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rinabean Archive

View 0 posts and 1,001 comments by rinabean on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

Women's worth hasn't changed If he can demean himself by admitting he can't cook, if he can talk about his personal household arrangements, he can say something better about his wife. I'm British too, he's 9 years older than my own widowed grandfather, who would never dare demean my grandmother like that - certainly not in a public interview 25 years after her death! It's not a fresh wound!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 10:39 PM
2

It's controversial but you're right. Women are complicit. Men can't actually oppress us by force, we aren't that much weaker than them. We literally create them. Women settle for LVM not because they're stupid but because they're happier with a system where they've "won" over other women because they "have a man" than one that benefits all women. They lower standards across the board. They're more like scabs than victims. Women can turn themselves around from this mindset and I'll embrace them w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 10:35 PM
62

I don't believe him. I'm firmly anti porn but this is an excuse. Men have always been flashing women. And they do it because they know we don't like it. More than one report? No way he was just stupid and fooled, he would have realised his mistake the first time, if it was really a mistake. Men will claim anything. "That child seduced me." "That prisoner wanted me." But they know right from wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 09:50 PM
2

A lot of men like this theory but it makes no sense when you consider the realities of human reproduction. At the very least, these men should be avid taxpayers and/or close, supportive friends with all these women they knock up. You will see a lot of men who invent things for their wives and children, too. That's a more sensible strategy for a man who wants a legacy, as well as closer to real humanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 11:16 AM
27

I thought this post was kind of silly when I read the title. Definitely a worthwhile thought experiment: why should this seem so outrageous when women are supposed to content themselves with feeling desired and the ubiquitous "feeling close"? But, as a strategy, it didn't make any sense to me, because I couldn't see the benefit for women. Until I read the kind of sex you're talking about, and, asides from the very final step of literally telling him not to come... this is just normal sex to me. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 09:57 AM
30

That's a good theory. I think it's more likely all men. Doesn't even need to be fully conscious. When the standard relationship advice is "communicate!" and especially when that's what women should do when they're unhappy, it's done, he ticked the box, they "communicated"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 06:13 PM
64

They tank women's libido with antidepressants and hormonal birth control. I'm sure they could do the same for men. If they genuinely can't, it's because they're not trying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:33 AM
119

It is because of feminism, though. It doesn't mean feminism is wrong. Like you said, it means women can walk away. You will see that millionaire men slaughter their families when their stocks take a tumble. Poverty is stressful, but that's not poverty. Men think they're allowed to behave like this at every level of society, and they'll take the slightest excuse. On the milder end, think about all the men who complain about golddiggers. Yes, for some it's hilarious that they think women are inter…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 09:45 PM
6

In the UK we have plenty of abuse of mentally ill women though. Mixed sex wards. Forced c-sections. The works
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:05 PM
21

Your examples are great but I don't think it's true that these words are why the justice system and police act the way they do. They were using this language even when domestic violence was more accepted than it is today. I think they're all just part of it, part of minimising it. And we know policemen themselves are likely to be abusers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:02 PM
1

I don't know how you could get that from my comment or from hers? You think it's equally disloyal to move on months after bereavement as it is to let people shit on your loved ones?? Or, the people who you claim are your loved ones, in her case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 10:56 PM
9

Wow! She is so disloyal. Imagine knowing you died and your "close friend" of many years wants to make it work with a bloke who was laughing at how ugly he thought you were? Because he's "sweet" and she really likes him... If she's never going to forget the sound of Max's mom sobbing and she feels so guilty about not being there (not even her fault) then wtf is this? We're not islands and really I don't think people have the right to allow this kind of disrespect. There are supposed to be standar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 10:42 PM
34

You can just choose not to view it like that, and save money. You should leave dates early whenever you want to, too. Having to wait around to pay and be fair or whatever you think you're doing makes it harder to leave and is a bad thing for you. If he's paying anyway, you can leave easier. Don't make it harder to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:47 AM
1

So, 10-70% chance of him not being able to get you pregnant. Which isn't something women are going to be informed of because even in those backwards countries where women can't get sterilised without their husband's knowledge, it never applies to men and their girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:19 AM
6

Yeah, I can only relate it to things like good american customer service being to make yourself very available to the customer. But to me as a brit, it feels like being accused of being a thief, or at the very least, being accused of being too poor to actually shop there. I would feel like I was being accused of being stupid, maybe, at best, if a man checked I remembered I'd said yes. I think it's a useful thing for american women to keep in mind, though: or at least american gen z women, taking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 09:53 PM
8

Maybe it's generational! I'm a millennial so maybe it's a gen z thing. You're right that it's a thing that seems very related to the ubiquity of mobile phones. A landline phone call for this would seem utterly bizarre
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 09:50 PM
23

I wonder how cultural this is. I would find it really pushy to the point of being a red flag if a man did this to me. But I'm from the UK and a lot of US good manners strike as pushy here (conversely, I think we can seem cold) It's different when you were still deciding location, that was definitely disinterest. But I would cancel if he tried to confirm what was already confirmed. If you were messaging more often I would expect him to express that he was looking forward to seeing you of course, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 01:41 PM
2

I thought you were being harsh but when one of the top comments implies that everyone here is fine with having bad sex with men... yeah. I thought the framing was obvious which is that men are competing for your time generally and specifically if they want to have sex with you they're competing against masturbation, but maybe it's not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 10:02 AM
12

he tells on himself by making it about lusting after other people. If he actually didn't want to have sex with her why would he be thinking about marrying her in the first place? (Don't mention duty sex, men don't do that lmao.) Totally dishonest when he's asking for help, maybe dishonest to himself too. He will absolutely dump her as soon as he thinks another woman will have him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 09:23 AM
4

your husband is comparing you to other women who have kids without thinking, unfavourably, because he wants kids even though he can neither birth nor support them? is it supposed to be a good thing that your husband told you he doesn't plan to forcibly breed you like livestock? if my husband said that to me... well. it doesn't sound respectful to me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 11:05 PM
10

Everyone on this board lives this. Or is supposed to. It's part of the FDS to not have sex for at least months lmao. How are you saying you had hormones & libido that led to hookups and you're demisexual anyway? They normally pretend they don't experience base urges
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:49 PM
11

That doesn't count as knowing you were different. That's totally normal for teenagers. It's just being a late bloomer. I was that and I was also bisexual. That's actually a "different" "sexuality" unlike special-straight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:46 PM
32

It's something we need to talk about more. I see a lot of women talking about how, you know, we're women, so of course we have constant UTIs and yeast infections and BV... it really isn't normal, but so many women think it is and are suffering
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:40 PM
12

I get the rage at the unfairness, it is unfair, but I don't like the way it's always framed. There is no such thing as a man who rapes because he doesn't know it's wrong. This whole "educate men" thing is such a dangerous idea. A man who rapes you is not some kind of co-victim of a society that never told him it was, to start with, illegal... Men are out there warning each other about how to get away with rape. They don't need advice. They need consequences! It's also dangerous to fixate on stra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 09:20 AM
15

it's impressive enough that he got actual life and not just 10 years called life. the justice system here is dire
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:51 PM
0

you have a right to go on walk dates with LVM too... you have the right to do almost anything this guy got his supply of female attention he wanted: more if you count all of us here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:38 PM
5

sperm and egg donations are risks to you and your baby and in of themselves. That's totally asides from the ethics. It's not very likely that you wouldn't be able to use IVF in a situation like that, anyway (in a situation where the two of you are, at worst, asymptomatic carriers)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:31 PM
47

"Every test" won't prevent every case of disability. All women should be aware that previously healthy babies can become disabled at birth and many serious disabilities aren't tested for It makes women being encouraged to have unwanted kids with bad fathers even more disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:28 PM
0

This isn't true, women do it too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 11:07 PM
25

You did say that! you literally said: it's possible that his past relationship wasn't a healthy or supportive one. I have no idea why you're denying that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:07 PM
44

Yes you don't know what happened, so why are you pretending it's his wife's fault? He used to get on stage and call her a bitch, that was one of his most successful jokes...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:00 PM
60

I don't understand your conclusion? If you are childfree you know how babies are made and how to avoid that, and it very rarely fails on the man's side. And in that same bit was he not also falsely claiming to be happy with his wife? Men do this a lot
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:57 PM
28

They don't lack any of these skills This has been studied specifically in the context of "soft nos" - and the study found what common sense will find, they do understand them or they would be unemployable and friendless. They specifically pretend not to understand women they're dating/trying to date because they don't want to hear the no. They do hear it, though. Their EQ is fine. They just hate women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 10:48 AM
-10

She's not talking about you, either. She's talking about men she wants to date. Are you one of those? Obviously not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 10:43 AM
-25

How could her routine for men she's interested in dating break you out Why are women always putting themselves in men's shoes like this? So embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 07:54 AM
28

I think you're being way too charitable, he doesn't talk about what he thinks she wants/enjoys once
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 10:59 PM
2

All of this sounds really reasonable and is what I used to believe. However, it is totally false, because in my country (the UK) abortion and birth control are not only easy to access, they're free, and women act the same. That's because the social and financial incentives mean more to these women than self respect and being good mothers, so they make this choice, on purpose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 08:37 AM
2

You were lucky, I know women who lost all rights to even see their kids doing that. The judge won't exactly make them move back or get a job, they have no right, but they will say that the mother is deliberately obstructing the father's rights and punish her for it. I've seen women get punished for breastfeeding, told that they were doing it to spite the father, and forced to wean early, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 09:32 AM
2

He insulted her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:31 PM
3

It definitely works as a red flag though. You need another way to sort the okay-with-cats pile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:22 PM
4

It's still his child and he still has rights to it once it's born She doesn't even have the right to stay wherever, necessarily. Not if a judge deems she did it to make sharing custody difficult, and she wants to be able to see her child. The child has no rights at all once the father decides to assert his. I feel like there are a lot of myths about fathers' rights out there (which starts with purposeful misinformation from men who want to trap women of course). A lot of women seem to think they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:58 PM
26

Haha! Times have changed and we are no longer mammals? Or have times changed and men can do half the recovering from the birth, half the breastfeeding?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:25 PM
5

There are literally international police agencies dedicated to stopping women doing this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:23 PM
62

They have the same access to birth control and abortion you do, but they like having unwanted pregnancies because they like to be martyrs and they enjoy the social status of being a mother. In many circles being a martyr-mother is even better. They're making a choice. They're not victims. They actually look down on women whose self-respect is too high to live like that because they value what they get out of it more than what they lose. These women let themselves be drained for everything it bri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:22 PM
51

Men literally pretend fatherhood is important and they're equal to mothers. Like to see the mother who misses the birth of her own child to behave badly in public
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 08:23 PM
52

Ugh, the first one is so bad! Genuinely so sick of all this "conversation" shit. He doesn't need a "conversation" to know that he should have immediately paid her back. It's simply manners. Why are women tolerating behaviour off men that they wouldn't tolerate off friends? How can they say stuff like "no red flags" and then ask strangers on the internet if they think his rude behaviour was a weird test. It's so depressing I think the second woman is not really seeing things clearly either. There…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 08:14 PM
14

Is this just how men around my age usually are? Don't think like this, don't compare men to other men. Always be thinking about how much you like them for what they are, not how bad other men look in comparison. Like it wouldn't matter if the answer was 'yes', it wouldn't make age gap relationships or settling a good idea Even if your face looks young for your age, that won't be a problem forever (I had a baby face too, I finally look like an adult in my 30s...). And, how your body looks depends…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 10:10 AM
13

If you actually made plans I wouldn't cancel them (just cool it off afterwards) but I would not want to be friends with a woman like this. I do believe that friends rub off on each other, but it's more than that. I wouldn't want to be involved in her self-inflicted relationship problems either, but it's not even that. What a lot of people don't seem to understand, or maybe are deliberately ignoring, is that a woman can't have a low opinion of herself as a woman and not have a low opinion of you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:26 PM
28

Men's erotic desire! See what happens when the women here say they like big dicks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:15 PM
12

I can only read it as "she's the bonk" lmao, that can't be it. Definitely "she's the ______"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 07:59 PM
218

He literally already enjoys hurting women with his penis and has already done it at least once. He claims he never acted on it, but then immediately describes a time he did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 07:55 PM
22

They embolden each other, 2-4 might pretend they'd have had the same reaction about a little boy (still not exactly admirable behaviour) but they like female pain, that's why 1 called her a slut. Literally no reason to use that word otherwise. They associate female children with sex and sex with women with causing us pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:56 PM
1

But you can't stay out of it if they're emboldened to rape you. You find your HVM, your straight daughters won't be able to stay out of navigating a dating world filled with their sons Even stuff like how these women affect the workplace and enable men to affect the workplace. It's everywhere. Society is just people after all. Maybe some men are beyond salvaging, I don't know, but it's a proven fact that rape goes up with the presence of sex work. At the very least, women can stop enabling men t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 11:30 PM
49

This is the legal reality and most women have their heads in the sand. And it's their kids who pay the price. Don't be fooled by the men who turn their backs on their kids - all they have to do is change their mind. It's called patriarchy for a reason. Nothing ever stands in the way of a man's rights to his children. This story is literally not unusual in any way. It is infuriating and heartbreaking and totally, totally commonplace. The idea that it's a miscarriage of justice somehow, that there…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 08:59 PM
1

None of the women in this thread are acting like men though. Having a preference isn't the same as being cruel. Even when it's a dealbreaker. Women saying no to sex with men they don't desire isn't cruel, bullying or abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 09:01 AM
6

I used to say that shit when mine was really bad. I feel like the way these conditions are treated, or basically not treated (the idea of numbing your genitals before sex is so utterly hateful), goes hand in hand with women for being shut down for saying what feels good. Women's sexual pleasure isn't even an afterthought, it's forbidden!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 08:59 AM
9

They're supposedly neutral, which in itself is a bias towards men, but the courts are also heavily biased towards men. It's really bad. I'm glad you live somewhere where that's not the case
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 07:40 AM
33

This must depend by country because in my country he would have full parental rights.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 10:49 PM
1

Of course I don't think all women start out with the same genetics and family lmao, I am literally talking about women's sacred obligation to choose good fathers for their children, obviously because women don't always do that. A woman being set up to fail by her own mother doesn't excuse her doing it to her kids any more than a man being beaten by his father means he can do it The social norm is exactly what you're doing here. Defending women having bad men's kids under the guise of loving and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 10:51 PM
1

I was born in Europe and lived there as an adult. Not sure what American women romanticizing European men has to do with my comment. You're doing something like that when you talk about men in other countries who really love their mothers... but obviously don't really because they hate women. You're applying strange standards to them. I doubt you take men of your own culture at their word in this way - you judge them by their actions right? I disagree with you on every level. You say women are c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:29 AM
232

This can't be said enough. Having sex with someone you're not sexually attracted to is insane. It's evil that women are encouraged to do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 08:24 PM
9

Men can have kids without noticing, it's such a joke to pretend it's at all the same. Imagine not knowing you had a baby lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 08:17 PM
8

"we're pregnant" should carry a legal penalty
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 08:16 PM
3

It's correct for children to blame their mothers for the fathers they picked for them. Every woman should keep that in mind every time she is even considering sleeping with a man. The idea that you can just create a life on a whim and wash your hands of it is so... male It's not possible for a man to worship mothers, either his own or the concept in general, and be a misogynist. That's just an abusive lie. If you love your mother for giving you life you don't eg force a woman to carry a pregnanc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 08:14 PM
89

1000 times I've heard of tall women who aren't "allowed" to wear heels because it makes his dick look small or whatever. It's such a joke. There are women out there who want same height or shorter men or flat out don't care about height. They could go for them if it was about happy compatibility and not trying to control us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 09:14 PM
2

You have the patience of saints dealing with this shit on twitter. It's absolutely insane
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:49 PM
2

Confidence is a huge part, you're right, and it's the only reason men go for young women (who are like, more likely to die having their kids?? it's not "biological"). There's basically no woman in her 30s or above who'll fall for their stupid tricks. They would go for kids if they could, and they often do. If men like that don't want you, it's a good thing. I think when you're in your 20s you have a fat baby face (not as much as you did when you were 15... but it's still there). I did. It's fine…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:43 PM
8

If you had all of this you wouldn't need aphrodisiacs lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:33 PM
10

what like she's 36, he's 30, other woman's 18? first woman isn't at fault
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:31 PM
3

Don't think about it. Everything else aside, she literally opened by calling you "a really low caliber human being" lmao! You don't have to put up with that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:45 PM
6

The age gap would be bad enough at 20 and 27 but she's literally a teenager respect that cringe, that was your intuition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:42 PM
12

This is so funny... he really thinks it's women who like that cuckold porn shit and not men? you know I never believed that men could be stupid enough to think women like the stuff women are presented as liking in porn, I thought they were all just evil. But maybe some are 50% stupid 50% evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:36 PM
7

I'm one! Well not every but 95+%. I also can't have multiple orgasms like most women supposedly can. I wonder if that's some kind of spectrum of how easily you orgasm to how many times you can?? If someone tells me they have both this will be me hanging up my phone Most sex positions stimulate the exterior clitoris. Well all the fun ones do. They all stimulate the interior part!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 03:59 PM
6

Wow, I looked it up and Canada is the only country in the world where abortion is actually legal. I hear women in my country the UK talking about how abortion is "legal" nowadays and it's not. It's illegal with exceptions, just like murder. It's not treated legally as healthcare at all. It's 100% illegal to cause your own abortion, for example. So it would be really easy for them to roll it back here and they're always talking about lowering the week limit and things like that, they obviously ai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 03:28 PM
99

This is all a mess but I find it so funny that this man is complaining about golddiggers like that 22 year old is soooo in love with him lmao If a man just says the word golddigger, ever, I hear the family fortunes buzzer noise. The way they conceptualise it as them being used is appalling. And they are so rarely telling the truth about it anyway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:51 AM
10

You shouldn't have apologised for the title. It's really vitally important that women understand that it's not necessarily about the first red flag and so don't fixate on it and whether or not it's something they can stand. Often those things aren't that big a deal by themselves (like... poor dating etiquette or whatever). But when you start excusing, you're not going to stop. Men like this can and will wear you down if you let them. That's why vetting and high standards are so important. Becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 04:50 PM
9

Won't work. Men are often raping women still in the maternity ward. Breaking up does work though, you're right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 04:41 PM
2

I feel like that's often true to some extent but a mother of a baby won't risk her life this way, due to that kind of wish not to be selfish. We widely call it selfish when eg fathers don't go to the doctor for macho reasons. It's only worse for mothers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 04:36 PM
-6

Every woman is in a situation. Most women in straight relationships are being abused. Saying she shouldn't allow this kind of behaviour is obviously saying she doesn't deserve it. If she deserved it, why would anyone care? It's not "savage and unkind" to say doing insane things like letting him hospitalise you so he doesn't leave you is being a pickme. That man was "savage and unkind". That woman is not even part of this conversation, no-one is calling her names. It's like... 5th hand at this po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 04:34 PM
6

But your mom was right? She can't raise "men". Certainly she can't raise the men you might want to date. She was raising you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:08 PM
5

What do I do? He's being horrible to me, and he's flirting with other women in front of me, women young enough to be his own daughter, but like, what do I dooooo? What does she think therapy will do? I know she's saying it because it's what people always try to fob women off with - you need therapy (because you're evil), he needs therapy (because you're evil), you need relationship therapy (because you're evil) - but literally what does she think it will achieve? He'll be like "oh you're right t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 02:23 PM
12

he hasn't lost interest, his behaviour is super attention seeking (as well as evil)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 02:19 PM
1

Not everyone who has schizophrenia has those though so no it's not inherent and no you don't know what you're talking about. I can see you're not going to change your mind though, regardless of the facts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 12:57 PM
7

I don't think you know what "treatment resistant" means. You seem to find it a scary term, like schizophrenia, that means a person is dangerous to others, but neither term means that. "Treatment resistant" means, for schizophrenia, that 2 antipsychotics didn't work. It also applies to other mental illnesses with varying definitions along the same lines (for example, treatment resistant depression... very common) Psychiatry is misogynist to the core though so men using it to abuse their wives and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:41 AM
13

Or instead of a day, a weekly thread maybe? To keep it contained
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:04 PM
11

wow, it's almost like there is no such thing as "in bed" and "in the bedroom", because your sex life is just the parts of your life when you are having sex and not actually a separate woman's separate life It's horrifying the knots we can tie ourselves into. The things we can't see even if we literally write them down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:03 PM
1

you feel unhappy, you know what to do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 11:12 AM
17

Oh, so this was aimed at lesbians? Don't be disingenuous. You know you are talking about men when you say "relationship" and "marriage". You know you are talking about making sure you're attractive to random future men you haven't even met yet even when you're married. And you know that's not "for yourself", because it's literally for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:27 AM
36

It's so hard to get out of that abused child mindset! And so necessary. I found realising it was appropriate behaviour as a child in a helpless situation but inappropriate for an adult woman really helpful, but there's a lot to confront before you get to that point. Often the sticking point is confronting that you were abused at all... and I still find it hard to shake that sinking feeling that I'm going to die if I stand up for myself, sometimes. But when you can recognise it all, you can start…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:56 AM
35

If it's for yourself why does it matter that your relationship might end? you are the one who framed it as for a man
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:48 AM
3

Taking a woman to dinner is not treating her as the chosen one, it's the bare minimum for a date. And you talk over the dinner and decide if you like each other, yeah. Dating isn't socialising, you are looking for a relationship. It's not hanging out with friends. And what's in the OP doesn't even qualify as that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:13 PM
7

At first we're stranger, they don't have reason to treat us better than other girls other than the first attraction. If he doesn't want to treat you better than other girls, why did he approach you and not them? Are you someone he's interested in, or not? When men do stuff like in the OP, it's because you are interchangeable with other women to him. And if he was actually attracted to you, and not just trying to get sex & maid services from any random woman, he would treat you accordingly. It's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:52 AM
8

I know people say this stuff about men, that they're either gentlemanly but using you or make no effort but really love you, and also that they're either handsome and evil or ugly and kind, but it's not true Men who just want you for sex and are desperate can ask you on a proper date, it's true. But also, they can do all that chatting and hanging out kind of "dates". It's not a bargain you're making. Accepting bad behaviour now won't give you your reward of good behaviour in the future. If anyth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:05 AM
12

This man is admitting what his problem is, that he's angry a woman made him wait for his sex he was entitled to, and that he's overpaid for a slut when he thought he was buying a virgin. There is no need for you to twist this into a woman who is upset (not angry) that a man deliberately lied to her about his values. That's not you getting into his shoes, that's you making some for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:36 AM
41

They say that to you because they hate you and think you are stupid. Not because they think it's safe for you or any woman to walk alone at night. I hope to god it never comes to pass, but imagine it. Imagine telling them you did walk alone at night and something did happen. You know they will say you were foolish to do something so risky like walking at night You can see this on news site comments if you want to get your blood pressure up a bit. Women talking about rape = it never happens, wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:24 AM
14

Yeah, I'm so tired of people saying men are incapable in ways that they're simply obviously not if they can like, have jobs. Everyone knows cancer is bad and sucks even if they don't know a drop more, and yeah, being uncaring enough that you ignore the specifics is a choice and definitely doesn't excuse him. You can't not notice your wife has cancer and is in and out of the hospital... to conceive of that as a boob job opportunity is 100% deliberate and evil. Nobody is in and out of the hospital…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:05 AM
14

Good for you! What kind of a man admits he can't compete and doesn't either step up or fuck off, and instead expects you to lower your standards? Nothiiiiing is less sexy than "you could do better, but... don't please" lmao All that stuff about acts of service is insane, if it was like that and you loved it he wouldn't feel the need to talk about it. Obviously he doesn't do that stuff, if he wanted to beat other men he would he wouldn't just talk about it. And the whole provider-cheater or usele…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:55 PM
64

he knows what she went through, he was there, he has been her husband living with her through this He has a complete concept of it He is just evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:36 PM
1

You don't know what directly means Yeah obviously these men want to rape children (don't call them child-lovers please). That's them, not her. She is not interacting with children, pretending she is, or planning to. She is not predating upon children in any way shape or form. If you call her a predator, you're weakening the term. What she's doing is wrong, but it's not predatory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 03:07 PM
1

She is not a predator. You need to use words correctly. Those men are predating upon her. She is definitely not helping anyone but she is not hurting anyone directly like they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 11:25 AM
7

They are absolutely not born like that. They do not need therapy. They are not victims. They really, really want you to think this - that they are "paedophiles" and that that's akin to homosexuality or a mental illness (they will claim either, and pretend it's not utterly homophobic to equate them lmao), or that it's from trauma and they are victims. They are predators nothing more nothing less The normalisation of porn has enabled them, because these men want to do something sexually taboo, mos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 11:24 AM
9

Why do they call it dad bod though. Nothing happens to a dad's body that makes it wider like a mom's, like nothing is happening to their ribcages and their abs. And most of them aren't even dads in the first place. I never heard men saying "oh wow mom bod 😍" you know? It's not a thing. To each her own but I think there's a seriously wide gap between a hot body and a so-called dad bod, especially when we're only in our 30s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:27 PM
1

It's definitely the bare minimum have you never heard all those "jokes"/stories about women not cooking exactly like their MILs and so on. Every recipe on the internet has comments saying "wow it looks great and I would have loved it but I had to change X Y and Z so my husband would eat it"... it's everywhere and maybe that makes it hard to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:04 PM
4

She's literally saying she's settling. It's not what she wants... I know we say it a lot, but that's only because women settle a lot! We can do better If you're settling... it's not special!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 02:00 PM
5

Nobody praised that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:56 PM
8

It's so true. And if you don't want to be a real therapist... you don't want to be a free one either. You've just convinced yourself that's what women do It applies to so much. If you want to help a lonely person, there are befriending schemes. If you want to mother someone but you don't want/can't have a baby, you can get a pet or foster kittens or something. I'm still distressed by a woman on here the other day literally saying that she thought dating was a space for women "to work to help peo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:51 PM
37

It's so crazy that they think it's nothing to do with them and how they acted. If there's no spark, there's no spark - that's no-one's fault. But it seems to literally not occur to them that maybe she went hoping she'd feel something for him, and he put her off? He thinks he's so perfect no woman could actually just be saying no, obviously she did want him but she's running a free dinner scam... Or, maybe worse, he thinks women are going on dates with men they know they won't like, because that'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:14 AM
61

They say this but then they will be mad if their wife/daughter is around men, because they know what men are like really And they are the first to say "why was she there alone"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:11 AM
3

I think keeping your name is the best option. It's what I did. At least this blending is equal, but I think it's better for both to keep their names. I reject the whole notion of changing surnames on marriage. I think it's pointless. It's normally justified for children, but what's the point when they won't pass it on themselves? So it seems like the worst of both worlds to me, to blend. 2 surname systems are similar but better because at least one name is passed down intact, as long as it's the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:58 PM
5

It seems like a useful technique and the blog post was very interesting, too! I bet a lot of disappointments can be traced back to these kinds of coping fantasies, whose purpose we need to realise we've outgrown. Thanks for sharing this :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:38 PM
12

there's no evidence of that! They train themselves into the habit by masturbating to child porn (and they escalate from "normal" porn). Maybe they can train themselves back out, I don't actually care though It's not a sexuality and it's not an illness though! No more than any other desire to rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:18 PM
37

"I think Delilah just wants one thing" lmao unlike Mr Threesome the romantic Men who say words like chill, manipulated, gaslit are invariably bad news. The second two, it's that men use psychology to abuse and not to improve themselves 99% of the time. The first I don't know, I guess it's because they are always talking about chill women who should be more chill, but they're never chill, they've often got serious anger issues. Also men who are "joking", "harmless talk" about threesomes aren't, h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:12 PM
14

Wow you made your husband propose to you? I feel sorry for him! I carried mine to the field (all the way to the middle unlike his evil exes who left him with field issues 😢) and I proposed to him and I don't have a ring at all, I just gave him money instead of buying one for myself. I'm not shallow and materialistic like most women. He used some of that money to buy himself a coffee and I just watched (he let me inhale the coffee smell from the cup after though, he's my sweetie 🥰). That's becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:02 PM
4

I agree with most of what you're saying but not the stuff about a man that doesn't believe in the institution of marriage. I believe women can feel that way. I don't believe men can, for all the reasons you've laid out. Marriage is beneficial to men and when they pretend it's not, that's a red flag (all that "ball and chain" stuff and all the rest). If the man is trying to reject the harms marriage does to women, he does that by being a good husband, not by having a woman and treating her like a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:06 AM
8

I wouldn't have sex with a man I wasn't intending to marry and since I found FDS I would not be intending to marry a man who hadn't proposed and who I didn't have actual plans to marry. Which would be difficult, but I think the alternative is worse. I know women talk about sexual compatibility but I don't know what they mean unless it's a euphemism for penis size? I don't see how a man who was genuinely trying couldn't get it right. Maybe I've just been lucky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 06:15 PM
-7

It is a men vs women problem and if you were actually observing society and/or looking at the scientific facts, like this survey for example, you'd know that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 05:57 PM
17

None of that protects you. You have no legal way to stop a man stealing the babies you made with your body. Mothers are powerless because this is a patriarchy. They can and will force a dna test and put themselves on the birth certificate. Don't have a baby with a man you're already planning to break up with. Better to use a sperm donor if you haven't found a man you can bet on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 05:46 PM
32

Yeah maybe his love language is watching his wife die. I think she sounds very selfish and he should lawyer up I hate that communicate shit so much, they always say it to women who've literally written an essay about the problem lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 05:41 PM
39

Men don't see marriage the same as women. Civil partnership = you're his wife but he's not your husband. For them it's an extension of that "oh you thought we were actually in a relationship just because I act like it? :/" shit they pull where you're his girlfriend but he's not your boyfriend. If a man doesn't want a real marriage, it's because he doesn't respect you, not because he does. Also words never really matter, and they are legally the same. They were literally made to be fake shitty ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 04:59 PM
2

It was even better, the man himself referred to it dismissively as "some field" lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:59 PM
25

Of course you can leave. You can always leave. He hasn't bought you and you are always allowed to say no. Really really dangerous mindset to ever think he's bought you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:53 PM
25

It doesn't, that's a myth. It also increases trafficking. Legal prostitution is good for pimps and punters. It drives up demand. It doesn't make more women interested though If prostitution is legal you can't actually have sexual harassment laws at work. Either you can lose your job for not sucking dick or not. Good luck stopping street harassment when it's just clients looking for workers, too. If one woman has a price, we all do. But the most damning part is that pimps are "sex workers", and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 03:02 PM
14

Downvotes are from women who don't want to take responsibility for themselves & from men who don't want women to take responsibility for themselves Almost every reddit relationship horror story starts with an age gap. And every time predatory men and stupid women alike are screaming "it doesn't matter! they were both adults!" as if we can't see the pattern. It's enraging. You can't really blame 18 year olds for doing stupid teenage shit, but that's exactly why we have to talk about it, or they'v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:42 PM
10

Never ever heard a credible account of no signs. Most of the women claiming no signs actually begin to admit they did see signs during their story of how there were no signs. And like this woman? The age gap was all you needed to know, 18 & 28, come on! No signs is a comforting lie for some women. I find it a horrifying lie personally. It might hurt women's feelings to realise there were signs they ignored, but that's not a pain that murders you like a man might.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:39 PM
25

some women might try to prove they're The One or whatever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:03 PM
2

I don't think that's the situation in the OP because he admitted he was giving her bad dating advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:24 PM
3

so they didn't date? and also they never talked about what to do with you as you grew up?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:12 PM
4

I heard this shit, "test" a woman by inviting her to your disgusting uncleaned house, and if she doesn't start cleaning it after (before? I don't know) sucking your dick, she's clearly a slattern and beneath you. Ofc deliberately inviting people to your filthy house doesn't make you a slattern, well not if you're a man because there's no such thing as a man slattern. Every time I think they can't get lower...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:07 PM
9

I feel sorry for the few men out there who actually had abusive mothers because if one says it, I automatically assume they are the real problem. I am yet to be wrong Look at him, he's not just a misogynist, no way! He's just a poor victim man who... believes strongly that women shouldn't be allowed to write books for other women. But we should totally take his word for it when he accuses his mother of having children to get money from men because he is very definitely an abuse victim and not a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:04 PM
3

How are you imagining a social circle which created his daughter yet didn't include a woman. Who he got pretty social with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:56 PM
9

There are a lot of men online who openly state that they envy women for being sexually harassed. You never know who someone really is online, but maybe it's comforting to realise many of them were men. Of course, it's not comforting to realise that many men decided to come to a women's forum to give their opinions on how you deserved to be sexually harassed, and that the mods there did nothing... but I don't know, in my experience it stings less from a man than from a woman. I'm so sorry all of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:54 PM
1

Omg, you americans are not the only women in the world who are allowed to own property and leave the house. Please don't use this for your next invasion spree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 07:25 PM
17

I wouldn't trust what people say are their Myers-Briggs types. Unless you get into the function stacks & the Jungian stuff it's so surface level and doesn't mean a lot. The men are all INTJ because they're smart and rational men, the women are all INFJ because they're sensitive and artistic women... I see the T/A stuff as especially nonsense, it doesn't fit with the original theories at all. But the whole thing is at least 50% nonsense. As someone very into personality typing, my advice would be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 07:23 PM
73

It's so important! And like you said, no-one else will do it for us, we have to save ourselves. I think it's especially hard for women who were victims of child abuse. If we are not careful we carry that learned helplessness, which got us relatively safely through our childhoods where we really did have no agency and really were better off just trying to cope, into adulthood. It's so vital to remember, or perhaps learn for the first time, that we do have control over quite a lot of our lives, be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:01 PM
75

