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MelatoninNightmares Archive

View 9 posts and 349 comments by MelatoninNightmares on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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59

Men's insistence that we should look high-maintenance without actually doing any maintenance is one of the most bizarre things about patriarchy to me. You need to be thin and fit and hot, but you can't watch what you eat or spend a lot of time working out or spend any time or money on your hair/skin/nails/makeup. If you do, you're uptight and vain and bougie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:21 PM
2

When people on this sub ask if marriage is worth it, I like to point to what gay people went through in the US before gay marriage was legalized. The reason we have gay marriage now is for practical reasons, not sentimental ones, and a lot of them have to do with the AIDS crisis. I wrote out a detailed post about that once. TL;DR - Marriage does provide certain protections and benefits. Whether or not those protections are worth the risk depends on the individual couple. If you intend to share f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:15 PM
2

Paid dating sites are probably gonna be worse. HVM who have no trouble meeting quality women on free OLD (or in person) aren't gonna use a paid dating site.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:55 PM
6

A personal story, about the power of saying no. I was at a dance, I was maybe 14 or 15. I was dancing with a guy I kind of knew. He was an acquaintance, a friend of a friend. He groped my boobs. I assumed it was an accident, maybe he'd been shoved on the crowded dance floor, and moved his hands. He moved his hands back. I moved his hands, and said, "No, don't do that." He looked me in the eyes and deliberately put his hands back on my boobs. I stepped back, cranked up, and slapped him across the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 09:27 PM
4

Someday, you're going to realize that You're Ready. For your first kiss, for your first sexual experience, etc. My best advice is to identify this feeling in the cold light of day - not when some guy already has his hand up your shirt. Then you'll know when you're actually ready, and you might remember the experience more fondly. It's hard to describe what that feels like, but it's when you think about the experience and it stops seeming quite so terrifying. The thought will probably still give …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:59 PM
98

Men empathize more with roosters than with human women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 04:19 AM
16

Yeah, there are legit ways to decorate that would justify a mattress on the floor. That's clearly not what was going on here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 08:15 PM
182

As someone whose "type" is academics and highly-educated men: Beware of the perpetual student. These men have Peter Pan syndrome. They're terrified of growing up and actually being adults. So they will always go back to school for another degree, to put off being an adult for another few years. I've never seen a guy go so far as to get three different terminal degrees, but there are a lot of them out there with a couple of bachelors degrees, a masters, he's in the process of his second masters d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 03:32 PM
3

I actually prefer giving blow jobs over PIV, as long as the man behaves himself - no thrusting/face-fucking, no pushing my head, etc. I find PIV more uncomfortable than giving head. Oral > PIV in general, tbh - giving and receiving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:24 PM
174

More women go to college because other means of excelling outside of college are more lucrative for men, and only for men. Women need one more degree than men to make a comparable amount of money. On average, women with associates degrees make the same amount as men who only have a high-school diploma. Women with bachelors degrees make the same amount as men with associates degrees. Women with masters degrees make the same amount as men with bachelors degrees. And misogynists love to talk about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:37 AM
10

I started following this case early on. When a man first described it to me, he said something like, "They had a toxic, mutually abusive relationship." I stopped him right there and asked him to tell me what he meant. He described the bodycam footage, and I immediately responded, "Nope. He's abusing her. That's what abusive men do. They do just enough to get her to respond violently, and then claim that she's the crazy abusive one and he's the victim." I hadn't even seen the footage yet. When th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 09:36 PM
2

I know one military couple who got married that young and are still together and happy (at least from my perspective) nearly 15 years later. But they'll openly admit, it wasn't easy. They went through some really rough years. They sacrificed a lot. And they had a lot of extra stuff going for them. They had already been together for 2 or 3 years before the marriage. And they waited until their late twenties to have kids, so they had time to mature together. They are the exception. Everybody else …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 09:23 PM
5

It makes more sense when you realize that what they're calling "multiple partners" is usually "multiple FWB/situationships." They're not putting in the kind of effort into each relationship that any normal person would expect from a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:45 PM
4

I've literally seen poly people on the internet say a partner is just a friend you sleep with. They have no concept of boundaries... or of real relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:42 PM
2

the latter consider any woman fair game This is so true and it's worth discussing. Poly people have absolutely no respect for the boundaries of people who aren't in their toxic little cult. They think we're unevolved or bigoted and we just need to be shown the light. They'll say that being poly is just another form of sexual orientation, but their actions suggest that they think nobody is truly monogamous. So they push and manipulate and harass, and it's gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:39 PM
18

It's also worth pointing out that a pageant "career" doesn't even really translate to an actual career. If you look up where past Miss America/Miss USA winners are now, it really only goes one of a few ways: They pursue a career that has nothing to do with their pageant life, like law or medicine or finance or real estate. Sometimes they start a business or a nonprofit. They turn their beauty into a modest career as a model, singer, actress, TV show host, news anchor, etc. These women usually go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 06:31 PM
76

Pageants are awful. All that talk about charity and scholarships and "empowerment" is just marketing. It takes thousands of dollars to be a pageant queen - probably hundreds of thousands over a lifetime, because nobody even gets to those big-name pageants without "training" for them since childhood. Pageants don't give out nearly as much money in scholarships or charity as they claim to, and it doesn't outweigh the cost of getting to them. And the whole point is to present these women as eligibl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 04:37 PM
20

You tell him that's a hateful, fucked-up way to behave. You ask him how he would feel if he asked a girl out, and she went on a long rant about how she'd never date a worm like him. (Insert whatever feature he might be insecure about here. Height, acne, fitness level, facial hair or inability to grow it, income, etc.) But remember - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can't make him develop empathy.
/r/askFDS18/06/21 05:05 PM
13

You can get a prenup that says just about anything you want. I'm not as familiar with how it works in Canada, but you don't have to agree to his terms. If you feel like your option protects you more, make him a counteroffer. A prenup is a contract, and right now you're in negotiations. So negotiate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 11:18 PM
31

I was born in the mid-90s and I agree, I think it's us. I remember boys talking about the porn they watched in third grade (2003ish). It wasn't quite as universal at that point, but common enough. But it just got worse, and then everything changed very fast. WiFi, and computers and laptops got cheaper, and early smartphones (remember Sidekicks, lol?), and then the iPod Touch, and by the time I was in seventh grade boys were watching porn in the middle of class. I vividly remember a kid who pulle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 07:40 PM
4

I was never like the other girls, just like how so many girls felt as well, because guess what - all girls were constantly policing and/or being policed by each other. It's hard to feel like you belong amongst the very people who constantly tough-love you from what is assumed to be a superior standpoint. This is so well-put!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:48 PM
65

This is a really insightful comment. Especially this: Theyre not used to the response to “we’re going to shun you,” being “fine, I don’t need you anyway”. They’re losing the ability to threaten us financially, although they still take opportunities where they are able to (see the numbers on how many women lost their jobs during Covid). Men want nothing more than for us to return to being property. That's their ideal state. And they're throwing an absolute mantrum right now, pretty much worldwide…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 12:19 AM
57

That's the great thing about a sub like this. Every woman who openly, visibly refuses to worship men leads another woman out. We see it every day on this sub. A rising tide lifts all boats.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 12:15 AM
17

It is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 09:22 PM
23

I don't even know what "they're not all diseases" would mean? They're definitely diseases, in that they cause dysfunction of some part of the body. They're infectious diseases. I guess because you can be infected with some STDs but lack overt symptoms?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:08 PM
24

That's the reason I always heard for it. "Disease" is stigmatizing, but "infection" is more clinical and neutral.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:06 PM
80

It's just stupid euphemism-treadmill bullshit. "STD is stigmatizing because you're saying people are diseased!" That stuff annoys me so much, because you can't remove negativity from an objectively negative thing. Whatever word you use to describe the negative thing will eventually have the exact same connotations. Because it's not that the word is negative - what it describes is negative. And yeah, STDs are objectively a negative thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:50 PM
301

Is it because we make them feel the error of their entire dating history? Do they just automatically want to compete for male attention and accolades? You've pretty much got it here. Growing up as a woman basically brainwashes you to measure your own value by how much you appeal to men. These women think that by engaging in these damaging sex acts, they're appealing to men, therefore they are more valuable. It's part competition and part cognitive dissonance. Women are groomed to self-police oth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:45 PM
18

I love being an adult. Like a real adult. Not “act like an adult but be a child because you are a young female and the cycle of abuse must continue.” You've hit the nail on the head. Men talk about childhood and adolescence as if it was a time of freedom. That wasn't freedom. Adulthood is freedom. I actually have a lot fewer responsibilities now, as an adult, than I ever did as a child or teenager. And the consequences of my actions actually have lower stakes. I think the only thing that is actu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:18 PM
40

Romanticizing and yearning for childhood is such a male thing in general. I know so many men who are always like, "God, don't you want to go back to being a kid? No responsibilities, no politics, just cartoons and riding around on bikes with your friends." Um, I don't know what kind of childhood you had, David, but I'm the oldest daughter of a large family. What is this "no responsibilities" you speak of? I do remember riding around on bikes with my friends, it was lots of fun. I also remember a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:53 PM
4

Because the young woman doesn't realize that the man can't get a woman his own age. She thinks that, because this man is attractive to her, he must also be attractive to older women. Because she hasn't ever been an older woman and doesn't understand what an older woman wants in a partner. And because the young woman doesn't understand what an older HVM would look like. Because, again, she's never been older. She's comparing him to her peers. Things that are pretty normal for an 18-21yo man are g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:24 PM
59

Glad you said it. Total destruction of her career prospects with a massive pay cut and no ability to return to her previous field No prenup Merging finances Moving her to a new city, his city Police officer This is a recipe for domestic violence. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dating a police officer should be considered a suicide attempt and treated as such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:56 PM
5

That's very true. I'd say there's a meaningful difference in the form of licensing boards and other oversight bodies. You can report a predatory or incompetent therapist/counselor/social worker. There will be a record of that complaint that other people can look up. There might even be other professional consequences, such as suspending or revoking a license. And because they require a license, that does imply a minimum level of competency. I know that it doesn't always guarantee that competency…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:45 PM
4

It sounds like you're not the kind of person the OP is talking about. You have professional training in psychology, counseling, and social work. I'm not sure if you're a licensed counselor, therapist, or social worker, but it sounds like you could be at least. But since it's a totally unregulated field, you are technically just as qualified to be a Life Coach as literally any random person. Individual people might be qualified, competent coaches, but the whole industry does not require that and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:04 PM
42

Agreed. Like Lundy Bancroft says, abuse is fundamentally an issue of entitlement. Abusive men believe they are entitled to be doted on, cared for, forgiven for all their transgression, to be the only factor in all decisions made or to make all decisions himself. He believes himself God of his house, and his partner is supposed to be a devoted worshipper, high priestess of his temple. When a woman is pregnant, that man is no longer her top priority. Now the baby is the top priority. Even a woman …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:53 PM
98

Please tell me the smacking is some kind of official policy. The world would be a much better place if we could just publicly beat the crap out of creeps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 06:52 AM
156

They get off on our anger. Like naughty children who act out because "all attention is good attention."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 06:50 AM
19

Where do you want to start? There's a whole world of literature and theory out there. Do you have any preferences for century, theme or topic, women of color, women in the third world? Dworkin is usually a good place to start, though. Woman Hating or Intercourse. Dworkin had a real knack for writing about extremely complex topics in a very accessible way.
/r/askFDS13/06/21 06:48 AM
326

I love that even the female train security people (in the green uniforms, not sure what their job is exactly) smacked the men upside the head as they got off. And it was such an organized line of smacking. Pull one off, smack him, pass him along to the next person who also smacks him, grab the next guy, smack him... Bad scrote!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 06:40 AM
3

Don't be an asshole to people who are trying to help you. The advice you were given is how to make it stop. You can't control other people's behavior, only your own. That's the action you can take to make it stop. Furthermore, if you're after social media fame, the only other advice is to grow a thicker skin. If you want to be a public figure, that's the cost. Stuff you post publicly is fair game for public consumption, and parody counts as fair use. What these guys are doing is mean and hateful…
/r/askFDS12/06/21 04:31 AM
54

They call it "summer reddit." A bunch of teenagers are out of school, so they spend more time on reddit, and trolling goes way up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 02:23 AM
14

The only coochie smell I've ever noticed in public is that really distinctive period-blood-on-a-pad scent. Even then, I really only notice it as a lingering smell in public bathrooms on hot days. I don't think I've ever noticed it in a person, like, out in the wild. And that's not really coochie smell. Used pads have a weird smell, I think it has something to do with the chemicals in the pad. So a public bathroom with a bunch of used pads in the trash cans is gonna smell a bit like used pads.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 02:19 AM
7

When it comes to the working class, a strong family unit is definitely not in the interests of capitalism. This is propaganda. Reproduction is in the interests of capitalism. They don't care how you do it, as long as you make more workers. For the working class, a broken family unit is actually much more desirable. Isolated, atomized people without strong social support are desperate workers. They consume more, because living alone forces you to consume more. For example - a married couple livin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:54 PM
8

I suspect we're also going to see a sudden and drastic drop of women in positions of power in about 20 years. Internet tomfoolery will never hamstring a man's career potential, but it will destroy a woman's career potential. The sheer number of women doing OF or otherwise trying to turn "being sexy on the internet" into cash (IG, TikTok, etc) is going to remove a lot of women from the competition for these positions, where women are already at a disadvantage. Women already lose their jobs becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:22 PM
139

As with most performative bullshit, "preferring to not have a disabled child is literally eugenics" comes almost entirely from people who have no personal stake in the argument. They aren't disabled, they don't have disabled children, they don't work in a field where they deal with disabled people a lot, etc. If they had a clue what they were talking about, they'd recognize that being disabled is hard, and being a parent to a disabled child is hard, and it's not for everyone. It's not morally wr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 08:22 PM
39

