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northernlights190 Archive

View 0 posts and 1,095 comments by northernlights190 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I really don’t think it does, but regardless, you will never convince me most women ask that question primarily or even at all to see how much a guy makes, rather than because it’s just an obvious icebreaker and a way to get to know someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 09:00 AM
1

You’d wager quite wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 06:41 AM
1

I simply disagree that an innocuous icebreaker question is typically about sussing out finances.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 06:16 AM
1

“What do you do?” is a normal icebreaker, period. Women get asked on dates it too, that’s the other thing. Guys I meet always ask me what I do. Because it’s a normal question to get to know someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 04:47 AM
1

The vast majority of women throughout history weren’t just doing light work in the home, and if they did work in the home they didn’t have today’s luxury technologies to make domestic work easier. Most women throughout history were poor and had to be engaged in taxing labour for very low incomes, the same as poor men, and disability absolutely impacted them in similar ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/23 05:59 AM
20

This seems to be almost entirely projection, especially the idea that the sex people with histories are having is “boring.” Since you yourself are not involved in that sex, you don’t seem particularly qualified to comment on it. I also assure you that women having a sexual history is not making them nervous around you. Nor do you have an idea how the “women you meet,” who you are not having sex with, perceive sex or what they expect from it. They’re “prudish” if you show interest because they ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 08:02 AM
2

Sure, if you have more unpopular views than others more people will dislike them and you may be more likely to have people react negatively. That’s how society works. You’re still allowed to have those views and use them to inform your decisions. You just have no right to expect people will respect them. If that concerns you, no need to voice them.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 11:27 AM
2

There’s potential negative consequences to any opinion or preference one may have if someone you’re dating doesn’t like it. That’s life. You’re allowed to have your preferences and use that to inform your dating decisions. You cannot expect other people won’t have opinions about them, and whether you want to divulge them when you don’t have to is up to you. Like, I think women having weird height preferences is shitty, but they can only date tall guys if they want. I won’t feel bad for them if s…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 10:37 AM
30

I just don’t even get where in real life, and I mean outside of a debate sub intended to argue about this shit, this would even come up, unless you were specially looking to debate your preferences with someone. Of course you’re allowed to have preferences. Other people may have skeptical or outright negative opinions about those preferences if they know them, but nobody can stop you from having them and dating who you want. You don’t ever need to explain those preferences to anyone. If you get …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 06:54 PM
6

Yeah, I’m the exact same way. It’s kinda weird to me if a guy has zero good female friends, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 10:18 PM
6

haha exactly this. I have several close straight male friends. Most of them, we’ve been friends for 10+ years and never any hint of sexual attraction whatsoever. Entirely platonic. We just work in the same field, and so like to go out for beers and gripe about our profession, as well as offer each other peer support and deep-dive conversations about issues affecting our industry. A partner would hate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 10:04 PM
2

Yes, I’m totally 100% fine with it. I mean, I agree to some extent that your partner should be your best opposite sex friend, but they certainly don’t need to be your only opposite sex friend. And in most cases these will be friendships that pre-date our relationship, and I have no desire to limit who my partner can be friends with. If I had any reason not to trust him or to have concerns about the dynamic or boundaries he had with any friend, opposite sex or not, then I’d deal with that. But ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 09:26 PM
2

My ex and I broke up after a decade on good terms. Not either of our faults. Life happens and things change. We were definitely not attracted to each other, and in fact by the time we broke up we hadn’t even had sex in several years due to his lack of desire for sex and the conflicts we had which destroyed our once-strong mutual attraction. Honestly, of all the couples I know who ended on good terms that was most often the case. The care and friendship was there but the compatibility as partners…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 06:13 AM
3

Right, but if it happened that way for me, then it also happened that way for the guy in question, since there were two people in the equation. If you’re ace or demi then obviously traditional dating is a challenge, but you’re probably looking for a partner with a similar attraction style, so that will be more of how it goes.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 03:30 PM
10

I uh, I admit I practiced that years before I actually had sex with a zucchini and some free condoms I got from school, because I’d heard it was sexy. Never actually put it into practice though.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 02:45 PM
–

I will say, whenever some guys here go off on how they bail if they don’t fuck on the first date, I think it’s a shame they haven’t learned how much fun letting sexual tension build up a little can be. Both parties do have to be attracted for that to be the case, but if you can tell she’s interested? Then giving it a little extra time to play with the sexual tension results in the most unbelievably explosive hot sex. Let her stew in how much she wants you for a bit until she’s basically melting …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 02:28 PM
2

I’m the wrong person to ask on this end, as every guy I’ve ever desired and been with has been basically broke and I’ve paid for everything, heh. Made no difference in how they made me feel.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 02:19 PM
17

My general observation of women who are very promiscuous is that it includes different types. First, there are for sure some who just have very high libidos, high self-confidence, orgasm easily and have a more spontaneous sexual desire style; they can be attracted to specific men relatively quickly, they enjoy casual sex physically, have a very open attitude to sex, and don’t have too many personal insecurities that make it feel shameful or emotionally fraught for them. Like, they don’t worry ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 02:14 PM
4

As I said: speaking personally. And personally, that has been true. Not all of us find money to be a factor in who we are and have been attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 12:11 PM
3

It’s not entirely universal, some women do for sure experience actual lust and desire more based on just looks or very minimal interactions. But I do find in general men expect women to have the same type of sexual attraction style most men do, and for many women it is indeed different.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 12:10 PM
4

I don’t use hormonal birth control. I used it for two months when I was 23 and quit because I hated it. Never been on it before or since. Don’t get me wrong, I adore sex. When I desire a man I want sex with him all day, all the time; and when single I masturbate often and crave sex. But desire for a specific man does not happen immediately, no matter how good looking he is. It takes a bit of time getting to know him, and is heavily moderated by how we interact. This is a common, though certainly…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 12:06 PM
7

It was the same in my 20s though. Always fell hard for the guy after being around him for a bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 08:29 AM
7

It’s how my relationships have worked and still work, so I can’t say it’s not a thing that happens anymore. Though six months is a bit long. Ultimately you’re probably looking for someone with a similar attraction style, and they wouldn’t “be out banging.”
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 08:26 AM
6

It probably just means that you’d be most likely to find partners through building connections slowly via broad social settings, I’d think.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 08:11 AM
2

Yeah yeah. Every guy I’ve ever madly, wantonly desired IRL is a pretty normal-lookin’ dude. If I had zero respect for their privacy, I’d post their photos, and you’d all agree they were average-lookin’ dudes. Most average height to short, and all legitimately quite skinny. Take it or leave it. I have my type (I cannot be attracted to anyone overweight), but no I’m not confusing the men I date for Andrew Garfield.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 08:08 AM
31

Yup. I’ve never once seen a man and been like, “I want to fuck him.” Not once, ever. I’ve for sure seen a man and been very interested in getting to know him because he’s attractive. But the actual sexual desire part, that visceral “can’t live without his body, I’d let him do whatever he wants to me” lust? That only ever comes through building attraction through our interactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 08:05 AM
28

You can be skeptical all you want, but for many of us the slower attraction build absolutely happens. And it is no less extremely visceral or raw for taking that time to build and unfold. I strongly recommend not expecting most women to have the same sexual desire patterns as most men. Anyway, for me and I think many women, in terms of that most raw and animal lust: it’s partly about looks, but more about how a man makes us feel. For me personally, money, status — irrelevant. Doesn’t matter. It’…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 07:18 AM
–

It depends on his reasoning. Not everyone is the right fit to build a family by adoption, so him not wanting to adopt itself would not bother me. And I don’t have or want kids so the step-parent thing is sort of irrelevant. But I’m adopted, and if he very aggressively sees adoption as “raising another man’s children,” then on some level he wouldn’t believe my parents are my parents, and couldn’t fully respect my family relationships. So we could never be a match.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/23 04:51 PM
4

I was a tomboy in elementary school, and yes at that time there was some sort of division. Mostly, I had some sort of weird inferiority complex being around other girls and compensated by trying to be cool with boys. To an extent that lingered into high school, or at least my failure to develop good female friendships in that early period did. However, none of that has mattered since we were teens. Once you graduate and grow up and go on to live your full life you stop caring about this stuff. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/23 08:57 AM
4

I absolutely do not care how much a men ejaculates, I don’t measure it, I don’t think about it and it’s not attractive to ejaculate more. I don’t like guys ejaculating on me (mouth or vagina please) so no I don’t like being covered in semen. Maybe some women feel differently but I don’t know anyone I’ve discussed sex topics with who does.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/23 02:47 AM
–

I used to be like that. Mostly I just had a lot of really internalized discomfort around women, didn’t know how to relate to girls, and gravitated more towards men as the positive role-model figures in my early life had mostly been men. I fixed my own shit and got a lot better at building amazing female friendships so now I’m more 50/50. I don’t assume every other woman who has only or mostly male friends is like that though. I don’t really think anything of it at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/23 12:56 PM
34

It’s just a difference in the ways male and female sexuality tends to operate. I lust after some men’s bodies: it’s just that the body I truly desire and lust for is whoever my partner’s is at the time, or if no partner, than a specific man I am attracted to and interested in dating. With a partner (or guy I’m attracted to but not dating ) I am aroused by his body. If he just brushes his arm against mine, that can get me aroused. If we’re dating then I show him my desire enthusiastically and oft…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/23 12:33 AM
1

I think most of this stuff is silly and produced by people who just like attention and have learned how to get it. I give it zero thought or weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/23 10:32 PM
18

One partner being “evil” does not at all have to be the operating idea. My 10-year relationship ended for reasons neither of us could have imagined when we began sharing finances. He’s a very good person, he’s not evil at all. Sometimes life just happens. My parents’ 30-year marriage ended for reasons neither was at fault for, and neither was evil in the slightest. It was right for both of them that their marriage broke up. But my mom was entirely financially dependent on my father and she was u…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/23 10:27 PM
8

My reason for not ever wanting to be economically dependent on a man isn’t that a woman should “never trust their man.” It’s that you can’t predict the future. Tragedies happen and even the best relationships can come apart for reasons nobody can foresee, so if you aren’t able to support yourself, you’re at high risk of being fucked, especially in later life. I believe that I’m the first person who has to be responsible for my own well-being. I can trust a partner fully and completely, and still…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/23 10:20 PM
2

I guess I have one maybe I can think of. He’s not missing anything, as such. Great guy, smart, creative, attractive. We’re just not a match, in terms of having enough interests or even just conversation preferences in common, and I don’t think we have the same lifestyle preferences at all. (He has a couple of kids, great dad, but it’s a very different life to the one I have and enjoy.) We get along great to catch up for a couple of beers once or twice a year, but if we were to date we’d just hav…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/23 04:57 PM
14

Except that a good chunk of men who only want a quick hook-up don’t stick around if they don’t get it immediately. They move on to other prospects, and don’t continue for even another date or two. Some will, maybe especially if they don’t have other options, but the majority don’t. There’s always a risk of the guy bailing after sex if you wait, but giving yourself even just a bit more time cuts that risk quite dramatically. Plus, when it’s an OLD date and he’s still basically a stranger, it’s ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 11:36 PM
26

“People don’t even have access to 7 figure people” In the vast majority of the world, a 7 figure USD income is a very rare and rarified sum. In some areas and some social classes it’s more common, but those people are in an extreme minority. This isn’t speculation, this is literally just basic income distribution stats. The large majority of people do not socialize with, let alone date, people who make seven figures. You clearly come from a wealthier social strata, which is fine, but just be awa…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 08:50 PM
33

You seem to be dating an incredibly specific subculture. Most women date and marry men in roughly their own income and class bracket, and will never date or even necessarily have social contacts with anyone who makes seven figures or above. If you’re wealthy and only date within that world, yeah you’re gonna see more women who are accustomed to wealthy lifestyles. The vast majority of women are not. Most of us are quite aware of “the value of money,” since we have to earn our own income (either …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 08:16 PM
1

No, absolutely not. Easy no. Nothing about it appeals or is even acceptable to me in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 08:13 PM
1

Most women find only a tiny minority of men fuckable, period. It’s the one thing on which all pills agree, because it’s demonstrably true. I agree that this minority is not all “Chads” or related to “hypergamy.” And no, we don’t lie to each other when we get deep into the sex and dating talk, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 05:48 PM
1

I am female lol. All my friends are female. I have spent my whole adult life talking with women about our sexuality, our attraction and our dating decisions. I’m not referring to the 80/20 fallacy, which I agree is a fallacy. I am referring to the fact that most individual women generally agree they find only a tiny minority of men attractive — the most common answer whenever this question comes up is about 1 in 100 to 1 in 50. Women absolutely do not find most men fuckable, overall. There is ze…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 05:19 PM
1

Because it’s not all the same men that are among the small minority that any given individual woman finds attractive. (A red pill answer would be entirely different and more depressing, but I’ll let red pillers give it.)
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 05:05 PM
1

No, the vast majority of women absolutely do not find most men fuckable, lol. Absolutely not. It’s quite consistent that women find only a small minority of men attractive enough to consider them as a sex or dating prospect. What I disagree with is that these aren’t all the same “Chad, tall, square jaw” man. Women’s “type” can vary, but I have yet to meet a woman who considers anywhere near a majority of men fuckable. As for “an array of female friends that are honest,” I am female and have spen…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 04:41 PM
3

Okay, but the man and the woman in the first example seem about equally attractive to me? Both on the nice-looking side of average. I think he’s attractive, not “meh” and definitely not unattractive. Anyway, at the end of the day men have higher sex drives and individually tend to find a wider range of women fuckable than individual women do men, it isn’t news.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 04:18 PM
1

Not for me, I love playing video games, and I really like playing them with a partner. Probably one of my favourite things to do is chill with a partner and work through something like horizon zero Dawn or whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/23 05:42 AM
3

