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middleclassmetal Archive

View 4 posts and 55 comments by middleclassmetal on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

Having the ability to work from home has been a blessing for that. I just don’t want to share being separated with a lot of people in that world. They don’t need to know but it is weird to go to meetings and have normal conversations about life while you’re experiencing turmoil
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:23 PM
5

100% concur. Maybe OP didn’t word themselves the way they intended, but it’s not about going through with the act of marriage again itself. It’s about what you took away from your first marriage, what didn’t you pick up on that you should have, what are your new non-negotiable, was it about the person you were married to previously not being compatible or was it marriage itself that you weren’t prepared for. All things you have to have answered already to make a second marriage feel realistic
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 07:52 PM
2

Lol what an intentionally ignorant dick of a judge. VA loans are favorable for that exact reason, they don’t just give them out. You have to do something others don’t want to get it. Seems like he should have non-factored the rate in decision making as soon as it was clear it was a VA loan. Keeping the house is a huge win in the long run though
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 03:50 AM
4

I know there’s a ton of comments but figured I’d chime since there’s some similarities to my situation. One thing right away is that checking off the basic boxes like no abuse, being a good provider, no bad habits, etc. aren’t reasons a divorce should be surprising. Those are basic needs and while I knew reasons beyond those were why my wife asked for separation, it’s even more clear now that there are a lot of things that your partner may be feeling that are intangible but you might not even no…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 09:06 PM
2

It’s tough man. Very similar boat where I missed just how unhappy certain things made her and did not realize she had been building resentment for as long as she had. And similarly, it’s hard not to blame myself for things getting to this point but our issues aren’t things that should cause resentment in my opinion, and therein lies the gap between us. It’s tough when it all gets put back on you. Hopefully you guys can find a path through it
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 06:54 AM
1

Heavily relate on the purchases point. I don’t dislike having quality things but when there’s a decent option that’s still $1k on Amazon, I don’t want to spend $3k to get a brand name. And yet I have, multiple times now lol. Also similar in that things were good enough to get married but there were always issues in the background. The most common advice seems to be that if you’re certain, it’s best not to wait. In my case, I kind of made up my mind that I’m going to try to make it work until it …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 11:17 PM
1

Totally. I get a lot about how long things have gone on and in their minds they think there should be a resolution by now. I don’t disagree to an extent but that’s not how life works, things happen at their own pace sometimes and I’m not going to jeopardize anything by forcing actions just because others feel like it should be done
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 05:59 PM
1

I’m jealous lol. I have 1 friend who’s been through it himself, and he’s been an incredible support but I also know when he gives me a little pushback or tough love that it comes from experience. Family were good about just giving quiet support at the start. But agendas and personal opinions got louder than support over time
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:51 AM
1

Early on in separation I was more open with them about what we were facing, and my dad has given some good advice. But I will admit that our separation has gone on longer than expected and the longer it has, the more prying my family has become because I’ve pulled back as it became clear being private was the far better path. Part of what I realized early that I didn’t like was the thing you and your dad have figured out. A lot of what my family says has to do with them thinking my wife is the p…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 03:15 AM
1

Yeah I totally agree. I think they just see unhappy moments and go “well we don’t like that you’re unhappy so it seems like you need to make a choice.” When it’s not that simple - yes, we’re unhappy with where we’re at but we also still love each other and want to find the way forward if it’s there. People inevitably take sides and insert their own feelings, which is when it gets unhelpful
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:11 PM
1

I’ve tried and ultimately the last boundary I’m at now is “look we don’t need to talk at all if you’re feeling that a condition of being there for me is doing it on your terms.” I know what the fix is, just endlessly frustrated it’s necessary lol
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:05 PM
3

I know exactly how you feel. There have been multiple times during separation where I’ve felt our dynamic improved or things felt like they used to, or that we were gaining positive momentum. And then something triggers a complete halt with so much anger and frustration, and I’m thrown by how fast things flipped. I think situations get built up so much that at some point everything is a big deal. I love my wife and still want a life together to work out but feel the same way that the pattern is …
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 12:50 AM
0

I’ve noticed an inability to accept anything other than their way contributes a lot to the little issues being held against you. If I do something and it’s not the way she would do it, or I don’t think to do something that she would, it’s held against me as a failure. If it’s something little, now it’s big because it’s not about the original thing but about a perceived failure by me to meet a standard. There’s no acceptance of just different people thinking differently, with no harm or malice ei…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:15 AM
17