"There's almost no homeless women! Men obviously are underprivileged" Yeah women "choose" to get paid for being raped seeing as the counter-option is getting raped without pay, big shock. As if it wasn't obvious: the reason we don't see homeless women as much is because it's super dangerous to be a woman on the street let alone being a woman CONSTANTLY on the streets without anyone reliable to protect them, especially when the police is part of the problem. I do volunteer work with an organizati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:49 AM
17

I really just think he's easy on the eyes. He's one of the few men I've ever seen who looked better in his 40s than he did in his 20s. (Though a lot of that was his nose job, I think.) But you're so right - a man looking for younger women to date is inherently unattractive. Even Patrick Dempsey has an age-appropriate wife.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 06:08 PM
14

As a 20-something woman, the only 40-something man I would ever go for is Grey's Anatomy-era Patrick Dempsey. If you look like Patrick Dempsey at 45, and have Patrick Dempsey money, maybe you can get a hot young girlfriend. That's the standard. McDreamy with an 8-figure net worth. I just think he's really good looking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:55 PM
28

I've heard a few justifications for it. All of them are either double-standards or outright misogyny. For example, the fact that we affirm women's right to only date men we're attracted to and sexually compatible with. Men's preferences in attractiveness - all the way down to the size and color of our areolas - get to be porn categories, but the moment a woman says, "Yeah, I like tall dudes with big dicks," we're the toxic ones who are objectifying men. They think caring about how much money a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 05:35 PM
2

No, you're not overthinking it at all. I would find it extremely weird for my husband to be texting my friends, especially single friends. Even with our married friends, husbands text/call the husbands, wives text/call the wives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 06:28 PM
41

I've got some great stories about where my LVXs are now. I don't personally keep up with them, but it's a small world and people gossip. I'll start with the most positive story: LVX1 was a drug addict with a tragic background. Victim of the Troubled Teen Industry. He went off the rails for a while, in and out of jail. He got sober, got a trade certification, and got married last I heard. Honestly, good for him. Dude was a mess; I didn't think he'd even live this long. LVX2 was an egomaniac and a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 05:15 PM
5

He has no problem "supporting you financially" for things that benefit him. He'll pay to keep you, because you cook and clean and have sex with him and make life easier for him. He'll pay for liposuction because it would make him happy. He has a serious problem supporting you financially when things would benefit you. He won't pay for school, because it might take some of your attention away from him. He won't allow a dog, because it might take some of your attention away from him. He wants to k…
/r/askFDS14/05/21 03:16 PM
2

Good quick thinking! And good on you for getting into that Freedom Mindset. It's normal to be sad - this is going to be a big life change, and you're going to have a lot of complicated feelings about it. But you'll be free. Really, truly free. You are so ready for this. You're clever, and strong, and you deserve so much more than the way he treats you. What did you mean by "will respond a second time with a full blown response?" I wanted to give you a lie suggestion quickly, in case it was time-…
/r/askFDS14/05/21 02:45 AM
2

Okay, it looks like you've got a good plan! You've got a place to go, you've got your ducks in a row, and you've got a way to get your stuff out safely. The welfare check is insane and you'd have every right to call that bank and throw an absolute fit. This would be "end my relationship with this bank" territory for me. They have no idea how badly that could have ended for you.... and still might. Additional lie suggestions: You texted your therapist bc you wanted to talk about the fight you jus…
/r/askFDS14/05/21 01:49 AM
2

Lie suggestion: You missed a call from your mom and she called the police bc she was worried. Will respond a second time with full-blown response.
/r/askFDS14/05/21 01:42 AM
3

This plan sounds good. I know it's overwhelming, but you can obviously do it. You got an education with untreated ADHD. You started a successful business while dealing with this guy's bullshit. You can do hard things. I will say that the faster you put this plan in motion, the better. If you could move the storage unit in one weekend, that would be ideal. But keep in mind your safety. If moving more slowly allows you to be stealthier, and you think that's a safer choice, by all means, do that. I…
/r/askFDS13/05/21 10:47 PM
4

Often, when women come to this sub to write about their LVM, I go through line by line and point out the red flags. You've already done that. You know exactly what is wrong with this situation. But I don't know that you've really seen the whole picture yet. This man is not just low-value, he's dangerous. I'm gonna show you how this behavior escalated in a textbook fashion. He presented himself as single...I found out a few weeks after we got more serious that he was living at home with his mothe…
/r/askFDS13/05/21 07:35 PM
12

Given the rate at which police officers commit domestic violence, dating a cop should be considered a suicide attempt and treated as such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 08:16 PM
5

That reminds me of a case on Unsolved Mysteries, the murder of a woman named Patrice Endres. The moment they introduced her second husband, Rob - who was twenty years older than her - I was like, he did it. "Rob became controlling and possessive" - he did it. "Rob became cruel to Patrice's son and jealous of how much attention she paid him" - he did it. "Patrice's son said she was talking about divorce and a friend said Patrice was unhappy with Rob" - that man killed her why is this 'Unsolved?!'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:21 PM
13

There's a 0% chance they're making as much money as they act like they are. If you seriously look into it, and ignore sex industry propaganda... An average stripper (not a big-name career stripper in world class VIP clubs) makes a few hundred bucks a night on average - and the average matters because it varies a lot. The average OF account makes a few hundred dollars total. Not monthly. Total. "Industry" porn pays a little better, a few hundred to a thousand per day, but good luck keeping up wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:29 PM
41

I will clarify now - this is not a means of bragging. You should brag! You've made some serious moves! It obviously took a ton of hard work and skill and you deserve to flex a little bit. Only a pick-me would see a woman winning the game like you and snark about "bragging." Queens want to congratulate you and let your success inspire our own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:19 PM
10

Queen shit 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:50 PM
16

That's a hell of a backhanded compliment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:02 PM
66

aka, "You value yourself too much."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:26 PM
28

Gold-digger is a good one. Even in cases where it might actually apply (ie, not women who just want a man who's capable of paying his own bills), why would that be a bad thing? Oh no, a woman wants to a date a man who can afford to give her really nice things. How... awful?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:26 PM
10

I love that!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:21 PM
43

That "sorry you have to have your leg in a bear trap and get punched in the face to cum" tweet is honestly the best response to that shit. Just because you've got some weird shit to work through doesn't mean the rest of us do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:21 PM
10

Nobody "puts up with" me. I am a blessing and a joy and it's a privilege to be in my presence. And if you don't see it that way, well, nobody's forcing you to be here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:20 PM
51

Mama sounds like a queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:02 PM
17

Oh no, that's not true! Some of them also like cars and guns!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:00 PM
25

This is the second man who has used conventionally attractive features as an insult. Why do they do that???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:56 PM
18

I get that one a lot, too. Intimidating = "More successful, accomplished, talented, and/or confident than me, and refuses to pretend otherwise."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:32 PM
76

Ooh, intimidating is a good one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:22 PM
80

That's hilarious. I can just imagine him being like "You have conventionally attractive features but that's a bad thing, somehow! Because I, man with hurt feelings, say so!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:22 PM
12

Betting on yourself is always the best choice, because it's the only bet where you can control the outcome. If you move to a bigger American city, I promise you won't have too much trouble fitting in or meeting people. It doesn't even necessarily have to be NYC. America has plenty of immigrants, so you won't stick out and people aren't going to be put off by it. And the overwhelming majority of people are friendly and welcoming. (A lot of people say Americans are almost terrifyingly friendly, th…
/r/askFDS05/05/21 03:57 PM
75

You're in a worse situation than I thought. You need professional assistance and you need it fast. He already won't let you go to the grocery store - the next step is monitoring or taking away your phone/internet access, and then you'll really be stuck. Here, read this. It's aimed at women in the UK, so some of the specific tips won't work, but it's a pretty good step-by-step guide to what sorts of things you can do to make a safe getaway. Call or chat with the national domestic violence hotline…
/r/askFDS04/05/21 04:39 PM
142

My usual format for posts like this is to go line by line and point out all the reasons you should leave. But since that would be literally every sentence of a fairly long post, let's skip it. YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS MAN. And you know that, which is why you prefaced the post by saying you can't right now. Okay, maybe you can't leave immediately. But you need to get a plan together and get the hell out. The sooner the better. Squirrel away money. Connect with your network - could you stay with fam…
/r/askFDS04/05/21 02:54 PM
7

I'm gonna be honest - it sounds like a relationship isn't right for you right now. It sounds like you're feeling lonely because your friends are drifting away, and you miss that emotional intimacy, and you think a relationship is the solution to that problem. It's not, and going into dating with that perspective is going to get you hurt. You cannot be vulnerable when dating. You can be vulnerable in relationships, but you have to date first to get there. Predators can sense that vulnerability. Y…
/r/askFDS04/05/21 02:40 PM
9

How did this man live before you? Surely he was able to feed himself, wash his own clothes, and clean his own space. He was able to do all that before you, and he can do it now. Proximity to vagina is not some kryptonite that renders men incapable of performing housework. You're not a maid. Unless he was a babied mama's boy, in which case, it's on him to learn how to do this stuff. You don't have to teach him anything. You're not Mommy 2.0. The next time he says "I don't know how," your response…
/r/askFDS04/05/21 02:21 PM
58

That's perfectly normal. Romantic relationships aren't necessary. A good one is nice to have, but a bad one can ruin - or even end - your life. It's possible that someday, you might meet someone who makes it seem worth it. Or maybe you won't, and that's okay. Single women live longer and are happier overall anyway. Relationships are only worth it if they're bringing something to your life that you want, that is good for you, that you wouldn't have had otherwise. All those things have to be true,…
/r/askFDS03/05/21 04:04 PM
6

There's a thread on Ask Men right now that is like, "Men, what do women think you like that you don't actually like or vice versa?" or something like that. The entire thread can be summarized as: I don't want to put in any effort at all, of any kind (eg, I want to be asked out, I don't want to chase a girl playing hard to get, I don't want to make decisions, I don't want to be a leader, I want a girl to explicitly state exactly how interested in me she is to my face in the clearest possible lang…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 12:20 AM
6

you will never convince me that looks and quality accoutrements don’t pay. They pay a good 20-30% atop whatever you make in a career or business—in status, in mercy, in decisions. Honestly, you're so right. I resisted this for a long time on ideological grounds - it's anti-feminist, it's consumerist, it's classist, etc. And it is. But it's also reality. Being a woman is such a lose-lose situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 08:43 PM
13

The commons argument I see for why women at FDS don't do 50/50 is that the woman has to bear the burden of childbirth/pregnancy. However, this is typically not the case for CF women as they often get sterilization or have a partner who is. Am I still bearing the burden of taking birth control? Am I still getting paid 10-25% less than men? Am I still going to have my career prospects limited by being a married woman of childbearing age, regardless of the fact that I'm CF? Am I still probably goin…
/r/askFDS01/05/21 08:37 PM
29

I guarantee he resents her for "spending all his money on frivolous shit" like gym memberships and salon visits and cosmetics, and doesn't realize that's why she looks so good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:28 PM
141

The fact that she would even ask if she was in the wrong here shows this is not just a one-time thing and it is always like this. He yelled and swore at a very young child who was being kind, and then yelled insults and slurs at his wife. Literally any response, up to and including slapping him across the face for speaking to you and your child like that, would have been justified. (Not that I think she should instigate violence against such an obviously abusive man. That would have ended badly.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:09 PM
4

A few years ago, I was bored and decided to make fake accounts on a bunch of weirdly-specific dating sites. I was just curious about what kind of person uses a site like this. I went all-out with it, too, crafting believable characters for each site and using fake pics. I never sent a single message or interacted with anybody. I just wanted to see what would happen. I'm pretty sure women don't use these super-specific dating sites. The ratio of men to women on these sites was usually at least 10…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 05:34 PM
40

My husband once asked me what it's like to be a woman. Just a casual question, one of those late-night pillow talk questions. I thought about it for a second and said, "Being a woman is the awareness that everywhere I go, I'm in danger. And there's nothing I can do about it. The man standing behind me in line at the grocery store could snap my neck right there, and there's nothing I could do about it. When I walk down the street, a man could pull over and snatch me into the car, and there's noth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:52 PM
28

The legal and ethical implications of surrogacy are mind-boggling. I actually took a women's studies course that spent a whole unit on this once. We went through a few famous legal cases regarding the rights of surrogate mothers, children born via surrogacy, and the hiring parents. It left me with the strong opinion that there is no ethical way to engage in surrogacy. If something goes wrong, at the end of the day, somebody gets shafted. And it's usually the surrogate mom and/or the baby. The ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 03:20 PM
7

I'm married, and I hang out on this sub. It's a reminder to never let my standards drop. Never get too dependent. Never become the frog in boiling water. We all know men can change or get lazy and take us for granted. I've seen too many women who thought they married Prince Charming, ten years later, they're married to the Sitcom Husband Guy. It won't be me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 07:49 PM
43

I clicked on this link to say the same thing lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 08:29 PM
42

There are significant legal and practical benefits to marriage, not all of which can be approximated through other means. Look at what gay couples in the US went through before they were allowed to marry. Stories from the AIDS crisis show some of the biggest benefits of marriages. Gay men were often uninsured or underinsured because they weren't eligible to be on their partner's health insurance. Because they weren't married to each other, they weren't each other's next of kin. That right went t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 06:27 PM
28

I am baffled. I have seen some horrible showers in my time - hoarders, old people who couldn't really clean anymore, depression nests, even trap houses full of strung out junkies, and not one of those showers looked this bad. How does this happen???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 07:14 PM
1

I have, too. I seriously considered van life for a little while, but I was quickly turned off when I realized how expensive it would actually be. Basically, there's two types of vandwellers - people who live in a van to travel (the pixie wanderlust fairies this guy wants to date), and the voluntarily homeless (which this guy seems to be). Traveling vanlife costs almost as much as a regular life in a LCOL area, so it only makes sense for people who are really committed to an alternative lifestyle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 06:37 PM
47

why doesn't he look for women who are also live in vans Because he wants to use her shower. And washing machine. And kitchen. And toilet. And sleep in her full-size bed when his back hurts, because he's forty-fucking-three and I'm sure living in a van is taking a toll on his back. And park his van in her driveway, because people keep calling the cops on him. No shade on people who live like this, but I once heard it described as "mooching off the employed," and.... it kinda is. Or at least, it's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:13 PM
22