It depends on the stage in the relationship, as it is certainly different at 10 years than 3 months. Honestly, I try to go with the flow. With my current new relationship I’d love sex at least once or twice a day, but that’s just not possible with his extremely demanding schedule, so I’ll take it as often as I can see him. I’m definitely horny as hell in between times but it’s worth it. I don’t need any particular acts. If I’m into a guy enough to want a relationship with him, then the sex is fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 07:43 PM
2

No, I don’t assume he’s some kind of creep. To be perfectly honest, I put little if any thought into the dating lives of people I know, who don’t talk about it or ask me for their input. I don’t assume I know anything about their dating life, or if they have bad luck with women. I wouldn’t know a guy isn’t getting any dates unless he told me, and i wouldn’t consider him a “creep” for it since I’d presumably know and like him enough to be having this conversation. And I don’t think anything at al…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 03:35 PM
7

It’s almost like you’re taking a multitude of comments from entirely different people with different experiences and attitudes towards sex, and bizarrely assuming they are all from the same people and represent all women. Women who consider themselves asexual don’t suddenly become interested in casual threesomes. Those of us who love sex don’t say we’re asexual. And if reading a post that openly asks adult female virgins to comment with their experience, you’ll get more responses from women who …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 11:56 AM
15

First, that post doesn’t look like “nothing but women saying they’re asexual and see sex as disgusting.” I see a few women in that thread explaining why they have not had sex, which is the subject of the thread and so will naturally attract input from people who are less sexually interested or have hang-ups. The rest of us don’t “call out” those women because they’re allowed to speak about their own experiences. They can be asexual or have religious hang-ups about sex or bad feelings about it ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 11:03 AM
–

Depends on jurisdiction. Some countries limit by child, some by number of families. The United States does not have legal limits.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 10:02 AM
1

My 30s were by far better years of my life than my 20s in every way. My 20s were mostly pretty shit. The last few years of my 30s were really rough due to some difficult personal situations, but the rest of that decade was pretty great. So far 40-41 has been outstanding tho.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/23 04:02 AM
1

I’m 41 (my boyfriend is younger), so on the lower end of that, and no kids, but I’m having the best sex of my entire life and my libido is through the roof compared to my 20s. But it’s also a relatively new relationship. I’m sure if we’d been together a decade things would be a bit… calmer, as they were in my previous LTR. And menopause can play havoc with sexual function and libido too, though there are ways to improve that. Mostly, I think at this age you just need to be more intentional about…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/23 03:59 AM
1

I’m a woman. Of my close friends, it’s about 50/50 men and women on a rough count. My wider social circles / casual friends tend to be 80/20 men to women lately, but some of that is due to a change in region and the career-based social networks where I am now are majority male.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/23 03:49 AM
2

Yeah, I got no complaints. I have the life I want, and it’s really meaningful and interesting to me. And I definitely wouldn’t be able to have it with kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/23 09:55 AM
3

Correct. (Well, on purpose or fertility issues that existed prior to being 40.) I’m 41, don’t want kids, mostly date younger men who also don’t want kids, and honestly once I got back into dating have not found many problems in that department. My friends who are similarly 40+ without kids, that was entirely intentional. They always looked for men who don’t want kids and still do.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/23 08:44 AM
1

Yeah, pretty easily. I don’t have a wealth standard; but I make decent money. My height standard is “within the realm of normal male development,” and I’m short. Body composition standard is skinny or lean, and I am definitely skinny.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/23 07:21 AM
2

It was eight then, that was over a decade ago and my ex and I broke up three years ago. It’s 10 now for me, I dated one person since then and am now in a new relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 11:41 PM
1

Honestly, that’s my type of guy and though I do like bars I don’t meet men there. For me I always fall for guys through social and professional networks, mostly, because it’s where I find the highest number of people with shared interests and compatible personalities. It’s tough if you don’t have time or aren’t in the right place to develop those, though. I’m lucky that my job is a type that puts me in the path of a lot of like minded folks.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 02:05 PM
3

The latter, hard to say. If really depends on the person, and also who they’re meeting there. I mean, there’s definitely a type of girl who prefers the very chill, laid back guy who doesn’t make a big scene and doesn’t come on too strong. I just think everyone should try different things and see where they’re most comfortable and what seems to work best.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 01:16 PM
15

I think the value of confidence isn’t so much in showing it, but in the positive ways it impacts one’s own behaviour, body language and ability to meet and connect with people and navigate social situations. So you don’t really need to “convey” it. If you’re confident, you just will be able to do those things better than if you aren’t, and that helps all kinds of social things, not just dating. The issue of how to stand out in a bar or similar loud busy environment is separate from “showing conf…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 01:02 PM
3

Our number was eight. I know his was eight because we talked in great depth about all our past relationships and sexual partners. I know who each of his was — he was still friends with most of them, I’m still friendly with three of them, and the ones he wasn’t still in touch with I still vaguely knew who they were. I know mine was eight because it was very easy to think back and name each person I’d ever slept with. Not difficult at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 12:37 PM
1

If I’m even a little interested in the guy, then I want to spend time with him and get to know him. So “wanna grab a drink” is all I need. I absolutely do not need any fancy line and I cannot even imagine why that would bother me. Only reason would be if I wasn’t into the guy at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 10:42 AM
1

I love living with a partner. I never find they disturb my sleep — quite the opposite, it felt super comforting and happy to have them next to me. After my last LTR ended going back to sleeping alone was tough. I do like living by myself, I really do, and I’m not scared of being lonely. But living with your favourite person beats it by a mile for me. It’s pretty awesome to have them there to share everything with, as well as giving each other alone time when you need. Always there to talk, share…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 09:10 AM
4

4 relationships, 3 dating, 3 ONS.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 06:45 AM
7

41.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 09:54 PM
77

It’s 10. Nobody has ever once asked me. The last time it came up was over a decade ago with my last long-term partner, but I was the one who brought it up. I told him the accurate number and his was the same. ETA: I’ve never had oral sex with someone I didn’t have penetrative sex with, so same number. Really can’t imagine just doing oral with someone, tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 06:35 PM
1

No. I know why my relationship failed, and it wasn’t me “derailing.”
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 06:30 PM
2

Totally. And hey, none of the cool things I’ve done or amazing people I’ve met since then would have happened if that relationship hadn’t ended, so in the end i can’t regret it too much.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 11:46 AM
2

Thanks. Sometimes I’m still sad about it, but it’s okay. It was a valuable lesson that life will always happen in ways you cannot expect or plan for, no matter how sure you are about the path ahead.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 11:21 AM
5

Basically. I try not to get into all the details as it would be too identifying. You can DM if you’re interested. But yeah, sudden shift that made the relationship totally impossible to continue, and guaranteed it would be sexless for the rest of our lives. I tried hard to find a compromise for a few years before accepting that the only decent thing for both of us was to let it go.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 11:14 AM
1

It’s not gendered, frankly. If men are in a dead bedroom with a woman who despises them and won’t touch them, they are certainly more lonely and hungering for female attention and care, and thus more responsive to it from outside sources, than if they’re in a healthy intimate relationship that satisfies their needs. If I ignored my male partner for years, I couldn’t be too surprised if his yearning for that sort of intimacy made him more open to women flirting with him. This is why both partners…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 11:10 AM
2

I can answer in DM but I try to keep that part off the main sub, as a bit too identifying for anyone who might know me.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 11:07 AM
7

If it was the first seven to eight years of my life with my ex, I 100% would have stayed with my ex and not even thought about the new guy beyond basic politeness. I loved my ex and our life so much, before the relationship suddenly got weird. I was totally devoted to him. If it was the last two years, I would not have cheated on my ex, but I might have taken the new guy’s interest as inspiration to end a relationship that was quite suddenly and rapidly dying and couldn’t be saved. That’s sort o…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 11:02 AM
6

Domestic violence towards men is a harmful, awful thing, and likely one that is not as well understood in scope and impact as it is towards women. There has not been as much organizing around it and far less open public discussion and study. The strides made to tackle domestic violence against women did not happen overnight or easily. There was a sea change in attitudes towards domestic violence against women through the 20th century. They occurred because women worked and organized for decades …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 01:21 AM
1

It’s okay, but thank you. Ultimately I learned a lot. No hard feelings anymore, it’s been a very long time and we occasionally exchange pleasantries.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 06:05 PM
5

Sure, but at a certain point a relationship has become broken beyond repair due to decisions one or (most often) both people have made. And if you truly love someone, and have been with them a very long time, sometimes it takes you a awhile to accept that the life you had together has to end, for both your sakes. It’s hard to make that change.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 06:04 PM
6

He was also very isolated which I think worsened it. I was basically all he had. He didn’t have a job or friends or anything to occupy his mind or his time or give him a sense of purpose. It was a situation bound for failure, but we were naive and didn’t know how to deal with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 05:31 PM
18

Not “crazy in love,” no. Good relationship. Healthy. There’s a difference. It can last for many years, or forever, if the relationship stays strong. And it’s not “searching for branches to swing to.” It’s that if your relationship has broken down and you are totally disconnected, emotionally and physically, from your partner, and it isn’t being fixed, you have that hole in you now that notices to the flicker of it elsewhere. What you do with that depends on the person. But for me, it never happe…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 05:29 PM
10

Absolutely wasn’t, and wasn’t a factor. I wasn’t his first sexual partner to clarify also. Just his first relationship. He’d had one sexual partner prior. My first partner was a two-year relationship, his was a hook-up.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 04:27 PM
9

It was lack of experience on both sides that caused the problem, to be clear, not a partner differential. In retrospect, we both had very naive ideas of how relationships worked.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 04:11 PM
1

I never said women can’t protect or provide for themselves. I stated that for most people, the primary draw of marriage isn’t about providing or protecting. It’s about the cultural, religious or otherwise social value and meaning invested into it, and there can be other rights it comes with that are important to have for a committed couple. Ultimately, most people get married because they feel it is meaningful to marry. It’s an experience they want to share with their partner. Which is why so ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 03:31 PM
13

We were married too young and much too quickly, and largely because we didn’t take marriage seriously. We needed it for a practical benefit (for him) so we just signed the papers. We were thick in the honeymoon stage of being madly in love and it was just “oh, we need to be married for you to have this? Okay let’s just get married then.” We’d known each other four months. We really weren’t compatible. If we’d dated longer before marrying that would have become evident. I was his first partner an…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 03:05 PM
2

For your last question, speaking I have no horse in this race as I’m not invested in marriage. On a strictly emotional level I’d say yeah, eliminate marriage as a legal issue and keep it to the strictly cultural or religious. However, I do see how the rights and benefits marriage provides can be important and aren’t always conferred (or remembered to be conferred) in other ways; that became evident during the fight for same-sex marriage. So removing all of those could create entirely new sets of…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 02:55 PM
38

My experience has been that when the relationship is good I don’t notice, or if I do notice it pushes me away, because I’m so into my partner it’s any other romantic attention is background noise. But if the relationship is failing, it’s almost like there’s an opening for me to want that sort of positive feeling and flirtation and attraction with someone else, and in that event it’s basically like the normal butterfly feelings you have for someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 02:26 PM
18

Because marriage has cultural, religious and social value for many people. It also comes with some important rights, such as the right to visitation and medical decision-making if your spouse should be hospitalized and clarity around assets should one spouse die, which can ensure a stable family home in the event of such a tragedy.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 12:41 PM
2

Sex isn’t a bad thing, but people get frustrated when what they want in a partner isn’t what’s on offer for them. So if you want a relationship that’s deeper than sex, but you find too many people you date only want sex, you’ll naturally get frustrated and vent that hurt in generalities.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 09:50 AM
1

Bakhmut isn’t a meaningful objective. Who controls Bakhmut means very little in the wider context of the war. The only reason Bakhmut has become so well-known is because the frontline has barely moved in months and Russia has directed basically 100% of its remaining offensive capability there, inching forward at absolutely shocking cost. The vast majority of Ukrainian soldiers fighting are volunteers, not conscripts. And this is not being “ordered by the CIA,” and anyone who says so is not a ser…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 06:03 AM
1

There are a few types of foreign fighter. Some are doomers for sure. A larger chunk are reckless yahoos with a lot of swagger who think war will be cool and give their lives meaning, but those get filtered out quick — they’re either rejected from fighting or leave on their own once shit gets real. Most who actually end up staying and fighting are just experienced war junkies who aren’t looking to die, so much as they aren’t afraid of it and know how to live and operate in that environment.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 05:39 AM
2

I can’t speak for other women or what men have experienced. I just know the type of relationships I have and want, and what is normative in my social circles in terms of men opening up. Personally, I do think if you’re unable to show any emotional intimacy with a partner it does limit the kind of relationships you will have or the type of person who will be interested in you, but that’s something folks will have differing experiences of I’m sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 11:50 PM
3

It depends on the people. For me, a man never opening up to me or wanting my help is a man I quickly lose interest in. I can’t feel any emotional intimacy with someone at all if he isn’t willing or able to be open with me about personal and sensitive things. I’ve never seen a man as a “kid” or me as his “therapist” for having those conversations. Some women are different and don’t want that in a partner. I think it probably also depends on how you’re opening up and what the issues are and how yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 10:49 PM
–

It did kinda get to me too, despite my best efforts I found myself single for the first time in 10 years at 38 and was basically convinced no man would ever want me again, which I realized was as a result of the stuff I read here burrowing into my head. Turns out that was extremely wrong. And a good example of why one shouldn’t internalize anything they read here or anywhere. Take what you need if it helps you, discard the rest and focus on living your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 10:02 PM
–

I mean, I’m a “post wall woman” on PPD, it’s not a super fun time for us either!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 09:10 PM
–

seriously, haha. Discovering that was a fucking trip back in the day.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 05:35 PM
–

I don’t “debase myself into submission.” At all, lol. Nothing to do with being a “compliant” “silent hole,” nor do the men I date want that type of relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 05:02 PM
–

OH hahahah. Tbh… sometimes around here it’s a little hard to tell but yes, I see that now.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 04:59 PM
–

