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mattinator2012 Archive

View 2 posts and 45 comments by mattinator2012 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
20

mattinator2012/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:57 PM
10

mattinator2012/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:40 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

My ex wife did this and it’s so gross. I wish she’d change it. I would quite literally take it back if I could as it’s an insult to my family name that she has it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 10:29 PM
13

Work out. This could mean anything from a walk to full blown five days a week at the gym. You’ve got to get the energy out. Manage your social media algorithms or eliminate social media in large quantities. Much of modern social media is rage bait or downright horrific opinions from the vocal idiots of the world. I’ve personally curated my algorithm to be positivity and shows like Diary of a CEO. Go to therapy. Whether this be with a therapist or you just start reading, there is a wealth of lite…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 08:28 PM
11

You’ve learned. I was unfortunately also a “nice guy” which really just translates to a man who doesn’t know his worth or boundaries. It’s the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn, but NOTHING has ever made me grow more than that singular realization. I’m a better father, friend, worker and person for having finally evolved beyond someone who is nice because I’m “supposed to be”. Gone are the days where I respect people who haven’t earned it. Gone is my frustration and inability to sit with my …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 05:01 AM
14

This is gonna sound harsh, and is probably me projecting my horrible divorce with my ex with BPD, but fuck em. Per the lyrics from one of my favorite songs, Dead Throne by Arankai, “I admit I feel so high, as I watch you drown.”
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 04:41 AM
2

This will be my first Christmas without my kids as well.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:06 PM
18

Sucks to suck. She shouldn’t have taken garbage advise from coworkers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:53 AM
3

My question, why the fuck is she NOT blocked by you? If she was you'd have no idea. Block her. Move on with your life. The hell are you doing?
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 05:21 PM
3

Sometimes we're just the collateral damage in someone's war against themselves. Being a refugee running from that war is bad ... for a while. Then you move somewhere with no war, no malice .... just peace. It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 11:46 PM
6

I would mirror the exact same sentiment regarding my BPD STBX as I've learned to draw and, most importantly, KEEP boundaries. She will die alone like the cheating, conniving, disgusting, manipulative dick rider she is. You love the idea of you thought she would be. You do NOT love the person who did those things to you. I was in the same position for YEARS staying with a woman who constantly disrespected me and I, sadly, allowed it to happen. This woman does not love you either, she loves the id…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 11:43 PM
3

This is exactly how I’ve learned to deal. I’ve essentially created a dichotomy of two version of the same person that I see as two completely different people. The person I married would be horrified at what the new version was
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:26 AM
4

I’ve learned that most women, if not all, are allergic to responsibility and accountability. Yeah STBX is exactly the same, and I’m sure many here would agree theirs is as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 05:07 PM
5

Get out right away. Don't wait 8 years like I did, it only led to more and greater issues, particularly with infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:44 AM
1

It’s extremely difficult. My ex has severe boundary issues. She continues to call me and just walk into my house where I do not want her to be. You have to stick to a pattern. I couldn’t manage living in the house as she was making my life a living hell
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 09:55 PM
2

This is why it's so important men learn to take care of each other as we'll likely be the only support system in each other's lives ever.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:09 PM
1

I’m glad you did, too. It’s very VERY important that the actions of this BPD person have almost zero, if not zero outright, correlation with you. Nothing you could have done would have changed their actions. You’re gonna get through and you’re going to get better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:07 PM
7

My wife I'm currently divorcing also has BPD and it's shocking to finally see her for who she really is, a chameleon. They simply just shift to whatever is needed in the moment to get affirmation and attention. Loyalty has no place in their structure and so it's hell to live with. I have developed extreme anxiety that I'm starting to feel fade even just 2 months after filing for divorce and a month after moving out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 05:03 PM
3

Fantastic bit
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:48 PM
5

She’s doing you a favor. She’s doing all of the no contact work for you. It’s good to distance yourself. She left, time to move past it. It’s harsh, but that’s the only way you move on to better things (and better women/woman)
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 03:27 AM
6

Don't get one-itis. It's really important to see what's out there and only really lean in once they check off what you're looking for. You also said you're not going to move in another woman or get married again ... RIGHT NOW. That can change dramatically if/when you find the right person to do so. A useful mentality is to realize you no longer NEED to remarry or move someone in. Those thing only happen once you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they're your person. I myself am in no hurry.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 05:11 PM
1

My immediate move was to reach out to each and every person in my social framework and nail down those relationships and get them to an amazing place. Second, I'm now going out of my way to be social. Using dating apps, going to the gym, getting out of the house every day, playing video games with my friends in Discord; they're all very effective.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 05:08 PM
3

