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dancedancedance7 Archive

View 11 posts and 556 comments by dancedancedance7 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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238

Yeah ew. I don't care how politically incorrect this is - homeless men terrify the shit out of me. They follow you, scream obscenities, run after you, lash out at you for walking away or crossing the street, throw stuff, and generally don't respect personal boundaries. Sure, not all homeless men, but enough to where I will avoid certain parts of town and walk very circuitous routes to get to where I'm going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:25 AM
7

Why did he tell you this on a first date... Did he think you two would do it? And honestly I never used to think that a guy being a virgin at mid 20s+ was too much of a red flag, but I have changed my mind. It might not be obvious, but they usually have some trait that really puts women off, and it'll probably put you off too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 07:07 AM
20

If I were you, I wouldn't go ripping on your friend. You can't smack the pick me out of anyone until they want to stop, and she will likely just take offense. If she's annoying, maybe spend less time with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:01 AM
243

Something about her vibe says that she tries way too damn hard for people who aren't worth it. How do we get her in here lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:57 AM
42

Yeah it's the right thing to do, until you have a discussion about being exclusive. What's important is why this got brought up. Did you ask? Did he? If he did unprompted, I guarantee he's not too into you. If you prodded (don't ever do this on a first date), he was honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:00 AM
41

Yeah this means he knew you had a crush on him and never acted on it cause he's lazy. He wanted entertainment. F that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 02:10 AM
353

Get more exercise and better sleep. Not joking. Also do things that actually occupy your attention. I've noticed I default into horny mode (or check fridge too often, binge watch TV etc) when I'm really, really bored. If your work or studies or hobbies bore you, get new ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 11:33 PM
37

Every time an older man hits on me, I get this horrible image of having to take care of an old guy wearing diapers when I'm a vibrant middle aged woman. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:09 AM
52

My personal rule for first dates is if I'm questioning whether I want to look like I care... I'm not that excited and I shouldn't have said yes. How much effort I put in directly correlates to how interested I am. Do what feels right to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:41 AM
2

Yeah scheduling that date with you gave him confidence that he can rake in other options. He thought putting serious relationship makes him look more attractive. I would personally not go.
/r/askFDS02/11/21 06:27 PM
12

Ahahahahaha 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 06:54 AM
188

Kinda weird to write a post years later about something you don't care about. 🤣 Mhm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 08:13 AM
17

Don't worry about it, it's the trash taking itself out. I guarantee you most of those guys have gray hair or are balding. If they are rejecting you on that basis, you're dodging bullets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 07:15 AM
80

If he was "too short" either (1) she didn't pursue him and he thinks she did or (2) she was saving his feelings from the real reason why, which would be a lot more insulting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:56 AM
5

Lol uhhh so I know that feel. Honestly all that will just wind you up more... Hate to say it but only way to fix that shit is to move somewhere that (idc if I get downvoted) prices most people out. I used to live in some shit neighborhoods when I was younger and constantly had problems. Now? Not so much.
/r/askFDS30/10/21 12:55 AM
42

That's such a cover their tush disclaimer. Run!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:13 PM
32

Yeah try to recruit the other guy. Honestly you're pretty screwed, people who are loud and inconsiderate are a bane on our society and no one takes it seriously... Here's hoping she dumps him and uses a vibrator instead amirite 🤣
/r/askFDS29/10/21 07:04 AM
2

I couldn't make it through. It's trash cinema and has only shock value. I dunno how they convinced Jennifer Lawrence to do that role.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 06:18 AM
18

I'll get flack for this lol, but any kind of tattoo, unless it has extremely significant, life changing meaning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:58 AM
53

Oof this situation is usually impossible to resolve. If you live in a nice neighborhood (read: the police occupy themselves by handing out jaywalking tickets to teenagers) - you can call the police on them after 10pm. If not... You're SOL. Do you have any other neighbors who are bothered by it so you can gang up on these bozos?
/r/askFDS29/10/21 05:05 AM
28

Doesn't matter what they say, there are no shortcuts for vetting. Keep your eyes open and go slow, and analyze what they do. Bounce the second it doesn't feel right for your values.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:13 PM
133

Lol throw him away. Ain't no point in being someone's budget appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 10:25 PM
10

Not entirely sure what you are saying your goal is. I think you should always treat your standards as something serious, regardless of whether you feel like you need to level up parts of your life. If you are not ready for something serious, it's dangerous to project that kind of energy because people might take you casually. It's totally fine to deprioritize dating and focus on other things. As for flirting, if it's with a high value person honestly it doesn't matter much how you go about it. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 03:36 AM
28

Eh honestly those subreddits are filled with LV content. I got kicked out of all of them and not mad about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 12:45 AM
2

Stop talking to this guy, he's verbally abusive. And stop making yourself an option. Also this is really important - you need to deal with your drinking before you deal with dating. If you're not in a healthy and good place you're going to end up with more assholes like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 04:55 AM
33

I don't think this is true for HVM. My best experiences were with guys who respected me on every level. If someone respects you it means they will not do anything to f*** with you. Maybe that guy realized that what he was offering would not be sufficient for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:22 AM
163

"As a girl" - yeah we don't see ourselves as girls, we are women. Anyway the best way to deal with this type of thing is just don't engage with the content. It'll stress you out and you can't lead a horse to water. A few years on the pick me bus and most women get sick of it...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 05:57 PM
11

You have a great point. I don't entirely agree with the approach - a burnout dating month where you treat it like a part time job sounds awful - but people are kidding themselves when they say they don't want a relationship but they troll dating subs... which is what this is. My approach is to prioritize myself (self care, goals, social time with quality people) - but I do keep an eye out for interesting guys and accept dates when someone really impresses me. Sometimes it's a couple times a week…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 06:03 AM
138

So smarter women demand better options? Makes sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 04:22 PM
6

Voluntary hardship... So bad decisions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 04:14 AM
46

Yeah he's an a******. A HVM would offer to help as soon as he heard your wrist is sprained.
/r/askFDS19/10/21 05:30 AM
41

"Brad Pitt in the face, Elon Musk in the bank account, Dalai Lama in character... Any questions?!?!!" 😏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 08:30 AM
12

Not sure about cultural root causes but yeah the SE Asian men I've met were all absolutely 🤮 (and mean as hell) and the women were wonderful, beautiful, and kind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:33 PM
45

For me it's a vetting method. I always say I don't want to switch numbers till after meeting. If a guy gets weird about this I know he has boundary issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:07 PM
9

First grade but I was worse than him 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 03:41 AM
7

Hmm yeah guess he was pretty busted up about it. You know I've been on the other side of this with people finding my Reddit posts... But honestly? 😒 I didn't write anything in there I didn't truly believe, just maybe I chose to not say certain things to be polite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:49 PM
66

I think you should be less concerned about this particular person and more concerned about your academic integrity. There's no particularly good reason to cheat or help someone else cheat. If you really want to help them, volunteer your time to tutor them, since that will actually make them better at the subject. If you need help in something ask for tutoring.
/r/askFDS15/10/21 05:27 AM
88

He always hated her and was jealous of her position in life. She's the one who dodged the bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:26 AM
2

You can't wake people up if they don't want to see things. I only discuss my views with people who clearly state they feel like their current habits and results are not in alignment with their desires, and only then if they actually approached me specifically for my opinion. Otherwise idk, my time is valuable and I can't be wasting it on something that never helps me or anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 08:55 PM
3

💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 07:20 PM
9

Imo it's a completely BS term that describes normal human sexuality. It's not weird to want an emotional connection and not just project your sexual desires onto someone because of their appearance. HVM also don't just want to hump everything in sight, it's not a woman thing. Let's normalize having standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 07:28 PM
105

Sounds like yellow flags. A HVM wouldn't know you have everything he's looking for in a life partner so quickly. You are right to hold off on exclusivity and falling too fast. He might just be really into you and excited - no real shortcut to find out, you need to just keep levelheaded and see the situation as it evolved. Try to regulate your emotional investment and don't fall too hard until he's proven himself over time. Go on dates with other men and don't let him monopolize your weekends.
/r/askFDS12/10/21 05:22 PM
277

I'd say anything that shows effort paying attention to your interests specifically (not just something they want to do anyway) awareness of your need to feel safe as a woman (public place, great reception, obvious way for you to get home)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:39 AM
79

Oh screw him. And girl... a woman in her late 20s is much, much hotter than a 20yo college kid. We are usually healthier, dressed better, more emotionally balanced, and way more confident. Please go look up Monica Bellucci, who was a Bond girl at 50, or like the entirety of the cast of Lucifer (they're all about 40). Tell him you're sorry he peaked when he was 20 (which is what he is saying about you) and dump his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:35 AM
29

When we were kids (school or college) lol. And even then... they would save up to take me out to a nice restaurant, or would cook, or take me somewhere really cool. What I will say is that LVM across the board will often display some version of picking a place that's convenient for both of you. Aka effort 50/50, even if not cash 50/50 quite yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:30 AM
1

Hahaha. A bear trap 🪤 and a soundproofed basement. Inb4 FBI.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 08:43 PM
31

Don't beat yourself up for this, we are programmed to value it and those who realize it's nothing are in the minority. You need to work on forgiving yourself. I know the days when I really start to beat myself up are the days when I need to go easier on myself and be more understanding. We usually means there's something triggering me and I need more downtime. Take care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 08:49 AM
11

Ugh no hooking up is code for getting used. The dude wouldn't even buy you coffee, smh. Also you bet he doesn't have a car. And isn't a medical student.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 11:08 PM
9

If they at least looked like Tom Cruise 😥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 08:52 PM
158

Yup, happy people know how hard it is to find so they don't harass others about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 02:47 AM
48

I don't think he has any problems actually hurting anyone. He didn't do it this time but he's very aggressive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:14 AM
26

😳 it started out making sense and then it just devolved into word salad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:26 AM
66

Hmm, so I didn't go to one, but I met some women who did back when I was in college. And with all due respect to them, their social growth was stunted af, and they got absolutely wrecked by men, who took advantage of them left and right. It's much easier knowing how to deal with them if you grow up with them, and your first exposure isn't when you're a "hot" adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 07:38 PM
10

6th date kind of question? He's dodgy and will get out of important discussions later down the line. Also ew, 5 kids? The baggage... Unless you also have a ton of kids, skip it. He is gonna be hella broke putting them through college.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:38 PM
21

That video is heartbreaking. I think p*** sickos like it more for the mental degradation aspect, than actually getting off. They find women like Lana threatening, because she's an example of how someone can rise above that enslaved mindset and develop self worth. So they screech...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:03 AM
156

They definitely exist in big cities. I had a horrible problem finding attractive men when I lived in a depressing suburb, location location...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:21 PM
20

Separate accounts don't mean shit in the events of a divorce. Someone with a 10M trust fund would know that and their parents would be on their tush about learning family law. Also wow, the mistrust after 15 years and children. 😢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 06:02 PM
5

☠️☠️☠️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:46 PM
92

Fiance of 6 years? He still doesn't like her, and never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:44 AM
8

👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:40 AM
60

Thanks mods for all your hard work. We see you and appreciate you and like having a space to discuss how to actually date to our benefit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:25 PM
33

Ooh nice list. Pretty much all of yours, and I'd also like to add anyone with low paying or high stress professions. Unless they make more than me, they're a liability, and I'm not looking to be anyone's emotional support animal or be worried about whether they'll get home in one piece. I prefer guys with a technical background. They usually make bank, have good work life balance, and are super employable so I'd never have to move to bumfuq nowhere for their newest career jump. Bonus is they gen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:21 PM
23

And this is why we never date men who have more to offer us than we can do on our own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:12 PM
11

Honey it's not that you attract them, it's that that's the majority of what's out there. If you are attractive, all it means is you get a lot more people interested in you, not that they're higher quality - you still need to sift through the haystacks for the needles. This one took me a painfully long time to learn. You just need cut them off at the first sign of cheapness or not appreciating your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 09:57 AM
2

He got triggered, you were just giving advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 09:24 AM
13

😢 yup!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 07:11 AM
8

Girl you are on fire 🔥🔥🔥 straight truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 07:05 AM
25

If it's hard, it's a downgrade from being single 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 02:46 AM
115

Mhm. I knew I needed to end things with a guy when he answered that with "you're hot and you're a cool hacker chick". I legit did not understand how that was his takeaway, because we had been dating for MONTHS. I was so embarrassed to have spent my time as someone who saw me on such a shallow level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 11:00 PM
26

Wow this is hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 10:56 PM
43

Love the idea of more results, strategy oriented discussions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 05:12 AM
88

💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 05:09 AM
11

I say take the scholarship and use their money and then don't support their cause 😂 that's not illegal. Why shouldn't they pay for women's education?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 09:58 PM
12

So what he's saying he really wishes he was married to Tom Brady. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 09:56 PM
36

If I were you I would not say what you don't want in your profile. It's like a red flag in front of a bull and people think they can coerce you. Instead, it's better to focus on the guy's behavior and see if he is acting casually. Most of them do and then at that point you can cut them off. It's not really anything they're capable of springing on you late in the game, it's obvious from the way they carry themselves and talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 06:11 PM
186

What did I just read 😒 none of that was funny and honestly sounds dangerous
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 08:03 AM
28

Who cares what he thought 🤬 the most important part is what you think. Which is that clearly he's a worthless bozo and you can do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 04:31 AM
9

This ^ . The ratio of HVM to LVM is pretty rough everywhere and we always need discernment, OLD is just a tool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 10:29 PM
35