I didn’t say it was niche or antisocial. It just is not reflected in the men I personally am surrounded by.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 04:55 PM
–

No, but I’m truly sorry that’s your experience and belief about relationships between people.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 04:45 PM
68

I’ve been reading manosphere stuff since the early days of Chateau Heartiste, anyway. It fascinated me, but honestly has not impacted how I date or relate to men at all, simply because the attitudes I see on PPD are not reflected in the men around me. And as for managing how I interact with men I don’t know, I was doing that long before I found the manosphere. I’ve always gotten along with men really well and had healthy, positive and mutually supportive connections with men, so what I read on t…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 10:38 AM
2

I don’t see how one can assign blame for gender dynamics on one gender as a collective, because those dynamics aren’t really caused by collective decision-making. They’re caused by the fact of being human inside whatever social structures exist around us and direct our behaviour. Human behaviour is a combination of nature and nurture. Our base programming is influenced by society and culture. The individual actions of millions within those societies make up broad behavioural trends and dynamics.…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 08:27 PM
2

Thanks! Quite happy, the sex has been absolute fire. The relationship part needs a little work and discussion but we’ll sort that out, it’s still relatively new.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 05:59 PM
2

My partner and I always have me finish him via oral — PIV is the foreplay for us. Past partner was the same. I suck dick for as long as my partner wants, and as many times in a session as he wants, whatever makes him happy. It stops when he wants it to stop, whether that’s because he orgasmed or because he’s craving something else for awhile. And usually for our second session of the night it’s just a blow job.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 05:55 PM
2

That makes sense, aye. And I think there is a lot of hurt and frustration and anger that colours how they talk about it too. Which is understandable, but then also understandable how people can be reactive to that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 04:11 PM
1

Doesn’t matter, since you don’t have to interact with them in any way or spend even one second of time on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 03:28 PM
48

I would consider this weird and a big turn-off. And I mean — look, I love giving blow jobs. I’m not sure I’ve even ever had sex where I haven’t very enthusiastically blown the guy. I find it really hot and a big part of lovemaking for me. But if he informed me there was a quota I had to meet to be considered as a cohabitating partner, that’s… just a bizarre way to think about and discuss sexual compatibility. If he wants to talk about how to ensure our sex life remains hot and satisfying over th…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 03:11 PM
1

Yeah, I think that’s the majority of reason things don’t go anywhere on any given date. It’s easier for super conventionally attractive men, since that “gap” is smaller and they get the lion’s share of attention from the minority of women who do experience desire on looks alone. But most people are average and need to find someone they “click” with, which tend to be less common and moreso when they’re not quite sure how to enhance the chance of building that. It’s also hard to say exactly what’s…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 03:09 PM
1

Nah, if anything it’ll go faster. Swiping right on everyone would go a split-second faster then actually deciding on each, and ignoring a match you don’t like at a glance doesn’t add time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 02:47 PM
1

I think this is largely about a difference in the most common male and female sexual attraction patterns. Most men, I think, can look at a woman and feel desire based on looks alone, so they can look at a tinder pic and assuming it’s accurate know if they’ll be into her as at least a sexual partner. Other factors may heighten that desire but aren’t required. They know they’d want to have sex with her. For most women, real attraction and sexual desire is more a multifaceted thing. Looks are a big…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 02:23 PM
13

Yes, sex and romantic relationships are different. Some people can want and enjoy sex outside of a relationship. Some can’t. Some people can want a relationship without sex, although they are a minority. At some point in their lives, most people want both together. I think the confusion you’re having is mostly that sometimes (mostly) men here talk about a relationship as if it is primarily about access to sex (whether that adequately represents their views or not, I don’t know) and I think that …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 12:37 PM
1

No, what I’m saying is this. If you put me in a natural social environment with 10 guys and give me time to meet and get to know them, I usually find myself quite interested in and attracted to at least one of them. When asked to select strangers to date based on very limited parameters — what they looked like and a short bio — I was finding basically zero that I felt any attraction to or romantic interest in, even though I had the opportunity to select for looks and some indication of personali…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 11:13 AM
5

Most men I know who partied a lot were sleeping around quite a bit during that time, unless they were in a serious LTR. At least in the scenes I was part of, almost all the guys were hooking up with someone, and the ones that weren’t were basically married. Anyway, I’m not sure what you’re confused about. Some of us just enjoyed being young and having fun and putting all that youthful energy out there, but weren’t interested in casual sex or didn’t have it for whatever reason. Others did enjoy d…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 10:06 AM
2

Formal education is a zero for me — I don’t care about a university degree (I don’t have one either). I do care about education in the sense of wanting someone knowledgeable, but there are other ways to become that outside of formal settings.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 05:33 AM
1

They just swipe on everyone to expedite the process and then filter out if they match.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 05:16 AM
1

I couldn’t either, but it’s a reasonably common tactic for guys to maximize match quantity.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 09:48 PM
4

Confidence itself isn’t what’s sexually attractive. What confidence does is allow you to make the most of what attractive qualities you do have, and present yourself in the best light. A confident person is generally able to be more natural in social interactions, especially with people they have only just met, has body language that sends positive signals that make others feel more engaged with them, and overall just doesn’t get stuck in their head about how interactions are going. All of that …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 07:27 PM
9

I don’t go to raves, but I do like dancing. For me anyway, house party dancing isn’t better at all than a club with a good vibe, or best of all a nice greasy dive bar. Sound quality isn’t as good, vibe isn’t as suitable, not as much space to move around. It’s just not as fun to dance with a couple of friends around a home stereo as it is to really let loose on a dance floor with a pro DJ. But I actually love “stinky dark crowded hot and sweaty” rooms. That’s a big part of the atmosphere to just …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 08:18 AM
–

She likely wasn’t “upset” with you, she just wasn’t interested in you due to a combo of looks and / or what glimpse she got of your social skills. Women will often shut down approaches from men they aren’t into pretty decisively, so as not to give any encouragement for the guy to continue. This is why cold approach is rarely successful for guys unless they’re extremely attractive or extremely charming (or both). To be clear: you didn’t do anything wrong by saying hi. It’s fine. She just didn’t s…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 06:35 AM
8

This is an issue with the apps for sure. Slightly off topic, but: I probably went on 15-20 first dates off the apps over the couple of years I was on them. All were guys I thought were quite attractive from a photo, and thought would be compatible based on bio info. I didn’t sleep with any of them and only kissed one. Most didn’t go to a second date. Once we got IRL there was no actual connection, no actual attraction from my end anyway with any of them. One thing I think about a lot is that the…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 06:20 AM
–

3. 4. 1 + 2 tied, don’t drink coffee or eat oatmeal. I usually don’t eat breakfast; but if I do it’s the rest of the takeout Chinese.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 05:53 AM
–

RP emphasizes using dread game or showing social proof and the like. Some guys take it too far and don’t seem to get that if a girl likes you and is attractive and mentally healthy with good self-respect, then it’s an easy “next” for her if she feels disrespected. The social manipulation stuff largely works best on insecure women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 05:52 AM
9

I don’t know many women who I think “settled” for someone they weren’t sexually attracted to — honestly, I can think of just one who for sure did, and she married her first partner at 25. She was just a very practical, non-romantic person. Every other female friend I can think of in an LTR has been extremely attracted to their partner, and for the most part these are just normal folks. A quick story comes to mind. I’m currently dating a guy I am wildly hot for. I’m so attracted to him it’s almos…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 04:09 AM
10

I was entirely celibate during my party phase. I had only had sex twice in my entire life, with the first guy I dated (as an adult) at age 20. Then I went several years without dating or having sex again, during my peak party years, and finally got into a LTR at age 23. I don’t know exactly how long my party phase lasted. It started to fade around 24. Most of my friends were older, they were in their early 30s then and starting to burn out and settle down. So my party phase just faded out until …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 03:23 AM
–

My partner, or if it’s specific fantasies involving group sex then it’ll be my partner plus faceless imaginary people. Whether single or partnered, I never fantasize about real people who I’m not already sexually involved with, whether celebrities or people I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/23 05:47 PM
2

Yep hardcore. All my life. It’s a problem I’m working on.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 11:07 PM
6

Sure, I think all of the above can be true. I can easily see the appeal of a FWB if you are reasonably certain (or have convinced yourself) that you don’t need it to be more. Some women don’t need more. Some just tell themselves that they don’t. Like, I love good sex. If I had someone I was having great sex with, and I was fine not having that have a chance at a committed romantic relationship, I’d definitely go for a FWB. I just happen to know myself well enough to know it wouldn’t work for me.…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 10:49 PM
9

I’m no longer on the apps, but I was for awhile. I didn’t have sex with anyone I met on the apps. Probably went on 15 first dates or so over the two years I was on them (badly interrupted by the pandemic). A couple of them went to a second and one went to a third. Some great guys, but none I felt sexual desire for. It takes a bit more for me than a date or two to actually want to have sex with someone. I’m comfortable having sex as soon as I know I want to have sex with that person. (And obvious…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 09:48 PM
1

They’re not separate. It’s more like physical intimacy includes sex, but is also broader than sex. Sex is a significant part of physical intimacy, but physical intimacy also includes many other forms of touch that bring affirmation, comfort, attraction and connection. Sex has never been a chore for me in a relationship and I’ve never had “duty sex.” I had a few ONS back in the day and every single one of those felt like a chore pretty quickly, something to try and get over with as soon as feasib…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 09:27 PM
3

My experience is that a whole lot of guys swipe on just about every woman in their age range and then filter after the match, so matches themselves don’t mean a whole hell of a lot. I never got “swamped” with matches as I’d only swipe until I had a couple of matches and then focus on those. Most of the matches I did have who actually responded or seemed interested were good quality, but there were definitely quite a few who were pretty obvious about only wanting a ONS and didn’t present the poss…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 04:53 PM
1

Oh, I doubt many women fetishize or prefer outright very small dicks, but the point is because some women have a thing for big ones doesn’t mean that dick size is a major factor to all of us, or that we’re “gaslighting” you when we tell you we don’t care.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 08:55 AM
3

I am skinny myself and stay that way. That said I’ve never personally related at all to the “I need to feel small” thing beside a guy. Doesn’t do anything for my attraction one way or the other. My most important relationship weighed less than me (he was 105, I was 108) and we were close to the same height, and I LOVED that we were almost the same size. I’ve also dated guys shorter than me, and I’m teensy. I do relate to “I need to feel safe with a guy,” but to me that’s more a matter of his beh…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 07:29 AM
1

lol, no. Much older.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 07:05 AM
6

Yes, a few. In all cases there is a significant barrier to dating, whether it be a major physical disability, very evident autism, or a major mental health issue that makes it difficult for them to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 03:32 AM
7

Some women like or fetishize massive cocks. Many of us don’t care that much about size, or outright do not like big cocks because they can cause us difficulties during sex. Frankly, most women don’t hang out on dick subs at all because that kind of content is not what arouses most women. Not sure why that’s complicated. Likewise, there are plenty of men in Super BBW subreddits, but if I said men are “gaslighting” when they say they find slender women more attractive I would clearly be wrong. The…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 03:29 AM
5

Any type of relationship can work so long as it meets the needs of the people in it. If both partners want and like that arrangement, it can work. But there are relatively few people who want it. Note that whether you combine your finances in a practical everyday way or not, legally they’re still combined if you marry.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/23 04:27 PM
14

Many men also let themselves go, physically, once they’re comfortable in a relationship. I don’t think “fairness” is a useful metric here. My general feeling is that taking what steps you can to remain sexually attractive for one’s partner should be a priority for both sexes, and too often it isn’t once people get comfortable or begin taking their partner for granted. If one is no longer attracted to their partner due to those controllable factors, and there doesn’t seem to be any desire on the …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/23 01:55 PM
3

Personally, muscle isn’t that important, but body fat percentage is, and after that it’s all face. I like skinny men a lot, and yes I do mean “rail thin, very little muscle,” although very lean with very average to low-average muscle is probably my ideal body type. The ottermode guy is probably my favourite of the photos you’ve linked, followed by the skinny guy. But a dude really doesn’t have to be so obviously developed as the ottermode guy for me to be into it. I’m not into super muscular or …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/23 05:59 AM
6

LMFAO too true.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/23 06:23 PM
14

First: I don’t experience that kind of desire or those kind of thoughts upon just seeing an attractive man I don’t know. Desire works a little bit differently for many women than it does for most men. My only thought upon just seeing an attractive stranger is “hm, he’s definitely my type, wonder if he’s single, wonder how I can make his acquaintance.” And just sort of seeing if there’s any sort of non-socially inappropriate way to do so. But once desire of any kind has developed, it’s just like:…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/23 05:57 PM
2

Wisdom and knowledge. I don’t really think of it as “showing off his masculinity,” as I don’t consider those specifically masculine traits, but intellectual curiosity is important to me and I need a man I find intellectually engaging with common interests to really be attracted; someone with whom I can discuss history, philosophy, ideas, linguistics and political topics. Absent that depth, I will not be interested in him sexually or otherwise. His mind needs to excite me as well as his body. Eve…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/23 11:44 AM
2

There’s generally less negative response to women expressing vulnerability, and more social space given for us to do so.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/23 09:27 PM
2

I’d honestly think women are just more likely to be willing to reporting negative emotions, such as loneliness, to strangers. Which is neither good nor bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/23 08:18 PM
2

Yup. Once you have a significant amount of time and emotion and memories invested in someone, it’s very difficult for most people to decide to leave, even if they have other, arguably “better” on paper options. Ultimately, few people who do have an affair leave their spouse for the affair partner for this reason, despite the fact the affair partner is often more sexually and otherwise compelling.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/23 12:50 PM
3

Because patriarchal systems are not “built up for the benefits of men” as a whole. Patriarchy does not mean “wonderland for men where they’re not exploited by other men and nothing bad happens to them.” It refers to a social system in which positions of power, wealth and dominance are held by men, including systemic dominance over women. That does not mean all men benefit, or that benefitting all men is the intention. Again, Ancient Rome was nakedly a patriarchy: only men held political and lead…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/23 05:48 AM
4