I enjoy some of her videos, especially her earlier videos on elegant styling, but she's not what she claims to be and her advice should be taken in the context of what she actually is. Anna Bey used to be a stripper, escort, aspiring sugar baby, and "yacht girl." If you're not familiar with what a yacht girl is, it's kind of like an escort who gets paid in vacations instead of cash. She's been interviewed about this before. (BTW - that's a great article if you ever look at those beautiful girls …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 03:07 PM
3

If you have the self-awareness to even be reflecting on the appropriateness of your behavior that much, I can almost guarantee you were not the abuser. Abusers always think their actions are justified. This line right here: I feel bad for blaming him for having dinner with his best friend every week for instance, because I feel that if a man tried to stop me from doing the same it would not sit right. Abusers do not think that way. Was your behavior toxic? Maybe. But "toxic" depends on circumsta…
/r/askFDS10/04/21 11:50 PM
16

After 25 my alcohol tolerance, especially for wine, took a sudden and unexpected nose dive. I'd get the kind of drunk that used to mean "ooh, I might have a headache in the morning," and end up with a "I'm puking so hard I can't even keep down water" hangover. I learned the hard way - wine must be consumed with an equivalent volume of water.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:35 PM
0

At 10 feet, I like my chances of spraying something pressurized at a man's face way better than I like my chances of landing a face shot with what is basically a child's BB gun. (Actually, even BB guns are more powerful and accurate than this.) And I'm a decent shot with an actual gun. I just don't think the tradeoffs work. You eliminate the risk of it blowing back at you, but you also seriously reduce your chances of it working at all. At that point you may as well put hot sauce in a water gun …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 03:59 PM
2

I don't hate this, but I don't love it either. You're losing one of the biggest benefits of traditional pepper spray - it's small and you can discreetly hold it in your hand in "firing position" when you're in a dangerous situation. You've got to get your finger around a trigger with this. 13 feet is not as far away as you think it is. An average man could easily close that distance in 1-2 seconds. This would require a much more accurate shot than traditional pepper spray. Pepper spray really on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 03:33 PM
21

I don't know how else to explain to you that men and women are different, and our burdens, risks, and responsibilities regarding sex and pregnancy are different. A woman's orgasm has never caused a single unwanted pregnancy, but every single unwanted pregnancy was caused by a man's orgasm. A woman can have sex 100 times a day, every day, for her entire life, and not get pregnant unless a man wields his dick irresponsibly and ejaculates inside her. Context matters. And that's all I have to say ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 05:43 PM
18

I did not say that. I said "I would like men to feel more shame about the irresponsible way they use their dicks, so that maybe they'll use it more responsibly." When men wield their dicks irresponsibly, even in an entirely consensual context, they put women at risk. I think they should feel some shame about that, rather than feeling entitled to stick their dicks wherever they want, whenever they want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 05:34 PM
18

Yeah, I don't care about shaming men for consensual sex. Men having consensual sex with women is one of the greatest causes of human misery, second probably only to men having non-consensual sex with women. I would very much like men to feel a little more shame about the way they use that weapon in their pants. Maybe they'll keep it to themselves occasionally, and women's lives will improve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 05:24 PM
99

I'm 19...He’s 26 Red flag. A 26-year-old does not see you as an equal or a peer. You are prey. he almost always asks to split the bill Red flag. I don’t have much money, which he knows Mhm, I bet he does know. Kinda feels like that's the point. Red flag. met this man on tinder....we’ve been casually seeing each other for over a month.....the sex is amazing Red flag. Way too soon for sex. Do I tell him we can’t go out until he steps it up No, you never offer up the standard to men so they can pre…
/r/askFDS16/03/21 05:18 PM
33

The difference is that women have no conscious control over our fertility. We can't choose to ovulate or not ovulate, and we can't choose when we ovulate. Men have 100% total conscious control over their fertility. They choose where and when they orgasm. Since the only way to cause pregnancy is ejaculation inside a woman, if they don't want to have a child, they could just... not put their penis inside a woman's vagina. There are other ways to have sex, for which the risk of pregnancy is 0%. If …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 04:46 PM
7

I mean, I completely agree with you, but it's a nuanced issue. Misogynistic attitudes are not caused by a disability, but inappropriate behavior can be. Struggling to understand and perform socially appropriate behavior can be an issue with many different conditions, including autism spectrum disorders, intellectual disability, traumatic brain injuries, strokes and more. It's quite possible this behavior is a direct result of a disabling condition. That doesn't excuse the behavior, of course. Bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 12:23 AM
41

I want to cosign the recommendation to be reassigned. Employers have an obligation to protect you from experiencing sexual harassment in the workplace - and this is sexual harassment. Whether or not this is an option will depend on the kind of work you do, and how many male employees are available. Because you're going to run into the concept of "competing accommodations." On the one hand, he cannot legally be denied services due to his disability. On the other hand, you are legally entitled to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 03:43 PM
16

If they have actual good-faith questions, AskFDS exists. Men post questions there occasionally, usually along the lines of "how do I level up and become a HVM/how do I attract HVW?" We give them the opportunity to interact. We just don't give them the opportunity to harass, argue, and debate. But they don't want to interact. They want to harass, argue, and debate. As if a woman's dating standards are subject to public opinion. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 02:04 PM
4

You can choose the misery of leaving him, or the misery of staying with him. If you leave him now, it's gonna suck for a little while. You'll be sad and lonely and you'll miss him. But it will stop hurting eventually, and sooner than you think. A year from now, you'll look back and wonder why you waited so long. If you stay, it will just keep sucking. Every single day is going to be like today, and yesterday, and the day before it. In the end, you'll probably still leave. Or he'll cheat and leav…
/r/askFDS14/03/21 10:29 AM
4

Where are yalls parents? Do they know about this? Could they put a stop to it somehow? I'm not saying to snitch on her - you want to retain her trust. This situation is dangerous and she needs to not be isolated. But you didn't mention your parents... and this is a 15yo girl going to meet a strange adult man she met on the internet. It seems like the sort of thing parents should be involved in. Are they okay with this?? Adult women recognize this kind of grooming. It's a common way for adult men…
/r/askFDS14/03/21 10:20 AM
18

Haha, no. Absolutely not. Not even close. For one, there's no such thing as "having it all figured out." Nobody ever does. More importantly, part of the value of a HVM is that he supports your growth. He brings out your best qualities, and you like the person you are when you're with him. The people we spend time with shape our growth and development - a HVM will shape you in a positive direction, and you'll do the same for him.
/r/askFDS14/03/21 10:03 AM
6

OP, the same thing happened to me once. It was late at night. Somebody started opening my door - I must have forgotten to lock it when I got home. Luckily, I lived in a studio apartment at the time, and I was only ever a few steps from the front door. I was able to slam it shut and throw the lock before they came in. And by the time I stopped shaking enough to peek out the peephole, they were gone. I never got a look at who it was. At the time, I figured it was somebody who was drunk. I'd been h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:18 AM
9

My interpretation of that part of the handbook is that they're using the term "high-maintenance" the way men and pick-mes use it. Here's an article written for men about "high maintenance women." If you translate it from Scrote to English, you'll see what a "high maintenance woman" actually is. She's confident and has high self-esteem. She knows her worth. She cares about her appearance and making good impressions on people, because she knows that, as a woman, that stuff matters a lot. She's not…
/r/askFDS11/03/21 04:17 PM
4

My best advice is to not bother with men right now. Your safe dating range is 18-22 year old guys. No man in that age range has anything of value to offer you. Date casually, but not seriously. Hone your skills. Learn how to identify red flags and green flags quickly, how to control your feelings (both the ones in your heart and the ones in your pants), how to cut a guy off brutally and safely, and figure out what you actually like and don't like in men. But don't commit to anyone. This is not t…
/r/askFDS11/03/21 02:41 AM
3

he dated one of his ex-students Red flag. he teaches high school AAH! what the fuck? RED FLAG. when she graduated college at 23 years old Okay, that's slightly better than where I thought that sentence was going. Still awful, though. Red flag. which makes it a 9 year age difference This was very recent, then? Yikes, red flag. most of his past relationships are with much younger women Hm, big shocker. Red flag. I don't want to end up in some crazy scandal 10 years down the road That seems like ex…
/r/askFDS11/03/21 02:23 AM
6

I'm not gonna get too specific, bc I know for a fact that people who know us personally read this sub, but I think the part you want to know is that by the time we started dating, neither of us was still close with this friend group. There were a few years between our initial introduction and our first date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 10:18 PM
17

Through an overlapping friend group at university.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 05:28 PM
2

Omg I missed the Amazon thing. I know a lot of people who get double licensed as massage therapists and PTAs but wtf Amazon???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 11:15 PM
5

This would be a weird, unpleasant housemate dynamic to have with an actual stranger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 08:55 PM
16

In a pandemic??? Seriously though - there's no formal FDS stance, but the general rule of thumb is "waiting longer for physical intimacy is better." I think that can include kissing. I would generally say don't kiss a random Tinder stranger on the first date. If you're dating within your social circles, dating people you already casually know - maybe it's okay to kiss on the first date.
/r/askFDS09/03/21 02:51 PM
32

"Skincare's not a hobby," Well okay, Darren. Why don't you tell me the primary uses of niacinamide and its ideal concentrations for each use? Can you list the commonly used retinoids in order of bioavailability? Do you know the difference between a cyst and a papule, including the differences in what causes them and how they're treated topically? No, of course you don't. You wash your face with the same bar of Dial soap you use to wash your ass. You'll have the gall to complain about women "hitt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 06:46 PM
2

I love that book, and I'm glad you read it. I also recommend The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, The Body Keeps The Score by Vessel van Der Kolk, When Dad Hurts Mom which is another book by Lundy Bancroft about helping your children heal, and When Love Hurts by Jill Corey.
/r/askFDS27/02/21 06:13 PM
21

Okay, this is good news. I do have some unanswered questions. You don't have to answer them to me, for privacy reasons, but I want to point them out because they make me nervous. What does this 22yo man do that he can afford to drop racks all over the place? Is he a trust fund kid? If he can afford to drop racks all over the place, why does he need to live with roommates? Does he just want to? Does he drop this kind of money on his male friends, too? How long has he known that female roommate? W…
/r/askFDS27/02/21 06:07 PM
2

Okay. Just, please be careful. And don't discount the real impact of trauma. Just because you're functioning well doesn't mean that no damage has been done. If you don't want to see a therapist, that's okay. There are books for women in your situation, and I can recommend some if you want.
/r/askFDS26/02/21 08:20 PM
6

I understand what you're saying. My advice is still the same. Another man is not the solution to these problems. A therapist might be a good idea, if you're not already seeing one. Hypersexuality is a common response to trauma, for exactly the reasons you've listed. You want to stop feeling like your abuser has/had exclusive access to your body. You want to feel like you're regaining control over it. You want to experience sex outside of the context of abuse. You're finally free, and you want to…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 07:53 PM
5

It sounds like you're lonely, and having a hard time adjusting to being alone. You left your ex less than a year ago, right? And you were with him for almost ten years? You haven't been alone in a long time. That's a hard transition. I understand why you feel lonely, and you miss being touched. But I don't think another man is the solution to this problem. I think learning to be alone is the solution to this problem. It will give you space to heal. The loneliness will pass after a while.
/r/askFDS26/02/21 07:22 PM
91

My theory is that there are no social pressures for men to be decent, even outside of the dating world. Women who are unattractive suffer professionally. Women - especially fat women and WOC - receive substandard medical care, so we tend to take better care of ourselves and be more proactive about our health. Women's social lives are more intimate and complex, even in childhood, so we develop emotional intelligence. Parents tend to focus more on teaching girls domestic skills, and enforce hygien…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 07:14 PM
18

That man was telling you that he would only respect your boundaries if it's comfortable and convenient for him to do so. You were right not to put up with that. He was testing to see how far he could go. First, it's "I'll have a stripper at my bachelor party if my friend hires one." Next, it's "My buddy wants to go to the strip club for his birthday, and he's my friend so I can't say no." After that, it's "I'm going out with the boys and they're going to the strip club, are you telling me I can'…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 07:02 PM
3

I'm having a hard time understanding what you mean. Are you saying that you like to flirt and joke with men you're not that interested in, but you have met a man you are interested in, and you don't know how to respond? If you're actually interested in him, you let him initiate the conversation. You let him chase you. We do not have phone sex or sext men, especially not this early in a relationship. If you are primarily interested in casual hook-ups, rather than dating with the goal of finding a…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 06:54 PM
5

I think that's a healthy attitude. Men are people, just like us. There's not a single woman here who is proud of every single thing she has ever done in her past. We should consider a man's past when vetting him, of course. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. And there's a difference between a guy who abused his past girlfriends, and say, a guy who used to party a lot and play a lot of video games. The former suggests a fundamental flaw in character. The latter suggests immat…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 06:41 PM
9

The kind of man who would see a woman who partied in college or whatever as "damaged goods" isn't the kind of man we're trying to date anyway. Why would we care what some insecure scrotes think of us? Nobody here would claim that a woman who partied in her youth or struggled with addiction or made less-than-ideal choices is a low-value woman undeserving of love. Don't base your standards or your self-worth on what a scrote might think. My point is, if a man is currently acting like a LVM, it doe…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 04:17 PM
7

It's technically possible, especially if the LV traits were due to something like immaturity, addictions (incl porn), or a LV friend group. For example, a 21yo party guy who grows up, sobers up, and gets serious about his life at age 26 would probably have been LV when he was partying, but might be HV after sobering up and choosing to lead a more ambitious, healthy life. However, a LVM will probably never have the self-awareness and humility to make that choice. So I think the issue is more accu…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 03:59 PM
4

