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iqeq_noqueue Archive

View 0 posts and 81 comments by iqeq_noqueue on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

I now assume if they knew each other they’ve slept together. I got her best years anyway. Who cares?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 11:18 AM
5

Mine said, “I’m not sorry” What makes you think that she regrets it?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 02:25 AM
6

I had this problem too. It stemmed from trauma in my childhood and how I was treated by women who said one thing and did another. Once I dealt with that, my love for her a lot more conditional and I was able to respect my own value by not being a martyr and taking the hits that someone who doesn’t care anymore will never stop delivering. You’re being honorable and doing the right thing. Odds are people are saying that you’ve done more than you could ever be expected to do and that there’s nothin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 11:09 AM
4

It’s common with Avoidants. Learning something new in that context requires them to in some level admit that they might have contributed to the state of the marriage. That terrifies them and creates dissonance with the narrative they use to justify themselves. It’s fine. People show you who they are. I was the idiot who hung around too long because I didn’t believe them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 06:50 AM
4

She had just made up her mind and wasn’t going to let me or some therapist convince her to get vulnerable or create intimacy to shift her off her mission. The validating moment was when the therapist said, “you have solvable problems that are behavioral in nature and you could learn new skills to help you do things differently.” … “You don’t have an irreconcilable difference if philosophies, like he wants kids and she doesn’t” .., “Ask yourself if you’re willing to choose to learn something new …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 06:43 AM
7

She made our couple sessions about her own individual issues that she hadn’t dealt with and spent up our time talking about whatever was annoying her and refusing to talk about relational patterns or feelings. Basically we never got to do any work together. She’d just waste time with small talk, minor irritations/garbage mouth and when that didn’t work she’d shift the focus to her and distract away from us.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 06:34 AM
9

Both parties need to want it to work. She didn’t. So, it didn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:55 AM
1

Fwb is the only respite I found. I didn’t want to cheat even though things were over but with no one to hug or sleep next to I was unraveling. It wasn’t even about sex. Just being close to a person.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:19 PM
6

I’m not sure you’re motivated by the same things as others here but it is definitely good to read more positivity and that other men are satisfied with their post divorce situations. Live your dream man. Yes, it does get better - or at least you get ok with the “difference”. Happiness is a choice you make for yourself; whatever that looks like.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 09:52 AM
1

What state?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 08:29 AM
2

So far as I know, you can do as you please until there’s paperwork
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:15 PM
8

I had a great marriage. She chose not to. Her version is her truth. If that’s how she wants to live I won’t subscribe and I won’t be gaslit into a false narrative. All she’s doing is disrespecting herself; while telling me I’m disrespectful. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 06:27 PM
5

Mine was a long divorce which ultimately played in my favor. The longer it went on the more she showed her true self and the less I had to argue. Judges aren’t idiots. Present your evidence. If you’ve got recordings make sure to clear with your attorney in case your state has specific rules about consent for such things. The crazy ones eventually blow themselves up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 11:42 PM
3

I feel your pain. Mine gaslit me into believing all sorts of distorted things and when she finally dropped the anvil and I had to sort out what was real from what wasn’t, I started to legit question my sanity. She called it “hedging her bets” I call it systematic undermining and sabotage of our marriage. I suppose two things can be true.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:44 AM
1

Go easy on yourself. Its bothers me to no end even still.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 10:03 AM
1

I have, I just get why they get their order every time.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:57 AM
2

You could represent yourself using AI but the AI can't represent you as it is not licensed and thus could not be held accountable for legal malpractice.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:35 AM
3

Mine is the same. So afraid of being the bad guy that she gaslit and manipulated me all while telling me she wanted things to get better and at least be friendly and amicable (not hate each other). Meanwhile she just kept piling more trash onto the dumpster fire. Lies, affairs, abuses, spiteful acts, false police reports. Never once said sorry, much less offer any real apologies. Couldn’t sit in my pain and couldn’t face the consequences of her actions. She still reaches out to ask if she can do…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:44 AM
2

No judge wants to be the one who refused a request for protection and then have something awful happen to that person if they say no. They’re extremely lenient because being wrong has dire consequence.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 02:35 AM
2

My stbx fits this bill but had a terrific father that both she and I were very close to. Interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 02:17 AM
1

Why would they put your needs ahead of theirs?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 05:38 AM
3

File first!
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:07 AM
3

Yes. They have to be seen as a victim and it's one of the easiest and best tools they have.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:59 AM
3

She made it up to convince herself that it was ok she cheated on you brother… sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:27 AM
7

