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hiraethsidhartha Archive

View 3 posts and 109 comments by hiraethsidhartha on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I think it's more than that. It's everyone objectifying everyone. We end up holding ourselves to the unrealistic standards that Instagram portrays of our own sex too. Not consciously necessarily but it all seeps in there. The become objects to our own selves. This is what I think of when I see some of the women I grew up with who have had such a large amount of plastic surgery to look like their Instagram filters. Each to there own but I do wonder if their idea of how they look is now so far rem…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 08:31 PM
3

I think I'm late to the party on this one but I recently read a couple of articles linking Tiktok to Tics in teenage girls. I haven't gone into the research enough to work out if it actually stands up to scrutiny or not. But the thing about it was that I wasn't remotely surprised. I grew up when dial up modems were still a thing and I'm guessing most people in this reddit did too. I noticed the affect that myspace had on our lives and how it opened up whole new worlds for sketchy older guys to h…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 07:30 PM
2

I'm really glad to hear you have neighbours that are caring and cool and that you have a GTFO plan! Just want to say I think you're amazingly proactive and on it and glad you're supported by people who totally see your value and think your great. I hope you feel solid and proud of yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 02:09 AM
175

I hate it the other way round though too. Like they have gifted us children purely selflessly and just for ourselves. I had this awhile ago with a man "Is it because I didn't give you children?" On what actual planet would that be a gift I would want (this man was being literally insane tbf) Yes. You didn't give me the gift of going through pregnancy ( THAT IS HARDER THAN HARD MAN) and being responsible for another clueless little human for the rest of my life. Who might have all kinds of needs …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 04:35 PM
5

I just wanted to throw my hat in too. It is worth looking up the statistics on restraining orders before taking one out. One of the reasons that womens refuges are hidden is because many men will not take no for an answer. I'm sorry your going through this, it is rough. I also think his response is very telling in terms of how a negative response was better for him than no response at all. If he was remotely 'good' he would be traumatised by the idea his letter has made you feel like that. But h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:04 AM
1

I get that it would be pleasant to think that men that are violent and creeps only exist in certain places but all you have to do is look at the lives of some of the world's most prolific serial killers / rapists / guys who murder their families. They come from all kinds of professions. A couple off the top of my head worked as doctors, care workers and volunteered with food banks and on suicide hotlines. Also some of the kindest men I've met are builders with rubbish fleeting work with unstable…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 04:02 PM
2

Yep. I don't think its like don't have children with men who have any kind of mental illness. The majority of people in our society suffer from some kind of mental illness including things like depression and anxiety which are super widespread. Some people's mental illness isn't life long and it is well managed. They are self aware and kind. I know some highly put together people with schizophrenia and bipolar but they are entirely committed to managing it/have action plans/are generally kind pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:42 AM
4

Much more important than height for me imo. Missed a trick there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:20 AM
3

Yes! That's what I've been thinking when reading this. Where I'm from most people are shorties. Just genetically in our DNA and we are only in a small area of the country so the statistics would be nowhere near accurate if we were being included within the larger population base.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:12 AM
7

Most of the guys I've been out with have been under 6' and they didnt lack in confidence (due to their height lol) at all. Like they weren't 5'3 but they totally didn't have any hang ups about height. Tbh I think it depends where you're from? My cousin is going out with a woman that literally towers over him but he's a HVM and is considerate and kind and funny so she does not give a fuck. Many of my male friends have girlfriends taller than them too. Its just so obvious in my cousins relationshi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:08 AM
97

I feel similarly. I think that posts like this can be really helpful in terms of creating discussion about stuff. I'm also not averse to posts about male violence either tbh if it's in terms of sharing strategy on how to get tf away from it. That is important information and lots of women don't know where to get help. Like... what's more FDS than learning to avoid violent men? A safe space for women to talk doesn't mean avoiding topics that might be difficult or emotionally fraught? Isn't that t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 07:20 PM
16