Also a red flag tbh. You change so much between freshman and senior year, it's awfully convenient that they managed to stay totally compatible all that time. That's a red flag that a guy is putting on an act. But also, even in college, if you're not seriously discussing marriage - even if it's a "after we graduate, we should get married" type thing - after about two years, you're either gonna be a forever gf, or you were a "practice" relationship and he's gonna dump you right after graduation. E…
/r/askFDS26/02/21 03:46 PM
23

Ooh, that's a good point. Why would a man with "buy Loubs for a friend" money need a roommate? Not just one roommate, multiple roommates? Does he not have as much money as he's claiming to have? Is he one of those dudes who likes to flex and pretend to be rich to get a girl? Maybe the Loubs were fake? I can't see any answer here beyond "he has terrible money management skills and/or he's trying to fuck that roommate." (Also, I swear this is like the third question this week about a guy who is tr…
/r/askFDS25/02/21 11:20 PM
74

Just to make sure I'm reading this right... A man who has no issue buying a female roommate Loubs for her birthday didn't offer to pay $175 for a hotel room for his girlfriend's birthday??? Honey, unless he's planning to show up to your birthday celebration with a paid-off Audi with a bow on it, he's not that into you. (And he's probably really into that roommate....) Dump the man, have a fun night in the hotel for your besties, and move on.
/r/askFDS25/02/21 10:49 PM
13

It sounds like you're just not that into him. There may also be an aspect of being used to dramatic, intense relationships with LVM, and therefore bored by a stable, nice man offering stable, nice affection - but it also sounds like you're just not particularly attracted to him. You're not obligated to be into a guy just because he's nice and respectful and kind. You're holding yourself to the same kinds of beliefs that misogynistic "nice guys" spout, substituting the term "HVM" in for "nice guy…
/r/askFDS25/02/21 10:42 PM
2

Same. I love musical theater, so my happy time is putting on a soundtrack and "performing" for myself. Do my favorite songs, do the choreo if I know it. I can't sing at all and I'm far from a broadway dancer, but it's so fun. My go-to happy musicals are: Book of Mormon (I know most of the choreo for this one) Hairspray (It is physically impossible to be sad while singing You Can't Stop The Beat) Legally Blonde: The Musical (major self-esteem booster)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 10:04 PM
3

What's incredible about that is that nearly every woman I've ever met meets these standards. We are literally just asking men to meet us on our level, the basic requirements of being a functional human being who is interesting and pleasant to spend time with. Take care of yourself. Be doing something with your life. Have something to talk about. Care about other people. That's... that's really it. I think I could count the men I've met who reach this standard on my hands...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 09:57 PM
15

He took me to try out a new sushi restaurant followed by a stroll through a nearby park. It was summer, stuff was in bloom, it was pretty. Off to an okay start, I guess. The dinner was nice. We were getting along okay. I wasn't that into him, but the conversation was pleasant, so I went ahead for the walk in the park. The moment the path took us somewhere less visible, he stuck his tongue in my mouth and his hand up my shirt. Like, no warning or anything. We hadn't even been holding hands. This …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 08:22 PM
3

This guy seems like an asshole. Just, like, in general. Why are you even still talking to him? You've already tried to block and ghost this guy before. FDS rules say "no second chances," and he's a perfect example of why. This sub gets a lot of women telling similar stories. "I'm dating this guy who is a huge dick, and I got sick of it and tried to break it off once a few months ago, but he came back and apologized and I gave him another chance. Things were okay for a while, but now he's being a…
/r/askFDS24/02/21 06:26 PM
9

Yeah, the lack of 11 lines and super light forehead wrinkles are a dead giveaway. That and the fact that her lips are exactly the same size they were when she was in her 20s. If she was in her 50s, I'd say maybe she just has incredible genetics and a kickass skincare routine. She's in her 70s. She really does look great, though. Leaving her eyes alone makes her look much more natural. A blepharoplasty would be way too obvious on a woman her age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:15 PM
20

It's possible, and she claims she hasn't. But pretty much all celebrities get some kind of procedures done. She might not have had any major procedures, but I suspect there's some botox and fillers involved. Her forehead is extremely smooth and her cheeks are still quite full for a woman her age. That doesn't mean she's not also naturally aging really well - I just think there's she's probably had a little extra support. If so, she has a spectacular plastic surgeon. When procedures are done well…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 05:33 PM
15

Tip One: Quit watching porn. Don't fall into something like NoFap (that place is weird), but educate yourself on the way pornography harms you, your partner, the people involved in pornography, and society as a whole, and choose not to participate in that. I would say that is the single most important step you can possibly take. You'll find that your attitudes towards women/dating/sex/relationships will become healthier. Tip Two: Take at least a year off from dating. This might sound harsh, but …
/r/askFDS23/02/21 07:28 PM
5

I'm married. I think finances in marriage are deeply personal and unique. By the time you're marrying a man, you know that he's a fully vetted, financially responsible HVM with a provider mindset who (at least by male standards - we know it's never truly 50/50) takes a fair share of responsibility for housework. And marriage legally entitles you to some financial protection, though the specifics may vary based on where you live, if there was a prenup involved, etc. However, men can change, cheat…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 06:41 PM
13

This man is not that into you. If he was into you, he'd be chasing you. You are the one chasing him, and that's never gonna get you anywhere. Also, this relationship seemed like it moved way too fast. You introduced him to your family after 3 dates? And stayed over at his place (and presumably had sex) after 4 dates? If I'm reading the timeline right, the actual dates (and amount of contact/investment from him) dropped off sharply after you started sleeping together. This is why FDS advises agai…
/r/askFDS15/02/21 11:31 PM
30

You're entitled to your feelings about your brother's relationship (and I 100% agree with them), but at the end of the day, that's their stupid game to play and their stupid prizes to win. You DO have every right to draw a boundary about who is allowed to stay in your home. It was not okay of them to invite other people to your house without even checking with you first. That's extremely rude. I would advise leaving your personal feelings about the relationship out of it when you draw that bound…
/r/askFDS15/02/21 11:25 PM
1

Excellent! Wonderful! Amazing! I am so proud of you!!!!!!!
/r/askFDS15/02/21 10:27 PM
17

Your intuition is telling you something is off about this situation. Your intuition is probably right. Let's look at this situation: He invited a woman he is romantically/sexually interested in (though it may be one-sided) into his home. To stay there. In his home. More than once. And he told you he was romantically/sexually interested in her. Why would he tell you that? Why is that information he thought you needed? You say you trust him, but you've only been dating him six weeks. You barely kn…
/r/askFDS15/02/21 08:17 PM
18

If he was really interested in you, he wouldn't be "meeting up with" an ex, whether or not she's married. It seems like she's looking to cheat and he's happy to participate. Also, it doesn't matter if that woman's behavior is toxic. Her behavior isn't any of your concern. All you should be worried about is you.
/r/askFDS15/02/21 04:33 PM
1

Accountability check in time: Have you kicked this man out yet, queen? How was your awesome valentines day with your mom?
/r/askFDS15/02/21 04:30 PM
2

I love water sports personally. I grew up sailing and kayaking. I wish they were more common in my area. Despite being located in a coastal area, it's kind of rare to find someone who does them regularly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 04:37 AM
28

That's it! That's queen energy right there. It's time to take your power back from this soul-sucking man. He is a parasite who has been feeding on you for far too long. You're still so young. Now you're free to enjoy your youth, to grow and flourish! This man has been holding you back. It's time to see who you can become without this chain around your neck!
/r/askFDS14/02/21 03:49 AM
48

Honey, he lied to you. The most generous possibility is that he knew she was into him, and while they didn't actually sleep together, he was leading her on so she'd keep living with him (and probably doing most of the housework). But I still think they were sleeping together. He wants a bangmaid. That was the roommate first, and now it's you. He wanted to keep living with that woman and using you as a booty call. He was happy to leave you homeless to continue that situation. Do you really think …
/r/askFDS14/02/21 03:24 AM
84

We moved in together into an apartment a few months ago, and we split rent, utilities etc 50/50 and buy our own groceries. I do find that I end up doing more than 50% of the housework, picking up after him etc but we're trying to fix that. You will never fix that, dump him. He doesn’t really take me out on dates very often, despite me saying how much I’d love for him to plan a date and take me out somewhere every now and then. Dump him. He is quite selfish in bed. Usually just goes straight to p…
/r/askFDS14/02/21 02:45 AM
5

Thank you so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 09:18 PM
73

In serious but non-married relationships, your Valentine's Day gift to him should be something for the both of you. (This is also ideal for marriage, but you could get him a small gift if you're married. If the relationship isn't serious, you shouldn't be getting him anything at all.) I recommend a bottle of wine or nice liquor for you to share that night. It's small and inexpensive, it's for both of you, but it's still a heartfelt gift. Inexpensive tickets to an event you both enjoy (that isn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 08:23 PM
7

Speaking of the ask sub, do you know how long it usually takes to get approved, or if there are certain requirements to be an approved commenter? I've tried twice in the last two months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 08:09 PM
8

Honestly, agreed. It was just the first sport that came to mind bc there's a ton of them in my area. And I didn't want to write a generic "gym membership" because tons of people have regular gym memberships they don't use, but people don't usually pay for memberships to specialized sport facilities and not use them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 07:34 PM
17

Lmao I originally wrote out "Please see attached... photos of my apartment...." but I figured it was too long and cut it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 07:26 PM
111

And before all the lurkers get their feelings hurt: "Take care of your shit and don't be a lazy, selfish asshole" is the bare minimum. Women's preferences in partners - like height, age, income/job, family status, religion or lack thereof, dick size, desire for children or lack thereof, education level, appearance, cultural background, interests/hobbies, etc - come after that. You can be a HVM and still not be a woman's type. If you're actually a HVM, that won't bother you, because you don't fee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 09:10 PM
2

FWIW, this also applies to "woke" white dudes who have figured out that they can be open, raging misogynists even in liberal spaces if they add "white" to women. White men who talk about white women being shrill, entitled, Karens, basic bitches, shallow, foolish, narcissistic, "cringe," fake, liars, hysterical, how they need to shut up about [insert literally anything here]... those men are not safe for women of any race. A white man who does that hates all women, not just white women. And he fe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 01:59 AM
38

I went back and checked the ages after reading because this sounded like some 19yo bullshit, and I was shocked to see that all of these people are real, grown-ass adults. How??? At this age, surely you have something better to do with your precious time than deal with all this drama.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:15 PM
3

I've always said men should take their cues from birds. Build me a house, bring me a shiny thing, do a lil dancey-dance. If you wanna hit, show me why I should let you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 05:55 PM
60

I have no idea who these people are, but I guarantee he's abusing her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 05:03 PM
11

I have one. He has never been into porn. He has a fairly low libido to start with, and some experiences in his youth made him highly sensitive to sexually violent media. He admits he tried to watch it in his teens, because everyone else did. He found it disgusting and unappealing. He doesn't really masturbate. He only enjoys partnered sex. From the first time we had sex, he never showed any signs of porn influence. No jackhammering, no weird positions, no slapping/choking/spitting, no kinks or f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 10:58 PM
2

you can’t put a personality on a personality-disordered individual You're so right. I've met people, men and women, who were actually INTJs. I generally liked them? It's a personality type I get along well with. (I'm an ENFP.) The problem is that if a narcissistic asshole takes an MBTI test, they'll probably end up with INTJ as well. Not because they actually have that personality, but because their arrogance, misanthropy, and lack of empathy or genuine emotion looks like "introversion, intuitio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 03:41 PM
16

I'm married, but when I was dating/if I was still dating.... Bachelor's degree at a minimum, advanced degrees strongly preferred. I would maybe be willing to make exceptions for men with two-year degrees in certain fields (like, there's a lot of decent-paying jobs in the healthcare industry that only require a 2-year degree), but that would be on a case-by-base basis. I want a partner who can keep up with me intellectually. I also want a partner who shares my interests and values, and someone wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 04:07 PM
34

Yeah, I remember a thread a while back from a young "woman" who wanted advice for how to manipulate a man who had rejected her into sleeping with her. When we shut her down because that's gross and pathetic, she just kept pushing. She posted again later about how she keyed his car, and I think she was banned at that point. I went back and looked at the account, and the only other post is a deleted post on a dating sub identifying himself as "19M" and "single for four years." It was a shitty miso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 03:41 PM
53

Same. I'm pretty sure that's the biggest way we spread. I love when they talk shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 03:23 PM
3

I am unironically a AAA stan. It's the best money I've ever spent in my life. I have car and life insurance through AAA now, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 12:37 AM
13

Hard red flag. Men do not get to use that word. They get one warning. I don't use it in the presence of men, and I'm not gonna tolerate men who use it. I only use the word when I'm talking to other women. I don't use it around men because I've learned that if I say it, no matter the context, they think they can say it - and they won't use it positively.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:54 PM
18

One trick to keep a man doing his share of the household chores is to only do yours while he does his. Never lift a finger around the house while he sits on his ass. If he's watching the game, you're reading a book. Only when he gets up to do the dishes will you pull out the ironing board. Never, ever make him think he gets to sit idle while you work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:47 PM
38

You want Andrea Dworkin. Radfem.org has pdfs of all of her work. I strongly recommend Woman Hating, Pornography, and Intercourse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 06:34 PM
6

It's incredible that men think a woman who wants to be taken to dinner is a gold digger. They've never actually met a gold digger, because gold diggers don't mess with men like them. It's also really funny because real gold diggers play this game a lot smarter, and men don't see them coming. It's easy to be ruthless and manipulative when you're not trying to find love, you're trying to get that bag. If any of these men ever somehow had enough money to be targeted by a gold digger, they wouldn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 06:25 PM
2

Wait, this is something they'll do for a FIRST date???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 06:00 PM
5

