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surviveIIthrive Archive

View 5 posts and 269 comments by surviveIIthrive on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

Haha “hey hUn” or “I mIsS yUo” oh but you’ve been to my city before and never reached out! You miss me huh? Can’t stand that phony shit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 11:52 AM
24

Oh I looked at his FB pictures - he def didn’t get hotter! Quite the opposite. But he has a good career and he was a small dude in hs so I suspect he wants to show off now with his fancy career. Lol. I also suspect he wants some attention and to check me out. I imagine the convo would be awkward and stilted. And I would’ve been negged to death. Anyway, I blocked him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 01:31 AM
22

Lol. He’s blocked sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:34 AM
37

Yeah and the text was so cavalier and suggested that I “ring” HIM. Ha! Smh. The audacity of men boy! Yeah he’s blocked!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:27 PM
28

Yeesh ofc! Smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:08 PM
57

All good points! Yeah he said he had my number from years ago but I don’t remember ever seeing him after hs. So he’s lying/being sneaky. Why? He clearly didn’t think about me until he got here and my name came up and I guess he figured he’d shoot his shot! Yeah I’m the same way at this point in my life —unless there’s some friendship or romantic potential and I like you I really don’t need to waste my time “grabbing coffee” tf!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:06 PM
64

In a nutshell! I think this guy was crushing on me from afar but I’m not sure. He lives in a diff continent so yeah awkward and what is even the point! It’s not like we’ve been in touch at all since hs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 10:54 PM
14

Same!!! This was my instinct as an early 20-something. But then liberal feminism twisted me up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 06:00 PM
26

Yeah I think that’s the worst part is that you blame yourself. No matter how assertive and versed I feel when it comes to abusive patterns, abusive types have the ability to wear me out and make me feel like I’m to blame. After a while you just start to think “maybe it’s me?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 05:53 PM
35

Glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. I agree that he has no right to be indignant that she wants to leave some to her mom/nephew but given her reaction to the inheritance q I’m not sure she’s being fair in how she’s describing the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:24 PM
172

Right. I don’t see anything wrong with what this man is doing. Except for him being indignant that she wants to leave a percentage to her mom/nephew. That’s red flag! I guess he might feel like she’s just retaliating. And maybe she is because I don’t get her surprise here! In fact, I would not be surprised if he wanted to leave half to his son!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:21 PM
43

The comedian Nikki Glaser had a similar story that she shared on her Sirius XM radio show a while back. The matchmaker hounded her on social media and wouldn’t reveal the man’s age. She also wanted to meet in person. And when Nikki finally gave in & agreed to meet the matchmaker had her husband or boyfriend (I believe) there with her. And then she revealed the man’s age (50’s)! She didn’t ask Nikki for money but the whole thing was so shady. And when Nikki said no this woman tried to gaslight he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:16 PM
27

This is so true in any relationship. I’m at the tail end of this dynamic (non-romantic) and you’re so right that it leads to anxiety and a general sense of worthlessness. Cause that’s all I feel now. I feel like I’m just sitting around waiting to hear back even when I don’t want to or when I’m trying to just move on. And it makes me so angry! It puts the other on a pedestal and feels like I’m a lowly supplicant waiting for favors. It’s an insidious thing that once you’ve set things in motion in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 05:14 PM
4

Yeah I mean he acted desperate right away. He didn’t court her properly. He was too eager. In our times he’s a hobosexual who wanted to lock down a rich woman. But actually men without means did that shit back then too. There was that character who wanted to marry her when he thought she would inherit everything and then changed his mind when her father told him she wouldn’t. Matthew Goode is sexy though and he makes the character likable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 12:59 PM
32

Mr. Bates is a criminal. The way they made us believe he was capable of murder pretty much confirms that he’s got a seedy past, possibly a criminal one. He’s a forger for sure and seems to know how to handle himself in prison. A drunk. And pretty hostile towards his wife and we’re supposed to believe it’s well-deserved. He’s pretty creepy and the age difference btwn him and Anna is also gross. How in the hell someone like Anna would just fall in love with a guy like that makes no sense! Lord Gra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 12:19 AM
7

Watching other women in miserable marriages is the only cure when you’re despairing over not finding eligible men. Not that I enjoy seeing women miserable or being treated like crap! It makes me mad actually but boy does it cure any loneliness or despair I might be feeling from being uncoupled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 08:54 PM
5

I think that’s one of the most insidious aspects of OLD - the experience is so despairing that you convince yourself (logically) that you must lower your standards, that you’re not being realistic! I mean it makes sense to do so. And I totally hear you that it is not a personal failing to be uncoupled through life. But it sure feels like it! I think because you can’t help at some point feel ‘damn, why can’t I be lucky? Why not me?’ It is maddening how little control we have over something that c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 08:46 PM
11

This is what makes me so resentful of big texters. I always end up feeling guilty because I don’t mind engaging in some chitchat here and there. But they keep at consistently and they don’t have anything new/entertaining to say. I feel like I’m meant to entertain and that they just want distraction from boredom. And these types of people are also boring. I’m not above it all and I may shoot a text out of boredom too. But I like to think I can be charming/funny and keep a good conversation flowin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 06:59 PM
9

You will! It’s waiting for you. It will be hard but choose you every time and you will achieve that feeling!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:16 PM
2

So true about having to claw yourself out from years of brainwashing and arrange the “truth in its correct order” - well said! In my experience, it is a long, painful process of one step forward, three steps backward! But the fog will start to lift and the confusion will subside. It can’t be done whilst dealing with them though - they have to be excised and you have to give yourself the permission for that space fully! And eventually you stop even thinking about them! That’s when you feel really…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:12 PM
20

I wonder if he thinks telling his own “sexual harassment” story made him seem more aware about such things/what women have to deal with? Or perhaps he thought OP would tell him her own sexual harassment stories and he could glean what to avoid? I had a co-worker I entertained for about 2 weeks before I realized what a complete creep he was tell me about how another guy came on to him. Afterwards it became clear to me the story was a fabrication. These guys are massively socially awkward/lacking …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 01:51 PM
18

I’m with ya! Pay your half cheerfully and don’t continue the date. Handshake good bye and block/delete his number on your way home! There is absofuckinglutely no reason to argue with them or come up with a bs excuse. It’s either a hostile move in their part a la PUA tactic or they’re broke/infantile personality type. If a date makes you feel awkward like that about anything, it’s a wrap! As soon as the bill comes, he should grab it, put his card in the fold and give it to the server. While conti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 02:45 PM
16

Yep. This is why OLD is dangerous for women. OP’s sense of worthlessness and self-doubt is a perfect example. I believe many women using OLD eventually start thinking along these lines and end up tolerating this behavior and lowering their standards. And end up in shit relationships!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 01:35 PM
4

Cliffs?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 08:38 PM
23

Many comedians are whipping themselves into a frenzy over this stuff. So much whining about careers being ruined over cancel culture and that we’ve become so intolerant that we’re not even allowing ppl to redeem themselves. That we’re just an angry mob trying to ruin people’s lives. Most of these comedians are extremely resentful about this type of backlash. They are defensive and don’t feel remorseful in the slightest. Don’t even bother listening to their fake apologies! They are mostly overgro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:30 PM
7

Perhaps this is not a fair example because this population is known for having issues but if you listen to female comedians like Whitn3y Cumm1ng$, N11ki Gl@zer etc you see very clearly it’s all about male validation. I bring them up because I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of comedian podcasts and have been listening to these women and men. And these select female comics sound like desperate echos of the male comics. They sound so detached and male identified. Of course they complain about sexism …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:17 PM
59

I honestly don’t know how most woman don’t come to this realization sooner. I went on 3 dates and I was so drained and found the whole experience degrading. I deleted the app and never looked back. This was years ago. Since then nearly every single person, man and woman, is desperately telling me I need to get on the apps. People make you feel like a weirdo if you’re not online dating. If you ask these same ppl about their experiences, it’s unbelievably clear that the women are basically being u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 01:36 AM
31

Love this! Tell us more. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:23 AM
14

Yep my sweet brother became so nasty and mean once he got to high school and he hasn’t changed since. And so manipulative too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:29 AM
2

Oh man I feel this! And unfortunately now with the open space offices, there is no escaping their hateful energy. I’m surrounded by 2 of them. It feels like they’re sitting on top of me. They think I’m being haughty but I’m just drained by their negative energy and just ignore them most of the time. One tried to boss me around once and give me a task that had been done by her department, so I told her she needs to run it by my (male) boss if she thinks that task should fall in my department. Tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:18 AM
4

Hmmm this makes me wonder if women who enter relationships with divorced dads should make it a point to meet the ex wife/mother one on one, woman to woman to really get the lay of the land?? Because the health of that primary relationship will determine your life in the long run! If they don’t already have a functional, respectful relationship then it’s not worth it. OP, I think you are very strong! You got out. I think the majority of women stay and put up with a lot of shit in so-called blende…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 01:58 PM
22

Oh I don’t bother to do nice things or be caring towards men like this anymore. Even family. If you don’t make an effort then neither do I. I had a younger relative reach out to me after years of treating me like a non-muthaf’ing factor. He graduated college and got a job and I’m certain he wanted me as a connection for his career and to possibly get my company as a client. It was a networking invite. Of course he didn’t say that. He was vague and asked me to lunch. Smh. I blocked his ass! The a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:54 PM
15

She still has to live with him. Not sure why she thinks she’s doing something empowering. People seriously think Facebook is real life or what? Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 09:22 PM
33

I like Leah’s vibe!! Good for her! You do not get to uninvite me so you can invite my abusive/stalker ex and expect me to sweep that shit under the rug! The entitlement!! Wow. Guarantee if Leah had disinvited her to her wedding for whatever reason there would be a federal case made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 09:46 PM
12

This title is so on point! Being a self-respecting woman is a damn lonely business!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 01:44 PM
29

This is such an insightful comment. Men behave badly towards women in the work place all the time. They do it covertly. I feel like it’s prob common for them to pick one woman and make her feel to blame. It’s a conniving way to hide in plain sight. When you’re the only one they do it to, it’s confusing and you can easily blame yourself. Understandably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 11:30 PM
26

Tbh I’m more embarrassed by her cheerful “no problem” response and then following up for time and location?? WTF?! So desperate! I’m cringing because been there done that. Smdh so embarrassing when you look back at it in black and white on a screen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 01:00 AM
9

