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Inspection-Critical Archive

View 1 posts and 5,356 comments by Inspection-Critical on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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90

or else be willing to accept the risk of sexual conflict and war-“ I read this as: "Give us what we want or we'll rape you and it'll be your fault."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 09:48 PM
2

I'm confused now because your post's been deleted so I can't confirm, but the impression all of us got here was that you were friends with this guy. Glad to hear that's not the case and that you haven't shared any compromising details with him, but please hear me when I say his oversharing is disgusting and unprofessional. I'm surprised you didn't mention this in your post because this is a whole separate (but just as important) issue. Watch your back with this guy. EDIT: He's only known you 4 m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:43 PM
3

Unfortunately society coddles men and no matter how trash he is, there's likely a woman somewhere who will be desperate enough to take him when he's at his lowest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:38 PM
2

This guy has bragged about having as many as eight women who he fucks, ditches, then replaces. Wow, what a charmer /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:37 PM
3

Men who think this kind of behaviour is brag-worthy are pathological in a lot of ways, including being inveterate liars. Yeah, see my comment up thread about my ex-friend who behaved like this. He turned out to be a compulsive liar who treated everyone around him like shit. An immature community dick lying and disrespecting people? Shocker /s He also liked to brag about his "rotation" with a straight face, but all I heard was he slept with dozens of women who didn't come back for seconds. So he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:37 PM
4

"Friends with benefits" is such a cruel misnomer. Men don't even treat their FWBs like friends - real friends get more respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:31 PM
2

Whoa, even weirder. I thought you've been friends a long time. This guy's a coworker and a stranger and he's sharing details of his sex life with you? Disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 02:28 PM
106

I had a friend exactly - and I mean exactly - like this. He had a rotation of women he didn't respect or treat well (in bed or out of it). Conversations about his dating habits revealed he was selfish, immature, sex-crazed, used women for sex, then judged them for sleeping with him. He was a total hypocrite with a madonna/whore complex. He resented the women who slept with him because he couldn't get the women he wanted. He ended up marrying a hookup he hated because, in his words, she was the b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 12:09 AM
43

You're overthinking this. Block and delete. Here's the Cliff's notes: 🚩 He hasn't asked you out. 🚩 He didn't follow up. 🚩 He's negging you. The presumptive comments rub you the wrong way because they're meant to. Accept this at face value. 🚩 He's wasting your time. Sweet texts and songs don't mean anything in this context. It's love bombing, not advancing the relationship, which doesn't exist yet because he hasn't taken you out. Why does he get the privilege of your attention when he hasn't even…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/22 09:36 PM
16

My fear is she won't be able to. How good can his assets possibly be? She's been outranking him for so long and he's a bum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 03:18 PM
14

He shamelessly admits he never loved her at all to boot. She'll be so much better off without this leech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 03:17 PM
47

All he cares about is "not looking like he took advantage of her", which he did. He used her and wasted her time for 13 years and now wants an easy solution that doesn't exist like time travel. And even if it did, he still wouldn't do it because he got what he wanted. He just doesn't want to face repercussions like a hit to his reputation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 03:15 PM
26

HV people also value their time (and other people's, out of respect).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 01:17 AM
21

... while avoiding intimacy to boot. I have a relative who's in one of these relationships right now. They've been dating for a while but we've only met her (married) girlfriend once. Because married people are busy and can't devote themselves to more than one family, so the primary family takes precedence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 01:12 AM
49

Portland is the city of Peter Pans (both men and women). I couldn't get over how many adults I met who didn't have their life together. I'm not talking 25-year olds, but middle-aged adults who had no long-term plans beyond subletting and their garage band.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:29 PM
64

Similar anecdotal evidence here. Had an ex who used poly as an excuse to cheat on me, and had several friends who went through the same thing. I'd love to say "it's one thing if there's openness and honesty" but ime it's rare and the people who are honest about it are nevertheless train wrecks with additional character/personality issues. I spent a lot of time in places like Portland and SF where that lifestyle is particularly popular and met dozens of people in that scene. Poly doesn't work, an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 07:50 PM
8

What the fuck??? That poor kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 05:52 PM
24

That's hilarious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 05:51 PM
65

Men as a collective really need to go to therapy and stop harassing strangers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 05:03 PM
136

These men would rather shit on us than to level up. They could have learned how to treat their SOs or women they're interested in That's a generous interpretation. I checked out a few of those posts once out of curiosity and looked at everybody's user histories. I gave up after a while. They're literally all teenagers and middle-aged incels (and occasionally desperate pickmes who haven't figured it out yet), so their experience with women is limited. Don't waste your time paying them any mind. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 04:59 PM
46

Yup, same. They'll swear otherwise, naturally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 04:36 PM
309

Yeah, this has been my observation. HV people in general like stability and emotional intimacy. You can't get that from hookup culture, cheating, or polyamory. Poly people in particular like to insist all the crazy or dishonest people in the poly scene "aren't doing it correctly", then tell me stories about their own relationships and friends in the scene that just prove me right. Non-monogamy attracts abusers and people who are emotionally immature and unstable. I've yet to meet any of the unic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 04:01 PM
7

An ex's mom once told me that it's just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man. My grandfather said this a lot. He was wealthy and loved spoiling his wife and daughters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 04:48 PM
7

I would. Include all evidence you have including texts, emails, and details of verbal conversations. Keep it factual with the emotion stripped out: time, date, location, what was said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 03:34 PM
53

I wouldn’t give them any explanation, they’ll use it as a starting point for negotiations (ie more harassment). I’d just say “no thanks” or block with no reply at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 07:39 PM
31

And let’s be honest, these guys want more than friendship from OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 07:26 PM
17

Claims to be a numbers guy but he refuses to see the difference between $12.5K and $200.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 11:09 PM
10

I caught his comment about the 401(k) too. She's gonna be living in a cardboard box in her old age if her husband has any say about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 11:05 PM
13

"She works for free, and I'm mad the bills can't be free too."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 07:10 PM
15

Because the truth won’t get him laid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 11:06 PM
36

No woman would pay money for his sperm. She's an ex or a hookup. Or a wife who has no idea he's on the apps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:19 PM
32

His present is already in the past, and your past doesn't matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:09 PM
21

I saw this post an hour ago and keep coming back to it to laugh some more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:51 PM
43

Even better, he's trying to make YOU jump through hoops to earn HIM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:50 PM
47

Ten bucks says they're still dating and she has no idea this profile exists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:50 PM
107

He knows his worth and is hoping you won't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:48 PM
64

It reads to me as a mix of condescension and trying to distract you from the fact he's an irresponsible 33-year old loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:46 PM
70

Because they've got nothing else. It's a last ditch effort to make you think they're anywhere near your level, which is also why they'll throw a tantrum if you don't buy it or try to hold them accountable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:18 PM
116

He would never do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:49 PM
104

She's gotta be in her 30s now and hasn't learned a thing. That's the part that worries me. And her therapist is TELLING her she's a love addict! That's your clue to reassess your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:39 PM
251

This whole thing is sad but what strikes me the most is how much an ex ten years ago derailed her life. She could be a partner in a top law firm right now, but she's a fashion influencer. Props if you want that but those are VERY different qualities of life. I scream every time I read stories of women sacrificing everything for a man who's an inevitable dead end anyway. She tries to hide the reason for their breakup in pretty words but it's obvious he cheated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:31 PM
59

Not only that but it says everything you need to know about the guy's priorities and lack of values. Do you really want to date a deadbeat parent? Do you really want to date someone with such bad decision making? Who's selfish? Who doesn't care who they bring into their child's life? So many things wrong with this guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:21 PM
115

Ten bucks he's the kind of guy who whines about multiple women baby trapping him even though he's hitting it raw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:19 PM
405

"I know the men in your past have fucked you up. I'm here to keep that pattern going."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:17 PM
225

My favorite part: "There's no secret family I go home to" Translation: "I'm open about my abandonment and how I plan to hurt you too. I expect a cookie for being honest about my dishonesty."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:16 PM
106

"Don't worry, I have no intention of parenting so I'll have plenty of free time to disappoint more women."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:09 PM
49

Literally read this and said "What the fuck" out loud.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 03:39 PM
18

I tried online dating 10 years ago for all of a month and then quit in disgust. It sucked back then so I'm appalled when people say it's gotten worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:53 PM
36

This right here. I blame a number of factors but the first that springs to mind is social media. I deleted all my SM profiles years ago and was shocked at both how quickly I forgot hundreds of acquaintances and how much better my inner circle improved. Suddenly everything was more effort, but everybody was doing it. I've had more than one girlfriend express surprise and delight that I reciprocate and proactively contribute to the friendship, then tell me horror stories about how low effort other…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:51 PM
14

They’re trying to sell us a bill of goods we have no interest Such an apt description.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 12:51 AM
23

Right? That statement infuriated me the most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 07:22 PM
28

I pray for the day women everywhere level up out of pickmeism and let these bottom feeders d*e alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 03:35 PM
27

She's not better than you, she's just more useful to him for now. Cheaters don't love, they value people as useful objects based on what they can do for the cheater in the moment, including validation. Sounds like he's trying to manufacture drama, because what's more awesome to a fuckwit than 2 women fighting over him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 03:21 PM
30

I'm sorry you went through this. So he made her wait a decade to put a ring on it? Yeah, he doesn't care about her either if he made her a forever girlfriend for ten years. But I would expect nothing less from a cheater. Women are interchangeable objects to him. It's not about love, because he's incapable, it's about which object is useful to him this week. Does that sound like a person who can change to you? He has rotting offal for a soul. Disordered people don't change, and they get married a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 03:15 PM
45

Also we need to keep in mind, everything on social media is carefully curated, and an abuser wants to maintain his image, so he's not going to mistreat his girlfriend/wife in public. Why would we assume he's suddenly a prince behind closed doors? People don't behave in a vacuum. If he's abusive with you, he's abusive with all women. We assume otherwise because we've been conditioned to believe we are responsible for men's behavior so we blame ourselves for their abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 02:58 PM
96

I can tell you exactly why he did this. He was testing the water to see how jealous you'd get and how he could manipulate you into being a sidepiece. You gave him nothing to hook onto so he realized you were a poor target and fucked off. Abusers are shockingly unoriginal and all operate from the same playbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 02:33 PM
52

She's recording you? That's not a little bit creepy...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 02:31 PM
9

Having good female friends is the best. Society really gaslights us into thinking male friendship is worth anything. "You're a 21st century modern woman, aren't you?? You're a cool girl, aren't you??"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 02:35 PM
18

I was about to write this comment but you beat me to it. I've experienced all of these. I've had millions of guy friends since childhood. All of them are long gone now. All tried to get into my pants or disappeared when they got girlfriends. Others were fair weather friends looking for emotional labor they never returned. All of these guys sucked. Highlights: One guy wrote me a nasty letter gloating that he'd gotten engaged and I'd missed my chance. I was never interested in him so this letter h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 01:57 PM
51

There was a story in Twox the other day about two guys messaging each other pretending to be lesbians. They were pissed when they discovered they'd been sexting another guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 07:22 PM
44

Sex work is stressful (and it's interesting how women underplay that even when frankly discussing violence on the job), so I imagine overspending can definitely play a role there. But I mean, sex work sometimes doesn't even pay a decent wage, let alone one that offers upward social mobility. The stripper I knew said she worked in a decent club (which she clarified meant the manager wasn't demanding blowjobs in his office), and she had the privilege of paying to rent the stage every week while re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 04:03 PM
44

For having a Tinder profile? Really?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 03:06 PM
178

I got rid of all social media a few years ago and never looked back. It's such a security risk for women and makes it easier to stalk or commit identity theft.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 03:00 PM
95

The luxury lifestyle of sex work is grossly overinflated. Stats back this up, but I also personally knew a few sex workers in my 20s and all of them lived hand to mouth. Didn't matter how beautiful they were or what they were willing to do. One woman was still stripping in her 30s and still paid bills with it, but she couldn't get ahead. Sex work is inherently exploitative and the deck is stacked so hard against these women. OF hasn't empowered women, it's commodified sex work even more and if a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 02:57 PM
2

Sob stories are now my #1 red flag for manipulation. The moment I see it, I stop trusting the person immediately and GTFO. It's the calling card of predators and sociopaths.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 12:02 AM
65

This question has been posted on FDS before and generated good discussion. I shared a story in that thread about a guy who had a very credible story of being abused. It's tricky though because abusive men lie and so often claim to be victimized - so much so, Lundy Bancroft has commented on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 11:56 PM
68

Perhaps infidelity, but then, if he’s actually that great, why did his ex feel the need to cheat? I feel this is an unfair assumption. Infidelity is abuse. You can't "drive" another person to abuse you. Cheaters cheat for a ton of reasons that boil down to entitlement and narcissism. See Chump Lady's blog for more info. Personally, I don't know any divorced HVM. But your story reminded me of a comment I shared on FDS the other day about 2 divorced men who claimed they divorced their wives, only …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 11:48 PM
43

Men who claim to be childfree but don't get the snip, I don't take them seriously. If they were serious about it, they'd get snipped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 08:36 PM
42

I lost interest in MM's music when he started dating Wood. Even 15 years ago, I knew there was something sinister about a 40-year old married man dating a teen. I read Manson's autobiography a few years ago and was beyond disgusted by it. The man's obviously a sociopath, and the book came out in the 90s. I'm amazed he's still in business or that anyone still supports him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 06:55 PM
28

Those people are idiots. It speaks to how societally engrained misogyny is that the collective response to news of a teenager dating a 40-year old wasn't horror.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 06:48 PM
9

No shit asshole, you just destroyed the relationship. The magic was me. Damn, this hits hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 10:51 PM
5

I would never in a million years believe this is a one-off, simply because it's such a fucked up thing to say. I've had bad days (who hasn't?) but have never said anything like this to anyone I love. I would be friendless real fast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 09:25 PM
10

This is exactly what I would be doing. "Sure. Okay. No, I'm just tired." Meanwhile speaking to the lawyer, opening new accounts, putting down a deposit on a new place, and quietly moving my belongings out of the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 09:23 PM
32

Is it just me or are a lot of men terrible at holding back their grumpiness, anger, and irritability?? Most of them can hold it back just fine with authority figures and other men. They unload on us because they hate women and think they won't face repercussions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 09:20 PM
182

OMG. My dad has an employee whose ex-girlfriend "blindsided" him, too. They'd been arguing for months about an issue. One day, the girlfriend just says "okay" and gives up. The guy tells my dad this story with the air of "hey, I guess I won the argument." Dad called the guy an idiot. Ordered him to go home, bring flowers, take his girlfriend someplace nice for dinner, and apologize. The guy refuses. "What're you talking about? I told you, it's over, I won." Of course, he's blindsided when she du…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:41 PM
48

And his mom's beef with her was "she doesn't seem like she'd make a good housewife." Wtf with this family?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:03 PM
89

Exactly my read too. He's not sorry, he just wants Reddit to tell him how to best manipulate her into staying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:01 PM
42

Can you see my comments here? Mine aren't showing up in this thread, yet people are clearly upvoting and replying to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:52 PM
115

Literally just said this in another comment. It's almost funny that he thinks he can save this when he just nuked the entire relationship from orbit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:45 PM
304

I'm 90% sure she's gone quiet because she's emotionally detaching and quietly making plans to leave. I've been in her shoes. Not this exact situation, but that moment when a man destroyed the relationship and went back to being a stranger in my eyes. You don't get loud when this happens, ime. You're quiet because you no longer care and you're focused on removing this interloper from your life. I always became indifferent and pragmatic. The men, of course, were bLiNdSiDeD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 05:40 PM
75

This is similar to when men say, “I fear getting married because then our relationship will change.” Women need to start taking this at face value and understand it means the guy doesn't love them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:49 PM
156

Ok, relevant story about 2 married creeps who tried to initiate affairs with me... I ignored Dude #1's overtures and disappeared. This was easy to do as we were at a public event. Years later, his wife publicly divorced him alleging infidelity and numerous women came out of the woodwork alleging rape and domestic violence. The guy still manages to make a living, but there's growing discussion in our community that he's a narcissistic sociopath who targets vulnerable young girls. Dude #2 fed me a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:36 PM
22

Because abuse isn't particularly original or creative. Once you've seen a handful of manipulation tactics, you've seen them all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:30 PM
1

I refused to throw away all of my duplicate items (plates, cups, furniture, etc) and put them in storage. When he asked why I just said “oh just in case.” Hahahaha, nice one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 09:05 PM
25

Crushes are worse than meaningless, they're such liabilities to women. They make us project our own hopes and desires on what's essentially a phantom guy who doesn't exist, and start investing in him emotionally when he hasn't even stepped forward as a serious suitor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 03:28 PM
34

Nothing here is "yours", and there's nothing here for you to vet anyway because this guy hasn't asked you out. Instead he's starting drama in your social circle and dragging you into it. (There's your red flag.) I'm not impressed. I suggest you not be either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 03:04 PM
26

he has made it clear in public to both men and women he likes you. How has he "made it clear in public", exactly? Has he asked you out? Talk is cheap, and you can't pay the rent with promises. A guy who like you but hasn't asked you out is a non-contender. His words mean nothing unless he's done something with them. And he might never ask you out. And if he does, he might fail the vetting. In other words, don't count your chickens until they hatch. A girl likes him and is honestly quite cross an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 02:58 PM
17

"I just don't want to answer anymore questions about what happened" Proceeds to tell a story nobody wanted to hear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 05:22 PM
14

I didn't realize there were more photos. I clicked to the last one and ... that's it? It looks like costume jewelry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 05:20 PM
26

Says he dodged "another" huge bullet, too. So he's obviously a serial abuser with multiple victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:58 PM
12

Don't forget, he's spent "thousands" on her. Look at Mr. Moneybags over here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:56 PM
38

Not just a girl but "the girl." Says a lot about how he views his ex-fiancee. Also, he asked her to marry him without the ring in hand? Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:55 PM
13

"The Sound and the Fury" lol (also written by a man)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:53 PM
1

No more distractions, only upgrades. Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 02:42 PM
123

Honestly, the original OP's only mistake here was asking for validation let alone from Reddit. She knew she was right and handled it well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 08:46 PM
159

Right? The guy doesn't need to be educated on why it's wrong to hate women. He doesn't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 07:59 PM
341

And he's 26! I misread the ages at first and could've sworn the guy was late teens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 03:52 AM
20

Thank you! It really is. And as to the raise: always, always, always negotiate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 03:56 PM
26

Me three. My favorite new word is "no."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 03:55 PM
34

Sincerely, good for you. I was in similar shoes to you. Therapy was the best investment I ever made. Took a while to find a good therapist, but when I did, she was phenomenal. I grew more with her in 2 years than I did in the previous 20. The right therapist is magic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 01:47 PM
143

Just got a promotion at work. Management offered me a 20% raise, I got them to 75% plus paying for my professional development with an industry coach. I've now paid off my student loans early, got Invisalign, maxed out my Roth IRA for the year, and I'm looking to buy a new car this summer. My hobbies fell by the wayside with the pandemic and honestly, I'm exhausted and still recovering. I'm looking into joining a local lifting gym. My biggest priority is seeing family and friends again. I've sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 01:44 PM
44

He's so embarrassing. I hope he's getting dragged in the comments. Unfortunately, he's obviously delusional and thinks being an asshole makes him clever or unique.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 08:57 PM
13

They're lazy and entitled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 12:43 AM
43

It's been a thing probably since the sub started, and it's why I turned off my DMs. I wasn't getting overt threats (yet) from men, but dumb requests like this for me to educate them (and then inevitably attack me later).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 05:34 PM
29

Huh, weird. I don't get notifications at all except a) replies to my comments here and b) DMs from FDSers I've previously approved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 04:01 PM
29

You can also click "trust" on an individual FDSer's profile to allow her to message you. It's very easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 03:51 PM
127

Weekly reminder, ladies: You can turn off DMs in your settings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 03:42 PM
190

Some men come to my DMs pretending to be ignorant and willing to be educated I always laughed at the men who tried this. I have no interest in educating anyone, let alone doing it for free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 03:41 PM
176

I spend more than that on gifts and meals with my girlfriends. These men openly admit they don't care about the women they date, then act surprised we don't wanna waste our time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 05:26 PM
37

I've met numerous NVM who married women they openly said they hated and had no intention of staying married to. Most of these guys admitted they already had a timeline in mind for the divorce and when they'd be back on the hookup scene! I didn't dig for this information at all, these guys brought it up and had no shame about wasting a woman's time. That's the craziest part for me: Marriage means nothing to NVM. A NVM can propose to you, say vows to you before God and both your families, and STIL…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 05:18 PM
55

There’s so much about this case that doesn’t make any sense Like the fact cops can break into your house in the middle of the night and m*rder you in your own home? I'm American and I still don't get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:50 PM
69

But you know if she left him, everyone in her life would've given her shit for not sTiCkInG bY hEr mAn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:46 PM
6

Sorry for double posting, but your story really stuck in my head these last 24 hours. I'm so annoyed with these people you describe. Like this? She found out I was a minor and expressed disapproval to her bf over it. Disapproval over what? The rape?? Disapproving of an assault (of a child, no less) is a bare minimum requirement of being a decent person - and she fucked that up, because she didn't cut ties with either of these assholes. She has no business claiming she was a good friend to you (s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 03:16 PM
1

Don't keep us in suspense. What'd he say?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 02:51 AM
13

Don’t be sorry. And of course you’d be upset: your ex-friend is an asshole. She said she was helping you?? How??? She’s selfish and made your trauma about her. She doesn’t get to decide that she was a good friend to you in this situation, only you do. Sounds like she failed miserably. Of course you’d be upset! My two cents: block ALL of these people if you haven’t already so they can’t come back. Keep this toxicity out of your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 02:42 PM
80

I read somewhere (pretty sure it was Chump Lady's blog) that psychopaths will screw themselves over just to stick it to another person. It's like they're allergic to doing the right thing, even when the right thing benefits the psychopath. That's why Chump Lady's blog is full of stories of psychopath exes blowing their own lives up while their victims escape and rebuild. These people are chaos demons who destroy everything they touch. You can't help them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 05:10 PM
150

The more I listen to men talk, the more I realize how different men and women are. Liberal feminism really failed us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 03:25 PM
227

Striking that none of these women came back for seconds. This guy is embarrassing on so many levels and is too stupid to realize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 03:23 PM
22

Arguing's not only a waste of time, it's dangerous. Men can be violently reactive. Also, when someone tells you who they are, arguing with them won't change their mind. They'll tell you what you want to hear to shut you up and waste more of your time. When a guy reveals dealbreakers to me about his character, I just nod and quietly remove him from my life. (See my comment upthread.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 05:17 PM
27

Situations like yours are how I found out that being friendly with guys I casually knew through my network didn't make any of them a friend. You don't know anything about a guy until you spend a lot of time with him. Honestly, be glad you found this out about him early so you can cut him loose. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. I used to get so upset until I realized I was wasting energy on a person who wasn't a friend. I'd projected too much of my own values and the hope of a de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 05:03 PM
21

What book is this from? I'm looking at buying her book, "All About Love."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 04:38 PM
4

My girlfriends and I buy each other gifts, and we're delighted to do so. People spend money on what (and who) is important to them. Imagine being so angry about it. The guy who made this chart is just admitting he doesn't care about the women he dates, and somehow that's supposed to be the women's fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 07:52 PM
4

They don't like seeing women treated well because they hate women. They have a million excuses for it but they're just trying to justify their misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 07:48 PM
18

Holding doors open? More like he offers Netflix & Chill at his place and you have to drive to him. This is how one of my coworkers got married. He found a doormat who'd do anything for him, including give him a car.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 06:02 PM
92

This incel logic is so tiring. Men willfully ignore the fact that we have our own money and careers now because it's easier to make up a story in their heads that we're parasites than acknowledging they're not getting 2nd dates because they're insufferable. Money isn't a problem for me. My girlfriends and I take each other out to nice meals all the time. I dress nicely and buy myself jewelry and gifts. My home is tastefully decorated with art and plants. I've got money and I'm happy to spend it.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 06:00 PM
44

He doesn't even consider that she could die or be left with life long disabilities. Doesn't consider it or doesn't care. Most men aren't equipped to be husbands and fathers. Family's just a status symbol to them and they get incensed at the suggestion that they need to pull their weight. I know a couple single moms, and none of them get child support. All of them took hits to their careers or quit their jobs altogether to raise their kids. The husbands kept going to work, lives unchanged, no sac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:31 PM
10

Ding ding ding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:22 PM
9

can't won't
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:21 PM
16

I've had men tell me they love strong, smart, independent women. "But only for the first 3 months" is always silent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:20 PM
15

I mean, it's not even a marriage. The guy doesn't want to claim her, just wants free access to her body and child rearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:19 PM
20

I'm torn about this woman. She obviously sees the writing on the wall, yet she hasn't left him yet. Like girl, what are you doing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:17 PM
18

I don't know what to make of his girlfriend. Her binder's brilliant and she's obviously no fool, but why the heck is she still in this joke of a relationship? Walk, girl, he's a booby prize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:16 PM
20

Happily, he's getting dragged in the comments (and by men on Twitter).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:14 PM
35

I have a coworker who plays up his marriage at work but outside the office, takes off his ring and shit talks his wife to anyone who'll listen. The greatest grift men ever pulled was conning women into believing we get more out of marriage than they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:12 PM
18

"Forever girlfriend with a bullshit title? Got it."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:09 PM
18

