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night_glitter Archive

View 4 posts and 209 comments by night_glitter on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

Exactly!! I had this convo recently when some guy attempted to shame me for not being into sex that involved violence/pain being inflicted upon me. (“So not kink friendly?” he said. You know, right before he got blocked.) Since when did that become the only thing people understood as kinky? Vanilla sex is amazing, but also there are LOTS of possible kinks that are harmless and not BDSM related. Your furry kink example is one…once I knew a guy who liked to do it with his socks on. That’s it - his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 10:41 PM
5

Oh, they’ve thought it through. They thought about how much they hate women and then made these laws.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 12:52 AM
95

The Office. Infidelity storylines galore. (At least one HV couple though, the Vances!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:03 AM
100

Unfun fact: you’ll also get flagged as hate speech for saying “men are trash” - even in a private group!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 09:45 PM
64

Believe me I know. No kids with my LVM ex-h, we split the bills but I definitely did most of the housework. When he first moved out, it was amazing to me how much free time I had that I wasn’t spending cleaning, because he made so much more mess than I did!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 07:25 PM
199

Also he’s telling on himself about feminism. Men and women are far from equal…a man can get back to me about splitting the bill when women, globally, have as much of the wealth as men. No matter what culture/country you’re from, that’s still the case. Until things like that get evened out, we aren’t equal with regards to money. Expecting the man to pay is very feminist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:40 PM
55

Sounds like he’s having an affair. That’s how my ex acted (and I had no idea why) - critical, full of contempt. I had such anxiety and thought I had to cOmMuNiCaTe. Also common for narcissists to do this after a major life thing (pregnancy; mine was buying a home) because he knows it’s harder to leave. And the only way to fix it…is to leave. Edit: found the post, and she even admits he had an affair in the past and blamed her. Men who cheat and don’t fix the part of themselves that allowed them …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 05:02 PM
30

Yes!! People balk when I say I don’t think I really loved my ex-husband, but I’ve loved other exes. The version of my ex-h I thought I loved was him with a mask. Once he got busted cheating, the mask came off, and I realized I didn’t love who he was in reality. The man I thought I fell in love with didn’t ever truly exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 08:39 PM
35

Omg this, all this! When I found out about my ex-husband’s affair, I listened to podcasts, read multiple books, went to solo therapy, and spent hours reading online to try to fix my marriage. Ex put in the bare minimum (only read the shortest book, took forever to get into solo therapy, even showed up drunk to one marriage counseling session!) while I learned that if he wasn’t willing to work on himself, that he’d just cheat again with the next opportunity he got. I somehow found FDS in my learn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:35 PM
6

Sis, same!!! Mine only went to therapy when I made him, right before our divorce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 07:56 PM
282

I just say yes. You don’t need to spell it out. Don’t give him all the answers as to how to manipulate you. If they think that means I’m into stuff like 50/50, they’ll tell on themselves eventually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 06:22 PM
147

I think a good nice answer is that you haven’t found a man who meets your standards. (Bonus! You could jokingly ask, “why, do you know any quality single men i can date? Bet money they’d say hmmm actually no!) A good answer for someone implying there’s something wrong with you could be, “just lucky, I guess!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 06:15 PM
177

You can either dump him now or waste more of your life with him before you dump him later. Men like this start with smaller lies, and if you brush them off, it teaches them that they can get away with this and more. If this guy’s not cheating on you already, he will eventually, and trust me, that will hurt a lot more than kicking him to the curb now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 06:27 PM
3

Hey, just a PSA - obvs it doesn’t protect from everything, but ask your gyno about getting the Gardasil vaccine. When it first came out, I was a little too old (age 26 was the max), but a few years ago, it was extended to age 45! I took advantage of that and got my full round (3 shots) last year, and it was 100% covered by my insurance. When I got married, the age hadn’t been extended yet, and I thought I wouldn’t bother at that point...of course, I didn’t consider that my husband would have an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 06:19 PM
119

Ooh this is a good one. This type of man will eventually cheat on you. When you aren’t feeding his ego enough for his liking, he’ll seek an affair partner to give him more ego kibbles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:00 PM
328

Damn right. I am childfree/sterilized. My mom had 2 children + 1 miscarriage. My grandmother had 4 children. My great grandmother had TWELVE. Twelve! I can’t even imagine. I never met her, but most women who have access to bc don’t have twelve children. I never knew them, but I do know that if my great grandfather was a LVM/ZVM/NVM, that there’s no way my great grandmother could’ve left. My mother married 3 LVM and left 2 before settling my for my father who offers no value other than his pensio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 05:35 AM
208

Just so you know, you can leave before dinner shows up. If you ever feel unsafe, it’s perfectly OK to excuse yourself to the ladies’ room and just leave, which is exactly what I would’ve done had a man TOLD me that I was paying for his food. Really glad you caught his red flags and got away from him safely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 11:17 PM
56

Uhhhh....I am a massive NIN fan, and Closer isn’t sexy, wtf. Do they even listen to any lyrics besides the chorus?! This song is about self loathing and obsession and the attempt to escape via sexual depravity. These guys are really telling on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 07:36 PM
130

Lol hot take for any other sub besides this one. Aka men’s spaces, unfortunately even the sub where that was posted is dominated by men’s perspectives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 01:28 AM
76

This is a classic: promising to clean something...when he gets confronted for not doing it, he says, “well you’re better at it!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 11:42 PM
24

This is a quality post - some new strategy in here that I haven’t seen being talked about as much. The work thing was definitely revealing after my ex’s mask slipped - bragging and thinking he was better and deserved a promotion soon after starting a new job. He was arrogant out of the office too. Pay attention to how he talks about customers/clients if applicable - does he value them or think they’re beneath him in a way? (An example - if he did tech support - does he say everything he handles …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 08:43 PM
11

It’s such a male way of viewing relationships. It’s shallow as fuck, and it shows a completely solipsistic denial of other people’s authentic experience. Men treat their relationships with women as purely transactional because they don’t believe we are capable of experiencing lust, love, etc. unless they will it into existence with their money. …Which is why it’s so shocking to see the same sad shit coming from a woman. Another FDSer already said this, but all of those things (plus calling herse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:26 PM
22

That’s what I was thinking! I didn’t see the post, but if it’s a throwaway, sounds like a karma farm account situation. Sorry, I feel like only a man would have the idea to hire a sex worker for something like this, and a woman would reach out to a friend or family member.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:17 PM
39

There’s no way to know this soon if he’s LV or not. However, no need for a setup. You’ve already met him, right? If he’s interested in you, he should be getting to know you, pursuing you, asking you out! You don’t need to do any asking or arranging the date for a HVM. If he’s interested, he’ll pursue you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 03:40 PM
5

I have 2. They both live out of state (one is from my area who moved, the other was an e-penpal who I met once, earlier this year). I think male friendships can work, but it’s rare. I’ve known the first guy for more than 15 years and the second about 8. The friendships formed due to having interests in common - I used to go to concerts and sporting events with the first one, and the second one bonded with me over our shared hobby of watching mma, which isn’t a common interest. I am really into w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:31 PM
106

Sadly, very true. Men absolutely will have sex with women they don’t find attractive and don’t even like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:42 AM
195

He’s bad with platonic boundaries, esp with immediate family members and coworkers. Or he is a little too cozy with attractive women in his life (also can be coworkers). Really insecure men who crave validation - an affair partner feeds his ego. Any sort of disrespect - because if he learns he can get away with disrespecting you in small ways (being late, being rude, making fun of you in more than a playful way, etc), he will continue and escalate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:34 AM
56

I think you should if you want to. And he can change his if he wants to, but he shouldn’t be butthurt if you don’t want to change yours. I chose to change mine, because my maiden name was my father’s last name, and he abused me, so it never felt like “mine,” and at the time, it was just easier. After I got divorced, I decided not to go back to my abuser’s name but to choose a new one, from my mother’s side of the family. If someone told me I was doing something wrong by shedding the name of a ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 09:42 PM
30