Women can enjoy sex as much as men, if not more (we have more nerve endings). That doesn't mean women are enjoying it though. Like you said with FWB shit, in surveys they have the lowest rates of orgasms, what is the point for women? There is none. I wouldn't have sex if I didn't get orgasms from it like 95% of the time. I hate all that nonsense people say to women about "it's about feeling close :)" no it's about sexual pleasure & orgasm lmao, men don't consider "feeling close :)" to be sex and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:44 AM
39

to be more specific, for men that's higher than the normal divorce rate, but for women it's lower. and this might not shock some women because "yeah ofc you don't get the divorce you were planning when he has cancer, that would be so heartless!" but men are not operating with those same rules
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:38 PM
60

You're right, there are loads of men like that. It's a man's mother who is supposed to love him unconditionally. Not women he's dating. I have a slight feeling men like this are more likely to take mommy out to dinner & buy her flowers (as they should!) than they are women on OLD, too... Though I'm pretty exacting about genetics as a woman who wants to have children. & just for my own preferences about eg height & hair colour. I think women should have higher standards for men in every area than…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:36 PM
20

Maybe I was a late bloomer but I think 14 year olds dating is pretty off from the start, asides from the crazy low standards her own parents are attempting to instil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:31 PM
9

Well, men and babies can have breasts too... but it's something that is associated with women, because it's normal for us and unusual for them. Like facial hair, that's a male secondary sex characteristic, but most women have a little at least eventually, some women have real beards - don't know if babies can be that hairy though :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:52 PM
20

I wonder if that recent book about hating men by that French feminist has any advice? Like me she hates most men but is happily married to one. The fact that there are good men out there is heartening for women looking for one, but in day to day life, I think it's best just to focus on practical matters. Always remember what's in your control and what's not. That works for any anxiety. It's hard to stick to, but you can always return to it and remember it. To ignore this feeling I think would ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:48 PM
34

Hair subs are the worst :( I don't have curly hair but I have long hair and the mods there stop juuuust short of encouraging the perverts. I can't recommend anywhere but I would recommend looking for a moderated non-reddit forum. I know one for long hair and it's a much better place to post about hair. Everything is just a porn category to men. I was looking for photos of people with freckles the other day, ofc it was mostly freckle-themed porn. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:42 PM
255

Morticia & Gomez were my best example of a healthy relationship growing up lmao. Am I alone?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:40 PM
7

"Marrying" is in quotes for a reason. He'll "propose" (if he doesn't make her) and "marry" her and "be her husband", until she's helped him get secure enough in his career to divorce her and actually marry someone. He calls it "useless", I hope his girlfriend/whatever reads this and understands to take him at his word. She's so "great" (I guess? the relationship is great... she's a great mommy?), but he doesn't need to let anyone know. Instead he wants thousands to know this shit? I actually got…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:37 PM
4

empowering is the clowniest of clown words. If it's real power you can just say so: I get money, I get the ability to ____.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:25 PM
89

Ooh, spoken like a woman with a fat saggy greying spleen. It's just natural that men can't get it up if you don't have a childlike spleen (whatever that would be), it's just biology. Omg, can you imagine?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:21 PM
27

Not just the different body fat percentages that men and women need, but as far as I'm aware, cellulite is a secondary sex characteristic the same as boobs - because most women have it to some degree. It's to do with the different skin structure men and women have, something to do with collagen or the layout of fat cells or something? Ours is more able to store fat & to stretch for obvious reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:19 PM
6

I hope he's gay or permanently celibate but I am 100% sure he is actually actively going after "toddlers" to fuck. This is calling women they want "girls" up to 11.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:10 PM
3

Some of these men have so much nerve, being in relationships with women who just aren't the type of women they want to be in a relationship with (UGH!) and women are out here afraid to ask for anything, ever. It's so depressing! I'm glad she realises she didn't deserve that, at least. I hope she remembers all the red flags she listed next time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:09 PM
10

No, letting men treat you like this plays into the patriarchy. It hurts not just her but all women. And you obviously don't even believe in your own "don't criticise other women" advice... We are always to blame for our own actions. That's a good thing. Otherwise we would be utterly at men's mercy. None of this diminishes the blame men deserve - they're to blame for their own actions, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:04 PM
10

I thought it was 6 inches but yeah It's not unreasonable no matter what. I'm only 5'4 (average female height in my country) and my husband is 6' and that's what I like. It's not like men don't also have height preferences. I can't believe all the terrible stories I've heard from tall women (and some from short women tbh... a different kind of bad). For all that men complain about women who want tall men, I never heard of women telling their men to wear heels, but men who don't want their women t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 10:40 PM
8

I bet these same men who want to pretend they're somehow personally heroes because women don't have the same upper body strength also like to claim it's okay for a man to hit a woman because feminism. A 5'8 very skinny guy is sooo superior to a woman unless we're considering if he's used that strength against a woman and if that was deeply unfair of him... I don't know if it's because men feel more comfortable speaking out on the internet as men than women do as women, but when people are playin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 10:30 PM
8

it would be nice but in real life you are the criminal I know women who have lost their children to men who don't look after them... because he doesn't look after them and that reflected worse on her than on him in the fucked up family courts. We can only act pre emptively unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 11:27 AM
1

Yeah the only mistakes I'm seeing on her end were marrying him in the first place and being friends with him after he admitted he wanted her to be dependent on him because it made his dick look bigger when he was hunched over staring at it. imagine competing with your own wife. Can you literally imagine a man saying "She began to fear not being as successful as I. She said 'One day I woke up realising that no matter how hard I worked, I might not be as successful as you.'" and then this wife bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 11:15 AM
4

Poor Helen's husband. She kept her name, which probably made his dick fall off, I mean made his masculinity die. It does kind of seem like one rule for Helen Smith and one rule for the rest of us! Maybe his dick was safe from her PHD because he's a professor, I don't know, seems like a pretty mean evil feminist move otherwise though. Imagine painting yourself as some kind of crusader for men and calling your own husband stupid for marrying you lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 11:07 AM
6

you can leave a dinner date too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 10:46 AM
33

That doesn't matter, he counted the days off on the calendar so she had no excuse. I mean, she was doing the minimum (what the fuck does he even mean by this? I want to kill him), but the minimum is so much more than the minimum, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:24 PM
1

As I said, you don't care about those girls, or you wouldn't be saying it's okay to make more of them to suffer more. You can pretend I sound like a man, but you know it's men who say "the reason I hit the mother of my children is because my dad hit my mom... I'm really the victim here :( Child abuse is so bad, that's why I'm allowed to abuse my kids!" It's really not relevant why an abuser abuses. And as I said, picking a bad father for your child is abuse. But you don't care about child abuse:…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:14 PM
0

How can you say that about SINGLE mothers. Clearly they realized their mistake and left.... Lmao what? Or he dumped her? Or they were never in a relationship at all? You really do see them as nothing but helpless victims. It's insulting Women are to blame for the men they choose to have sex with. Women are to blame for the babies they choose to have. It doesn't matter how susceptible you are, it's still your responsibility not to ruin your own life (though you can if you really want to), and it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 08:22 AM
2

It's strange isn't it? I think it's because you can put all your other bad decisions behind you, but you can't pretend you didn't have his kid. But that's what makes exercising our abortion rights even more important if we ever find ourselves in that situation. Refusing to talk about it and instead saying men should act better doesn't help women. No-one can change the past and there's no sense in beating yourself up but we need to be able to acknowledge mistakes to avoid repeating them. Telling …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 07:24 PM
8

Don't excuse fathers for not having abortions, it's not relevant. They shouldn't be ejaculating inside women. That's their final choice and the one they should be judged for not exercising. Everything you're saying about women is spot on though. It sickens me that some women would rather make excuses for bad mothers than take responsibility for themselves as women. The women pretending any man can abandon his kids and it's not women's fault for not vetting, what are they even doing on here? What…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 07:10 PM
3

Yeah, I prepare evidence for my "jokes", too. Pair of bad liars as well as bad people. I hate that she's asking for advice. To me this is great, bullet dodged, but she's not sure of herself :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:59 AM
9

I think your practical advice is good but the most important line is "you should not spend ages ruminating over a man's attachment style". If you're wondering what exactly is wrong with a man... get out! All you need to know is that there's something wrong with him But maybe that's the avoidant in me speaking :) Honestly I think avoidant women have an easier time dating, maybe even than secure. Women aren't taught to be willing to drop LVM (they are here!! which is why it's good), instead to giv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:54 AM
-1

You know most adult women are not virgins. So do the men who say they want virgins. We should listen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 09:02 AM
42

A 29 year old virgin has standards and the discipline to stick to them. A 16 year old virgin is a child, naive as all children are, and easy to manipulate. (As is a 16 year old who isn't a virgin.) That's what they really want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 09:01 AM
10

They served him food they cooked, it's submissive as hell, it's servant behaviour Your feelings don't matter to men who hate women. Actually, if they know you're upset/angry/disappointed, that's a good thing. He wasn't shamed. He is still this man's friend. And if none of the men coming to his aid matters... why don't you see that none came to the aid of the women either?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 10:25 AM
22

Men who follow women on instagram are automatically LVM. Just weird the whole concept of the multiple girls he prefers... he's just screaming that he doesn't want to be monogamous. There's little less sexy than a man having a type and telling you about it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 10:21 AM
19

Omg, I can't believe that just because he's a bin bag on the street waiting to be collected you're judging him. Can't you see he's not like the other bin bags?! There could be anything inside, like maybe it's money and jewellery and not rubbish. By the time we go on our first date - and he's going to ask any day now, I can feel it - I can find out! Anyway you are just jealous!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 10:17 AM
29

It's not biological. Biologically children don't need fathers, women don't need husbands/partners. Women just need to have sex with men, which isn't the same at all. The insanity comes from the conflation of impregnation with "fatherhood", the enforcement of the conflation, and women's reaction to the enforcement The craziest part is that these men could have their nuclear families totally happily and willingly if they just stepped up and became good fathers and husbands! But so many refuse! Ins…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 10:12 AM
3

What an idiot! I bet he'll tell someone else she never communicated and he's not a mind reader or whatever too It's important not to explain yourself, though. His tirade is either frightening in which case don't engage or pathetic in which case don't engage. Nothing to gain from it. Men go nuts trying to get women's attention - don't reward them with it for bad behaviour if you can at all help it. That whole mindset she's in where she's defending herself and asking what she did wrong, nooo! Does…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:15 PM
59

no but like... he would have froze to death if he didn't go to the strip club :( :( and it's also not his fault that his friends are all misogynists, somehow
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:11 PM
12

It's a red flag. I don't really know why people are trying to answer your question by talking about older women? Heterosexual relationships are not mirrored. You know, that's why you're judging, that men who don't have something hideously wrong with them can meet a wonderful woman. Even men who do have several things hideously wrong with them get wonderful women sometimes If there's nothing actually wrong with him, he's overly picky and at some point (maybe even shortly after marrying you - or h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 09:05 AM
7

That's so funny. They have no dignity at all. Never mind that neither you nor the woman you were talking to have a dick they can suck, hairy or otherwise, but you need to know what kind they would want you to have, wtf? They try so hard at things that don't matter and then don't try at all for the things that do...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 09:39 PM
35

Men having sex with women are risking basically nothing in comparison. Not just pregnancy but violence, and even STIs - we catch them from men more than they catch them from us. Social judgement... all of it. The "risk" of shitty sex, if you could call that a risk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 09:09 AM
1

I mean I literally gave an example of the real ways women pick men over their children. Your eyes had to travel past it to get to the reply button. But that's not choosing one life over another. That's choosing having a man over being a good mother. It's not the same, so no, it doesn't tell on them about that. It's nearly as ridiculous as someone saying what they'd do if aliens invaded - or someone judging them based on that. It's not reality in any way shape or form. People who aren't trained a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 01:22 PM
2

No I don't, I was obviously criticising that viewpoint. There's no point in a conversation with someone who shouts about agency and can't read, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 12:48 PM
15

It is a sexual preference and you should believe women are into it, but you're totally right about the causes and what it really is. Violent sex is sex, everyone seems to accept that, but they forget or ignore that sexualised violence is violence. If he's hurting you and you're getting off... he's still hurting you. That's the most relevant part
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 08:33 AM
2

They do give a shit. Like I said, even gay men have an opinion. Talking about agency just seems childish to me and against FDS. Exercise your agency and ask a man out and sleep with him on the first date, it's not going to get you anywhere though is it? I feel like some women have never been with a man who actually loved and respected them so they think the best anyone can hope for is "disrespects me, but keeps quiet about it". That's not true though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 08:13 AM
2

Men are definitely a common cause of infections but I can assure you that regular unprotected sex doesn't cause a fishy smell. That was just an infection you had.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 10:14 PM
-2

If you have a man who wouldn't comment if you changed your appearance, at the very least he's vulnerable to body snatchers. Seriously though, I don't think a man could be totally neutral about plastic surgery. I've never known any man to be neutral about anything related to women's appearance... yeah even gay men. A man and a woman he's attracted to? He definitely has an opinion, and because most men worth talking to are trying to be polite, if he's just "okay" with you getting plastic surgery, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 10:02 PM
-3

Nothing exists in a vacuum. You saying those things also negatively affects women, both the women you're saying it to and any women who overhear. I think it's better to not comment on makeup positively or negatively, same as weight. Clothes are safer because there's little commitment involved and less insecurities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 09:28 PM
2

I don't think farm animals deliberately go for their siblings, they just don't know/care right? He really is shameless. Thinking it is already more than bad enough, but saying it?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:21 PM
3

There's a huge difference in maturity, but maybe you are maturing a little less per year than the textbook rate so you don't see it. It's not about who I want to date and it's weird that you would think that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:19 PM
3

I don't see any problem with this if that's how she wants to live. People are talking about if it was a woman? Well, yeah, you know it might be? Statistically, it's way more likely. You know it might be you or your foetus when you're giving birth, and they might ask your husband to choose? If you want a man to murder you because he thinks it's his right, or nature, or whatever, just write letters to a wife murderer in prison, don't bother with FDS. Then relax and remember most people never have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:16 PM
2

This man is admitting that women don't abuse men, as the experts and stats agree Any man who responded to him without correcting him on that also believes that Any man who scrolled past and wasn't upset at him denying that women abuse men also agrees. Otherwise, the supposed female on male domestic violence would be... domestic violence. Not something else, which everyone knows isn't domestic violence. This guy is just an arsehole, but remember this next time a man tries to give you a sob story …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:11 PM
4

3 months... I've seen women on here saying they're texting a HVM who is totally about to ask them out for the first time. But maybe they need to like, meet him halfway? Or give a few hints? And... ugh!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:05 PM
3

What does "clean the house" mean here? Why are you living with a man you haven't fully vetted?! Living with a man is what often ruins your life and occasionally gets you killed. Not marrying them. Having sex with them and living with them are the big commitments from a woman. They aren't big commitments from a man - that is marriage. But it's not two sided
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:04 PM
0

Omg, yes, you're right, there is. The first one is deeply vulnerable compared to the second because she's an orphan or has fled child abuse/neglect or something like that to be living alone since 15. Is that you? Seriousness from trauma isn't actually maturity, though it can seem like it. I had a traumatic childhood and adults would often say I was mature, too, and when they were people with a sexual interest in me that was a red flag, though I didn't realise it at the time. If they're friends, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:56 PM
2

There is literally no difference between an 18 year old and an 18 year old that is/isn't right out of high school, I don't even know what you mean by that. It sounds like when 7 year olds claim to be not 7 but 7 3/4. Actual adults don't even judge by the age in precise years most of the time? Let alone subdividing it into months. When older people say you're mature like them it's flattering when you're very young. It's either a polite lie or grooming. Older adults don't need to be told they act …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:46 PM
4

The things they say are so weird! Why would we be insecure about not being like 18 year olds? No-one wants to be 18 unless they're younger than that. They know this - they don't want to be 18. But they see women and children as pretty interchangeable. To say this you have to believe that women don't care about life experience, a fully formed brain, money & career, everything? Even weirder, if you really think women only care about our appearance, they think that we want probably 90% of our final…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:34 PM
3

You think you act the same because you're 18. They know you act different because they're 21-23. Please keep in mind that every older woman telling you this was 18 and remembers doing the same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:24 PM
2

Oh no, I think being inattentive is extreme. Inattentive men are planning to leave you or cheating on you or both. I'm not extremely lucky, either. But yeah, there's a lot of LVM out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 05:22 PM
1

What do you mean? What kind of traits? My husband isn't "perfect", nobody is, but he doesn't have any trait that I would associate with LVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 04:29 PM
7

Right, I know women aren't targeting men to use them But loads and loads and loads of women mistake abuse for passion. That's on every level including sexual. I have heard women lamenting that healthy relationships are "worse". There's loads of reasons for that, and I think OP's point is one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 08:24 AM
56

No. No one says broken MEN give great sex. They say it all over this sub even, it's everywhere. "He was an arsehole, but omg, the sex..." What you're saying about women is all 100% true but I think the image is actually a great explanation for why women get hung up on shitty men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:48 PM
9

I think we need to stop giving them a euphemism to hide behind they don't want to "meet" or dinner would be great. They want to fuck. And that's all. These men think paying for your dinner is more commitment than putting their dicks in you. Because to them it is. Now tell me what it says about his sexual health and his attitude to causing pregnancy? Aside from his personality! Remember that and you won't even think about responding to them. They're utterly beneath you and insulting you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:46 PM
14

it's dangerous and won't help her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:38 PM
3

It's also nothing to do with testosterone or whatever, because gay men don't do it either. It's fear of consequences. That's why men prefer to catcall and grope schoolgirls in uniform than grown women, too. And why contrary to what some think they'd prefer to harass a very modestly dressed woman to one who was provocatively dressed but sober/healthy/aware - she looks less likely to cause a scene, more likely to be quiet out of shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:36 PM
6

They're just bad partners aren't they? Or not even trying to be partners at all A lot of these are just FDS basics? "Hanging out", not initiating, "not looking for anything serious right now", busy... It's definitely a useful list of things to avoid, but that goes for any woman, not just women with anxious attachment style
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:31 PM
13

I don't think it's fanfiction, I think it's the internet and also the expectations porn puts on teenage girls (from teenage boys, from adults, from other teenage girls) I got into kink because of fanfiction but I don't blame the medium (it is still a sometimes thing, at least in the fandoms I'm part of). I see girls with tumblrs reblogging porn gifs, which is worse, and it's the same kind of thing, all very violent. This is because this is being promoted as a healthy sex life, even by official s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 08:08 PM
1

It's horrific! Why should women have to abort wanted pregnancies? But that's the world we live in :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 12:35 PM
6

It wouldn't. It literally doesn't matter at all that he's a rapist. If she tells a family judge he raped her, even if he's convicted in a separate court, the most likely outcome is that she'll lose all custody. Even if like... she's breastfeeding. There was a case local to me that I always think of. A man killed his daughter, just to spite the mother for leaving. They had some more kids. In prison, convicted of murdering one of his children, he had parental rights to the others. She had to fight…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 11:12 AM
6

the bare minimum is interest, I know it hurts but I know you know this and like... "My boyfriend" "we're officially not dating anymore" - come on. No wonder you feel angry and unsettled if you're trying to reconcile those two things that can't be reconciled. What's a boyfriend you're not dating any more? And when it's because he doesn't want to? He isn't your boyfriend, he dumped you. There's nothing to be patient with, it's over. Sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 09:21 AM
3

Why do women believe this shit? You cannot choose to be a single mother. Single mothers are doing that by the father's wish - unless he's dead. Men always get the custody they want. No court will ever side with a woman. I feel sorry for women who believe men's lies about custody and get a rude awakening - but I feel far more sorry for their children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 09:16 AM
3

This won't work Her only actual option is abortion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 09:15 AM
9

I don't see how wanting your partner to be attractive implies that they can't wear glasses? If you don't like glasses, that's fine, but lots of people are attracted to people who wear glasses. And no makeup... however much you wear, however often, if he's not attracted to your bare face, he's not actually attracted to you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 09:04 AM
33

But that's just from seeing you, or maybe seeing your profile or something, right? Because you're not accepting low effort dates even if they "offer"... (or don't... or expect you to). So they can't know you and still think you're low maintenance we're always going to attract LVM no matter what, that's just how they are
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 09:01 AM
3

I don't disagree that most men don't see cheating as something they shouldn't do and not something they shouldn't merely not get caught doing, but the idea that you can cheat without consequences doesn't make sense to people who aren't cheaters. Even some people who actually do go through with cheating, and it really really is not a majority, feel so guilty they confess when they won't be found out Most men are unsuitable mates in one way or another. It doesn't mean we settle for one though righ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 07:41 AM
3

This isn't true. I don't really care about what you do in your relationships, but you're on this thread saying you'd cheat if there were no consequences, so what you're saying is from a cheater's mindset. All cheaters pretend everyone cheats. The most egregious form is a cheater accusing their loyal spouse of cheating I think it's true that men are loyal when they think they're lucky to have you, but that can be for multiple reasons. You certainly don't have to pretend you'll be unfaithful. I th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 11:17 PM
4

This man can't even fight his own instincts and win...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 10:26 PM
6

Men do this a lot. They think one man's achievement is their achievement. I wonder if it's why, or maybe because, they think all women are their women? This man has never provided that lifestyle for a woman! You just know it. So why is he talking like he's going to get a woman who could provide him with this lifestyle (after losing her mind, of course)? It also reminds me of the men on reddit frothing about golddiggers who want to spermjack them... you know they don't have any gold (who knows if…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 01:24 PM
16

If a man asks you to change your name and doesn't immediately backpedal based on your reaction it's a red flag (and if he has a professional career or has any other reason to know the importance of a name, it's an automatic red flag regardless). It seems like she forgave him for that, though, and it came back up when she talked about the ring. This is why making men spend money is so important! When they think they're buying you, they reveal it. If you don't let them spend money on you, it doesn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 01:14 PM
16

So fucked up :( Married women should always have money in their own name. Even if it gets counted as marital property when it's divvied up, at least you have that money to spend if he goes and illegally(!) empties all the shared accounts like this. If a man even questions the need to do this it's a red flag, he's saying he's planning to do this to you! I've heard of men doing this and leaving not only their wives but their children with no money for food! Can't believe how low they'll stoop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 08:20 PM
5

It's the "kick the cat" thing. These women don't want to leave their men. Why would they? They're winning, they have men! (You've probably noticed that any suggestion that abuse is unacceptable gets you labelled "jealous", right?) They probably have some of his money too, it's not just about status. You have to suffer alongside them, but you don't have any of the benefits. After realising this I don't give more than one chance. Sounding it out once is fine, needing prolonged practical/legal help…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 08:12 PM
35

Why are they always like this? Men are castrated, men and women are burnt at the stake... omg. "Perception is reality" indeed whether it's a man or a pickme, it's so needlessly dramatic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 09:24 AM
3

All I can think of is this Team Fortress 2 short film. The Scout has to learn that to impress a HVW he has to do a little better than "we both got buckets of chicken. Wanna do it?" This is intended as being comically unattractive behaviour for a man, but McDonalds used it to appeal to men?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 06:21 PM
33

Oh I really can't imagine moving in with someone after a month. Those people calling you strange probably think you should ideally have sex before the first date, too. I couldn't believe the first time I heard that stuff. It's utterly foolish for a woman to be that vulnerable with a man she can't know well at all. How can they say you can't get engaged to a man you didn't live with, but you can live with a man you've known for a month? Anyway try not to be jealous. He clearly sees a woman as a h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 05:54 PM
10

Didn't it start like that? On reddit? As a synonym for bitch because of a man's ex wife called Karen who he hated and posted about, incessantly? I'm pretty sure MRAs used to use it all the time about custody battles, like 4 years ago maybe. Karen = your ex wife who "stole your kids". This "rude to retail workers" thing is folk etymology as far as I know, and you can tell because despite people claiming otherwise, people are only saying "Kyle" in response to this point. Like how men only care abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 05:45 PM
1

Yeah but not for equality reasons. If he's got the money to date multiple women, cool, but why has he got the time? I guess if he's independently wealthy? Still don't see how or why he would have the drive. I just don't think a man can actually pursue more than one woman. It's not the same for women because we aren't pursuing men. A man treating you like an option is the least sexy thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 11:07 AM
5

is it envy? she wishes he was leaving her high and dry with a baby... she's trying to outbid them? undercut them? ?? why does she care where he finds whatever type of women, otherwise? I don't get why women do this on the smaller scale either like on twitter, you see some pic of an engagement ring or whatever "omg i don't need that kind of rock i would be happy with a piece of gravel from the car park :)" like if your standards are that low, get off twitter, throw yourself at the nearest man you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 10:55 AM
29

Exercising judgement when choosing a lifelong partner is a GOOD THING This is so true. I hate the... erm... judgement against being judgemental lmao. It's not a bad thing. But the thing is? They know it. They despise women who aren't selective. They don't want to go their own way. They want to have their cake and eat it too, or maybe have their woman and call her a stupid slut for settling for him, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 09:18 PM
4

You aren't married and even married people can get divorced. I am happily married and since reading here there are things I wish I'd done differently too - things I wouldn't again do if god forbid I'm single again - but that's because I unconsciously did so much in line with the strategy here, and for the rest, I was lucky. So, fundamentally, there aren't any doubts about how much he values & respects me or how much he adds to my life. If you have worries I think that's something to think about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:17 PM
1

To each her own, but the vast majority of people prefer keeping their money and still getting everything they want and need to spending it to get it. That's got nothing to do with treating others, which is also something the vast majority like to do. Also, needing a partner is not a good mindset and doesn't really sound that independent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 05:11 PM
11

I think the majority of them want to have unprotected sex with women too. It's just somehow your problem that he wants to attempt to impregnate you, and your fault if him doing that does actually impregnate you... but he super duper doesn't want kids!! I think there are some women along the lines you mention and some men who actually just don't want kids, but it does seem to be disproportionate both ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:48 PM
2

you're acting like him spending money on you is bad though? It's literally only positive for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:46 PM
9

This is the reasoning btw, men think they own the street. It's why men hated women's public toilets when they were first built, too - before, women were forced to not travel too far from home because unlike men they didn't piss up buildings. It's also why people feel so able to boldly say that if women don't want to get raped walking alone at night, they should stay in, instead of saying that all men should be made to stay in if we want to stop these attacks. Outside belongs to men and they can'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:40 PM
0

what can I do that screams “I’m high maintenance” or “high maintenance lifestyle?” you're screaming at yourself? Maybe you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 02:34 PM
1

Anyway thanks for confirming it's basically 'wear tons of makeup or die unloved and alone' lol. It's not. You should just ignore those women calling you names though. You can just block women who promote plastic surgery etc. They are not the majority here or I wouldn't see so much activity on this sub with my blocklist as long as it is. Femininity is pickme shit, like it literally is about appealing to men by diminishing yourself in a stupid competition with other women, I don't know how women c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 02:31 PM
1

There's at least one comment saying that she's going to keep attracting LVM unless she makes herself more feminine. There are probably more but I have a long blocklist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 02:23 PM
7

I don't understand why women think it's cute and relatable to have a shitty husband. Well, it's not cute and I don't relate. "I laughed when he said he was better than me at everything, including something literally only I can do, and did for him" (judging by the pic?)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 02:10 PM
3

Ugh! If you don't have high standards for yourself, you're a magnet for predators, and so you're a danger to the people around you. Never more so than if you're a mother of a young child. He wouldn't have gotten this far if she'd gotten rid of him the first time he said she had "DSLs". How tf can you think that's "a good guy"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 02:00 PM
4

Any way he respects or disrespects you or other women is a good indicator of how he'll treat you in bed generosity and wanting to please you, attentiveness, things like that - I'm sure it all transfers, at least most of the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:08 AM
23

That's a good idea! It's so sick that women have to even consider this, though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:42 PM
115

I wonder if you're running into that horrible thing I've seen women talk about on here that some men are just furious that you'd do something with another man that you wouldn't do with them. Even if the reason is so plain and obvious like this, "I tried it and it hurt so I don't want to do that again", and all they seem to think is "so do it with me too!!!!!!!! if you did it with him!!!!!!!!!" It's so disgusting! How can they be horny when you're talking about being in pain??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 08:01 PM
7

That's so funny. Get "better" results by getting... results you just said you don't want... yeah cool
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:18 PM
3

Oh, I would too if I ever did again, but I don't think it's necessary, that's all
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:11 PM
-2

Yeah We have more mothers than fathers, as a species - I think it's twice as many. Apparently in the distant past there were 17 mothers for every 1 father! Men don't really have a complete set of chromosomes, so they tend to extremes, good and bad. Women are more towards the average, again for good and ill. I don't really know why anyone thinks that a life of manual labour makes men better looking or healthier btw, it used to kill them before they reached old age... men are probably better looki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:06 PM
11

You don't have to have sex with a man to find out how big he is if he sucks he can get better. And you'll know if he will or not from everything else about him, how he treats you, how he approaches life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:48 AM
7

You know all of that from talking to him. and making out you have to know all of that before sleeping with him anyway so what's the difference? If you're sleeping with men who have weird kinks and don't please you and can't get it up, you didn't know them well enough first
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:45 AM
14

Your standards are low. You can get a man with a high sex drive who also will not pester you for sex. That's what every high libido woman should be looking for I think it's sad that you think a man literally has some kind of hormonal issue, is unhealthy, if he can't respect a woman lots of women don't want sex for a year, the most common is if they're pregnant and didn't want sex during that time and taking a while to recover and/or get their libido back after. So a straight man really has no bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:41 AM
16

Yeah, I went off it and it was the best thing I've ever done. I thought I had all kinds of problems, mood, sexual function, digestion, general fatigue, but it was all side effects of HBC and I'm fine now after stopping! I use FAM (Sensiplan) and condoms instead now. I never really liked relying on the pill for contraception, like what happened to you, it can be hard to know it failed, especially when it's messing with your periods. My worst nightmare, probably most women's, is finding out you've…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:35 AM
-2

You sound like the kind of mom who gets her kids raped. That's significantly worse Not inviting a predator into your home is obviously what you should do. Acting like there are no predators outside the home is child abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 05:08 PM
10

It can be a very visible electric fence with a warning sign that announces you will be treated sacredly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 01:00 PM
2

That men's choice has been the bigger driver in at least marriage is true, but most women have reproduced in history, however they looked, whereas I think half(?) of men have. Though it's too abhorrent to want to think about, bear in mind that men will rape both children and old ladies, and will even have sex with corpses... our appearance is not actually that big a factor
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:57 PM
1

I think maybe you listened to men talking about the wall too much. I'm the other side of 30, I never took care of my skin until recently, and I also don't have any major wrinkles. Women our age simply don't Men have thicker facial skin than women, too, so any premature seeming ageing on a man reflects living twice as badly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:54 PM
27

ugh! he was like this the whole time and she decided to risk her health and life to make a new mini him in her body why would you still be engaged to someone who you admit is "slacking as a future husband"? That's when you call the engagement off, not when you wait around to see how far he'll take it. Why have kids with a man you're not married to? If you want a sperm donor, go to a clinic. That boy has no hope whatsoever with parents like those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:30 PM
1

Imagine letting your husband call you a cheating slut like that - and twice. She went through another pregnancy and childbirth with his child after the first time. They really do let just anyone be a doctor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 10:22 PM
1

But proof for who? You know what you saw and that's all that matters
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:34 PM
9

There's nothing vindictive or unkind about not giving men your money If your core values don't include self respect they probably don't include genuine respect for others, either. If you reward people for hurting you, it's hard to believe you won't reward people for hurting others, too. It isn't kind. It's weak. They aren't the same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:33 PM
3

you can't work for pay and care for all household duties if you are including childcare, not outside of the house anyway, and not very well in the home either. Someone is looking after that child, or someone is breaking the law I really don't think it's wise to praise men for things women don't get praised for. Women caring for their own children without being asked is not something you would praise them for. Actually, I don't think it's a concept that makes any sense. I don't think we have a co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:29 PM
20

How is the wife "not working at all"? Who's looking after the baby in this situation? There are rich women who don't look after their own kids, but their husbands aren't normally doing more than them... Men who do what almost every woman does aren't special and don't need to be praised. Save this mothering energy for children. They'll actually be pleased when you put a star on their chart, too. The mindset that HVM are very rare or that you should be grateful they exist is dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 09:14 AM
23

They're not dumb - and she did tell him what she wanted. If he can manage to gild her posts he could have also actually followed her instructions. He didn't because he didn't want to. He is selfish and mean, not stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:16 PM
9

When you say it's the only way to stop them do you mean that they are raping you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:51 AM
9

Women lie to spare men's feelings because men kill women sometimes. That's not why men lie to women about wanting more dates. Women don't kill men for turning them down. Men lie to women to string them along. At best, it's subconscious (he's indecisive and wasting his own time too), but it's more likely something he's doing on purpose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:35 AM
7

The post does not mention women's worth whatsoever I don't get why women on this sub are always doing this. A post is about men, and women start putting themselves in men's shoes, wondering how it applies to women, and so on? There is no need and it's not helpful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 10:33 AM
31

It's vomit inducing. Not just how they look, but acting like they also gave birth? A man who says he has a dad bod, even on the off chance as you said that he actually has children at all, is being so disrespectful of their mother (and his own, too!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 10:27 AM
17

Men say this stuff and also say we're paranoid and actually men are attacked more (and not just because women don't go anywhere alone at night because we get attacked more if we do!!) And then they get annoyed that we have to be careful around men we don't know?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 09:48 AM
1

