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ilseinlove Archive

View 1 post and 35 comments by ilseinlove on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

DATING ADVICEilseinlove/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 06:40 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
–

I definitely cannot control anyone else's actions. I don't feel as though I have given in to anything, really, though. I haven't done anything I would be ashamed to admit to -- or that would count as adultery in a court of law! I know that anything is possible at this point. The way I see it, and the way a colleague of mine (a longtime divorce mediator) puts it: anyone can leave at any point, be they your boyfriend, your fiancé, or your husband. Knowing that, and having gotten to know him, I'd h…
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/25 02:25 AM
0

Okay, that's fair, I didn't realize that. I didn't appreciate hearing it because I thought it was pretty clear that I was not looking to be told whether to go on with this but how.
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/25 01:19 AM
1

People aren't unanimously being awful to me about it, though. They're saying "not my choice, but here's what you asked about". What you did was different. I mentioned it because I'm not going to leave out something that big. I have insecurities around it, but I've also told you that I actually know what I'm doing because I handle clients like my boyfriend for a living. Also that divorce is not as cut and dried in my state as "Google it", which you were derisive about. I understand that you are d…
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/25 12:52 AM
-1

What's up with you tonight? Seriously? Normally you are not this person. I've read your past contributions.
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/25 12:25 AM
2

That's an excellent idea. Zen out a little. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 11:44 PM
-1

With respect, this is the last place I expected to hear "leave him". And I don't know why you followed me into this thread to call me out. You said your piece. Please leave me alone about this particular aspect of the post.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 11:43 PM
2

I see my therapist Saturday, which is a relief. Mental outlets: normally work, but Tuesdays are frustrating and that is bleeding into my mental state. I need a good physical outlet. I get home after dark now, and it's getting to be the frozen half of the year. If it were summer, I'd go walking really fast. Or trail hiking. Maybe I should go mall-walking? It's not like the stores tempt me, and I love talking to the people I meet.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 10:34 PM
1

Fair. And thanks.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 10:20 PM
1

Thank you. I will give it a thorough read. Thank you for not passing judgment. My parents, who have been married since 1978, fell in love when he was still married to his first wife. I didn't think it'd be this big a deal.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 10:04 PM
1

Someone has already helped them get it started. There is a separation agreement. Many people come to my org once they have a separation agreement because the part after that is murky and not everyone has the money to retain a divorce lawyer. Fortunately, in less than a month I'll be learning an expedient new process to help separated couples file -- there is a simplified "joint pro se" packet coming out in New York -- so I will be able to walk him through the paperwork if and when he asks. I wil…
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 09:34 PM
0

You are spot on. I'm worked up because I have no control. I am unhappy when I have no control. I cannot control his filing. Therefore, I am hyperfocusing on it and making it my problem when clearly it is his life and therefore his problem.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 09:26 PM
0

Nine months. And... sorry to "yeah actually" you on this, but the process is complicated enough that my org gets paid to be, essentially, divorce doulas. Lots of people screw this up. I would well believe he didn't know whether the timeline to wait for divorce was since the separation agreement was signed or since they actually separated, because clients have come to us with what you might call dumber questions than that one.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 09:24 PM
1

What I'm insecure about, now and always: Am I a burden? Am I good enough? Why are my feelings so big? How they manifest: All my good sense flies out the window. He's at work, but I'm staring at the phone anyway because it's a slow day for me. I miss him acutely and wonder how to show that in an appropriate manner. I spiral into wondering how to be appropriate, period. We have talked about our needs in a relationship, which I see as a good thing; that we are both looking for life partners, same; …
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 09:21 PM
0

Which should be treated seriously, yes! And I am treating it as such. But it's not a dealbreaker for me. The fact that as soon as he told me of the problem (very early) he also asked me how he could solve it says to me that he's not interested in staying married. The fact that they are living as if they've been divorced also tells me a lot. What it doesn't tell me is that "leave him" should be anyone's first advice.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 08:14 PM
-2

He didn't know the timelines to sign the paperwork. He actually asked me if I could clear that up for him, once he realized I work with divorce mediation clients. From what he's given me to understand, the marriage is broken and there is no fixing it. The thing that happened to break it is years past and she never was able to get past it. No, he didn't abuse her.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 08:04 PM
9

Forgive me, but as you age, the "appropriate" age bracket will change. 28 and 25 are very different from, say, 38 and 35. Once you're over 30, five to ten years older is no big deal. Also, I'm the same age as these "older males" and they're still interested in me. What is your culture that so many of them are running into trouble, please?
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 07:36 PM
-9