Preach sis!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 10:34 PM
12

Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:18 PM
17

Yep; we’ve all been that girl! She’s us. It will take her some time to realize she’s worth more. I had some scrote at work out of the blue invite me to an outing with some meet up type group (but clearly he had done a few hangouts with them), and it took me a while to get past my instinct to say yes and play ‘cool, go with the flow, need to meet new ppl anyway chick’ and say no. At that point we had exchanged one email initiated by him after he saw me a couple times and we’re both the same ethni…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 06:10 PM
13

So true. When I tried OLD years ago, all the men had great careers, great friends, traveled all the time, had cool hobbies and didn’t seem to want for anything. And I remember feeling inadequate by some of the profiles. And also thinking, well if you have access to all these social networks then why are you on OLD. If you’re such a great catch, you would’ve met someone great by now. The ratio in my city definitely favors men. Lots of smart, career driven, interesting women. A lot of predatory ty…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 12:31 PM
2

In the docu she says that he helped her during a particularly difficult time in her life when she was dealing with an autoimmune disease. She framed it as though he rescued her. It’s hard to parse out exactly how they came together. But it’s safe to say they were both needy in different ways. And had a lot of emotional trauma. It may have been a trauma bond type thing. And yeah, she was definitely controlling of him. She strikes me as someone who was also obsessed with having this picture perfec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 12:12 AM
11

Yep. And what did he do!? He pretended to be happy about it. He’s probably been doing that for the entire marriage. Totally suppressed. Meek. He finally started working out, looking good, and possibly he gained a little bit of self-esteem. Woke up one day and realized he never wanted this life. But Shannan had a grip on him! Then the pregnancy! Descent into madness & desperation begins.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 11:57 PM
9

The affair is just symbolic of his desire to get out! It’s a dysfunctional and passive aggressive way of leaving a marriage. The pregnancy was the trigger that heightened his sense of entrapment. In these situations things build until they hit a crescendo. If he did try to induce a miscarriage - that only proves my point. The more he withdrew, the more Shannan tried to keep him close. He may have thought of killing them to solve his problem as he felt the tension build in his mind. Obviously, he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 11:42 PM
41

Uhhhhhh Chris Watts was a passive, weak man who was hiding behind an assertive, take charge woman. I believe he just did whatever she asked throughout that whole marriage. In her own words, she was the boss. But I think over the years his resentment and rage built and built. He began to withdraw. But he didn’t have the courage to tell her he wanted out. He kept telling her what she wanted to hear. I think like most women in that position - she thought having a baby would bring them closer and ke…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 11:24 PM
96

This is for likes and follows. I refuse to believe it’s come to this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:18 PM
21

That last paragraph!!! I don’t known how tf I got to my 20s without realizing that 99% of the men that talked to me just wanted to fuck me! I spent so much of my time analyzing ambivalent behavior and giving the benefit of the doubt to men that just wanted to bust a nut. That was all. I actually thought I was in relationship but it was all in my own head - they were just playing along so they could, what? Fuck! Men can fake being in a relationship so easy! Its scary when you think about it. It’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 12:37 PM
58

This is why cross examination is brutal because the lawyer is trying to make you disagreeable and upset and defensive. And a good witness that’s going to sway the jury basically has to be completely immune and not react. And lawyers are pretty much allowed to attack and slander you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 07:08 PM
27

I had no idea she was married to him!! He’s so unfortunate looking and he looks like he smells moldy. Wtf? She sounds messy as hell so my sympathies are also limited! So much drama!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:06 AM
7

Yeah the way he cried and fell down on the ground when he saw Carl and the baby! Oooof! He makes grief look sexy as hell. Some damn fine acting! It’s the bow legged, hips forward walk that does it for me!! Edited to add: OMG lol just noticed your username!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:24 PM
7

Yessss I like the way he walks and the way he cries! Damn!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:37 PM
47

Absolutely. It’s about our own personal boundaries. We are allowed to have them. I don’t want to shame her but 2 weeks, 4 dates and they already had sex!? That’s fast! What’s so great about hook up culture again? Who is feeling so liberated and free from this!? How can women feel anything but like blow up dolls in a culture that says ‘you must sleep with him after 3 dates otherwise he will feel used and blue balls are no joke!’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:00 AM
-19

Do nothing. It’s none of your business and you’re not even close friends with this woman. It will not be received well and it will blow up the friend group. Again, none of your business! You have no idea what’s going on in their relationship. If you feel you HAVE to involve yourself (cause don’t kid yourself you’re not doing this out of female solidarity, you are being nosy), then message Alex and tell him to come clean because you can’t unsee what you saw and now you’re feeling uncomfortable ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:31 PM
44

If we take her at her word about when he “changed” she was 24 and he was 33. The age gap tells the story of what happened here. He was looking for someone to control and mold. Likely an LVM with a decent income. He controls the money and she had a baby fast. It’s a recipe for disaster for women to date much older men at this stage in their lives. Let alone being financially dependent on them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:58 PM
21

I hate to think this is true but it sure does feel true sometimes and that is: if you’re single people don’t care about your emotional/social life. Which is really about centering men in women’s lives. And it’s sad! I feel like that’s why women (mostly pickmes, which is most women you meet let’s be honest) who are part of a couple or that have kids think that their problems automatically trump ours. And you get that condescension. Clearly, I’m really annoyed by that and have had enough. Lol. Bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 04:14 PM
78

Listen haha I’m alway gleeful at these outcomes for pick mes because they never fail to throw your singleness in your face and call you picky! And they also don’t like to admit that they’re miserable so they do all kinds of gymnastics to convince you they made the right choice and you’re a loser by comparison. They always have to win that argument even tho there was no argument from you to begin with! That’s why nowadays my empathy well has run drrrryyy honey! I stay out of it. I don’t care. I d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 04:03 PM
24

Don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s good that you realized that it’s better to not do the back and forth and just block. Many come on here and justify the back and forth (with screenshots) bc they feel proud for telling these men what they expect. Smh. I think part of it is that women have been gaslit that we need to communicate and men can’t read our minds and blah blah blah. So we over function in these situations. The only appropriate response to lazy, horny LVM is to DISENGAGE!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 05:33 PM
13

Fortunately, by the time you’ve reached the point of paying it’s pretty much time to leave. It’s the perfect segue. You can just say I’m tired and politely say good bye. There’s no need to get into a whole explanation. Short and sweet is never wrong. I think what’s important to remember is that you’re not beholden to spend hours with them on any given date. You can agree beforehand on a particular activity and if he asks if you want to do something else afterwards, you are allowed to say no. You…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:57 AM
18

Yeah my feeling on this issue is if a guy does this it’s obv a lost cause and there’s no point in pushing back and making the situation even more awkward for yourself. The idea of playing dumb fox or saying I don’t have my wallet just further compounds the humiliation. That’s exactly what they are trying to do - they’ve already humiliated you by broaching it. So the best thing to do is pay your share only (tell him to split it - don’t suggest - tell) or if it’s just $20 or so just pay it esp if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:08 AM
7

I think you can say something like ‘I will not stand here and be spoken to in that way’ and walk out. See what he does. If he comes at you again with the same tone/attitude, repeat the same thing and walk out. Keep doing it until he either resorts to email communication or is explicit in what he wants you to do without berating you. If he says you’re being over sensitive, don’t defend or justify or explain anything. Keep enforcing the boundary. The worst he can do is ice you out and give the wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 11:51 PM
28

It’s sad that her question is about making him feel better about the situation when he’s being a complete dick! She can’t see that he’s the one that needs to grow the fuck up. This story illustrates perfectly how draining it is to live with man babies and LVM. As soon as something goes awry they can not be depended on and in fact they will throw a tantrum and fuck everything up. He should be doing more house chores and massaging her shoulders right now but instead.....she’s writing on the Intern…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 07:17 PM
20

It’s odd that he’s so detached about the break up. He’s giving a sanitized version of the relationship obviously. They weren’t having sex and he was porn addicted and video game addicted. Prob was up all night doing a combo of both. Quarantine life exposed the bullshit and she broke down. He never paid much attention to her, which is why he didn’t notice what was going on with her. He clearly couldn’t care less that the relationship has ended. Smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 12:23 PM
42

And look at the age gap! She was 24 when this happened. That age of inexperience when you think life is like romantic comedies. He set up a meet cute. She thought what have I got to lose. And later she prob told herself it would be a sweet story to tell their kids. Smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 11:54 AM
8

“Pick me in despair” lol perfect! It’s true regardless of marital status!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:54 PM
17

What they’re really trying to get is reassurance from us that even though they’re miserable they’re better off bc single life is far worse! That’s what they want to hear. And I’m sure there are plenty of pick me singles out there who provide that reassurance daily. So they just assume! They don’t even bother asking - it’s taken as fact!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 12:52 PM
58

Anytime I have an encounter with a smug married woman who feels pity for me bc I’m single I remind myself that she’s miserable! I used to doubt myself before and feel small. Like I had failed some fundamental rite of passage. The ones who are relatively happily married or levelheaded about marriage never make you feel this way. It’s always the pick-me miserable ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 12:32 PM
22

Wow - so someone (a man)did this recently but not in a dating context. Without getting into detail, I def felt a lot of anxiety. But I blamed myself. And it def made me feel childish and immature. So I worked hard to play it “cool” when I had to initiate to get information. It was so bizarre. I just wasn’t expecting it (naively) in that context ad it threw me for a loop! But I think this is a common manipulation strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 10:14 PM
4

Speaking of advice columnists, I used to really enjoy Dear Sugar’s columns. Then the columnist became famous and “came out” and started a podcast. And boy!! She came off so condescending and haughty - almost hostile. I don’t know if fame got to her and she changed or if she was always like that. But either way I’ve never been able stomach advice columns since then. I used to consume them voraciously in my 20s. In the end it’s for entertainment value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:26 AM
12

She also got completely ostracized by the other wives/mothers. She was infantilized and constantly gaslighted in that world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 03:59 PM
23

And his recklessness also endangers patients and fellow staff. So this “hero” is going out of his way to spread the virus is the gist of the story!! Someone needs to send this story, highlighting the recklessness, to his supervisor!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 03:03 AM
87

Ugh. So he was an unfulfilled nurse. She supported him in changing his career to being a lawyer (meaning she PAID for everything) since she has a prestigious job. Yet he remained shiftless and ungrateful. Also, narcissistic. Law school was probably an excuse to abdicate responsibility and put the focus on him while he “figures out what fulfills him.” All he cares about is Netflix and the Patriots!!! eyeroll The most hilarious part of alll this is that there didn’t seem to be a desperate need for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 02:10 AM
56

