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kantarra Archive

View 0 posts and 215 comments by kantarra on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
769

Lol… how is getting takeout even a hobby? Does he collect the containers or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 10:41 AM
574

Never seen it happen. What I have seen plenty of times is guys get better at hiding just how low value they are over time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 11:13 PM
302

Yes, so true! I would love to go back to my 20s in a heartbeat ... so I could reclaim all the time I wasted worrying about some worthless guys! It's quite painful to me sometimes to imagine where I could be now if I hadn't spent such a lot of time trying to be prettier/more appealing to some man. Otherwise agree with you, ageing is great. So much more freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 04:00 PM
45

As long as you find value in her company otherwise, I don't think you need to do either. If she is happy to get married after 2 months of dating, I doubt she'd be very receptive anyway. Maybe just don't talk about dating with her anymore?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:07 PM
3

Honestly I think most men don't even bother to read your profile. They just look at the pictures, give the rest a brief skim sometimes and then decide to deploy their standard opening lines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:51 PM
133

This is so true. Asking men who want kids if they would be happy to be a stay at home dad or even switch to working part time is very telling. Most men will just automatically assume that's the mom's job and will be genuinely confused by the question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 11:25 AM
48

THANK YOU! Seriously, thank you do much for this post. It makes me so angry that being angry after being mistreated is somehow looked on as a character flaw. We are always pushed to forgive everything and not be mad, find something positive about almost any negative experience. The biggest lie I see is being told that we cannot move on until we forgive, and I think in this context, being asked to forgive actually means being asked to forget. Who really benefits from that though? The people who h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 11:19 AM
32

Honestly it's still a very risky position to be in even if you are married. Why anyone would do it without even that security is beyond me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 09:00 PM
67

I'm not sure I agree that pickmes are worse than LVM... At the end of the day, those men were the ones who cheated on their partners, not that woman you mentioned. Of course her behaviour is shitty though. I saw that a lot at one job as well, affairs left, right and centre. It can really wear you down to witness it all the time and not be able to tip off the wives / husbands. I left that job because I found it too difficult to respect my colleagues after a while, no matter how good they were at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 05:45 PM
63

Those low effort suggestions are so ridiculous. I can laugh at them now, but my past pick me self probably wouldn't have seen anything wrong with driving an hour to meet up for a coffee date! Crazy how things changed thanks to FDS. This week, a guy I've been talking to suggested going for a drink after I'm done attending my friend's birthday dinner. I laughed because I'd seen that one coming as soon as I mentioned my plans, then proceeded to block & delete. FDS saving my sanity and time yet agai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:15 AM
16

There are two ways of doing this. The first is safe and usually works well. Be as bland and boring as you can! Never contribute to the conversation, just reply with neutral comments like "Oh, Really?" "Interesting" "that's nice". This approach doesn't work well with guys who love to hear themselves talk. With those, I've found it effective to talk over them and interrupt them as much as possible. Make it all about you. It's a bit stressful but I've found it effective. Most of the time, just not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 12:44 AM
4

Instant gratification is the common denominator- exactly! I couldn't put my finger on that. It's like any in-person interaction (or heaven forbid - a phonecall) is too much effort. Crazy times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 01:46 AM
46

Totally agree! It's not even just porn in my opinion, but the pervasiveness of online gaming, YouTube, even reddit. It's not even just the sex, many lvm also mostly just want to have someone around so they don't feel lonely and I've lost count of the number of guys I met who don't seem to have any close friends. Everything is online now. It's weird, almost as if any social interaction in person got replaced by something online.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 09:40 AM
5

I'm not sure this would work for your ex, but the safest way to get rid of any unwanted contact from guys has been hard-core grey rocking them for me. It's not fast - usually it takes between 2-6 months for the guy to get bored enough to leave me alone, but I found it a very safe way to disengage. Just being extremely boring in all my replies. Depending on what you know about the guy, you could write super long texts about what you ate for dinner / bought at the supermarket etc. Many men really …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 12:12 AM
2

Thanks for replying and explaining your/the more general point of view! I didn't consider that getting approached so often really is not that different from sexual harassment in many ways, you are right. I do think there is a big difference between getting cat-called/groped and someone asking you out, but I can see what you mean - essentially, the mind-set and motivation behind it is the same, isn't it? Constantly being sexualized. I didn't see it from that angle, but you are completely right. A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:08 PM
8

Great idea! I discovered I was dating an alcoholic like that! I used to make the days when he was drinking... after a month I saw there were none at all. It's really a great tool to track various things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 08:09 PM
17

I lived in Sweden & Denmark a few years ago and both the Swede & Dane I dated were into it. Interestingly, they both wanted to be dominated rather than doing the dominating themselves. I think maybe the obsession comes from that life in these countries is so safe and secure in every way that they must seek "danger" whenever possible. Just a guess though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 12:11 AM
63

Dirty nails/ how well they take care of their nails in general. The state of their shoes - I don't think everything has to be spotless or brand new, but I've seen so many guys walk around in shoes that are literally falling apart. Really tight clothing - in my experience only worn by guys who think they're hot stuff and are extremely vain . Wearing too much cologne.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 05:23 PM
4

Weirdly, the only person who has shamed me for not being interested in casual was my ex-friend, who has always been a serial monogamist herself. She used to say "if I were you, I would just sleep around and have fun!" which confused me to no end because why would she think I'd be interested in that? I'd sort of get it if that was at least something she clearly liked to do, but she was very much not into it herself either. Never understood her reasoning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:02 AM
6

Princess Victoria of Sweden probably. Thankfully a lot of the Scandi royals seem to break away from marrying distant relatives!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 02:48 AM
11

On the dating front, a lot of the experiences I read here resonated with me, and from friends in "successful" relationships, I often got a bit of side-eye, as if men being shitty to me was my fault. This sub was very healing for me because it made me realize that it doesn't matter at all whether you are a HVM or a pickme, LVM will be shitty to both. It's not about you, it's about them. Realizing that changed a lot for me. I saw friends getting treated well so I assumed maybe I was the problem, m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:33 PM
29

yes, this so much! It really shocks me few people are aware that sperm quality decreases with age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:06 PM
40

Maybe she's the CEO of her own family, researching how to become the ultimate pickme & consulting other women on how to act like it's 1951 in 2021! You see, you really can have it all! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 04:45 PM
3

Battlestar Galactica has such a good soundtrack and I love the Bear McCreary cover as well! I actually didn't know the original before that and while I also enjoy it, it's one of the few cover songs that I prefer to the original.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 12:37 AM
5