Hella. 🤣 Bay area or Florida? So, for online first dates only - I personally love going to the mall because it's so peopled, you'll be safe, and he doesn't have to see where you park. You can also bounce quickly if you don't like him. Coffee tho :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 06:09 AM
52

Yeah it's not about size even, it's a mindset. I think what you say generalizes to insecurity of any kind. A guy can have the best dick in the world lol but if he's not happy with it, he will make your life terrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 05:54 AM
29

He was probably pissed cause she never called him back for a second date 🙃 if we get stuck on a date with someone unattactive, we usually want to forget about it and definitely don't want to mention it to anyone else 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 01:46 AM
2

Bwahaha the Bridgerton reference is 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 08:49 PM
102

Wow the managerial skills on that one /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 02:46 AM
25

LVX clump together, chances are they all suck. Otherwise, really pernicious LV act wonderfully in front of people that aren't as close with them as a partner, so those friends could have no idea. Most important thing is stop comparing yourself to your exes. They're done. If you want a boisterous social life, go make it happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 04:26 AM
142

Nah, most women would feel upset and never talk to the guy again. It's a huge self esteem hit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 10:22 PM
50

I don't think you should ever presume what a guy is looking for based on what app you are on. Most people are useless lol, good on you for clearly seeing through it. Just unmatch right away and chat with someone else :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 09:52 PM
51

He sounds dangerous and terrible. First off ensure your safety - tell your family and friends about this and secure a place to live where he doesn't have access. Also, someone threatening to off themselves because you leave is abusive. I once had a bf do this and I was so stressed making sure he was OK that I let him trample all over my studies with his "emergencies" and "needing to talk". 😒 The dude is fine and is stressing out some other woman now. Tldr he's way more likely to hurt you than hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:50 PM
15

Seconding the other commenters and also I recommend Dr Ramani on YouTube. Her work is technically focused on narcissism, but imo she identifies a wide variety of unfortunate behavior and tactics for how to dodge it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:46 PM
4

I agree with you about reflection - my point is most of us already do that by default and take on way more responsibility than is fairly ours. I haven't met a single woman who doesn't ask herself what she could have done differently/better. Imo it's best to turn some of that self reflection to how to treat you better and be more compassionate toward you. It's hard to keep acting toxic toward someone else when your top priority is taking responsibility for yourself and giving you your best life. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 02:50 PM
33

For me the best way to move on was always to let myself get truly pissed off at the guy, rather than feel pitiful and woe is me. After all, I had expectations, ones which were obvious and weren't terribly hard to meet, yet this person chose to be incompetent. No tempering this with socially appropriate niceties and "they're a good person". You need to separate this dude out away from yourself mentally. After that it's a lot easier. What's remaining is forgiving yourself for being very wrong abou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 02:42 PM
19

I think it's good to not overthink relationship skills. Somehow most of us are perfectly capable of maintaining great relationships with family members, friends, and colleagues, all without having to over engineer it. The most important thing to learn is how to choose well, in my opinion. After that I think it's a hell of a lot easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 06:57 AM
9

He didn't have to trash talk his late ex. The daughter put forth an olive branch by attending the engagement party, and he made about comments about her mother. She needs to get away from them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 03:50 AM
3

You sound like you are doing great. Congrats on the financial freedom. Don't listen to what assholes online say. I got guys calling me old and I'm in my 20s 🤣 (this comes from dudes 8+ years older than me no less). Quality people don't need to put others down, even if they don't agree with or understand their life choices. You're not hurting anyone so there should be no problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:50 AM
6

Honestly when I had this happen I got over it by promising myself to not go for guys who have different life goals to me again, since it'll end in sadness. Now when I go on dates I hunt for their life vision like a truffle pig and as soon as I find discrepancy I end it. Was super proud of myself a few months ago for not going out on a second date with a guy who was perfect in every way... except be just started a PhD in a new field to pivot his career, and I'm an established professional who wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:33 AM
12

I think that's actually a good way to stay HV. Being a great parent begins before the kids even exist. You choosing the right partner is kind of a matter of life and death, since who is in their lives and by your side determines so much about what life they can have. I think it's also important to decouple having children from securing the right partner. There are options nowadays and the other users have mentioned them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 09:09 PM
3

First day is the hardest. You've got this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:59 PM
7

No wait I do feel like the person is joking and is saying the people need to stop being so paranoid, because it ended up in a happy marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:59 PM
17

👀 story?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:40 PM
23

It means he is immature. Back in college I went on a few dates with a guy, and once at a party we went to he saw his ex (which is pretty likely if you go to the same college lol). She was starting to approach to say hi, and he got so freaked out, he ran to the bathroom and pulled me in there with him. I didn't know if to laugh or be upset. I couldn't keep seeing him longer than a couple weeks after that, boy was a complete fool. Your situation gives me the same energy, I wouldn't waste your time…
/r/askFDS24/09/21 08:38 PM
151

I think it means the quality of the people you're dating are not up to your standards, because you have a better time alone. You don't have to always be dating. It's also good to have more prescreening strategies to make sure your time is not wasted when you go out. I like to do shorter dates to begin with, since most of the time I don't feel like I click with the guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 11:29 PM
49

Your "friend" isn't a friend. She hates her relationship and is deluding herself. Focus on healing and surrounding yourself with truly supportive people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 10:17 PM
17

I take time off and luxuriate in doing whatever tf I want. Fun trip by myself or with family or friends, or just lounging around doing nothing. I also like nice things and spas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 06:59 AM
1

Well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 06:57 AM
15

Sounds like she cares for you and doesn't want you to end up in a similar position to her but she's seriously overstepping. Tell her point blank what you described here, though it sounds like you've already done that. Then back up your boundaries with consequences - if she keeps being pushy, begin distancing yourself.
/r/askFDS22/09/21 09:28 PM
160

Uhh this is assault. Block, delete, and never talk to him again. Also if you do not want to have sex, don't ever feel pressured to engage in it! Guys who push through your visible discomfort are softcore rapists. Yes they're not clueless or confused, everyone can tell when another human being is severely uncomfortable, they are raping you.
/r/askFDS22/09/21 09:01 PM
83

So he's chubby, sucks at his job, and can't be bothered to bang you more than once a week and you're only in your 20s... He also won't discuss relationship problems with you and gives you "constructive feedback" (aka bullshit criticisms you didn't ask for, he's not your manager 🙄). If you suspect a guy is LV and you're looking for confirmation, you already know what you need to do. Get yourself a 666 who bangs you every day. ✌️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:49 PM
4

I don't think she's a pick me tbh. She's outspoken on feminist issues in her industry. She basically got slated as a sex symbol when she was super young and it's hard to break free of the mold of public opinion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:06 PM
8

They understand. We are human and mostly want the same things in life. It's a ploy for plausible deniability - "I didn't mean it, I just don't understand how to do better"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:03 PM
22

I flip flop between INTP and INTJ, the two most antisocial types who dgaf about people's expectations 😏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:02 PM
16

No girl. Idiots don't deserve you getting worked up. When I've had it, I block and delete and completely stonewall if they try to talk. This is the fastest way of getting them off your back and out of your life. Anything else, you are into the drama yourself and it's a problem, and not classy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 07:59 PM
6

No girl. Idiots don't deserve you getting worked up. When I've had it, I block and delete and completely stonewall if they try to talk. This is the fastest way of getting them off your back and out of your life. Anything else, you are into the drama yourself and it's a problem, and not classy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 07:59 PM
39

Ah yes, he feels terrible because women are cautious. How does he think women feel every day and why we have to be cautious in the first place? I can't walk down the street with my headphones on and I have to cross the street when I see a guy approaching when it's dark 🤬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 07:52 PM
8

Yeah I never saw this as a red flag, but deffo had an experience that changed my mind. Past a reasonable threshold (and that's whatever you consider it to be), the older a person gets and they're still extremely inexperienced, the more dangerous it is to get involved. Imo their thought process goes like "oh since I got someone like you to be interested, let me see if I can do better", instead of "holy cow this is rare and maybe I should actually treat this person well".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:51 AM
3

Yeah there are deffo some guys I dated of whom I had fond memories, but if they were husband material, it wouldn't have ended. No, I don't pine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:45 AM
18

If you feel the need to "communicate", you better gtfo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:35 AM
2

If it's someone you don't have to interact with ever, just distance yourself. If you're stuck with them (coworker, relative etc) - ask " what did you mean by that? "
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 08:31 AM
12

Yeah my all time worst ex bragged to me how a mutual older woman acquaintance of ours had told him 'wow how did you manage to get her' 🤮 really it should have set off alarm bells, because she wasn't complimenting the situation, but calling it out as a huge problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:04 AM
19

I mean... it's good to know what you're dealing with. Many men are terrible, and there are some amazing ones as well. You need to be aware of both possibilities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 06:57 AM
28

She's not a nurse, or 30, or interested in being a mother. Anyone in that demographic wouldn't do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 06:35 AM
14

Girl literally no, good on you for realizing this is a problem and writing here. No no no. I had a very similar situation when I was in the depths of my Pickmeisha stage. I cringe so hard about my behavior, I basically have PTSD from it so this is personal lol. I guarantee you he doesn't like you and he never will. But he will very happily use you for an ego stroke and a confidence boost when things go wrong in his life. In my case the guy reached out to me a year later for a date (yay me, dream…
/r/askFDS20/09/21 07:52 PM
45

Oh damn 👑🔥🔥. I want to get to that point. I see my instinctive people pleasing and deferring reactions more often and much quicker, but I haven't entirely gotten rid of them and beat myself up for it afterwards. You're on point about working in understanding how the dynamics work so you're not surprised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:27 PM
10

Ok so you didn't exhibit the best decision making, but the way you described he handled it... he's a disrespectful douche. You didn't lose out! He probably spent all your time together breaking down your self esteem. Get into therapy and call up your girl friends, and block this asshole. And then read the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:17 PM
47

Or you know, go meet a great, honest guy who will take you on vacations to Paris and buy you diamonds 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:15 PM
39

Mhm. Really insecure guys latch onto any male actors you mention in passing, even when the movies or shows are super prim and chaste.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:50 AM
116

I get hella sleazy vibes from a lot of self help guru guys, even though the material is on point. The ones I find the oddest are those with the "I used to be super awkward and couldn't get a date to save my life and now all the women want me and I have a hot wife". 👀 My question is always if you have a hot wife, why are you talking about other women in the first place?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:48 AM
5

Thanks for this 😊 we need hope and inspiration that great men exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:14 AM
14

You aren't your dad, and he doesn't determine your fate. Taking away the dad title for a moment, he's just a random dude with his own problems. The Queen of England has no power over you, neither does a random troubled guy. HVM do not prey on prior dysfunction. They instead want to protect you and build a life together with you that you both deserve. The second I see a guy latching onto my "daddy issues" - yes some have explicitly said that, and no, I don't have any - I hightail it out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:06 AM
27

Does your dad even want a gf? Or does he just enjoy being able to stress women out? The two are mutually exclusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:00 AM
28

This is so liberating. Honestly I love days when I put on my frumpiest sweatshirt and baggy jeans and don't shave, then go out in public about my business and focus on what matters. Other days I dress up to the 9s. Point is it's my choice. I've noticed it genuinely befuddles people since they think we are supposed to be one way or another. Nope!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:58 AM
89

🤢 unless a guy has a severe medical condition, 27 is way too young for those issues. I understand sticking by someone's side when that happens if they've been your spouse for decades but to start something new knowing that's a problem? No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:30 AM
2

I think in theory sure, since imo being the SAH spouse is way harder than a job, BUT... I think a man who is secure enough in himself to do that and do it well is extremely rare. Men tend to base their self esteem off their achievements, prestige, and earning potential and get very weird about a woman who is more successful in the traditional sense than they are. I think it also really depends on their motivations. I wouldn't trust a guy with a shaky financial basis or mediocre career, since he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:49 PM
15

I think the handbook and descriptions of LVM vs HVM are good to start. It's pretty lengthy haha. But at the most basic level, trust your gut. The second you wonder "hrmm why is he doing this ", "oh it must be nothing", "he's just busy or stressed", run. HVM don't make you wonder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 05:59 PM
23

Yup this resonates, I've been on both sides of the fence. I grew up as an awkward nerd with a nice circle of genuine friends and a high school sweetheart, and accidentally stumbled my way into being hot ~20. I was so clueless. It took me about 4 years of terrible relationships to realize that most guys were chasing me like some kind of trophy and didn't actually care about my happiness and wellbeing. These days I can tell the difference between a trophy hunter and a genuine guy from a mile away.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 09:42 AM
32

Yeah that's an interesting take on it. To be honest after I see a guy is LV I feel dirty having any of his communications in my phone. They're just not that interesting and they all suck in similar ways. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 09:02 AM
96

The guys that have a problem with you being stay-at-home mom for a few years are 50/50 LVM. A HVM who wants children will see incredible value in the partner who has put a great deal of thought into a type of mother she wants to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 09:00 AM
77

Ah yes, we are hairy and undesirable 😂 please keep further away from us
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:58 AM
4

I think devil's advocate is a form of energy vampirism. People who like to be oppositional just want to engage somebody in a battle. I get being passionate about certain issues and not agreeing with others but devil's advocate is just immature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:42 AM
3

Definitely make a dedicated FDS account. I honestly didn't think it was such a big deal, but you can get doxxed and stalked. At the very least it'll be an unpleasant experience, most dangerous if you don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:19 AM
4

😂 omg next time that happens just send them a picture of a very fat and hairy man. They get really upset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:07 AM
12