Oh, I see! I wonder if some women are less sensitive to it than others? I've heard of it as the cause of anovulation quite frequently, and the cause of the hair loss they mentioned. Maybe it also depends on other factors? I guess none of this is so set in stone that it could be used as birth control! I don't think b12 is a big factor in ovulation (though it is missing in vegan diets, you're right) but b6 is, along with zinc, and as a (non raw) vegan I've found I have to keep on top of those quit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 12:53 PM
15

It doesn't happen with "any successful weight loss", I lost lots of weight and kept my thick hair the whole way. And my periods were fine. Because it's carbs that give you healthy periods and you don't need to cut carbs to lose weight. Get out of the keto bubble. This reminds me of raw vegans who say that periods reflect impurity so the lack of periods on the starvation diet is healthy detoxing... I'm really shocked that you believe the symptoms of ill health & starvation like hair loss and amen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 09:46 AM
8

Jesus :( I was waiting for that story to finish "but she was the one convicted of child abuse for 'allowing' it" and was pleasantly surprised it didn't, because I've seen similar stories that did. What pathetic expectations I have. Because some men do this and get away with it, all mothers fear it. It's horrific. And even men who genuinely wouldn't hurt their kids will exploit this to be lazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 12:29 PM
3

That does sound better. Sounds pretty even to me. In this list you missed out the school stuff you said you did I think it's really easy in this world of "babysitting dads" (UGH), where dirty/untidy houses are indicators of slovenly women but don't say anything about the men who live there, to overstate how much men do and understate how much women do. I read a study where men and women logged their hours of housework and childcare and also answered what is the split, they - men and women - woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 11:35 AM
24

Sounds like you still do the lion's share, and he's still complaining?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 07:30 AM
22

I'm gonna say in most cases the child will be fine. that's why women don't do it. Because men neglect their own children, sometimes to death, and that's not a risk good mothers will take. This is like 99% of male control of women... all they have to do is threaten our children and most women, understandably, fold Disconnect yourself from your child the way the father so easily has. I don't think the fathers did. I think they were never connected in the first place... that's why it looks easy for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 07:23 AM
8

That's hilarious. Ooh, they're on to you and your nasty agenda of erm... women only having sex when they want to. How awful, evil and spiteful (if you're the average reddit user, I guess it is!) You won't shame them into reversing your ban because they don't have any shame. They don't actually think what you said is like TRP. They know you were saying something that stops men predating on young women, and that's why they banned you. They can't make it look unreasonable to not want to have sex on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 03:39 PM
3

I haven't been rude to you whatsoever. I didn't type up some advice for you to be "rude". Talking to people takes effort, which you apparently understand when it's a man you like, though you refuse to understand what it means when he doesn't talk to you. This isn't my opinion btw, it's literally in the handbook I was blunt (and still friendly) in my third response to you because gently intimating that he's not into you in the first two didn't have any effect. And yes, trying to help you was utte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 07:41 AM
1

Okay look. That man is waiting until you get desperate enough to invite yourself to his house for sex. He doesn't give a shit about you. There's nothing at all intense about the thing you said first of not responding in 24 hours. Here I am, a complete stranger, not trying to win you over, talking to other people too, yet I respond in minutes. I have no need to keep you waiting. I don't get anything if you get insecure. And you would never go around saying "well rinabean didn't reply for 24 hours…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:45 PM
3

I'm not sure you should be initiating at all That he doesn't always initiate plus he makes you wait a day... I think that's very indifferent of him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:36 PM
0

What does checking other people out and salivating over them and watching porn have to do with being attracted to other people? You might as well include rape. Desires aren't excuses for bad behaviour. People love to talk about men and their "needs", but it's nonsense. Men can control themselves just like women can, and they should. People weren't calling you "stuck up" for not being attracted to other men, it was for expecting (and experiencing!) male fidelity. You would have been supported lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:24 PM
34

Do you really think a man can't find a few moments to text you in a whole day? To me that's very clear disinterest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:54 AM
2

It's not only bombshells. I'm totally ordinary looking and I have never paid for anything It's every date not just the first date. If he really likes you, he'll pay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:47 PM
2

If he doesn't want to go on a date with you how you look, he shouldn't ask you out on one. If he asks you out, he should pay It's not a bombshell only thing at all Don't think of it as him paying you, anyway. He's just paying for what he offered
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:09 PM
2

Why shouldn't it be attributed to anything else? Having a man in the home boosts household income, which is good, and the chances your child will be abused, which isn't. If the lack of fathers was a real problem, lesbians wouldn't raise the healthiest children. Fathers aren't necessary and never have been. The conceit that they are is the entire foundation of patriarchy. The entire reason boys would rather face the shame of failing at school than the shame of succeeding like a girl. Mothers are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:52 PM
51

I should be more sympathetic but I'm not. I don't believe she actually didn't know about this before the 4 year old. She definitely knew before the 1 year old. Some women like being martyrs. They get a lot out of it - fawning and pity as well as status as a wife and mother. People rarely truly subject themselves to anything At least on that sub they're complaining to other women like themselves and not spreading the misery any further around than that. I can't stand when women make their inabili…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:23 PM
29

Yes! Though no-one can care too much about lasagne :) It is silent like the G in lasagne - ie not silent at all, everyone can hear that you're saying it even if you aren't actually making a G sound. It's a white lie if you're turning them down, manipulation if you're not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:06 PM
14

Interesting! I've always thought it's like this, that men get angry about competing with women for anything if they lose, but I didn't think it would happen in such specific and meaningless circumstances. I'm surprised they found that they were more positive towards women, too, especially in this context - I'm also surprised the study authors think it was sexual when no-one could see anyone. (They also say "female-voiced", makes me think they weren't even real women? But maybe that didn't stop t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 10:12 PM
12

It's easy to think these men are like you or any woman and basically good but maybe making mistakes, but they're not. He knows damn well what he was doing... he's well aware that it's dangerous to meet strangers for example, he literally told you so. He just didn't care about your danger. Either he's dangerous, or he's really really selfish. There's nothing to teach him, you can't teach him not to be dangerous or to respect women. At best, it does nothing but waste your time, at worst, he learns…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 10:00 PM
1

The same. I use condoms too, as well as fertility awareness. Fertility awareness is sufficient contraception by itself outside of the fertile window (a real method though, not just calendar - a method where you determine exactly when you ovulate. I use Sensiplan). Condoms are 98% effective with perfect use. I've never had one slip in all the years I've used them, just make sure they're the right size, and to avoid breakage store them properly and make sure to use water based lube with them. It's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:49 PM
6

Intuition is so important. You are so right. Some quotes on intuition from Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear: You have the gift of a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you through risky situations. This one is about making excuses for men, not listening to your intuition: Every day, people engaged in the clever defiance of their own intuition become, in mid-thought, victims of violence and accidents. So when we wonder why we are victims so often, the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:49 PM
6

She did nothing wrong. He did, driving when he knew he was unfit (usually a crime?). He did, endangering himself when he has a daughter (and another child?) to think of, because he chose to put his pride first and not ask for help. Imagine being such a bad father you'd rather die than know that you owe the mother of your child one. If you can't make her offer, so you can pretend you've nothing to be grateful for, you'll just fucking die. Shame he didn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:04 PM
1

If you search pics of this event you see pics that are more flattering but still don't look anything like the left pic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:29 PM
13

Right? It's passive if it slips, not if you remove it on purpose
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:08 PM
3

He's so close. If he had one more braincell he might realise what this means. Imagine knowing you'd given birth to him :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:07 PM
16

Omg, what? What's to stop you lying? Wouldn't a cheater be more likely to lie, too? Bet he has no compunctions about leaving his dna in women either
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:31 PM
40

Her man wasn't nice but she went ahead and married him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:26 PM
6

Maybe it's because you weren't hiding how much you liked them well enough. It's really hard. I don't think anyone could do it perfectly, not face to face at least. That's why rules can be so helpful. I think also it's really tempting to think better looking more successful men are HVM when they're not. Men can be confident and arrogant and looking for better when they have nothing to offer, too. God knows we've all met a man or two like that :) I don't mean really 100% playing hard to get stuff …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 06:34 PM
29

If he's worried, what's he doing deliberately meeting new people?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:40 PM
5

I'm so glad you didn't go back to hers. God, you'd think you'd be safe going home with a woman. She knows it's utterly disrespectful and creepy or she would have offered you all this before meeting up! Horrible :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:32 PM
-3

In facial structure too? I thought it was that darker skin resists the sun & wrinkles better than lighter skin, I didn't think there was any difference in the fat underneath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:29 PM
5

Is it really that surprising to have the skin of a 23 year old at 33? 33 year olds only have the finest of lines even if they don't look after their skin at all. The sunscreen itself would have done the trick, surely? Without the risk of increased sun sensitivity (which isn't the only side effect) And do you really look like an actual 23 year old? Like with the baby fat? I think I look better at 31 than I did at 21, and so do most women - not younger, but younger isn't the same as better. I thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:22 PM
6

It's not wrong and it's not just early 20s. Men are supposed to be like a whole body fat percentage category down than women. Women's healthy body fat percentage is men's obesity. And generally the categories are like 20-39, 40-59 and 60+. No special exceptions for men in their late 20s! And they don't change lots as you age either. And if a man and a woman weigh the same, the man can eat like 10% more food to maintain that weight. Our metabolisms are much more efficient. You probably have an im…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 02:52 PM
4

You can't perpetuate stigmas with your vagina! It wouldn't matter if he was utterly blameless, he'd caught it from something like being raped as a child. It doesn't mean you have to expose yourself. I'm glad you stopped talking to him. I think you should block him really. He'll probably try again in another 3 years. And try to understand that men's sob stories are not a reason to date them. And that they actually use them, on purpose, to manipulate kind hearted women who don't have strong enough…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 09:02 AM
58

Men don't chase LVW though. They don't tolerate a woman not adding significant value to their life. Men will "settle" for a woman like the first one you described. They will actually have a woman give up her career and her health to bear his children and describe that as her sucking the life out of him. They aim high. Bizarrely high sometimes. Your boyfriend may not see anything in her, but that's not really relevant Women go after LVM because they hate themselves and are told to. We should be n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 08:56 AM
3

Yeah, even what it's supposed to be is a bit dumb. Why do you need a book/program to know that different people like different things and you should try to please your partner and they should try to please you? But the misrepresentations are even worse. "He can't tell me he loves me because it's not his love language. But that's okay :) Even though it's all that matters to me :) It's not his fault :)" and the classic "my love language is fucking on the first date - uh I mean touch"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 08:13 AM
81

I love that chart showing that people only want to know when international men's day is on international women's day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:05 PM
9

You had issues before you met this man and you need to work out what they are and work on them. None of this has anything at all to do with him. That's all I can tell from your post. You're using him to play victim because of an actual problem you have that you need help with, but I have no idea what that problem is. I just looked at your post history for clues and all I can say is that you need therapy. Something really horrible has happened to you that you get into these kinds of stupid situat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:11 PM
7

I see a lot on this sub that people confuse immigrants with average people. Immigrants are almost always going to be more ambitious & strong. It's also not unusual that they might be unlike people in their home countries in various other ways. The ones I keep seeing is that "British men" and "European men" are such and such ways that I simply do not recognise, as a British woman. But they're American women and they mean "British & European immigrants that I meet in the US" - and they probably ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 11:19 AM
1

Men should be considered lesser for that though. Imagine if instead of women reading women's advice telling them to do all kinds of depraved shit with a smile (or through tears, if that's what your "lovely, really!!" man prefers), men were reading men's advice telling them to... be nice to women they're trying to have relationships with
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 10:37 AM
2

"I'm greatly appreciated that he comes home"? First of all, what? But really, it's like those women who get into those one sided poly relationships. They're pathetic, but at least they admit it. This is the same but lying. Telling a man you really love how he doesn't cheat is just telling him he can cheat on you and you'll stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 10:25 AM
19

Yeah, it's totally overblown. This article has some good stats - you are still too low when you say mid 30s, it's more like 40 where things start to really change. Yet we're supposed to believe it's fully mature at 18, perimenopause at 25, menopause at 30... Men are just mad because they start to lose their looks and their sexual functioning at that age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 10:00 AM
3

Ugh! What are you even meant to say? "Yes it's weird. Being attracted to me is a mark of insanity. Now that I know you're attracted to me, I can't possibly be attracted to you." And: "Wow, tell me more about the other girls you're interested in." Even if he weren't saying it to you: "Yes it's very weird to be attracted to people with interesting skills. Most people are mainly into boring idiots."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:38 PM
5

What nonsense! It's interesting too that he seems to have been treating lockdown and getting a girlfriend like some people treated getting a puppy/dog. They never had time before. They needed more time at first to get everything all sorted, to get it trained. Then it will be fine when they go back to work all day. Fine for a dog, but he sees a relationship like that? A month or two of effort, then it's all done and they just slot into your life. I know a lot of men do see women like that, but it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:33 PM
2

Omg, classic. I thought he was wanting to send more than one PS message but holding back, but that's even better. Bullet dodged though! What a weirdo. Glad you blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:26 PM
22

It doesn't happen with clean men, or it shouldn't. I mean free from STIs as well as generally hygienic. Men's bad hygiene is women's biggest cause of UTIs and they always blame the woman - it's the man, 99% of the time. Doctors should know this and it infuriates me that you were sent pillar to post when they knew damn well all you really had to do was stop fucking him. But they rarely care about anything other than making women available for fucking. Prescribing numbing creams to women who repor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:22 PM
2

It's hard for any woman to imagine being that undesirable - and harder still to imagine bragging about it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 11:35 AM
20

And 7 years older than his eldest child. Old enough to be at the same school together in my country, as if they were both of the same generation, because, well, they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:56 AM
22

I'm blocking you now. Now. Any minute now. Ooh, I'm gonna block you, you know, and then you'll be sorry. Because you'll get no more messages from me. Once I block you. Which I will. Ooh, just you wait. And then you'll have to keep waiting, 'cause I'll have blocked you. So look out for that! Have you changed your mind yet? No? Really? Oh. Well, that's fine, because I was going to block you anyway! Yeah! Good luck with that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:53 AM
36

Most people who use porn to masturbate report feelings of shame afterwards. A lot of men seem to just take that in stride (bizarre!) and women seem to think it means they're overcoming sexual shame (...by repeatedly doing things that make them feel sexual shame?!). Women overcoming sexual problems by using porn is like eating meat to show you love animals, and people will claim with a straight face that both are not only possible but ideal. I think apart from the peer pressure side, it's that we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:32 AM
28

It was never really about silencing women though. Women are allowed on reddit just fine if they say they love porn and hate themselves. Reddit is mainly a porn site and they don't want people interfering with that, whatever their reasoning. They try to clear it up every once in a while - more I think since Advance Publications became the majority stakeholders - but it's still the same underneath, and they don't want that to change. It's how they make their money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 10:50 PM
10

I have two facial features I don't like. I remember as a teenager I was trying, pretty unsubtly, to hide one - and some boys thought I was trying to hide the other and made a mean comment about it. But it had never actually occurred to me to dislike the other until then. The last time I thought of this, I remembered which was the one I'd had no problem with until then. Now I don't. All I can remember is always hating both, as if they're so objectively ugly I would have had to, even though I know…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:59 PM
1

They probably care, but don't they have like 10x less chance of catching something off a woman than she does off them? It's her they truly don't care about It definitely shows up the child support whinging for what it is, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:00 AM
11

In the UK our police situation is quite different too, probably more like yours, but the domestic abuse rates are the same as in the US. Steer clear
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 10:57 AM
51

That's a good point. I wonder if this is why some people go even further and insist that fighting is a necessary part of a healthy relationship?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 05:51 PM
38

Wow! That man certainly knows his sadism. It's "cruel" to not want to be hurt by sex if you're a woman? "the therapist does not consider perhaps the wife is perpetrating on her husband from the victim position" wow I wonder why not He thinks breastfeeding is women being "cruel" to their husbands. I've heard that so many times, I can't believe when men say it. Why aren't they ashamed to feel that way, let alone admit it? It's "setting these men up to compete for attention, affection, status and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 05:50 PM
4

It's all just jokes and just kinks for the people who aren't actually being choked, isn't it? Glad he showed you his true colours so early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 10:29 PM
5

They'll only grow in the direction they're growing. If they're already hard working and ambitious for their stage in life, they probably still will be when they're older. If they're already generous with the less money they have, they probably still will be with more. The problem is thinking they'll suddenly change, just because it's how you'd like them to grow, or how you feel that you're growing (I think women are always underestimating themselves and overestimating men and that's another huge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 10:25 PM
7

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on (and maybe the other ones have too and we just don't know). You will never be too attractive for a man to cheat on. If a man cheats on you, it comes from him, not you. Your part is to not pick a cheating man and to leave a man who cheats on you, that's all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 04:28 PM
10

They explicitly talk about the starfish as something she's doing when he's fucking her, they don't mean before. A man fucking a woman who is not horny or ready or enthusiastic isn't just "rapey" is he? That is just flat out rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 10:00 AM
20

I always heard that in that sub, and threads with that idea on other subs, to see the actually unpopular opinions you need to look at the most downvoted ones. This must just be the extreme version of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 09:35 AM
7

Nobody on that sub is in a good relationship to start with, though. It's just testament that you don't want to be like them in any way, and that includes believing that men have no real concepts of love and loyalty I know from experience that what this man is saying isn't true, and I can also see clearly how it benefits him and all men to say that it is. And even get women to pay to hear him say it... it's appalling really! Almost every review for this book mentions that this advice for women is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:47 PM
31

Strange men are the biggest risk to your safety. Because we are cautious around strange men, they have less opportunity to hurt us. Because we let our guard down around men we know and, especially in the case of partners, spend a lot of time with them, they have more. This is exactly the same with children's safety around strange men, another case where I've seen it invoked. This is the same logical fallacy that has people thinking they don't really need seatbelts, fire alarms and vaccines - bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:29 PM
5

You're correct, one of the other women saying otherwise literally admitted that when her friends' husbands try to chat her up, she doesn't tell them. Her "friends". Imagine chatting away with a woman you know either already has the clap off her scumbag cheating husband or soon will. Who does that? I absolutely believe you can judge people by the company they keep. There are people who happily carry on like that, and even admit it, and there are people who never would. And it's like we live in se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:18 PM
8

It probably will calm him down. And he will be worse to his wife. It's both. Single men seem to cause a lot of problems in society, and it gets shunted on to women. Incels are the most obvious one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:40 PM
5

It's true. You should never be unhappy one tiny speck dating someone. That's him on his best behaviour. That's him before he thinks he's got you. When women want to get married to fix the relationship, I want to scream.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:21 PM
14

It sounds to me like you do have it. What you're describing ("clicked right away", "I find him so attractive") is exactly what I would call the spark A lot of women start sexual relationships with men they admit they don't find attractive, but he's "nice" or whatever. I find it utterly baffling because I would never ever want to do that. Maybe you are baffled by women having spark-less relationships in the same way? You don't think what you're describing is the spark, because you can't believe w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:09 PM
12

She doesn't sound like she wanted any kids at all, but they've compromised between her "none" and his "a lot" with "some". I guess that's the marvellous red pill for you. I wonder how many women are having unwanted children. The proportion of unplanned pregnancies is 1 in 4 in the US (half of which are aborted, so 1 in 3 of pregnancies carried to term) and 1 in 6 in the UK (not sure how many are aborted and how many are carried to term - apparently 1 in 4 are aborted, which doesn't seem to make …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 07:47 PM
2

What a weird comment, but still less weird than you pretending reddit is some bastion of feminism and not a cesspit of misogyny, and that we don't like incels because they're... annoying? and not because they're actually dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 03:18 PM
2

I do feel like there would be outrage if a similar picture was posted of a "helpless" woman. No there wouldn't, reddit, the site you're posting on, is full of BDSM porn. I'm hesitant to turn this into a "what about WOMEN" thing since that's the very thing we hate incels for doing. We hate incels for hurting, raping and killing women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 09:51 AM
2

I agree with that side of it but the article does say that having an abortion because you already have too many children with your husband and you have no money is a bad thing - even that it's "reckless sexual behavior" to have sex with your husband, which I genuinely don't think I've ever seen before outside of very hardline radical feminism. I've even spoken to people who describe themselves as anti-abortion who think abortions in those circumstances might be justified. I also don't really bel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 09:31 AM
9

It was a slippery slope. I don't know why we're expected to believe they aren't real. Paedophile, "child-lover", was already too euphemistic and sanitised. Once that term was widely accepted, they pushed further. Men who want to rape children should be called exactly that. Not snappy, but impossible to hide behind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 09:00 AM
13

The way people talk about fertility, you'd never know that it's just as likely to be male as female. It's horrifying to me that perfectly fertile women get unnecessary treatments because the infertile man wasn't even investigated. It's so medieval!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:51 AM
1

This is a troll, a man with a fetish probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:38 AM
4

You talk about male feminists and tell other women to read up on feminist theory but you never even read Dworkin apparently. Try Right-Wing Women. Or was she a female red piller who hated feminism and rolled it back 500 years, and that's why you don't have to read her books before telling other women to? Blaming everything including the things left-wing men do on the right-wing is childish, and anti-feminist. What men do to women comes from men, nothing and no-one else. Nobody is talking about w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:36 AM
1

I don't define it as anything, it was your words. Women's 50/50 typically looks more like 90/10. I think you should maybe re-read the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:18 AM
2

Please re-read the quote you sent me, understanding that the average of 21% and 3% is 12%. This is like talking to a brick wall now, so I'm not going to any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 07:16 PM
2

What I'm trying to tell you is that the average of 21 and 3 is 12.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 07:02 PM
2

Right. So saying "spouses" is the same as saying "12%" in your quoted example. Do you see that that's not very relevant, because then it would say "the control group and the ill groups divorced at the same rate - spouses left spouses at a rate of 12%" instead of what it actually says. We are looking at the sex difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 06:15 PM
3

There's more than one study, and I don't see 79% of husbands staying in the one I linked? Can you please stop talking about "spouses"? Husbands are more likely to leave than wives. That's what we're talking about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 04:08 PM
3

"I hate white women, that's why I had at least 4 kids with one" Beautiful logic. Men truly are superior!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 11:25 AM
8

I thought we have the better orgasms. We have more nerve endings in our genitals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:51 AM
12

It's not, but that's what reddit's like. (And not reading comments is probably a good idea, anyway!) There are HVM out there who just cook because they should. I'm married to one. I guess part of the problem is, women dealing with LVM and LVM alike will post a lot about what's going on and the problems they're having, but a woman happy with a HVM doesn't really need to talk about him. And he's unlikely to mention her unless it's very relevant - certainly not for sympathy like this bloke - so you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:48 AM
10

"Spouses" is not a thing when we are talking about a sex difference, you are averaging it out. Only "husbands" and "wives" matter. This study is unintentionally hilarious - it posits that maybe men leave their ill wives more often because it's more stressful for them, because caregiving is stressful, and because women... uh... they never actually say that it's not stressful for women, it's just that nobody - including the study authors, and women as a whole - cares that it is. They go through a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:38 AM
26

I mean, they're both middle aged, but she's still nearly 9 years younger than him. I couldn't believe the furore about it. People even trying to say she was too old for him?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:31 AM
49

Yeah, the comments he made are pretty shocking too. He's got the nerve to diss his mother's cooking, but all he can make is chicken soup, and apparently he's already made that so many times she's sick of it. Why didn't he look for recipes before her surgery? Why is he looking in a relationship advice forum not a cooking forum? Cooking, to him, is a girlfriend thing, clearly. And why do we have to know that it's a breast reduction at all? Extra sympathy - not only is this poor man being forced to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:26 AM
2

What do you envisage the constructive criticism/tough love as sounding like, that's different to being scolded for your choices? I ask because I realised that there were some things where I thought I was mad about how people were phrasing their comments but really I was just mad at myself. And I needed them to agree with me that I needed to change, for motivation, but I was acting like the pain was coming from how they said what they were saying instead of from my circumstances and my apathy abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 03:56 PM
13

You can unlearn it. I was going to ask if you have a history of trauma at all but you are posting on reddit about your abusive parents (your enabling father was also abusing you by enabling). I got over it by reminding myself that it's unhealthy, focussing on a more healthy sexuality and by generally dealing with my trauma. It's not easy to break a longstanding habit, but it's possible and necessary. Resenting yourself won't help. Resent the culture that made you think this was a good way to dea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 01:26 PM
3

you portrayed it badly! You said "don’t expect a HVM to stick around if the only thing you’re bringing to a relationship is your “feminine presence”" you think you have to do it to keep him. Doing anything to keep a man is the definition of pathetic, no matter what. It's a pathetic motivation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 01:21 PM
3

If you think a man saying that because he paid you have to have sex would make you have sex with him when you don't want to, you need to work on your boundaries before you date, because men have a lot of worse tricks than that and they are harder to spot. If he pays and tries to manipulate you, then you know never to see him again right? Don't help him hide it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 01:13 PM
22

This is why it's so important to watch for the red flags. 18 and 34 was the first. Porn was the second. Look where it leads if you rationalise it all away. Now what is she supposed to do when even the child disclosing sexual abuse by the father, with physical evidence, will be used instead as evidence of "parental alienation" by the mother, and he'll get full custody? Her suspicions alone will not be enough to protect her, either. That's the world we live in. Our only defence as individuals is t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 12:45 PM
1

10 days in fertile mucus, which isn't the same. Most women don't get that many days of fertile mucus at all, it's more common postpartum or if you have PCOS. Depending on how much risk I want to take (which is how horny I am, and I admit the biggest problem with this! Horny user error!), I have 2 totally safe days after my period stops, or a few more probably safe days, and about 11-12 days after ovulation which are totally safe. But sometimes it's shorter if I can't confirm earlier. I'm way hap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 10:04 AM
1

Condoms protect against STIs less than they do pregnancy, and they aren't perfect protection against pregnancy either. I also can't really imagine you're suggesting married couples use dental dams and gloves, too? Or are you? If you think he's cheating get rid, don't think "oh at least I use condoms". I worry also that this approach is going to have him thinking that you're cheating, or you're giving him permission to cheat, or something like that... it shouldn't but I worry that it would, espec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:54 AM
1

Their stats are wrong, fertility awareness methods have a similar efficacy to coils. Assuming they meant fertility awareness and not rhythm But if you don't abstain when you're fertile your pregnancy chance is that of whatever barrier method you use. With the benefit being that you don't have to use it all the time to get its protection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:47 AM
2

It's not less than 10% a month, it's 20% I think. I used to hear 30% but I think that's been proven inaccurate. Rhythm method isn't safe, but fertility awareness method is. The one I use, Sensiplan, has a pearl index of 99.6% - same as coils But because I use condoms when I'm fertile my relevant rate is perfect use of condoms, 98%. It is easy once you get the hang of it though :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:46 AM
6

Probably not the rhythm method, which is based on when you guess you are fertile based on when you think you last had a period after ovulating - they're not very effective at all But Fertility Awareness Methods/Natural Family Planning (the latter term is more used by Catholics I think?) can be very effective. There are a few apps nowadays doing temperature-only methods, or worse, just rhythm, and these are frankly not effective at all. But symptothermal methods are very effective. I use a sympto…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:40 AM
20

I used to think I would want my husband to get a vasectomy after we're done having kids but I'm learning more and more about side effects. Female sterilisation has them too, and so does HBC, so those aren't options either for me. People will say it's selfish to ask for that when no-one ever says it's selfish for men to expect us to have surgeries or hormones or get pregnant... it's so transparent that they just think we should suffer for men!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:34 AM
6

18 year olds are not really "fertile" anyway, even if we accept their stupid reasoning Late teenage mothers have higher rates of complications than older mothers. Over 35s have slightly more risks to the baby, but still less risks to the mother than a 19 year old. And if we mean ease of getting pregnant, where younger really is better, 19-26s have a roughly 1 in 10 chance of not getting pregnant in a year of trying, and those totally infertile 35-39 year olds have... twice as much chance of not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:46 PM
3

What an evil man. I was going to say "I want a man who can kill me, that will prevent what I fear, a man killing me :)" is so stupid it sounds like brain damage but it might actually be. Blows to the head obviously cause it, but so does throttling, which a lot of people don't know - I didn't know it could do that if you survived. People talk about the more rational reasons a woman might find it hard to leave a violent man, and about the fear making it harder to think it through properly, but not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:29 PM
5

I think it's something we don't like to think about, I know I don't like to think about it, but men are a hell of a lot stronger than us. The shape you'd need to be in to drag him out of a fire is not the shape he needs to be in to save you. I think there are very few men without physical disabilities who couldn't physically carry their wives to safety in an emergency
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:06 PM
7

That's so ridiculous! I don't know about all sexual abuse, but it's men in their 20s who father the majority of teen pregnancies, even in countries like my own where the age of consent is a flat 16 no matter the older person's age. So how much abuse is this actually preventing - even when it's applied and enforced? I think a law like this with the older person's max age of 19 would actually be a beneficial thing. But laws like this aren't designed to be good for the teenagers they affect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 02:58 PM
23

even if she really did love it, she wouldn't be still doing this "reward" shit would she, she'd be enjoying all the anal sex she desired... I think a woman did write it though. Just a self hating one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 02:54 PM
10

The "past issues and bad experiences" are sometimes just from things like men approaching you and telling you they want to fuck you when you were minding your own business. How are they this lacking in insight? They would absolutely hate it if a man bigger than them came and expressed sexual interest in them out of the blue. They'd hate it even if they were good friends...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 02:43 PM
85

There are men with perfectly normal testosterone who stopped lusting after teens when they stopped being teens. What you're doing, saying basically "boys will be boys", and still dating them, is exactly the behaviour being called out here. Trying to fuck men who you think want to fuck children is utterly disgusting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 10:13 AM
3

This also applies to saying no, but I don't think promoting never saying no for self preservation ultimately serves women. Women can do what they think is best in their immediate situation but broadly, I will always support women standing up for themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 07:56 PM
55

I hear from so many women who have encounters of varying kinds with men like this. They're not all talking about the same man, and I don't believe there are that many more gay men than lesbians, either. I think it's hard for women to understand because we don't mix hate and sex like men do. I don't think we can really understand what it's like to see a woman as subhuman and then want to have sex with her (even if we were misogynistic bisexuals for example, we are still women, there's that self-h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 07:48 PM
44

It is a lot better to have 2 incomes than one and to have help than not, but it's also a lot better to be a single mother than have a useless or harmful co-parent. These women seem to be promoting all the bad sides of having a father for your child and none of the good? (For their own daughter/grandchildren too... really shameful!) If you want kids, either have them with a good man or without one at all - with a bad man is the worst choice you could ever make, for you and for them. However hard …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 07:04 PM
4

It's hard to know what someone genuinely thinks. I think about things like in Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft that abusive men claim to "lose control" and that's why they're abusive, but then candidly will describe carefully reining themselves in in those "out of control" incidents. Surveys asking men if they would "rape" and they say no, surveys asking if they would "force a woman to have sex" and they say yes. Men who claim they are appalled by their sexual attraction to children, that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:50 AM
3

It's about rich women's fancy boutiques that don't make money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:36 AM
21

It's effort he could be putting into you but isn't. I think it's normal to find it offputting. It's ambivalence It's not the principle, like you said you're not exclusive, but like if you notice it, it's impacting on his attempts to impress you. And so you are unimpressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 11:00 AM
3

5'10 isn't even tall, it's average I think it's so ridiculous the way women are made to feel ashamed for wanting men they're attracted to at all, even worse when all they want is average! There is absolutely nothing wrong with it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 10:04 AM
1

HVM and all that entails. Some are going for looks HVM entails good looking though. To you at least, it doesn't matter how attractive he is to anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 10:02 AM
6

Isn't it about how tall they are compared to you? The average woman is 5'4 and the average man is 5'10. So if you were an average height woman, he'd be 6'1, for comparison. I think a full foot taller than me is too much, too. But it's to each her own I suppose
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:59 AM
5

Yes, I've been married to a HVM for years but I like coming here anyway. It's the only place I've found where women talk honestly about heterosexual relationships. I think it's a lot easier to be married than dating (because of how dating is a process of weeding out unsuitable men), but a lot of the same principles still apply. I think it's really important for women in relationships with men to be aware that they can and should leave if it's not adding to their lives. We are constantly bombarde…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:47 AM
2

I don't think that a certain woman could turn a HVM into a user or abuser if that's what you're asking? Is that what he did to her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:29 AM
2

And wants "innocence"? That's disgusting. I hope you do report him. If this is what he's comfortable telling strange adults god knows what else he thinks he can get away with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:23 AM
38

I hate "dad bods" so much. Actual mothers have to get their pre-baby body back the second it's out, but fathers can have "dad bods" even though literally nothing happens to the man's body. Even if they aren't actually fathers! And then they have the nerve to claim it's just as bad for them, or worse!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:13 AM
1

It's the same. You're already being his wife, teaching him how to have relationships with his own family (and honestly! actual wives shouldn't do that either!!)... you say you're too young to marry so why are you being his wife? If you don't want marriage and don't want to be a forever girlfriend why are you dating? Either you're too young or you're not. If you feel too young, that's fine, so stop dating. If you don't, that's also fine, so try following the guidelines to get what you want. 21 is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:02 PM
124

Advice on this sub would have been to block him. And I don't think that advice is wrong. Making her think he can't be bothered with her shit, then swooping back in with a grand gesture... manipulative. Hard not to react the way she did, which is why the advice is to block. He could have done the course without the bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 11:18 AM
2

Is he the same guy you already posted about hitting up his ex for sex a month ago? And the one who makes you feel weird always complimenting your beauty and never anything else about you? There is no point being exclusive with a guy you don't know is high value, that is you limiting yourself from finding a HVM I feel like it’s low value and trashy. you're damn right so stop hedging saying you're not sure if he's HV or not, he's not I'm angry on your behalf. He shouldn't have done that in the fir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 12:44 PM
9

