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hubbyouttahere Archive

View 0 posts and 75 comments by hubbyouttahere on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Don't go down collaborative. Do mediate. Technically collaborative means the lawyer you are working with would be "barred" from litigation if you went down that path. If you do without prejudice negotiations, you can take a more collaborative approach in negotiations, but without forcing a formal "collaborative" procedure.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:08 PM
1

In the event the "entitled" spouse decides to fight (either directly in court, or passive-aggressively by delaying everything and dragging things out) it can take years to work things through the court system. Unfortunately, the lawyers make the most money in this scenario, but the system is set up to encourage this due to the incentives involved.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 09:02 AM
2

Unfortunately, in many states in the US, the "winner-takes-all" system of divorce encourages the type of behavior you've seen. If he leaves, the courts can find the mother the "winner" of physical child custody, which then means: - She can get the marital home - she will be guaranteed a high child support (because it is assumed that she needs to cover all the children's costs) - She has a high chance of substantial alimony (because she is taking care of the kids 100%, she can't reasonably take o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 02:01 AM
2

There's no need to share that level of detail. Talk to your lawyer, but unclear why she needs that, or what reason there is for you to disclose it. I think your instincts are correct: she is fishing for some reason. You should disclose your current earnings, and depending on jurisdiction, they will look for 1-2 (sometimes 3) years of history to show standards prior to breakdown of the marriage, but it sounds like that's all within your current job. Are there kids involved? Is she trying to make …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 03:28 AM
1

And 5, know the potential range of outcomes If you must go into battle (ie litigation) so you can make educated diplomatic judgements (ie worth compromising in mediation?)
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 05:56 AM
3

I’ll second there BIFF method - I found as soon as I limited my messages to no more than two paragraphs, often only two mines, kept them focused on information that I needed to share, made sure they were formal (by the way, that’s the second “F”), and focused on keeping them friendly, her responses had less to “attack” and I wouldn’t be drawn into endless battles. It had an added benefit that it forced me to take some distance, which helped my mental health too. edit: as corrected below, it's fi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 06:56 PM
6

100% agree. I started by being reasonable, and then discovered that every reasonable compromise was met with asking for more.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 09:38 AM
1

Even though it's hard being a single parent, I think you'll find that you'll be able to rise to the occasion. And, in many ways, it's easier when you don't have an abusive ex-partner with you. I remember taking my kids solo on vacations when they were 4 and 1. It wasn't easy, but I managed. And it gave me the confidence to take care of them on my own, without my ex-partner (who would have made the vacation a nightmare due). If you're still debating filing, maybe try taking a vacation with the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:55 AM
1

But… if you don’t do the parenting when they are young, you don’t get to do the parenting when they are older. This is very true; my ex was a very absentee mother in the kids' early years. Though I am in a jurisdiction that heavily favors women being granted full physical custody (and men relegated to "visitation" only), because she was so absentee when the kids were young, when I eventually filed for divorce I had a fighting chance to keep 50/50 custody. Your kids remember who held them when th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:47 AM
1

I agree with this. I'm in a similar boat - over 3 years since I started the process, multiple (failed) mediation sessions, hearings on side issues (that she lost, but refuses to acknowledge that she lost), multiple false accusations. I used to contact my lawyer regularly to check in on things, and discovered that led to lots of extra charges (billed for every letter that goes out, every email that gets written). Now I just sit back and wait for the next step of the process, and without fail, 2-3…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:43 AM
1

Yes, similar. Even in a worst case scenario, I will end up better than what she is demanding. (Even after accounting for legal fees) It’s sad for the kids - but as she’s not willing to compromise on them either, I have no choice but to go to litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 06:17 AM
3

Yup. Similar boat here. She wanted so much more money than what was the legal standard, that would have had me working until I drop (while she lived a luxury lifestyle). While a pain, my lawyer advised we not compromise in mediation (beyond what we had already offered, and it was a lot!) and let the judge decide. Will have to see what the trial brings to know if it was the right decision, but my lawyer is optimistic.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 12:58 AM
2