Doing kind and supportive things for your significant other is HEALTHY and pretty much the only reason to be in a relationship at all imo. Most of my really good friends would do the same things your boyfriend does for you, for me, because that's just how you treat people you love? I pity the partners of these men...actually I shouldn't call them partners. I pity whoever these men (who don't realise loving kindness is erm, the bare minimum?) are sleeping with. Enjoy your relationship with your b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 12:03 AM
3

Yep. Wtf indeed. The thing was I'm not particularly green when it comes to men. Or just people in general. From the outset all of these men seemed relatively normal 🙄 God knows what other poor women have ended up on dates with them... I'm never going back to online dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 05:27 PM
5

I read it as 100%! I was like agghh nooo! Sorry lovely! I'm glad you are keeping your wits about you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 05:24 PM
42

I just want to address the bit in your edit where you say that you know 100% he is not at all abusive/ mean etc. Manipulative, unkind people don't come with a giant sign on their head PLUS you can know people for years and all of a sudden something happens to them, maybe you haven't seen them in a little while and they pop up again and that friend that you loved so dearly has changed into a total ass, picked up some weird abusive habits and now they are not okay to be around. While our intuition…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 03:41 PM
20

I had some awful experiences when I had my one and only attempt at online dating. I had two dates. Lots of endless messaging about nothing. First guy was just horribly hung up on his ex. I met him at my local bar where I felt safe and knew everyone. He spent the entire time talking about her. And how he was so sad... eventually the conversation turned to his severe mental illness. I rang a male friend to come and save me who then proceeded to turn up with a random guy straight out of jail who pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 07:24 PM
18

I know why we are included! FDS helps women be aware of mens red pil strategies. Shhh it's supposed to be a secret.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 09:30 PM
91

I'm into it. Apart when it's dogwhistling. I've known so many guys spout this kind of stuff but when it comes down to their actual relationships, it goes out of the window completely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 11:56 AM
27

Got to be honest but if a guy friend was sending me these kinds of pictures I would be biting his head off. Why does he think you would be interested in knocking other womens bodies? Or is he trying to be a manipulative weirdo that is trying to make you feel insecure about yourself? Why is he still sending you this stuff after you've told him "over and over" you are not interested in other girls pictures? I would tell him to back off with that stuff. It's sus as hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 11:03 PM
1

A friend of mine was in an abusive relationship with a man with two little children. He didn't beat the children but he was horrific to her. She left and ended up in atleast 7 womens refuges. Everytime she ended up in a new place he managed to find her. Honestly it was awful. She couldn't tell any of her family where she was because she just managed to keep finding her. Even after she didn't speak to family / told nobody where she was. He still managed to do it. Honestly I think in the end he wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 08:49 AM
15

There are loads of grants around all the time. And lots for women led creative projects (of which a lot of FDS entails!) I guess helping to keep the website up and running. To keep content available, would be one use? Like, you can find a grant for anything and if you have someone who is brilliant at writing proposals then they are totally available for anything you could think of. I'm not saying that FDS needs to or wants to apply for a grant but I'm with OP in the sense that I totally get wher…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 11:06 PM
5

She sounds great! Big up your coworker and her solid values!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:56 PM
39

You have only been with him a year. A year is not long enough for people to show you who they really are. Even the most scrotey of scrotes can spend a year seemingly like a put together solid human being. This dude is more than happy to be weirdly manipulative about your boundaries just so he can have some strippers? I know everyone is different and that relationships can sometimes move fast and on the rare occasion it can turn out pretty alright... but I would seriously push the breaks on this …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 09:59 PM
24

He was an active police officer. He was also an active police officer when he flashed the female staff at a McDonald's drive through (who called the police and gave his registration plate and cctv and nothing was done) and when he flashed two men (who also contacted the police) They knew. They just didn't care. The mistake he made was being so blazen as to kidnap and murder a white woman who had a boyfriend and a family and a bit of money. If he had murdered a woman who was homeless / who was on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 11:28 AM
19