I think if anyone is giving you flack for being single they're LV. And yeah unfortunately it's normalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 08:03 AM
30

You can tell him you'd love to try it on a future date if this one goes well 🙂 You are concerned about your safety for a reason. For a first date with a stranger, meet up somewhere that you consider home field and know exactly how to get back home.
/r/askFDS18/09/21 10:53 PM
77

Yeah this is super annoying, I hate it when guys do this. I've never seen another woman do it either. When I feel that happening I scramble to pick up a sharp rock or stick. I then stand still to make it look like I'm taking a break and wait for the person to pass. I definitely don't try to go faster than them because I've noticed that makes them try to keep up with you. Some of them are weird and do it for fitness reasons but it's really discomforting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 06:02 PM
9

Yeah this honestly blew my mind at first when I realized the trend. My kindest and best boyfriends and dates have all been far better looking. The ones that really pulled out all the emotional abuse stops looked like a stump. And yep I got with them during rough stressful periods when I had too much going on at school or work. I've since really learned to prioritize self care and now the stumps hold no appeal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 03:31 AM
10

Can someone give a tldr? Don't have sub
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 09:33 PM
10

Yeah, abusers use it as an insult and control tactic. The worst LVM I ever dealt (I was a teenager) with constantly called me insecure anytime I expressed a thought about his behavior. He would laugh and hug me and say "ooh you're so insecure" in a babying tone. He was a cheating drug addict. 🤢 Despite feeling "insecure" I kicked him to the curb like a boss. He kept chasing me up for years and works at the same dead end job 10 years later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:49 PM
15

Start off by no longer calling them friends, cause they never were. If you had feelings or ended up in bed, you were in a situationship. They took advantage of your feelings and are jerks. Real friends don't make you cry or mess with your head. It is possible to be friends with men and have it be completely platonic, but it's super rare. Don't give away the friend tag to just anyone, that devalues the institution of friendship. Work on your self esteem too. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:43 PM
36

Lol when guys say this to me I ask them who turned them down for a date 🤣 (only if they're not crazy tho, better to stay out of it entirely most times)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 05:14 PM
4

Block! Don't give him more airtime and thoughtspace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:16 AM
5

Unpopular opinion, but there are a TON of 28 year olds who make six figs. Including high six figs. And some of them are even really hot and HV. Imo, unless a person has extenuating circumstances and a difficult background (which can be really hard to overcome and I respect that), someone has to be bad at planning to be in the position that he's in at 28. Ambition is powerful and it shows up throughout a person's life. You probably had to work like crazy to get where you are. He sounds like a goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:10 AM
15

Very nice. Light flirting is the most I'll do. I used to be super forward and applied my go getter attitude to dating 🤣 yeah it just... Isn't the right venue for it haha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 05:43 AM
44

What ever happened to the things are merit based argument? 🙃 That's but they always tell us when we point out sexism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 03:19 AM
126

I'd say don't over engineer it. Do you have introverted friends and family who you get along well with? If so it's not rocket science. If you click it'll just work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 03:17 AM
26

Depends. I think it's a tool like any other, and no different than seeing a stranger at the grocery store. If you put up too much info on there it's dangerous since you can get stalked, so it's best to be careful. But in terms of quality? HVM are rare in general, what's more important than the method of meeting is your own discernment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 08:17 PM
3

Oh brother 🙄 this guy was looking for an excuse to dump her. He clearly wanted someone younger to stroke his ego. If he already snooped, she actually had complete license to snoop herself. So he's a scrote and a huge hypocrite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 06:18 PM
29

Ambition means a lot. Great decision.
/r/askFDS15/09/21 08:21 AM
47

I'm here for this energy 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 07:53 AM
3

Great post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 07:50 PM
8

👑👑👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:46 PM
19

You clearly expressing what you expected did not break down the relationship. Your expectations were extremely reasonable and it is a good thing this relationship broke down. He wasn't into doing those things, and didn't have the balls to say it. Sorry he strung you along and wasted your time. I guarantee you he's not into doing them with anyone else properly either. Also speaking from experience, you might want to reexamine the by 30 timeline on yourself. I'm a similar age to you, and I had one…
/r/askFDS14/09/21 07:30 AM
28

I can get behind chilling out about dumb stuff like leaving the toothpaste cap off, but these are dealbreakers. 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:58 AM
53

Yes this is so bomb 👑 I know exactly what you mean. I ran into a huge crush of mine from back in the day after my big level up and I felt a mix of unimpressed and kinda grossed out. He looked exactly the same, and I seriously tried to remind myself why I liked him so much, but all I could see was buckets of red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:56 AM
48

What a loser. If a guy ever speaks down to you about anything, he ain't the one. I went to a fancy uni and still got guff about it from LVM 🙄. It's not about your college, it's about their assholery. HVM lift you up, because they don't feel threatened by your success and don't feel the need to make themselves feel better than you. Bet you're totally killing it at school btw. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:52 AM
32

I would just be unimpressed. My paycheck isn't just a number, I've had to work my tush off studying and grinding job applications, networking, and researching ways to manage my wealth. It speaks of my ambition, mental strength, and creativity. My field is extremely male dominated, so you bet it's easier for a man. I want a partner who has these traits to the same degree as me, and if that's the case, he'd be successful AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:48 AM
76

Yeah this . What I've found across the board with HVM is they don't stress me out and it's also hard to "scare them off" or lose their respect, as long as you are a reasonable human being, no matter what your personal quirks may be - strange clothes, sense of humor etc. You can scare off LVM the second you expect them to take responsibility for anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 06:39 AM
4

I'm terrified of paperwork, so probably not. Also most last names that aren't from my ethnicity sound terrible with my first name, and I'm really selecting dates based on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 04:02 AM
171

I'm with the other commenters. He probably has low self esteem and wants to date someone less "intimidating" than you. I also guarantee you most men cannot tell apart a 25yo from 34yo visually if they both take care of themselves. 🙄 Don't let your insecurities dictate why the rejection happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 02:06 AM
32

Like Bumble IRL? 🤭 The protocol and exact rules don't change a person's character. If someone wants to be a LVM, they'll show you a terrible time regardless of who does what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 02:03 AM
6

Good advice and mistakes aren't as age dependent as one might think. We don't want to delegetimize great advice from younger users or lend extra credence to someone just because they're older (and vise versa).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:25 AM
173

Your intuition is on point. It's not an explicit date, but a sneaky "sorta-date" where they obviously thought you're hot but didn't and still don't have the balls to ask you out directly. 🙄 Go if you want, but it will feel awkward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 10:48 PM
9

I personally don't attach weight to this phrase - it's easy to say and doesn't mean feelings are genuine. Focus on evaluating how the relationship makes you feel as a whole. I've noticed when I am on the edge of my seat waiting for a guy to take X step in the relationship, it means I feel like he's not doing enough and it becomes a problem. Disclaimers out of the way - I do think it's important to let the guy take the lead on saying it, and don't say it back until you genuinely mean it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:48 PM
8

Yeah ugh even being in therapy doesn't mean anything. One of the creepiest LVM I had the misfortune of dealing with (coworker who kept cheating on his wife and hitting on everyone in the office) was always blabbing about his breakthroughs in therapy 🤢 none of us at the office really wanted to know, but he kept telling us that he cheated so much due to the fact that he was abused in his childhood and other therapeutic woo woo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:20 PM
114

I think it really depends on where they live and their profession. There are some incredibly high cost of living cities in the US where even extremely high earners (300k+) find it more affordable to have roommates. It's also a great way to save up for a house in one of these areas. Now how they relate to these roommates is another story - boundaries etc. It's also a good question how permanent that situation is. Obviously you can't have a serious relationship with somebody who has this situation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 04:43 AM
80

You aren't clicking with him. Clearly the convo is boring and dry, and not engaging. Just next him. I don't know if it's necessarily some intentional manipulation voodoo, but clearly whatever this is isn't working for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 03:04 AM
29

I think this gets easier once you get to the point where you don't care what he wants or claims. Once you are firm on wanting him out of your life, you will see that he is actually just acting insane. You can always call the cops or file a restraining order, and ask your friends to watch out for you
/r/askFDS13/09/21 02:13 AM
15

The cringe is very real and very painful. Knowing it was due to bad societal conditioning like for most women helps a bit. You need to work on forgiving yourself, but I don't mean this in some fluffy granola spiritual way. Real forgiveness comes from the confidence that you will never sell yourself out like that again. I forgive myself bit by bit everyday when I opt out of situations that are not good for myself respect and self-esteem and instead choose to invest in myself, like my health and f…
/r/askFDS12/09/21 11:11 PM
15

If you are financially well off and believe you can provide the opportunities your future child deserves by yourself, why not. Many women end up single mothers anyway, and it turns out fine. I think whether it's a good idea with a male friend really depends on the friend. Sperm banks are often a smarter choice because you have sole say over the child's upbringing. There are no good legal protections in place for ensuring that kind of freedom if you choose a male friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 11:05 PM
17

That's a risky and case by case situation. I think largely depends on how your boyfriend handles them. Did he defend you and stand up for you when they acted poorly toward you? What does he say about his family? Will you have to be around them any significant amount if you get married? A HVM with a bad family would put up very strong boundaries with them and would defend your relationship and limit your interactions with them. More often, a person will lack strong boundaries and will let their f…
/r/askFDS12/09/21 10:57 PM
14

Oh yeah once I had a really entitled guy ask me to be exclusive FWB with him. He had a gf, so I was floored at the audacity and burst out laughing. I asked him how that would even work in his mind since that's not what exclusive even means. He said we would exclusively go on the side only with one another 🤢. That word means they want ownership of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 10:44 PM
1

Fair point - my motivation wasn't to seek validation though. I do think as humans we have hardwired responses that are very hard to override - so when we find someone attractive, we start to giggle too much or overlook things, etc. I think the only way to calm down in those situations is to have them happen more often. If you only see a guy you find attractive 2-3 times a year, you'll treat it as special, even if you don't want to. If you find them all the time, they are no longer a unicorn so y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 08:36 AM
2

Mhm I think you're right re: lying about his career. Tbh I hadn't even thought of that, but there would be no other reason for him to ask about basic things like my car or housing, since they're a given for people in my profession (which is what he said he also does).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 07:56 AM
3

Thanks! You're totally right about none of the questions being about wanting to know me as a person. I hadn't thought of the possibility of him lying about his career, hmm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 07:54 AM
2

OLD. I know that's a crapshoot, but I've been wanting to level up my confidence when talking to guys I find physically attractive. Lack of practice with that has caused me to make some dumb decisions when I come across someone I consider handsome. He did get most of that info beforehand, but wanted to fact check I guess 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 07:52 AM
2

Ugh that sounds like such a LVM, sorry you had that experience. Bet they look like a used tissue while criticizing you too 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 07:47 AM
1

What lol, for $900 yoi can have a perfectly adequate sublet situation without any of this... business.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 11:03 PM
88

Your husband sounds like a great man. It's nice to see examples of what's possible and what we should be aiming for. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 10:24 PM
112

Yeah you're spot on. I have a total baby face and often get confused for being 5-10 years younger than my real age, so I felt like he didn't believe what my profile said. Truth be told I wasn't sure why he even wanted to know my financial situation, given that he is extremely well off - but I bet that doesn't stop a user from being a user.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 06:26 AM
50

Yeah it's nasty. I had a coworker once who said he was worried about coming out to his wife as bi because he wasn't sure how she would handle it, knowing he's been seeing men 🤢 when I told him he really needs to get a grip and not put her sexual health at risk without her consent, he made it all about how hard it is to come out of the closet (sure, but it's not an excuse to cheat).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 11:11 PM
17

The talking phase is... useless. In fact if you are on OLD, you are doing disservice the longer you speak to a man before meeting him for a date. I think a guy wants a penpal if he doesn't ask you out within oh, maybe a day or two of matching? And no lengthy text convos! You get emotionally attached for no reason.
/r/askFDS09/09/21 07:25 PM
68

You're right, just unmatch. The second a guy says some BS about a not quite date date, or about being in the city temporarily I presume he's a casual lay and do not give it time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:34 AM
87

Dumphisazz. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:18 AM
23

Oooh yeah. Go one step further and error check their surface politeness by asking for period bedroom time. 😏 I've never seen HVM stressed by it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 04:47 AM
54

Lying to combat lying isn't the answer. When I have that happen to me I walk out without a word. I really don't care much about height seeing that I'm extremely short, but it's hurtful someone would lie before even meeting me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 08:53 PM
8

It's not a problem to find them attractive at first, but it is if you keep considering them a real option after you find out they're taken.
/r/askFDS08/09/21 06:10 PM
4

Depends. I have met people who have it as a reasonable hobby, but it doesn't eat up their life, and they are successful and productive in other areas. They definitely don't let it ever take priority over their career or their relationships. However, these aren't the same people as your run of the mill gaming addicts and overgrown toddlers. It's pretty easy to figure out which one someone is with a few conversations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 06:05 PM
70

You should judge the shit out of him. HVM either want to date you seriously or they are point blank not interested. This guy is a user who was happy to take the benefits but not commit. Guarantee you you couldn't have had anything good here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 08:24 AM
1

I'm recommitting to a reasonable sleep schedule and getting 9 hours a day. It really helps with my work and mental health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 05:15 AM
4

Yep tradwifery is dangerous since it leaves zero escape routes and safety nets. Also having a career and achievements does not take away from femininity. I feel gorgeous as hell wearing a perfect office dress, high heels, and red lipstick and slaying a presentation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 05:14 AM
8