Men seem to be allergic to taking any initiative to learning how to do something. There are thousands of resources out there for men who are trying to be more successful on OLD. They pretty much all say the same thing - take flattering pictures, write a bio that expresses who you are and what you do (jobs/hobbies), message first with a remark that is specific to the woman's profile (no generic "hey gorgeous" or pick-up lines), and keep up a conversation. It's not that hard. But men don't want to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 05:54 PM
44

I agree with the stuff already stated here, but I think there's also an aspect of "the Golden Rule" taken way too far. We would want our partners to remind us of stuff we forgot, to help us if we don't know how to do something, to handle stuff for us when we're busy, etc. So we do this one thing, and then this other thing, and then this other thing, and somehow those things become our responsibility and the man doesn't even try anymore. It's kind of like "job creep." In the workplace, you agree …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 05:39 PM
8

I think there's some good information to be gathered from a self defense class. How to escape holds, for example. You'll need a lot more practice than a 1-hour course, but the point wouldn't be to learn how to win a fight. It's to learn how to get away. Idk, I trained in Krav Maga for about a year after escaping a violent ex, and I think it was a really valuable experience. But I had excellent teachers, male and female, and the classes were about 50/50 gender ratios. They came at their lessons f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:48 PM
7

The funny thing is, even if that's true, why would it be a bad thing? You mean, women who interact with different viewpoints and interests are capable of learning more about a topic, seeing issues from a new POV, and changing their beliefs and interests to accommodate this new information? And this is... bad, somehow?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:31 PM
2

I want to cosign - call your local women's shelter or DV advocacy group. They have women there whose entire job is to help women like you get out of situations like this. They'll walk you through your options and help you make a plan - when to leave, what to do before you leave, where to go when you leave, and what to do after that. They may even be able to do stuff like buy you a bus ticket to see your family, connect you with a family lawyer who won't require any up-front payment, etc. If you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 11:45 PM
22

Recognize that falling for an LVM comes from a place of kindness, compassion, and empathy. You assumed that he had good, selfless intentions and would never harm you, because you had good, selfless intentions and would never harm him. You assumed his feelings were genuine because yours were. LVM take advantage of that kindness and exploit us. That's not your shame, that's his shame. And you learned the lesson, didn't you? So he served his purpose in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 11:19 AM
23

I had a phase like that. It started with my libfemmy phase and lasted until after I'd gotten out and started to heal from an abusive relationship. When I was libfemmy, it was like, if a man does anything for me, it implies that I can't do it myself, and that's offensive. After the abusive relationship, it was a safety thing. No man is ever going to use money to control or manipulate me again, and I'm not even gonna give him the opportunity. Glad I'm over that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 11:07 AM
9

Agreed. There's definitely discussion to be had about what "freedom" she really achieved by joining a cult, but it pales in comparison to the pure catharsis of that ending. Midsommar is unironically on my list of feel-good movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:34 AM
14

Ugh, my brother is an LVM and it's rough. He's having girl problems and he wants me to be supportive because I'm his sister and I love him, but I want to scream, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 11:30 PM
4

Before you get too excited about what this stuff looks like when it goes right, be sure you know exactly what the risks are and what might happen if it goes wrong. Filler can migrate. Your body can react to it badly and cause it to get lumpy and weird-looking. There's a risk of infection, which can lead to permanent issues like scarring. Especially when you're talking about fillers next to your eyes, complications could impact your vision. There are quite a few known cases of suborbital fillers …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:36 PM
2

You're probably right and I'm kinda embarrassed that didn't even occur to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:58 PM
86

Men who owe back child support shouldn't be allowed to vote. 😘
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:11 PM
1

Okay. Where did we lose you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:06 PM
6

Some legitimately don't mind or even prefer it. Especially men who haven't rotted their brains on porn. A man with a healthy idea of adult sexuality recognizes that body hair = sexually mature adult and may even find it somewhat attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 02:00 PM
9

We don't. Plenty of us love sex. But we recognize that men are dangerous, and sex with men is dangerous, and the overwhelming majority of men should not be trusted with that kind of vulnerability. When we see a woman who wants to put herself in danger that way, we don't see a sexually empowered woman. We see somebody who either doesn't realize the danger (and, unfortunately, will learn eventually), or is deliberately putting herself in dangerous situations (probably as an unhealthy coping mechan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:44 PM
22

Yeah, I really don't think you'll ever find a women who went through a "slutty phase" who wasn't dealing with some heavy shit at the time. Sleeping around isn't some fun, exciting way to live. It's an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism. It's not something healthy women with strong self-esteem do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:37 PM
1

This post is old but I need you to know that "a Lundy Bancroft special" made snort 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:05 PM
2

It's just too much. 😂 We need to rescue that girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 09:52 PM
3

Sis, I really hope this is a memory from a long time ago bc, kindly, what the fuck? Don't do that for men. Also, and maybe I'm just reading too far into this, but if you're describing him as a tinder date and not an ex-boyfriend, you shouldn't have been anywhere near his bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 09:13 PM
3

She said "help his mom out!" He has a mom! Right there in that home! His own mother isn't babying that boy as much as Pickmeisha is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 09:10 PM
4

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but yeah. Being heavily tatted, especially in very visible places, suggests a lot of things to me: Unless you work in a handful of fields, your career prospects are somewhat limited. You're not the best at future-oriented thinking. Maybe you live in a place/work in a field where that's okay now, but you haven't considered the possibility that your circumstances might change? You might want to change careers? You might have to move somewhere with a more conservative ou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:54 PM
3

I don't think it's victim blaming to point out that there usually are warning signs of this kind of behavior, and women are socialized to ignore or rationalize them away. For example, the fact that he was 27 and dated her as an 18 year old is a big warning sign that something was not right with this man from day one. The whole point of this sub is to teach women how to see those red flags for what they are. Also, I don't believe that a non-abusive man just becomes abusive one day for no reason a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:11 PM
16

Does his dick jizz diamonds or something? Surely it must, if he thinks a woman is going to fund her own trip to another country just to touch it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 07:54 PM
56

Oh man. Oof. I'm the kind of person who loves practical gifts. To me, that's the most thoughtful kind of gift because it shows that you're paying a lot of attention to my life and predicting my needs. But like... for birthday and Christmas presents, or surprise random gifts. Not for anniversary presents! But a fucking leaf blower??? For an anniversary present???? And not just any anniversary, your first anniversary, which is the most important one????? If he doesn't surprise you this weekend wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 07:32 PM
12

Lmao I'm glad it's not just me! That was actually something I seriously had to grapple with in our early relationship - what is legitimately a red flag/deal breaker, and what is me projecting my own issues onto somebody else? So like, he's not a lazy bum or some disgusting couch creature living in his own filth. He just doesn't see why I feel the need to scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush on the regular. He's not a hoarder - he's just willing to keep things I would immediately put in the Goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:29 AM
223

That's funny, I don't remember anything about being light-skinned in Proverbs 31....🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:42 PM
29

He's really, really bad at getting rid of things. He's not an actual hoarder, but his mom is and so were her parents. So he tends to hold onto stuff way longer than I would consider necessary/reasonable. He also had to teach himself how to clean things as an adult (growing up in a hoard, you don't really learn things like that), so he's... not excellent at it. He's fine, he cleans things, he's just not quite as thorough about it as I would be. On the other hand, I'm an aggressive minimalist whos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:32 PM
13

You meant ex-boyfriend, right? 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:21 AM
11

It's different for everybody, and it can be lots of things simultaneously, but I know one part of it for me is that I didn't really have any models of a healthy relationship, at least not the kind I wanted. My dad is low-value and completely mentally checked out of his marriage and his life in general. He's a passive participant in his own life. He's also a massive asshole to my mother - who is, in his defense, also a completely reprehensible person and I honestly don't know what they see in eac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 09:29 PM
72

It's maturity and probably a lot of healthy self-love, improvements in self-esteem, and overall leveling up. It happened to me, too, and it's great. For a little while, especially at the beginning, relationships with "stable" men seem a little bit boring when you're used to whirlwind relationships and constant drama. But you'll quickly realize that, while the highs maybe aren't so high, the lows definitely aren't nearly as low. And you actually feel good about yourself. And you're making progres…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 08:44 PM
181

In a sociology of gender and work class, we discussed how the housework men do tends to be the kind of stuff that affords them a high degree of autonomy in when and how they do it, compared to the drudgery of "daily chores" that women handle. The example the book gave was mowing the lawn and home/car repairs. A man can choose if he wants to do it today or tomorrow, in the morning or in the afternoon, or skip it entirely this week so it fits his schedule. He can choose the tools he does it with. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 08:33 PM
6

If you're living apart: How does he fulfill the provider role? I've read threads here where women ask about gifts or if the man should help pay bills and the comments assimilate it to being in a sugar daddy relationship. So if it's not those, what does providing look like? Is it just the occasional gifts and dates? If you're living apart, a man should look for and take advantage of any opportunity to make your life easier. He should pick you up and drop you off (after you've fully vetted him and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 11:38 PM
3

Lol no, I was never active on it, but I lurked a lot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 01:56 AM
3

Definitely not! I hang out more over there bc I'm married, so the self-improvement is a little more relevant to me than the dating advice. The women on that sub are always happy to work through complicated situations and help you find solutions. Make a post, give us some details about where you're at and where you want to be, and we'll brainstorm through it with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 07:55 PM
1

I'm not sure it would ever necessarily be a red flag, just something you'd need to dig into a bit. Some people just aren't built to live alone. I know a lot of people who choose to live with roommates, despite being able to afford their own place, because they're extremely social, extroverted people and living alone would drive them insane. Furthermore, living with roommates is usually a smart financial decision. If you don't mind having roommates, why wouldn't you choose to pay less in rent? It…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 07:52 PM
3

Come hang out in r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy! That's the kind of stuff the sub is focused on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 07:41 PM
10

I maintain that while it is possible, it's statistically unlikely. Let's check out some stats: In the US, almost 70% of divorces (of heterosexual marriages) are initiated by the wife Although joint custody arrangements are most common, women are far more likely to end up with sole custody or primary physical custody (usually bc this is uncontested by the father. when fathers fight for more custody, they almost always get it. which means that a man who doesn't have primary custody of his kids pro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 07:16 PM
57

Men everywhere, forever: profiting from women's bodies and lives, from prostitution to dowries to bride prices to marrying women solely for her family's wealth and status. A woman: I would like to marry a man who has the income to support a comfortable life for both of us and our future children. Men everywhere: What a shallow gold digger! If income matters to you at all you are literally a prostitute!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:55 PM
7

A swift and silent block is the best comeback.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:42 PM
431

I'll bet $150 her man doesn't know where the clitoris is. I'll bet $500 he tells women they "look better without all that makeup on" when they're wearing bb cream, concealer, brow gel and mascara. I'll bet $1500 he thinks body hair on a woman is unhygienic while having a scraggly dick shrub of his own. And I'll bet my whole goddamn bank account he's a pornsick freak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:38 PM
33

You had it right, queen. If he wanted you, he would have moved heaven and earth to make the time for you. He would have been chasing you. He was trying to figure out just how little effort he could put into you and still get what he wanted. You're worth more than that! Fuck him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:32 PM
27

Obv both of these women are idiots who played a stupid game and won a stupid prize, but damn. With one action, this one scrote has managed to drop emotional nukes on three people's lives. And he doesn't feel an ounce of shame or guilt for it. This is why we FDS. Men like this just fall through life dick-first, leaving devastation in their wake. Men are dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:26 PM
50

This is a situation where specifics would matter a lot. If he just gives you cash every month to pay your rent, in an apartment where you are the only person on the lease and can afford it yourself 100%... Yeah, all right. I might be a little bit concerned because rent isn't cheap and paying a girl's rent is a common tactic for pimps trying to force women into prostitution (ie, "you owe me") and married men trying to hide it (ie, "I'll take care of you if you don't ask too many questions"), but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:11 PM
38

Eh, this is a kids show, comparable to Pokémon. The original show that aired in Japan is more of a traditional anime aimed at an older audience, but the "Sailor Moon Says" segments were specifically added to the US version because it was marketed to very young kids. Most American women between the ages of 25 and 35 watched this show as kids. It's just a cute nostalgic reference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 05:39 PM
60

Watching the Sailor Moon Says segments at the end of Sailor Moon when I was four years old is why I'm a HVW today. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 05:32 PM
3

Me too! Getting so pumped up. A little nervous, but I'm ready to crush it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 05:29 PM
8

Yes, of course he should still come pick you up or get you an Uber. Your mom is right - it does look desperate to drive all that way for a man. If the driving bothers him, he should put you up in a nice hotel for the weekend - and not ask for a key.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:02 PM
21

I made this post a while back for women who are feeling the same way you are feeling right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:48 PM
5

In my experience, they go away when you feel safe, not when you logically know you're safe. Dreams are about emotions, not logic. When you reach a place in your life where you feel safe and calm and protected most of the time, they start to go away. They come back if something happens to make you feel unsafe, but then they go away again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:05 PM
5

If it helps, that sounds a lot like my man. It was really weird at first, because "being seductive" does nothing to him. His sex drive appears to be entirely random. After several years together, I've finally identified some trends, but mostly it just happens when it happens. Sometimes we have sex three times a week. Sometimes he won't be interested for over a month. I think the longest we ever went was four months - but that was on both of us. He tried to initiate sometimes and I shut it down, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:50 PM
7

Ah! No! You need to get out, immediately. What you need to do is make an exit plan. Is he on the lease? If not, does he have legal tenancy? (Check local laws - this may require a certain amount of time, or just receiving mail at the address.) Would he be willing to leave if you told him to gtfo, or would he fight you on it/refuse to leave/expect you to do the work of finding him a new place and moving him out? If he's on the lease and won't leave willingly, you'll have to leave. I know that's ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:32 PM
2