This is what I have been saying from the start. He bought those woodlands in 2019. I can imagine that he had in his head this was their purpose. For someone to be that blazen in terms of their flashing. For the women in his office to call him the rapist. To be a man with a badge and a gun and previously a builder which would have given him access to areas of land to dispose of women like they are garbage. To be a man who used prostitutes. There is no way this is his first time. The fact they are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 11:24 AM
23

He reminds me so much of my first long term boyfriend when I was a teenager. Together for years since we were 14 and didn't manage to shake him off until I was about 22. Watching him talk to the cops and her in bits struck a chord. Especially when on the dashcam footage he states that he was (paraphrasing) trying to remind her they were in public and not to make a fuss. My ex used to whisper absolutely horrible stuff in my ear and then when I used to raise my voice at him to try to get him to st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 11:55 AM
1

Yes! Thats completely what I was getting at too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 02:37 PM
3

I'm with you! Minus the ironing. I personally do not iron. I have no need to iron most of my clothes. It is so rare for me to iron something. Unless the man worked in an office I don't think that ironing is a sign of LV at all. I get why its on the list, as in it shows he can do something that takes a bit of time and effort and energy, for himself. But I think this is really dependent on your lifestyle. Not all women that are HV have traditional inside jobs or traditional ways of dressing. Perso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 10:05 PM
65

I'm so sorry lovely. He really doesn't deserve to be with you or any other fully human woman. I can hear you pee? Atleast you didn't end up having kids with him! Never be ashamed of being a fully grown woman. That has bodily functions like everyone else on the planet. I know it must feel horrific right now but honestly you dodged a bullet. Men who have these kinds of ideas about fantasy women that don't align with the reality of human beings are the worst. Whenever you fall off the pedestal they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 08:22 PM
12

I drive a truck. I hate this sort of windy road ridiculous crap from men. I get a lot of open mouthed looking from men when I'm driving which is bonkers considering I have seen so many women driving great big things lately. They STILL can't get their heads around it. Sorry you have to interact with this douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 08:18 PM
3

The kind of laziness that is so self-centered as to make your girlfriend who has just had her body cut open, ride the bus with a new born baby because you literally cannot be bothered then turn it back on her like she is the bad one is totally emotional abuse. It's the fact he is mistreating her just for a simple request. He could've just said no. But now he is trying to turn it back on her. Lots of abusive men are also lazy. It's the underlying ideas that they have that contribute to their mist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 09:26 AM
18

It immediately just gave me images of a documentary I watched recently about "sex tourists" from the UK in South America. They ARE predatory. And there are lots of these men unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:50 PM
29

It's not even about getting women for these men. It is about being horrible to women and utilising women. If they put effort into being kind and treating women right, they wouldn't get what they want out of it. Which is to dishumanise women as much as they possibly can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:47 PM
3

We need to vet ALL MEN is my point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 11:57 PM
11

This sort of stuff only comes from people who aren't aware of how abusers operate. They also don't really have any idea about how real life functions. The statement is ridiculous. There is no such thing as a league anyway! We all have individual plus points and things that we struggle with. As human beings this is just the way things are. All different kinds of people find all different kinds of people attractive for a multitude of reasons. There are no rules for this life thing. I think the ide…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 09:12 PM
7

Link to Vice UK article about the rise of acid attack
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 09:05 PM
1

I completely agree!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 09:03 PM
40

White british men commit acid attacks in the UK also. "Acid attacks are not new. The substance was a popular weapon in Victorian Britain, mainly because sulphuric acid was produced on an industrial scale then. It was also used as a tool of fear in gangland Britain, appearing in Graham Greene's novel Brighton Rock"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:23 PM
2

I heard a woman from the UK on womens hour on radio 4 talking about her work with younger teenagers that see themselves as 'incel'. I can't remember her name but you should be able to find today's episode on the BBC radio app. Lots of women work in youth groups. This is totally on people's radar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:32 PM
1