Sexually compatible is generally understood and listed highly as a key relationship compatibility factor. People do not get shamed for wanting a sexually compatible partner. Perhaps if this has happened to you, the issue is more your phrasing than what you’re suggesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 07:53 PM
3

Bingo.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 03:49 PM
42

As long as a relationship — any kind — works for both of the people in it, then that’s fine and that’s their business. Those are my thoughts.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 12:53 PM
4

It’s not considered bad to want a monogamous sexual and romantic partner to build a family with. That’s still the norm of what most people are looking for. Anyway, ultimately to me it’s pretty simple: most people desire a healthy romantic relationship and want to share their life with a committed partner. No matter what other positive things they have in their lives, most people want that bond in their life and find that it is a unique type of companionship and brings a unique type of value, mea…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/23 09:42 AM
8

Not wasting my time with someone I don’t like and not being expected to have sex with someone I’m not attracted to is a pretty huge benefit.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 08:32 PM
22

I don’t know literally any women that like having a “placeholder” relationship. Most women I know find dating someone they’re not into to be a miserable experience, and aren’t interested in pretending to like a guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 08:26 PM
1

There’s nothing wrong with you. Unless we are making dating choices that harm us, I don’t see any need to analyze preferences too much. We all have stuff that floats our boat but doesn’t necessarily float others. It doesn’t have to mean anything at all other than through whatever unknowable combo of nature and nurture, that’s what you’re primed to be most attracted to. Just dig what you dig and don’t worry about what others like or what it says or how it fits in.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 08:24 PM
12

No, that is not the definition of a patriarchy. A patriarchy is not a system “built to benefit” all men. A patriarchy is, broadly, simply a system in which positions of power, wealth and dominance are held by men, with some level of exclusion of women from those spheres, and society is organized around male-dominated hierarchies. Even in a near-absolute patriarchy, not all men are equally powerful or benefit much or at all from that social arrangement. More powerful men in patriarchies still lev…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 03:51 PM
5

Millions of Ukrainians have already gone back. The situation away from the front really isn’t that chaotic, most of the country is quite stable and safe. Even the power situation has stabilized a fair bit in the last month.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:47 PM
2

This is correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:41 PM
9

Russia has had to dial back its original stated war aims massively due to fierce Ukrainian resistance, has wrecked much of its professional army and is desperately filling it in with low-quality mobilized troops, still hasn’t taken all the Donbas after a year despite having a massive head-start on that region, was forced to retreat from the one oblast capital it ever occupied, and is currently tens of thousands bodies deep trying to seize Bakhmut with little progress. Along the rest of the front…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:35 PM
13

Correct. I didn’t say men fighting wars is a sign of patriarchy. I’m saying that, contrary to the previous poster’s suggestion, men fighting and dying in wars doesn’t mean a society is not patriarchal.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 01:01 PM
1

I’m female. Overall I just don’t really care about height. I’ve happily dated and desired men from 5’1 to 6’2. That said, I’m short and I tend to prefer guys closer to my height. My sweet spot seems to be the 5’6 to 5’9 range, in terms of who I’ve dated most and who I am most often attracted to. I’ve dated more guys under 5’7 than over. So I wouldn’t say that is an ideal or “important” to me, but I do tend to go for shorter guys. I just like the way our bodies fit together, feels like a match fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 12:45 PM
23

Uh, because patriarchy doesn’t mean “men aren’t used in battle.” In every patriarchal system in history, men have done the vast majority of the fighting and the dying.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 12:32 PM
4

…Russian women won’t be coming to Ukraine after the war, regardless of outcome. There are also quite a number of Ukrainian men leaving via various means or due to various exceptions, and they don’t have to “hide their identity.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 07:43 AM
6

Afghanistan and Ukraine now are not really comparable situations.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/23 06:48 AM
2

Over my life I’ve more often not gotten the man I wanted than did get that man. In my 20s it was maybe 1 guy I got for every four or five I was interested in. Lately though I’m batting a much better average, last year I got both men I really wanted and the one I wanted most I’ve kept for awhile now.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 10:22 PM
2

Strong agree for the most part, yeah. Every now and again I’ve found something good that didn’t quite come easy, but it also never felt “meh.” It’s more like there was an obvious mutual draw but the person in question was just more emotionally closed and took more time to get comfortable. But even then it never felt “meh,” you could always tell the connection was there and it was just a matter of respecting that the real bonding part of the relationship moved slower than others. If it feels “meh…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 04:12 PM
1

I didn’t say anything about cooking or cleaning and I know they don’t make anyone special?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 02:51 PM
1

The writer and bankruptcy lawyer are currently married, to be clear. They’ve been married for four years as of now, and as far as I’ve ever seen are crazy for each other. Anyway, I already stated it may be uncommon in some areas, but it is pretty common in my social circles. Mostly couples in my social environment make about the same amount, sometimes the man more, sometimes the woman more. But the latter is not unusual at all. And I know my own life as well, where a partner’s earnings have neve…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:43 PM
4

I mean, in the issue of my vagina getting removed, the only way that would affect our relationship is the sex, so the way to address that is to adapt our sex life to ensure it’s still good. We already have shared interests and such that we invest in and enjoy together which would not be altered by me having my vagina removed, so I don’t see why one’s mind would go there. “You can’t have vaginal sex anymore.” “Okay, I’ll put even more effort into our shared hobbies and interests.” Uhhh okay, so w…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:32 PM
1

This is true in my experience (I’m a woman and eagerly want all my friends to meet a guy I’m excited about the second we’re an item), but so many people saying it isn’t in theirs makes me wonder if it’s just a personality thing. I dunno.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:08 PM
1

I give a very enthusiastic blow job, so I’ll just double my efforts there, and I guess I’ll have to start working up to being able to do anal, which he’s into but I haven’t been able to manage yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:04 PM
1

I am a woman. I like to plan a date within the first 5-10 messages and I usually ask first. If we’ve matched for more than a few days and haven’t made at least a loose plan, I mentally move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:47 AM
2

We do exist. I date men who make considerably less than me, and who have no potential of ever making more than me, so no I’m not “waiting” for them to make more. They never will. I have never dated a partner who has made more than 60% of my total income. Currently I’m dating a man who makes about a tenth of what I make and I’m fucking crazy about him. I also believe in paying proportionally for household expenses in LTRs, so I have always paid the majority of household expenses in mine and been …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 01:38 PM
2

I think the biggest thing is just that I like to date people in roughly the same place in life and with similar lifestyle preferences and values. That’s what makes compatibility. As I got my life together, then I looked for people around the same level. Like, dating a crust punk who hadn’t showered in a month and had never once cleaned his apartment was cool when I was also a messy 20-year-old crust punk (though tbf I always showered). Once I grew up a bit and became a functional adult, then dat…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 09:58 AM
1

In my home area and my social circles it’s pretty normative to do the egalitarian thing, honestly. Most people I know have relationships like that, and most are married with kids etc. As for “do I have dating success,” depends what you mean by success I guess. I didn’t really date until late 2021-22 because I was in a 10-year LTR prior to that and then pandemic, so I’ve really only been dating for a year and a bit. It’s been going well I think? I’m quite hopeful.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 08:44 AM
6

I’ve never seen any research. I just expect that, like I do, anyone who truly wants an egalitarian dynamic will take steps to assert it.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 08:03 PM
35

I’m a woman and it’s important to me that a man not pay anything for me during dating, especially during the early stages. If we’re seeing each other regularly, then we can alternate, and I’m always happy to treat him too. I think most women who actually truly want an egalitarian dynamic probably do this. I wish more women would; I think the idea that men should pay for most things really needs to fade to obscurity. There are men that aren’t comfortable with the more egalitarian dynamic though, …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 03:36 PM
3

You’re carrying a lot of pain, and I’m sorry.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 03:31 PM
2

Fair fair
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 11:05 AM
10

By the time of menstruation, what remains of the egg has long since disintegrated and is no longer viable. It only “survives” for about 12-24 hours after ovulation. Sci-fi won’t piece microscopic non-viable egg junk back together.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 10:54 AM
19

Sorry I can’t begin answer this question because the reproductive biology fail of “somehow through her period” is entertaining me too much.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 10:02 AM
5

I don’t think it’s controlling or manipulative. It’s just that they’re either not interested in meeting or not sure about it yet, so they side-step the request to keep feelings things out. If that doesn’t work for you and you don’t want to keep talking, then just move on. The best rule of OLD is not to invest too much if anything into any given initial interaction. Some people like meeting sooner, some later. For me personally I like to plan a date within the first five to 10 messages max and us…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 09:53 AM
4

Exactly. Everyone in the English-speaking world at least knew who Ted Bundy was. Surprise, out of those hundreds of millions of women, there were some thousands with some kinda issue that triggered an attraction or desire to write him. It’s an extreme minority experience that’s notable only because of its very high visibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 08:52 AM
1

It definitely can work, it’s just a minority of them. But people who prefer that dynamic tend to find each other through their social niches anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 09:08 PM
3

I am imagining skinny guys. That’s my preferred type. And before you say I don’t actually mean “skinny,” my ex was 105 lbs and could wrap his hand around his bicep and I was thirsty as hell for his body. (He also wore clothes that fit really well.) I like skinny men. Setting that aside: no matter what body type you have, clothes that fit are more flattering on your body and present yourself better than clothes that don’t. This isn’t hard. And it’s equally true for both men and women. I also didn…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 08:09 PM
2

Neither. Most people are pretty good, and I don’t think it varies by gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 07:56 PM
73

This is exactly 100% correct for most women.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 07:54 PM
8

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to dress well. Hell, half the schlubby guys in my area could get a couple of decent well-fitting outfits from a consignment store for a quarter of what they spent on the endless array of oversized $250 hockey jerseys they live in day in and day out. Just wear stuff that fits. Doesn’t have to be fancy. At least in my area, a lot of men don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 07:51 PM
25

Well, for starters, about two-thirds of men in my home region are overweight or obese, which I find totally unattractive, so that eliminates the majority right there. (When I moved to a country where obesity rates were a lot lower and most men are fit and dress well, the number of men I found myself checking out on the street and thinking were very attractive absolutely skyrocketed.) Of the remaining 1/3 (let’s say in the age range of what I’d find attractive specifically), take out the ones wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 06:49 PM
6

Dude, the overwhelming majority of women absolutely would not in a million years date a man who murdered his previous wife, and if you truly think they would you extremely need to get off the Internet for awhile.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 06:41 PM
12

I don’t let men pay for me on dates. I also do not want to have sex with Pat. He is a literal murderer. I don’t hang out with murderers and have no desire to fuck one.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 06:36 PM
6

Trust me on this: the best thing that happened to you in your life is that it ended before he ever came to you in person. You may not see that yet, but someday you will.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 04:15 PM
8

One last thing, because I just want to emphasize this. Remember always: abusers use your good qualities against you. They use your good qualities to cause harm to you. Your desire to be a good partner, your empathy, your willingness to compromise, your wanting to try to see things from your partner’s perspective, these are all good things. Abusers turn these qualities against you. It’s how they get control over you. Every time you allow them to push your boundaries back a little more, because yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 04:13 PM
5

I say this with love and as someone who has been there: after re-reading your OP a few times, get therapy. I can’t stress this enough. Get a good therapist who specializes in abuse recovery and start working through what happened with them. I am deeply concerned for you that you still feel guilt over this and also that you were this badly controlled by someone who, if I’m reading your OP correctly, you weren’t even in an IRL relationship with? Just online? Have you blocked him on everything yet?…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 04:01 PM
7

You did nothing wrong. The only thing you should have done differently is leave immediately when the first gigantic waving red flags showed up. What you need to do now is spend a lot of time reading about abusive relationships, because as I said the fact you still don’t easily recognize it as such is very concerning. It means you are quite vulnerable to ending up with another abusive person, and you deserve better than that. But learning how these things work and why can be very helpful in showi…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 03:53 PM
19

Nothing you could have done except break up with him way sooner than you did. I could say a lot more, but I’ll keep it that simple. I would strongly suggest waiting a bit before dating again, and taking a lot of time to learn about abuse and manipulation in relationships, because the fact that you’re still asking if you could have done something differently with this person and don’t seem to recognize these behaviours as textbook emotional abuse and manipulation tells me that you’re maybe still …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 03:45 PM
20

I’m not dating Pat, that’s for sure. You haven’t given me nearly enough info about Don to know whether I’d be attracted to him or have chemistry with him or want to date him.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 03:27 PM
2

Someone here once said “if we like you, we’ll make it very easy for you” and that’s been pretty true for me. The only guys who seem to have struggled to see it were either very socially anxious or neuroatypical.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 02:08 PM
9

I don’t necessarily want to have sex with a guy just because I’m hanging out at his house. I am not necessarily waiting for him to make a move. It depends entirely on our relationship, our vibe, etc. If I do think we are physically attracted to each other and want to have sex with him then I’m not just waiting, I’ll be taking steps to make it more physical as well. (And sometimes more directly, with my last serious partner it started when I outright said. “You should really just kiss me right no…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 01:23 PM
5

For me, I wouldn’t call it “disgust” but my critique is that I don’t think the modern “nuclear family” concept is the healthiest or most natural form of organization. It puts far too much pressure on the child’s parents than is natural for us, especially in difficult economic times, among other non-ideal aspects. It’s even more difficult when most families can’t make it on a single income. I’d prefer that we return to the multigenerational “extended family” models of family organization that hav…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 09:08 AM
4

I mean, the man I called “my best friend in the world,” because he was, was the same man I thought was so fucking beautiful I wanted to blow him morning, noon and night. The emotional intimacy and loving companionship part of a good relationship isn’t exclusive to sexual desire. I’ll also add, as others have pointed out, that very few women experience being “turned on by sight alone.” This is not typical of female sexuality; it is typical of male sexuality, but women’s tends to be different. Loo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 08:37 AM
1