I think what we listen to affects us a lot. I don't think it's bad to enjoy music with lyrics you don't agree with once in a while, but it's important not to listen to it too often. I think listening to those type of songs does affect us over time. Not in the sense that we start agreeing with them, but I think it can create a false sense of normalcy around disrespecting women. Especially with music that is a bit on the edge, or the type of songs that are all about how a guy is such a lone wolf. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 12:32 AM
2

I'm 5'6, but my ex was only 5'2. I didn't care at all about the height difference and while he never explicitly said being shorter bothered him, it was clear that it did. At some point, a guy in our friend group started dating a 5"1 girl and my ex became obsessed with her. I'm convinced the main reason had to do with height. He hated being short. I did witness other men commenting on his height in a rude way. I think it's mostly men wanting to feel dominant and feeling less dominant if they are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:35 PM
1

Oh god... that brought back memories! Years ago, I was out for a walk in the middle of winter in a fairly rural area with my then boyfriend. Suddenly, he announces he has to take a leak and instead of disappearing in some bush like a normal person, he pees his name into the snow... right next to the footpath. His name was longer and he was very proud he managed to spell it out all the way. It was the first of many signs that he was a weirdo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:54 PM
28

amazing queen energy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:54 PM
2

True, you are right - reading your post also made me feel a little less alone somehow. I have talked about my family with some close friends in the past, but I could see that they just don't really understand it. Wow, what kind of a therapist did your dad have?! That is horrible. I wish you could sue her for malpractice or report to a medical body, too! Then again, maybe your dad just wanted it to be ok so he could unburden on you, and misrepresented what the therapist told him. Same here on the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 07:57 PM
2

Yes, try it! Thank you, I hope you will find some sisters at your uni. Best wishes to you as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:32 PM
7

Oh god, yes. I can relate so much. I'm sorry you grew up like this, my experience is similar. My dad also had / has multiple affairs (parents are still married), and my mum just sort of put up with it. At the first affair, I was 15 and both parents regularly made me listen to their "side of the story". Neither one of my parents ever bothered to teach me anything about relationships or sex education. They bought me a really cringey computer game where you could play as various teens going to a pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:08 PM
9

I love that! Definitely going to start doing that, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 12:36 PM
16

I'm sorry you had that experience. There really aren't all that many warning signs, unfortunately - and while it's been a while since I bothered with dating, my experiences match yours minus the assault. My ex-boyfriend used to try choking me in bed even though I repeatedly told him not to. In hindsight, of course, I should have kicked him to the curb right then and there, but porn use and those type of sex kinks have become so normalized that I also felt like I was maybe overreacting. After all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 12:25 PM
44

What the hell did I just read? " We cannot actually consider something true BDSM if there isn’t consent involved. " ... what? How can anyone even reasonably consent in a scenario that is all about one person having total control over another? " Instead of shaming people’s fetishes, we should be teaching them to share their interest in a way that doesn’t harm others. " - Again, aren't those lovely little kinks like biting, bloodplay, spanking and whatnot inherently harmful to others? Yeah... I'm …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 12:13 PM
12

ugh, how frustrating! How come so many of us have this problem?! I've started to take out the trash really early in the morning to avoid my neighbor, sadly I think my neighbor either doesn't have a job or works from home... even before lockdown, he always seemed to be at home :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 11:56 AM
11

I channel my rage when I work out the most. I find it gives me great energy to push through physical stuff. As far as meeting allies goes... women I meet through work are either the biggest "cool girls" you could imagine or as angry as I am that we have to work so much harder than the men to get paid equally, get on the interesting projects, get promoted and get our ideas recognized. There are a lot of very angry women in my line of work and it's not hard at all to recognize each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 01:02 AM
43

Honestly one of the best things of my job being 100% home office right now is that I no longer have to put up with this rubbish. I actually used to time my coffee/lunch breaks to avoid a few select guys who always tried to rope me into nonsense conversations. Same with bringing out the trash, one of my neighbours always just happens to come out of his house the minute I leave mine and always tries to strike up a conversation. So annoying!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 12:50 AM
94

Admitting that while yes, "not all men" is true, it's also equally true to say "not all men, but most men" would mean that men would have to examine their own attitude and behaviour more closely. Much easier to blame all the bad behaviour on a few black sheep, when it's statistically improbable that this is the case. As you said, most women have experienced some sort of sexual assault, and I also don't know a single woman who has not at the very least been sexually harassed. It makes me incredib…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 04:20 PM
12

Ugh, oh no! One of my friends brings her husband along to everything as well. I don't mind him being there in itself, he's a nice person - but sometimes I just want some girl time! I also find it so strange - especially now with all the lockdowns, other friends have said that it's so nice to hang out with people who aren't their partner once in a while!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 01:38 PM
13

Right? Very telling that they all consider giving up their name as a loss of identity.... but yeah, for women that's fine, because we only matter to them in the context of how useful we are!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:26 PM
208

Sadly I feel these men are not that uncommon in any age bracket 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 02:18 PM
138

"I think I’ve earned the right to have her take my name." ... barf. This was a really disturbing read indeed! Do these guys truly not realize how crazy their justifications sound? The only one that kind of made sense to me was the guy who wanted to keep his unique name... the rest... just wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 01:06 AM
2

Very true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 12:52 AM
16

I don't know. I think there might be some truth in that (though not about the magic dick part, lol). I used to not get the hype about sex until I slept with a guy who was really good. Sadly the bedroom was the only place he was high value but oh well. Before that guy, I really didn't care too much about sex and preferred masturbating. This guy did make me a lot more interested in sex, but unfortunately I've yet to find anyone even half as good as that who is also a HVM. Most men are just so unbe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 05:11 PM
8

I remember that book! We had to read it in school when I was around 13. It really is an incredible book and I'm so grateful our teacher made us read it. It was such an eye-opener for me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:15 PM
18

Hmmm, in my circle I've only seen guys do that really, but they are all LVM. A guy I used to work with never hugs his girlfriend in the photos he posts, she's always clinging onto him. He probably thinks it makes him look like a hot stud or something. He's not the only one, I have a few of these losers on my socials and I'm pretty sure the main thing they value about their girlfriends is how hot they are. The captions are invariably "here is my gorgeous girl". Because the most important thing is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 11:02 PM
13