Absolutely correct - she’s looking for justifications for HIM. It’s hard to know how to support women like this. He’s obv gaslighting her to death and her self-esteem is in the toilet. I empathize. At the same time, they tend to be very defensive. And don’t consider leaving as an option. They also don’t want to give up the lifestyle. Money, status etc. Where is their justified rage at the indignity of it all?! They are like neutered animals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 12:27 PM
27

Sis you were afraid of getting sick and risked it anyway? You made that choice. Own it! He’s some random neighbor. You couldn’t say no?! Being lonely does not absolve you. He didn’t sign a contract to take care of you in case you got sick. You let yourself down and you feel stupid. It’s OK. We’ve all been there. But please be honest with yourself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 02:36 AM
2

I wish every LVM waste of space I dated was beat up to a pulp by my bro before things ended! Way to go to your brother! Good for him. Sounds like your fiancée provoked it on purpose. When men reach this point, LEAVE THEIR ASSES!! Sounds like this dude has given up, maybe depressed if he was a genuine HVM at the beginning. Dump him! Easier said than done, I know! But I think you know what you have to do. 5 years is too long OP! Don’t drag it out anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 03:55 PM
8

If this is real, just kill me now!! Fuuuuuuuck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 03:45 PM
16

Sounds like a lawyer! What a nightmare!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 11:56 PM
2

Thanks for your response. I hope you didn't feel like I was criticizing you. It's just that I saw a lot of the old me in your post (that I'm still trying to shed) and perhaps I'm projecting. These type of men, in my experience, are just selfish and lazy. And they will give you that old excuse that they "lack relationship experience." I made a lot of excuses for men like this in my 20s and wasted A LOT of time. I look back on that now with a lot of sorrow. I was detached from my needs/wants. I wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:56 PM
14

Wow this is depressing. The least he could do was pay for their cheap take out dates! Damn! What was it about him that made her smile and feel light/loved again!? eyeroll Sounds like she’s been lonely/isolated due to being a caregiver and she was just happy for any attention & to get away from her own living situation. Because there’s nothing cute or loving about this man! This is a man child. I’m willing to bet she’s a caretaker type. Possibly a nurse (as her username suggests). There’s some co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 12:10 PM
22

Looks like a whole lotta words to basically say he doesn’t want to marry her! But he wants to see himself as very logical and reasonable while he wastes her youth by playing house. A house that he will be in full control of. He’s planned out who’s going to do what chore even. Smh. This is how an emotionally unavailable man thinks - ladies, take note! Say no to this!
/r/askFDS09/04/20 11:30 AM
2

Glad to help! ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 01:43 PM
3

Yeah I went through it with my younger sisters for years! We don’t even talk anymore. But I realized that whole time they thought I was pathetic and lonely. They loved the attention and being able to vent to me whenever they wanted but as far as my perspective they just ignored it. I realized that they loved the drama! They loved the worried attention from me. They loved the hectic lifestyle, which was completely opposite my lifestyle. It took me years to realize that I was the fool not them! Ul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 01:39 PM
9

Vassraptor broke it down!! Whew! This is why it’s important to play dumb! Don’t be overt with your intentions to not coddle men! Just fake it! Be detached and give them platitudes. It is so much easier to fake it then it is to fight/argue/prove them wrong/change their perspective! Don’t save them, they don’t want to be saved! LVM or Pickmeishas. Thinking you can save them is a form of coddling/unearned emotional labor. Stop it!! Don’t out yourself because that only puts a target on your back. Do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 09:30 PM
7

Sis!!!! That last line is beautiful chef’s kiss Warren has bad political instincts. She’s had many faux pas throughout this campaign season that demonstrate she’s not the high powered bad ass bitch that we want her to be. Many women are projecting that onto her. She’s the epitome of LibFem! The voters have rejected her and for good reason!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 02:57 PM
93

Meh. That’s an arrogant thing to say. Don’t tell me what I need or don’t need to look for. It’s condescending. Not sure why men find it so hard to just converse without throwing out some bullshit line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 11:48 AM
20

Yes yes yes. I second this hard OP! I was reading with bated breath till the end hoping you didn’t respond! Boy, am I glad you didn’t! Do not dignify this bullshit with a response. Silence! Believe me that will cut deeper than any words!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 09:45 PM
3

Damn! This is on point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:54 PM
1

A lot of advice seeking posts from women in terrible relationships are like this. The guy is a pos but the woman is self-doubting so she talks up a few nice things he’s done. And creates a false equivalency with the glaring misbehavior. Of course he has good qualities. If he was a monster you wouldn’t be dating him at all. Shitty men don’t come with horns. You have to trust your instincts and look at how you feel around him over a period of time. 7 months in and you are feeling like shit. DUMP H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 12:20 PM
3

6 months? Girl, DTMFA! Who has the energy for this? It’s such a turn off. Do not spend time trying to analyze this. Get back out there and start dating again. It sounds like you’re in college. Enjoy it because it’s much easier to meet all diff kinds of men at that stage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 12:11 PM
9

You avoid these time wasters by taking your time to vet them. Do not rush and invite them over for Netflix and Chill dates after a couple dates. Do not be available for low effort dates. Do not put in more effort than them. Covid-19 is not a good excuse for inviting this stranger over your house. 2, 3, 4 dates doesn’t mean shit. He’s a stranger and you haven’t met the real him yet. This early in the dating phase they will say and do anything to get laid. He did you a favor by breaking up because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 11:55 AM
4

I agree that EP is not to be trusted! I also wonder if there’s a conflict of interest when you’re in an abusive relationship and you go to marital counseling. By going, you’re saying you want to work on things so the therapist has to proceed based on that. The therapist won’t say: DTMFA! It has to be your decision. But when you’ve been consistently broken down it’s hard to have the clarity to just leave. That’s why therapy in general IMO is harmful to people. Esp abused or traumatized people. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 01:21 AM
10

This captures my feelings exactly! I could give two fucks about these women! These are the comfortable, careerist upper-middle class women that are obsessed with status and appearance. These women lack courage and actively choose their chains. They are not in the same position as the women of previous decades who actually had no choices. These women do and they choose this because of their values, which are superficial. They bend over backwards to marry these men and then want the rest of us to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:00 PM
6

Hm. Ladies be careful and parse all posts and comments now that this sub has gained some notoriety! There are men posting as women trying to pass off LVM attitudes as innocent and respectful. There is no question about FDS’ position on this. DO NOT MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!! Period! If he’s interested in you and likes you, he will pursue you! Only weak ass LVM give you their number and expect to be pursued!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 05:02 PM
44

Wow this reminds me of an interview where it was obv the male interviewer was a total dick and working there would’ve been a nightmare. He basically tried to question my decision to leave my job at the time and acted like I was making a bad decision. Undermined me the whole interview. He was pretty hostile. I wish I had the gumption to walk out! People actually do that?? Whew! I still tried to be pleasing and earnest and act like I wanted the job. I didn’t realize how much I couldn’t wait to get…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 04:24 AM
40

Hold up sis, you had initial plans for dinner that fell through because of what now? Because his sister’s ride from the airport fell through? I’m confusion! What does his sister’s ride from the airport have to do with anything? So to be clear, you’ve never met this guy before in your life but you risked it all during a global pandemic? For a total stranger off of OLD!? Also, if we want to split hairs. A lot of restaurants have switched to take out so there’s no excuse for coffee dates even in pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 10:15 PM
24

We all know a parasite will always find another host. Why isn’t he blocked on your phone already? I’m confused!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 11:31 PM
21

I recently had the thought that women who get invited to drink dates via OLD should bring a friend! It’s a safety thing and also just a fuck you thing. Because a casual drink invitation should not be taken seriously by women at all!! We know half the time these mfers want to go Dutch anyway so bring a friend and enjoy ladies! Make it a casual group social outing if it suits you. But don’t make him feel special by treating it as a date because it’s NOT! This woman trolled this idiot back so haaaa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 12:23 AM
3

Wow this is a great idea! I think a daily diary of interactions and keeping track of how you feel is a great way to stay centered within yourself. Absolutely! For all the reasons you noted - history of childhood trauma (abuse, neglect) and low self-esteem make us engage in self-sabotaging ways and it’s good to keep a daily track as mental hygiene/self-awareness!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 05:58 PM
25

This is an excellent topic! I watch a lot of real crime stuff too and I always ask this question. And let’s not even get started on women who date ex-cons!!! There was a case in Florida of an ex-con/former Latin King who was living with a woman and had 2 step kids. She started having an affair with a guy at her job and wanted to leave. Things were escalating between them and her mom told her to come stay with her and she insisted on going home to him. This is after he found out about the affair.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 01:37 PM
1

😥😥😥😥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 03:05 AM
6

There should be no such thing as “he expects you to stay.” That doesn’t bode well if that’s how the conversation is going. You need to be able to make a decision together taking into consideration what’s best for you as a unit and individually. It should be a partnership — not his needs and wants dictate what will happen. Not “he expects me to.” Fuck that! Don’t set that precedent. And don’t get married until you work through this. Maybe consider marital counseling to understand what his expecta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 02:54 AM
192

Why y’all insist on entertaining these fools is beyond me?? Please stop responding like this. Just ignore them. Stall them at the very least until they make a better offer. It’s OK to say you’re busy - don’t try to “school them” or tell them off. You’re just opening the door for them to show you their contempt. Kill them with niceness and ignore them! Giving them attention (good or bad) is giving them what they want! They prob jerk off to it! Dead serious! Ladies, please stop this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 12:33 AM
7

This!! It’s hard to understand what this means until you get there. But once you get there OP it’s sweet sweet freedom! And once you get a taste you’ll never get dragged back down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 09:35 PM
47

If he’s playing these games he’s not emotionally mature enough to handle a healthy relationship. And there’s nothing else to talk about. By the time he reaches back out to see if his silent treatment worked, I’m on a date with someone else!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 04:19 PM
43

Spring cleaning! I support it a 100%. These men are energy sucks there’s no doubt about it. And it’s our people pleasing side that allows us to keep engaging. We’re just a distraction to them. And it always ends up leaving a bad taste in your mouth to be used in that way! There’s something seedy about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:56 PM
54