Depends on how recent the ex is/how serious the relationship was. Like, if you're 30 and you went to junior prom with that girl and yall want to chat occasionally, keep up with each others' lives... I probably wouldn't mind too much. If yall were engaged two years ago, hell no. Ooh, I should make a formula. [length of time elapsed since last relationship in years] + [seriousness of relationship, starting with marriage at 1 and going up to "we went on one date" at 100] + [optional modifiers for c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:12 PM
6

Is it a total lack of sexual attraction/desire or just a lower libido? My HVM has a low libido as well - doesn't use porn, doesn't jerk off, prefers cuddling to sex, doesn't really check out strangers or consider the sexual attractiveness of other people. He does have sexual desire, just not a lot of it. He also doesn't mind if I masturbate. He even likes to watch, maybe participate by holding the vibe or kissing/touching. And that works just fine for us. There's never any pressure to have sex i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:56 PM
16

This is another example of how "The Wall" is pure projection. Male attention is an endless waterfall from the cradle to the grave. Our only struggle is finding decent men in the deluge. The signal-to-noise ratio is too low. Men rapidly become undesirable and just rack up red flags as they age. Oh, you're pushing 40 and a bachelor? Why haven't you found a woman willing to put up with you long term? Oh, you're pushing 40 and divorced? Why did she leave you? Oh, you have kids and don't have custody…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:25 PM
39

OP in the thread! Edit: Please consider leaving this man. Issues like this don't get better. This isn't a problem of poor communication or compromise - this is a man who explicitly, clearly, does not give a shit about your boundaries or your pleasure. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:32 PM
3

Men paying on dates is what makes it equal. We have a tendency to forget this, because it's so normal for us, but men do not invest the kind of money and time into their appearance that women do. Go look at all your beauty products - hair care, skin care, makeup, hair removal products, etc - and think about what that cost you. Men don't pay for that. Think about what your last visit to the salon cost, and realize that it almost certainly cost twice what men pay. Think about your "date outfits" a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:35 PM
7

So, the good thing is that - assuming he is telling the truth about this stuff - he doesn't seem to be going way out of his way to lavish you with extravagant gifts. The phone is something he had laying around, the trip is something his work was paying for anyway. Ordering food and buying souvenirs is pretty normal and frankly something I'd expect from a man who is trying to woo you. The phone and the trip are a little bit much, but if he's telling the truth, it seems like he just realized he ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:16 PM
40

I think a good way to think about it is to say that a LVM is a drain on a woman's life. He takes more than he gives. A HVM adds positively to your life. He brings something to the relationship, and your life is objectively better for having him in it. An Average Male is neutral. He's not a horrible drain on your life, he's not an abuser, he meets the lowest possible standards for men, but he's not bringing much to the table, either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 02:17 PM
101

This is what emotional cheating looks like. This is a textbook example of it. And I'd bet good money it's more than just emotional, or it will be soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 05:33 PM
3

Even if someone was able to legitimately hold the contradictory beliefs that breastfeeding is fine, but but bare shoulders are evil - it would still be entirely about control. Having a reason for being that controlling doesn't make it any less controlling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 05:28 PM
13

Is it possible for a man to change his ways? Hypothetically, sure. I think the chances are small, but sure, sometimes people work on themselves and grow up. Especially if they're young, or their LVM behavior is related to something like addiction (recovery is possible), porn use (that can make a big change in a guy), or a shitty lifestyle/social circle (eg, a partier who cleans up and develops a life outside the scene). But that doesn't mean you give them a second chance. If he's really a HVM, l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 02:32 AM
22

This reminds me of a book I own - a travel book about incredible parties and festivals around the world, told in narrative structure by people who attended those parties. And woo boy, was it obvious that 90% of the entries were written by men. The one that really got me, and made me start taking notice of the name of the entry's author before reading further, was, "This South American festival is a great place to be a solo traveler. Strangers pass jugs of a local alcoholic brew around in the str…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 11:16 PM
159

Yeah, there's no way he's legitimately this stupid or this repressed. He's okay with breastfeeding, but wearing a bra around an infant is inappropriate? Naked titty is okay, but a bra is gonna scar the kid for life? This is 100% about control. What a motherfucker. She should take that baby and run, fast and far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 11:01 PM
25

He's so wealthy, he can definitely afford a nanny! Nannies work 24/7, right? And there's definitely no risk of raising a bunch of kids with attachment disorders if their primary caregivers are paid employees who can - and will - leave at any time? Lol, who am I kidding? You know this guy doesn't give a shit about actually being a parent or raising healthy children. He just wants trophies to "carry his superior genetics" because he's too insignificant to leave any other lasting legacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 01:45 AM
9

Me either. I trim my underarm hair with a men's facial hair trimmer so it doesn't stick out of shirts. I trim my bush with a pair of scissors every few months just because I grow a really huge bush. I'll shave my bikini line if I'm going to be spending a lot of time in a swimsuit around strangers - which means approximately once a year. But shaving, just... regularly? Hell no. I didn't shave my legs for my own damn wedding. (I did wax my underarms. I hated it.) I don't even own a razor. My best …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 11:22 PM
6

Good news: a glance at the OPs profile reveals a troll. Bad news: What makes it good trolling is the fact that tons of men believe like this, or something similar to it, and some are dangerous enough to try it. What makes it bad trolling is that hundreds, possibly thousands, of women worldwide are trapped in cults very similar to OP's "joke," and that's not a funny joke. Edit: Definitely thousands. There are estimated 6-10k people in the FLDS alone, and that is far from the only polygamist cult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 11:47 PM
16

Unless you're both college freshmen with no cars and no money, that's absolutely unacceptable. Even then, I'd advise any college students reading this not to accept dates like this. Even "let's go to the dining hall after class and then go for a walk" is more effort than this. This is a man who either has literally no money, or he has a little bit of money and thinks that the fact that he has a paid off budget sedan and $3,000 in an IRA makes him a target for gold diggers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 10:36 PM
8

I don't understand why a card is out? You don't have to write anything in the card besides "Happy Birthday!" Maybe some candy or snacks you know he likes? Like, if he really loves Kit-kats, buy him a kit-Kat and write "happy birthday" on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 07:06 PM
62

This is absolute truth, every word. I'm in a happy marriage. It's not completely effortless. Social relationships take work. Living with another person isn't always easy. Sharing a life with someone takes a lot of communication and compromise, because it's not just about you anymore. It requires a lot of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and interpersonal sensitivity and sometimes those things take effort. But my life is 1000x easier with him than it ever was without him. Every roommate I've…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 06:10 PM
85

Andrea Dworkin wrote an amazing book on the psychology of conservative women, titled Right Wing Women. It's a great read and it'll give you a lot of compassion (and more than a little pity) for these women. I'm going to badly paraphrase her thesis, but I really recommend reading it. They see the libfems, they see hook-up culture, they see the fallout of the sexual revolution. They see that it hasn't made women any safer. If anything, it has only made things more dangerous - single motherhood, da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 05:16 PM
1

The sunk cost fallacy keeps many women trapped. We feel like we've already spent so much time on this man. And since we're the ones carrying the burden of "making the relationship work," it feels like too much work to just throw away. I understand and we're not judging you for that. I think we've all been there. But it's like gambling. Like playing poker. That man is a bad hand of cards. You've bluffed through this game hoping it would be enough, but it's not. You've already lost a lot. You can …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 05:00 PM
6

80/20 is the biggest cope! They have to come up with shit like that because they can't admit that they're the absolute bottom of the barrel with literally nothing to offer even a pickmeisha with no standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 08:04 AM
7

Sister, I am so proud of you. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and you've already been through a lot - a stalker, a gay ex-husband, the stresses of coparenting? And then this asshole just makes it so much worse. I think it would be good to review some FDS concepts here, since I'm not sure how new you are to the sub: One: A man must be ADDING to your life. Neutral isn't good enough. And if he's actively making your life worse, it's time to go. In an old post to someone going through a s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 07:57 AM
20

have options we just knock them back whenever we feel like it and replace them till we’ve found the precise HVM that fits our personal criteria Reading through the thread, this is what they're the most pissed off about. It has nothing to do with us "not working on ourselves" and everything to do with how mad they are that dick is an infinite resource. Also, men are dumb and they don't realize that even the most "low maintenance" woman has put more work into herself and her appearance than all bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 07:28 AM
16

Yeah, it's not my favorite place. I don't like the idea of classifying women as "normies/Beckies/Stacies." I also don't like the incel-like hyperfocus on like... millimeters of bone structure and space between the eyes and philtrum length and stuff like that. I lurked the sub for a few weeks and came away with a dozen new things to be self-conscious about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 07:23 AM
8

You've asked an interesting question. If I'm understanding you - you want a long-term committed relationship, but you aren't interested in marriage? This is a bit at odds with FDS ideology, unfortunately. That doesn't mean FDS isn't helpful, and we're not here to change your mind and convince you that you should want marriage. But FDS is opposed to "being a forever girlfriend" and we are generally pro-marriage because of the protections it provides. And the general idea of a HVM is a marriage-mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 06:57 AM
5

Looks great! Are you active on our sister subs /r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy and /r/FemaleLifeStrategy? They're specifically focused on this kind of content. I'd be interested in a more detailed breakdown, if you have one! Any specific goals or plans to achieve them? Affirmations? Methods or techniques?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 06:40 AM
6

I am too scared to watch horror. I tried to watch Hereditary but stopped after that scene where the brother is driving his sister home ( will save the graphic detail). Can you give me a breakdown of how the film exalts women - and also an understanding of how women are treated in that genre? I am guessing, disposable bimbo's who die sexualised? But I would rather hear the opinion of someone who actually likes the genre and follows these things. WARNING: MIDSOMMAR SPOILERS AND TV TROPES LINKS BEL…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 04:01 AM
6

That scene hit me so hard I almost started crying. I had to pause the movie for a second and collect myself. Every woman who has ever been in an abusive relationship has been in that mindfuck and Ari Aster captured the confused, desperate helplessness of it so perfectly. I hadn't felt that emotion in years and it hit me like a ton of bricks. On a more positive note, when I calmed down a bit, it also hit me that I hadn't felt that emotion in years. And I... well, I made the exact face that Floren…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 02:36 AM
2

Single dads are almost always LVM. Sometimes, sure, a woman really was the problem, like if she was an addict or something. But 99% of the time? A woman chose being a single parent over staying with this guy. That's a 1-star review if I've ever seen one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:49 PM
10

I think it's important to distinguish between "boring" and "lazy/unmotivated." "Boring" is subjective. "Boring" is based on your idea of what is fun/exciting, and everybody's idea of fun is different. A lazy or unmotivated man is also a boring man, but it's not because he just has different hobbies. It's because he doesn't do shit. That's a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:34 PM
143

slamming men for enjoying a sexual act I actually like doing Enjoy your anal fissures, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 01:52 AM
22

As long as you're not dealing with a particularly clingy or unstable guy, ghosting is definitely the most ruthless and efficient way to do that. Barring that? I'm assuming you're exclusive, in which case, "This relationship isn't working out. Thanks for a good time. Wish you the best." Or something along those lines is perfectly fine. But be sure to block him afterwards. Never explain why, never give him a chance to talk you out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 02:52 AM
3

The unfortunate tragedy is that every mother, since the beginning of time, has tried to raise Good Sons. And yet, statistically speaking, most men are not good men. I've known women who are incredible parents who have absolutely garbage male children. I've known HVM who come from homes that run the whole spectrum of dysfunction. To carefully sidestep a nature/nurture debate, I'm going to sum up my point here as, "I don't think anything a mother does or doesn't do is the defining aspect of whethe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 02:46 AM
60

It reads like negging and manipulation. A power play designed to put you on the spot and force you into a position where you have to put on a performative show of how interested you are. I mean, maybe he really is just a super straightforward guy who isn't great at reading social signals... Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by incompetence, and all that. But that means he's probably kind of socially awkward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 01:46 AM
11

A quick read of the first page of your profile shows several posts that directly contradict FDS strategy, including approaching men on OLD, and calling the idea that sex is risky for women, therefore it is in a woman's best interest to make sure that risk if worth taking, "toxic." I suspect if I kept reading, I'd find more. Edit: Yeah, like a ton of posts about how your feelings are super hurt when we talk about how casual sex provides no material benefit to women and pretty much only puts us at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 01:16 AM
8

This is good advice, it's roughly what I was going to say. Certain things are fine to compromise on if everything else is good, but what those things are depends on you, your values, and what you want in a relationship. Your dream man may be a "straight 6" (six feet, six figures, six inches) who doesn't watch porn, is intellectual, enjoys art/culture, has active hobbies, loves dogs, dresses well and takes care of himself, takes care of his home, wants kids, and has a handsome face. Then you figu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 02:56 PM
23

This is explicitly, openly, a space for male-attracted women to discuss heterosexual relationships in a woman-only space from a woman-focused perspective. That's what they're mad about - that it's exclusively for women. They can couch it in all the woke language they want, but that's the truth. They don't give a shit that we aren't focused on homosexual female relationships. And women who date women wouldn't get anything out of this space and don't want it. They're not complaining about not bein…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 05:41 PM
16

"It's dangerous for him to drive sleep-deprived!" As if it's not dangerous for you to be caring for a child while sleep-deprived? If you nod off while cooking something because you haven't had six uninterrupted hours of sleep in months and burn the house down? If you're tired and it slips your mind to lock the baby gate and Little Timmy falls down the stairs? Caring for children is demanding work that requires constant vigilance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 05:33 PM
12

"This is your job forever" is how we've handled a lot of household chores. My husband read this comic and takes it to heart, so he tries to do a lot of the repetitive, daily tasks, because he knows I'm handling big-picture planning and organizing. Dishes, in particular, are exclusively his job forever. I'll do a load here and there, especially if we're a bit behind in the rotation and I'm trying to cook something. In the last two years, I think I've done maybe five loads of dishes. In general, m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 05:30 PM
26

I'd go with a nice bottle of wine or liquor. You are in a committed relationship, so I think it's fair to do something. Wine or liquor is something for the two of you to share together. That's a good principle for a V-Day gift before you're married - something that is for the both of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 05:12 PM
45

