~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 34 | From the tinder subreddit. I have no words.that is a sexual act designed only to hurt and humiliate women. obv there's no way you'd enjoy that being done to you, but who would even enjoy doing that unless you get off psychologically on hurting your partner? utterly depraved | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/22 07:09 PM |
| 20 | You won't give your wife the assurance/insurance she needs to know that she will not financially suffer for having a child with you but you will still TaKe CaRe Of YoUr ChILd. The audacity. 🤡this is exactly why these traditions are in place - to scare away the stingy and broke men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 01:42 PM |
| 42 | Swipe. Man goes on 63 dates, does not use FDS tactics, still single. Huh...less than 5% resulted in a kiss?? less than 3 our of 63 women wanted to kiss him?? safe to say that with those numbers, he is definitely the problem | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 06:57 PM |
| 100 | He’s crazy if he thinks Gen z/millennial woman are gonna put up with this😂💀I fluctuate between 110 and 117 and I'm just under 5"3 yet I'm literally a US size 0/Uk 4. They have absolutely no conception of women's bodies or female fat/weight distribution. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 05:27 PM |
| 16 | He’s crazy if he thinks Gen z/millennial woman are gonna put up with this😂💀So considerate of these men to remove themselves entirely from the dating pool by following these rules! Makes life so much easier for us! 😌 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 05:25 PM |
| 5 | What've you rediscovered about yourself since being single?Gaslighting, insults, word salad, the standard narcissistic abusive stuff. A lot of the time the anger and tears were in frustration as a result of being not heard or purposefully misunderstood, any request or complaint or concern or even comment was blown out of proportion and made to be my fault. Just classic emotional abuse. For example the suggestion that maybe in the future if we wanted to buy a house or have kids, he should find a full time job instead of freelancing, was (mis)understood t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 08:27 PM |
| 6 | Work is only okay when I (the man) benefit from seeing woman naked and abused. I’m sorry what???? Sex work is abusive towards women.First of all 'choosing that path'? It is soo naive to think that even 40% of sex workers chose that path. Secondly, it is so misguided to think that being against sex work is to be against sex workers. They think that if we oppose a systemic, exploitative, and violent industry against women, we are somehow violating those women? No, being anti sex work is to be FOR those women, to stand for their rights as human beings, rather than to shrug and say 'well i won't judge them for choosing to be tra… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 07:05 PM |
| 17 | The absolute bare minimum, and an automatic dealbreaker. NEVER, no matter the circumstance. Do not ever let a man think that it is justifiable to try to physically intimidate you. There exists not a single excuse for violent behaviour. It will always escalate.My dad is the calmest, sweetest man. Never raised his voice at me or anyone in my family in his life. I was shocked the other day when he said he had been in a bad mood the past week, but because he is so sweet to me I barely noticed. Whenever he is annoyed at me, he just shakes his head. My mum is the same. Calm and so patient. My ex on the other hand, even though he never really raised his voice and never hit me, would say the cruellest things when he was angry. Just utterly horrible things. H… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 04:52 PM |
| 20 | What've you rediscovered about yourself since being single?"returning home to yourself" is such a lovely way of phrasing it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/22 07:25 PM |
| 15 | Wedding rings - what do you think ?As an antique, the ring will probably be of a higher value than if melted down and used in a contemporary design. What era is it from and what carat is the gold? Melting it down means you reduce the gold itself to its scrap value, but in its current design it has additional value by virtue of being antique. Personally I think you should get both the antique ring and a new contemporary one for everyday wear. | /r/askFDS | 20/01/22 12:44 PM |
| 6 | Looking for reassurance that I didn't jump the gun too quickly in blocking.I considered ghosting, but I didn't want him to be able to reason it away and think it had nothing to do with him, that I'd simply 'freaked out' or something. I wanted him to know I knew what he was doing and that this was a direct result of his actions haha | /r/askFDS | 17/01/22 11:45 AM |
| 16 | Looking for reassurance that I didn't jump the gun too quickly in blocking.I think in an ideal world he would've said something along the lines of "I understand, I'm happy to take things slow and we can do things at your pace" and tapered his expectations for sex but continued to show the same level of interest. I think I just thought I'd try being a little more upfront instead of just wilfully not acknowledging it. I don't think I will ever do that again so soon in the dating process, but tbh I don't think I am wrong in having done that, I ultimately think if somethin… | /r/askFDS | 17/01/22 11:42 AM |
| 35 | We are living in a clown world 🤡Absolutely! And people are deranged to think that the only way to be a supportive and good parent is to be a permissive one. My mother was always outspoken about thinking my ex wasn't good enough for me, and eventually it got through to me and I realised she was right. She was never mean to me, never rude to him, he had no idea, but she was always firm and it didn't damage our relationship. However the fact that he is okay with the mother of his mistress paying for his damn holiday??? That man i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 03:54 PM |
| 49 | We are living in a clown world 🤡reminds me of that classic chris fleming sketch | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 03:44 PM |
| 86 | No Josh/Jason/James, sex work is not comparable to "Manuel" labor. Watch out for men who have no empathy for women's exploitation.Who is this Manuel and why does he need so many men and so much labour | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 02:32 PM |
| 44 | Having a relationship start from a hook up is not the flex you think it isIt is universally true that if a person, no matter of what gender, has a lot of casual indiscriminate sex, then they have unresolved emotional issues. Sex, when healthy, is a bonding exercise with someone you trust and have feelings for. It's impossible to have strong emotional feelings for a new person each week, so the promiscuous person is trying to medicate a lack of intimacy with cheap sex, or a lack of self-worth, or simply a lack of empathy for their partners (this last one is mostly in r… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 03:38 PM |
| 10 | Even in Imperial Russia, where women had to get married, community dick and age gap relationships were avoided.yeah exactly, that's the exception that proves the rule: if a young woman is with a much older man, it is not because she is attracted to him, especially any more so than to her male peers, or that it's "natural", rather there needs to be a big additional incentive, usually to do with money, class, and status. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/21 11:53 PM |
| 215 | Even in Imperial Russia, where women had to get married, community dick and age gap relationships were avoided.Also evidence against this idea that it's "natural" and historically common for middle aged men to marry really young girls. It's never been common! Women have always been disgusted by it! It only ever happened in highly aristocratic families that wanted to maintain their wealth, and that lot also practised incest so quite frankly, are not the ones whose example we should follow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 10:57 PM |
| 73 | They know what they're doing.If they're able to control their anger and abuse around people who matter (employees/employers, people who are famous or not too close to them), but will fly off the handle and be cruel or dismissive to you, it's proof they are fully aware of their behaviour and know that they can't behave that way around others. If they're able to control themselves in public and can maintain an image of being a good person, but they are cruel to you, it means that's who they are and they're doing it on purpose… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/21 07:57 PM |
| 259 | If a man does not date within his age range, it’s a red flag.I went on a date with a 32 yr old and he casually mentioned he had recently gone on a date with a 19 year old!!!!!!!!!!!! I did not hide my disgust. He tried to save it by saying the age gap was too big but a 24 year old he went on a date with later was "much more mature"! Sir you shouldn't be dating either of those girls!!!!! I blocked as soon as I could. They really tell on themselves. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/21 02:01 PM |
| 62 | If he lavishes you with gifts sometimes, and penny pinches the rest of the time – that is not generosity, that is manipulationThere really isn't a definitive scale to it, but I think it is intuitively obvious. I think someone on 50k getting you a chanel bag for every gift giving occasion will actually just be reckless, as that's basically a whole paycheck after taxes. That sounds less like generosity than delusion and self-destruction! IMO generosity is when someone inconveniences themselves for your benefit. It is generous to wake up at 5AM to drive you to the airport when they could've slept in. It is generous to sco… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 11:00 PM |
| 144 | How do you handle interactions with men who have already made assumptions about who you are?It's systemic, so it's not about you. It's not a reflection of your worth. Don't take it personally, but also recognise there is nothing you can do to change the opinions of misogynistic men, because it's not you vs them, its class warfare. These assumptions are by design, they're there to make you chase harder, work harder to please and impress them, burn yourself out trying to be seen as an equal when they'll NEVER see you as such. Recognise that trying to fight against it is a losing game. Wh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 01:28 PM |
| 2 | Model Christy Giles Found Dead at 24 - three men dropped her dead body outside of a hospital after drugging her and her friends during a night out. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRUST MEN AT ALL.i'd argue that that is more about class and race than prettiness, but yes, you're right, there is more attention | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 06:24 PM |
| 10 | Everyone is losing their minds at what a perfect man she has found and all I can think is how he made HER drive them to the date in HIS city. Do not EVER go to a man even if he pays for it. If he really wanted to see you he’d come to youI don't know the whole story but this is giving me major narcissist vibes. Not just because she had to drive, and because he's obviously sent this to many women and the novelty makes it seem like it's high effort when it isn't really, but this is a really common love-bombing tactic. Clearly this man isn't minted, so he can't love-bomb in a grandiose way, so the 'elaborateness' of the date makes her feel special instead. However... it's not actually personal to her and the exit interview is deepl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 01:22 AM |
| 99 | Model Christy Giles Found Dead at 24 - three men dropped her dead body outside of a hospital after drugging her and her friends during a night out. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRUST MEN AT ALL.This is why being pretty isn't the privilege people think it is – it doesn't protect you from the violence of men, even if they appear to treat you more nicely at first. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 01:08 AM |
| 108 | FDS is NOT categorically against OLD.It's such a myth that there are categorically NO HVM using OLD as it implies that men you meet IRL are somehow more likely to be HVM and I think some women falsely end up letting that cloud their judgemen.t They're simply not. The reason that it seems like there are more LVM on dating apps is just because you're exposed to a significantly larger sample size of the population and most men are LV. Additionally, apps force you to consider every single person as a potential mate, so you're forced to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 12:09 AM |
| 40 | Did my heartbreak make me bitter?I think "bitterness" is only negative when it oozes out and hurts others – when you resent others for being happy and lash out at them, or you're an extremist who actually wants to physically hurt others and be violent. That doesn't sound like the case for you at all. It sounds like you are healing those wounds and growing a tougher core. It's normal to miss that idealistic and naive you, but this was always going to happen, and it happens to everyone, and it'll happen to your friend, too. Becau… | /r/askFDS | 15/11/21 12:55 AM |
| 205 | Today I actually realised that "if he wanted to, he would"For my friends 30th, I took her to a hotel bar and bought us cocktails, then we went to a high end restaurant and had dinner, and I gave her a gold ring because its a special birthday. It wasn't cheap, but I got the ring for a good deal as fine jewellery isn't actually that expensive if you shop around - the ring was with her birthstone, not diamonds. Then I think about a friend who got engaged recently and didn't even get a ring from her so-called fiance...it's so sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/11/21 06:30 PM |
| 251 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?If female empowerment does not look like male empowerment, then its a hoax. Feeling empowered for men sold as educating yourself, becoming financially independent, dedicating yourself to your craft, basically everything to do with true material power in this world. "Female empowerment" is recreated every few decades but never really changes the same formula: it is still about heterosexual dynamics and women in relation to men. It never gives us any true power. This is just what sells right now a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 09:23 PM |
| 72 | Man hides 14 y/o daughter from fiancé for the entire duration of the relationship. Either he was trying to have two separate families ,or he was trying to trap her into supporting the daughter. Something malicious is at play.this has been her HEALTHIEST relationship??? 😟 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/21 11:40 PM |
| 18 | Dating When You’re Young/Not Intending to Marry YET?I think it is a good idea to get some dating experience as you'll learn how to assert boundaries and to not be overwhelmed/surprised by good treatment. I think it is part of a de-conditioning process to erase the socialised desire in us to always be "nice" and "peacekeepers", to learn to be unflappable and unbothered, to get used to men flattering you and taking it for what it is (usually exactly that – cheap flatter, not proclamations of love). It can also be very fun! I think the suggestions o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/11/21 08:34 PM |
| 148 | Sometimes we gotta be "bitches"the depth of our conditioning to be "nice" is mental. yesterday i matched with a man on a dating app, who then proceeded to tell me that he's actually only in my city for a few days next week but would "love to meet for a drink, if his living in [a whole other country] isn't an issue". i said no thanks, but best of luck to him. it kind of shocked me that momentarily i felt guilty?? whatever the fuck for?? for not entertaining a man i would never have anything but maybe a one night stand with??? … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/11/21 08:24 PM |
| 48 | Men tend to complain about women being fatter in person vs. their dating app pics... Well in my experience TOO 👏 MANY 👏 MEN 👏straight up LIE about their heightI'm 158cm (just over 5"2) so I'm not super picky over height, the shortest I'd date is 178cm (5"8) and personally my ideal is between 180cm and 187cm (5"10-6"1). I went on a date with a guy who said he was 178cm (5"8). I arrived later to the restaurant so he was already sitting down, he only leant over the table to greet me so I didn't notice his height until the very end when he stood up and was at eye level to me. Granted, I was wearing heels, but they were small and I'd have been no taller th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/10/21 06:05 PM |
| 16 | Spotted in another sub. Subtle red flag that I (as a short-legged woman) have experienced too!i honestly think this is one of the biggest indicators of disrespect. i would also absolutely hate it when my ex would pounce out of the cafe while i was still gathering my things and wait outside for me, instead of just waiting for me by the table. i have never done that to anyone, it's so rude and embarrassing. another sign of disrespect is taking the booth seat and giving you the chair/less comfortable chair. they seem minor but you don't have to put up with it, every little act is a consciou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 12:13 PM |
| 177 | Men always knowhonestly i think they have a better idea of how we are oppressed and the class hierarchy than we do. it is much easier to see the ways in which we are being mistreated when you know what it means to be treated well. in the same way that people who have only ever known poverty do not understand the extent of their poverty the way that the rich looking inside understand it. they only pretend to be clueless in order to uphold it, because it makes our oppression seem incidental and irrelevant to the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 04:19 PM |
| 34 | Are these red flags, or am I reading too much into things?Yes, they are massive red flags. He doesn't need to do something drastic for it to be a red flag, this is just the peak of the iceberg that you can intuitively sense. Ask yourself - if a person you loved came to you with an injury, would your immediate and ONLY reaction be to make fun of them and make them feel worse? It suggests a total lack of empathy. You already know he's no good, don't stick around to find out to what extent. | /r/askFDS | 19/10/21 01:11 PM |
| 1 | Never call a man out for negging youSounds deeply toxic - look up 'grey rocking dr ramani' on youtube on how to deal with this sort of behaviour. It will be against your interest to say anything to your superior, as most likely he's trying to get a rise of you on purpose so that when you react (understandably) badly, he can label you as the 'difficult' one. If he is saying outrageous stuff, that sounds less like negging and more like actual verbal abuse. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 12:17 PM |
| 21 | "men are only loved conditionally"i would question the very premise that "unconditional love" is good or even possible in a romantic relationship. only parental love should be unconditional, because the child is powerless and did not choose to enter that relationship or be dependent on that person. no other love between two adults should or can be unconditional. the whole point of romantic love is that you *choose* to be with that person. this narrative of unconditional love is a manipulative rhetoric pushed onto people by abuse… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/10/21 02:34 PM |
| 35 | This is why you don’t tell men you enjoy cooking 🤦♀️this is why i lie and tell men i can't cook | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/10/21 12:58 AM |
| 59 | FDS stance on BDSMAll the women in her books have painfully low standards and the men are just complete arseholes, and this one was particularly painful to get through. Also I just don't understand how I am supposed to relate to, or feel sympathy for, a millionaire author who is Big Sad and painfully pretentious?? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 06:51 PM |