He picked up on her vibe during the interview. And now he’s grooming. He probably partly hired her for this reason. Let’s not be naive - men do this shit all the time! The fact that he made a move this early supports my hypothesis. And OP is getting turned on by his show of “vulnerability” and has bought his whole good guy act! Ugh! This guy is a creep. Grey rock is the only way out! Be completely boring and talk only about work. But I can tell you OP that he’s going to make things uncomfortable…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:08 PM
11

I think it’s very possible you’re coming off ambivalent with the women you like and that’s turning them off because it could appear that you have something to hide. You have to risk being vulnerable and being rejected/laughed at in order to establish a genuine connection. No risk no reward. Of course that doesn’t mean you should overwhelm them or be too intense too fast. No. But don’t try to play it too cool. You probably come off more relaxed with the women you’re not too keen on which makes yo…
/r/askFDS13/03/20 04:45 PM
4

Oh the best way to deal with this is grey rock as others have already advised you. Play dumb and be boring. Don’t ask questions which only allows her to elaborate. ‘Wow that’s crazy’ ‘OMG’ ‘Anyway, I gotta get back to work.’ ‘So busy right now.’ Make these your go-to phrases. You will feel a lot of guilt and fear likely because you have past conditioning that makes you a people pleaser. You need to work on changing that about yourself. Because trust me there’s a bitch like this at every job! You…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 12:45 AM
56

This is a hard lesson to learn for many of us who were raised without boundaries and to be people pleasers. It takes every will power we have to change this about ourselves. It’s lifelong work. I don’t believe most women choose to be this way. It’s conditioned behavior. But, man, once you break free. A whole new world awaits. It’s scary but it’s so worth it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 12:12 AM
9

I was in literal shock! Who does that!? After basically living rent free for 6 months?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 02:18 PM
3

Totally! This is a bad faith question intended to make FDS seem unreasonable! He’s just whining. And wants women to console him. It’s fairly easy to see why women are turned off by him. There’s nothing more unattractive to me than an entitled man with a chip on his shoulders. AND he’s short too!?!? FOH!! Lol.
/r/askFDS12/03/20 01:03 PM
1

Women are allowed NOT to be attracted to you for any reason. I’m not sure why this needs to be explained to you. And no one has said short men are inherently low value. You made that up to strengthen your self-pitying argument. You want to make FDS seem unreasonable. This is a bad faith question. I suppose you’re going to tell us that you like all women in all shapes and sizes and the only thing that matters to you is character?? I went on a date with a short dude a while back and at a certain p…
/r/askFDS12/03/20 12:50 PM
6

Ohhhh yeah, I’ve had dates like that! They try to make it seem like you have to be interviewed and he’ll call you if you get the job!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 12:06 PM
16

“You’ll never find anyone better than me.” And I meant it too! Lol. I was way out of his league, but I was young and dumb. This was after 6 months of his hobosexual ass basically living with me straight from his sister’s basement. It was never official but before I knew it he was basically living with me. While acting like he didn’t understand the concept of rent and bills. We had to split the groceries 50-50 and the rest he played dumb. So finally when I had enough and told him to get his shit …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 12:05 PM
18

This seems fake until you remember mail-ordering brides is a real thing! This basically sounds like what you would send a mail-order bride agency! Scary!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 11:55 AM
138

Badass!! The best medicine for LVM withdrawal! Nothing needs to be said! Absolutely nothing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 01:28 AM
11

Oh you bring up an interesting topic - making friends while traveling! Travel sites/forums/groups are rife with comments about all the amazing life long friends that were made on these adventures. LOL. I’m convinced 80% of those types of comments are fake! It’s marketing bunk! I think if you’re in the 18-25 category, staying in party hostels, and getting drunk/partying/hooking up most of the time it MAY feel like you’ve made amazing lifelong Facebook friends, which nowadays is the same as real l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 11:42 PM
14

And what pisses me off is that popular travel review sites take down those types of reviews about sexual assault. So women can’t even warn other women. It’s the tyranny of positivity and triviality when it comes to travel sites. Cute IG pics - great! Oh someone got raped at this hotel - nah don’t bring that negativity around here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 11:19 PM
6

Yes! It’s so frustrating to seek and find diff forums only to get the same, tired bullshit messaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 10:52 PM
24

Oh yeah that’s a common response. ‘Just use normal precautions, don’t walk late at night drunk in an alleyway.’ First of all, can we take a moment and appreciate the condescension in that advice?! AS IF women don’t know NOT to do that already!!! The main concern is that a woman traveling alone in a foreign place is inherently vulnerable! Period! It is the reality of being a woman! And we’re not allowed as women to speak this truth! In some countries, depending on your race/nationality local men …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 07:20 PM
84

“The sexual revolution was late sixties bullshit. It was about male liberation, women being shared property instead of private property. And we know which kind of property gets better treatment.” Where is the lie though? Just sayin....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 05:36 PM
9

💯 This is how I think of it: someone is extending their hand and asking you to dance in a mud pit. Do you want to dance and get mud all over your shoes and outfit? Or do you just want to sit in the clean dry area and mind your business and leave them to dance by themselves? You have an option to decline the invitation. And that’s all it is. Men do this shit (to women) at work bc they are bored and it’s just entertainment for them. It’s a mind game. It’s deliberate. If you ignore it, they get bor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 12:01 PM
7

Yes!! Ladies, please, HR is not and never will be on the employee’s side. Especially, against a manager. This is wishful thinking. If there’s a union, join. Otherwise do not go to HR! I like the first comment - be graceful and do your job and ignore them. Believe me that is very effective over time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 11:48 AM
18

I am anti-OLD as well for all the reasons you wrote. I really believe that men think that if you’re on OLD something must be wrong with you. I.e you must not be worthy. They devalue you right off the bat for being on there. Hence the lazy and contemptuous approach. They don’t care and just say whatever. Also most of the men on there are just looking for a distraction and emotionally/physically unavailable for anything more than a hook up. It is a complete waste of time for women! And actively ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 11:27 AM
50

The ‘relationships are hard’ crew are also part of the ‘I can’t stand to be alone so I’d rather have any relationship than no relationship’ crew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 07:10 PM
14

Spot on analogy! LVM are a liability! Please make a post. There’s a lot of confusion in this sub about what a HVM is. The whole point of FDS is to caution women to be selective in one of the most important decisions in life: mate selection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 06:57 PM
12

This shit is right wing propaganda. I don’t know if actual women are going around saying this shit. I know there might be a small religious minority who say shit like this but I have to believe the majority of women don’t actually think this. Not in 2020.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:19 PM
23

I literally try to avoid married women as much as I can at work! Whew chile. I am not your marriage counselor. All they do is complain about their home lives and their husbands. They will find a way to insert it in all conversation somehow! All conversations lead to what a shitty man their husband is! They won’t use those words but it’s like they’re crying out for help from the dungeon! Sis, I can’t help you! Godspeed! ETA: I had one cousin who was so smug with me in the first couple years after…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 12:28 PM
107

It’s always dangerous to approach relationships with this kind of scarcity mentality. It forces you to settle and that’s never a good thing. One thing we can learn from the mad scrotes over at RedPill is to always have an abundance mentality! It’s just good mental hygiene. Never make decisions from a place of ‘I’ll never find anyone else.’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 03:28 AM
91

“Women are born, men are made” lmao. Every single one of those assclowns are getting exactly ZERO attention from women! I’m certain of it. You can tell they’re all trying to one up each other with fake stories of conquest. Foh! In another thread, one guy wrote a whole thesis about practicing initiating conversation to get over rejection anxiety and all his examples were so obnoxious and he’s in his 50s. To a woman wearing yoga pants in line behind you, he suggests, “What’s your favorite yoga pos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 03:09 AM
18

Omg!! I threw up in my mouth a little!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:41 AM
13

Well played! Now that’s queen shit! ETA: How weird to ask if you’re upset! Why would he assume you’re upset? He’s fishing cause he feels rejected and now he has to scramble to find another date! If you had said ‘oh did someone else cancel’ or whatever he would’ve tried to gaslight you or bullshit you. No question!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:33 AM
-1

OP needs her flair updated to ‘Pickmeisha on Probation’. She claims to me she forgot dude existed and he’s not her best option but then wonders to you if he’ll ask her out again if she rejects him this time. She shouldn’t even consider this dude as an option after this bc it’s clear she’s his 2nd or 3rd choice! Your suggested response is perfect! Then ghost his ass! If you come at a Queen, best come correct or don’t come at all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:19 AM
35

Great post. This is the kinda insight that I love about FDS! Makes total sense. Generally, my experiences with men in the weight lifting section of the gym has not been good. They are obnoxious and inconsiderate about putting stuff back etc. They also tend to crowd me. They are all about showing off! Very unattractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:01 AM
3

Well consider this, he asked another woman that he liked more than you first. In fact he bought those tickets with great seats with her in mind. So he wanted to impress HER. She cancelled (maybe this guy was HER second best option) and then for all you know he called another woman before he settled on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 01:51 AM
11

I’m petty so I wouldn’t accept! Lol. At this point I don’t like ppl asking me to do shit at the last minute and making me feel like second best. I don’t know what your financial situation is or how comfortable you are doing stuff alone. But if it’s something I really want to do I’d rather do it on my own without the extra bonus of feeling like second best. At the very least the person asking should acknowledge that their initial plans got cancelled and they realize it’s last minute but wondered …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 01:33 AM
64

Yep! And if they haven’t been in contact at all throughout the day I pretty much assume it’s not happening. If the plans were vague to begin with - they’re wasting your time. And this is true of flakes in general. People who end up doing this have telltale signs early on. With OLD, I think it’s important to talk on the phone first before even setting a date. Any plans that are made strictly by text with ppl you’re not close to are to be treated tentatively.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 12:11 AM
13

Well she’s a grown woman and gets to do whatever she wants to do. What makes you think you have a right to act as her mother or tell her what to do? This is a boundary issue imo. You can have all the opinions you want about it but she doesn’t have to comport her life according to your standards. And believe me, if he finds out you’re meddling he’ll try to remove you from her life and he will succeed. So if you want to continue being friends then stay out of it. Don’t be her emotional trash can e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 11:53 PM
5

Me too!!! This sub is being infiltrated. This story is straight up LVM propaganda! So are all the other comments asking for “advice.” Puhlease! This guy is everything FDS stands against. FDS does not support this bullshit. OP can hold this big fat L!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 11:46 PM
141

I’ve set my phone on Do Not Disturb between 9 pm and 9 am. I highly recommend it for those that find it hard to resist the random evening and morning texts from horny/bored LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 02:43 PM
10