I don’t do hook-ups anymore, because they just totally sucked for me. I eventually accepted they don’t do anything for me and I’d just have to be sexually frustrated for as long as it took to find a partner I liked. When I did try hook-ups, the hook-up guy was literally just in the right place at the right time, attractive enough that I wasn’t like… against it, and seemed like a decent guy with no major red flags. Nothing else really mattered. The guys I want as LTRs, I have actual sexual and pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 05:57 PM
1

Yeah these are all fairly common AFAIK. I honestly think polygyny shouldn’t be understood just as a result of male sexual prerogative, at least where it’s more commonplace in a society than a small elite. It’s only really sustainable more broadly if there’s a significant imbalance in gender ratios, and as seen from how common the “brother’s widow” thing is, it also has a lot to do with economic necessity. At the end of the day both male and female infidelity seems ingrained regardless of social …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 02:14 PM
0

at least until we’re truly ripe
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 01:03 PM
1

thanks man we appreciate that
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 12:18 PM
1

Thanks! that’s a very nice thing to say.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 12:10 PM
3

The Islamic example just linked is a good one, since it’s so well-documented. The Sioux practiced some polygamy; not always, as some powerful Sioux men had only one wife. But for men who did take multiple wives, the most common practice was sororal polygyny — they married sisters as this was seen to be less likely to lead to jealousy or fighting, and that they’d work better together. As seen in that link, existing wives also had some right to consent to the addition of another. (Note that in one…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 11:52 AM
2

I wouldn’t dismiss the human instinct to pair bond as a modern invention. You say, for instance, that sex wasn’t “romantic” back then. An instinct only. I’m not sure that’s true. Obviously, sexuality and sexual behaviour is varied and complex. There has for sure always been and will always be sex devoid of “romance.” But there has also always been sex that does involve romance: we have evidence stretching thousands of years and crossing many cultures linking sex with love and emotional bonds, an…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/23 10:42 AM
3

I’m not interested in demanding a partner give me a thing I not only don’t value, but don’t even want, just because they did to someone else, solely so things would be “fair,” that’s for sure. It’s an absolutely nonsensical concept as it applies to a relationship, which is between two people and a question of whether both of those people are happy and having their needs met. If we are giving each other what we need and trying to do so, then the relationship is fair relative to the people in it, …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 10:37 PM
13

I am a cheaper option. That’s fine! Since he’s realized he prefers that 50/50 dynamic and doesn’t like bleeding money to lavish a partner with gifts, very glad he found someone (me) with compatible preferences and relationship values. I truly don’t get what’s so confusing about this, except that the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” comes to mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 10:14 PM
7

I agree vetting for compatibility is important, which is what this post is essentially about. What you’re arguing for at the extreme is to elevate “fairness” as judged against the past over one’s preferences, values and compatibilities. Which makes zero sense insofar as what matters in a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 10:08 PM
6

Lol, okay. For your sake, hope your GF didn’t have an ex that loved it when she shit in his mouth, unless you’re into that too I suppose. Otherwise, doesn’t sound fun, but you do you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 09:56 PM
9

So, if you had a girlfriend whose ex absolutely loved it when she stomped on his balls with high heels, and she did that for him, she should definitely do that to you, because of “fairness,” correct? Wouldn’t be fair if she’d done something for someone else that she wasn’t doing to you, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 09:44 PM
8

No, I would not feel that way. He clearly didn’t like the dynamic of buying her gifts. It’s good that he came to a realization about a relationship dynamic he didn’t like so that he could look for a dynamic he did like, which led him to be with me. I judge the merits of my relationship with a person based on how they are with me, not how they were with an ex. Do I feel as if he values me and puts the effort I need to see into our relationship? Does he show me I’m important to him in ways that ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 09:35 PM
13

Wouldn’t matter to me. I always split in early dating, and once we’re into a cohabitating LTR I prefer to work out shared bills by percentage of income, which has always been me paying more. If he wanted 50/50 that would be fine too. And I don’t really value gifts, either giving or receiving. Not my love language, as they say. I don’t care what he did with a previous partner. I really don’t. Not relevant to our relationship and my happiness in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 08:06 PM
2

I think that’s a more reasonable interpretation. I’m too lazy to dig it out now, but for instance there has been data breakdowns on how total divorce rates are misleadingly skewed by people who have multiple marriages and divorces. A small subset of people who for whatever reason struggle to choose compatible partners or maintain those relationships torques the overall rate up. I think depending on circumstances when you get into the higher numbers there are probably just a lot of factors going …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 07:48 PM
49

I wouldn’t say it’s “more or less agreed” that women only value status and finances when half of this very sub is arguments between men that women value looks over those other things, or that men need an increasingly large amount more wealth and status to make up for any lack in looks, etc. And of course you don’t see the same issue with men discussing women, because you’re not a woman. It’s not your experience, so you don’t see the issues with the ways some men in these subs claim to “understan…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 06:40 PM
2

I see what you’re saying and agree to an extent, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near equivalent to the religious pressure for women to be happy and content in fundamentalist communities. If I’m unhappy with my partner, for instance, I can tell my partner. I can also tell my friends if I need. Most importantly, I can even tell myself and not feel guilty about it. And if I do decide to end a relationship, it’s gonna suck, but I won’t be basically kicked out of my entire community and shunned by m…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 06:35 PM
3

Super dark. Quiverfull and IBLP is extra bad as they’re an outright cult, but any fundamentalist community has at least some element of this dynamic at least from what I’ve seen. If one of your basic tenets is that God has a plan for your life and your one job is to submit to that plan, you’re not suuuuuper free to be think “this plan kinda sucks.”
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 06:27 PM
6

I’m not convinced there’s some irreconcilable trauma from an ended relationship that does permanent damage. I’m more of the mind and observation that lessons learned from one relationship can be beneficial going into the next, which is my guess for why, in the data of that other post, women who had 3-9 lifetime sexual partners had a lower five-year divorce rate than those who only had two lifetime partners (presumably the man they married and one person before). If “pair bonding damage” was a th…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 05:29 PM
3

My honest answer is I don’t tend to personalize it. Whenever I start to feel the negativity seeping in — and hey, as a “post-wall” woman here, there’s lots of it directed at my demographic — I close the app and reacquaint myself with my actual real life, the real life of my friends and social circles I’m part of, where things are not nearly as bad as the doom and gloom here, and in fact they’re… pretty good. If you’re starting to internalize it, take a break for awhile. Too much marinating in so…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 05:12 PM
12

Yeah. I always think of Anna Duggar as an easy public example. She gets married off to a schlub she barely knew, and immediately has to profess her undying adoration for him. He publicly gets caught cheating on her with escorts and having a paid Ashley Madison account, and its revealed he molested multiple children when he was a teen. She’s briefly allowed to express pain publicly, but focuses on how it’s her job to be the embodiment of God’s love for her husband and forgive him and strengthen t…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 05:02 PM
17

Yeah I think this is key. If you’re highly religious, your internal metrics for things like happiness will be different as in most cases you will have grown up with different values and expectations than someone from a more secular background. Another thing is some highly traditional Christian communities place a massive emphasis on at least performing happiness, especially for women. Outside of pretty extreme events you’re not really supposed to be unhappy and certainly never admit to being unh…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 03:47 PM
1

Then it’s probably not actually their love language. People usually “speak” the same love language as they “hear” — I definitely know people who give a lot of gifts because that’s how they express love, and understand it similarly. Gifts are the lowest ranked of my “love languages” though, I don’t care about receiving them and I don’t really think to give them often. I am trying to give them more though because a lot of people do find them meaningful.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 01:33 PM
2

they can send all those guys to me
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 01:31 PM
2

I have one friend who definitely genuinely prefers dad bods (no, not Jason Momoa, more like Seth Rogen at his chubbiest). Not my cup of tea, but she describes that body type as feeling very snuggly and warm and reassuring, like spooning a bear. A bear that isn’t gonna eat you, I mean. She’s not super thin herself so that might play into it too. I imagine it feels like a good match and that can be hot? Kinda like how I’m skinny and prefer skinny, non-muscular guys. Love the feeling of how our var…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 12:14 PM
13

Yes, totally. There are so many different cultural things that will shape their experience and how they view marriage, or even where they derive their happiness from, it’s not really applicable if you’re not religious, in my mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 12:03 PM
24

I agree that women initiate divorces the majority of the time. What I’m saying is this: on this sub that is often represented as solely women’s “fault.” OP’s argument, for instance, is that divorce rates represent a lack of “pair bonding” only on women’s end. It is my firm observation that in the majority of divorces, regardless of who files the relationship has severely broken down and neither partner is happy; women may more often be the ones to pull the plug for reasons we don’t need to consi…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 11:59 AM
92

OP, one thing to note is that in this data, zero pre-marital partners includes the person the woman marries; in other words, she was a virgin when she married. It’s also notable that the divorce rate in that cohort was higher in the 1980s and 1990s than today, which likely reflects the fact that women who do not have sex at all before marriage is now even more exclusively the domain of highly religious people. This also has a massive impact on divorce rates but does not necessarily equal a happy…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 07:48 AM
2

No it isn’t! The first two I made way, way less than I did with the third and now.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 11:47 PM
3

The first, I literally don’t remember. We were young and inexperienced, and super incompatible. Eventually we just drifted apart, I can’t remember who broke up with who, how we broke up, any of it. The second — he pulled the plug, which I’m grateful for now. It was a really unhealthy relationship for both of us for a lot of reasons. The third — it was an unusual situation, it would be fair to say it was mutual. We both tried very very hard for several years to stay together. I was the one that o…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 08:51 PM
21

I’ve made considerably more than every partner I ever dated. No trust funds in sight and no catch I can think of. Of my three adult long-term partners in my life, the first two were unemployed when I met them, and eventually got minimum-wage jobs in the service industry. I married the second, but we didn’t work out (nothing to do with money). The third and longest partner made about half what I made when we started dating, though by the time we broke up 10 years later he made closer to 70% what …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 08:03 PM
1

I scrolled the comments and mostly what I see in that, as well as the original video, is women referring to how awkward the resulting conversation is and dreading that awkwardness. Because I mean, that situation is always awkward. Anyway, how someone should express interest really depends on the situation. Which does make things difficult for people who aren’t great at interpreting social cues, I know. And ultimately you do have to accept some kind of risk of it resulting in an awkward situation…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 01:37 PM
1

Of course, because you dated him. I can absolutely tell you many do.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 01:23 PM
2

One thing that can happen is a classist element, regardless of income — many women with a university education see blue-collar work as beneath their social class or just someone they can’t relate to. Like they don’t see someone in the trades and without a university education as being a suitable partner. (I freely admit I’ve had to work through some of my biases in that regard.) So while men in trades don’t necessarily have any problems with women, there are always some women, especially if they…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 10:40 AM
1

Not a man, but one of the differences in rates is that more men go into the trades. Which, frankly, is often a way better investment than many university degrees.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 10:28 AM
8

I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day in my life and don’t intend to start now. The guy I’m seeing is working that day and doesn’t seem like the type who’d care about it anyway. So, nothing. Fun fact: in Japan, Valentine’s Day is a day for women to get gifts for the men in their lives — not just boyfriends but also friends and colleagues. Men get women gifts on White Day, which is on March 14.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/23 10:24 AM
3

“Oh no, I improved myself as a human being, I became healthier, better-looking and better at navigating social interactions, what a waste of time.” What a strange mindset. If someone rejects me then I can safely assume they didn’t find me attractive for whatever reason. It doesn’t mean I’m “ugly,” just not what floats that persons boat. Perhaps someone else will find me attractive. Either way, improving my social skills and overall health and appearance is still a good thing for me to do and to …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/23 07:13 AM
–

5’3, 105, 30E or more commonly 32D since 30E is so hard to find for a reasonable price.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/23 06:00 AM
–

Considering the skyrocketing rates of major depression in teens, and the rising of antidepressant use in all age groups, I don’t think this holds true. There are clearly many factors going into rates of depression and concurrent anti-depressant use, and women of all ages are more impacted by these factors (or seek diagnosis and medication) than men. Probably both are true — women as a whole have always had higher anxiety, which would make them more reactive to environmental factors leading to de…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 10:42 PM
–

Personality plays a role in attraction to the extent that for a lot of women, looks load the gun, and personality loads the trigger. I’ve gone on plenty of dates with very physically attractive men who I felt zero sexual or romantic interest for, because the personality compatibility wasn’t there. We didn’t “click.” And I’ve been madly in lust with men who were less objectively attractive than those guys, but who I had insanely good personality chemistry with. Some people here seem to only be ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 09:36 PM
10

I have never seen anyone say that in any way that meant attraction isn’t a factor in women’s sexual decisions. Pregnancy risk is one reason among many that many women don’t like casual sex. If a woman does decide to sleep with a guy it’s because she finds him attractive. These factors aren’t mutually exclusive in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 12:03 PM
4

Most women don’t think their male partners are cheating and go through their phones, no. Only if the women are insecure or paranoid, or the man has given them considerable reason to suspect cheating. And men who have been faithful and have a partner asking to go through their phones rightfully feel accused and offended by the accusation too.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 10:47 AM
1

I’ve never had any vegan or vegetarian i date care, but ask her how she feels.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 10:08 AM
1

While it varies and some people do mind, FWIW most vegans and vegetarians don’t care watching others eat meat. I was in a relationship with a vegan for 10 years and most of our friends were vegan, I didn’t change and nobody cared.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 09:21 AM
1

It’s ridiculous to suggest it needs to be “rectified” by making it patently unfair for women, since at the time men and women start drawing CPP there is no way to know which men and which women will live longer than any others. If your professor is arguing women need to pay more or receive less, he’s directly disadvantaging women in terms of reduced lifetime take-home earnings or receiver CPP benefits (while distinctly advantaging many men — the ones that live longer) just because they happen to…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 07:23 AM
2