While I appreciate this statement lots. It is still important to talk publicly about tried and tested methods that previous generations of women have utilised to make themselves feel safer. Without that base level of information, or access to resources to learn about them, women aren't going to realise that resistance to these forms of misogyny has even been a thing before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:30 PM
4

The thing is, I don't know if it will be considered more serious than in the US. I totally get that we don't have the same gun culture but this isn't the first mass shooting we have had. This also isn't the only terrorist attack. I think the fact that he used a gun isn't that important, although it does invoke a different sense of fear than other weapons. If he didn't have access to a gun then he would have used a knife, a sword or acid or bombs. The problem is that his mum was ignored while ask…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 09:44 AM
3

Go grandma! ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 09:13 AM
1

List of various Zines about Womens reproduction
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 09:12 AM
5

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:14 PM
10

I feel that I made that clear in my response. I personally feel that these are the only responses that I personally could take to help suppress terrorism directed at women. I can't control what unhinged men do, and I can't force the state to do anything about it either because the systems that we have to combat things such as terrorism are mostly made up of deranged men. If you haven't heard of it please look into the spycops scandal in the UK. This was state sanctioned abuse and rape of women. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:12 PM
56

Have you got any helpful links for TRP being started by an American lawmaker? I think we can all actively advocate for more mental health support for both men and women. We can also advocate for ourselves and the women around us in our daily lives. A lot of women used to set up underground female refuges in the 90's in the UK, as an attempt to help women escape violent abusers. Due to the nature of the capitalist beast we are severely lacking in help for domestic violence support... I think that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:48 PM
52

It is kind of accepted by a lot of academics that birth control methods have existed long before the creation of the pill. Women have been tracking their cycles and using herbs to promote menstruation etc for a really long time. In herbalist communities there is kind of an understanding that we have lost certain knowledge in regard to herbal medicine and the use of different herbs as abortificants. Obviously yes for modern medicine but I don't think the history of womens birth control has existe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 02:07 PM
6

Support from afar is much more sensible than support anywhere near. I'm glad your out of their weird drama sphere anyway. I was so happy when I realised I could just say "Sorry, I don't talk about other people. Makes me feel uncomfortable. " They will often still try and then I like to become a broken record! They give up after awhile. It is very freeing to not have people saying horrible stuff about other people to you constantly. I was never particularly into it it's got to be said, but I thou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 09:07 PM
17

I just want to say that while he is saying this to YOU, he might be kissing her and telling her all kinds of things behind your back. Dude is a liar. I honestly would have absolutely nothing to do with this. Converse about this stuff? Nah. Be there there for my friend when it all comes tumbling down? Yeah. Probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 04:43 PM
3

I'm in the UK and have lived all over the various countrys we have. I've experienced the same thing here too, in rich and poor areas. Men who dislike women (regardless of sexuality) are totally universal for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 06:20 PM
6

Unfortunately it probably isn't. I've posted similar with similar "Any advice would help me HELPHELPHELP" in another life. Being in this kind of messed up power dynamic can seriously mess with what you know is horribly dodgy and wrong. I hope she has got out now and gone very far and got rid of all social media and that he doesn't know where her fam lives. Awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 06:27 PM
106

Nope. Not even then. I've had bi LVX's that played exactly the same crap as the straight ones. Just because a man enjoys sleeping with men too, it does not mean he doesn't have faulty ideas about what women should be or do. Same with gay men. I know some seriously misogynistic gay guys too. Would be nice if their sexuality automatically made them an ally to women but it doesn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 05:27 PM
37

Well done for managing to dodge him. That is stalker behaviour. Any sensible, respectful person would take your first "Do not contact me" as just that and wait for you to reach out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:06 PM
3

I also made the twin peaks ~ bob thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 09:24 PM
58