I don't think this is actually a good idea if he's a shithead. Now your half has to pay for all the house stuff, the baby - because that's your responsibility. But his just pays for his work lunches and leisure. I've heard of so many men who act like having a baby is a hobby for a woman, so she has to pay for it, and she doesn't need any "more" free time apart from that... all that kind of nonsense. The funniest one I ever saw was here on reddit, where a man was saying that mothers get loads of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 07:40 PM
2

Are these all immigrants to America? I think immigrants are not necessarily representative of their home countries. It's typical in my country the UK, too. Men die earlier than women all across the world and this is one of the reasons. And they blame us for it, even with this hunger strike shit, unbelievable!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:52 PM
5

I think there's always a reason for people to say the things they say. I don't think a man would just tell a woman for no reason that if she became pregnant due to rape he wants her to keep it. Or even that if eg he "failed" to pull out or whatever that she should keep it. That's a man who's looking to impregnate you against your will, regardless. That's a man who doesn't respect what pregnant women go through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:49 PM
20

I'd love to fuck a stinky baby too. I can see why she does it. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:46 PM
24

Yes all dates forever. I'm surprised at some of the other answers here. What's the alternative? He made a bit of an effort, now he doesn't have to make any more? He paid enough for lifetime access? Loyalty card maybe, every 6th date is free? What on earth? No! Chipping in is the same... like a loyalty card if you pay some percent... no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:44 PM
4

It's partially misogynist propaganda but it's also, from women, a misery loves company kind of thing. I've noticed abortion is the same. It's always how you can make having a baby with your awful husband, or some bloke you don't even know, work out, and never that you maybe shouldn't. We have these rights and we seem determined not to use them. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:39 PM
2

Are you saying that a woman who meets 365 men a year off tinder is in less danger than a married woman going home to the same man every night? Women are most likely to be hurt by men they know because sensible women stay very cautious around strange men. You are so right about the danger men pose, and the necessity of paying attention to red flags, but don't let it make you think meeting men is safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:35 PM
5

Destiny writing her own sad destiny and blaming other women... no, other women are not the reason men don't treat you with respect, and telling them to have lower standards won't help you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 04:30 PM
22

He's got a very unpleasant way of saying it ("defects", jesus!), but it's true. Men who are really fussy about women's appearances and claim it's necessary that she's a model and they're doing all kinds of kinky shit make me wonder if they're into women at all. If they are, there's something really wrong with their dicks. It's part of why women trying to be attractive to men is so weird and embarrassing. And why men having high standards for women's appearances is so offputting, even if they the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:45 AM
23

relationship 5 + engagement 3 is already stupid enough. I can't believe he made up extra ones too that mean the same thing! decide whether or not to talk to them .5 years plan proposal 3.5 years plan the honeymoon 1 year think about whether or not to get an annulment 2 years
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:26 AM
9

Yes, it's why they have more colourblindness. A lot of the eye genes are on the X chromosome, and men only have one. There's some info on tetrachromacy here, though it also claims up to 8% of men might have it too, which doesn't really make sense. I think it's because they're using two definitions - an overlap between 2 of the 3 colours which is like a 4th, or an actual 4th: I think only women can have the latter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:30 PM
3

It's okay for people to reject you for any reason. And you have the right to reject anyone for any reason, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:25 PM
2

I mean just look at it. All he wants is our genitals, he literally says it... and he also uses it as an insult, as if it's something he hates. In the same comment! But it's totally us who are the problem and not him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:07 PM
11

Just keep re-reading this comment! You spelt it all out perfectly. he's not interested Followed up on it (NOOOO!) he literally just doesn't want to see me You deserve better! Block him and be done with it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:00 PM
6

1 is spot on but 2, I bet they actually could though. Men who (nearly) get away with murder just have to clean up, because there's no woman nearby to do it for them if they act mean/helpless enough about it. Or at least no living woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 02:58 PM
88

If they did they'd only tell her to dress more sexily! It's the control they want, not the clothes themselves. A man who actually had a preference would just mind his own business and look for a woman he wanted as she was
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 02:54 PM
14

None? If you don't consider it a flaw, it's not one. Some women are into short men, good for them, but then they're not really overlooking his "flaw", are they? It's their type, or maybe they don't care at all about height either way, and they're happy. I only like tall men though I don't think any of us could ever find someone 100% perfect for us, but it doesn't mean that the 99% perfect ones are "flawed" in any way. It's quite a strong word really isn't it? I wouldn't want to overlook a real f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 01:30 PM
17

Ugly/fat men treat women the same or worse though I think ugly/fat women have lower self esteem and treat men better, and men will exploit that, but that doesn't mean the opposite is true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 01:26 PM
4

Yes! I used to think it was fair because of how women are the real parents. So it was like a consolation prize, so they could feel more involved. So women have to have the baby and then also basically give the father a little treat so he doesn't feel left out. Like how some people give a present to a birthday child's siblings... Men aren't interested in making biology "fair". I don't think it can be done, anyway. So why did I think it was so important?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 01:17 PM
2

Is it? I can't find the word frugal in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:51 PM
5

For me, frugality is a necessary quality. But by frugality in this case do you just mean not spending money on you? If he's generous in other ways but not with the thing he values, he's not actually generous. Giving away what you don't care about isn't generous. And if he only spends money on what he values, but you're not included, he doesn't value you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 01:48 PM
1

You have had several acquaintances who attempted to get pregnant by using condoms? Goodness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:45 AM
9

Yeah, how on earth is an abortion "no consequences" anyway? Even the easiest, earliest abortion is an unpleasant imposition. And any pregnancy, even one that ends in an early miscarriage, can kill, to say nothing of all the lesser problems! Even being men isn't good enough for them, they're mad we're not men, too? Imagine a woman getting as angry that men don't get pregnant as men do that women do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:44 AM
14

Men don't want women who want them. It seems sick to me but I really think it's true. I hope it's only about the perceived desperation and that it implies she doesn't have anything to offer, & not about actually wanting her to be uninterested. We talk about it here a lot. I also thought this article by Nina Paley was brilliant Of course if the women here gave up their standards... they still wouldn't be happy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:37 AM
18

The conflation of masturbation with porn is utterly bizarre, you're right! Do they really think touching yourself was invented in living memory? (I know, I know: they don't really think at all)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:33 AM
10

In a number of ways, I am too annoyed at this for the amused and too amused for the annoyed. But then truth be told, I am much more annoyed than most everyone professing to be annoyed and much more amused than most everyone professing to be amused, though my amused nature is subordinate to my annoyed nature, as I am wired for complaining, not the single non-complaining way of life. (This got hard at the end because I genuinely don't know what that "single" means. Is it single way of life? Or... …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 07:01 PM
33

Lots of feminists would say it's anti-feminist to have a problem with this man expressing that he enjoys beating women, because it's sex-negative kink-shaming. I mean, yes, they're wrong. But they are unfortunately the face of feminism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 06:56 PM
6

Paying for half of the onion ring... I'm dying
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 06:53 PM
5

:( You have to do what's best for you though, you can't stay with someone just because they want you to. And like if you knew he didn't fancy you, would you really want him to stay anyway?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:36 PM
2

Hmm... I think that's more to be physically aroused enough for penetration isn't it? If women needed to be touched to want sex, which I think is what this "reactive" stuff is meant to be about, lesbians wouldn't be a thing. That's what my mind always comes back to Yeah the thrill of something new is a thing, but like, if a phone conversation with one man can get you going, the thought of sex with another one you're attracted to also should, right? At least sometimes, not 24/7 obviously or you'd …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:58 AM
2

Yeah, if you could feel it for someone else, it does sound like it's him/the relationship and not you/depression
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:44 AM
2

But how desensitised? Are you saying you never get it? That's what this "reactive" stuff sounds like to me, and it just sounds like not fancying them It's equally acute and overwhelming for me after years as it was when we were (very typical) teenagers... not every second obviously or we'd get nothing done, but, you know, often! And yeah you can just be cuddling or whatever too, but it's both, isn't it? I thought that was pretty normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:37 AM
0

But straight men are having sex with people they feel safe with and attracted to, always. Women have sex with men who can just kill them themselves, and if not, risking pregnancy that could kill them. Men are risking hardly anything when they have sex with women - they even have less risk of catching something off her than he does off him. So actually, women must be way hornier than men, to let their genitals make such dumb decisions. There's nothing pickme about liking sex, either. And we don't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:29 AM
4

But you don't have sex with a personality. It's really sad to me that you don't feel desire for him. For me that's the absolute minimum standard for sex. I would rather have sex with a man who treated me badly generally but I desired than the opposite. I mean, obviously ideally you don't do that either, but when it's sex, you have to sexually desire them, right? Do you think it could be something like a health problem? Did you desire him initially and something changed, like birth control, a med…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:22 AM
1

You need therapy It's incredibly unhealthy to want to get rid of your sex drive. It's self mutilation, like wanting to blind yourself or cut off your hands. You describe yourself as a LVW, wow, you need to love yourself. Stop thinking about the value you don't think you'd provide to a man you don't even want, that's just beating yourself up over absolutely nothing And all that shit you talked about, your goals? You are the only thing stopping you. I have a really high sex drive too. When I get s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 07:56 AM
49

This is also why I don't think you can judge a man by whether or not his parents are (still) married like I've seen some women say. His parents having a lasting marriage is not an indicator that he has seen a man treating a woman well, at all. Men have 1000 ways to make women stay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 07:43 AM
73

Don't know why you're being downvoted, you're right. It was obvious the whole time this was what he was doing. She asked people she knew and a doctor. That should have been enough, but she was so determined to believe in him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 07:41 AM
3

It’s the sort of thing that is likely a dealbreaker but is so out of left field, you want to reflect on what it means before acting. Nah, if it's likely a dealbreaker then it is one. You're betting your time, maybe your life. No point in that. What you're calling reflecting sounds like talking yourself out of it, making excuses for him. Like you said, you get accused of being judgemental or picky, so it's hard. But you can't let that stop you. It's your life not hers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 11:06 AM
5

She was a teenager, and membership was mandatory at that time (or it was of the boys' one, which her brother was part of, I don't know if the girls' one was too?). This bloke is a grown man and has been the whole time and no-one made him do anything Maybe adults can change but maybe he could have changed at some point prior to this like when he married his black wife, or when she nearly died bearing his biracial child. I don't know, this is giving me vibes of those men who are like "I had a daug…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 10:57 AM
9

There's no point to saying you're two adults apart from him trying to change your no into a yes. I'd block. If he seems to change, it's only going to be a lie at this point, he already showed his true colours
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 11:20 AM
12

Absolutely - it's completely disrespectful to check people out (I would say even if your partner is not there) or to make comments. And porn's an absolute no for a variety of reasons The feelings are just feelings. All the rest are actions. If you choose to make those actions, you're choosing to make your partner feel uncomfortable. That's the behaviour I would never accept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 09:54 AM
21

What's wrong with thinking other people are sexy, as long as you don't do anything about it? Posts like this make me feel like I have a way higher libido than most women, but I don't think I actually do. Arousal is something that happens, faithfulness is something you do. I don't think they're very related (after all, people will have emotional affairs) I don't set out to find half dressed celebrity pictures. To find those, you do have to look for them. Yeah, I guess it means you can't follow ce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 08:09 AM
6

What has he sacrificed? Can he even name it? Because his wife sacrificed a lot to have their kids if they have any, and she almost certainly sacrificed her ability to have that kind of career to instead support his. What's missing? If he sacrificed something, it's missing. Working hard is not a sacrifice - most people work hard. What has he not got that he would have had? All I can imagine is what she doesn't have. Women in those careers sometimes sacrifice having children at all to make it work…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 05:25 PM
180

"I knew she was a 17 year old impoverished abuse victim with no parents to stop her dating a 22 year old but I thought she was a virgin! Waaaah! I'm the victim!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 09:55 AM
1

As I said, 13 days ago, you would notice if you were aging prematurely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 10:02 AM
2

Oh, I'm glad you were just joking! I found a stat saying that in the UK where I live 14% of people only have one sexual partner over their lifetime. I guess that pulls the average lower, even if the majority of people have more. But I don't know how truthful people are on these surveys. Straight men and straight women can apparently have a different mean average, maybe I'm being thick but I don't get that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 08:17 PM
2

I think a lot of the problems you're describing are problems with dating, not settled relationships? But ofc you have to date to decide on the relationship so it's hard to tease apart. Maybe I'm selfish but I don't really think about "what my partner is doing this weekend, what I need to help him with, what he wants to eat, what kind of mood he's going to be in, what he has or hasn't spent his money on" with my husband. I guess I think about what he wants to eat sometimes? But it's still going t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 09:38 AM
6

You don't have to get married Of course it's a social construct, but also monogamy is pretty normal for humans. I got married because I wanted to and I'm happy with it. That's not the same as marrying out of fear you'll be an old maid if you don't. I would never recommend a woman marries a man she merely tolerates, not in this day and age. Marriage is a huge risk for women - living with men is nearly as great a risk. It's way better to be single than to be in a bad relationship with a man, alway…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 09:03 AM
20

Hundreds of thousands of women do all that - he's probably getting advice from a lot of their blogs - and they are also producing and rearing children. The comments there are fucking embarrassing - they'd never gush like that over a woman. If they don't want kids I guess it's okay? If she doesn't have a career she cares about and they have a low cost of living, I'd prefer to both be working part time. I want kids so this wouldn't work for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 08:54 AM
12

I am so glad you reacted the way you did. I see something even worse there. I see a far worse reason he would tell you that if a man abuses you in the future it's partially your fault for not being aware enough. It reminds me of men who think that if they say they are uncaring, cheaters, violent that she has no right to complain when he acts like that... I think it's foolish of her not to have listened, but it doesn't absolve him whatsoever. But joke's on him 'cause you were aware! I don't want …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 08:46 AM
6

Yeah, to me all that's totally separate to not pursuing men. It doesn't mean say yes to every man who asks. How could he have appealed to her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:33 PM
1

No woman's a slut. It's just an average anyway I think the study they're referring to is the one mentioned in this wikipedia article about "A 2007 nationwide survey in the United States", which also found that men's was 7 I tried to find more figures but there's not a lot of clarity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 01:45 PM
5

I can't relate exactly because I would rather be dead than feminine and ladylike, but I get some of it. Like with the working out, that was partially about being successful which I think you have identified but it was mainly the women-self-hatred-bonding thing. It doesn't matter who is fat, who has been exercising, you're meant to all sit and say "omg I'm so fat" and bond through this negativity. Feeling good about yourself is a threat to this misery loves company mindset, as is attempting to so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 01:39 PM
5

Oof. Not driving because it will make his dick fall off? Is that really in that book? I haven't read it. Getting into a stranger's car is properly stupid, too. That's something even most shitty mothers teach their daughters at quite an early age. You get taught it at school too just in case they don't I don't have to make my husband feel like a man. He just is one. I don't have to pretend I'm incapable to make him feel capable. He looks after me because he wants to not because I pretend to be a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 01:02 PM
10

Oh they talk about it. Sort of. If you don't support "sex work" you obviously hate women because it's supposedly a great way for women to make money Why are men able to finance this entire industry and get all these women so rich and empowered? Yeah they don't talk about that. I mean yeah it's largely because it's a lie - it's not a good way to make money for the vast majority of women - but they never stop to look at this, where does the money supposedly come from? Why do men have all this spar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 12:46 PM
1

If you have high standards for men I don't understand what the question you're asking is. Why would we accept worse from men we're dating than anyone else in our lives - apart from like I said, because we're told/taught/expected to have lower standards for men than for ourselves, for friends? It's not a slight on you to talk about this societal problem that affects all of us to some degree. I think I'm very harsh with men and very good at standing up for myself - I still sometimes have to fight …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 06:27 PM
3

I really don't think it's a punishment to not want to have sex with someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 06:21 PM
2

Why do you see not dating someone as "punishing" them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 12:06 PM
1

What we do in those situations is we work on ourselves so it doesn’t happen again. Didn't you just answer your own question? Can the mistake/hiccup/whatever truly be described as "basically human error", "a genuine misstep"? Is he going to do it again? Is it something you would expect to be forgiven for? Is it something you would forgive someone you weren't dating for? The whole way the original question was framed makes it sounds like you have lower standards for a man than yourself, and lower …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 12:03 PM
17

You are being way too charitable! Do you think when men call women bitches it means they're mean, too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 09:52 AM
4

But men already do those things with OLD being a thing. I have not noticed that they decreased with the emergence of OLD. Have you? This seems like the argument that porn & prostitution decrease rape (of other women) - but actually they increase it. OLD encourages men to see women as sex objects. This will spill out into the rest of their lives and interactions with women Men don't have a disrespecting women drive that they need to fulfil one way or another. They can just stop - if they want to/…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 12:43 PM
0

But if we have hereditary surnames it's going to be the surname of one or both of your parents. If it's your mother's or your father's or both's, it is now also yours. I didn't "accept my father's name" and neither did you, those are our names. No less ours than theirs. This naming system isn't restricted to western christian countries btw, and it can't be fought anywhere by claiming that only men really have their own names! That idea is why women take their husband's names (their husband's nam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 12:15 PM
3

I know this is one of the FDS rules, but is it not better to tell these men, let them react like this, and get rid? I do remember one very nasty story on here where she told him about being anally raped by an ex and then maybe months later in an argument he threw it in her face that she "let" him do that but wouldn't "let" him. Is it to avoid things like that? But, do we really believe all men are like that? That that's honestly the best you can do - trust, marry, have kids with a man who would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 09:57 AM
2

It's so sad! We'll just never get it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 09:33 AM
2

Look how triggered he got by the bare facts. It's really risky for women to date down. Most men are not secure enough to be outdone by a woman. Why do men say shit like they don't "really want" their 32 year old girlfriends. Is he admitting he's using her? But he's still somehow the victim? He's obviously not staying with his nasty decrepit shrivelled husk of a girlfriend out of love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 09:32 AM
0

No-one has ever described a man as "using his father's name instead". I don't tolerate being described that way either. I'm using my own name. If it's my father's name, it's actually not, because it's his father's name... except it's not actually his, it's his father's name, and so on to absurdity. It's the same with me - it's my name, it's the one on my birth certificate and the one everyone has always called me by. If I had taken my husband's name, it would be his name I was taking. Again, not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 09:24 AM
10

So according to reddit, men can say hurtful things about your body because it wouldn't hurt them, because men aren't made to feel so bad about their bodies. So women should just get over it. But also, according to reddit, men face equal or greater pressures to look a certain way. So women should just get over that, too. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 09:14 AM
21

Yeah this is super true. It's why women discuss men on an out of 10 scale with women all the time. And why they rate attractive boy next door types as 2s on that scale, that women invented for rating men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 09:06 AM
3

It's not that complicated, it's just that disabled women are abused by their male partners at horrifying rates. Ideal victims. Where are they going to go? Even if they seek help, most refuges can't take disabled women. And everyone knows so many men just leave, so she's "lucky" if he stays at all... Someone on this thread said "Trust me, this guy would have lasted maybe a year and a half if his heart wasn't 100% in it", I'm not having a go at them and they aren't the only one saying similar thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 08:58 AM
45

Omg. Is this why these men think women go off sex after several years? Because they go off... the woman being aroused before they try to fuck her?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 05:37 PM
12

Men are supposed to want their sisters to find good men, especially if they might have children (don't know if she wants to). A man's (maternal) sisters & his nieces and nephews by them were the only people he truly knew he was related to before the days of DNA testing (and most people are not DNA tested today, either). It's so weird and unnatural for a man to tell his sister to go for any old man, asides from being rude and unhelpful! It's against his own interests... Though, it's definitely cr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 09:26 AM
1

His name is pretty funny. This is the opposite of an erotic story. The only thing that could top it is detailed descriptions of gynaecological procedures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 09:17 AM
34

What kind of man would let his pregnant, tired, uncomfortable, no-libido wife get on her knees and suck his dick? Sorry, give him his blowies. Give him her blowies? God I want to spoon my eyes out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 07:36 PM
6

Men die earlier generally, and get all the bad diet diseases worse than us. They also die earlier single than married to a woman. Not that they're actually incapable of eating healthily. But why bother when you can get a woman you hate to be mommy 2. I really can't imagine the lack of self respect though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:38 PM
7

That's so true! But I always hear people saying "she was/is controlling" and never "he was/is controlling". As far as I can tell it's women having a problem with men's controlling behaviour that gets them labelled as controlling!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:36 PM
7

Very bad sign. Worse than immature. Kind of honest (but he's clearly not actually honest! How awful that he considers himself an honest person when he's a cheater!) If you don't give a shit about hurting other people, that's called cruelty. I consider myself a fairly blunt person. If I think someone needs to hear a harsh truth, I'm concerned about being too harsh. I'm trying to help them! I definitely give a shit about them and their feelings or I wouldn't be saying it. I wonder if that woman wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:30 PM
4

I think we had fairly similar backgrounds. My parents did actually hit me, and that's the bit that shocks everyone, but I don't think it was the worst part by a long way. And like you I looked and came across as obviously abused, but no-one ever did anything (not that I expected my friends to - but relatives, teachers and other adults knew, too). And at the same time, I was claiming I had great parents who loved me, even though deep inside part of me knew it was wrong. It's not the best start to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 10:28 AM
7

It's so valuable when women who've experienced these things can tell us what it's like when a man is trying to do it, and how to defend ourselves from it. Thank you! It's a shame your friends can't see what a gift it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 08:38 AM
9

What I'm saying is that women say this, often, but also that I have never seen it. And women will say it about their relationships, but their own story says otherwise (so not like, that I know her and him and I had a bad feeling about him but she didn't... I don't know him, and she had a bad feeling about him!). I've already seen this about a dozen times right here on this subreddit. I don't understand the line you're trying to draw between issues and abuse. I think it's what I'm saying - women …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 08:33 AM
8

Yeah, women are taught lies about men, it's really awful :( I hate what we're expected to put up with. I hate all those threads on reddit where women describe being wildly unhappy but then it's like "oh I'm overreacting, he's a good man really, how can I change to make things better?" - and that's what all the replies say, from men and women. We are not taught to look out for ourselves, and it's so much worse if you had a bad upbringing which so many of us did, and which men prey on. You did wel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 08:09 AM
38

As far as I can tell, this is a harmful myth that ultimately makes women more vulnerable to abuse. If we believe men can really do a 180, vetting becomes less important, but I think it's absolutely crucial. It's hard to say what someone else didn't see, but we can always look at what they say they did see, right? I had a quick look on your profile. Military is a red flag career, definitely not an ideal father (or compassionate). You say you suspected him of cheating throughout your whole marriag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 08:30 PM
19

Most homophobes are not gay. Most homophobes are straight. Loads of straight men are homophobic towards their small sons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 08:01 PM
8

But you have testimony from one of the two of them saying it wasn't intimate and special enough for a proposal. In fact it's pretty much all we have to go on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 07:01 PM
11

It wasn't particularly intimate and it wasn't at all special. That's not why you were going to side with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 06:37 PM
2

Yeah I don't get that. You're saying that you're filtering out misogynists, but also that it doesn't matter? I'm not understanding. That's a huge deal, that's the biggest thing to filter for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:26 PM
10

The initial "hey I'm interested in you" is when you accept the date right? I don't really get what you're saying, you think women approaching is better - I disagree but that's what you're saying. But then you say it doesn't matter who approaches who? Do you just mean it's swings and roundabouts?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:22 PM
5

Yeah, I think you're right, it's about respect. These men disrespect women generally and maybe were able to hide it most of the time, but getting into some kind of IQ measuring contest with a woman and losing brought it out. I think this is what happens when women out-earn men, too. Maybe when they're taller, too? Anything men value in themselves. I have an intelligent husband who admires my intelligence. He says I'm more intelligent than him - I'm not sure if that's true or how to tell, but I t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:43 AM
16

It's not both people's faults Maybe when a woman cheats on a man it's the man's fault. It's hard to put myself in the shoes of a cheater, but I'm yet to hear of a woman cheating on a man I'd be happy to be with. (But she should still just leave, if she can.) But I know of loads of cases where men cheat for no reason at all. Really it seems to be the majority. You know one of the top reasons is that she just had a baby? How is that "her fault"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:25 AM
7

Your "unless" is optimistic! Maybe it's better in your legal system, but in mine, neither of those is an impediment I will never so long as I live forget a fairly recent local case where a man in prison for killing one of his children to spite the mother still had rights to the others. In prison. For spiteful child murder. And I know of several cases where a man has been permitted to have partial custody of his kids because he was only convicted of raping unrelated kids. Even getting full custod…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:07 AM
46

Repeating what men say about themselves is a misandrist narrative, nice. I'm sorry for all the scintillating conversation you'll miss out on over there :( Thanks for the update. You know there are some groups/industries/etc. that regulate themselves and some that don't? Men are definitely the latter. I have so, so so rarely heard a man have a go at another man for talking about having sex with 16 year olds just because it's legal. There needs to be something about age gaps up to at least 18 and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:02 AM
10

I can't believe he's twice told you about what kind of women he likes to have sex with. He can go and have them then, can't he. Or, he can't, and that's why he's trying to control you instead. TWICE!!! Twice. "I know I'm a misogynist or at least very selfish for having this double standard, but anyway, let me tell you about other women I want to have sex with. Also, this is how you should make your body look for me. Yeah I know you haven't even let me see it yet but you're obviously going to, an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 10:41 AM
2

Men aren't the same as women. Men without any childhood problems do that to women all the time. Women rarely ever do that. OP isn't your ex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 10:29 AM
16

Relationships with men are not a safe place to improve your attachment style. If a man ever makes you want to run, you run. It doesn't matter what's wrong with you. It doesn't matter if you hallucinated the entire man! Respect red flags. Never second guess yourself. I have never in my life met a woman who over analyses men and comes out thinking they're worse than they are, either You can practice healthy relationships with female friends. You wouldn't get over a fear of cats by climbing into a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 10:26 AM
7

My stepmother did this to me, I think jealousy is a large part, but also just hatred. It's truly pathetic either way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 10:12 AM
2

Right, men will approach anyone. So if they don't, they really do not like you. And you choose between the ones that do. It's the first hurdle. If they don't approach you, they don't care about you as a person. You are just "a woman" to them and that's the polite version. Not approaching men is like not dating men who have no manners or whatever... it doesn't mean you date all the ones that do! It's not inactive or receptive, because you reject any you don't like, which is probably the majority.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 08:06 AM
2

It's not about being an alluring bump on a log. It's about men not respecting women who approach them. If the men you are approaching actually liked you and didn't just see you as a chance for free sex/therapy, they'd have approached you. Men who'll take you won't always approach you. But men who want you will. It's good to limit yourself to men who are actually interested in you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 06:08 PM
2

In your first comment all you said was "Let the man approach you" sorry im not an egg, im not passive and part of being picky is know exactly who it is you want and going after it. So I don't really get what you mean by that. Being decisive sounds good. But, if you decide from the men who approach you, that's still passive in the meaning FDS uses. You're making an active choice, but you aren't going after men. I don't really get why someone would go on further dates with a man that didn't appeal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 04:33 PM
33

Porn is just a thing. Men use porn to condition themselves. In fact, it's the orgasms that they use to condition themselves. Men are the actors, not the victims. They watch stuff that's more and more perverse because they want to, and they want to because they hate women. The existence of online videos cannot alter a man if he doesn't watch them I think we don't take it seriously if someone says that cake made them fat, or that alcohol made them violent. And in the latter case, making excuses fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 03:18 PM
3

Going on dates with people i didn't have an interest in already was a waste in my experience . You're totally misunderstanding what is meant by passive. It doesn't mean you say yes to everyone. No wonder that's a disaster Men who don't approach you don't actually want you. They want sex and/or a servant and they don't mind who fills that role. Men can approach you and still only want one or both of those but you cut a lot of them out. Weeding out the shit men is what dating as a woman is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 08:13 AM
1

The majority of men do or support this behaviour but the majority of men are not mentally ill. They are not unstable. Unstable men attack other men, too. Not just women. Not just in ways that get societal support. Because they're unstable and have mental problems. Most men who hurt women do it in the coldest of blood. You should read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Men hurt women because they want to, not because they are suffering or lose control or anything along those lines. It's a my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 08:07 AM
2

You're being way too charitable. People could actually like something about Trump that isn't the racism (not that I can think of anything good but there has to be some facet of his platform that appeals to someone) but BDSM is always abusive, by definition. It's not dog whistles either. It's just blatant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 07:52 AM
3

Being a man isn't a mental illness and they don't need treatment. Well - I can think of one "treatment" for men who hurt women, but it's probably not what you mean. At the very least, it should be a prison sentence. Real prison for sane people because that's what they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 07:50 AM
7

I agree 100%. If women have access to abortion but instead have children by bad fathers, or don't know not to be bad fathers which is the same thing, it's child abuse. We live in a patriarchy - there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop a child's father from abusing it if he wants to. And yeah, men who want you to get an abortion will still do this (he's already a known abuser!). Even if you kill him, you will go to prison and your child will be raised by the people who raised a bad father, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 07:44 AM
27

It's related, or maybe the same. It's why some gay men compensate by being more outwardly hateful to women than most straight men. All men bond through misogyny, all men get their higher male status from misogyny. It winds me up when they pretend they don't know, or that women do the same but opposite or whatever. They know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 06:57 AM
41

I don't think this is real whatsoever If it is, he's scared she's going to divorce him now their daughter's grown up, because surely he'd want his daughter to be treated at least as well as he treated her mother, right? So therefore he never treated her properly. He's scared about his wife applying high standards to her own life. But I think actually he has never been married and never will be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 09:42 AM
8

Well, you can lead a horse to water! But you already led yourself here which makes it even more baffling. You know literally every other woman on this sub also comes from a culture where men disrespecting women is normal, right? It's not unique Your page says 55% of children are born to married women, nearly as many as the US, more than in the UK & Sweden. So your culture is more like American culture reflected in this sub than Swedish & UK culture in this respect. I really have no idea what poi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 03:23 PM
6

I looked at the stats for Sweden, because you didn't name a particular country (and you don't need to, but if they're wildly different to Sweden's maybe you should say because maybe that is the issue), and they are the same as in my country. They were the same in the recent past as they were in my country in the recent past. Women here say the same things as you. And loads of American women say the same things, too. Those women are all playing themselves. These countries are really very similar …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:50 PM
-2

Which is why I never made that kind of claim. you made it as strongly as the other 2 women did I highly doubt that There's nothing to doubt or believe, it's a fact, you can google it... if you google "ideal age to have children biologically" you get a load of pieces on the first page quoting "John Mirowsky, a sociologist at the University of Texas at Austin" saying that. Obviously he's a man and I don't know why a sociologist is being quoted about "biological" anything but whatever, there he is,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:04 AM
3

My ring was just under $300 (though probably more once it had been shipped from the US) but we were 19 year old students. Surely most men can afford a more expensive ring than a 19 year old student managed? Setting medium standards sometimes seems to do more harm than low or none. Women with decent self esteem can laugh off women saying like "he folded some foil into a ring shape and proposed with that omg he's the best" and especially "well he doesn't believe in marriage...". But there's nothin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 10:11 AM
16

If most couples never marry how are half of children being born to married mothers? It sounds pretty similar to my country the UK with what you're saying, demographically (age at first marriage is also in the 30s), and we do have cultural similarities. But I can say that in my country men who don't marry women are still timewasters, having kids with a man you're playing wifey with but who doesn't like you enough to marry you is still pathetic. It's just that the majority of women are pathetic an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 09:52 AM
2

you have nothing to back your idea, either, you just like it better. Your idea is literally just "the age women nowadays have kids" but there is nothing to suggest we all started doing it at the best age biologically, or that women have ever done that. It's social Anyway there is no clear answer but it's most likely the entire twenties. Some experts attempt to claim it's also the late teens, but it's not, mothers have a higher risk of complications then. Complications is the only real factor but…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 09:37 AM
23

They're missing half though. It's meant to be that you'll go and live in a hole or whatever with him, but he wishes he could afford better and would if he could. Sappy poor people in love is certainly very romantic at least as an idea. I love the short story The Gift of the Magi. Imagine it rewritten to these stupid (lack of) standards - he's like "I've got no money to buy you hair combs so just shave your head, you gold digger, you don't even love me!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 09:31 AM
-2

If this were remotely true parasols would never have been invented. They certainly wouldn't have kept rich women pale for centuries. Most of the skincare industry is just the makeup industry but more boring. You would know if you were sunburnt, that's a binary condition and pretty obvious, even when it's a very mild burn. You would also start to notice if you were ageing prematurely at some point. If you care about your skin & the sun you would pay attention to the UV index. It is lower when it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 02:14 PM
9

Can't reject her after the first date if it turns out it's actually all a fantasy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 02:06 PM
17

Don't hate yourself. Their behaviour doesn't reflect on you. Anyway, there are more of us than it seems :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 01:08 PM
4

This doesn't answer my question. I know how people catch STIs. I asked what you meant by shaming and stigmatising. What does mocking and ostracising mean, also? I'm asking because I've seen 3 of those 4 words (shaming, stigmatising and ostracising) used to refer to women saying they don't want to have sex with men who have STIs. I don't consider that to be any of shaming, stigmatising or ostracising. It's not mocking, either. I absolutely do not agree that anything spreads STIs apart from people…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 08:05 AM
5

What do you mean by shame and stigmatise?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 07:44 PM
32