| 2 | Ladies, how much should an engagement ring cost?As someone extremely into fine jewellery and who collects it, I would want an engagement ring that costs far more than I'd ever spend on a piece of jewellery myself. I think it is dependent on a man's income but honestly I think the lowest should be around the £5k mark, personally I'd want something around the £10-15k mark. If you're buying new, anything less than that new on the market will be pennies on the second hand market, especially white stones like diamonds and moissanites, which have b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/21 11:33 PM |
| 35 | For ladies who don't like/can't wear rings, what do you prefer instead?I am definitely a ring-lover and would want an engagement ring, but I suggest looking at anything that is in the spirit of the origin of the tradition: a monetary gift that will help you specifically, whether or not you remain together. Engagement rings were essentially an insurance for women as their "value" would plummet if they were to divorce or have an engagement break off and marriage is a far greater risk for women (due to the high rate of domestic abuse against women and also simply all … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/21 11:26 PM |
| 14 | So, how’s it going these days now that you have to make women like you to get their interest? Men:lol he's threatening us with a good time | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 12:03 PM |
| 15 | When dating, do you have certain professions that you avoid?Omg totally agree with avoiding therapists and psychologists. In my experience and the experience of (male and female) friends, they're always the most fucked up. I avoid anyone in the creative fields as I'm also a creative and they're always competitive and stingy. I ESPECIALLY avoid musicians. I also avoid anyone in the music industry as it's such an exploitative one (A&R guys, agent, whatever). I also avoid academics because they have that similar complex that creative guys do, feeling inadeq… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/10/21 05:46 PM |
| 4 | What's up with the dislike towards MBTI?I agree with you, to me MBTI and astrology serve the same function socially - a shorthand way of discussing your personality, your perception of yourself and of others. I don't think it's really a red flag, although it is a very corporate thing to be super into them, so maybe that could be off-putting. To me it's a red flag if a guy is really into MBTI but hates astrology because that just screams misogyny lol, you'd have to have absolutely zero critical thinking to not realise that the two soci… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 05:04 PM |
| 8 | Open communication doesn't seem to be a thing anymoreIf it makes you feel any better, a disproportionate amount of people, men particularly, on dating apps and websites are chronically single with avoidant attachment types. There are plenty of people who believe that open communication is good and necessary... unfortunately a lot of those people are already in healthy and committed relationships. However I wouldn't use the sample of men on dating apps to representative of the population as a whole. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 04:58 PM |
| 0 | It screams LVM to me, but my friend argued that it's actually a HVM behaviour. What do y'all think?Obviously we can't know, but a big and expensive public display of 'remorse' feels very love-bombing/hoovering type behaviour to me. He is trying to shame her into forgiving him, and if she stand her ground he will act like a victim because he did this big grand gesture that she heartlessly disregarded. Some people like you friend will see this act as romantic and so she will feel pressure to forgive him, and he knows that. There's a reason why his 'grand gesture' is something so public, and not… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 03:18 PM |
| 77 | Men are becoming aware of women's anti pornography stances and are using it to manipulate women.If he willingly brings up that information with no context, he is trying to win points from you. In the same way that men who make a big point of saying that they are feminists are usually big manipulators. People who are truly feminist and anti-porn surround themselves with others who hold similar views and will not need to blurt them out, it will just be seen as a given. The two previous boyfriends I've had who didn't watch porn didn't reveal this until much later in the relationship because n… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 09:40 PM |
| 32 | Men really out here thinking having a wife is being "romance scammed" in a thread about a "girl" on bumble potentially robbing a guy.oh my god, i was waiting for him to be like 'then she up and left him in the middle of the night, turns out the big scam this girl pulled on him was 'love', lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 06:51 PM |
| 35 | Green flag - thoughtful, non-sexual giftsThis is so lovely! I've actually quietly decided a while ago that I won't commit or have sex with a man if he doesn't get me a gift in the first three months, 'just because'. It makes me so sad that no man has ever done that for me, but every single one of my close friends has surprised me with random sweet gifts (and I've done the same for them and for every ex). My narc ex would go all out on gift giving but only to boost his ego or as part of his love-bombing. I used to love surprising boyfri… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/09/21 01:27 AM |
| 6 | How to show green flags?Be more interested in other people than in what they think of you. Being the right level of warm and open vs appropriate has no set rules, everyone has different standards for what they're comfortable with, so to get the balance right you should be monitoring the other person's responses - its often best to follow their lead. In my opinion the two best ways to have 'good vibes' is 1. to be genuinely interested in people and their stories 2. understand you can't win everyone over, and not to take… | /r/askFDS | 16/09/21 02:45 PM |
| 56 | The amount of hypocrisy I've seen from men is just staggering.exactly - whether you are a covetable sexual object or not, you're still an object | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/09/21 01:15 PM |
| 175 | The amount of hypocrisy I've seen from men is just staggering.The reason why they don't see their hypocrisy is because these standards are not genuine 'advice' or views on women. They are tools of oppression. Their impossibility serves a purpose - to keep us oppressed and on a treadmill towards some promised land where we are free of misogyny, yet that never comes. That's why the only holy woman in the bible is the virgin mother: no woman can be that, therefore no woman can reach that godly level. Whereas men are told they are literally made in the image o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/09/21 11:10 AM |
| 19 | Why do men always bring up women's height preference when factually speaking we know men have a race, weight, look, and physical feature preference?Men who bring that up do not recognise our equal autonomy as human beings and our right to choose partners and simply don't understand why they can't choose the woman they want as they would a car or some other product. They are frustrated by the fact that attraction needs to be reciprocated and consent is needed, and they cling onto height because it'd something they cannot control and it makes it seem like women have unreasonable standards. The truth is that for most women, even with height pr… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/09/21 09:11 PM |
| 1 | Care to share examples of HV behaviour from the men in your life?They met when she was 25 and he was 28, and neither are religious, so I think they waited a reasonable length of time before considering it at that age, and then the actual proposal was delayed by just over a year due to covid (he wanted to propose in her home town but travel abroad was impossible, for obvious reasons). I think its something they started discussing around 3 years into the relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/21 05:00 PM |
| 176 | Care to share examples of HV behaviour from the men in your life?My best friends fiancé is HV. I have a lot of examples of him being HV but one thing I thought of recently: He has a very well-paying and intense job in finance, and she is a journalist. Obviously, there is a big pay disparity, but he never uses that against her. In fact, he is deeply supportive of her career - the other night she was working late and he offered to transcribe her interviews for her because she hates it and because she was overwhelmed. He didn't expect anything in return, just ou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/08/21 04:32 PM |
| 28 | I just had to unfriend someone on fb for sharing this. Scrotes will admit they’re only with women to use them and women will be in the comments like “🥰❤️😘” it’s so gross🙄🤢 I guess we should start telling men that unless they’re here to build us up they’re “dead weight” 🤷🏾♀️you give with your heart not your hand, if he thinks a woman is only 'worthy' of sharing in his money and success if she's sacrificed and somehow 'earned' it, then he is chronically stingy and will always be that way. a truly generous person will want to share their wealth around for the love of it and you. they use rhetoric like this to future fake you and make you feel like there will eventually be some reward for your suffering now but there won't, they will always undervalue what you do for … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/08/21 04:15 PM |
| 7 | Why are the comments saying this is cute?!this is so sad | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/21 08:10 PM |
| 11 | anyone else feel hard to make a connection since being lovebombed by a LVX?I’m in a really similar situation to you and I’ve been doing a lot of introspection because of it. It’s been well over a year since I broke up with my narc ex who love-bombed me intensely, and I have dated casually, but most men have been cut out after just a few dates for not reaching my standards. The lack of connection wasn’t even something I really had to address as they rarely got that far, and I felt proud of myself for upholding such strong boundaries. However, I’ve had to address this ‘s… | /r/askFDS | 15/08/21 10:39 PM |
| 39 | Men are jealous of women's successYes, this is also true of men in relationships and their feelings towards their partner. A lot of women are blind to this and assume that if someone says they love them, then they can't have any negative feelings for them and will be happy for their successes, but often that can be untrue. This is why for a woman it's very important to date men who are secure in themselves (not grandiose), and who either earn just as much or more than you. This is why I no longer date men in a similar field to m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/08/21 03:48 PM |
| 7 | Should women aspire to marry up?I think it's silly to *aspire* to that, but I don't see any value in a woman marrying anything else but up, given how much of a liability or a danger a bad or even mediocre man can be. I think young girls should be taught to first and foremost to be self-sufficient for resources as well as emotional fulfilment, or at least not dependent on a man for either of those things. However, I don't think that women who make it a goal to 'marry up' should be looked down upon. Despite all the rights women … | /r/askFDS | 04/08/21 05:06 PM |
| 5 | No, an abuser does not "lose control." He is perfectly in control of his faculties when he is abusing women. He knows exactly what he's doing. The first time an incident like this happens, walk away, block and delete, and never look back.i had this realisation after i'd have arguments with my ex that he would always shut down by threatening to leave or saying he doesn't love me anymore. he'd be laying in bed next to me looking at flats to move to. one time, after an argument, i lost it and realised how manipulative this was. i told him the next time he threatened to leave me or break up, then we would immediately be broken up. lo' and behold, he never ever did that again. of course, the arguments and emotional abuse and manipula… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/08/21 11:23 AM |
| 61 | Why do men think we are in love with them after 1 date?Men overestimate their desirability (as demonstrated by this study), and on top of that, have been conditioned by society into thinking every woman is just begging to be married off and impregnated by them and should be grateful for even being considered for the position of their maid and surrogate mother. It's annoying, but don't waste your energy proving to them you don't like them that much. They'll think its a case of 'the lady doth protest too much'. Time will tell who likes who more. If an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/21 10:29 AM |
| 13 | Anyone else not dating becauseyou're not being lazy. once dating becomes a chore, it means you're burnt out and should step back and only come back to it when the prospect seems fun and exciting again. if you push through when you don't enjoy it, you're just sabotaging yourself because you won't be putting your best energy forward and may even be tempted to compromise and lower your standards. it is very healthy to step back for however long is necessary. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/08/21 09:53 PM |
| 9 | Walk away from people who overshare EARLY on in datingthis is one of the first signs of narcissism or sociopathy. they want pity to be the first emotion you feel towards them, as that marks you as a good victim (an empath/someone already too giving). then, after that initial dynamic is set (THEY are the victim), they can use that to gaslight you whenever you bring up issues - how dare you ask them to contribute more, don't you know they're depressed? how dare you have issue with their controlling behaviour, don't you know they've been cheated on? o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/08/21 01:18 PM |
| 37 | The usual culprits at it with the fear-mongering again. If we all just popped out some babies for the terrorism plotting incels, deranged red pilled dweebs and paedophilic cheating porn fried scrotes, society would be magically better! 🙄This is a man showing a complete lack of logical thinking. His sees that the birth rates in developed countries are dropping, and simply assumes it's because 'men and women are conditioned to hate each other', despite the fact that societally we are all taught too admire masculine qualities and women are taught to seek male validation. Has he considered that in the less 'developed' nations, the violence against women, including but not limited to, domestic abuse is significantly higher? Does he … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/07/21 09:15 PM |
| 39 | Toxic femininity. What's your take on this?I hate the term "toxic femininity" because it was only invented as a response to "toxic masculinity", as if to say that women can be toxic too when that is not the point. But the true equivalent of toxic masculinity (when upholding masculine expectations is done despite the detriment of the man doing so and those around him) is just plain old internalised misogyny. All of this is just misogyny and should be referred to as such. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/07/21 10:54 PM |
| 43 | 44 years old with mommy issues🤡 the jokes write themselves atpwhat he's saying is he wants someone who will love and dote on him unconditionally, like a mother. he can have tantrums and treat her like shit like a rowdy teenager and she'll stay. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/07/21 05:28 PM |
| 120 | What power shift?? Lies men tell XD Women get BETTER with ageThere is no significant power shift because the thing that gives power to women remains true: men want sex with women more than women want sex with men (not because women don't have sexual desire but because sex with a man rarely guarantees an orgasm but poses many dangers - sex has a far greater reward for men than it does for women, so women will never chase it the way men do). The other part of the dynamic is that female reproductive organs are necessary for reproduction, whereas men can be r… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/21 05:35 PM |
| 324 | Vetting Men by their job positionMusicians, artists, comedians, basically every creative career. They always have massive egos and usually a chip on their shoulder because of course they're not the second coming of Prince or some sort of Renaissance man, even if they are actually successful, and they resent men who have high incomes while thinking they're somehow morally superior because they're not working for the man or whatever. They're statistically most likely to be narcissists. They will always think they are 'above' gett… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/07/21 01:03 AM |
| 14 | Deeply difficult brother - what do I do?Thank you, I have firm plans to move out but that won't be until the autumn when I can move in with a close friend I have lived with before (she currently has another roommate). I could move out temporarily elsewhere but I don't want to risk living with strangers. Do you have any advice for the immediate/short term? | /r/askFDS | 09/07/21 07:52 PM |
| 4 | In your opinion, is this the FDS mindset gone wrong?I don't think anything about this is FDS or specifically FDS, this is this individuals personal interpretation and standards and that's fine for her, but these hyper-specific conclusions have nothing to do with FDS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/07/21 02:47 PM |
| 69 | My friend showed me a pic of the guy she is seeing and I said "he looks way too old for you". She said "oh he's actually a year younger than me" 💀💀💀He was probably lying about his age, however, men actually age quicker than women, despite what society wants to tell you about how men and women age. They have much less fat under the surface of the skin which makes the wrinkles form much sooner and deeper. I suppose this is the downside of men naturally having much lower body fat percentages than women! Two of my friends recently went to see a cosmetic doctor to get botox done, both are 31, one female one male, and the doctor confirmed that me… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/21 10:09 AM |
| 12 | Book Review: How to spot a dangerous man before you get involved. A must read if you are actively dating.I really like how this book acknowledges that dating men with mental illnesses can be dangerous and very detrimental to you. I know FDS gets criticised a lot for this stance in the media, but people seem to think your personal decisions are reflective of how you believe society as a whole should treat someone. There is nothing wrong with ruling out people with mental illnesses from your dating pool - it doesn't mean they're less than you, it just means they have baggage you do not want to, and h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/06/21 09:53 AM |
| 15 | Stuff of nightmares reallyit is going to take her a very long time to realise that the problem isn't a lack of communication, but simply a lack of care on his behalf. he knows he's not helping, he knows she is struggling, he can probably see what's going on, he's not an idiot. he just plays the idiot so she can remain frustrated thinking some nebulous force is causing the problems in their relationship rather than simply him not giving a shit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/21 07:09 PM |
| 298 | Imposed ideas of femininity harm and oppress women - Change my mind. 🥰Every time I would argue against my ex he would claim I was trying to "control him" and "just want a partner who always agrees with me". It then clicked that he was projecting, HE was the one that would get annoyed that I had the audacity to ever speak my own mind instead of blindly agreeing with him. In an argument I said this to him, that HE wanted a partner who always agreed with him, and he replied "Well, yeah, everyone does." And that's when it clicked - not just his individual blatant narc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/21 11:36 AM |
| 13 | It's empowering!!! /sthis is literal recruitment and grooming? one of the girls she brought along was nineTEEN??? they're literally still teenagers. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/21 06:12 PM |
