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lurkermurphy Archive

View 8 posts and 101 comments by lurkermurphy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

yeah a non-biological parent can definitely be ordered to pay support lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:20 AM
2

Yeah I did it and won by tiring out her attorney by filing all the time and the judge finally got so exasperated that he appointed child's counsel on the state's dime and I was like bingo and so that dude essentially acted like my lawyer but better because he's appointed by the state (California) and in one meeting without her lawyer present strong-armed her into a 48-52 agreement, and then the judge hit me with sanctions for filing too much, and then I got her to pay the sanctions in child supp…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 05:55 AM
4

yeah that sucks but in court that should help your case for custody. mine kept it a total secret for that very reason
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 06:26 AM
6

oh man it gets worse. i was the primary caregiver too, she was totally absent when they were little, and felt this hard and then she enrolls them in sports and they're surprised to later discover that daddy is actually the world's top expert at this mommy activity, after i had already trashed any dreams about raising pro athletes because practicing 50% of the time just ain't gonna do it and mommy does not have the ability to play catch with any type of ball: she was just hiring the coach to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 08:00 PM
7

This was my first question too but I think there is a drastic divide in this sub between divorcees with kids or not and this screams none because (a) this will get you less custody of the kids if it makes it into court (b) when there are kids involved, the guys aren't sitting around crying over the girl so hard. They are crying over the kids getting ripped away, or money. Like I told my Ex "I cannot wait until another guy bangs you so you're his problem" and really meant it. Then I tried some su…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:52 AM
2

well traditional hourly will never have any realistic motivation to stop dragging it on forever. Call around and pay for the consultations if necessary (it's ALWAYS worth it to pay $100 for a consult because they will be sure to give you at least $100 worth of advice and then your spouse can never hire them and they will call you if she tries, which is the best) and I'd say tell them what you want and on what timeline and seek out fixed-fee. (edit: i'm in california so not sure if the thing abou…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 04:39 PM
5

Her thought process is that you're now going to have to pay one of her buddies a truckload as well, and flimsier claims only mean more hearings so it's "cha-ching" and family lawyers are 99% special kinds of scumbags
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:25 PM
2

yeah shouldn't still be up, very wrong audience for this but I think that's her goal and why it should be taken down
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 06:38 PM
4

OP is the wife, and husband was apparently cheating for 10 years with another guy who was living with his mother and so the angry wife told the boyfriend's mother what was going on to get him evicted?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 04:44 PM
1

see the kids more than that too. I can't believe you just gave her legal custody. Mine Ex sounds similar but I never budged on anything ever, and she tried to get legal custody so hard but it's still joint. If she's not talking to you file a custody RFO too and ask for more time AFTER modifying support. If it's a 3-hour drive you should be doing at least every weekend with them. The bare minimum custody the court would give you is an overnight twice a month, which is considerably more than when …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 05:34 AM
1

Concern 1: I had a GAL who did this too and they sucked at communicating and first met with me alone, but did insist on bringing the kids back with me. I emailed and called the GAL numerous times, only ever got voicemail and they never replied to emails. But eventually get in there to meet the GAL with the kids. Mine are small so they jumped all over me in his office and made it clear who the primary parent was. The lawyer went to get a chair for the other kid but they were both all over my lap,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:47 PM
2

yeah haha yes all of this. part of my thing is/was I was the primary caregiver and not freaking working and one came right when the shutdown first happened so I became real stay-at-home dad and it was kinda like when the lockdowns lifted she's like "no more daddy time for you, get out of the house and give me the money" and was willing to use any tactic at her disposal to rip the kids away from me. So still to this day they are far more clingy to me and it was getting the judge to appoint a "Chi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 09:16 PM
2

yeah you definitely need one and if you can afford it do it, but I am extremely poor and eventually filed enough RFOs myself to get them so annoyed that they had to give me 50-50. I guess that is the point of the title and the whole point. Like how annoying I am to everyone else in this sub, I kept filing until everyone at court was so annoyed by me that they had to do whatever was needed to get me to go away. Mind you if I had unlimited money, I probably would have got total custody from the ve…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 06:40 PM
2

nah i can tell from the jackals below that they're gonna swarm so I'm not going to post details again. The end of the story is I self-represented and won, and they're already like "you're on drugs"
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 05:49 PM
-1