He is actively hurting this woman through child rape even though she's now an adult :( He made that comment hoping she'd see it. I think you're right, but also there are loads of men who have no sexual interest in children but will side with a man over a woman no matter what. Like there are men who don't want to abuse their own wives & girlfriends but support other men who do. I guess they like keeping it as an option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 07:26 PM
8

You are insecure but the insecurity is questioning yourself on this, not disliking your "was a porn addict" boyfriend disrespecting you by looking at sexual pictures of other women. He says he cares so much about me yet his behavior shows he cares more about following these girls even though he knows how much it hurts me. You are 100% right here. Don't doubt yourself! Noticing this is not you having a "problem" or getting "in your head about it" You can't really let other people do anything, you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 08:55 AM
4

I don't know what you mean by "his fault" He literally brings negative financial value. That's just a fact. That's aside from what it says about his responsibility There is this strong idea in society that men deserve women. That we are their rewards and they are entitled to us. It doesn't matter if this man is good or bad. He still doesn't deserve a woman
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 08:44 AM
35

These men see women as interchangeable. If she'll have sex with him and look after him, the rest doesn't really matter. Women don't actually get anything out of most men so we don't see men like that unless we're totally brainwashed into thinking that getting a man to treat you as a servant is some kind of achievement. Also, we tend to believe men are human! And women don't do things like hate-fucking. I heard that men don't leave women unless they have another woman lined up, but women leave me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 08:33 AM
0

Men aren't circumcised in my country unless they're Muslim or Jewish and they still watch just as much porn, they're just as shit in bed (and they're just as violent to women, that's another excuse I've heard elsewhere) Circumcision is still wrong but don't let them use it as an excuse for their choices. The porn use is still a choice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 10:02 AM
1

Oh that's horrible! I'm glad you're being kinder to yourself now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:59 AM
8

Haha. He splits all the cost and childrearing with the mother (supposedly). Then he splits that split with some random woman. What a good father :) If a man has any custody of his kids and wants a new woman he wants a nanny, and he's proved he has no respect for the mother of his kids, much less any other woman. Women get blinded by the nice father and his poor kids. It's the adult version of the man who has puppies in his van if you want to come and see. Don't fall for it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:54 AM
3

What is the promise if you don't want commitment? Either you're committed or you're not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:44 AM
9

Nobody should stay with an unsuitable man just because he wants to get married, no matter how old they are! There is also the danger that women are too forgiving of their first serious boyfriends. And women of all ages use "but we've been together for X years!" as a way to ignore all kinds of problems. They're just throwing good money after bad :( I think he should know, and tell you, that he wants to marry you even if he thinks you're too young to actually be engaged/married. None of that "I do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:07 AM
19

I don't think any woman is that stupid. They just have lower self esteem and are better actresses than us. You'll never know what anyone honestly thinks, really. You can tolerate a lot and even think it's normal, or worse that it's not but you in particular deserve it, but it still hurts to be considered less than.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:11 PM
5

Most women are not married to HVM. The stats on married people dying of old age are people getting married a long time ago, too, long before martial rape was illegal and so on. Before domestic violence shelters were legal. It would be hard to conduct research on good marriages though when most women don't have any standards at all and will claim anything is a good marriage :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:08 PM
2

It's wildly unethical for a therapist/carer to date their clients. If he can't work out how to achieve clean socks, can he truly consent to sex? Seriously though, how do these women fuck their men after playing mommy? And he's smelly, he's unclean... wtf is this? How can you possibly be attracted to a man like that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:06 PM
5

Imagine thinking that happy marriages are between a woman and a man who is, in her opinion, ugly, shit in bed, and a rapist. Imagine the nerve you'd need to think that and still give other women marriage advice! Sorry, give male or female "partners" advice, on a site that just happens to be called "brides.com"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 10:16 AM
4

The divorced man doesn't know how to be married and/or how to pick a woman, bad sign. The widower also might not (maybe she died but they would have divorced), but still might And it's true that it's hard to compete with someone dead who can do no wrong, but at least you don't literally have to like you do with a divorced man's ex wife. He already regretted one decision: marrying her. (Unless he doesn't regret it, because he outright still wants to be with her!) What's to stop him regretting the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 10:00 AM
1

I feel it's only right that such a good person should also enjoy having a loving partner who accepts him for flaws that aren't his fault Like you're a reward for a real person, not a real person yourself? :( Justice shouldn't come into it. A man shouldn't get you if he doesn't deserve you, but he also shouldn't just because you think he does
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:54 AM
3

They didn't make plans for a time and place though. They would have had to have texted or whatever to find each other if she'd gone to the same area? It wasn't settled at all. Communicating is something men have to do too. It's not them being weird and vague and you writing fanfic to fill in the gaps. That's just fantasising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:48 AM
3

Don't date cops, ever Remember that it's hard to work out if a man does or supports this kind of behaviour. Remember what is at stake
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:27 AM
18

Classic cocklodger. He moved into her flat and doesn't pay rent. Why is she marrying him? He'd have to be incredibly charming, very good looking and great in bed, but who wants to bet money that's the case?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:26 AM
20

If it was a woman He's not a woman though. The entire point of this sub is that men and women are not the same. Men's dating strategies do not work for women. Obviously women do a lot more unpaid labor than men, and most of the time they do it for men, but nothing of that is mentioned in this post. It's not mentioned because it's obvious, and also because most people don't care about this because they see it as the point of a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:24 AM
20

Fantasising is also a form of engagement This is the rule for suicidal ideation, it's the same for all self harm Yes it's better than acting it out, but it's still a reinforcement. Especially if you are conditioning yourself to keep liking it with orgasms. It will go away completely if no-one is conditioning you to like it. Like you said with masturbating, you are training your brain
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:18 AM
19

No woman should be denied an abortion because of the reason she wants one, whatever it is. It's not that some babies are deserving or undeserving
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:26 PM
40

That's true. They certainly put a lot of effort in though. I'm reminded of some posts I've seen here in the last few days about how men ask what you're looking for so they'll claim it's what they want. Like you're giving them the cheat codes. I am a pretty naive person and I never would have considered that - doing it, or not falling for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:54 PM
4

It's a good club. I got banned from there for my opinions (like "rape is illegal", I think that one was the final straw). A throwaway wouldn't have saved me. I'm just too extreme 🙄 Women can come here if they want to. I realised, belatedly, that most women who post on those subs just want to be told to throw their lives away, and I don't want to be part of that. You can't help people who are that determined to ruin their own lives. What kind of woman would ask reddit men for relationship advice?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:31 PM
157

I think men are thinking super clearly before sex. That's why they are so good at manipulating women into having sex with them. I think it's true that women get too fond of a man after having sex with him, and it's good to be wary of that, and like you said, don't have sex too soon. I don't think it means there's an equal & opposite effect in men though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:21 PM
34

Mothers of sons are the women with the highest position/respect. Look at Mary, look at women being killed for not bearing sons, look at cultures where women are renamed after their sons. It really goes to some of their heads. They forget they're still women and their sons are still men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:17 PM
3

I see a lot of good threads go this way on here. Women point out a red flag in men and then loads of women come screaming "but IIIIIII do that and I'm not a pervert man!!!" Well of course you're not, you're not a man... it's like their identification with men and male-dominated hobbies prevents them from reading temporarily. It's cool girl shit and really embarrassing to witness. Who are they trying to impress? This is a female only subreddit. And like, this is reddit. You are not under constant…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:07 AM
9

I think a bisexual woman is a totally different entity than a bisexual man. I could trust a bisexual woman in a serious relationship, but it doesn't seem like the average bisexual man can refrain from cheating with men. If a guy's heterosexual, cheating requires some effort because it's much harder to find a woman who's okay with being the other woman or having meaningless sex, but a bisexual man can download Grindr and fuck a new guy every night with no effort at all. I think this is it. I'm bi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:58 AM
10

Hopefully when you have vetted a man according to FDS it's not very likely. And you will know afterwards, and you'll know to get the MAP and never see him again. The extra 3% chance of pregnancy per year worries me more. And because of the nature of condoms, that's also an increased chance of STIs I think sometimes trying to be safe with men just makes it easier for them to hurt you. :( Get lulled into a false sense of security. That seems to be what happens with low standards generally
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:42 AM
3

The problem is the men not the BC Are we really saying it's cool for them to be in those relationships as long as they don't get pregnant? This was the argument for HBC in the first place back when divorce was hard, women struggled to support themselves, and marital rape was legal. Not now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:36 AM
8

They're not as effective as male condoms unfortunately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:33 AM
3

Thank you! I don't think there's anything else I could say, not without more research. But there is so little research on this :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:57 AM
2

I totally agree with you about being supportive and how necessary it is, but to me saying "we are pregnant" is the opposite. I mean, you know, what is he supporting if "they're" pregnant? Shouldn't she be supporting him too? It's just so off to me to phrase it like that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 12:32 PM
12

Judging people by their friends is really sensible. After all, we choose them. It's not very likely that he doesn't share their opinions on strippers. At best, he really does think it's wrong to hire a stripper, but he's a pushover, and that's no good either - he won't stand up for you either if he won't stand up for himself to his friends over minor shit I hate that shit about being single and engaged too. Marriage isn't mandatory. If you want to be single be single. It's so disrespectful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 12:27 PM
3

But that's "we are having a baby", not "we are pregnant" surely? To say he's as invested in it as her is to diminish her and what it means to be pregnant. He's not creating the new life either, and what physical support? Like swapping? God I wish. Like seahorses or whatever :) I feel like the bar is so low sometimes we think a man acknowledging a pregnancy is something special. All men capitalise on this. If my husband ever dared to claim he was pregnant, I would get an abortion and a divorce. S…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 12:17 PM
43

"It's not her fault. She was born that way," said Whelihan Like those are the only options. Her fault or god's. Can't possibly be the fault of the man getting his whilst she never gets hers. It obviously can't be that :/ However, couples also should remember that orgasm with intercourse is not necessary for a woman to have a healthy or enjoyable sex life, Lloyd added. Yes, don't forget. Don't you dare forget for one minute that women don't have sex for sexual satisfaction. It's especially import…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 12:11 PM
21

HBC ruined my life (not only depression but loss of libido too... so I didn't even need it lmao). I am so glad I found about about FAM. I love having this knowledge about my body, it's powerful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:41 AM
67

They know it's not a compliment really. They know they don't want men saying that shit to them. And when I want to compliment someone, it's to make them feel good, so if they don't like it I would simply cease, not get rude or violent I think he means it makes him feel sexy to know other men want her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 09:30 PM
26

I've been banned from some of them lmao. They are awful. Not good for our blood pressure I'm sure. The rule is if you're a woman you need to stop being so hysterical and suck his dick. If you're a man, remind her that she's a woman and she needs to stop being so hysterical and suck your dick. That's the "communication" they're on about. 'Cause it cannot seriously be "tell him this" when every post says "I have told him this 3 dozen times but I don't know maybe I need to put it on a presentation …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 09:27 PM
8

So it's not dumping a man after a few chances that you have a problem with? because it's literally all the meme is about
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 09:21 PM
30

Different generation? He grew up in the 80s/90s. Not the 1880s/90s either And is she saying he's from a different generation to her? I hope not, and probably not if they have a teenager, but eesh. This kind of excuse making is normally weak when people do it in defence of their grandparents, should your husbands be on the same level?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 09:20 PM
6

What's childish or immature about not dating men who upset you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 09:16 PM
1

If it's not a dig he's a moron and sent them to the wrong women. There's no legit reason to do it on purpose
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 07:43 PM
3

A case against her for not leaving him, not against him for doing it. :( But if she does leave him, if she doesn't want to split them 50/50 with him because he's abusive that's also abuse on her part ("parental estrangement"). The income doesn't even matter. Just being the father is enough. Women are so cavalier about who they have kids with. I think they believe all that shit about "women always get the kids", because it's what everyone says. It's the complete opposite of the truth. Normal men …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 07:36 PM
4

Ugh! Would it not take significant self control to be able to be so exhibitionist? To supposedly "not realise" they were still on? I don't think I would be physically capable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 08:43 AM
21

Thanks for posting it. That's horrible, there's no excuse :( I hate that she calls it hormones, like she's being unreasonable - she's being way too reasonable! He was always like this though - before she got pregnant with this child. He already ignored Mother's Day even without the pandemic, even when he was at home (and I'd be really surprised if those had been the first times he'd been so uncaring). Maybe expecting men to change works 1 in 100 times or something but it's still a hell of a risk…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 08:38 AM
3

No-one has done anything but try to help you and no-one has deserved the responses they have gotten from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 08:27 AM
18

You said in your other comment: Fair, but I don’t even know if he likes me. We haven’t even met yet? It’s just the internet and text messaging but ok But now you're saying you're going to give him one more chance, you're going to be lax, you're going to wait on him, you have faith... surely that is not for people who have not in any way earnt it? This is like 100% of your relationship with this man, it's not a blip, it's the whole thing. And it's sooo easy to text. I mean look at us talking to y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 08:50 PM
2

That man would treat her the same if she'd eg been undergoing surgery. The child isn't the problem and did not cause the problem, just brought it to a head. It could have been anything
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 08:41 PM
2

I don’t know how you turned me saying some people can manage to engage in casual sex then think nothing if it into me thinking there are women who are okay to rape. That’s sick, and I don’t understand where you found the crack to force that mentality into my discourse. and then from you in this comment you just made denying that you say things like this: All I’m acknowledging is that people are different I take back what I said: I no longer think you have good intentions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 07:01 AM
14

That's the best frame they could choose? She looks dead inside. :( If it was really that cushy for most women they'd not have to push it like they do. I don't see this propaganda for careers where women are actually making good money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 08:41 PM
9

And who am I to speak to what traumatizes people individually? Like the issue of hookup culture vs monogamy, one night stands work for some people and for others it leaves them feeling empty, if that make sense... You think you're being supportive and I'm sure you mean to be but what you're saying is that some women are subhumans who aren't hurt by rape like real women like you would be. And OF is a pimp in most of the ways that count. I know camgirls. They are the same as me and you. Just with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 08:39 PM
3

Try talking to a woman whose husband does that and who's trying to get custody of the kids based on that. Shouldn't be news to any fertile woman or mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 03:49 PM
-1

like apart from the planet earth?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 11:42 AM
7

I don't know if it's naive. I think it's a dangerous mindset. I think it's something a man could take advantage of You can have that spark with someone who is ultimately bad news. If you believe he's your soulmate, the one, you aren't going to react in the way that is best for you. Am I just apathetic and indifferent? Did I watch too many rom coms in my formative years and now expect that I would find my Prince Charming? High standards are a good thing! I think wanting it to feel like you're sou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 09:52 AM
21

I want to live where you live, where men don't beat and rape kids and get away with it every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 09:48 AM
8

If you're uncomfortable with it it's no good for you. Never ever try to force yourself to be comfortable with a man's behaviour. Nothing good will ever come of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 06:51 PM
15

I saw a great tip on here - don't ask men if they watch porn. Ask what sort of porn. The only acceptable answer is still none. But they're less likely to lie. I've never tried it but it makes sense to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 06:41 PM
9

This isn't true at all You sound like those women who say well he cheats but he doesn't hit me Or he cheats but he doesn't rub my face in it Or he hits me but he never hospitalised me It's true men lie. It doesn't mean you settle for a porn user
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 06:38 PM
3

Sorry I'm not being very clear! I'm finding it hard to put into words for some reason. If she’s equating living with a man with marrying him, isn’t she implying the same thing you’re saying, which is that if you live with a man you face the same risks? No because she calls it a marriage strike not a living with men strike. All that stuff about caregiving, that's living with men, not marrying them, but marriage is a really good way to measure it (especially when we want to look at what happened t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 06:35 PM
4

Now, sex strikes have a long pedigree and there is some evidence that they work. But as many other women have pointed out, a sex strike perpetuates the damaging myth that women are not sexual beings. And, since women are in fact sexual beings, a sex strike hurts us as much as it hurts men. So I would like to propose a radical alternative for punishing misogynistic men who seek to deny us our rights: a marriage strike. What is this supposed to mean? She's not striking she just doesn't want to get…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 05:27 PM
5

If he's not worth it he's definitely not a HVM, the definition of a HVM is that they are worth it, that they add value to your life If there's bullshit he's not really a HVM. I don't know if that's part of the definition but I wouldn't call him one I don't have any problems with my husband that I wouldn't have if I had a wife or lived with a woman platonically. Just the ordinary difficulties of sharing your life & home with someone, which are absolutely nothing compared to the benefits. I'm sure…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 11:07 AM
6

I don't think words like graypist are useful for women You say you think it's "mostly innocent", he describes this sex as her "caving in". He says "she says no". He worries she's "traumatised" The bits like "my girlfriend" "she's unsure" "I'm scared" are maybe blinding you to those? She said no, I made her cave in, she's traumatised. That's rape. Not grey rape, whatever that would be. Just rape
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 09:54 AM
28

They had to make raping your wife specifically illegal probably in your lifetime, certainly in the span these statistics refer to. These stats aren't about happy marriages - if only because most aren't happy for women, as the stats show
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 06:13 PM
21

it's completely true in context and surely that is part of correct interpretation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 06:03 PM
4

However, I also read about forever girlfriends who long for marriage only to be heartbroken when finding out the man never planned on pulling through with it in the the first place leaving the woman to waste many years of her precious time and youth. Right so if you do that, you get to waste your precious time and youth AND you have to get divorced. Proposing can't make him want to marry you. If he wanted to marry you, he would propose. It's not an alpha move, it's pathetic. It's throwing yourse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 05:56 PM
1

I find men attractive all the time (most men aren't attractive but that's different). I'm bi and for a while I was worried I was a lesbian (not necessarily a bad thing obviously but I was married to a man so...) because I stopped finding them attractive. But it was libido problems due to the pill and anti depressants and I'm fine now I stopped them. Could it be something like that for you? I never considered it for ages and I was amazed at the difference, it was night and day A lot of women have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 10:43 AM
5

Of course (sensible) women don't do that for a variety of reasons, but it's normal to find men attractive and want to have sex with them if you are attracted to men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 10:39 AM
2

Yeah, or it doesn't do anything for me. I'm a H cup. It's serious scaffolding. To be supportive, to be like on my rib cage and not hanging loose, it's serious constriction I am also pretty sensitive to clothes in general which doesn't help. I am always having to cut labels out and so on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 08:00 AM
9

"One blessed wife" or as I would put it "a wife, but not an idiot" (I guess I'll make an exception if you have a disabled husband.) I like how he doesn't even have to do all 4. One is fine. Good grief
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:25 PM
4

I see, so I guess it's just supportive like a normal bra and not super constricting if you size up that kind? My sports bras are bra-sized torture devices, precision crafted to prevent breathing. Or that's what it feels like anyway. It's worth it sometimes but I would never wear one just to be around the house
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:00 PM
16

I know it sounds crazy but it's probably because you wear a bra all the time. I used to be like this until I stopped. Now stairs are fine. I just wear stretchy bra tops to stop the side to side and kind of circular(?) bouncing which is so annoying. I used to live in underwires. But I can't stand sports bras so maybe we are differently shaped even if we are a similar size?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:17 PM
2

I'm a H cup, except I don't wear real bras apart from sports bras. Bras are more uncomfortable the more industrial they are. It's never going to be comfortable to be in what's basically a half corset is it? I don't really get why the pretty little bralettes would be considered very uncomfortable, but I can believe that some women find them so. It's still constricting around your ribs even if it's not holding much weight up. I like not wearing bras because I like breathing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:13 PM
9

I can't see how you can breathe in a sports bra all day. I despise them. I only wear them for running/jogging/trampolining and really what that means is that I hardly ever do those forms of exercise because the bra is only slightly less painful than just giving myself 2 black eyes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:09 PM
22

I am bigger than that and I do. The tendons(? I guess?) in your boobs change if you don't wear a bra. It hurt for a week or two when I stopped but since then it hurts less. Supposedly you get worse sagging if you wear a bra than if you don't, but I don't know how true that is. I think large breasts are subject to gravity whatever else we do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:08 PM
2

Have you got this mixed up with abortion which most women don't regret, and there's stats to back that up? I have very rarely heard a woman saying she was glad she reported a rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:27 AM
3

I don't think it's about time, I've been with my husband for 14 years. I can't imagine saying I'm attracted to someone we met, or him saying it to me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:38 PM
3

you said: I'm not sure I like that haha and you don't want to post elsewhere because you are worried people will tell you you have to like it: accuse OP's of exaggerating or not being open-minded enough etc You don't need to have reasons or whatever. It doesn't need to stand up to anyone's scrutiny. You don't like it, and that's fine. Don't be tying yourself in knots for a man you don't even know. He is not the only/last respectful man you will ever meet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 10:42 AM
16

I'm secure in my relationship. I don't think my husband would ever really dream of it, but he could have sex with another woman and I know he'd come crawling back to me. That's what people mean when they say this is a matter of security, right? But I also know that I wouldn't let him if he ever dared to. Because I'm secure in myself. If you tolerate a man disrespecting you it's because you feel that you can't get a better man, and/or you feel that you can't be happy alone. Ie, insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 10:38 AM
24

From her comments it sounds like he already did this to his first wife for the sin of having his kids. Leopards don't change their spots! I hope writing all this down helps her see it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 09:54 AM
11

It's not for the kids it's for the man. If they cared about the kids even the ones who are nice to them would not be aiding and abetting their shitty fathers the way they do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 09:48 AM
1

I see, thanks! I thought you meant those were three types of places they went
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 04:38 PM
1

I didn't "misread" you literally said "He didn't go to bars, strip clubs or honkey tonks unless it was a date night with my mom."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 12:07 PM
-3

This is about him being a good father and (maybe) pulling his weight in the home. I don't get the impression from this that he added value to your mother's life and it looks like she didn't either. He went to strip clubs I mean that is an automatic disqualifier for HVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 08:12 AM
25

This is like their experienced, sex-mad, shy virgin women. This woman is a master manipulator. She really made him think they were dating! But then she... told someone they weren't dating. In front of him. At a really dumb time for her little scam. Anyway I totally believe this happened. I bet he's been on so many dates like this, no not because he's an idiot who can't tell which women are into him, but because he's been on so many dates. Like 10. Wait that's low, I mean 10 a week! Wait there ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 08:04 AM
32

Men don't listen to any feminists or any women. Liberal feminists got those ideas off men like him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:59 PM
40

If most men really found that pathetic this sub wouldn't get half the hate it does. They really do live like that. Male solidarity. I have never actually known one to actually outright say it though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 09:09 AM
0

That wasn't my point. I said "where did his kids come from if not a woman he didn't treat properly".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 10:00 PM
56

Our relationship is great in all respects and I have a strong yet unconfirmed suspicion that my boyfriend of 8 months, who is in all other respects a HVM, uses porn and it hurts my feelings pick one. Please don't pick the first one because it would be a lie Maybe you're wrong and that would be great. But then your list is totally irrelevant isn't it? I still question if my aversion to him using porn is legitimate if a man makes you question your right to be averse to things that's not good, if a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:35 PM
20

but it's not other things
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:28 PM
0

I'm not sure you understand that the topic is "Are some men HVM in some areas if their lives, ie with kids and career, and LVM in relationships?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:25 PM
5

That's terrible! I'm glad you divorced him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 08:45 AM
0

Good men who haven't had children are better than bad men who have good men who have had children are better than bad men who have You shouldn't be hoping. That means you know he's no good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 08:43 AM
3

I'm an avoidant and happily married. I don't know anything about dating I didn't learn off this sub, but it's possible to have a happy relationship, definitely. It really helps that my husband had secure attachment and I've done a lot of work on myself over the years to be less, well, traumatised (and it's ongoing). Sorry I don't have any advice but I hope this makes you feel better about the future at least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:59 PM
0

Definitely not, where did his kids come from if not a woman he didn't treat properly? So he is a bad father by default, he would only appear good if you leave that out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:52 PM
4

Sorry he was found out more like! I hate that so much. I don't believe that people can cheat by mistake, but if it were ever true, they would stop it themselves. Not be stopped by their partner or the other party. I guess that's why I don't believe in it - 'cause I've never heard of that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:47 PM
85

Wouldn't it be great if women could end an unwanted pregnancy by merely signing a piece of paper - or even by paying for 18 years! It's obscene for them to think they get the short end of the stick
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:44 PM
133

Imagine being grateful that your husband works and doesn't cheat. The bar is truly in hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 06:49 PM
23

He's got kids! How's he got more than 2 hours a day on weekdays? Good for him if he does, but does she too? And still time for one another?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 06:48 PM
1

Those posts are useful and I have seen a lot of posts by newbies who would benefit from paying more attention to them, and to the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 06:46 PM
1

Necessary for what. What actually happened. There's a host of you women on all of these threads acting like some women are walking around fully crotchless after it all rotted away and you're trying to spare us that sorry fate. "Please"? :/ Do you really think women don't know if they're not clean? If there's like one tiny thing possibly wrong with your fanny you get thrush, BV, UTIs... women know okay. And so do the professionals, who never say soap is "necessary" but quite the opposite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:59 AM
20

Hardly anyone is advising her to get an abortion, despite the fact that every last commenter despite their protests knows he had no excuse, and knows he'll do it to the child too. Absolutely insane. This is a pro abuse culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:53 AM
10

Men from all over the world. In the article, another study said 1/3 were urban not rural. And that's probably only that low because they have less opportunity, not less inclination :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 09:48 AM
2

Yeah I'm familiar with all this. That's why I dislike it. If you use the idea that only men get shit done as a mental tool, you are not helping yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 05:39 PM
5

But if you're not using a patriarchal filter, feminine and masculine have no meaning outside of biology. What is your balance stuff even about unless it's two halves, two halves which must be neat categories? "I'll be femininely competitive and masculinely caring"... no-one has ever said that or would have any idea what it meant. I'll just be a well rounded normal human being that is competitive when appropriate, caring when appropriate - like I expect every man and woman to be
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 02:37 PM
0

They are exclusively feminine and masculine. But they're not exclusively female and male. a trait like cruel, which is a masculine trait I mentioned, isn't only toxic when imbalanced. It just is toxic. We don't need a middle path with it either. Some stuff is biological like that it's weird for women to pursue men. But the rest is all socialisation, stuff that men and women should do equally
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 02:20 PM
11

But if we all have them, why are half assigned to women and half to men? I think when we look at the better traits that have been assigned, so "caring" but not "submissive", "strong" but not "cruel", yeah we should all have them, but then aren't they just good human traits? Not feminine/masculine if we strip out the bad stuff? Yin/yang is the same, I've heard a lot of Chinese women complaining about how bad it makes being female sound... damp and sickly and generally inferior :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 02:00 PM
10

a guy that said: you girls are so much more beautiful without makeup. And some girl posted thank you. And he said Yeah I'm a nice guy. Oh my god!! Yeah, no, that's awful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 01:58 PM
109

Men invented "femininity" and it is about submission. That's nothing to do with womanliness. And it doesn't mean everything that men labelled feminine is bad, but it doesn't mean it's a natural concept either. I hated the way he treated her, but she allowed herself to be treated that way. Ugh. Why do you idolise him? He isn't "scared of" any woman. He scares women. In your fawning writeup(! and you don't even know what he's like as a spouse in private), he is an "aggressive" male who you think c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 01:22 PM
12

I think it's better for men to prefer that (assuming they're talking about routinely wearing "natural" looking makeup, and that they actually know what it looks like), but why are they saying it? Comparing you to other women is never truly flattering, whether or not it's actively negging (and if you're wearing visible makeup, this is negging). Why should you give a toss what he thinks about "women"? Why is that relevant to you at all? What is your reaction supposed to be, apart from grateful faw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 01:17 PM
3

Why is this downvoted? I thought of that song too haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:41 PM
9

Your mom's ideas are pretty close to the handbook here though? Not that you keep dating if you're committed, but that you do if you're not committed, and that being a "girlfriend" is not really a commitment, yeah Not that you play games but that we "never force the guy to commit and that we also never leave room for them to miss us"... yeah that literally is the handbook. It's not weird?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:40 PM
4

At least if you know about it, you can work on it! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:02 PM
19

These women aren't hotter than the men because... they have the advantage of being hotter? Hollywood movies where the princess just up and marries the toad without waiting for one that turns into a prince have warped your perception of male and female beauty
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 07:42 PM
32

It's ugly men who hate women more, because they can't get them. And this website is full of ugly men trying to convince women of the opposite. I mean, you know about short man syndrome right? There's no tall man syndrome though Your problem is your self esteem not your appearance
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 07:40 PM
38

he expects sex from you. if he invites you to his to sample his cooking. The original post says that too Men who can't be bothered to take you on proper dates aren't men who respect women more than other men, they're probably the opposite! If you actually didn't care you would just go to those restaurants and not care? You shouldn't be grateful. It sounds like you feel like you don't deserve it. You do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 07:33 PM
39

Men always abuse these kinds of self help/psychology terms like this But god why is she even thinking about that? He pushed her off the sofa... that's not something that can be debated or has a different meaning or whatever. I don't get the point of that sub assuming it's in the vein of justnomil etc. Those are for relationships you are to some degree stuck in (yeah you could divorce to get away from your MIL but you may not want to). Women are terrified of being single?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:22 AM
4

If he loved her he wouldn't show that with a lie Can you not see it's symbolic? If the ring isn't what he claimed, or what he knew she assumed, maybe he isn't, either (and even if she only assumed: that's no excuse) She wanted a diamond, he should have respected that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:16 AM
5

No I think you're right but I think those women in camp 1 are agreeing with you. They're not getting the difference between looking and looking. I really really doubt they actually check people out like that in front of their partners! It's not naive at all, it's the bare minimum. Even men who are actually having affairs are normally more respectful than that you know? It's such blatant disrespect to do it in front of you! And it's rude to the other women too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:13 AM
10

interacting with that man at all is counterproductive, if you want to actually get to the root of the problem instead of just blaming her for his bad behaviour
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:07 AM
15

That would be a great idea for someone who couldn't read or with a learning disability that made this easier to understand. I really hope the OP was kidding and that's what it really was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:03 AM
32

If this were true men would be unemployable (as well as unable to feed themselves?!). They would certainly not have the better jobs compared to women. Your dad knows he doesn't have to bother looking because you'll do it for him. That is him doing a shitty job to get out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:01 AM
3

:( That sounds awful. Yeah, he only meant not talking to you. And it does sound like it was some kind of punishment for you not talking to him when you were upset He's not your best friend at all :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 08:41 AM
2

Does it get better later? I couldn't get past: I also observe them in the gym, doing precisely three sets of twelve reps each, deliciously contemplating how their body will look six months from now when they should be even more deliciously contemplating the person at hand, the one right before them, the one waiting impatiently for the machine. I watch them fight for the machine, not for the person about to take it away from them, as they tell the interloper, “Go away and come back when I’m done,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 08:37 PM
8

Maybe you just didn't like any of those men? Maybe if you feel like you don't have feelings for them, you don't. I have an avoidant attachment style, though it's improving all the time. I am generally picky about people. I think it's bad for making friends and also for being happy in general, but the big problem women seem to have in dating is not being picky enough, sometimes not showing any discernment at all. It's not such a bad thing there. Despite my avoidant attachment style, I'm happily m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 08:31 PM
27

It's female socialisation I think more than anything. We are told to compete for men and degrade ourselves for them. Even women who have good relationships with their families end up like that It's not something I've ever personally struggled with to any large extent. I took a personality test that said I have a secure attachment style in my marriage (edit: I just retook the test I took before and it changed!) but very avoidant attachment to my parents. Do most people tend to be the same across …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 05:08 PM
3

I see, so it's more like you're annoyed that she's taking advantage? And that he has less time for you? When it's a real stepmother situation like this but with an actual child I'm not sympathetic at all but in this case, she's an adult, he's not really her father, she has an actual father still too... she should be pulling her weight. Have you told him how you feel about this? But I feel like he should know how you feel, and he should know he shouldn't be doing everything for her like this. My …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:48 PM
9

I think you know but just in case, yes they're all making terrible choices. You are absolutely not the insane one there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:43 PM
25

You can't choose to "secretly be interested in him (while playing it off as cool)" because you are already throwing yourself at him and he knows it and I'm surprised he's only taking half advantage like this instead of full. Like I'm surprised he's not using you for sex as well as making you cry (come on!!! You know that's bad!) "I don’t know what my type is, but maybe in the future you’re my type. I don’t know what the future holds for us" Stuff like that is just pure, absolute bullshit, 100% o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:41 PM
5

This is like a stepmother problem even though she's not actually his child, so you would probably get something out of looking at advice for stepmothers? But you don't do yourself any favours complaining that she likes stupid television... that's not actually a problem is it? That she does no housework is a problem. But it's his problem to fix because she's living here because of his relationship to her - either he makes her do her share, or he does her share for her if he really wants to be lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:35 PM
3

r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy is really good for all kinds of stuff like this if you want more ideas :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 01:34 PM
3

Omg, no. This is like the "don't cohabitate, it leads to divorce" Some cultures/families support divorce and some don't. The ones that don't are worse for women not better (even though not cohabitating might be good for women for unrelated reasons!). Those are also cultures that are against cohabitating without marriage, which leads to people thinking those are really correlated and not just one factor. How can we believe that most women are in shit marriages, and be trying to avoid that fate, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 01:32 PM
2

Or it's that a man whose father abused his mother and made her feel like she was unable to divorce also intends to do that to his wife. You have no idea if his parents had a good marriage just because they're married It's not the same as that man with 2 ex wives, that's stuff he did, not simply stuff he saw
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 01:27 PM
4

So doing nothing is passive and feminine and that's all women should do (I'm not even going to get into that) But if he does things... that's too feminine??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 01:24 PM
2

Where has that happened in this post?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 12:01 PM
4