Wedding cake is a tricky dessert that never leaves them the same as you found them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 09:29 PM
3

Either put yourself into the process and structure that your therapist provides and commit to healing or just opt out and divorce. I’ve been breadcrumbed through therapy that was undermined from the start and it only hurt worse. Figure out what you want. If it’s repair, then put your faith in the process. If it doesn’t work, try another therapist and another and another until you figure out why it’s not working. If you can’t fix that, you have your answer. A lot of marriages fail because the pai…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:39 PM
2

Give therapy some time to stick before you make any big decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 08:04 PM
12

Wow that’s a jump. This is the problem when they get into that group of angry divorced or terminally single women that find your divorce entertaining. It’s cruel that they never have to live with the results of their toxic advice and encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 07:53 PM
2

“She decided that, despite my best efforts, she didn’t want to be married anymore. Please give me some space.”
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:51 PM
3

Single and divorced. Two things can be true. Let them get to know single you before you have to explain why you’re still marriage material.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:40 PM
4

We started that way. She said we don’t have to be like other people. Then we disagreed on something.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 04:14 AM
3

Reflect her treatment of you back on her. If she doesn’t show you respect don’t show her any.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:24 AM
2

Why?!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 07:52 AM
11

Not cutting off all communications with her forever
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:57 AM
2

At this point, if it suits you and doesn’t hurt your children - if she doesn’t like it, that’s a win.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 06:29 PM
5

Right? Like who is this person?! Do they remember anything at all?!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:09 AM
6

This is awesome lol
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 10:38 PM
0

If you’re what stands between it working and not I urge you to find a way. They walk out so easily. Don’t do that. Make her fight for it and then let her fight for it. Show her you’re worth fighting for and take the win. People give up too easily. Don’t walk away from someone that wants you. Let them earn you. I wish mine would have fought. I’m probably just projecting. You’re probably right.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 03:28 AM
11

Yep. There’s not much to learn though. Just gotta believe that when you thought things were good, so did she (no matter what she says). They rewrite history. Let them. Don’t let your self-esteem depend on how someone else treats you or speaks of you. You were something she chased before. Odds are you only got better. All she got was older. We know who does better after a marriage and it isn’t the “bored” woman who quit instead of doing the work and having mor al fiber.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:45 AM
4

We all pay for it. At least some go away honestly.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 02:58 AM
2

Talk to your therapist. Don’t bond with anyone until you’re ready imo.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 02:57 AM
4

Keep it transactional and short term. I got way too attached way too early and it only made shit worse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 02:56 AM
1

Yes. My ex successfully challenged a prenup by claiming she didn’t understand it. No other testimony or evidence. Despite having a lawyer present when it was written and signed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 08:06 PM
2

That’s the easy part. It’s figuring out why you feel empty and like dogshit after you go to the tap that sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 07:38 PM
12

You’ve got all the evidence you need. Courts don’t care. Tell her to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 04:40 AM
1

Once they speak it into existence you’re just being groomed to accept it or to think it was your idea.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 01:06 AM
1

Absolutely impossible. Resentment is real.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 12:52 AM
1

If you’re on the verge fight like hell to keep from going over the edge. A lot of us would kill to be in that position.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 08:28 AM
1

I mean, you should want it to work. That’s what you vow. That’s what you promise. One of you breaks that promise. Let her be the morally corrupt liar incapable of matching words and actions. Let her integrity forever bear out the truth of her fraud. Look her in the eye and say, “I showed up for you and you walked away. I’ll sleep fine at night knowing I kept my word while you quit and ran away.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 05:13 AM
2

This. It’ll now be the anniversary of the first time with what was her name?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:56 AM
3

Just let her cry them out til they’re done man. You don’t have to wrap your arms around her. You don’t have to be an ass either. Offer her a glass of water. Offer her the room for a minute and excuse yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 10:51 PM
-3

I say go for it. Some people need to play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Your lesson will come later when you look back on this and realize that not only do looks not matter, to the extent that they do, they fade. If your marriage was about attraction it was going to fail anyway so maybe you’re smart to be getting out early. Stick with prostitutes if you only want women in their prime.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 10:16 PM
3

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on. And maybe get rid of the lizard?
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 02:12 AM
2

I feel you on this. I can't even seem to discipline myself to look at the lists I make for myself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:17 AM
-2

While she may have been the person that broke the trust, there's no such thing as an innocent party in a relationship that has to deal with infidelity. You can heal from it but it takes work. If you aren't skilled in that sort of thing (almost no one is) get outside help; but only if you're really committed to getting through it. Giving therapy a "try" will just lead to lots of arguing and a waste of money. Make sure you're on the same page that you both want to come out the other side together.…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:05 AM
6

