(I found this post on LSA by a user called froggyluv2 and thought I'd edit it a little and share it here with everyone on FDS!):

Here is a hard cold fact:

Most men cheat.

Most men will cheat if they have the opportunity to do so, a significant portion will actively seek out that opportunity.

98% of all men-- including some wrongfully deemed "high value" (you know, the ones that FDS users are often focused on) cheat with absolute impunity. I have seen this in my social circle as well as my own family growing up.Very few men are loyal, especially men with means.In fact, most men acquire means so that they don't have to be loyal.It's the primary motivator behind their dreams of wealth---once they acquire money, men reason that they'll be able to do whatever they want.

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But OP! Men are not a monolith! How can you say this? You must hate men...as usual on FDS. ​

No, I don't hate men... but I am a realist.Social indoctrination is a powerful thing.

It's why working class uneducated whites still believe themselves to be smarter and "better" than all people of color.Privilege and the indoctrination of supremacy are powerful drugs

Due to social indoctrination, men as a whole do not see women as human beings, but instead as tools for their consumption/use. In a patriarchal and misogynistic culture, men are reared to consume and women are reared to market themselves as a product for consumption.In such a society, we as women have no innate or inherent value but instead must "prove" our value based upon our abilities---

1. carrying their babies

2. cooking their food

3. cleaning up after them

4. providing sexual titillation or fulfillment

5. taking care of their "life chores"---helping them care for family, being their personal assistant, adding to their status among other men, etc.

How can men be faithful to a being which society has communicated has no inherent value beyond the ability to be serviceable like a tool?

Are you faithful to your lawn mower?

Are you faithful to your can opener?

Of course not.If you can afford a better model, you buy it. You only stick with your old model because of either frugality (comfort and ease) or the financial inability to upgrade.This is true for men where women are concerned.If you as a consumer suddenly get the opportunity to try out the hottest washing machine on the market with no responsibility for the maintenance of that washing machine and while still keeping your old faithful washing machine in place at home---then heck yeah! You're going to try it out.After all, both washing machines are simply tools for your use and again, how can you be faithful to a tool?If you have the money to buy it and you like it...you will.

When it comes to a true romantic partnership, human beings can only love other human beings whom they view as equitable in value and whom they respect.Our patriarchal and thoroughly misogynistic society denies women their humanity. Instead society and various cultures communicate thousands of subconscious and at times direct messages that degrade the humanity of women from the moment that we are born onto this earth.As a result, most men do not view women as equitable in value to themselves. Our society does not rear them to view women in that manner and this is internalized at the most core level of the perspectives that many men hold about women.The profound degradation and dehumanization central to gender inequality in a misogynistic society are what is at the heart of the male focus on:

1. our appearance

2. "what we bring to the table"

3. what we can "do" for them (can we cook, clean, give them good sex, listen to their problems, believe in them, become their "unicorn" or "game changer" provide them moral and emotional support-----all of which supposedly PROVES our value to an individual man---however if something is innately or inherently valuable, it need never PROVE its value, right? When was the last time that air had to "prove" its value?)

4. how we "look" to others( our reputation, our ability to net them status among family and friends), etc.

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...But wait, OP... back to 'most men cheat'? How can you say this? ​