THIS!! People really underestimate how important mate selection is! This is a perfect example! Even if she wanted to divorce him and move. She can’t. Because more than likely she won’t be allowed to take the kids out of state. And he and his mother will make life hell for her if she tried. So she’s trapped. Reason 564394754106 why I’m so glad to be single!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 02:26 PM
13

Do you talk to them on the phone before meeting up? I believe OLD is a huge waste of time. And I think it has skewed people’s expectations about dating. I overheard a convo the other day btwn 2 women who were one upping each other about how many 1st dates they had been on. This whole idea that it’s a numbers game makes no sense to me. But to each their own. I guess people get scared if they haven’t been on a date in a while so OLD helps alleviate the anxiety that you’ll never meet anyone. And I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 01:57 PM
47

Honestly, I can tell an LVM by his approach these days. By the way they even ask you out on a date, you can tell exactly what's up. But I'm in my 30s so I've learned through trial and error. The hard way! I understand for the 20 something set it's hard to gauge because they're still learning. You know that saying that by the time you reach 40 you've met every kinda person there is? lol. That's how I feel about men at this point in my life. I can tell what kinda guy he is by the way he moves, his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 10:44 PM
172

Listen, this is great in theory! The problem is that there are not HVM men lining up to ask us on dates on a regular basis. LOL. Let's be real here. Most of the guys that approach/ask us out are LVM. They ask you out and neg you the whole evening and then try to go dutch with you. That's what most dates are like. So most of us just don't want to be bothered. On occasion we may meet someone that sparks genuine interest and seems cool and we go out with that guy and we feel a connection. Now, I co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 09:46 PM
6

Some men act like they deserve an award for complimenting your looks. FOH! It’s usually the fuckbois. Any man that only compliments my looks and my acts of service is a NO! And this mfer has the nerve to call her selfish! That was a neg! His examples of her “selfishness” were entirely made up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 12:15 PM
2

In a nutshell don’t put more effort than them! That’s the biggest mistake a lot of smart, ambitious women today are making! It’s a very hard habit to break. Always trying to manage everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 02:02 AM
20

I don’t know. It seemed like she wasn’t ready for another child and he was pushing for it. She teared up talking about how much work it was and how much it’s taken of her life. Makes me wonder if he’s pulling his weight on that front. Then right after that he called her selfish and basically confirmed that she’s like a superwoman mom and how much he loved that. Kinda contradictory and neg-ish! She met him at 21. Very young. It seemed she has defined herself largely through his eyes! And then it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 12:00 AM
3

Lol. This goes for splitting the rent too! Cause if you split the rent with him in his 20s when he's entry level and then in his 30s when he starts making more money and starts building confidence in himself and his career and he decides to walk, you get LESS THAN NOTHING!! And splitting rent is not just splitting rent! We know that means you're doing most if not all of the cooking and house work. You're a live in housemaid, career coach, family counselor, and confidence/ego booster while he ent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 08:25 PM
14

The point he makes about how in a divorce the work at home is of equal value to the income earned at a job is very important. If you built your wealth whilst married and your spouse didn't work during that time but took care of the home and kids, then the wealth is split 50/50. What does this mean? This means: do not believe men when they try to downgrade what women bring to the table in terms of housework, child-rearing, emotional support etc. The law says otherwise. That's why these men's righ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 07:44 PM
17

And they sure as shit are not trying to mentor you! That doesn’t exist. Young women coming into the workplace should mainly focus on finding other women mentors. Your male bosses and colleagues do not want to help you succeed and thrive! They do not care and will actively try to take advantage and belittle you. Even female colleagues and bosses sometimes do not want to help you. The workplace is competitive. Be very wary of men!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 09:38 PM
102

Yep!! All interaction with men in the workplace needs to be polite and professional only! Strictly work related and polite small talk and that’s it! Many are actively trying to sabotage you and don’t see you as anything more than a mommy/waitress. This is the sad reality of workplaces for women. Not trying to depress anyone but honestly women need to be careful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:28 PM
14

I'm confused about what makes this guy a HVM? It sounds like he was future faking, got off on the high of a new relationship and then dumped OP probably after they had sex! Am I missing something? I realize OP is still in college and very young so may not understand what we mean when we say HVM. But this ain't it OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 09:23 PM
37

A lovely reminder: despite all the memes and self-help propaganda WE DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED! What I heard them say over and over is how much loving and being loved transformed them both. That’s what real love does. It allows you to be yourself completely and to transform into being more! So don’t believe the propaganda that you have to be a perfectly self-loving and self-sufficient entity before you dare seek love. FDS is here to remind women that LVM are not emotionally mature eno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 01:29 PM
6

💯 Absolutely! I think spending too much time engaging with the negativity on OLD or red pill is ultimately damaging to women. It subconsciously lowers expectations and creates despair and a scarcity mentality. I wish ppl would stop posting these depressing msgs they get on OLD. Why give that any energy? Let’s focus on uplifting msgs like your comment here. We need more examples of positive dating experiences and REAL MEN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 03:00 PM
39

Major difference between these two men. What a breath of fresh air to deal with someone who's serious and puts in the effort! Hope you have a nice time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:00 PM
8

He was a bartender and I ended up at his bar every evening. She was chasing him from jump! Then... We ended up hanging out, outside of the bar. We hiked together, cliff jumped, water sports, etc. Had a blast. While I was still on my travels with him, I booked my next trip to visit and he was over the moon. We ended up hooking up and I stayed with him the last two nights I was in town. She never says who was paying for all these activities. And the "we" doesn't indicate he was pursuing her. It so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 04:23 PM
8

Your feelings are valid. If she’s anxious all the time then that’s draining to be around. You may have to distance yourself. Not talk/hangout as often ya know? It sounds like you’re beyond frustrated so you have to respect that and do what your energy allows. If you find yourself feeling like it’s a chore to be her friend then it may not be possible to continue the friendship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:36 PM
28

Is she a good friend otherwise? And are you able to spend time with her if he’s there and have a pleasant time? If he’s not making you uncomfortable directly and she’s a good friend, then I think this is a question of having strong emotional boundaries for yourself. Who she dates is her choice. Don’t take dating advice from her and don’t get wrapped up in her choices. Make a rule for yourself that you will not sit there and be a support system for her bad relationship if she’s trying to use you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 12:48 PM
11

So basically this is a shameless promo for his new movie. New movie is also about a drunk so cynical Hollywood thinks we’re going to relate to Affleck since he’s being so “vulnerable” and go see his movie to reward him for playing the role of sad and contrite for blowing up his marriage! He’s so insincere. I can’t stand him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 08:47 AM
10

Thanks for this post - good article! Many of us on here have been saying this about OLD. It is a waste of time! So basically this means 75% of women using OLD are just getting pumped and dumped with no hope of a long term relationship. This is truly sad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 12:02 AM
45

Any woman who has worked in any capacity past the age of 30 has to realize, if she’s being honest, that the deck is stacked against women. We are not equal in how we’re treated at work and how we’re compensated. We are discouraged and bullied in so many ways. There’s an emotional tax to being a working woman in America. And an additional tax if you’re a woman of color. So! Under these circumstances, no fellas, we are not going halfsies on dates or in living arrangements. Because a woman enters a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 11:39 PM
26

LOL. It's eerie when you start to realize how much your dating relationships mirror your relationships with the men in your family! I feel like you really have to examine your family first to understand what's really going on in your dating life.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:41 PM
74

"I’m an open book, just ask me" - "I’m awful at holding a conversation, and I’m a narcissist. Please interview me so I feel interesting (spoiler: I'm not)." Wow. Not a dating story but I have an uncle (older than my dad) who has had many accomplishments. So he's used to people kissing his a$$. Unfortunately, he is also misogynistic and narcissistic and as such he's always been insufferable to me (meaning I don't find him all that interesting and I don't massage his ego like everyone else) and I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 04:51 PM
25

But men are able to read subtext and understand nuanced interpersonal issues in the workplace when dealing with other men, like their boss! This whole bullshit “men can’t read your mind” is basically them telling you you’re not important enough to merit consideration and effort! That all the emotional work will fall on you in the relationship! Hard pass!!!!If he can’t even be bothered to be supportive, considerate, and be an equal partner, what is even the point of being with him?? Seriously? Wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:42 PM
2

Haha RBF is very effective!! I alternate between RBF and flat/bored affect. If they try their bullshit, I just give a vacant/bored response and they don’t get that validation hit they are seeking so they move on. I never laugh at their stupid jokes and I take everything literally so they get bored. I usually never want to engage bc 98% of men that approach me are trolling! It’s very rare sadly that I want to engage. But it saves a lot of energy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:40 PM
8

I feel you. I get really annoyed when I’m out and about doing my own thing and enjoying myself and men feel the need to monopolize my attention. They see you as more vulnerable when you’re alone and they can be more obnoxious than usual. And my instinct is to be friendly and polite and that sends the wrong signal. Nowadays I have my resting bitch face on towards men at all times. If I stay tuned in to my body I can usually pick up on the parasites. If I get an ok feeling I may open up a bit othe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 12:38 PM
7

I have male relatives like this. They’re siblings and one is married with kids and the other is single and lives with his brother bc he just can’t manage on his own. They self-medicate with weed to cope. But yeah, I can’t imagine actually living with or marrying someone like this. I would go nuts! And she decided to have a baby with him?? Wow!? Good luck’ don’t know who to be mad at in this situation: him or her! Seriously? Stop catering to him and she should’ve left a looong time ago. Wtf?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 02:45 PM
110

But if women are too burned out to have sex from the second shift and mothering these grown ass men all hell breaks loose. Entire psych books are written about this issue without touching on the REAL issue, which is grown ass men needing to be mothered by their wives which leads to women losing sexual interest. Entire books written gaslighting women on this issue! Telling women to be more sexy and adventurous to the point that now women are talking themselves into all kinds of degrading acts. No…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 02:26 AM
135

They do it on purpose!! It’s the biggest grift perpetrated on women since the beginning of time. Now they want to use feminist ideals against us by wanting to split everything in half and asking for polyamory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 01:52 AM
9

OP this is about boundaries! You’re getting a good look at how your bf was raised and his inability to set limits and boundaries. There’s no reason why he can’t move out. He feels guilty and obligated to stay bc his mom has no boundaries and she has a huge influence on him. Men like this do not make good life partners. You’re very young OP! You need to explore other options and do not lock yourself down to this family’s dysfunctions. You sound like you come from a relatively functional family th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:35 PM
100

