in VA. I’ve still seen divorces get dragged out for over 3 years and I don’t know why. It takes about 6-9 months to get a court date though.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 05:30 PM
1

What are the things that most people fight over? We should finish the custody hearing in the JDR court a couple months before we can file for divorce in the circuit court. I don’t understand why it would drag on so long?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 01:32 AM
1

Thanks dude, that's good info. -The alimony portion doesn't sound bad at all for you. In VA, it's usually half the time of marriage in years for alimony. I'm looking at close to $1000/mo for spousal support in the JDR court formula. I don't know how that translates to the circuit court judge's decision on alimony. -I'm up for orders at 17 years next year. I might start looking at the GS route and do some research. I could 7 day opt and try to get a GS position here. I can't PCS or I lose custody…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 11:42 PM
1

Absolutely not. Show these statistics lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 11:35 PM
1

It sounds like fairly identical situations. OSI investigation should be ending soon. Everything with Family Advocacy is done in my favor. I've got sole custody now, but it's going to Primary or 50/50 in May. I rarely post anything on social media. Is being on dating apps held against you? I wish I had time for a second job, but as a pilot with sole custody, I'm barely able to bookend my days within dropping the kids off at school and picking them up at their after-school program. My lawyer said …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 11:12 PM
8

Absolutely changed. I viewed her as this innocent thing that deserved every ounce of life I have to protect, provide for, and love. Now she's the most evil person I've ever interacted with who wants nothing but to destroy me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 11:01 PM
8

There are no childcare openings on base. I can’t do anything with the house at the moment. I’m still on the hook for all the payments and she wouldn’t agree to sell anything. If I tried, she would fight every bit of the way. I can’t even talk to her about finances or anything other than the custody of the kids. Even though her accusations have all been proven false, she calls the base 2-3 times each day harassing me and demanding they order me to give her money. It’s absolutely insane they won’t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 09:14 PM
4

I shouldn’t be deploying anymore in my position. If they try to make me PCS, then I’ll get out. I’m really close to retirement, but I’m not losing my kids even if that means living in poverty. I can’t sell the house yet. We have to wait a year in VA to file for divorce. That will be next July. Until then we are piling up legal fees in juvenile court. I can’t do anything to the house without decimating my credit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 09:10 PM
2

Mine cares more about the perception of being a good mom than actually being a mom. She did the whole false accusation thing with family advocacy. Then when it all got proven false, she went to OSI. That should be closing up soon as well. She demanded a no-contact order immediately when she left, then demanded a protective order while she was FIVE states away and I had sole custody. She moved back and showed up at my house after I told her not to, but then somehow got a protective order. The mil…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:47 PM
1

I’m also in the military, so I can’t pick up a second job.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:22 PM
2

I forget the term, but I know what you mean. We have already notified her lawyer that she changed her income to lower pay, which was a surprise for her. The only thing I’m still paying for that is hers is her phone. The phone plan is under my name, but she got a new phone right before she left. So I’m paying off her new phone and the phone line with both of our phones on it still. I can’t stop that without only hurting myself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:21 PM
3

I’m paying for everything. She has not paid a dime for child support while I’ve had sole custody. I also have not paid any spousal support. When we go back to court in May, I’m looking at hopefully primary custody, but 50/50 worst case. Her name is on the mortgage as well, but when she ran away last year she hasn’t paid a dime.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:18 PM
1

No. What you’re saying is terrible advice. You never leave your home and you never leave your children. Just because you have money doesn’t mean anything other than your ex is going to try to take it. Have fun leaving the house while your ex and kids live in it, while you pay the mortgage, utilities, spousal support (which should be illegal), and child support for her while you live elsewhere and cover those bills. Then you spend the next 3 years in the dragged out divorce being expected to cove…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 02:28 AM
0

No….you never leave your house. Record everything if you’re around each other to protest yourself. Women love false accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 07:05 PM
5

I am only through a temporary custody order and I am down about $45k already. No clue
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:36 PM
4

No clue how you made that happen. You made out really well. I'm still waiting on the couple false accusations to be done with and the ridiculous military protective orders to go away, then she still is going to end up with far too much custody, me paying close to half my paycheck to her and childcare, and then she still gets to take over 30% of my retirement...as well as likely half of everything I've put into investments and retirement savings. It's insane.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 01:49 AM
2

That's fair lol. She's always been extremely immature and thrived on external validation. I think she is extremely embarrassed I have sole custody and she's looking for any way to destroy me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 02:27 AM
1

Do you think there's any chance she'll be willing to be somewhat normal after the custody hearings are complete and we're just dealing with the divorce? We have the custody court in May, then we will file for divorce in July. Her lawyer said she's filing for a no-fault divorce (lies about all this abuse, then files for no fault). It makes so much more sense to me to not delay this for the next year or longer and spend another $50-100k on legal fees. If we could just sit down and split everything…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:46 AM
2

That is completely insane. I don't understand how they can convince themselves of these things. My mom is visiting right now and just showed me a ton of screenshots she has of my ex posting on social media about how great I am as a husband and father, how great my parents are, and how we always choose each other no matter what we go through. This was one month before she left and started making all these false accusations...which if believed would make me a sex offender and could put me in priso…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:31 AM
1

She's about to turn 35.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:29 AM
2

50/50 is absolutely not fair. She kidnapped them, alienated them, said she would have me arrested if I ever tried to see them again, and she was found guilty of abusing them. I was granted sole custody because of what she did. Our kids don’t even want to see or talk to her. Then she moved back and made false accusations of everything from emotional abuse due to “not validating her feelings and not doing enough dishes” to raping and sexually assaulting her for the past 5 years. She has called my …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 04:27 AM
3

This is what I think my stbxw would have done, but her dad died last year. When he died, her mom got something like $7mil. She gave her 3 daughters $30k each. She pays all of my stbxw’s bills, while she acts like she’s broke and can’t afford anything without me paying a crazy amount for spousal and child support (even though I have sole custody atm). I think she would run into another poor soul’s arms if her mom wasn’t funding everything.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:47 AM
1

The kids’ lawyer recommended giving her a couple days over spring break, so I agreed to it. I don’t believe more time with their mom is better for our kids, but she recommended it so I agreed. I tried to get my ex to agree to stop doing phone calls every single night and her lawyer cut me off and said “absolutely not, phone calls stay”. Her lawyer is gorgeous, but such a…you know what. They brought nothing but unreasonable demands. Then my ex has the nerve to text me and blame me afterward for b…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:40 AM
1

I think ours is going to be heavily based on the kids’ lawyer. I really hope she and the judge see how irrational and unstable my stbxw is and how calm and reasonable I have been in spite of everything she has done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:37 AM
2

We have to use AppClose for our communication. She sends all of her nonsense through there. I’ve considered blocking her number…and her other 2 numbers. She got 2 extra cell phones and claims those are her “safe numbers”. The delusion is unreal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:36 AM
1

I’ve got sole custody right now in a temporary order. I’m hoping to maintain primary custody. My stbxw is demanding 50/50 custody and first right of refusal. Since she’s a kindergarten teacher, she has the summers off. She is demanding I do week on/week off with her and when I’m working I have to exchange them with her every single morning and every single afternoon when I go to and from work. But she’s also allegedly terrified of me and said she isn’t safe in the same state as me…so yeah, real …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:34 AM
1

Does that mean I should respond to all of her accusations or just not respond?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 09:03 PM
1

We have to use an app to communicate so it’s all saved thankfully. I just don’t get it. There’s no reasoning or even a sliver of truth behind what she says. She claims she is this innocent mother who fled for her safety. In reality, she visited my parents for a week, then went to see her mom while I had an important upgrade going on at work. She’s extremely manipulable from her friends. She HAS to be a victim and everything and everyone else caused her trauma. She apologized exactly 0 times in 1…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 12:33 PM
1