Very true. Thank you for articulating that far better than I could. How often we are pushed to forgive people who mistreated us? In reality, it's all about making the person who did something wrong feel better, all about being "nice" and avoiding conflict. Also to forgive because god forbid we actually harbour ill feelings towards let's say an ex who cheated on us! Women need to be nice, after all...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:17 PM
2

I've never dated anyone I wasn't physically attracted to... even in my worst pickme days, that one never made sense to me. I got so much shit for not wanting to date guys I didn't find attractive though - from women! "But he really likes you and he's so nice!". Absolute rubbish... I'm not asexual so why the hell would I want to date someone I don't find attractive?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:28 PM
13

Haha, I actually said something along those lines to a colleague once. He just replied "Yeah, good luck with that!".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 01:10 AM
28

Sums up so much male behaviour so beautifully
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:16 AM
32

Ugh yes exactly, I really hate how often the violence & rape gets excused by people claiming it's "realistic". There's so much fantasy out there that manages perfectly well without those graphic descriptions. I love reading fantasy and it annoys me to no end that GoT is this popular when there are so many much more interesting books out there. As a TV show it might be revolutionary as far as the quality of the visual effects is concerned, but all the nudity and violence really put me off watchin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 09:36 AM
6

Same, it happened to me with a Danish guy. Equality my ass... LVM and hook up culture are everywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 06:06 PM
9

I had a really similar experience except that we had been dating for almost a year & I was dumb enough to move for him. Surprise surprise, not long after I moved to his city, he told me he "didn't cheat on me" since according to him, we were not in a relationship. You are right, narcissists live in their own reality. I wish I had known FDS back then, it would have saved me a ton of heartache.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 06:00 PM
10

Wow, I never thought about that before... but same here! I had sex once where I didn't need to touch myself to finish. How depressing is that? Yet I always thought that it was normal for me to have to touch myself to get to the finish line. Crazy. Thank you for this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 01:27 AM
7

I tried to watch it a while ago... but I couldn't finish it, it was so bad and annoying. Hated how the women were portrayed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 01:16 AM
6

Same, I never thought about mine at all. Sure, I've taken a look but I have no feelings about the looks. It works and I guess that's what matters? Thankfully I was already in my late 20s when I first found out this type of surgery even existed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 01:52 AM
38

Same, it's hard to see that... but as you say, it's extremely unlikely that your (or mine, or anyone else's) ex has suddenly evolved into a better person. It's hard to see them move on and apparently be better for someone else... but it's just a show, nothing more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 05:39 PM
4

I realized that my "best" friend really only cares about what's best for her. She always used to say that I can talk to her anytime about anything, but when I tried, she just dismisses what I am going through and changes the topic. I still hang out with her for sports, but I would not consider her a friend anymore at this stage. With 2 other friends, I realized that they do 95% of the talking and rarely ask me about myself. I really like listening to people and I think they are interesting... bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:09 AM
5

Agreed! I love wearing perfume so much. My all-time favorite is Epic Woman by Amouage ... I do feel truly epic when wearing it. If you like Chanel n.5, I think you might enjoy most of their scents. Some are a bit too heavy for my liking, but most are classic scents in the best sense. Pure luxury! I'm also hoping to add Virgin Island water by Creed to my collection soon. I'm not a big fan of most Penhaligon's scents, but their new-ish Portraits range has some really interesting scents. I really e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:58 AM
5

Noise-cancelling headphones were a real game-changer for me. I'm honestly not sure how I even survived before I got them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:47 AM
3

Korean skincare is a massive game-changer!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:39 AM
6

It's really not that uncommon though? Granted, it is pretty uncommon in big cities... but a lot of small towns and especially villages, getting married around that age is still very common. I'm also European.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:39 PM
3

That's really interesting and very disturbing that it isn't common knowledge! All I knew about fillers was that nerve damage is quite common apparently, never heard about the product absorbing. Thinking about it, it makes perfect sense... of course the skin will stretch if it has move area to cover all of a sudden! I always wondered what caused especially the lower lips to look so saggy in the corners. Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:30 PM
5

The clone-like aspect is one of the creepiest things about it! Why would you want to look exactly the same as anyone else?! And there definitely is this very strong clone-like aspect to plastic surgery. These extremely weird upper lips that stick out in a way I've not seen lips that haven't had filler stick out, balloon boobs, extremely strange cheekbones and so on. I don't really agree that plastic surgery is a completely black and white issue and if there is something you truly hate about your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:21 PM
8

Haha omg I read it as "farts" too 😂 seriously most kids in primary school have better handwriting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 08:40 PM
33

I've mostly run into men that only want to hear themselves talk or men that pretty much interrogate you & don't reveal anything about themselves. Very few normal conversationalists!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:13 AM
5

Same, I get tested for everything every 6 months. My doctor thinks I'm extremely paranoid as I'm not "high-risk" according to her. Which is true, but you never know even what your one partner gets up to! Cheating is way too common and way too many men don't care at all about using condoms. So ... better overkill than ignorance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 08:29 AM
5

Wonderful, I love this idea!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 07:52 PM
28

I've thought about that too, recently. It only gets worse the older you get... at this stage, I'm not sure I'd even bother to look for a man around my age (mid 30s) as the majority just look awful, bad grooming and no effort when it comes to clothes. At least the younger guys are still mostly beer-belly free!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:33 AM
10

Same here, but I don't think that's shallow at all. What's even the point in dating anyone you don't find very attractive?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 01:25 AM
10

I tried to do that with my last ex. I'm not sure if it helped in the aftermath with hurting less, but it certainly helped me be extremely calm during the actual breakup talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 03:42 PM
0

Not sure how you got from my comment that I think everyone is free to live their dreams of depravity. I definitely don't think that. I don't think everything can or should be apologised. I think that freedom of one person ends where it harms another. I do disagree that everyone who has this urge also acts on it - I have nothing to back that up, but if we look at murder and rape, it seems unlikely that everyone who's ever wanted to kill/rape another person has also done so. I do not support woke …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 12:29 AM
-10

I'm probably going to classify as an "apologist" according to you, but here's my 2 cents. My gut instinct is to scream "monster", but what we are attracted to sexually isn't something we can control. To be clear, I have no empathy for anyone that offends either by actually hurting children or looking at child porn. I support harsh punishments here. But I'm not convinced that every paedophile also acts on their urges, and I don't want to live in a society that punishes people before they've even …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 10:40 PM
5

