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new2life_2023 Archive

View 7 posts and 55 comments by new2life_2023 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I used them as was very happy. Neither of us wanted to waste money on lawyers but I guess I got lucky
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:04 AM
2

I am a guy going exactly through this now. Met a great woman a few months after separating (last September) and before divorce was finalised (Jan) after being married 20 years. I had to be very self aware and work hard to process things in parallel. Important questions I went through Am I with this new person to simply fill a gap in my life? Are they just a replacement for my ex wife? Am I comparing them to my ex wife? Have I processed and internalised my contributions to the marriage falling ap…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 04:59 PM
8

Forget punishing her - it’s not worth it. Try to focus on the simple things. I have been having a harder time but woke up today determined to get some small things done around the house - sounds crazy but moving some trash and putting the dishwasher on gave me some comfort today. Small steps.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:51 AM
2

Go do it, I went to south east Asia for 2 weeks as a solo traveller. If you book tours you will meet people
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:59 AM
3

I am trying to see it as a journey of discovery and growth. Also not trying to change too much, there are a couple of things I am working on that will make me a better partner and human being in general Making sure I listen to what the other person wants Focusing effort on the here and now and not only the future Letting the little things slip, focus on what’s important Being selfless, getting joy is seeing someone else achieve their goals
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 11:29 PM
4

I started dating while separated and met a great woman during this time. My divorce has finalised and it’s now 4 months in with the new woman. I would say this is something I face everyday. I have realised that I am someone who believes that humans are social animals and sharing life with someone is a good thing and a state I want to be in. I am working hard to do the things mentioned in this thread Finding and investing in my own hobbies. Not betting too much on this new relationship - this is …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 04:33 PM
1

Learn from your mistakes. I think much of the reason for our divorce was my wife drinking in secret but there were also a number of usual married couples things that I have taken complete responsibility for. I discovered these through therapy and lots of contemplation of the things my wife had mentioned over and over but I somehow ignored them or chose not to act. I want to make sure I come out of this as a better human being
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:08 AM
2

1000% agree. I have had multiple mini-meltdowns as I asked myself some really hard questions Am I trying to replace what I just lost? Is this just to stop being lonely? Is this moving too fast? Do I really like them or is this just excitement because someone likes me? Luckily I know myself well enough and would never settle for anything other than the right person for me. I would rather be on my own. Also - I have done a lot of hard thinking to try and ensure I am not just showing up as the same…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:09 AM
2

This is an awesome post - I will remember it and refer back as I navigate this. I separated and filed in July - After 3 months of trying to save the marriage - I had therapy and really dug into the things I could have reacted better to etc. Had some fun on OLD. Hooked up with a couple of women, neither were my type but it was good to get it out of my system. Through this I realized the marriage was broken for 5+ years and the relationship was just a shell. Then recently I met an amazing woman an…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 05:15 AM
1

Think the story of my ex is a sad one. Not sure she was happy with herself. I do wish her the best for the future. She is a good person and I hope she finds peace
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 08:30 PM
1

Thanks all - I have frustration but I don’t think anger. I have moved on and realised the relationship was not it a good place for 5+ years. Sad about all the pain caused, I would not wish it on anyone. I am fully in a new phase of my life, I look back and see a shell of a relationship, which is not what I want and need. One month into a relationship with a great new woman - who knows where that goes but enjoying the journey
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 03:41 PM
9

It’s fucking hard and sad. Thoughts with you
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 04:41 AM
9

Just venting - not going to get pulled down into bitterness etc
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 04:40 AM
0

While I respect your view I don’t agree. Women =\= trouble in my book. I believe humans need companionship and connection.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 09:08 PM
1

It’s not been an issue so far. All of my dating has been from hinge. Outside of divorce I have no other baggage - no kids, good job, educated. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 04:10 AM
4

I get what you are saying. For me it’s not just about the woman in particular. It’s about being out there again interacting with women and finding my new norm
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:54 AM
6

Agree - that’s just the path I have taken to put myself back out there
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:29 AM
4

I think it’s very personal - going on dates was initially a distraction for me and a way of getting used to meeting new people - I was always 100% transparent about my situation etc. I am also very practical ie I need to experience things for myself vs reading about them. So the physical act of going on a date was very useful to adjust to my new world. Think I was also lucky that my split was quick and decisive - we had finances agreed within a few weeks and ex moved out within a month. Could I …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:14 AM
1

Going through similar after a 20 year marriage. What’s worked for me is simple - now she is gone, what things am I still excited to do? I am trying to think about how I want to spend my next week, month and 6 months
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 11:50 PM
2

I am staying in the house but we only purchased 12 months ago and not made it ours yet. Similar to you it’s the dream house
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:52 AM
1

Thanks - I appreciate it. I wish things had turned out differently. We had a pretty cool life, good jobs, travelled the world etc. all rotted from the inside due to a fucked up relationship with alcohol
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:30 AM
1

The advice above is great. Go do something, anything positive. Make tomorrow a tiny bit better than today. Repeat again and again.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:16 AM
1

Similar - highly functioning alcohol wife for 4+ years, always drank in the shadows. I lost trust over an extended period of time, became controlling and overall the situation ruined a 20+ year marriage. Super sad situation
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:13 AM
3

Staying busy is the only thing that has kept me sane. Working from home does not help but that’s the life these days
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:47 PM
1

I guess acceptance is the only way forward. Does not matter if you like it or not - I assume some court order states what you have to pay. Sure you could fight and argue but what’s the chance of changing anything. You need to find a way to become ok with the situation. To be clear none of this is easy but fighting something you cannot change is a recipe for unhappiness
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:45 PM
1