Saying no to a man you're not interested in is not being a princess lording it over the peasants and is not degrading anyone in any way. You have some serious internalised misogyny and you need to stop externalising it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 09:48 AM
1

It's not impossible, you just have to kiss a lot of frogs. Or ideally don't kiss them before you reject them. But it's just like that. The safest bet is being alone, not picking a so-so man. You won't give you an STD or murder you. You won't waste your own time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 07:28 PM
6

You literally can't consent to something you have been tricked into, legally So for example if you believe a man in the dark is your husband, that is rape if it is not It's also gone to court that if you believed a woman with a sex toy was a man, that's rape The point of engagement rings used to be about that you'd probably be having sex with his promise to marry you According to all of these standards telling a woman you love her so she'll have sex with you is rape. But it's not prosecuted beca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 10:30 AM
1

Why would ignorance and education matter if it weren't that women are volunteering? What would be the point of this sub if women were entirely at men's mercy? The reasons women volunteer are complicated. That they do isn't. You can point fingers at men all you like but that won't change them. Women only control women - ourselves being the biggest one, but also that we listen to one another. Men are not going to heal our trauma either
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 10:24 AM
13

You're looking at it like they wanted to leave and like they didn't want to do exactly what they did, kill their families The evil is incomprehensible to me too but they don't do this by mistake or because they didn't think it through. They do it for the same reason they will set fire to their ex's house with the kids inside, murder their wife or their ex, murder their child. When divorce isn't legal, men can just disappear and start again the same way you mentioned. It was a reasonably common t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 09:48 AM
7

I don't think any woman is mostly attracting HVM, simply because most men are not HVM There could definitely be a pattern in the men you are let in due to trauma but that's not quite the same. That part's your choice (even if it's subconscious and hard to break). But men approaching you is their choice You can come off as a woman with standards and expectations by living like that, not compromising on your standards, it doesn't matter how you look. Men are nasty to very stylish women too. That's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:09 PM
3

Therapised men are dangerous. As you said, the key word is "appear" A man who couldn't just... stop fucking watching porn by himself is dangerous 🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 06:02 PM
4

I don't think it's a red flag. I think it sounds considerate, I know it's something a lot of people do. But, you know more about him than I do, and I can definitely imagine things that mixed with this would make it seem dodgy to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 05:59 PM
24

Is it young? I remember what the 14 year old boys were like when I was 14. If that's what he'll do to his adult aunt god only knows what he'll do to girls his own age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 05:54 PM
1

Which would have no meaning after your death because your husband would be the only one with a say over them. And maybe he will want your kids to be close to their maternal grandparents now they have no mother, seeing as you merely didn't get along. Like I said, it's irresponsible to not have thought of this. And now you've thought of this and are still defending it, this is ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:31 AM
0

You would if you were dead or in hospital - I thought I made that fairly clear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 10:26 PM
5

Making out like your parents weren't abusive but that you just don't really get on is not responsible if you have children. If something happened to you, you need to be able to rely on him to keep them away from them. Or if something happened to you where you might be alive but vulnerable, you need him to know this isn't the time for a wonderful crying reunion but a time for him to keep them away from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:31 PM
1

This is not responsible if you intend to have children. Not very responsible even if you don't really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 12:49 PM
17

But if he's hurting you he should feel badly! I really can't imagine that these same women would try to have sex with men who were being hurt by it. I can't imagine they would enjoy it. But they just take for granted that men could and should and the real harm is being done by... women on the internet talking about it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 10:00 AM
32

It's a monthly reminder that a lowly, disgusting, stupid woman created him and is therefore superior to him. They could decide to respect women (and hence themselves!) or they could lash out, and so many take the second option. They are probably also the kind of father that doesn't want what all parents are supposed to want, for his children to surpass him. Father of a daughter can mix those two issues together and give her a bunch of her own. Mine was definitely of this mould!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 09:45 AM
3

Men tell each other they're the prize is all I can think of!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 09:17 AM
8

How disgusting. Still, better to find out when it's still early enough for a medical abortion. But she won't, she was "looking for" the response that told her he's just a baaaaby that doesn't understand pregnancy. And not... a grown man about to have a baby. Ideal father material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 10:24 PM
10

The autistic people I know are more likely to not stand up for themselves when they should than to be completely rude like this bloke. He's just cheap and spiteful like too many men. And stupid too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 10:19 PM
22

Men don't stop talking to women because they are offensive and sexual and crossing lines, you are assuming they have the same experiences as us, they don't I would bet money it's because you're not sending nudes or arranging to sleep with them. If it's that you do not need to reflect or improve
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 01:06 PM
5

Framing your man's behaviour as what you're "able to deal with", god :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 01:03 PM
3

Yeah, and she didn't get 1k upvotes for standing up for her jewellery preferences! I've seen this so many times, I really don't get why women do it on anonymous forums like reddit at all. There is no way for them to get anything out of this sucking up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 05:39 PM
2

They never seem to realise that condoms feel worse for women too? They just don't care about women at all when they say things like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:37 PM
3

You have been lucky, this article is a year old and England-specific but it elaborates on the trend of rates going up especially amongst young people. This one is UK wide and says 10% of sexually active 16-24 year olds have never once used a condom, half have had sex with a new partner without one, and that women are afraid to demand condom usage It's bad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:36 PM
6

"PLEASE LADIES STOP BEING SCARED" is the funniest/scariest line I have ever seen on a profile
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:29 PM
14

Or you can look for a man who can afford both jewellery and a house for you to live in. I don't personally like diamonds either, I do like jewellery though. Very few women don't. And even women who don't like other jewellery do tend to want a nice engagement/wedding ring if they get engaged/married. It's not what either of those people were talking about anyway, they both said "silly", the OP said "wife/husband" but you know he only meant wife, the commenter said "as a girl"... this is just shit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 04:26 PM
12

You're not an anomaly - most men are just shoddy lovers. And it's because they don't care, not anything else - there's nothing physically wrong with them, either. It's totally possible you can find one who is good in bed though. Because it's about how willing they are to please you in general, I think FDS is going to be a great tool for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:41 PM
9

A rich fit loves his mum hardworking bad lover is just a bad lover. I don't believe for a second that he doesn't know you don't enjoy it. He must have wondered why you reject him so often. (If he really "fully respected" your right to say no, he wouldn't pester you like he does, either.) And he must be able to tell even if you pretend otherwise. This is definitely your people pleasing habit and it is your fault in that respect for putting up with this (I am glad you are getting therapy for it - …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:35 PM
-18

I'm a sceptical and paranoid person too which is why I'm against any testing I feel is possibly unnecessary, in every area of my healthcare. I guess it can go either way. In any case, I don't think it's a very unusual choice. And I bet she's kicking herself :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:29 PM
87

You can have them but nothing is mandatory. I can see why you wouldn't feel any need to if you thought you were clean and that your husband wasn't a cheating piece of shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:25 PM
79

It's not safe to get pregnant that quickly, especially after twins, even if she wanted to. What a repellent man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:22 PM
6

I'm not part of that community, but feel free to post it there yourself if you think it would fit! I'm glad you liked it :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 06:36 PM
52

Most women in straight relationships don't get off when they have sex, almost all wives do more housework than husbands. That's just two stats everyone knows. Considering those, are the women in those relationships ignoring early signs that he doesn't respect her? I would say a firm yes. But that is the majority of married women. And most of them would claim there are no signs. You know if you say "leave your obviously cheating husband", you're ruining people's good relationships apparently, so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 03:04 PM
19

Men looking for their equals seem to think it's always a 20 year old model, and women looking for their equals seem to think it's always an unemployed man old enough to be their own dad. You look for a man that adds value to your life. Don't date a man who doesn't. Men can work out if they want you or not, that's their problem. There is no such thing as a man who will approach you but is too good for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 09:03 AM
5

A lot of parents worry that if they're too strict or unapproving that for example you would have just dug your heels in, and maybe never told them about other boys at all. That sounds like their approach with the drinking too and for that it's one a lot of parents take, at least in my country. My parents didn't tell me anything about sex and dating either. I'm sorry about what that guy did to you. A lot of parents do have low standards for their daughters. I think that plus the fear of being ove…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 08:52 AM
7

Lmao "why won't you date short men... I'm not short, no way, and I'm not just your minimum height either, I'm... taller than that!!! I'm just asking for other men who may be short. Like. My short friends. Yeah I have friends. So many friends that I have more than one who is short. And I think you should give me, I mean them, a chance, you awful undesirable woman who doesn't deserve a great guy! I... want you to date my desirable friends. Yeah. Yeah!!! >:( Haha okay I sent it I'm a genius. :) Tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 08:35 AM
4

It's very rude to make plans with someone else when you already have plans, you're right. That is not in any way shape or form a "communication issue". If he can't be bothered to play minecraft with you he can't be bothered with you. He can't "make everyone happy" if two people want two different things. What a pathetic and childish thing to say. You shouldn't have said you didn't care but it was still rude of him to have asked. You can't tell him what to do you you're right, and begging would h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 11:46 AM
7

Nice people don't make you feel insecure, and if they did, which would only be because of your self esteem and not something they did (like saying you have an ugly fanny...), they would be sympathetic not angry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 09:09 AM
2

No need to be sorry. You can do it! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:53 PM
4

Unless there's more to it (I only listened to the bit you highlighted) she's also acting like her friend being single was bad. I don't really know why people are hearing it a different way, she very clearly says you should look like any old man can approach you, no man should think he doesn't stand a chance with you. The important thing isn't to avoid self-described clowns and slobs but to make them think you want them? She says "it did kinda work" what is she happily married now? Or she just ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 04:18 PM
2

Oh, I see! But when it's like that, you shouldn't keep seeing him once you've realised that (assuming that you are looking for a partner ofc)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 04:04 PM
89

Yes! But it's not just porn either Women are expected to have sex with men and not come. If a man doesn't come he won't call it sex. He'll call it blue balls... what the fuck is a blue vulva? Though, to get that feeling you do have to have become aroused at some point during the process, so I guess that's part of why we don't have a word for it! "Sex" is when a man ejaculates. "Foreplay" is nonsense lady stuff where either it's impossible to get us off (now again, imagine women saying it's impos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 10:13 AM
1

Of course a man cannot be a HVM who doesn't see you as worthy of... anything. That is the whole difference between HVM and LVM. HVM see and respect the worth you give to them and seek to deserve it by providing worth to you. LVM see you as unworthy of basic respect. Of course he'll share less with you the less he knows you - but if he doesn't know you well enough for the stuff you listed, either you don't know him well enough to say he's a HVM, or he isn't one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:33 AM
10

Every time I snooped, I found that he was having conversations with females that I didn’t know about but I never found anything that clearly suggested cheated. That literally is a clear suggestion of cheating, that he was hiding these conversations. If my husband had female friends he didn't tell me about and wouldn't even introduce me to after I found out, I would divorce him as a cheater. There is no legitimate reason for him to have done this even once let alone multiple times. This isn't a f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:29 AM
12

It's like when you turn them down and they call you ugly or easy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:11 AM
12

She was raised by this thing that groomed a girl and married her. Of course that colours her views. I believe it unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 08:23 PM
9

Men are definitely like this! The whole "manosphere" is this. Telling men to wait to get married until they're 40, that's when they're most desirable to young women, that's the time to start a family... that is telling men to die single lmao. They are reducing their own competition. But compare to women here who help each other I think the other aspect is that they're annoyed to see men getting treated well by women they treat well, because they'd rather treat a woman poorly and still get treate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 02:03 PM
9

It's sickening really. I'm not an employer or a landlord or any kind of government department. I don't have to be fair - no-one has a right to me or my vagina! It's inherently rapey, not just that it treats women as resources - this is fundamentally about men who want to have sex with women who don't want to have sex with them. And sitting around thinking up scenarios where a woman has sex with a man she just told you she wouldn't find attractive? Utterly disgusting. No excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 01:54 PM
7

I'm fascinated by all the men telling women they're taller than they are, too. I thought all these men knew they weren't 6ft and were openly lying, but maybe they really just how no idea how long a foot is, how tall people are? But then, that makes it such a weird thing to base all their pride on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:24 AM
13

It can be hard to tell! When I was depressed, everything felt flat, not just one thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 08:06 PM
19

It's real. I have it. It's not quite as exciting as when we first started dating, I guess? I don't really see how it could be quite the same as the thrill of something new. But it's certainly just as passionate. It's not mutually exclusive with comforting and nurturing either if that's what you're wondering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 05:47 PM
43

33 year old women will not fall for that and go "I'm not a virgin!! No way!! Of course I want to have sex with you!!" Neither will a, say, 21 year old virgin. Maybe one with very, very low self esteem. In fact I think every girl I knew at high school had grown out of this by the time we left, whether or not she was a virgin at that point. And he is left alone with children as part of his job. So. I guess he is winning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 05:42 PM
3

It's not. Girls have always been cast as temptresses, or "better" yet, they are actually the ones who deliberately went after the poor innocent older man :( It's getting better not worse. The jury votes like that the same way they vote no rape is rape, and always have done. The same way they vote women killing abusive men are abusers, but men killing women were pushed into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 03:42 PM
3

They were always like this though :( There are men who want to impress women into choosing them (ie HVM and why women shouldn't play pick me, it's backwards) and men who want to buy & steal & trick & take women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 12:36 PM
9

There are more of those shootings than before And more men are raping & beating their girlfriends than before Women having a price tag doesn't give us human dignity. You'd be horrified by some camgirls' stories too. It's not that much better than actual prostitution. Blackmail, injuries too. Really horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 12:33 PM
4

Yeah it's messed up :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 12:21 PM
1

You can't learn all the calories in every food. Unless all you eat is packaged foods with the calories on the front. This is well studied. You definitely aren't the next Einstein considering you can't read. Keep being impressed that you lost the weight basically every pregnant woman loses, every student loses, and thinking you have something to say about eating disorders and obesity. On block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 12:20 PM
5

When people talk about whether or not you can lose weight permanently they are not talking about a mere stone and a half, which almost every woman has gained and lost at some point if they're not young. You're definitely not a unicorn for that If you don't count/track you're not doing CICO either. It sounds like you are actually eating intuitively and that's working for you? But you're also claiming it doesn't work? People attempt to rebuff criticisms of CICO by saying that if people are not mea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 09:57 AM
5

I'm assuming this is like having 70 dead grandparents' funerals to attend to skive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 09:46 AM
13

Those mums you're blaming are those same girls just older. I have compassion for both and hate both too. I know where they're coming from. I get it. It's not their fault that they're that way. They still need to stop hurting other women though. We have to stop it somewhere. And we can't change the past Yeah it ultimately comes from men but we can't do anything about that. We are not men so that one is a no go automatically, we can't be better men ourselves - but we can be better women. And men d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 09:44 AM
1

You have literally no idea what the other company is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 08:56 AM
19

I'm such a gentle guy - indeed, a gentleman - that when I hear a woman's sad story about her awful experience losing her virginity my first thought is about me me me and how do we get this convo back to my penis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 07:22 PM
12

No he's right, it's what every woman is dreaming of. Sometimes I get the impression that a man might pretend to respect me even after we have sex and I tell you, my pussy shrivels right up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 07:21 PM
1

The price doesn't matter, you don't know the ethics of the other company, and though it's not 100% it's lower prices that are connected to unethical practices not the other way around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 05:35 PM
1

Buying IKEA tables is not revolutionary praxis though is it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 05:12 PM
6

He stopped dating you because he thought he unlocked sex after the 3rd date, that's not a cool person, that's classic LVM. He's not your friend and I don't think he ever was :( It was nice of him to make it obvious though... well not "nice" at all but convenient maybe. Hey do you want to come over and spread plague (is it illegal where you are too on top?) - who could resist right haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 05:06 PM
3

I think asking what porn he watches is a great idea to try to get them to tell the truth. Not gonna 100% work but it's going to work a lot better than asking if they watch it at all I think. Men who don't watch porn are rare but so are HVM in general.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 06:56 PM
12

It's only men who have those fetishes and they get into it the same way they get into child porn - they don't care about being intimate with a woman and pleasing her, they want to break taboos, that's what they get off on. So they start by watching 'normal' porn and then do more and more disgusting things. It's definitely sexual though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 06:46 PM
42

A lot of the women in those don't even know they're being filmed. Very common. And then a lot of the ones who do know... it's actually just normal porn but amateur-themed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 06:42 PM
18

Yeah, obviously sometimes we don't want sex - or cake. But do you need to go and tell everyone: It's my DUTY to eat cake! I eat it because I love my husband!!!! That is just you saying his cakes are shit. That's my point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 01:14 PM
1

This is like believing all men hit you or cheat, so you pick the nicest smelling of the bunch. No, you need to weed them out better though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 10:25 AM
51

Why would you need a "policy" if he wasn't shit at sex. I mean yeah sure not if you're injured or ill. Cool. No-one would want that. But like. The rest of the time. Why don't you want to? I don't need a policy that makes me ... eat chocolate cake when I don't want to. Because I never don't want to. Because I love chocolate cake! I actually need to limit myself, not force myself... And these men? They're happy with their wives going around saying that they're bad at sex. At first I thought it's t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 10:17 AM
19

I think it's actually fairly obvious that it's self-harm. If women are hurting themselves because it makes them feel "happy" it's okay... we don't say that outside of sex do we. If men are hurting women but the women are "happy"... that is an atrocious, backwards attitude outside of sex. And every woman saying they love rough sex has made it so that very violent rapes leading to injuries, the only rapes that ever used to have a chance in hell of getting a conviction, are now the same as all othe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 10:05 AM
34

Thank you! I've seen so many of these posts and I'm never sure what the best way is to respond. You haven't just met a HVM, you didn't see a HVM walking down the street... the standards could not get lower! A man who doesn't mistreat you is not adding anything to your life, simply not very blatantly taking it away. But he is taking - your time, your energy and your opportunities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 09:56 AM
5

That quote is awful! "Remind" him that it's for both of you? Wtf? Doesn't he know that it's for both of you when he is pleasuring you? Doesn't he know it every time he makes you come? Evidently that's not happening! Why do men constantly say this kind of thing?! "It's depressing to be so bad at sex that I don't even know that I'm supposed to be good at sex :(", "I know you're only letting me get off, but don't make me feel like that, that kinda makes me feel bad!", "Rape is boring :(" Men can gi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 05:38 PM
7

I'm not the person you initially responded to. I just think your reasoning is flawed. This woman has all the information you have. And anyone right now saying (possibly) mean stuff has absolutely no bearing on the fact that she made all these choices in the past, obviously. I'm not sorry for her that she is abusing her own children either. I am deeply tired of this narrative and I will correct it anywhere I see it. I am sorry for her children. There is nothing petty about child abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 05:27 PM
20

Do you have kids? If not, please block him! Jesus might have reappeared today but that doesn't mean you have to let this bloke, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 05:17 PM
19

She's on a dating advice subreddit! She has the same resources information-wise as everyone else here. She is a redditor the same as you. You even speak the same language and everything. These women think they are superior to the rest of us. Yeah it's sad that they think they're inferior to men. But she's choosing to risk herself and her children and it is largely because she thinks she's better than you and not at all because she has no access to the website she is posting on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 05:12 PM
29

I don't know what would be worse, seeing my husband as my son or my enemy. Ugh. Both are horrible. Proud mommy moment... then you're gonna fuck him? It's stomach turning. Maybe they have no sex life? That's not great either!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 05:05 PM
2

I think it could go either way Maybe it would appease them Or maybe it would make them think you're an easy target. Or secretly in love with them. Or some other nonsense like that. I don't think you can really win. Most things, it's hard to tell if you've been blocked or if it's something else, so I would guess it's safer to just block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 10:20 PM
7

We don't mostly learn from experience or we would all die from eating poison. I really feel like this applies here too. Yeah you can learn from your mistakes, and it's definitely way better than not learning. But you're really underselling just how much we can learn from one another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 10:16 PM
1

Men force women to be feminine. They would not force us to be powerful over them. The wiki doesn't recommend that women change who they are to desperately attract men who will leave them the second the wind changes. Like I said, do what you want. But don't give bad advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 08:42 PM
0

If femininity were a power, men would do it If femininity were a power over men, it would never be mandated at jobs women work for no reason. You can have your beliefs and your strategies, but I think it's better if you explain where you're coming from, that's all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 08:26 PM
1

Other women weren't being "politically correct" though, they disagree. I don't see the point in working to keep a man. To each her own, but you have to have noticed most women here don't go in for the dark triad stuff? To a newbie, without context, it's going to sound like you're telling her men are the prize, which is what the mainstream already says so any newbie is primed to hear it like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 01:05 PM
1

But she's not interested in "men" as a whole. Spreading the net wide is the classic male strategy... actually the classic LVM strategy. Women are supposed to be choosy and reject most men. I don't think any woman's dating issues come from a lack of quantity do they? (apart from becoming exclusive too early, but that's different)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:27 PM
44

Imagine admitting you're this bad at sex! (and like, not for advice or anything?)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:23 PM
16

That's true, that's how money scams work nowadays. Everyone jokes about how obvious they are these days, but that's the point, you were a hard mark, so rule yourself out and that saves them time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:19 PM
7

I would think it's letting him find out later that makes you vulnerable. I would rather he knew early and acted weird so I could rule him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 05:11 PM
2

Their other behaviours? One bad thing can make a man an LVM, but one good thing can't make him a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 10:44 AM
30

He seems to feel really aggrieved by them, but from his telling at least, they like him? Those sound like actual jokey responses, not genuine disgust. I mean, yeah, they'd be genuinely disgusted if he really did do this, but they thought he was joking so they were joking. (Of course, he could be trying to tell it in a more flattering light, but if so, he's neglected to notice that it makes him look worse not better.) But all he cares about is whether these women, who are his coworkers, and I'm g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 04:32 PM
47

Well, I'm certainly sexually wired like that. But most men don't take sufficient care of themselves. And I still wouldn't want to see the man of my dreams dick out at work!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 04:27 PM
3

:( You're going round in circles, you'll drive yourself mad. Btw, if you sent that pm, it didn't come through. Don't worry if you changed your mind about sending it, but just in case you sent it and you were waiting for my response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 09:25 AM
5

Read your own post history. You do know what you want. You just don't want to want that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 07:57 PM
3

Education doesn't really matter outside of work in general, and as he earns well I don't think it's a concern at all. I do think you need to be in the same kind of category intelligence wise. Though your mum is wrong that you'd be better off with an educated loser, I don't think she's wrong that your respect for a less intelligent man would suffer in the long term. On the other side, men get weird about women who are more intelligent than them. (But I think that's more about scaring them off, wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 08:29 PM
7

Oh my gooddd!! The nerve. Not one drop of shame! It's sad that some people don't have the confidence to stand up for themselves and then people like him have the confidence to walk all over other people. Unbelievable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 04:08 PM
10

That's atrocious and you can tell he had no shame. He had a bunch of chances to turn it around (not that you should have let him) and he just kept going. Count me in the chorus of people glad you didn't actually sleep with him! What a pig. And I'm glad you were okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 04:00 PM
6

People have not been telling women it's cool feminist and empowered to have casual sex for millennia. In fact if any woman told me no-one had ever told her not to have casual sex, I would not believe her. Whether it was said with love or with a misogynist & chastising tone, every woman has heard this from someone, so it's hardly a blessing, privilege, or lucky to have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 03:56 PM
3

Well, I just knew they had feelings and that was before OP revealed they'd actually physically had sex. That whole thing sounds like a complete mess. So this is a woman who acts like she's his wife, though she's married to someone else, even when he's on an actual date with another woman. But she's characterised as a friend (by the man? by her? just by OP? I don't know), but what she actually is is an ex-lover who's still in love with him? A mess!! I would tell any woman to steer clear of that. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 10:54 AM
4

But that's not a HVM right? Loads of LVM will do that I feel like it's watering down HVM to describe any not-actively-harmful relationship as one with a HVM. Loads of LVM are "not pushy" and "not openly unsupportive" which are the opposites of those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 10:47 AM
5

Nobody has actually commented on her being a SAHM though. And I think most of the women here want to be SAHMs, the ones who want kids at least? A majority at the very least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 10:44 AM
5

All the stuff you're describing is good stuff, no question. But it's not something worth mentioning. Like I would mention that my husband eg buys me flowers for no reason, because that's something that is a bonus. I would not mention that he buys me flowers for my birthday, of course he does, I'm not allergic. And I would never ever think to mention something like "and he doesn't even hit me :)". That's the vibe I'm getting. It's the vibe I am mainly commenting on. I genuinely think the stuff ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 10:43 AM
12

Stuff like "not making you feel bad" is not HVM stuff. That's just "not abusive". This sounds worse the more you say about it. I have a lot in common with you on these but the way you are framing it, like he's doing you a favour, it really makes it sound bad. Treating you the same when you gained a lot of weight - yeah that's actually a good thing. But things like "not pressuring me to get pregnant" and "allowing me to work"... no!! If he did those things to you, he would be committing crimes! Y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 11:15 PM
21

Weird comments? Because we see red flags? Is this one of the main relationships subs now? Yeah everyone's different. But this sub is meant to be one particular thing and it's being watered right down. Everyone and his dog is a HVM nowadays apparently. My marriage breaks a bunch of FDS rules too. So I don't promote those aspects as evidence of a HVM to other women who are looking for advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 11:06 PM
11

But it was sexual... he had sex with her. And he claimed it wasn't awkward when she was still acting like they were a thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 11:04 PM
2

I mean if you are depressed, that doesn't change him and whether he makes an effort. So, it wouldn't matter if you were depressed or not - he would still not be making the effort. You were wondering if you feel like that 'cause you're depressed, but your feelings about him might change based on that, but the actual physical fact that he doesn't take you on dates doesn't. Sorry I wasn't clear. Does that make more sense? I'm about to head to bed so maybe not haha. Feel free to send it :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 11:01 PM
1

Seeing your naked wife isn't like an unsolicited dick pic though. Maybe seeing your naked husband very unexpectedly could be, I can understand that, but that is not the reaction this man had to his naked wife. He wasn't afraid. Men aren't afraid of women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 10:59 PM
1

Any woman who didn't do that would be pilloried It's so sad when women are wondering what they bring to a relationship. It's like it's invisible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:43 PM
3

Omg, no, don't give men chances. You aren't a charity Most of the women on here are good people and passionate about self improvement. Unless you're bi, you're not going to go for one of them, are you? A HVM is attractive to you. And no self improvement will change his genes/pheromones and bone structure There's a "chance" he'll, I don't know, stop washing too... don't take chances! Get a man you already want and then if he improves, great, even better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:40 PM
1

Men have always hurt women (or for a very long time, anyway) but the "I love BDSM :)" stuff enabling the "rough sex" rape defences etc. is brand new and all women. The only change is women going around calling other women prudes for not wanting domestic abuse. The men are the same as they always were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:35 PM
0

Well, I assume your husband finds you attractive and doesn't have to masturbate and try as hard as possible to feel sexy to even want to approach you for sex, which sounds like what she's saying is her case without saying it. I also assume you wouldn't get spiteful if he did something really awful like not feel like sex 3 days in a row a fortnight ago. I don't think men and women can be compared on this anyway. No such thing as women flashers. Unexpected vaginas, which you can't even see probabl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:23 PM
129

I would never recommend a 20 year old keeps seeing a 30 year old who is having an emotional affair with a married woman, who then does something that could easily be called trying to buy her. And the insecurity, with the other woman, with everyone being older and more established when you're still a student... insecure is a terrible way to be feeling around a man, it is very hard to make the right decisions without security. Like I'm really glad you're happy but this was a recipe for disaster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:13 PM
4

Surely after 4 years people don't always look at their partner and think, "Damn"? Well, I don't always but I do a lot. There are loads of people I think are cute with nice bodies, but that's not the same as properly fancying them It sounds like the whole thing is a bit of a mess :( I don't think men change in the way you are hoping he will. Like, depressed, maybe, I can't say, but that's not why he doesn't date you. The depression is in you, the not making an effort is in him, how you feel can't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:55 PM
9

If you don't fancy him you don't fancy him, it doesn't matter how you look, this is entirely about how you feel. You can't make yourself fancy someone you don't fancy... "It feels platonic" & "I don't think "Phwoar!" when I see him" = you don't fancy him People fancy balding fat men sometimes, this can't be intellectualised or rationalised, it's physical. Really, really, really physical! I keep asking myself, "Do I fancy him?" That's because you don't, that's your instinct
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 04:47 PM
20

You know you can just reject men for being ugly right? You don't have to get all phrenology about it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 04:40 PM
36

Maybe it's an ego boost, to know she ought to leave but won't. That's horrible though. Abusive pretty much. Maybe just sheer laziness. They tell each other not to do it because they don't want to do it for at least one of the above reasons, but yeah, that's not the same as why they don't do it themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 12:34 PM
51

What do you mean "if" you hurt him "?", you are describing how you said his face needed correcting because your parents wouldn't let you marry someone with a face that looked like that, he reacted in an obviously hurt way, you did it 2-3 more times, same reaction? If you'd told me a man had said that to you I would be absolutely seething on your behalf If you don't fancy a man just dump him. It doesn't matter if it's superficial, or why, or anything. Don't tell yourself you liked his face when a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 10:53 AM
10

Your question is pretty broad so I had a look at your other post. There's nothing mythical about a man who respects you and also wants to have sex with you. I don't think it matters how you meet. I met my husband in high school (well actually I think I met him earlier... don't remember it though). Clearly unless you can time travel that's not useful advice! And I wouldn't want any teenage girls who are reading to think that it's somehow the secret to happiness, I really don't think it is at all.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 08:43 PM
10

There is nothing "strategic" about being vulnerable with men who you think are going to mistreat you. Quite simply there is nothing strategic about getting fucked by men you don't trust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 07:15 PM
1

There is no such thing as 98% HVM like food can't be 98% edible, water can't be 98% potable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 07:08 PM
1

Some doctors are living separately to their spouses and children during this pandemic, what is he playing at risking your health like this? Good grief. Go home! Please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 07:07 PM
3

Or a prime example of why to do it at least once? It's totally risk free and you get to see if he's the sort who would ignore you or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 04:04 PM
7

You think I'm denying it? I'm just not making excuses for it. That is not the same as throwing girls to the wolves! I'm sorry but it's pretty rude to act like women don't know that this happens, whether they say "boys will be boys" or speak against it. Most women, myself included, have had this happen to them. All of us know it happens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 04:01 PM
9

It is perverse. What you described is legal here in the UK, but no normal person wouldn't consider him to be a pervert. if you seriously think women find the same things attractive as men then there’s nothing I can say. So if it's about impregnating girls and not just finding them attractive, you'd think nature would have taught them to go for ones who won't die. But this isn't about wanting to become a father. Gay & bi men are like this with teenage boys, too (again, not all of them). Don't loo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 03:37 PM
9

How is mothering not a form of leadership - the most primal form? And women have done most of the hunting through history, too. And what human is more aggressive - what mammal is more aggressive - than a mother defending her young? And, chasing? Like, physically? Women are the better long distance runners, and long distance running is one of the defining traits of humanity - from long before we had civilisations to go to war over Maybe women are more nurturing & emotionally deep than men - I fin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 03:31 PM
17

Weird then that this doesn't apply to bisexual & lesbian women Weird that straight & bi women don't go for squeaky voiced spotty teenage boys, you know it's just about puberty? That's when men are most attractive after all! Calling it sexual desire sanitises it frankly. They want to hurt children. The appeal is that they are/we were children. And not all men do this. The men who don't are not biologically faulty! You are talking like finding children attractive is normal, but it's not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 03:09 PM
8

I was ugly too and I got the looks and comments from when I was still in primary school. Just luck. I think sometimes they go for people who seem less likely to be believed. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 03:04 PM
10

I get this a lot and always have. I don't know about a way to make it go away. I deal with it by remembering that there are things I can't control and things I can and focussing on the latter. Easier said than done. Also, don't read the news, or at least set a (short!) timer and stick to it. Basically everything on the news is stuff that's outside of your control. I hope some other women here have better advice for both of us, but this at least is enough to stop me going fully nuts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 10:56 PM
12

It's so important. This is a great post! I think some women disregard this or call it victim blaming because so many of us get stuck in these patterns from childhood. And you can't leave your parents - not when you're a small child at least. So everything is about managing & navigating the abuse and not actually about putting your foot down. Your survival depends on not doing that, actually. And you can carry that into your adult life when it no longer applies. We don't choose our parents. We do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 07:53 PM
3

Yeah, I think a lot of them are. Not all of them, but all of the ones you shouldn't be talking to! I really think that's a red flag. Be safe
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 04:38 PM
5

It sounds like he's telling you he uses women and I worry that if you accept that he will mistreat you too. Like "he couldn’t feel much for his previous girlfriends"... that is not attractive is it? He's phrasing it in a way that makes you sound special, but really it just makes him sound like a sociopath. I agree with what you're saying though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:10 PM
5

Isn't it though? I think there are very very few humans who aren't descended from rape at some point, even if not their own mothers & fathers. Sometimes prolific rapists affect a population for centuries. Why would marital rape, rape exemptions if you marry the victim, and father's rights in general be things if they didn't benefit men? Even if a lot of their children suffer and die because of their cruelty to their mothers, what makes it work is that some don't. Any woman's child dying means wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:05 PM
9

It's not any man. It's the ones who are bitter about it. They always have other signs too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 10:43 PM
0

There's no of course about it I don't understand why you would be in this sub if you weren't interested in relationships with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 11:17 PM
0

They wouldn't though. There's no need to accept bad behaviour from men And if you think all men would do that, you shouldn't be trying to date a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 11:10 PM
2