It is insane how incredibly backwards the military legal system is. When she kidnapped our kids, she demanded a NCO. She kept extending it until right before court she claims she requested for it to go away. She hired a new lawyer right after I got sole custody who is notorious on base for abusing the military processes and demanding MPOs. So she went and got an MPO. She made about a dozen false abuse allegations with family advocacy. Every single one was found to be false. They investigated her…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 12:22 PM
8

I plan on uploading everything off my phone and iPad. I’m going to save them to a deep folder on an external hard drive. I already deleted all the pictures of her on my social media, although that took about 7 months after she kidnapped our kids and ran away with her mom. I always bought her the newer and nicer phones, so we almost always used her phone for pictures. She’s got the vast majority of digital photos and I assume she deleted them immediately. The day she left me she blocked me on soc…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:38 PM
4

I’m pretty sure she pawned her rings I gave her…the engagement ring, wedding ring, and the 10 year band. Probably worth $10k+ at a pawn shop easily. She was wearing a huge diamond heart ring within weeks of kidnapping our kids and running away. No idea what I’m doing with wedding ring…I think I’ll probably lock it away with any other small things that meant a lot to me about her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:34 PM
1

I’m doing an informal settlement conference in a couple weeks and that’s what I am expecting. I have sole custody from a temporary court order. Her dozen or so false accusations have all been shown to be false and they found her guilty of emotional abuse of each of our kids. I’m still expecting her to walk in, demand 50/50 custody, legal fees, alimony, child support, half of everything, and probably something minor but important to me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:24 PM
10

It’s insane the evil stuff they do. Mine didn’t accuse me of drugs or alcohol. I’ve never used any illegal drugs or drank alcohol before, so it would be pretty easy to dispute. Instead she lied about all kinds of abuse starting from emotional abuse since I didn’t validate her feelings or do enough dishes and going up to claiming rape when she got pregnant with our youngest. Just absolutely wild.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:16 AM
2

From a secular perspective it makes no sense. From a Biblical perspective there’s only 2 reasons for divorce - sexual immorality and abandonment. It also says God hates divorce. My stbxw has explicitly stated she abandoned our marriage, but I still think if she came home and authentically apologized we could work through it. A couple buddies of mine that went through similar situations said as soon as the divorces were finalized, their exes expected them to forget all the lies and false allegati…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 04:39 PM
1

Tell him
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 04:16 PM
2

She was found guilty of emotionally abusing our kids. Our kids have admitted she told them to lie and manipulated them against me. I’ll have to look up arbitration. I asked my lawyer if there’s a way we can get a sign of good faith out of her and her lawyer before we agree to mediation. I have a feeling she’s listening to her divorce friends that have been encouraging her to cheat on me, she needs to divorce and take all my money and our kids. She probably is expecting everyone to side with her …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 04:35 PM
3

It’s still required for a lot of professions. There are quite a few degrees that are a waste of time and $ though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 04:29 PM
1

We haven’t talked about likely outcomes yet. I don’t think the judge would give her 50/50 or anywhere close to it. She’s been completely unhinged and got caught lying/manipulating the kids. I’ll have to check out that book. It sounds interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 09:45 PM
1

She steadily escalated her accusations with the military over a couple months when she first kidnapped our kids and ran away with her mom. It started out as abuse because I “didn’t validate her feelings and do enough dishes”. Every couple weeks some new form of abuse was alleged until she claimed I raped her when she got pregnant with our youngest. Everything other than that is done. It’s just a longer investigation, but it is entirely fabricated so I’m assuming it will close out and show she li…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 09:43 PM
1

At least in my situation, when my stbxw kidnapped our kids and ran away, she made me her enemy in her mind. Even when she acts like she’s trying to be cordial and work together on something, she is clearly being manipulative. She will ask nicely for pictures of them in their first Christmas play, then go right back to being cruel, demanding, and vindictive once I send them. When they decide to rip your family apart, they see you as the enemy and will stop at nothing to destroy you when they don’…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:59 AM
2

Not at all. God days vengeance is his though. I just trust he will take care of it all and it’s my job to be professional and indifferent to her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:53 AM
2

Pretty sure she already has been, but I would rather not know.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:53 AM
2

Equitable distribution instead of equal. When the wife abandons your marriage - running away and leaving the house for example, then you should get equitable distribution, or more of your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:52 AM
2

That’s how VA is if you have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:51 AM
2

I don’t plan on dating again, but she left me. She does not deserve to know what’s going on in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:50 AM
2

That’s insane and should be criminal. Alimony is such a scam. Child support is one thing, which needs a lot of fixing. Alimony shouldn’t exist. Why should we have to pay them for years after leaving us? The government rewards them for ripping families apart.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:48 AM
1

Yup haha. She got a no-contact order through my work when she left. When I got sole custody, she asked for it to go away, but my work left it since she made a bunch of false DV allegations. After the first weekend visitation she had, she got into my car twice, approached me and tried talking to me, and then showed up at my house late at night and threw my son’s blankets in my driveway after I told her not to show up at my house. The next day she demanded a military restraining order against me c…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:43 AM
1

What a pain. This entire process is such a racket. I doubt my stbxw even cares. She’s completely financially illiterate. All she cares about is trying to hurt me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:37 AM
1

I disagree. No sex sucks, but I don’t see it as a reason for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:26 AM
1

I don’t know about the moving out part since my stbx is the one who ran off. The kids part hits hard though. I have sole custody right now and it is crushing watching my youngest cry and ask me why his mother doesn’t love him anymore. Even with all the evil things she’s done to us, I still tell them we both love him and try to change the subject to cheer him up. She doesn’t have to see how much she’s hurt them. She probably doesn’t care either. She cares about hurting me and somehow that makes h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:56 PM
1

I’m paying 600/hour for my lawyer. I’m already $27,000 down the drain and I’m only through a temporary custody hearing from her kidnapping my kids. Still 5 months to go until the final hearing and she still refuses to talk. I got sole custody in the meantime and she is extremely high conflict, until she wants something of course.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:41 PM
3

That’s why I disagree with the advice of “just give them what they want. You can make more money later”. When your wife leaves you, she has made you her enemy. It is nothing but business with her anymore. I don’t think anyone running a business would just give away their things for free because you could just sell more things later.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:38 PM
3

Our issue was custody when she kidnapped and ran away with our kids. She said she didn’t want the house or any money. Once I got sole custody it quickly turned into her demanding money and harassing me at work demanding they order me to give her money.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:34 PM
2

Does it have to be QDRO if you can get them to agree to they keep the IRA you made in their name and you keep yours?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:33 PM
1

I definitely wouldn’t recommend going non-monogamous. That will be the end of the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:14 PM
10

My wife of just over 12 years refused to have sex more than 1-2 times a month if I was lucky for about 10 1/2 years. We finally got to the point where she still put in almost 0 effort, but she at least initiated almost every night. I told her I was done initiating after a decade of her telling me no, so it was up to her to initiate from then on. Even on our wedding night she said she was too tired and just wanted to go to bed. From what I’ve heard of my friends’ sex lives, they’re lucky to get i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:13 PM
1

I don’t think it is going to be an option for me either. She has been such a cruel and unreasonable person. She’s shown all she cares about is hurting me and wanting money with no regard for who she hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 04:35 PM
1

Interesting. I finally sat down and did a budget. I’ve cut out all my extra expenses and I’m barely making it with setting aside minimal funds for legal fees. I’m really hoping we can go to mediation soon and I can convince her to agree to a settlement as there will be nothing left if we go to court. We’ll both end up with $200k in debt.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 09:20 PM
1

12 years. The SSN part I don’t understand. Am I not entitled to hers as well? It’s not 50% of my mil retirement. It’s around 33% unless I can get her or the judge to say less.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 09:17 PM
1