“More than happy to shake your hand” that is an impressive lack of perspective by her lol. You can have moved on and know it was for the best, and also not want to make pleasantries with someone who was having an affair with your then-wife. I don’t think you’d be out of line replying that you’re happy with where your and her’s relationship is, have moved on, but that doesn’t mean the past didn’t happen and respectfully, you’re not interested in getting to know this person.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 03:52 AM
6

I was going to comment social media too. I feel like such a loser complaining about it, but there’s a whole Tik Tok/IG genre of women who’s content is built around posting their perfect lives and all the things their husbands do and provide. 90% of the time the husband is clearly very wealthy and has the resources and/or nothing but time. So the social media standard is husband provides everything, wife doesn’t have to work, and it’s a life of gifts, surprises, and things taken care of for them.…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:10 PM
1

I’m in almost the same situation. Trying but had issues heading into it and I think both of us would say the other hasn’t changed exactly as they’d hoped. In a similar state and my understanding is a no fault, no significant assets, and no kids is a pretty straightforward process. Bare minimum your costs could just be court fees. I suppose if you’re worried about the mother-in-law finding a way to make it difficult, maybe she encourages her to fight for alimony because of the salary difference. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 08:37 AM
9

People have suggested to me that we do counseling and I’ve said I’m not interested for basically this reason. There’s issues to find common ground on with the help of a third party, and then there’s contempt/resentment. I just don’t know what therapy will accomplish when the issues have been stated and one person has already indicated they’re not going to let go of those feelings
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 11:37 PM
3

I feel you. I have almost no single friends at this point in life and my married friends have been great but I don’t want to overload them with issues that aren’t relatable. I know for sure one of my close friends who has been really supportive also doesn’t totally get it because his perspective is “I’d do anything to stay with my wife” and I’m more “well yeah I felt that way too…a year ago.” I’ve honestly been really okay not doing much or having plans. Part of that is definitely because the ch…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:29 PM
1

I think men go through different struggles than women but I don’t agree with painting men as tortured and persecuted the way this thing does
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:19 PM
1

I refuse to believe the majority of men are this helpless and such victims lol Jesus Christ.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 05:20 PM
3

Separating is not a straight path. There have been times where I feel like we might be close to reconciling, others where it seems like we might as well file right now. Sometimes you’re going to have all of the good at the top of your mind and want to do what you can to save it, others it will seem like it’s best for everyone to call it. Let yourself feel both, take note of what each makes you feel with the positives and negatives of each, and take it day by day. Even if its needed, the whole pr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 04:55 AM
1

I won’t get into specifics out of respect for her and just add that she doesn’t have anything that should be worked on with psychiatrist or medication. But she has been through her fair share and that’s led to her learning the ways she feels she needs to move through life. It’s not always the right way to do things but she doesn’t allow for that possibility it seems, which is another issue. I’ve always known she deserves and needs patience because she hasn’t always gotten that in her life, but w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 11:11 PM
2

Bingo lol. We didn’t go an entire year without flowers or gestures, but they weren’t at the frequency as when we were dating. I’ve spent more on trips that I’d rather have not gone on than I care to add up. And the agency of choice and to reciprocate as well is a big one too. Since separating, it’s become more clear that she is too comfortable assigning blame. It’s funny because she’s a very independent and independently successful person, but it’s also more clear now that she absolutely wants a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 05:17 PM
1

Are you me? Lol I’ve had all of the same - some of her angriest moments have come while drinking, and a lot of of things I now recognize as narcissism like an inability to be wrong or acknowledge another side, everything is someone else’s fault, etc. Also same with no kids, property, or tricky financial assets to split. I don’t even know that you need a mediator if you can just come to an agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 09:04 PM
1

At this point, I’m not the one driving that. At first, I agreed that space to work on things made sense. Now, I think we’ve reached the point where it would be possible and we’ve spent time together recently that went well. But a conversation like last night just torpedos things. She’s said that she feels strongly enough about not wanting to be here the next 3 years and for how long it’ll take to undo the damage of this term that she’ll do it on her own. I frankly don’t really believe her lol sh…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:02 PM
1

To keep it as TLDR as possible, little things built up over time, issues and irritations she raised not resolved to her satisfaction, and it reached the point where a larger change needed to be made since the same thing over and over wasn’t productive. There’s two sides like any marital issue. I’m not without fault, but neither is my wife and that’s not something she’ll acknowledge. I don’t think this topic specifically is seen as the fix, I think it’s more in line with other things in that it’s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 07:40 PM
2

I agree. It’s wild to have it not be something far fetched. Our daily lives are on unchanged and I still don’t see that happening but on the other hand, if it looks like a fuck and quacks like a duck you know? The similarities between then in Germany and now in the US are tough to ignore
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:59 PM
2