haha thanks for reading and being super smart
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 05:48 PM
-2

yeah when i put details on here everyone in this sub told me to delete it. i'm not looking for feedback thanks for reading
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 05:47 PM
3

hahaha thanks i found the exact thread and your exact downvoted replies and upvoted them for you bro lol. ability to pay, exactly. The OP on that thread sounds like the most decent divorce lawyer ever and they freaking hate his guts for taking responsibility for screwing over his client's life. The lawyer was heavily considering waiving a final 16K bill after losing big, having previously billed the client unknown tens of thousands, and the lawyers about shit their pants.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:29 AM
5

hey this all sucks but keep going to their games but I relate to this only the sleeping (it's the only thing to do with free time). But I also wanted to comment on the fatherhood situation--- just forget about the rumor. Same sort of thing came up with me and my dad sent an Ancestry DNA test SO fast upon hearing, but it does not matter and I never did it. This far along, biological parenthood does not matter at all. She's is the one who did it and deceived everyone, but the child does not deserv…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 12:13 AM
8

oh my lady was all over instagram talking shit and no one cared so let her lawyer bill her to scroll reddit because you're going to be paying for it anyway. of course half the lurkers here are collecting billable hours. i first discovered reddit looking for a place to vent and everyone here told me to get bent and delete all my posts and oh lord that would be hilarious if any of that shit ever saw the light of day and not hurt but helped
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 05:57 AM
1

yeah your contribution to the nanny is already covered in child support. Do not volunteer to help cover this while she is refusing to give you equal time. How long has this been ongoing? If she has enough money to hire a nanny, I have to assume you have enough money to hire robust legal counsel and the nanny money needs to go to that until she comes to an agreement and tell her that: I have this money budgeted for the nanny but I have to pay it to a lawyer instead in order to get fair visitation…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:57 AM
9

Four years after and I'm still comfortably celibate! I had kids late and it feels like the last two times i got my dick wet, kids popped out and now they're my total focus so there is no need to ever get my dick wet again and risk more headaches. But seriously when you get older you do not have the same pull-out precision, I was such a champ at it for 20 years, that was good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:08 AM
3

ok well why is your lawyer letting her lawyer add the monitored visitation requirement if the court never ordered that? did you appear in court with the lawyer and the judge ruled against you on the DV claims? they don't normally hand out restraining orders without a full hearing, at least in my state
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 06:16 PM
2

well you need to start filing your own things if you can't pay a lawyer to do it because unless you emphatically tell the court that the DV claims are false, they have no choice but to assume they are true. her lawyer is going to make all the rules until you either hire your own lawyer or learn how to make filings yourself to get hearings. my ex made the same claims against me but they never stuck because i filed a response to their claims every time, and i didn't even have the money for a lawye…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 06:11 PM
3

what's the claim on the PO and don't you have a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 05:51 PM
3

mine once threatened to call the cops because i showed up to kids' sports games that fell during her time lol. oh yeah let's see how the cops feel about me being here
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:06 PM
2

what my ex would absolutely do that, it makes total sense, she wants the annoying parenting tasks to be scheduled during your time for sure and doesn't want you to have any extra time to ingratiate yourself with the kids even if she's at work and the kid is sitting home alone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 03:52 PM
2

man stay with the son and try to keep him away from all of this you really drop a bomb there at the end
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 04:31 AM
2

well right i think california being the progressive state on "equality" makes it the most male friendly in divorce court so you'll get that it's wrong in writing, but they will get you on every hearing being 6 months away, and that hearing is just to make sure we're scheduling another hearing for march 2026, and everyone involved but the parties is getting PayEd during this time
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 07:04 PM
3

right by the time you're asking the judge to make her pay the money back, it's next year, and what if she just doesn't obey THAT order? there's nothing specifying the penalty for contempt of court. it's the judge's discretion and it's a criminal charge so they do everything in their power to avoid it. so the only way to get her to see the light is to make it more expensive in legal fees and annoying if she does that shit the next year
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:41 PM
5

oh man my ex is a foreigner and her discovering this payout and me pocketing it the first time was almost the entire reason we got divorced lol. after you get divorced over this, you will need a court order specifying which child she gets to claim, and then she will still claim both of them every year and all you can do is file a contempt action and then get an arraignment hearing and then the trial phase will happen by the next year (in california), so there's almost no recourse you can take ev…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:14 PM
-1