I’m childfree, so I wouldn’t date a man with children, because I’m 40, and I like my lifestyle without children. I’m divorced, so I would date a divorced man, but I’d be very curious about why he got divorced. Women tend to be the ones who file for divorce, keep that in mind. So you have to be extra careful with vetting a divorced man, especially if the ex-wife is the one who filed. Here’s an example of a divorced man I vetted. Met a man on OLD. He said his marriage ended when they realized they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 05:52 PM
28

A big one was that I had to have sex with the guy around date 3 or so. I feel like that’s still a pretty mainstream dating opinion. Like it was unreasonable to make a guy wait at least 3 months for sex. As a result, had lots of guys dump me around the 3 month mark, so why bother having sex so soon? You won’t regret NOT sleeping with someone when it doesn’t work out. Another was that I had to give a guy a chance, even if there wasn’t any initial spark on my side. I used to think I should give mos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 05:03 AM
59

Yep. If he lets his family disrespect you, he will eventually (if he’s not already) be just fine with disrespecting you himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 05:54 PM
2

Don’t be embarrassed! I’m 40 and childfree, and I enjoyed the hell out of it! I loved those books when I was a kid. So much nostalgia!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 05:59 PM
71

Have you watched the new Babysitter’s Club show on Netflix? I think the Watson Brewer character (stepdad of main character Kristy) is a great example of a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:59 PM
15

I get what you are saying, but you’re missing the point. You’ve already been steered to the handbook, and you should def read it, but here’s what we’re getting at. A casual coffee date involves a very low level of effort from a man. You should only be interested in men who want to put in a high amount of effort, time, and money to date you. You’re worth dinner, not just a $3-5 cup of joe. It’s not positive or idealist to undervalue yourself, and it doesn’t do you any favors in the dating world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:50 PM
24

You're not losing anything but time by saying something like "hey would you like to grab a coffee sometime?" You shouldn’t be going on coffee dates at all, much less suggesting them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:31 PM
140

Yep. That was me, minus the kids. Divorced that LVM, and I am happier now, single (“alone” - as if friends aren’t a thing, ha!) for the past year. I’m 40. So uh, don’t threaten me with a good time, fellas. I could’ve stayed married to my cheating ex, but I chose to be single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 03:59 PM
245

Donna on Parks and Rec!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 06:55 AM
20

You can and should research this. I wish I had more before I was married. Major thing to watch out for is disrespect. I mean, who wants to be disrespected anyway? Cheaters start disrespecting you in smaller ways first (late for a date with no apology/reason, giving you the silent treatment, shaming you for a weird interest, etc). So leave when it first happens to avoid wasting your time and getting hurt worse down the line. Be ruthless with this one! Others: bad boundaries (even platonic, especi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 01:59 AM
41

I’ve never known a woman who got divorced and said, “wow, you know I never realized, he really did do half or more of the cleaning!” Omg. The hours of my life that I would’ve spent cleaning up after my ex-husband are now just for me. It’s a relief. I cannot believe how much more time I have now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 12:05 AM
11

Nobody has said this, but it’s also a red flag that the man saying that is very conflict-avoidant. As in...he’s unhappy about something, but he’s so insecure that he won’t face it. He’s too afraid to be vulnerable with you. Instead of bringing it up and addressing it with you, he will sit there and resent you for it. You, meanwhile, can easily remain oblivious, if he’s good at hiding his feelings. He will build resentment over something that he hasn’t even told you about, then punish you more fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 09:47 PM
10

https://www.fastpeoplesearch.com/ That site has a lot of info regarding addresses and family members. Hey, if it’s on the internet, it’s fair game. If the guy has a common name, and you’re having trouble finding his social media, you can often find it by searching family members who have less common names. If people are lax enough with their social media to have lots of stuff public and viewable to anyone, well...you’re anyone!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 10:14 PM
39

What’s even worse is they’ll use that as a defense! “We don’t see mess the same way!” How is that a valid excuse??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:34 PM
8

Oh what a great quote! Thanks for sharing - very appropriate indeed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:13 PM
47

Exactly. A grown man should have basic cooking skills. Cooking isn’t my favorite thing to do, but I have favorite meals I can make easily, and anyone who can read can follow a recipe. These days there are even YouTube videos! There’s no excuse for a man who can’t cook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:02 PM
19

So you can cook his meals for him, obviously! 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 06:59 PM
11

Early flags were triangulation and bad platonic boundaries - with his sister. They claimed to be best friends, but they fought a lot, and he would pull me into his drama with her. She was always trying to insert herself in our plans. He would make me feel crazy that I would be jealous because it was just his sister. My family isn’t close like his, other than my sister, so while I thought it was a red flag, I doubted myself. Also communication games. This is a FDS basic that seems SO obvious now …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 05:58 AM
123

Yep, this is all on the money. This was me. Take it from someone who married a charming covert narcissist. There were red flags, and I missed them, but he absolutely still hid a part of himself for years. I can honestly say I was scared of him the last time I saw him - he is still so so angry at me and told me so, screaming at me the last time we saw each other. For leaving his cheating ass, when he’s already had a new gf for almost a year. Like, I can’t even wrap my brain around that being the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 08:13 AM
11

This is a great thing to keep in mind. One thing I noticed with my LV ex-husband is that he would sometimes give me gifts that required very little effort on his behalf and/or effort on my behalf. Examples: a jewelry subscription box. Once a month a necklace and earrings picked out (probably by a woman), mailed to me. No effort needed from him. (I did like a few of them but most weren’t quite my style.) Another gift: Groupon for a massage. That meant I had to make the effort of scheduling and ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:52 PM
6

My father was abusive, so I didn’t like my maiden name. I took the easy way out and took my now-ex husband’s name. Post divorce, I’m choosing a brand new name since I couldn’t seen keeping either shitty man’s last name. It’s from my mom’s side of the family. Then I’m never changing it again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 04:36 AM
128

Once I invited a guy I’d been on 2 dates with to a tubing/camping outing with some of my friends. A friend who I hadn’t seen in years showed up, and I gave him a smooch on the cheek to greet him. My date flew into a rage! I panicked because it was so surprising, and to try to defuse him, I told him not to worry, he’s gay. (That shouldn’t matter, of course - it was literally one kiss on the cheek!) THEN I found out my date was also a homophobe! Yeah, that wasn’t even the whole evening - later he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:00 AM
75

This isn’t big enough to justify an entire post about it, but I used my FDS learning to vet a LVM recently! Covid is bad in my part of the US, so I’ve been using OLD to practice vetting, post-divorce. Not surprisingly, I haven’t been on a date yet. But for a few days, I had some interesting convo with a man, so we did a phone call. Omg the red flags! He did most of the talking, about himself. He used offensive language (I am fine with swearing, but who still uses the R-word?!?), he talked about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 05:40 PM
114

Because there is no good excuse for cheating. He’s right; he wasn’t trying to hurt you. He wasn’t even thinking of you at all. How you would feel was of zero importance to him. He wasn’t thinking of what would happen if you found out, because he was only thinking of himself. You’re right - complete selfishness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 02:15 PM
1

I know this is an old post, but I wanted to thank you for it. I am not dating yet, but I read this book, and I definitely learned some things! Def recommend to anyone in FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 03:28 PM
13

To share a different perspective: my ex-h deleted his FB when some of our mutual friends (who stuck with me) started calling him out on his posts, about his infidelity. (He later restored it after a friend cleanup.) So if a guy has no social media, I’m gonna assume he’s hiding something. I wouldn’t necessarily assume the same of a woman, though. That said, there are lots of little things you can pick up from looking at what a guy posts on social media (and who he follows/friends), and I’d consid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 02:41 PM
44

I think the follower count is less important than the ratio. I have over 200 followers on IG, and most of my friends don’t even use IG (600 on FB). I think having a similar count of following/followers is what’s more important. But like, if he has 200 followers, and is following 1K accounts...you gotta wonder why there’s that discrepancy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 01:56 PM
11