Or, just don't co-habit, co-mingle finances, or have kids together! Doesn't mean you can't have a long term monogamous relationship. (If you're pre-kids, and plan on having them with your partner, this may not work - so definitely agree on checking with local legal standards in that situation.)
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:38 AM
3

Agree with all you have said. While financially worse off than if I had not divorced, I am miles better mentally (even taking into account the stress and ongoing toll of the divorce proceedings) than when I was married. I no longer need to deal with an unhealthy individual daily, or be concerned about how to manage her reaction to minor things. Best of all? I no longer have to worry about dying with her by my side! That would have been my biggest regret in life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 07:27 AM
1

Get a lawyer. Pronto. If you don't act, worst case scenario is the court will interpret it as you intentionally abandoning your child (when you eventually get to court, as everything indicates you will end up there based on your ex's behavior). If your ex hires an aggressive lawyer (and based on your description of her behavior, she will), the lawyer could insinuate the following: - you willingly left your daughter behind, because you were unable to care for her as she needed (bad, but not as ba…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 09:13 AM
2

Not true at all. Even in at fault jurisdictions, the split of assets and maintenance for the non-earning spouse can be based on other factors than just adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 08:21 AM
4

Not necessarily true. Depends on the jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 06:08 AM
4

Agree. I remember when first separated from my STBX walking past areas that were “family” spaces and the wave of emotions that came. It was also crazy how I felt guilty - even though we aren’t technically married any more (still in court for custody/assets/alimony), and I’m the one that filed - being on a date near where my ex and I used to go. Hang in there - it will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 02:18 AM
3

After reading the post, I do tend to think the OP is more TA vs NTA, but I don’t have appropriate context of how their relationship was in the past, the battles he’s had with his ex over boundaries, or what his son feels about this. Regardless, if I were in his shoes, I’d take the kid every time it was offered, and then file for 100% custody. (And I agree with OP - the double standard for women/men on this is frustrating. If OP were a mother, I suspect the comments would be more about “what a ba…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 04:27 AM
1

There are a lot of variables to consider: jurisdiction, length of marriage, standard of living prior to divorce/breakdown of marriage. If you haven’t already: Withdraw 50% from joint account. (Prevents her from having too big a war chest) have salary deposited to account only in your name as soon as you have filed. (Note - in some jurisdictions this is frowned upon; in my jurisdiction it is not. Bonus points if you do it before filing, and just deposit money for bills into joint account). Doesn’…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 09:58 AM
1

So true. The behavior in marriage was (sadly) a great indicator for my ex’s behavior in the divorce preceding: full of spite, lies, and entitlement. But as you said, nothing we can’t handle.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 09:40 AM
1

Yes, a similar situation here - my ex-wife even believed that post divorce she would be entitled to MORE of my salary than she and the kids had historically spent, because now she was taking care of the kids on her own (never mind that I was still paying everything for the kids). The kicker of it all was that she also believed that - as she was the mother - she could single-handedly decide any expenditure and just send the bill to me. (Because the men are only good for sending cash).
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 01:44 PM
5

Agree. My only other concern was the language describing the parenting roles of the mother and father: the daughter was often characterized as "her child" and "Jordan wanted to play the role of the father" ... implying that the "motherhood" was real, and the "fatherhood" was just a game or act. He's proven to be the father by a paternity test. He's not playing a role - he's being a father to their daughter, in the same way that the mother was being a mother to their daughter. Why continue with b…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 05:36 AM
4

Two thoughts: She is Case building with her attorney, preparing for litigation, hoping she can establish a pattern of evidence showing you to be the type of person she is portraying you as. This is a tactic used by less scrupulous attorneys (according to my attorney friends) to both drive up her billable hours (as she may not be paying attention to the cost), as well as attempting to snow the judge under with a preponderance of evidence that you are a bad/absent/obstructive (fill in the blank) f…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 05:45 AM
2

I feel for you for sure, which is why I would advocate for clear 50/50 splits of children as the default, unless there is compelling evidence otherwise. Similarly, as we have moved to a time where women are definitely able to work outside the home, there should be default expectations that the homemaker spouse find a job (or if they are intentionally not finding a job, then there be an expectation that there is imputed income as a default standard). Also, both parents should have default support…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 04:12 AM
3