That sucks. This seems to be such a common thing with women these days. I’ve been thinking about pushing for supervised visitation for her. She has 9 days starting now and then only has every other weekend until the next hearing ~May. It’s been incredibly obvious how her demeanor changes depending on what she wants. She’s aggressive and cruel until she wants something. Our kids were in their first church play last weekend and she acted nice asking for pictures. I sent her some and she acted nice…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 09:53 PM
1

Oh wow. Is your divorce still ongoing then, or it’s over and you’re having to keep going back to court because of her shenanigans? I’m fully expecting mine to continue being extremely high conflict and want to keep going to court after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 08:41 PM
2

They really have. I look around and observe couples a lot in public. Guys just look miserable. The wives largely want to take the lead. Even at church the guys submit to their wives. That’s how I was too. It was easier to let her have her way and do what she wants so I didn’t get yelled at.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 08:04 PM
2

That’s interesting. Is that from her or from her attorney? She has done so many terrible things that and our kids are thriving with me. I’m going to sit down and draw up a budget this week. I have a few things I can cut down on for sure. I have always contributed $100/month to each of my kids’ college funds and I really want to keep that going. Maybe I need to make a new money market fund and try to stash as much as I can in there every month. My kids would much rather play PlayStation than watc…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 07:02 PM
1

How is it more expensive this long past the divorce being complete? I created a new Roth IRA last night that I’m only going to contribute to from my paychecks post-separation so it won’t get mixed up with marital assets. I just had to drop my kids off with her for 9 days, so I’ve got a little time to sit down and write up a budget for this year. I think I’m going to cancel my Disney/espn/hulu subscription and my peloton subscription. Other than that I think eating out is my largest expense. I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:58 PM
2

I don’t know that mine was ever a Christian. I should have seen a lot of the signs way earlier on. I was more blinded with the idea that she was gorgeous and a swimsuit model. I put up with her immaturity and her being a constant headache thinking I would guide her to Christ. Lo and behold she kidnapped the kids, harassed me at work for months, and made all kinds of abuse allegations. Now there’s only one investigation left. All of the others were found to be unsubstantiated and they actually fo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:34 PM
4

I don’t think guys have a problem being alone. We have a problem with the risk of being financially ruined and having our kids alienated against us.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:29 PM
11

Separation = she wants to sleep with someone else. It will end in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:28 PM
2

She’s been so unreasonable already. Her mom got millions when her dad died and she has no concept of money. She just demands things that are completely unreasonable. It’s often for military wives to drag it out for obscenely long amounts of time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 12:15 AM
6

I still haven’t. Even though she’s become an evil witch, I still miss who I thought she was before.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 09:39 PM
2

I would absolutely say mediation is the way to go, but it seems like women tell each other to go for the jugular.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 09:17 PM
5

Secular: I have absolutely no clue. I don’t think there is a reason for men to get married anymore. As a Christian: To create a family.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 09:09 PM
5

Buckle up for the worst. Women go for the jugular these days. Modern feminism is cancer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 12:13 AM
4

I haven’t. I still miss her. I still love her. I just can’t show it anymore and have to use the logical part of my brain to make decisions and phrase my messages with her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 05:59 PM
1

About two weeks after she kidnapped our kids, ran away with her mom, harassed me at work multiple times today, and made multiple false accusations of abuse. I kept thinking she’s just throwing a tantrum and she’ll realize what she’s doing. She is far too immature and refuses to accept any accountability to play the victim. I found out she had taken off her wedding rings weeks before I did. She was wearing a new diamond ring on her right hand. I’m assuming she sold her wedding rings, but I don’t …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:20 PM
-3

Bring back trad wives.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:41 PM
4

I have. It’s just getting extremely expensive talking to my lawyer. My understanding is that the amount I’m paying for her things should be taken out of the alimony arrears after the next hearing, but I also don’t want to spend the next 5 months funding her if I don’t have to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 04:10 PM
1

In VA you can’t file for divorce with kids until a year after separation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 10:04 PM
1

Honestly for me the feelings haven’t subsided. I just focus on my kids and do the best I can. I take care of myself when I’m able. Until her false accusations are all proven unsubstantiated, child support/final custody order is done, and we have a way forward how much alimony will be I don’t think I will feel much comfort. As a Christian, I just tell myself that God has a plan and I don’t know what it is. He tells me to forgive her no matter what she does and I’m really trying to. I’m not there …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 10:04 PM
1

We’re still in the custody hearings right now. She ran off with our kids this past summer and I had an emergency hearing. I got sole custody on a temporary order. She just had our hearing pushed back multiple more months as well. So there’s no alimony or child support at all. It appears as soon as I filed for child support a couple months after getting our kids home that she quit her third teaching job since this summer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 09:59 PM
1

It sounds like we just have to ask a judge to impute her income. Hopefully that goes well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 09:56 PM
1

She definitely has some mental things going on. Her dad died earlier this year. As far as I’m aware, she’s never touched any drugs illegally since we met. Neither of us drink alcohol either, although I did find out later she drank with her friends when she got mad at me. I know she’s made me her enemy and she has done some truly awful things these past few months to both our kids and me, but I am legitimately concerned for her. She is so off the rails. I don’t want her back, but I miss who I tho…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 01:03 PM
2

We were planning to ask the judge to impute her income after she quit her first full-time job and working part-time. She picked up this other full-time, but now she either quit or got let go. She is making significantly less by working at a theme park.. We had to make sure she was eligible to be rehired from her first job to ask to impute income. If she did something dumb and got fired, can you still have income imputed onto her?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 01:00 PM
2

It’s a long, long process. My stbxw ran away with our kids in July. I had an emergency hearing to get our kids back, but we’re still waiting on the final hearing as she’s delayed it again. We can’t even file for divorce until the end of July 2025 in this state. One of my friends is on year 3 of his divorce as his stbxw is dragging it out trying to ruin him financially. Buckle up for the long-term and work on your mental health. You’re no good to yourself or your kid if you can’t control yourself…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:35 AM
1

That’s good to know, thanks. I have cameras covering the outside and a few cameras inside the house. I don’t know what all she took from the house when she had me ordered out other than her clothes and my printer. She walked into our master bedroom where I had a camera watching everything. She immediately unplugged it and all her jewelry I bought her over the years was gone. I have no idea off the top of my mind how much all those diamonds, necklaces, and pearls were worth. I wish I could just f…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 01:36 AM
2

I would bet most lawyers working in family law are becoming experts in DV allegations. It seems it's the common way to get a divorce now. Can't take accountability for leaving and need to look like a victim? Lie about DV!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:50 PM
4

It's a playbook. Mine was sending my sexually explicit messages, then just a few days later demanded a no-contact order at my work because she was suddenly so unsafe she couldn't be anywhere in the same state as me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:17 PM
10

I don't think people bring up women initiating 80% of divorces because that is what destroys families, but rather their reasons. When the vast majority of women, especially college-educated women, file for divorce based on "just not being happy", that is the reason many people blame these women for destroying families. Marriage isn't meant to always make people happy. Everyone is going to struggle at times and go through things. There are going to be disagreements. Men generally will sacrifice t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:16 PM
1

That’s good to know. I’m still in the phase now where she’s made all her crazy abuse allegations and demanded a protective order through the military. She originally ran away to Florida with our kids. Once we went to court for an emergency hearing, I got sole physical custody and she moved back a couple weeks later. I guess the 30+ hour round-trip drive was too much for her to keep up the charade. She’s showed up to the house 3 times and kept asking to come a 4th time, but I told her no. She has…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:46 AM
5

I’m in a similar boat. Military, mid-upper 30s, going through the divorce with 2 kids. I don’t know how I’m going to meet someone again. I’m close to retirement so I should be able to stay in place. Modern women generally just don’t seem to be worth the cost. Risk half of everything again for a mid girl who thinks she’s a 10 and deserves some Disney prince? She’s going to have to be special.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:39 AM
4

I would definitely do this. I don’t understand why people think they can blatantly ignore court orders.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 01:47 AM
1