| 41 | This is just so sad. Them LVM got her manipulated that one night stands are really going to have any benefit to her.God, THIS is the issue with casual sex. Of course many women won't automatically get attached after sleeping with a guy once, of course many women can remain emotionally unattached, of course not all women want relationships. However, very few of us can leave unscathed from the ego-bruising of being discarded after a sexual experience, regardless of gender. And yet it is significantly more likely to happen to women than to men, because unless you vet them to see if they're capable of empathy and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/21 03:34 PM |
| 22 | Saw this in TwoX this morning. It was so hard to read.The sad thing is that he will never change or try to understand. He is already getting a good deal - he does the minimum but gets rewarded by society for being a good father simply by not leaving his "partner" (guessing they're not even married?) He has zero incentive to change any of his behaviour - he knows it will be incredibly hard for her to ever leave him because they have a child together now, so her options are either to get on with it and do everything, make life even harder for herself… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 04:21 PM |
| 11 | When the most basic requirement is exhausting.I literally do this for all of my friends and it requires zero effort at all? These men resent their girlfriends when they express any wants whatsoever, no matter how small. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 04:14 PM |
| 1 | I feel conflicted about the advice my therapist gave meYes, good on you, your intuition was totally correct. Tbh it sounds like you are dealing with a narcissist who was trying to hoover you back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 05:15 PM |
| 1 | I feel conflicted about the advice my therapist gave meI fully agree with your approach. You asked him because you wanted to confirm what his intention truly were and you got your confirmation. What would have been the point of telling him how 'you felt'? You would have been gaslit or made to feel guilty, he clearly would not have taken it on board to truly change his behaviour other than to learn how to manipulate better, and maybe you would've even given him an ego boost by making him feel like you cared sooo much about him which is why he 'hurt y… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 03:18 PM |
| 148 | Why are men never over their exes?Because instead of taking time to work through their hurt by themselves, which is hard, they'd rather dump it on random women and hope they can 'fix them' and be free therapists. | /r/askFDS | 30/05/21 06:49 PM |
| 38 | Really making us ask for our oppresion. Almost beautiful how evil this "woman proposes" horse shit isHonestly, I think men are themselves better aware of when women are being mistreated than women are, because women gaslight themselves and by society into thinking its fine, whereas men know how male manipulators function. Which is why it's scarier when they don't do anything about their abuser friends - they know, they don't care. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/05/21 06:47 PM |
| 20 | Possible red flags in guy im talking to, help!Drop him - following bikini girls is already a red flag enough. You shouldn't be telling a guy that you expect him to pay or that you expect money from him - it'll be easy for him to then make out that you're a massive b****, a gold digger, whatever. When this relationship ends, he'll likely think it's all down to that and you're the shallow one and he's the victim. Never lay out your expectations, simply see what he offers you and if it aligns with your expectations. There are plenty of men who… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/05/21 06:23 PM |
| 85 | This was a post asking men what boundaries they have with women. Literally the first answer scrote says he wants her to show affection when she doesn’t want to. What the actual fuck. This doesn’t answer the question, also suggests you don’t want her to have her own boundaries. LoserMen don't know what boundaries are when it comes to women because women don't pose a threat to them, and because society has taught them what boundaries are from birth. Sure, hypothetically, a woman can be a threat, but it's incredibly rare, and not in the same way men are to women - men are an omnipresent threat to women, and the response to this very subreddit is evidence of how they like to remind us of that very fact. Men will assault women without even realising they're assaulting them. Men… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/05/21 06:16 PM |
| 3 | What would you do in this situation?god you're so right. will continue blocking. | /r/askFDS | 28/05/21 10:57 PM |
| 5 | Weekly FDS Check-into me, if he has to explicitly say that, then it means its a treat and a novelty behaviour for him, and in the future he won't "permit" you to order what you want. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 10:29 PM |
| 13 | This is so so true of my narc ex and why we do not repeat ourselves. You're wasting your energy explaining and re-explaining yourself - they simply don't care.Like others have said, there's no real recovery for narcissists. There's also very little motivation for them to change - their deluded and grandiose sense of self protects them from the shame of hurting others, and their arrogant and abusive behaviour generally means they always get their way. Life is pretty great for a narcissist. It's a disease that hurts those around them more than them. Capitalism also generally rewards narcissism. I highly recommend Dr. Ramani's channel, her approach s mor… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/21 11:00 PM |
| 62 | Be careful with men who watch anime. Pay attention to lifestyles.Quite honestly, I find any man being into anime/manga to be an immediate red flag and a no-no for me. There's no way he can be into that without being heavily exposed to porn. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/21 07:10 PM |
| 8 | I love her so much!!!!glorious, gorgeous, i love her, i worship her | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/21 02:05 PM |
| 70 | Avoid joining an activity if your sole purpose for joining is to meet menTo be honest, it's not even about the unlikelihood of meeting someone decent at these events. It's that it goes against the whole point of de-centering men from your life. If you're just doing stuff in the hopes of meeting someone, then you're not doing it for yourself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/05/21 06:30 PM |
| 3 | How young would you go?I think once they're over 25, 'mature' or 'immature' is just their personality and character rather than anything truly about their age. As long as there's not a MASSIVE age gap, the success of the relationship and his willingness to settle down is entirely on him as a person. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 03:45 PM |
| 120 | Men hate us both for being “high maintenance” when we’re young and “not taking care of ourselves” when we’re oldquite honestly, i think they just hate anything that suggests we are real human beings with agency and the capacity to be flawed or even inconvenient to them personally sometimes. they just hate us when we are not perfect, warm sex dolls that want and ask for nothing and exist only to please them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/05/21 10:05 PM |
| 39 | I'm sick of people thinking sex is a need. It's not. It's a want and a privilegeThe idea that 'sex is a need' is such a useful tool of the patriarchy and its flying monkey, liberal feminism. The idea that 'sex is a need' is also spread to women, making us mistake our desire for love and intimacy as a desire for sex, which in turn gaslights us into lowering the barriers of entry for men to have casual sex with us. This idea that after a relationship you should have a rebound and date casually to help get over your ex is all part of it, when in reality that's the last thing y… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/05/21 05:51 PM |
| 19 | Ways to occupy my time this summer besides datingThink of dates you'd like to go on, and then do those things with your friends! | /r/askFDS | 16/05/21 04:54 PM |
| 32 | My bf is going to buy us a house, by FDS standards, what is a fair contribution on my end?Why should you pay anything towards it at all if your name isn't on the papers? If your name isn't on the mortgage you shouldn't be making any payments towards said mortgage at all. The way to handle this is to plan for the worst case scenario. So say you've broken up and you're unmarried, negotiate something so you're not walking away with nothing to your name and a financial loss. In my opinion, if you have no legal claim to the property, then you should be making no financial contribution to … | /r/askFDS | 16/05/21 01:53 PM |
| 16 | Men are ruining this for themselves. They are the ones making compliments seems something they are not. Whenever I am outside I made point to compliment other women I see. But I'm not going to put myself in danger by complimenting men. They see it as an "invitation" Men don't compliment other menI remember a few years back I was standing in the lobby of a museum waiting for a friend. This older man, maybe aged 45-50, came up to me, told me I had fantastic style, and immediately left as soon as I said thank you. I was surprised at how quickly he walked off after because I'd geared myself towards harassment, essentially, but I was SO appreciative because it was clear to me that he meant his compliment and had zero ulterior motives. That's how to give a compliment without being creepy. No … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/05/21 01:23 PM |
| 35 | Men and Pickmes are confused because they think men are necessary, rather than optionalWhat a perfect metaphor, thank you for this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 06:43 PM |
| 113 | This is straight up abuse. If you don’t like that she’s a makeup artist on TikTok, you can just break up with her, you don’t have to call her ugly and attention seeking in the process. Guys can never just leave with dignity, they have to make a whole ass mess out of itI am SO SICK of men claiming that women wearing makeup and doing their hair nicely is catfishing. It's MEN who in the first place who find women in their natural state to be not feminine and attractive enough, and who have created this industry around women spending so so much of their money, time, and energy to be able to satisfy the basic requirements of being considered feminine in a pornified misogynistic culture. And then they go around and act offended and shocked that women look different… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 05:51 PM |
| 6 | Should you ever date a guy w female friends?I don't think you need to rationalise this on a universal level. It makes you uncomfortable, which is reason enough. And yes I would find it weird if a man was liking all the posts of another girl but none of mine. Trust your intuition. | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 12:02 PM |
| 13 | What's up with him?Just like Twohagsover30 said, who cares what's going on in his head? This is a rude person who doesn't deserve to breathe the air around you. He is BANKING on you getting wound up, worrying what his opinion of you is, so that you work harder to try and win his approval. Block on all platforms and do not let him ruin your peace again. If he somehow pops up again after being blocked, do not respond and block there, too. | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 06:27 PM |
| 215 | How FDS changed how I view every day interactions with a partner.My dad does this and it drove my mum mad, my ex did this, and my ex's dad did it to his mum. When out with his parents I'd always walk next to the mum because the family (father and two adult male sons) would just walk ahead of her. It drives me mad and is so disrespectful, I used to brush it off even though it massively irritated me. My ex would often leave the restaurant at the end of meals while I was still putting on my coat. It's just incredibly rude. I never have this issue with friends, s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 01:52 PM |
| 7 | This is why FDS says we shouldn’t act like wives until we’re married. Scrote asks for pre-nup after his live-in bangmaid mommy bankrolls his life and “builds” with him for nearly a decade.This is so sad because she's already lost. She has wasted eight years serving a person who didn't even appreciate it. If she stays with him, she will get no help and he will resent her if she stays at home looking after the children seeing as he clearly doesn't value domestic labour. As he's lived with her for so long and had her looking after him for so long I doubt he even comprehends how much work she does and how hard and draining domestic duties are. The best thing to do would be to leave h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 01:41 PM |
| 12 | Am I letting go of a high value man here? Not sure what to do...Block, dump, and read and reread the FDS handbook. Do not date at all - you know you're vulnerable and that makes you easy prey to men like this. Take the time to heal and grow strong. I got out of a relationship with a narcissist a year ago and only now do I feel that I've recovered. Please, please, leave him. Do not let him manipulate you into staying, because it will only get worse. This behaviour is not an outlier, it is the tip of the iceberg, and this is how it starts. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 09:23 PM |
| 30 | Am I letting go of a high value man here? Not sure what to do...That sounds like the start of manipulation and abuse. He shouldn't be making you feel confused and hurt - that is usually a sign you've been gaslighted. A real HV partner would communicate their needs in a way that would not be intended to hurt, but to foster change. Instead it sounds like he is making you feel insecure and hurt to try and make you work harder for his approval. Get out, now. This is the real him, the first four months were an act to reel you in. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 08:53 PM |
| 15 | Why do men always have a sob story?To use it as leverage for ✨manipulation ✨. If someone starts a relationship (of any kind) with you by trying to get pity out of you, it is not because they feel some special connection with you, it's so they can always play the victim in the relationship and guilt you into doing whatever they want. In the example of being cheated on, they'll probably use that to justify being controlling and jealous. I don't believe anyone who tells me their trauma from the get go - if it was truly traumatic you… | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 08:49 PM |
| 77 | Why are men on dating apps if they want nothing serious?Simply put: because they have no problem with wasting women's time or hurting our feelings. As far as they are concerned, if we are there we are fair game. If we sleep with them, that's fair game. They don't owe us shit, as far as they're concerned. This is why FDS is necessary. If men were banned if they were wasting our time, if all men even respected our time and us as whole human beings, there would be no need for FDS. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 08:40 PM |
| 66 | I’ve been seeing a common theme on OLD profiles, guys writing “no drama.” I wondered why they keep putting this on their profile.I guarantee anyone who says 'no drama' on their profile is the one who brings the drama. Someone who genuinely doesn't like or experience drama too often wouldn't even feel the need to state that, as for them a drama-free relationship would be a given. Men put that there probably because they themselves are emotionally unavailable or manipulative and when women push back against that they blame them for causing 'drama', or its a manipulation tactic to make you shut up before you even bring up an… | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 12:12 PM |
| 7 | Dating a lovely guy - and I feel dead inside.How many dates have you actually been on with this man? It takes a while to build up attraction - if conversation genuinely flows and he seems like a good person, and if he covers the price of all the dates, then I don't think there is much to lose to keep dating him and see if you develop feelings. At this point in my life I don't look for the 'spark' at all - I look for friendship and to see how strongly HE feels, because I know my attachment takes a very long time to grow and depends on mutua… | /r/askFDS | 08/05/21 10:53 AM |
| 33 | Please tell me what I can do differentlyLike everyone else has said - the handbook will answer all your questions. The sad reality is that operating on the basis of being open and intense does not actually benefit women. Men will escalate things emotionally quickly in the hopes of getting sexual gratification earlier - it is not actually reflective of their feelings unless their actions match over a prolonged period of time. The reason men behave this way is due to THEIR social conditioning - ideas of masculinity being tied to how man… | /r/askFDS | 07/05/21 05:40 PM |
| 18 | Thoughts on changing your name when you get married?As an immigrant with a very distinct cultural name and someone with a career built around my name, I have never wanted to change my name. I remember coming to this decision when I was 9 and it'll simply not be up for debate. This is actually something I feel so strongly about that if he kicked up a fuss I would reconsider the whole relationship, as it would mean he would deem his sense of ownership above my connection to my culture AS WELL AS my whole career. Additionally, it seems like even mor… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 05:36 PM |
| 5 | Ready to date again with FDSI use whatsapp which automatically shows someone's name in notifications even if you don't save their number, as whatsapp requires you to put in your name when you make an account. Just be careful to not add your last name. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/05/21 06:05 PM |
| 31 | Ready to date again with FDSThis is sort of an aside but I also have strict boundaries for myself that I have to keep myself accountable to, for example: sharing the unflattering things about him with my friends and family so they can give me their honest opinions (I noticed in the past I would hold back sharing certain information because I so badly wanted the relationship to work... it only hurts me in the end and the only reason I'm holding back is because I know on some level it's a red flag). Also not being alone with… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/05/21 06:03 PM |
| 5 | Gaming & SchoolworkIt is not unreasonable, it would be the considerate thing for him to do. However, I think the solution here is very straightforward; you have communicated to him that you need peace and quiet while doing your work, he wasn't complying. Therefore, just do not come over when you need to do your homework. Stay in an environment that is conducive to good work and prioritise your grades. You probably do not need his help as much as you think you do, and it will probably benefit you ore to figure out … | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 10:43 PM |
| 9 | Long term bf broke up with me 5 mins after couples therapyI'm so sorry. This will hurt, and probably for a long time. But please know - this is a blessing in disguise. He was with you for nine years and didn't propose, he didn't fight for this relationship - that is not love, and you deserve to be loved. You deserve so much more, and you know this yourself, that's why you yourself say you shouldn't be upset by this. However, it is not pickme behaviour to be hurt. It's only human. It hurts to realise that your best efforts are still not deemed to be 'en… | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 10:36 PM |
| 42 | Women aren't funnyI've literally had men tell me I am 'intimidatingly funny' and men, after laughing at a spontaneous joke I made up, accusing me of thinking it up earlier and not on the spot, despite that being ridiculous and despite the fact that I have a literary agent and book deal as a result of my humour writing. I was talking about this with my mum and she was shocked by my experiences and these studies because she always had lots of suitors and she always put it down to her being a fantastic and witty con… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/04/21 01:51 PM |