Given what you've shared, I think your highest priorities should be: Making sure you are protected (get cameras, voice recorders, etc.) from false allegations Hire an attorney asap. Make sure you have access to important documents; make copies if necessary, store off sight. (If you have an office job, can store in your office. Other options are with friends/family, or a safe deposit box). Important documents include children's birth certificates, social security numbers, old tax returns, bank st…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 04:46 AM
3

Yes. Filed over two years ago, still working through it. Even though we live apart, there are still days that I have trouble getting out of my own head and dealing with what she’s done. Therapy helps!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 06:34 AM
14

I'd stop if I were you. It's just postponing the inevitable emotional crash...
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 07:34 AM
8

Be there as much as you can. Do not leave the house, consider recording things from day one. Be careful that records don't disappear, and if you delay filing for whatever reason, make sure that you can document any changes in spending by the SAH spouse. (ex: ex started running up electricity bills, grocery bills, subscribing to new services, all to drive up "standard of living" so the alimony/support payments would be higher.) Make sure you know teacher names, doctor names, dentist names and his…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 04:39 PM
1

When married, had a two bedroom apartment with two young kids. The kids didn't love it, but at the same time, they adapted. As others have suggested, bunk beds were invented for this reason! Bedtime routine can be harder (just as one settles down, the other ramps up) but, the good news is, with discipline, you get them both trained (and they see that both kids have same standard: lights out means lights out, bed time is bed time, and yes, you need to be quiet now.)
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/21 03:21 AM
3

Yeah, it's patently unfair when the assumption is the guy always pays alimony. (especially when the earning disparity is due to choice of career that the ex has, rather than any inherent contribution to the marriage, or taking time off for family, etc.) I will never marry again after this, and I am already planning my vasectomy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 05:59 AM
1

Oh, interesting - very different from my jurisdiction, where the assumption is opposite. However, in my jurisdiction, there's also an assumption that the post-judgement support will drop after some years (depending on age of parties, etc), once the homemaker spouse is "back on their feet".
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:18 AM
1

It depends on jurisdiction. I don't know Ohio, but in my jurisdiction, they will absolutely look at history of bonuses received, and "estimate" your future average bonuses when calculating what you can afford to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:15 AM
3

It depends on if it's a "without prejudice" proposal or not. If a "without prejudice" proposal, then it means they can't use it in litigation, and more likely that she is willing to consider it and negotiate. then, offering it has no impact on the litigation, and depending on the correspondence, can help you be the "reasonable guy". If your lawyer is saying you will definitely end up paying more than in a temporary order, but you include a % of bonus + something lower than what you might have pa…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 02:14 AM
6

All of this depends on your jurisdiction and context of your case. However, here's some of the things my lawyers have advised: 1) In financial disclosure, you need to tell the truth at current time. If you are earning more, then you need to disclose that. Not disclosing it can lead to problems in the future. Remember this also works in your favor should you lose your job, or need to take a pay cut: your income shouldn't be fixed to your historic high earning year, if you can't earn that much in …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 02:22 PM
2

The kids have only known the US; their economic future is likely better in the US than the Philippines, so I think it likely better that they stay in the US. The real question will be if you can take care of them if she goes back? Do you have family nearby? Think about the kids and if you would be able to give them a good life if she were not in the picture. (And if it’s a better one than than if you are not the picture and she’s taken them back to the Philippines.) Even if you don’t know the an…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 04:07 AM
2

keep the passports. If they don't have Phillipines passports, look into if you can block them being issued without your consent. If she ends up in Philippines with the kids, you will be spending thousands upon thousands to get her to come back (if you can even do so). Relevant facts: - Divorce is not legal in Philippines, so no way to formally file there. - Though they have signed the Hague convention on child abduction, the Philippines government has not implemented the enforcement provisions. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 01:35 AM
3

Hahaha - congratulations! I like your choices, except for the brussel sprouts.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 02:42 AM
1