I’m in a similar situation. What stops the stbxw from showing up to your house while you’re working or on vacation and just taking things?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 01:39 AM
8

From my limited experience so far, there is no getting her to agree. She decided to leave. If she didn’t pay the bills or contribute to your finances over the years, she likely does not understand the financial situation, especially how much a divorce devastates you financially. All that money goes to the court and lawyers instead of yourselves and your children. I know of multiple ex-wives who left because they weren’t happy, then spent $100k+ on the divorce still thinking the bank was full and…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 05:58 PM
3

Great question. My ex actively tries to use our kids against me in coparenting. I don’t see how coparenting is possible when the other parent is only focused on themselves without regard for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 10:09 PM
5

That’s crazy. I don’t know what I would do in that situation. I think my plan is to tell her she can contact me through email or whatever coparenting method we have. She’s lied so much and accused me of so many completely false things I don’t trust being around her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 09:58 PM
0

Why do so women cheat on their husbands?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 08:56 PM
0

I see you come onto the men’s page to report posts. Welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 08:51 PM
1

My understanding is that in some states it can be a felony. The other parent has to give notice that they are not ok with the children going to that place for that time. Otherwise it's considered something like implied consent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:31 PM
1

That's awesome. Glad it worked out for you. She's called all those same people except the chaplain, but add Family Advocacy. Hopefully OSI finishes their investigation soon. She lied about a couple incredibly false cases of sexual assault/rape. But you know..."not doing enough dishes" is emotional abuse apparently. Our final court date just got pushed back, but I'm hoping for the same result. It appears she may have just quit her 3rd job in the past 3-4 months as well, probably trying to get mor…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:28 PM
6

I never really enjoyed dating before I got married. I always wanted to settle down with 1 woman for the rest of my life and have a family. Even just dating in the 30s with kids seems so difficult. One of my buddies is in his young 30s and just separated from his wife. He has been on dating apps for a couple months now and he said almost every girl in her mid-20s through mid-30s has a couple kids minimum, often with multiple dads, and a lot of the girls still live with their ex-husbands. He said …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:36 PM
3

Did her complaint have any effect on you later on or was the letter the end of it?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:15 PM
5

It’s not parental kidnapping in VA without a court order. It’s insane.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:03 PM
5

This is what modern western women do. They look at us as paychecks and stability for their easy life. They get bored and sacrifice their family for their own happiness. It’s selfish and disgusting. Thanks feminism.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:49 PM
2

That’s very intriguing. I don’t know if I want to date again after this messy divorce, but it seems tough dating as a single dad.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 12:59 PM
13

Not even the slightest. After her secretly hiring a divorce lawyer while telling me things were fine, kidnapping our kids, trying to alienate them against me, secretly changing their schools and telling them to lie to me about it, lying about all kinds of abuse, harassing me at work, and all the other things she’s done, there’s not a chance we could ever be friends. I was in it for the long haul with her, but she was more interested in listening to her backstabbing mother and divorced friends th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 06:28 AM
6

I don’t believe in divorce or breaking the vows I took either. It’s been a rough few months since my wife kidnapped our kids, manipulated them, started a smear campaign against me, harassed me at work constantly, and made a LOT of false accusations. I was still willing to let her snap out of her mental breakdown if she apologized and came home. It wasn’t until I had to see the pain in my kids and how much she has hurt them that I came to understand that divorce is necessary. Having to watch my 4…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 03:05 AM
1

That’s interesting. I hated dating and I’m not looking forward to it. I thought I enjoyed marriage, but it’s been so peaceful since she left other than when I have to deal with her being extremely high conflict as a coparent. It makes me wonder if I ever actually want to be with a female again. Other than bearing my kids, she was nothing but drama, immaturity, and extremely expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 01:19 PM
2

Where did you meet the current gf and most of your dates? I’m still early in the divorce process (up to 3ish years in Virginia) and I don’t even know if I want to date anyone ever again. I thought it was to death do us part, but she romanticizes divorce and one night stands. Over 12 years of marriage and we went from talking about vacations one night to the next day making up heinous lies about abuse and trying to destroy me personally, mentally, and professionally.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 02:23 AM
1

We have a temporary court order that we have to communicate through a court-ordered app or through our lawyers. She likes to trash me on her mom facebook groups and harass me at work. Unfortunately I’m in the military and they won’t do anything. The military is completely broken in dealing with families and false accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 11:48 PM
1

Is it always 21 or is that just new york?
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 09:54 PM
43

Who cares about having the first female president? It’s a stupid metric. All anyone should care about is having the best person in office regardless of gender.
/r/TheRedPill06/11/24 12:52 PM
21

Trump is literally the only modern president to have not had new wars started under his presidency. The fake ww3 and dictator rage bait is completely unfounded. There’s no evidence or logic to that at all.
/r/TheRedPill06/11/24 12:50 PM
2

I think she does. I had to stay stoic today around her, but it broke my heart with her crying and refusing to put aside her delusion for our kids. I want our kids to have access to two loving parents.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 10:52 PM
2

One of my favorite quotes from her during this process was when she accused me of things that never happened and I said we both know it isn't true. She told me it doesn't matter what happened. It only matters how she feels about it. Then grow up and control your emotions...
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:51 AM
2

That's absolutely insane. Mine is crying battered wife and ran away out-of-state. She keeps calling my work and making more false accusations. Not the police...just my work...So that's fun. I setup multiple cameras in my house, so I'm not too worried about her getting away with lying about any interactions. I only communicate with her via text about our kids and I will never be alone with her. Even if she comes back crying that she messed up (accountability and her have never met...someone shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:25 AM
2

Same exact thing with the parents… I just read a post on Facebook where it seemed like hundreds of guys were saying their wives weaponized access to the kids and made false accusations. It’s insane.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 10:55 PM
1

What does AP mean?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 10:50 PM
3

She was visiting her mom and wanted to stay with her. She started hanging out with her single high school friends the week before I was supposed to go down there with her. She’s been acting weird lately wanting to get a huge side/back tattoo among other things. Her dad died a few months ago, so I think she got back home, hung out with her friends who party and sleep around, and she thinks she’s missing out, but doesn’t want to leave our kids. So in her mind she decided to try to destroy me to ta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:42 PM
6

Was it difficult to get her income imputed? My ex quit her job a couple days after hiring a lawyer and filing for CS and alimony. Going to court on Monday.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:06 AM
1

It makes no sense. Mine texted me demanding more money. She’s been calling everyone on my base it seems demanding more. We have court in a few days. I’m not giving her jack until the court tells me to. She already took close to 3x what the military requires me to give her….which is so stupid. “Complex family situation” is not my wife kidnapping my kids. I’ve offered to pay for anything for my children multiple times, but she doesn’t want that. She just wants to demand that I give her thousands o…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 03:29 AM
1

Was that like weeks later or within a couple days? My wife kidnapped our kids on a saturday and I filed on a monday. I filed a motion to expedite, so instead of 6 months for court, it’s been 2 months. It was about 1.5 months, but she got a new lawyer that wasn’t available and pushed it back 2 more weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 03:27 AM
1

Did you file for custody right away?
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 10:23 PM
1

I'll have to look that up. She's trying to file for divorce in Florida to prevent me from getting custody since I'm in the military stationed in a different state.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 10:22 PM
2

I wouldn’t mind that. The only problem has been being able to FaceTime our kids. Can you have all communication on OFW, then still FaceTime/call each other for the kids? She’s started to give me information these past few days and letting our kids talk to me a little more now that we’re a week out from the court hearing. She refused to tell me anything and told our kids to lie to me about school and daycare changes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 04:50 PM
1

I filed immediately. It took 2 months to get an expedited court date. I definitely won’t negotiate our kids staying out of state.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 04:47 PM
3

It makes no sense. I think she’s grasping for anything she can to take our kids and run away with her mom.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 07:40 AM
5