As a single woman, I dealt with so many married men and saw my single friends deal with so many married men. They were very generous regardless of their financial status and they were very romantic and attentive. These men marry a woman to keep at home and then they go on to still live their lives as single men. This is especially true for the men of certain cultures and social classes. I was really on the dating scene as a single person and I would say that even back then, it was almost equal parts actual single men and married men. As a single woman, you almost had to be an FBI level detective to decipher which men were actually single versus those who weren't. Some men would build entire second lives. Many married men had no problem with their side women meeting their friends, co-workers, and even significant family members----none of whom leveled any punitive or disapproving measures toward the man despite knowing the man's wife!My current experiences among family, friends, and associates say that its still the same if not worse thanks to social media.Prior to social media, a married man at least had to position himself in the right spaces (I'm going to the bar with my friends, traveling for work, etc.) Now he can be sitting right next to his wife massaging her shoulders with one hand as he's sliding into the DMs of another woman halfway across the country with his other hand.Men do not view marriage with the same lens as women have been indoctrinated to look upon it, though they benefit from it MUCH more. Men are reared to believe themselves innately valuable and as such whole with marriage taking some of that wholeness from them rather than giving to them.This is why there's all of this onus upon women to prove themselves as "wifey" material.Yet...there's no onus upon men to prove themselves as "hubby" material.Think about that----how can a man who was reared to value himself and his humanity as intrinsic, respect and love someone who was reared in the opposite way?They can't and this is why it is only men and women who break with their social programming that are able to find lasting, genuine relationships.

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Huh? Who cares about the other stuff, let's get back to men cheating---all men don't cheat!

​You're right I didn't say all. I said "Most".

​

My man doesn't cheat! He loves me!

​Okay.

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Are you writing this to legitimize the infidelity of men and say that women should just accept it? ​

Absolutely not.I think it's unfortunate that most women will accept their husband cheating or go about their lives knowing that he would if he could (many women will voluntarily marry men who do not want them or view them as "placeholder" just to be married) all of which fuels their jealousy of other women.Women are not reared to have any real if/then clause when it comes to cheating or even bad relationships as a whole...even when it comes to the ultimate deal breaker: abuse.They will stay.They will attempt to "work on" the marriage or relationship.They will blame themselves.They will think that they somehow didn't "take care" of their man enough.Society will both pity and judge them for not being able to "keep" their man at home or "keep" their man acting "good".Somehow women are always to blame for a failed relationship.As such, most women will accept the cheating, blaming herself and anyone else but the man because they need the man's continued validation via ownership.That man's continued ownership gives their life meaning as "wives" or as the "Mrs." or girlfriend/fiance because in societies which hate and do not trust women, women are only valued when a man can claim ownership of them thus publicly legitimizing the woman's value.In a patriarchal and misogynistic society, women gain status by being owned by men.Knowing this allows men to carry on with their deceit, their cheating, their laziness, their abuse, their bad behavior as a whole.When men know that most women desperately want to be owned in order to prove that they are valuable to the world, the entire dating playing field becomes drastically inequitable.Men know that in most instances?You're not ever going to leave...even if they cheat on you or beat you.

​

Well damn...this was a downer. How you gone come in here and poop on everyone's dreams of a soulmate? I want to be married and there's nothing wrong with that. Why can't a woman just want marriage and kids and a picket fence damn it! Aren't you married? How dare you tell us as women not to dream of marriage!!! Wth?!!!​

Ahem...For me....KNOWING the real honest deal about marriage and monogamy helped me as a woman to choose better when it comes to a man.We HAVE to break the social programming.Once I decided that I wanted a more lasting relationship in which I could rear children, it made me more patient with sifting through the mess out there because I knew right off the bat that 95% of men would not meet my specifications.Knowing also helped me to develop my if/then clause BEFORE entering into any relationship.ALL men have an if/then clause.Ask 99.5% of men what they will do if their wife sleeps with another man and those men will respond with "I'm leaving" in near every instance.People who believe themselves to be inherently valuable, do not stick around for abuse of any type.Most women do not enter into a relationship with similar.Most women do not have strict clauses in place to protect themselves.They don't know what they'll do if he cheats, if he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, if he's lazy, if he...hurts them.They don't know what to do so they head to boards like this for "advice" or to their family and friends for "advice".Advice= What people seek when they've lost their own inner locus and have divorced themselves from their own intuition.This is why therapists and mental health professionals worth their salt don't offer advice to their clients but instead assist them in navigating the process of finding their way "home", back to their own inner self.