I think men paying more for vehicle insurance has a strong argument as discriminatory, but unfortunately actuaries have more power than me. Being charged more for insurance is not the same as the CPP situation though, since men and women contribute at equal rates and are eligible to draw at equal rates. There plenty of men drawing CPP into their 90s and women who die in their 60s and 70s. Suggesting that those (and all) women should pay more or receive less on the basis of sex to “equalize” the …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 07:14 AM
1

Sorry, this is absolutely ridiculous logic as regards the CPP, especially as it’s intended to provide a basic income after retirement while you’re alive.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 07:10 AM
2

It’s basically the same as social security AFAIK. Contributions are equal. You only pay on the first $66,000 CAD ($49,000 USD) of earnings (for 2023), it’s capped there. The amount you’re eligible to draw is also pegged to your lifetime contribution — how many years you contributed, how much you contributed, when you retired, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 07:07 AM
3

I am not convinced this represents inequality to men as a class simply because have a shorter average lifespan. The inequality here and place to focus efforts, if anything, would be health factors that contribute to men having a shorter life span. I mean, if that’s going to be your line of argument, it doesn’t have to be men vs. women, you could break this down around basically any line of “inequality” towards demographic classes who statistically die younger as well. Making women pay more, or h…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 06:58 AM
20

Yes, in terms of general tendencies, women have different attraction patterns than men. In general, women have a lower overall sex drive; experience spontaneous desire less often (as in: we are less likely to randomly desire sex without specific stimuli); and are less likely to experience actual sexual desire based on simply looking at a man, even if he is a very attractive one. Women’s lust, arousal and desire tends to be more triggered by her interactions with the man in question. There are of…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 09:57 PM
1

Yup!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 03:32 PM
2

Nah, lol. I stay in my league, I assure you. There’s just a lot more men in my league who aren’t fat now, so it’s great. I will also never go back to where most men are overweight. We’re truly not so different, and I’m unclear why you’re so invested in acting like the overall fatness of North Americans isn’t unfortunate for everyone who isn’t into that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 01:43 PM
5

Extreme co-sign on this.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 01:24 PM
2

Not interested in sharing, sorry. Most of us aren’t. I can and have gone celibate for years if not finding anyone of interest who is likewise interested in me for more than casual non-monogamous sex. If fat dudes lost weight, many more of them would be more attractive to more women, and have way better chances. I moved to a country where far fewer people are overweight, and the number of guys I find attractive enough to consider dating has absolutely skyrocketed. I have way more options. Nothing…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 01:23 PM
2

Lol no fat men are still extremely unattractive to the vast majority of women. Trust me, as someone who won’t date fat men, women dating in North America have the same problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 12:51 PM
1

I looked up to my father because he was a good man, who loved us, gave good advice, spent lots and lots of quality time with us, taught us many meaningful skills and values, treated everyone with respect and decency and was generally an all-around great dad. That’s what’s relevant to children. They don’t care how many chicks you banged. They care how you treat them and others in their life. The rest of your post is honestly just taken from the inner monologue of depression. There are not many pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 12:35 PM
3

I do this multiple times a day to people I vaguely recognize from around and it means absolutely nothing beyond “yes we see each other around.”
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 09:55 AM
1

And those are mean things to say to someone she was choosing to date. That’s on her, not you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 09:53 AM
2

Because she’s a mean and immature person. My best advice to you is not to think too much about why people do things when they’re not good to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 09:41 AM
2

Nothing you should have done expect break up with her. She isn’t a nice person, is immature and didn’t treat you well. Break up and move on. You should not want to keep people who treat you badly in your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 09:35 AM
1

Cute when you’re solidly into dating. In the very early stages of getting to know someone i find it a bit much I think. Once it’s been established as an ongoing thing and if you’re vibing well it’s nice though.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 06:28 AM
2

For what it’s worth I’m female and not RP. My thoughts on the arguments on this sub would be a Pandora’s box I don’t have the energy to open right now, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 09:16 PM
13

Me. I can’t even remember when I got into it, but it was back in the early Chateau Heartiste days. So over a decade ago easily, I guess around 2008.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 09:06 PM
2

In DM I can, rather not publicly. Just we had very similar views.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 06:00 PM
1

Yeah, one out of 10 guys total. The rest definitely not.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 03:34 PM
1

Ok, so my metrics are actually perfect then! I’ve never dated anyone who made more than $40k USD, and most have made less, down to $20k USD or even zero. Status, trust me I know what I’m talking about, and it’s not “fame.” Well-respected and known in his small community is what I aim for as status.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 03:30 PM
2

Low market value. Or whatever the acronym is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 02:12 PM
3

I solely evaluate for these questions based on how you guys describe “LMV” men. By those metrics — height, income, status, muscularity, conventional facial attractiveness and social proof — every guy but one that I’ve been with has been a LMV man and not been a Chad.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 01:16 PM
3

Just one of 10, my second LTR. At least in terms of height and looks, he didn’t have money or status and I was only the second girl he ever slept with. But he was male model hot. None of the rest would qualify on any metric.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 01:14 PM
2

Yes, definitely. Zero question for me. A guy who is smiling looks friendly and more fun to be around. He looks like someone I’m more likely to have a good time with on a date than someone who has to look super serious all the time. Absolutely depressing to me to think showing normal human positive social body language (smiling) is seen as “nice guy eunuch vibes.”
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 10:21 AM
2

I can assure you I live this 100%. I also usually date men who make considerably less than me so I prefer to treat them when I can anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 10:08 AM
2

Sent you a chat.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 01:03 AM
3

Nope and nope. I was extremely single and not sleeping with nor dating anyone when I met new guy. Hell, I’d only had sex once in four years when I met new guy and it wasn’t recently. My ex and I broke up due to a fairly dramatic change in life goals on his part that were neither of our faults, and had nothing to do with infidelity, but were incompatible with us continuing together. We tried several years to find a way, but there wasn’t. So we let each other go. If you want the details I’ll do DM…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 12:19 AM
1

I just bear in mind that everyone on this sub projects their own experiences, frustrations, suspicions, mistrusts and hurts onto everything they read.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 10:40 PM
2

I read the thread. My honest advice is just to mute or ignore arguments on PPD (or anywhere) that frustrate you. You can’t really win, and it doesn’t matter if you do, it’s your life. Some people are gonna be aggressive or put their own spin on things. If the discussions you’re having aren’t some combo of interesting, useful or entertaining to you, just mute them and forget about ‘em.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 10:30 PM
5

I mean, there were others of us in your thread giving you pretty normal feedback. Just ignore the arguments that aren’t useful.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 10:21 PM
6

Yes. I have an extremely firm rule that either I pay for all of the first date, or we split. I do not accept men paying for me on the first date. On the second date, if he really wants to pay I will accept it but only if I’m sure I want a third date, and in that case I will pay for the third. But none of my relationships started off as dates like that anyway — they all started as just hanging out as friends where we weren’t really spending money. I’ve never slept with anyone I went on a formal d…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 06:43 PM
4

I haven’t seen many people actually deny it, so much as choosing to suggest you focus on what you can control that will give you a chance at better outcomes. I mean, you can improve your looks to an extent, depending on your specifics — get fit, fix your teeth if you need, etc. — but for the most part you have what you’re born with. So improving your social skills and ability to network and build connection with people is going to give you a better chance with what you have than not doing any of…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 03:58 PM
6

These days. Anyway, up to you. Frankly, I wouldn’t think the sex would be worth the headache, but just know that’s all you’re gonna get from her. It’s up to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 12:44 PM
6

You seem like someone who really needs to heed the age-old advice of “don’t stick your dick in crazy.” Don’t try to keep fucking women who are that dramatic and messy, unless you personally enjoy the drama.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 12:32 PM
9

Yeah, she clearly does want attention. (I actually wager she was trying to make you jealous.) But it’s got nothing to do with responsive libido. You just got mixed up with a dramatic and messy woman, this isn’t a libido thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 12:23 PM
3

I’d agree with this too. At least I can’t be nearly as uninhibited with a casual partner as I can with an intimate romantic partner, and also exploring fantasies usually means a lot of communication you don’t get in most casual scenarios.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 12:12 PM
24

Reactive or responsive libido does not mean “buy me stuff.” The girl you’re fucking just wants more than FWB and is trying to pressure you into it by making you show more investment in her, you buying her booze doesn’t have anything to do with her libido. Obviously, since she’s been fucking you without that. I can’t think of a guy I’ve been wildly horny for who has bought me literally anything, certainly not prior to me wanting to rip his clothes off.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 12:07 PM
22

No, I haven’t. That said, I don’t know if I really want to. I think my fantasies are better to stay fantasies. I’ve never tried to make them reality. I also know extremely few people who ever engaged in “sex parties.” And I come from a pretty libertine social circle in my younger years.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 11:38 AM
3

Yeah, I was actually just noticing that. Now that I think about it, I’ve made the first move in all my relationships actually (there were a couple before this too). And in broadly similar circumstances — guys I’d been getting to know through some social means, and just felt so at home with them and so attracted to them it all came together. For me personally, I can’t think of any time in my life it wasn’t a turn-off when a guy “approached” me or made the first move or whatever. It just always fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 11:13 AM
10

I’m not currently in a serious relationship. I am seeing someone, but the details of how we met are a bit unusual, so maybe I’ll answer for my previous serious relationship. My ex and I were together 10 years. We knew of each other via Twitter, we had similar social and political interests. I spotted him at an event once, recognized him from his profile photo and and went up to say hello. But he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk to me at all so I made a hasty exit. Much later I learned he just …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 10:50 AM
1

Lol, the Klitschkos are basically the opposite of what I find attractive in men. And I’ve met them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 05:40 AM
1

Absolutely. The number of people here who don’t understand or even argue against that is sad to me. Relationships aren’t always perfect, but when you’re living with someone you like more than anyone else in the world, it’s so much stronger and more resilient.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/23 05:38 AM
6

I wouldn’t call it a “double edged sword.” When you’re caring for someone you truly love, it can be very hard, it can be challenging and draining in many ways, but you wouldn’t want to be doing anything else either. Like, you want to be that person for them no matter how hard it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 05:10 PM
2

Appreciate this thread as I’m seeing someone I really want to create a warm, happy safe little space for. Giving me some ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 05:03 PM
8

I commend Big Dick McFieldplower’s parents for their bold optimism in baby naming
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 04:00 PM
2

Yeah, this is actually more true I think. Once you’ve realized and accepted it can’t be saved, you stop trying to address the problems which you know no longer matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 11:37 AM
3

Ask any couple that’s been together 5, 10, 25 or 40 years, and they’ll give basically the same answer. If you dump someone as soon as they raise a concern because you’ve convinced yourself it means the relationship is already over, then you will never have a long-term relationship. Because you can’t have a truly long relationship without encountering some kind of conflict.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 11:35 AM
5

I’m a woman. My views are based on experience as well, which is that successful long-term relationships will have conflict, and that healthy couples navigate that conflict together. Breaking up with someone every time they bring up a concern because you’re convinced it’s “already over” is immature behaviour that will not sustain a healthy LTR. It has nothing to do with “letting people walk all over you.” Partners need to have boundaries for themselves and maintain them. But they also need to be …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 11:26 AM
5

…and that’s a very immature perspective that will doom any relationship you’re in. All long-term relationships have conflicts that one person or the other will bring up. Successful ones learn how to get through them as a team.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 11:08 AM
11

Not “as a man,” but if your response to any woman bringing up a concern she has is to dump her, then I mean… yeah, it is your individual fault for not being willing to actually listen or engage the issue. People need to express their issues to each other to have a relationship work, because you simply cannot have a long one without conflicts coming up.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 10:57 AM
7

Neither are most young men. People have to learn how to navigate conflict within a relationship and it can take some time, experience, good faith and communication.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 10:55 AM
11

I mean, if you break up with everyone who expresses any dissatisfaction, then you’re guaranteed the relationship is already over. Anyone who has been in very long-term relationships has negotiated problems or conflicts from both partners. One or both partners having an issue does not mean the relationship is over assuming you’re both mature adults who can navigate these things together as a team.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 10:38 AM
2

It’s not necessarily a red flag, depends on other behaviours. Being super clingy can be a sign of anxious attachment, but on the other hand it can also just mean something as simple as she really really likes you, no red flag involved. Just have an honest conversation with her about your expectations about how much you’ll see each other. If you like her too, then give a little affirmation — let her know you really like to spend time with her, but you value your own time also.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 10:30 AM
5

Yeah, OP is projecting a ton of stuff onto the limited details in the post. Basically a guy has a wife with a pile of cash in an IRA and wants to know their best bet at her age for investing it. Very typical PF stuff. OP’s argument is if the guy’s pension was enough they wouldn’t be asking about the wife’s IRA but like… yes you would?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 10:18 AM
4

OP of the PF post seems to be in his mid-40s, so he’s married to someone his age. I don’t think he’s retired, he’s just saying he has a good pension so they will be okay when they do retire.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 08:19 AM
7

I think it’s quite reasonable to expect that remaining physically attractive to and for each other should be something both partners value. There has to be some leeway in that to account for life circumstances and events - illness, disability, whatever — but the intent and most importantly the consideration should be there. FWIW I’d really expect the same of male partners. Bodies change over time for sure, but if a partner let himself go totally and wasn’t trying to change it, ultimately he’s sa…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 07:20 AM
2

Jesus Christ no. No.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 11:12 PM
3

If you view it as something with a cost that isn’t worth it, then you probably shouldn’t. Healthy relationships add to your life, not take away.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 10:55 PM
4

I’m saying if you’re a straight woman, then you can’t have sexual or romantic love without men, and that is a very special, wonderful, precious thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 10:27 PM
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I know a number of female doctors and they’re all very happily married to other doctors. They do well.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 09:23 PM
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No, I would not at all. Wouldn’t be good for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 09:22 PM
2