Yes, I completely agree with your sentiment. And, sadly, unethical lawyers can prolong the process when the only real goal is to enrich them.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 02:40 AM
5

Agree with the above. I do think it matters how much the loan is, how much of her loan was paid off with marital funds, and what the contributions of each were to the marriage...
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 11:24 AM
1

Possibly so! Regardless, I still think he's a bit of a jerk, who at best is a coward: she must've gotten his sperm from somewhere, and if he were truly concerned about not having more kids, he shouldn't have banked it, or given it to his paramour. Why not just break off the first relationship, and then have all the flings he wants with hot young things? Or, have the hard convo with wife #1, saying I need to have more sex and if you can't/won't give it to me, I'm going to find it elsewhere? I gue…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:34 AM
1

From the heading, it sounds like she's a gold digger, and maybe that's true. But reading the case statement, the guy is a jerk too, who is a serial liar and adulterer, and denied approving the in-vitro fertilization (with his sperm!) even though there was documentary evidence showing he had approved it and attended the procedures. He even said "don't worry about the money, I want children with you, and I won't do that unless we're married" There are guys who are jerks, and there are women who ar…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 02:08 AM
2

100% this. Unfortunately, my ex fell into the believe 1000% she is right and justified in what she was doing; she chose a lawyer that believed in fighting (and didn't give reasonable advice), and so hundreds of thousands later in legal fees we're still not done. When it makes economic sense to continue spending 100K+ in legal fees rather than agree to the demands, it's crazy. From the original list, my advice with #7 is continue to make reasonable overtures through the process (to try to de-esca…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 02:16 AM
1

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's intensely frustrating and infuriating to have to deal with someone who routinely lies, or puts on their "best face" for the rest of the world while secretly behaving like a jerk behind closed doors. Even more so when your kids bear the brunt of the fallout. My ex sees herself as the victim, regardless of what her behavior was. I'm not perfect, but I was faithful and supported her throughout years of bad behavior. She's also working hard on alienating the…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 03:12 AM
6

It's tough to go through that, and I'm sorry that it's happening to you. However, be grateful that she's willing to do things amicably, and take her up on the offer: make it go as fast as possible (so she can't change her mind). Make sure you write things as joint legal and physical custody: just because you have joint legal custody, does not automatically mean you will have joint physical custody. While she is amicable now, things can change, and in the event they do, you want to be in the best…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 02:34 PM
4

I echo this. If legal, record everything; assume that your ex is recording everything (assume that she's recording, even if it is illegal). Assume that her lawyers are going to use every tool in their tool book to gain leverage over you. Make sure you are above reproach.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 01:15 PM
2

And I also think some people are strongly wired for vengeance, no matter how irrational that may be. Regardless of if they are “right” or “wrong”, if they believe they are ”right” then they are out for vengeance - and they do not care who or what is hurt in the process. Add the semi-ethical lawyers, who are trained that the “adversarial” system is the way to justice, and then all sorts of hell can break loose.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 02:33 PM
2

Congratulations! As a fellow dad that has faced these types of BS allegations, because someone wanted to manipulate the system, it's great to see justice prevail. Thank you, on behalf of all of us, for fighting - if we all keep doing so, hopefully we can change the places where there continues to be systematic bias against fathers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 06:40 AM
4

Sadly, I agree with this. (though if you had asked me about it 5 years ago, I would have disagreed with nearly everything).
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 06:36 AM
4

Par for the course. I expect nothing from my ex regarding these types of things, and instead, expect that she will bring something that tries to upstage the event, or distract from the kid's enjoyment (like an inappropriate gift, or interfering in kids' activities/relationships during the event). When there is some contribution from her that is positive, I'm pleasantly surprised. And, when the inevitable negative event occurs, I'm not irrationally angry (because it's what I expect).
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 02:48 AM
1

Agree
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 03:56 AM
1

OP - take this poster's advice. She cannot take the kids forever - you are equally their parent - and you don't need to agree to her plan. You do not need to serve her, and it is possible that you can convince her to return with the kids to the family home. But prepare for the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/21 02:17 AM
1