Abusive relationships can give a rush of hormones. Rushes of adrenaline. Bloody flooded with cortisol when they are horrible and then dopamine when they are nice. We forgot quite how full on our physiology is. You can totally get psychologically into the feeling when a stressful situation ends, and the person who has been causing you pain starts being lovely again. It isn't conscious. There isn't enough education about how our bodies work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 07:35 PM
1

Shame is totally a helpful emotion when we are working this stuff out. As long as it doesn't turn inwards and go toxic. Which it totally can if we don't deal with this stuff properly. I've been there too when I was younger, without even really acknowledging what I was doing. I was homeless from quite a young age and I went along with a lot of stuff out of what felt like pure necessity. I don't think you've got to be in a situation quite as dire as mine to still think that this is a legitimate me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 02:57 PM
11

Those stats are so interesting. I grew up in a place where the female prison population is higher than others. I didn't realise that the amount of women in prison for serious crime in the UK was actually really low in comparison to men because of this. I was in my twenties when I found out that it wasn't normal for women to be imprisoned as much as men were. Obviously where I'm from is totally rife with poverty, and heroin addiction. On the other end of the spectrum, I have three friends out of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 07:32 AM
53

I echo the devastating aspect of women whom you saw as supporters turning a blind eye to abusive situations, even worse is when they join in. I have heard many women in my life "give the benefit of the doubt" to abusers of women on multiple occasions. Women I previously respected, and women I still love. I just hold out the hope that one day the blinders will be removed and once they get over the horrible feeling that accompanies the realisation that you have failed a really good human being by …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 08:48 PM
22

The puddle is a bunch hippies and drug sweat. Tbh they can't normally get it up in that state, let alone actually cum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 08:43 PM
57

I just wanted to reply to your comment because you sound like a younger me. As someone that has played in and around the edges of various 'alternative' communities since my teens, I just want to say that you dodged a bullet with your beach friends. Honestly. I have met many of the people in your comment. They are kind of like cookie cutter people tbh. Same play book. Same drama. The younger unicorn female that comes into the group wanting to be friends with the women and being preyed on by the m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:43 PM
6

I totally get the frustration towards past you. Fact is we can only deal with present us. Past us had none of the information we have now. Past us was dealing with all kinds of confusing stuff that we didn't have the time or ability to process. We can only go from where we are now. Giving ourselves a really hard time for past mistakes is not helpful. Learning and then getting rid of the guilt in the knowing that we did what we could with the information we had at the time is the only compassiona…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 10:27 AM
18

Yeah. Many women end up not being able to get out I of relationships with LVM because of a huge wealth of reasons. I am sure the gold digger woman totally exists but this is not why women stay. The idea that women stay in relationships because they are after the mans hard earned money is highly misogynist. Like. Being a mother and wife is a legit job too. Courts know that. Which is why divorce courts operate the way they do. You can't expect women to birth your children and act as cleaner/therap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 09:46 AM
18

I am so glad you left him 💚 You and your daughter both deserve the happiest existence you can find. I know you know this already. But you are totally ace for getting out 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 09:25 AM
217

This was my thought when I read this too. Girls are raised on both on the mad disney romance ideal and hardcore porn. It is some crazy cognitive dissonant stuff. I am really grateful that I don't have kids at the moment. I worry so much about both my younger siblings and the kids of my close friends. When I was small it was hard and confusing but with the amping up of social media and the instagramation of everything it honestly fills me with dread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 06:42 PM
120

I feel really really glad that there are communities such as this where women can come together and speak about their experiences candidly. It is so difficult to connect with like minded GROUPS of other women in real life. I really appreciate this community. I haven't been actively participating as much lately but I am reading a lot of everyone else's posts and you are all proper hardcore women, it is extremely uplifting even when it is serious. I am greatful to know that my experiences aren't i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 06:21 PM
2

I'm in the same boat. I made an active choice to not have children because of a lack of resources, so I totally get it. The idea of pooled resources with a spouse doesnt work for me either. Honestly, I would never want to rely on another person to bring up a child that I birth. I would only be willing if I knew 100% that I could handle it all on my own. Realistically without a societal shift this will be an ongoing problem. People are still going to continue having children and women are still g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 11:16 AM
14