This guy is not your friend. He is testing the waters to see if you'd be up for some "sexy funtime". Disengage! You don't have to explain anything. The same thing happened to me, except that I woke up when my "friend" started groping. I shrugged it off and he did it again not too long afterwards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 07:42 PM
14

I like Under The Tuscan Sun, it's not so focused on the romance side though, more of a good "getting back on your feet after a setback" type movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 06:53 PM
6

Very true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:44 PM
44

This is so true. LVM can be really skilled at putting up a good front for a time- but eventually, the facade crumbles and they reveal who they really are. So if you see your LVM ex treat their next girlfriend like a queen and feel hurt why he didn't do that for you, just remember that he almost definitely didn't change, probably treated you well in the beginning too - and sooner or later, the poor woman dealing with him now will get to see the real him. Most people like this don't change, as it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 02:13 PM
14

This is an amazing idea! I always made a written list of everything I disliked about them, but I feel like something visual might actually be way more effective. Not to mention more fun to assemble! Genius.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 11:49 PM
10

Very much so! I've never been that interested in dating to begin with and usually only dated if someone that I found interesting happened to find me interesting as well. Those relationships invariably turned to shit because I used to be a classic "nice" girl, and am very generous with my time, effort and everything. Never got even half of what I invested back. If my stocks perform this badly, I sell... and after finding FDS, I finally realised why I wasn't happy in my relationships. Always knew …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 11:33 AM
47

Accurate. I'm generally not interested in random sex, but every once in a blue moon, the urge strikes. Crazy how butt-hurt guys get when you treat them the same way they'd most likely treat you if given the chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 11:22 AM
38

Amazing, this is inspirational - and happy birthday!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 08:27 PM
2

Nice post & list of resources! Planning really helps avoiding unneccessary purchases. It's probably not an option right now in most places, but I can't recommend using personal shoppers at department stores enough. They can be invaluable in finding pieces that suit you and in some places, this is even free for a few hours! Also worth spending money on though, especially for color analysis. I think these YouTube channels are often kind of just pushing the same style everywhere, not that it's a ba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:34 PM
13

Same here... at least we know better now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 10:21 PM
11

I lost a friend for telling her that I didn't understand why she thought her boyfriend deserved praise for looking after their baby... while they were on maternity & paternity leave. Crazy pickmes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:12 PM
1

Haha! That sounds like a funny situation 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 08:18 AM
20

I dated a guy that I strongly suspect to be gay or at the very least curious. He would talk a lot about men he found attractive/ugly, but at the same time claim that gays disgusted him. His style was also pretty gay. And the biggest giveaway... he didn't like eating pussy. He still did it from time to time and never complained about it, but I could tell he didn't actually want to do it. I would not at all be surprised if he ever comes out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 08:12 AM
30

Sounds like he is a high value cat 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 08:05 AM
3

Agreed. Seeing it in the cinema back when it was released with a male "friend" & hearing the mostly male audience laugh their asses off was a very bizarre experience. The part where they try to decide who gets to sleep with/rape Emma Watson's character at the end... so, so gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 08:02 AM
3

Aside of everything others have mentioned- you work together, somewhat closely I'd guess since he brings you snacks & coffee? Avoid dating your colleagues at all costs! Too messy / potentially against company policy and no matter what happens, your reputation will probably take a hit. Women who date get gossiped about like crazy. In my experience, most people at work flirt to make their day more fun - but there is no actual interest behind it. Just enjoy the flirt for what it is - if there reall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 07:57 AM
27

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind - think it's mentioned here often enough to not have to explain why La la land - all the guys I met who like this movie are narcissists This is the end- just a disgusting and not at all funny movie Wolf of wall street American Psycho Matrix (a favorite of "deep" guys)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 06:17 PM
36

I agree with you and also find that hilarious. So little self-awareness! A lot of my colleagues are like that, felt too young to start a family in their late 20s- mid-30s and then complained a few years later that their wives/gfs didn't want to suddenly have children... even though that's what they used to want themselves. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 08:44 AM
5

Used to be about once a month pre-corona/work from home... but I work in a heavily male dominated industry and do a few male-dominated sports. Also my social life used to be somewhat active. Right now? Hmmm last time someone normal-seeming approached me was in January.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:47 PM
4

Boring pop music where every song sounds the same... thankfully he mostly kept his shit music taste to himself, small mercies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 11:14 PM
4

Don't listen to these people, you did nothing wrong! There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself first and doing what you need to heal. Anyone who tries to tell you differently can fuck right off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 05:04 PM
36

Hahaha awesome... I laughed, and then i cried a little bit because it's usually true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 07:55 AM
159

I agree with you. A lot of these posts do come across as being all about dudes trying to show themselves off by extension.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 07:54 AM
29

I'm your age and I've never been in a relationship with a guy who treated me well either. Life gets better once you put all your energy into yourself. It hurts to be dumped, but ultimately they did you a favour. Honestly I believe it is better to be single for the rest of your life than to be with a guy that treats you like dirt. At least thats my takeaway. Hope you feel better soon, read the handbook, do whatever makes you feel good to distract yourself from the pain and it will be better soon!…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 03:40 PM
3

Yes, exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 05:29 PM
12

I don't wait longer than 15 minutes for anyone, friend or date. In my city, public transport is not that reliable and you have to calculate a buffer of at least half an hour to ensure you really will be on time. Is it annoying to potentially have 30 minutes to kill? No doubt. But I'd rather do that than disrespect another person's time, and I expect the same from others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 05:23 PM
17

"Must come with me on dates".... would those be dates with other people? Lol. What a crazy person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 10:55 PM
7

I agree with you. I don't think wanting to keep some things private automatically means something shady is going on. I'm the same as you- I don't even let others use my laptop or phone at all, and there is nothing shady on there whatsoever. I also don't have any desire to go through a partners phone, even if they have you access - it's honestly not that hard to hide anything sketchy anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 11:34 AM
26

LVM logic at its finest
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 10:53 AM
23

I spent a good chunk of my teens in Bavaria, and while I'm happy that your experience there has been so positive, it is absolutely no safer than anywhere else. I experienced a lot of harassment as a teenager, from groping to cat-calling and disgusting requests ("can I take a photo up your skirt?"). I was also followed by guys a few times. Please stay safe there and I hope your good luck with avoiding the creeps holds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 12:18 AM
7

Ewww to the shirtless selfie... yikes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:08 AM
35