Google the first sentence of the headline in the screenshot and you'll find it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 06:12 PM
894

He lost me 2 lines in with "spiritually married."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 06:01 PM
84

I lost a lot of attraction to men when I realized how many of them essentially want to fuck their own mothers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 02:12 PM
17

How recently did you meet him? I'd be turned off by a stranger sexualizing any conversation with me too soon, even if his writing really is an innocent hobby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 11:51 PM
37

Lotta rapists in those comments, jfc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 08:36 PM
75

Your statement isn't offensive at all, it's the truth. I don't know any people in real life who think age gap relationships are something to aspire to. They think it's creepy. I knew a middle-aged guy who left his wife for his college-aged mistress. Everybody apart from the enablers in his inner circle thought he was a creep. Hollywood and the manosphere are their own little worlds. The people living outside of it don't look up to this shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 06:51 PM
349

Hahahahaha, awesome job. And congrats on grad school!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 03:57 AM
94

Men really be out here equating our right to respect to their perceived "right" to rape us 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 04:13 PM
46

I had a guy tell me the exact same thing. A month later, he was dating a woman from his own culture and engaged to her months later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 03:26 AM
8

Thank you, I said the same in an above comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 01:26 AM
39

A bridge? This is straight up child sex abuse. I'm sure the kids can't wait to watch the fruits of their moms' work at the "family viewing." /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 01:24 AM
44

I highly recommend the 1995 version of Sense & Sensibility. Not only is it shockingly feminist for a film about 19th century England, but Emma Thompson wrote the screenplay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 12:38 AM
12

Every cheater uses that excuse. Can't believe women still fall for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 10:57 PM
9

I had a grandmother who slept with married men. Trust when I say her drama and lack of morals carried over into every other facet of her life and that she never got better. Women who do this cause chaos everywhere they go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 10:56 PM
13

Might as well slap some sense into her (figuratively speaking), because I can't see your friendship surviving anyway. Cheating isn't a silly mistake, it's a serious character flaw - and this is the SECOND married man who's trying to sleep with your friend (assuming she's not already). So this shitty behavior is a pattern.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 10:54 PM
71

I seriously thought this was an Onion article for a second. What the fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 10:49 PM
19

It's always the men who have nothing to offer who worry about this too. Incredible. Their worries about being taken advantage of are projection. They know they bring nothing else and want to get their dicks wet before you wake up and bounce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 07:04 PM
19

Tell her men first need to prove their financial compatibility by taking you to nice dinners for 6 months. Just kidding, don't waste your time explaining to deaf ears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 07:00 PM
28

She's a doormat who's trying to lead you astray to make her feel better about her own bad decisions. Never take advice from people who are so obviously unstable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:59 PM
232

There's a lot of pickmes out there still drinking the patriarchal kool-aid. They have to figure it out on their own. You can't help them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:56 PM
293

I'm guessing you're early 20s and this is your first job. The learning curve at that age is steep as you move out into the professional world. I wish someone had told me this back then, so I'm telling you now: Watch your boundaries with colleagues and coworkers, and don't make friends on the job. My dad said, "You're there to work and make money, that's it." The older I get, the more I realize how on the nose he was. Coworkers come and go. Many of them bring nothing but drama and office fights, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:46 PM
58

She is getting married next month -- the guy and her started dating 2 months ago Wut???? She's marrying a stranger she started dating 2 months ago, end of story. Sharing a few classes in high school isn't courtship. Apparently men need sometime and sex to know "the women has right intentions and wouldn't just take advantage of him". Isn't it interesting this same consideration isn't given to women? Also, "take advantage of him" how, exactly? That's a bullshit excuse used by men projecting their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:38 PM
53

One of the best comments I ever read in FDS said the key to vetting for HV is "look for a man who's happy, secure, and has zero interest in seeking validation from other men." Many women make the mistake of vetting for potential but something I don't see enough is we too often make allowances for men who aren't happy, and that's one of many possible signs that he's not actualized yet (if ever). If a man isn't happy where he is, we can't help him and no amount of our help will make a difference a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 05:28 PM
7

Hell, it's on the front page of Reddit right now. Again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 06:57 PM
46

This. Any mention of exes, I reserve for my girlfriends (and even that's limited), FDS, and therapy. Tbh though, once I healed the past, I no longer mention exes to my girlfriends at all. I share stories with FDS for sharing-and-learning value. And I graduated therapy because I don't need it anymore. Imo, discussing exes with a new partner is tacky and opens you to liabilities. It's not even a good vetting tactic. Let the past stay in the past where it belongs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 05:18 PM
105

What's your end game? I don't talk about my exes because they're dead to me. I don't say that out of anger, just sheer indifference. Tbh, I don't talk about anyone who's no longer in my life, even for the perceived entertainment value to current friends. I've done that in the past until I realized a) it was unattractive and b) it meant I wasn't over them for one reason or another. People don't talk about things unless there's still an unresolved emotion there. I might mention an ex in passing do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 05:08 PM
380

The Red Army raped 2 million German women when it took Dresden during WW2. Sadly not unusual for wartime. Men act like they're the only ones who suffer in war because they've historically been the ones going to fight, but women have been suffering during wartime as long as war's existed, even when we weren't fighting on the frontlines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:25 PM
177

Assuming she divorces him. She says she's been "emotionally and physically suffering" in the relationship for years and is clearly traumatized but hasn't resolved to leave yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:22 PM
196

Honestly, this is a perfect example of why it's a waste of time to even mention this in your profile. Clearly, communication is not the problem. The men know. They just don't care. The ones who meet your standards will do so with you needing to ask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 11:57 PM
68

$10 buys you a bottled water and a bag of M&Ms in NYC. Wish I was joking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 02:12 PM
114

Sad thing is, men like this will never make the connection that they're the problem. They think life's a slot machine and if they keep spinning, they'll hit the jackpot. Thank porn and other aspects of modern living that emphasizes instant gratification.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 02:09 PM
6

We all know men who say "I don't believe in marriage" to one woman and still keep seeing her and sleeping with her (basically use her) just to turn around and marry the one he really loves (and actually respects) Eh, he won't love or respect her either. If a man's low value to one woman, he's low value to all women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 05:04 AM
136

They want a beautiful 22 year old virgin to approach them. And they still wouldn't respect her and would treat her like shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:50 AM
41

lol how'd you guess?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:48 AM
62

No joke, my comment was almost an exact quote from a coworker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:15 AM
28

The encounter that made me leave OLD was a message from a guy who introduced himself as a semi-pro wrestler and asked me to be a third to him and his girlfriend. It was nowhere near the first message I'd received that week from an ugly dude desperate to live a poly fantasy. On a whim, I checked out his profile. His pic showed a freakishly tall and skinny guy (no joke, he was at least 6'5") in a mask and nut-hugging leotard with the Batman insignia sewn onto his chest. It looked like something yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:12 AM
136

"Of course I'm a feminist! I love powerful women! I'd totally fuck my female boss, doesn't that count?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 02:01 AM
110

You forgot "fluent in sarcasm."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 01:57 AM
27

I'll add to this excellent comment: The reason you can't win and he keeps changing his story is he was never going to stick around anyway. His goal from the very beginning was to use OP and then dip. It becomes less of a mindfuck once you realize you were dealing with a parasite and a liar. Nothing these guys say is real, so whatever lame excuse they give you isn't personal, because it's all bullshit. Fuck whatever they think, it's all lies anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 01:38 AM
203

Only 10 years?? He looks like her dad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 02:28 PM
98

A girlfriend once told me, "An apology without changed behavior is just manipulation", and that's stuck with me. She was talking about a guy I was friends with. The other clue for me that something was wrong with him was he had the nerve to refer to "our" communication problems. WE did not have communication problems. He did. He had communication problems with literally everyone he knew but refused to recognize he was the only common denominator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 02:18 PM
43

Hit dogs holler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 12:32 AM
28

Heads up, that site appears to only have criminal cases, not civil/family court. So it's a great tool but definitely leaves stuff out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 12:31 AM
190

For me, it comes down to whether a person is trustworthy. Untrustworthy people use vague and imprecise language. They're always full of excuses and deny responsibility. And they hate, hate, hate women who ask questions. This behavior is the calling card of someone who's dangerous. When I see it, I dip. I don't need to know anything else. The times I've found out the full story later, it's inevitable the person had a criminal record, addictions, raped and abused other women, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:59 PM
186

“You’re the only one who makes me this way.” This is classic abuser speak and it's always a lie. Abusers don't operate in a vacuum; they leave trails of destroyed women behind them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:55 PM
133

This is a VERY important point. Criminal records are a great tool, but lack of one doesn't mean an automatic green light. I know a couple serial abusers walking around without any criminal records because they've never been caught yet. Shitty people don't get character transplants. If he mistreated you, he's mistreating the next woman behind closed doors and it's not worth our time imagining otherwise, because it's simply not true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:54 PM
28

This site is incredible, thank you so much for sharing. Just found out the guy I cut loose for a few red flags has a criminal record going back 20 years including armed burglary, attempted murder, bankruptcy, and selling cocaine and meth. He's done multiple stints in prison. I didn't dodge a bullet, I dodged a nuclear warhead. Holy shit. Just goes to show if we play our cards right and get rid of a guy at the first red flag, we won't know for sure that we met a dangerous man unless someone fills…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:23 PM
12

It's also a desperate last resort for angry old white men who are broke and can't afford to retire comfortably in the US. I know 2 guys who did this. They spent decades voting down social services here but (shocker) now can't afford to retire here so they fled to Thailand where living is cheap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:35 PM
31

The audacity of those assholes. Good for you getting out of there. Did they ever try reaching out to you after? I cannot imagine abandoning a friend in a foreign country and not knowing if she ever made it home safely, let alone abandoning her so I could rape a prostitute. WTF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:31 PM
16

he said if we fought, I could always fly home by myself. Wow. He didn't hide it at all, didn't he?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:30 PM
47

"Easier" = "poor, desperate women and lots of sex trafficking" That's what guys mean when they say women of certain ethnicities are "easier." They're delusional and in denial so they don't sound like rapists. "Those women know how to be women! They like me!" No dude, they have no choice. The women I hear them mention the most (Asian and Russian women) don't tolerate bullshit. These guys are specifically talking about the most desperate women in these countries, many of whom literally can't say n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:29 PM
5

So he claimed he went backpacking for five years So he was homeless and unemployed for five years?? That's pathetic even if he was fresh out of college and not settled yet. Five years is a ridiculous amount of time to not have a home base. I can tell you from experience, it's also seriously draining. I traveled a lot in my 20s but always came home after a few weeks at most. The frequent trips were exhausting and didn't give me the focus I needed to level up in my career at the time. I can't imag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:25 PM
52

I find that excuse hilarious and so does my Filipina bestie. Whenever she hears white guys talk about submissive Asian women, she's like, "Have they MET my mother??" When western guys talk about "more feminine women with less maintenance", they're really talking about impoverished, desperate women with no options.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:20 PM
70

A lot will block your legit original account and then say they have no social media. This is how a (married) male friend got me years ago. I knew him for 2 years before he tried initiating an affair with me. Found out later his "empty" Facebook profile actually had hundreds of photos with his wife and tons of lovey dovey messages with each other on his wall. He'd put me on a filter the day we met so he could later try to sell me on a bullshit sob story that their marriage was dead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:16 PM
240

He's lazy. Guys like this might also dream of owning a Lambo and working at Google, but nothing will compel them to get off their couch and work for it because at the end of the day, they just don't have the energy to rise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:13 PM
8

Saw your edit. Please check in with us here once you've left him so we know you're ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:26 AM
3

Sadly, I'm sure there are rude people out there who make guests pay to attend, but I've never met one. If anyone in my social circle did that, they'd be ostracized. It's customary to bring a gift for the couple, but that's the extent of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 01:33 AM
22

Guests don't pay to attend western weddings. That's OP's friend being a shithead. If I ever asked guests to pay, my grandmother would roll right out of her grave and beat my ass to death.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 08:15 PM
22

I second this, OP. You already gave her a gift, don't send another. This relationship is over anyway. Don't reward bad behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 08:13 PM
9

I’m the only friend that is left from our friend group that still talks to her. I can see why. What a shit show, from start to finish. Also, on what planet does the Maid of Honor pay deposits for the wedding?? WTF???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 08:12 PM
9

Brands really are a great analogy. Great article on the topic. Luxury brands and their customers are very particular about exclusivity and get really shitty when they feel "everyday" brands overstep into their circle. They don't compromise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:54 PM
35

If I had a dollar for every insecure asshole who could dish it out but couldn't take it, I'd be retired. It's the calling card of the abusive man. Guys like this are worthless, you're not missing anything by dumping him, you're winning your life back. 6 months from now, you won't believe how much better your life's gotten and how glad you are that you dumped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:35 PM
75

Fyi, a red flag isn't a warning, red flags are dealbreakers. You don't see a red light and slow down, you stop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:28 PM
32

Wow, this guy is godawful. You need a dude like this like you need a hole in the head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:24 PM
68

Read what you just wrote: "act normal." That's all he's doing - acting - and not even well. At his core, he's an abuser. There's nothing here worth saving and you'd only put yourself in danger trying. He'll tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear to lure you back, and if you take him up on it, he'll ramp up the abuse to punish you for leaving the first time and hope he breaks you so you won't try again. Never go back to an abuser no matter what he tells you. Any niceness is an act. They don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:23 PM
70

I ghosted one shithead and have never felt a speck of guilt over it. Telling him would've been dangerous, and I wasn't even dating the fucker. Do what you gotta do and prioritize yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:20 PM
79

Some police departments will let you request a police escort to pick up your things. Call the police non-emergency line in your area and ask. You can have a cop accompany you along with friends to help you move. The more the merrier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:18 PM
52

This is textbook emotional abuse. Don't overthink this or blame yourself. He's an asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:17 PM
340

Because he's nice like 3/7 days a week and then in horrible moods the rest of the time. You can have a sandwich that's half turkey, half dog shit, and you'd still call it a shit sandwich. You're doing the right thing leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 07:16 PM
101

i can't handle frequent assaults on my self esteem This is a GOOD thing. It's a sign of good boundaries and self-esteem. It's healthy. You're reacting exactly as you should be. Take pride in that fact, and that you're leaving at the first red flag instead of wasting years with a terrible man who'll only get worse if you stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 06:31 PM
28

YES. I think of it this way: If a man can't treat me at least as well as I treat myself, then by definition he's a downgrade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 05:18 PM
27

"Not a martyr." I wish that phrase caught fire for women on a cultural level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 05:16 PM
26

There's a female influencer who's been bragging about her polyamorous relationship with her fiancé and made it a huge part of her brand now. It's embarrassing and people have voiced concern that he bullied here into it to cheat on her but she won't hear it. Doesn't help he's a much older dude with a lot of rape and domestic violence allegations from other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 05:13 PM
41

Pickmes are everywhere but I think the reactions you get to proper courtship really depend on the particular audience. If a pickme bragged about being low maintenance around my friends and family, we'd all feel embarrassed for her. Yes, the men too. Even LVM who don't have their lives together know we should be properly courted, they just won't tell you that because they need women to stay cheap otherwise they can't afford a girlfriend. LVM have told me this. When they hear you're low maintenanc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 05:06 PM
49

They already hate themselves and also hate women because they know they can't actually get a wife. It's even worse when these guys DO marry the pickme. I know one such pairing. The woman planned the whole wedding by herself and quit her prestigious job to follow him across the country. The guy didn't care and sure as heck wasn't making any sacrifices on HIS end. He had big career plans and expected his new wife appliance to build him up. Pickmes who have the misfortune of marrying these guys wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:44 PM
33

Even someone with low self-esteem has bills! He wants her to live with him. That's the only way his proposed arrangement could work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:39 PM
8

His argument to that is gonna be that you'll live with him. He wants a slave who can't leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:37 PM
7

lol my first thought was someone needs to call Adult Protective Services on this guy cuz he's obviously unwell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:35 PM
16

Also the job market is so heavily skewed in favor of employees right now. Nobody, and I mean nobody, will take him seriously when they can literally get 5 competitive offers elsewhere (and actually get paid lmao).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:29 PM
27

Started off rich AND went to MIT, then inherited his dad's company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:28 PM
22

These guys tend to be delusional. They think they've got the next Facebook, yet don't have any bigwigs in Silicon Valley backing them like Zuck did. I've met guys who didn't even have a business plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:26 PM
36

There was a good FDS post a few weeks ago from a woman dating a broke entrepreneur, and she wanted to know if marrying him was a bad idea. It sparked a great conversation in the comments. Recommended reading, but the tldr is that "entrepreneur" simply means "broke and unemployed." If a guy has a stable, successful business, he'll just call himself a businessman. Entrepreneurship's a wet dream for unstable, unproven 20-something guys. If they're still holding onto that dream in their 30s and 40s,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:23 PM
30

He thinks he deserves a free slave/prostitute and that women will jump at the chance 🤡 I want what he's smoking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:19 PM
54

Former assistant here (see my previous comment). $70K after 5 years is a joke, let alone that number as a hollow promise. Experienced assistants make 6-figures. Why work for this idiot when you can make bank AND get a recognized company name on your resume?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:16 PM
121

Former assistant here. I burst out laughing at the "no pay" part. Douchebags like this are a type. They're always young and unproven with NO professional successes under their belt but big dreams. They'll want you to work for free but call it "equity", and they get mad when you point out that 5% of zero is still zero. They screw over everyone they work with (partners, employees, customers) and have no qualms about fudging numbers. They're always mentally unstable sociopaths with drug problems. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 04:13 PM
300

Men willfully ignore the fact that there's fewer homeless women because homeless women disappear. I recall a charity saying they couldn't reach homeless women fast enough because we usually get taken within hours by traffickers, rapists, and other predators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 12:49 AM
1

What a shit. I hope you dumped him after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 06:07 PM
77

“ethically non-monogamous.” I love how people insist it's ok just because they clarify that it's ethical. Wow, it almost as if non-monogamy inherently isn't, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 06:05 PM
17

How does she even sleep with this guy? He's insufferable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:59 PM
36

I like how he says they don't want to get married but just want a committed long-term relationship. Know what shows you're committed to a long-term relationship? Marriage. This post is a perfect demonstration of that. He doesn't care about her at all and thinks basic consideration is some outrageous request.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:54 PM
59

This scrote didn't even care how she was getting home from surgery. That part gets me the most. In my experience, doctors haven't let me go home by myself even for in-office surgical procedures. Couldn't drive myself OR take an Uber. They've always insisted a friend or family member pick me up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:53 PM
47

"Asshole man who treats his girlfriend/wife like shit" is its own category on AITA.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:50 PM
16

You rarely see older people in these relationships because they know from experience it's bullshit and doesn't work. Poly people forget wife swapping was a fad in the 60s and 70s. It's interesting when you talk to older folks who tried it out, because every single one will tell you, "It was exhausting, it was ludicrous, it was dramatic, it doesn't work, never again."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:58 PM
1

He looks like someone took an ugly man and melted him in the oven.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:17 PM
2

He looks like an exploded can of biscuits. How does a guy like this get a following? Glad his house burned down. Ten bucks says it was one of the neighbors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:16 PM
3

Or she's paying for the tickets and had to plan the whole trip herself. I don't believe for one second that he suddenly leveled up in the last year and is suddenly laying down money and making all this effort. He didn't give a shit about her last year, he ain't starting now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:09 PM
2

Knew what he was doing and was HOPING he'd hurt her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:08 PM
2

If he pulled this on another man, he'd get punched and he knows it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:08 PM
6

One of my dad's employees was complaining a Tinder date (lol the oxymoron there) ghosted him. Dad's been out of the dating world for 40 years so bless him, he naively asked where the dude took her for the date and if he'd brought flowers. Dude said Burger King. Dad made fun of him to his face and later complained to me, "That boy ain't right in the head." I had to break it to him that this is how dating is now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:06 PM
7

This is the result of patriarchal conditioning. Men are told they're gods, women are made to feel ashamed for existing and that we're nothing without a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 03:04 PM
1

There was a website for this, years ago in the aughts. But men threw a tantrum and got it removed because it was "slander."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:11 PM
6

I've made a similar comment before on FDS. Most people wouldn't trust a stranger with their PIN number but somehow we're supposed to let them into our most sacred places (our homes, our beds, our bodies). I don't understand hookup culture at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:10 PM
8

Oh yeah, 18 years is the bare minimum. You're gonna be seeing your idiot sperm donor at the kid's wedding in 30 years. Breeding with a fuckwit has awful lasting consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:05 PM
15

Modern dating is hell, people confuse it with casual sex, no courtship, no getting to know you at all. I blame a combo of porn and dating apps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 02:04 PM
284

You'd be shocked (or not) how many men have openly told me they want a woman with low self-esteem "because she'll never leave me!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 05:46 AM
100

Describing polyamory as a trauma response is a great way of putting it. I've never met anybody in that scene who was reasonably well-adjusted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 12:45 AM
89

The irony is, you know by "dating them all", she means fucking them and ironing their shirts. NOT them taking her out and spoiling her. The benefits of polyamory only seem to go in one direction. (Hint: not women's.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 12:43 AM
2

Sure was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 09:34 PM
15

You know, I've thought about this a lot. I do amazing things both for myself and for my girlfriends. I can't think of a single man who ever put the same level of thought into planning great experiences, apart from my dad. I've come to terms with the fact that most men can't treat me better than I treat myself, which by definition makes them a downgrade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:35 PM
9

It bothers me to no end when men just say "I'm bad at planning things in general" Imagine men using that excuse with any other areas of their lives like their careers. They try it with women because they don't respect us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:32 PM
7

Even their attempts at negging are impotent and ineffectual. I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:31 PM
10

I wonder how many women need to do this before men collectively wonder, "Are we the baddies?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:28 PM
25

I was talking to a coworker on zoom at the start of the pandemic. It was late in the day, and he got on screen wearing a grungy t-shirt. He looked like he was getting ready for bed or about to hit the gym. Then he told me, "Oh fyi, I have to go soon. I have a date arriving in a few minutes." (🤡) I was like, "Oh, I should let you go so you can get dressed." He was like, "Nah, it's ok, I'm good." (🤡🤡) We talked right up until this poor woman knocked on his door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:27 PM
31

I'm glad you mentioned the age thing. I'm approaching 40 and am shocked how many women my age (and older!) are brainwashed pickmes acting this way and then being shocked and upset when men railroad them. Like ladies, we're not naive teenagers anymore, what the heck are we doing? 2 women I know off the top of my head: Almost 40, keeps sleeping with obvious losers who aren't boyfriend (let alone husband) material and getting mad when it falls apart after a few weeks. Recently flew to another count…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:54 PM
31

Eh, I believe it. However, male attraction isn't worth anything. It's like drops of water in the ocean. Women need to stop assigning value to male attraction or thinking it's a compliment. Men can fuck a cardboard box. Notice how he thought his attraction meant anything, but he says nothing about respecting her or caring about her. That was intentional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:46 PM
45

"What the fuck am I supposed to do here?" Stop having casual sex, but you know that advice would get downvoted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:43 PM
56

Or he'll bully you into keeping the baby so he can "own" you for the next 18 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:41 PM
163

Do these guys even listen to themselves talk? So embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:39 PM
72

Years ago, a guy friend blew his whole paycheck on lap dances and was complaining about it. Like bro, did you black out? Did aliens possess your body and hand over your wallet? Haven't talked to that guy now in many years. He's not missed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:38 PM
35

LVM will pay for a round of drinks for their buddies but resent paying for sex, because they actually like and respect their friends. Just more proof these guys are happy to spend money on what really matters to them. They view women as sex dispensers and commodities. Tell me again how sex work is empowering?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:34 PM
2

She might have a blog post about that, actually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:03 PM
5

Online dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 02:00 PM
85

Also code for unemployable, and there's reasons for that. I've met plenty of these guys and they're liars, sociopaths, con artists, and simply insufferable assholes. In my experience, a guy with a real business will call himself a businessman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 01:58 PM
35

This right here. Shop around with more attorneys and find a pitbull. Check out Chump Lady's blog and email her for advice. She writes about how to divorce cheaters and is now remarried to a lawyer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 01:56 PM
3

Congratulations! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 12:38 AM
2

I'm sorry. I hope you're doing well now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 12:21 AM
6

lol I'm doing my part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 06:44 PM
68

This is what happens when society brainwashes women for generations telling us we need a man at all costs or else our lives serve no purpose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:35 PM
29

My favorite part is he asks, "Is this relationship worth saving?" As if he has a choice. Bruh, it's over. You lost her, she's gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:31 PM
7

lol "I didn't know Valentine's Day was the same day every year!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:26 PM
3

Let me guess. He was shocked and claimed you blindsided him with the divorce papers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:25 PM
3

PSA to any woman here who needs help with her pelvic floor: There are physical therapists who specialize in the pelvic floor, and you'd be better served seeing one than a yoni egg (which are bullshit). Pelvic floor specialists can help with everything from incontinence after childbirth to pelvic pain like vaginismus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:23 PM
7

I want to write back and tell him the relationship's over, there's no "we" anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:21 PM
19

He's embarrassing. I got a few lines in and realized he just wants someone to validate his weaponized incompetence. Making dinner reservations and getting a thoughtful gift isn't rocket science.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:19 PM
21

And Britney wasn't using her mental illness as an excuse to abuse anybody.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:06 PM
17