There’s one called “social group strategy” that might work!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 09:05 PM
81

Thanks for sharing this. I’m an older CF FDSer, so any childfree strategy is always interesting to me. A strategy suggestion I have is for ladies like me who are sterilized, don’t tell guys this anytime soon. Obvs a guy who’s not willing to wear a condom is LV, but even if a guy is willing to get tested, you don’t know if he is only sleeping with you, and tests are only as good as the last partner. You shouldn’t be having condomless sex until at least 6 months into a committed relationship, if n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 06:34 AM
74

Yep. Mine wasn’t cheating the entire time (that I know of, I mean who really knows?), but he faked who he was for over 8 years. I also think he’s a sociopath, or at the very least a covert narcissist. I will never understand how someone can do something that cruel. Ladies, learn the signs of infidelity, and never stop vetting your husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:13 PM
326

This!!! If anyone reading this thinks this is an exaggeration, it’s not. Sadly, this (including the entitled cheating) is exactly what happened in my marriage. Once he was busted (she told on him when it was clear he’d never leave me for her), his entire personality was different. I can’t imagine wearing a mask that long. Yes, there were red flags I ignored, but he definitely hid who he was. The man I thought I married doesn’t even exist in reality. It is still mind blowing to me that someone co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 04:56 PM
44

Eh, I got divorced less than a year ago, so nobody’s asking me this yet, but my answer will be that I haven’t met anyone yet who makes me not want to be single. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If anyone says my standards are too high, I’ll grin and say THANK YOU! Disarm them with a smile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 09:20 PM
1

Not as “older” as you, but I’m 40, divorced last year. Haven’t been on a date since, as the pandemic is just finally winding down where I live. For me, it would be a stable job/good income, sexy, independent, childfree. Ideal goal relationship would be living separately, separate finances. I am very into travel, so it would be nice to find a man who is too, but I’m content to travel alone. I think the main thing that might be different for older FDSers (esp childfree and/or divorced), cohabitati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 07:09 AM
3

I also thought having kids was required when I was younger! I got really anxious knowing that I hadn’t met the right guy when I was in my early 20s. I saw my fun married time before parenthood shrinking away, the longer I was single. Then I realized at 25 that I could just be childfree. What a weight off my shoulders! Now I’m 40 and still happily not a mother!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 06:40 PM
12

FDS isn’t really into FWB arrangements. That said, if you were going to have one, I think this guy is an awful candidate for that anyway. If you’ve already caught him in multiple lies, he doesn’t seem to meet the friend part of FWB. I think very very few guys know how to properly navigate the friend part of FWB. Most of them just want to have a booty call type of scenario, then ignore you the rest of the time. I don’t know this guy, but consider which of these types he seems more like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 01:50 AM
14

Well, one problem I can see is that in this thread, some women have said that they are treated better when they wear makeup vs not. I can’t think of any time a man has ever said that. I also have multiple lady friends who have expressed that they don’t feel comfortable leaving the house if they aren’t wearing a full face of makeup. Yet I don’t have any male friends who’ve expressed similar discomfort. I find both of these examples pretty problematic on a societal level. Perhaps I should add that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 05:51 PM
14

Nowhere did I say that women who don’t wear makeup are better than women who do. But it’s important to think about the influencing by our society resulting in makeup being more “appealing” to women than it is to most men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 05:34 PM
8

I don’t think OP is excluding them. I think OP is asking us to think critically about why girls/women “like” it and why it makes you “feel” good, and why doesn’t a natural clean face feel as good? Why do most boys/men not feel good with a full face/contour, but a lot of girls/women do? Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 05:00 PM
8

Ok, you’ve already gotten the obvious answer: if you can’t ignore the texts, you need to block. But as someone who experienced infidelity, let me give you more specific advice. One thing I learned from reading multiple books about infidelity is that if a cheater doesn’t address whatever flaws allowed them to justify the cheating, in therapy, then the cycle will eventually repeat itself. So think of how awful you felt when you found out he was cheating again. This is what’s waiting for you, and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 03:04 PM
284

Can also confirm. I definitely spend far less time cleaning now that I’m divorced. I knew I did most of the chores, but I didn’t realize how much more of the mess was caused by him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 01:45 AM
5

I took my ex-husband’s name when we married. My father is an abuser, so I wanted to ditch his name. After the divorce, I’m changing to a third, because I couldn’t bear to keep my ex’s or go back to my abuser’s name. I decided to select a name from my mom’s side of the family, and after I jump through the legal hoops to do that, I’m never changing it again, not even if I get married five more times, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 08:32 PM
8

Lifestyle compatibility is pretty important. I’m a drinker, so I wouldn’t want to date a non-drinker. I don’t think anyone would consider that lifestyle-shaming of non-drinkers, as I have friends who don’t drink, but for a partner, I want a man who wants to enjoy a craft beer with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:59 PM
12

I correct once. If it happens again and the guy doesn’t immediately correct himself, then he’s telling on himself. I did explain this once to a guy I genuinely think didn’t realize what he was doing (English is his second language), and he’s used woman ever since. If a guy pouts when you correct him, you’re kidding yourself if you think he’ll respect anything else about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 03:39 AM
27

There doesn’t seem to be anything here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 03:30 AM
7

This is painfully accurate re: my ex-husband. He checks off most of these list items.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 04:45 PM
17

40 y/o divorced lady here. I’m glad you’ve typed this all out so I don’t have to, as my list is very similar. I also can’t imagine living with a man after living with my ex-h. I could see myself maybe in a LTR where we never live together or combine finances. Maybe. Meanwhile my ex is still with the gf he got before our divorce was even finalized, probably hoping he can convince her to take care of him like I used to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 08:25 PM
3

I feel your pain. I also did most of the moving/cleaning during my ex-h’s moving out process. (Covid sure didn’t help!) It sucks, but at this point, manchildren truly have no reason to help, so they won’t. Just wait until you notice how much less time you spend cleaning. Guarantee you it’s less than half the amount you did when he was living there. You’re getting there, and it’ll be better, just keep going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 11:31 PM
9

I feel you!! I had a similar issue when I was at shopping a couple of years ago, was also pre-qualified by my credit union. Walked away, and they called my bluff I guess, as they never got back to me. Fortunately I found a better deal the following week and am still happy with my purchase! Ugh but just infuriating that car shopping is still such a shitty experience for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 07:30 PM
2

Omgggg I just tried these for the first time when my grocery order gave me them instead of pink ladies, and I ended up loving them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 01:50 AM
26

Decided to get on OLD just to peep who was on there. (Divorced last fall, got my second shot last week.) I haven’t dated since dating apps were a thing. Most guys are boring, similar profiles. Also, most guys my age look older and/or are overweight. I’m 40, and it’s weird that guys 5-10 years younger are matching with me. A couple of funnies - stumbled on an ex from like, 13 years ago. The hilarious part is that I recognized one pic on his profile, which means he is using a 13 year old pic! I re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 05:01 AM
8

Aw look, it’s my lying cheating ex-husband!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 11:38 PM
35

I see a few of y’all are not loving being called picky. I am newly single after having gone through a divorce, but I’m not dating yet, so no one has called me that...yet. But when they do, I’m ready to respond, “wow, thanks for noticing! I am picky and have high standards!” I’m not going to consider picky as an insult, even if it’s intended as one. :) Looking forward to seeing reactions to my response. Keep those standards high, queens!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:00 PM
13

I think a lot of it has to do with a lot of women wanting children and financial strategy associated with that. You shouldn’t be marrying a man with a lower income/potential than you for this reason. Having children puts your body at risk (and could end up limiting your income potential), and you need to be sure any child can be cared for, even if your husband turns out to be a LVM for reasons other than income. If you’re giving him kids, he isn’t risking anything for the benefit of you birthing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:07 PM
34