Give it the old college try. Worst case is you learn some information and might not like the person that much anymore as a friend. No one falls in love in 8s btw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 07:37 PM
3

Yeah it sucks when this happens, but the attraction component is important. It's also HV to respect the other person's time by not leading them on and down converting your connection to friendship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 04:56 AM
5

Other commenters have great advice. I have just one addition, and it's not entirely for everyone - I think it's fine to cold approach, compliment, start a conversation, or even boldly plant yourself at a guy's table when you're out and about. The key is let him do all the work subsequently. He should be able to carry a conversation, ask you out formally, and display interest by planning dates.
/r/askFDS07/09/21 04:51 AM
2

Yeah she's being kind of a bad friend by bailing on you just cause her man did. In the future can you plan things with just her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 04:48 AM
3

Yikes he's terrible. Good call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 04:34 AM
22

Oof yeah there's no good way to look at it. I once had an LVX tell me "oh you're so thoughtful with gifts, I wish I could give such good ones" when the baboon made way more money than me. 😳 Don't spent money on men, ever! In the future when you're tempted to be thoughtful, go buy your grandmother or female bestie a gift, or put it toward your goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 10:35 AM
17

These things take time to get over because you have to catch all the bad beliefs. You are probably blaming yourself. My biggest regret has been the time I've wasted feeling down about an asshole. Life is short and precious. I blamed so many things about myself back when I got cheated on - my appearance and lack of "coolness" etc. A few years after the awful incident, I looked at pictures of myself from that time. I was absolutely beautiful. No makeup and hairdo and fancy clothes yet because I wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:06 AM
17

You don't want to be friends with people like this anyway, they're LV. HVW choose friends not based on their relationship status, but on their character, values, place in life, and to a lesser extent but a nice to have - hobbies. Those women probably think there's something wrong with you or they're worried you'll steal their man (as if you want that 😒).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:39 AM
1

I don't think you exhibited pickme behavior here. I think most people end up uncalibrated after a serious relationship ending. The guy just sounds incompatible with you and in no place for a relationship due to his own health issues. Kudos for moving on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:34 AM
12

This chick is pretty screwed, not only did she end up with a horrible guy, but her own family is full of enablers who think she can't do better. Someone who cheats is literally the rock bottom, it's hard to not do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:32 AM
28

"he had his female friend bring a girlfriend for him to fuck"?? 🤯 What is this creature lol, Jabba the Hutt? Nothing to get over, the trash took itself out. You thought he was a decent human and you were wrong. That's a terrible feeling, but it's much better than taking on any responsibility for this. HVX don't cheat, they leave. There is nothing you can do to make anyone cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:31 AM
150

It abortion is a problem, so is ejaculating during intercourse 🙃 women cannot get pregnant by themselves, so they shouldn't be held 100% responsible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:28 AM
3

Yes this 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:26 AM
26

Falling off the wagon when levelling up is normal. What's important is getting back on the wagon. And you still have two whole months that you did well! Means you can do it again, and you can do it longer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:22 AM
81

Ah yes, because another woman can resolve mental problems /s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:20 AM
91

Yup, it's hard to reconcile the real image of the person with your hopes and the good times. I also get over people by remembering exactly who they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 04:58 AM
4

Turn off your DMs. I guarantee you if you post here, no sliding into them has good intentions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 07:19 PM
10

Derek Morgan in Criminal Minds!
/r/askFDS04/09/21 06:53 PM
19

Yeah it's a huge turnoff when anyone expresses their opinions on how your business should look. Honestly I've very rarely had a man comment on my hair there, and yes the ones who did were porn sick. I'm pretty sure it's that mixed with a marketing scam to make women buy products and services they don't need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 06:52 PM
262

The diagnosis is he's a wishy washy fuccboi with a sprinkle of love bombing to start. Drop him. Who in their right mind calls their new date the beginning of a couple? A real relationship develops consistently, and progressively ramps with no backsliding. He's testing to see what you'll put up with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 06:24 PM
6

Queen energy. You're so strong for walking away at the engagement stage. Most people throw their life away and just do it. You have a bright future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 08:53 AM
74

Mhm. In general, benchmark guys against yourself, not each other. Suddenly most of them get way less appealing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 08:49 AM
30

Yeah casual sex sucks cause you get treated casually. Also, this guy totally did use you. My advice is block and delete. He KNEW he was still into his ex, but got with you, which is super irresponsible and inconsiderate of your feelings. Bet he knew it was also a bigger deal to you and didn't care. People can tell. Don't drink around people who aren't close friends or family imo. Easiest way to get into dumb decisions. Also don't beat yourself up, we have all been there. The way you forgive your…
/r/askFDS01/09/21 11:33 PM
1

You guys are awesome, thanks for maintaining this amazing space!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 05:29 PM
24

At this point whether or not he's searching inappropriate accounts, it doesn't matter. The guy has broken your trust so far you are on here on a Sunday writing paragraphs, instead of lounging peacefully with some tea. Just dump him already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:51 PM
160

💯 Also protip, don't give people a reason to comment on your standards. I have stopped discussing them with friends, coworkers and the like, because other people just begin to project their own insecurities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:49 PM
43

Less excited is how this guy makes you feel, evidently. Stop planning and don't feel bad for choosing to not go. To be fair you did jump the gun on helping him plan. Did something about the interaction make you go into overcompensating mode? That might be a red flag Did he know about the food restrictions? If so, then he didn't step up. Even after you told him, he should have said he will find a place to accommodate that.
/r/askFDS29/08/21 06:08 AM
18

Check out Dr Ramani's videos on the 'tubes. She explains things very well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:30 PM
11

A person's financial standing, extenuating circumstances aside, implies things about their character. It tells you their level of ambition, what they're satisfied with, what risks they are willing to take. You are concerned about this for a reason. As women we have to work twice as hard for half as much, as the old saying goes. Don't squander it. If you are really into this guy, I think you can take a (time limited) chance and communicate that a solid couple income is very important to you, and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:18 PM
24

She said one day she will be his wife 🙃 oh? But she's moving in without an engagement? 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:57 PM
12

She's speaking the truth, and she was #1 performer for a long time. If she got pushed into horrible things, what about the other actresses? The comments on this video are really upsetting. She was barely not a child anymore when she started and everyone deserves to change their life for the better. You bet they all watched her videos a million times and instead of saying thank you and wishing her the best, they rag on her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:38 AM
33

Yeah it's uncanny. I get the most approaches when I am wearing my old gym clothes, and not the sexy yoga leggings kind. I also got hit on a ton during a very hard couple years of my life, and even considered dating one of these guys, but cut it off at the talking stage. The happier I was, the more he backed off and seemed uncomfortable. When I would relapse and have a rough time, he'd swoop in again. When I realized it I blocked him. And then he went after another acquaintance who was clearly st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:48 AM
5

I don't add anyone who I don't 100% want to. Who cares if it's rude, it's your insta, not a business communication. You are under zero obligation to respond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:43 AM
12

Fuck em dude. People who find a way to insert their noses into your awful experience and tell you all about it have major issues. Don't let them get to you and ignore them, seriously. They feel the need to try and convince you because it terrifies them that they're so wrong about someone they consider a friend. They weren't the ones whom he abused and he doesn't get a hall pass for a hard upbringing. Everyone has something and it's our job to heal and be a decent human. Go read Lundy Bancroft Wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:31 AM
8

Yeah I stopped l having time consuming problems as soon as I took a the guy distancing himself as a reason for me to bounce. They always act so surprised 😯😂. It's just giving them what they asked for. To be fair, everyone needs their personal time, and it's important to respect that. That's not the same thing as someone intentionally downshifting your previously established level of emotional intimacy in an attempt to get you to do what they want and accept "lesser than" treatment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 11:53 PM
128

Ah yes, she breasted boobily in her attractively skimpy Home Depot employee outfit 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:46 AM
20

No, he's pushy and she has clearly turned him down twice. HVM have dignity and don't stick around where they're not enthusiastically wanted, just like us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:43 AM
10

Those guys sound awful. Don't let these jerks shake your belief that there definitely exist great, honest men with strong character in the world. It's not the norm that men cheat and lie, those are LVMs and we dodge them. Memorize their patterns so you know what to watch for, but don't give up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:38 AM
13

Imo don't limit yourself to venue. If people want to gossip, that's their problem. I've seen people gossip about things that were patently untrue, so you can't get out of it even if you live as a saint. There is no shortcut to meeting HVM. Volunteering has a ton of LVM, just like anything else. You have to spend time around the guy and get to know them on a personal level every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 05:52 PM
49

Oh my, this had something for a moment until edit 2 and edit 3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 04:31 PM
9

Cockwomble 😂 what a fabulous insult
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 06:25 AM
2

So there are two separate issues here, the general philosophy and your uh, situationship. FDS doesn't advocate worrying about scaring men away. In fact if we scare them, good. I think it's good to not lay all your cards on the table to a new guy since he can just contort himself into doing whatever he thinks you want. That's not the same thing as acting chill and pretending you don't want commitment. As for your boo... He's getting your company and attention, why would he give up the cake so to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 11:13 PM
2

I think you're mostly there. These things are habits. You intellectually know they're a problem, now the trick is to catch yourself doing it in the moment and redirect your attention elsewhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 11:00 PM
4

I'd say it's case by case. Honestly don't rule out younger guys. Also look fabulous and healthy at 37 and others look like a pillsbury doughboy at 25. You need to get a match in terms of life stages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:22 PM
10

You can't help people who don't want to be helped. As wrong as they are, they'll even have the guff to get mad at you for trying to give good advice. So stop wasting your good advice and let them learn the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:10 PM
30

You're so right. People who have to be "shown" how to treat others are inherently assholes whom you need to be on constant guard around. Even if you can circus dress a LVM to treat you "well", it's not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:06 PM
44

Passionate liberals (of both genders imo) are mostly virtue signalers. Unless those people actively contribute to a cause with their time or money, just blabbing about it to dating partners makes them "look good".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:18 AM
8

Emotional support isn't your mom's strong suit, and you'll keep being disappointed if you try to extract it from her. Your feelings are valid, but you have to validate them yourself. Honestly, you might be in a way better place to have a relationship once you get your professional life in order. I guarantee that once you feel more confident and independent relationships won't be nearly as intimidating. It's a mess to live with parents as an adult due to weird power dynamics, so getting a source …
/r/askFDS25/08/21 07:01 AM
2

Why is she financing his ass wiping 😂 seriously if it runs out what does he do? Wait until she buys more rolls?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 05:24 AM
8

Lol I love both of those activities with a fiery passion, so I can see the appeal. That being said, a first date is an interview and there need to be zero fun dutch windmill distractions. The man has to be able to carry a conversation without any fun activity crutches. You have to do what works for you. A HVM won't die of disappointment if you hate mini golf and want a dinner date 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 05:21 AM
4

If you couldn't tell him about whatever it was that traumatized you even though you have been together for 5 years, he's not your forever guy. He might be great, and you might have been mean, but life throws shitty experiences at us sometimes and that's just how it goes. If a partnership can't last through that, it was never going to make it. Not saying you don't have a ton of self work and leveling up ahead of you, I'm sure you do. It sounds like you are very well aware of that. But growth isn'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 05:17 AM
153

I think his inbox needs to be flooded with pictures of very hairy fat men 😏 alpha hahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 03:55 AM
4

I found it through a thread bashing it in a certain advice sub. It piqued my interest and I never looked back hahah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 04:45 AM
20

She's probably stuck in the "oh my god why didn't he want to propose to me but he married her in a matter of months! He must be treating her so well, and why wasn't I good enough for the wifey treatment" loop. You can help her by telling her that the chances of him treating his new wife well over a long term period are zero. It was nothing to do with her or her value. He demonstrated he is terrible, and he will absolutely ruin that other woman's life. She dodged a bullet. Side note, men from arr…
/r/askFDS23/08/21 08:09 PM
3

Cheating is terrible, sorry this happened to you. Remember, your time and energy are your most precious resource. Your sucky ex and his LV friends do not deserve another second. Block and delete all of them. Anytime you notice yourself going down the rabbit hole, picture shoving them into a trashcan and walking away. Then consciously choose to do something beneficial - call a friend, work out, study, cook nice food for yourself etc.
/r/askFDS23/08/21 08:01 PM
57

"Busy" "stressed" and "not ready for a relationship" are all nice words for "I like you but not that much, and I'll use you if you let me". The guy is a fboi and these situations are designed to hurt your self esteem. HVM politely and quickly reject you and don't string you along with some on off thing, so you didn't "miss out" on anyone worthwhile. Good on you for ditching the user. My advice is next time the moment you see any sign of ambivalence, cut it off.
/r/askFDS23/08/21 07:57 PM
10

Can relate, also high drive, also think about it a lot. Nothing unusual about it, most women are just socialized out of talking about it. The way I learned to exist with it in a healthy way was to realize that if I fed it with just any first available D, I'd very likely have a horrible emotional hangover. It wasn't worth it unless I was also in a mutually beneficial relationship. I have a healthy sexual relationship with myself and own great toys, highly recommend. As for the obsessive thoughts …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:51 PM
105

Ok this has literally nothing to do with your emotional availability. Even if he had a problem with it, a HVM would tell you it isn't working and politely remove himself, and wouldn't bring up another girl or hoping to get something out of it. You dodged a fuccboi bullet. This is a normal part of the dating process and your discernment is working.
/r/askFDS23/08/21 06:58 AM
1

Imo Nicholas Cage is is a lil creepy, his newest wife is half his age. His previous one was 20 years younger. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:39 AM
59

👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:30 AM
100

Can they? Sure. It's highly unlikely and past actions are the best indicator for future behavior. Why do you think job interviews require a resume, and people get rejected for weird stuff like a series of short employments? Women aren't rehab centers who are meant to give infinite chances, and men aren't some jackpot lottery that you keep playing on the off chance they get it right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:07 PM
7

Soul ties are just bad habits. You think that person is special because you wrongly believe you cannot do better, even while knowing they suck. Believing in yourself is hard, and you have to build it up like anything else that has to do with confidence. Start out by doing small things for yourself every day. Go for that run you promised yourself, go to bed on time, send out those job applications, book the vacation etc. Eventually the smaller things grow into bigger things.
/r/askFDS22/08/21 11:53 AM
55

I'm not a WOC, but an ethnicity that gets highly fetishized for being submissive and mail order bride-esque 🙄. It's obvious from my name, and often I can tell a shift in the guys demeanor when they learn it - suddenly I begin to feel like a piece of meat. I can usually detect a guy who will get weird about it from jokes they make, and attempts to show off knowledge about the culture. Normal guys just don't say much about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:59 AM
6

I bet he used a picture of a very beautiful woman. Has he tried making a male profile with a very hot catfish man? 🙃 The results aren't significantly different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 09:58 AM
8

Although she has some good points, I respectfully disagree with the implications. Girl-boss and general badassery in terms of career and strength isn't "manly" or in any way going against femininity. Men having a monopoly on being respected for those qualities is mysogyny. Yes we want money and power and aren't afraid to go and get it. ⚔️ Being a girl boss means you have the resources to leave and never take shit. Traditionally feminine roles like housewife should in theory be respected, but wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 09:43 AM
11

Yeah it's unattractive and stressful. I sometimes get guys quizzing me about random factoids related to my (somewhat glamorous yes 🤣) profession, when we get on the subject of what we do. I used to think it's a quirky and awkward attempt to connect, so I would try to be genuine and say that I like to spend my free time relaxing, not working, and that is much rather talk about something chill like food, art, or their hobbies. Rather than register what I said I like and try to connect with me on t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 09:26 AM
39

Have they considered their own advice of lowering their standards?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 06:35 AM
11

If it already bothers you, it'll bother you more over 2 years. The key word here is *new bf*. Putting up with essentially a part time LDR is fine for a limited period of time in an already established, serious relationship where the direction and progression is very clear. If you don't trust this guy to not screw around while he's away, that's already a bad sign.
/r/askFDS21/08/21 06:21 AM
8

😂🤣😂💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:50 PM
68

I'm banned too, for pointing out that a woman's boyfriend is being extremely abusive and she needs to get out before it gets worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:56 PM
66

So he's an abuser 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 05:42 AM
3

🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:43 AM
18

Dates, time, and resources are the cost of admission to getting to know someone, not a guarantee of sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:41 AM
21

If he wanted to he would... Nothing to regret except not getting out faster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 10:09 PM
-1

So I could be wrong, in which case my apologies. To be clear, it's always valid to break up with a guy for any reason, especially underperformance since it's such a huge part of a relationship. What made me think this is a troll is the word choice and means of breaking up with the guy. 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:13 PM
78

I couldn't see 18yo as viable dating candidates past my hs/college years... they're actual children. You can't have something in common with a person half your age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:04 PM
5

This seems to be a troll post...please be respectful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 06:18 PM
54

Memory foam coochie! 🤣💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 04:13 AM
24

They're rare, and I haven't dated one (in a long term relationship context, as HVM can still be incompatible), but I've met them as family, friends, and colleagues. They totally exist and the way they treat everyone, including their spouse if they have one, is a constant reminder to me to never drop my standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 04:10 AM
36

Honestly it doesn't sound like you like A at all, but have to convince yourself, and are trying to give him brownie points for his fancy family. You sound more into B. A man's family matters, to an extent. HVM won't let their family mess with you even if their family isn't great. That being said, their family shows the environment they grew up in, and few people overcome it. How much you actually have to interact with his family depends on a lot of things.
/r/askFDS19/08/21 04:05 AM
154

He would treat any woman this way, even his dream girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 04:01 AM
13

OLD is a tool best used only when you have bulletproof discernment and self esteem of steel. Ruthlessly cut off anyone who makes you feel even slightly weird. If you're in a blah headspace, don't even think about opening it since it will just make you feel bad. I personally have gotten value out of it as I've gone on some good dates. That being said, it's finding a needle in a haystack... if the haystack was the size of Disneyland lol. I think most of us have better chances IRL, but if you have …
/r/askFDS19/08/21 01:22 AM
3

I personally enjoy my Facebook for keeping in touch with close friends, classmates, and scheduling events. I put my profile to "private" so random people cannot see anything about me. I also reject most friend requests and periodically do a friend delete sweep without any heads up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:18 AM
19

The essence of femininity is strong discernment. We nurture beautiful spaces by selecting who and what is allowed in them. Providing for ourselves is the reason we can walk away from men who do not benefit our lives. HVM aren't interested in seeing us hobble and minimize ourselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 08:46 PM
40

💯 One of the biggest mindf***s I've experienced was getting involved with a LVM acquaintance of a close friend. My friend is a wonderful person who normally exhibits decent judgement, and only ever told me good things about the LVM. In fact the LVM treated my friend rather well. When I ended the involvement after seeing an early red fboi flag, he turned out to be a vindictive creep and stalked me. At first I didn't think anything of it, but it got worse and worse. I tried to talk to my friend to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:53 AM
160

And this is why women without children shouldn't date men with them... Why the baggage? At 23 you can have anything you want in life. Good she got out. She doesn't owe anyone anything. The guy was a terrible father and traumatized his daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:34 AM
5

Multiple sources of income 😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:36 PM
22

If you're conflict avoidant, just blame it on the 'rona lol. Or deadlines. Or your succulent needing you at home.
/r/askFDS17/08/21 08:08 AM
39

🤢 yeah it's normalized because there are no serious consequences. Notice how there aren't many bank robberies (which is way less serious than perving on a child).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 05:54 AM
33

Next thing you know they'll be up in arms about not being allowed into women's public bathrooms and get mad about not being able to wear tampons 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 05:49 AM
13

Hahah omg one of the biggest LVMs I've run across loved that book. Even our mutual male acquaintances thought it was kinda bizarre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 05:47 AM
22

I think your intuition of being very clear about wanting a serious commitment is on the right track. It'll weed out some obvious fbois, but it doesn't guarantee much - the mathematical adage of necessary but not sufficient. Plenty of men marry only to treat their wife poorly. It's good to be honest with yourself about what you want though, regardless of what you say or signal to someone else. If you're rooted in reality and take your time, it will be obvious how serious a man is about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 05:36 AM
45

If you want to avoid someone that bad, why would you date them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:17 PM
137

😌👌 cultivating a mindset of positivity is good. I would like to point out a minor detail though - we accept what we believe. We attract everything. It's not our fault if crappy people come into our lives, it is if we don't swiftly kick them out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:01 PM
11

Yeah, bad roommates are worse than a bad boyfriend. Honestly... If you can afford it, don't do roommates. There is no price tag on peace of mind. Hell even if you have to live in a tiny studio and eat beans 5 days a week, it's better than roommates. If you feel better, you'll do better at work and you'll make more than enough money to offset the cost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:05 PM
29

Mhm. I've had guys say I give off masculine energy because I stand up for myself and am successful. 🙄 Can we make that normal human energy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:27 AM
202

😂🤣😂 angry Chihuahua noises
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:02 AM
81

The three date rule is some weird mumbo jumbo, especially if you start off as strangers, not even friends/schoolmates/coworkers. Honestly most guys I've been on dates with don't take it seriously. I wouldn't worry about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 03:29 AM
11

His response isn't great but you shouldn't be opening conversations like that. The only person who needs to know your weight besides you is your doctor (and the DMV 🙄 lol). Focus on getting to know more about the guys personality when dating him. If he's talking to you he likes your weight.
/r/askFDS16/08/21 03:26 AM
16

If you have to ask... Yes every one of those things sounds super weird, it's important to vet your support groups carefully and not share too much with strangers.
/r/askFDS16/08/21 03:24 AM
1

Haha oh wow, are you also a Haruki Murakami fan? :)
/r/askFDS15/08/21 08:08 PM
2

Yup, expecting you to cOmMUnIcATe without having give you tangible benefits is entitled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:59 AM
1

Her current guy isn't much better than the ex. The smart move would be to press charges and get a restraining order, which would actually protect her somewhat. Beating the guy up just builds aggression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:32 AM
7

The first date is an interview. I want them sitting across the table from me so I can observe their conversation and get a feel for their vibe, no distractions or crutches. If a date with me is so stressful, they aren't my guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:26 AM
3

Imo, don't try to make work a source of social life or try to fit in. You are there for one thing, and one thing only - to get paid. If you are going to compare yourself to your coworkers, compare your work ethic and your capabilities and look for how to improve. Also focus on building a fulfilling social life outside of work, it's good to have a support network.
/r/askFDS15/08/21 09:23 AM
59

Sorry this is crass - HVW don't pay 10$ for dick, let alone 10k. You are the most capable person to find your HVM. No one else can do a better job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:16 AM
26

Fuccbois often have had to learn how to be charming since they have little else to offer. You might also enjoy the uncertainty and confuse it for chemistry if you're still leveling up, and read potentially good guys as boring. I recently ran across an old crush from my pickme days, with whom I thought I had a totally electric connection, nonstop laughter, the works. I'm in a way better place and honestly, I thought he was boring af. I've noticed that when you approach dating with more of a "how …
/r/askFDS15/08/21 09:15 AM
16

That's a really good observation. I think there's some "recalibration" you need to do on whom you're attracted to after learning more about what's beneficial for you. It won't just happen automatically cause you intellectually get it. Reason is that we have habits - some good and some bad. I know it's not good for me to stay up late, there's a billion studies on it, but I'm used to it and it's cozy. You seem to have a habit of liking guys who are unavailable, emotionally or just already in a rel…
/r/askFDS15/08/21 09:04 AM
2

This book is amazing. It blew my mind when I read it a few months ago. The most horrifying concept was the description of how abusers never lose control - they just let do their worst to their romantic partner, selectively. It makes so many interactions, even non-romantic ones, make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 06:00 AM
91

He's acting like a sperm donor, not a husband. She needs to gtfo before it gets worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 05:57 AM
194

She saved that poor girl's life and finances. Real life rescue mission.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 05:56 AM
3

I'd say best recipe for dealing with things that make you feel uncomfortable is just point blank call them out to the person's face in front of everyone and say it's not appropriate for work. Don't make a big deal and keep going on with work related stuff after. Imo people generally aren't malicious and aiming to make you specifically feel bad, but the fact is make dominated workplaces don't often stop to think about things from a woman's perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:40 AM
7

I live a bit under a rock, what happened in the UK? These safety tips are awesome btw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:34 AM
16

He rubbed the disrespect in her face - it's one thing to do this stuff in the privacy of your own phone and at least put in a semblance of resonable behavior, but this guy took it up a notch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:31 AM
109

Is this a episode of Black Mirror 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:27 AM
81

Just because someone has a much higher position, more money, more status, more anything than you... doesn't mean they ain't jealous. I was once taken aback when an old boss of mine (many years older and way better at the job than my straight out of school self) told me that we are competitors. Keep your standards high. It is a sign of self love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:25 AM
22

I feel the same way 🥰 love this community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:23 AM
25

Yeah I wasn't a fan. He has some good advice, but a lot of the bad stuff as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:22 AM
11

Yup the process sucks but it's worth it. I had my big wake up moment a few years ago, but still learn new things every day. It never quite stops, so it's a journey of sorts. But you end up way more proud of yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 06:38 AM
32

Racking up experience is great. No one is that special and going out with lots of guys is an excellent way to remember that you can find another one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 05:49 AM
55

Breakfast is fabulous. It's also a great way to test for schedule compatibility. For example it's impossible to get me out of bed till 10-11am, and I like dating guys who are night owls. The one time I dated a dude who insisted on waking up at 6-7am, I got so stressed about our plans constantly and it was no fun that he got tired at shows at midnight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 05:46 AM
268

😱😳 so he has a toddler and he's hitting on college age girls at kava bars? Bullet dodged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 05:43 AM
2

The font is atrosh! It's the live laugh love poster font 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 06:56 PM
65

Yes because rifling through a trashcan isn't the fastest way to accidentally touch it.... 🙄 He just wanted to make her feel bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 05:38 PM
4

Haha I never look at it so I don't know 😏 unbothered++
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 11:25 PM
33

👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:09 AM
1

By decent I mean they exhibited consistent communication, planned thoughtful and expensive dates, got me nice gifts, and told me clearly where they were at emotionally and raises discussions about progressing the relationship without any prompting on my part. They were ambitious and had hobbies and close relationships with their family and friends. Also they had bells and whistles like fancy jobs and great looks/fitness. They just happened to not be quite the right fit for me romantically - very…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 04:32 AM
4

Best advice is conduct an interview with them beforehand communicating expectations both ways. Be willing to refuse to room with someone if they have habits that are dealbreakers. Is there any way she can live with people she already knows and trusts? If someone sucks they can really screw with your living environment and then you have no way to escape... Also definitely don't become buddy buddy with them. People somehow take more liberties when they think you're 'cool' with oke another. Keep pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 12:50 AM
2