Remember, in many jurisdictions you can get copies issued for a small fee, often same day if you go in person to the courthouse/city records department. Definitely worth getting, just so you have a copy for emergencies.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/21 05:14 AM
1

Had a similar situation for a while with my daughter, about same age. 100% daddy's girl, until divorce. Then lots of behavioral problems. I stood firm on certain rules. Applied them equally to all the kids. Also created special one-on-one bonding time with daughter that had done about face (special dinners out, etc). Also apologized for the difficulty she's facing in life due to the split households, and that it wasn't her fault her mother and I couldn't make it work. Eventually got to a point w…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/21 06:36 AM
1

You can divorce in a foreign jurisdiction, without traveling to the US, usually based on habitual residency (i.e. have you been there for more than X years / Y months?) Rules differ by foreign jurisdiction on grounds for divorce and what documents you need. From what I gather, you will usually need personally identifying documents (e.g. passport), marriage certificate, birth certificate(s) of any kids, and documents proving you can be in the country where you are divorcing (e.g. residency papers…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 01:37 AM
2

You definitely need a lawyer, but what she's asking for isn't totally unreasonable. (Consider the capital value of the business and that she is willing to waive any claims to that). Consult a lawyer in the background, but if she is willing to settle for reasonable amounts, better for you to sort directly with her rather than have go between lawyers. If she picks a "shark" of a lawyer, your legal costs could go to 200-300K between the two of you easily, as the lawyers can make it more contentious…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/21 03:45 AM
1

you could also do a double bed - not as nice as a queen (personally speaking), but still gives you space for your stuff should you need it. No stigma to your preferences though. Not worth beating yourself up over a bed!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/21 04:37 AM
9

So, even before I was married, I slept on a queen sized bed (regardless of my status with a partner) because I like to sprawl out on the bed at night. It’s also nice to be able to flop onto the bed at night, or if working from bed, have space for my laptop/tablet and the like. But, my grandmother slept in a single bed after my grandfather died, because she didn’t like the empty space. I think you should choose whatever you like to sleep in, and if you do get a single and end up with a partner in…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/21 01:14 PM
2

The reality is your lawyer can't predict 100% what will happen: even if you feel evidence is ironclad, the judge's role will be to evaluate the evidence dispassionately. It's more likely your lawyer can give you ranges of potential outcomes, or say if there is any chance for you to get what you want, if you end up in litigation. But, you can ask for "case law" relevant to your situation, in your jurisdiction; you may need to pay for this advice (hourly rates, can be expensive). If the case law s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 04:15 AM
2

Given your description of the potential issues, plan for a worst case scenario, especially if your STBX has any high-conflict tendencies. Align on strategy with your lawyer in advance: what does the law say regarding your "worst-case" scenario, what will you prioritize (e.g. custody of kids, assets, alimony), and what's your strategy to get what you want? Make sure you have budgeted sufficient funds to fight if necessary. It's a total waste of money - and your personal circumstances may mean you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 03:03 AM
3

Hang in there. I had a similar situation, and ultimately my ex needed to move out too. Be rational, firm, but calm in all situations (even when she's not).
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 03:46 AM
2

Yes, this. Similarly, as he is a minor, you have equal parental rights until the divorce is finalized and you are welcome to get a second opinion. In a worst case scenario, you can also ask for a court representative to speak to the children, or get the child's opinion on record via a third party, which will count for something.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 03:45 AM
1

So, even mothers wonder if they're a good parent to a 1.5 year old. Doesn't help that you have two under 4... You know your personal situation better than any of us do on a random internet forum, but I think you should be very careful about giving away 50/50 because of the financial implications long term (and the potential for your ex-wife to take advantage of you giving up control). What really matters is the best interest of the kids; you could find a hybrid model, 3/4/4/3 or similar that sti…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 04:58 AM
1

There are some judges and custody evaluators that would recommend primary physical custody as the best solution for the children. Note, I don't agree with this, but if you have a contentious divorce, she may argue for it. If she's not working (and she may not want to work - there are plenty of people that take that perspective), she may look at this as the road to financial freedom: she gets the child support for the next 14 years or so, and it makes her life much easier. Get a lawyer. Document …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/20 09:09 AM
2