Obligatory NAL, but there are ways he could keep the whole thing - and responses the wife could make for a 50/50 split. He says it's a settlement, and mentions a health condition that he needs his wife's insurance for. My best guess is that it was some kind of personal injury leading to significant disability that leaves him unable to work. The $1.4 million is a big clue - that's around the average lifetime income for an American male. Minus some for age (since he's probably not 18), plus some f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 12:20 AM
9

Athletic clubs and gyms in wealthy neighborhoods is an ideal place to start. If you personally can't afford a membership to Chateau Bougie Tennis Club, go find a more affordable chain or local gym that has a location in a wealthier neighborhood in your area. There are 24 Hour Fitnesses and Gold's Gyms in wealthy neighborhoods, too. Broke dudes aren't driving out of their way to go to the gym on the rich side of town. Most people go to the gym that is either closest to their home, or closest to w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 11:26 PM
1

I'll admit there's some information there that I hadn't heard. I'm going to research it independently. But I'll be honest, too - I still don't know what she would have to gain from this, nor why a woman would elaborately fake being a victim of a crime that most people don't take seriously and don't believe accusers anyway. So the bar to convince me that an accusation is false is pretty high, and I don't know that anything short of an admission that she was lying would do it for me. In the meanti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 10:46 PM
3

There's some wiggle room here, because it makes sense that he would have waited until after law school graduation. In my opinion, that adds some time to the tolerable timeline. This is messy, because you don't know the exact details of their relationship or what they've discussed. Have they discussed marriage? Has there been talk of a proposal or a ring? He might be waiting for a special date - Valentines, an anniversary, a birthday. She may have told him once, a year ago, that she finds NYE pro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:06 PM
8

The Outlander series is a historical fiction/romance/slightly sci-fi/fantasy series that is, ultimately, about marriage. It's a surprisingly realistic look at the idea of "true love" and marriage, for a romance novel. The first book is a bit romance novel tropey - forced marriage, saved from rape, hurt/comfort, etc. And the author kind of overuses rape as a plot device throughout the series, in my opinion. It's never sexualized or gratuitous, and it's always portrayed as horrible... But it's lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 02:57 PM
3

One: I don't believe women make up accusations of domestic violence. When Amber Heard made her accusation, she had nothing to gain and everything to lose. Two: I do believe leading researchers into the psychology of batterers, like Lundy Bancroft, who says that abusers frequently claim to be "the real victim" once accusations grow too loud to ignore or brush off. When Johnny Depp made his allegations, he had everything to gain and nothing to lose. Three: Not all victims of abuse are meek, broken…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 02:30 PM
-2

I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not about to try to tell me that you believe an abuser DARVO-ing to claim that his victim is the real abuser. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and ask why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:05 AM
1

I'll back you up on HVM in academia and the arts... but I'm a little bit biased because I love academic, artsy men. 😂 So that's where I looked, and that's where I found one. I think it's probably more about taste than it is about the actual concentration of HVM. If anything, I think HVM are most concentrated in "helping professions" - public school teaching, nursing, social work, rehabilitation. But there's no accounting for taste - and it seems like we have similar taste. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:21 AM
7

"You gonna have to work your magic to get me." I bet he'd jizz his pants if you sent him a picture wearing a low-cut shirt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:15 AM
45

The 5/10 guy is the only one I'd call truly average. He looks like a normal dude. Nothing special about his looks, but nothing wrong with him, either. All the other men look... Unfortunate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:09 AM
11

I agree with this sentiment precisely. Sometimes I think FDS is a bit too quick to pull the trigger on proposals - I think less than a year is too fast in 90% of relationships. But if you've been dating 3 years with no ring, you're a forever girlfriend. And I am firmly opposed to long engagements. An engagement should only last as long as it takes to plan a wedding. And sure, sometimes you need a little time to get the money in order, or you have family/scheduling/career/personal issues that pus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:03 AM
8

Looks have nothing to do with it. Here's a list of famous, beautiful women who were abused by wealthy, high-status men - just off the top of my head. Madonna (by Sean Penn) Evan Rachel Wood (abuser never named, allegedly Marilyn Manson) Amber Heard (by Johnny Depp) Rihanna (by Chris Brown) Pamela Anderson (by Tommy Lee Jones) Kim Basinger (by Alec Baldwin) Brooke Mueller (by Charlie Sheen) Oksana Grigorieva (by Mel Gibson) Hallie Berry (by Wesley Snipes)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:52 AM
15

Oof. Yes. And it all comes down to one thing: He didn't even have career ambitions before she "encouraged him." Staying with an ambitious man whose goals and dreams change as he grows as a person, even if there are some lulls and times of confusion in the process? Perfectly fine. Nagging and "encouraging" and fighting with and lowkey manipulating a lazy man to at least pretend to give a shit? Not cool. Bob the Builder. There's a difference between loving and supporting a man while he chases his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:18 AM
13

You'd think, right? Male socialization is so different. I'm not making excuses for them - it's fucking disgusting and vile. This is just how I cope with the fact that my beloved brothers are actually scumbags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:09 AM
18

Mental health issues left ignored get worse, not better. It will not go away if you pretend it isn't there. Go visit the campus counselor. Buy a self-help book. Do something, anything. Physical health issues left ignored get worse, not better. It will not go away if you pretend it isn't there. Go see a dentist once in a while. Fillings are expensive, but root canals are 10x the price. Learn how to ask for help. Learn how to realize when you're in over your head. There's no shame in admitting tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:07 AM
17

My brothers are the same way. They're quite a bit younger than me, so I try to take a deep breath and remember that they're young, they still have a lot of growing up to do. I've honestly thought about linking them to this sub more than once, to show them what women really think about their behavior. I don't think it would accomplish anything though. They're still in the "doesn't matter, had sex" stage of their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 02:36 AM
1

That's a really good point, and it was definitely a concern I had, when I asked if it was because FDS principles don't apply in the context of marriage. I don't really have any ideas about posts to write, and I don't really feel the need to brag on my husband or our relationship. I just wanted to get some insight into how the lovely ladies of this sub felt about the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:53 PM
2

I was wondering if marriage-oriented stuff was more suited for Female Life Strategy instead, but that's more about self/career improvement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:18 PM
5

That's what I was thinking. This sub is young, 50k strong, and growing daily, and the techniques here work. We should regularly be "losing" members to happy marriages and relationships. What comes next for FDS women?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:17 PM
4

One reason I thought it might not be helpful is that marriages/relationships are as unique as the people in them. Dating advice can be broadly applicable to most people, because it's a fairly similar process for everybody. On the other hand, so many women have a broken "Normal Meter," and I think it might be helpful to have at least some threads on what normal, healthy long-term relationships look like for women who share the values of this thread. As well as some ways to troubleshoot or avoid c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 06:14 PM
6

I agree with the other comment - be wary of anybody who gives gifts early in a relationship. They're trying to create a sense of obligation in you. But on the other hand - don't let yourself feel obligated, either. If somebody gives you an expensive gift that makes you uncomfortable, you can just take the gift, say thank you, and ghost. This isn't Christmas at Grandma's, where you have to hug Crazy Auntie Mary just to be polite, even though her "gift" was underwear three sizes too small. You did…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 06:39 AM
26

At what point do I break up with him? A couple years back when he made it clear that he does not value you. In December, when he blatantly stomped all over your boundaries. Yesterday would also have been good. Since those options are no longer available, I recommend right now. You don't owe this little boy anything. Not a single goddamn thing. You don't owe him a visit in person, you don't owe him a tearful phone call, you don't owe him an explanation, you don't owe him a second chance, you don'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 06:33 AM
44

It's hard, but they exist. Men who have strong sexual values - either due to religion, a personal history of sexual trauma or something that has exposed them to the reality of the sex industry (their own or someone close to them), or a very strong moral compass - often don't watch porn. Here's a good trick with a man. A lot of young men just don't know that porn is harmful, or the reality of the industry. They've been told it's harmless and they're entitled to it since birth, and they've never q…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 12:18 AM
18

Please look into the realities of the porn industry and the impact of porn on the viewers, their relationships, and society in general. The research has already been done and the answer is unanimous - Porn Bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 12:12 AM
8

I would proceed with caution with people who have already graduated. I don't think it's necessarily creepy, but the life change between college and immediately post graduation is pretty massive. I would be curious about their motives in dating a college freshman/sophomore, since you're living such different lives. I mean, you can't even legally drink. It's a big warning sign for a guy looking for a hookup, but not necessarily an automatic no-go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 02:18 AM
15

18-22 is a perfect range at your age. I wouldn't go more than two, maybe three years in either direction until you're about 25. Life changes so fast in your early twenties. The most important thing to keep in mind when considering age is where you're at in life. 18-22 year olds are most likely like you - college students not looking to settle down. In your mid to late twenties, when you're starting to establish a life and career, it starts to be okay to date a little bit older, maybe four or fiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 02:05 AM
110

I highly recommend only seeking out female therapists - and female medical professionals in general. Therapy and medical care is a position where you, as the patient/client, are inherently vulnerable. I don't feel safe with men in a position to exploit that vulnerability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 12:20 AM
2

Absolutely not, not ever. And I wouldn't tolerate a man who requested it. That's a #1, surefire sign of a pornsick freak. Now, if a man wants to toss my salad, so to speak, that's a very different conversation. But those are very different acts. One is a selfless act of pleasuring me, the other is hurting me for his own pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 12:17 AM
14

I grew up in a religion that, while technically somewhat mainstream, is decentralized enough that many individual churches become cult-like, mine included. I don't usually say that I grew up in a cult, but when I describe it to people who grew up in more mainstream religions, or non-religious, they usually call it a cult. So... take from that what you will. Anyway, my point is - yes, I've experienced the same thing. My childhood church was rife with sexual abuse, and when we tried to speak out, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 11:46 PM
148

It's just facts. I see absolutely stunning, drop-dead gorgeous women literally every single day. I can count the number of attractive men I've seen this year on my hands. I really think it's just that women give a shit about our appearance, because we have to. The few attractive men I've seen are men who obviously put some effort into their appearance. They work out, they groom, they buy clothes that are in style (or in a personal style, at least) that fit correctly and are generally well-kempt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 12:18 AM
4

Literally all of those "lol she hit the wall" posts are like "Highly made up and retouched promotional material/magazine cover/red carpet shot" vs "Street paparazzi creep shot taken mid-sneeze." I'm in my twenties and even I would look like I "hit the wall" if you compared a pic of me fully done up with a professional photographer taking pics versus a sneaky shot of me going to buy toilet paper the very next day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 12:11 AM
2

I'm not saying all men who work from home are low value - just that working from home 100% of the time is very attractive to lazy, slobbish, antisocial men. Which is why I added the caveat. A man would need to prove that he's not like that. Women who work from home are different because women are different. I definitely wouldn't immediately assume a woman who works remotely is a lazy slob.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 12:19 AM
15

Most of the ones I'd list are already mentioned here, but I have one more: Freelancers and anything that is 100% remote/work from home. Male freelancers are basically the same as male "entrepreneurs," in terms of why it attracts LVM. The ego is huge and the income is tiny. Guys who work from home or do 100% remote work, in my experience, are lazy and antisocial. They have that career because it allows them to live like a perpetual teenager on summer break. If a guy works from home, he'll need to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 01:30 AM
120

And it is HYSTERICAL. Tons of complaining about how to weed out gold diggers by men who DEFINITELY only have average incomes at best. Gold diggers are not targeting you and your 2011 Honda Accord, Michael.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 08:00 PM
111

The literal next comment is "just gaslight her until she drops her standards and gives you pussy!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 06:58 PM
14

You are worth this, and you will learn how to accept it. I know it can be hard at first, when you're so used to being treated badly. Abusive men are nice at first, too. It makes it hard to trust true kindness. But you deserve true kindness. And you can, and will, and already have broken the cycle. You're coming into a new era of your life. I'm speaking this into existence for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 04:48 AM
14

Jeffree Star and Nate are both men. Their personal identities aside, it's a homosexual relationship. I'm not sure if we can apply the exact same standards from FDS, which are focused on hetero relationships, to same-sex relationships. Men, regardless of their presentation or identity, are very different from women, which makes gay male relationships an entirely different beast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 11:22 PM
39

I got the nastiest PM the other day. A man messaged me to ask "Do you really think a man should pay for a woman 100% all of the time?" I gave the idiot the benefit of the doubt and explained that no, that's not a requirement. We expect men to pay for dates, and financial generosity is highly desirable in a potential partner, but 100% financial support is not a universal requirement for all women on this sub. He got shitty, and told me, "This is why you'll never find one of your precious 'high va…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 11:15 PM
95

You are 100% correct, and I cannot believe I forgot to mention women with chronic illness - physical and mental - when I was giving shout-outs. I'm going to edit the post right now. Because women who have illnesses and those unique struggles need to know that they're not a burden, and they don't need to settle for a shitty man just because he's "willing to tolerate" your illness. Especially because women with disabilities are at such a high risk of abuse. Seriously, thank you for saying that. I'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 11:08 PM
2

I'm going to be harsh here, because I think you need it. THIS MAN DOES NOT WANT YOU. What do you want us to do? Do you want us to give you tips for how to manipulate a man who has clearly said he doesn't want you into bed? Because that's not what we do here. And frankly, that's gross. You say you really want this man, but you don't respect him enough to respect his no. You also don't respect yourself enough not to chase a man who clearly doesn't want you. This isn't about this man. This is about…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:29 PM
4

In my area, prenups are usually only enforced if - 1, they're consistent with the law and established precedent (read: they're fair and not excessively punitive) and/or 2, they're not contested. Which means that they're really not necessary for the majority of people. If either partner is coming into the marriage with significant assets or debts, is expecting a large inheritance, collects valuable stuff as a hobby, things like that, it can help a divorce go more smoothly. If you ever want to be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:18 PM
6