It's an excuse. Two of my brothers-in-law struggled with losing jobs during the pandemic (one of them multiple jobs in a row bc more than one place lost funding/went out of business). Both of them always had new jobs within 48 hours, sometimes same day, even during the early stages of the pandemic when things were even more fucked and many businesses were closed. Now? Businesses can't even find enough employees. There's no reason for this guy to be unemployed. He's just not trying because he has…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:08 PM
10

Relationships are give and take in the sense women give and LVM take.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:05 PM
101

"I never asked for advice" lol then why is she here? Does she expect the internet to reassure her that her relationship's ok?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:04 PM
43

Glad she shared her story though. Stories like these are a dime a dozen but maybe at a certain point the cultural tide will turn and pickmes will stop thinking this crap can work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:38 PM
38

True. But the lesson I'm taking here is this is the "reward" awaiting me for ignoring red flags. I've done similar to this woman and always got bitten in the ass for it, though thankfully not to this level. There's no reward awaiting us for being nice and giving men chances they don't deserve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:28 PM
19

I think they assume they'll find all these 20-years olds eager to jump their dick on Tinder. Totally normal way to build a relationship, right? /s I've seen quite a few anonymous older dudes claim online that they were banging college students. Cool story bro, but also if it's true, I guarantee he's a loser in real life and everyone who knows him thinks he's that creepy middle-aged guy who failed to launch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:20 PM
17

I don’t understand why so many people are willing to listen to anything Jordan Peterson has to say He's a messiah for idiots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:17 PM
7

I thought you could in settings (can't find it right now), but for sure you should be able to block Reddit Cares altogether via the message you received so you don't get it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:14 PM
13

Peterson's a hack and at least one of his early supporters now regrets it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:09 PM
154

First rule of misogyny: Everything men do is our fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:06 PM
62

What a narcissist. "Thousands of women disagree with me, but I can't possibly be the problem."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:05 PM
42

Redpillers live in a fantasy universe. I don't know anybody who wouldn't be horrified by such an age gap relationship. When I was in college, I and all my girlfriends were outraged/horrified/amused by the crusty old dudes (any guy over 30) hitting on us. We dated our own age. I didn't know anyone who did. I did know a college student who had an affair with a married 45-year old and she became his next wife. Surprise surprise, he's now under investigation as a serial rapist. The guy was always a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:03 PM
11

You can turn those off in your settings, fyi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:59 PM
53

Literally. I'm convinced my aunt's early death was due to the stress of her ex-husband abandoning the family and then spending the next 10 years constantly dragging her back to family court just to fuck with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:58 PM
22

Did we know the same guy? I knew someone whose mom was giving him sex advice. He told me this like it was normal, without a speck of concern, and only looked afraid when he saw the look on my face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 02:02 PM
5

Sis, everything you say makes it clear you guys are not compatible. Don't try to water a dead plant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 05:27 PM
25

Thanks for saying what I was gonna post as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 05:20 PM
184

I did this to a guy once. He hadn't even asked me out, was just circling and playing hot-cold games with me. Finally I was done and moving on. He got angry and tried rekindling interest saying he was no longer sure about me and we should part ways. I said sure, sounds good, that's exactly what I want too. That wasn't the answer he expected or wanted. He flipped his lid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 05:16 PM
42

Ten bucks says she's significantly younger than him. An older woman wouldn't tolerate this shit, and he says he's been living on his own for 15 years. Sounds like he's in his 30s and unemployed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 11:16 PM
26

Men tell us this lie because they think we're stupid. Imagine half assing a job interview with this same logic. "I'm showing up unprepared. Prove yourself to me and maybe in a few months if I decide I like you, I'll start wearing a suit and bringing my full self to the job." You'd be laughed out the door and your resume put in the trash where it belongs. Most men have at least the awareness that they could never get away with this with a boss. The fact they pull this with women shows how much th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 05:21 PM
29

Yeah, and tolerating that is a good way to find yourself carrying the entire relationship with a guy who resents you and planning your wedding by yourself. Know a woman who did this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 04:29 PM
11

Yup. But like I said, they were manipulators so I wouldn't be surprised if the tears were fake too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 04:20 AM
39

I wish I could tell you I had superpowers. Frankly, manipulative men cry to get what they want, not because I actually hurt their feelings. Things I've said included: "Hey, it's not working out, I'm not interested in further dates." "Fuck off and go home to your wife." Cue the waterworks, sobbing, and expectation that I would comfort them. It was just another manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:57 AM
9

"Rules for thee but not for me."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:54 AM
21

Honestly, it's not hard to make a manipulative man cry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:21 AM
61

Dated a guy like this in college. He was extremely verbally abusive. Would straight up call me names and tear me down in public. Later learned he humiliated his ex with revenge porn. His excuse for everything was always "I'm just being honest." Grade A douchebag. He was also full of himself and really thought he was gonna be the next great American writer. All it took for me to (happily) torpedo our relationship was to call his writing garbage. He had a meltdown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:20 AM
23

You'd think so, but losers don't think that way. They know they have nothing to offer but have no interest in putting in the effort to improve. I knew a guy in college who faked friendship with me for 10 years trying to get into my pants. I've shared that story here. LVM are deranged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 04:59 PM
15

Too much work for sociopaths. They want easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 04:08 PM
27

A guy I was seeing legit told me I had no right to be mad when I found out he had a fiancée because "he was polyamorous." I was like, "Uninformed polyamory is called cheating, dipshit."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 04:06 PM
25

Line up ladies to the nearest exit! lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 04:04 PM
23

The mother was always wanting “girl time” with my niece and bought her panties from Victoria’s Secret. WHAT. Thank god you put a stop to this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 04:00 PM
65

I learned that lesson the hard way. Took bad experiences with multiple men until I realized that ANY show of public vulnerability is like ringing the dinner bell. There's a significant percentage of the male population walking around looking for wounded gazelle. It's really crazy. Get this: Years ago, I mentioned a challenge I'd overcome (homelessness) to a big networking group I was a part of. I didn't think twice about it. It was in the past, I was fine. More than fine, actually, I was a risin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 03:39 PM
34

Sadly, I'm no stranger to women trying to set me up with their ugly husbands. I've had this happen so much already, I can now spot it from a mile away. It's so tiresome and rude. This felt different, even more sinister. I legit got this weird intuitive thought as she's inviting me to the party that if I showed up, I'd get kidnapped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 01:45 PM
136

Never thought I'd share this story, but I think I met one of these people a few years ago. I randomly met this woman at an event. Without going into details, imagine a pop culture event like Comic Con. She was much older than me and overly friendly, to the point I thought she was interested in me, but she was there with a guy who seemed like her husband. The guy was polite but aloof while she was acting like I was an old friend. The whole encounter felt "too much." I wasn't scared or alarmed, ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 02:46 AM
319

Traffickers like targets who seem vulnerable. If this woman chats warmly about your disadvantages but then turns up her nose at the discovery that, lo and behold, you’re well-adjusted, independent-minded, and surrounded by people who love you… run for the hills. People who are attracted to vulnerability (real or perceived) are predators. I cannot tell you how many people - mostly men looking for an easy-to-control doormat bangmaid - have targeted me thinking I was vulnerable and then got BIG MAD…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 02:30 AM
189

The entitlement in his entire reply, my god.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 02:17 AM
70

I loled at "must have good relationship with her father." A woman like that wouldn't want you, bruh. She knows from experience how a man should treat her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:05 PM
8

Mte, and he's doing it with false equivalents. All he's doing is showing how low the bar is for men if he really thinks his demands are the same as women asking for a man to meet us at our level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:01 PM
52

Right? That was my only thought reading this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:57 PM
1

He did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 09:40 PM
57

Or setting OP up to be stalked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 07:15 PM
29

Lawsuits are tough, expensive, and a huge PITA even when you're in the same jurisdiction, but it might be worth hiring a lawyer to write her a nasty letter ordering her to take down OP's info. Most people would shit a brick and comply without further incident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 06:26 PM
279

OP, please listen to these responses. This is "nuke the bridge and salt the earth" territory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 03:48 PM
80

Really drives home that they know how to act right, they just choose not to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 01:05 AM
160

You can tell it's a boy club by the simple fact the hiring manager wasn't immediately like, "Why tf are you telling me this and how do you know she has an OF anyway?" In a just world, the manager would hire her if she passed the skills test and lose the OP's resume bc he's clearly an asshole and a creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 09:45 PM
43

I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. My condolences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 01:39 PM
20

Tell them don't hop from doctor to doctor hoping for approval, they need to shop specifically for surgeons with a track record for honoring women's choices about our own bodies. I got sterilized because I found my surgeon through the childfree sub's surgeon directory. Picked my doctor out, scheduled the appointment, told her what I wanted, and she approved me in 5 minutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 01:03 AM
7

Me neither. I wrote a comment above about my personal experience with neck tattoos and noticed a strong correlation with violence and authority problems. Stats are cool, but personally I'm fine trusting my gut on this one lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 03:26 PM
13

No problem. Other thing I think about is tats are expensive af. I always found it telling when broke dudes who hadn't established themselves yet somehow had the money for tattoos, cars, motorcycles, video games, drinking, and other dumb shit. If you want to know a man's character, look at where he puts his money. Do you think the murderer in this story had a good job, a home, savings, the British equivalent of a 401(k)? I doubt it. Shows his priorities and his lack of readiness to be a partner. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 03:16 PM
16

Copious personal experience. I grew up in a neighborhood where some guys got them and all of these dudes were bad boys with authority problems. Shitty tattoos reveal poor planning and lack of care for consequences, but neck tats are next level "fuck the man, you can't tell me what to do, I don't care if I can't get a job." That attitude doesn't translate well into husband material. I have no problem with tattoos in general, but the smart guys kept them tasteful and easily hidden so they could ge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 03:03 PM
3

Which part?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 02:57 PM
2

I have an inexperienced 18 year old stepsister who I've been sharing FDS with. She's practically chomping at the bit to go out and let LVM use and damage her, literally talks about how she doesn't care if she gets hurt because she just wants to experience things. I've cautioned her that some experiences are so bad and scar so deeply, they will hinder your ability to ever feel happy again. This hit like a gut punch. The fact teenagers don't understand this makes me sad for them. Glad your stepsis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 02:33 PM
5

Because he's miserable and the only source of pleasure he can get is from your misery, hence trying to make you jealous or beg for him back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 01:32 AM
6

This was a tough read. I'm sorry he tortured your family and am glad you're all doing better. My 2 cents: These people KNOW they're lying, but trying to figure them out beyond that is a waste of time we'll never get back. We're normal, so we'll never truly understand how disordered people think. They're just wired to destroy everything they touch. It's easier to write them off as crazy, in my experience. Source: Grew up with family like this and dated a few narcissists. They're profoundly distur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 01:29 AM
157

The cop said neck tattoos are a sign of problems with authority and never date any man who has them. I've thought the same thing but whenever I say so, apparently that means I'm hateful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 10:47 PM
2

Honestly, the choice isn't that tough - you're getting rid of 200 pounds of dead weight and getting your future back. You're getting rid of him before he hits you, cheats on you, saddles you with children he doesn't support, destroys all your career prospects, steals your money, your health, your self-esteem, your time. You're getting out before you lose the next 20 years and then wake up one day wondering where your life went. I'm almost 40 and will tell you from experience that you have no ide…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 07:18 PM
28

I looked her dead in the eye and said, "I like my hair. I inherited it from your side of the family." Queen move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 06:57 PM
178

He looks like a bum and clearly doesn't think ahead if he's getting tats on his face, hands, and neck. Good luck getting a job unless you're a tattoo artist. He lets her fly across the world to him vs coming to her. He's not serious about her and probably burned all his local bridges if he can't find a local woman to date. A 4-year gap is huge when you're only 19. That's a college sophomore dating a working adult. He's preying on teenagers and women his age don't want him. Looking at his face, I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 06:52 PM
28

It's also a problem if he acts like the conflict is resolved, only to bring it up months later because he's still angry about it. I had a guy do this. Would nod his head and parrot therapy jargon at me, it was a misunderstanding, we're all good now - only for him to start the argument up again weeks or months later. He dragged the argument out for 6 months AND started accusing me of things I never did. Classic example of why therapy only makes abusers worse. The abuser will learn some nice jargo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 02:19 PM
13

How's she doing now? I hope her life's only gotten better and better since then and she's never looked back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 01:48 PM
152

Because his goal was to break her. You'd be surprised how many men have told me they like women with low self-esteem because "she'll never leave me and I can control her forever."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:32 PM
67

Did you guys leave him there screaming? lol what an idiot. What did he think he was gonna accomplish running naked into the street screaming like a lunatic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:31 PM
143

It's part of the con, from their point of view. They know "not all men" is a lie but they also admit to being terrible so what's another lie if it serves their objectives? It's not an oversight, it's intentional. They know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 10:52 PM
56

Transactional people don't think long-term. It's all about instant gratification and petty rewards, not sustainability or real success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 07:04 PM
13

2023? Give it a week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:35 PM
268

I'd fall out of love immediately and see a lawyer. There's no coming back from that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 06:47 PM
38

because the first choice was no longer open to being with them. I think I know the thread you were talking about. It wasn't just the woman not being available but men admitting they didn't deserve her (too broke, too immature, too fucked up, not ready for whatever reason). One man worked on himself and made himself ready but the rest just opted for a woman they perceived as easier/more affordable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 06:46 PM
8

Don't let your mind twist this. Staying would be a million time worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 11:22 PM
7

He's done this before? So this is his pattern. He knows exactly what he's doing. You're a much better person than him. He's garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 11:21 PM
18

I don't think he's clever enough to do this out of manipulation. He is. I don't think he's enjoying it He is. I think he truly believes that I'm the aggressor. Honestly? The reasons for his abuse don't matter, because no reason he could give would make what he did okay. All that matters is he's repeatedly hurting you. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 11:19 PM
20

You weren't desperate, he hurt you and then walked away to punish you some more. You were understandably blindsided and reacted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 11:07 PM
17

"It's not working out, we're over. Please don't contact me again." Block and delete. This isn't a discussion, you don't owe him explanations, and you shouldn't care whatever he says next. He has no answers that will satisfy you. He'll just lie or abuse you more. It's over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 11:02 PM
18

His only hope is to enter a domestic violence program for men for a minimum of 6 months but he will need to attend weekly meetings for years the same way alcoholics have to keep going to AA to stay clean. Anger, power, and control are extremely addictive and he got a HUGE rush from what he did to you. 6 months is exceedingly generous, too. It took my dad 20 years of therapy to stop being abusive, and he's one of the unicorns. To any woman here who's thinking of sticking around while her abusive …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 10:59 PM
21

Saw your edit about needing to see him again to get your stuff back. Idk where you're located but in my country, police can escort you to someone's house to get your belongings. Can you do the same? Or bring big male friends or relatives with you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 10:55 PM
180

I'm happy to report he's dead now. Edit: lol who gave this a wholesome award? 😂😂 Edit2: omg ladies 😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 08:25 PM
201

I know a guy who named one of his daughters after a pornstar. To the surprise of no one, he was a pedophile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:41 PM
13

Omg yes. In my friend's case, he then swore he wasn't flirting and I just misread him. We often say mixed signals don't exist, which is true. But I think it's important we also realize mixed signals often mean manipulation to boot and means we need to bail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:16 PM
42

I had a male "friend" do this and I regret tolerating it. It portended a million other red flags down the road and a super messy end. He turned out to be abusive and a compulsive liar because (surprise surprise!) he was entitled, lacked respect for others, and had no boundaries. Guess what? Forcing inappropriate conversation about sex on other people, especially women, reflects ALL those traits. I could've cut him off months in and saved myself another 2 years of headaches. There's NO reason to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 03:31 PM
354

This comment right here, OP. He's punishing you. This is abuse. Dump him over text and block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 02:46 PM
14

Backing up gives them extra time to punch your window or pull a weapon, or you accidentally hit someone else in your hurry. I mention this tip and this story for our benefit, not theirs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 02:11 PM
1

Laughed way too hard at this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 01:45 AM
5

"You're mine now." Holy shit. Nightmare fuel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 12:48 AM
100

Park face out too so you can drive at a moment's notice. Don't park face in. I made this mistake once and 2 big guys immediately approached my driver's side door (which was thankfully locked as I never drive with unlocked doors) and told me to roll my window down. "We wanna talk to you!" I was nose in so it was gonna be hard to back up and get out of there. I told them "no" 3 times until thankfully they finally fucked off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:51 PM
74

I like Delete Me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:42 PM
87

Right? Says the selfish, lonely predator who has to con his way into a family because he can't do a real relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:41 PM
9

I've met a lot of dangerous men in my time and every single one showed red flags, usually within the first meeting. I'm sure sociopaths with pro-level acting ability exist, but personally I've never met one, even among the con men who made a living off defrauding people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:05 PM
181

I blame Adam Sandler. I blame Hollywood as a whole. An entire industry has given losers hope that they can pull supermodels without any effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:52 PM
268

Advice that helped me: "Zebras do not attract lions. Lions are attracted to zebras." I read that when I was recovering from bad relationships with toxic people and abusers. I was blaming myself a lot wondering, "Why do I attract terrible people?" The truth is, predators are everywhere, and they go for everyone. It's never personal and the onus is never on us. Boundaries and awareness are our arsenal against these characters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:48 PM
51

All I hear in that statement is: "Women my age are choosing literally everything else over me." Yet he still doesn't make the connection as to why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:22 PM
128

Queen shit right here. And he's still contacting you???? How long's it been now, 10 years? I'm assuming it's been a decade if you're talking about finishing both a PhD and med school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 07:00 PM
116

Everybody in the comment section is giving her this advice as well and warning her this man is dangerous. Good to see smart heads prevailing versus Reddit's usual "cOmUnIcAtE" bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:54 PM
43

Sounds like she immediately walked out. Queen move for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 03:48 AM
116

It's already abuse. He assaulted her at their wedding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 03:46 AM
98

Smart parents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 12:20 AM
22

Meanwhile most straight women never even get orgasms from sex with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 05:12 PM
49

MEN: Men are suffering! We need help! OTHER PEOPLE: Sure. Go to therapy, go to rehab, get a job and you'll statistically get paid more than women. Let's talk about men's feelings. Let's talk about male victims of rape and domestic violence. MEN: No, not like that. I mean somebody needs to suck my dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 05:11 PM
97

Check out Andrea Heinz on Twitter. She's a former escort and brothel owner now working to help other women exit the industry. Her stories are heartbreaking and the reason I changed my mind about sex work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 05:05 PM
19

Personally, I don't give my number to strangers and preferred briefly messaging through the app for the purposes of communicating about a date. If he doesn't ask you on a date (soon), don't waste your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 04:57 PM
90

I was friends with 2 sex workers in my 20s. Really sweet women who got handed the short stick in life. Both came from horrific childhoods (crippling poverty, growing up with child molesters and drug addicts). At 16, one got kicked out and the other's mom walked out and never came home, so the girl was pregnant and working at McDonald's to survive. Crazy, horrible stories. These women came from nothing and turned to sex work to survive. If you asked them, they'd say sex work made them feel empowe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:34 PM
135

The first rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for men and everything men do is women's fault. Unless it's something good. In which case, men did it all on their own without your help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:25 PM
101

Isn't it sad and amazing that women's pain is NEVER considered? Not just for prostitution, but for everything. Sexual violence. Our mental health. Our higher likelihood of dying because doctors don't understand women's health issues and literally don't take our pain seriously. Global misogyny is its own pandemic, and it traumatizes and k#lls women in a million ways. But no, we get sad sack posts on social media about how sad men are and how they deserve to rape a women to feel better. Go to ther…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:23 PM
36

Sadly, I guarantee you he didn't change. Someone doesn't go from threatening suicide (hello, manipulation!) to marital bliss soon after. It's just another facade. These people lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:06 AM
45

Was he ... trying to make you jealous? LVM overvalue themselves so much. It's like a penny stock fancying itself a blue chip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:05 AM
17

Crazy how ungrateful these freaks are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:04 AM
27

Even if he magically changed, I would never forget the horrible things he did, and that's enough for me to not want him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:03 AM
39

If anything, therapy makes abusers more dangerous. Therapy fixes communication problems and can help you heal from past trauma. It CANNOT fix character deficiency. If someone wants to hurt you, they will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 11:59 PM
41

Good job. But also: I was slightly bummed since I thought we had a good chemistry but who knows if that's all his act. You knew him a month. Anybody can fake being nice for a month (and much longer). I know you want to meet someone good but putting this in perspective, a month is nothing, especially for bare minimum niceness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 06:45 PM
45

My psychologist won't even treat narcissists because she says they're so impossible to work with and resistant to treatment. That says a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:01 PM
73

Omg yes. The situationship that brought me to FDS nearly k#lled me, and I wasn't even dating the guy. Everything improved when he left: my sleep, my health, my stress levels, all my other relationships. I got promoted at work. I was no longer angry all the time. He married a doormat he claimed was "crazy." If she's crazy, he made her that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:00 PM
27

It's a control thing. These people are control freaks. Typical of abusers, tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:56 PM
22

Yes, it's always a losing game. They don't change. This is who they are at their core. That doesn't change without years of therapy, assuming they ever go and assuming they don't fail at it. It's unlikely they'll ever go, btw. Don't waste your time. Regarding all your questions in your first paragraph, it honestly doesn't matter. Yes, these guys still sucked when I ran into them years later. Yes, their wives were clearly miserable. One guy tried reaching out to me 15 years later on LinkedIn, bal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:50 PM
126

Prostitutes get paid way more than a $20 plate of spaghetti at Olive Garden.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:44 PM
25

Great story about your ex. Character reveals all. People don't change. "But but but leveling up!" You need character to even decide to work on yourself. Shitty people don't do this, barring a come-to-Jesus moment like a drug overdose, bankruptcy, or prison. And even that's a crapshoot. People who are serious about changing stay single while they work on themselves and put in the reps for years. Most won't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:39 PM
34

Women also need to understand that you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. Did people know how badly he was treating you? Probably not! Why would his new relationship be any different?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:58 PM
30

And let's say he actually does level up, which is highly unlikely, but occasionally it does happen. Remember that with you in particular, it just didn't work. This is most noticeable in men who have second, more successful families. They were L/NV scrotes with their first families, more than likely walked away, had issues, and abandoned people who depended on them and loved them. Then they "started over" with a second family, who gets more love, time, attention, etc. Honestly, I've never seen th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:56 PM
103

I had an on-off relationship with a malignant narcissist I met in college. That guy sucked up my teens and 20s. He never changed. When I dumped him for good, he just found another victim who was easier to manipulate - and even after they were engaged, he was still sending me letters trying to get me back! I'm of the firm opinion that "breaks" don't exist and once you break up, the relationship is broken. You can't pick up broken things and duct tape them back together. Don't waste your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:00 PM
13

100% and it needs to emphasized. We're all byproducts of our environment and few of us were encouraged to trust ourselves growing up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:32 PM
6

I heard Kim was apprenticing at a law firm to be a lawyer. Apparently in some US states, you can skip law school altogether and become a lawyer through apprenticeship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:32 PM
49

Important note: "Intuition" doesn't work if you're fucked up for any reason. If that's you, go to therapy and don't date until you've fixed your picker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:27 AM
72

I noticed that little tidbit too and how he just slid that into his story like it was no big deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:05 AM
75

I feel so bad for all these kids. This guy betrayed his daughters and saddled that little boy with a dipshit father, a mom who abandoned them both, and NO family. How fucking selfish can one person be?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:02 AM
17

They'd be so scandalized if you did that, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:05 AM
114

Right? Where's the outrage that this man is threatening revenge porn?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:02 AM
65

Wouldn't be surprised if Kim's day is coming, like we had with Britney and even Paris Hilton. I had no idea how smart or business savvy Paris actually was, or that her parents had her kidnapped and shipped off to one of those trouble teen camps when she was a kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 12:40 AM
122

I once walked into a club seeking a job. A patron followed me back out into the parking lot and tried dragging me into his car. It was the first time I ever visited a strip club. It was also the last.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:22 PM
22

Wtf, you dodged a lunatic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:10 PM
62

I'm so sorry. I've heard the same comment from every Desi woman I know. Almost all refuse to date or marry Desi men. The one who's now engaged to a Desi guy, it only works because she tolerates no shit and he thinks she walks on water. All of these women are beautiful and accomplished, too. Blows my mind how many Indian, Pakistani, and Bengali women have told me they're educated (including advanced degrees) and owned a home by 30 while their brothers/boyfriend were still taking their laundry hom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:06 PM
75

And even when they become edgy atheists, they still won't give up on the cultural misogyny and will still marry a nice virgin doormat picked out for him by his parents and get married in a mosque. He'll do all this even after repeatedly telling you he doesn't want an arranged marriage, doesn't want to date a brown girl, doesn't want religion to be part of his life. I've known so many guys like this. They have no problem lying to women and it's honestly shocking how much they don't know their own…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:01 PM
10

For a lark I popped over to their instagram and they're getting roasted in their own comments (by both men AND women, looks like). They're a joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 05:47 PM
46

High value = high effort, high integrity. Their definition is so wrong, it's laughable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 05:45 PM
86

Same here. I think about all the time I wasted pulling teeth with men who were never serious from the get go. They'd waste my time for a year and then I'd spend the next three years emotionally recovering. If he's not serious about you, he never will be. Don't try to convince him, just recognize you're not compatible and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 05:35 PM
1