Glad to hear you got 50/50. Kids need their dads.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 06:11 AM
7

I was married for a little over 12 years. My stbx kidnapped our kids and started getting ran through within a couple weeks of running away to her mom’s house. It’s gut-wrenching. We just have to focus on being their for our kids and being the best dad we can. When they do this, they show they’re for the streets.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 06:09 AM
7

If kids aren’t involved, I would block her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 05:55 AM
2

That’s how mine is. She kidnapped our kids almost 2 months ago. Court is next week. She has changed their schools, daycare, healthcare. She is trying to change their medication and put them into therapy. All of this out of state with her mom. She hasn’t let me see them. I at least get to FaceTime them most days, but she supervises it. She stopped supervising our calls, but when they told me she was telling them to lie to me about what she’s done and told them, plus asking me to bring them home, …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:24 PM
29

It doesn’t help a lot of women don’t want to be wives, they just want to call themself one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:09 PM
2

That’s what mine is doing too. Fake emotional abuse claim after taking the kids and running multiple states away with her mom. Still waiting to go to court to get my kids back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 03:47 AM
3

Mine ran away about 6 weeks ago and she’s already been flaunting getting all dressed up when I FaceTime my kids. She makes it a point to walk through the background and flash her new jewelry. She wore makeup and got dressed up for me maybe 2-3 times in the last few years. For almost every date she would ask if she HAD to dress up and put on makeup. Now she runs away and she’s probably hooking up with who knows who and how often. It SUCKS, but I’m just trying to move on. I don’t want her back aft…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 09:01 PM
2

Spot on brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:51 PM
14

100%. They can never be happy no matter what mask they put on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 03:06 AM
9

It’s supposed to, but it often goes to cars and vacations.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 01:03 AM
3

My wife ran away with our kids over a month ago and said she only wanted custody of her kids and didn’t want any money (to my dad. She just yelled and threatened to call the cops if I tried to see my kids when we talked.) Turns out she had already filed a petition for full custody, alimony, and child support. When I asked her what was going on, she would just say she needed “time and space” and she was “trying to figure things out”. Have to love the liars right? I would stick to wanting the pren…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:31 AM
4

If she’s breaking a court order, I believe you can have the police take action.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:14 AM
5

I'm only at the very beginning of this process, but as hard as it will be there's no point in wanting her to change her feelings or emotions. She is going to do all the things you wish she would have done before for herself and her new boy toys just to spite you. She's going to flaunt this fabulous, wonderful life just to get a rise out of you. Just cut her out of your life. Minimize all contact. Focus on yourself. If you have kids, only speak about the kids. Remove her from your social media if…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 07:24 PM
3

When my wife ran away over a month ago now, she called my dad and told him she only wanted full custody of "her kids" and she would call the cops if I tried to come see "her kids". She said she didn't want the house or any money. Low and behold she had already contacted a lawyer to file for custody of both kids, spousal support, and child support. I believe that is what we logical people call a liar.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 02:17 AM
1

I have a meeting scheduled with family advocacy tomorrow. I’ll have to talk to my lawyer and my commander again this week and make a decision on that. It’s really making me frustrated what she’s done. I checked tricare and she moved their healthcare out of state again and setup appointments for them (after canceling the ones here scheduled 2 weeks ago). She also told our young kids everything that’s going on and told them some extremely inappropriate lies. It’s getting really frustrating that I …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:30 AM
1

If they get married, then divorced again, does the alimony restart?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:10 AM
1

I wish I could. My lawyer said it’s about the date of on the petition to get my kids back and not necessarily how long they’ve been gone since it can take so long to get into court. She has barely even been letting me talk to them on the phone at night. I want so badly to go get them and bring them home. Since I’m in the military, I’ve been told by base legal not to go get my kids because it would “add to the drama and it would make the military look bad”. How long had your kids been in school a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:03 AM
1

Did she try to get any custody of the kids? Mine has threatened me with the police if I even try to see them. It’ll be 3 months from when she originally left to visit family until we go to court for the temporary custody hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:46 AM
2

I would love to and my lawyer said it would be legal. Unfortunately I’m in the military and they see everything as I’m guilty until proven innocent. I was told to give her a ton of money as well as not bringing them back so I don’t add to the drama. They also won’t let me contact her directly, only texting about kids and finances. They really know how to screw you over. I haven’t even had the chance to ask if she wants a divorce or try to fight for our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:06 AM
4

That sucks man. My wife ran away 1 month ago and we have another month until the temporary custody hearing. Virginia won’t let us file for divorce for a year since we have kids. I did ok the last few days, but last night was extremely rough. I dreamed about her being back and woke up thinking she was cuddled up next to me. It’s messed me up all day.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:04 AM
1

Yup, but the police can’t just pull them back right away. You have to file a petition for custody and visitation rights, then wait for the temporary court order. That’s what I’m waiting on now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 08:36 PM
3

I can't get them back immediately in Virginia unfortunately. I had to file a petition for custody and even after it got expedited it's still going to be about 2 months after I filed. Unfortunately it's over a month past school starting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 06:11 PM
2

How did it play out in court for you? Did the judge hold any of her lies against you?
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 04:17 PM
1

Thanks man. I’m mostly just curious about the process and trying to understand what’s going to happen over the next few years. We have a temporary custody hearing in a few weeks. After that I don’t know much of what to expect. I’ve been trying to research the process so I’m not surprised or caught off guard later.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 12:57 PM
1

Does the judge ask you questions when you aren’t on the stand being examined? Then when you are being examined, do you just respond to the opposing attorney/your attorney, or do you answer to the judge?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 03:49 AM
2

Can you do that? I’m assuming it would be circuit court and not the JDR court?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 03:48 AM
-1

Interesting, thanks. Can they make a request of something like “all messages with any females for 1 year pre-separation”? And do things post-separation matter? Just an example, but if you start talking to another girl, can that be held against you?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 03:38 AM
-1

They were able to request all messages with any females?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 03:25 AM
2

I've been reading about this as well. It looks like it's pretty common to have to refinance with the mortgage company to take her name off the lease.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:52 AM
4

Most likely, don’t let her back in. If you really want to give her a chance, make her sign a post-nup and give you all your stuff back.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:54 AM
1

Not even once. She's claiming emotional abuse and has admit there was never any physical violence. Her only examples she gave were easily disproven by witnesses and my home security cameras. Then she said "well it's just everything else then" and cannot provide a single other instance or any evidence (because it never happened). She's just throwing a bunch of nonsense at the wall and hoping something sticks.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:27 PM
1

She ran away with the kids almost 1 month ago and had already been calling divorce lawyers as I found out later. She filed for those things a few days after she told me she wasn't coming home and she would call the cops on me if I tried to see our kids. The phone logs are almost humorous. Multiple divorce lawyers, police departments, sheriff departments, domestic violence hotlines, child abuse tip lines, and multiple calls to my work. The first few days it was all of these ALL day long. It was r…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:51 PM
13

They all seem to flaunt their fake happiness. I was listening to this divorce lawyer being interviewed who was extremely insightful on a lot of topics. He was asked about social media and he said it's the ones who are always posting about how great their lives are and how happy they are that are usually the most unhappy. It's the people who don't post these things that are generally pretty happy. It seems to be women generally will flaunt how happy they claim they are during a separation and div…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:59 AM
4

As tough as it is, try to move on. You can't make her happy. You can assist her, but ultimately only she can make herself happy and stop acting that way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:44 AM
7

It's a club of misery and they want their friends to join them in it. "We're all proudly independent, but we want to take everything from our man we left, but we don't need him." It's a ridiculous and hypocritical concept. No one deserves to be happy 100% of the time in a marriage, or ever at all. There's no joy without sadness in life. Life is tough and we all go through difficult times. There's a reason we say in our vows that we'll stick with each other through all of these things until death…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:37 AM
8

We can see through your gaslighting here. Move along.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:34 AM
23