Yeah, one asked me what I was looking for and then gave the most cringeworthy description of what he was looking for. It made him seem desperate & focussed on being sexual which is totally inappropriate after only 5-6 messages back and forth. Blocked him with no explanation. Another mentioned that he doesn't think most women communicate well- blocked, bye bye now! I don't give second chances anymore. Plenty of guys out there! I truly love how easy dating becomes when you follow fds to the T. Wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:05 AM
2

I don't think the style or how you look matters in who you meet. I've never attracted a HVM, but a few of my very alternatively styled friends have. I think there's just a lot of LVM everywhere, the only difference is that they feel it's easier or somehow more ok to say outrageous stuff to someone who dresses in an unusual way/ has a lot of tattoos, unusual haircolor /piercings. The only difference is that they will not be so open about their thoughts if you look "normal", but it's still the sam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 09:23 PM
17

I agree with you. Then again, some do really like such generic gifts. I once went to view an apartment that was full of stuff like this, and the couple living there seemed like nice people (with the taste of a teenager).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:17 AM
15

Now that you mention it... though the gay guys they helped also seemed to have their shit together for the most part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:22 PM
9

Happened to me and the only reason it didn't work is that I wasn't so interested in the guy. It's truly disgusting how many men feel no remorse for lying to you, just so long as they get what they want!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 03:03 PM
3

The languages are easy to learn - very similar to english. But it's difficult to understand most people you meet because they're kind of mumbly languages if that makes sense and there are a lot of regional strong dialects. Haha.. if she's holier-than-thou, she'd fit right in for sure. They are extremely pleased with themselves and proud of their countries, sometimes with good reason (excellent work-life balance, great public transport at least in cities, social system) and sometimes it's mind-bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:23 AM
7

I feel very conflicted about it. Aside from the terrible weather and boring landscape (Sweden has beautiful places though), I loved the lifestyle and in both countries, men actually seemed to be fairly normal overall. By far the most equal countries I've lived in, they weren't perfect, but easily 10 times better than any other western country I've lived in. However... the drinking bothered me, I found it mindless and it seemed really prevalent. Also a lot of (soft) drug use and smoking seemed to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 11:38 PM
2

Both actually! Seemed to be more extreme in Denmark though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 11:23 PM
11

I don't want to defend this guy in any way... and obviously the wife is in no way in the wrong, but he might really believe it. My sister and I used to be the same size until she started gaining weight about 10 years ago. It didn't happen overnight, but she's ask to borrow my clothes years after they stopped fitting her. She's now at least 3 dress sizes bigger than I am, but I don't think she realized at all how much weight she gained until maybe 2-3 years ago. I never did her laundry, but I hea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 11:18 PM
6

Not really, though my experience living in a Scandinavian county for a couple of years leads me to believe it may be the norm there. Never saw so much binge-drinking anywhere else and it seemed to not really be limited to a particular age group either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 10:47 PM
8

Haha! This is hilarious 😀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 10:42 PM
9

Agreed! I used to think I would only ever date guys around my own age... but they are too ugly. Now I only date younger guys, much better experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 06:15 PM
2

Yeah, that's very true. I always had really easy periods and in my family we don't talk about anything period-related, ever... I first found out that my experience of a period isn't the norm when I went to college and met girls who talked freely about it. Before that, I honestly thought everyone has a really easy period and that this whole grumpy while on your period thing was just a big myth! Mind you, this was 20 years ago and I'm really glad that the conversation about periods is so much more…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 05:58 PM
6

That sounds scary. In this case, maybe it would be safer to act really boring around him, look as unattractive as you possibly can... gray rock him and see if you can get him to dump you instead. Might be safer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 12:14 AM
8

Very true. I'm like you & have been very thin all my life, but I eat like a horse. I hate any comments about body types and I especially hate the hypocrisy of men that want you to be tiny so they can live out their control fantasies or whatever it is that they enjoy about really thin women, yet at the same time eat big portions. Surely it is obvious that for the vast majority of people, eating a lot and staying tiny is not possible. Also... why the hell does anyone even care, just let people enj…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 11:24 PM
20

And in addition to that, never leave your drink unattended on a date. Many years ago, I got my drink spiked that way, fortunately (?) I had a severe reaction to it that people around me noticed. I ended up blacking out for several hours & when I came to, I was in hospital. My drink wasn't even alcoholic either and I just left for maybe they 2 minutes to go to the bathroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 11:28 PM
3

Same... don't know what stopped me really, why is it so hard to just say it like it is sometimes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:37 PM
4

Hmm correct me if my memory serves me wrong, but wasn't that guy pretty controlling and pretty much an arranged marriage that she didn't seem very excited about?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:53 PM
14

Haha oh yeah. When I dumped my ex for cheating, he said "I'm such a bad person." ... think he wanted me to tell him he wasn't but oh boy did he have the wrong person. Those guys are truly incapable of empathy, he cheated on me and then expects me to make him feel better about it? Hell no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:50 PM
13

That's a hard one. I feel the same way sometimes and I don't really have any good advice. I guess for the most part, I try not to think about it as it's not within my power to make a great guy appear and fall in love with me, and I don't want physical intimacy outside a relationship. Not that it's a super helpful strategy, but aside if trying to distract yourself I don't have anything helpful. But you're definitely not alone!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:27 PM
1

Right? It is a total power move! Super gross! Damn that must have been really annoying for your friend... nobody tried it with me, but a few have done stuff like see if they can fit their hands around my waist/ measure-grab my wrist which is incredibly uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:26 PM
5

Can we please not feel the need to shame any women's body types? My body is what you'd probably call child-like and I very much am a real woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 11:00 PM
19

It's probably this. I've been a size 0 / UK 6 all my adult life and the number of men who have commented that they'd love to just pick me up and throw me around is disgusting. Pretty sure they didn't picture this throwing around stuff in a non-sexual way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:53 PM
36

Yes, this. Where are the articles about why men don't want to have children? How come this type of article is always about women? While it's nice that being childfree has become somewhat normal now, I'm so tired of reading only about how having or not having children affects women. I think that's not a good way to frame this topic at all- makes it seem yet again like children are somehow by default women's responsibility. Maybe we wouldn't see so many shitty fathers if society expected more of m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 11:52 PM
7

You are a goddess. Amazing, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 11:16 PM
27

Fear of black cats, for real? Did your date take place in 1645 or something? What the hell. Otherwise Yeah, I've had experience as you. The vast majority of men want to feel superior to their partner and do even when they probably know they're dumb as shit. Funny just means "finds me hilarious" in my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:50 AM
6