Like no joke, when I got my first brand new car, I thought $5K would be enough for a downpayment. When I learned I'd need to be pay double on the downpayment in order to afford the monthly payments, I immediately threw a massive tantrum like this guy. Just kidding. I reacted like an adult and came up with a plan so I could make more money over the next X months and be able to afford the car. $30K buys you a mid-size sedan without any bells and whistles. It's also the average cost of a wedding in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 03:51 PM
38

Fwiw, this is textbook. The blaming yourself, the loooooooong recovery period, the taking you 5 years to realize the red flags, thinking he was perfect. These are classic signs you were abused. Abuse is designed to break you down and prevent you from being able to recognize it, let alone leave it. It's emotional terrorism. Don't blame yourself for any of it. That's like blaming yourself for getting carjacked and not knowing how to fight them off with no weapons or military training. Good rule of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 02:07 PM
52

When our fights got bad, he would force me, verbally, to face him when I cried. “stand up, face me.” Who the fuck did he think he was? Your drill sergeant? Fuck him. So glad he's your ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 01:59 PM
55

The argument doesn't even make sense. Of course men can control it. Turn the fucking computer off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 01:33 AM
58

Men's definition of rape is always conveniently several levels beneath how women would define it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 11:39 PM
84

A guy I dated for a month once reached out to me 5 years later (he was married by then), acting as if we were best friends who'd just had coffee the previous week. I blocked and never responded. Every ensuing attempt, he became more erratic, claiming to be "worried" about me, claiming something must be wrong with me. Because obviously if I don't respond to a deranged married man I haven't spoken to in years, I must be dead or mentally ill, amirite? This guy is the reason I learned about personal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 05:11 PM
6

He also acts like she threw a tantrum and spat in his face. It's not ridiculous to state your preferences (especially when asked!), brainstorm together, make concessions where necessary, and nail down a game plan. Did they do any of that? Did he even try? Doubtful. He just got angry, like a lunatic. Imagine planning a wedding with this guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:51 PM
8

I never assume guys are "clueless" anymore and don't give them benefit of the doubt in general. Posts like this are why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 08:04 PM
59

I don’t understand why they think dating younger is a good solution. They think younger means naive and easy to control. You hear this often from men who want a wife appliance instead of an equal partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:41 PM
14

I think he's talking about different women. Sounds like he's only known the new one for 2 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:40 PM
59

He mentions nothing of her own career, finances, or accomplishments. Hmmm, I wonder why that is... /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:26 PM
38

I wondered the same. My dad had bupkis when he started dating my mom as teens, but he was excited to provide for her and said he couldn't wait to buy her a house. Raising a family costs money. idk why this guy's complaining.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:24 PM
22

I immediately wondered about his savings and debts too, and found it telling he doesn't mention them. Or his girlfriend's financial situation. Or her responses during this conversation. He just lets internet strangers assume the worst of her to make him look like a victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:18 PM
30

His joint car/wedding fund is a joke. I say this as someone who's currently car shopping. $30K buys you a new car OR a wedding, and those are prices at the low end. It gets pricier as you move into bigger cars for a growing family. If a guy told me he had a "joint" fund of $30K for a car AND a wedding and thought that was sufficient, I'd think he wasn't serious about marriage and I'd also question his common sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:10 PM
23

And the house is incompatible with his professed goals, too. You want kids? Cool. Why would you want to raise them in a condo? Why is talking about this making him so angry? Men think a house should suffice, but if it's incompatible with your goals and lifestyle, then you're not compatible as a couple. No harm no foul, but he takes it so personally. If you can't have a 5-minute conversation about finances with a woman you're professing interest in building a life with, you're not ready to be a h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:04 PM
63

And her standards are hardly ridiculous. Both of them want kids, no? It's not unreasonable to want to raise your children with more elbow room. What's his deal? You have discussions like this when you're thinking of building a life together, but he makes it sound like she's making heated demands and insulting him. People are asking about her finances, and he doesn't even know (or claims not to) and makes it sound like she's unemployed and has no money herself. For all we know, she's successful o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:59 PM
6

I knew a woman who moved in with a guy 2 weeks after meeting online. They slept together the first week, she moved in the 2nd, and by month 2 were exclusive. Figure that one out. Anyway, that first month she was grocery shopping for him. By month 6, she gave him a car. Before the year was out, he proposed. Yes, she planned the whole wedding herself. They're out there, ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:22 AM
4

Honestly dating is so hard bc I do more romantic shit by myself than any man has tried to initiate w me. This is so painfully accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:19 AM
9

The part that gets me is he thinks she wants to come home from a long day of cleaning up after other people and ... clean some more? For free?? And then fuck him on top of that??? This idiot literally thinks she's an appliance. No consideration for her needs or feelings. No empathy whatsoever. Unreal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 01:16 AM
104

It’s been scientifically proven that men physically and emotionally abuse women they perceive to be BETTER than them. It’s a way to “mate guard” and make sure you don’t lose your breeding mare— break her down physically, psychologically, and/or emotionally. The idea is to break a woman down so far that she won’t leave. Men have been openly admitting this to me since I was a teen. 90% of the time, they then asked me out and would be outraged when I rejected them. Men really operate in different r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 12:10 AM
19

Wtf, talk about a hostile work environment. I hope he got in trouble for sexual harassment and stalking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 11:18 PM
12

I know a woman who convinced a guy to marry her, in part, by giving him a car. I didn't even know this woman and I felt bad for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 11:15 PM
33

I know a Desi guy whose social media photo is literally him standing in a power pose while his new wife hides behind him. You can't make this shit up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 11:03 PM
4

"Babied his whole life", controlling, codependency, double standards, yup yup yup. I could've written this. SA misogyny is next level and the way these men abuse is cookie cutter. It's indeed a blessing that he never reached out to you. I hope you blocked him so he can never reach out down the road. They often do, and it's NEVER a compliment. He's looking for his next host. Don't ever doubt yourself. These guys don't change and they create a living hell for their wives. In my case, the guy marri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 08:25 PM
40

He thinks she's a professional servant and is mixing up dating with hiring her (for free, of course). Next level delusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:20 PM
14

I'm seeing that in a lot of places on Reddit lately, from mainstream subs to "feminist" spaces that got overrun by men a long time ago. The women over at twox have gotten savage and started openly telling sealioning men in the comments to shut up and fuck off. I think the pandemic has worked women's last nerve. Every woman I know is tired and annoyed and I've lost count how many women I personally know who've dumped shitty boyfriends or husbands during Covid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:43 PM
10

Tired of the "sex work is work" argument. So are sweatshops and child labor, so what's his point? All are exploitative and should be outlawed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:39 PM
66

SA misogyny is next level. And I'm saying that as a middle eastern woman. Every woman in my social circle has stories of SA guys who loudly claim to be feminists yet treat women like shit and think they can sleep around until they find a doormat to marry. They think of wives as accessories, not equal partners. It's gotten to the point that we have running jokes like: "Your SA boyfriend ghosted you? He must be getting married next weekend."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:03 PM
3

Omg, my dude said he didn't want to date a brown girl, then started dating a Bengali girl weeks later. He shit talked her from the beginning. She was "crazy", they had "communication problems", you know the drill. He claimed the relationship was just sex and he'd never marry her because she was nuts, but he married her within the year. The truth? Guys like this are liars, they don't respect women, and they claim to hate the dysfunction of their home culture yet dive right into the worst aspects …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 02:48 PM
6

😂😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 01:29 AM
19

We tried our best to keep her safe. Unfortunately 2 of her children - my dipshit uncle and his sister who enabled him - sued us for guardianship of my grandmother and claimed we were abusing her. Classic DARVO from abusers who'd already stolen her money and ransacked her house. We're all convinced the stress of the lawsuit contributed to her death. I cannot stress this enough to FDS: Pickmes will fuck over their own mother to enable a POS. The legal system doesn't want to protect you. Keep dange…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 06:22 PM
5

Was he Indian? Mine was Indian, too. I learned the hard way it's impossible to work around a lifetime of cultural indoctrination and the guys who are the loudest about being westernized, feminist, etc are full of crap and still want a doormat they don't have to respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:40 PM
62

Thanks for asking. She passed away shortly before her son, unconscious but safe in a hospital surrounded by her family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:37 AM
137

My uncle was like this. My grandmother spoiled him senseless. He didn't move out of her house til he was 65. He never paid a dime in rent and was a hoarder. He did nothing to help around the house and wouldn't get her groceries. We only knew how bad it was when Grandma called us crying because there was no food in the house except for "his" steaks, which she "wasn't allowed to touch." The day he finally moved out, she tripped on all his hoarding crap and broke her arm. He called 911 and left her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 12:08 AM
20

And the woman inevitably has her own money anyway. Broke men are so poor and inept that they think bare minimum standards are "gold."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 05:56 PM
45

Because he already got one woman, his ego went through the roof and he figures he can get/deserves more women. This is why you never give losers a chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 05:53 PM
2

Porn and PUA makes men deranged about their sexual prowess and thinking they're still in college. It's weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 05:52 PM
1

"the dating app meant to be deleted" They're right, but not in the way they think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:18 PM
2

He said dates "weren't his style". Imagine this level of laziness being tolerated in any other area of his life. A job "isn't his style." Paying bills "isn't his style." Putting any effort into his family and friends "isn't his style." Pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:16 PM
49

For real, I stopped going to clubs at 20 (before I could even legally drink yet). The rest of my friends did the same once we graduated. We were either working or going to grad school and didn't have time for bars. There's something sad about people who habitually get drunk after college, it's not cute anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:06 PM
39

He's so arrogant and insincere and admits what he did, but I equally find it telling that at no point does he say, "I love my wife and take our marriage vows seriously." He's a bad liar to begin with but the fact his wife isn't even top of mind is painfully telling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:02 PM
61

And he has the audacity to call this woman the cheater. On what planet?? Who's she cheating???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:55 PM
54

Imagine all the stuff he's not admitting to because there's no video evidence. His wife clearly knows bc she tells this other woman she expects him to lie some more. I hope she leaves him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:48 PM
134

That's seriously like a stranger appearing out of nowhere to fight you when you're trying to put the trash on the curb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:47 PM
42

Even 4 years is pushing it when you're young. I don't think I would've dated a 22-year old at 18. I turned down a 25-year old when I was 19 and thought something was wrong with him for being interested in a teenager.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:45 PM
79

Older men are delusional. Everybody I knew in college dated their own age. Everybody. The rare times I've heard about age gap relationships were as an older adult when women started coming out about the abusive relationships they had in their youth. I know a 40-year old woman who's been married to the same guy for 20 years. She was a college student when they met, he was a married 45-year old man. She looks so sad and tired. I have no idea if she knows he's the problem or how much he stole from …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:44 PM
31

I mean, I'm not surprised. That's lifelong male entitlement for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:13 PM
39

I had to google this phrase just now. WOW, this loser thinks highly of himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 02:59 PM
12

Men couldn't handle 24 hours as women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:55 PM
6

I stopped accepting blind dates as early as my teens, and this is exactly why. People think any single woman is fair game for their LV loser friend and are always trying to peddle their trash onto you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:54 PM
9

I can't believe giving your friends' number without permission is a thing. That's so crazy and dangerous. Then again, I've been friends with enough pickmes, and pickmes do a lot of dumb shit. I have a great inner circle now but part of that was due to systematically weeding out all the friends with terrible judgment, prone to drama, put other women in danger, etc. I found if a woman displayed horrible judgment in one area of her life, it often filtered into other areas and made her a terrible fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:52 PM
5

Holy shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:49 PM
12

They want a wife who's trapped and will never leave, and they're pissed when she actually does. I think it never occurs to these men that they'd pay alimony because they believe they have a good little prisoner who truly can't go anywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:48 PM
9

Wow, she's garbage. Sorry you had to deal with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:42 PM
134

I never in a million years took older men seriously when I was a teen/early 20s. I turned down a 25-year old who pursued me when I was 19 because even then, I thought something was wrong with a 25-year old man who pursues teenagers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:39 PM
8

Well, for all I knew, your ex-friend told him where to find you too. Wouldn't put it past her. re "How much money you make." Lord, these guys are shameless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:36 PM
20

Suze Orman, Ramit Seth, Grant Sabatier, Motley Fool. Also, the personal finance sub on Reddit has a great intro to finance including a "what to do with your money" flowchart in its wiki section.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 12:49 AM
17

I hope you blocked him in the middle of it. This wasn't in person, was it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 09:31 PM
42

This is one of those things that would singlehandedly make me end a friendship. I would read the riot act to anyone who gave my number to a stranger without my permission. It's such a boundary violation and a safety hazard and displays such piss poor judgment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 09:30 PM
6

I've noticed the same. Also if I know a guy's married, I always extend invitations to their wives as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 02:00 PM
55

This is why I never argue or explain anything to men. People think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. I disappear and block. If they need another adult to walk them through elementary facts of life like a child, they can hire a therapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 01:58 PM
72

Omg, yes. I dated a malignant narcissist in my 20s who I'd known for almost a decade, and he refused to call me by my legal name when I asked saying he liked my nickname better. Motherfucker, that was not a request and my name isn't a democracy, you don't get a vote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:57 AM
5

She actually positions mistress and side chick as valid options? What bizarre advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:04 PM
5

I'm sorry to hear all this but utterly unsurprised. Cheaters don't change, and in my experience, their dishonesty and dysfunction seep into all other areas of their lives. These people are a mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:01 PM
8

without realizing his wife was further up the corporate chain in their own company. Ooooooooof. All of these examples are crazy but can you imagine having an affair and finding out the wife is 3 levels above your boss? Some U.S. states still have homewrecker laws on the books too, so you could also be sued.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:58 PM
6

LOLed at your response. How'd he react?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:54 PM
36

More like, "So you admit men are such a problem on a global level that we have a name for the trauma they inflict on their own daughters?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:35 PM
15

He says in the comments he has no serious intentions toward her. I think he literally used the phrase “not wife material.” Says the piece of shit who’s unqualified to be a husband and brags about wasting this woman’s time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 01:46 AM
223

"The problem isn't me lying, it's your reaction to it." Typical abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:49 PM
13

Sounds like he's a professor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:25 PM
28

Can't imagine why he's 43 and still single. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:24 PM
74

Someone in the comments literally asked him, "Why do you think a young woman would feel uncomfortable taking the subway at night? Think about this." He replied he wasn't sure, the weather wasn't THAT bad. He's too stupid to function, let alone date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:24 PM
83

He openly admits he's "generous with friends" but apparently that generosity doesn't extend to the women whose time he's wasting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:03 PM
119

I have to believe that these are meant to target and appeal to guys who are looking for low maintenance situationships. Ding ding ding ding. They're advertising a pussy delivery service.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 09:07 PM
25

That guy crying on Reddit: "Being a man is sO hArD, I can't get a girlfriend!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 09:22 PM
61

But also when they lie to women: "You should've known he was lying, so it's your fault you let him mistreat you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 09:20 PM
202

I liken it to scraping dog shit off my shoe. Of course I'm gonna be irritated for a minute, but I'll feel better once the shit's gone and I know I won't have to deal with it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 10:06 PM
22

No wonder he's failing his classes and still doing a bachelor's at 26 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:27 PM
29

Nah, he didn't grow if he claims everyone's "abusing" him for their justified criticism of his dickbag behavior. If he thinks that's abuse, he wouldn't last 24 hours as a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:26 PM
25

If I had a nickel for every man who's approached me looking to break my self-esteem so he'd be able to control me and ensure I'd never leave him, I'd be retired. I have had men openly tell me this was their MO, then get angry when I rejected them. Men don't see women as human and are baffled when we're not interested in being their slaves/punching bags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:24 PM
51

Not odd, sadly. Men commandeer women's spaces all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:11 PM
27

And they've been dating since 2014...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 07:21 PM
8

Then by the end of the novel/movie, the challenge is overcome: love interest upends their lives, does a complete 180 on their values, realises their faults and becomes the partner the protagonist needs overnight I think pop culture pushes this narrative out of the belief that love isn't real unless it doesn't make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:27 AM
214

I've noticed a ton of the red flags /u/queensjuju laid out in her post, but the thing that really clinched it for me a while ago was the posts he was writing on social media about his relationship with his "work wife" Emilia Clarke (including photos of her sitting in his lap). The comments were calling him out ("Aren't you married??"), which tells you how obvious it was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 03:25 PM
3

And we don’t even know what his business is or whether it’s viable. He thinks he can hit $200k/ year in profit doing what? Selling widgets? Running a consultancy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 08:36 PM
5

I don't have big concerns over his multiple ventures- he's not failed at any of them (as defined by bankruptcy) Respectfully, you're setting the bar too low. Have you seen his financials? Do you know how successful his ventures (plural) have been? The fact he has no savings tells you everything. He hasn't been successful with anything or else he'd have money by now. Worse, he's sacrificing time he could be spending on a more viable career and pouring it down what sounds like a black hole. Smart …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:17 PM
5

I hope this doesn't come across as offensive, but I feel like those in start-up culture are especially skilled with smooth talk, and often over-promise but under-deliver. I've worked in startups. Your comment here is on the nose and not at all offensive, it's the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:06 PM
11

I mentioned this in another comment and will expand on it here: NO financial cushion is insane. Entrepreneurs in particular know they need cash to get them through the lean times. If he can't afford $10K in savings, he can't afford to start a business. Sorry. He either doesn't understand this or willfully ignores reality. Neither speaks well of his character or readiness to be a partner or parent. Also, relationship equity means dick if he's not capitalizing on it in ways you can tangibly measur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:01 PM
6

He’s a great person at heart Also, no offense but nothing you've said indicates this. It sounds like he has no discipline or focus, doesn't plan ahead, and makes you responsible for his failures (as indicated by him asking you to bet on him instead of making himself ready to be a husband and a father). By definition, none of this makes him great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:49 PM
18

I had an aunt who married a guy like this. He was willing to pay for dinners and vacations to Cabo. In return, she married him quickly and was dead within the year from cancer. He got her house and pension and screwed her children out of their inheritance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:43 PM
12

This guy has unfixable personality issues. 34-years old and doesn't have a savings account or a career?? He's lazy, has no discipline, and makes terrible decisions. That's a nightmare waiting to happen, the kind of guy who develops a gambling, drug, or hooker habit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:40 PM
7

When I started writing this post in the middle of a midnight anxiety attack When did you start having anxiety attacks? I was never more anxious, confused, and angrier than when LVM snuck into my life. Listen to your body, she always knows. It's striking to me that you've got no specifics of this guy's life plan. It sounds like you haven't seen his financials or business plans. No wonder you're anxious. He's asking you to bet on a promise with nothing to back it up. No offense, but I can tell fro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:25 PM
4

I’m 50/50 on having kids but he wants them. So I’m not going to rush into anything, You're already rushing in. You're dating 6 months and already in love with him. He's proposing a life with you. You're invested despite the myriad red flags and the fact you're on different pages about kids. (50/50 means no. You can't have half a kid or be a little bit pregnant.) You're plowing past the stop signs while telling yourself you don't want to rush into anything. Also: I’m also very aware that being wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:20 PM
4

Let's be honest, he hasn't done any of this. I don't think I've seen any specifics in OP's responses so far. This guy has no plan, just a lot of pipe dreams and promises.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:11 PM
6

Red flags mean STOP. If he has any red flags, then by definition he has no green ones. You can't stop and go at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:03 PM
6

If I'm being honest with myself I don't think he would ever be able to get a bank loan. He'd be able to get loans from friends, but not from a bank. Yikes. Listen to what you're saying here, OP. do I believe he can do this for a family? If a bank isn't willing to take a chance on him, why would you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:02 PM
6

Be vague with the breakup and just say it's not working out. Otherwise he'll try to argue with you or complain to your friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:01 PM
8

Scatterbrained and halfassed planned, poor execution, lack of funds or ability to raise them, jumping ship because it's unsustainable and immediately jumping into something else. These guys are never successful. Former entrepreneur here. I picked up on this from OP's story, too. I've known too many young guys who turn to entrepreneurship because they don't have what it takes (professionally or mentally) to hack it in the real world. The fact this guy's 34 and hasn't grown out of it says bad thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:00 PM
6

he jumps from thing to thing Sorry to say, but this is typical from many of the "entrepreneurs" I've known. Entrepreneurship for men is like MLMs for bored stay at home moms. There's prestige in it (among certain people, anyway), and a polished front with a huge hidden back. Most guys I know who claim to be entrepreneurs are k**lling themselves to run a floundering business that's neither sustainable nor scalable. Any idiot can start a biz but it doesn't make it a good idea or mean it offers a b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:58 PM
7

The media likes to play up wunderkind stories about 22-year old CEOs starting the next Facebook out of their dorm room, but most successful entrepreneurs are older (40+) and established. Your boyfriend has no savings, and his excuse of "pouring everything into investments" is bullshit, sorry. How does he handle emergencies?? How does he live without a cushion? What happens when his car breaks, when the business has a bad month? Smart businesspeople know you need cash for lean times. Do you even …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:53 PM
22

Your landlord doesn’t accept payment in potential. Why are you? Courting a wife costs money. Raising a family costs money. Pulling you out of the workplace to birth those kids costs money. All of it costs money. Women and children are not IOUs. Even angel deals require huge infusions of money upfront, and those rarely pan out! I’m putting this in business terms because you’ll see how untenable this situation is. This guy can’t invest in you or your future. He doesn’t have the means. He’s also ir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:29 PM
8

$400 is a car payment. Like wtf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:09 AM
20

Sounds like the kind of guy who'll demand you sleep together immediately "to test for sexual compatibility."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:08 AM
121

Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 12:56 AM
4

Yeah, I haven’t kept in touch with any of my exes for this reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:57 PM
9

Ask the guy friend I turned down twice for dates and who then apparently spent the next decade trying to make me jealous. All he succeeded at doing was piss off every girlfriend he tried triangulating me against. I was clueless and didn’t realize anything until he sent me a passive-aggressive letter the day he got engaged saying, “Sorry, I’m now off the market.” Bruh, I still don’t care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:07 PM
27

I notice people seem to ascribe a broad definition of friendship particularly as it relates to men and assumed OP meant “polite and still part of one’s extended network.” I agree that close friendship would be odd to me. Fwiw, even my close male friendships are in the 2nd tier of my inner circle outside my family and close female friendships. Friendships aren’t created equal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:02 PM
587

"gives me less hope for finding someone genuine" Says the guy who fucked a stranger in the back seat of a car.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 09:16 PM
4

Yesssss to all this especially consistency of character. Integrity (or lack thereof) reveals all. Years ago, I ended a friendship with a gal I knew from college. She was older than me, in her 30s, and a hot mess. She had no job, because she was trying to build a dumb business that wasn't going anywhere. She was scraping by with bills and her apartment looked like a frat house. I introduced her to my professional network at her request, but she bailed after a few weeks and started posting pics of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 05:34 PM
104

That's how a stalker found a singer in Japan. He saw a photo with a reflection in her eyeball and used that to track her down and rape her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 05:09 PM
13

Wtf. Was this discussion actually in class? (even worse)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 04:43 PM
13

Men know women’s weak spot is empathy Joke's on them, I'm a bitch and don't feel empathy. Jk, but I seriously am a hard-ass and find it repulsive when a man I don't know tries to feed me a sob story. I've learned the hard way that pity is the calling card of sociopaths. Healthy people want to impress you and be seen as competent, and they save their emotional woes for their therapist and family. Predators KNOW they can't impress you because they have nothing to offer, so their only hope is break…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 04:41 PM
5

Online strangers were doing this? Sorry, I'm still wrapping my head around it. Random dudes messaging you online thought they had the right to demand your whereabouts?? EDIT: To be clear, I've also noticed this red flag in men I was merely going on dates with and getting to know, and I agree with you it's the sign to run. But online strangers you haven't even met?? Wow, the audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 04:35 PM
10

They often want to keep tabs on you. Resist. Are you saying online strangers have been doing this to you? If so, that's wild. I second AAA. Also, many if not most new cars come with roadside assistance. I recently used that for a jump and the guy was there in 10 minutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 03:40 PM
3

"took a dirt nap" 😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 04:54 AM
14

This^ is the strategy behind the “femcel” label. Femcels don’t exist and they know it. 10+ years ago, incels on the internet actually got offended at the idea of femcels. They insisted they don't exist, that only men suffer from involuntary celibacy. They were angry that women can get laid any time we want. That was the whole root of the incel movement. Misogynists simply move goalposts and rewrite history to serve their current objectives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:16 PM
39

"But also, not all men."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 10:44 PM
272

Hell, what about STDs? Sperm banks screen for that shit. Your average man doesn't even get tested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 10:43 PM
27

I once dealt with a guy who dropped out of therapy. The ONLY thing therapy did was teach him how to be more manipulative. Therapy is the worst thing for abusers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:58 PM
117

More like a rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:22 PM
109

And the perpetuation of our species hinges on us doing it. It's insane when you think about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 02:52 PM
8

If it wasn't for the 'digital nomad' thing I would think you dated my same exact guy... They're everywhere, unfortunately. I think younger men use it as an excuse to avoid looking at themselves. It's escapism. But now I'm a bit older and I feel the need to build a more permanent homebase and community. Also, the only healthy travellers I met so far are the ones leaning more on the settled side, and I'm sick of the dysfunction of 'permanent' travellers. Yeah, I say this as someone who travelled e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 02:49 PM
9

He claimed his dad got a heart attack from eating sour foods? lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 04:15 AM
22

Yeah, super fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 02:02 AM
46

Pretty much. He flat out said he'd never marry her because she was driving him crazy, then changed his mind when she gave him a car.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 12:01 AM
72

