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lordgoofus1 Archive

View 0 posts and 72 comments by lordgoofus1 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

By not caring what she's doing with her life. Knowing who she's dating/sleeping with provides no value. She's a relic from my "before" life, and I'm only interested in looking forward, not back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:02 PM
3

The sad thing is, this attitude of "the other sex is completely disposable" is exactly how a lot of modern women view men. It's not a romantic interaction, it's a business transaction. I've always looked at conspiracy theories as fun thought exercises, but if men are starting to view women as disposable "consumables", and women are looking at men the same way, then Klaus Shwabb/WEFs plan for humanity seems to be coming to fruition (the part around destruction of the nuclear family and romantic r…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 08:34 AM
1

I'd never say never, but... currently I have zero interest on anything more than a FWB situation, and tbh even with that at even the slightest sign of a red flag I'll be running for the hills. I've had a few women express interest since the separation, and my gut instinct was to run as far and fast as I can. I want intimacy and someone I can have heart to hearts with, but I can't bring myself to being vulnerable to another person, in a way that gives them leverage over me and would allow them to…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 08:19 AM
1

The phrase "everything to gain, nothing to lose" has never rung truer...
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 08:04 AM
1

If you have children, go to the shops with them and let them pick something out to get her. Help them wrap it up and write in the card then plan with them when to give mum her present. No children? Then no.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 10:52 AM
5

no not meant to be accusatory, just an observation/opinion. Sorry if it came across that way. I'm just over hearing other people mope about their problems. It's not because I'm some unsympathetic douche, but more that I realized all these support, self help and dating groups were doing was dragging me down. The internet is full of heart broken, lonely divorcees going through some really heavy stuff, and bitter, twisted people of both sexes declaring the other side to be the devil incarnate and t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 02:54 PM
19

Healthily adjusted people don't hang out in places like r/datingoverforty. They're out doing things, seeing the world, socialising and being happy people. Not at home moping in a dark room in front of their computer/phone about how unfair life is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 10:19 AM
2

I don't see any red flags here, but I couldn't help but notice the 30 foot high, flashing neon sign. ​ this lady do not add any other value to my life You already know the answer, trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 11:28 AM
5

Heh, might want to quickly screenshot, download videos/photos etc now before her social media is completely sanitized.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 12:26 PM
7

If it makes you feel any better my ex was saying similar things WHILE we were married. Things to the effect of "Mums doing everything because all the Dads are tired" etc. Naturally had to make sure the video that was taken of me hauling ass around the park dragging a couple of kids around on a blanket didn't make it onto the post otherwise it'd ruin the illusion etc.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 05:24 AM
22

A 10/10 on looks can rapidly become a 1/10 once they open their mouth. There's no point feeling jealous about the things you don't have/the things you aren't. Be happy with what you do have, and focus on the future and all the opportunities out there waiting for you. You can improve your career, get fit, work on your mental/psychological health, find new friends, a new romance or just leverage all that newfound freedom to do those things you've always wanted to do but never could due to other co…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 07:39 AM
2

Damn, surely that's going to go down like a bag of bricks in the next hearing? Not exactly promoting a healthy relationship with both parents is it?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 12:39 AM
1

It seems to be standard operating procedure these days. Someone needs to release a new edition of the playbook because the current one is starting to get worn out from over-use.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 12:55 PM
2

Money, control or revenge. It's always one or more of those three.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 12:28 AM
1

I guess the parental alienation scammers have moved on from Facebook groups after not getting any bites and are targeting reddit now? Do you also know a private detective that helped you hack your partners phone to uncover proof of infidelity and drug abuse that resulted in you gettting sole custody of your 28 children?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 02:08 PM
2

I would raise that with your lawyer, because it suggests potential risk to the child. Either harm from witnessing the mother commit suicide, or risk of the mother turning her spiteful aggression towards the kid. It's highly unlikely the courts would look at her threats/statements favorably, she'd probably be ordered to seek therapy of some kind. As far as how it impacts custody arrangements, the only person who can tell you that with a definitive answer, is the judge you happen to get on the day…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 04:36 AM
9

You ignore it. There's no reason to engage and nothing to be gained.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 07:47 AM
2