Haha I’m not sure this is an answer you want or will like, but I’m older, so it might be different than most ladies’ strategies. Since I’m at the end of my childbearing years (40), most men will assume I am either childfree or want children immediately, so I can’t really pull dumb fox, and I’ll be honest if asked. I’m actually fixed, but I don’t intend to tell dates that, because condoms would be mandatory for sex, if it got to that, and I don’t want them thinking otherwise. I got divorced last …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 04:40 PM
6

I would! I’m actually currently reading a book called Herland which was recommended by someone in this sub! I love reading.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 04:04 PM
3

I agree! I didn’t have any indoor plants until a friend gave me a small jade plant as a post-divorce gift, and now I’ve already decided I want to get a few more houseplants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 03:12 AM
26

It’s a red pill term. The goal is to date/sleep with as many women as they can, like a performer keeping multiple plates spinning at the same time. Therefore, the women are plates. It’s so gross. They use these terms to dehumanize women, so they don’t feel as bad about treating them horribly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 02:33 AM
5

Sure thing! The best book I read was Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. That woman has done her research. I also learned things from State of Affairs by Esther Perel and After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You? by Janis Spring. These books aren’t perfect by any means, and there were definitely parts I disagreed with, but I definitely learned things from each one of them. There’s also a podcast called Healing Broken Trust, plus the ChumpLady website. Keep in mind that I read / listened to thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:28 AM
24

As someone who’s done a ton of research on infidelity, it’s not even remotely accurate. My LV ex sure didn’t cheat for “biological urges.” A whole lot of men’s infidelity is based on opportunity, weak/insecure egos (since they get ego kibbles from their affair partners), and straight up entitlement. Not that I would agree with the man who made this post anyway, but the research on infidelity doesn’t support the “biology” theory at all. So stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 07:23 PM
63

It’s exhausting. That’s the goal. I can’t think of any time I’ve ever seen a comment in a women’s space that was made by a man that added to the conversation. I said this once to a man in person, and he was curious as to how I even knew the comments were made by men. Oh, because they always start “man here” or “as a guy” or “as a father” - if you’re a man butting your head into a women’s space, God forbid you begin by not announcing your manhood. Wouldn’t want anyone thinking you might not be a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 03:46 PM
18

Lmao, from the wiki: “In the Brazilian Senate, for example, although there are 81 Senators, no one currently has a cabinet numbered 24, nor a car plate numbered SF-0024 (the Senators' plate options go from SF-0001 to SF-0095, and any available number can be freely chosen).” I am dying here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 09:22 PM
9

Yep. I kinda wish one of these shows would come out with the guy not being so conventionally attractive (but with these similar behaviors), would be interesting discussion comparing the two. Of course, that wouldn’t sell so well...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 05:26 PM
25

I understand this is the case with this show. But I’m saying, if they had some gross looking dude playing this role, I doubt many would be so attracted to the personality of the character. That said, it doesn’t take away from the fact that abusers are more likely to get away with it if they are conventionally attractive. Narcissists / sociopaths definitely know this, so women should still be mindful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 05:04 PM
94

I’ve never heard of this show, but I can see he’s conventionally attractive. That’s why they’re attracted to him - he’s an attractive actor. If they had Gilbert Gottfried or Danny Devito or Jonah Hill in this role, nobody would be attracted to the “character” because it’s just about the actor’s appearance. Same for the guy in that show You, or Zac Efron when he played Ted Bundy. These are attractive actors. Of course women find them attractive. It does not mean we want to be abused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 04:46 PM
8

Thanks for sharing this! I love the part about how it shouldn’t matter if you’re someone’s mother/sister/daughter because women are human beings, and that should be enough for men to relate to us (but for too many men, it’s not). I grow so tired of men popping up in subs intended for women, proudly strutting their thoughts out there, having finally “realized” something women go through, but only after seeing someone close to them experiencing it. God forbid they try empathizing with women they d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:09 PM
485

These can be very obvious to say, but infuriating to think back on... If he wanted to, he would. He knows, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 01:50 AM
2

You’re not an asshole. For my cheating story, the other woman even knew about me. Now that’s an asshole. She willingly pursued an affair with my husband after having met me. She can die in a fire for all I care. That said, I am STILL glad she told on my now-ex-husband. She saved me from living my life with a man who didn’t love me. To all the queens reading this who told on their cheaters and the wife/gf didn’t believe them, don’t lose faith; you may not know the whole story. I don’t think my ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 03:52 PM
34

Yep. Ladies, learn from my experience. I was totally in love, and my husband cheated with the first coworker who threw herself at him. I trusted him completely, and he lied. Seriously, married for years until the mask slip. 🤦‍♀️ Learn the signs for infidelity. And have a bank account that’s only yours, that he cannot access. If I ever get married again, I will never stop vetting my husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 02:21 AM
51

Brittany Runs a Marathon (Amazon)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:02 PM
64

I first became disillusioned with sexism in politics in 1990. I still am, but this brings me to tears. So glad I’m getting to see this in my lifetime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:50 AM
86

I want to know what they’re reading. First of all, if they don’t read at all, no thanks! And if they do, their answer says a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:43 AM
3

Oooh I feel similarly about my ex. I wish I could warn the women he dates in the future!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:24 AM
10

1) Just a few months. He cheated, but I trusted him a lot and had no idea when it was going on. She told on him. I did marriage counseling because I was totally in love and blindsided. It was like a switch. He was a different person after I knew. He didn’t bother trying to hide that side after he got caught. He barely tried in counseling and just wanted me to forget about it and move on. I found FDS and realized I deserved better. I learned a lot about infidelity. Signs I missed: picking fights,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:59 AM
176

It’s true. It came for my ex-h. I had been reading infidelity recovery stuff last year and somehow found FDS. I realized I deserved better than to wonder if he would ever change, or if I’d be paranoid and checking his phone forever for a new affair partner. Now he is free to sleep with whoever he wants...except me. FDS saved me from that lying cheater. Thanks ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 08:09 PM
73

Wow, new level of low even for him. If you ladies don’t know mma, he’s an asshole even for mma standards. Lots of legal issues (inc sexual assault). He’s got a fight coming up, and I would love to see him get wrecked by his opponent, who is a good guy who does lots of charity work. Plus he’s easy on the eyes (google Dustin Poirier).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 10:35 PM
108

It means you need to block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:03 AM
5

I posted a link to this tweet to socials. You might be surprised at the responses you get...well, rather the lack of responses. It was very nice to see the ones who chimed in, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 11:04 PM
8

My divorce was finalized a couple of months ago, and I’ve got some dudes sliding into my DMs already. One is a man I met on OLD right before I met my husband (so we never met), who I stayed FB friends with, as he posts funny memes from time to time, but he never DMed me until after my divorce. But he’s already started talking about sex, and we haven’t even met in person, ever. Pandemic is bad in my area, so I might keep chatting with him for an ego boost for a little while. But ugh, the talk abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 05:44 PM
41

Yep. My LV ex-h was already picking up trashy randos at bars before ours was finalized. Of course, I did the filing and paid for everything. Hell, most of our friends didn’t even know until it was finalized, because I didn’t tell most people until after, because I was taking that time to myself to recover on my own (with a few close pals in the know). Several friends have suggested future setup ideas, but I advised I’m not dating till next year at the earliest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 10:10 PM
158

Don’t forget “I’m an open book, just ask!” They want us to do all the work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:06 PM
70

Let me guess: physical touch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 07:05 PM
4

You have lots of good advice already, but here’s mine. Write down a list of very specific things that he did, of all degrees. I just got away from a very charismatic covert narcissist. My list started with things like “He made us late for X” or he lied about something that seemed minor, all the way up to him having an affair. Make that list as long as you want. Then read them all. If a friend told you these things, would you tell her she was crazy? No. Be your best friend. It’s easy to FEEL some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 08:28 AM
3

Thanks for this!!! Last night I took a bath with a fun bath bomb & enjoyed a fruit beer while relaxing in the bath. This was a good reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 10:21 PM
3