A guy in his mid-20s once told me about the girl he'd just started dating, who he ended up marrying later that year. He told me that very first month that he planned to be back on the hookup scene in 5 years. I don't know where he got the idea he'll be easily getting laid in his early 30s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 11:11 PM
116

How does anybody still smoke? We've known smoking kills for 50 years now. I had a college classmate who'd been smoking since she was 13. By 25, she looked so much older. It was staggering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 08:17 PM
2

Aaaaaaaaand deleted 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 03:07 PM
23

I wrote this comment months ago on FDS, but I think of it almost every day. Hookup culture's got us so brainwashed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 11:28 PM
9

"exclusive FWB but not in a relationship" https://imgur.com/gallery/NS74H
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 11:25 PM
45

I don't know how to feel about this post. There's valuable takeaways in here, and you do a fabulous job breaking down why toxic relationships like this don't work and how to recognize them. But sis, I hope you know stalking him to his new place of business, 5 years after your breakup, isn't No Contact. He's an asshole, but if an ex found me at my new job 5 years later, I'd be freaked out like he was. I felt a huge sense of relief because after so many years, it was obvious he could not confront …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:36 PM
1

My pleasure. Honestly, he doesn’t sound nice at all. He sounds like an idiot (best case) or an asshole who knows exactly what he’s doing. But you know what? The degree to how aware he is doesn’t matter. I promise you, it doesn’t. Because he’s still incompetent and not a fit for you. Whatever he thinks or believes is irrelevant. Fortune 100s don’t obsess over why shitty candidates don’t meet their standards. They just toss the resume in the trash and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 09:03 PM
2

He will, and that’s no reflection on you. He was like this long before you met him. Idk babe, I think this is an opportunity presenting itself to you for practicing self-compassion. Just because you’re not exactly where you want to be doesn’t discount all the progress you’ve made to get here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 08:09 PM
1

Nah, you sound wounded. That’s not a character flaw unless you ignore it and refuse to work on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 07:56 PM
2

I used to do this, too: lower my standards for a guy who was obviously lower than me in every way, then take it personally when he rejected or abused me. But that's like blaming yourself when a tiger acts like a tiger. A loser doesn't have it in him to behave right, no matter who it is. And there's nothing you can do to change that. You can't love someone into a better version of themselves. You don't have that power. None of us do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 05:20 PM
4

I must have some sort of issue if I am taking this so seriously. My 2 cents, take this as the blessing it is. You're getting valuable intel about your self-esteem, which gives you a chance to fix it, AND you just dodged a huge bullet with this guy. I know that's hard to see right now. I didn't see it either for the longest time, but I did once my self-esteem improved. Guys like this will waste years of your time and leave you a crumbled wreck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 05:16 PM
65

Women are brainwashed into marriage from childhood because patriarchy needs a servant class. There's a reason we raise little girls on fairytales (i.e. find your prince) while encouraging little boys to explore. It sets the agenda from a young age: Men are taught to live life for themselves and women are taught to live life for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:51 PM
3

I'm balancing learning to trust again with setting boundaries. May I? Sounds like the person you're learning to trust here is yourself. It's not about the men. This guy was upfront with you about how fucked up he was and utterly unqualified to be a partner to anyone. You ignored that and then blamed yourself for HIS failures, thinking there must be something wrong with you and reinforcing your narrative that you can't trust men/yourself, even though the truth was in front of you the whole time. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 03:38 PM
5

I’m always baffled when women think the line “I’m not ready for a relationship” means men will then delete hookup apps, sign up for therapy, and remain celibate until they’re ready for marriage. The last man who told me this then added this part, word for word: "I don't want to face my demons. I'm gunning for a nervous breakdown and plan to avoid therapy until I hit rock bottom and am forced to go." At the time, he was sleeping with strangers on dating apps and ended up marrying one of them afte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 03:12 PM
5

Okay, your comment is so accurate that I have to share a story... Your comment describes a guy I knew and how it played out. He was behind in life, and believe me, he knew it and it haunted him. Did he go to therapy? Make smarter choices? Of course not, he doubled down. He refused therapy, fell in with a bad crowd, married a woman he hated (both of them were unstable and their relationship volatile from the start). He started spending money he didn't have like it was water. Bought a massive hous…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 03:04 PM
29

I had a 20-year old cousin dating a 16-year old. Nobody in my family talks to him anymore. There was a lot wrong with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 01:09 AM
10

She probably will, unfortunately. I can't stress enough how awesome it is that you listened to your gut and immediately took decisive action. Good job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 05:41 PM
13

Ew ew ew, who brings this up except men who are sex tourists themselves? What a creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 05:29 PM
67

He was passive aggressive. That's why he got away with it. To be clear, passive-aggressiveness is rude, abusive, and obvious to everyone involved, which is why it pisses people off. He never in a million years would've pulled this with an authority figure like his boss or the cops. The only reason he got away with it is because she allowed it. He's 100% preying on her and you did the right thing blocking. This situation is a dumpster fire you want no part of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 03:47 PM
131

God, women like this are a disease. They'll knowingly introduce you to rapists or even hook you up with one and won't even warn you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 03:31 PM
22

I'm sorry about this situation but I'm SO impressed you blocked her right away instead of dragging this out. You could've tried pulling teeth with her and dealing with his abuse, but you didn't. I can think of so many situations in my 20s where I wish I'd done what you did. Trust me, you just saved yourself years of headache and damage. I wish I had your backbone at your age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 03:28 PM
32

"A few drinks" is never an excuse. If I behaved that way, I'd be tossed out on my ear and it would be 100% my fault. If a person behaves like an ass when they drink, they shouldn't be drinking. Not hard. In any case, we all know it's not the drinks, he's just an asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 03:24 PM
100

My jaw dropped at "45." I thought he was a frat boy who'd just graduated college. They've been friends for 6 years = They met when she was 22 and he was 39. That's disgusting. Also, were they co-workers or was he her boss? Either's bad. The former means he was a 39-year old in an entry-level position (loser), the latter means he's a boss mingling with subordinates (also bad). I only mention this because it's another red flag for ladies here to look out for. It's not just the obvious age gap but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 03:22 PM
96

It's worse than that. A man who argues with you about misogyny actually cares very much about denying its existence, because it serves him. He's hoping to deceive you so he can still benefit. If he upsets you while doing it, so much the better. And this is why I don't argue with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 08:29 PM
30

His "promise" is so vague, too. Bunch of fluffy words with no meaning behind them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:47 PM
67

I was astonished when he said how long they'd been married. He made it sound like they only recently met and he's the step-dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:45 PM
23

I struggled similarly. Food for thought that's helped me: Practice. I know, not the fun answer, but practice really does make perfect. You have to open yourself up to serendipity and give yourself more chances to interact with men in social settings, while not being attached to any particular result. Be particular about the settings you choose. Quality over quantity. You're less likely to get the results you want in a bar versus a team sport, a club, a professional organization, or working on th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:08 PM
125

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I see no reason for a man to approach me in public, ever. Men have been sexually harassing me since I was 10-years old, and I've literally never had a strange man approach me in public with good intentions. So honestly, if you're tense and standoffish to men talking to you on the street, I view that as self-preservation and think your brain's just doing its job. Are you talking about being more receptive to men approaching you in social settings? IMO, that's a dif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:26 PM
19

I find it telling how many women I meet who've been divorced or widowed and have NO interest in remarriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:18 PM
22

Underrated comment. Men with savior complexes are dangerous. They're insecure, have control issues, and know breaking you is the only way they can keep a woman. Seen this happen a million times. Sadly, I've also seen plenty of women end up marrying the guy and surprise surprise, the marriage is an abusive shitshow. Avoid men who are attracted to you being hurt. They're predators looking to hurt you some more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:02 PM
10

Can I ask how you got started with crypto and other investing? I've already got retirement accounts and would love to learn trading. Re: your post, I've been single and celibate now for 10 years. It's been a godsend. I stopped dating in my 20s to focus on myself. I've since found a great career and went to (and graduated) therapy. I focused on all my other relationships. I now have a great inner circle, great professional network, no debts, solid net worth. I was in no position to date ten years…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:54 PM
23

You know our critics on the hate subs will conveniently ignore this post and still insist we're all golddiggers telling women to quit their jobs and leech off a man so we can stay home and watch TV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:30 PM
23

It's just another excuse. He's cheap and doesn't want to invest anything in getting to know her. He just wants to pump and dump.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:41 PM
82

I don't even take walks with my girlfriends. We go to restaurants, markets, museums, events, etc (Covid permitting) and SPEND MONEY. Why would a guy think we'd do anything less? And with a stranger, no less?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 11:39 PM
53

Cosigning /u/sermuonielis's comment. Adding a few more: Love bombing. Coming on super hot, way more than is appropriate. You don't even know each other! Commitment shy. They can't even take the lead on initiating dates, and when they do, it's half-assed. Mixed messages of any kind. Don't try to rationalize it, that's your cue to dip. This list is accurate, ime. I got in a situationship once with a guy who was fearful-avoidant. He came on strong and sweet, but the mixed messages were always there…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 02:03 PM
96

He has some nerve calling any girl a flake when he's actively wasting women's time like this. He's the ultimate flake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 01:46 PM
11

In my 20s, I was friends with a stripper and an escort. Both gorgeous women who were always busy and got a ton of repeat business, yet still lived hand to mouth and had been homeless more than once. The stripper was once out of work for 6 weeks due to an injury and guess what? You don't have insurance, paid time off, or FMLA. You can do everything right and still end up living in your car. It's been 10 years. Last I heard, both were still doing SW but hadn't moved up economically at all and stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:09 PM
31

Oh, I know. It’s ludicrous. The guy hesitated telling me, too. He knows it’s fucked up. Worse, she’s on the hook for him financially as he goes for citizenship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:27 PM
26

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:10 PM
157

My grandfather used to tell my mom this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:49 PM
147

I know a woman who married the guy that started as a hookup. They were married within the year, and this was during Covid to boot. She carried the entire relationship. Drove to his place for sex because he sure as shit wouldn't court her properly. Bought him a car. I'm pretty sure she pressured him into marriage, because he loudly told people he'd never marry her. In return, he convinced her to quit her job and move across the country to support his career. She's also getting him citizenship in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:46 PM
13

Men are so spoiled they can't even fathom the dire economic straits women face. Unreal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:34 PM
31

I dated a guy for a month and one day, he tells me he "doesn't consider strip clubs cheating." No, we were not talking about stripping or sex work in any way, shape or form. Total out of the blue comment. I declined further dates, and he flipped out on the phone and cried. I still chuckle when I think about it. He really thought he was telling me how it was gonna be and was shocked when I noped out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:31 PM
90

Wouldn't be surprised if the husband pulled some "now you're ugly and no other man will want you but me" BS. I've seen so many men intentionally break women as a means of control and ownership. LVM are smart. They know they have nothing to offer and no way to make a woman stick around, so they rely on brute force and sabotage. Acid in the face is just an extreme example. A guy in college once told me he loved women with low self-esteem because (he said), "They'll never leave me!" Then he had the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:24 PM
3

This is soooo true (the empathy and the compartmentalization). I don't trust men who identify as feminists for this reason. If they're genuine about that, they just quietly do the work and don't expect cookies for it. In line with your comment about compartmentalization: I also look now for any sign of cognitive dissonance. Character reveals all, and dangerous men will definitely compartmentalize their life because they're hiding things or scamming people (not just you). I've met a few predators…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:56 PM
2

What a psycho. How'd that end? I hope you ghosted him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 12:13 AM
42

lol I said the exact same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 12:09 AM
364

Her "female nipples." Reads like a scrote writing bad fanfic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 12:09 AM
6

Statements like that have a related problem which I have yet to see discussed in FDS: Why does he have few/no guy friends? Why don't other men like him? In my experience, it's because men don't tolerate half the bullshit women do. I've had a few guys tell me they just so happen to prefer female friendship. All had mommy issues, bad boundaries, ironically didn't respect women anyway, and other severe issues that quite frankly only pickmes would coddle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 05:40 PM
13

You'll know if you listen to yourself. Do you feel confusion or anxiety around him? Consistency and the truth make sense and put you at ease. If they're missing, you WILL start to feel unhappy (or flat out crazy). Is your life better with him or worse? Don't make excuses, be honest with yourself about it and move accordingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 05:34 PM
11

So I would warn that only time, observation and careful vetting can weed out the dangerous elements. It wouldn't be so easy to determine genuineness at the start of an ab.usive relationship when most ab.users are being, for aĺl intents and purposes, sincere-- at first. Something that's helped me was learning to differentiate between intensity and sincerity. They have NO correlation with each other, but pop culture's brainwashed us and taught us otherwise. Suddenly, "he's crazy" becomes "he's cra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 05:30 PM
91

Honestly, these are just the obvious red flags. I've met men with decent jobs and big ambitions who still used me (or tried) in order to level up. What tipped me off was the guy asking me for favors/connections/a ride (because he didn't have a car, of course). When I took a step back, I realized this person used all the women around him. Other guys rarely tolerated it and didn't stick around. It helps keeping these red flags in mind, of course. But your first and last line of defense will always…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 02:39 PM
14

I was surprised, too. No clue on the status of the mods, I've just noticed more vocal comments from women shouting down the "wElL aKsHuAlLy" mansplainers than usual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 11:42 PM
31

The sex robots are coming They'll be doing us a favor, trust me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:19 PM
7

Aww. Thanks, sis. Glad I could help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:00 PM
35

Pop culture has ruined our perception of what love is. The dominant narrative we see in movies, tv, and books is love's only genuine if it doesn't make sense yet you push through it anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:37 PM
48

If I have to "pin a man down", I don't want him. I've pulled teeth with men before and it's the worst mistake ever. Men will say yes/give you a date just to shut you up and keep receiving relationship benefits, then waste more of your time and leave anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:22 PM
66

Red flags for me: I'm not sure if this guy is ready for serious commitment and marriage and I don't know how to find out his true intentions. If he was serious about commitment, you'd know. He'd be proactive and court you with intention. He wouldn't talk about fucking around or dating other women or offering wishy-washy platitudes about maybe getting married "someday" or how he "doesn't know what he wants yet." I don't know exactly what he's told you or not, but the fact you're still not sure ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:15 PM
145

If he hasn't figured out how life works by 44, there's no hope for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:05 PM
45

What a catch. Line up ladies to the nearest exit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:04 PM
244

Until I found FDS, I never understood how dangerous insecurity was in a man, but it is. It's now my top red flag for abuse and infidelity, and a sign that a man in't capable of being a partner. Worse, this runs counter to mainstream dating advice given to women about lowering our standards and giving a loser a chance "because he'll appreciate it." He won't, he'll resent you and waste your time and probably abuse you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:42 PM
46

I've dated sociopaths and never met one who didn't show his cards 1 or 2 dates in. Even met a cult leader once. He was a complete stranger yet he made the hair stand up on the back of my neck as soon as he walked into the room. I was young and naive and had unresolved childhood trauma, so of course I ignored the red flags and pushed forward anyway. I have no doubt con artists with Oscar-worthy acting are out there, but I've yet to meet one. In my experience, dangerous men don't hide it well and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:37 PM
61

I lean strongly toward this answer right here. In fact, I don't think it's a "maybe", I put it at a 100% certainty that he's broken. Healthy people have integrity. They're honest and upfront and kind. If a guy doesn't like you, he can be honest about it without being cruel and not waste your time. It's not hard. If he's disrespectful and abusive, there's something wrong with him. And no, he won't be better for the next woman. He doesn't have the basic emotional equipment for relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:30 PM
223

I credit the pandemic. We've all read about the uptick in domestic violence and divorces since it began, but I've also noticed a substantial shift among women (both online and in real life). Even the most pickme women I know have no patience anymore and are dumping boyfriends at the first red flag. I think the pandemic made all of us ask ourselves very hard questions about what we want out of life. Add to that all the women who were quarantined with a manchild and suddenly realized how little he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:21 PM
123

I'm starting to see more FDS-style content in subs like Twox (including women telling male commentators who step out of line to shut up and fuck off). Women are done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:16 PM
1

Hey OP, any update? You ok?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:56 PM
159

Honestly, I think everybody fails to realize women get rejected all the time, too. The only difference is, men reject us after abusing/pumping & dumping/otherwise wasting our time. It's no less a rejection, and far more traumatic than a woman turning down a guy's no-effort proposal for a walk around the park. Women reject upfront. Men reject after they've used you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/21 11:28 PM
39

This is so true, and it applies outside of dating, too. I was just reflecting on how well I'm doing these days (great career, great friends, great health, genuinely happy) compared to 10 years ago (broke, homeless, traumatized) and realized my life took off when I culled it of all the toxic people. I literally spent years thinking I was crazy. Like, sincerely worried I was mentally ill. Nope, I was just surrounded by abusive assholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/21 10:58 PM
24

I wrote a comment earlier this year about how to recognize when a man's ex was probably the problem. Even in the circumstance I described, I found it interesting the guy never disparaged his ex by calling her "crazy." And this was a guy who was absolutely devastated by her mental illness and abuse. I find the "crazy" designation really dismissive and don't trust men who use it. Any guy who does, I immediately assume he was the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/21 10:54 PM
34

I'm so sorry. These guys are the worst. I know a woman who just quit a lucrative career to move across the country and marry the guy she started dating during Covid. She did everything to make the relationship work, including drive to his places for "dates" and gave him a car. He told me when they started dating that he didn't see the relationship lasting, had no intention of marrying her, and planned to be back on the dating scene in 5 years. It's scary how many men go into something as serious…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/21 10:27 PM
20

I'm sure he spun her some woe-is-me tales about me. They always do, which is why I never trust sob stories. They're the calling card of sociopaths.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:42 PM
109

You’re just getting a lifetime of a headache if you’re even lucky enough to get married Marrying one of these guys isn't "luck", at least not the good kind. I know too many women married to men who hate them. Guess what? Marriage doesn't make non-comittal men more committed. He'll still treat you like shit, only now you have no easy escape because you're living with him and (god forbid) having his kids, and he's probably cheating behind your back when he's not overtly abusing you. You're actuall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:49 PM
80

Personally, I hate the term because broke men accuse women of golddigging when we just expect the bare minimum. As if it's ridiculous for a successful woman to want the same in her partner. I have assets and a good career. No shit I wouldn't want to raise an unemployed manchild living at his mom's or can't even treat me with respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:30 PM
21

Sounds like the other woman thinks she won a prize. Boy, is she in for a rude wake-up call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:20 PM
55

He's an abuser. Nothing you could've said would've gotten through to him. He understood perfectly what he was doing to you, he just didn't care because it worked for him. He only got upset when you enacted consequences. You could've done nothing to fix this EXCEPT leave him. You did the right thing. Keep him blocked!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:19 PM
111

Oh, I know. Men overvalue themselves so much and think we like their harassment. They're delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:17 PM
18

It’s so weird. It’s his idea and he has a new woman, why the 180? Did she dump him? 🤔 He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. LVM are outrageously entitled and shameless about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:13 PM
492

I'm honestly amused when incels accuse us of being "jealous" of these poor girls getting creeped on by old men the same way we were in our teens. Men live in an alternate reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:48 PM
2

Tbh, this describes most of the so-called friendships I've had with men and boys since I was a kid. I only have 2 guys in my life now who I count as friends. They do a ton of heavy lifting for me, respect my boundaries, and prioritize their wives (as they should). They also pursued my friendship in the first place and have been consistent with NO red flags whatsoever over many years. We talk a lot in FDS about never pursuing a man romantically but you can't pursue male friends either. Most men a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 02:39 PM
9

They know they'll fail at dating. If they send a hateful message, they can at least imagine they hurt you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 02:45 AM
6

Heads up, you can turn off DMs in your settings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 02:30 AM
1

"wHaT dId yOu eXpEcT?" but also, "nOt aLl mEn."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 11:42 PM
51

We all did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:51 PM
192

Men struggle so much to think from a woman's perspective. Dick picks? No woman wants one, but men are in love with their penises so they think we want to see theirs. Catcalling? Men wish they got more sexual attention so they think it must be a compliment. Outdoors stuff? "Manly exertion! Showcases my strength! Women must find that attractive!" Dude, I'm not going into the woods with a guy I don't know. Personally, I'm into restaurants, museums, and cultural events. It's rare for a man to even a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:22 PM
24

Best response you could've given, honestly. He's an idiot and doesn't even realize he's weeding himself out of the gene pool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:17 PM
113

Brent says he likes to jump in the car and see where it takes him and camp there. Translation: "I'm cheap and I don't plan for anything. Don't expect me to plan, ever. I won't plan vacations, seeing friends and family, career advancement, nothing. That'll be all on you and you should be thankful for it. Oh, and planning includes dinner reservations, so I'm pointedly steering away from your previous comment about restaurants because I'm not only allergic to planning but spending money." “I’m look…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:15 PM
62

I'm so thankful I didn't marry any of my exes, and I think about that fact on a regular basis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:06 AM
30

The only way they'll (begrudgingly) shell out cash is if they got into a woman's vagina first and were the ones to impregnate her, only then will they give a shit about the resulting human beings. Not even. I know too many deadbeat dads who never paid childhood support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:50 PM
89

And then they act blindsided when you leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:40 PM
42

lol they're not even decent. They want a cookie for admitting upfront that they're shitbags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:47 AM
46

No broken women, please Especially the women HE broke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:46 AM
15

Testimony is still evidence. You can report him anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:56 PM
23

This is why I don't trust men who identify as feminists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:19 PM
22

Tbh, stories like these are why I wouldn't even explain to a man the way this woman did. If he has to ask, he doesn't get it and you need to cut your losses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:19 PM
16

Wowwwww. What happened after that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:16 PM
21

So he obviously knows what he's doing. He's probably done this before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:12 PM
34

with names that aren’t very respectful IMO So he doesn't respect women? (But will still sleep with them?) What a charmer. /s Not saved in his camera roll but are still in the text threads Why hasn't he deleted the texts yet? It's all in the past, right? It'd be a hard pass for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 12:15 AM
25

Imagine dating a man you hated and weren’t attracted to. Men do this all the time. If they had to like a woman to date or sleep with her, they'd never get their dicks wet. That's why they're angry. "Don't you dare call me out!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 12:13 AM
34

"Or inaction, as it were."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 12:11 AM
23

Is this a stranger on a dating app? He sounds unhinged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 05:07 PM
13

Yeah, I think about the fact they had to make the Russian physically abusive to make Big look better. The show was shamelessly unrealistic. Big would’ve never gone to Paris for Carrie. That would’ve involved too much effort. He would’ve hit up 5 other women in his rotation as soon as Carrie left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:39 PM
65

I think one of the most insidious beliefs about misogyny is the idea that women can (and should) change men. That it’s our job and destiny. It’s right there in Genesis when God creates Eve to be Adam’s helpmate. This idea has been around for so long, and it’s so pervasive yet often unspoken, so most of us don’t consciously recognize it, which is part of what makes it so insidious. It honestly felt weird when I stopped investing in men and started investing in myself. It felt alien and selfish, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:34 PM
7

Lol why are there so many hidden comments on this post? Anyway, not a romcom, but Muppet Christmas Carol is adorable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:20 PM
5

I didn't realize how bizarre the original show was until I entered my 30s (the same age the characters were in the 90s). I don't know any woman in her 30s or older who's obsessed with men, apart from my grandmother who had extreme struggles with mental illness. My girlfriends and I have so much going on in our lives (friends, family, careers, hobbies, businesses, volunteer work), so our conversations center on that. We talk about men maybe 5% of the time, and most of that is discussing getting r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:55 PM
3

The tv show should've ended after that scene of Carrie telling Big off and moving to Paris. That would've been a great character arc by itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:51 PM
61

It's a time sink, 100% a negative experience, and needlessly exposes you to lies and cynicism when that space could be occupied by positivity and progress. You also risk the narcissist's rage. How dare you be better now. How dare you see through him. How dare you tell him no. Abusive men have loads of time on their hands and will happily dedicate themselves to punishing you (like stalking you or trying to get you fired from your job or friend circle). The only winning move is to not play. Play d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:32 PM
77

I feel bad for doing it during the holiday season. He would never have the same consideration for you. Just sayin'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:27 PM
126

And it's hard enough to change yourself. That's assuming you're a decent person with morals who doesn't intentionally deceive and hurt people like scrotes do. It's utterly unrealistic to think one of these guys will have an epiphany and change, ever, let alone overnight. Ten years ago, I was struggling with severe illness, was homeless, my credit cards were maxed out, and I was seriously considering sex work. (Thank god, it never came to that.) I pulled myself out of that but it took years. YEAR…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:16 PM
171

There you got it, ladies. Again, scrotes are not clueless. They’re not stupid. They know how wrong/shitty they are. It's even creepier than that. Notice how this entire interaction - every single point of conversation, every single rebuttal - was a continuous attempt to wear down your boundaries. When you didn't fall for one tactic, or he had to admit you were right, he switched to something else, hoping to batter your defenses. This is shit rapists do. I honestly found your post frightening to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 02:00 PM
9

Right there with ya.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:14 AM
56

Somebody who doesn't understand misogyny isn't ready for a relationship with a feminist. With any woman, honestly. It's a nightmare dealing with men who don't view women as human beings. I can't imagine building a life with one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 11:27 PM
132

And Elon Musk can't keep women even with all his money. How many times has he been divorced now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 10:20 PM
38

Misogyny is a hell of a drug. We're conditioned young to not see it and then blame ourselves when a man hurts us anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:21 PM
53