Incredibly common behaviour. It will only get worse the longer this goes on. She'll accuse you of being the devil reincarnate, and make every allegation under the Sun to externalize her own guilt and unhappiness. Ye olde "I've done nothing wrong, it's all your fault. It's the world that's wrong, it's not me. I'm innocent." You have to disconnect. Reduce your communications to the absolute bare minimum required to finalize the divorce. Don't give her any opportunity to twist something you've said…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 07:31 AM
1

Assuming there are police reports and other evidence backing her antics, and there's been numerous 'events' showing a clear pattern of behaviour, you could file for contravention orders.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 12:31 PM
4

I've found a similar thing. It just feels like so much effort to keep the other side engaged. Getting them to actually start talking is like pulling teeth, and the moment your chakras are even slightly misaligned with theirs, they're not interested anymore. They seem to want to date a male version of themselves, rather than someone that compliments their own strengths and weaknesses so that you're stronger as a whole than you are individually. Maybe I'm just getting old but I honestly don't thin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 12:26 PM
5

Same... throwing everything I can at ensuring it doesn't happen but it's not looking promising. Disgusting the behaviour that some partners are allowed to get away with :( My daughter is still a toddler, so I just told her she's lucky because a lot of kids only get to have one Christmas etc, but she gets to have two. She seemed really chuffed at that idea, but at the same time she keeps asking me if I can come to her birthday and I have to keep finding very tactful ways to let her know that noth…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 11:54 AM
6

I found Bumble to be terrible. The BFF part of the site is basically a hookup app for gay men, and the Dating part is full of 4/10 women thinking they're 10/10 and deserve a rich, attractive guy with no kids, hobbies that exactly match the womans, and who yearns to spend all his money on spoiling his "queen".
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 12:15 PM
9

Only for about 8 years or so... working through "re-discovering" myself now that I'm partially free.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 08:06 AM
3

I want to believe there are still women out there that are age appropriate for me, that have the natural baggage that comes with being middle aged but are able to manage it in a healthy manner, and have realistic expectations about the value they could bring to a relationship and thus realistic standards for what they require in a man. But... I'm yet to find one. Younger woman (30 or below) from what I've seen live on another planet where narcissism seems to be the predominant culture. Large swa…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 02:02 AM
14

This. From the sounds of it she's putting you through absolute hell. If she's willing to go to such extremes against you, it's almost a guarantee she'll engage in some pretty nasty stuff with the kids too at some point in the future. You need to tough it out as much as you possibly can, more than you realized you were capable of handling, so that you can protect your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 07:08 AM
1

Talk to a good lawyer, get kiddo in to see a child counselor/psychiatrist, and record the interactions with him if your local laws permit. You're in for a very rough ride.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 10:26 PM
1

Personally my advise would be don't get married. Don't let yourself get into a marriage like (aka: defacto) relationship. Ever. The risks are far too great, and a wrong decision can pretty much destroy your dreams for early retirement or financial stability. If you want fair and balanced feedback this is definitely the wrong sub. Lots and lots of men on here that have had their lives destroyed by marriage so you're going to get a heavily biased response.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 06:21 AM
0

You just need to provide supportive/encouraging words to try to help the relationship with his mum. Maybe talk to her (if you're on good terms) and discuss doing a parenting after separation course or something similar so she doesn't take it as a personal attack on her, and gets some advice/education that might help her address whatever it is that's making kiddo not enjoy being at her home?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 11:32 PM
2

Not quite following these steps exactly, but moderately closely and I can say it definitely works. It only took me 2 weeks of regular exercise and "putting myself out there" to go from complete and utter mess to mostly functional.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 11:09 PM
5

I feel your pain, I'm in a similar situation. I'm still early in the process of healing, rediscovering myself and figuring out my "new" identity. It's tough, but we'll both get through it. The trick is trying all sorts of different things and seeing what you enjoy the most. Try out different hobbies, ways to exercise, volunteer/charity groups, sports, painting, whatever you can find or think of. Challenge yourself to strike up a conversation with a random stranger while you're at it. Today, I de…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 01:31 PM
1

