Tough day today

Brilliant_Lime_3105 · 2024-07-08T07:22:44+00:00

The context depends on whether you live in the first world or the third, but emotionally, when women stop loving someone, they go through the phases of grief, but we just don't realize it.

Even the most bitchy of them cried, screamed and accepted because their marriage died and when they accept that something inside them breaks and they automatically see you as their enemy.

We must understand that when a woman cheats on you or leaves you it is because you have already bored her and the only way she can make you leave her is to hurt you, they do it out of guilt in most cases.

Here in Mexico it is rare for one to get married legally because the bureaucracy is hell, but my friends who have separated do not cry or suffer, we simply share everything and that makes the burden lighter, that is something that many of us First thing you should do, release that burden with others

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-07-07T12:55:48+00:00

Prepare. Don't drink. Exercise. Stay positive. Read books (The Obstacle is the Way, or The Daily Stoic). Find a new hobby. Make a list of all the things you want to go (post divorce).

I'm saying this because it MIGHT get worse. Right now you're dealing with the emotional/relationship feelings. It sucks. We ALL get it, take your time to grieve the relationship ending, but remember she is no longer your wife, so don't treat her or think of her as one.

If you just retained a lawyer (and she has one too), now is time to start your gameplan ... on what you want custody and money-wise.I bet she already knows what she can get and what she'll do to get a rise out of you. Be ready.

I thought the marriage ending was the worst part - but the actual divorce -- negotiating with a lunatic who thought fathers should only see their child a few hours a week, but pay for everything -- was a nightmare. I was not ready for that. Remember 90% of all divorces are settled/negotiated (IE, no trial). So make sure you know what you want.

Sorry this is happening.

-The_Credible_Hulk · 2024-07-07T06:03:34+00:00

Aw buddy… you’re killing yourself over an idea that doesn’t exist. At least not anymore.

I don’t have any clue what she did… what you did… or external factors.

But you’ve got to take a breath. Remember that reality does not care how you feel. Wake up, shake off the dream you were having, start by getting dressed… and just start.

You’re not starting over because you’re not the same person. You have experience. You have knowledge. You’re harder and tougher than before because of it.

Come on man. If you went down 5-0 (or 27-0… pick your sport) in a game you should’ve won? Would you call it a season? No! Wash your gear, get a good drunk (or however you brush off a loss), and pick your shit back up.

Let’s go boys! Let’s fucking go!

thrownaway41422 · 2024-07-07T05:33:42+00:00

You're mourning a person who is already gone. We all have ideas of what life is going to be like when we get married. The lucky people actually get to live that life. The rest of us, not so much. The woman you married is gone. Nobody ever divorces the person they married. She's been replaced with someone you can't recognize. That sucks. That really fucking sucks and you're surrounded by men who have been in your shoes here. Learn from our mistakes because we've made a lot of them. One of those mistakes is being hung up on the person we hoped would be there but is long gone. You can't change that, and I'm sorry that you're here, but you are, so what you need to do is look towards the future, not the past. Get a new calendar that your ex (and that's what she is even if things aren't finalized, words are important and you need to start using the right ones) doesn't have access to start living ypur life for you, not her. Take all of that energy and love you put into your marriage and put it into yourself. Stop worrying about her and how she's doing. She's said she doesn't want you to do that anymore so listen to her. She's not worried about you and your best interests so you need to. We all have our own wants and needs and that's perfectly fine. Concentrate on those now. If you need support, we're all here for you, brother. Never forget that.

I apologize if I said anything offensive. Being blunt enough that I get through to people is a habit I've had to pick up at work. It's served me well there and I hope it has here too.

deludedhairspray · 2024-07-06T19:48:44+00:00

I feel you, man. I've been in and I'm in the exact same situation. We separated in September, but I'm still grieving the loss of the life I thought I had. I thought we had a great relationship, but she had been lying and cheating all along. It's especially rough to see her basically living the life we had with her AP and my son. Gut wrenching. But she's a terrible partner, and getting away from her had to happen. It's going to be painful for a while, but we both know that little by little we're going to get better, and say five or ten years from now, we'll hopefully look back and think we're glad we went through it now rather than even later. We'll get through, man, but I feel you! Stay strong, my friend! ❤️ 🙏

BlackSun56 · 2024-07-06T19:36:43+00:00

You’re in the thick of it man. It will get better. Also, keep in mind that you’re supposed to be devastated. These feelings you’re having are totally normal. Her disgusting rebuttal of her vows and her treatment of you after being married is what doesn’t make sense.