why not go get some sex? aren't your kids grown? why don't you want it?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:47 AM
1

ok but there is no way you're ever going to enforce any of it so it's all words on paper so your attorney is going to sigh and eye-roll. and the language will say "both parents are forbidden from...", it won't be the burn on her that you think it will be. the consequence for her will be maybe a year from the time you file about a violation, she will get yelled at by the judge and that's it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:01 AM
1

yeah you probably just have to stick to requesting 50-50 in court. the worry is that if you accept less, that will become the norm, but i am saying i was in this exact situation and i was a stay at home dad with two young kids during covid (which is what made her mad enough to divorce me) and they let me keep going back to court to inch visitation towards 50-50 each time, but by the time you get there, the child will be in school.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 07:16 PM
1

I'm in california where i think it's probably a little more gender fair considering they never would have let her demand supervised like that without good reason, but you can get the court to order that the kids will reside WHERE YOU LIVE. this needs to be your major ask to prevent her from moving. in california, the court is always trying to move to 50-50, so i would suggest just get the order preventing her from leaving and then wait until the child is in school and then request 50-50. if the …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 05:59 PM
2

well look dude i did that for a year and child support was over a thousand, and so i moved back and resumed 40% custody, and so $1000/month going to a landlord or to your Ex?? I prefer paying off the landlord. If you're delivering food and homeless, there is no reason to be in a different state. chase the kids
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 05:01 PM
6

does the court have an accurate estimate at your income? because i'm in california and not even at 50% custody, and self-filing i just got my child support payment down to $130/month for 2 kids because i'm just that damn poor. they even adjusted my income up to full time at minimum wage because i make less than that what you need is to have a home so you can have some custody? are you at zero visitation?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 03:58 AM
-3

yes she can do it and are you prepared to go in front of a judge and explain why you demand the right to say bad words in front of a 10-year-old? they turn around and say it in school and then Mom hears about it, that's why she's asking for this
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 03:07 AM
1

yeah it's just seeing your post was a like a flashback. i'm 3 years past that and am now fairly adept at self-representing, but i screwed up so so bad on not properly sticking it to her after that. she beat the crap out of my all the time, i never laid a finger on her, and the second she filed, she started calling the cops all the time, so the next time she hit me was when she got arrested. the cops even came around later to check on me and the kids AFTER she got them and they couldn't believe i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 08:24 PM
3

ok if you're sure she's broke, and my ex certainly is NOT, but i'm just saying in hindsight i wish i had done so much more at that time. you need to preserve all the evidence you can that this happened. keep copies of the arrest report and restraining order. i am in california, where the law specifically says that someone who has done domestic violence in the past 5 years is not entitled to custody AT ALL, so the courts refuse to recognize that this happened by now because it will make them look…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 03:52 PM
4

hey you gotta press charges and make sure it sticks and ask for another restraining order. once this goes away she will seek retribution and take the kids all the way away. get her to settle now before she hires a legal team and demands retribution. this exact same thing happened to me, and i did not press charges, she spent the night in jail, but i got a second restraining order and then when they were over i thought i was gold but she threatened to fire her lawyer unless they got the kids take…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 03:35 AM
7

Haha thanks for the tip, I never posted there but reddit is SO like that. I used to live in China and found that the regular China sub is ALL China bashing, and sharing legit experiences there or calling out stereotypes likewise just gets you a brigade of downvotes. So I found /askChina and /askachinese where Chinese people seem to enjoy by expertise at putting their views into English lol The point is that all of reddit is heavily biased towards whatever the mods want, and they enforce that bia…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 09:45 PM
9

Her lawyer's primary skill was getting constant continuances, thus racking up the fees for both of us constantly while nothing ever moved, so I eventually dumped my lawyer and self-represented for another two years once I realized the routine, to let her lawyer keep sticking it to only her, and then she eventually just gave me all my demands talking to me behind her lawyer's back because her lawyer was still never budging on anything just getting continuances and forcing me to refile after every…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 04:28 AM
5

ok i'm in california so it's probably different, but there is absolutely no recourse lol. the "correct" thing to do here is to file accusing her of contempt of court for refusing to follow orders, but then here that got me an arraignment hearing in two months where she pleads, followed by a trial hearing scheduled another several months in advance to the point where the issue will certainly be irrelevant by then. so the short answer is file Contempt against her and maybe she will start following…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:38 PM
6