Point your anger where it belongs: at your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:25 AM
9

If it’s even money, give her the business, take the house and then quit. Open a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:54 PM
10

A year before she asked for the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:01 PM
1

Shrinks, drunks and bums.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 12:32 AM
21

Their friends always tell them how easy it'll be lol
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 06:12 AM
1

If the money is gone it's gone isn't it? How would she recover your half of it at her salary?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 10:01 AM
1

Yeah... don't do this. It's passive aggressive af. If you want to go to the concert with her then step up and make sure it happens. If you're testing her to see if she'll show up, just assume she won't and move on. She already rejected the parts of you that you wanted her to accept. You're hanging on to a person that's picking and choosing how much of your self is acceptable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:59 AM
6

Get legal advice. Leaving can have downstream consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:38 AM
1

Yeah, I totally removed her from my life when we separated. New everything. Knocked down some walls (felt good) and made it feel so different she said, "this isn't home anymore" when she saw it. That was the win.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:10 AM
1

Women don't suffer for men who will provide for them. She won't come back for lack of funds.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:06 AM
2

I could never forget them. Ten years of their partnership as the context for every story I had? I was angry or a long time that our marriage failed. It felt like a personal failure. I wasn't capable of recalling the positive parts of "us". No way. Eventually I found myself telling stories where she wasn't the villain. The stories made me remember her differently. I still would never contact her. I don't think either of us could actually be real people in each other's real lives. But as a charact…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:05 AM
5

Thank you for writing this. I am in exactly the same situation but I haven’t come up with the courage to actually leave it. She’s gone and I’m looking for any little signal at all (there aren’t any - I’m imagining them into existence) to stay. Idk how she can leave but I’m clearly bad at reading her. Feels like problems we have are solvable. The real problem is that she has decided she doesn’t want it anymore and I don’t have an answer for that. Can’t change other people I guess. She doesn’t see…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 07:37 AM
5

Always said that I had her in her best years. Not really… she was just the best when I had her because of who she was to me. Not who she was.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:31 AM
10

Like, how could you not see it sooner, idiot? It’s self-sabotage but you start thinking you stole all that time from yourself when the reality of her was right in front of you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:27 AM
1

The point is to do it on your own so your most recent big moment isn’t your breakup or your divorce. Proximity to accomplishment (especially without your ex) helped me a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 04:47 PM
1

Need to accomplish something big and create an individual win and a recent positive milestone that has nothing to do with my spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 02:30 PM
5

Yep
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 08:45 PM
2

You’re still sleeping in the same bed? Lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 09:37 PM
14

Call her bluff. She didn’t file and she won’t. She wants you to be the bad guy that refused to work on the marriage and wouldn’t go to therapy with her. Reject her narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 09:04 PM
3

When you can tell yourself that you’d make the change for you without weighing your divorce as a variable. If the change is something you’d do if you weren’t hanging on or grieving or uncertain or distracted, make the change. It will help reestablish you as an individual. Don’t make the change if you care if you ex notices or has an opinion on it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 03:09 PM
2

Would you have been as generous to her if you knew your one-sided relationship was contingent upon her deciding one day that she wasn't ever really as truthful as you were when she said her vows? If the answer is, "no"... that's your lesson. Marriage is a legal contract. Divorce is an act of fraud violating the terms of the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 06:17 AM
-5

It takes two to break it. It takes one to decide it's not worth the work to fix it. It shouldn't be called divorce. It should be called quitting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 06:12 AM
6

I regret not being able to talk to her now. Disrespect for all the years we were great together. I can’t. I’m too angry. She broke too much. But no, I don’t regret her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 04:18 AM
3

I love when people expect divorce to be “amicable”, “not impact people”, “not have to be like those others”. You’re being sold man. Take as good care of yourself and your kids as you can but you don’t owe her one calorie of extra energy anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 06:13 AM
3

Be prepared for the nasty stuff about to come your way. She knows you. She knows what you are most proud of in your marriage. Be ready for her to tell everyone that’s why she’s leaving you. The lies they are capable of will twist your mind. Every moment of kindness they exhibit to make you feel better or give into human decency will be ripped away so fast it will give you whiplash; by design. That woman you married is dead. The creature you see in front of you is real. That’s who she is to you n…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 01:19 AM
5

I felt like got out ok giving pretty much everything but not having any debt and not owing alimony. Divorce is expensive because it’s worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 06:15 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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