Sorry dude. I don’t think we’ll ever know why they do what they do. We, as men, typically think very logically while women generally think emotionally. We want to solve problems. They want to talk about them. All generally, sure there are exceptions. I believe a lot of it is this toxic feminism that’s rampant in our society. Women are encouraged to leave their husbands because they aren’t living in The Notebook or whatever romance novel they watched last. They’re told they deserve happiness and …
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 06:04 PM
1

That’s good to know, thanks. I just got a call with who the appointed GAL is for my kids. I’m about to reach out and schedule an appointment. I bought some indoor cameras and I’m running out to buy a gun safe right now. I need to get an audio recorder as well. I want to make sure I have absolute surveillance of my weapons and any interactions we have to prove my innocence. She’s already lying about emotional abuse when I haven’t even been around her in over 7 weeks now. There’s no telling what m…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:37 PM
1

At this point I do just because it hasn’t even been a month since I was saying I loved her and thought we were going to grow old together. I had no idea she had been plotting this or would ever become as nasty as she has. It’s still tough for me to see with all she’s done that I would never want to be with her again. She’s someone else’s problem. She’s probably going to lose a bunch of weight and try to get hot again during the divorce and sleep around. She’ll probably flaunt it on social media …
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:43 PM
1

I wouldn’t want it for sure, but I don’t think I’d be upset if she was married previously. As long as it isn’t pictures of them making out or doing anything crazy. If it was just boyfriends, then yeah probably don’t need those up. Assuming I meet someone in the future that I really like and we are together for 6 months or so, I’ll probably have that conversation with her. If it looks like it’s going to be long-term, I’ll completely remove her if she wants me to.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:38 PM
3

I definitely agree with that. I don’t think anything sexual should remain up. I never posted that kind of stuff in the first place, but I wouldn’t want my future spouse (assuming I remarry) to have photos of her kissing her ex.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:06 AM
2

Yeah, we can't file for divorce until we've been separated for 12 months in Virginia. She ran away with our kids to live with her mom multiple states away. I immediately filed a petition for custody and visitation rights to get my kids back home. I just got served today and it turns out when she was telling me she just needed "space and time", she had already filed a petition for the same for each of our kids as well as filed a petition for spousal support and child support based on "fear of phy…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:50 PM
12

My plan is to keep everything on social media and move on. It's part of my past.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:26 PM
2

Yeah that’s what I’m dreading hearing is that someone else is sleeping with her. At the same time, she’s been telling so many lies trying to ruin me. She filed a petition against me as well for alimony, child support, and full custody of our kids. She is literally the one who screams at us and calls the kids names. She is the one who ran away with them and scream at them when they ask to come home. It’s insane how she thinks she’s a victim in any of this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 06:57 PM
1

I guess I mistyped or voice to text messed up lol. I meant to say I don’t know how I would react.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 06:55 PM
3

Good to know. She ran away with our kids over 3 weeks ago. I immediately filed a petition for custody and visitation rights. She kept telling me she needed time to figure things out. She just needed “time and space”. I just got served with her petition for the same things, as well as child support and spousal support. She filed a couple days after I did based on being at risk of “physical or emotional violence”. She started this narrative of emotional abuse when she ran away with them and it’s s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 06:54 PM
2

Stay the course brother. If she isn’t in love with and focused on only you, it can never last.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 02:44 PM
3

Were you friends with her previously and removed her? I’m debating on removing my wife and her family from all of my social media as soon as the divorce papers are served. Maybe I should wait until everything is finalized, but it takes about three years in Virginia if it’s contested.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 02:43 PM
1

I’m dreading ever hearing this. I don’t know how I would react.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 02:39 PM
2

Wow, that’s bizarre. I really hope we can mediate and she‘ll go through with it. I really don’t want to deal with complete emptying the savings I’ve been working on for so many years now and preparing for retirement. 5k for a day is insane. Her entire thing so far from the days 1-3 screaming at me on the phone was that they were her kids and I would never see them again. If I tried, she’d call the cops. She kept saying she wants to stay with her mom and she‘s not leaving her. I don’t think she’s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 01:59 AM
1

Have you had multiple court appearances already being 15k into it? I had to pay a 6k retainer and I think I’ll be about 3k through it just getting to the hearing for my petition for custody. I just want at least 50/50 and for her not to be able to leave the state with the kids without my permission. I’m really hoping once she gets back here and away from her mom she’ll be willing to mediate. Virginia is making us wait a year to even file for divorce since we have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 01:08 AM
2

That’s awesome. I’m hoping we can get a good GAL. She got to the point the second week of this where she was calling my work 2-4 times/day saying I was harassing and threatening her after I would text her asking to talk to our kids or asked if they’ll be home for their medical appointments, school, etc. It’s bonkers. I’ve been watching youtube videos and it seems like women claiming they were emotionally abused is pretty standard during a divorce/separation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 11:47 PM
1

I tried that, but unfortunately Virginia doesn’t allow that when there’s no court order. They don’t recognize parental kidnapping If it’s a legal parent/guardian and no court order requiring both parents to see the children. I think her excuse is going to be continuing to claim her lies about emotional abuse. I literal don’t even raise my voice to her. I haven’t yelled or screamed in years. I just bottle things up, let her scream at me, tell her I love her, then walk away when she’s done. Now sh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 11:28 PM
2

I think that’s exactly what her plan was. I filed 3 weeks ago on the first workday after the weekend she did this. I immediately consulted some lawyers, then during a consultation one of them told me to immediately leave in the middle of our consultation, go to the court house, and file for custody. He said it was all about the date on the papers for establishing jurisdiction and it would probably take a couple months to get a court date. Jurisdiction in my state and the state she ran to is both…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 08:50 PM
3

Thanks man. I can’t really talk to my parents. My dad is pretty distant and just says “millions of men go through this every day. Man up.” Can’t talk to the wife. Kids are essentially kidnapped 5 states away. I just sit here and run through every bad scenario in my mind all day. The no-contact order ends next Friday, so hopefully I can get something answered from her then.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:45 AM
1

Lawyer just said to wait for the hearing. The court date got pushed back multiple weeks since she hired a lawyer who wasn’t available until then.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:42 AM
3

No matter how bad they are I think we’re all destined to be their “abusive, narcissistic ex” in their minds for the rest of their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 10:10 PM
1

My wife and her mom have also been planning this as well. I’m nowhere near the $ that you are, but my wife’s dad died a few months ago and left behind millions. Now she’s convinced my wife to run away with her. It’s jacked up dude. Keep pushing through.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 10:01 PM
2

Sorry to hear dude. I dusted off the video game systems and I’m blasting music that I used to listen to in college. I’m off work for a few more weeks while I’m having surgery in a few days, so I really need to start separating our stuff to make it easier to move her out or if I have to leave later. Enjoy the maple sausages!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 01:43 AM
2

Thanks man. I’ve been able to get phone calls in with them the past couple nights. We’ve been trying to FaceTime every day, but she was always yelling at them during a birthday party or just showing them playing outside with bad service. Last night was the first time I’ve been able to actually talk to them. I texted her again today asking when I’ll get to see them and can I see them for his birthday and she just said she forwarded it to her lawyer for guidance. I hope the universe does. I’m a li…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 12:23 AM
1

4 and 8. The oldest has his birthday in a couple days and she still won’t let me see him.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 09:06 PM
1

Well she hired a lawyer who pushed the court date for custody back almost another month. It’s over a month from now before I can do anything to save my kids from her and her mom. It’s so frustrating that there’s nothing I can do except wait on the legal system and my kids are just being weaponized by her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 07:31 PM
1

I hope you’re right. She’s been texting a bunch of my friends and called my work trying to start a narrative that I emotionally abused her. She’s deleting FB posts as well bragging about how I’m such a great dad and a great husband. I think she’s being coached by a coworker’s ex-wife that she went to high school with who did the exact same thing. I really hope when the court gets involved, they crush her for alienating our kids and bring them home.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 04:27 PM
3