It's a good point that the fraction is small - I've met two decent guys whom I went on to date for a few months each (we were not compatible in terms of life vision), and have been on maybe about 30 first dates. That being said, I'm not convinced the real life ratio is that great, you just have less information to work with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 04:41 PM
4

Good on you for doing something that boosts your self esteem. Personally, I see OLD as a tool that's fairly challenging to use, but has its place. There are definitely HV people on it, but your discernment has to be off the charts to not waste your time in any stage there. I think it's a great idea to invest in building a real life social network and get comfortable with approaching guys in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:57 AM
11

It's a good point. I think society is still a bit weird about accepting successful women as the norm, so people feel the need to tear them down by digging up any negativity from their past. Everyone has one, but they're judged more harshly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:53 AM
4

If you are getting the vibe they just want to hear themselves talk and dgaf about your day, you don't need to second guess yourself. Imo whether that phrase is problematic depends on context and your conversational style. I'm fairly open so I will usually respond to someone sharing by sharing things myself, and expect them to do the same. If I have to prod someone with questions to get them to talk at all, I'll usually assume they want privacy or aren't really interested in speaking with me at t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:50 AM
22

Oh she's on fire 🔥 great reasoning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 08:11 PM
19

It's important to not let your feelings get ahead of where the guy has (with concrete actions) shown himself to be. With a strict time limit. Crushes are just a lack of action being taken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:56 AM
129

🤮 That is the most upsetting thing I've read in a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:53 AM
76

Yeah this never works. A long time ago, after my awakening, I became a member of that sub and tried to post good advice, because I thought the women in there really needed it. I got super downvoted and harassed, or at best just ignored. Those places are not run by women, they pander to LVMs, and you will find them incredibly frustrating and a big waste of your time. I think the best we can do is build and protect women's spaces like FDS that allow us to be heard, and live our best lives to serve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:52 AM
19

Toxic positivity is a really good word for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:46 AM
15

Freedom! Enjoy it :) decorate the new apt! There's no feeling like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:30 AM
15

If he can't even speak up about his order, he would never be able to speak up in a relationship. She wasn't harsh, it was a mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:14 AM
137

Hell yeah 👑 your very presence is a privilege and it costs. It's not even "using", it's compensation. What exactly do they need money for if not to spend it on experiences they enjoy? We are worth more than a Ferrari or a European vacation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:10 AM
70

Yeah many people still want to be all politically correct and push the agenda of giving others the benefit of the doubt... No one deserves any of your benefits until they've been thoroughly vetted. Letting go of and forgiving your past self is hard. I still cringe at mine but I do my best to remember that being angry at her is like being mad at a kid for not knowing how to walk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:05 AM
3

Yes I love RC Blakes! He explains things so clearly and respectfully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:08 PM
13

Awesome success story. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 10:44 PM
62

If (1) she was real and (2) she was a FDS member and (3) they were actually in a relationship ( none of which seems to be true) - he wouldn't make it past a single date with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 08:44 PM
939

"mY hOuSE" - he doesn't see her as a partner "Scatterbrained" - doesn't respect her She falls asleep while cooking - she's exhausted, likely from being the bangmaid
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 09:22 AM
7

Who gave that pig a pancake 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 09:12 AM
12

Very important PSA. Privacy is key. Girl I suggest deactivate the account, and ignore the freak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 05:39 AM
1

Being loud is a form of abuse. It actively takes energy to make noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 08:00 PM
13

I agree they're mostly set up to be a waste of time. That being said, I think there are ways to use them efficiently, if you have a great bullshit meter. Limit the time you spend on them, don't chit chat. Swipe left on anyone without a quality job listed, with weird bathroom or gym selfies, with other women in their photos etc. Verify the data with some googlage. Unmatch anyone who seeks to be low effort right away. Get the guy on a video call and in person in a public place ASAP. I've met some …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 07:26 PM
1

Nah, academics has nothing to do with LV or HV. Of course being competent is a great trait - but it doesn't guarantee he's a good guy. Don't get intimidated by guys who are more successful or intelligent. Successful HVM do not use their accomplishments to belittle or manipulate others. They instead encourage and build up those around them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 06:16 PM
6

Love this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 05:58 PM
9

No dudes who snoop in their family members' business or comment excessively on their decisions. It's a red flag for scary high levels of control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 09:26 AM
80

He doesn't love his wife and he's a terrible friend. Hopefully the wife will develop enough self esteem to leave out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:42 PM
267

That's a whole parade 🚩🚩🚩 Great point, the flags are multiple and not subtle if we are willing to pay attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:31 PM
2

Good point. Having sex early or making a move on a guy has nothing to do with your value. Your value is always infinity++. The reason why we advocate for not doing the above is it doesn't let you vet him and see his intentions. You don't want to be flying blind. It really, really doesn't matter how the guy perceives you, and there is nothing you can do to make the impression better or worse. People are nonsensical creatures who have deeply personal reasons for their opinions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 10:22 AM
1

Hmm sounds like you have some unmet needs. If male attention was satisfying some want and you now seek it in gifting and expensive things, you still aren't meeting a need. Maybe you can look more into self care - health, finances, career etc. I've found working on the basics nips my compulsive behaviors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 10:05 AM
3

Hahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 10:00 AM
3

Yeah no, drama queens come in all genders 😒 vet everyone in your life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 09:59 AM
2

Hahahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:40 AM
7

There's two parts to this. The first is managing your outward behavior to avoid any unnecessary interactions with the person. Kinda like walking farther around the evil videogame NPC to avoid "aggroing" them. The second is managing your own peace of mind. This is the most important. You need to take your focus off the guy and the situation and put it onto things that matter and tangibly benefit yourself. I legit had to mentally smack myself every time I would get stressed about having to run int…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:35 AM
105

Yes the entitlement is outrageous. Gotta work on that ice queen body language. I've noticed it makes a huge difference in whether anyone chooses to approach or even make eye contact with me. I also wear massive hoodies and walk fast when I want to be less noticeable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:26 AM
9

People's marriages end for all sorts of reasons all the time. No one is entitled to being with you at any point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 04:21 AM
46

One of my personal internal red flags is when I begin feeling the need to chase a guy. It means I sense he isn't really stepping up - doesn't matter why. In the past I used to contort myself all pickmeisha-esque to get the reaction I wanted... And sure, I'd get the guy, the relationship, the bells and whistles... But it was always so underwhelming. It's not that he will step up more for someone else or that you're not good enough or didn't try hard enough. It's just his style. Leave the lazybott…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:36 AM
20

Manipulative and very unattactive 😒 good job for recognizing it and bouncing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:32 AM
6

👑👑👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:30 AM
11

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:26 AM
51

Ok the worst part: "no charges have been made in connection with her death while the cause of her death is still listed as 'pending' by the coroner" 🤢😣🤮 WTF it's literal mnslaugter (with a touch of police brutality) and this is "pending"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 06:43 PM
22

Blocking is always reasonable. Your time is your greatest asset, and any time a low value connection pops up, they sponge away your attention. It's like bad background processes running on a computer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 06:37 PM
3

Yeah I totally get what you mean. Also omg "sUcKs hEr nIpPLes" I forgot about that 🤣 being performative won't yield the results you want and will just stress you out, like you're saying. I don't think we are all meant to be Cali. Lambert is after all a dude, he cannot have a woman's full perspective, so some of his advice is misguided. I'm of two minds about the low vibes thing - I do think it's BS to act high vibe (or do anything else) just to attract men. Kinda like how working out and putting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 06:31 PM
1

Thanks for the rec! I will check it out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 07:43 PM
7

Entitlement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 06:51 PM
19

I think you are in a season where you need time to yourself. You aren't lazy. I couldn't be bothered with dating for 2 years in my mid 20s (prime time lol, felt guilty about it at first). But these years were foundational for my life and career. You will venture out again if and when you are ready to date. Don't feel the need to rush the process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 06:46 PM
4

Do you mean GL Lambert, author of men Don't Love Women Like You? That is an interesting one - I actually think he's about as close to FDS as a guy can get and was my entry into radical feminism and more equitable dating. His vocab even maps directly to FDS terms (basica= pickme, d*** vs hubby = LVM vs HVM etc). Some of his rhetoric is offensive, not gonna lie, it really could have been better without chapter 3 or whichever one it was. His book points out a lot of the pick me brainwashing we go t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 06:40 PM
2

Omg hahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 07:34 AM
5

Gahhh fun and adventurous and talking about sex at all is massive 🚩 If you wanna be petty Photoshop an animal face onto his d*** 🤣 jk that's a bad use of time but it does get them upset
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:47 AM
6

This is so on point. Withholding information removes your right to choose and puts all the power into the hands of the withholder. Textbook abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 03:18 AM
23

Hell no. This is the fallacy that our society uses to condition healthy women into becoming pickmeishas. I think people can only change for themselves. LVM treat everyone terribly, the question is how long do they keep up a front. I think that depends on how "useful" they evaluate you to be and how much of a "challenge".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 03:10 AM
13

Yeah I get exactly what you're talking about. It's easy to fantasize about and fall for someone when your life is already in a tough place and you don't have the most support. That's what happened to me and I got very stuck for a couple years. What helped was getting real about where my life was at and what I needed. Not fluffy romance and cuddling, but hard facts The fact is my career was off track, my health and finances needed attention, and my social life was lonely. I began levelling up all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:14 PM
94

Her money is hers to do with as she pleases. If he isn't designating her as sole beneficiary, he is exercising his choice, it's only right she gets to exercise hers. That marriage is likely way more problematic than just this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 05:49 PM
4

You did the right thing. No HVM talks about hippie free love bs and lies. Focus on you and level up 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 05:45 PM
3

Oh my god victorian child 🤣 thespian++
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:31 AM
9

Yup :) easy way to enforce this, don't even begin sex until he makes you orgasm 😏 look very confused if any attempts to do so are made
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:13 AM
8

Yup great point. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:50 AM
7

Heck yes the slurpie in a parking lot 🤣 I like to have a healthy mix of grown up and old school fun stuff these days :) never limit yourself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:49 AM
33

This post is 🔥🔥🔥. Perfect explanation for why unattactive men are never a safer option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 02:37 AM
49

Guys like him enjoy your discomfort. They know you're not going home with them, but they damn straight made your evening a bit worse and sucked up your attention, even if it was negative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 02:36 AM
32

Yeah most romantic stories are ruined for me now 🤣 and I aim to help ruin them for other women so we can write better ones full of HVX.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 02:29 AM
6

Get Connected by Stereo MCs and Nobody Else by Axwell. They're club classics and make me feel like a badass. "If I can't have you I don't want nobody else" 💕😍 it's always about us, not them :).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:20 AM
133

I think it can cause issues. I dated a guy in his late 20s when I was 22 and wow it was not great. After I left, my life improved 300x. He often made remarks about my "immature" interests 🙄 - going out dancing, taking trips, going to concerts and museums - and tried to convince me into doing more "adult" things with him 🤡 - like boring BBQs and board game nights with his friends... all the damn time. He shamed me for being a workaholic because I picked up extra shifts to make more money during t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:15 AM
2

Imo emojis are fine - that being said, how a person texts says a ton about them. If a guy you barely know is sliding into your DMs trying to have emotional playful convo, red flag. If he's mostly texting to make concrete plans to take you out but happens to add in some emojis? Eh it's fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:07 AM
4

No not every single man... there are some really great guys out there who pride themselves on treating their partners (and themselves!) with respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:05 AM
6

Yaaas level up!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:01 AM
21

Yes 1000%. All this stuff is interrelated imo - raise your standards in one area of life and the others go up with it. Also fun thought experiment - do you have a better time with a guy than you do at your job? The answer needs to be hell yes... and damn I love my job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 07:56 AM
33

Yeah the trick is to notice the small stuff and not let it get to the big stuff... People think I overreact and drop people for absurd reasons but 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 07:54 AM
18

It doesn't sound like the therapist works for you. You can find another one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 07:36 AM
110

I respectfully disagree with this approach - HVM know they're paying. Bringing it up is demeaning to them. It would be like extending an interview to a candidate and signing the email with "you damn better show up or no job for you". Another point is if someone is gonna behave poorly, I want to see it. I don't want to give them the blueprint for how to pose as a good guy and play me. Realistically the cost of a single meal won't break the bank, but not getting an opportunity to see the dude suck…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 07:35 AM
2

Ask yourself, if you were someone's medium value lukewarm milquetoast - would you want them to stay? Hell no. The high value thing to do is only to date people you truly appreciate and let the others go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 07:28 AM
2

Cat Person deeply disturbed me... I listened to the audiobook narrators by Aubrey Plaza and she's a great voice actress. The scariest part is the protagonist had no reason at all for their actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 07:21 AM
7

Why do you need to get into this situation? If you like him but he isn't into you, you don't need to be using your valuable time on him... Friendship is reserved for people who have proven themselves as worthy friends
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 07:18 AM
20

Yeah you have a good point, especially that part about feeling the need to open up about trauma being a bit of a red flag. It's maybe linked to being performative around someone because something about them triggers a feeling of not-enoughness... which is a terrible foundation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 06:14 AM
3

Don't let anyone into your bed without them showering (for a long time with very hot water) first. There's nothing spontaneous or sexy about nasty bedsheets and a ruined mattress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:42 AM
6

Hey, you had really had experiences. It's amazing you've pushed through and are levelling up now. That's all that matters. You deserve to be someone's #1, and you can start with being that for yourself :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:40 AM
2

Eh Marie Kondo it. Go through and ask yourself, does this contact add joy to my life or carry concrete professional benefit? Notice "concrete", not Josh or Susie in HR whom you haven't spoken to in 3 years. Actual professional contacts keep up with one another and give job referrals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:33 AM
12