I’m in the US south, and my state is one that is known for being fat. My sister and I are actually the slimmest on both sides of the family. (I am currently around 64kg, would prefer to be 58-59.) She is athletic/muscular because she’s a pole dancer and works out 2-4 hours a day. She eats what she wants, mostly unhealthy fast food and pasta. As for me, I hate working out, but I eat a pescatarian diet (very uncommon in the South), which helps. Haha - one thing that we have in common - men always …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:04 AM
4

Oh I’m not really going to do that. Please don’t worry about me. You can post a pic if you like, but you might not want to for safety reasons - FDS gets harassment. I’m almost 40, if it were as simple as cutting sweets, my body would’ve lost the weight already - I don’t care for most sweets. I’ve never liked ice cream, and bubble tea is like eating a container of sugar! Truthfully, it’s my love for cheese and beer, plus not living in a walkable state (no cities in my state are walkable). I used …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 08:36 AM
3

Yeah he sounds like he just wanted to neg. Sounds like you were way better looking than him, and he wanted to bring you down. I’m sorry - I cannot get over the idea that size 2 is average! I’ve never been to Taiwan, but it sounds so terrifying to exist there at my size. I’m 5’7, size 8/10 (mostly 10 lately, due to 6+ months of pandemic stress eating/drinking), & I’m considered average where I live (US). Even if I worked out for several hours each day and starved myself, I could never wear smalle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:57 AM
5

Wow a 2 is average in Taiwan?!? The woman you replied to is correct - it is literally 100% impossible for an adult woman to be fat and still wear a 2. My younger sister is around your height, and she doesn’t even wear a 2, but she’s super athletic/muscular. Hahahaha - now I’m trying to imagine guys there trying to convince me that I’m obese for wearing a 10. Pass. Guess i can’t date in Taiwan, welp! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:32 AM
20

Well, she was def a pickme when she wrote that song...not sure if she intended to lead as much as she was just a pick me writing about her pickme life. That album and the one before it both have multiple pickme songs about Gavin Rossdale. She started seeing him in 1995, but he didn’t propose till 2002! And then they got a divorce after he cheated with the nanny. Typical LVM stuff, like waiting 5+ years to propose. At least she was smart and never gave up her career while raising their 3 sons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 11:52 PM
40

For real. And in addition, if a guy wakes me up on Sat or Sun with a useless Good Morning text on my days to sleep in, it will be the the last time - whether he learns or I block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:35 PM
268

This is one of the reasons I think Good morning texts are 🚩🚩🚩 Low effort pleasantries that require almost no thought are a NO from me. It’s a way to get you to engage without saying anything meaningful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:21 PM
1

If you read the wiki, it actually is Negative Value Man. He makes your life worse...your first thought was correct! But most posters tend to use it for No also, though the wiki defines that term as ZVM - zero value. Either way, let’s avoid ‘em!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:12 AM
4

I’m approaching 40, just found FDS earlier this year. I am married to a LVM who cheated on me. I found FDS and realized I could do better (or be on my own), and it was a welcome change. My LVM stopped trying in therapy and affair recovery, so instead of continuing to beg him to fix himself, I filed for divorce. I have lived about half of my life, maybe even less, depending on what happens in the next 40 years in my hot mess country with super expensive healthcare. I realized I could live the nex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:32 PM
7

They should rename that sub to popular opinions. Not only is that a very popular dude opinion, but it also adds nothing new to a convo. Just another way for LVM to circlejerk about how stingy they are. Seriously - 33K? That’s fine if you have it, but plenty of folks have weddings wayyyy under that price tag. I did. And even though my dummy LVH cheated just over a year later, I still love that I had a fancy dress up party, and it’s the last time I saw so many out of town friends. If I ever remarr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 03:27 PM
35

Well, I don’t think she’s an asshole, but she’s dumb for being in a situationship with this guy and getting pregnant by him. I would’ve ditched him as soon as I saw the toy room. That guy needed therapy before she even met him. However, he’s an adult, and instead of taking responsibility for his trauma (like all women are expected to do, otherwise we’re called CRAZY), he avoided it and stayed a child instead. This is weird to read, because my father did a similar thing to me as a child - after a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:47 PM
6

OMG this is my STBX. He did not want to talk about things that made him look bad in therapy. It was just another nail in the coffin of our relationship. The tragic thing is that I really thought he could figure out everything in therapy. It is insane to end up with a covert narc who’s so covert that he can call out others on their narc tendencies yet completely be in denial about his own. The really charming ones are so tricky to spot when you’re in love. So many things make sense now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:35 PM
11

Well, more like a mortgage than a lease. Sucks that I’m paying it all on my own the last 2 months, but fortunately, before, most of my extra money previously went to the travel fun budget, so I’m not doing too bad. Not being able to travel and the isolation here (high risk covid state) have been really lonely, though. Nobody really gets it since I’m keeping things relatively private until after it’s finalized, because I want to stay in control of it going my way. I’m coming to the end of the wai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 05:54 PM
6

I’m with you. Already filed and separated, in waiting period. I filed no-fault, but my state has different rules if you file due to adultery, so I’m not risking that (even though I don’t think he’d do that, as he cheated and caused the divorce), as it is also a community property state. And my divorce is going well and isn’t complicated or contested. I am choosing to keep it that way because any benefits do not outweigh my risks. So for a less practical answer, I can’t imagine dating. I may jump…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 09:23 AM
91

No it is not normal men see mentally unwell young girls from dysfunctional homes as prey to manipulate & control easier whilst expecting endless sympathy/emotional labour for their own self caused issues they refuse to address. Wow. So I actually loved this comment so much that I upvoted before I even got to the part in the quote. Then saw myself in that sentence. I’m gonna make a mental note to be more careful with this one if I ever date again. Thank you 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:57 AM
2

Here are a couple of FDS threads about it. Things cheaters do and say Detecting lies and infidelity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 10:06 PM
3

Oh I meant I didn’t want to disrespect anyone with more life experience than me, is all! But I assume most Redditors are younger than me. ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 07:50 PM
18

To all the ladies here, now, I see that you don’t want him looking through yours. But if you suspect something, snoop away. I asked my STBX-husband over and over if he was cheating with one particular woman, and he lied for over 3 years before she ratted him out, and even THEN he lied till I came to him with the phone evidence. I’ve only felt the need to snoop twice in my life, 2 different men, over a decade apart. Both times, the man was cheating (and my snooping confirmed it), and they lied un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 03:33 PM
75

Yeah, unfortunately, this was my experience. Pretty much everything you described. Didn’t want to do the “homework,” didn’t want to read books, etc. Just wanted me to move on from his having an affair, sweep it back under the rug where it had been. Even our therapist was looking at him in disbelief - didn’t change his selfishness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 04:56 PM
4

I feel you. I swear it’s different when they blindside us and cheat. I also thought my STBX was my best friend. Then I realized he hadn’t been that guy for years, when the truth finally came out. I think it helps me to think of him this way - because I’ll always now know that I’m missing a person who wasn’t real. No amount of missing him will make that guy be real. I continue to deal with forgiving naïve younger me. Stay mighty!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:20 AM
2

I think it’s all about how they’re used. I’m older, so I grew up without social media, so perhaps I use it differently. Most folks in my age group (30s-40s) use it to keep up with friends/family who relocated across the country and to support their fave local businesses. If I wanna throw a big old house party once this COVID is over, I can make a FB invite much more easily than reaching out to text each friend. I’ve never tried TikTok, though - my peers don’t use it. It was my understanding it’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 06:22 PM
6

Obvs other FDSers have already chimed in re: FDS = man always pays, but rules aside, you already answered it by realizing how it made you feel. You were turned off. You felt like he didn’t value you and your company. It upset you and ruined your evening. Why would you want more of that? Next time, no coffee dates, and no second dates when he doesn’t pay on the first one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 08:16 PM
3

There’s always the handbook for reminders, but better to get away later than never. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I hope eventually you may see it as a blessing - baby blessed you to get a better opportunity for a baby someday with a decent man who respects you. Baby saved you from 18 years with this NVM—little angel indeed. In the future, I recommend not dating that far up, age wise. Stick to guys in their 20s till you pass 25. This man knew he was taking advantage of you with the maturity di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 10:00 PM
7