Depending on how you feel for him, I reckon just give him some time to heal, and support him as best you can (within reason). Divorce is a hell of a thing to get over, especially if it's high conflict. Just keep things casual till he's got everything sorted and is in a good head space for thinking about future relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 11:16 AM
3

Women may have more equality now than they had in the past, and are treated as equals now far more than they were in the past (this is good progress), but unfortunately men are still viewed as providers. We're tools that are to be used. We provide resources, we fix things, we protect things, and that is our only worth. We are not seen a human with virtually the exact same emotions and needs that women have. Now that the equal rights movement has successfully improved the situation for women (whi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 02:40 AM
4

I feel for you. Mine is not quite 4 yet and she's already being manipulated. It's absolutely sickening. Just like you I'm taking the high road and just trying to set a good example, but unfortunately that approach doesn't seem to work.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 02:14 PM
1

Sounds like a very familiar situation. Prepare to experience utter hell... ​ Be the best dad you can be for your daughter. Try to keep things positive for her and retain as much of the normal household routine as you can. Take photos...lots and lots of photos. Get a voice recorder, you're going to need it. Each time the ex tries to cause trouble, hit record to capture her abuse, tell her you're not going to fight and you're leaving the house, the leave. Make sure all of that is on the recording.…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:00 PM
1

You're being way too nice. Block the number/change your number, change address if you need to (or can), go no contact. She's a source of stress in your life that doesn't need to be there, remove it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 10:55 PM
2

Sounds virtually identical to the ridiculous proposal mine gave during mediation. If you end up going down the same path I'm being forced down, make sure you've got a good lawyer and deep pockets because you're going to court and shit's going to get messy. You're going to cop allegations of abuse (and she'll constantly try to trigger you so she can get evidence), youu'll be accused of being a bad father that can't care for their kid, there's going to be hardcore passive aggressive bs and she'll …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 12:18 AM
2

Pretty much the point I'm at. Not a too dissimilar story to OP, but I'm "only" 6 months in.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 11:13 AM
23

Always great when karma comes back to bite someone. As much as it gives you pleasure to see her self destructing, do your best to contain/moderate the outward gloating. Gotta set a good role model for the kids even when you want to laugh your arse off at the utter chaos.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 09:42 AM
3

What does your lawyer of er... law school say? You've gotta take this to court and get her behaviour addressed pronto before it causes irreparable harm to your kids. She sounds super unstable and unable to provide them with a safe home environment.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 10:57 PM
3

Honestly, don't. Don't buy the hype. Don't buy the social pressure to settle down with someone. The divorce rate has increased 250% since 1960, and roughly 50% of marriages these days end in divorce. Marriage doesn't make sense in the modern world where all genders are independent and don't need to rely on each other to run a home or raise a family. They all work, have their own money, and are competing with each other for resources/moving up the ladder. We're increasingly living in an "it's all…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 12:14 PM
8

If you're halfway attractive have you thought about stuff like tinder? Horrendous for meaningful relationships, but I've heard it's great for meaningless ones. Swipe the right person and you might even get to skip the expensive dinner part.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 12:15 PM
2

That's a fantastic outcome! I'm in the early(ish) stages where the false accusations are being made with absolutely nothing to back them up. I'm doing my best to take the same approach. Just be the best dad I can possibly be to my kid and let the courts (hopefully) see through the nonsense just as quickly as our mediator did.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:23 PM
2

Oof, that's tough. Given your sons age I think it's just going to take time and patience to wait for him to come back to you. I doubt there's much, if anything, I could say that you haven't already heard before or figured out for yourself :/ Just look for every opportunity to stay involved in his life, even if it's seemingly insignificant things like sending cards/presents, a cheeky sms to tell him you're proud of him/ask how he's going etc. He's almost at the age where he'll be looking to move …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 11:20 PM
4

About 5-6 years before I finally pulled the trigger. It used to be sitting on my computer desk gathering dust, but I haven't seen it for a long time. Probably fell into some old paperwork or a box at some point and got thrown out with the rubbish.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:49 AM
4

and unfortunately domestic violence/abuse, or sexual abuse always seems to be one the first shots that get fired :/ It would be interesting if there were stats on how often such claims are made during divorce, vs how many of them "stick" so to speak.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 08:30 AM
9