Because forever they assume that you're the problem if you were the one wanting to stay and you can never change this status. You are the defendant, essentially
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:09 PM
1

i'm three years in and still right there. enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:29 AM
1

ok yeah lord do not give her money through zelle, they will be garnishing your wages and you need every payment logged in their system so do not do it through zelle. ok your current orders sounds weird, maybe it's just a texas thing, but those are a lot of days and "allowed" does not mean "father has the kids money from 3PM to 7PM" for instance. you need all the time windows spelled out so if she refuses, you can call the police. the brother flashing a gun at you is a great thing if you can prov…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:21 PM
2

this is the time to call in all the favors. i got my daddy to drop $20K on a lawyer to get me 50-50, and then i couldn't afford rent on the marriage apartment, and thus she took back 100% and so now i am climbing a years' long ladder back to 50-50 with no lawyer because i already dropped 20K for absolutely nothing. so study to become a lawyer right now if 20K is an unimaginable sum
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:07 PM
1

yeah ok i was confused by the "i live in Texas with 2 kids". well you extremely need an attorney and a court hearing or she's never going to let you see the kids either because every second they're with you is less money for her. you can try to self-represent, but you will get creamed. i am in california self-representing and getting creamed, and here i just file an "RFO" (request for order) for everything, and then have to file a different RFO in a different court to adjust child suppport. You …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:03 PM
2

yeah it's going to be super hard without a lawyer. and the free lawyers never want to help men. she can definitely use the lawyer to make you pay for her lawyer. are the kids living with you the majority of the time? if the kids are with you and you make less, it should be a pretty cut-and-dry court hearing but don't try to do anything through her lawyer. her lawyer is just trying to make you pay for their services
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:53 PM
0

yes the judges are concerned with the ATTORNEYS' welfare only. everyone else is just product to be shelved for them
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 06:08 PM
3

maybe this is a california thing, but another fun thing to do is set up a consultation with every single lawyer in town. pay the $100 if they want you to pay. it's worth it. then, if she ever calls any of them, they CANNOT represent her, and they will call you and tell you that she called them and that they rejected her lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:09 AM
1

yeah very slim chance now is why it's a blindside. just every story on here starts like that and then suddenly she changes out of the blue and it's all-out war
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 08:00 PM
4

hey sorry but you should probably file first or you're going to get blindsided with restraining orders, watch out posting here if you don't want to start feeling a different kind of shitty
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:02 PM
4

Just go pro se, and it will drag on for many years, but you will eventually start to annoy the people funding her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 11:29 PM
4

yeah man i get you and mine is the same and 2 boys near the same age, and I know she talks shit about me to them (when we were together even, it was always "i'm sorry your daddy is a piece of shit") but by now I always act as amiable as possible around her and when they report to me that I'm fighting with her again, I retort that we're just going to court to talk things out lol. it's going to go on like this forever and if you're the one who is not mad, they're going to me more drawn to you and …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:19 AM
13

look you can never let the child know that this is how you think of his mom, and likely she is talking mad shit about you to the child, so that would make you the good guy and the child will appreciate it later. just do not act antagonistic towards the mother at all in front of the kid
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 11:46 PM
1

Good job on getting past the divorce which is I assume the reason you posted this here, but the divorced men crowd is probably not who wants to hear about boat shopping??? I feel like you're writing this for your ex: "oh my burden of dating young girls interrupting my boat shopping"
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 05:42 PM
5

also the reason a lot of firms charge for the consult is because the information is WAY more valuable than what you pay. you can sit there and strategize that way. and then with each subsequent consult, build off the last one like it's a competition. "this other attorney said... do you think that will work?" hire one of them, but if you don't hire a lawyer, doing five consults with five different lawyers for $500 is worth every penny. (and i realize you're past this point but a bonus is every la…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:24 AM
8

They're right on the lawyer. According to your numbers, the lawyer will pay itself off in like 6 months based on how much better the situation will be for you. Call around, pay for consultations even (when they charge you $100 just for the consultation, it always seems to be worth it), and get a quote just for this single hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:28 PM
2