| 3 | Am I being too nitpicky/sensitive?Do not link your social media... I don't link mine or have any revealing information about myself on it yet men still somehow manage to find me on twitter and IG. Secondly, you are not being nitpicky, that is just your intuition picking up on the reality. My suggestion is to delete your OLD profiles for a minimum of 6 weeks and recharge. Delete them, don't just pause, so you won't be tempted to redownload too soon or you're thinking about what matches you're racking up and wasting mental energy.… | /r/askFDS | 30/04/21 12:33 AM |
| 240 | How is this even a question??!!it's amazing how this fear of being seen as petty or a gold digger is so deeply entrenched in women that they permit men to be the pettiest gold diggers. There's this false idea that men who are generous aren't careful with their money, or that they're meaner than the broke guy with a heart of gold. It's not true at all, not in my experiences or that of my friends. Remember - you give with your heart, not your hand. Being broke is not an excuse to not be generous. And on the subject of what we… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/04/21 12:13 PM |
| 99 | Why do women get so much hate for simply NOT doing shit?!yes, meanwhile men who don't do stuff (don't clean, don't cook, don't pay for you on dates, don't actively engage with their children's lives, don't compliment you, don't plan things, etc) are considered as "neutral", and are praised for doing the bare minimum or matching their partner's energy. these impossible expectations placed on us are designed to oppress us, to make us feel constantly like we are not enough, to make us too exhausted to fight. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/04/21 03:15 PM |
| 5 | PSA: Men are learning about FDS but like most things they don't get it all. Stay on Scrote Watch!what i love about fds is that there is simply no faking it. you either have good intentions or not. you either see women as people or you do not. and fds women can always out-wait the man to see him reveal his true colours, because all that's at stake to a NVM in disguise is not getting laid, but what is at stake for women when letting in a man too soon is abuse and even violence. let them learn about fds, maybe a handful of them will eventually get it, but it's hilarious that they think it's si… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/04/21 12:00 PM |
| 23 | He likes me but doesn't want anything serious???He wants sexual access to you and is hoping that telling you he likes you is enough to keep stringing you along. Block and delete, do not entertain him any longer because he is wasting your time and emotional energy. | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 07:09 PM |
| 12 | Doesn’t have time to textHonestly, the moment you get a 'sorry I was late to reply to this', it's your sign to cut your losses and just ghost. He is showing you that you are low priority to him. He should be excited to text you back, especially at this stage. He is breadcrumbing you and trying to communicate that you need more is wasted effort on your part as it's common sense that if you like someone you should and will want to communicate consistently and regularly with them, he knows that. You deserve someone who is … | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 09:38 PM |
| 28 | Grieving the fact that 99.999999999999999999999+% of men don’t respect and don’t feel empathy for womenOf course, and I am not trying to invalidate that. I feel it too - it's only human to yearn. I don't think there's any quick way to stopping feeling this way, and the options are very much to settle for an LVM, or refuse to a settle for an LVM at the risk of being alone. And the latter is very scary, but I think that is why FDS really encourages women to de-center men entirely from their lives and be self-sufficient emotionally and financially. I do, however, think it gets easier and less scary … | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 06:01 PM |
| 104 | Grieving the fact that 99.999999999999999999999+% of men don’t respect and don’t feel empathy for womenYes, I know, it sucks. When you see clearly the depths in which misogyny runs, it hurts because our generation has been brought up under a liberal feminist lie. As girls we were taught that we can do whatever boys can do, that we are equal, whereas boys were taught what men have aways been taught : they are destined for greatness and women are prizes to be won for greatness, or pets to be tricked and captured, but not whole human beings. It hurts because you feel like you have been tricked - and… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 04:25 PM |
| 30 | Textbook narcissistic abuse. Luckily, most people warned OP!My ex was exactly like this, inc the 'stressful job' and emphasising how unimportant mine was. Once you realise what narcissism is, you also realise how textbook and predictable it is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/04/21 12:22 PM |
| 10 | Anyone else find "kinky" people to be so boring at this point? BDSM, choking, "breath play", calling men daddy. Everyone magically developed the identical cookie cutter sexuality and it's so BORING, but they still think of themselves as wildI heard someone describe these people once as 'sex nerds' and I think that just perfectly describes it. Aside from being misogynistic and violent, it's also all just a bit cringe isn't it? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/21 10:26 PM |
| 11 | After 6 solid years of relationships, I've finally gotten to a place where I feel like myself againGood job on cutting them off on the signs of red flags! That already shows great self worth. To be entirely honest, I don't think it is possible to escape it entirely as we do live in a patriarchy. I still present femininely etc. However, I only ever post pictures of myself on my own personal Instagram that's locked and doesn't have any prospective partners following me on there, I never reach out to men first, I don't interact with men for their attention. I think it's just important to remembe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/21 11:53 AM |
| 19 | How to reciprocate being treated wellWhat has he done that's worthy of appreciation other than basic hygiene? Stop thinking of reciprocating and focus on what he is giving you first. Are you mistaking being a basic functioning human being with being HV? Worry about reciprocating when you have actually committed to one another. His job right now is to win you over, and yours is to vet. | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 07:07 PM |
| 113 | I've been seeing a lot of posts lately about scrotes calling vetting "eugenics". Here's my theory to counter this.Eugenics is systemic, top down. Personal choice is just free will. If you extend their logic, they would consider birth control to be a form of eugenics because you are exercising your free will to opt out of having children with that partner and/or at that time. We are not stopping those men from reproducing, we personally, as individuals, just don't want to reproduce with them. And if no women personally want to reproduce with them, then the issue is them, not women. Once again women exhibitin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/21 03:56 PM |
| 106 | Is it normal for men to frequently compliment other women’s appearance?It is negging, it is not normal, it is disrespectful. You are not insecure for not liking it, because I guarantee any man would react significantly worse if you did that to him. It is a massive red flag and not something you should, or have to put up with. Anyone who cares about you and respects you would have the sense to not do something that will obviously make you feel bad about yourself. They're doing it on purpose as a manipulation tactic. | /r/askFDS | 08/04/21 03:40 PM |
| 4 | I was calling out Pickminique on why NOT to date guys with mental health issues, because I grew up with a man WITH serious mental health issues which seriously affect my own mental health (Note: she didn't like it)Absolutely. Both of my LTR were with men who had mental health issues, and both of them used those issues and my own empathy to manipulate situations to their own advantage. Somehow they were always the victims, despite both of them being from very privileged backgrounds (things beautiful multi million homes, loving parent, and being white and anglo). Meanwhile I am a first gen immigrant who spent most of her life just above the poverty line, yet managed to break into a very exclusive industry a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/21 02:30 PM |
| 25 | I could use some wisdom and advice about a confusing situation with new boyfriend.Honestly I think this most likely means the worst - I always check the social media of men I date and the majority have the good sense to not follow anything remotely lewd on IG. Maybe some have/had burner accounts, but if he's doing it on his main account then you know it has to be a habit prevalent enough that he is exposed to it on the regular. I will also add that every man I've slept with who didn't watch porn had no trouble getting it up the first, or any other time we slept together. That… | /r/askFDS | 07/04/21 12:49 PM |
| 15 | Who’s going to tell them?Incredible how in almost 40 years, male behaviour and mindsets haven't changed at all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/21 03:56 PM |
| 4 | Division of Household Labor with Male PartnerFind a man who cooks in the first place. That is the only solution. Finds someone who meets your standards from the get go. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/21 10:27 AM |
| 21 | do guys change?Yeah, maybe people can change, but do you really want to risk wasting your time and heartache on someone with a proven track record of hurting you, all while there are 7.6 billion people on the planet? 4.3 billion men roughly, let's say 30% of that population are aged 20-35, and let's be really cynical and say only 1% of them would be classified as HVM... that's still 4.3 million other potential, better partners. | /r/askFDS | 01/04/21 08:43 PM |
| 37 | Is this shallow?No, that's not shallow, that's just practical and honest. My mum always talks about how her friends would be offended by her mentioning a man's earning potential when they were younger, but 30 years on her predictions turned out to be completely true - most of them have divorced their NVM first husbands and married wealthier men anyway. Don't let society gaslight you out of what you intuitively know to be the actual truth of the situation. My parents are still happily married 35+ years on btw. H… | /r/askFDS | 01/04/21 04:09 PM |
| 17 | How enthusiastic are you when messaging someone new?I am a very keen conversationalist and I do genuinely enjoy meeting new people if they're funny, match my energy, and are intelligent. I love asking questions and taking an interest in people, however I always initially taper myself and match whatever energy I'm given, which is why I never start conversations first so I can just follow their level of enthusiasm. I'm not currently OLD but when I was, I would always have lots of funny things on my profile to bounce off of because that's the tone I… | /r/askFDS | 28/03/21 08:25 PM |
| 2 | Ex texted megood! frankly i don't think that's petty at all, it's simply upholding your boundaries. | /r/askFDS | 28/03/21 08:18 PM |
| 52 | Ex texted meHe was just wondering if the door was still open with you. By replying to him, you showed that you are at least somewhat emotionally available to him. He has no actual intention to follow through, which is why there was no follow up text, he was just checking to see if he still has sway. Men do this regularly, which is why you always have to block - if someone has proved them unworthy of you once (which he has, as he is an ex), there should not be an opportunity for them to hurt you again. Block… | /r/askFDS | 28/03/21 03:43 PM |
| 16 | Just finished FLEABAG, it made me depressedYeah, I agree. I really didn't like it and thought it was far too vulgar. I get how it's supposed to be 'refreshing' to see women who are 'fuck ups' and do not fall into the virgin/whore archetype, however I actually just found the character to be simply unrelatable? I also think once again the cavalier approach to sex feels disingenuous - like this character is completely unaffected emotionally by a lot of casual sex. Doesn't the first episode start with her worrying she has a huge a**sshole be… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/21 03:22 PM |
| 6 | There are no green flag shortcuts: the only real green flag is consistencyHonestly, I think you can never fully and completely let your guard down (like for example, becoming ENTIRELY and permanently financially dependent on a man) because even if you know someone, they can change later in life and for the worse, especially after kids. However I agree with you, I think at least for the first year you need to be extremely vigilant. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/21 11:51 PM |
| 15 | There are no green flag shortcuts: the only real green flag is consistencyChristmas men is a FANTASTIC term and I will definitely be using that from now on!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/21 11:47 PM |
| 56 | Do you think hate mail directed at FDS members is an indication that we're doing something right?Those men are projecting. They themselves feel like they are unloveable, they are scared to be alone, and feel that they are the bottom of the pile. To see women who are also exhausted by the dating scene and their prospects (but for much different and frankly, terrifying reasons), brings up several emotions - fear that if women raise their standards, they have even less chance. Secondly, for the even more deluded ones it confronts them with something they would rather not acknowledge - the deep… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/21 04:05 PM |
| 10 | If you can't find a spouse who supports your career, stay singleI just want to add that a "supportive partner" is an active role. Someone who actively does things to help you achieve your goals, makes sacrifices to their own career or free time if necessary to aid you. I was in a relationship with a man who claimed to be 'supportive' of my career, but only so long as it required nothing of him. At most he would be like 'well done, you're killing it' when i told him of my achievements, but if he needed to actually do something to help me, he would at most jus… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/21 08:58 PM |
| 10 | I went on a walk today and a man spit in my faceThis is assault. Especially during a time of a global pandemic where spit is even more of a risk, ffs. I was recently outside going to the opticians, for the first time out in public in months as my country is in lockdown. A man rode past me on a bike (I was on the pavement in the town center, aka where a pedestrian is supposed to be walking and not where you are supposed to be riding a bicycle) and shoved past me, swore, looked back but didn't stop. I am honestly so sick of being scared to go… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/03/21 01:37 AM |
| 17 | Some men have spent more time watching porn than interacting with actual women, and it showslol when I was 13 some kid in my school asked me that same q (they really start early with the porn don't they), and I am so proud of my quick-witted teen self because I immediately just answered 'blue' and walked away and he had no idea what to say or do | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/21 12:52 PM |
| 50 | The misunderstanding Men have with FDSIt's really just projection. The whole philosophy of FDS is to not waste your time on anyone who doesn't willingly treat you the way you want to be treated. We do not coerce or manipulate or bargain. When these men hear that we do not believe in going 50/50, they project the incel male logic of manipulating and coercing your date into doing what you want, and think that is what we are doing. In reality, we are not asking anything of anyone. There are men who would expect to pay for dinner when t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/21 08:44 PM |
| 20 | Is this overreacting or am I justified in being mad about this?This is going to sound painful but listen – it is not going to get better. He knows he is disappointing you. He has not forgotten his promise. He just did what he wanted to do because he thinks he can get away with it. His thought process is this – you live with him, you've been together a long time, are you really going to break up with him over this thing? This is a pattern of behaviour that you cannot communicate your way out of. He knows he disappointed you, but he values having a good time … | /r/askFDS | 14/03/21 09:55 PM |
| 96 | How many of you “developed” issues while in a relationship? I’ll go first: depression and anxiety. Cured as soon as we broke up.I used to think I was over emotional and possibly with imbalanced hormones because I would get so angry and cry on a more than weekly basis. Since breaking up with my about ex a year ago, I have cried maybe...3 times? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/21 12:26 AM |
| 4 | Is there actually any good reason to get married if you don't want kids?It depends on where you live, but keep in mind common law marriage does not exist in the uk and many other countries, which may bar you from a lot of benefits. I would look into the specific legal situation in your country and then weigh up your options. Marriage and a good prenup might be the best of both worlds but that is very country-specific. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/21 03:49 PM |
| 112 | Davina McCall everyone - Pickmeisha supremeSomeone quote tweeted this with "to be a pickme at 50... embarrassing" lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/21 03:42 PM |
| 3 | 5 lies about FDS in Vice's latest hit pieceOne thing that really bothers me about the false equivalency between incels and FDS is this idea that we are manipulating men into getting what we want, using "scripts" for our own ends, in the same way that incels use scripts and manipulation tactics to sleep with vulnerable women. What I found most empowering about FDS is that it is literally the opposite of that. We have our standards and let people meet them, and if they do not then we don't entertain them. We don't negotiate or demand anyth… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/21 08:11 PM |
| 6 | What do y’all think about this video? Asking because I don’t know what to thinkShe is blaming 'radical feminists' for something they're already against. What she is actually against is liberalism and the patriarchal neutralisation of actual feminist messaging, which has turned it into the 'girlboss sex positivity' bullshit we see today that actually only caters to the interests of the wealthy and the patriarchy, not the majority of women. This is unfortunate. I understand her frustration but being angry at other women and feminism is misguided. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/03/21 05:33 PM |
| 169 | Question about men on reddit, are they particularly low value, porn sick and sexist or they represents the general male population in the west?I don't think it is helpful to make generalisations about men as a whole e.g. they ALL watch porn, they ALL cheat, etc, because that puts you in a scarcity mindset and will make you hold on to the first seemingly decent man you come across. I've met plenty of men who had some seemingly HV qualities (not watching porn, being feminist, etc), and my assuming that was rare made me turn a blind eye on other red flags. It is better to focus on what you want and what you deserve, and let each individua… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/21 08:40 PM |
| 496 | Not only is it totally not listening to her but he’s also a complete Neanderthal and the women in the comments saying “he’s just being comfortable/My BF does that too lolz” make me sad that so many women settle for this. 🤮the thing is... he heard her. he is doing this on purpose. he is changing the conversation to something gross and sabotaging it as she won't want to talk about marriage after he says something so gross. he is purposefully ruining a sweet moment when she is feeling loving and romantic. he doesn't want to marry her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/21 04:29 PM |