If you’re straight you can’t have romantic and sexual love with women, which is a very unique and special kind of intimate bond that most people desire. But beyond that, I also have a lot of platonic male friends who my life would be much poorer without.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 08:59 PM
17

Men complain about boring blow jobs and women who suck at sex all the time. How to handle male equipment, how to give a good blow job, how to ride a dick properly, and various tips and tricks — all of that is absolutely a big part of “getting better at it.”
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 06:07 AM
5

Objectification is not the same as finding someone sexually attractive. An error made both by people who criticize objectification, and those who criticize people criticizing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 10:00 PM
1

For me personally it doesn’t extend to dating, because the number of men I’m interested in is so small. Choice paralysis is definitely a thing, but it depends on the choices all having some value or interest to the person. I meet maybe three guys in a year that I’m really interested in and usually not at the same time, and then it depends on them also being interested in me, so it’s not like there’s too much choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 08:45 PM
5

As someone with back muscle pain, a massage is not just a luxury, it’s a really helpful treatment done by a trained professional. And there’s nothing particularly intimate or pleasant about gritting my teeth while the therapist works out the horrible knots in my back. Soooooo good when it’s over, but so painful in the moment. A massage from a partner is quite different.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 07:59 PM
6

I’d be really weirded out by a gift for massage therapy from a partner that stipulated gender. Would be such a weird turn-off. I’m someone that will only go to female doctors for intimate exams, but I’ve had massages from both male and female massage therapists and can attest it was not sexual in the least. Didn’t even feel particularly intimate. No different than going to a male physiotherapist. I would simply prefer to go to the best massage therapist available at the time without having them …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 05:04 PM
2

I have money and security through my job. Nothing fancy, but I make a good wage and can afford a decent lifestyle and an acceptable retirement plan. And given that I am a self-sufficient adult with a stable income, there’s just nothing $1 million could buy that would be worth the major loss to my happiness and quality of life as losing sex and sexual intimacy.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 06:47 AM
4

No, I do not accept this offer. Sex and sexual intimacy are worth more to my quality of life and psychological well-being than $1 million, easy. Easy. I’m a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/23 06:40 AM
–

Still depends
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:56 PM
–

depends how attractive you are
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:24 PM
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Most of the time. If I like a guy then it’s pretty hard to hold myself back from reaching out and wanting to do things together and such, and also I tend to date relatively passive men. So it’s usually me doing most of the planning and advancing things.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:00 PM
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Zero. I pay for at least myself if not both of us dates, and gifts are not a thing I’m into, he doesn’t have to pay for shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 03:59 PM
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Woman here, was weirded out by voice notes when they first started, now I fucking love them and can confirm Don’t care if you have a deep voice though, if I like a guy I just wanna hear his voice
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 12:31 PM
–

Some guys just prefer older women, but overall it’s more like if a guy likes you he likes you. That’s pretty much all there is to it. Doesn’t mean older women are more attractive in total, but if the guy finds that particular older woman attractive and compatible and wants to be with her, he will be.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 08:07 PM
1

Nope. For love and a serious relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 07:55 PM
1

There are 100% younger guys who definitely want serious LTRs with older women. Or rather, they don’t care that you’re older as long as you keep in shape and still look good.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 07:44 PM
10

giving people advice that either they don’t like or doesn’t adequately address their problem is not gaslighting, shaming or abuse.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 03:17 PM
78

Both parties should be attentive to each other’s pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Women often need focused clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This really doesn’t have to be some kind of gender-war assignation of responsibility. For good sex, both people should want the other one to enjoy themselves and contribute to that enjoyment.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 01:02 PM
4

I’d say there’s a few stages to attraction for me. The first is the initial stage, that first flicker of attraction. Curiosity, feeling drawn to this person, wanting to be around them. Sometimes it’s so subtle at first I don’t even realize it is what it is, sometimes it’s not so subtle. Once actual physical lust has set in, which takes a bit of time getting to know a guy, it becomes all-consuming. I know where he is in the room at all times, even if in a big group. I shiver when he’s close, I ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 05:39 AM
18

Yes I do. The most important and loving and meaningful figures in my life have been men, my greatest friends and role models have been at least 50% if not even majority men. I make friends with men very easily, like spending time with men, and count many, many men among those most cherished to me. I know very few women who actually dislike men, and I can’t think of one who actually hates them. Frustration sometimes or often, yes. Hurt, yes. But I know very few women who don’t actually really lik…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 04:12 PM
2

The guy I’m seeing now, he struck me the moment I saw him. Right away I wanted to be around him and get to know him. So I definitely experience immediate attraction to someone I haven’t interacted with. But I wouldn’t call it a “crush” as to me that implies and requires more familiarity or connection. I don’t know if I’ve had a full crush on someone I’ve never interacted with since high school — it feels like more of a juvenile thing to me, to be honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 10:56 AM
5

I’m not “complaining” about anything. I’m just telling you the facts: that women post-50 who get alimony usually do have to find a job, because unless their ex was wealthy, alimony is rarely a sufficient income on its own. I am also telling you that taking decades out of the workforce severely hampers to one’s ability to return to the workforce and earn a living wage. What you don’t seem to get is this: yeah, my mom was able to not earn a wage for the first decades of her marriage. But being bro…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 08:32 AM
8

My mom was a SAHM for three decades. When my father divorced her, he gave her as good an alimony package as he could afford without any sort of fight because he worried so much about her. She was still fucked. Alimony alone is rarely enough to provide a decent income unless the man is wealthy (my dad made a very good income, but wasn’t rich). And it’s very difficult to get back into the job market at that age, and after that long out of it, at anything better than minimum wage. Employers aren’t …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/23 07:16 AM
7

Yup, this. I have never compared anyone to an ex. If I’m with someone it’s because I’m into him, and my ex is gone and past and not happening anymore so it’s not something I think about. I’m always more excited about what’s in front of me. If I’m not, I won’t be dating him.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/23 07:54 PM
1

I didn’t say it was normative to have sex right out in the open — there’s clearly an appreciation for privacy. I just don’t think there’s any ground to argue that people have an innate “disgust” of sex and the body due to morality laws of specific eras and places, when those have not applied always.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 10:14 AM
0

You’re free to think the word dangerous applies. I’m free to think it doesn’t. I have no interest in trying to change your mind, but you won’t change mine: I don’t consider it a dangerous activity.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 10:04 AM
1

But it’s hard to argue that people are universally grossed out by sex or nudity when far more visible shows of body and even sexuality are as much of a norm than stricter modesty laws.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 10:03 AM
3

Totally up to you, but IMO “dangerous” is quite an exaggeration, especially when one’s risk of most of the above is manageable.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/23 06:03 AM
7

No, we don’t. Gang members largely date women from within their own socioeconomic circles — in other words, women who grew up in the same very troubled environments where gang activity is highly normalized. For those women, there’s nothing unusual about a man being in a gang. In many cases, some or even most of the men in her life are — her brothers, cousins, even father. It’s what she knows. Women who do not come from these backgrounds don’t go near gang members or “violent men,” for the most p…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 10:53 PM
1

Anti-nudity laws are more based in cultural norms derived from religious morality. Discomfort with public nudity or open depictions of sex has been far from universal throughout human history.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 10:47 PM
3

No, we aren’t “naturally disgusted by sex.”
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 10:43 PM
8

First off, I honestly have no idea where you’re getting that the women here seem asexual and hate men. That isn’t what I see in this sub at all. The majority of the women who comment here openly discuss how we enjoy sex and love the men in our lives. I suspect you’re reading some criticisms or negative experiences and then drawing them into very black-and-white extremes or being over-reactive to those criticisms. Very few women “hate” sex. Most of us love and crave sex with people we’re attracte…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/23 08:41 PM
7

Questions like this, honestly, just read to me as people who have difficulty reading normal social cues. Which is a real issue many people have, and it’s one that takes some work to figure out, but it’s just hard for me to understand where this is so mystifying. Men and women meet through social circles, shared hobbies or shared social spaces all the time. Some of those meetings go onto dates. Women are not typically offended by simply conversing with people in these spaces and having normal con…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/23 04:22 PM
6

Honestly, not that I can think of? I know several really good men who fail at dating, but two of them are not neurotypical (one of those is extremely handsome, but yeah his socializing difficulties just can’t quite get him there), and the third is super morbidly obese. Every other guy I know has some success dating. Maybe not tons and not as much as others, but I can’t think of anyone else who hasn’t at least spent more of his life in monogamous relationships with a woman he really likes than le…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 08:03 PM
7

But to apply this metaphor to the argument in your post — if you have a pool of strong candidates to choose from but can only hire one or two, you gotta pick one or two that you think will work best in your company. You can still think the others would make great employees. You don’t have to think they’re shitty workers who don’t deserve a job.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 11:24 AM
8

…and many of them were also miserable, brimming with suppressed anger, resentful of their husbands, cruel to their children, and relying on substances to numb the unhappiness of their lives. You believe a fantasy. You are craving an image formed by advertisements and edited scenes, not the reality. Life was never perfect for anyone. It worked for some, but many women who had that life urged their daughters not to do the same for good reasons too.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 09:36 AM
5

“So what” is people who romanticize the past and claim it as an ideal we should return to are clinging to a fantasy. It never existed. The 1950s housewife movement was aberrant for many reasons; and most women, when given the option, chose not to replicate it for many reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 09:20 AM
6

To add something else: even the 1950s housewife wasn’t living some perfect happy feminine ideal. A lot of women in that position were incredibly bored and unhappy; alcoholism and pill abuse was a problem among that cohort. Hell, therapy really took off in those decades treating well-off but anxious and miserable housewives. Some people love to romanticize the image they have of what the 1950s nuclear family was like. It was a historical aberration in many ways, and one that was not nearly as shi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 07:41 AM
17

Regular discussions with my cat about how he’s awfully ungrateful for someone who contributes zero household labour, as he’s biting my face to wake me up because it’s exactly 30 seconds past morning feeding time. The bar is in hell for cats
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 06:16 AM
–

If he was single and there was anything in his bio that seemed more appealing than his interest icons I’d swipe. I almost never swipe on guys without a bio, unless there’s other contextual clues in the photos that we’d have common interests. As it stands his don’t interest me so I’d probably pass.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 12:25 AM
–

The only one I’d swipe on would be the first, he’s cute and his bio tells me we would have enough stuff in common to potentiality click and thus make a date worthwhile. The second and third guys just don’t interest me. I don’t think we’d be compatible or have much in common, and they’re not enough my physical type to consider taking a flier to see how it goes. The fourth guy is very attractive but married so I assume they’re looking for a threesome partner or he’s doing non monogamy, neither of …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 12:19 AM
0

Citation needed for “most women throughout history haven’t had a say in who they partner up with.” For the most part, they did. Women of the upper classes in many places and eras did not, as they were married off to secure alliances or family wealth, but that did not apply nearly so much to the large majority of women that have ever lived. It is likely that most women throughout history did have at least some degree of a say in choosing their partners, within the framework of their culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/23 11:50 PM
–

Right. I accept that, maybe like, pre-1970 might have been somewhat different, but not as much as some people here fantasize. There was never a promised land where every guy got a sweet virgin wife no matter what he brought to the table so long as he had a job.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/23 07:06 PM
–

This post breaks my heart. Marinating too much in any of this stuff online is profoundly bad for many of our minds. OP, I hope you find some way to get to a healthier space.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/23 04:22 PM
–

I’m curious where this “last 20 years” idea comes from. I’ve been dating for over 20 years, and I watched my siblings dating in the 80s. The technology of dating has changed in that time, but not much else. Nightclubs were huge in the 80s and 90s for hookups, and people dated and married for love and qualities other than “financial stability” back then too. Men needed to be likeable in just the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/23 02:15 PM
11

The simple answer, from someone whose social circles for a very long time consisted primarily of non-masculine men, is that they tend to be critical of masculinity, identify more with women, are in agreement with feminism, and see the MRA and TRP stuff in mostly the same way as feminists do. However, I’d disagree that they aren’t empathetic on “men’s issues,” unless you consider “men’s issues” to only be the specific subset discussed by MRA or TRP and with those specific viewpoints. In my experi…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/23 12:06 AM
7

I’ve never encountered it. I can’t recall ever being with someone I had a sense of dread or jealousy about. And like some others say, for me personally, if a guy makes it clear he has other women around, it’s an immediate turn-off. Doing it intentionally is incredibly manipulative.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 05:48 PM
2

Some of the most insecure women I know were actual models. My insecurities were life-ruining as a fairly average-looking person, facially, but even I couldn’t believe how insecure and anxious these beautiful women I knew were. Constantly picking themselves apart, constantly hyper-fixating on different “flaws” nobody else could see. I think what happens is that when you’re attractive enough that you truly do get “constant” attention and validation, it’s often the case that the nearly the only thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 05:38 PM
1

As others said: just sit, and observe your breathing. One quick bit of advice. Sometimes people get frustrated that they “can’t” mediate, because their mind keeps drifting off and they keep getting distracted and thinking of other things. Remember: that’s actually the point. It’s fine for your mind to drift off, it doesn’t mean you’re not successfully meditating. All you do is when you notice that you’ve become distracted, just note that it happened, without any judgment or negative reaction, an…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 05:27 PM
8

A lot of men genuinely do not care, and do not think about this stuff nearly as much as you and a lot of TRP men do. You can repeat maxims that women with an N-count of whatever will get used for sex and never find husbands forever, but it doesn’t match up with many women’s real-life experiences. Beyond that, we absolutely know what some men think of “sluts,” we don’t have to “realize it.” We’re quite aware. Women not conforming to what you want them to be does not mean they’re not aware of what…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 07:12 AM
1

If he’s literally sound asleep, I won’t just go put my mouth on his dick. I’ll snuggle him a bit and see if he wakes up enough to make it evident that he consents. But to that approach: strong yay.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 04:25 PM
10