The lawyer is going to request a restraining order to kick you out of the house. Most likely, it will fail, but now is the time to beg your family and her family (having all the support is your entire advantage) for lawyer money. This guy saying call all the lawyers--- that is absolutely correct. Every lawyer you consult is a lawyer she cannot hire, and if she calls a lawyer you already consulted, that lawyer will call you and tell you about it. Even paying $100 up front for a consult is worth i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 05:52 PM
1

First, talk to a lawyer. Get all the free consultations you can and even pay for consultations with lawyers who charge you just for that. She cannot hire any lawyer you consult, and if she tries to consult them later, they will call you and tell you about it. As another poster noted, she will probably file a restraining order to try to kick you out of the house after you go back (go back!). But you need to stop thinking that "seeking appropriations for your situation" is going to leave the kid w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:08 PM
2

oh man the fact that she has no worries about racking up tons of legal fees for no reason is awesome for her lawyer and really really going to suck for you
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:20 PM
1

oh man the fact that she has no worries about racking up tons of legal fees for no reason is awesome for her lawyer and really really going to suck for you
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:20 PM
1

When I got divorced, suddenly this guy that she worked with years earlier, who she had told me was hopelessly in love with her, suddenly shows up. Like OMG she has kept this guy in her back pocket for 4 years, and he jumps at the chance when she finally calls him, 4 years later??? But here's the kicker: I started thinking hard about it, and our first child was conceived right when she was working closely with this guy every day and telling me about all the overtures he was making, as I was livin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:11 PM
1

Sorry but just file the divorce ASAP. Minus the 17-year-old, your story is nearly exactly the same as mine. We had two kids, and I feel like I did everything, and I stopped caring about her. Having zero feelings for her anymore because she sat alone in the bedroom watching TV while I raised both kids from age 0-2 (I was waking up to feed them since birth and she even refused to breast feed), I was willing to keep faking the marriage for the sake of the kids but then I got blindsided as she filed…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:49 PM
1

My kids were about the same age, and my now-ex sounds exactly like yours, so freshly from the other side, I would say never talk to her on the phone again and hire the best lawyer your resources permit. She will definitely blindside you with some lawyer trick you never see coming. The court will probably tell you to communicate through some stupid website that preys on divorcees and both of you will hate it, so just assume that every text and email will be used in court so only communicate super…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:28 AM
2

Consider the working 12-hours-a-day a blessing. Just focus on work the best you can. It's worse if you have nothing to do but sit around and be miserable. I did it in California, and just hire a decent lawyer ASAP you can afford it (worth every penny) and have them try
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 11:27 PM
1

What state? In California it's just automatic 50/50 unless there's "credible" allegations of anything. I am under the impression that most states are nearly there on this, so I would just answer "even access to both parents is in the best interest of the child".
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 08:49 AM
4

Yeah also no advice but eerily similar, and "Bali for $500/month"? I met my wife in Beijing and still work remotely for them but now she now has me handcuffed to LA.. They want you to disappear.. My wife knows I have no reason to live in LA other than the kids and could live in Bali and know how to get there. And I say DO get fired from your job and go on disability but also get a mysterious foreign source of income that the United States can't track because that large child support payment is t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 08:46 AM
1

I begged him that if this happens again, resign and let me go in there alone, like I wish had happened in April because it's not like I'm optimistic about this guy being any help.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 08:32 AM
2

you're the lawyer account, you gotta know one...
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 09:50 AM
1

I had also sent an email to Jessica Yang through some lawyer website, who is also an IP lawyer in addition to a Family Lawyer, that mentioned my dad is an out-of-state IP lawyer (only to say he was useless in California divorce matters), and after her office called me with that initial $5000 offer but before the 20k insult, Jessica called me personally asking about IP stuff and I was like got no leads OMG. It's called Guangxi, and my judge doesn't know about it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:51 AM
1

so stupid to hire a white dude mormon lawyer in LA. DV paralegal was latino, the kids' teachers (via me) are latino, the social workers are all latino, the judge is latino, my STBX is an asian, her lawyer is white, I am white. the cheapest lawyer i could find was a latino dude who was terrible, and my optimal demographic-specific choice would be a chinese female lawyer, and would you believe that jessica yang's office initially offered a $5000 retainer and then when she (or her associate) looked…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:45 AM
1