I hate it. I can't help but think that we've lost so much when we stopped fighting for women's work in the home to be counted as paid labour, just like any other job. Now women have the majority of the childcare/elder care and house work, with full time work outside the home on top of that. That is a lot of work. Even women with a housekeeper and a nanny will do more work around the home on average than her husband. The older I get the more I can attest to it being so important to have a strong …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:54 AM
5

I partly agree with you. But I also know a lot of people who had a nanny and a housekeeper that ended up 10X more effed up than my friends who came from poorer families. I am all for advocating for kids. But I disagree that breeding should only be something for the rich.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:08 AM
5

Rape has not just been perpetrated by a couple of bad apples in the military on the women of the civilian population where they are stationed, but has also been used as a weapon of war forever. It has nothing to do with women being in the military. It has been utilised as a 'legitimate' tactic by the military.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 09:51 AM
2

Cops definitely come under this. Look up the spy cops scandal in the UK. You couldn't get more misogynistic and anti woman if you tried.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 09:48 AM
12

Does anyone know where you can get free cheap PDF or e books of these helpful books? My mum gave me a copy of this when I was in my first long term relationship at 17. I would like to read it again now I'm grown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 09:02 AM
17

Most tbh. Maintenance over here ends up being absolutely nothing if he doesn't have a good job. Literally £20 a week. That's one swimming session.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 08:06 AM
39

This is my personal experience. There is a marked difference between being a prostitute who is seeing clients in real life and selling pictures of your bum on Instagram.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 10:29 PM
130

I am from a piss poor background. The sex workers I know IRL are nothing like the sex work I see portrayed on the internet or on tv. They are mostly single mum's who can't work out another way to be able to make enough money to support their kids and themselves and still be able to do the school run. I had a limited experience of fetish work online with a few IRL meet ups and I am so glad that I managed to carve out a different, safer niche for myself. Plus I was lucky enough not to end up with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 10:27 PM
7

For sure. They can be a reason, but huge swathes of the population have a depression diagnosis. If he is saying he mistreats you horribly whether that be physically or emotionally because of a run of the mill depression or anxiety diagnosis, you can probably call bullshit on that one. Depression doesn't manifest as "abusive to partner", that isn't part of the diagnostic criteria. Like. You don't have to carry anyone. But I see so many "How do I help my depressed husband?! / BF" and on further re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 05:12 PM
22

The worst are people who weild the empathy concept like a weapon. It takes awhile to work out they often don't really know the difference between sympathy and empathy. These people can sympathise with you if it's something that is completely relatable to them. They cannot empathise. I do believe that empathy can be taught. There is a lot of research into this at the moment. Men in general aren't socialised to see things from others perspectives, which is a prerequisite to being able to empathise…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 04:08 PM
15

Crossing all my fingers and toes that you don't get dragged down by his BS ever again. It is BS by the way... you deserve so much more than a guy who is happy to potentially give you sexually transmitted diseases when you are trying to bring up his child. He is worth 0 space in your head or your life. Honestly. Mental illness isn't a choice, but choosing to ignore your mental health and using it as an excuse for behaviours that are malicious is just not okay. We aren't here to heal men. You know…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 01:37 PM
14

I'm so sorry Stevie. My dad had a female friend at work and the same thing happened to her. She was completely hounded out of that environment and he was gutted for her. He couldn't completely see what was happening. My dad gets a lot of bullying at work too as he doesn't go along with the jokes. I think he's on the autism spectrum and literally cannot pretend that he finds something funny when he doesn't. He doesn't find sexist jokes funny. I think this has really messed with his career. It's a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:10 AM
17

Can you specify why you think the logic is flawed? Because I don't entirely get what you're getting at?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 10:48 PM
7

A rape crisis counsellor that is GOOD can help. I went through two till I found one that was properly qualified and a good fit. It was worth it. It helped me sort it and be able to function in a healthy way. Please reach out to a professional. I wish I had done so earlier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 03:27 PM
54