| 27 | As usual men doing the bare minimum in relationships.god this is such a sore spot for me. birthday are a big deal for me and i always make an effort. my nvm ex did NOTHING for my 27th birthday and when I was visibly upset (we were living together at the time) he had the audacity of say that I 'make everything about myself'. lol! as if my birthday isn't the one day of the year I'm allowed to make about myself!I let the relationship drag on for almost a whole other year before finally breaking it off (he tried to win me back on my 28th). This after … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 11:54 PM |
| 2 | Ways to ask "am I being annoying" without putting a kick me sign on yourself?To be honest, I think there is definitely such a thing as 'too much introspection' and I think almost all women are guilty of it. Every time a social interaction doesn't go perfectly our immediate instinct is to say 'what did I do wrong? What are my strengths and weaknesses, where can I improve'. And sometimes the answer is simply nothing. You two just didn't click. This is actually why I am a big fan of astrology, even though I don't 100% believe in it, but it acknowledges a fundamental truth -… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 11:48 PM |
| 4 | Ways to ask "am I being annoying" without putting a kick me sign on yourself?You don't need to ask. The reason why you have the urge to ask is because of internal social anxiety that you need to work on. However, it's actually very simple - just sit back and follow suit from the person you are talking to, respond to their energy. If they're enthusiastic and giving you lots of energy, follow suit. If they're not, and are hardly responding, just step back. During the early stages of dating, you can never annoy someone who is genuinely interested in you. If you do annoy the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 06:52 PM |
| 4 | Hobbies and such.Of course it is a hobby! Anything you do in your spare time for the joy of it is a hobby. I realised recently that one of my hobbies is nailcare and nail art, even though I never considered it as such despite doing it for years because it seemed too trivial and more like "upkeep". However, don't let internalised misogyny convince you that something isn't a genuine interest just because it is deemed feminine. It's a hobby if you actively enjoy it, research it, etc, it's upkeep and self-care if it… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 03:15 PM |
| 9 | So many videos like this on TikTok. Why is this being normalized? Absolutely disgusting.he was 32 when she was born... unbelievable. i saw this on my fyp and was so annoyed - because it also means that this is being shown to other women like me, who mainly engage with feminist content etc, and is also being liked by them. the way liberal feminism is literally grooming young women to sex work and unequal and exploitative relationships in the name of empowerment?? the worst part was all the comments being like 'he is so cute don't hurt him uwu'. absolutely horrifying. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/21 02:39 PM |
| 54 | Why is Hair Pulling and Choking (aggression) in Sex the Assumed Norm w/o Consent?" It's a huge red flag being waved saying: I don't see you as a person with a history or your own wants/needs. Actually the thought didn't even cross my mind. I just thought this would be hot and right now you're my sex doll." That's exactly what it is. In casual encounters, and even sometimes in established relationships, men fail to see you as a full human being. Patriarchal society as a whole, and particularly porn, establishes this idea that women are accessories to mens egos and desires. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/21 03:49 PM |
| 6 | WHO is teaching us? Maybe the sky high rates of rape and murder? The abuse women receive on a daily basis? Nah, #notallmen! But please don't dress like that to the party.who is teaching this to us?? maybe the men who are assaulting and harassing us???? maybe it has something to do with how every single woman has a story of being threatened by a man, groped, shouted at, even abused or raped. literally every single one. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/21 08:35 PM |
| 2 | Woman posts about fiancé who refuses her request for help carrying something while she’s on crutches. He admits that he doesn’t feel empathy, and many comments telling her she needs to help him. Also, my reply triggers angry scrotes.Reminds me of my ex. It will never get better and I hope she dumps him. Empathy or not, that's just shitty behaviour. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/21 05:49 PM |
| 25 | What are some of the most difficult realizations you’ve had about men ?You have to treat men like dogs. I don't mean keep them tied up, lol... more that you need to be constantly standing your ground. You can't reason and explain to a dog why it shouldn't bite you, you should just have enough authority for it to know it shouldn't, and for there to be consequences if it does. If you are too lax, if you don't uphold your boundaries, you will be walked all over. I don't even think they're fully aware when they take advantage, they just think 'she's offering this to me… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/21 06:33 PM |
| 13 | The REAL reason men are on dating sites often isn't to find a date.This is also why I've started promptly unmatching guys who don't talk or when conversation fizzle out - I have no interest in simply being another hot girl in a guys stack, propping up his ego thinking he could pull me theoretically, but doesn't actually have the energy to try. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/21 03:46 PM |
| 9 | I feel soooo much better after blocking himYeah, I've recently realised if I am ever contemplating whether to block someone, that is in itself a sign to block them. Immediately a weight off my shoulders. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/02/21 03:44 PM |
| 145 | Isn't it ironic how some men act like Eastern European women are better than American women, when they're much more opposed to the whole 50/50 bs, and demand more?I think the majority of them have actually never met any eastern european women and base their fantasies on porn and pure fantasy. they are constantly fed this idea that somewhere women are perfectly subordinate husks, ready and willing to fuck at anytime and expect nothing - they'll be shocked to learn that women are individuals capable of autonomous thought and freewill in all countries. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/21 07:52 PM |
| 4 | Worried about letting a guy pay on dates because I don't want him to think I owe him - need adviceYeah, I am thankful for the support of other women, and I am thankful that I have my best friend (definition of HVW!) I told her and she immediately told me he was a predator and helped alleviate my guilt and shame in thinking I was at fault and a naive idiot for going back to his and being alone with him – ultimately this was a man who spent 6 weeks texting and calling me DAILY to build up my trust and then lied to my face and thought he was owed something. He knew what he was doing. That's why… | /r/askFDS | 19/01/21 05:43 PM |
| 232 | WHAT IS A “WALK DATE”?!When they ask me on a walk date, I just say I'm not a labrador. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/21 01:39 AM |
| 29 | Worried about letting a guy pay on dates because I don't want him to think I owe him - need adviceUnfortunately, there's no real definitive point with a man, I really think it takes at least a year to get to know someone. Three months is a a good 'minimum' length of time before being alone with a man. Earlier this year I dated a man for 6 weeks, he showed HV signs, paid for everything, was super respectful. On the 5th and final date, exactly 6 weeks after we started dating, I accepted an invitation to go over to his after a date as he offered to order me an uber back to mine from there, and … | /r/askFDS | 19/01/21 12:58 AM |
| 20 | Worried about letting a guy pay on dates because I don't want him to think I owe him - need adviceStop worrying what he thinks about you. Dating is about finding a man who wants to impress you, than trying to prove to some stranger that you're not entitled.The point of making a man pay is making access to you more difficult to achieve, making him value more if and when he finally has access to you, and testing what he is looking for - is he actually interested in you as a person or looking for a quick lay? Men will fake emotions and feelings for sex, it is not enough to listen to his words, … | /r/askFDS | 19/01/21 12:52 AM |
| 3 | Book recommendations that aren’t self-help? (Preferably fiction)I know this is kind of basic but I highly recommend rereading Pride and Prejudice in a non-academic way. It feels like the whole point of the story is to show the difference between HVM and LVM. In terms of more contemporary fiction, I recommend Promising Young Women by Caroline O'Donaghue and Adults by Emma Jane Unsworth. The first is about the dangers of seductive men and how they can be total energy vampires, as well as the women who permit that, and the latter is essentially about the impo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/21 04:41 PM |
| 3 | Beware and be safe. This guy is a mid forties something incel who posts on YouTube. His name is Dave. I think men Ike this are time bombs and needs to be put away from society or at the least on a watch list. The language is rough and offensive.omg ok all things aside but he thinks 'job' is spelled 'jerb'???? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/21 04:37 PM |
| 45 | How he handles a purseHim being unable to hold a purse comfortably is definitely a red flag, but being able to do so isn't a green flag either, of course. It's bare minimum stuff. Tbh most metropolitan men, in Europe at least, would have no issues with this, but would harbour other forms of misogyny for sure. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/21 04:32 PM |
| 339 | Her boyfriend complained that she’s only spending $200 for his birthday after she already spent $300 on him for Christmas.that sounds abusive to me... any man who gets angry at you for spending your own money on yourself feels more entitled to happiness than you are. she is posting this because on some level she understands this is deeply wrong and is looking for confirmation of that and a sign to leave him. i hope she does and he gets fuck all for his birthday. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 12:11 PM |
| 64 | Ladies, how much do men you date tend to spend on you, per month, during the early phase?if he actually complaining about paying for parking and food.... jesus christ. bare minimum stuff. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/21 08:07 PM |
| 6 | What to do if your dating life is dead?I'm also in this situation right now, and I've decided to treat the next 2-3 months that will definitely not be viable for dating the same way as I treated my time before exams or while writing my dissertation. Head dow, every day focusing on an end goal. I am freelance so I can et the goal for myself. Throw yourself into your work on a daily basis and you will be astonished at what you accomplish at the end of it. In between that, workout, eat well, watch shows you love. This is literally the b… | /r/askFDS | 04/01/21 12:45 AM |
| 7 | When should I begin to worry about a guy's lack of consistency?Go with your gut. Ultimately this may not be malicious, but here's the thing - if your end goal is to be in a relationship with a HVM, he will never ever put you in this situation, his interest would be consistent and reliable. It takes 5 seconds to reply. Everyone knows inconsistent texting makes people anxious. This isn't accidental. What the purpose or reason behind it is irrelevant, it just means he is not that serious, and not reliable. Cut him off. You should not be worried about your stan… | /r/askFDS | 03/01/21 02:20 AM |
| 22 | I feel like a fraud...We have all done shitty things. However, I am proud of you for recognising this is a pattern of behaviour that is bad for you and those around you. It doesn't mean you are inherently a bad person, but it does mean you have a lot of work to do. Everyone's journey is different. You need to figure out why you have this pattern of behaviour and work on it, and work on setting strong boundaries for YOURSELF. Cheating doesn't just happen, it's all entirely in your control - you need to pinpoint when i… | /r/askFDS | 03/01/21 02:16 AM |
| 4 | Thoughts on this?yes! omg exactly. and if you complain it means you're not supportive enough and you're bringing up old stuff, even though that 'old stuff' is actually a pattern of behaviour that you are pointing out that is still very much relevant because they haven't changed at all. ugh ever day it amazes me how entirely predictable and largely identical these LVM/NVM are. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/21 02:10 AM |
| 8 | Thoughts on this?lol yeah, and then they'd go back exactly to how they were before a week later...it's almost like they never changed at all or had any intention to do so 🤔 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/21 11:43 PM |
| 29 | Thoughts on this?this is a redundant question. why waste your time on someone who needs to change at all? i think it is better to operate under the idea that people do not change. my ex CONSTANTLY used this narrative of changing to keep me hanging on for way longer than needed, and any time i thought about leaving he was like 'that's so cynical, how can you believe people do not change?' and i'd be like yes i should be more supportive of him trying to change and become the sort of man who knows how to fucking … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/21 11:18 PM |
| 13 | Bridgerton....yuckfucks sake just finished that episode.....nvm you're right, garbage | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/21 10:36 PM |
| 54 | 31yo is upset he can't go to college parties. Weird obsession with "young love" and immature, vulnerable girlsGood, tbh I am glad he is telling this because I feel like so many incels and men generally are entirely deluded about the whole 'sexual market value' thing. It is true that society values youth in women, however, this idea that somehow the "SMV" of women plummets and that of men skyrockets after 30, giving them access to whoever they want, is absurd. It balances out, maybe, in the same age groups because at that point there are fewer partners to choose from, but it doesn't suddenly give older m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/21 10:30 PM |
| 15 | Bridgerton....yuckI don't know, I think there are some decent FDS themes... I'm only on the 3rd episode right now so I have no idea what the ultimate conclusion will be, but the subplot with Marina Thompson, the cousin that gets pregnant, it feels like a warning tale to a) not have sex with a man before commitment and b) not simply assume he will commit to you, and to plan practically. It feels like a warning tale about the nature of men - I also feel like the over protectiveness of the eldest Bridgerton brother … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/21 10:21 PM |
| 1 | I’vE cHaSeD a LoT oF tAiL 🤮🤮🤮this is gross but that necklace is even grosser | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/20 06:04 PM |
| 259 | Just broke up with an otherwise HVM due to porn use...Well done! That was not an otherwise HVM, that was a LVM who had shown you just the tip of the iceberg of his red flags. Well done on ending it, it would only get worse and his defensiveness only proves that. Dozens of pictures of nude women EVERY NIGHT?? That's an addiction. And for the record, I've had relationships with two porn-free men, before I'd even found FDS and started to consciously look for them. They're not that rare. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/20 05:41 PM |
| 49 | Why do so many men hate gift giving?I really don't think it's that deep. It's because they have to think about others and exert effort. Usually it requires some forward thinking – ideally taking notice of what your partner wants throughout the year then getting it, but also just shopping well in advance so it arrives on time, and they simply hate that. It's because it's labour and the only reward is making someone else happy, which is not reward enough for them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/12/20 07:31 PM |
| 65 | Men who cry wolf really irritate me - if you want therapy seek it but don’t compare it to “therapy is for women”.why is he complaining about this on reddit instead of just going and getting therapy??? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/20 12:33 AM |
| 10 | Being bad at giving thoughtful gifts is a red flag. Stay away from any man like this. The comments are full of women buying their own presents because their partner doesn’t get them anything at all or gets them something they don’t want. 💀Those gifts are toys for himself. He isn't thinking at all about what she would like. I get annoyed when men buy you tech you never asked for - it's only because it's what THEY would want, rather than what they know/think you would want. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/12/20 06:32 PM |
| 75 | Am I bugging or is this a real thing? The first thing I thought was “sounds rapey to me” I’ve had this happen to me, but idk how the person could really be sleeping. A lot of folks in the comments agree that it’s a thing.sounds super fake to me. it's 'relatively new' and only 90 or so cases have been documented worldwide. sounds like a rape loophole to me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/12/20 02:07 PM |
| 5 | How Pornhub monetizes the rape of children and violence against women, despite it's cheeky "wholesome" personaYeah I fully agree – liberal feminism has gone so far in 'sex-positivity' that the only question is about consent - sometimes people are just fucked up though, Sometimes peoples sexual appetites are just fundamentally, inherently, bad. Even if Epstein got 'consent' - and I think sometimes he did - the issue is the power dynamic, the exploitation, the fucked up everything about it. The fact that it wasn't about sex in the natural human way (a way to be intimate and close to a person you love), bu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/20 11:48 PM |
| 17 | What the heckity heck? Found on Instagram. What is the society making girls think we need to do this for a man?this is utterly infantalising and bizarre. i love to be spoilt too but this would be too much for me - last time i wanted/expected/got something like this was before my age hit the double digits. significantly worse when it is a woman treating a man this way - guaranteed he will treat her with contempt for making him feel like a child and not a man, but let her stick around so he can also benefit from being babied. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/20 11:16 PM |
| 44 | How Pornhub monetizes the rape of children and violence against women, despite it's cheeky "wholesome" personaI completely agree with you - I don't think that in a truly equal society, the thought of buying sex from someone else would even be considered, because in order to do that (in media form or as prostitution) you have to reduce a human being to a commodity. I'm actually not sure if that 'consensual sex isn't the problem' is even truly the authors intent (surely you cant do such a deep dive into this world and still hold some belief that porn can be completely good and harmless?). The sad thing is… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/20 10:47 PM |
| 6 | Do not date a man who refuses to eat food from your cultureOlivier salad is delicious!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/20 01:14 AM |
| 59 | Hate to see itas unsatisfying as it is, it's best to just auto-block/reject men who so obviously neg you instead of trying to respond back and put them in their place. they get off on getting literally any attention from women and we shouldn't even bother acknowledging their existence. my understanding is that they think as long as they can get you to respond in any way, they have an in with you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 03:28 AM |