i just barely got *an* attorney like 3 days ago, and I feel like they're perpetually on POS dude defense mode and like an hour after my dad sent over the retainer to the lawyer, the domestic violence specialist pro bono lawyers finally called, their paralegal did, and that was the first person ever who felt sympathetic to my cause, and it was the most hope I ever ever felt. bro like immediately identified "cultural issues" without me saying too much that were leading to big-time alienation witho…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:39 AM
1

the other police visit, she was chasing me trying to attack me, and chased me down the street around the neighborhood, and I got back to the house and locked her out and she didn't have her phone and tearily knocked on the neighbor's door like she was dying and begged for a phone to call the police
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:16 AM
1

and you just made me remember, so she hired a lawyer who immediately started dropping ex parte bombs and i didn't even know how to respond and the lawyer is telling her to call the police about everything, and on the visit before this (there were two), I made a custody agreement with her in front of the police and had them mediate, and then later called the police asking for BODY CAMERA FOOTAGE TO PROVE THE VISITATION ARRANGMENT hahaha what a child i was on that visit, already the police were li…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:09 AM
1

wow thanks for sharing. i walked into the police station to get the report, it looks like it should be helpful. she admits lunging at me while I was holding a child and only disputes striking me on the head, which honestly i can't confirm because I turned away to to protect the child thus couldn't see her hitting me, only feel the pain on my head. it's so infuriating to me that the incident that got her arrested was by far the most minor incident that ever happened. and I tried to be clear about…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:06 AM
2

they will calculate the money from the second job into your earnings and call it "permanent". a super stupid thing about divorce is that suddenly making money is against your interests. This is why they're saying that if she got a job, that would be the only good reason to delay filing. I wouldn't get the second job until you file and make an income declaration with the court, then THAT is your official earnings, and it is somewhat hard to change, so THEN get the second job after you declared yo…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:00 AM
2

yeah pretty sure it was always going to be 50-50 with me, which I tried to get her to agree with the second she hired a lawyer, and now I'm finally hiring a lawyer, so yeah, years later and $60,000 later, it will be the same thing as it would have been at the start with no lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 06:55 PM
3

alcohol
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:23 AM
5

oh man i don't care about the dude, they're always much worse than you in every way and that's what's great. what got her to give up the kid? some of us are insanely jealous of you on that alone
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:18 AM
1

ask her where she is going to be during your Christmas day visitation. if she hesitates at all, might as well start saying on the record you'd feel safer if she vacated because that's precisely where she's about to go
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:15 AM
2

to the person who asked what I expected to find, oh yeah it was that she always took a ton of vacations with dudes while i was at home with two small kids. it was that. the IG provided dates and places, so it was very helpful
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 04:40 AM
2

thank you, will stop
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 02:19 AM
1

she's made some colossal mistakes. she could do really stupid things if she assumes her locked instagram account is safely locked: she might comment on or admit to committing child abuse in order to get the temporary order she got, when the child's health mysteriously took a dive right after she got an arsenal of medicine and didn't tell me about it
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 01:34 AM
1

I believe that pictures showing she is posting our private conversations about divorce proceedings on instagram to laugh about it with her friends (what she did before, but deleted before I screencapped it) will be compelling to the judge somehow, or that pictures of the new happy family will somehow testify to the severe alienation and replacement process she's trying to carry out? She has claimed on the record in court that this person is "just a friend," so even showing that they are indeed a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 01:29 AM
1

I can see that "catfish" probably came off strong: My only intention would be to to become a "friend" so I can see the pictures he (and she) posted on instagram and potentially use them for evidence. Because under California law, I believe when they start officially cohabitating, I am off the hook for child support too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 01:11 AM
1

yes, I am not in a good place. This is correct. I was the primary caretaker, and she has never even feigned to be willing or able to provide care: While she was in the house and I was not, there was always a nanny or babysitter there. Now, I have 36 hours, twice a month, and I am in the birth house with all their toys and everything, and so they are so elated and pumped up with adrenaline during this short, rare period that they will not sleep or do anything during this time (they're very young,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 12:59 AM
1