Not only that but it's not our job to educate or fix a man. That's heavy lifting I will never be compensated for and it just steals money/energy/time from me elsewhere. The very idea is just another form of women's unpaid emotional labor. Same shit, different day. I refuse to do it. EDIT: Also, dating a man like this isn't just a waste of time, it's dangerous. Best case scenario, he's not equipped to love, support, or protect me in a world that hates women. Worst case, he abuses me himself. I ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:54 PM
8

Fuck no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:52 PM
54

Fanfic usually recreates the same fucked up dynamics too. It's rare to come across fic in any fandom where there's no misogyny, rape, or emotional-abuse-cosplaying-as-flirting. The Aliens fandom is a notable exception.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 03:40 PM
17

/u/DogsNotHumans Save a screenshot long-term too, with the full phone number showing instead of his name, in case he escalates his behavior. (EDIT: Save the original texts too and back them up somewhere.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 03:35 PM
351

VRO from his ex ... alienated from his kids ... his temper issues... She typed all that up and still can't connect the dots. Wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 01:29 AM
280

“yup. I couldn’t stand to see you outshining me, I wanted you to fail and feel like a failure so you wouldn’t leave.” I can't believe how many men have told me some version of this when discussing what they look for in a woman. Their answers boil down to "doesn't outshine me and has low self-esteem so she'll never leave me." Multiple men have literally told me this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 12:31 AM
38

Yup. You can disable both Reddit Cares as well as strangers' ability to send you PMs and chat requests. Check your settings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 07:13 PM
40

It's weird how inevitably their user histories reveal addictions, unemployment, financial instability, and crippling loneliness. One guy was on another sub complaining he was still a virgin and begging women to let him eat them out under the table in a restaurant. That was when I closed Reddit for the day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 06:00 PM
14

I like this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 05:29 PM
35

I like this. Straightforward and to the point so nobody can miss what it's really about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 05:29 PM
55

I briefly checked out our hater communities, and every single guy's user history revealed he was an incel or a teenager. No wonder they sound so irrational. Don't bother checking, I've already done the work for everybody here and can tell you they're a waste of your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 05:07 PM
105

So weird what scrotes get their balls in a twist over. For your naming problem, have you thought about using the word "Ladies" or "Mavens" in some fashion? Who exactly is your audience? It's not just women, right? I'm assuming they're a certain age or other demographic. What's their biggest concern?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:42 PM
18

Not sure if you should provide him feedback No no no. Don't ever tell a man what he did wrong. He'll fake it better for the next victim and she'll get blindsided. It's NEVER our job to fix a man. We're not his mom. Furthermore, trying to fix him implies he doesn't know what he's doing. He knows, he just doesn't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:19 PM
23

"She used me for a free dinner!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:09 PM
23

Guys like this assume all women are pickmes: stupid, desperate, hate other women, and will tap dance to "win" his favor because obviously his ex-wife wasn't good enough for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:09 PM
19

After I got out of a nightmare situationship with a guy, I had the good fortune to find our first messages to each other and realized he'd told me upfront that he was emotionally unavailable and dated "crazy women." Surprise surprise, he drove me crazy for a year, then ghosted to marry a woman he was also driving crazy. I deeply regretted ignoring the red flags and could've saved myself 2 years of insanity (including time in therapy to recover). When a man tells you who he is, believe him and cu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:05 PM
29

In my experience, narcissists exist in their own reality. They truly can't comprehend how other people feel, and they don't consider their bad behavior makes them look terrible. They think they're making themselves look powerful by telling you about the people they fucked over. It's not "I cheated on my wife and treated her like shit", it's "I got one over on her, aren't I clever?" This guy probably thought he sounded desirable ("Look at all the women I was fucking!") and like a victim ("Ex-wife…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 04:00 PM
16

Holy shit. Block him without response and DON'T tell him why. Otherwise he'll hide himself better with the next victim and she'll get blindsided. This guy's horrific but on the plus side, he's like his own early warning system.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 03:54 PM
54

Among women, I've noticed it usually means "doormat" or "enabler." There's nothing noble about codependency. You'll drive yourself crazy with toxic men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:08 PM
13

They just bought a huge house and then sank another quarter million into it for vanity renovations. I have no idea where they got this money. Either she's paying (bad) or he's blowing his savings on stupid stuff and saddling them with debt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 06:36 PM
13

Not exactly a deadbeat but he's not earning anywhere close to what she was making. Maybe half.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 05:47 PM
51

I don't know your location (don't share it here), but some jurisdictions allow a judge to order temporary support from the breadwinner during proceedings so someone like your friend can pay bills and even pay her attorney. I know money's tight but seriously, she can't not afford a lawyer right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:15 PM
40

For real. If this were a movie, the villain just made his entrance and the soundtrack hit a minor key, but this woman doesn't get it. She got an MBA from a top business school and was making 6-figures by 25. Her net worth potential in her career was 7-figures. If she didn't want to keep consulting, she had an amazing company on her resume which she could parlay into any other field of her choosing. Her story hurt to hear, honestly. Her husband was bragging to me about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:10 PM
60

I think of it like this: I accept that tigers maul people - and that's exactly why I don't want one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:04 PM
26

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 01:59 PM
96

This needs to be printed on a billboard. I know a young woman who just quit a management consulting job at one of the Big Four to get married and follow her husband across the country. He hates her but thinks she's a good wife appliance, so they're building up his career first. Y'all know how this is gonna end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 01:57 PM
106

I'm so sorry. This happened to my aunt. Her 1st husband made millions, then abandoned the family and quit his job so he'd look poor on paper. He never paid a dime in child support. Her 2nd husband wifed her up to get her assets. She barely had anything! Just a house and a 401(k), which he signed into his name while she was doped out of her mind on chemo. Her children got nothing, it all went to the guy she'd been married to for a year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 01:55 PM
94

There's literally a charity (Camfed) based on this idea. It financially supports African girls so they can go to school, partly because girls are so discriminated against and partly because women invest so much back into their communities while men don't. I forget the exact numbers, but Camfed has exploded in recent years and much of its growth is because these girls are graduating, getting good jobs, and then paying for other girls to go to school and investing back in other ways (returning to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 01:51 PM
83

The male ego can be seen from space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 12:11 AM
197

Yup, the smarminess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 08:28 PM
58

Sometimes I think dating men is like societal pressure for women to do something that deteriorates their mental and physical health and put their lives at risk. Perhaps it's the equivalent or worse than constantly smoking weed, drinking alcohol, taking drugs and constantly binge eating absolute junk. Perhaps we need to restructure our culture to make being single be the norm and question wanting to be in a relationship. Humanity would die out very quickly and society would collapse. Not joking. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:56 PM
32

She's 41????? The only reason I didn't think she was fresh out of college was because she's been around a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:43 PM
31

Me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:41 PM
2

Women trying to set up the 'poor unfortunate souls' who just haven't found the right mediocre relationship to get depressed in I ugly laughed at this. So accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:37 PM
22

I seem to remember the family understood their father was a creep and a loser. Really sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 05:09 AM
52

I'm shocked she didn't demand a financial cushion for herself. I'm shocked by this whole situation, honestly. The way they spent the last 30 years was woefully short-sighted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:41 AM
79

I read a story a while back on Reddit (can't remember where) about somebody's 75-year old father who thought the hot 30-year old neighbor was hitting on him. So he tells his wife he wants a divorce so he can go fuck the neighbor. Nuked his relationship with his entire family, including his kids and grandkids. Well, guess what? He's now lonely and miserable living in a studio apartment by himself - because it turns out the hot neighbor didn't want him after all, she was just being friendly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:38 AM
49

Those numbers didn't sit right with me too. Sounds like the guy retired early to fuck around for 30 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:15 AM
65

He only has $700K? He could've made so much more money these last 30 years if he kept working. She needs to stop wasting her time arguing with her husband and begging for validation from a columnist and start calling divorce lawyers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:14 AM
13

He's over 40? I thought you were talking about someone in his mid-20s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:00 PM
15

Edit to clarify for the people writing to me that I used him and ditched him Used him for what???? He has nothing. He offers nothing. He doesn't even have the basic emotional equipment for a relationship. That's why you dumped him. These armchair critics, I swear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:59 PM
52

I didn't see porn until college, and that was by accident. I definitely didn't make a habit of it. I'm baffled at what's been normalized in the last 15 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 04:41 PM
19

He also had an affair with Carrie while he was married to his previous wife (a woman who was way too young for him). I'd have lost respect for Carrie's friends too, tbh. I've dumped girlfriends who were cheating on their partners. If you're a HV person, you value integrity and don't tolerate assholes in your inner circle. Birds of a feather flock together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:42 PM
7

YES. Honestly, the series should've ended with that scene. I would've cheered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:38 PM
18

I cringe at their first meeting, too: They're in a limo and Carrie is telling this man she barely knows that she and her girlfriends have decided "to have sex like men" (i.e. sleep around). Big is baffled by this. So am I. Their decision is soooooo not empowering like they think it is and it's embarrassing she's telling this to a stranger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:37 PM
79

I think the show would've made more sense if it was about rich girls at boarding school (or college). At least then the immaturity and narcissism would've made sense, along with the litany of stupid decisions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 01:48 AM
189

Yeah, the fantasy NYC full of rich white people and a protagonist who lives like a Hilton on a sex columnist's wage. The other striking thing to me is the utter lack of discussion you'd expect of women in their mid-30s: 401(k)s, career advancement, elder care for aging parents. None of the women seemed to have family either. They had no lives whatsoever beyond sleeping with strangers. I'm in my mid-30s now and the bizarreness of it is even more striking to me than it was 20 years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 01:15 AM
125

SATC existed in some weird alternate universe where nobody worried about sexual violence, pregnancy, or HPV causing cancer. There was one episode where Charlotte got crabs and it was treated as a big joke. It's absolutely bizarre to rewatch 20 years later with more life experience under my belt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 01:05 AM
31

And women are getting all the blame for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 12:49 AM
29

When I tried to report domestic violence, the cop cut me off mid-sentence and accused me of lying to "destroy an innocent man's life." And people have the audacity to question why women don't come forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 05:29 PM
16

It was even worse than that. The victim lost her housing and her job. Her own foster mother told the police she thought the girl was lying. For anyone interested, google the 2015 article about the case: "An Unbelievable Story of Rape" by T. Christian Miller and Ken Armstrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 05:28 PM
101

The irony: FDS thinks more highly of men than men do. We know good men exist and came up with a system for finding them, that's all. Cue incels on Redit pitching a fit and telling us our expectations are unrealistic because men suck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:28 PM
84

those guys who have an over-abundance of options fail to act decently or commit. So you admit most guys are shit and only behave to get what they want out of women?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:26 PM
258

That's the thing that really gets me. Men overestimate their own greatness and think they can do better, even as they whine constantly on the internet about how hard it is to get women. Make it make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 02:41 PM
42

Yeah, for anyone reading, let your divorce papers be your final word. This isn't just about protecting your sanity, it's about your safety (physical and financial) and assuring your future. The best leverage you have in this situation is the cheater not knowing you know. Once he knows you're leaving, expect histrionics, sabotage, even violence. Don't give him the opportunity to pull anything. Talk to a lawyer, line up your ducks, and drop divorce papers on him - preferably while he's at work or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 02:40 PM
74

Or they took it after the guy got removed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 02:37 PM
102

I like the one guy who admits he'd date her for the bank he assumes she's making. They really tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 02:34 PM
261

FDS recently had a screenshot from another sub where a woman and her two kids had just been thrown out of her boyfriend's house at a moment's notice. The guy didn't even care that she had no money and no job. At least marriage provides some legal protection against shit like this, but even that's not a guarantee if a guy decides to fuck with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:44 PM
8

This is exactly what I thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:40 PM
31

I think he was looking for an excuse to leave the relationship. He was 5 years in and not interested in proposing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:38 PM
125

Imagine the screams if you'd asked about his dad's dick size. Y'know, for science.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:37 PM
5

She was talking about how her dad worked for the CIA and she was homeless by choice once so she could write a book about being homeless. Great, now I trust her even less. She sounds mentally ill or like a rich white lady who thinks homelessness is a summer camp you can opt out of whenever you want (versus a devastating and traumatic experience that's out of your control).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 10:25 PM
3

100%. I was just shocked to hear an older woman admit it outright and not see how problematic it was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 08:18 PM
2

Came here to say this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:47 PM
2

I thought this "talking" BS was just a young person's thing but apparently it's not. At the height of quarantine, a 50-year old woman told me she was "just talking" with men on the apps and sincerely didn't see what a huge waste of time it was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:43 PM
2

I thought they were stills from the next Mad Max movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:35 PM
5

I love how he never stops to consider he's the problem. Too bad the male ego isn't a viable fuel source. Climate change would end tomorrow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:34 PM
41

In my experience, men really do overvalue other men. They don't understand how much they suck as a class.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:56 PM
21

Probably some Pickmeisha working for pimps- be careful with these pick mes who get too friendly This was EXACTLY my first thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:54 PM
23

This is bizarre. Like, was she trying to sex traffic you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:54 PM
15

The “match-maker” always ended up admitting they knew I was out of the guy’s league and/or a guy I would never date. I've had people admit this to me too. What the ever loving fuck?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:53 PM
2

She wasn’t in a good place. But she is never in a good place. This is now one of my biggest red flags about a person. I used to be way too accommodating. "They're just in a bad place right now!" No, they're ALWAYS in a bad place. I don't question it anymore, I just move on with a quickness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 04:10 PM
58

Yeah, I learned fast to be insulted when people presumed to set me up, tbh. They never based their matchmaking on real criteria, just the assumption that my time was worthless and I must be desperate. They always matched me with trash, too. Some of the guys were real creeps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 03:40 PM
82

LOL I just wrote a long comment about this but you said it so much more succinctly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 03:16 PM
119

I have never had a blind date work out. In my experience, people think because you're a single woman who's breathing, you're a perfect fit for their loser buddy who sucks with women. I've had this happen several times. This co-worker hasn't said WHY he thinks you'd be a fit for his cousin. It's not like you have so much in common with the guy, or he'd say so, and how would he know anyway? He's only met you twice! Sounds like the cousin doesn't even know you exist either. So my money's on "desper…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 03:13 PM
1

Thank god you’re out of there. What are they doing about the guy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 05:44 AM
23

Dudes who wanna be chased should date other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 02:55 AM
19

I read somewhere that young women suffer the highest rates of sexual violence during their freshman year of college. I believe it. I knew SO MANY classmates who were raped their freshman year. Most of their attackers were guy friends they thought it was safe to study with, get drunk with, or accept a ride from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:54 PM
33

What is up with men marrying women they hate? I cut contact with a toxic friend a while ago because he was an asshole to me, but also because of how he was mistreating his girlfriend. He openly admitted he hated her and was just using her for sex, then married months later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:11 PM
46

I could've written this comment. 100% to all this. I've had dozens of male friends over the years (or thought I did). Most of them disappeared when they got girlfriends. The ones who stuck around tried to initiate an affair with me. One sexually assaulted me and then expected me to comfort him after because he "felt so bad." The ones who weren't evil ended up sucking in other ways. Most men aren't socialized for deep meaningful relationships in general, don't respect women, and don't know how to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:05 PM
77

I used to mistake anxiety for attraction. Which means instead of running away from obvious LVM at the first red flag, I'd find myself mysteriously leaning in and then wonder later how the hell I got blindsided. In hindsight, it was 100% a trauma response and an attempt to self-soothe. I went to therapy. Recommended.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 03:57 PM
2

Ah, I gotcha. Yeah, I wouldn't stick around if someone refused to tell me what they even did for a living. The OOP's story is weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:10 PM
0

Why the FBI?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:07 PM
6

Heads up on retinol: You need to moisturize and religiously wear sunscreen. Dermatologists forget to tell you this and typically write a script for it and shoo you out the door. Also, look up Sente serums. It's expensive but makes your skin more supple than a baby's butt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 06:19 PM
38

Yeah. Women get rejected all the time just like men do, except men get rejected upfront while women get rejected after a man wastes our time (and uses and abuses us). I think a lot of pickme behavior stems from the fact that we know this but don't want to admit it. We think jumping through hoops can change anything. It doesn't, because you can't change another person. All it does is waste everybody's time and allow a bad fit to overstay his welcome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:43 PM
11

What's the salary range for your role in your city? Do you know? I go by local data. Other countries have too many differing factors. Also, sometimes pay varies incredibly even from company to company. Sometimes you won't find this data online. I work in a sales role that, frankly, the general public doesn't know much about, and you can't find salary data anywhere online. You find it by being friends with senior people across my industry and taking them to lunch to ask them, which is what I do. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:16 PM
33

Wow, I missed the line where she says she pays at all for dates. Isn't is sad that we're gaslight to think if we're just "nicer" ("go 50/50!"), we can manipulate a man into treating us right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:03 PM
46

Not only that but she's putting her life on hold to hide from her own boyfriend. If you like certain things (shopping, big toys, fancy dinners), how the hell do you just deny yourself everything and stop living the life YOU want? Women need to know how to talk about money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:00 PM
7

Humanity would die out. Most men can't afford what women are worth. It's why the world's run on women's unpaid slave labor for most of history.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 03:49 AM
10

And they both allegedly disabled their Match profiles the next day. Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 03:38 AM
8

100%. I'm sorry you went through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:34 PM
16

Men get housewives who advance their careers women get bums who do nothing. Damn. Good way of putting it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:32 PM
7

I'm sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:29 PM
38

He wants her to fail. Building a business is hard work and quite frankly, most people don't have the skills or expertise to do it well. Getting the best education you can afford (key phrase) is still the best investment for most women. If she's smart about it, this guy's wife can take that degree anywhere, and he knows it. He doesn't want to lose his free wife appliance and/or he wants to punish her for ... the many gifts she bestowed upon him over the years? Raising his children, managing his h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:22 PM
125

Every line he writes is drivel, but this one really stood out to me: There are a lot of successful women doing it all. No, there aren't. Every woman I know who's trying is burned out and underpaid, and loudly complaining about it to other women. Most men are oblivious to these conversations because they don't ask, don't want to know, and don't care. Notice how nobody ever talks about "men doing it all"? Because society's natural assumption is that men will never have to, that they have a woman t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:17 PM
18

I'm sure you know this, but the men on the hate subs (going by their histories) are teenage boys and incels. I don't know about the ones ranting on other subs, but I'm guessing the same. Anyway, what I've noticed is they're almost always abusive, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were abusers offline, too. They want an argument with a woman so they can verbally beat her into the ground, even if it means rewriting the whole conversation as they do it. It's the only way they'll ever get attentio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 01:31 PM
71

I mean, I know why: Patriarchal brainwashing goes deep. It's hard admitting the game is stacked against you and there's no way to convince your oppressors to stop hurting you, so many of us lean into it ("I can convince/fix/win him!") rather than reject it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:37 PM
186

I'm not saying men should pay for dates... Why would you pay for a date you were invited on? Notice how she desperately tries to "soften" her words and still gets dogpiled in the comments. You'll never win with LVM by trying to tap dance for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 07:26 PM
256

He's not confused. He knows. He's playing dumb because he's looking for an opening. Any explanation you give is an opportunity for him to tell you you're wrong and give him another chance (so he can hit you in the face). Block him. You're done with him, right? There's nothing else for you to say to him. Just because somebody tries to pass you a hot potato doesn't mean you're obligated to catch it or toss it back. I don't argue with men. Ever. Men know exactly what they're doing, why would I tole…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 06:23 PM
25

/u/snowwy28 see this comment^ A guy pulled this shit at my job a few years ago. I reported him to upper management and he got fired. If the company had retaliated and fired me instead, at least I wasn't raped. And you can bet I'd have sued them. PLEASE keep us posted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:01 PM
28

Don't wait for shit to go down. Tell management immediately and do it in a way that creates a paper trail. Don't wait for this man to sexually assault you again. He's escalating fast and could get violent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:57 PM
106

True, but men are expected to have standards while women aren't. I've never seen anybody blink when a man left another man who was a loser, had bad hygiene, trash dick, etc. If you told a man to bet on another guy's potential, he'd look at you like you were out of your mind. Yet people say this to women all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:39 PM
402

They have nothing to offer but money Often not even that. I think it's funny how FDS critics on hate subs (you know the ones) quickly jump to golddigger accusations - completely ignoring the fact that: a) the OP usually has her own money so why would she need the guy's? (EDIT: And if she was broke, we'd be telling her to prioritize her education and career) b) it's never just the lack of money. The broke guy inevitably brings nothing else to the table, not even a nice personality. EDIT2: The iro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:12 PM
66

At least he gave a nice upfront preview warning of what it'd be like to date him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:44 PM
4

OP, where is this distrust in yourself coming from? You say you're a VP. You don't get to that level by accident, so clearly you know what you're doing most of the time. Yet this situation, despite being so obvious, seems to have thrown you for a loop. What happened?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:15 AM
11

I don’t have much to say other than you are starting a VP job and are heading to the beach, and I am incredibly jealous Right? I read this and was like, "OP, don't waste time worrying about this guy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:31 PM
82

A man doesn't go from a Director role to working in a warehouse unless something really bad happened. Period. So what was it? Drug addiction? Got fired for fraud or fucking a direct report? Burned all his bridges in the industry and can't get another job? It's ludicrous, OP. Something doesn't add up. "But but but maybe he needed time off." Somebody at his level should be able to afford a few months off if needed. If he can't, why the hell is he dating? He literally can't afford to date. I worked…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:28 PM
142

I gigged for years before I worked my way into corporate. I couldn't afford to date during that time and wouldn't date someone who still was. The lifestyles are incompatible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:08 PM
32

He's not a bad guy, but if I knew this about him beforehand - I wouldn't get involved at all. Listen to yourself here. It doesn't need to be more complicated than this. You're not compatible. You don't need footnotes, this isn't a thesis defense. Respectfully, you don't know he's NOT a bad guy. Good guys do not "bamboozle" you or "sell [you] a very different picture" of themselves. You're gaslighting yourself, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:02 PM
29

For real burying the lede. This man isn't a partner, he's a child to raise. If he's got mental health problems, he needs to get himself to a therapist. That's not me being mean, it's just a statement of fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:58 PM
39

Girl, his story doesn't add up. I'm not even at the director level that he claimed to be at, but I could get a new corporate job tomorrow if I wanted. I constantly have people in my industry trying to poach me. If I had a bad breakup with a drug addict, life would suck for a while especially if I had to move. But I sure as hell wouldn't be gigging or working in a warehouse. That would be a painful drop in career advancement and lifestyle for me. I don't know anybody in my field (sales) who'd do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:56 PM
11

Asking the important questions. I was wondering this stuff too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:52 PM
50

Nooooooo. Look, he's 40. If he hasn't gotten his life together by now, you have to take that at face value. Accept his choices. He's not a brain-dead little boy who needs you to rescue him. He's like this because he likes it this way. You may find that hard to believe, but not everybody's wired like you. You can't change that. It's not your job, you're not getting paid to do so, and honestly it would be presumptuous of you to try.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:48 PM
4

Yeah, and she already resented /u/poppinkitty for expressing concerns about the fiancé earlier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:17 PM
3

Same, girl, same. Looking back now, that "friend" wasn't really a friend, she was an acquaintance whose maturity and conflict resolution hadn't yet been tested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:15 PM
59

You didn't lose anything, this man wasn't your future husband. A husband would never walk away from his wife, let alone over a reasonable boundary. He was lying to try to get what he wanted, and left when it became apparent he couldn't fool you much longer. Don't lose sleep over this. You only "lost" more time with a liar who would've dumped you anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 05:30 PM
92

lol he's making fun of the original tweeter's stupidity, basically saying, "You'd literally have to pry this admission out of me under torture, what's wrong with you?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:42 PM
21

Yeah, I think it's important to differentiate between a very close friend versus other friends, too. I used to feel a lot of pressure to have tough conversations with people. Now, I feel those conversations are earned and not everyone deserves them. A few years ago, a girlfriend complained her boyfriend had just broken up with her. She proceeded to trickle truth me over the next 5 minutes: Not only did she admit to physically abusing the guy, but turns out another boyfriend broke up with her in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:40 PM
17

So, I was best friends with a girl in college. She messaged me for help one day while she was studying abroad and told me she was suicidal, so I had to have an awkward phone call with her mother to give her the news. But hey, what are friends for, right? The family got her the helped she needed overseas. A few years later, this girl graduated law school and hosted a party at her parents' house. When I tell you it was the most awkward situation of my life, I'm not kidding. I walked into the house…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:32 PM
142

Because the "people in charge" are men. The calls are coming from inside the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:15 PM
134

Another guy responded to him, "You'd have to waterboard me to pry this information out of me."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:13 PM
172

Can you get a lock for your bedroom door? Can you move out? I can't believe your parents are ok with strange men in their home while they're out, or your sister shagging strangers altogether in their house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 01:47 AM
7

Sure did. We had a long, loooooooong talk. I didn't tell her what to do, just led a Socratic method style discussion where I asked probing questions and let her draw her own conclusions. She wanted to break up with the guy and needed a nonjudgemental third party to validate her feelings so she could take action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 01:27 AM
10

I had a girlfriend who was pressuring me to "get out there", even though I'd expressed no interest in dating, even though I had a lot of good stuff going for me. Of course, she didn't believe me when I said I was happy single. Guess who reached out to me a few months later for help leaving her dickhead boyfriend?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 09:03 PM
78