| 56 | Exhibit #59269428 proving men are unable to handle rejection 😂lol omg the sad little 'i have a date at 7'. also... the 'how can you be against capitalism but also benefit from it' is such a stupid argument, it's just a perfect example of that classic matt bors comic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/20 03:51 AM |
| 10 | Do you EVER initiate conversations with someone you're dating? What are your rules?You're so right - the tracking is a bad idea for sure! | /r/askFDS | 25/11/20 10:11 PM |
| 12 | Do you use hinge?The best way to look at OLD is that its just numbers. By using several apps you are increasing your pool, and it is up to you to sort the trash out of that pool (some apps will def have more trash, but individuals are individuals and you only need ONE decent person). You don't HAVE to use all the apps, like I don't use Tinder because I just don't think the wading through trash justifies any potential men I meet on there - and if a man is dating online and seriously looking for a relationship, he… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/20 03:13 PM |
| 20 | Men want confident women? Or insecure women they can exploit? Help me work this out.The men worth your time want someone who is secure and capable, but are also aware that you are human with vulnerabilities. If a man is looking specifically for someone insecure, he is an abuser who is probably well aware of that too. If he is looking for someone 'strong' and cannot handle someone needing them, and sees providing you emotional/material support as a burden and not a privilege, then he is a child looking for. surrogate mother. Men worth your time want a human and an equal and view… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/20 11:34 PM |
| 9 | Vogue YouTube makes Pick-Me Porn. Karley Sciortino Describes Finding Another Woman’s Panties in her boyfriends bed TWICE and then wearing them.Basically every comment on youtube is just like 'this is sad'. Like this is not normal at all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/20 08:23 PM |
| 15 | I feel sickYou're not overreacting. I'm so proud that you broke it off. He knew it out was out of line, you literally told him, he still did it. It's so easy not to swear at someone or be rude to someone. It costs nothing - yet he still, knowingly, willingly, did it. The pain you're experiencing will pass - you will never regret your decision to cut him off. Not only did he not respect you, but he WILLINGLY HURT YOU. I'm proud of you for upholding your standards and boundaries. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/20 11:26 PM |
| 83 | Boyfriends/Husbands who destroy their partners things: a FDS investigation.There was some horrific story (from the perspective of the man) who married a woman whose first husband died tragically young. She kept his wedding ring still. During some argument the present-day husband destroyed the ring. She left him immediately after without another word. Edit: found it: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/f4htj5/my_wife_threw_out_the_flowers_i_got_her_for/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/20 04:50 PM |
| 7 | Providing support for a man struggling with family health issues (earlier stages of dating)?Give him space. I understand a desire to help and support him is all coming from a good place but it will most likely only aggravate things and get you hurt. If he wants to reignite things, he will get in touch with you again once he is in a better place. | /r/askFDS | 20/11/20 05:13 PM |
| 30 | Do guys know you’re out of their league, even though they treat you bad?Maybe. Some are true narcissists with completely inflated, deluded egos, who think that of course they deserve beautiful, HVW to dote over them. The media constantly normalises loser men with beautiful, capable wives (Family Guy, The Simpsons, basically every family-centric American TV show), so men think it is what they are entitled to. Ultimately though - it doesn't matter. The most important thing is that you now know you deserve so much more. | /r/askFDS | 19/11/20 07:57 PM |
| 15 | HVM alert!oh i don't think we should be praising individual men in our lives when they do one nice thing for us, especially when they get the same if not more returned and on a regular basis, i just mean in a public forum such as this, it probably has a greater good to praise this example (by incentivising others to do the same) than harm (potentially making one individual man think that doing one nice thing that is expected of women makes him exceptionally HV). all that said a truly HV man will be unaffe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/20 04:43 PM |
| 85 | HVM alert!Whenever someone posts something like this, the comments are usually divided between praise and comments saying praising men for what is normal for women will never normalise that behaviour. I agree with both sentiments - if you praise a man for the bare minimum (or in this case, lovely behaviour that is nevertheless normalised for women), he will think he is exceptional and not that he is just doing what a loving partner should do. However, I think that's more on an individual basis - I think i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/20 02:14 PM |
| 20 | How do you sample the goods before having sex?To be honest, there is no way to guarantee anything and be sure. Even if it's not tiny, there may be other issues sexually. You can, however, tell if you have reasonable chemistry before you even sleep with them (imo). I also think BDE is kind of a real thing... if he seems confident and stable as a person, and fairly sexually confident (he's not too awkward kissing you when appropriate, doesn't shy away from physical affection but also handles rejection with ease and confidence/doesn't mind wai… | /r/askFDS | 19/11/20 02:25 AM |
| 12 | Met someone via a friend online , spoke for a year due to COVID . Now ready to meet. NEED HELP!!Please read the handbook. You shouldn't be travelling to and staying with a man you're not in a relationship with and have never met AT ALL. You're putting your life in danger. He should be coming to visit you and staying in a hotel. Or paying for your airfare and hotel for you to visit him. I guarantee he assumes you visiting him will mean a week of sex, free of charge for him. | /r/askFDS | 19/11/20 01:32 AM |
| 56 | Is it a red flag to not wish me a happy birthday?Yes, a red flag. It means he thinks birthday are optional and isn't a thoughtful, considerate person. You deserve more. It literally costs nothing to say happy birthday to someone and is universally accepted as a thoughtful and nice gesture. He is wilfully refusing to do the bare minimum right now. You deserve better. | /r/askFDS | 19/11/20 01:29 AM |
| 1 | Quick Survey - How Did You All Find FDS?My irl friend actually linked me to it directly while i was going through a very painful breakup with a NVM. I was so grateful - the discovery of it also made me realise my ex was a full blown narc which made it so much easier to deal with his behaviour because I knew exactly what was coming. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/20 04:31 PM |
| 10 | Where do you draw the line between being diplomatic and keeping your boundaries?You handled it perfectly, your friend has no idea what your ex is like and needs to mind her own business. Besides, I would be wary of putting any money into an account this ex would also have access to - entirely possible this is exactly why he is so keen on the idea. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/20 02:57 PM |
| 91 | "Do you have any ideas?" Yes: LEAVE HIM!Thankfully the top-rated, most awarded comment on this post states that she is being raped, abused, and sexually assaulted on a daily basis, and "communicating" or confronting him might lead to worse outcomes and she needs to plan her escape. Most of the other comments are, of course, 'you need to communicate and tell him you don't like it :)'. Wild how tolerant our society is of male bullshit that people can't even recognise very obvious abuse. I imagine this will be a terrifying time for this … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/20 02:54 PM |
| 29 | How to communicate my (20F) needs with my boyfriend(20M) and have him start putting in effort again?You need to read the handbook to understand the principles of FDS, this will answer a lot of your questions. Communication isn't going to fix this because you have already shown him it's fine to do the bare minimum as he already has you. Communication is going to drain you, you need to set boundaries to what you find acceptable - at the moment what you find acceptable, as far as he is concerned, is what you're getting. He has no incentive to change. You need to refocus on yourself, stop giving h… | /r/askFDS | 17/11/20 11:42 PM |
| 18 | Boyfriend checking out other girls in front of me #justLVMthingsDump. My ex was like this - horrendous wandering eyes, even at the very early stages. I would call him out and he would apologise but it would never change. I tried to be a 'cool girl' and laugh at it: big mistake. He ended up trying to coerce me into an open relationship four years later (after years of talking about it, wearing me down. I wish I had FDS then - I doubt he would have lasted longer than a single date). If he does this - and as brazenly as you describe - it will only get worse. Ev… | /r/askFDS | 17/11/20 05:29 AM |
| 80 | Why do gamers attract such a culture of pickmeishas surrounding them?I don't think it is so much that it attracts pickmeishas, more that only pickmeishas will tolerate that | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/20 06:25 PM |
| 17 | This girl is coming for 50/50 culture. A lot of pick me’s are mad bc they just haven’t learned yetthis girl is so pretty. i went down a rabbit hole of looking through her tiktoks and it looks like she was put through the ringer with a toxic narc ex. honestly every girl with this attitude only gets there after realising being nice and 'compromising' just drains you and only gets you exploited. men get so angry at women refusing to do 50/50 or refusing to make the first move, or whatever, but they're the ones who drive women to it because they are so often opportunistic and exploitative. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/11/20 12:52 AM |
| 14 | Am I weird for this?I'm the same age and the same way. Honestly, even 34 feels a little old for me. I think that's healthy. I also think as we get older the more clear the stark difference between your 20s and your mid 30s will feel. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/11/20 05:12 PM |
| 3 | Avoiding types that are dead-ends: can artsy men ever be HVM?Thank you!! Glad my YEARS OF SUFFERING at the hands of sadboi artists resulted in some positivity hahaha | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 11:48 PM |
| 10 | Avoiding types that are dead-ends: can artsy men ever be HVM?Yes! Once that shroud falls you realise they're often insecure babies. And the goos thing about clothes - they can be changed! If you're the creative, aesthetic one, you'll automatically get final say in matters of taste - and these men usually actively appreciate having someone with taste give them style tips! Find someone kind and generous and dress him up however you want haha | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 11:44 PM |
| 11 | Avoiding types that are dead-ends: can artsy men ever be HVM?Thank you!! "These are the types to have a country/lake house and are happy to build you your own studio 🙏🏻" EXACTLY! And one glorious thing – a lot of these men specifically take pride in having creative, interesting partners. They take active interest in what you do because it's so unlike them, but they're not threatened by it. For a long time I thought I would only appeal to the artsy softbois because I present quite artfully, but now I realise I attract all kinds of men, it is just up to me … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 11:42 PM |
| 9 | The film "Midsommar"....if you enjoy watching LVMs get roasted, and a pickeme becoming a queen as a result, then watch this movie!omg yeah I watched this recently and at the end I was just like "yes good for her". Truly the real horror story is being stuck with a useless wet lump of gaslighting crap for a boyfriend | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 09:33 PM |
| 11 | Is being not family oriented a sign of LV?It depends. You can have had bad relationships with your family and turn out to be a decent, well-rounded person if you put in the work. Or you can end up bad/worse. You can also be a bad person even if you do have a good relationship with your family. You need to look at his behaviour independently. However, the actual fact of him telling you he is "not family oriented" seems strangely loaded to me. It feels like a strange way of phrasing? I associate "family-oriented" to mean wanting to start … | /r/askFDS | 09/11/20 09:25 PM |
| 21 | Avoiding types that are dead-ends: can artsy men ever be HVM?absolutely that! they're looking for a muse or a groupie, not a partner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 06:26 PM |
| 79 | Avoiding types that are dead-ends: can artsy men ever be HVM?Okay I spent most of my early 20s and up until my mid-20s with these sorts of guys. I dated photographers, videographers, graphic designers, a poet (for two years ) and a musician for four (🤮). I will never date a creative man again. Of course, there are some good points - politically they tend to align with me, it's cool to be able to talk about niche music/film tastes, I love well-dressed men. However... those are such surface things. Creative men are always on the narcissistic scale, in my ex… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 04:41 PM |
| 54 | He keeps talking about celeb crushesit's called triangulation. it is meant to make you feel insecure and to try harder. maybe bringing this stuff up once when tipsy can be innocent if gauche, but constantly doing it seems like a very conscious thing. bringing it up and asking him not to do it will not likely yield the results you want - he will just interpret that as you 'being insecure' and he is 'just joking around'. honestly, i'd drop him. men of value have the sense not to do this. | /r/askFDS | 08/11/20 04:00 PM |
| 70 | Huge de-escalation and 180 turn?This is all way too intense and frankly he is too old for you - 7 years is a huge age gap. This seems like classic narcissistic love-bombing and devaluation. I would avoid this man - it is abnormal to want to introduce someone you just met to your friends, a healthy person/HVM would see you worth but still move forward at a cautious pace. | /r/askFDS | 07/11/20 06:37 PM |
| 5 | What is a HV way to tell someone they're not right for you?thank you! this is exactly what i did and i feel great, so simple! | /r/askFDS | 07/11/20 06:35 PM |
| 3 | Gaslit and Called Crazy So Long I Believe It. How to Get Over"I started believing it so much I went to two psychologists. They barely talk and won’t give feedback on the relationship but both say they find absolutely nothing wrong with me." It astounds me how there are people who work in mental health but do not care enough about a patient's health to tell them that they are blatantly being abused. Cut all of these people out. Don't date. Find a therapist that specialises in PTSD and narcissistic abuse. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/20 01:42 PM |
| 10 | How do you ladies navigate living in a world that glorifies pickme behavior?I am lucky as my closest friends are HV and share the same values as me (most are aware of FDS, if not active followers). My mum has some FDS-aligned beliefs but also some pickme tendencies, and doesn't fully understand how ruthless you have to be dating now (she married at 21, her and my dad are still happily together, he has some HV traits but I would not say is a perfect example of a HVM. My grandad (mum's dad) is definitely HV). Whenever she suggests that I am being unreasonable, or too ruth… | /r/askFDS | 29/10/20 05:41 PM |
| 21 | Cancelled plans - what is the right way to proceed?thank you! yes, this is what i am doing right now. should i respond ONLY if he comes with some concrete plans, and if he says anything like 'have i upset you?' just ignore him, right? or should i clearly say that any sort of flakiness is not something i will tolerate? i know i would be tempted to explain or whatever but i feel like knowing men, anything but concrete plans will just be an opportunity to gaslight me... | /r/askFDS | 24/10/20 06:10 PM |
| 10 | Cancelled plans - what is the right way to proceed?yes, those are exactly my thoughts. literally the most important things on my list of qualities in a partner is dependability and respect for my time. | /r/askFDS | 24/10/20 05:41 PM |
| 18 | Cancelled plans - what is the right way to proceed?thank you, yes - he's texted me a few times today, quite innocuous stuff, all of which i have ignored because it feels like he is hoping i will chat normally and make him feel like he hasn't fucked up. i haven't been particularly perturbed by this but i have been a little stressed wondering when/what to reply, and how to explain that he's fucked up and why, but that's so dumb - he knows he has fucked up and why. he knows it's shitty to cancel on the day. i don't need to do anything or explain an… | /r/askFDS | 24/10/20 05:40 PM |
| 41 | A man who is into you will make firm plans when it comes to being around you and take initiative. “You can come if you want” is not it.this is also true of men who put stuff like 'not interested in endless chit chat, let's grab a drink instead' on their profiles. it sounds innocuous but it is entirely disrespectful of the fact that women need that 'chit chat' to scope out how much of a threat you are too them, sorry if our safety is an inconvenience to you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/10/20 01:16 PM |
| 10 | This poor girl, her column each week is like "why are men awful when I allow obviously awful men to consistently and repeatedly disrespect me?" hope she discovers FDS soonI actually think she is a good writer and very accomplished with a lot of bylines. However I think being a "sex columnist" is just a feedback loop of justifying being a 'cool girl' above setting boundaries. It's fucking tragic though, like she is an accomplished journalist and she is letting some fucking postie treat her like dirt? girl, no | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/10/20 11:33 AM |
| 4 | What standards should we have the first time having sex with a HVM?i literally always, and have always, expected oral. it's not about cultural norms, how can you really know how others behave when sex is something so private? you can't observe the cultural norms of dating, only assume or set your own standards. it sounds like you're describing a liberalised culture anyway. literally just say you need to cum first. frankly most men (the decent, non-lazy ones) will think this is hot. always insist on an std test before you sleep with a man. it all seems embarrass… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/10/20 07:10 PM |
| 2 | I have read the handbook but need some clarification when it comes to first dates!i would give him one or two specific days that are convenient for you. even if you're fully available, it is best to let him know from the start your time is limited and your week isn't wide open for him to casually ask for your time whenever. i don't offer on a first date. if it feels awkward, go to the toilet after the meal, most gentlemen pay while you're there - a very classy move imo. most guys (with potential) will get the point and just get the bill when it arrives - many jump on it right… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/20 11:38 PM |
| 8 | are British men actually gentlemen?'wasteman' is also a thing in the uk lol. there are 100% absolute NVM here. the culture is not radically different. people are people. there is no magical land with wonderful gentlemen. ultimately this is a liberal, western, pornified society and i doubt there are massive differences. however i will say, there are plenty of hvm here. but there is no shortcut, you have to carefully and rigorously vet all of them, everywhere. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/20 11:28 PM |
| 50 | They’re now mocking sensual and intimate sex. The comments are full of girls saying how they only watch brutal or forced or kidnapped porn?? And they’re so proud of it??she looks so, so young. this is frightening. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/20 02:07 PM |