yes, I agree. I am actually relieved it's a guy she knew from a long time back rather than some recent hookup. Believe me when I say that I have no interest whatsoever in her ever again, and am only interested in the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 12:55 AM
1

seeing both of their instagram posts and pictures, and potentially presenting them to the court. she has in the past posted private divorce-related text messages from me on instagram
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 12:54 AM
1

yep did contact a therapist, thanks the "next step" was a criminal background check, because letting a criminal sleep under the same roof as my kids would be an act of child endangerment, and I don't think seeking a criminal background check on this person will land me in jail
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 12:51 AM
1

both of their IGs are locked but i'm currently working on catfishing him don't worry lmfao because i believe that's where the money-shot images will be found. if you are woman, go catfish him yourself and send me all his IG posts (and STBX's too while you're at it) she blocked me on instagram right after a mutual friend caught her posting my divorce-related text messages on instagram, so I have reason to believe there is probably great content there
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 10:06 PM
4

met up with a buddy after the lawyer who reminisced that when he got a DUI, he hired lawyer who stood there and said nothing, and he thought what a waste... watching every other case, that's exactly what I think too in divorce court. the lawyers rarely get a chance to speak. but these are never the trials. did my STBX already get her money's worth with the lawyer, and the party could be over, regardless? obviously I blew it on not hiring a lawyer immediately--this would all be over and i would h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 12:42 PM
3

they're both boys, you guys are going to make me too cynical: this mother previously got arrested by the police for hitting me, and the judge is probably thinking "omg those poor kids were alienated from their mother for a month while she was under a domestic violence restraining order, how did this monster do that to her"
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:42 PM
1

yeah thanks man, you commenting "temporary orders tend to become final orders" makes me want to stick knives in my flesh lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 08:58 PM
2

Furthermore, she's an expert at staging pictures for social media with lighting etc, and can make the pictures look however she wants! I tried to take my own pictures, but they're never compelling of anything. No one was monitoring her dating of the pictures, so she could easily claim the ones that looked bad "oh that's when I first got him from dad" (they were already in daycare 8 hours before the picture was taken)
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 08:56 PM
2

yes, I got in front of this judge for 37 second the other day, and he only yelled at us to stop using talking parents website to make accusations against each other: which is precisely how she got the order! I was using it correctly, and all she was doing was making eczema accusations non-stop, and it worked perfectly! On a Talking Parents thread titled "Visitation Agreement", where I attempt to negotiate the schedule to be better for the kids, she says "you present an obstacle to me" and then i…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 08:51 PM
2

Oh yes, I would love to say this to a judge, but he refuses to hear a word from me until February. In fact, the child has not seen his regular pediatrician since last February! Right when the divorce happened, mommy started taking him to urgent care every time she got him just to set me up. In fact, I checked doctor records, and immediately before the eczema worsened, she took him to the doctor and got an arsenal of medicine and didn't tell me about the visit or give me any of the medicine. But …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 08:45 PM
1

The filing was in May, Arrest in June, Temporary Order in November, and today I talked to seven different lawyers at least. We're both poor AF, and I thought the DV would mean I could get through this without one but now can't risk it after doing stupid (California) ex partes to try to reverse the order. Found a spot doing like "a la carte" services for $500-$1500 "per item" or some BS, and tomorrow I'm meeting this dude that answers the phone and does free consultations at 8PM on a Friday night…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:54 AM
1

hey sorry to butt in with my own thing, but every time i see "temporary order tend to become permanent" i freak out. my wife got a drastic temporary visitation order for two small kids, 1 and 3, only every other weekend, based on saying S3's eczema gets worse under my care, until our trial 2 months away. everyone tells me to chill until the trial but I'm like "uh that will make this permanent". the eczema issue was already healed by the time she got the order! she used pictures from two months e…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:38 AM
3

bro your your shit sounds bleak but hire a killer lawyer because check out the opposite: My wife got arrested for Domestic Violence against me (hitting me while I was holding a small child) shortly after SHE filed, and I never hired a lawyer, so at this moment she has me down to only every other weekend solely on a bullshit thing she made up with her lawyer and battering me for years lol your situation can flip instantly if you hire a lawyer and come up with some stuff Edit: upon seeing you've h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 09:00 AM
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