Focus on you. Stay sober. Work out. Be around friends. Focus on work. Go to therapy.

You’ll be okay. Clearly she’s not a good person. Move on and take your life back. You can do this.

soontobesolo · 2024-07-06T18:50:02+00:00

It sucks for a while. But it'll get better.

You need lawyer, therapy, gym, and friends support and distraction. All essential.

CommercialConcern828 · 2024-07-06T17:59:36+00:00

Totally understand how you are feeling.

Thing is you need to realize that what is now talking is your cocktail of hormones. Your dopamine, seratonin and other hormones are in the rage and this is what is making you miss her.

You literally go through a withdrawal period that is somewhat similar to a druggie.

I made gym my therapy, I suggest you do the same. It also has the extra benefit of making you look good minus the boost to your mental health.

Work on your money and mind game though.

Lots of books to read. I would suggest to start with the Unplugged Alpha by Rich Cooper and then the Rational Male Series by Rollo Tomassi(in that order).

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-07-06T17:51:53+00:00

Jesus women are sick sick people

notyourmama827 · 2024-07-06T17:35:51+00:00

Grieve for what could have been maybe and MAKE SURE YOUR ATTORNEY IS FOR YOU. Yes, you and what is fair for you. Co parenting is just more than 2 words side by side . Kids are more than weapons to be used for parental alienation.

Sorry, if I seem bitter or angry . Men get fucked in divorce sittuations and it's not right . Not all women are puré and not all men are devils. I'm married to someone who has notusually had a fair fight in court.

Dr_Venkman_ · 2024-07-06T16:55:32+00:00

You gotta acknowledge this is your enemy now. You’re getting sued, will face a judge, and half your shit will be gone, and if you’re LUCKY you’ll have only half the week with your kids. 2. She turned her back and broke her vows. DO NOT TRUST ANYTHING THIS PERSON SAYS. 3. You will go through the stages of pain, where acceptance is at the end. You will find peace, but not without suffering. 4. From a business perspective, it’s beneficial to go through a mediator. It’s cheaper. Do your own research and retain a side lawyer if you can get her to accept mediation. 5. Work on your mental by training your physical. Gym, now. 6. It’s completely normal to feel the way you do. 7. Work through your pain with a therapist. 8. Accept the fact she’s gone, have a fake funeral, throw away shit she got you, whatever you have to do to mentally put that person you married to bed. She’s now dead to you. It sucks but does get better.

WizofWorr · 2024-07-06T16:33:06+00:00

It's definitely normal to feel that way, and starting some new hobbies will help you feel like you're starting a new chapter in your life because you will meet so many new people and have fun pursuing new things.

I personally started low stakes amateur parking lot racing (called autocross) which has been great meeting guys of all ages (many older divorced dudes as well to commiserate with and share rides in their cool porches), and jiu jitsu.

These two things alone have been tremendous for me by adding structure and flavor into my life. I had less time for drinking and wallowing right out the gate, and now I'm motivated to stay pretty sober so I can remain sharp and focused at work, for my son, and for those two hobbies I really enjoy. Can't really drive fast or wrestle well when you're soft or wasted!

Ultimately she is in your DNA so of course you feel a tie still. For me personally, it helped to mentally close the chapter of my life with ex by simultaneously opening some new chapters about myself at the same time. Finding out I like working on cars and racing them even though I never held a wrench before has become part of my identity already, and I never even knew that about myself.

Hopefully you can open some new chapters for yourself, whatever they may be. If you live in so cal, you should come to autocross sometime, it's something so many people would enjoy even in their shitty commuter cars, and they have never given it a shot!

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-06T16:28:51+00:00

It's normal, it takes time. Fucking other women helps; it's the reason she left in the first place, was fucking other dudes. It doesn't have quite the same effect on men as it does on women, but it has about half the effect.

Title	Tough day today
Author	mattinator2012
Upvotes	20
Comments	37
Date	July 6, 2024 3:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dwst22/tough_day_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/tough-day-today.1523452 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523452

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