Liiiiiisten!!! Shit like this makes me so happy I’m single! Wow. Majority of married women I meet are in this situation. So when ppl pressure me not to be picky this is what I try to remember! They’re sort of resigned to the way things are. They are miserable. They don’t feel like they have any other options esp once they have kids. What a way to live!! And yet they are quick to tell single women not to be picky! Nah sis, you can keep it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 01:47 PM
3

Ohhh this reminds me of a guy I dated for about 6 months. He was a mess during our first date. He was sweating, lots of awkward silences, just lots of awkward moments, and he didn’t want to eat either. It was a loooong meandering date. He ended up being extremely insecure and played a lot of games. A little nervousness can be endearing but anxiety to the point of not being able to eat and not picking up on social cues is a sign of low confidence and I wouldn’t trust it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 09:37 PM
10

To the lurkers: just go to a sex worker!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 03:40 PM
3

When I go through bouts of loneliness and I find myself heading down that slippery slope of looking for breadcrumbs, I always find a heap of self-loathing that goes with it. It’s OK to feel lonely but I think if you shame yourself for feeling that way, that’s where you enter the danger zone. I know for me for a long time I associated feeling lonely with being unworthy or pathetic or unlikable. From there it’s easy to feel like you should take whatever you can get!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 03:11 PM
2

I think we’ll need your definition of “good relationship” fleshed out so we can put things in context. But generally speaking you’re in a weaker position. You have no leverage and you’re isolated so likely to have a difficult time feeling empowered to just leave. Not to mention the inertia that comes with co-habitation. Sunk cost fallacy also at play here I’m sure. As a general rule, no woman should wait for a man to decide if he wants her!! His indecision means it’s a no, sis. He doesn’t want y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:33 AM
206

I love how ‘I had a child with someone else’ has substituted ‘I cheated and betrayed my gf.’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:20 AM
13

Wtf?! This is your boyfriend? How long have you been together!? Some of these stories make me so glad I’m single tbh. Geez! Wtf is wrong with men? This shit is depressing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:08 AM
12

I feel like it would only put me in a submissive role of a people-pleaser and I don't wanna contribute to such an image. This!! I think it's important to gauge the atmosphere you're working in. I always look at what other people do and follow suit. If people don't celebrate bdays and other milestones then I know that's not part of the atmosphere and I don't bother. I don't do anything that's not reciprocated. Learned that lesson!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:49 PM
2

Oh I hear ya! Have dated a few duds in my 20s. Def projected my substance - so basically I was just dating myself. They were ghosts. But I’m at the point now where game playing itself is extremely tedious to me. I can’t sustain interest for more than a couple weeks even if I fall into the trap due to my upbringing. Thankfully, I’m able to pick myself back up quickly these days. Anything that creates internal turmoil and rumination I see as a sign to exit stage left!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 09:05 PM
3

You’re spot on! It’s esp important for me to be careful in times like these when I’m particularly vulnerable after having a major triggering event that had me spinning for a couple weeks. I was perfectly fine ignoring this guy’s phone calls and saw through his bs right away. Because it was not lost on me that he was calling me and yet I felt like I had to coax information out of him. In essence, making me chase him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:28 PM
42

Yep! And this applies to familial relationships as well. My brother plays this game all the time. He acts like a dick and then turns around and puts the responsibility on me to spell out why his behavior is upsetting. It’s gaslighting bullshit so that they never have to take responsibility. A lot of these therapized concepts and language, in the hands of manipulative people, are used to further control people. It’s a get out of jail free card.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:43 PM
4

Thank you! Yes his behavior parallels my abusive parents. It’s uncanny! I have no doubt that they presented me in a way that allowed him to pick up the scent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:02 AM
13

You always get that creeping anxious overwhelmed feeling that you don’t feel secure- a sense of risk /danger. And then you ask- is he even all that to be feeling like this tho? And you get your answer 🤣 NO- you start clocking up the inconsistencies and come to your conclusion. And they have deliberately cultivated that feeling in you- because inside they’re insecure & want you to feel that too. They want you to feel unsafe. It’s projection. They’re so scared of intimacy /being vulnerable or matu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 09:58 PM
25

Excellent post! It’s not about advocating perfection to win HVM. Women are not a monolith. There is no “dream girl.” An HVM is not your trophy for meeting a certain standard! You’re already worthy; respect yourself, have better boundaries, vet carefully, look for common VALUES! That’s what FDS is about!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:29 PM
2

Thank you. Yeah I got a shitty draw in the parent dept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:07 PM
6

Funnily enough, I recently resumed contact after being no contact for several years. And it just happened to coincide with this guy’s calls. And almost immediately the pressuring and gaslighting has begun. Literally it’s been 2 weeks! I’m def ignoring this pig (lol) and I’m shutting this conversation down with my parents. It’s going to be a straight up NO and change of conversation if they bring it up again. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to see how I feel and I may go very low contact again…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:04 PM
37

Amen sis! It’s hard out here for aspiring HVW or any woman who dares to raise the standard off the fucking ground! I’m so proud of FDS! This is a great shout out from WSJ! I hope it leads more women here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 12:44 PM
2

Yeah bc if a mutual friend gave him my contact then the easiest way for him to bring my guard down would be to just tell me who it is! His whole approach rubbed me the wrong way from the get go. He hid is number and didn’t give me his full name and now he’s pretending to be some Ph.D from an Ivy League but there’s no Google info about him. He’s prob given me a fake name. Not sure what his end game is! I will not engage! Hopefully he gives up and moves on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 01:52 AM
3

Right. If it’s even real. Who knows! He’s clearly feeling hostile bc I completely grilled him on Saturday. Seems like he got an inferiority complex from that and felt the need to put me down. Like, you ain’t all that kinda thing. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 08:17 PM
5

Hmmmm you may be right but I think he might have found me on Twitter. With enough sleuthing he could’ve figured out my full name and then he can Google me and get my family members’ names and my school and work is on LinkedIn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 08:15 PM
7

That's exactly what he's doing. But he knew my father's, uncle's and sister's names. He clearly knows someone I know. Someone gave him my number. I don't really have a social media presence. So although he can find out where I work, how could he know my family member's names?? Whoever gave him my contact info probably didn't realize what a creep he is. There is a certain level of cultural misogyny that is acceptable and people (esp male relatives) don't see anything wrong with it. But to give th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:47 PM
8

Yes, I love the gift of fear! That's what I immediately thought of when I saw the email. It's clearly meant to provoke me into a response. I was so frustrated that I almost replied to tell him off but I know that's exactly what he wants. Everyone's advice is pretty consistent - I won't block, I'll keep an eye out but I won't respond at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:02 PM
4

This whole time I just thought this is some relative trying to set me up again. I figured if I talk to him, I'll find out who he is and he'd tell me. I didn't start to feel apprehensive until the shady email. I wouldn't even know how to report him. I don't even know if he lives in my state. I guess the police can use his email address to contact him. I don't know if they would do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:52 PM
55

The part about staying in places longer than you should have is hitting me like a ton of bricks right now! Damn!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 05:16 AM
17

If this isn’t further proof that most men see online dating as all about getting laid I don’t know what is. This is bold af!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 02:02 AM
20

Preach sis!!! First few months mean nothing! Abusers don’t show up with horns! Otherwise we’d all know to avoid them and there would be no domestic violence. Even the most depraved know they have to be nice at the beginning!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:02 PM
4

I hate that Galentines shit too! The last thing I want to do is some corny Sip and Paint thing. Lol. No offense to anyone into that - it’s just not my thing. It’s a forced holiday so it’s OK to ignore it I say!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 01:01 AM
48

And that’s his “self-imposed price range” not hers. She wants us to know she’d take a ring worth less than that if it gets him to the alter sooner. God this is depressing!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 02:14 PM
387

I do investment banking at Wells Fargo = I'm a bank teller at Wells Fargo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 06:53 PM
7

I think this question of to coffee date or not to coffee date is a red herring. The fact is that a significant number of the men you meet online are acting in bad faith! THAT, ladies, is the crux of the issue. And yeah you can phone screen, you can go on a coffee date, or you can go on a dinner date, in the end the whole thing is tainted because the guy is acting in bad faith, so what difference does it make? It's a waste of your time, period! OLD is full of anti-social, low value, creepy, preda…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:00 PM
2

This is clearly a troll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 12:59 PM
24

I also started implementing a lot of this stuff a couple years ago just in general and it is brilliant! The not laughing at unfunny jokes is esp important and it completely fucks with them. A generally bored or neutral affect is very effective in weeding out troll behavior in any situation with men. I don’t smile and entertain like I used to - it used to attract a lot of unwanted attention and lazy bullshit from men, at work, service people, relatives etc. And I realized how draining it was for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 12:43 PM
41

Speaking of women only places, there’s a popular nail salon in my city that I frequent. It’s like my little happy place every couple weeks. The service is great and they give you complimentary champagne/wine. But why are there so many f***ing men there every weekend?! Last time I was in there there were these college jock types in there. 3-4 of them. Getting pedicures. Of course they find the whole process so hilarious and they’re making stupid jokes at the technicians expense. It felt so delibe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 11:29 AM
9

Yessss. His post is written for maximum sympathy eliciting. He wants validation for being a pos bc his gf and her family rightly called him out. He’s lying! He knows if he tells the whole truth he will feel worse bc all decent ppl will side with her and call him out. She better stay gone after this! He’s shown her his true colors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 11:54 PM
3

Hahahahahahahahahahahah BINGO!! Neeeeeeext! They're very good at pretending to be thoughtful. Especially the semi-socially skilled ones. But his text lingo gives it away. I had one who used to love saying "what's good?" and it turned me off so bad. Who says that anymore? It's so corny. It's a small thing but it's a signal from your limbic brain that's telling you naaaaaahhhhhhhh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 09:38 PM
13

One glaring thing that stands out to me about LVM is that they never seem to know where to go. They either pretend or are genuinely clueless about restaurants or events in your city. They can't seem to suggest where to go or what to do. You couldn't be blamed for thinking they've never done a Google search. I realize this is mostly done to manage expectations. Or they're broke. On the other hand HVM are very much clued into what's happening in the city. They have favorite restaurants and certain…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 09:19 PM
36