I'm not sure, to me your boss sounds like a complete coward and pretty immature. He should not have told others about the text you sent him, though I think sending a long text about a workplace issue at a strange time of the day isn't normal behavior. I know you only asked for advice about the boss, but did you actually confront the bullies yourself at any point? It absolutely isn't ok that your office manager or boss didn't step in when asked, but the way you write reads like you didn't really …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:40 AM
12

After I told my first boyfriend that I'd been sexually assaulted as a teenager, he said:"well, it wasn't rape though, was it? At no point had I claimed it was. Can't believe I wasted 2 years on this asshat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 12:26 AM
25

Brilliant! I remember seeing it when it came out, but had forgotten about it... thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 11:52 PM
2

I think you can just block him... but if you aren't comfortable with it, look up the gray rock method and try that. I use it all the time and it has yet to fail me! Basically just be super boring in your texts, reply with the most minimal effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:45 AM
9

That's a really great idea! I have a really bad memory as well, something like that could be massively helpful! I haven't tried that yet, but I used to mark every time i saw my ex drink... only to realize pretty quickly that the only days he didn't drink (that I knew of) were when I didn't see him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:40 AM
25

It depends on the situation. Sometimes it is better to confront and sometimes it's better to walk away. It's hard to advise you which is better given the lack of details, but this is how I decide in very general terms. Hope it helps! Confront if: 1, you think it could make a difference, 2, professional situations, never let disrespect slide at work, 3, these are people you cannot avoid long-term for whatever reason. Walk away if: 1, that person could be dangerous to you/ your career or 2, you kn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:11 AM
4

Maybe you could try shifting the focus onto some of your hobbies instead? I'm also someone who schedules in all kinds of stuff, maybe it could help you if you stick to your schedule and only masturbate when it's on there. I think habits are hard to break, but not impossible. You can try to create new habits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 06:22 PM
43

This so much! Sometimes I feel like I'm reading about a really weird vagina cult where the main purpose is to have a lot of sex and not a supposedly feminist movement when I stumble across libfem articles called "the 12 best sex positions for your first threesome!" or some other shit like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:16 AM
15

Wow, that sounds really odd. He just sends you selfies with no explanation at all? Have you asked him why he does that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 12:36 AM
38

Agreed, it's an instant red flag for me. It shows a lack of effort from the guy. It's fine to ask for suggestions sometimes but a guy that can't take the initiative at all? Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 01:05 AM
6

I can relate somewhat. At my last job most of the women were like that, they hated to see me eat a huge and not even particularly healthy lunch and still be slim, be 10 years older and have less wrinkles. Sorry for winning the genetic lottery, I guess? I would advise you to stop caring about what they think, but keep being kind. Some do end up seeing that actually you are a nice person, though most lack the introspection and ability to exit the herd mentality. I think there is value in being kin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:30 AM
10

I don't consider that a red flag as long as it doesn't create behaviour so weird that they can't really go outside normally anymore. Personally I don't understand why so many people are so scared of creepy crawlies, but it seems pretty common. It isn't really something that happens consciously. People are afraid of all kinds of irrational things, would you judge someone for being claustrophobic or being uncomfortable with heights? Also, does it really say so much about anyone's character that th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:54 AM
3

Yes, nothing says manly hero like stomping on tiny defenseless animals, right? Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:46 AM
4

And squashing spiders, who really have no way to defend themselves against it is hot or brave how? They're incredibly useful animals. Please don't just squash them, you can also just remove them gently and put them outside, you know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:44 AM
11

Sorry, but his apology is bullshit. If he enjoys your looks as they are, why the hell would he say anything like this about your boobs?! This is some seriously manipulative behaviour he is doing, trying to get your boobs back into a bra with his fake ass concern. It hurt your feelings because you picked up on his very unsubtle negging. You are absolutely right to feel hurt! For your benefit- wearing or not wearing a bra is completely irrelevant when it comes to sagging boobs. That's largely down…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 06:02 PM
199

"Female"... Yeah, that's how we describe ourselves 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 01:25 AM
1

Wtf did I just read?! The audacity of this guy. Holy shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 02:22 AM
2

Hehe I know what you mean! Somehow silver always looks real and beautiful, but gold can look kind of cheap sometimes. I prefer the look of silver over gold in general, but unfortunately gold/warm tones in general work much better with my complexion. Just don't wear mine too often and I guess that's why I have to clean it more often then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 08:57 PM
3

I agree with you. Sure, you have to clean it once in a while, but honestly, I do that with my silver jewelry maybe once a year or less and it looks fine. Also personally, I like the slightly tarnished look silver gets after a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 12:40 PM
18

Maybe it could also just be a type of jewelry that you would wear every day? Like a pendant or earrings.. but I also think that if you just do not enjoy wearing jewelry that much, there is nothing wrong with not wanting anything like that. You could ask for something that is meaningful to you and would be a strong statement. The tattoo could be tricky. What if the marriage doesn't work, would you be fine with having a tattoo that reminds you of it every day?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 12:36 PM
27

Same! I haven't dated anyone since I found FDS in January... but this has 100% been a struggle for me, even though I've believed in the 90 day rule for ages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 01:28 AM
11

Yes, right? I'm sure they're incredibly expensive, but they still look like shit. I went to a Chanel store once and seriously those insanely pricey bags look so cheap and fake. Not sure what the point of dropping so much money on a real one is when they look just as cheap as the fakes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:28 PM
16

I'm sorry, but he sounds horrible. All I read was red flag after red flag (sexist comments? Insultung your intelligence? Stealing?). Please do yourself a favour and dump this guy. He sounds like he adds absolutely no value to your life aside from maybe sex, that's the only place you mentioned anything positive about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:44 AM
13

In my experience, yes, all IT dudes are are either crazy. creepy or in milder cases just extremely odd and not in a good way. Avoid like the plague.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:34 AM
12

I'm friendly with one ex because we work in the same (fairly small) industry and we didn't end on bad terms. We rarely talk about anything other than new developments in our field of work. I don't keep in touch with my other exes, if they wish me a happy New year or whatever, I'll thank them briefly and politely and gray rock the hell out of them. I have no interest in any further contact with them and I think that's pretty clear to anyone with half a brain, but I've found that it pays off to be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:11 AM
33

That's honestly my dream for retirement as well. I hope such places exist/will exist! Regarding female-only events where you might meet like-minded women, I've had the best luck with women-only events related to whatever industry you work in. Might not exist for every type of work though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:00 AM
31