| 26 | Real HVM shitthe amount of likes and RTs this has goes to show how women are so desperate to experience anything but the bare minimum from a man | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/20 12:15 PM |
| 98 | My boyfriend destroyed my 7 year old Bonsai treethat is absolutely unforgivable! I have a huge and very mature monstera plant i have been growing for 7 years, i have literal nightmares about it being destroyed - bonsais require even more skill and care. i don't think something like that could be done WITHOUT malice – what possible reaction from you could he have expected other than hurt, betrayal and anger? there is literally no other way you would have responded, and he knew that - he just didn't care. how utterly emotionally backward do you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/10/20 04:38 PM |
| 11 | The "perfect" relationship 🤮putting the word perfect in quotation marks was right, because it definitely is not that... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/10/20 02:10 PM |
| 4 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered: October 7 2020i actually reread his message and the exact wording he used was 'complex and take a lot of work' - not sure if that has the same underlying meaning as hard work? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/10/20 01:43 PM |
| 9 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered: October 7 2020i was chatting to a guy i met on hinge today, after several hours of decent chat about fairly deep subjects (politics mostly, not revealing too much personal information on either side), he mentioned he was watching the louis theroux weird weekends episode on polyamory, and asked me how i feel about polyamory/monogamy. obviously my finger was floating on the block button, but instead i immediately just asked him how he feels about it without giving anything away and he said he knows it wouldn't … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/10/20 01:03 AM |
| 63 | "Narcissists And Porn"......this applies to ALL men and ALL porn consumption,not just "narcs".i am consistently shocked at how entirely predictable the entirety of my ex's behaviour is when viewed from the lens of narcissism. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/10/20 04:50 PM |
| 29 | Setting Standards for First Dates - OLDmid 30s is too old for you. look for younger men in the mid and late 20s. there will be more fuckboys among them but also more HVM - by the time men reach their mid 30s, most of the HV ones will already be married and/or in stable relationships, and the LV ones may just be slicker at hiding how LV they are, especially to younger women who many not have enough context to judge them properly (what seems like an impressive job at 24 is very different in even just a few years by the time you're 28 o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/10/20 06:06 PM |
| 2 | What else should be in the FDS Handbook?I have these two posts bookmarked: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gkc0v1/online_dating_strategy_to_find_a_hvm/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j502ux/7_warning_signs_of_lvm_trickery/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/10/20 03:24 PM |
| 3 | I've spent a solid 2 weeks reading the posts here and every book about FDS I can get my hands on. It's all hitting me like a ton of bricks.congrats!!! this is so healthy and i am so proud of you and everything you've achieved. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/10/20 01:41 PM |
| 1 | Don't allow yourself to get attached without a 'requirements for my attachment' list.this was me, but i've been baptised with fire in my last relationship with a narcissist. when i finally saw the relationship for what it was, i realised i was doing everything for him and he wasn't even doing the minimum for me, but i just filled in the gaps myself with projection and accepted his bread crumbs. i wish i had fds before so i could have learnt this lesson without wasting four years of my life. at least i have it now! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/10/20 01:28 PM |
| 25 | He couldn't give me a single original thought.I think a lot of red-pilled thinking that women want "Chads" who are all over 6ft and sculpted and will settle for nothing else is a projection of their own desires... they project their own superficiality and assume women think the same way. They don't value character as much beyond women being submissive so cannot imagine the weight women put on character. Whenever men accuse women of things that are obviously ridiculous and absurd, I've learnt to see it for what it is: projection. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/10/20 01:15 PM |
| 4 | A guy I’m talking opened up that he was sexually abused as a child by his uncleugh, this is a sign of a narcissist or a sociopath! he wants to get pity from you first so as to build the narrative in the relationship that he is fragile and you must do everything to protect and serve him. block, get out - trust me. I've been through a four year relationship with a narc who 'opened up' about his trauma on the first date and that then forever trumped whatever emotions I felt. It is abnormal to tell someone something so dark so immediately. This is unhealthy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/10/20 02:44 PM |
| 16 | Isn't it sad that in this day and age I'm pleasantly surprised to meet a man who actually picks up the phone and CALLS to make plans?I matched with a guy a few weeks ago that really surprised me (he's handsome but not really my type, actually a little too tall for me lol), he called me instead of texting when we hit it off in the chat the first night, and I ended up being really excited for our date because that first chat was for about half an hour and was so fun and natural. After our first date he regularly calls me to chat. It's super attractive, it made such an impression on me. For context I am in my late 20s and he is … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/10/20 02:37 PM |
| 34 | It just dawned on me that nearly every man who has gone down on me were just giving it "the ol' husband try" meaning, they were purposefully bad at it to make me give up on asking them to do it.after reading this, i switched my 'interested in' from 'men' to 'everyone' on hinge... time to battle that internalised homophobia | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/20 07:36 PM |
| 25 | The red flags here... so painful to read after FDS!! 🚩Early proposals are ALWAYS a red flag, sounds like he is a narcissist - lovebombed her then manipulated her into being his servant. sounds very similar to my last relationship, thank fuck i got out of that still young and relatively unscathed. never again. she will flourish though and be fine though, i'm sure of it, she is so strong to be able to have such a flourishing career despite this absolute deadweight, without him and once she does all her healing she will really surprise herself i think… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/20 11:49 AM |
| 35 | What sort of touching do you think is acceptable on a first date?thank you! it's crazy the extent to which we are indoctrinated to suppress our intuition in order to accommodate for men :( | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/20 03:33 PM |
| 8 | What sort of touching do you think is acceptable on a first date?thank you, this is really helpful! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/20 03:32 PM |
| 8 | Second dateTo be honest i don't massively trust myself when i AM super attracted to someone, because then I'm not thinking with my brain - but either with my heart or my vagina haha. I think attraction can take a while to build up - I need to know and respect someone first before I can be really, really attracted to a man. I think by the end of the second date you will know if you're interested enough in seeing this person again, but don't try and chase butterflies and excitement as that doesn't necessaril… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/20 11:37 PM |
| 11 | I feel like this is trying too hard? Would you guys consider this pickme behavior?yeah. i agree with the other commenters, i think it's pickme to publicise on social media the reasons why you'd make a good girlfriend.... that's literally the definition of saying 'pick me!' however, genuinely making an effort to get on with your partners family is mandatory for both sides, imo | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/20 02:18 PM |
| 33 | BIRTHDAY MEGATHREAD! HAPPY 100K BIRTHDAY FDS!🎂 IN CELEBRATION PLEASE POST ONE WAY THAT FDS CHANGED YOU AND YOUR LIFE. KEEP LEVELLING UP QUEENS🥂🥂🥂🥂🍾🍾🍾🍾FDS made me realise that the life I want is entirely possible and I should never, ever settle for less and to stop selling myself short. I'm so thankful for it and for all of you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 09:20 PM |
| 156 | Hell, nahimagine asking a man to cook you a meal and make you cum every night... i doubt these scrotes would think it was 'that easy' then | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 03:47 PM |
| 29 | "hE iS hUmAn": pickme vs. random guy's perspective on these kind of liesmen know who men are | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 02:24 PM |
| 5 | LADIES, this is why we never stop vetting. No matter how interested in you the guy may seem, he may be playing mind games. So don’t let your guard down. I hate seeing content like this on twitter.this is why it's so important to consider a man's actions, not just his words. it's not hard to message someone every day. it is a lot harder to actively help her, think of how you can improve her life, take her out on dates, invest in her. his attention, his shitty jokes, his pestering, is NOT ENOUGH. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 02:21 PM |
| 37 | Ladies! Use your female/pretty privilege!yes perfect. you didn't force or manipulate him to do anything, he willingly did that because he wanted to and you owe him nothing. being feminine is just taking what people want to give to you and knowing you owe them nothing in return if you don' want to give anything back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 01:03 PM |
| 9 | "Develop lives outside the male gaze" - really good analysis of how ultimately futile the battle to prove yourself worthwhile in a misogynistic framework that only values women for their youth and beauty isno i haven't! who is it by? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/09/20 08:52 PM |
| 43 | "Develop lives outside the male gaze" - really good analysis of how ultimately futile the battle to prove yourself worthwhile in a misogynistic framework that only values women for their youth and beauty isyeah, i think the main take away for me is that you can't win in this misogynistic game as it's rigged against you. we are told if we are beautiful we will be treated better, but the misogyny beautiful women face is still there, just different to the misogyny 'undesirable' women face - evidenced in the article emily ratajowski recently wrote for the cut. you can work hard to be beautiful, and you will be treated as an object which has a value that can depreciate, an object to be owned and domina… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/09/20 08:18 PM |
| 62 | I love it when the trash takes itself outoh my god....'you shouldn't expect me to listen to what you say'??????? what the hell is he talking to you for if he's not even going to listen? omg | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/09/20 07:19 PM |
| 76 | Friend got railroaded at a party for saying that the income of a prospective mate is important to her. Men were always finding ways to hustle and provide throughout millenia and now all of a sudden it is a problem?men: no fat chicks women: ok no broke men those same damn men: *surprised pikachu face* | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/09/20 05:20 PM |
| 12 | Us women have horrible options on OLDi think focusing on your studies is a much better investment. be open to dating if you want and if a man who you're interested in pursues you properly, but don't actively pursue it yourself at this age, especially as its burning you out. it is a huge time investment and dating in your mid/late 20s will be in some ways easier, as vetting will become simpler. at that point, most people are fully formed - if by 27 a man doesn't seem to be on a good path in his life and career, then he probably neve… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/09/20 02:55 PM |
| 8 | the secret to perfect skin 😌ok so since my ex moved out 4 months ago, i havent had a single zit. like my skin has been incredible, i had this thought a few times already. it may be the rosehip oil, it may be the result of him not being around to make me cry on a bi-weekly basis, but either way, i wish i did it sooner | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/09/20 12:17 PM |
| 10 | “I pReFeR gIrLs WiThOuT mAkEUp”if a man ever says this to you, ask him why. if he says 'idk i just think they look better', ask him why again. he won't have an answer. because there are only three possible answers, none of them cast him in a good light and all come down to women being objects there for him to control: he's negging he finds the labour almost all women (esp the conventionally attractive/very feminine women) do to be too confronting, against his objectifying vision of women sold to him by porn and media generall… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/09/20 02:09 PM |
| 3 | Is Minimizing Feelings Gaslighting?i personally think it does qualify as gaslighting, because you are essentially saying 'i am feeling this' and by dismissing your feelings, they are saying 'you are wrong to feel that way' or even 'no, you don't feel that way'. it is gaslighting imo because it makes you question not just the validity of your feelings but even the reality of them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/20 07:10 PM |
| 38 | Why do people post questions/ask for advice on relationships that are clearly red flags?if you are in an abusive relationship, you probably have a history of trauma and abuse in your childhood and.or have been manipulated and gaslighted by your abuser into normalising it. those people are reaching out because they need unbiased confirmation that they are not crazy, that their instinct that has been dulled by the gaslighting of their abuser and society at large is actually right. they are essentially looking for permission to stand up for themselves, and as obvious and exasperating … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/20 07:07 PM |
| 33 | Small lies?omg, honey, this is such a red flag. "he told me that he never said that" so he not only lied to you, but then he tried to gaslight you about it? that is so much worse than simply owning up to the lie. honestly, this shows the character of a person. at best, he is deeply insecure and lies just to make himself feel better. at worst, he knows what he is doing and testing your limits to see what you will let slide. if you have to wonder if a guy is a psychopath, then i can tell you right now - it i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/20 07:02 PM |
| 18 | Is this guys slow texting a red flag?thank you, yes i think you're right, i am just over thinking things when it's far too early for that | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/09/20 07:18 PM |
| 9 | Is this guys slow texting a red flag?thank you, yes, i am just over thinking things and need to re-focus on myself instead and also make sure i am still talking to other people. to be honest it feels to early to even be asking for anything or communicating any needs, we are still basically strangers, and i should still be observing what he is happy giving me unprompted.. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/09/20 07:17 PM |
| 15 | How do I break up during COVID? Terrified of becoming tied down to a freeloader!When dumping him, keep these two things in mind: Do not over-explain yourself or justify yourself. He knows these issues. He probably knows you're clearly too good for him (honestly, what does he even bring to this relationship if he is too lazy to video call you during a damn pandemic?), you don't need to try and explain why him having zero ambition, being misogynistic, unsupportive, and not even sharing the same interests as you, are bad things worth dumping over. Any one of those things are d… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/09/20 07:13 PM |
| 27 | How do you treat a LVM that you stopped seeing but still have to interact with professionally?I guess there is no definitive best way to act, but I would not act cold, as that will likely just make him think he hurt you soo much and he has such sway over your feelings, you must have loved him etc etc. It will basically, in his eyes, bolster his self esteem, and he will write you off as 'immature', as opposed to doing any self-reflection and wondering what HE did to illicit that reaction from you. Treat him as you would a colleague with whom you have zero personal relationship with, avoid… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/09/20 05:36 PM |
| 21 | Is there any point in dating/looking for a serious relationship?Take a break from dating, focus internally. Don't force yourself to do it when you're already burnt out, as any negative experience will further reinforce any negative beliefs. It is really fucking hard out there. But I will say, even in my pickmeisha days, two boyfriends didn't watch porn at all (they were already that way when I met then, I was 22 when I met the first, 27 when I met the second.. they were 23 and 31 when I met them). They had their own issues, but it is a complete lie that it's… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/09/20 05:30 PM |
| 35 | How to not feel guilty about letting men pay for things?you are reprogramming yourself. just stay strong and eventually it will be second nature. just remember, if he turns out to be LV and wastes your time, at least he hasn't wasted your money . | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/08/20 08:32 PM |
| 38 | Just another 3 decade age gap. Nothing new under the sunimagine dating someone you are probably too young to have even had a crush on growing up? he would have been in his 40s when she was 13! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/08/20 03:49 PM |
| 70 | All the money I sent to my NVM ex in 2 months. Green is him. Don’t be a 🤡🤡🤡honestly men are such gold diggers | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/08/20 01:18 PM |
| 4 | What do you tell yourself when you're trying not to fall for a LVM?first, block. everywhere. simply deleting but not blocking means you are holding onto a shred of hope that he will reach out, and so he will continue living in your mind rent-free. you need to block on everything so you can properly move on. because even if he does reach out, it will end the same and your progress and mood will be set off balance. next, write a list of reasons why he is LVM. be honest, no excuses or rationalisations - if he is still fiscally dependent on his parents 'but is maki… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/08/20 08:42 PM |
| 8 | Hints in his apartment that he is high value?honestly: does it look like an adults living space or a student share house? i don't know how old you are, i suppose this is age-appropriate, but judge it to the standards as you would a female friend. is it clearly nicely decorated, with thought and care? how clean is it (seriously, check for dust bunnies in the corners of rooms, it'll show if he actually cleans or if he just moved the clutter out of the way to make it seem tidier because you were coming over). edit: also, i find everyone mak… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/08/20 07:52 PM |
| 25 | Preparing to get back into datingif your last relationship was with a narc, and you haven't already been to therapy/can't afford therapy, please read up as much as possible on narcissism. read 'why does he do that' by lundy bancroft (available for free as a pdf i think), and look up dr ramani on youtube and watch as many of her videos as possible, especially her series on the type of people who are vulnerable to narcissists, so you can work on your weak points and insecurities and avoid narcs forever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/08/20 10:48 PM |