I am not a gym guy but have found similar results with hard yard work. I was unhappy yesterday, so dragged myself outside and did 2 hours hard work in the yard. It did not fix any of my problems but defiantly made me feel better mentally. Getting like a broken record here but if you are feeling down. Get up and do something/anything. The more physical the better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 03:36 PM
1

Thanks - just sad to think it was not supposed to end this way. We had always been so strong etc
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:21 AM
2

So trust was eroded/gone due to the hidden drinking. So when there were questions about someone else, there was no trust in the answers. Not sure I will ever know what happened. Doing OK, think I miss the life vs the person. So far everything amicable, we earn similar with no kids so 50:50 split is easy. Hope it stays that way. Still have random moments when I cry, scream and shout ‘why did this happen’, ‘this was not supposed to happen’ but they pass
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:10 AM
1

Yep I had the same. We seem to be agreeing she will leave the house (I am buying her out) at the end of august and he is staying with friends this month. When we are in the house together we simply try to stay well away from each other
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 04:20 AM
1

I am 3 months into this mess. Luckily so far the anxiety etc was for the first 2-3 weeks. Now I just have periodic sadness etc. sure there is more to come. I found therapy very useful to give me skills to deal with the bad days
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 03:24 AM
3

Therapy, meditation, talking to friends, staying busy and more crying than you can imagine. Stay strong and you will get through it
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 02:37 AM
1

;-)
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 03:07 PM
2

That would be awesome, DM me. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 07:29 PM
7

Brand new loaded BMW R1250GS adventure with the BMW aluminum panniers and top box. Going full - Long Way Round
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 04:22 AM
7

We had quite a few twists and turns and to be honest don’t agree why we are separating. She says I was controlling and did not trust her. From my pov her drinking in secret for 4+ killed all trust. Plus I think there might be someone else. At the end of the day there is too much water under the bridge. Super sad as outside of the drinking we had a great life and achieved everything we had ever wanted
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 04:14 AM
3

So far we have amicably split most things. In CA which defines a separation date and does some splitting of finances
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 04:11 AM
2

I might just do that
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 03:46 AM
9

I have all of those feelings, sat on the sofa balling my eyes out. Never realised how much one man could cry, never seems to stop. But I have something else to focus on now. I want to pick up a stone on the beach on each coast
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 03:20 AM
9

Hopefully cathartic - say goodbye to the old life and hello to the new. That’s what I am telling myself anyway
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 03:06 AM
4

I intend to, fully embrace life
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:47 AM
2

Going through similar. Soon to be ex-wife has been drinking in the shadows for 4 years and all trust has been eaten away. Very sad as we had an amazing life. DM me if you want to chat
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 06:29 AM
4

Know this feeling. Currently going through it. ‘We can save it’ to ‘let’s just call it a day’
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 03:52 AM
1

There is always a chance that has happened but nothing to suggest currently. I will update this thread with the outcome either way
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 11:04 AM
1

I have done a little checking around and nothing out of the ordinary
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:01 PM
2

I think marriage is both one of the strongest and weakest things. We made mistakes dealing with a situation that started to slowly rot us from inside.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:41 PM
1

Thanks - This has helped be reframe where I am in my mind. In parallel, I have started to think what I want my life to be like if the Divorce goes through. I am in a very fortunate situation with no kids or money worries, work for a great company doing interesting things. The world is my oyster but know the transition will take some time
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 04:52 PM
2

yep - This feels like a journey that I am coming to the end of. I have committed to myself to resolve this by the end of this month - So 18 more days
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 04:47 PM
2

??? I have probably lost my travel partner, the person who I chose to share those experiences with
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 04:01 PM
1

Think we are in a reasonable place wrt this - We both recognize that there was lots of good but we also had a situation that developed which we did not handle/resolve. It was not bad for 4 years, as always these things creep up slowly if not addressed. I don't look back with resentment - We have both supported each other to have great careers, travel and see the world and generally have a fun time. My sadness comes from looking forward.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 03:53 PM
2

One other interesting thing I have found. Even though we agreed to take a specific break (wrote everything down etc) I subconsciously found it hard to always follow what we agreed. I have caught myself many times trying to fix things vs listening and staying to the plan. My mind keeps running away based on 1 or 2 words or actions and reach my own conclusion vs staying calm and playing the long game
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 03:31 PM
1

I have mixed emotions here. I don't want to go down that slippery slope creating a narrative out of thin air but do acknowledge this is always a possibility. Sure I can find a few light dots to connect but very very tenuous and highly circumstantial. Today was bad but has given me some clarity - I can't keep holding on and putting lots of emotional energy into this, we have to reach a decision by the end of this month, which only gives 18 more days - I am OK giving this to something we have inve…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:43 PM
1

nope but lots of work trips (which make sense due to annual kickoffs etc)
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:29 PM
1

Luckily I am not in this situation but at some point you have to simply accept things you cannot change. It might not be fair, you may not like it one little bit but none of that matters, the system works differently.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 01:38 PM
6

I might be close to a similar end result - One thing I have found powerful has been to think about the things she said multiple times that I maybe overlooked and I am trying to use those to be more self-aware and overall a better person. It may not save my marriage but useful for future relationships. I have also found it stops my brain going down the blame game - I can only control and be accountable for my actions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 12:51 PM
3

I had these for 2-3 days, usually when I was trying to fall asleep and they jolted me awake with my heart racing. Luckily they have stopped now but expect they may come back for a period of time. I have been seeing therapist and found doing a simple 5 min meditation/mindfulness exercise really helps. Good luck - stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 11:43 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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