~ archived since 2018 ~

Are these red flags, or am I reading too much into things?

October 19, 2021
85 upvotes

This guy I met 5 months ago seemed high value; he seemed ambitious, respectful, caring and would plan interesting dates (most he paid for; my pickmeisha ways got the best of me and I paid for some). We made it official recently, but I feel like his tone has changed since then. If his schedule is busy, it's fine when he goes 2 weeks without hanging out, but then seems miffed if I am late to a date (which seems like a double standard). Whenever he cancels, he just informs me he is unable to make it, no apology. I call to apologize when I am unable to make something I commit to.

The kicker is I recently sprained my wrist in a biking accident; he immediately started cracking jokes about aging bones (I'm one year older than him), and then made another joke about the arm being useless now. Not once did he ask me if I was okay. I didn't respond because I found it rude. I'm getting an award is this Friday, and so he tells me my Saturday is "booked up" (implying he had something special to celebrate), but I thanked him and declined.

On the one hand, I feel bad because it seems like he put thought into planning something to celebrate, which is sweet; on the other, he told me Saturday was booked, rather than asked me out (which seems oddly controlling...) and his jokes about my injury, now matter how minor, seem tasteless. I don't imagine he would find it funny if someone made fun of his height, for example.

Are these subtle red flags? Do I feel bad because I it was cruel to blow him off after it seems like he planned something, or because I'm not used to asserting boundaries?

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Post Information
Title Are these red flags, or am I reading too much into things?
Author NoMoreWordsToConquer
Upvotes 85
Comments 15
Date October 19, 2021 1:00 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/are-these-red-flags-or-am-i-reading-too-much-into.1078738
https://theredarchive.com/post/1078738
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/qb0dm6/are_these_red_flags_or_am_i_reading_too_much_into/
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