Omg so gross she’s half his age. I already knew he was a LVM but this is a new level of low for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 11:53 PM
4

Sis, I feel you. I was you. Except I had acne much younger. You might want to check out the Skincare Addiction subreddit. Warning, it can be overwhelming, but start with the basics in the sidebar if you don’t already have a skincare routine. PM me if you need help. I also had to live with a toxic family until age 20 for money reasons. After I left, it was much better, but I still felt obligated to try to please them throughout my 20s. It did not help at all, and nothing improved. It was like bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 11:44 PM
23

Yes, I think she’s right. He made a sex joke, had you over a couple of times, tried to get you to spend the night...you didn’t take the bait and sleep with him, so he gave up. Now aren’t you glad all you did was make out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:00 PM
6

Me too. I definitely would have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:22 PM
12

Yeah, this is my STBX. Charming, tons of friends, smart, attractive, also an IT helper, close with parents, etc. But I did all the cleaning and most of the emotional labor. And he couldn’t deal with any adversity. He cheated for ego kibbles and then lied for years, pretended nothing happened until he was busted, with proof. Then he lost his job and couldn’t get others for months. He put the bare minimum into marriage counseling. I had to respect myself and leave. It will be a huge shock when our…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:33 AM
10

You’re not a horrible person, but for your own good, you need to change your mindset. As others have said, if you can’t resist checking them on socials, block. You shouldn’t be seeing these faces when you get on social. It’s not healthy. Take a step back. Get a hobby to serve as distraction and reset. Stop letting them occupy space in your head. What good can possibly come of it? Focus on leveling up. And talking about sex on socials, really, is this a thing now? I have never talked about anythi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:07 PM
6

Eh, I read a few comments, and the mistress knew he was married. It sounds like OP consulted with an attorney. If it’s legal, I 100% would evict. I have no sympathy for affair partners who deliberately break up a marriage, and I would not want to have a woman who deliberately ruined my loved one’s life living in my property if I could legally evict them. Esp since sis is going to divorce him, and he’ll prob move in with the mistress. Take both trash bags out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:36 PM
1

Hey, if you wanna share your number with men, you can. It goes against FDS, but you do you. Just know that no HVM will ever ask for your number. No exceptions whatsoever. Most LVM won’t even ask. If anyone ever needed my exact number, that’s when I would know for sure they were LV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 08:29 PM
3

The closet I can get lately is a combo tinted moisturizer / sunscreen. It still isn’t exactly like my skin, but it’s not as obvious as a mismatched full coverage makeup, and it gets the job done if I have a monster blemish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 05:32 AM
87

A man telling a woman his dream is to sleep with her is in no way a compliment!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:32 AM
22

Yesterday there was an interesting post on here regarding how your life would be different if you’d found FDS in middle school. I noticed a few other ladies in here realizing so much would have been different, to the point that it hurt to think about what might have been. I felt similarly. Try to be gentle with yourself, queens. Some of us get dealt a crappy hand in life, and you have to play the cards you have. Understand that you did the best with what you knew and love yourself. 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 12:53 AM
10

Me too! I’m Hispanic with a similar complexion/dark hair and eyes, and i agree with you on those capsule wardrobes. I’m more of a dark jewel tones gal too. Makeup is a PITA too - everything’s for pink and rosy faces! I gave up on foundation years ago. I could prob find success with Asian beauty products, but ordering online is more trial and error than I want to deal with. It was hard enough to find a sunscreen that didn’t make me look like a mime or a pile of grease, and my faves keep getting d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 12:08 AM
17

Yeah, I’ve known I was childfree for over a decade. It did make dating more challenging, being in the South where some of my contemporaries were grandmas before they turn 40. I think it’s more popular now to be CF, and I’m towards the end of a gal’s best fertility years anyway, so I assume most men around my age will already have children if they want them, or they’ll want them ASAP. I’m fixed anyway, so there’s no “you still have time” anymore arguing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 11:54 PM
8

In the South, same. Hell, even when we were in the “in between” part of our separation before he moved out a few weeks ago, my STBX was still footing the bill on our ordering in / to go orders. If a man suggests I pay for a date, it’s his last one. I would probably pull the old “Sorry you didn’t feel the same way, but thanks for the company and good luck with dating” if he even tried to split. I also think my age has to do with my perspective: I’m pushing 40, so men should be well-off enough to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 11:41 PM
5

My whole life. Would’ve spent way less time worried about guys who didn’t care about me at all and more time having fun. Probably would have more awesome lady friends. And I would’ve dumped my STBX-husband after he was late for the third date instead of marrying him then having to divorce him for cheating. I try not to think about it too much. My dad beat my sister and me until we were 17. We called CPS and nobody believed it. FDS would’ve saved me lots of sadness. But given my past, I can’t hat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:55 AM
10

If you haven’t already, read the handbook. For starters, don’t sleep with a guy without any commitment. And don’t fall for potential or be a builder. You need to be vetting more and for longer before getting emotionally invested. You are 22, so you need to accept that there are very few HVM in your age range. Work on making yourself more HV. I’m not worried about a guy being “smarter” than me; I actually want a man who is smart, so he will likely know some stuff I don’t know (and I’ll know stuff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:52 PM
42

This is so true!!! My LVM STBX made much more mess than I did. He only moved out a few weeks ago, and I’ve already noticed that I spend so much less time doing regular chores and have started in on deep cleaning! I STILL am spending less time cleaning than I was just doing regular chores with him living here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:24 PM
7

I’d say it depends. Has he been dating around this whole time? If so, then no, because that would make it seem like it was just your looks. However, if he’s been single the entire time (focused on leveling himself up) or recently did his own glow up (therefore was putting off pursuing relationships until he was a HVM), then sure. Somehow I’m guessing it’s the first one...should be easy enough for you to figure out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 01:46 AM
41

You posted 2 months ago that he ghosted you after punching a hole in a wall, and that he’d shown signs of aggression before. He has told you who he is—believe him!!! He is an abuser. If you stay with him, you’ll either end up in an abusive relationship (and he’ll escalate the violence the longer you stay with him) or dead. Please don’t move in with him. I recommend you read “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. PM me if you need an online copy. Your BF knows he’s hurting you!!! I’m telling yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 05:40 AM
1

Thanks for the recommendation—been reading a lot lately. It’s been over 6 months since I found out, and it’s still so surreal that he could’ve allowed himself to cheat and then lied for years. I just don’t know how he could throw me away like that. I don’t understand how anyone could do that to anyone. Sigh. But at least I’m almost free. I already really love living alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:59 PM
25

When I was being cheated on (coworker too!), my husband totally changed. He was mean, snappy, and argumentative. As soon as I got into your story, somehow I knew it was going to be infidelity. And just like my STBX (my state has a waiting period, ugh), it didn’t work out with the affair partner, but I had no idea. I was so trusting, and he never tried to leave. Because he didn’t want to. He was just weak and had bad boundaries, but he knew I was superior to his affair partner, and it sounds like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 09:32 PM
15

Well, I have almost completely dropped my LVM husband (my state has a mandatory “cooling off” period). I have very little hope in finding a HVM for myself, but they do exist. I have a few married guy friends and coworkers who are HVM and treat their partners like queens. This is why you must be ruthless with vetting. Plus if you’re wasting time with your LVM, you definitely won’t meet your HVM that way!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 06:30 AM
24

Wow, nothing says sweet like joking about physically assaulting your ex! Lol I’ve lived such a life in privilege that abusive relationships are just another hilarious thing to joke about. Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 05:57 AM
67

Hey, at least you didn’t marry him. If I can escape my LVM husband, you can escape your bf! Congrats on starting the next step of your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:58 AM
5

This comes up from time to time on this sub. I just posted a comment about it yesterday. Do not text him, nothing good will come of it. He knows, sis. Read this post and apply it to your situation!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:20 PM
6