Well, I'm a year younger than you, and I've only met one. Like what is the other thing he doesn't want her to know in this case? Money stuff? 'Cause you hit the big ones. Otherwise that's it and yeah there are loads of men who don't do any of those. I think it's a form of low standards for men to say things like that. It's fair enough if you're not dating men. But it's a very dangerous mindset for women who are dating men. It's what gets women saying shit like "yes he cheats, but he doesn't beat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 05:01 PM
1

What, are you bragging about multiple engagements? Why aren't you married to one of these great guys yet? Why are you here? I have had success... I'm here to help other women have the same success, as well as for the female camaraderie. You're here to brag, when you have literally nothing to brag about. I don't get that. Comments like this: "If this is how you conduct yourself normally then that's exactly why you haven't attracted a hvm." are pathetic, and possibly related to why you keep accept…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:58 PM
1

On top of that, the legality of sex work drives up demand, but not the number of women who want to do it - so traffickers increase supply I think we could eradicate it entirely, but we absolutely won't eradicate trafficking with legal sex work, you're right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:48 PM
2

No, I don't know that. I don't know why women would want to date a man they think would do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:46 PM
6

He did make the first move The idea that only "weak men" respect women is actually a typical reddit man opinion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 08:19 PM
15

Oh come on. Her mindset isn't what makes men act like this, and she isn't crazy. And most women are meeting men through OLD not their social groups. If getting a good man was easy what would be the point of this sub? I could just as easily (and inaccurately!) say HVW already have HVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 08:17 PM
36

They're not all the same, but you're right that they have very little incentive to behave normally. But, not all men need an incentive. And I think if a man is only acting properly because of what it gets him, he isn't high value at all. There are loads of men who adore their overweight old wives for starters. But you will almost certainly have better luck with women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 08:14 PM
8

if he had a preference for thin white women he'd go for one. His type is low self esteem and that's the type he went for Hope she gets out of there asap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 06:10 PM
12

He only has them because it reduces or stops him having to pay! I despise men like that. My dad was one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 06:07 PM
9

Either a dickhead or okay but bad at picking women, even to have his own children - not someone you want
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 06:06 PM
6

can't see it, doesn't seem to work properly in the EU :( I'm going on this: If living with others, then all household members who remain well may end household-isolation after 14 days. The 14-day period starts from the day illness began in the first person to become ill. Fourteen days is the incubation period for coronavirus; people who remain well after 14 days are unlikely to be infectious. We did originally have advice about self isolating from others in the household. It also said stay away …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:41 PM
1

I saw some screencaps from a documentary with I think Louis Theroux like this. Two women telling him their pimps are great, they love it, they love sex work, sex work is great. And then later after they (thank god) got out of it saying the complete 180 degrees opposite. The few women who weren't messed up when they entered prostitution don't stay like that for long. I think judging them for the ways they cope is mean spirited and not helpful. Pointing out that they're lying is fine. But blaming …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:35 PM
3

Who is she telling this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:28 PM
14

Has this been proven yet? The advice about 14 days is totally based on the idea that it will go through you all and then stop. It wouldn't be like that if people were reinfecting one another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:09 PM
56

I'm baffled too! I'm normally sitting here telling women to be harsher but I don't get this at all. I think it must be fear of the illness, which is totally understandable, but like, what is this going to do to the mindsets of women who don't live alone? Watching like a hawk for the cough that heralds their own horrific demise if they don't immediately go and buy a new house? I want to stick with the official advice and only hold other women to that. If it were ebola or whatever, sure, but it's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:07 PM
6

She sounds so unbothered and what's with his we/us stuff? Isn't it their philosophy that women drain these men like vampires or whatever, so it's not best for her? She didn't argue at all. Did he really think she would want him to stick around after he literally said he doesn't want to be her friend? Why do they think "too nice" is a thing? It's just being polite and I wonder if even one of them deserves it. I've got to imagine for my sanity there's at least one man out there who was told he was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:01 PM
33

Yeah, and she could afford to, but aren't they all shut? But even if she could, seems unnecessary to me. And I think pickme behaviour doesn't depend on wealth, because self respect doesn't. So if it's pickme of her, it's pickme of an ordinary woman, and it's just not. Most of us are going to get this illness at some point. The important thing for those of us in good health is not spreading it, not not catching it. Assume you're going to catch it, try not to be too afraid - easier said than done …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:55 PM
18

I don't feel like we can get to know most men well enough to say. I know lots of men who seem decent. But I don't know them very well. The only one I'm sure about is my own husband. I think often we don't even know our own dads and brothers as well as we might think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:51 PM
6

Must be crazy being a man and just saying whatever you feel like. Sometimes on reddit it feels like I need peer reviewed studies to state what my own favourite pizza is without getting pushback. But they can just lie about the contents of a subreddit anyone can read and they think they can get away with it!? And they largely can :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:48 PM
20

Apart from on that sub, men going on online dates fear she'll be fatter than her pic, women obviously fear being raped and murdered! Always the same :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:42 PM
111

My government's health advice says what I thought would be the case, if someone in your household has it, you probably already do. Self isolate like you already do have it whether or not you get tested/show symptoms. In particular, it says in a household of multiple people, it's 14 days not 7 days you should all self isolate for, because of how it's going to go around you. And remember most people don't have symptoms at all so don't think it passed you by. I hope nobody with a household member w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:41 PM
8

I don't really like these terms either. I prefer to talk about good or decent men vs dickheads, timewasters, abusers. Whatever word seems more applicable to the particular context. I think that also stops people thinking you can tell a man is a good man in a few meetings. Sounds more silly when you put it like that than "he seems like a HVM!". Or saying things like "my current boyfriend has some HVM behaviours" like he has some decent behaviours??? He's meant to be all decent! I think "value" in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:22 PM
6

It would be an overreaction to hunt him down and kill him (and probably irresponsible in this time of social distancing). This was fine The only worry is what if he thinks he upset her. But he'd know she saw the message anyway and he designed it to upset, so it's just like that regardless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 06:38 PM
4

I don't think that's true at all. Most rapists are never punished.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 06:34 PM
9

It's not you not wanting a relationship they find sad (I find it sad, but only because it's not what you really wanted, but the abuse was too much... it's awful that men treat women this way!) It's like you said, they're "settling for shitty men", they're mad you're not settling. I bet anything they'd be as mad (and I'm sure they are mad about what you're doing, not really sad for you) if you had a truly happy relationship. They want to pretend you're worse off than them because they don't want …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 06:31 PM
5

It's deeply disrespectful to herself, and disrespectful to him too, but it's also disgusting. Mixing parenting and sexual favours is downright weird, and it's weirder still that she can't see it. Maybe she'd want to have sex with him more if she wasn't acting like his mother. Let's hope it doesn't also go the other way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 06:59 PM
4

I can't count the number of men who think feminism is about men getting a "right" to hit women... as if they don't already! Some men are absolutely obsessed with hitting women, and they're really quite open about it! Absolutely disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 08:48 PM
1

Maybe some men change but this woman is literally asking how she can make him not do it again, wondering if maybe he won't do it again, blaming herself... there were red flags, but she thought they were normal, and/or she thought she deserved it. One punch didn't change her whole mindset, the mindset that made her think they were happy and he was good, she had that before the punch, she almost certainly had it when she met him (for a lot of women it's from child abuse, their mother's relationshi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 08:47 PM
3

It starts on the small end. All that stuff about "just communicate :)" and "that's not enough to dump him over! :o" has women burying their concerns If the tiniest thought crosses your mind that a man is potentially bad news, stop seeing him. And if that idea horrifies you, you are too much of a danger to yourself to be dating. Like, you don't actually have to follow through with it, maybe you were wrong (not likely, but possible I guess.) But if the idea of dumping a man "just because" you felt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 04:37 PM
1

This is fearmongering. You are vanishingly unlikely to get pregnant on HBC. It's not "much greater safety" when you already weren't going to get pregnant. (Condoms alone are only a touch less effective when used correctly - you aren't going to get pregnant with condoms alone either.) If you don't already use condoms, for god's sake don't elbow your way to the pharmacy to buy them in the middle of a pandemic. You have no evidence that abortion will be compromised, especially as we are expecting t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 04:27 PM
2

I still stand by if he was family oriented and capable of actually attracting a woman to have a family with, he'd have a family by 35. People say this about women and it's just as true about men. Yeah there are exceptions, but they're exceptions. Otherwise, even if he wasn't literally fucking around, he was still fucking around in the sense of wasting his time. So again, not family oriented. Having that "oh shit I'm getting too old to be a dad" doesn't mean he's family oriented, just desperate r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 09:07 PM
8

They want to be sexually "harassed" by sexy women, easy to fight off and unlikely to try anything anyway I wouldn't mind it so much if that's what it was like for us but it's not! And they know that, they love to talk about how we are vulnerable to them, so it's especially galling. They don't want a big ugly persistent aggressive man telling them how much he wants them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 08:54 PM
2

You said it yourself later in your own comment, family-oriented single 35 year old men are few and far between. If he's really that family oriented, he'd have a family... Also success and good looks aren't synonyms for high value. He mainly has to not be a misogynist & user, and a 40 year old looking for a woman in her 20s to impregnate is both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 08:49 PM
3

Thanks for the link. She admits it's "rarely frightening" I think her advice is dangerous if applied to men, but she doesn't say what she intends it for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:43 PM
6

You can't control that he shows up on your doorstep. But you can control that you let him in or not. You can control getting help if he tries to force his way in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:36 PM
1

Intuition can make you fearful, anxious, ungrounded. I don't think this graphic is based in any kind of real psychological understanding - certainly not when dealing with the primal fear of a dangerous man Maybe this is more for... applying for a job you're not sure you'll get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:34 PM
5

Everyone knows this though... the whole point of this sub is to tell women not to act like her It doesn't change that he's to blame
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:32 PM
1

It's not your business or mine if a woman decides she doesn't want to talk to a man any more. And it's not emotional abuse. Your first sentence is bang on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:31 PM
2

Men will fuck a woman and then block her I don't know why you are pretending women do that The shoe is on the other foot already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:30 PM
2

A woman in my country was charged with emotional abuse over exactly that. It's a joke!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:29 PM
3

Women don't need to be told that though. Women think they have to break up with abusive men in person, in private. Women are clearly ripe for being told that ghosting is emotional abuse, or no man would be trying to tell them that as in the OP. When you tell women to be polite to someone they've had polite interactions with, no woman is actually hearing that, because no woman needs to hear it (unlike men, who will tell a woman he loves her and then ghost her!). They're hearing all the other stuf…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:24 PM
0

Well, the woman you were replying to and agreeing with said it was short sighted and uninformed to do that. I think making excuses for men is setting you up to be used. It's the worst kind of men who will have a great ready made story to make you feel sorry for them. I'm glad you're selective but I think men could still exploit that. I really think women are better off steering clear. Like if it's possible for him to get better, he could do that before dating. Being friends with them is one thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:19 PM
0

That sounds reasonable but it's not what you said, or the person you were agreeing with said. And, well, it's not about how much we can take before we collapse. That's a very regressive view of womanhood, I think. It's about how much we want to take. And if that's as little as possible, isn't that fine? From men you don't even know... he can't experience a crisis before he meets you that matters to you on the individual level?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:58 PM
6

Her song ultraviolence and when she said in another song «this is what makes us girls we don’t stick together cause we put love first, something that we die for it’s a curse», which Is for me extremely anti-feminist. I don't know her music so maybe it's different if you hear it, but isn't that lamenting that women don't respect themselves and each other, not celebrating it? Acknowledging that it happens, but calling it a curse, that seems that way to me. I find her aesthetic a bit miserable but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:56 PM
24

I have a story the other way around. My husband is fairly shy. He wasn't sure if I liked him (even though I think I'd made it pretty plain!). I was his first proper girlfriend too. And... he asked me out. If a man wants to ask you out, he will. It's all it comes down to. There are things I would gladly eat tonight for dinner if someone gave them to me but that I can't be bothered to make myself... it's sad but it's true. If he really likes you, he'd tell you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:54 PM
1

So you admit you support porn and that's why this conversation really rankled you. Okay. Wish I hadn't bothered
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:49 PM
53

Yes! This is true for women too (get yourself right first... if only because you're more vulnerable if you don't) but it is also massively gendered: Men think their friends and even actual therapists can't help them, but a woman they're fucking can Men use mental illness as an excuse for abuse Men go to therapy and decide you're the cause of all their issues - even if those issues long predated him meeting you! And they'll try and diagnose you with shit too (and yours isn't an excuse unlike his!…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:48 PM
7

So fucking what? That is the entire point of standards. So you don't get with the serial rapist in prison, or the bloke who has a bunch of kids he doesn't look after from all his affairs he keeps having. Maybe he'll turn into one of those kinds of men, so just go for him anyway from the start. That's the argument you're making. And women just don't dump men for anything... men divorce their wives when they have cancer, women don't divorce their husbands, for example. You are telling a population…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:41 PM
1

Not all liberal women or feminists are into porn. And, if any of these people supported actual exploitation and trafficking that would be a problem What do you mean by that? It sounds like you're trying to say porn isn't always "actual exploitation"... ie you are supporting porn like a typical liberal feminist? What you personally believe should not take away from any woman’s personal choice in how she experiences her sexuality. Well yeah, that's what makes liberal feminists liberal? It's all fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:37 PM
10

Of course you deserve good treatment. This is about men not women. And it's about users and you don't sound like a user. Like are you generally a bad girlfriend? Do you resent him for being able to make more money? Are you gonna replace him when you think you can? I doubt it. And the reason you don't have money is because you can't get enough work because of your disabilities, not because you're bad with money. You know there are women absolutely raking it in who feel like you, and some even hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:13 PM
8

They are real :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 11:07 PM
10

"Livid", but it's okay if it's for "manicures"... riiight It's absolutely fine and the idea that she shouldn't be doing this because they want a baby is so backwards. It's really not hard in this day and age for men to understand women, even if they've gotten to the point of wanting to deliberately impregnate their wife completely clueless. He and the answerer could easily find any female forum online and discover why women do this, and what happens if they don't. And then maybe your feelings wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 11:05 PM
9

Everything you are saying is very true (and awful!), but this isn't "one of the first signs of a man who will become extremely abusive down the track", he's already committing crimes. God knows a lot of abuse doesn't get treated as criminal - whatever does is extreme
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 10:58 PM
2

I mean he's right that the older you get the less you settle, but totally wrong about where it comes from. But of course women don't grow and mature by ourselves, only through exposure to men of sufficient quality. Is that how men work? Is that why he thinks that's obvious, when it's completely made up? Ha, and is that why men like this don't grow up, and their little baby girlfriends tell every concerned outsider that their relationship is healthy because they have similar maturity?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:15 PM
1

Same as "hey sexy" ignore him/tell him you're not interested "ugly bitch!". They're just really stupid and they think we are too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:03 PM
12

Lots of women have said what you've said, and they've meant it, it was a team effort for their joint future for them, & then he's left them for a 'better' woman at the first opportunity - a woman he couldn't get without everything you helped him offer. It's a lot of effort to go to for a husband considering they are more disloyal than wives on average - it is an insane amount of effort to go to for a housemate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:46 PM
5

He got off annoyed and pissed on his floor. Genuinely had to read this twice because I did not put it past him. I hate how they say we are too emotional. Anger is an emotion! It's often manipulative too. I'm glad you didn't let it get to you, but it still sucks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 11:27 PM
2

They might be, but I think it's probably more like how they pretend they can't cook and clean when there's a woman around to hear it and take over for them. Like yes more men are eg autistic, but autistic women don't act like that. And I know how mothers of autistic sons make endless excuses for them (like how mothers make excuses for all their sons really), but if any make excuses for their daughters, they certainly keep it quiet. I think the fear of violence does keep most of them in line and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:34 PM
1

In the early 2000s it was still about making fun of teenage girls' self insert characters in eg Harry Potter fanfic that they never really intended for adults to read. I know because I was one of the teenage girls pretending I was better than them for being too ashamed to post my own fic! Maybe you were in a very very nice community. But the cringe culture reigned supreme across every community I knew. And despite the name "Marty Stu", no-one ever actually used it, and no-one actually accused Ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:30 PM
4

Men can't understand being a woman like a woman can, but they can definitely understand it's not "all mimosas and ponies" etc. And some men think about the future and their responsibilities seriously too. Those men will never be found on those pathetic subs though! Talking to a normal, decent man is nothing like talking to a child, or any of those men. It's why they aggravate me so much. They aren't born stupid or anything. They aren't actually instinct driven animals, like they claim to be. The…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:23 PM
4

Omg, poor you! It's like a parody! The smugness, the inappropriate essay, "I studied under one of the leading sociologists", honestly if I wrote this to make fun of blokes like this I'd be thinking "nah, tone it down a bit". There's something very special about "in NY", somehow that's the cherry on the cake haha. Like if it were anywhere else, he knows you'd be perfectly justified in telling him where to shove his sociology studies, but no, it was in NY, so you'd better be taking notes! Not that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:08 PM
2

What? Of course there's more to life, but there isn't much more to sexual relationships...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:43 PM
11

What do you mean? Ever or for a time? This sub recommends not sleeping with men for at least a few months, and also not really doing "relationships" in general. Yeah it puts a lot of men off, that's the point really. And keeps your head clearer. But like ever? What's the point of a sexless relationship? Staying in a relationship that turned sexless is different, I would assume we would be talking about a marriage and the loyalty you would have to your spouse at that point, and some kind of healt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:20 PM
16

If you tell them the truth that is called "parental alienation" (it literally only ever applies to women and it doesn't matter if he's convicted of child abuse, let alone abusing you, let alone just a shit bloke!) and he can use that to get them full time (and don't think they won't do that out of spite even if they don't actually want to be fathers!) The unnecessarily controversial opinion which I will spread anywhere I get the chance is that women should have about 100x more abortions than the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 04:52 PM
6

Isn't she singing about herself? About an older man who used her, and the things he said to her? I wouldn't want to manipulate anyone... aside from morality, I don't think it's going to last, is it? Because it's not real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 08:20 PM
15

If you're not concerned with physical appearance (having other priorities doesn't mean it's not any concern) you wouldn't talk about a certain body type for your "dream guy"! I don't really care about a man's education, so I wouldn't go around saying "My dream guy is uneducated"... it's not the same at all. But I bet men who fit that description would like to hear it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 08:13 PM
15

Hating big dicks isn't cool girl shit though, though I agree it's small dicked men upvoting it that's "I guess I kind of maybe sort of might a little bit prefer - just prefer - a bigger dick, but I would never turn down a man just because he couldn't sexually satisfy me!!" Pretending you have different preferences is bad, but we can never really know if people are telling the truth (ofc if someone literally says she prefers bad lovers, or ugly men, yeah that's lying!). But it's pretending you do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 08:06 PM
2

She literally says she's been to the doctor in the second sentence of the post you're calling dumb. Are you selling fanny perfume or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:53 PM
3

If you're able, please consider looking into schemes in your area that help women with pets leave abusive relationships. I don't know about horses (please do share anything you might know of), but sometimes shelters take dogs & cats etc., and sometimes there are fostering schemes for women in shelters that don't. A lot of women don't leave because they are terrified of exactly this shit - it's truly horrifying. These men are pure evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:45 PM
3

We don't know how well these women vetted these men though, if they did at all. That absolutely doesn't absolve them of their deliberate, evil choices, but women ignore red flags all the time. And 3rd parties will too - the classic "oh he was a good neighbour, a great father :)" after he kills his wife and kids (not to mention how the news spins it as a tragedy that happened to him...) Women's posts on here prove it. Women who know what they should be looking for, and they're either still ignori…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:42 PM
32

That "our problem" stuff sounds like nasty manipulation. If he used language like that, I think it's called "forced teaming". And in any case, it sounds like he's constructed this whole "it takes two to tango" idea of what happened, when actually the two of them said this kind of thing was disgusting, and then he decided to try to do it anyway...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:34 PM
8

Disagreeing with you isn't extreme. You calling everything you slightly don't like extreme actually is though. If you think my comment is rude and your proposed 2 isn't rude, you don't know what the word means.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 10:47 PM
1

if you dislike yourself, don’t chase validation by men as a remedy. Chase yourself. Sex won’t make you empowered. I’ve lost the weight since and it’s allowed me to raise my standards. Could I have raised them back then too? Absolutely. This totally contradicts your title and for every woman like you who changes her mindset as well as her weight, there's another who loses the weight and still feels less than and still throws herself at men for validation. The important part was the self respect a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 09:00 PM
2

If it's even real (you never really know what's going on in someone's relationship... you can see the bad stuff maybe, but not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there) it's because of the social circles they're meeting them in. You can't honestly think american men, all ethnicities, are very ugly and every other country is full of perfect Adonises? There are women from all over the world in here, I think it proves it's not true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 08:53 PM
6

He's not shy or anxious or just too head over heels for you or anything, if anyone tries to tell you that just ignore them. I'm a very nervous person but I wouldn't send a message like that. I want to hide my nerves and I'm aware people find it offputting, so if I was trying to impress you, no way would I say that. I might be panicking on the inside about the pressure but that message is nothing but manipulation, perhaps anger at your insanely high standards of... having fun on a date. Trying to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 08:45 PM
11

Extreme? It's just in the handbook. Ghosting isn't rude... it's not actually ghosting if you've never even met, anyway. 2 isn't tactful at all, it's actually genuinely rude sounding (which isn't a problem per se, but if you're aiming for tact, you're missing). It's snide, it's passive aggressive. If I heard of a woman sending that message, exactly as you wrote it, I would think she was weak. It sounds defensive as well as like begging, and that sounds incredibly weak. Women who respect themselve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 08:36 PM
4

We absolutely don't have a service for women who get shitty messages... that's not even something reddit bans men for. So why should sad reddit incels get a service first? These men aren't mentally ill at all. They want to hurt women and they hurt women and they get away with it. Totally sane and reasonable behaviour. It's just evil. They aren't suffering with evil, they don't need help not to be evil... If men were in prison after battering women there wouldn't even be any recidivism... if poli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 06:17 PM
6

Obviously I'm not saying we should focus on perpetrators more than victims But what you said is we need to help the perpetrators and you never once mentioned the victims. You never said let's make a service for the victims, you never said imagine the horror of receiving these messages... The idea that we would set up a service for these men when them harassing us isn't even seen as a crime seems really the wrong way around to me. We are so trained to pander to men and to just keep taking abuse t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 01:19 PM
19

I don't think 2 is dignified at all It's rude but that's not why, it's because if you're writing him off you need to do that. Stop talking to him. Talking to him after deciding he's no good is pathetic, begging behaviour. Even if you don't mean it like that, that's how it comes across. Either you are explicitly giving him another chance like 1 or you aren't so you are not sending him any more messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 01:16 PM
43

But my average friends have hard time keeping a guy and I feel like they tolerate more because they know that they can’t attract guys they want as much as more beautiful friends. That's it, but it's a belief, not necessarily real knowledge. Men actually talk about this openly when it comes to being fat... they openly joke with each other about how you can ask a fat woman to do any degrading shit. They think the same for any kind of woman who doesn't fit the ideal. And these men want women thinki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 01:05 PM
12

That's so true. This is the same reason marriage isn't 'just a piece of paper' or whatever. Men don't have very many obligations (to any of their friends and family members really) and they can weasel out of the few they have, but at least they have to actually weasel out of it, and if they don't they are shamed. There is no point to you experiencing a relationship as like dating/a marriage when he's claiming it's not and will tell everyone it's not and you're the unreasonable one for acting lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 12:53 PM
3

That's not true, I don't think it's ever true unfortunately. For example when women are allowed to compete with men for jobs, I would say that's a good example of being simply let in, right? The competition is doubled, for men. If men and women are equally eligible and there are 10 jobs (obviously a huge simplification) then instead of the 10 best men getting them, the 5 best women and the 5 best men get them. A win for women, and a loss for men - not only those 5 men who lose the most but for a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 08:43 PM
3

I don't think it is a red flag. How many kids you want is personal and about a bunch of factors. A man can be a terrible misogynist to the mother of his only child... to the only woman he ever had sex with even if she never gets pregnant. A man can be a terrible abusive and/or absent father to one child. I think if anything about the way he's talking about his "lots of kids" sets the alarm bells ringing, trust it. But don't get to thinking that childfree men or men who want small families are gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 08:27 PM
4

I've thought about this a lot. This is why we used to have guilds (not that they didn't used to have their own problems too, particularly for women at the time). FDS is kind of like a guild or a union for women in heterosexual relationships. The difference is we don't punish women for undercutting and strikebreaking, but considering so many act like the existence of FDS itself is an attack... The biggest difference is that you need money to live so putting money over ethics can make sense - putt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 11:49 AM
1

I believe that men ramp it up but that they actually change? So many women are ignorant of red flags like punching walls and so on. Jealousy is seen as loving not controlling. When all his exs were crazy bitches, it's just so nice that destiny brought you two together. I am sure many of them would claim it came out of nowhere, and I'm not saying they're lying (though some of them will be consciously lying to save face) but if you did genuinely believe that literally any man could turn abusive no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 11:35 AM
20

Hmm... maybe I'm too cynical but I don't believe him. He knew you posted here from the start. You were supposed to say "omg no those women are all insane bitches, please let's meet up and we can have sex immediately". That's the impression I'm getting. Like if he can't be bothered to have a quick glance at your reddit profile before messaging, he's not looking for "an actual partner", is he? He's just looking for a local woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 11:25 AM
1

Telling women to fuck and care for men they don't love is the ultimate patriarchal bullshit and I can't believe women are defending it, pretending it's FDS? Always the false options. This says "go for a man who you don't love as long as he loves you", it doesn't say "he should love you more than you love him". The choices are not "go for a man you don't love" or "throw yourself at a man you're crazy about who doesn't care about you"... you can love a man who loves you! Just like it's not "have s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 11:21 AM
5

Face symmetry denotes the quality of his sperm... it's completely natural for us to judge on that. Men can't afford to look for a genetically perfect woman if they want any hope of reproducing. So yeah men invented that for judging women, but it doesn't mean we need to act like them. Not being attracted to men you find ugly isn't turning anything around on anyone. We don't need to go for unattractive men as some kind of statement. And, it really doesn't matter what you find attractive or what sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 09:03 PM
56

It's sad how many women buy this nonsense that they're responsible for raising & teaching a grown man!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 08:58 PM
2

I wouldn't ever suggest I know your culture better than you, I obviously don't, but are you sure about this? Because apart from the specific big brother/little sister thing (are you Korean?) this is the exact same reasoning women in the UK and US use to promote 50/50 - that supposedly you weed out domineering "traditional" men by offering to pay, it's what assertive independent women should do. And it's not true even though they all insist it is. Maybe it really is true in your culture, as I sai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 08:55 PM
1

I don't understand why people would caution OP against marriage at her age - totally reversible - but think it's a shame she can't get sterilised. I've met very few women who never wanted to be sterilised at least when they were young. Perhaps 35 is too high a limit because I think most had properly made up their minds by 30 or so. But people say "you'll change your mind" for real reason, it's not simply paternalistic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 07:07 PM
0

Yes, and the risk is that you'll regret it, and the benefit is not using contraception, so obviously doctors refusing to sterilise women until 35 or several kids are absolutely in the right. Your own research if you are sensible will uncover this, as this thread already has. Loads of women change their minds and if you are young you are probably one of them. I also wanted to get sterilised. It's not rare or special. Almost every woman wants to get sterilised at some point and most women don't an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:41 PM
1

Fibroids are just normal, more women get them than not. And most women have children. And way too many women get hysterectomies (especially for fibroids which are totally treatable without removing an entire organ - and black women get this doubly bad because the hysterectomy rate is inappropriately higher on top of the fibroid rate itself being biologically higher) No-one would ever describe a male reproductive organ as prone to malfunctioning and suggest it should be preemptively removed. As y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:32 PM
4

It's not rare at all - I wanted to be sterilised when I was young too, now I want children. I'm sorry that you have been annoyed by it when you're one of the few who didn't change her mind but I think it's the better of the two options.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:27 PM
11

Fathers' rights genuinely shouldn't be a thing. This is what men think they're for. Someone literally said it was "incorrect" to say that a man has no visitation rights to a pregnancy. What?! This is in the exact same vein as that man who burnt his whole family alive being called a good father who was pushed too far. This man is likely responsible for the death of his own unborn son, but he's still the victim apparently. In a patriarchy, fathers can never do any wrong. And, this is all the reaso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:17 PM
1

That's what I'm saying, I think it's about porn, the men complaining that they couldn't stay hard with condoms were using it as an excuse for porn. Again I don't want to be all TMI but if he's not using porn, there is no problem staying hard with condoms even if you used to not use them. In my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:35 PM
5

Were those friends, coworkers and neighbours or people you were trying to date though? He's supposed to be trying to impress her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:40 PM
11

Men don't care about their health in general (and somehow they spin this into women's fault?) and they don't care about their sexual partners in general either. It's pretty much the perfect storm
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:27 PM
2

That or drug use or being born with it (but the latter only requires one initial round of tests). You can get herpes from kissing but I don't think it's very likely you'll get it from kissing family members, probably if you were going to you already would have (but I don't know the stats). As long as you live a reasonably hygienic life you are probably not going to get anything else off anyone without sexual contact. And I assume by the word sexual contact you are including everything that could…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:26 PM
1

But in the case of sex without condoms?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 02:39 PM
10

Also I think it's important for any woman to really see what's at stake, why FDS is so important. If your self esteem is low enough, maybe you'd rather risk a bullshit long cohabitation where he dangles an engagement ring on a stick than risk being alone, but that's far from the worst that can happen (and really, isn't it bad enough?). You can never be 100% sure about a man but you owe it to yourself (and whatever children you might have) to get as close as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 11:11 AM
43

I wonder if they think they're giving advice to a man, even when she's clearly saying she's a woman. 'Cause I just cannot imagine a woman who hasn't tried talking to him before she posts about him on reddit. But so many men think they don't have to make an ounce of effort in their relationships. That's for women Either that or it's completely deliberately trying to sabotage women. Probably both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 11:03 AM
2

Right, but I want to know how many years this takes to kick in. Otherwise, I think it doesn't apply to having sex with and without a condom
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 10:29 AM
1

But for how long? That's what I'm asking. How many years? Not to get all TMI but unless these effects only kick in after 7 years or more this isn't true and there was something else wrong with those men. Sounds like they were porn addicts making excuses to me. But I don't know if you mean something like 20 years. Maybe it really is true then, but I doubt it (and at that point is it not likely age related, too?)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 10:15 PM
2

I don't think this is true. I mean yeah probably he has done all that, but I don't think men can't start using condoms. Or how many years are you talking, how long is eventually?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:15 PM
35

Omg! It's so pathetic. It doesn't make any sense. Either a beautiful supermodel could throw herself at him but he'd remain loyal to you, or not. That's all there is to it. If not, he's not actually loyal. Maybe he's just ugly and awful lmao and the other woman she's worried about is known to have terrible standards. Makes less than no sense otherwise. Still doesn't make him loyal just because he tends to get no takers, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:07 PM
7

It isn’t domestic violence because we do it lovingly. Jesus christ! Listen to yourself. It doesn't matter what he or you thinks about it. Domestic violence is domestic violence. Doesn't matter that it's behind closed doors, whether the front door or the bedroom door - doesn't matter if he thinks it's good for her - doesn't matter if she thinks it's good for her I could easily turn around and say you aren’t able to loosen up and enjoy kinky sex because you’re traumatized by past abuse you can’t g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 01:30 PM
2

The best way to push out old memories is to build new ones. This even goes for trauma. So you start going back and having a nice time and then the mixed and bad memories will become less and less important over time until they stop bothering you so much. If it would help, could you go with a friend or something like that? If you're worried about running into him or feeling lonely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 01:18 PM
10

He had also said a few things about "women taking everything in a divorce" but from what I understand his divorce was pretty nasty. So I let those slide. Don't do that again, I think you thinking about this now is you knowing that that was a red flag at the time. There's a difference between having slightly different politics to yours and being an MRA spouting all their big talking points. You absolutely didn't over react! Absolutely not. You were very upset, and I think most people would have b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 01:06 PM
8

Choking isn't safe no matter how you do it (it's also an indicator for murder no matter how much you tell everyone you like it) and if you need to do insane shit to get off it's obviously not very good sex. You're admitting that your baseline for normal healthy sex is fucked up and then you're trying to spread the kink gospel, pretending that eroticising oppression is ever healthy... it's not. A man who chokes a woman is not a HVM, ever. Promoting domestic violence as women's choice and a matter…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 12:56 PM
21

Omg no!! Huge red flag - get a dog a month before he'll possibly propose? Ie get a reason to stay, a huge reason to stay (women even stay with men who beat them because of pets!!). No no no no no! He has just told you he intends to fuck you around! And oooh that "I'm scared :( bad lady cheated on me :( that's why I have to be a poor partner to you" shit is a red flag by itself. Never ever heard of a man playing that card who wasn't a cheater or an abuser or both. Stick to your guns!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:40 PM
21

I totally agree with this, but just as a further point, I read an interesting article a week or two ago by the woman who coined "emotional labour" and she said it's being massively misused. She meant it to basically mean shit like smiling when you don't want to, which again largely seems to be women's work (waitresses are the big one I think, most service jobs, I think female doctors seem to do more of this than male, too). But when it's stuff like being a personal assistant like this, or a mana…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:32 PM
15

Same as when they pretend they don't understand "soft no"s when women give them in a sexual context but understand just fine when it's their boss declining something, or their mates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:27 PM
3