Don't move out, and while I am not a lawyer, I do not see any reason she can kick you out of the house given the historical evidence. Be careful though, she could claim you were abusive, and then force you out via a personal protection order, etc. Remember, as a man, the system will often assume that you are the one instigating the violence (because it is often true that men are the ones starting things). Look at what happened to Johnny Depp. Not saying it will go that way, but from what you've …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/20 08:58 AM
5

Don't tell the kids. They'll figure it out on their own; they're teenagers and will figure it out quickly, especially if she is rash enough to bring him around to meet the kids. Worst case, you will come across as badmouthing their mom; despite her faults, the kids almost certainly love her dearly. If they think you are putting her down, you risk alienating them, and pushing them towards her. Everything I've seen says it is better to have a united front with the kids, especially if you plan on c…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 01:48 AM
2

Depends on your jurisdiction. If you live in an "fault-based" divorce jurisdiction, then better to not let her know: she can incriminate herself (either by admitting fault, or by demonstrating the behavior that drove you to file) and if she does try the domestic violence card, you'll have evidence of her fraud (which will help you in the divorce settlement). If you're at a no-fault/ 50/50 split state, then letting her know is probably fine, and may help ward off any frivolous lawsuits.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/19 06:48 AM
1

Yes. Don't withdraw the suit. If it's so bad that you wanted to file, then she will not change overnight. If you want to reconcile in the future, fine, but I would advise completing the divorce first - protecting yourself and kids with legal agreements that give you custody - vs. a worst case scenario whereby you hold off, but she prepares for a year or two to get a more favorable outcome for her (e.g. she gets primary physical custody and you're relegated to every-other-weekend Dad). Everyone's…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/19 03:21 AM
1

Turns out we can't see the side bar in the "new" reddit layout - had to go hunt it down in the "old" view of reddit. It's a gold mine of advice - would be great to get it visible in the new view as well (I could've used some of it about three months ago...)
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/19 09:22 AM
1

Yeah, I had the same experience. I think my STBX would have ended up in a much better spot, with more money in her pocket and a better relationship with her co-parent (ala me) if she'd been willing to work through things fairly. In the new world, I expect she will end up with less in alimony, and assets, as she's chosen to spend tens of thousands in legal fees on her side alone, and that's going to come out of her share of assets. Oh well, as you said, there's a reason we're getting a divorce...
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/19 08:55 AM
1

Depends on the lawyer. There are "collaborative practice" lawyers out there specializing in family law, and if both lawyers take that approach, it can work well. (or so I hear). However, it doesn't work with people who are passive aggressive, narcissistic, or regularly irrational, so for many divorces it's just not the right choice unfortunately...
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/19 08:50 AM
2

Take a deep breath, and pause for a moment. As someone in a similar situation (though not as bad - no court order yet, but did have STBX threatening to run off with kids), you can do this. For now, get the divorce settled asap. Assuming you love your kids, then you having them 100% is a good thing. Tread water at work for now, while you restructure finances to downsize if necessary. Cut out the unnecessary subscriptions/services (maybe saving 200-400/month depending on what your lifestyle creep …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/19 11:06 PM
2

Good luck! I truly hope it works out for you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/19 06:21 AM
3

I would go - if only to know for yourself - and be able to say to the kids in the future - that you tried everything possible to save the marriage. If the two of you can use counseling to work through your issues, and stay together, then it’s a win. If you are already checked out, then you can use the sessions to break it to her over time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 01:24 AM
1

I opened joint accounts for both my kids when they were younger than yours. They are joint with me (legally are required to be so until kids are legally adults). At younger ages, the only thing I did was teach them how to deposit money in the bank, visit the teller; older ages it’s the ATM card and keeping track of bank balances. I think it helps teach financial discipline and awareness, which is an important lifelong skill. Unless your custody order somehow prohibits it, I think it’s a good ide…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/19 01:20 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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