Sexual assault on dating apps is an epidemic and nobody's talking about it except a million journalists, apparently. Google "sexual assault on dating apps" and you'll find dozens of articles. This one says a third of women on dating apps are raped or assaulted: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/17/apps-tinder-dating-women Do the dating app companies care? Does society? Nope. "Put yourself out there" is such common advice for women because quite frankly, the world collectively un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 04:38 PM
64

I have never stayed friends with an ex and don't understand anybody who does, unless they share kids. I joke that "ex" is Latin for "not my problem anymore." Society has this weird myth that staying friends with an ex is somehow noble. It's a bullshit lie people use to continue getting emotional labor from you. Reject it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 04:27 PM
21

I shopped specifically for a childfree-friendly surgeon (the childfree sub has a list), precisely because I didn't want to waste time and piss myself off bouncing from doctor to doctor and still getting rejected. I picked my surgeon out of the list and visited her the following week. She approved me for surgery within 10 minutes and didn't give me a hard time at all. I highly recommend this method to any woman seeking sterilization. Don't give shitty doctors an opportunity to block you if you ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 09:54 PM
6

Never done a pre-nup, but I've signed plenty of business contracts, and I can tell you a contract is only as good as the lawyer who wrote it, the laws of the district you're working within, and the biases of the deciding judge. I've learned the hard way that a piece of paper won't save my ass from an unscrupulous person. It might help (or hurt), but I'll still be facing an expensive legal battle I could lose anyway. Get a great lawyer and know your options, including other legal possibilities li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 03:21 PM
147

The projection in that dude's reply is nauseating. Bet he wrote it from his mom's basement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 02:38 PM
17

Check out mainstream high-fashion clothing stores. They often employ personal stylists and can work within your budget to help you build a wardrobe. In the US, I did this at Nordstrom, they're great. I also follow stylist Cassandra Sethi, but there's other stylists on social media, so it's not hard to find one you like. Look for someone whose style you vibe with AND is good at breaking down simple explanations on how to build a functional wardrobe. EDIT: Oh oh! Check out Mary Orton's blog at Mem…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 02:09 PM
40

How ironic that he’s talking about mental health while ruining women’s mental health by calling us slurs. What does he even want from women? Men even make their mental health about making women suffer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 02:03 PM
13

Yeah, he was bragging the week they met: "She'd move abroad for me." I didn't understand how he could believe that until I realized their first meeting consisted of her driving 25 miles to his place to fuck him (a stranger she'd just met online).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 07:15 PM
33

Also, I have a similar story about an aunt. She liked to brag even it meant lying, because impressions meant everything to her. So she told her new boyfriend that she'd donated $25K to some charity. She's such a selfless person, right? Only it was a lie, my grandmother donated that money, not her. Well, she fooled the boyfriend. He thought he'd just found a meal ticket. He quickly married her, then signed her house and 401(k) into his name while she was too sick from chemo to know what was going…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:11 PM
25

Omg, this story hurts to read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:50 PM
21

Yup. See my comment upthread. I had a friend who tried to use me to advance in his career. When that didn't work, he tried sabotaging me. When that didn't work, he ghosted me and married a doormat who'd given him a car.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:45 PM
45

He was pretty stupid: a dangerous mix of arrogance and emotional immaturity. People often complained that dealing with him was like talking to a belligerent 14-year old. So tbh, I've spent the last year thinking he was just desperate and dumb to make that request. I knew he was struggling financially. But this conversation is filling in a lot of gaps for me. I now think he actually wanted to take me down, even if it meant destroying himself to do it. Which is insane. He started dating someone th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 05:37 PM
92

I can't imagine the mental strain of lying for a decade about my own talents just to soothe the bitter insecurities of a man. I'd be exhausted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 04:54 PM
56

NEVER tell a man how much you make Period. I once made the mistake of telling a guy friend what I'd earned that quarter on commissions. We'd been recruited to the same company at the same time and were now co-workers, and he wasn't doing well. I pulled in 10X the revenue for the company that year than he did. He was also a rude asshole and pissed off a ton of people in upper management, so his chances of advancement were slim. Meanwhile, I was getting glowing reviews from our bosses and more res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 04:45 PM
19

This is part of the reason we all need to ensure we're signing prenups. Too many people scoff at prenups like "oh, we're not planning to get divorced," but shit happens. Nobody plans to get into a car accident either, yet most people have car insurance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 04:37 PM
20

The term should be leftover men. Leftovers imply something you left you on the shelf, which is what these women are doing to the men, not the other way around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 03:08 PM
4

Comment I wrote a few months ago about this. Baffles me what we've normalized these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:09 AM
19

AND you're a liar who can figuratively stab your wife in the face without remorse? Be still, my heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:38 PM
5

100%, it's infuriating. Though tbh that isn't even my nightmare scenario, which is "I show up somewhere and get jumped."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:04 PM
40

She was the first person I ever heard describe cheating as domestic violence. I felt seen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 08:20 PM
5

Yeah, he's an asshole but people assume he's decent just because he's married. She also runs his whole life and does damage control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 08:19 PM
93

"Winning" one of these guys is the worst. Ten years later, you'll be writing Chump Lady asking for help because your husband just drained the bank account and walked out the door to live with his mistress and you can't buy food for your kids. Society has women so gaslit that many of us actually think we can make a man like us, even when he obviously doesn't give a fuck on the first date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:10 PM
28

Not only that, but I assume even if she's a woman, she could be fishing for her boyfriend or luring me into a trap to get raped. It scares me that so many women I know still don't insist on public meetings and will just go to stranger's houses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:22 PM
23

Welcome to the life of a starter wife. He's using her right now for impression management, free labor, easy sex, citizenship in our country, and who knows what else. She quit her job at a Fortune 10 to move with this asshole who hates her, hasn't worked on himself in therapy, and hasn't built up his bank account or career yet. He'll trade her in the moment he starts moving up and pulling women he actually wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:57 PM
91

I've had married men whine to me about their dead bedrooms, and they're always shocked when I tell them I don't care. They really think their sob stories will make me drop my panties. It's bizarre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:25 PM
43

It gets worse if you marry him, too. I know a truly dreadful guy who ended up marrying a pickme who delivered herself to his place for their first "date" (i.e. her driving 25 miles to sleep with him after meeting online). Their courtship of 6 months consisted of sex, fighting, and her carrying the relationship. I know this because he bitched about her constantly and openly said "it was just sex" and he'd never marry her because she drove him crazy. He proposed before the year was out. I guess he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:59 PM
41

when I said I was the same age it started getting really weird. He started saying he's nervous and dreading getting closer to 30, saying how I look so young and can still party like I am 21 (All random stuff out the blue!). I can't help but think this is another example of "everything men say about women is another projection of their own insecurities." He's worried about hitting the wall, especially when he realized how much younger you look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:52 PM
14

I mean, they could probably get laid if they behaved decently. lol they could, but they simply don't want to. That would require effort, and these guys are lazy and entitled and hate women anyway, so why bother?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:45 PM
22

I had that happen to me too. Men are attracted to perceived weakness. For most of them, power imbalances and deception are their only hope of ever getting laid, and they know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:31 PM
39

I have to admit I am wary about men who frequently have time for last minute plans. I'd worry that they don't have their own hobbies and social life independently of a partnership and would expect me to be their sole source of entertainment. That's exactly what it means. I'm busy and plan things out 2 weeks (or more) in advance. So do my girlfriends and colleagues. I worked in a bar while I was moving up in my present career, and I frequently needed to give someone a shift so I could attend a bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:22 PM
51

I make decent money - not bank (yet), but decent - and I take myself out all the time: dinners, shopping, hair and nails done. My girlfriends and I meet for nice meals several times a month. So I don't get these coffee offers. If I don't even go for coffee myself or with my girlfriends, why would I downgrade? Especially if he's bragging about how much money he has? He's openly admitting: "I have money but I'm not spending it on you because you're not important."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:56 PM
55

I'm approaching 40, but men still think I'm 10 years younger. At least 90% of the approaches I've received over the last 20 years have been men trying to suss out low self-esteem in me (or flat out negging me). They usually get embarrassed when they realize I have self-esteem. A few have gotten mad. It's honestly reeeeeeeally sad how many men base their entire approach on trying to take advantage of our weaknesses. Men really don't relate to women as people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:52 PM
44

Sadly, that's the point. They're fishing for pickmes with low self-esteem and no lives of their own, who will happily deliver themselves any time for free sex. Then if they start dating, the guy can complain she's a needy crazy girl who won't leave him alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:46 PM
290

I'm embarrassed at how long it took me to realize men didn't come back because I was "the one" but because no other women would tolerate their bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 01:38 AM
3

Check out Turbie Twist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:22 AM
4

He's not thick, he knows exactly why she's upset. He wants Reddit to soothe his ego and reassure him that he has the right to control her like a dog and she's the problem for not submitting to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:20 AM
4

That's the thing! He already knows why the towel is important to her. She's explained it, I assume multiple times. He's not writing Reddit because he doesn't understand, he's writing Reddit because he wants reassurance that his girlfriend is wrong. He's so committed to being right that it hasn't even occurred to him that he's been dumped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 10:13 PM
5

His post reads like something my abusive ex would've written after I ghosted him, to try to portray me as crazy and unreasonable and elicit sympathy. Ten bucks says his friends already told him he's an asshole for this stunt so Reddit is his last desperate resort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 10:09 PM
5

And even after all that, he'll still hate her anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 09:45 PM
46

How much you wanna bet the coworker has no idea how he feels or is even happy she won't see him again? I've had men imagine entire relationships with me just because I was polite or friendly. Now I'm much more aloof and it's because of guys like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:20 PM
96

Sorry, he'll still be harassing you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 05:42 PM
135

"Insecure straight man tries to control girlfriend" should be its own category on AITA.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 04:45 PM
4

The towel probably got her wetter than he ever did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:43 PM
7

He sounds like a control freak and an abuser, and his post reeks of "missing missing reasons." "I don't understand why she needs this towel." Yes you do, she's already told you. "I don't understand why she's upset." Of course you do. You just disagree that her feelings matter and want Reddit to back you up. "My family will think she's weird." They don't. If they do, then they're even bigger assholes than you. "My friends agree with me that she's overreacting." No they don't. He's a liar and his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:40 PM
2

I like Turbie Twists. Get a multi-pack cuz you'll go through a lot of them before laundry day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:37 PM
21

My favorite part: "All my friends agree she's overreacting..." No, they don't. Stop making up an imaginary peanut gallery to defend your control issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:23 PM
49

More women need to understand this. Your boyfriend isn't confused, he's abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:22 PM
8

Did we know the same guy? Not joking. The unpredictability, the inability to regulate his words or emotions, the constant coddling. He also started randomly accusing me of secret ulterior motives and that I was using him, even though he was useless and leaned on me for everything. He brought nothing to the relationship except frustration and emotional manipulation. Also, the hair trigger temper and constantly getting offended over nothing, even as he offended everybody around him. Some of the th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 04:54 AM
14

I'm sorry you're going through this. He didn't deserve you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:10 AM
27

I promise you he is, if it's any consolation. Guys like this are a dime a dozen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:57 AM
68

Some 50-year old dude tried this with me once and I wanted to tell him he was old enough to be my dad but I was so taken aback that I blurted out, "You're like my grandpa!" I wish I could've framed his reaction and hung it on a wall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:51 AM
49

aka "the one he drove away"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:47 AM
41

I love how men pretend like they don't already do that anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:19 PM
3

Now I regret letting that affect me. It's only bad if you don't learn from it and do differently next time. If manipulation was so easy to see through, this community wouldn't exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 04:38 PM
5

I'm so sorry that happened to you. crying to a mutual friend that he didnt understand why I blocked him abruptly when he treated me so well. I had an abuser do this after I disappeared. He went crying to every mutual friend we'd had (people I'd also blocked), claiming he "didn't understand" and that he was worried for my mental health. Abusers love to claim they don't understand. It's now my #1 red flag. If you have to ask why, you're lying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 04:37 PM
4

Smart. Take this as a learning experience and prepare yourself for how you would handle this next time. Also, don't think he "won" anything. His excuses were bullshit and he manipulated an apology out of you, which it itself an extension of the abuse and means it wasn't real. You don't need to tell him that or force him to understand or admit he was wrong. Let your ghosting speak for you. You can change your mind and leave an unacceptable situation any time you want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 04:36 PM
9

This guy isn't just rude, he's dangerous. He lied, insulted you to your face, tried to rewrite history and guilt you for believing his first lie, then manipulated Kendall against you to protect his reputation. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect your boundaries, and he sounds like a compulsive liar. This is a guy who could rape you and not only get away with it, but try to destroy your life to shut you up. Seriously, block him and never hang out with him again. EDIT: He's also already adm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 04:23 PM
9

This guy's an asshole and Kendall is ridiculous for defending him. I don't need to list all the ways they suck, the other commentators have done that already. I'm guessing everybody in this story is very young. I dealt with drama like this all the time in college, with men acting like jackasses, gaslighting me to make ME the offender, then crying to mutual friends for sympathy points (and the friends believed these guys!). People like this are worthless and only get worse. If you give an inch, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 04:18 PM
127

"Repercussions" = "Somebody doesn't think I'm God"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:00 AM
216

My mom (with my permission) recently confronted my rapist. He was indifferent until she used the word "rape", at which point he freaked out and had a meltdown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:16 AM
47

This is critical information. I'd add it to your post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 02:24 AM
112

I was friends with a guy for 2 years before we started dating, and he cheated on me 2 months in. It gets better: He was fucking engaged the whole time. I had no idea. Prior friendship with a man means nothing. If you're going to date him, you have to start from ground zero and act like you're getting to know a stranger, because you are. LVM lie to their communities all the time and reveal their true faces behind closed doors with girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 01:00 AM
90

I say this from experience: Compulsive liars are a nightmare. Every lie you uncover has 10 more lies under it that you haven't discovered yet, and every single one of them could ruin your life. Think tax fraud, business fraud, marriage fraud, infidelity, lying about STDs, lying about his education, lying about his family of origin, etc. You could be opening yourself to criminal liability and bankruptcy. Not joking. I've dodged a couple guys like this, and they went on to ruin the women they even…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 11:35 PM
40

He's literally lying to your face about lying to you. This man doesn't respect you at all and thinks you're stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 11:22 PM
25

Did you sign the lease yet? You need to run like your tampon's on fire. Break the lease if you have to. It's a small price to pay for your freedom. You're 8 months in and he's already lying to you. What else is he lying about?? This won't get better, it will only get worse and the price you end up paying will get significantly steeper the longer you stay. If you think a lease is expensive, it's a million times worse paying for a divorce, a gambling habit, or kids he refuses to support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 11:19 PM
192

Officially dating for 8 months, but we’ve known each other longer. Respectfully, that time means nothing. Few people see a man's real face like his girlfriend does behind closed doors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 11:14 PM
131

This guy can claim moral superiority all he wants, but you can bet the second he somehow got a girlfriend and discovered she had a house, he'd be over there every week to use her laundry and shower.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 08:19 PM
43

I can't imagine cleaning up after sex in a car, with no running water, no way to do laundry, no extra room for fresh linens. WTF? Even at my messiest in college, there's no way I'd live like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 08:18 PM
60

My uncle did that with me once when I was a teenager.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:59 PM
4

6 people is almost a baseball team.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:36 PM
4

He was three hours late and expected you to be hosting HIS guests that entire time?! Wow. WOW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:31 PM
3

It was a mixed group of men and women, but they were weird, self-centered people. My brother-in-law's awesome but he's definitely the black sheep in an asshole family. I have no idea how he turned out so normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:27 PM
24

This story waters my crops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:01 PM
17

My parents invited 6 extra guests this year and it might as well have been the entire NFL. Those 6 extra people were a ton of extra cooking, and they didn't even offer to help clean up afterward. (My parents were not impressed.) If my dad was the OP, my mom would've lost her shit and rightly so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 02:58 PM
165

In my experience, a softboy will also cry after abusing you and still expect you to comfort him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 05:43 AM
36

Men who believe this, I've noticed, get really upset when you point out that none of their partners came back for seconds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:36 AM
78

I asked him once what he'd do if he woke up the next day and found himself in a female body. His immediate response was to say that all of his friends would be getting laid. If he's so eager to help a bro get laid, nothing's stopping him from peddling his ass out right this very second. Oh wait, but it's different when it's his body, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:35 AM
6

I hear you on the frustration. I'm on the opposite side of the healing journey and even I get frustrated sometimes when I hear these stories, and I lived it. It's hard to explain a different reality to someone who's never lived it, whether they're a victim or a bystander with no knowledge of how trauma works. They're like 2 opposite worlds with different languages. Just a heads up, the damage is definitely NOT irreversible, but it does require intensive trauma therapy. I'm proof of that and don'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 05:46 PM
9

Yup. People also don't understand how trauma affects someone's decision-making. See my last comment. The medical community now recognizes that trauma causes wounds. Just because they're usually invisible, most people don't see them and presume poor character on the victim: laziness, stupidity, "why is she tolerating this??"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:35 PM
13

The men we trusted most hurt us when we were young and taught us this is what love looks like. Not rocket science. I'm seeing a lot of victim blaming in these comments and ignorance around how trauma works. Trauma victims aren't stupid, we were intentionally broken at a young age and didn't gain skills that most people take for granted, like self-esteem and the ability to recognize danger. Add societal misogyny on top that tells women not to trust ourselves and tells men they're owed a woman (by…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:30 PM
8

This is our daily PSA reminder that a man wanting to marry you doesn't mean anything. Not unless he's proven himself to be consistently high value and you've deemed him worthy of you. Abusive men happily lock down women all the times for the perceived benefits to the man. That's not a true marriage, it's a hostage situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:20 PM
22

Never trust a man who says he's OK with you doing porn Even if he was truly ok with it, it means he's okay with pimping you out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:15 PM
77

A man will know extremely quickly if he sees himself having a future with you/getting married to you. And even then, you still need to ask yourself, "So what? What do I want? Is this relationship acceptable to me?" Men get married all the time to women they don't love or respect. Just because a man sees you as his future wife doesn't mean he intends to be a husband or has your best interests at heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:09 PM
134

I once had a coworker who worked double shifts to pay the rent while her boyfriend sat at home in their basement apartment, playing video games and pissing into empty beer bottles. I was aghast and asked her to repeat this because I couldn't believe it. Since then, I have had MORE women tell me stories of boyfriends pissing into empty bottles. Like this is an actual thing that men do, not an isolated incident. WTF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 05:02 PM
12

he would maybe shower once a week. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 05:01 PM
161

"Is this male genocide?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 03:09 PM
42

Every post on Reddit where his name comes up is inevitably a story about how sweet he is. There was a post a while back asking for people's stories of dealing with celebrity assholes, and I held my breath when someone mentioned Keanu's name. Turned out the person was saying, "Let me tell you a positive story to lift your spirits after all these shitty stories." Then goes on to say how their girlfriend got a flat tire and fucking Keanu Reeves shows up to fix it. He wouldn't accept payment, and he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 04:59 PM
93

Men: "High standards for me but not for thee."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:06 PM
167

Future faking. "I want to take you to this steak restaurant!" then later "I didn't say I'd take you, only that I'd like to!" He was surprised you weren't a doormat who goes with the flow and that you actually took him up on it, thereby ruining his ruse. If you'd tolerated it, it would just get worse i.e. "I'd love to marry you some day!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:05 PM
111

Managing down her expectations - and unintentionally showing her he's a weak, ineffectual person who's not a man of his word. Now imagine being married to this guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:02 PM
53

My first thought was that when you said you love steak he was worried that you would expect him to take you there and pay (stingy scrote alert), so he shit talked it and would have proabably proposed a cheap date as an alternative. lol except he literally just invited her there 2 seconds earlier. Not saying you're wrong, I'm saying he's wishy-washy and deceptive, and it's sadly pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:01 PM
13

Funny how the only "equality" men are interested in is punching women (which they do anyway) but any time you talk about any other form of equality (laws, medical care, women in business and government, women's safety), these guys don't give a shit. It's almost as if they're just violent misogynists who want another excuse to hurt women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:42 AM
4

During one of our first conversations he asked me what I look for in a guy, or what I find really important. He asked you what you wanted to hear so he could lie to you. I said I don't really look for anything, but it's important to me that he doesn't have a short temper and gets upset at little things. Respectfully, "not abusive" is not a standard. And saying that to a man you don't know is like ringing a dinner bell (if he's an abuser). He immediately thinks, "Great, she has no standards. Let …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:36 AM
13

I truly do not think that a Cadillac SUV and a job working for one's parent is "too good to be true." Right? I thought, "So he's not talented enough to stand on his own two feet. He's a grown man with parents who still wipe his ass."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:32 AM
17

I immediately had the same thought. I've met a couple guys like this. They all had wild sob stories about how their ex was a drug addict who "just went crazy." Or his mean wife won't fuck him anymore and she's cheating on him with everybody, and the only thing that can soothe him is an affair with you. Woe is him! Sob sob. Don't fall for it. Crazy stories don't make sense because they're not real. You're dealing with a liar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:30 AM
8

Not only that /u/Angeli_33 but this guy would have direct control over your career advancement and money. Oops, you had a fight so he needs to take you down a peg? Forget about that promotion. Hell no, don't ever do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:27 AM
62

The only men who've told me I was "hard to read" were either manipulators or emotionally constipated idiots with no social skills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 03:22 AM
3

There's some great Aliens fics on AO3 with Ripley/Hicks showing a healthy relationship versus your usual dumpster fire of fighting and codependency. Their relationship in the movie was very promising to begin with, so fic authors have taken the original source material and fleshed out a romantic relationship for them, with Hicks courting Ripley properly and none of the mindgame bullshit you find in pop culture. AO3 also has an "enthusiastic consent" tag with hundreds of stories from tons of fand…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 10:35 PM
14

OMG, that's horrible. Of course the idiot survived but his wife didn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 09:33 PM
7

Yup. Thank goodness you're ghosting. Did you still have a question about this, or did you just need validation? Cuz if it's the latter, I'm happy to validate for you that he's a nutjob.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 09:32 PM
8

He's an idiot who threw away his job to win a pointless argument in his head. You're already feeling pressured to lie to him to get along. There's literally nothing for you here. Cancel the date, don't explain why, block his number, move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 09:31 PM
7

His random fleeting idea that he's found someone who could do better than him speaks more to him and his mindset than anything rooted in reality, you, or actual value. Yup. This is why I don't care what a man thinks. If he's LV, his judgements are coming from a self-serving place anyway with no basis in objective reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 06:05 PM
10

Why do they fucking hide & go to extreme lengths to lie/ belittle / gaslight it if they think women are so weak and okay with it? Tell me that Because they're so selfish and fragile that they can't stand thinking they're the bad guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:29 PM
15

If they actually felt they'd landed someone "out of my league," you better believe they are going to have an aneurysm keeping you around and happy. This isn't true ime and still places the blame on the woman for not being good enough. The truth is nothing will compel a lazy asshole to level up. People don't change for others, not without tremendous pressure like a near-death experience or hitting rock bottom, and even those aren't sure things. If a man appears to change for a woman, I assume it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:22 PM
4

Same. I have very few male friends, and there's still a bit of a wall there compared to my friendships with women. I wouldn't trust these men if they didn't physically and emotionally prioritize their wives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 04:46 PM
18

Ex-Catholic here, and I flinched reading your post. Conservative Catholic belief revolves around the subjugation of women. Making this work long-term will require one party bending their beliefs to meet the other's, and I'll give you a hint, it won't be him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 11:20 PM
114

Yeah, if you have to nudge him, he ain't it. I once went on a date with a guy who didn't follow up, so I followed up with him (I know 🤡🤡) 2 days later. It's still one of the weirdest phone calls I've ever had. He pretended for a second that he didn't remember me ("/u/Inspection-Critical? Oh!") and then said sure, we could do a 2nd date. I hung up feeling confused and sick, then texted him and called it off. Blocked him immediately so I have no clue what his response was. In hindsight, he was try…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 08:24 PM
38

The worst I’ve experienced is that they usually do drop you upon achieving Partner Status. It’s happened so many times, at this point I just start casting nets for new friends when they enter their honeymoon stage. I've noticed this too and done the same. Men are bad investments. Even the best case scenario isn't great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 08:19 PM
35

10 years ago, incels themselves insisted that women could never be incels. At the time, that fit their victim narrative. ("It's so hard being a man! Women can get laid anytime they want and we can't!") Now the narrative has changed, because it doesn't serve LVM to question their own behavior. It's easier to just ignore women's reasons for choosing celibacy over tolerating men's abuse, and so they write us off with a nonsensical label.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 08:04 PM
16

OMG
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:57 PM
32

People who shit on women like this are also the first people to tear you down for not giving a shitty guy a chance. "OMG why are you so mean to him?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:56 PM
39

Funny how pop culture overemphasizes bubble baths as self-care but the second you talk about women's boundaries (i.e. not tolerating men's shit), nobody wants to hear it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:53 PM
23

Men really think they can put us on ice until whenever they want 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:51 PM
55

I think it also speaks to a basic truth that you can't ever trust a loser. People who function at a low level can live with incongruence but high performers can't. There's a great book called "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, a psychologist who wrote about relationships. He said the key to leveling up in all areas of your life is radical honesty with yourself, and I've found this to be accurate. High value people will be 100% honest with themselves even when the truth is painful, and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:54 PM
72

The first rule of misogyny is men's behavior is women's fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:49 PM
157