I wouldn’t date a guy who made less than me (they get resentful), so he should be paying for all dates. Really. I’ve been on some lousy dates in my life, and I just don’t have time for more. I’d rather spend the night in, cooking dinner for one than have a crappy date. For the guy, if he’s a LVM, he will be pumped to let you pay so he doesn’t have to. A HVM won’t let you pay even if you offer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:31 AM
47

I don’t, but I don’t care for pleasantries. I’m introverted and see small talk the lowest effort text possible. If it’s something you say to your coworker you don’t even really like, I deserve to get something better. I would expect him to text me daily about something meaningful. Like...when he hears a song by a band he took me to see, or when he reads a ridiculous email at work that cracked him up, or when he finds a meme about a show we watch together. If someone has the title of boyfriend, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:14 AM
41

Eh I’d just forget about him. Texting him is a waste of your time. He knows, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:20 AM
2

Oh ok, sorry to have misunderstood. I completely agree, would not wish infidelity on anyone!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:33 PM
6

As someone who was married and cheated on, trust me, staying is not really on the pedestal you think it is; most (American) people say they will leave, but they don’t talk about cheating in any way other than an abstract way, because it hasn’t happened to them. Staying doesn’t make one feel seen as “superior.” Once I describe my exact situation, people agree that leaving was the right thing to do. It doesn’t make me feel lonely to be single now after almost a decade of being coupled off. I feel …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 11:50 AM
11

I don’t know if it’s always been like this, but it definitely has for the entirety of the time I’ve been reading Reddit, and I joined in 2012 (under a different username). Calling women “plates” to dehumanize them, talking about deliberate manipulation to confuse them into “hamstering” (yay more dehumanizing), etc. Trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:49 PM
26

Thank FDS for this! My STBXH was being a LVM when we were hanging out a few weeks back, right after I told him I wanted a divorce (he moved out last week woo), also right after I found FDS. He started bragging about some sex act I’m not into (that he did with his affair partner!!! WTF how tone deaf are you, you ass?! Literally the text message that busted him in his affair was sexting with her about doing this particular very specific sex act), that he did with an ex before me to get a rise out …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:23 AM
1

This is an old thread, but I want to add the new Netflix Babysitters Club reboot. (Mild spoilers, if you haven’t watched!) It’s with younger girls, so it’s appropriate for pre-teen girls who are just started to get interested in boys. Be advised that it’s very liberal and can be cheesy, but it’s wholesome. The main character’s mom had 2 kids then got left by her NVM husband (pre-show) and leveled up to marry a total HVM, Watson. Watson is super patient with her kids (main character Kristy is qui…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:56 AM
4

I’m surprised to see this comment! I am American, and you’re right, there is a fixation with the therapy model of going to a therapist. I’ve tried several, but none did much good, and people have scolded me for not continuing to try different therapists! I learned many of my coping techniques though self-learning via books, websites, and even my own living - traveling is very therapeutic for me! I like to rephrase it that therapy is only 1 possible tool for healing. There are many others, like l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:04 AM
3

It seems like you may be putting in much more in your social life than you are getting back. You don’t necessarily have to dumb down that part of your personality, just be the organizer a little less often to get more balance in your life. Even things out. Take it down a notch and plan a little less often. Yes, that might mean you have a little less of a social life, but you can use that time to level yourself up in other ways. You should not be worried about turning off men with your attitude. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:39 PM
24

It’s not expecting too much if it’s only a 20min drive. I’d say the only reasonable reasons he could have for not picking you up would be if he were working (he’s not) or if he were out of town himself (he’s not). If he asks you again to come over tomorrow, you should tell him you’re busy, that’s too last minute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:27 AM
24

That’s exactly what I thought! But then I remembered I have an electric flyswatter, and a fair amount of men in my life, including my STBX-husband, have touched it once to feel what the shock was like. No women have ever even joked about doing that. So I guess I believe men could do that, but the women surprised me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:13 AM
4

Yeah, all of this is too much. I’m twice your age, so I really don’t get why a man would follow models and celebs on Instagram other than for porn reasons. My friends on IG are just my friends and businesses I support. Not interested in strangers’ lives. If a guy followed a bunch of models on IG, it would be a complete dealbreaker for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 12:44 AM
32

I have shaved for a man before, but I won’t do it again. When I was younger (early 20s), I developed a badly irritated ingrown hair that got infected to the point that I had to go to a doctor, and I still have a slightly visible scar—it’s right at my bikini line. My skin always got so irritated with shaving, but that was my breaking point. I don’t understand how some women can be so smooth. I could never achieve it. Latina curse? I always ended up with an itchy red mess. It was even an issue wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 01:01 AM
31

They’re a dealbreaker. I had a very, very good friend who had one. Yeah, past tense—he died riding it about 3 years ago. I would never consider dating a man who has one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 08:38 PM
7

It’s on my to do list already! He still has a few things here. I know I could trash them, but if he wants the crap from his “abandoned hobbies” closet before the next trash collection day, I’m gonna let him take it. Easier for him to lug them to his car/apt than for me to dump them on the curb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 06:00 PM
22

KickHimOut2020 checkin-in, my first! We have been moving things into his new apt this week. (I have been helping pack due to not wanting others in my house, due to living in a covid hotspot.) Tonight he texted me to let me to let me know that he was planning to work late and staying “there,” and he added that I might get some of his stuff delivered to my place that he ordered before he knew his apt number. Mine. This is my first night without him here this year. Got my new bedding yesterday. Fee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 04:13 AM
8

The cleaning thing is extremely unlikely to improve if you marry. I married a man who didn’t meet my cleaning standard. Once he’s fully moved out, I plan to go Marie Kondo on everything in the entire house, and when I’m done, it’ll be the cleanest it’s ever been since we moved in. It was so exhausting cleaning for 2 (I don’t want kids but if you do, it’s exponentially worse per child) that my standard for a clean house went down simply because I could not keep up with cleaning up after him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:33 AM
3

I’m filing for divorce right now at 39. If I could go back to college times, I would still date, but I’d be much more selective. I feel like I could’ve dated like...20% of the guys I dated in my 20s. Back then, I would give many guys a chance even if I didn’t think he was necessarily a HVM. Just because I was insecure and wasn’t confident in what I wanted, what I deserved. I still want most of the same things I wanted back then. But I’m just not going to entertain anyone in my 40s unless they ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:00 AM
7

I would say that it was a little too early to reveal something so private and personal, if the question came up before dating 6 months. And if he fixated on that answer or continued to press for the number (not respecting my boundary), then I’d know he wasn’t the guy for me. My STBX does not know my number, never cared to, not after a year, not after 5 years...so it’s something I expect from a future partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 11:13 PM
7

The affair was over 3 years ago, but I just found out about it towards the end of last year. If I’d had this place 10 years ago, I prob would’ve dumped him when he was late for our third date, but lesson learned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 11:05 PM
13

Been there. Mine wasn’t a sex addict thing, and he definitely was more LV than your ex. Had an affair with a coworker, hid everything for years (most of our marriage) and was gonna take it to the grave. I only found out because she ratted him out, to selfishly relieve herself of her guilt of being a worthless homewrecker. At least you wasted fewer years. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again. I got a therapist and have started reading books on infidelity recovery and trust. I see you’re posting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:32 PM
6

It really depends. I don’t speak with my parents, because my father is a huge narcissist who abused my sister and me, and my mom refused to leave him. He continued to emotionally abuse us on into our 20s after we moved out. In our 30s, my sis and I had enough and went NC. Of course, I still talk to her and keep in touch with other family members who were not involved (like cousins), not complicit with the abuse. So it really depends. If it’s only 2 months ago, one would think he would need some …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 06:39 AM
3

I’m interested! I’m already reading the book right now. Fascinating stuff. Sign me up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:18 PM
1

Honestly, if I thought I would ever get remarried, I wouldn’t bother. I just don’t think I will, and if I do, it’ll be much later in life, so I decided it makes more sense for me to just change it after the divorce is final. I was so blindsided by my husband’s affair (reason for divorcing and not wanting to keep his last name) that I can’t even imagine dating anyone anytime soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:54 PM
1