In closing---Ladies, please take off those rose colored glasses and enter into your romantic partnerships with eyes wide open.Knowing that you HONESTLY have more to lose in a marriage should make you go harder for yourself on the dating scene----Take less B.S.---actions speak louder than words, ALWAYS:

  1. Refuse to settle
  2. Refuse to pay half whether it be the first date or the mortgage.
  3. Refuse to sign that pre-nup (or the "post-fool" as we call it among my people)unless you're absolutely certain that your best interests are taken into consideration. Yes, an attorney that YOU pay for ALWAYS needs to take a look at it and don't be afraid to negotiate if necessary. As a woman, a marriage will always signal a loss for you in some capacity, therefore you should always ensure that your best interests are considered in any contractual agreement regarding property, income, etc. Your time is valuable. You are valuable.
  4. Stop with the white dress/big wedding fantasy. Throw your own damn party if it really is that deep. In the 1970 and 80s, marketing campaigns began to be developed to benefit the sagging wedding industry (the 1970s were a time of recession and prior to the 1980s, most wedding ceremonies and receptions were small family oriented affairs unless you were very wealthy and then it became more of a social event). These marketing campaigns have made big wedding ceremonies into the poor and middle class woman's version of a debutante ball. This worked back when women were still new to the working world in positions above entry level office assistant and as such couldn't afford to celebrate themselves because they were either financially dependent on their fathers, low wage jobs, or their husbands/significant others. However now? Most of us work solid careers that will allow us to throw our own awesome party where we dress up and are the star of the show. Treat yourself. Pick a birthday, a personal accomplishment, or just because and throw your own major event. Have a planner, pick out colors, contract with a florist, buy yourself some big ticket jewelry, and just go all out.
  5. Stop living your life as though everything--career, education, friendships, hobbies, etc. are simply things to keep you "busy" until you finally meet "the one" or worse yet are only participated in with the hopes of meeting "the one". Live your life, dang it!Stop giving a sh$# what impresses a man whether it be your weight (so he can show you off to his friends and gain more status because Lord knows most of these men out 'chere aren't gone treat you no better just because you wear a 6 vs. an 8), your choice of a career/education (so he can show you off to his friends as well as ensure that he will never have to pay more than half during the relationship), your sexual abilities (self explanatory) your ability to cook ( so that he does not have to), or clean (again, so that he does not have to)
  6. Take care of you and your health for YOUR benefit. Cook good food for you--in fact while you're dating, he doesn't even need to know you can cook, keep that ish on lock until he proves himself. Don't clean no man's house...EVER. Let him fold his own sheets and vacuum his own carpet. Help him by pointing him to Angie's List for a maid. Choose your education and your career path based upon your interests and overall goals.
  7. You were made by God, not Whirlpool or Maytag so stop trying to sell yourself to men who for the most part don't deserve you regardless of your weight, looks, or ability. Y'all doing all of this for men and many of them can't even be bothered with wiping correctly.

If you go into it knowing the real deal, you'll be able to make better choices for yourself AS WELL as advocate for your own best interests to a larger degree.

Approach dating and romance with the following knowledge:

Marriage in and of itself is not a benefit to you as a woman.

IT NEVER WAS.

It was what women did historically to protect themselves and their ensuing offspring (think about the fact that marriage as an institution came about BEFORE birth control) in violent, male centered, misogynistic, inequitable societies where women had little other opportunity to feed, clothe, or take care of themselves and the children that they had no choice about having (again, remember that this was before birth control).

Now we have choices.

A bad marriage will ruin your life. LITERALLY, a bad marriage can destroy you and your potential as a woman. You can end up solely rearing the children, running the household on your own, and still working full time slaving away at your job...all while wearing a ring.

Go into dating knowing all of the above. Choose men with the knowledge that marriage is merely one of the life options that you can choose based upon what is BEST for YOU in the long run. Choose partners that are best FOR YOU.

That is all.