| 9 | He’s at the top 10% on the income bracket, I am no where near that... help, please.The most important thing is to not let the income disparity become 'a thing'. Don't build him up to be greater than he is just because he has money. don't put yourself down if you're not earning the same. You need to truly believe you are bringing a lot to the relationship – and you are – otherwise he will just resent you. don't for a moment let him think he is a prize just because he earns a lot, that is his job as a man – to be a provider. also – a mans wealth means nothing if he is selfish. w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/08/20 07:50 PM |
| 1 | Why are European men SO INTENSE?Listen, I am an Eastern European who dated an Australian. To me, he was intense – I realised (far far too late) it was because he was a narc lovebombing me. Regardless of culture, a man of quality will respect your boundaries. Men who are too intense and men who are low-effort fuckboys are the opposite ends of the same spectrum: the one in which ultimately they only want to use you for their own benefit rather than to enrich your life. If something makes you uncomfortable, do not put it down to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/20 05:20 PM |
| 17 | Online dating profile, what would you write?Personally i would not mention that this is what i am looking for, instead i would just reject any man who is being in any way disrespectful or is obviously himself looking for something casual - it is better to let them show themselves to you (by their actions and by their reactions to you setting your boundaries) than to give them an opportunity to waste your time by pretending they're on the same page as you until they have what they want. I also feel like it is better to give very little awa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/20 03:48 PM |
| 5 | Would moving in together be a bad idea?If he loves you, if he is committed to you, if quality time really is that important to him, he will put up with it. And then he will commit to you. Do not make decisions out of fear of losing him – if he doesn't want to be with you because you are not ready to move in without commitment first, then that's less of a loss then moving in, feeling unappreciated, having a relationship break down and dealing with the aftermath of your hurt and whatever affect that has on your child. Absolutely do not… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/08/20 09:27 PM |
| 11 | What are your thoughts on getting involved with men who already have children?four months isn't long to be single at all, 'approaching your 30s' isn't old, don't sell yourself short. it is better to wait until you meet the right person (and trust me, there are plenty of childless men), than to settle or sell yourself short. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/08/20 08:05 PM |
| 11 | A girl "friend" of mine showed me the sexual market value (SMV) TRP graph. Please kindly correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this graph shows that a 15 year-old girl (a CHILD) has higher SMV than 25 year old man?!!!how the hell did they calculate this? sexual market value to who? as a woman in my late 20s I wouldn't even consider dating a man over 35 (ideally less than 33). This sort of rhetoric is so fucking damaging and why scrotes in their 40s end up causing acts of terrorism against women because young women are not interested in them. perhaps a man in his 40s is more sought after by his peers, but this idea that that is every mans SMV peak is absurd. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/08/20 01:06 PM |
| 12 | Was an inexperienced pickme, can I salvage the relationship?How does he offer you things? Have you actually seen any of the things he has offered? How many of his promises does he keep? Or is he just future faking, suggesting commitment meanwhile sponging off your goodwill, getting regular sex, emotional validation, all while putting zero emotional or financial investment in you? Even my narcissistic ex paid for my coffee. I think you know the answer already. This is not a man who loves or cherishes you. You're 20, you're so young. Leave him, invest al… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/20 04:33 PM |
| 11 | What do I do if I lost faith in men?My love, take your time, work on yourself. I didn't start dating until I was 22 and now at 28 I wish I left it even later. Focus on yourself. There are perfectly decent men out there. This sub will teach you how to vet for them. You're not missing out by not dating, do not let any one convince you that you only get better at relationships by having a string of failed ones –instead learn from the mistakes of others around you. Women end up with shitty men because they don't understand they're ent… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/20 04:23 PM |
| 11 | I’m meeting my Ex todayDon't go. It will be hours of manipulation, coercion, general mental attack. Cancel, you don't need this. There is no need for 'closure', your closure is when you guys broke up. He is either hoping to snake back into your life or he is doing this so he can say your breakup was 'amicable' and convince himself he is a good guy who doesn't have to reflect back on his flaws or the relationship. Cancel, never do this with an ex. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/20 03:21 PM |
| 3 | Men claim they want straightforwardness, no games, and honesty but subconsciously they don’t. Anyone have experience with this?Men may want that, but that doesn't mean they will reciprocate. My theory is that every man who says he wants 'no drama' is entirely emotionally stunted and low-effort, and will view all attempts at conflict resolution as 'drama'. it's the type of guy who calls all of his exes 'crazy', when he was the one driving them crazy all along. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/08/20 11:42 AM |
| 2 | Physicality progression in dating?Personally I kiss earlier (but not first date). Do not stay over without having sex - this is mentioned in in the why men love bitches book too. If you invite him in to stay the night, or come over, he will assume sex is on the table - it will be extremely hard to then say no, and when you do, he may become resentful because you're dangling a carrot in front of him. Obviously it is not ideal when a man is resentful at all but even HVM aren't perfect and it's best to maintain strict boundaries in… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/08/20 10:13 AM |
| 3 | Are most men from dating apps LVM? What is up with guys thinking it’s okay to invite themselves over to your home DURING a pandemic?Girl!!! Maybe not all of them are LVM but a 37 yr old talking to a 25 yr old sure as hell is!!!! I'm 28 and I still think 37 is too old for me!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/08/20 10:01 AM |
| 99 | Men thinking we owe them a relationshiptbh i think it says more about how men treat women - they would only treat women with kindness and friendliness if sexually interested in them, and otherwise ignore them. they assume women behave similarly and cannot comprehend basic human decency as something everyone deserves rather than a means to an end. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/20 04:28 PM |
| 7 | Men thinking we owe them a relationshipthough i agree with the guys sentiment, i do wonder what he means by 'not owing someone your friendship'. to me, that would mean being cordial when necessary but not expending any effort on spending time with or speaking to them. i think there are plenty of men who would interpret that as being purposefully antagonistic or making things so awkward in a friendship group that people resent the person who rejected you. i think far more men react adversely to rejection and bitterly as they project t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/20 04:27 PM |
| 46 | On a post regarding "marriageable" womenimagine openly admitting you're not worth it and doing nothing about it? lol. they consciously understand and admit that they do not deserve the women they lust over. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/20 04:18 PM |
| 5 | Why do I hate both aspects of this guy's personalitywhat is 'ignorant sarcasm'? is he ignorant of his own sarcasm, or what he is being sarcastic about? sounds like he doesn't know what either of those words mean but thinks he sounds smart. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/08/20 11:53 AM |
| 14 | He just wants someone he can abuse (Original post from another sub)lol, men are really out here putting a shopping list of dehumanising bullshit meanwhile women are trying to reprogram themselves into realising that it is not too much to ask to have the same level of respect reciprocated in a relationship and it's not reasonable to be doing all the housework and childcare while still paying 50/50 for everything.... smh | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/08/20 09:36 AM |
| 16 | A man that respects me financially!wonderful! this should honestly be the norm and this is the only scenario in which i think moving in with a partner is ok, because it will benefit you as much as him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/20 11:39 AM |
| 11 | Thomas had never seen such bullshit beforei literally do not understand what a man brings to a relationship if he doesn't at the very least earn as much as his partner... its doubtful he will be more emotionally supportive than other female friends, i sincerely doubt he would do as much childcare and domestic work as a woman does/would be expected to do, what does he actually bring? of course there are situations where the 'house husband' dynamic does work and that's great! but that takes a special kind of man who is deeply kind and emo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/08/20 11:35 AM |
| 42 | Such a shamehighly recommend following bolu (@beebabs) in general not just for this tweet, her whole vibe is so deeply fds naturally, she is amazing | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/08/20 11:22 AM |
| 15 | Don’t be like this... hear me out.i feel like gender being brought into this is a leap on the behalf of the original tumblr OP. sounds more like a family thing, my parents bought both me and my brother plenty of of stuffed animals each. in this instance we don't actually know the relationship between the author and the friend... if they're very close then it is still a sweet act. the kindness and generosity of my female friends is what keeps me going (the amount of gifts and flowers I have sent and received during quarantine has… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/08/20 08:21 PM |
| 7 | Is there even any point in replying to a guy who opens with just a "Hey/Hi" on OLD?love it when the trash takes it self out! any challenge to their ego and their thin veneer of civility melts away to reveal nothing but aggression! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/07/20 09:49 PM |
| 17 | Is there even any point in replying to a guy who opens with just a "Hey/Hi" on OLD?yeah, you're so right. also suggests that he probably didn't even read my profile as there are plenty of things he could have said based off it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/07/20 09:15 PM |
| 9 | Is there even any point in replying to a guy who opens with just a "Hey/Hi" on OLD?oh god that's so accurate.... I'm going to answer 'hi' just to see if he does exactly this, lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/07/20 09:13 PM |
| 8 | No birthday present...Yes - dump him! My ex completely ignored me on my birthday, I wish I had dumped him then and there because all he did was reveal his complete disrespect towards me. People know how important birthdays are, they know how hurtful it is to behave like this. What he is doing is punishing you – he is showing you that any love, affection, and respect he gives you is entirely conditional on your behaviour and how much it conforms to his expectations of you. This is bullshit. At best, it is deeply immat… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/07/20 11:04 AM |
| 83 | Male socialization means earnestly expecting women to act as charities that do everything for themThe thing is that we also advocate heavily that women must work on themselves and practise what they preach - this isn't one-sided, it's not unreasonable to expect a partner to have, on their own, invested in themselves and their dreams, when you have been doing so as well. It's also about being a HVW, not just finding a HVM. Whereas these men are trash, know they're trash, and they think that it's unfair when women who have put the effort into improving themselves then don't want to stick aroun… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/07/20 12:15 PM |
| 3 | He bought me a pretty necklace and ring set just because! (Ring not shown, resizing)lovely! i was going to say, clearly not cheap jewellery either as you can tell it's natural opals, and opals aren't cheap! he's treating you the way you deserve to be treated! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/07/20 02:05 PM |
| 24 | 'You should feel lucky that I picked you, because for our first date I will cook for you, fuck you for free, and judge you for being promiscious while doing so' SMHlol yes i was going to reply the exact same thing, that is not how diamonds work | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/07/20 01:48 PM |
| 10 | Communicating standards: no commitment no sexit stands for online dating! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/07/20 05:43 PM |
| 12 | I guess I need to go to skid row to find a husband 🤦🏾♀️she should have just gone to an animal shelter and adopted a stray dog | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 08:13 PM |
| 25 | What are your thoughts on the "Eastern European women are submissive" stereotype?lol, as an ee woman these men have no idea. and to be honest their idiocy probably benefits these women, who are definitely only using them. eastern europe is not some backwards place with no internet access and only tradwife values. if any of those women agree to marry some low-value western man it's not because they don't know they're low value, it's because they have something to gain. most likely citizenship in a western country and some financial assistance. they're playing those fools. als… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 06:21 PM |
| 3 | How do you cope with anger toward your exes?I'm in a really similar situation! I think I have largely gotten over the anger (it's been maybe three months since the breakup) but I still get waves. I have also done some self-reflection on my own self to try and figure out what it was about me that accepted this treatment from someone for so long. Not to blame myself, but to identify my weak points. There are insecurities he exploited and I am working on them now. The answer, I think, is just time, self-reflection, and focusing on yourself. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 11:53 AM |
| 6 | How to level up during the pandemic?Focus on creating a routine and on being in the present. Seems like the levelling up you need to do is being able to be still within yourself. Levelling up doesn't necessarily mean constantly moving forward and visibly, physically improving. You don't need to be checking off boxes and milestones, sometimes the deeper spiritual work is what needs your attention and that can't be so easily measured. It can be learning to be comfortable with yourself, content even when things are outside of your co… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 11:49 AM |
| 14 | Is this a common issue? Guys doing chores/housework badly on purpose so stop asking them to do it...Yes, they often even admit to it. My ex definitely did this. I think it's an internalised thing where they treat you not as an equal but as a surrogate mother – they know they can just leave their shit because someone else will take care of it. They don't have to complete a task to the fullest, highest standard because they're 'doing you a favour', and it's not their job. Like when you were a petulant teen and maybe you had a habit of leaving dirty mugs in the sink instead of putting them in the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 11:45 AM |
| 42 | Running into NVM ex’s momAbsolutely nothing - anything you say will make you seem like you're 'crazy' and like he 'dodged a bullet'. Be cordial and polite - she will never see the flaws in her baby boy, especially not coming from you. I understand the temptation - I wish I could explain to my ex's mom how he was a narcissist. But there's no point. Be classy and respectful, so that he looks like a fool for losing you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/06/20 03:55 PM |
| 20 | Cultural/racial fetish LVMOh yeah, absolutely. As an Eastern European as well I have gotten so much of that (even from a teacher when I was 14!). It's either that or fetishising the idea of having 'a hot E European girlfriend' but in reality complete dismissal of my culture and turning their nose up at my 'weird' family. There seem to be very few guys who will actively engage in your culture in a respectful manner. It's a shame that so many men from within my culture are even more misogynistic and toxic, and those who ar… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/20 11:25 PM |
| 3 | This is some next level NVM bullshit. Could you imagine thinking your friends are more important than you wife in labour. Chuck him in the bin IMO.omg all the people telling her to 'have a conversation'...you can't communicate your way into someone respecting you. i hope she leaves. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 08:13 PM |
| 19 | Is not driving or having a car a dealbreaker?No one will care about this as much as you do, I promise. If this is a big insecurity, you should focus more on overcoming your insecurity about it (either through therapy to get you to drive more or to get you to accept yourself). A HVM shouldn't resent you, especially as this is something linked to anxiety. If a guy thinks this is a dealbreaker then that's a bit bizarre - is he looking for a partner or his Uber? If it makes you feel any better, I never learnt how to drive and am now in my late… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/06/20 11:13 PM |
| 10 | Cohabiting before marriage?yes! there was even an example of it in 'why men love bitches', from the year 2000! I even saw a guy on Hinge the other day, who, in the 'together we can...' prompt, wrote 'pay off my mortgage'. lmao. I'm sure they justify it however they can, and I'm sure they may even give a 'discount' to their partner, but charging anything is outrageous imo. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/20 04:25 PM |
| 42 | Cohabiting before marriage?DO NOT DO IT. I just got out of a relationship that lasted much longer than it had to because we were cohabiting (and there's a global pandemic). It was exhausting, everything was split 50/50 because he basically saw me as a roommate rather than someone to take care of, even though he earned more than double what I do. It didn't help he was a narc too lol. I, of course, did almost all of the domestic work. It would have been easier to have lived with platonic roommates. Before I lived with him I… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/20 03:34 PM |
| 38 | Early signs of narcissism.they will struggle to listen to you - they may seem really into you, tell you wonderful things, commit very quickly, make grand sweeping gestures, but when it actually comes to listening to you talk they can't seem to give you that quiet, undivided and loving attention - they may always be on the phone or their eyes darting about, they don't ask many questions, they want to fill every silence with stories about THEM, and THEIR opinions. they have a temper - it may not be directed at you, but a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 10:14 PM |
| 1 | How do I "improve" My fashion sense?Blogs are not a good source, those are made by people who actively enjoy shopping and putting outfits together. Those people will often be attune to hyper trends or vintage and will invest in expensive things because that's what they prioritise, and that's fine. It is a hobby like any other, being into it doesn't make you better/worse, feminine/masculine, it's just an interest like gaming or gardening. I forced a boyfriend to do this once (ex now, lol), and his style greatly improved immediately… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 07:16 PM |
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter