Queens with healthy, successful relationships: where/how did you encounter your HVM?

kiripon · 2021-03-10T19:29:45+00:00

Oh, I got lucky.

So I've dated men in the past. Never had a relationship last beyond 2 weeks, just not in me to feel romantic or sexual attraction to them beyond a crush. At 18, began dating women, loved it, and believed I was a lesbian w compulsory heterosexuality instilled in me.

Years down, I was working as a server in a restaurant that was like my family. New kid starts working, we become friends. We hang out outside of work the first time that summer, we talked to each other and joked like we knew each other our whole lives. Spent 3 straight days together hanging out with friends, going to his place (apartment shared with mutual friends/coworkers I hung out with them all) watching literally anything, laughing, him taking me out to diners late night, staying up till 5am to watch the sunrise by the water. I couldn't wait to see him again and again.

Couple weeks after, he would promise we would hang out, only to end up cancelling. Long story short, a mutual friend finally told me that my guy grew a crush on me but knew I wouldnt be interested as I liked women and respected it so didnt want to make any move. He just began moving away a little to not get too attached. Same message where I learned he liked me, that mutual friend who was one of his overprotective yet douchey best friends sent a message to me with the last sentences being "give the kid a chance. he will treat you LIKE GOLD."

So I said screw it and gave him that chance. I may have just missed his friendship which initially tricked me into thinking I too had a crush on him, but that connection we had was too rare and I truly felt he was a good person. So now we've been together for almost 3 years, and he clearly appreciates the chance I gave him and he treats me with the care and respect we had during our friendship. I am always floored with the love I am given and shown and his consideration for me.

Its just amusing to me because I learned that I was just bi the whole time, I was just never was treated by any man remotely well enough to feel any romantic or sexual attraction to them until this one. I was 25.

Summerisle7 · 2021-03-10T17:40:10+00:00

Online but it was long enough ago that it was at least a website not an app. So we had more detailed profiles on each other and just a more formal experience overall, not strictly oriented towards hookups.

lottienina · 2021-03-10T18:01:33+00:00

Online (OkCupid) in a big city, but it was 8 years ago, before online dating became complete trash, and hookup culture hadn’t taken full swing yet. I had a feeling he might be the one from the first date, because he bought me two dinners😂 He gave me a choice of 2 restaurants and I said you pick, so he took me to both. One we had dinner at and the second had dessert, plus he bought me a meal to take home. This was way before FDS values had a name, but I was raised pretty much FDS, so that was a huge green flag for me. Then he just never stopped with the green flags.

My sister met her (HV) husband a year before I did on Craigslist of all places. But again, online dating was so different back then, than it seems now.

lonely-lifetime · 2021-03-10T18:21:01+00:00

Met at work, didn’t start dating til later though. We reconnected through mutual friends.

aclick1999 · 2021-03-10T18:53:28+00:00

A mutual friend's going away party over three years ago. He didn't leave my side the whole night, was an excellent conversationalist. I had just gotten out of a shitty relationship, and against my better judgement gave him my number. He texted me that night to make sure I got home. Pursued me for a whole month, but I was leaving the country for the summer. I told him this, he wished me a wonderful trip. Said he hoped I had fun and got a mental break and hoped I felt better on my return and would take up his offer for dinner. He texted a few times after I got back but I just wasn't ready yet and we lost contact. A whole year later, we randomly matched on Tinder. Neither of us recognised each other through pictures. It wasn't until I texted the number he gave me that he knew who I was. I was still saved in his phone, but I had long deleted him from mine. He told me about 20min in to our conversation when he realised I didn't recognise him, and we laughed.

He told me he'd thought about me from time to time and hoped I was doing well and was glad to see me again, even if it didn't lead anywhere. But I was healed and in a different head space and ready to try. And it's been great since!

He NEVER took offence to the fact I declined him. And says he's glad I did the first time around. And I am too, since I think my sad ass would have torpedoed our chances.

donttextme_k · 2021-03-10T20:20:49+00:00

I met him on a dating app. He would drive 1.5 hours each way to see me 2x a week, until we got engaged. With that said, majority of men on dating apps are still LV, I guess we just got matched by chance

Virgomermaid94 · 2021-03-10T17:22:31+00:00

I wish I had more to say because my husband is just amazing after having dated losers forever, I had become single while pregnant and had a 3 week old baby and a 3 year old with two LVM I was at my fattest I’ve ever been and was really feeling like nobody would ever want me again (mostly because thats what my ex and my mom would tell me) when I met my husband who was just incredible he dint care about any of that he loves me and my kids and my past.

my friend however met her husband while out with me and another girlfriend we were living in San Francisco and would go to bars Fridays at 6-8pm near the Apple/google/Twitter buildings and she met a shy awkward 6 figure man and they were married two years later he worked remotely so they moved away and she’s really happy now .

MelatoninNightmares · 2021-03-10T17:28:43+00:00

Through an overlapping friend group at university.

gentlewins · 2021-03-10T20:51:40+00:00

I’d be interested to hear what makes these guys so HV. I was composing a post on this recently re: my ex. I could make an extremely compelling case. But, ultimately, he isn’t.

Until you know his search/porn/phone history, these guys aren’t HV, and I don’t care what else they say or do.

Sherbert-Trick · 2021-03-10T19:17:28+00:00

We met at a BBQ hosted by mutual friends.

gingerwabisabi · 2021-03-10T20:38:54+00:00

OKCupid before it was bought. I did most of my pre-screening online, didn't go on multiple dates a week because that would have been exhausting. I screened as hard as possible for character and ignored looks until I could meet the person.

junegloom23 · 2021-03-10T19:16:21+00:00

Met him while studying abroad. I’m not a fan of long distance, but I had plans to move to his country anyway to pursue my masters before I met him so we’re making it work until next month when I can move there after getting vaccinated.

I feel like covid was good for both of us since it gave us the time to slow down and really get to know each other before jumping into anything. I loved how generous he was with his family and how he loved to hear me talk about my accomplishments. When lockdown hit hard, he would send me uber eats when I was having a bad day (which was a lot).

I met him through one of my study abroad friends who played sports with him and could attest to his character.

I read a book that said a lot of the connections we make are not through our best friends, but those “acquaintance friends” for lack of a better word who you don’t know well. If they invite you out to do something, there’s a greater chance that you’ll meet people you haven’t met before.

Baekseoulhui · 2021-03-11T01:37:45+00:00

Technically we met on Reddit? Technically??? I was running a Dungeons and Dragons campaign with my friend and we were looking for players.

One of my favorite things is that we met through a mutual hobby. We were able to skip the awkward first dates as well since we were already pretty close.

My biggest dating advice to any of my friends is to try and meet a man naturally through your hobbies. It makes things MUCH less awkward.

Hot-Raccoon1823 · 2021-03-10T21:25:44+00:00

Dog park! Still vetting ofc but he seems HVM in the way he treats me and speaks about his family/others

GailaMonster · 2021-03-10T22:03:22+00:00

We met at a bar where we were both performers - and neither of us was drinking.

gibgerbabymummy · 2021-03-12T06:45:16+00:00

Oh I got very lucky. I was on my sister's hen do! I am English and went to Butlins on the Welsh border, spent the days with my fam and sisters friends and went dancing in the eve. Spent Fri and Sat night fighting off drunks who would grope you or literally try and drag me out of the club if I accepted a drink, It was awful. Sunday, I went out with just my cousin and just as we were finishing our last drink, I spotted a guy head banging in the corner and was mesmerized by his waist length curls, wandered over and introduced myself.. We dated LD for about a year, he came down every four weeks for a weekend/week and now we're married and he's adopting my kids he's raised for ten years and we have a kid together too. Funny that I noticed him due to his hair, as he cut it off during lockdown, donated it and is now an egg head! 🥚

Title	Queens with healthy, successful relationships: where/how did you encounter your HVM?
Author	NoMoreWordsToConquer
Upvotes	87
Comments	23
Date	March 10, 2021 2:59 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m1nof0/queens_with_healthy_successful_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/queens-with-healthy-successful-relationships.752037 https://theredarchive.com/post/752037

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