Hi, friends. Former diaryofalostgirl here. Surprisingly, I'm not in a pot of trouble this time. I just wanted to get rid of an old identity that no longer served me, since going forward, I wanted to be whole and real. Found, if you will.

And someone has found me. Or: we found each other. I'm 39, he's 44. We have matching baggage, let's say -- I don't want to reveal too much about him, other than yes, there is one major flag here: he's still not legally divorced. He has been separated for some time now (there's an agreement signed and everything) and I am not going to tell him to divorce her tout de suite because I'm feeling insecure. Although a friend of mine would totally do the forms with him if he asked. ;) Everything else is amazing. He's strong, both physically and mentally; he's a good communicator; he shares my timeline on sex (!) and our values match. Oh, and we're both open books about all of that at roughly three weeks in. He was the one who wanted to introduce me around to people in his life right away, and he met the people in mine.

In fact, that's sort of why I'm coming to you all for guidance. How do I nurture a new wonderful thing without my insecurities getting in the way? Is there a book about how to do this? There are books about how to get a man, and books about how to keep a husband, but what about the in-between part where you're very new and you want to encourage what is growing without making mistakes? The hamster does NOT get to drive the bus here. (Its legs are too short, he would tell me, with the straightest face.) I don't want to wrest control away from him. In terms of relationship dynamics, per this post we are somewhere between HHH and LLL. There is apparently not a MMM for middle or medium, but if I could put one there, there absolutely would be. Neither of us sits at an extreme, and neither of us is inclined to defer unduly to the other, but I'm happy to embrace the captain/first mate dynamic and I think he likes being treated like he knows what the H he's doing in life.

I know it's early. I know we're still vetting each other. I'd just like to be the best version of myself that I can be at this point, and quietly nudge him to pick me, choose me, love me. What's the RPW way, darlings?

xoxo Ilse