Sorry, did I say I was looking to leave him? Everything is great. I'm not on the Gen Z "everything is a red flag lol" boat.
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/25 07:01 PM
2

Let's try this boundary: if it's not an enthusiastic yes, it's a no.
/r/RedPillWomen17/11/25 02:09 AM
2

No. In fact, I'm pretty sure you'd have been a means to an end. To wit: he loses his virginity, he goes off to his internship with a body count higher than 0, which means more women will be attracted to him... you get the point. You gave him the impression that all you wanted was intimacy, then you decided that you wanted a relationship. He must have decided he wanted what other men had presumably had earlier than himself, and not wanted to wait. This is a common sentiment among red pill men.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/25 03:34 AM
3

I wouldn't say anything about him for certain because nothing here indicates that you know him well enough for that. You know what he said he was, but there's an old suffragette motto: DEEDS NOT WORDS. And I find it's a sensible one. You have to watch whether his actions match his stated beliefs. A man who skates to the edge of intimacy and has to be told "hey, wait, you're not even my boyfriend" may not be what he claimed to you that he was.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/25 03:30 AM
9

While writing this, it really sounds like/ may have been that he was only interested in being intimate. I would concur with your analysis. You gatekept sex, he gatekept the relationship. So it goes. You have had an encounter with future faking which is a form of love bombing that's all about the future you'll have together -- if, of course, you're willing to move at their speed. You did not fail here. You vetted, you decided that you were not willing to be intimate with this man, and when you we…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/25 02:55 AM
4

All of this to say, please, don’t confuse being feminine and nurturing with doing everything for someone. Advice taken! I am... not very overbearing in this respect; I like to give people space to be competent because I like being given that space. I like trading competencies anyway (you do the cooking, I'll do the laundry, etc.).
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/25 02:36 AM
2

Which, very sad, because the child might be reacting weirdly to trauma from the divorce. But... I would be noticing my child regressing to where I would expect a toddler to be and get her straight into therapy. This behavior would have been addressed if my child showed these signs.
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/25 11:34 PM
4

It's eerily reminiscent of Humbert and Lolita as described by Humbert as narrator, in fact.
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/25 10:48 PM
6

As for the rest, this is super weird. My four-year-olds don't do this. Agreed. Their bond is... definitely not what mine was with my parents, and my parents and I have always been this cosy three-person unit. To the present day, in fact. But we were never this enmeshed. They did not let me emotionally blackmail them, and have never done so. They taught me to express my needs and wants in a healthy way.
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/25 10:47 PM
9

I know it's early days, but I always wait at the door for him when he comes to see me and greet him with a kiss. I see him off the same way. We're also already "Good morning! How did you sleep?" texters. Ridiculous. I love it.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/25 07:27 PM
1

The house has to pass inspection -- this is why women vet!
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/25 06:34 PM
7

This is 100% true. I'm not any more or less happy for having him pay, although when he insists anyway (like, when I have my wallet out), I swoon a little, because generosity, I think, is a trait to be admired. And find ways to be generous in turn. It's not about competing to get the most out of the other person, it's about being as decent as possible to them!
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/25 03:49 PM
2

I love quirky houses. This is true both inside and out of the metaphor. :)
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/25 02:22 AM
8

The staunchest defenders of women are the least performative about it. Note that I didn't say "staunchest feminists".
/r/RedPillWomen11/11/25 02:03 AM
1

A lot of them go to church.
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/25 10:20 PM
2

I am specifically looking not to lose fat, so thank you! <3
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/25 01:00 AM
4

[cough] I have finally achieved B-cups, and respectable hips, and I don't hate my belly fat because it makes me look a bit more classically womanly. But I get so winded after not a lot of activity! So -- endurance, really. And lifting would be a good idea to build strength.
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/25 12:14 AM
5

This would be my investment as well: time with someone who could teach me what I needed to be doing to maintain my healthy weight and curvature but get physically fitter.
/r/RedPillWomen09/11/25 10:14 PM
5

Welcome! I have switched usernames to reflect the kind of changes this subreddit has wrought in me -- I'm much older than you are, and what I like to think of as a "soft feminist", and I don't think there's anything wrong with what you want. The only reason I focus on my career is because I'm in a field I love, and it's a nurturing, caretaking field, so very true to type. I am also independent in a lot of ways, but I live with my parents because I hate being alone and prefer doing life with othe…
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/25 09:57 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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