Also had this advice from my dad. Unfortunately doesn't always work. If you can't reach go for the eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 11:01 PM
31

It's the men who read Bukowski and Dylan Thomas that sit around all day drinking without ever actually creating anything. How they romanticize alcoholism while only destroying without creating anything of substance and still manage to think they are somehow comparable to these great literary figures completely bemuses me. No dude. You are just a twat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 06:37 PM
107

That last bit tho of your comment hit harrrd!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:15 AM
19

I am so so glad you got away from that horror. Honestly that was some quick thinking on your part about the texting. You are amazing and I'm glad you are in the world 💚
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:25 PM
11

I KNOW it said double edged SAFETY razer but it's very early in the morning here and all I could think was "Hmm... I could get into shaving my legs with a straight razer, that would be some hardcore stuff.... I would have to learn and it would be such an intricate operation every time. Maybe I would shave then." Obviously that isn't remotely a thing that's going to be happening. I think I'll stick with using a hair buzzers when it gets annoying. I like not having to think about shaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 07:54 AM
9

👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:11 PM
34

I don't for a minute believe they have no baby stuff or friends or family that can fix them up with some stuff. Little babies don't actually need that much stuff anyway apart from nappies and warm clothes. [Edit: and bottles and the related stuff if they are going to bottle feed obv] Whenever anyone I know has a baby they are often inundated with everyone's old baby stuff they don't need anymore. Honestly, this dude is just being a total shit for the sake of it. Even if nobody has offered them a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:42 PM
7

I struggle with this too. For me I have got to the point where I just accept that I can't protect them from everything, however much I would like to. What we go through shapes us, even the horrible shit. I don't mean that in a trite "whatever hurts you makes you stronger!😉" way, but in a suffering is part of life way. The most important thing I think we can do is just solidly be there for advice and guidance. If possible create a safe space where they can come and breathe a sigh of relief. Most …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:34 AM
72

I just wanted to say that I am so glad your sisters have you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 05:40 PM
21

Yep. Me too. I've been in very depressed states before where I've lived on a bed full of books and clothes everywhere. In fairness everywhere I've lived has been tiny. It's one of the things that I really really make sure I'm on top of. Sometimes it can slip for a couple of days when I'm really busy but I never let it get to that point. Ever. I notice now that when I don't tidy up for even a day it exacerbates my ADHD tendencies and I get total sensory overload if stuff is everywhere. Honestly, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 10:43 AM
2

I also have a body type that is supposed to be for carrying sheep and hulking wood around, so I get you on the shoulders and calves thing. In my case though I reach a point and I don't seem to go much further as I don't add higher weight often and I don't do deadlift. I had an outdoorsy job (pre-covid) so it's quite easy for me to get my muscle back quicker because it's under the surface anyway. My shoulders were hench when I didn't lift weight. I would rather the muscle and to know I could pull…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 09:36 AM
12

Those people are total fools. Honestly I'm sure since starting lifting I've actually got a bit taller. My posture is so much better and I carry myself in a way I didn't before. All the most important bits (to me!) are more toned and defined. Any women reading this who think they might get manly muscles If they do start strength training. You won't get even close to big unless you lift serious serious weight. And you won't look weird unless you start boshing lots and lots of steroids. I don't kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 07:30 PM
72

This really really helped me out today. I'm close to 30 and I'm feeling better every day. More independent. More head strong. More worldly wise and fearless. Happier in my body. Happier with my relationships. Like, this feels like an upward curve. I don't believe the BS about hitting a wall and I hope to be in a similar space to you in the next few years. Also discovering weight training was huge for me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 06:12 PM
6

Yeah. Nah. This isn't a real post by a real woman. If it is she's horribly unwell OR making a joke out of what is horrific abuse to take the piss out of him...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 03:03 PM
9

