How do we avoid men that we gotta one day throw in the trash? Is vetting enough? Part of me worries about the breadwinner thing for this reason.

Subject-Mirror · 2020-09-24T11:32:11+00:00

She should look up Laci Peterson. Her husband also told his affair partner that he had “lost” his wife and was going to spend his first Christmas alone. Then his pregnant wife does end up going missing for real a few weeks afterwards (on the day before Christmas) and ends up being found dead (her unborn child as well)

When he was arrested, he was found in his car with $15,000, four cell phones, survival gear, a bottle of viagra, his brothers ID and several changes of clothes, also his dark hair was also recently dyed blond. It was suspected that he was planning on fleeing to Mexico

AnniaT · 2020-09-24T10:46:02+00:00

[deleted]

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2020-09-24T11:48:46+00:00

Of course HE is 35 yo to her 26 years, nine years difference ... and how young was she when he started working her over?

peanutbuttatwix · 2020-09-24T11:39:29+00:00

Always be financially independent. It will make it a lot easier to walk away.

surviveIIthrive · 2020-09-24T13:58:24+00:00

If we take her at her word about when he “changed” she was 24 and he was 33. The age gap tells the story of what happened here. He was looking for someone to control and mold. Likely an LVM with a decent income. He controls the money and she had a baby fast. It’s a recipe for disaster for women to date much older men at this stage in their lives. Let alone being financially dependent on them.

notigglybuff · 2020-09-24T11:31:43+00:00

How do you avoid men like that? Simple answer is you don't. I posted about my own ex-husband already, who was the epitome of HVM, amazing in every capacity, and turned into a nightmarish monster over the course of a few months - a year. You need to have exit strategies and never ever give up your financial independence. Always put yourself and if you decide(d) to have any, your kids first, and never be afraid of putting an end to a relationship if things turn sour. I could write a book on this subject, based on the mistakes I made and the things that i learned on the way, but these are the most important things you can do.

AnniaT · 2020-09-24T10:27:48+00:00

She needs to start planning her exit. Contact family members, see if she had some savings she can use and contact a woman shelter to leave. This could get very dangerous. I see all the signs of this escalating to domestic violence. Something positive might be that he's disconnected from her and is focusing on other "supplies" so it might make it easier to leave. However some of these men even if infatuated with mistresses can turn into monsters once their wife leaves. Specially if she's financially dependent on them.

Even if I marry a man that provides for me and i stop working, I'll always have my savings if I need to leave and will have to find a passive income or something. It's dangerous to be fully dependent on a man and it breaks my heart seeing this woman going through this hell.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2020-09-24T11:12:55+00:00

The post has been deleted already. Why are these posts disappearing so quickly?

sugaredberry · 2020-09-24T14:35:21+00:00

Avoid men who do this by avoiding age gap relationships. This is a case of a 35 year old abusive scrote who preyed on a 26 yo. While it may not seem all that bad, this man had 9 more years to perfect his “game” and his manipulations so that a young lady doesn’t even notice until she is told by the affair partner.

freebritney93x · 2020-09-24T12:19:54+00:00

so she was 18 & he was 27 when they dated ... I smell grooming

Trillian_42_ · 2020-09-24T13:36:11+00:00

You can never know someone completely. I always suggest waiting a few years in a marriage before having kids so that if something goes wrong children aren’t involved yet, always always always always have a separate account with funds for an apartment, living expenses, and travel fees. If they do cheat like this document everything! Take him for all he has. I believe in ruthless divorce in the event of cheating.

pangolinplatypus · 2020-09-24T17:51:12+00:00

Why do I always know there's going to be an age gap...

Caedere01 · 2020-09-24T10:24:55+00:00

Her strategy: Find a job, find a half way house or live with a relative/friend. Courts have self help for child support cases. Consider and realize that relationship is over.

pangolinplatypus · 2020-09-24T14:59:36+00:00

[deleted]

nevomintoarce · 2020-09-24T13:24:07+00:00

Don't date someone a decade older than you.

Lavender_flow · 2020-09-24T18:44:24+00:00

Age gap relationship- CHECK

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-09-24T17:57:37+00:00

She’s so young, she has her entire life ahead of her.

cupittycakes · 2020-09-24T15:32:21+00:00

This woman ignored numerous red flags, I'm sure of it. He didn't do a 180 on her as soon as he got what he wanted (an incubator), she just didn't realize that all his previous red flags were directing her to what was to come.

The fact that they never had a conversation about SAHM and the finances is proof enough she ignored a lot.

That's why we have a dating strategy, to cipher this s*** out

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-09-24T10:47:08+00:00

I'd say the signs were always there for this woman, but she most probably dismissed them (it's what happens when we're in-love, don't blame her). There is no way that they were together for eight years, and there weren't any glaring red flags.

Something to do with the birth of their son, set him off... although, it's quite possible that he's had some psychotic break. I wonder if she ever questioned his behavior? It's all so strange.

It's a lot like the parallel between serial killers living next door to someone, they're quick to say "Oh, but he was such a lovely man." People often give people the benefit of the doubt.

That's why, even if we were to settle down with a HVM... we should always have a means of support for ourselves.

Levelupmama · 2020-09-24T17:53:26+00:00

[deleted]

2020-09-24T21:01:49+00:00

I will NEVER enter any relationship or stay in any relationship where I am not able to leave and be independent at all times. I have a plan for what if xyz happens. I will not allow myself to get into a bad situation. This lady seems like she is completely invested and has trapped herself. When he was scary the first time she should have left. I have zero tolerance and I don’t care if I am married, it doesn’t mean I have to tolerate things. He can be the one to work but I will stash away money and maintain a way to make money if I ever have to (like always renewing my certifications for my career path even if I’m not currently working and don’t plan to). There is a huge difference between allowing a man to be the bread winner and allowing yourself to be in a bad situation.

Hahane · 2020-09-24T10:39:10+00:00

I seriously think that vetting is enough. And that in this specific case it wasn't done properly.

throw2422 · 2020-09-24T19:45:17+00:00

THIS IS WHY.

THIS is exactly why you don't date someone 10 years older than you at 18.

kashlew · 2020-09-24T20:55:51+00:00

For me, red flag #1 would have been that he’s 9 years older than her

th3n3w3ston3 · 2020-09-25T00:54:54+00:00

No talking, just leaving.

plummyjellyfish · 2020-09-25T06:09:40+00:00

This couple has been together for 8 years. She would have been 18, and he was 27. Come on, dude. Of course he's a piece of shit.

Title	How do we avoid men that we gotta one day throw in the trash? Is vetting enough? Part of me worries about the breadwinner thing for this reason.
Author	Levelupmama
Upvotes	242
Comments	110
Date	September 24, 2020 10:16 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iyukcp/how_do_we_avoid_men_that_we_gotta_one_day_throw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-we-avoid-men-that-we-gotta-one-day-throw-in.269271 https://theredarchive.com/post/269271

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