If women tell their children the truth about their fathers the fathers can use it to get custody ("parental alienation" which was literally invented by father's rights activists and only ever applies to mothers) It even goes the other way. If children tell their mothers the truth about what their fathers do to them, the fathers can use that to get custody (even if there's physical evidence and/or witnesses, it's still just her dripping poison in their ears) Men don't face repercussions because w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 12:38 PM
2

So if anxiety ruins your instincts, in the context of dating that means either don't date at all or trust the red flags you see despite knowing that some aren't real. It doesn't mean what she suggests which is deliberately ignoring signs of a LVM. This is a place for helping women get the most out of dating, not a place where we cheer on anything women do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:34 AM
0

Can you stop trying to psychoanalyse me? It's bizarre and rude and you're not even any good at it. I'm talking about dating. This is a dating subreddit. Men are not your time and place for exposure therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 07:33 PM
-1

I can't believe you're asking for an exemption from refraining from pickme behaviour on medical grounds. Come on. Please just reread the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 05:46 PM
5

That's true! But then I can't take advantage of the monthly prompt email... hm... I'm probably going to use my real email anyway haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:07 PM
38

Are you trying to date this woman? If not why do her standards matter to you? I'm mentally ill but she couldn't catch me out this way because I'm also unmedicated. But her standards are not mine to criticise, and frankly I don't criticise them anyway. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone mentally healthy, particularly if you want kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:05 PM
7

What does this have to do with anything though? She isn't trying to be a psychiatrist, she's trying to weed out mentally ill men from her dating pool. I agree that it makes no sense to make an exception for Fluoxetine but otherwise what's the problem?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:03 PM
10

It seems very interesting but I don't know I'm a bit weirded out by the privacy implications.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:01 PM
2

I literally have social anxiety and what you are saying is both false from an anxiety standpoint and does not fit the FDS ethos at all. If a man gives you red flags that only ever means run. It never means try, or pretend, or give him a chance, or anything. Just means run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 03:38 PM
3

I think a good rule of thumb would be if you get them in places where it doesn't seem very useful, like just from talking to someone in a shop or whatever. That seems like you are seeing everyone as a threat unnecessarily and that's something I have struggled with. If it's only ever with men you're thinking about dating, your instincts are probably fine. A lot of them really are users and predators and generally bad news.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:31 AM
5

I have anxiety, I don't know who you think you are talking to. My advice is strictly from the perspective of someone with anxiety. If you can't understand the basic fact that it's better to pass on a good man than give a chance to a bad one, I don't even know why you're here. Men are not your therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:11 AM
8

Men who get absolutely angry are not men you want. Jealousy is controlling and abusive not romantic and charming. I don't think keeping it secret is wise let alone necessary. The knowledge that they still have to work for you after getting you to agree to one date is what is supposed to bring out their better behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:09 AM
2

I'm not totally sure what you mean, I'm talking more about trauma and triggers. I guess it's the same anyway, that you need to find confidence in the rest of your life first, the safer bits?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:07 AM
7

Why are you asking your "friends" if you can have sex with them? You know that's not what happened, and he knows it too. Why was he entertaining this "boundaries" crap - he knew you were in love with him and he was trying to set it up so he could blame you for your own hurt feelings. And it would have been partially your own fault, but that wouldn't have absolved him! He isn't good. You need to get your mind straight about men's games before you go near another one. You seem like a good person a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:05 AM
10

You don't have to give it back. He gave it to you. He knew what he was doing. It's not like you've been messing him around. Either he wants to ask you out so he pays or he doesn't so you pay. So actually he gave a woman he doesn't care about a piece of junk he doesn't care about. It's not sentimental if he has no feelings for you! It's not a token of affection if he doesn't love you. Don't let a man's words confuse you about his actions. And next time don't let a man nudge you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:01 AM
14

BPD is hysteria renamed. And the kind of men that believe women have hysteria are the kind of men who would go around telling any woman they don't like that they have it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 10:55 AM
6

No, it's completely true no matter what. Yes it's different when you are just trying to leave the house or get a job. Never ignore your gut about a man. Nothing good will come of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 10:38 AM
11

This is true (and for anxiety and PTSD etc.) but the fact is you still need to trust it. Falling in love with strange men is not the help you need. If you're seeing red flags everywhere but you think the problem is you, it means no dating for a while, not push through. Exposure therapy has its time and place, this isn't it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 10:37 AM
7

Kind gentlemen don't string women along. That it got to the point where he had to break up with you was him using you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 10:32 AM
9

Yeah! I wonder how much is biological and how much is because they are basically told they don't have to look after themselves, that's for women (to look after their own selves I meant and also to look after men for them now that I think of it) They think having a job is such a huge achievement and not the bare minimum for dating. When you're 16, sure!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 09:55 AM
22

Ooh, I don't agree. I have seen loads of men who really needed support get loads of support from a woman. And they really appreciated it! Genuinely. But they didn't appreciate her. Even if you have good boundaries, it doesn't change the way he'll react when he's been all nicely supported and can move on to bigger and better things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 10:55 PM
88

Haha. Digging their own lonely graves. Sure. Deliberately wait 'til you're 35. All the 20 year olds will be falling over themselves to get with a man old enough to be their own father, and all the 35 year olds who might be equally desperate timewise won't immediately see through you. Great strategy lads. The manosphere said so and it's not like they see other men as competition and would lie to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 10:52 PM
2

I didn't save it but I wonder if anyone who saw it did, there was a great post on tumblr all about the best ways to fuck a man up by going for the balls. It was very detailed. There were diagrams. I think there were statistics! There were also quotes from men saying like the reason women aren't taught to do this, even in a lot of women's self defence classes, is because it terrifies men to have a weakness over us when in any other way they are stronger than us in a fight. It's really effective. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:15 PM
13

Not sure? It's plain as day he's not. Telling her he thinks she's unattractive the way she is and then not liking it when she's supposedly more attractive to him? He shouldn't have done either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:06 PM
54

You can't act single in an exclusive relationship, that makes no sense at all. The point is you don't act like it's exclusive if he doesn't act like it's serious. And you being his forever girlfriend isn't serious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 06:41 PM
3

I think you're right about the kind of men that latch onto this and why. Some men will lie about anything to get you in bed, totally shamelessly. And it ties in with the stuff here about women throwing good money after bad once they've slept with a man. Even if he comes clean he's hoping you'll be too hooked on him to stick to what you want. I wonder if this advice stems from the idea that women don't/can't think about these kinds of things, politics is far too complex for a little lady brain to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 11:42 AM
30

Don't tell women to do more housework The average woman already does more housework. Women have less free time than men. Even women who outearn men by several times. They still do more housework.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 11:18 AM
2

I wonder how many were in the study. I chart my cycle and I'm completely the opposite. (Maybe because I'm actually attracted to my husband?)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:36 PM
4

I'm sorry, I can't think of a particular book or woman, but yes it's an opinion I've come to after years of reading and listening to feminists. What I love so much about this sub is the idea that we focus on benefit to women, that that's what women should focus on. Obviously the focus here is dating, but it goes so much wider. Any attempt to compromise ends up playing into men's hands, 'cause they don't compromise!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 07:04 PM
8

The words boring and attractive are sometimes treated like they're universal, just because a lot of us will agree a lot of the time. It doesn't matter how exciting or boring other people might find a man, what matters is that he excites you. So, a man that bores you has no value to you, at least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 04:26 PM
23

I'm sick of all this stuff people say about men and women, which is always to make excuses for men. I guess I'm biologically male too, that's a real surprise. I can't believe she can pronounce upon all men's sexual nature but doesn't know a single woman who loses interest after orgasm? (Maybe she doesn't know any women who orgasm.) And does she really not know any men who have a quick refractory period? Now imagine the opposite version of this. It's kind of easy because we have the phrase "blue …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 04:24 PM
-5

I didn't equate it. I did say "almost like" instead of "exactly like" so I will not soften that further. It's a comparison. Consent doesn't mean anything at all. If you consent through coercion it's still rape, but it only sometimes meets that standard legally. It's a spectrum not a binary - if it is binary the binary is between desired sex and undesired sex, not consensual sex and non-consensual sex, and neither of these aligns with the legal definitions of "sex" and "rape" either. I am tired o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 04:07 PM
9

Divorce is the only difference between them and divorce is protective a lot of the time. We only don't know like how long do single vs cohabiting men/women live because people don't often do that until death, not because it's better than marriage! All the terrible stats and horror stories about marriage for women are stories about how men treat women (for example they don't apply to same sex marriages) You dump the shit men, that's what you've gotta do! There's no good way to have a shit man
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 04:00 PM
16

He took the kid either to punish the mother for leaving him or he has 50/50 custody so he doesn't have to pay her for doing all the real parenting. Now you can raise his child for the same sweet payment - of a relationship with him - that had another woman think losing partial or full custody of her own child was worth it to get out of. Fabulous deal! I know I for one can hardly stop myself throwing myself at this 48 year old man who equates himself to a toddler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:24 AM
12

Nothing is wrong with you and a lot of those other women probably feel the same, but have convinced themselves they're broken, too. Don't try to have sex if you're not into it! It doesn't matter how good looking he is if you're not into it I can't fully relate because for me being horny has little to do with actually wanting to have sex with someone, but I think women like you are the majority, and it is ridiculous of those men to pretend otherwise to try to shame and bully you into having sex w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:19 AM
49

This has been baffling me since I first heard men were complaining about this. I have no interest in seeing this film because all the promo I have seen makes it look like it's for men, typical male fantasy comics crap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:12 AM
28

It doesn't make sense to reverse shit. Men and women aren't the same and they don't act the same in our society either. He says she ignores his "wants and needs in the bedroom". What is that? What's the betting it's anal etc. She seems eager enough to have sex, so what is it? He is ashamed to say what it is even on reddit, notice. Now if a woman says "he ignores my wants and needs in the bedroom" it's probably foreplay, ie being aroused, and an orgasm. Ie what men take for granted, they literall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 06:13 PM
33

Why do men roast themselves like this? They're admitting they're bad at sex. What's wrong with their penises, or are they just stupid and/or selfish, or a mix? Imagine saying that having sex with you is an effort... not as an excuse, not as an apology, but as an attempt at seduction? Just saying "this is for me, you won't get anything out of it", can you imagine at all? And the whole "I was nice to her, she should be nice to me - by having sex with me" thing (not that this bloke even managed tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 04:31 PM
4

It's hard but when you had low expectations, that was the first sign he was no good. You are far better off without him. You did the right thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 12:01 PM
2

Breastfeeding isn't a gender role. Men can be forced to respect women without pretending men and women are the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 09:50 AM
11

Women need more time off than men. Both are adapting to a new baby. Only one is recovering from childbirth & maybe surgery, only one is bleeding, only one might be breastfeeding. I hate this fake equality shit. They legislate stuff like this, in my country they made it illegal for car insurance to be cheaper for women even though we're better drivers, but men still have higher pay and lower sentences for killing their wives and all the rest. "Equality" for men and same old same old for women. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:20 PM
26

I don't trust it when men talk about communication issues. I have always taken it to mean that they're cheaters. It's like they tell each other to use this as an excuse or something, or maybe it just appeals to them. This is a great illustration. Tbh whenever men talk about relationship issues at all it always seems to be a way to get into another woman's knickers - whether it's a rebound (honest at least?) or an affair. I never seem to see them talking about the issues because they want to work…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:09 PM
28

No. Can you see the automoderator response in this thread? It triggers whenever someone mentions porn. "This sub does NOT support the commercial porn industry, as it is an institution that promotes and normalizes sexual aggression, incest, pedophilia, violence, racism, degradation, low sexual satisfaction, and objectification of women and girls, many of whom have been drugged, raped, misled, trafficked and otherwise coerced to appear on film."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:04 PM
62

Wow 364 bouquets, how romantic. You'll need more vases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:57 PM
1

Do you have a mother like this? I do. Yes it's intergenerational trauma and poverty. None of that gave her a right to pass it down to me the way she did. You're talking about the reasons women abuse children as if they're excuses. I'm glad you have an understanding of these women because they are victims too, but not more than their children, or to the exclusion of their children. You don't need real choices or a bunch of options, you just need to do everything in your power not to abuse your ow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 12:22 PM
5

There is no such thing as a child when we're specifically talking about boys and girls. I am shocked that you don't remember what the boys were like, especially as you were apparently teaching boys and girls for years. You seem to think the girls are neither your fellow females or precious children who need compassion when in fact they're both. Putting boys above girls is not adults showing empathy to children, it's a woman siding with male over female.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 12:07 PM
12

Why wasn't the birth of his son the push? Why wasn't your positive pregnancy test? Imagine a woman claiming to be oblivious to her own offspring. She would be called neglectful, an abuser. Not a great mother
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 11:56 AM
13

It's nuts how he's apparently equating a woman sleeping with a man with a man cheating on a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 11:50 AM
10

Who will it help? All I can see is that it will encourage women to date men with herpes. I am not seeing the benefit to women. I don't think women feeling better about having herpes helps any woman's dating strategy? If there are women who had felt they couldn't date at all because they have herpes (and I wouldn't be surprised if that's a thing, unfortunately), I don't think they would come here to read your post, because they wouldn't consider themselves needing dating advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:30 PM
-2

You seem very rude! I don't know what compels a woman to go around calling other women hysterical and upset when they disagree with her. I think you're not the poster I was thinking of - I think she is posting on this thread though. Unfortunate that there's now two of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:27 PM
5

Members of this sub are fat, mentally ill, unemployed, have hair loss, have sexual dysfunction, etc. etc. etc. but none of them throw these kinds of pity parties when members say those are types of men they'll not go for. That's because none of them falsely think they have more in common with fat etc. men than with women. Because this is female dating strategy not herpes dating strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:21 PM
4

Hysteria is a misogynist term and it's okay for women to be afraid and outraged by women asking them to lower their sexual standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:25 PM
3

It seems like you delete your posts regularly, so I can't tell if you are the same person who was posting all this a month or two ago. Are you? No woman ever needs to be told to lower her standards, it's completely antithetical to the purpose of this sub for you to tell women to lower their standards like this! If women's standards hurt your feelings, when literally these are their standards for dating men and you are a woman, that's thoroughly a you problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:21 PM
2

Hysteria? Are you serious?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:17 PM
0

Then you'll get very sore fingers constantly typing that to the majority of straight relationships out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 06:39 PM
2

If she's getting off and he's not that's what you said that I was responding to... and why does it matter how many ways you get off? I wish women held men to the standard you're holding this woman to. You know most men don't bother to get their women off at all? Which is what you accused her of doing, when I've never in my life heard of a woman doing that. But men think women are coming from each moan or that there's something wrong with women who don't come after three thrusts or whatever. I ju…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 05:54 PM
6

What makes you think he's not getting off?? I don't think they are only doing oral, do you, really? Almost every man gets off from PIV every time and he lists "sex" as something separate to oral so I assume that's what he means. He should leave her because he's a worthless pushy rapist POS not because he's got blue balls... why do you feel so sorry for him after reading that mess (his "approaches" and "tricks") that you invented extra problems for him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 04:26 PM
28

So she wants the hotel and the swanky dinner, or why would she have ever made this post? Why would she have even thought about it? Imagine posting like this about something you actually don't want? You just wouldn't. (Like "Oh I love not being run over by a bus." Come on?!) Why was she looking up hotel room prices circa Valentine's unless it's because she wanted to book one (or for him to book one)? This gets sadder the more I think about it. Of course you can be happy like she says, but she's s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 04:14 PM
19

Sorry but you're still aiming too low when you talk about money and housework. 90% of the housework, especially if you have kids, is still way too much. No matter how much money he can throw at you, the disrespect he will be showing you by not cleaning his own fucking mess is not something you want to sign up for (and it's not the same the other way around... no-one is gonna chastise him for the dirty house if you decide to stop pulling your weight after all). I have seen it destroy so many wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 05:27 PM
5

Well what's the goal? Men are most likely to leave you right after you have their baby (or if you have a terrible accident/diagnosis) which is when you're least likely to be wearing perfume and pretty clothes. It's just not a good long term tactic. Attracting men is piss easy, almost every woman is in fact beating them off with a stick. Attracting decent ones is hard and the decent ones aren't more likely to go for femininity. It's more a question of identifying them amongst the many men interes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 05:38 PM
1

I think it's totally irrelevant to women. You need to take charge of your own fertility. It doesn't matter if he's (supposedly) on the male pill just like it doesn't matter if he's (supposedly) had the snip or is (supposedly) infertile... the question is do you want to get pregnant and if so what are you going to do about that. And this doesn't help either men or women with STIs which are going up and up all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 01:42 PM
6

Of course you can attract a man like that without doing that. Maybe it's harder, I don't know, but it's still completely possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 11:39 AM
4

He obviously isn't being responsible and she obviously didn't actually tell him he can't game ever again. How is that so obvious to me reading it but not to her who maybe watched him try to say it with his face? It's probably obvious to her, but she's too deep in the man pandering to admit it. I mean in her version of events this man married and impregnated a completely insane unreasonable woman and his response is... to game? How does he have time when he's raising that baby single handedly bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 11:37 AM
17

Though police are worse both in terms of being more violent and the system being more likely to side with them, the fact is that this happens with all kinds of men. You aren't safe from that just if he's not a cop, you never are, the courts always favour fathers. And it's global too. Local to me a man murdered one of his kids literally explicitly to spite the mother and in prison as a convicted child murderer of one of his own kids he still has rights to the others... never have children with a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:57 PM
3

I don't think you have to explicitly say yes to something you've done before if you seem to be into it but just trying to have anal sex with you out of the blue like that? Yes you do have to explicitly say yes and you didn't. That was a horrible way for him to treat you. Even men and women who like anal sex and have lots of experience don't just do it unprepared like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 12:46 PM
28

He tried to get me into it and I didn't say no did you actually say yes though? That's not clear if we have anal sex it'll be when I'm interested, if I do get interested Or when he wears you down. Why did he try that second time? He's not a HVM. (And "like twice"? Was it actually more than twice? So like once a year he's trying to do this when you've said you're not interested?) You trust him, but he did something you didn't have a positive reaction to the last time, and are still not interested…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 08:15 PM
3

What's the mutual benefit? What does your husband get out of hitting you and pretending to rape you? A HVM could not be turned on by these activities, even if you get off on it And again men and women are not the same. Such as for example not many women are sexually beating their husbands and getting "mutual benefit" out of it. You can't have unhealthy things in a healthy marriage... maybe if it was something you were working past, but not something you know is unhealthy and keep doing. That's t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:46 PM
2

It does seem interesting, many of the reviews were saying it was too much just a summary of recent history for them to find it interesting, but I wonder in a way if it might be more interesting for me as a European woman to read about these events in the US? It seems like lots of American women found it interesting anyway despite that. Do you think it is more summary or more explanation or both, so far?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:42 PM
2

Are you literally asking what the difference is between men and women, as if you don't know? You're all over reddit talking about your rape kink... I feel like that needs to be disclaimer on your posts so women don't read them thinking you have good advice, or an actual HVM (HVM don't stay hard thinking about rape!) Omg... I just read that your "HVM" gives you "maintenance beatings"? Jesus fucking christ. Women are literally on here calling anyone and anything a HVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:33 PM
5

Here's the review! Defining women as being not men, not as just being women, is offensive to me. The review also mentions that she does the same for race. It might (also?) be that she's trying to include men under the category of "nonmale"/women, who aren't allowed to be angry, if those men say they are trans or non binary. But that's just not how it works. If you haven't seen it yet I guess you don't know which it is. Or maybe it's not in the book at all! That's the only review that mentions it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:27 PM
6

even though he barely paid any attention to me so what was the point? If you want a tiny bit of attention here and there, just date interesting seeming men. Even if it never goes anywhere, at least you don't have to remember anyone's birthday. If you want a fulfilling relationship then you get that in a fulfilling relationship. Not with a man who you as pretty sure wasn't interested in you(!!!). And stringing someone along to fuck them when you make them feel like shit, like you don't even like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:13 PM
3

A goodreads review says she keeps calling people "nonmale", is that true? Have you seen that (yet)? I love the topic of women's anger but I have a really low tolerance for that kind of language (actually... it makes me angry lmao)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 01:04 PM
5

Me and my ex broke it off a year and a half ago. And I while I didn't sleep with him, I did other stuff. And that kind of bothers my boyfriend. It's not really okay for it to "bother" your boyfriend that you have a sexual history, to the point where you worry about it. If he doesn't like it, he shouldn't be with you, it's not fair to you. And most women do have a sexual history, it's a standard he's unlikely to find someone who'll meet it... My boyfriend has been insecure since childhood because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 10:17 PM
2

I have anxiety and though I sometimes dread social situations I end up enjoying, it never stops me enjoying something that's actually enjoyable. So just strike that out your mind immediately as an excuse for any man. That anxiety you felt was about him and his actions, you weren't over reacting, you were just reacting. Because he was taking advantage. Please follow all the advice everyone else has given you about avoiding these kinds of situations in the future. It's not your fault that he chose…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 10:02 PM
3

Some women have posted on here about dating women, but I think the simple fact is, it doesn't really require a strategy! Women are not out there scheming with women about the best ways to fuck other women over, there is nothing to defend yourself from. And none of that legitimises any kind of man wanting to post here. What could he get out of female strategies for anything? What could he contribute? It's so insanely entitled, it doesn't even make sense. He just wants what he's been denied, for n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 01:30 PM
7

This isn't called stepping up or great when women do it. Lots of new mothers have no experience with babies. Lots of mothers work full time, including mothers of twins. He sounds good but he is just doing what all mothers do, but minus the pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. This is the minimum standard and it's appalling that so few men meet it that we praise the men who do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 12:00 PM
3

It being better to wait doesn't mean it's better for her to propose You're always better off with no man than a shit man however old you are
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 11:41 AM
0

Your supposedly great dad deliberately married and impregnated that terrible terrible woman. And imagine taking a baby from its mother! (Also imagine describing a father having an affair as "refusing to settle down and be a dad", no-one ever would.) My dad would say similar things about my mum, all true - he's worse than her, though. I mean, your dad raised a daughter who describes people as "literal devil spawn" I used to sing my dad's praises when I was young but I see it clearly now. I wouldn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:48 AM
3

It's definitely not universal, my husband has had a few of those "opportunities" and not taken them. Certainly very common though. And the flipside where they leave because she becomes disabled or they have a disabled child, and women are much less likely to leave in those circumstances. So many men seem not to feel any love or loyalty at all (and then women still feel it for cheaters and abusers...) This one's bragging about it, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:29 AM
11

Right, I don't get why women say this, this man in the OP could do this easier if they weren't married. If you want to stay away from men that's not unreasonable in the slightest, but playing wife without the legal benefits is insane, it's literally the worst of both worlds? What men do to their wives is a warning against men not marriage
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:21 AM
6

Nobody's first effort would be to ask strangers instead of just saying "please can you not keep playing when I have made dinner". And if that doesn't set the limit on him, just like that, he is worthless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 10:08 PM
2

No it's not. Perfect use and typical use as they apply to contraception have strict definitions, and this is freely available information. You can't just lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 10:07 PM
1

The one I read about implanted in her uterus, I don't remember if she kept it or not though. Here it is - she gave birth via c section during which they were able to confirm the removal was done properly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:23 PM
17

That stuff is basically raising him like he's your son though. Why would you do that? He won't even appreciate it. I have mixed feelings about when a man wants you to help improve him... if he doesn't even want it, get out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:16 PM
6

They deserve a chance with someone who wants them, we all deserve a chance to be happy. They don't deserve a chance with you, or anyone else who doesn't want them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:13 PM
1

You said tied though and that normally refers to stuff that can spontaneously "correct" itself, with an increased risk of ectopics, too And maybe this is too new for you to have noticed but there was a case in 2019 where a woman who had had them fully removed did get pregnant! So! Don't ignore symptoms I guess! Luck is obviously still very much on your side, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:55 PM
0

If you're having mixed feelings about a man, you never, ever want to be pushing them down because someone said you should. So the only useful thing people can tell you is red flag, leave. So, the answer is always leave. I have chronic issues from trauma too and it still applies, probably more so. The risk of missing out on something good is not worth ignoring your instincts that something is bad, not when it comes to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:52 PM
1

No! What do you think the 2% is if not breakage! "Typical use" is what the other rate is called, and as I said, it includes not using a condom
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:50 PM
2

20 is a bit young but I don't buy the statistics on getting married young. A lot of people get married young because they don't think they can have sex, or even date, outside of marriage. Or they do it to escape an abusive home. Or because they're pregnant and won't get an abortion. It's not surprising that that doesn't lead to lasting, happy marriage. There is nothing wrong with a long engagement at your age, I wouldn't hold yourself to the timescales more mature women are able to use, where 7 …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 11:45 AM
2

Condoms aren't highly fallible, they are twice as bad as the pill assuming you actually take your pill every day and use a condom every time (not doing those is included in typical use... deliberately having unprotected sex is not really a problem with condoms is it). 2 women in 100 in a year will get pregnant using condoms, supposedly (these studies are not verified in any way and you hardly ever meet women who actually use a condom, properly, and still get pregnant) and 1 in 100 on the pill wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 11:26 AM
3

You can still get pregnant though. As can women with a coil. These options also have other risks, and condoms don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 11:23 AM
3

It is that simple, most of the time he is abusive and she needs to get out, in the slim remainder she's not ready to date yet. The idea that you can trust other women's instincts about a man being safe over your own that he's unsafe is just not sensible. I know why people do it, it is a very very very awful idea though. You have no idea who is posting here and why, you should never put that kind of trust in anyone else. Other women can tell you to get out but never let anyone tell you to stay, w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 11:10 AM
3

I'm not criticising him, but comparing men to other men is a recipe for disaster when men deliberately conspire to lower the bar! That's all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 10:46 AM
15

That is so frustrating that the university did nothing, but so great that at least you could warn other women!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:57 PM
78

I understand if you're uncomfortable with framing it this way about yourself, but what he did to both of you, and certainly to her if that is all you want to look at, was rape. Not simply sexual abuse or manipulation. Fucking someone who said no is the most clear cut rape there is, and you both did say no. Which makes it doubly horrifying that he would pretend it was some kind of false accusation. It is not uncommon that men make up these sob stories. We all know about "she was crazy" as the mil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:37 PM
5

Even men who made sperm donations are trying to take women to court sometimes... in a patriarchy there is no safe way for women to have children on their own unfortunately, we're not allowed to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:18 PM
15

He sounds good but he didn't go above and beyond... as you said, you did your fair share each. He wasn't doing a better job than you, you made that baby, you had surgery... He is just meeting the exact same standard that 99% of women meet, for being a normal, supportive human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:16 PM
2

So now you have some tools to help protect yourself in the future, that's a good thing. There are some women on here who never dated anyone before they found this approach, but the majority did, and most of the advice here comes from women's regrets. You're not alone You reading these rules now and realising now you're worth more than that treatment is you getting a backbone and it's a good thing! No matter how much you improve now, it can't change the past. It feels like you're mixing those two…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 05:33 PM
4

It sounds like you're just bitter about this bloke you think isn't good enough for you? That's silly. He wasn't good enough for you, so get him out of your mind. How do you even know all this stuff about his girlfriend's property? Don't do that to yourself for heaven's sake! People like to live in different ways and that's fine and not every man who wants to do this, and certainly none of the women, are your ex you're not over. It's like you've never heard of hippies? It really wasn't just this …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 11:15 AM
11

I think a new sub would be a good idea. I like you am married, but I don't think stuff about marriage actually fits here, due to the name. All the stuff which is more about self esteem would fit on both subs, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 11:09 AM
12

You're exactly right and that's why you shouldn't be sleeping with them that soon. Having sex with them when you don't even know them doesn't make them love you or even respect you. Quite the opposite most of the time. I think a lot of women feel like you do, we are conditioned to. But you can break that conditioning :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 11:04 AM
4

I don't think it's hypocritical, you are not saying "ew gross your dick is all small and squashed up so I won't feel it, and that makes you a worthless human being"... that would be hypocrisy. If you had some magic device that would tell you if a man respected women or not, you probably wouldn't care about his number any more right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:58 AM
15

HVM don't take advantage, that's part of the definition. You don't know what's going on in their new relationships, if she's really as happy as she seems. Maybe he's changed, but if he did, it came from him, it was never going to come from you whatever you did, it doesn't work like that. You hurt yourself by picking bad men and then staying with them... you didn't make them hurt you though. They chose to do that to you. Don't beat yourself up, it's only useful to think about it to remind you not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:50 AM
17

You probably didn't mean that to be offensive but it is. Autistic people do feel love, and they don't blow hot and cold to manipulate their partners (well, sometimes they might, but not because they are autistic) Autistic women don't do this and men who aren't autistic do. It's a disrespect thing, a man thing to a large extent, not an autism thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:35 AM
-25

Asexuality isn't real either though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 09:26 PM
7

The average "lesbian" on reddit is a man, so are a significant proportion of the "women" in general. Men pretending to be women to give women bad relationship advice isn't even reddit specific, I've seen it on other forums, up to and including telling women to stay with physical abusers and rapists. Yes some are women but without a really good reason to think so, assume they're not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 10:35 AM
24

They are out there. Don't let all the porn watching losers tempt you to lower your standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 11:29 PM
7

No it hasn't! Ugly men are not guaranteed to be nice or something like that. Sometimes they are worse, because they're bitter. If you're gonna date an arsehole, he might as well be good looking at least (not that you should, either way!) This is the biggest lie women are told, I think!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 02:37 PM
3

They don't really believe it, same as how men don't actually believe that stuff like women abuse men just as much as men abuse women, women are going round raping men they meet, women lie about rape... they know it's not true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 09:56 AM
8

They know, look how they all talk about their daughters and boys. They know it's abuse then. They know it'd all be abuse if a man did it to them, too. They just don't care. That's the really sad part, that we make excuses for them that they wouldn't make for themselves because of how absolutely excruciating it is to know that they don't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 10:39 AM
1

No, it's the "dating preferences", as the article and what men actually say makes clear. That's why they will lie about their height on their profiles and so on, too. They want to date women who aren't attracted to them. That's what they want, and that is really just rape with additional steps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 10:48 AM
1

It's still the same. When you invite someone out, you pay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 10:19 AM
11

Generally yeah but a woman who is going to have an older man's child probably won't have the spine to leave him though. That's what they bank on, that's why they want 18 year olds :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 09:56 AM
1

It's not though is it? Isn't the point with the dog that eventually you stop needing to give the treats and it just acts like that normally/follows your command anyway?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 11:19 PM
3

Abuse like that isn't a mistake though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 05:53 PM
20

How in gods name can you say a HVM would ever hold a woman against a door and pretend to hit her 3 times?! I'm not totally sure from the wording, but is this not also the mother of his children? In any case, his own children were watching, not even merely in the house...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 10:09 AM
3

Yeah it's a red flag. It's a downright weird thing to say to a woman even if it literally is his favourite book - you would expect him to qualify that he hates how it's misinterpreted or whatever as a minimum. If he doesn't see how it's weird to tell a woman he likes something like that, red flag - he thinks predatory behaviour is normal and/or misogyny doesn't exist If he does see, it's a very clear red flag - he wants to see that you're a pushover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 09:54 AM
3

These statistics aren't very interesting at all. Many of them are describing the same thing. It looks like 4 stats when they talk about things like "you are catholic", or "you live in an area with a lot of evangelicals, "you are christian" and "you did not live together before getting married" (and I didn't go through the whole list, so there will be more) but that is all 1 statistic really: "do you believe divorce is against god" Again with the occupations, one of the best non-divorcing ones is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:06 PM
3

There's something in between not telling on the first date and not telling until after he had a chance (several?) to impregnate her...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 05:36 PM
25

Do you think you're talking to women whose vulvas have... rotten or something? Don't you think they would know if it was a myth or not. You don't need "prescription soap" to wash your vulva as you state in the OP, I don't even know what that really means. Having a vulva is not a medical condition
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 05:22 PM
13

What "harm"? Actual harm not just that you don't like the sound of it. A woman is not going to be getting thrush or BV or a UTI or something from washing with water. And as you say most women can get away with using soap, but that doesn't mean it's harmful not to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 05:19 PM
-1

Those aren't your only two choices. It's not fuck a guy you're not attracted to or get beaten and abused... Like if you're attracted to him as a short man and he doesn't have this short man syndrome, good for you. But then it's not actually a compromise, is it? That you call it a compromise is really not great, there is no need to compromise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 06:52 PM
5

Not at all. I'm just saying you have a limited amount of time and I don't see any point spending it being nicer to strange men than they ever dream of being to you. There's a big gap between that and the stuff men do to women for no reason - the whole wall concept, aging badly concept, being one of the milder things men have done to women, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:20 AM
4

Imagine a man saying this to another man who is picking on the appearance of a woman. I can't!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 10:02 PM
10

There is one - it could be it just pales in comparison to what he did today so she didn't bother mentioning otherwise, but it does seem like she knew about and accepted his porn habit (and possibly even accepted him looking at "not really child" porn)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 02:53 PM
1

Right. So when a woman says "I am going home" and you know there is a man at that home, you have the exact same reaction as when she says "I haven't met him before, but I'm going to his house" - in fact a stronger reaction to stop her, because it's more dangerous? Cannot believe the depths some women stuff their instincts down to. That is another good example of the manipulation that puts us in danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 12:58 PM
9

Bi men absolutely do cheat more, and half the time they pretend it doesn't count as cheating if it was with the opposite sex to you. Sounds like you only know bisexuality from the side of a man telling you what he thinks you want to hear. As a bisexual woman, I know heaps of bisexuals - some are normal, but some really aren't. Loads of bisexuals will literally talk about how they need to have sex with a man and a woman at all times (and then out the same side of their mouth complain that people …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 09:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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