Sounds like a real catch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:09 AM
28

Damn, those are some boring profiles...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 11:27 PM
8

Now that's a church I would join in a heartbeat!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 12:15 AM
2

haha same here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 10:16 AM
51

I've been on this sub for a while now and every time I think that NOW I've seen it all, I stumble across a post like this and discover whole new lows of male behaviour. Who does that, think they deserve praise for thinking about getting someone a present?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 02:03 AM
7

I agree, and I find the whole concept of hating mainstream pretty weird in general. Of course not everything that's popular is necessarily good and vice versa (this sub is sometimes an excellent example of that), but for the most part, there's a reason why mainstream stuff is popular - it's just good. Who doesn't love pizza, fries or Starbucks? This need to shame other people for liking stuff that the majority of people enjoy is just weird. Also it's strange because ultimately, does it really sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 06:28 PM
4

I see. Hmm... I do think that these are special circumstances right now, but for me, I like to do things with my hands if I feel restless but also not like I want to invest a lot of brainpower/energy into what I'm doing. I like listening to audio books while I knit or do embroidery for example. Also sometimes I just paint floral patterns, it's not hard to learn and I find that really relaxing. About twice a week I also meet friends online and we play social games stuff like cards against humanit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:30 PM
43

Great idea! I'd like to add referring to his exes as "crazy".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:25 PM
16

How about "low energy" hobbies like reading, playing games or catching up with your friends? There are plenty of things you could consider a hobby that don't require much energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:21 PM
16

Agreed! Much better to be single than with someone who doesn't add value to your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:14 PM
7

Is she really your best friend then? I had something similar happen once, and my friend just said that she didn't want to cause any problems in her friendship with my ex, as he was her boyfriend's friend as well. My ex got together with another girl in their friend group soon after, and I heard for months that they were "so perfect together". This guy treated me like dirt. It really made me re-evaluate the friendship and I saw that she wasn't really a good friend in general. Very competitive and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 01:03 AM
14

Ugh yes. This happened to me a few years ago, he reached out three years later with "sorry, I feel bad for how I treated you back then, I think about it quite often" nonsense. I told him that I don't think about it at all, but yes, he was an asshole back then to me and deleted him everywhere. Funny thing is that I really had forgotten all about him at that point... but his lame as hell "please make me feel better about myself for accepting my apology for what a piece of shit I was three years ag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 09:54 PM
22

Thanks for sharing! It was fun to read. It's weird to experience those strange and bad dates in the moment, but eventually they become amusing if slightly depressing stories to tell around the FDS campfire!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 11:09 PM
8

I've experienced the same thing at work. The crazy thing is that we worked in separate departments with minimal overlap, but wow did she hate not being the only woman at the big boys' table anymore. She couldn't do anything to get me removed, but working with her was really unpleasant. Never sharing anything more than the base minimum of information, plainly ignoring me at meetings... It was very weird honestly. And yes, male managers only had male mentees. Unfortunately my industry is heavily m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 12:27 AM
7

There are plenty of catty women/pickmes though... the ones that haven't understood yet that we win by lifting each other up. I think this sub is doing a lot to change that, but I'm sure most of us have experienced what it's like to have another woman hate your success and try to outshine you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 12:19 AM
3

Sure! Yes, a massive red flag indeed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 10:13 PM
4

No, he thought she was cool. He never said anything misogynistic in general, but he wasn't very respectful to women in real life unless he thought they were attractive and really low value in other ways, too. Also, I think although maybe her style isn't exactly what most guys find sexy, she is a very conventionally beautiful woman. Think that's why it gets men so upset that she doesn't flaunt it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 10:05 PM
3

I think disliking her music is fine, we all have different tastes. Wouldn't judge anyone for how they feel about music tbh. She seems like a cool person and is a very accomplished singer, but her music just isn't my cup of tea. Certainly if a guy dislikes her (or any other female musician) because she isn't trying to be sexy it screams low value. It should be about appreciating their talent and music, shouldn't matter what they look like. Buuut to get to your question- my ex really liked her and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 09:56 PM
21

Once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy. He may act respectful towards you but that's all it is, an act. Sooner or later he will show his true colors if you let him stick around for long enough. In general, I think that dating men you don't find physically attractive is a waste of time. Sure, sometimes physical attraction takes a bit of time to develop. You could continue seeing him if you really like his personality and see if anything changes, but you sound really unenthusiastic about this guy. Is it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:39 PM
66

Yeah, looking out for ourselves is so oppressive!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:22 PM
21

What! That's a whole new low 😮 how desperate can they be?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 12:43 AM
78

It's infuriating. Happens all the time and honestly, my only advice is to stop caring about what other people think of you. I've lost count of how many times my ideas in meetings were met with silence and applauded five minutes later when a man said the same thing. Just push your own agenda & lift other women up with you. Focus less on being liked and more on being respected - I'm starting to suspect it's nearly impossible to be thought of as "nice" and command respect at work at the same time. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 12:36 PM
25

Personally it has helped me to ask myself why I am wasting my time on a guy who isn't interested in me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 02:58 AM
24

No, just that your pool of guys is smaller. There are men who love it, I know several very unbubbly girls that are in happy relationships/marriages. Mostly they met in places that tend to appreciate dark humor and sarcasm more, like debate team, rpg group and comic book store.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 02:30 AM
30

It's very frustrating to read this! It's all the more frustrating because she's so aware of what is happening, yet refuses to act on it. It's like watching someone who refuses to go to the dentist until all their teeth are so rotten they're beyond saving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 04:01 PM
6

I dated a guy like that for a while. He was super shallow, very into his appearance and mostly valued others based on their sense of style. Would not recommend designers or men working in design-related fields in general, they tend to value style over substance in their private lives too much for my taste.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 10:31 PM
7

very good advice! I wish I had seen it in my twenties, the amount of time I spent worrying over some guy or other makes me cringe today. What a waste of time! It's hard to focus on something else when you feel down or confused, but not impossible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 12:26 PM
3

Perfectly reasonable! You aren't asking for anything that is impossible or even that hard to achieve. Sad that not more men strive for any of what you listed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 01:38 AM
15

I wish it was a reference to this Jon Lajoie song "Show me your genitals", it has almost exactly that line in there but what are the chances?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 03:18 AM
1