I was about to reply with a real response and then went “holy shit” lol. I think not stepping out on the wife online is probably step one lol
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:34 PM
1

I appreciate it. That’s it in a nutshell. I think she probably feels I don’t take her concerns seriously if I’m not ready to leave. It’s worth noting she has a lot more financial runway than I do, and also has benefits that she’d continue to receive as income. So that’s another factor where I have a consideration she doesn’t
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:31 PM
1

I have never heard that term before so thank you for giving me a reason to google lol. We’re on the west coast so not far as some but not exactly driving distance either. My wife actually did look into the immigration process there last summer before things got crazy and Canada started receiving more requests. From what I remember, it would have been a lot easier then than it is now. I’ve always been the most open to Canada since it’s the closest and likely be the smoothest to settle into, but l…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:26 PM
1

I appreciate it. the two sides thing is a larger, underlying issue for us I think. She knows what she’s feeling and that it’s right to feel whatever that is, but she doesn’t see another side - just that I’m not agreeing with her. This is obviously not the only thing going on but it’s basically an all-in-one example of what’s going on
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:20 PM
2

I understand your comment. I’ve posted before that we’re separated, divorce has come up multiple times and it could happen at pretty much any time now. I’m pretty much in the last stages of trying to save it and work towards resolving things but setbacks like this are common. At this point I relate more to guys who are going through it or about to so that’s the primary reason for posting here. There are definitely, and probably obviously, more issues and this is more or less the flavor of the we…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:15 PM
1

I’ll caveat that I’m still hopeful for my situation. But I wish I had been more observant of our communication styles early on. My wife is very direct, she doesn’t have a problem getting angry if she feels she needs to. I’m not that way at all. I don’t enjoy conflict and don’t think raising my voice is ever necessary. In retrospect, some things that caused anger early in our relationship should have stood out to me as how other situations would be handled. At the time, I thought they were just i…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 04:26 AM
4

I can say for certain that I did not attend to the little things. I let the business of life get in the way and the little gifts and flowers for no reason, date nights, planned outings, all didn’t happen enough. To me it was just we were busy with other things and when I look back, I see how impactful things like that are and that letting them slide even unintentionally wasn’t good. Obviously we have other issues, but I think if I had been better about those acts of affection and intention, we’d…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:35 AM
1

I think you should reach out to her first. You can say the things you’ve been doing to take accountability and fix what you can internally, but that you want the best for her and if divorce is that thing, that you’re open to it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:12 PM
2

It’s crazy how susceptible we are to what’s in our ear. I can think of a few different things like that throughout our relationship. She used to have a couple of friends whose husbands/boyfriends paid for all expenses - one who lived off generational family wealth and another who was a decade older than her friend so obviously had all that time saving and getting ahead in his career. So that led to more comments, even if they were in jest, about how nice it would be to stay home and not work
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:48 PM
1

My wife has gone as far as saying we’re starting from scratch and to consider the last 3 years as having not happened. The first time you hear “I haven’t been happy for years” is so hard to react to because you think back and it’s like wait you weren’t happy during any of that? Never mind that you’re trying to also reconcile the situation happening to you at all, since know one imagines themself in an unhappy marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:08 AM
2

I believe that’s pretty cut and dry as it’s in her name and you’re not listed as a co-signer. If you had an unwritten agreement that you were helping her and she makes less money than you, I suppose that could be come a contentious point in the proceedings. But in terms of actual ownership, it’s her name on the loan, not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 10:46 PM
2

I’m dealing with a version of this now. A week ago, some small gestures but things I did more often early in our relationship were seen as sweet and welcomed. A few days later, it was like she rethought it and wanted to make sure I knew that those gestures weren’t anything significant to warrant reconciling. Which I knew, I just wanted to do something nice and get things moving in the right direction. I had no idea how to respond to the hostility so took a day, which was 100% my fault for not co…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 10:41 PM
3

Before that path became a real possibility for us, my wife out of nowhere mentioned that her boss told her she just got divorced and had kept it quiet until it was finalized. We’d always had ups and downs and her irritations, but I knew she didn’t bring it up for no reason. Her boss is a very successful woman, they’re very similar people, and it had even come up in the past that our relationship dynamics were similar. I think it absolutely planted the seed for her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 05:15 AM
6

I literally just commented this elsewhere that once someone says divorce, it changes things and there’s no putting it back in the box once it’s out there. It was said before we separated and even if it’s not completely out of nowhere (and despite what many men say, it almost never really is if they think about it), it’s a gut punch hearing that it’s something your partner would consider.” It’s tough to try to repair or get back to normal once someone has pushed that button because things are inh…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 04:55 AM
1