I think you might be on to something there. Modern culture strongly encourages women to follow a "service to self" mentality (power to the women! we can have our cake and eat it!), but still maintains the "service to others" mentality for men (if he doesn't pay for your dinner he's trash, if he doesn't spend the weekend taking you shopping or the kids to sports he's no good, if he doesn't forgo his dream car in favour of buying a house for his family he has his priorities wrong).
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 11:08 AM
6

It could be in part due to as a whole, men tend to be rational/logic thinkers, and women tend to be emotionally drive. Once the feelings are gone, or the hate sets in, that's all they can 'see'. They think "I look at him and feel nothing, I'm done". More rational thinkers would go "I look at him and don't get the same joy I used to get. This is a problem. He's not a bad guy, I just don't feel the same way anymore. What can I do to fix this?".
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 11:04 AM
3

For a girl I dated a long time ago, that "soon enough" was 23 years. 23 years of being told by her mum how her dad abandoned them, that he was a horrible, selfish person. 23 years of her dad sending birthday and Christmas cards, only for mum to throw them out before the daughter saw them. 23 years of dad struggling with his mental health doubting himself and thinking maybe he was the bad guy mum made him out to be. When she finally met him and realized he was actually a really nice guy, he was a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 09:58 PM
2

If there's no abuse involved, 50/50 should be your hard line in the sand. Just be mentally prepared for the shenanigans and games that she'll potentially play. I thought I was... turns out I wasn't. Unless you're one of the lucky ones, divorce is going to put huge pressure on your mental (and eventually financial) health. Depending on your STXBWs true nature, there may be complete curve-balls thrown at you: False allegations of verbal abuse are very common. It's easy to claim, there tends to be …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 12:16 AM
6

Makes you realize how delusion a lot of these "preppers" are. Even your BFF 4eva that swore till death do us part can turn into a soul destroying monster that'll bleed you dry and gloat about it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 11:55 PM
2

Dealing with this too (but for nowhere near as long as you have). The only answer I've really been able to find is "I'll see you in court" and then hope you get a judge that sees straight through her BS.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 11:02 PM
5

This. Doing everything via the app is the exact thing you want to be doing. It's a safety net that helps provide a level of protection from verbal abuse, reduces the he said/she said arguments and generates a nice little paper/electronic trail that can be admitted as evidence to courts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 12:07 PM
6

Thanks for the heads up of what's coming for me. I'm in the beginnings of this exact scenario. Went into mediation with a very generous offer for her, rejected immediately and she laid down insane demands that no one in their right mind would accept. Oh and threw in some falsified domestic abuse claims just for good measure. So now I'm waiting to find out when the first court hearing is and praying the courts will see straight through her bullshit and we can put this whole thing to bed once and …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:46 AM
7

Thanks for the amazing sources of material. It frustrates me to no end that family law still seems entrenched in this idea that the relationship with the father must be burnt in order to preserve the relationship with the mother, because the father is seen as little more than a provider/ATM.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 11:54 PM
3

Mine has started to do that with our little one. I can't control what she says, and it's nigh on impossible to prove what she's doing to the courts. So all I can do is try to be the best dad I possibly can, and trust that the kid will be smart enough to one day wake up and realise all the things mum says are simply untrue.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 01:48 AM
8

This is what I noticed big time. Every second couple I see the dude looks like he either doesn't want to be there, bored out of his mind, annoyed, or otherwise miserable. The only time they look genuinely happy is when they're playing with their kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:35 AM
14

Definitely this. There's at least 5 husbands of my ex-wives friends that are exhibiting the same behaviour, making the comments, and talking about the same personal problems that I had immediately prior to me realizing that it was time to pull the plug. I might be the first husband in her social circle to make a move, but I'm definitely not going to be the last. It's a matter of when, not if.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:32 AM
2

Gotta wait till everything is settled and she's taken her pound of flesh, but I can say since I cut her off from my debit card my grocery bill has dropped a solid $600pm.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 11:01 PM
4

Hard agree with the second point, but can you explain the first? So far my experience is the opposite, as the father I'm constantly on the back foot being forced to play "defensive" while the ex-wife gets away with behaving like a sociopath.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 10:57 PM
13