Wow, just wow! Someone in the comment said "she sounds like drama." I can't even make sense of this. All I can say is I'm so proud of this woman! It's interesting that he says he doesn't really care that she's out of the picture but yet he's taken the time to post about it online and he's strategizing on how he should behave if she comes back. I guess he's trying to find a magic answer to how he could've manipulated the situation better. But again, if he doesn't care then why does he need to fin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 08:59 PM
29

Great post. Also want to point out that the whole "I'm a giver, I'm an empath and people take advantage of me and I need to protect my energy" spiel is a popular one among exploitative/manipulative types. If you don't allow them to trample all over your boundaries and feed their endless needs, they view it as rejection of them and somehow it all gets twisted into them being the victim. It's crucial to have good discernment and good boundaries nowadays. And ultimately, this lack is the core of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 07:22 PM
32

Right! Casual sex is an oxymoron. And I maintain most women (aka pickmeishas) who claim to enjoy it are LYING!! I’m not saying all but 95% of women who advocate for hook up culture are clueless and detached from their own needs. They don’t even take time to figure out what they want separate from what he wants. It’s all centered on HIM! That’s how you know not to listen to them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 12:32 AM
92

I just feel like a guy who doesn’t know you that well and doesn’t care about you isn’t going to care about your pleasure. Casual sex in practice is really a masturbatory exercise for men. I think it might be possible to have a fwb situation that is mutually enjoyable but that would require him being an actual friend. Most fwb situationships are not actually genuine friendships. It’s just casual sex. That’s why it’s a clusterfuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 11:09 PM
18

This type of relationship seems to just confirm the worst things we think about ourselves, that we're just not worthy! That's what I'm reading between the lines. You seem to think he's not interested in a relationship with you because you're "just not quite leveled up yet" or you're "giving off an air of insecurity." I think it's possible the interaction with him in itself is making you insecure. You seem checked out of your own experience in this relationship because you're asking "what's going…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 10:43 PM
15

These days I've stopped watching these highbrow "marriage is so hard" drivel that Hollywood puts out periodically! I too read about how this movie is really about Baumbach's (producer & director) own infidelity and divorce. The female character is, generally, inert. She has no agency. She doesn't get angry enough. She doesn't take any actions of consequence to the male lead. She's just there waiting patiently for the man to change and providing comfort. And isn't that most men's ideal in a relat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 08:18 PM
2

Dating IRL is a shitshow to be honest. Especially in large metropolitan transient cities. The men I’ve dated I’ve met through happenstance. Or through friends or relatives. But I’d rather stay home with a good book and a glass of wine than go through the depressing OLD process. I swear most of those men are just not available and use the apps for an ego boost. That’s why they are so lazy in their communication. It’s just one big jerk off to them! Meanwhile us women are strategizing and agonizing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 03:59 PM
13

Ladies I don’t know how you do it! I tried OLD several years ago and ran like a bat outta hell! I followed all the mainstream advice about meeting up right away. Doing a low key date like coffee or drinks. And casting a wide net! It was so depressing! Half of the men were unemployed. Very poor conversationalists. Extremely low effort. The more stories I’ve heard since then the more I’m convinced 99% of the men on there see it as a game. They are disingenuous and hoping to get lucky and get laid.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 09:26 PM
31

Amen! I’m always cringing at those posts and all the responses congratulating the OP!! What exactly was accomplished? A complete waste of time. And the LVM enjoyed it bc it’s attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 12:42 PM
9

Yes! Texting is not real communication in my book. If we’ve only talked via text or online I don’t consider it real. Many many men online are just not available. They do it bc they’re bored and for an ego boost. Do not take them seriously until they’ve put in some real effort!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 03:17 AM
7

Most bars have a TV so you can watch a game or whatever’s on while you have your drink. I think it’s OK to play on your phone or scroll through IG periodically. Just try to relax and appear chill. Don’t look eager and smile at random men. Let them approach you. LVM’s will def hover and try to monopolize your time. Be willing to be rude af if you’re not interested in their conversation. Busy nights can be intimidating and not worth your while. Because ppl are there in groups and drinking too much…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 03:03 AM
61

7!!! Boundary testing! This one is crucial. It can save your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 01:33 PM
35

This is a good point! It’s not that OP told him and THEN he became a gaslighting, abusive POS. It’s that he IS a gaslighting, abusive POS and he was able to manipulate OP into thinking otherwise just long enough for her to let her guard down. I agree that the answer is not to put up more walls and isolate. The answer is: trust your instincts! The answer is: boundary test them. A good way to test men like this is to say no repeatedly and see how they respond. Say no to little things. If they tend…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 04:02 PM
2

But they’re the more logical sex??? Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 03:29 PM
29

This is sad. Also, what this demonstrates to me is that we as women need to treat all men with suspicion and caution for the first several dates! Not saying you didn’t do that here. But your story reminds me not to get my hopes up or think highly of them until they have proven themselves worthy by being consistent over a period of time. It’s so easy for narcissists and selfish/manipulative types to put up a good act! So easy! And spending money on dates is nothing for those who have it! That’s a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 02:36 PM
34

He thinks he wined and dined you and now it’s time to put out. He performed ‘decent human male’ for one night so now you have to put out! It’s so transactional and dehumanizing! There’s no play, no flirting, no seduction. If these cretins catch you during a vulnerable phase, then ugghhhh! And there can be no doubt that he would’ve ghosted you after sex!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 02:20 PM
47

Aw cute! Love how he said it’s OK if you’re not interested anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 12:39 PM
34

Exactly!!! 2+2 isn’t adding up. That place is a huge circle jerk! None of these idiots are making anywhere near that kind of money! They are insecure, resentful and jealous losers and they are creating a fantasy version of themselves as high status men so they can feel good about themselves. Puuuhlease. My impression is she’s slowly realizing what a loser he is and he’s panicking. He said she’s asking him why don’t you do this? Why don’t you do that? So high likelihood this guy is a bum living o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 11:38 PM
56

Lastly, I'm slowly realizing that following the ideas of other people on how to act in a relationship (i.e, RedPill ideas) is causing huge negativity in the relationship. Ding ding ding!! This is great insight but he's too blinded by rage to grow from it. ​ The ideas of hypergamy and the true nature of women causes me to become extremely angry. This is not why you're angry dude. You're angry because you're an insecure pos and you can't handle having an attractive woman who doesn't bend to your w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 10:46 PM
5

Omg!! I thought I was the only one with this problem! I thought I was reading too much into it bc we’re related but yet they act like LVM men I’ve dated in the past. Wtf?? I am having to ignore and block them too. Random texts once or twice a year and then disappearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 09:11 PM
19

I had some idiot at my job pull this on me. He asked me for drinks after work and I agreed. Spent the whole evening thinking it was a semi-date. At the end of the date, I just so happened to ask who he lived with and he hesitatingly says 'girlfriend'. It felt like a gut punch. A bait and switch. I swear these sociopaths enjoy this type of game playing. He later told me my whole mood changed and he's sick of that happening and he thinks maybe he should lie in the future. (Apparently, prior to thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 05:34 PM
4

Bravo! Hang in there; stay strong. Definitely go no contact so you don’t get sucked back in!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 01:07 AM
12

Hmmmmmmmmmm my spidey senses went up at the heading alone - talking to a guy online for over two months. Daily texting. And immediately he's already burdening you with his problems. I'm not unsympathetic to a stranger's misfortune and loss of a parent. I truly am not. But this has emotionally or physically unavailable man using woman for daily texting & attention written all over it! He could be keeping you on simmer for when he can get away from his wife or girlfriend and come for a quickie wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 09:44 PM
36

This. All this energy just demonstrates the opposite of what is said. When you genuinely dgaf, you don't even bother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 04:04 PM
17

What's the harm in giving them your number? If it's a safety issue, a Google voice number will do the trick just fine. I think it's important to talk on the phone to see if there's genuine rapport before going on a date. I just can't imagine getting all dolled up for a dinner date with a total stranger. Essentially someone you've never met or spoken to. If he's a dud, I guess you'll (proverbial you) get a free dinner out of it but to have to sit there and force awkward convo with someone you hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 04:01 PM
3

You said ‘he asked me out at the two month mark (2 weeks ago)’ right in the first para. Not sure why you wouldn’t have said in your OP ‘he asked me to be his girlfriend and now we’re exclusive.’ Nowhere did you say you were exclusive! It sounded like you were still feeling him out. My advice still stands. Obv feel free to ignore it all or parts of it as you see fit. I maintain that this is still early days and you would do well to slow down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 12:00 AM
11

Hmmm it's too early to tell if he's a HVM. Plenty of women have thought so 2-3 months in only to be ghosted after sex. It's too early sis!! Don't let your guard down yet. I'm not a fan of 'come to my apartment & I'll cook you dinner' date. Not this early! It's a high brow way of saying 'Netflix and chill.' No, sir! It sounds like this was the 1st date or 2nd date. Big no no if you met online. The Playboy just chillin' out in the open, another red flag! Shows poor boundaries at best or intentiona…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 10:33 PM
16

He's going to tell his main chick that the side chick is crazy etc etc. That he realized he really loved main chick and realized what a big f up this was but this side chick wouldn't let it go etc etc etc. Please forgive me main chick I'll never do this again etc etc. And main chick and him will bond over this and side chick will be triangulated as the trouble maker. Karma baby!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:59 PM
18

I would've just replied, 'No.' and then blocked him. No is a complete sentence ladies. Don't elaborate. Don't explain. Don't argue. Don't educate. If they don't come fully grown, NEXT!!! First impressions are everything! If they're vague, being passive aggressive, argumentative, flaky, NEXT!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:12 PM
7

100% agree with this! This is the most likely reason. I genuinely feel like OLD is a waste of time and will have most women just lower their standards from sheer exhaustion. Or despair about the male species.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 09:06 PM
12

Yeah I’ve experienced this with my own father who is an LVM through and through. He doesn’t have any major medical issues but he’s completely regressed into a child role now that he’s in his late 60s. If he’s driving and I’m in the passenger seat and he’s got the GPS system telling him where to turn he wants me to basically repeat what the GPS says and tell him where to go!!! He gets very demanding and irate over little things to the point where it is extremely stressful to go anywhere. He liter…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 07:37 PM
12

Classic love bombing. He sounds desperate and needy. People who do this are showing you they lack judgment and self-control. It’s been one week! I would be immediately turned off and block his ass. That’s just me. Ymmv.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 02:00 PM
3