Yep! Def don’t want a last name associated with well-known slave owners or Confederate leaders. Another thing I know I don’t want is a last name with a patronymic suffix, like Johnson or something...nothing against anyone who has/liked those names, but it’s just not what I want for my new personal journey and identity as a divorced/single woman. But yeah, professional concerns cannot be ignored. I’m not on the job hunt right now, but if I am in the future, I have to consider that Consuela Gonzal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:30 PM
2

I love this! I also want to have my own legacy so to speak, although I’m not having children, so the name will end with me. But it’ll hopefully be meaningful to me, so that’s what I’m going for. I might just need to browse lists, so thanks for that suggestion. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:49 PM
2

It’s ok, this was a unique response with a specific reason! My diplomas are in my maiden, but I don’t work in education or display my college diploma anywhere except in a frame at home. I have a friend who actually paid to have her diplomas reissued in her married name, but I never bothered doing that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:05 PM
1

It’s ok! I don’t have kids, so no worries about having the same name for me. My sister actually kept hers after her divorce due to laziness too, but her ex was a nice guy - she married super young and was a little late coming out of the closet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 02:59 PM
2

Yeah, I was also too lazy to change it, then changed it to my husband’s after we married - again, lazy. Now having to confront my years of laziness! But you’re right, my father is absolutely a LVM (would be NVM without pension). I think it’s always interesting on other Reddit forums where women are adamant they won’t change their name...which is almost always their father’s name. But I just assume they don’t have fathers who are LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 02:57 PM
3

This is what I was looking for! If you want to share ideas for names, I’m in!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:16 AM
15

Oh, I could, absolutely. I just don’t want to, because my husband cheated and broke my heart, which is the reason I am divorcing him. I think changing my name will help me heal from that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 01:40 AM
10

See, that’s it! I want to feel that way about my new name. Goals! Also, thanks for making me want to go back to Portugal. At the rate my state is going (covid hotspot), I’ll be divorced with a reissued passport in my new name before I can feel that international travel is a responsible thing to do...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 01:22 AM
6

I agree! If I’d liked mine, I’d have kept it. I always wanted to pick a new name in adulthood, but most of my family is distant (my sister was my only family at the wedding and the only family I’ve seen since), so I couldn’t ever settle on any family name. I’m back to pondering it again out of necessity this time, a definite learning experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 01:12 AM
21

Yes, this. My husband started picking fights all the time. I had no idea why he suddenly changed to being angry when he’d previously been a positive upbeat guy, for years. Suddenly fights would manifest seemingly out of nowhere. The personality change was noticeable, but I was so trusting and in love that I didn’t even consider he could be fucking his coworker while I was out of town on business. When the affair ended, his personality went back to normal. I thought I’d fixed it with communicatio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 12:04 AM
7

Yep. Hispanic mom, white father. Like you said, does not lift a finger in the house. It’s always been like this, even during the few years he was retired before my mom. Won’t even walk a few feet to put his plate in the sink. Just sits on the couch, filling it with farts while he watches old westerns and court shows. He also abused my sister and me (mostly belt beatings, lots of emotional abuse too) until we were 17. We tried calling CPS, but he convinced them we were just being dramatic, my mom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 11:42 PM
16

Very true, happened to me. STBX convinced me she was crazy. Fortunately I couldn’t let it go and found proof later. It takes the betrayed a while to sort it all out...finding this sub really helped me get to a good head space so I could end things and be on my own. Ladies, know that even if you aren’t strong enough to kick him out immediately, you can get there with support. 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:39 PM
7

Yep. Worst part is that this type of cheater, if you stay with him too long, will cost you money, even if he makes more than you. He’ll just spend more. He will find more and more stuff that he wants to buy, or he’ll want to get pointless luxury items, because he’s so vain, and he wants people to see his money. This guy is really hard to spot if he’s charismatic, because everyone thinks the best of him, so you’ll feel crazy feeling differently. And he will only want to spend money on what he wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 09:19 PM
69

Lying in general. Poor boundaries, even with platonic relationships of his life (like intrusive family members). Allowing his family members to disrespect you in even the slightest way. Gets a lot of enjoyment out of skirting the rules or “getting away” with things. Men who were spoiled as children. Manchildren. Bad credit. He has close friends or family members who have cheated. Poor impulse control. Doesn’t know how to say no. Men who have a lot of problems with FOMO. Edit: added a few more th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 08:00 AM
26

You don’t need to “end” anything. Leave him on Read. If he’s a HVM who wants you, he’ll contact you again and behave properly this time. If he doesn’t, then you already have your answer. Don’t reach out to him for any reason, because getting nothing more than a “hey” in a month isn’t an acceptable way for a man to treat you if he wants to date you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 11:04 PM
30

Ahhh, your story just made me remember that I had a guy hide my keys before to trap me too. Just typed up the story for this thread. So damn scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 11:43 PM
38

Ahhhhh I thought of another one after reading one in here! I had already been on 3 dates with a guy, and they were good/normal. I invited him to join me on a big group weekend camping trip. (Mistake #1 of many. I was so so dumb in my early 20s.) We set up camp. Spend all night hanging out, and everything was normal. Next day, everyone floats the river. I see one of the second-day arrivals is a college friend that I hadn’t seen in a couple of years, so I maneuver my tube over to him to say hi and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 11:42 PM
28

This is not a long crazy story, but it was my first date ever. Pulled the “forgot my wallet” excuse. I really think he did forget it, but I still didn’t care. I remember thinking “Fking seriously? THIS is my first date?!?” It wasn’t even an expensive place. But if he really liked me, he should’ve double-checked to ensure he had his wallet before the date. I paid for the meal like the decent human being I am. He begged for another chance, but I told him we could only be friends. I almost felt bad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 11:15 PM
74

And they wanna do this to women, not have it done to them. Bet anal is off the table if it’s pegging and threesome is off if the woman wants another man to be the third.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:59 PM
34

I agree. My STBX has both a physical affair and emotional one, but it could be either/or. A lot of men do not consider EAs to be cheating; I learned that in my personal infidelity recovery. My STBX said he considered his affair “over” after the last time they had sex, but the texts that he didn’t delete that eventually got him busted were months later, when he said he was trying to stay “friends” with her after - but they were flirty, not friendly, and that’s how he got busted. And yep, he cheat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 03:12 PM
5

I recommend this to you. It helped me. The actual book is more fleshed out, but that site has good info, in case you can’t currently get ahold of it safely. I was there too because my marriage wasn’t bad, but he cheated. I couldn’t let that go. But he wasn’t abusive other than all that lying and deception, obviously. We are great friends, but he forfeited me because a coworker made his peepee hard. But overall we get along pretty great, so having to do this is so surreal for me. I loved him and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 05:43 AM
2

Yep. Same for my STBX. Immediately said yes to the first desperate woman who threw herself at him. Threw away our marriage for a few days of FOMO sex with a woman he can’t stand now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 10:34 PM
7

I think it was from someone complaining on another sub and wanting to know if there are more women-friendly subs. They are hard to find on here! I frequent 2X, and it just gets more full of young dudes every day. So much misogyny doesn’t get removed. I really like how heavily moderated this sub is. I love a group full of positive women lifting each other up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 04:52 PM
28

I don’t mean for this to be as sad as it sounds, but for me, it was finding out my husband cheated. I was completely in love with a man who I thought I knew but didn’t. I mean we literally snuggled every night. (Except when I went out of town a few times on business, when he had his affair meetups.) I remember all that longing in my 20s. None of that hurt more than finding out my best friend was a secret cheater. If I could go back to the first time he disrespected me and end it, I absolutely wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 11:20 PM
1

Sis, you won’t care at all. I’m new to this sub (not ready to do my own post yet, need to learn more), but I’m 39, and I don’t miss any of it. I even read something a few months ago that I’d written in my early 20s in a journal about liking the attention and couldn’t even remember that I wrote it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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