It sounds so depressing but I’m at the point where if it does end, I hope one day she does realize I’m really not that bad lol. Am I Superman making $300k/year so she can stay home? No. But I’m also not what she’s made me out to be
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:26 AM
1

It is definitely a defense mechanism that I think stems from past relationships. I’ve only ever gotten “angry” one other time and it was after a stressful situation I can say I didn’t handle well, but really just met her frustration with my own frustration and the result was similar, almost to double down on anger in response. For her it’s more that she’s been bringing things up for years and nothing is appreciably different so she feels I’ve just been ignoring her all this time. Meanwhile I fee…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 08:18 PM
1

No kids either. We’re unfortunately another of the current trend of getting married and possibly divorced within 5 years. I hate either of us feeling like one of “those” couples but the alternative of sticking out an unhappy marriage is worse Haha yeah the ironic thing about the separation is I’ve been able to work from home so I go to the gym on my lunch rather than the evening and have more free time than ever.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 06:49 PM
1

I know that’s usually a safe assumption in these situations but I doubt it honestly. Quick reactions basically doubling down on anger in response are definitely a defense mechanism. That’s another reason it especially sucks because she deserves patience but I don’t think she’s ever seen that’s what’s happening and wouldn’t accept me suggesting that
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 06:43 PM
2

I will say I think I still know her well enough to know she doesn’t. Thankfully we don’t own our home, don’t have any shared property besides possessions, no debt with both our names on it, she makes more than me. So that part would be simpler in theory
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 06:39 PM
1

I have a buddy I originally met through my wife knowing he and his wife, who’s now closer to me. I told him everything that happened and he said you know that sounds like classic narcissist stuff. That opened my eyes too. You spend so much time living with something it becomes normal and don’t realize it isn’t until it’s pointed out
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 10:47 PM
1

Definitely, I’m not one of those people who say “wife said she wants a divorce out of nowhere” since these things usually don’t really come out of the blue. We’ve been dealing with issues for a long time now, it’s not a surprise that things are this point. And you’re right, I accept that I have a contributing role and I think a big hurdle to reconciling is going to be her acknowledging she does too. That’s something a third party in counseling would probably have to facilitate and she is so infl…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 06:23 PM
2

In my perfect world, if things go this way, is we just sign a document saying we don’t owe each other anything and skip the performative sharing of records and things like that, and just move the process along as quickly as possible
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:52 AM
1

I’m somewhere between despair and acceptance lol. I really would love a way to get back to the life we had at one time, but when you’re married to someone who will say you don’t listen to her and are making her miserable if you put a flower pot in the wrong spot, it’s tough to find the road to normal
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:50 AM
3

It’s nice to hear about a positive outcome. I do still hope that our situation can be repaired, but so many little things adding up are making it feel irreparable and I don’t know that the separation is going to help. We don’t own our house, don’t share assets, she makes more than me - on paper it seems like it should be straightforward if we go this route but some stories you see are terrifying
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:34 AM
1

I appreciate that. Right now it’s a struggle between feeling that I failed her and haven’t lived up to expectations, while also needing to remind myself that I’m not the only one at fault. It’s hard not to want to find the path back to our normal daily life, but I don’t think I could unless there was acceptance of things to fix on both sides. That would take counseling and I’m not sure she’d do that or ever accept that any of her actions contributed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 10:46 PM
1

She’s not, at this point I’d kind of be okay with that to make things easy though lol and don’t get me started lol we’ve always lived in houses bigger than what we need because she wants the space. Her office is nowhere near the spare bedroom I WFH out of when I need to. It’s her own made up requirement. Her job requires a lot of meetings and some sensitive info, I understood it more early in our relationship but now I spend an hour a day commuting. She recently brought up that we don’t spend an…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:02 PM
1

I definitely see where my faults are and understand why certain things make her frustrated. She gets increasingly annoyed if she has to repeat herself or give reminders. But that extends to the smallest things - if she mentions a lightbulb is out and over the course of a week it slips my mind, that’s an issue and later creates an outsized reaction. I get being annoyed, but that’s become an issue for me because I just don’t think the reactions are necessary. If we’re going to move forward togethe…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:57 PM
1

We rent, no kids either and don’t share any assets - in the event we proceeded that way we’d have to make decisions on some furniture and split monetary wedding gifts. Otherwise yes, I’d be a lot more cautious about that
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 05:05 AM
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