Then quit taking it personally and let it go. Seems like dignity is a scarce resource among your friend group, too. Get it together, sis. Dick is abundant and low value. You're not gonna die of dick starvation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 12:34 AM
3

One: Never chase a man. Never. Never ever. It's never worth it. He has told you, clearly and to your face, that he is not interested. It should never have even gotten to that point. Locate your dignity and let it go. Two: Are you even 100% certain this man is heterosexual? It doesn't matter - you shouldn't chase him even if he is - but he might very well be gay, or closeted, or coming to terms with his sexuality and not be ready to admit it yet. Just a thought I had while I was reading it. But u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 12:22 AM
8

"I'm not fat or bald!" Neither are most of his unfortunate mail-order bride's peers. And I bet they have functional dicks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 12:00 AM
6

Yeah, because women never have THEIR reproductive systems scrutinized by doctors, so THEY don't know what they're asking for when they want a dude to let a doctor examine the function of his balls. Yeah, it's not like the entire process of pregnancy and delivery involves random people and instruments wrist-deep in your cooch every couple of weeks or anything! And that's just the medical professionals! It's definitely not like absolute strangers just love to grope on pregnant bellies. But no, he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 11:58 PM
43

I'd say yes. Not because you need to be thin to date, but because confidence and knowing your worth will keep you safe. Low self-esteem and insecurity is easily exploited by manipulative fuckboys. And, unfortunately, a lot of them will assume you have low self-esteem off the bat if you're overweight, and jump right into the manipulation. If this is what you need to feel confident and know your worth, then don't date until you reach that goal. But also, spend the time working on your self-esteem …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 05:52 PM
29

OP, you've been engaged to this man since you were 19 and he was 26? How long were you dating before you got engaged? Because just that right there is a huge red flag - and a good sign that you should trust your gut and take this as a good opportunity to bail. I'm in my mid-twenties and I find literally nothing attractive about college freshmen. We have nothing in common, and we're at such different stages in life that I basically see them as large children. I would be deeply concerned about a 2…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 05:45 PM
1

Do it, as soon as you can. You don't have to give him a reason, or at least not the truth. You don't have to turn this into a "learning experience" for him. You don't even owe him a conversation in person, if you don't want to. Anything he might have "deserved" from you, he lost when he yelled at you. Now you have every reason to believe your safety is at risk, and your safety comes first. When it's over, come back here. Give us the field report, and let us reinforce that you made the right deci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 12:54 AM
25

This is negging, it implies that you're high-maintenance, so you bend over backwards trying to prove to him that you're actually a Cool Girl. And, as an added bonus, you offer up the standards so he can pretend to meet them, use them to manipulate you, or begin trying to whittle them down. This would probably be pretty effective on a Pickmeisha who thinks that being high-maintenance is a character flaw. It's high-level negging and I'm actually almost impressed by the strategy. This guy is smart,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 12:43 AM
18

Hey, fellow FDS Outlander fan! Jamie is a good example of a very HVM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 12:33 AM
1

You can't. I wish you could, but you can't. But think about it like this - the sooner you get it over with, the less overall misery you will have to deal with. The longer you stay with this man, the longer he will make you miserable, and you'll still end up with all the pain of the breakup in the end anyway. The sooner you do it, the sooner it will be over, and you can get back to being the fabulous woman you know you are. The fabulous woman that he absolutely does not deserve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 09:17 PM
3

Sis, even if you're doomed to mediocre men (and you're not!), there are better men out there than this sentient blob of dick cheese. What is he bringing to your life? What is he adding? Are you having fun? Are you happy? Does he make your life better in any way? Because it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like a heroin addiction. Once you're really addicted to heroin, you stop getting high from it. You just need the heroin to stop from getting dope sick. It's not adding any joy, it's just preven…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 07:30 PM
21

I’d help my already husband if he was struggling but a lot of women do this And that's the way it should be! Only a man who has proved he is worthy of a wife has earned that kind of ride or die, richer or poorer, sickness and health, sharing everything stuff. Quit doing wife shit for men you aren't married to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 07:25 PM
5

That's a good idea!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 04:59 PM
21

You need to figure out why you're doing this, and solve that problem. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you afraid of being single? Are you lonely? Are you horny? Are you afraid of coming across as high maintenance, demanding, or an ice queen? Are you in a rush to get married or start a family? Do you crave male approval, and if so, why? There's an underlying issue here, possibly several. Once you identify what they are, you can address those issues, and the Pickmeisha behavior will start to go a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 05:31 AM
16

The sex industry is horrific and vile. It is incredibly dangerous, and you'll be lucky to make it out without becoming a victim of sexual assault, physical assault, or stalking. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting. It will make you distrust men even more. Once you leave, it will be a part of your life that you will have to hide and lie about forever. Worst of all? You'll come out of it knowing that your dignity and integrity does have a price tag, and you'll know exactly what that price is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 05:26 AM
33

We'd probably end up getting the sub banned for organizing brigades, unfortunately. That's just how the admins are. :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 05:09 AM
60

I propose an r/FDS Anti-Pedophile Action Committee, where we go into this sub and DM all the teenage girls with nothing more than a link to this sub and an open invitation to respond if they ever want to talk or ask questions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 04:51 AM
83

Men aren't at nearly the same amount of risk in relationships as we are. They don't have to carefully vet partners the same way we do. Which means that a man can trust that initial spark of chemistry in a way that we can't. Imagine if the risk of rape, abuse, manipulation, porn addiction, unequal division of labor, and all other soul-sucking behavior men exhibit suddenly decreased by 95%. You knew that some men were shitty, but extreme bad behavior was fairly rare, and dangerous or unpleasant me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 01:53 AM
4

It was a blessing in disguise. That man was lowwwwwwwww value. Saved me from wasting any more time on him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 01:04 AM
48

The kind of man who would push for sex early without a commitment would do it no matter how much he was getting it from other women. Sex isn't a like a fuel tank for them, where they just have to "fill up" occasionally. It's a conquest, it's a game, it's an ego trip. They're not going to pass on sex with you tonight just because they had sex with Pickmeisha last night. I wouldn't worry about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 11:39 PM
20

Manosphere subs have a catch phrase for when their wives finally leave them: "Delete Facebook, lawyer up, hit the gym." We need the FDS version: "Block him, call your girls, and level up." Block him, so you're not tempted to go begging for a crumb of dick. Call your girls, and focus on female friendships. Let them support you. Don't get lonely. Go have fun and appreciate how amazing your life is without him. If you don't have girls, see below. Level up! Breakup motivation is the best motivation.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 11:30 PM
24

LVM: "I want a clingy, insecure fuckmommy!" Pickmeishas: 🖐️🖐️🖐️🖐️🖐️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 10:56 PM
36

Here's a fun exercise. Do a flatlay of everything you would use/do/wear to get ready for a date, or that you regularly use for beauty maintenance. Top to bottom. Start in your shower, with your shampoo, conditioner, soap, shaving cream, razor. Go to your bathroom cabinets or vanity and pull out all the skincare products, body moisturizers, hair products, tweezers, makeup, perfume. Then go to your closet and pull out your best "dressed to kill" date outfit, including undergarments, shoes and acce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 09:29 PM
2

1 . I'm married, no kids, we have similar incomes, and we share all accounts except credit cards. Mostly because all our credit cards are from before we got married and it just never seemed necessary to share them. This works for us because we have similar financial habits and goals, neither of us are reckless spenders, and neither of us came into the marriage with debt, except a small amount of roughly equal student loans. We would likely continue to do this even if one of us made a lot more th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 07:49 PM
5

Is it common for women where you live to go all out on how they look? Not saying you shouldn't, but if you look like you just stepped out of a magazine and everyone else not so much, that might be a reason men aren't approaching. This was my immediate thought. I live in an area where it is very unusual for women to look "done up" all the time. Most of the women out here who go out looking beat to the gods all the time are the trophy wives to the execs/lawyers/doctors in town. Around here, a look…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 06:21 PM
8

If you're both young, there's a good reason why he's low income, and there seems to be a clear path towards financial stability that he's taking steps towards, I say go for it. We focus a lot on income and earning potential on this sub, but a good man with a lower income is always more valuable than a rich fuckboy. A man can change his financial situation, but he can't change his character. So, for example - if you're both in your 20s and he's still in school, or recently graduated and working a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 05:39 PM
9

There's something about laying in bed late at night that seems to make our brains take a darker turn. It can turn a minor feeling of dissatisfaction or annoyance into a disproportionately huge emotional wound. With no basis in reality or the actual intensity of the emotion. I'm the same way. I like my life. I'm pretty happy. But at night, I often get this urge to change my name and move to a new country and start over because I feel so dissatisfied about, like, the normal annoyances of living an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 04:26 PM
41

Nope, too many red flags. 1 - The age difference is a bit much. Not necessarily a deal breaker by itself, but definitely "proceed with caution" territory. 2 - He wanted to Netflix and chill in a hotel room for a first date? By itself, that's a deal breaker. In the context of the age difference, it's downright chilling. He was trying to take advantage of you. He thought you were too young to know better. Ghost him immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 01:59 AM
37

Why should you give him the chance to 1 - make you the bad guy, and 2 - try to defend his actions? He's not entitled to your reasoning. And it's not your job to turn this into a "learning opportunity" for him. Don't tell him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 01:53 AM
17

I wouldn't let a first date pick me up. Mama said don't get in the car with strangers. And don't show a stranger where you live, either. On the same note, don't go straight home after a date. There's no stopping a man who is truly determined to follow you home, but don't make it easy for him, and give yourself a chance to notice if it's happening. Go to the store. Stop for gas at a brightly lit gas station. Take a roundabout way home. Establish a check-in time with someone you trust, where if yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 01:51 AM
1

I've never seen a correlation between siblings of any gender, or being an only child, and quality as a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 01:22 AM
5

Then just now I found out he lied to me about having no “ideals” because I apparently don’t match them in any way other than the intelligence level. DID HE SAY THIS???? No, absolutely not. It's time to go. You're a rebound. At the absolute best, he deliberately tried dating someone who looks different from his ex because he's trying to get over her. Which is shitty, and means he's using you as an emotional crutch and he's not actually emotionally available, and that's the best possible explanati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 12:28 AM
16

Another confirmation: my husband slipped up while drinking and called me his wife in conversation a few months in - before we were exclusive, before we'd ever even had sex. He has since admitted that he "knew I was his wife from very early on, he just had to convince me of it." That's how a man who is truly into you sees it. He knows you're gonna be his wife, he just has to convince you that he's worthy of the honor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 12:09 AM
7

The mere suggestion would be a red flag, tbh. I like food and I'm an adventurous eater, so I'd be really put off by a guy who suggested it. If that was the only red flag and I was otherwise pretty interested in the guy, I'd tell him I don't really like that place and suggest somewhere else. We all have our trash favorites, maybe he just really, really likes... whatever they serve at Applebee's. (I've actually never been lol). I'd suggest a few different places, so he has to make the final select…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 09:15 PM
12

I'm gonna cosign two other comments: Your sex drive is normal for being 20 years old... and buy a Hitachi magic wand. My late teens went similarly. After it was over, I did not trust men, and I was so unfathomably horny all of the time. I dabbled a bit in casual sex, but what really got me through it was that Hitachi. Dick is actually pretty underwhelming compared to a Hitachi. Your sex drive will most likely level out over the next few years. That's just normal human development. In the meantim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 09:02 PM
21

Lmao nah sis. A cute local farm-to-table where you eat outside on the patio and they have live acoustic music on Friday nights: Sure, absolutely. A full-service, nice but casual ethnic food restaurant: Sure, that's fine. A funky little gastropub: Maybe. Depends on your personal tastes and the quality of the gastropub itself. Better for a second or third date, though. TGI Friday's/Applebee's/Chili's/Olive Garden: HELL NO. And frankly, I'd be put off by a man who suggested it. It suggests that he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 08:38 PM
60

Note to all angry scrotes hate-reading this: Have a job, be a parent to your own goddamn children, don't be repulsive to look at, clean up after yourself, and put some goddamn work into your relationship is the bare fucking minimum. If you're not meeting at least that standard, you are a burden, a net negative in a potential partner's life. And I'm here to deliver the hard truth: if you're a net negative in a woman's life, she will eventually leave you. That's not "hypergamy," that's what anybod…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 08:19 PM
27

Personally, I think that would be fine, as long as it's not some tacky chain/family restaurant. No first dates at Applebee's. But if it's some kind of interesting local place, that would be fine with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 08:03 PM
18

The realization that he would be single for the rest of his life came first. Men like this realize they're the lowest of the low value males. They come up with these ridiculous standards so they can pretend that they're the ones rejecting women, instead of the other way around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 07:50 PM
18

Even a really "low maintenance" woman puts more effort into and spends more money on her appearance than all but the most fashionable men, especially when it comes to a date. And what's hilarious is that men don't even know. I once saw a post on r/NoStupidQuestions that asked, "What are women actually doing when they're 'getting ready' for two hours???" He legitimately thought all the women in his life were in on some elaborate scheme to make him wait, or something, rather than realizing that it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 03:48 AM
3

I generally agree with this take, with one caveat. Pick-mes generally have shitty boundaries, secondary to low self-esteem. That's how I would distinguish between a true HVM and a male pickmeisha. A HVM will have strong boundaries and a strong sense of self. He will chase you, but he won't debase himself in the process. A male pick-me is happy to debase himself for any scrap of validation and pussy, and be whatever his oneitis wants him to be in the moment, because he has no real sense of identi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 04:28 AM
4

I don't think so. When women do it, it comes off as pick-me behavior and very insecure. When men do it, it seems disingenuous at best and outright creepy at worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 04:14 AM
23

"I'm looking for a girl from a rich family. A girl whose daddy bought her a car (because I probably don't have one and I need a ride to my unpaid DJ gig, you know?) and whose parents provide for her, so I don't have to. I intend to leech off of this proximity to wealth and status. In short, I am looking for a sugar mommy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 12:58 AM
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