Only the 3rd date. He’s not interested. I’m sorry. I’d move on. Don’t even bother trying to find out what’s wrong. If he reaches out and tries to see you again, then I’d ask for clarification on why he was off. Otherwise, go out with your friends. Start talking to any other guys you might’ve had on the bench. This is why you date multiple men at once until you reach that exclusive stage with one of them. It allows you to keep a healthy distance and manage expectations. So when one seems not as i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 01:13 AM
21

Personally, I think any guy who is vague is a waste of time. Any guy who doesn’t comprehend the inherent danger for a woman to go to a stranger’s house is also a waste of time. I say waste of time bc it is abundantly clear these types of men are looking for low hanging fruit! As soon as he asks for you to come over he should be blocked! You already know what time it is! You may think you’re “expressing boundaries” but by even continuing to engage after he said that what you’re doing is NEGOTIATI…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 02:23 PM
20

Yeah ultimately you need to look at character. He knows that hiding in the basement and avoiding his fiancée is immature and bad for the relationship but did it anyway. If the problem is that he’s upset with her, then he needs to be able to communicate that. If he needs to decompress for like an hour or so after work, then he needs to communicate that to her. (And if OP works she needs to decompress too!! Men are not the only ones that need to decompress, wtf? So why can’t they decompress togeth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 01:59 PM
19

Just find a clinic and then suggest that you go together to get tested. Make it a date! That way it doesn’t come off accusatory. Keep it easy, breezy. Don’t make it a “talk.” Let’s be real, he wants to have sex so he’ll go with it. If he says no, well.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 05:14 AM
15

It's usually not even worth trying to enlighten them. It really isn't! Lots of women coming on FDS asking for how to steer men. By even thinking of doing that, you're already hustling backwards! Don't do it ladies! They will just use it as justification that all women are gold-diggers and after them for a free meal. So in essence you have given them the validation & attention they so desperately want. They get to dunk on you and say eff off. That's a major ego boost for them. And you get to keep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 05:52 PM
4

I find that how they you start the relationship informs how the relationship will go. So if you start off having to nudge and ask for basic things that’s how it’ll be. You ask for a dinner date bc he couldn’t think of it himself - then you’ll most likely have to keep asking and suggesting things and they’ll mostly just sit there like a baby waiting to be fed. So make sure that you’re ok with continuing the same way you began. In this case, I’d just drop him! Even if he makes more of an effort to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 03:01 AM
43

Great story - thanks for sharing and best of luck on your upcoming nuptials! ​ I think more guys like this exist, it's just hard to meet them. I think you're right about this! I think OLD and the Internet has really jaded most of us because of all the harassment and just bad behavior that we are bombarded with. It's hard to NOT be cynical!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:18 PM
6

THIS! Online dating is full of despair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 07:47 PM
11

It’s truly too terrifying to contemplate!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 12:23 AM
6

Yesss Lundy Bancroft is excellent in his perspective on these types of men! And I agree with your view on the guy in this podcast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:04 PM
1

Here's what Perel has said about her own relationship, which I think is revealing: She doesn’t like to give too many details, but what she does say is that she and Saul give each other a lot of freedom – “If you’ve had an interesting life, you have more to bring back, something that energises the couple” – and that they renegotiate their relationship as it changes. At the moment her husband is entering what she calls a “third stage”, and he wants to paint more. This means he will be away from Ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:20 PM
8

Absolutely. Counseling is about sharing honestly and having a genuine desire to resolve differences by taking accountability, two things these types of men are completely incapable of doing! So, yes, the counseling room further dis-empowers the woman. It forces her to give more when she's already given too much. And that imbalance is almost never acknowledged by the therapist - instead the therapist typically forces equal responsibility in the interest of fairness and that's why I call the Perel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:25 PM
8

Redpillers really like Perel Didn't know that but it doesn't surprise me. A lot of these LVMs love to use therapized language and ideas to further manipulate women. Perel is perfect for them. I hate myself and that's why I do what I do and it's your fault for letting me is a common refrain and it's sanctioned by therapists. But going to therapy with one of these LVMs and building compassion and understanding for them is a huge mistake and a waste of time. They have no empathy for you and they ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:07 PM
3

Hmmm it sounds like he’s not interested in going further. Don’t ask anything and don’t be so available or responsive to his texts. Unless he asks you out again, there’s no onus on you to do anything. Move on, sis! Go on other dates! Don’t sit by the phone waiting....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 12:09 AM
11

Yes. These types of people collect experiences. They manufacture a certain personality. They also collect people. It all feels vacuous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 09:13 PM
18

Agree with this. Listen, I’m not gonna say that having a lot of adventurous activities on your social media is a turn off or a red flag. A lot of people on social media look like they have AMAZING lives. We all know the psychology of social media. But when ppl behave like that in real life interactions I get immediately turned off. No, they don’t have to come with a sob story on the first date. Of course not. But guys who brag about what an awesome life they have and have the social media pictur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 07:07 PM
22

Your age gap bothers me too but I hope he’s the real deal! Glad to hear an uplifting story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 12:10 AM
8

Flaky ppl do this all the time. It sounds good in the moment or they get carried away or they feel lonely and like to have something to look forward to I’m not sure but a lot of ppl do this nowadays especially through text. I see it as an extension of ‘we should get together sometime.’ Yeah sounds nice to say in the moment but if there’s no follow through I’m not showing up or holding my breath. If I don’t hear anything the day before at the latest then I act as though there’s no plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:32 PM
17

Right. And even too lazy to make his dreams of riches come true. But he’ll talk a good game and have all these ideas about making a lot of money. He’s a good worker though. He’s a company man type. Doesn’t rock the boat. But not an entrepreneur type. So he’s always frustrated bc he has these fantastical ideas but not the wherewithal, courage or strength of character to make anything happen. And when I suggested putting all our heads/money together as a family and starting a business he said he d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:51 PM
15

I recognize a lot of these TRP traits in my brother. He has a college degree and has a good job making decent money. Enough to support himself comfortably. So I don't know if I'd say he hasn't achieved anything or isn't successful. I mean, he's healthy, average looks-wise, and has an above average job. He has all the stuff to become an HVM. One thing I noticed about him is he has unrealistic expectations or maybe I should call it delusions of grandeur. Which I suspect feeds the feelings of empti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 10:27 PM
7

Any guy that comes to me with that polyamorous shit is getting blocked! That’s just me tho. Anyway 3 weeks is still early days. Have you been asking him questions? Are you feeling him out!? How are you feeling around him? It’s pretty difficult for Internet strangers to gauge how things are going. Give it time and then come back with concrete things he’s done or said for feedback from FDS. But right now the onus is on you to do your due diligence. You have to learn to trust your instincts and rem…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 02:16 PM
6

Oh yeah Natalie Lue has opened my eyes to a lot of shenanigans!! Reading her blog helped me reorient my mind. It’s stuff that I already intuitively knew but I had lost my way and needed to come back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 01:51 PM
9

Yes yes yes. For the past few years I’ve literally stopped texting unless it’s to confirm an appt or plans. I have relatives that don’t ever make any effort to stay in touch but once in a blue moon will send me saccharine texts and I just stopped responding. If our whole interaction is over text or social media then it’s not real. And if it’s a guy I’ll block him if that’s all he wants to do. I’ve had male co-workers try to do this on Slack at work. Complaining that they’re bored. And demanding …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 01:40 PM
9

Are you asking how to get over the hump of being fearful of STIs!? And being more of a risk taker? I know it seems like a downer to be risk-averse in this area nowadays. From a purely risk benefit assessment perspective, honestly, most guys are just not worth the risk. I firmly believe the vast majority of women having casual sex are having bad sex. For a lot of these men in dating apps they’re just re-enacting their porn fantasies. I really don’t think you’re missing out on great sex by being r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 02:46 AM
5

Yeah you're probably right. Because she says they opened up the relationship 2 years ago and he's had a girlfriend since then and she moved in a few months later. So in order to "save" the marriage, she accepted his mistress into her marriage/home. He's told her that since she won't have sex with him it's either this or he's done. Because she acknowledges she (rightly) sees sex as a chore with him. And it's it funny how polyamory usually in these abusive situations means only the man has someone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 09:42 PM
24

Exactly. That's the word I was looking for. This is fake or a bot. You can tell because it's so removed from a woman's reality/perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 09:20 PM
36

the religious green light to fuck until I drop. This just sounds like something a man would say. There's so much anti-woman, anti-progressive propaganda on the internet nowadays. I don't believe this is a married woman writing this. Nearly all the married women I know complain about having to mother their husbands. What are the chances that this a married woman on Reddit acting like some naive schoolgirl who doesn't understand how the world works?! lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 08:53 PM
2

I'm liking #3 because you said you enjoy talking to him the most but he's recently divorced and doesn't seem to have time so I see a few yellow flags there. Re: your insights I feel like that is par for the course with OLD. That's why I stopped and can't be bothered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 04:28 PM
15

About 2 years ago we opened our relationship because we felt that we were strong enough to explore that part of us. The "we" is killing me!! Ugh. The para preceding this gem negates everything about this sentence! Everything! This whole poly thing also kills me. Every woman that is seeking advice on the internet about "opening up" her relationship seems to be in complete denial about the level of abuse and manipulation going on in the relationship. This whole poly thing is a joke! A complete jok…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 04:13 PM
3

Same same!! I was similarly caught in the web of a predatory FOB this same time last year. Right before Thanksgiving. And that's why your post is hitting all the notes for me today because I was thinking about that whole situation recently. He had a live in girlfriend but proclaimed that he just wanted to be a "good friend." Thankfully I came to my senses in about 10 days! And I kicked myself thinking 'I KNOW BETTER! WTF WAS I THINKING?' but alas there's no 100% predator proof life. It happens t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 09:49 PM
7

DIASPORIC CULTURE IS INHERENTLY DIFFERENT FROM THE REAL THING. Especially when it comes to countries with lots of political and economic problems, you and they have a completely different psyche - a different system of living and decision making. Be wary of fob men. Damn this is so true! This whole discussion is really opening my eyes to a lot of things that I haven't really taken the time to sit down and think through. I've been deluding myself that I can easily gel with anyone from my culture …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 09:11 PM
18

I think in general it’s a common trend for some people in diaspora to become more culturally conservative over time in response to fears of losing their identity or traditions by then only overcompensating to their IDEA of what they think the culture consists of. This is very insightful. I can definitely see myself in this comment. I think we think culture and tradition is some static thing but it's not. It's a very hard thing to "reclaim" cultural identity. And I can understand why some might t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:30 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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