I refuse to use their terminology to describe myself. I would rather go for: Wild Woman Indulging DEEPLY In Scary Nun Witch Phase OR Banshee Lady Chasing Dollar. Like, they can do one with their wahh is me terminology. No thanks. X
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:27 PM
18

Bare faced hairy leg (often) woman here. I can attest to the fact that the majority of men do not give a fuck about those things, at all. They either just want to sex you anyway, because they actually do not care where they stick it OR heaven forbid, they actually like you for who you are and are attracted to you bare faced and hairy whatevered. It. Really. Isn't. A. Thing. Tho. Again, don't project your weird prejudice onto the rest of the human species. Just because you're a deeply conditioned…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:21 PM
11

I started shaving really early at like 8 because I thought that it would make me a faster swimmer(?) And also because that's what the women around me did and I wanted to be seen as grown. I also started my period very early so it coincided with this. Then when I was like 17 I just stopped shaving all the time and did it when I felt like it. I didn't think much of it and was outside pretty much 24/7 working and this was more important to me than the time consuming shaving thing. I then realised a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:35 PM
20

It's the no books thing that gets me. I can't imagine seriously considering being with someone with no books. Even the LVM that I've been with who weren't big into reading still had practical books; woodworking, gardening, cooking... whatever. And a couple of your basic Orwell, Bulgacov blah. Like, you don't even like looking at cool stuff? What's that about? I do not understand. I know people are different but it creeps me out a bit I've got to be honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:51 AM
41

🙋‍♀️ I also do this. I have lived with my closest friends in community settings so this stuff is sort of normal to us. Someone cooks, I do the washing up. I cook, they do the washing up. Party? Everyone is supposed to do their bit. THIS THO did make me go "HAH!" Having mutual support and labour in friendships is different to going to a party at some random guys house and cleaning up the horror. I have done this in my younger years too. In fairness it wasn't ever to prove I was wifey material (LO…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:14 AM
63

I can attest to this too. I'm late twenties and it does still happen but nowhere near as much as it did from 11-16. I was thinking this just the other day. Which is why I make an active effort to protect the girls around me from older men to be a supportive ear for any of the younger girls around me. Honestly. I'm so glad I don't have to be a teenage girl again. It was such a hard space to wiggle around in and very difficult to keep myself safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 03:03 PM
38

Call it what it is. 👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:09 PM
12

Hooraaay for hurling awful things from NVM into the canal! Glad you're done with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 09:46 PM
69

My best friend killed herself when she was 15. She left me a note, her parents a note and her ex boyfriend a note. After the inquest her parents asked me if I thought he should have the note and I said no. I didn't think he deserved it. Even though it was full of anger it was also full of the very pained love of a teenage girl. I didn't want him to have it. I had watched him be horrible to her throughout their relationship and she thought that he would change. That she could just be kinder or co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 07:31 PM
3

You could totally buy a fixer-upper town in France or Portugal for a under a million.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 10:40 PM
14

YES! This is it! You totally vocalised what I knew but couldn't find the words for. The ability to sleep with "as equal" and yet still think it's okay to patronize and infantalise...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 09:13 AM
5

Wasteman is used here in the UK too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:16 PM
8

Holy shit. You are my hero for leaving such an abusive arse. You did the absolute best thing for yourself and your daughter. Never look back. Keep moving forward. Let yourself heal. He sounds like a real scumbag and I'm so happy for you that you don't have to put up with his shit anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 06:12 PM
11

I read it again the other day. In literally a night and a morning. I really believe every woman should try to read it. It's harrowing, but it's not that far from women's experiences now. If you haven't read it. Read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 09:12 PM
1

I just ended a 2 year relationship over this shit. It was my only solid boundary and he completely refused to stop doing it and said he "couldn't help it" Fucking total torment. I'm sad about the end of my relationship but I'm mainly angry at myself for letting someone do that shit to me. Over lockdown he did this stonewalling thing for days at a time. Over nothing. While living in my house. Ugh. The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:27 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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