First off, username 💯 Yeah this is the hilarious part, paying for dinner is easy. Honestly it's a great filter, saves a lot of people reading skills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:32 AM
23

Yup, don't presume incompetence when the real answer is malice. If they're capable of designing ships that launch into space, making masterpieces, or even banal stuff like doing taxes... They're plenty capable of treating others with respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:16 AM
34

Yes this! My dating standards rose tremendously when I started comparing guys to myself instead of to each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:13 AM
8

💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:11 AM
48

You hit the nail on the head. They think we are minority extremists... We are the voice of millions of unheard women who are too scared or downtrodden to speak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:08 AM
56

Fabulous idea. This is also great because it pushes back on this idea that we need to find a husband in college and begin expiring past 22. I dated for about half of my time in college and was single the other half. My memories of being single are crystal clear, happy, and filled with adventures and friendship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:06 AM
9

Yup 50/50 is stupid for dinner and for blame sharing. Sometimes things are simple and you end up in a poor situation where your only fault is not getting out faster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:04 AM
64

Agree to an extent. Oversharing is a massive turnoff and a boundary issue, and people need to earn our trust. With that said, being extremely closed off isn't great either, especially if it keeps going that way for a long time. It's a way to keep people at an arm's length.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:02 AM
19

The men who say they got abused are usually the most pernicious abusers. Try asking them how exactly they were abused 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:06 AM
44

😳 oh my god. Those surgeries don't even necessarily have anything to do with the pelvis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:20 AM
86

Twin flames videos are the worst! The actual term is trauma bond. No one needs that emotional rollercoaster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:19 AM
11

Wow this is enlightening, I legit always thought she assaulted the other skater 😳 so she did basically.... Nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:17 AM
6

Another fabulous post in the series! Girl you're on fire. Yeah there should be absolutely no fear of losing out or obligation in something as important as choosing a mate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:17 AM
19

Hahahahaha 😂 perfect 1-800 parody
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 04:41 AM
1

I don't think you're a troll. Just cause a dude has a fancy job doesn't mean he should dictate what time you get up or what you do on Sunday morning. If your job allows you to wake up at noon, do it. Your friends sound misguided. If you can't trust someone after a long time, they're not your person. Doesn't really matter if it's your trust issues even - clearly whatever this person does stresses you out. Broccoli stresses me out so I don't eat it lol. 🥦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 04:32 AM
24

This show really bothered me lol, I made a whole angry post. The worst is his boss saying "I want you to know I'm an option". She shouldn't be anyone's option! Everyone in that show is horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 10:10 PM
48

We appreciate you and everything you do. This sub is amazing and continues to inspire better choices everyday. It has concretely improved my life, and I'm sure it has done the same for others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 10:08 PM
6

Yeah misandry would be actively hurting men... All we go for here is women having standards, choosing carefully whom go date, and walking away at the very first signs of disrespect. 🙃 Not having access to us isn't misandry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 08:02 AM
31

Sis 😒 if it's taking so long you get tired he sucks at it and no he doesn't care to improve
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:41 AM
12

👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:40 AM
3

Tbh I'm still trying to figure it out. We did talk mostly about work and day to day topics, but something about it felt more personal. There is the chance that completely professional was his intention and I read into it, but honestly I've never had a past coworker reach out in a casual context. Normally it happens if someone wants a referral or has clear pointed questions they want to ask about the industry or my workplace. Even then, the poor planning and not offering to cover dinner if he inv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 03:10 AM
12

Yeah that's great advice. I really should have. I wussed out since my industry is super small and I run into people again all the time, but I could have at least come up with an excuse to save face and my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 12:58 AM
36

I think you need to let yourself grieve. Feel upset, sad, hurt, angry, because yeah all that stuff sucks. Your time was stolen and you can't get it back and worst of all, you accepted it. This realization weighed upon me for a while. I moved past it by remembering that my time is the most valuable resource. There's just one life and we are here to experience it. I am now awake enough to make better choices. And when I'm tempted to make bad ones, I remember how terrible I felt before. My bad choi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 10:00 AM
5

Yup, I've definitely seen this. They take your "no" as an attack on them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:38 PM
14

Yupp this a million times over. We are conditioned out of listening to ourselves and into giving people a chance and being nice. I get physical reactions around people who are up to no good - my hands tremble, and I feel tired after being near them. I also start listening to music that says my feelings exactly, even if I don't want to listen to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:32 PM
12

Someone being nerdy and having zero friends doesn't make them a safer option. In fact it means the person is unhealthy with low self esteem, so they're more likely to make a poor partner. Anyway your dude is who he is and he will never be better. If you stay you're signing up for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:23 PM
12

Not your eff up. Cheaters gonna cheat. And yes some people are nefarious enough to make it past your vetting process. That being said...I guarantee you can make your vetting stronger. You don't have to worry about this now, you need focus on healing and being happy, but when you are ready, play your relationship tape back in your head slowly. You will see the signs. Memorize them and keep them for next time. You didn't see them this time because you weren't looking for them (and it sucks you hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:08 AM
4

Looove this idea 🎤 keep them coming!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:36 AM
2

Congrats on leaving. Read the handbook, it's a great foundation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:24 PM
20

😟 yes. Girl the ones who don't respect the block are the scariest. Most people don't want to be where they're not wanted, unless they're control freaks. Don't respond. And be careful! Put all your social media to private like yesterday and tell your friends to help guard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:23 PM
21

Oh yes they can. Imo if your vetting skills are sharp, you can sniff out issues earlier than that. Time helps but it means nothing without constant awareness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:17 PM
1

Yup this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:12 PM
10

Damn this is eloquent. 👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:46 AM
31

I had a lot of the realizations described in the handbook after a completely terrible relationship when I was 24. I felt completely alone in my thoughts for a couple of years because people told me I was harsh, jaded, calculating. But I saw many of these same people get wrecked or have their time wasted. Even though I knew it in my heart, I didn't have the eloquent arguments for why 50/50 is messed up, why it takes a long time to really understand someone's motivations, why insecure people are a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:32 AM
18

Honestly I think you can have both. The stability, shared direction, trust, respect... and also the crazy intense infatuation. I know this because I've had both before, we just grew apart in terms of shared direction over the course of many years. The guy is still HVM. I've also seen others have that. It's amazing. You honestly don't sound satisfied, but before you make any rash decisions you might want to consider if you find this relationship a bit boring because it's not a toxic mess that's c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:22 AM
7

Thanks for the rec!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:09 AM
21

Handbook material here! 👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 10:13 PM
109

I love this movie. That being said, I think Amy was too much of a stone cold badass to end up spending her entire life torturing Nick and keeping him in a marriage. We should have watched her totally wreck him and then go on to a pan shot of her sipping a mimosa on a beach in Mykonos alone 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 06:30 PM
10

First, don't beat yourself up, we have all been there. How you get out of this is block and delete now, and run when you see the guy in person. It's not gonna feel good, you will be sad and you might spend a long time thinking about whether you did the right thing. Don't let any of that open your door. This is you taking back your power. Spend time around people who care about and value you. Family, friends, work, etc. Do things that make you confident and happy. Make a list of the reasons you l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 05:19 PM
17

I'm sorry, you were used. Some people get off on chasing you when you're clearly unavailable or not in a headspace to date. To be very clear, you didn't do anything, nothing changed. He never wanted a relationship or to be your friend, he wanted validation. Your only screw up here was lowering your boundaries and standards to try and get him to stay. Don't ever do that. It's how you sell yourself, and these sickos get off on lowering your self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 05:09 PM
14

This post is bomb. I love striking up conversation with strangers. Usually has great results in most settings, including non romantic ones. It's great practice for not being awkward and confused on a date too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 08:26 AM
13

Hell yeah 👑 work in general is a huge source of confidence. When anything is going awry in personal life, I come back to work and feel valued, respected, and on top of my game. Then when I come back to deal with personal issues... I stuff em in the recycle bin 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 08:04 AM
45

Hell yeah 👑 work in general is a huge source of confidence. When anything is going awry in personal life, I come back to work and feel valued, respected, and on top of my game. Then when I come back to deal with personal issues... I stuff em in the recycle bin 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 08:04 AM
13

If he managed to hide a kid for 3 years he's got more rabbits in the hat and she needs to run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 04:43 AM
14

This kind of thing hurts like hell but yeah it's part of leveling up. You don't have to pull the plug on it entirely, but minimize the time spent together and the expectations you put on them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 06:14 PM
2

Yup, LVM do not see women as human. They're horrific online, but they are absolutely psychopathic offline. Stand up for yourself, assert your boundaries, disagree with the LVM? They will go into search and destroy mode because they see you as some errant piece of code that's not supposed to exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:16 PM
3

You kept up your professionalism. Don't feel bad. What would be a loss would have been to show his words affected you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:11 PM
17

What in the dysfunctional chat bot is this?? I'm not even sure what the guy wanted from you. Normal people either want to go on a date or they don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:00 PM
15

Yeah it's a vampiric mindset 🧛
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:02 PM
2

Oh my gosh I never realized this song has such a dark side 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:00 PM
20

I know what you're talking about. It's so befuddling at the time, and really hits your self worth too. I met a guy when I was at a very low point in my life, and he fawned over me and seemed so supportive. I thought he was like a beam of sunshine at that point. He talked down about his previous partner because supposedly she was crazy and had overly high expectations. I called him out for it eventually, and as I began to get better and happier, he distanced himself. What hurt the most was he saw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:56 PM
137

So if he didn't stop for pedestrians, did he just run them over or hope they'd jump out of the way?? Sounds like a homicidal maniac, sorry you had to deal with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:38 AM
2

Yup. Over the last year I have completely overhauled my life. I've leveled up my career and my health. And hot damn I stopped vibing with a lot of people. I legit thought I was developing issues for a while but they're just called boundaries and discernment. It can be lonely but you can't take everyone with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:05 AM
1

👑 energy. Not caring means you've healed and it's the biggest middle finger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:02 AM
2

I normally say that I'm currently out of freezer space due to my ex boyfriends' appendages 😂 I then go on to complain about how I have no time to clean it out due to my busy schedule with a completely straight face. If I'm in more polite company I say it's because I have standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:55 AM
3

Many sick puppies chance their arm because they're betting on stumbling upon a confused pickme whom they can abuse. The scary part is if it didn't work, they wouldn't do it. We need to normalize shaming age gap relationships as a society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:51 AM
2

The only response to that is to not say anything and stop wasting your time on people who are that daft. Seriously you can whip out all the logic you want, but they're so programmed you will be talking to a wall. You should be able to answer this argument to yourself though. I think reading the handbook included the recommended books really helps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:47 AM
1

So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:43 AM
3

Be 100% open and honest with her about your experiences. Start slowly depending on her age but don't sugarcoat. Sole experiences might be embarrassing but it's better she learns from your mistakes than her own. Demand absolute respect for yourself from everyone in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:35 AM
14

😵 that was quite potentially the most terrifying thing I've read all week
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:28 AM
6

This is everything 😂 seriously great job
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:23 AM
13

Unattractive 😏😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 11:09 AM
9

It's not a joke. It's testing boundaries for how much disrespect she's willing to take.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:15 AM
8

Yeah online dating is needle in a haystack of the lowest value. That being said... There are plenty of guys online who will propose very nice dates that are clearly linked to things you've expressed an interest in. Which means they /know/. The ones who don't, cut them off because it's maliciousness, not ignorance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:13 AM
4

Boundaries on fleek 👑🔥good on you for cutting off that lazy bum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:09 AM
20

The most hilarious part is they've convinced themselves there exists a woman out there who can make them into a better human. There really isn't and if they don't step up for their life, no one will and they will waste it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:07 AM
16

The wimp dumped her because she surpassed his success (and seems to be younger than him so he's extra salty?) Ugh 😒 the trash took itself out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:05 AM
12

Yeah the memo about it being a professional space doesn't reach some people. Don't worry, even if you block him he will keep using incognito and fake accounts to stalk you 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:04 AM
17

Oh gosh totally. I have an absolutely massive crush and it takes serious discipline to make myself do productive stuff instead of talking to the guy or fantasizing about him. If he wants to make effort and ask me out he will, and unless he does that he's just a dude and I'll forget about him. 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 07:02 AM
2

Yeah Marie Kondo your life dude. One thing that helps avoid these issues - I default all of my profiles to private, and I normally wait a very long time (months+) before I friend / follow someone back. It results in a lot of "ooh did you see my request", so I just pass it off with "I don't log into X much, but you have my number". Privacy is golden.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:40 PM
1

Ok I know this is off topic but why is it 1969 👀 I kinda wanna be able to change my chat dates too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 06:39 PM
305

If he's observing them enough to notice a pattern, they're gonna feel creeped out - rightfully so...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 06:38 PM
35

Jokes always have an element of truth to them. People in HV relationships wouldn't consider it funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:16 AM
2

Yes queen level up 👑🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:15 AM
5

Hahahaha well you asked him to provide you with red flags 😂 you never said whose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:58 AM
21

Yup female friendships are the best! I've noticed many women have trouble finding female friends and get caught into the black hole of relationship obsession over everything else. I really appreciate mine and yeah it doesn't happen often.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:55 AM
8

That is fucking weird. I have never had police personnel text me. When they need to get in touch with me again, they've always called me, and it's been short and straight to the point, designed to get information on the incident... because they're busy and understaffed and it's a job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:49 AM
2

Success! Getting out quick means your discernment is on fire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:47 AM
10

