Billie Eilish post inspired me. I was 17 (legal where I lived) dating a 31 yo because he was "more mature than guys my age". Long story short: -he was disgusted that I was still a virgin (you've NEVER done it before?) -awful in bed, believe me, practise makes no master -was a PUA and felt irritated that I cannot treat sex casually like women his age -played the "I am as youthful as your male peers" card along with "I am WAY better than your male peers", depending on when was more suitable -same as "I am older and I know better, what do you even know about life" along with "Idc how old are you, age is just a number" -no, he wasn't going to the music festival, parties, high school prom with me. I had to go ON MY VERY OWN (meaning without a guy and no flirting with guys out there), cause wanted to be faithful 🙈 while my friends were making out with their boyfriends at every party -that first time felt lonely, it was a unique experience, but just for me. He was high body count -prom felt sad. My friends dancing around to "you're the one that I want! Hoo hoo hoo - honey!" (was retro-themed) with their prom partners and me realizing I'm missing out on being young, innocent and silly

Then at 23 I've made the same mistake with another guy, 33. -felt outcasted from my peers who were spending time in the louder part of town, while I was sitting home with my "boyfriend" -he already had thrombosis, so we could not spend more that 1h for instance sitting in the restaurant -he wanted me to bring him to a party where people were even younger than me. I refused cause I knew I would make people uncomfortable. He threw a mantrum -he invited me to his friends aged 36, the lady of the house introduced that she was pregnant with their second child - so not a scene for someone still at the university, it felt like family dinner and not a party -my social life suffered a lot -I felt detached from my colleagues since I had to take "more grown up and adult" pov and behavior -it sucked the life and youth out of me -when he said "I think EVERY guy in his 30s should be seeing a girl that is at least 10 years younger", that's when it hit me, he was entitled bastard and I just happened to be the age of his interest, it was not about me or my beauty or my virtues, it was just about my birth year

Since then I despise age gaps. Learn from my mistakes.