Yep, I've experienced this as well and my standards used to be way lower prior to me finding FDS. It used to be just wanting to be attracted to the guy and enjoying his company... really unreasonable stuff, in short. I think women who standard shame just want to feel better about all the stuff they compromised on in their relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 03:04 PM
3

I've experienced this, too, mostly at work since I don't really use social media. When I got to handle a part another woman there also really wanted to work on, she became pretty unfriendly towards me. This happened multiple times on different projects, I guess I just happened to be better at this type of task than her? Stupid really, as neither of us had any say in how the tasks would be distributed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:17 PM
58

Wish it wasn't, but that's so true! I found at least the first times with new partners to be so disappointing that I considered it ok sex if the guy wasn't doing anything terrible. What a sad state of affairs! It usually got better, but it's never been anywhere near as good as my imagination. Most men really are just unbelievably shit at sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:57 PM
2

Ah yes, the good old crazy ex! Classic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 02:02 AM
5

Thank you for sharing that story! Pure gold! That was so entertaining to read, you really have a way with words. Also dear god, it must have been so weird to be on this date! I hope you won't be offended that I kinda hope there are more of those?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 01:58 AM
5

Fellow fragrance enthusiast here! I love Opium as well 🙂 My current favorite is Amouage's Epic Woman. I do feel at least 20% more epic when I wear that, lol. On the more affordable side, I really love most of Lush's perfumes - the incense lover in me enjoys Breath of God. Tom Ford Black Orchid might be next on my list, but I'm also eyeing up some Byredos... or maybe splurging on a third Amouage, uh oh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 01:51 AM
12

True, it's not quite as easy as really feeling it. I find that really focusing on that and just repeating it to myself mantra-like does help me feel better eventually though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 02:16 AM
95

Oh, that's not fun to see... hugs! What helps me is asking myself why I would want someone who doesn't want me, doesn't respect me, cheated on me (or whichever one applies to the reason things ended basically). That and listening to Lizzo on repeat 🙂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:57 AM
4

I watched Queen recently and really loved it! It's so positive and the plot took some very unexpected but cool turns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 02:11 AM
15

Celebrities - Carrie Fisher, she didn't take any shit and her books are very funny. Jane Goodall is an inspiration to me. Natalie Portman. Real life people - my aunt is a real badass. Left an abusive marriage as a teenager with 2 young kids at a time when divorce was very much a no-no and was very successful in her career afterwards. She doesn't mince her words and is extremely tough. I think she would like this sub a lot 🙂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 09:43 PM
43

It scares me that someone his age isn't more mature. Disgusting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 09:31 PM
7

It takes practice to override years of being conditioned to be nice. You did stand up to him and told him off though, even if you maybe felt like being harsher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 02:40 PM
19

Eww the pose and that self-satisfied smirk. That hand placement... gross!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 04:30 AM
5

Thank you, I needed to see this today!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 12:26 AM
6

I think bad friends are pretty easy to spot as soon as soon as you ask them to help you, do you a favor etc. If they are never there for you, or super unreliable... waiting to confirm plans until the last minute. If you are always the one to arrange everything, reach out first (unless they are depressed or have another valid excuse). If you hear them talk badly about mutual friends or betray another person's confidence. If they expect you to always agree with them on everything. If they become v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 12:26 AM
7

I think it's concerning. It might be as simple as a sleep disorder- but there are ways of treating it, and if that really is what's happening, then him not making the effort to find a treatment that works for him shows he is not so responsible/careful of his health. Then again, it might just as well be an addiction or that he's looking at porn, he'd hardly tell you about those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 11:52 AM
1

Don't see any stalking in what you wrote. He sounds seriously weird, why would it matter if you came there to see him specifically if you are friends? I think the gift is very over the top - why were you giving a expensive gift like that? Either way, he sounds like a total weirdo and not like someone that values you - next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 11:47 AM
16

I hope you feel better soon! He left you on your own when you needed him the most. Maybe there is a good explanation, but it seems extremely unlikely. Whatever is going on, to leave you like this is not ok. That bit about texting 911 is so callous, what the hell is wrong with this guy? You deserve better than this clown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 08:18 PM
14

Huh, I think I dated your numbers 1, 4 and 5 for a while as well. I met them in real life though. I think most men are just incredibly worthless, maybe there are just more of them on dating apps. At least in my experience, there was absolutely no difference in how shitty the men were between the ones I met IRL vs online.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 01:25 AM
6

You are so right! Seeing what's out there is depressing as hell. I think the only exception might be porn made by women for women, like Erika Lust maybe?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 01:19 AM
15

yes, this so much! I don't care at all how short or tall a guy is, but I've never met a short guy that didn't have a massive complex about their height.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 07:26 PM
13

Grandparents are third cousins.. lots of inbreeding indeed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 05:33 PM
3

A fuck off fund is absolutely essential. A former business partner tried to screw me over a few years ago, and if I hadn't had enough money to laywer up, she probably would have gotten away with it. Try to save as much as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 05:27 PM
2

Do you have any specific examples of what those guys are doing that makes it difficult to avoid them? I think your approach is right, if you feel unsure about being able to weed out the lvm, it's best to avoid engaging with any guys. Just keep your interactions to the bare minimum. Be polite, but don't accept any invitations. Don't worry about coming off as cold or anything. Having said that, I think if you really apply everything that's in the sidebar, you will not have to worry about not being…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 05:05 PM
3

Of course you are not evil! You are incredibly brave for reporting him. That must have taken a lot of courage. You absolutely did the right thing - those guys have to learn that they cannot get away with sexual abuse, that there will be consequences. All the best to you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 02:08 AM
22

I've never been asked this question. I'd probably pinch myself to see if I'm really on a date and not at a weird job interview. Who in their right mind would even think about asking this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 12:47 AM
46

You're so right about this! One guy I used to date a couple of years ago does exactly this. It doesn't even seem to matter that I haven't replied at all in a year, he'll still resurface every 3-4 months with some lame-ass text. What a loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 01:38 PM
10

Same! Even though you know that it isn't your fault, it's just the way men are - it really makes you question yourself. Back when I discovered that all of my male friends had ulterior motives, I felt exactly the same way you did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 05:54 PM
44

Interesting, I never thought about the wording of "long-term relationship" vs "partner" and what it might imply before. I think you might be on to something. Even if someone isn't looking to get married ever, if they were serious about finding a partner for life, then why wouldn't they just write that instead?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 02:26 AM
29

wow, what a nasty guy... Love how you handled the whole thing though, that's fierce!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 11:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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