This is so obvious and yet for some reason this still goes over so many people's heads. It's the oldest trick in the cheater's playbook, and I'm shocked it still works.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:42 PM
108

Yeah, I agree with her message but also agree it lacks context. We're raised in a world that hates us from the time we're born and constantly reminded that we have to work twice as hard to be considered half the worth of a man. Like no kidding that by the time we hit adulthood, so many of us have low self-esteem. Having self-worth as a woman is a hard won battle, but society is quick to blame us for it because otherwise everybody would have to acknowledge the existence of patriarchy in the first…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:33 PM
48

I would've thought the same. They were professional colleagues. I do lunches like this with married men all the time and don't blink an eye over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:29 PM
19

Let me guess, Alberta?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 05:27 PM
1

Reading between the lines, sounds like he left her for other women (after they'd been together for years!), got bored, and now wants his toy back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 03:12 AM
112

When man say they're separated, the "but my wife doesn't know yet" is silent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 08:23 PM
13

To get a reply to your letter, answer ALL of these questions No
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:16 PM
10

If there were, men would still infiltrate them. I thought it was telling that when the Wonder Woman movie came out, so many people were commenting that they wanted the island of Themyscira to be real but for totally different reasons. Women were saying they wanted to get away from men, men were saying "of course" they'd want an island of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:15 PM
19

You can tell he's REALLY mad that women won't chase him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:11 PM
17

I loved the ode to himself in the first screenshot, but the diatribe about "female failures" in the second screenshot is where it all came together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:11 PM
21

Sounds like he's verbally fellating himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:10 PM
18

I think he was talking about his dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:09 PM
25

‘girls that love to reject guys to stroke their own egos’ "Tell me you get rejected a lot without telling me you get rejected a lot."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:09 PM
29

I don't know any stats on hookup culture, but I keep hearing negative comments about it from people these days. Everyone I talk to seems fed up with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 04:42 PM
149

I saw a similar post on a different sub and the comments were trashing the OP. My favorite response was like: "You literally turned down sex with a real woman to jerk off to strangers on a screen. Your girlfriend's left you, your best friend is threatening to leave you, do you need a Christmas Carol style wake-up call from 3 spirits before you realize you're running your life into the ground?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 04:41 PM
2

p.s. Good resource for learning idioms and other turns of phrase: "The Ultimate French Review and Practice."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 04:19 PM
3

Your dad's awesome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:30 PM
3

Which have you found the worst?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 06:09 AM
4

lol sadly narcissists aren't creative. They're the same in every language: over-the-top verbose with very little substance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 06:07 AM
13

Did your dad do anything about it? French men are dogs. They're not even ashamed about how horrible they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:59 AM
5

Personally, I'd be more confused/insulted by an ex addressing me as "vous." It'd come across to me as stuffy and pretentious. Not that this letter isn't pretentious to begin with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:51 AM
13

I have never been sexually harassed like I was in Paris. Holy shit. I didn't even want to go to the grocery store anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:44 AM
6

Wow!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 12:36 AM
23

May I? I've been lying to myself. To my friends, my family, my conquests. Everyone who knows of my road [note, I think he's talking about his struggles?] Everyone who crosses my path. And then, there is the distance, the lies, the ego, the [?? google tells me this means orgasm] , the fear. All of the lying which was blocking me from coming back. But also to forget you." And then there's the distance, the lying, ego, pride, fear. All these things prevent me from coming back. But it equally stops …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 12:03 AM
9

Not a single sentence about her, but a few references to how he fucked things up and it took him a year to realize "there's no one else like you out there." Wow, like that's supposed to make her feel better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 11:29 PM
15

Yikes indeed. He says it's been a year and he's "conquered" a lot of women in that time but none of them compared to her. Translation: "Of all the women I've used, you were my favorite" 🙄 What a compliment /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 11:18 PM
15

For those of you who can’t read French, its basically summarized as “you were my first and greatest love , and no one since you had compared. Come back to me” meaning he hasnt found another woman to put up with his bullshit I picked up on that, too. I don't know how long they've been broken up, but I get the feeling it's been a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 10:05 PM
33

You're not missing anything. The LVM textbook must be available in 100 translations, cuz this guy seriously uses the same flowery sob story language guys use in English.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 10:01 PM
28

More like "let me publicly browbeat you until you buckle." Sounds like a hostage situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 10:00 PM
24

There's a similar phrase in America: "Forgetting the old one by getting under the next one." Can't believe anyone take it seriously though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:30 PM
34

If I saw this letter, I'd be embarrassed for him, not her, and instantly understand why she left him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:21 PM
49

It's worse than that. He says, "I would have tried forgetting you in [other women's] arms, [other women's] bedsheets..." Like he's doing her a favor. EDIT: Whoops, n/m, I kept reading and yeah, he slept with a bunch of other women and is now telling her: "I tried aaaaaall the pussies but yours is my favorite" 🙄 It's been a year and he doesn't even know where she lives anymore, but he thinks posting this drivel helps his case? Bruh, she's long gone. Men are crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:01 PM
30

I thought her husband was her dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 03:38 PM
12

I dated a man who was so smooth with his words that one date he asked me about my relationship with my dad and I didn’t even really notice he did. On the next date he asked me if growing up there was anything about my appearance I was uncomfortable with. Men know what they're doing. Crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 02:20 PM
18

Or you'll take pity on him and give him your car. I know a woman who did this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 04:38 PM
46

Yup. Nothing more dangerous than a man who claims to be a feminist. If they actually respect women and support feminism, they just do it without making a big deal about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 04:06 PM
41

I've found the same about men who claim to be feminists and like to screech about how much they respect women. (They don't.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:54 PM
25

lol they'll lie to you anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:24 PM
132

Yup. It's an adult version of "if he pulls on your hair it means he likes you!" Who gives a fuck if Timmy likes me? Timmy's an asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:24 PM
148

It's weird how desperate men are, yet they mistreat women anyway. They shoot themselves in the foot all the time. Realistically, I know it's because so many of them don't know how to relate to women outside of trying to control us. That's all they have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:23 PM
231

"Hey I'm sorry" = "Come back so I can manipulate you again in a different way so hopefully you don't catch on so quick" He's not sorry, he's just surprised you immediately saw through it and cut him off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 02:20 PM
12

They took up space at a prime location for 6 hours and only spent $100, and he's whining about that? Does that total even include a tip?? $100 for a night out is cheap unless your idea of a good time is Chipotle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 11:45 PM
12

I'm wondering about the parking lot situation. He insisted on her parking in the overflow lot which was "just a 2 minute walk away". When I schedule brunches with girlfriends, I send calendar invites with the location and parking options. I don't expect everyone to do this, but I'm disappointed they don't. It helps making the other person's life easier especially if you're going someplace busy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 11:39 PM
32

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 10:58 PM
6

Yeah, I'd make a cautionary addendum to this article: "Stringers can still marry you but it won't mean anything." Men marry all the time without any intention to be a husband. Men have openly told me they were going in with plans to divorce or cheat down the road.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:38 AM
11

This answer right here. LVM behave in ways that would've gotten them pushed down a flight of stairs by my grandma, but that's not possible when he's a stranger on the street or on OLD. He knows there's no social repercussions. Meanwhile, I was at a wedding the other day and a rogue LVM showed up. He randomly told one woman to shut the fuck up, insulted me to my face, and almost got stomped out by a guy he mouthed off to at the bar. The mother of the groom heard about this and told the groom, who…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:04 PM
40

Yup, I did the same. I wasted months, sometimes years, trying to understand exes' shitty behavior. Such a horrible waste of time! Ladies, don't waste your energy trying to understand men who misbehave. First of all, they would NEVER do the same for you. And second, you will never find closure that way. There is NO excuse good enough for a man to behave like a shit. All you need to know is he was an asshole and he wasn't the one for you. That's it. That's your closure. If you struggle with this, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 04:29 PM
42

Men make time for what's important for them. Period. "But but but!" No, there is no exception to this. It takes 2 seconds to send a text. It takes 5 minutes to ask you out and make a dinner reservation. If you have to overthink this, unmatch in confidence knowing he's not it. "What if he's in the hospital? What if he's unconscious on the side of the road somewhere??" You and I know he's not. The chances are very slim that your future husband hasn't written you back because he's in the ER and his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 04:04 PM
45

You don’t know him, he hasn’t earned the benefit of your doubt. Great rule for all interactions with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:51 PM
85

I wonder how you queens would analyse/categorize this behaviour of him? He's an asshole. That's it. That's the analysis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:49 PM
70

He looks like an idiot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 08:04 PM
100

The interviewer doesn't even realize how embarrassing he is. I'm amazed anyone, even a man, can walk around with such a lack of self-awareness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 08:03 PM
254

I don't get the comments at all, but they give great insight into the minds of creeps and idiots. "PhD doesn't buy you class." Excuse me, are you talking about her or the weaselly guy asking strangers inappropriate sex questions on the street? "She'll be buying dog and cat food." LOL is this an insult? Anyway dude, she's an athlete with a doctorate. She's obviously driven, disciplined, and educated. Pretty sure she'll be fine. "The higher they fly, the lower they fall." Spoken like a loser who's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 08:01 PM
10

OMG, this right here. Men and women think very differently when it comes to relationships. Most men have complained to me about their relationship "but it's better than nothing" or referred to it as "locking someone down." Their reactions have run the gamut from shocked to confused when they hear how easily I walk away from bad dates or bad boyfriends. Most men aren't in a position to be picky and are so desperate that they take what they can get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 05:50 PM
4

I knew a guy who bragged after a one-night stand with a stranger that "she'd move abroad for [him]." He was right. They were engaged within the year, and she quit her job and moved across the country to work for his MLM and meth head business partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 05:46 PM
1110

I knew from the first screenshot he was lying about his colleagues shit talking her. 99% of colleagues wouldn't dream of complaining about someone's spouse short of that spouse setting things on fire in the restaurant. Ladies, if a guy says this, he's intentionally fucking with your self-esteem and is probably trashing your reputation to those other people as well. It's all classic signs of a smear campaign to put you down, control the narrative, and isolate you from others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:26 PM
28

I once had a guy send me messages like this for a year and a half. "I don't think you saw my earlier message on xx platform so I'm trying you on here..." Nah, I saw it, I just didn't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:18 PM
32

"Doesn't like labels." I got bad news for that guy about jobs and literally everything else in the world. Like it or not, the world runs on labels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:17 PM
124

I had a guy try to make me jealous for ten years, despite me rejecting dates with him at least twice. Last time I heard from him was a passive-aggressive letter informing me he'd just gotten engaged. He actually said, "Sorry, /u/inspection-critical, I'm now off the market." Dude, I still don't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:14 PM
17

Google "Kattie and Kevin on Marrying Millions."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 06:12 PM
10

I'm sorry you went through this. How'd custody work out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:46 PM
23

A lot of people seem determined to marry forced connections. I have way too many high school and college classmates who were on their 2nd divorce by 30. Or they felt stuck in that 2nd marriage and couldn't leave because they had kids anyway with the person. I've always had the impression since childhood that most people don't even know what they want going into marriage and usually marry for the wrong reasons, then act surprised when it falls apart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 03:44 PM
5

I wish we could pin this comment in the sidebar somewhere, because it explains WHY "block and delete" is literally life-saving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 02:07 PM
5

Thank god he didn't suck up to you and make promises. Imagine the next time you were alone in a room with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 02:06 PM
15

OP, this guy sounds like a rapist and domestic abuser. You'll save yourself so much time and frustration in the future simply ghosting and blocking guys like this without comment. They know what they're doing, they don't care, and any further interactions open you up to more of his violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 02:04 PM
17

It's 100% emotional abuse. He insults her left and right and calls her a gendered slur.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 01:59 PM
39

I used to bartend and one night, this guy would NOT leave me alone. Literally stood there at the bar sexually harassing me and saying he'd be waiting for me in the parking lot when I got off my shift. I was terrified. Meanwhile, all the men at the bar including my manager and the restaurant owner sat there laughing, thinking it was hilarious to "watch this asshole get rejected."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 11:14 PM
157

The craziest part to me is he asked for common law marriage and joint accounts. Basically, marriage in all but name. He knows that title is important but refuses to give it to you. Why? So he can always have one foot out the door and can leave whenever he wants, while demanding everything from you? The presumption of this never ceases to dumbfound me. He's even been kinder towards me since I made my decision. Maybe he respects me more now? Nope, he's just hoping you'll change your mind so you'll…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 10:36 PM
5

I don't understand dating apps at all. I've tried them once or twice, never more for a few weeks, and it was a complete waste of time. It felt like an unpaid full-time job where I was putting in all this work just to be insulted and sexually harassed by angry lunatics on the internet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 07:12 PM
36

I know a woman who just traveled halfway around the world to meet a guy she'd met online months ago. I cringed as soon as she told me she was going. She's done this before, getting excited about a shitty guy who hasn't done the bare minimum to earn a place in her life, let alone her bed. But she didn't want my feedback, so what could I do? Anyway, off she goes. Has a fabulous time abroad, meets the guy for the first time, love at first sight, they sleep together, etc. She's been home for a few w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 07:09 PM
36

No. That's like someone failing a job interview yet giving them the job anyway and expecting them to somehow excel at it. He's telling you who he is. He's emotionally available and has unresolved issues, at best. At worst, he sounds manipulative and a cheater. Hard to say which is which, but the details don't matter. He'd still be a terrible partner for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 03:47 PM
129

Because confusion means something doesn't make sense - and healthy, honest people always make sense. BTW, more red flags for you: he know this about himself because he had some bad relationships where the woman cheated on him How many women have cheated on him??? Ten bucks says he's the cheater. that's why he blocked himself off but he says he really wants to work on that. Nope. This man is not ready to date, he's a work in progress. And that's assuming he's actually doing the work. You have no …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 03:43 PM
114

"Few things men ask for" 🙄 Men would have a shit fit if anyone dared asked these things of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 03:35 PM
311

I don't understand so many women's obsession with marrying/moving in with a guy, as if that's a milestone. I understand we've been brainwashed by fairytales since we were little girls, but having your own living space is AMAZING. Having my own thermostat, fridge, decor, money etc is AMAZING. Living in a home where everything stays clean and peaceful is AMAZING. It's so funny to me that TV shows and movies constantly harp on women needing a man and rarely show how wonderful and peaceful it is for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:52 PM
15

I did a double take reading your post, because I wasn't sure we weren't involved with the same guy. I missed the same red flags you did. In hindsight, they're all obvious and were there from day one, so at least I won't make this mistake again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 08:28 PM
123

Honestly, I don't think this is it at all. The only things a LVM "respects" are power (real or perceived) and boundaries. He might give lip service to a woman he perceives as out of his league, only because she's out of his reach. If he had 5 minutes with her, you'd bet he'd start to degrade her and try to drag her down to his level. Tbh, this question presumes that the woman is at fault for a man's mistreatment, that she "wasn't good enough" for him. But LVM treat all women like shit, regardles…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 07:55 PM
61

A global Lysistrata movement? I'm here for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:07 PM
119

Last time I tried OLD, I got messaged by a 6' skinny guy in a leotard with a Batman logo (EDIT: tattooed!) on his chest who said he and his girlfriend were "looking for a third."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:01 PM
157

Maybe he really did mean "ornamental." Saddest part is, either interpretation is still horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:59 PM
251

This is why LVM rage so hard at women's standards and accuse us of being "golddiggers" for expecting bare minimum courtesy. Golddiggers dig for gold, not a plate of spaghetti at Olive Garden, and they refuse to do even that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:58 PM
105

That's a great way of putting it. I'm convinced fairytales grew out of a need to brainwash little girls into wanting something (men/marriage) that is statistically likely to k*ll them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:25 PM
172

I stopped having casual sex a decade ago, have been celibate since, and cannot tell you how wonderful it's been for my health and happiness. Hookup culture was fucking traumatic. It took me years in therapy to deal with the abuse and disrespect I endured, and for what? None of those guys even gave me an orgasm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:06 PM
273

FDS made me feel sane. It was the first time in my life I'd experienced a woman-only safe space that prioritized women's safety and pleasure, and where other women were voicing all the thoughts I'd had since I was a little girl. I spent my entire childhood and early adulthood feeling like a congenital lunatic, because I had all these thoughts and experiences that NOBODY in mainstream culture would acknowledge in any way, and the rules I'd been fed since childhood emphatically did not work. But n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:03 PM
38

Fuck him, honestly. He wanted to stay friends but I was speaking from a place of hurt Well, no kidding! He hurt you, repeatedly. Your response was a very reasonable boundary. My 2 cents, stop reaching out to him, block him everywhere. You owe him nothing, you don't need to "show past is passed", why would you? He was an asshole and there's nothing there for you. You're trying to find closure by drinking more poison. EDIT: What kind of abuse is this? Sounds like he was punishing you. Which is als…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:59 PM
224

Wow, this is profound. And oddly hilarious. Congrats on the promotion!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:39 PM
28

Food for thought: You're trying SO hard to understand his problems, and he would never do the same for you. At the end of the day, this man needs to work on himself. I too need to work on myself as well. No. This presumes you were equally to blame for his abuse. You're not responsible for his behavior. Look, we all need to work on ourselves. It's part of being human. But your ex has more to work on than many of us. You say he has anger issues, addictions, and blamed YOU for HIS behavior. He's ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:34 PM
24

I almost dated a former Muslim guy too, exact same situation. Portrayed himself as liberal, open minded, and emotionally mature, yet huge unresolved anger issues. Made a big deal about "how much he respected women", but treated women like shit and Tinder like his personal dumping ground. Ended up marrying a pious Muslim girl he hated. I've noticed similar issues in guys from other religious backgrounds they claim to resent, especially the anger and hypocrisy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:25 PM
56

Another sign of resentment and contempt: stonewalling. If he stonewalls you, run for the hills. You will lose your sanity and self-esteem trying to pry basic communication out of an angry toddler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:20 PM
38

Animals get put down for less.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:16 PM
50

I had an uncle with undiagnosed mental illness, but he checked all the boxes for NPD. He burned every bridge in our hometown and robbed his own mother blind before he finally fled across the country to move in with a woman who was stupid enough to marry him. If he didn't somehow always have a willing enabler to mooch off of, he'd have been homeless and dead under a bridge 40 years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:40 AM
7

2 of my grandmother's children k*lled her. People underestimate how hard it is to stop or prosecute elder abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 01:32 PM
126

The bar truly is in HELL, men expect BEING NICE is enough. And low performing men have an equally low definition of "nice", too. "WTF, I clean up after myself and I don't beat you. What more do you want?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 04:01 PM
39

I hope Britney has the support she needs, from trustworthy people. She's got a long road ahead of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 05:31 PM
100

I come from a fucked up family of origin. My relatives are trash and I'm estranged from most of them for my own safety, yet they still have a cult of enablers in our hometown who will have you convinced these people are Jesus. All this to say, I'm not surprised to see Britney's family has its own cult of enablers praising these people to the heavens. This is why I don't trust testimonials from 3rd parties, I listen to the victim(s) alleging abuse. People who haven't experienced it themselves don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 05:26 PM
78

Funny how differently society speaks of power for men and women, right? Men are offered power. Women get "empowerment." There's a profound difference between the two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:25 PM
27

Yeah, the whole post reads like a sexual predator's fantasy. None of my friends dated a significantly older man in our teens or 20s. If anyone did (i.e. were groomed), they kept it quiet because they knew people would be disgusted. I've met a handful of girls over the years who were proudly open about their involvement with older men. These girls also had serious issues and it's obvious in hindsight that the men were taking advantage of a barely legal adult with profound unresolved trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:14 PM
5

I'm almost 40. Reading this post gave me deep insight into the creepy old men who harassed me throughout my teens and 20s. I promise you, I found none of them attractive and wanted them to leave me alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:07 PM
3

What's their excuse? Entitlement. They could age gracefully too if they experienced any of the societal expectations women do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:05 PM
17

It's great you caught it early and are redirecting yourself accordingly vs living in denial and wasting years on this guy. Take this situation as the wakeup call it is rather than an opportunity to flagellate yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:31 PM
88

Your friends have sad excuses for men's disrespect. I and everyone I know (girlfriends, business colleagues) are super reliable even with people we don't know well. We make plans, we set a firm time, we confirm the day before, we text if we're running late. This isn't rocket science, men just don't care. EDIT: Great post, btw. Flakiness is a common problem, shows disrespect, and it never gets better. Yet we often overlook it because women are raised to make excuses and carry the emotional burden…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:06 PM
171

You want inhumane (not that it's the pain olympics here, but if we're going to talk about it)... I was in a situationship with a guy who ended up dating someone else and bragged the day they met that she'd move across the country for him. He spent the next 6 months shit talking her and how he'd never marry her, then proposed anyway after she gave him a car. He told me about the car without a trace of shame, too. I was stunned. She quit her job at a Fortune 10 (where she was on a career track wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:58 PM
31

Poly people, in my experience, don’t tend to have any interesting things to say about themselves other than that they’re poly. It gets old. Poly people are seriously a cult. Everything they do revolves around their identity and sleeping with the other members.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:59 PM
22

The poly-lens gave me, and gives many, the perspective that everyone is an option, to an extent, and that all feelings of hormones are valid love options. Explains why poly people sexually harass every woman in sight, even ones who think they're just friends or professional colleagues. I've been propositioned everywhere, even at business conferences. Nowadays as soon as I hear someone's poly, I'm out. They make it easy in a way because I can sniff the proposal coming from a mile away now. "So Mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:57 PM
6

Yup. This is why I stopped hanging out with pickmes years ago. I didn't know the term, but I knew the type.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:31 PM
63

Way too many men are absolutely clueless and can't read the room or self-reflect. I've noticed this too. What's up with this? Are men so entitled that they're not even socialized to the level we are?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 12:27 AM
12

For real, these girls are worthless friends if they'd turn on her so quickly like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 09:22 PM
38

Bluntly, she's in danger and can't afford NOT to move. Ask her college for help too. She needs to explain she's in a dangerous living situation with a roommate who is sexually harassing her and who's already tried to spike her drink. Colleges have access to resources that could make this move out process go a lot quicker than you think - they might find her another roommate, get her a room on campus, or whatever, but you won't know until you ask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 09:20 PM
48

(I'd like to stop here and comment on how incredibly inappropriate that is. Who asks someone that?) Dumbass Pickmes, that's who. I say this from personal experience, sadly. If I had a dollar for every time a handmaiden asked me for a threeway to save her relationship or get her in bed with a guy she fancied, I'd be retired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 03:20 PM
25

She absolutely needs to get out of that apartment. Sounds like her living situation isn't a dorm, correct? Otherwise I'd say go to the RA. She needs to understand that moving out is the only viable option. Her roommate is harassing her and tried to assault her (tampering with her drink). I wouldn't put it past Z to set your friend up to be raped, if Z thinks it could get her that guy. Colleges often have student resources like a health/crisis center. I'd suggest reaching out to them for ideas as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 03:17 PM
14

Congratulations on your doctorate! What's your field?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 03:06 PM
14

I am so, so happy he's your ex. He sounds like an exhausting nightmare and an absolute embarrassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:46 PM
12

Man: I wish I was there beside you (in bed). / I wish I could have been there in bed with you last night. If a man makes sexual innuendos like this, I block and delete. Putting sex on the table early is gross and I shouldn't have to wast time trying to think up a cutesy way to rebuff him. He's showing his (shitty) intentions early and it means he's not the one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 02:09 PM
2

I meant how the guy reacted to you laughing at him. Glad you walked out on him. He sounds like a rude delusional asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:52 PM
1

You didn't what? Sorry, I don't understand your response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 02:13 PM
3

How'd the guy react? I can't imagine shamelessly asking this question with a straight face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 01:53 PM
48

The thing that gets me is this guy is babbling about his attraction to teenagers as if we don't already know. Like, we know. WE ALL KNOW. I still remember the terror I experienced in my teens from disgusting old men preying on me. I couldn't go to the grocery store or enjoy dinner out with my father without harassment from the perverts. Those experiences fucked with my sense of safety in ways I still haven't recovered from. He's saying all this as if it's a big secret. Nah, we understand just fi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:56 PM
58

And yet any time the topic of polyamory comes up on Reddit, the comments get flooded by people insisting it can work. Really? I've met dozens of these people by now and all of them were miserable and couldn't keep a polyamorous relationship to save their life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 06:45 PM
37

"how they'll fix" = whatever lie they have to come up with on the spot
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 07:20 PM
11

He even tried to talk me into hanging out at a cemetery once. Not to take away from the rest of your post, but a cemetery? Talk about burying the lede.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 07:11 PM
34

This type of dysfunction can be particularly deceptive. I got out of a bad situation a while ago with a guy who went over the top to communicate. On the surface, it sounded mature and thoughtful. But in actuality, it was just a bunch of pretty words he'd learned in therapy to gaslight and pick fights. I knew something was wrong when I realized I was constantly miserable and feeling crazy around him, but nobody else in my life. Literally all my other relationships were great. I only had problems …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 02:09 PM
42

Yeah, pro tip: If you feel repeatedly confused and anxious around a certain guy, and all your other relationships are easy and secure - it's not you, it's him and you need to get away from him. Learned this lesson the hard way. I spent months thinking I was crazy until my therapist walked me through the above thought exercise and said, "It's not you, he's poison."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 01:48 PM
58

Lundy Bancroft is a psychologist who's written extensively about abusive men, and one of the types of abusers he's identified is called "Mr. Sensitive." You can find quite a lot about it on Google.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 01:26 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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