1) Marriage is not worth it. It provides very little benefit, with significant, potentially life-long downsides in the event of relationship breakdown. 2) As someone pointed out elsewhere in this sub - "find someone that fits into your life". 3) Who am I? What makes me happy? What gets me out of bed in the morning? What's important to me (needs vs wants)?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 10:54 PM
1

I've still got all the photos from every relationship I've been in. Sometimes it's nice to have a bit of a nostalgic moment and look back at all the happy moments in my past. I move the more risque ones to a different area where they're out of sight. I can't really say I've ever had much desire to go back and look at them, but they were events that happened in my life and led to me being who I am today, so I'm reluctant to delete them. That said there have a been a few I did decide to delete, be…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 10:45 PM
3

Unfortunately these days there's been legal precedent on this sort of an arrangement that means it's no longer a "safe haven". As far as I can tell, the only reliable way to protect your assets (in Australia) is to simply not get married, and not allow yourself to get into a defacto relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 04:14 AM
3

Unfortunately starting to head down the same path with my STBXW. Intended to be generous to ensure a smooth separation for the sakes of the kid, and she's basically had to be dragged kicking and screaming the entire way (which isn't far...we're still right at the beginning of proceedings). My offer will now be the bare minimum required, plus a very small sweetener in order to get more time with kiddo. Sad really, how so many partners cut off their own nose to spite their face. They're so caught …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 09:29 PM
6

Sounds like she might be similar to mine. Thinks she's being super smart and sneaky, but doesn't realize all she's doing is digging a deeper and deeper hole that she will eventually fall into.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 09:49 AM
1

I'm going through this at the moment. I spoke to my lawyer, and he's going to help put together a letter to send her which notifies her of my intention to move out, provides her with a proposed parenting plan and lightly covers some matters related to marital assets. Based on his advise, at least in my country there's no negative impact from doing this, as the current living arrangements are untenable and having a negative impact on both my mental health, as well as my daughter. Given your kids …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 08:26 AM
3

The advise of my lawyer for countering this is simply hard evidence. Take photos, keep notes of everything you do, everything the other partner does/doesn't do, get video, audio, receipts, invoices etc. Depending on what the rules are where you live, when it goes to court, the recordings may not be admissible as evidence, however... the transcripts of those recordings are ;)
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 11:33 AM
3

Be the best mum or dad you can possibly be. Be the role model, lead by example and let time take it's course. Eventually kids will figure out what they're being told doesn't match reality and they'll turn on the one doing the lying. Sometime between when it starts and when they figure it out, they'll simply notice, "hey, when I'm with person A I'm happy and they're happy and life is good. When I'm with person B, they're always unhappy which makes me unhappy. I want to stay with person A"
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 11:31 AM
2

Hear hear. It's all about my daughter from here on out, to say I'm far happier and more relaxed on daddy/daughter days would be an understatement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 12:27 PM
3

Wow, sounds like you found yourself in front of a shit sandwich buffet and decided to buy one of everything. Awesome to see you come out the other side stronger, wiser and happier.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 12:25 PM
2

It's absolutely shit house watching it all unfold, but you've gotta play the long game. The constant bad treatment will eventually backfire and the kid will decide they want as little as possible to do with the abusive parent. It sucks while it's happening, but you can't stop it. You can't control what the other partner does, and you can't control how it impacts the kid at the time. All you can do is be as supportive as possible for your kids, and wait for the inevitable to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 12:17 PM
2

Ditto. I feel somewhat comforted in the knowledge my kid is pretty switched on and incredibly independent for her age. There's a good chance she's going to realize what's happening when she gets a bit older and decide she's had enough of that nonsense, she's moving to dads.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 12:13 PM
2

In front of others: I love you, I want our family to stay together. In private: physically recoils from attempts to hug her, sits in the bedroom all day with the door closed. In front of others: Our daughter deserves a mum and a dad, and equal access to both. In private: "I'm going to fight with everything I have to keep my daughter" and regular remarks to kiddo designed to put distance between her and I. In front of others: "I'm trying to maintain the same routines, and keep things happy and po…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 12:11 PM
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