Yup. I still love her, but she’s run away with our kids and has denied me access to them. She repeatedly calls my work making false accusations. She’s trying to turn them against me. She’s pulled them out of medical appointments, school, daycare, and tried moving their healthcare to another state. She has been nothing but purely evil and it was an overnight switch. I’m sure she’s been planning it for months. I’m pretty sure she’s also having an affair with one of my best friends. I love her, but…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:12 PM
1

Yeah I’m sure you’re right. I don’t really post anything, but it does really annoy me how every single advertisement is some therapy or book to repair your marriage. She’s gone and she isn’t coming back. At this point, I don’t want her back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:05 PM
1

What state is that for and is it normal for it to be that length? In virginia, standard apparently is half the time in years that you were married. I would LOVE to get it shortened much more.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 09:58 PM
1

Already did a couple weeks ago. It was the first business day after she ran away with them. Just have to wait almost another month for the court date.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 09:57 PM
1

I have them deactivated right now. You’re probably right that it’s best. I keep reactivating my FB to see if she’s changed it to separated yet. Today is the first day I’m coming to terms that I don’t want her back even if she came back begging. She 100% has multiple divorced women friends telling her that. It’s constant “you go girl”, “you don’t need a man” talk from them for years.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 09:56 PM
1

That’s not a bad idea. I disabled instagram. I’ll probably disable Facebook as well, but just keep messenger active.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:11 PM
1

Yeah I’ll need to go by zales or Kay jewelers, whoever it was and get some receipts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:10 PM
2

I don’t think I’m going to sell mine. I think I’m going to get a box of our pictures and things that remind me of her and put them deep in a closet somewhere. The ring will be stashed away in there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:05 PM
2

That’s what I’m going to ask for. $5k or whatever towards her side of the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:03 PM
3

I stopped wearing mine today. She ran away with our kids a few weeks ago now. I asked when I was going to be able to see our kids, specifically for one of their birthdays in a few days. She told me our lawyers could figure it out. She’s not just wanting a divorce. She’s wanting to hurt me and is weaponizing our kids to do it. My desire to reconcile was destroyed when she said that. No more ring for me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:03 PM
6

I’ve already got a lawyer as well. She called my work 2 weeks ago and claimed emotional abuse. Being in the military, it’s an automatic no-contact order with the exception of texting about the kids, and they have to investigate it. Her accusations aren’t even remotely true. I don’t even raise my voice at her, but she is claiming I scream at her and berate her. You’re spot on with what she’s doing. I hope the judges see this enough to see right through it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:29 AM
2

I just hit 12 years in June and it’s starting now. This seems like such a weird point that all these stbxw’s keep doing this exact same thing. Screw them dude. They were the ones who decided to blow up a good thing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:04 AM
1

At least she’s willing to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 03:01 AM
2

This is the advice I was given on the civilian side. On the military side I was told to let her keep her entire paycheck plus send her an additional 2k/month. Yeah…then I can’t even afford our house and bills while she is running away illegally with our kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:44 PM
1

I was doing some research earlier on filing without waiting for the year. It seems like willful abandonment and desertion could apply to just file for divorce immediately. I’ve been keeping a running day-to-day log of what’s happened, but I don’t really know what’s important to the court. I’m just kind of rambling about “FaceTimed the kids today. They were fighting the entire time and were at a birthday party, so was unable to have a decent conversation”.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:25 PM
1

My understanding is the judge will decide who gets the house during the divorce proceedings. I don’t know at what point that occurs. Maybe someone else can weigh in?
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:48 AM
1

Thanks man. As of now she’s still in another state with our kids. She’s canceled school, medical appointments, and threatened to call the police if I go down to see our kids. I’m waiting on the judge to see the petition to bring them back, then once we get the custody set and we’re separated, do exactly what you said. She’ll learn how tough life is without me taking care of her every need and want. Virginia doesn’t recognize separation unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:30 AM
4

Playing lots and lots of PlayStation since she is still on the run with our kids. I go for walks, talk on the phone a lot with friends/family, and lift weights. I can’t do much working out while I’m waiting to have surgery in a couple weeks that will take me out for ~2 months. I’m dreading the same situation you’re in, but I’m planning to remove her from any social media and never having any contact except about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:25 AM
2

What is BPD?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 03:28 PM
5

It’s hard to not care. I think we as men are largely dedicated to protecting and providing for our families until the end. Vows mean something to us. This toxic feminism rampaging through the country right now is in direct contrast to what we care about. It teaches woman to monkey branch and it’s ok to leave marriages because they aren’t happy. They’re told it’s better to leave than to work on things when times get tough.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 05:36 AM
3

I feel you dude. Wife took my kids 2 weeks ago and I’ve been off work, completely alone since then. All day, every day has been alone and all I can do is think about her and my kids. The courts should make her bring our kids back, but it’s such a slow process.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 12:46 AM
1

That’s crazy. It blows my mind that anyone thinks they can run away with the kids and start a new life without their spouse and the kids’ parent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:38 AM
1

It’s reasonable. I felt that way with my wife when she started working. The inside jokes and constantly talking about these guys I didn’t know always bothered me, but I tried not to show it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 11:42 PM
6

I think that’s the whole MGTOW movement.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 10:00 PM
1

How did the cheating affect custody and splitting your assets?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 09:26 PM
2

It seems pretty rare, if ever, that the wife does this and alienates the husband, then decides to reconcile. Is that your experience as well?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 08:17 PM
2

Dude, exact same thing here. Just making up lies to avoid accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:33 PM
1

How is trying to stay together used against you? I don’t understand all this court stuff,
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:31 PM
3

I’m in the exact same situation. I thought my wife and I were in this for the long haul and always thought it was us against the world. I thought we were going to grow old and live out our days together. Finances have been great. Kids’ life is great. Then she runs away to her mom with our kids and has become an extremely bitter, cruel, calculating, gaslighting individual. She’s a person I’ve never seen before. I hate divorce and I don’t believe in it, but the evil my wife is doing right now is m…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:02 AM
3

I keep seeing guys saying to be ready to get forced out of your house during a divorce, but how does that work? If you are both on the loan and you pay the mortgage/bills, how can she force you out?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:43 AM
6

I’ll never be ok with a divorce, but she’s driving the fight and I can’t make her stay.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:34 AM
1

Oh I didn’t know that. That’s interesting. My main concern is lessening the impact on our kids. I’m assuming she quit her job by now, but I have no idea.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 02:41 AM
2

It’s not kidnapping in Virginia, so the police can’t do anything about it unfortunately. It takes a court order for custody and visitation rights here. I wish that was an option though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:26 PM
2

How is she able to get full custody after running away and kidnapping the kids? It doesn’t seem right if you’re a good dad.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 05:53 PM
3

That’s awesome. Glad it worked out for you. That’s what I’m trying to get done.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:55 PM
1

You seem to be a troll. You’re making up wild stories with no logic. Plenty of people buy a fishing pole and go once a month, if you’re lucky to even do that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 11:57 AM
3

That’s exactly the advice I was given. The court system is so slow. I’m hoping it’s the date on the paperwork that matters, not when you actually go in front of a judge. Did it work out for you?
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 11:55 AM
1

I've always heard girls can be friends with guys. Guys can't just be friends with girls.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 04:29 AM
1

It wasn’t during the funeral. This is months later. I was in an extremely difficult upgrade and we agreed she would visit family and I would fly down for the last portion of it. It was supposed to originally be 3 weeks apart max. Being a pilot is my job. I don’t have a boat or spend a lot of money on video games. I barely spend any money except on Chick-fil-A too much when I have to work late and they’ve already eaten. Plus when I do go fishing it’s with my kids and she doesn’t want to go. She h…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 03:06 AM
17