People spend money on what they care about. If he lays down the benjies for toys he will likely use somewhere between zero and one times but not on something she will wear forever then she is not important to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:43 AM
11

I think it's the opener to some hardcore future faking. Pretty sure these are the same guys who introduce you to their parents on date 3.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 09:21 AM
6

You can do this. The trauma doesn't define you, it's just crappy circumstances. What defines you is how you handle yourself in the aftermath. And you're stronger than all that. I think the answer to how to overcome these things is specific for every situation, because the situation is what needs facing. For example, if you had a massive failure at something, you need to try again, even if you start very small. You have to be very honest about which part was your responsibility and which wasn't. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:55 AM
4

Yup just like celebrities 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 12:22 AM
3

Oh my goodness fan club 😂 that's such a good way of putting it. They probably ragged on you cause you actually showed up there to work and be professional instead of hawking other employees 😒 onwards and upwards
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 12:22 AM
8

They're so jealous 😳 it's seriously upsetting when other women do it, they of all people should get it and not tear others down. Sounds like an annoying work environment, but we all have stepping stones on our journey to glory~ you'll be way more successful than them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 12:20 AM
3

It's Britney bitch 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 12:17 AM
6

Yeah people who like a less evolved version of you better aren't friends... You know it's malicious when they don't follow their own "advice". Otherwise there's at least hope they're just confused pickmes who need leveling up. An old former friend of mine was flabbergasted when I "got" a boyfriend (which isn't an achievement, mind you) - she actually believed my job was to be some less attractive creature whom she could look better next to. 🤦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 12:16 AM
22

Oh my god 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:22 PM
133

If he wanted to... He would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:20 PM
25

This is so true. The times I've been rejected, I ended up crying about it with my beloved Ben and Jerry's, but uh, I dunno, I traveled a ton, tripled my income, began eating super healthy, and developed a an awesome sense of style 😆 LVM sponge up all your freetime
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:51 PM
147

The overwhelming majority of the time, the single mother never chose that path, but had it forced on her by an idiot. A single father, unless he's widowed...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:48 PM
5

Fabulous post. Solo sex is very good for your health. Also I found a weird benefit - it has shown me exactly what my sex drive is, minus any emotional entanglement. This is good to know because when I start noticing myself acting differently in a relationship, I know something is wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:27 AM
14

Oh my god I know exactly what you mean! When I went on a road trip with an NVX several years ago I blasted Kim Wilde's "You Keep Me Hanging On" - the lyrics are "get out of my life why don't you babe" and sang along to it at the top of my lungs. I stayed with him for 4 more months and they were miserable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:20 AM
6

Your standards are a regular dude who is compatible with you and your background. The funny thing is there are so many women who meet these standards. In fact pretty much every woman I know does. 😳👀😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:12 AM
8

Hehe let's hope but I didn't stick around to find out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 07:58 AM
1

This bimbo can't even use the word unicorn properly. It applies to women not LVMs 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 07:52 AM
8

That's absurd 🙃 6ft tall guys dgaf when girls talk about height. It's like when a job requirements has "knows MS office" on it 😒 duh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 07:25 AM
9

While he bucked oh my gosh like a prized stallion 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 03:26 AM
13

Stacy's mom has got it going on 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:45 PM
8

😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:15 PM
18

What a callous asshat. If he didn't like her teeth he shouldn't have said anything. And clearly he didn't have enough of a problem to not ask her out again. He just scarred her confidence. Scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:29 AM
26

Yeah I support doing things for your maximum benefit and not committing too early. That being said. If you feel the need to cheat on a guy, he's already a waste of your time and the best you can do for yourself is to completely remove him from your life. It might feel good but you are still waiting valuable energy on how something makes him feel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:44 PM
49

This sucks and you did the right thing. I like to think of it as a job interview. Maybe the candidate had a great resume, dressed up well, seemed decent but then they showed up to one of the interview stages all weird and stopped writing back the recruiter. That bozo is unfit for the job. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:40 PM
85

"You don't follow each other on Instagram" 😂😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:34 PM
9

😳 Track suit lol was she in the mafia 😂 Jokes aside ugh she was clearly so jealous of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:32 PM
7

You're a good friend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:30 PM
5

Good standards 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:29 PM
10

It's amazing why people think of you when they go to matchmake... I've had friends try to set me up with a guy who made about 10x less than me (I was not making a ton back then so twas bad). The awful maraschino cherry on top is before we even met, he had the nerve to begin sexting me so I blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:26 PM
106

Imo anyone who is that invested in their social media and isn't an influencer who is making cash out of it is trying to fill a void. Doesn't mean they're a "bad" person, but they are likely lonely, insecure, seek validation, and care a lot about how others perceive them. That is hard to have a relationship with. HVX understand the importance of privacy and anyone airing out their daily patterns is putting themselves at risk unnecessarily, which signals poor judgement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 11:59 AM
417

So she is signing herself up to get cheated on nonstop and potentially lose her friends. People like that can learn but it will be an incredibly painful lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 11:53 AM
61

That sounds like a huge breach of trust. I'll check out your post. Yeah, biggest lesson I've learned lately is to keep my mouth shut. Even seeking emotional support is dicey, because sometimes these "friends" will see you as a pity case so they can feel better about themselves or have something "interesting" to talk about. I think there are good people you can be very open with but they are rare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 11:50 AM
4

Oh no 😢this is horrifying and those bastards got away. Clubs should scan IDs and act like airports.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 10:50 AM
23

If women learned this stuff as teenagers we would take over the world. And we still can no matter when we learn. Let's make it happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 10:38 AM
3

Dayum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 10:33 AM
8

Not a bad idea at all. Some suggestions (yes I'm vicious and judgemental, just let it simmer lol): San Francisco (hot fit very well employed tech bros) Seattle (same) Chicago (finance guys with more Midwestern charm) New York (finance guys who know good places to go) Avoid: Los Angeles (filled with baristas and lower paid everything else) Denver (pretty nature but mostly old people and not dense enough) anywhere the hell else lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 10:30 AM
50

Can we put him in pedo jail
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 10:23 AM
109

Oh lawd calling those bozos out is the worst you can do 😂 cue the "oh I'd never!" pearl clutching and high cholesterol sputtering heart attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:46 AM
49

I think the occurrence of LVM (and HVM!) there is the same as anywhere else. The problem is we are fed koolaid about how we need to overlook someone's crappy qualities because they make bank / look good in a suit / have high status / are so "well liked" by others. Meh. Your assessment of those guys is likely spot on, you are feeling like you're going against the grain maybe because of the social conditioning. Being HVX is much harder than climbing the corp ladder. I have met some amazing HVX at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:45 AM
5

This post series is solid gold. Love this latest chapter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:29 AM
10

Guys who want to text or talk a lot. And I mean a lot, blowing up your phone. I used to think it's romantic but it's weird love bomb voodoo and a big waste of time. They need to be spending time and money planning dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:16 AM
16

Well put. Vampires are the definition of NVM. I think another good addendum is common ways to identify we are around a vampire - sudden anxiety, irritation, feeling obliged, guilted, pressured. Especially if you normally never feel that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:08 AM
9

Very powerful post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:59 AM
9

I personally like to stay quiet at the beginning and let them lead the convo. It's very interesting to see what they choose to do with it. Of course, after a while, I'll show my personality a bit too, but there is no reason to give anyone information they haven't given you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:49 AM
3

I'm moving out of a crappy living situation into a fancy apartment by myself in a new city with a new job! It's so much work but do exciting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:47 AM
3

Yeah screw forgiveness, in that sense. The only forgiveness an asshole deserves is them no longer getting a single second of our thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:46 AM
8

Yup, it's not self blame, it's taking back our power and control 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:43 AM
258

Hey welcome, this is literally how we all showed up here. You're a queen and you woke up 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:39 AM
32

Congrats on your grad school admissions. Go! Don't defer! Don't let some meaningless asshole rob you of your dreams and goals. Every time you get up, do something for yourself, accomplish anything, it's a middle finger to them because you're better. I know the feeling you're talking about. That jerk isn't important enough to hurt your soul. He's just a disturbed little child who tries to feel better about himself by causing others pain. Keep going, you deserve a million times better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 02:37 AM
5

Good idea! Fellow developers, where you guys at, we need a weekend coding project 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 09:13 AM
31

Omg vampires
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 08:23 AM
5

Yeah a high quality therapist can help a ton. Since it can be pricey, there is also a lot of good YouTube videos and books out there if you search around. I think the resources in the FDS handbook are very valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:35 PM
6

Hahahaha 🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:08 PM
59

Feeling jealous is usually a sign that you really want something and are worried about your ability to get it. You probably don't have an issue with your friend, but the situation is triggering you. Maybe take some space and focus on you? Also is she really with HVM if they're back to back relationships? HVW take time between relationships to reflect and are choosy. You might be jealous over the attention she gets, which isn't the same thing as results.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 08:36 AM
17

Normal guys aren't threatened by FDS since honestly nothing we say here is all that revolutionary, it's just common sense
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 11:34 PM
31

The audacity! Complaining about you feeding him when he should be grateful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 10:50 PM
2

😳 I hadn't thought of that and you're so right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 10:48 PM
56

Yeah it's a really easy way to weed out low effort guys. Often I'd miss signs a guy was LVM and then bam he'd whip out the cheapness and I would get very turned off. In retrospect, the cheapos had behaviors which pointed to other very unattractive traits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 05:43 PM
23

But how do they trip over 🍤 😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 08:47 AM
11

Ugly guys do not automatically treat women better. Somehow all my kindest bfs were also very attractive. I think it's because they were also personally secure so they didn't need to go around using anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 08:45 AM
1

Yes generous guys are much better with boundaries! They can provide for themselves and their happiness and personal security so they don't need to vampire off women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 08:30 PM
1

Woo level up 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 07:58 PM
7

I think it's important to consider what is meant by social class, but in general it's beneficial to date >= your own standing. Can't speak for other countries besides the US, as some of them have more complex social structures, but in the states financial standing = social class. We can't deny the importance of resources for having a healthy life for ourselves and future children. I wouldn't advocate dating down. Men who feel you are "too good" for them have a way of "putting you in your place".…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 07:57 PM
38

Imo a "rejection" is just knowing where you stand, and it's better than wasting your time fantasizing. The key is to remember that your goal is to be in a fulfilling relationship, not necessarily with any specific guy. You need to get rid of unsuitable candidates fast. I usually put out small flirting feelers (the key here being friendly behavior, not a huge step like asking them out) and if a guy isn't picking up on them I presume he's not interested and then I ghost him. It's still disappointi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 06:35 PM
209

Massive red flag. Guys who hate cats tend to be controlling and chase you up about where you are and what you're doing at any time 😵 That being said... Guys who love cats aren't necessarily HV. Not despising small defenseless creatures is just bare minimum human decency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 06:24 PM
13

Yup we deeply appreciate HVM in all areas of our lives. LV behavior isn't manly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:15 AM
50

I try to avoid these situations when I can by doing pre date screeners. I'll usually voice call the guy and feel out the vibe (about 15 min in my rattiest PJs) before I commit to seeing him in person. After most of these voice calls, I don't go on the date. Saves me the time and awkwardness. I also like to limit first dates to under an hour, to start with so the guy isn't expecting a long evening. Set up somewhere you "have to be" beforehand. If the guy does something offensive on the date, I ju…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 07:37 AM
7

Hahaha she's so funny
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:42 PM
1

He sounds like racist trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:06 PM
9

I feel for you, but I think right person wrong timing is bullshit. I think any HV person, if they were going through a crisis, would want to keep positive people and experiences in their life. Sure it would mean your relationship would need to slow down, but he wouldn't just cut you off. No disrespect to his circumstances, but honestly you deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:04 PM
47

Love this! Often we hang onto substandard candidates because we feel like our options are limited. They aren't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 11:06 PM
6

Yay level up 👑 I ghosted a guy after a great first half of a date (an upscale restaurant with a cuisine that I like), because at the second half, he kept making physical moves on me that I was clearly not comfortable with. I felt guilty initially because the date was very expensive, and it was a first date, and the guy had a great job, was very handsome, and shared many of my interests. But if he couldn't read my signs of discomfort (or worse, pushed through them) it was a no go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 10:57 PM
10

"He will not feel entitled [...] because he realizes you are valuable" This is incredibly observant. Respect and entitlement are direct opposites. HVM treat your autonomy and choice with respect always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 09:11 PM
27

I support this message. What I love about FDS is how it is positive results oriented, it's about improving ourselves and demanding the same of others who want to be in our lives. We cannot improve by hiding and pretending we don't want the things that we do - love, respect, a genuine romantic relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 08:59 PM
21

LVM behaviors boil down to one thing - refusal to take responsibility for themselves or their actions. The moment a guy tries to uno reverse you, you know you're dealing with a toddler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 02:35 AM
2

The moment you settle for less than what you want, you get less than what you settled for... 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 02:32 AM
50

I hear you. I haven't had a proper LTR in years since my wakeup. I keep ending them after a few weeks at most since they don't meet the bar, and barely ever even get to physical things anymore. I think about it a lot when I feel lonely. How I feel better is by realizing that I might end up by myself, but if I don't allow that possibility, I'll settle for less than I deserve. The only way I can have the reliable snuggles and sex is with a HVM and I need to stay open to meeting them and not be dis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:59 AM
10

It's not your fault. It's your responsibility. It's when someone else made a huge mess and you were left to clean it up while they waltzed off. You are right, people cannot take what we do not give, and use judicious discerning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 09:52 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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