Odd, mine is exactly the same. BPD with severe narcissistic tendencies. I was gaslit for years and had my self respect eroded to the point she cheated numerous times until I finally got the fuck out and filed for divorce. It sucks, but it’s getting better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:01 PM
14

I have a tattoo in Dwarven Cirth runes from Lord of the Rings that reads Pain is the Path Dig Deeper It gets Better
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 07:25 PM
3

Thanks, staying focused. Picked up a planner and a couple books to work on myself, namely “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life”
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 10:19 PM
5

Absolutely we will, brother. Just keep working on yourself and I’ll do the same. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can’t see it right now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 10:18 PM
4

This is a pretty solid gameplan and generally how’d I’d planned to approach it. I think the game funeral thing kinda makes sense. I did also already obtain an attorney, as she later did, given advice from her own father that I get an attorney and mediation fucks over men completely.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:44 PM
6

I’ve made sure to get an attorney that specializes in men’s side of divorce. They seem to be on top of it and are gonna fight for me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:41 PM
8

I don’t know if they’re all insane but I sure picked a winner
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:39 PM
2

I appreciate that. It hasn’t been great since I’ve posted this and is still extremely likely we divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 06:24 PM
1

I think it’s likely to head in that direction. It seems as though my wife has some (maybe) inclination to actually want to fix it but who knows. She’s anything but trustworthy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 08:31 PM
2

This is very motivational. Thank you. I’m glad to hear how much better you’re doing now!
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 08:30 PM
2

Thank you for your message. I think you’re correct. I’m demanding at this point that she go to therapy with me and we had a session today. If it doesn’t go well (or even if it does), so be it. It’s likely, especially with the information people have shared here, that we’ll still continue with the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 08:29 PM
1

I’d say the same about myself. I don’t think I have her enough attention given the extremely high needs of someone with BPD. I don’t think I ever fully understood what is was and why she needed the enormous amount of attention as my wife wasn’t in therapy the entirety of our marriage. I had nowhere near enough info to go off of. On top of that I’d done a lot to give what she’d asked for like going on big trips. We gone on quite a few to the point it’d put us in a financially precarious position.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:15 PM
1

Thank you for telling me about that book, I’ll be sure to pick it up. She already knew I was upset about her abuse in the past like throwing things, hitting me and the kids on occasion (no, not spankings) and her emotional abuse. I’d suggested the kids might be better with me primarily as I was worried about them and she freaked out. Probably a big mistake on my part. Maybe I should learn to play with my cards a lot closer to my chest. Very difficult to do with someone who was so important and I…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:34 PM
2

I think I’ve been mistreated so long that I am convinced nobody would want me. The divorce would crush us financially and make it really hard to move out and move on, particularly making space for the kids really difficult. I live in CA so living alone with kids feels impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:30 PM
2

Thanks, it’s been extremely difficult. The worst part is that I do still love my wife in some weird Stockholm-syndrome was perhaps. I really wish you the best too, it’s very hard to deal with and I’m sorry to hear you’re in the same boat I am.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:28 PM
3

I think I have been, and am now, in a similar situation. Thank you. Maybe I’m just trying to justify that my kids will be okay
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:26 PM
0

I really appreciate you, particularly your unique perspective. We don’t know it was BPD, but she is convinced I was just awful for years not giving her the love she needed and thinks the BPD had little to do with it. I think it was very pivotal in heightening tension constantly. Even when I’d told her I had an attorney she was furious I’d “surprised her” even though we were separated for like 2 months at that point and she had a full blown boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:52 AM
4

I hadn’t thought of it that way, that I didn’t break her and thus shouldn’t and can’t fix her. Gives me a lot to think about
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:15 AM
0

This is really good to know. I’ll have to mention that tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:37 PM
1

I forgot to mention it the original post that we have two amazing kids. That’s a huge part of why as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:37 PM
1

I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’ve been going to therapy for years and it’s been recorded that an lot of this is happening the entire time
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:23 PM
2

I appreciate that. I may have simply always offered that to her as an excuse
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:11 PM
4

I am already in therapy, she’s now finally in regular therapy, and we’re to start couples therapy tomorrow. I think I may need to pull the plug as well. I had a history of abusive relationships as a kid and no mother in the picture, could be all of that contributing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:11 PM
3

That’s pretty brutal but very fair. It could be what I need to hear
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:08 PM
1

I’m struggling with that as well. Something I always get stuck on is “in sickness or in health”. Where does the sickness end and the person who treats me poorly start?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:55 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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