She was extremely immature. She was mean to waiters/waitresses when they were too slow when we first showed up. She was overall impatient. Her entire family was a red flag factory. I was willing to overlook it all because I loved her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 12:28 AM
2

Dude, go to your courthouse and file a petition for custody and visitation rights with the JDR. Maybe take out a loan or find a payment program for a decent lawyer. I was told the time stamp on the petition is what really matters. If she tries to drag it out for a few months, she can file for custody in a different state and potentially have jurisdiction there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 12:14 AM
3

That is 10000% true. My stbxw is using my children as pawns right now and my heart is wrenching every day.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 07:50 PM
1

Unfortunately I’m in the military and they have to believe the spouse until it can be investigated. I might relay your exact quote to her as I feel the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 07:44 PM
1

That’s so true lol.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 07:09 PM
1

That’s cool, thanks. I think I’ll be the same way. I don’t live in a huge city unfortunately. Within an hour drive, there’s probably about 400k people, so it’s not too small. I just hope there’s a way to block my stbxw. I want to know nothing about her escapades once we’re done and I know she’ll be trying to flaunt them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:58 PM
11

Dude the most motivational thing I’ve seen so far is on David Goggins’ instagram. I wanted things to work with my stbxw, but she has turned into a cruel, manipulative, cold, lying….person. David was asked at a baseball game about what to do when his wife told him she wanted a divorce a week prior and it was messing with his head. He said “f her”. He elaborated that it takes two. If she doesn’t want him, then why should he waste his life moping around missing her while she’s out partying. I think…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 05:16 PM
3

What are FIRM rules?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 12:16 PM
16

It sounds like the false domestic abuse claim is part of the standard playbook for these women. I’m going through the exact same thing right now. Wife has denied me access to the kids and I haven’t seen them for over a month now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 12:15 PM
1

It's tough. I just keep being told it would look much worse if I went down there to get the kids than it is for her to actively keep the kids away from me. It's going to be an interesting morning when I call to see if my kid's medical appointments and school enrollment are still good to go or canceled.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:04 AM
1

It's not in Virginia unfortunately. I talked to a lawyer and you have to file a petition for custody and visitation, then have a court order her to bring the kids back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 02:07 AM
4

Dude, this sucks. These women who tear the dads out of their kids' lives are just pure evil. Kids are only young for a short period of time. That period of time is so sweet and special. Your kids are going to grow up and be adults for so much longer. They're going to want to know one day why their dad wasn't there for them and you'll get to tell them. All we can do is be the best possible dads we can to them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 12:25 AM
1

I don't either. It's a shock to me. I've been watching some men's divorce coach videos on youtube and this seems to be a pretty common trend. The husband thinks everything is fine, then the wife blindsides him with a divorce and claims emotional abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 12:23 AM
2

Interesting, glad it's working out for you. I think my biggest goal over the next year outside of being a dedicated father is going to be cutting down significantly on mountain dew/buffalo wild wings, increasing the water intake and weightlifting, and find at least 1 new hobby.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 12:21 AM
2

How do you like bumble? I've heard of it, but all I really know from guys at work is Tinder.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:20 PM
1

Do you use dating apps or just talk to women in public? It seems like a challenge being a divorced dad trying to meet women.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:17 PM
1

Being alone is definitely the most difficult part of this. It was always the wife that I thought I could rely on when I needed someone. Now she's the one causing the pain, and taking it to such an extreme level. I've been struggling hard because she hasn't told me if she wants a divorce, separation, or reconciliation. She's just "needed time and space". While facetiming my kids today, they told me they wanted me to bring them home. The STBXW lost her mind afterwards in texts saying he's only 4 a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:15 PM
1

Technically yes, but I think everyone understands you have a personal life when divorce can be drawn out for 3+ years. I think it's considered that it does not bring discredit to the armed forces when you've already separated and are divorcing. Seems like it would be hard to find a date when you're going through a divorce as a single dad, but I have no idea yet. For a conviction under Article 134, the government must prove beyond a reasonable doubt that: You engaged in a sexual act as defined by…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:10 PM
1

It's not illegal that she took them there, but the refusal to return with the kids should look really bad on her when the judge has to get involved. The petition for custody and visitation rights will have a judge order her to bring the kids back and hopefully set at least a 50/50 custody order in my favor. I'm also going to ask for a limit to the state lines without the consent of the other parent due to her being a flight risk. She's already changed our medical insurance for them to Florida. I…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:06 PM
8

I see this exact same situation happening with my current wife/future ex-wife. She ran off ~5 states away with the kids 8 days ago and is refusing to bring them home or let me see them. I get to facetime each day for a few minutes, but that's it. The court system is going to make her return them home, but it's a slow process and will take a few more weeks. She was a miserable person 99% of the time we have been married. She thinks she's going to be happy with the advice of all these angry, divor…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:00 PM
3

I’m just starting the process and I feel humiliated, ashamed, guilty, etc. You’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 11:17 PM
2

Does it not affect custody and the divorce proceedings? I don’t really know what happens in all of this. I would think women wouldn’t want to talk to a guy who is “separated” or “going through a divorce”. Seems like a rough thing to put on a dating profile, if that’s even where you meet women now. I’m in the military, so there is a legal side of it. It has to “bring discredit upon the military” to be charged with adultery, so it’s kind of a grey area.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 10:43 PM
2

25 years?! I hope you’re ok. Mine was a little over 12 years. We just had our anniversary last month and she just deleted her Facebook post about how i’m the greatest husband and dad she could have ever asked for. You were in it way longer than me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 10:30 PM
2

Thanks man. If you were near Virginia I'd grab a drink with you. Hope God blesses you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:49 PM
3

I wish I would have paid attention to this before I got married. My MIL is an absolutely evil woman.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:38 PM
3

Question for you dude, after talking to a therapist about it and your experience. My wife ran away last weekend with our kids. She's lost her marbles and is completely emotionally unhinged. I talked to one of my best friend's from a city we moved away from last year for a while one night and asked him to reach out to her since he had been a good family friend. I texted him the next night and he said he couldn't get in touch with her. I checked our cell phone logs and they talked for 37 minutes t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:36 PM
2

My wife and I were about 5-6x a week. She ran off last Saturday with the kids and it's been a struggle already. My mind is on the kids 90% of the time, 8% how vindictive/spiteful/angry she is right now and how much that hurts since I still love her, and 2% how much I miss her touch. Divorces here can take upwards of 3 years. I don't know if I could go without a woman's touch for that many years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:27 PM
3

Thanks dude. I'm struggling hard. I've had 3 lawyer consultations and asked them all "how can she just run to a different state and steal my kids?" to which they've all responded "she can't". But she is! I'm learning the court system is extremely slow and my kids are being punished over my wife having a mental breakdown. It's a long, excruciating process to go through alone. I really need to go to church this Sunday and meet some other men.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:23 PM
1

Why do you mention the vasectomy?
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:03 PM
5

I’m feeling this right now. My wife ran away with our 2 kids last Saturday. She legally can’t, but she did. We went from everything was great and I loved her more than I’ve loved anything to she screamed at me the couple times we’ve talked, she called my boss and got a no-contact order (mandatory NCO in the military), and has refused my access to my kids. I’m on a roller coaster of emotions and she was always the one I went to when I was hurting. She was the one I thought I trusted the most. Now…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:02 PM
1

Sorry dude, it sucks. My wife is acting the same and her family is psychotic. She lost her dad a few months ago and her mom acts like she's heartbroken with being widowed while she was secretly funneling money into separate bank accounts to pay a divorce lawyer. He got cancer and died in a couple weeks, so she never divorced him. Wife is acting completely mentally unhinged. She's been trying to hurt me in every possible way. She even called my work and filed a complaint that I emotionally abuse …
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:46 AM
3

Why don’t you think you’ll see the kids? My wife just ran away with our 2 kids this past weekend as well. She was denying me access to them, but after she called a lot of lawyers she’s been allowing me to FT them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 11:26 AM
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