People do experience temperatures differently. It’s why I, a small female, tend to get so cold I’m shivering at temperatures that my burly brother-in-law finds comfortable and refreshing. And also why I, from a cold northern climate, find some cold temperatures comfortable while someone who has only ever lived in hot climates finds them too desperately uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 04:16 PM
1

You know, we have these so often I should really just keep a note saved on my phone with my answer to cut and paste.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 03:44 PM
13

Yeah, this comment is super accurate. OP is describing anxious attachment with people who have a crush, not lust.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 02:52 PM
4

Too much of this sub is people getting bizarrely triggered to learn that not everyone experiences desire and attraction exactly the same way, and then deciding to low-key insult the other person as being too stupid or ugly to know.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 02:38 PM
1

No, they truly can’t. Some women have sufficient barriers to finding a relationship that means it just won’t happen for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 05:55 AM
1

Mmmm, it’s hard to say one “best.” I’ve had a lot of great sex. I definitely know who my best partners were, and can think of a handful of memories with each that stood out, but I can’t pick just one. With my longest-term former partner, that was for sure a lot of amazing sex. I was 31 when we started dating and he was 26. We were both into very slow, erotic, loving sex and had incredible chemistry and intimacy. We would spend hours pleasuring each other and just having this super emotionally in…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 11:27 PM
9

This is a known biological fact, yes. Girls on average begin puberty earlier and reach full physical maturity earlier.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 10:59 PM
1

My ex is 5’5, has an extremely small build, weighs 108 lbs. So thin he could wrap his hands all the way around his bicep. And yes, he was so severely anxious talking to women he liked for the first time that as noted with my experience, he couldn’t even look at them or really converse beyond one word answers. Facially, while I found him beautiful (he’s very much my physical type), he’s not classically attractive in a masculine way. He has a very recessed upper and lower jaw, for instance, a narr…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 06:12 PM
1

I’ve never been with a man who has ever been in a fight. I would prefer never to be with a man who would start a fight or escalate one; I prefer to be with people who can avoid unnecessary physical confrontation. If someone else attacked him and he lost the fight, I would be obviously concerned for his well-being. But it wouldn’t impact my attraction, no. I truly don’t care who “wins” and I do not value capability for physical violence in a partner whatsoever. I don’t really know what “socially …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 06:49 AM
2

If they were truly special, C or D.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 09:39 PM
41

I’m not sure you can pick a “worst” out of this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 12:40 PM
1

Fair, “upset” is too strong a word, I’m just entirely unclear why you keep pressing it when what I expressed is simply a matter of experience and self-perception that does not impact anyone else, including men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 12:37 PM
1

I’m not sure why you’re upset by this. It’s simply a matter of me defaulting to assuming the problem is me, and not someone else. Not an uncommon issue, and not one that affects anyone else but me.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 11:31 AM
2

I encourage men to talk more about their insecurities. I just don’t see myself as someone men wouldn’t think they have a chance with, it’s fine. It’s about me; not men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 10:28 AM
1

I’m not “redefining” it, I’m just focusing in on what it actually represents: not only sex, full stop, but sex within the parameters of what one is wired to desire and can allow. Which can iterate differently for males and females. So there’s no reason that we shouldn’t recognize that yes, femcels exist, and the characteristics of their experience may be somewhat different than male incels, the basic fact of pain and loneliness due to not being able to have the intimacy they desire is not differ…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 09:54 AM
1

Women in general have a lower overall sex drive than men, have very different arousal and sexual response patterns, and have a much lower sexual disgust threshold. Add all of these together, and women on average do not want casual sex nearly as much as men do, especially not with random strangers. This fact should really be quite obvious to everyone, to the point I’d say it’s common sense. I have no way to explain this to you, other than to keep driving this point home: to most women, a random s…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 09:13 AM
3

Right, exactly. What a lot of incels very, very much want most of all is intimacy and affection, not just sex. Which is what the femcels are missing too, just being female it may have a less overtly sexual component.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 09:02 AM
3

Yes, I do. That’s my point. My point is this: most male incels could get sex. It’s just sex they are not wired to desire, do not want, would not find pleasurable, and indeed are repulsed by. Similarly, most femcels might be able to get a random guy to fuck them, use them like a Fleshlight and ditch them. But this is sex they are not wired to desire, do not want, would not find pleasurable and indeed in many cases are repulsed by. In other words: for every incel, male or female, it’s not just sex…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 06:32 AM
6

Yes. What I’m saying is this: you get hung up on “they could find a guy to fuck them.” Whether they could or couldn’t is irrelevant, because in most cases, and like many women, they aren’t wired to desire some random guy fucking them without pleasure or even respect. It does not invalidate their loneliness or their pain or make them “fake.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 05:11 AM
3

No, because I’m not arguing incels don’t exist. They do. I’m saying that everyone has a type of sex they may be able to obtain, but profoundly do not want, so whether or not they could hypothetically obtain it is irrelevant, and does not invalidate their pain or their loneliness.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 05:07 AM
10

You completely ignored the paragraphs where I dealt with that. Most incels could get fucked by a random guy too, if they wanted. They don’t, because that type of sex is profoundly unwanted by them. The same broadly applies to the conditions under which some (not all) femcels could possibly obtain sex. And some couldn’t even get that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 04:31 AM
13

Femcels are real, though some characteristics can vary from how it is for males. But being extremely unattractive and / or having significant mental issues, physical disabilities or highly neuroatypical behaviour can be a significant barrier to dating for women too. Highly unattractive women do not get much or any male attention. When I say the “characteristics vary” from what men experience, what I mean is that some femcels probably could find a guy to fuck them, if they had absolutely zero goa…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 03:43 AM
8

Manipulative stuff like that does work on some men. It just isn’t healthy or a good basis for a successful relationship, as it tends to attract people with issues of their own, insecure attachment styles, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 11:27 PM
2

Yeah, I’m not hot enough for that to be my personal experience, but probably true for the really attractive women.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 01:04 PM
1

Not watching the video, but: because you get horny, and hope springs eternal. I tried casual sex a few times over the years when having a long dry spell and super sexually frustrated, and each time I went into it truly hoping it would be great. “Maybe this time it will be different and I’m dying for sexual release!!!” Each time absolutely sucked, and I couldn’t even get aroused. After the third attempt I finally accepted that casual sex was never gonna be fun for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 11:48 AM
1

I didn’t feel like writing the whole novel in my first comment, heh. My ex had crippling social anxiety. That said, I’m somewhat amazed he managed to have a pretty good dating life despite that; he could barely be in public or talk to people, and was… very different than what is typically seen as attractive to most women, yet has had continuous monogamous relationships with cute women. (Not speaking of myself specifically, all of his exes and the GF he has now are all super pretty.) Sometimes I’…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 11:21 AM
2

LOL no, it didn’t at all. It actually drove me away! The whole story is we’d known of each other via shared social media circles. When I saw him at that event, I went to say a friendly hello, but he was so standoffish I was like “ok, this guy clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.” So after 30 seconds of awkward small talk I made a hasty exit and shrugged it off. I wasn’t interested in him at all, and didn’t speak to him again on any platform for about seven months. We connected again when I had a …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 10:20 AM
3

I mean, it’s true. Isn’t stopping me from trying to be more pro-active, but definitely results have been that if he hasn’t been showing me he’s interested, chances are low that he is.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 01:25 AM
15

I have the same experience as the other poster, and I 100% guarantee you I wasn’t “chasing the top 20% of men” when I was younger. I’ve always kept my dating brackets very realistic, and never in my younger years did I have even a fraction of the self-esteem to believe I would ever have a chance with what you’d deem the “top 20%.” I always knew they were way out of my league and never bothered. But outside of that, I got very little male attention in my 20s because I was a very unhappy person, a…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 01:07 AM
5

It’s hard to say because you don’t always know when someone is shy or has anxiety, either because you aren’t interacting with them in the first place or because you misinterpret their responses when you do. The first time I met my ex in person I thought he really didn’t even like me as a person because he was so standoffish. I made a very hasty exit because it seemed so obvious he wanted me to leave him alone. Turns out nope, he was just having an anxiety crisis talking to me. Lucky in that case…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 12:48 AM
4

Speaking personally: mmmm, kinda yes and no. One thing I’ve found pretty consistently is that if a guy isn’t approaching me, the vast majority of time is because he’s not interested in me. (I should specify I’m talking mostly about people I know through a social environment — not cold approaches. Tbh if a guy I’ve been checking out doesn’t cold approach at a bar or something I assume he has a girlfriend or is interested in someone else.) The exception is if the guy is very shy. My longest-term p…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:57 PM
2

I never said men do get attention. This post is talking about the female experience of how some women struggle to find relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:51 PM
3

It just doesn’t happen for everyone. And won’t. Some people are always gonna be left out for whatever reason. It’s the way things always have been and always will be.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:51 PM
3

If they could get actual relationships easily, they would be doing that. There’s a reason they aren’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 09:57 PM
5

It’s not just dating. Our entire culture is becoming very atomized. We live alone far more often than we used to. Many of us work alone, or close to it. Our old sources of community have largely ebbed away; we don’t have the community networks that used to be pretty standard. A whole lot of people can now go days without interacting face to face with another human being for anything that isn’t either work or purely transactional. I work from home and do that all the time — unless I make a concer…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 06:57 PM
6

I can’t speak to your friends, only for myself. I’ll talk to guy friends in very general ways about sex, dating men or female body stuff, but for deep discussions or problems with any of those topics I prefer someone who can personally relate and has the same equipment. Beyond that, there’s just a certain specific energy or dynamic to female friendships that I enjoy and want to invest in. I don’t enjoy it more than mixed-sex friendships, it’s just apples to oranges. But sometimes I do want to ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 03:28 PM
11

I have a lot of platonic male friends, who I care about very much. But there are certain topics related to being female that I don’t like to talk about with men, and certain dynamics of female friendships that I like to enjoy in a same-sex friend group sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 03:13 PM
2

I’m not sure there’s any real value in determining who has it “worse.” Feeling lonely and unwanted is tough, whether or not it would have a different quality if you were born the other sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 03:04 PM
12

Some get zero actual attention from actual men IRL, in their environment. Some dude halfway across the world sending you random sexts because he’s bored and just wants a female to see them is not meaningful attention and does not solve a “forever alone” issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 02:06 PM
13

Random DMs from bored strangers on Reddit, which are just as likely to be dick pics and / or outright harassment and sent to women who they don’t even know what they look like, isn’t meaningful attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 01:51 PM
7

This isn’t a discussion about who has it worse. It’s a discussion about the fact that, yes, some women just do not get interest from men or relationships. Random DMs from anonymous bored and lonely Redditors, a good chunk of which are generally harassment or dick pics, does not constitute meaningful attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 01:49 PM
6

For sure. But it just doesn’t happen for some people, and so they make communities like FAW.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 01:38 PM
8

I wouldn’t put too much weight on just getting DMs from random users on Reddit in terms of what it means about anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 01:18 PM
5

I absolutely do believe that. Not sure why you’re saying I don’t. However, the experience of men isn’t the topic of this post.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 12:27 PM
29

Yep, agreed. I’m just not sure why some people are surprised that there are some women who do not get much of any interest from men. It happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:33 AM
23

I don’t “seriously underestimate” male standards, I promise. I’ve just had considerable experience seeing up close how some women don’t meet them. And if their mental health isn’t in a place to improve themselves, then yeah, FAW. It happens. A relative of mine is in this boat. She’s not fat at all, and her mental health is good, but for whatever reason it just doesn’t happen for her. She’s a super sweet girl, kind, smart, responsible. But she’s just extremely mousy and I think comes across as ba…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:19 AM
9

Not sure how to quantify that beyond random anecdotal impression. Enough?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 10:55 AM
85

Most very unattractive women will get basically zero attention from men, any men. They are more or less invisible to men entirely. I know some men here refuse to believe this, but it’s true. Then you get some people who also have mental health issues going on, or a combo of that + looks, and ultimately yeah some women will just not be able to ever find relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 10:35 AM
21

It’s not a double edged sword, it’s a one-edged sword with the only result being bad. Breaking up isn’t necessarily bad. People do learn things from relationships that don’t work out that can be valuable in their next relationship. Additionally, I mean — if someone breaks up with their partner because their partner cheated, why should they be penalized? It doesn’t have to be cheating. It can be any reason that makes the relationship totally untenable. Breaking up in those situations isn’t bad an…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 02:08 AM
18

If breaking up meant you could never get into another relationship again or for even some predetermined length of time, it wouldn’t help you whatsoever. It would just mean people would never ever risk dating anyone who wasn’t absolutely perfect in their eyes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 02:02 AM
1

I mean, tbh I’ve done that too and I’m extremely non-traditional.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 09:48 PM
2

I can to an extent, but he can’t have zero other forms of social contact than me. An introvert I’m totally down for (most of the men I date are very definite introverts), but not a true loner. It’s not really about what “influences” he derives from the group but rather, and I say this from experience, it’s just not healthy when someone has zero other sources of social or emotional support other than their partner. I was with someone for a very long time who had no other friends. It just put too …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 01:18 PM
14

The rebuttal is that this is a bizarre fantasy that has no relationship to reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 06:24 AM
27

The joke about the cop not getting laid isn’t that he’s “less than,” it’s that he must be sexually frustrated so he takes it out by giving tickets. Anyway, you seem to spend a lot of time ruminating about what you assume people’s internal thoughts and motivations are. None of these interactions sound like someone “expecting you to simp.”
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 04:16 AM
2

It’s a red flag for everyone. I’m not sure I’ve seen female insecurity excused either, generally insecure women are quite derided in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 07:30 PM
9

Nah, the bitterness is projecting a future of misery onto women you don’t know, just because they make life choices you don’t approve of.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 05:28 PM
–

I mean, I don’t know what to say to this other than “no.” Attraction and compatibility are not universal, and some people and myself are so incompatible that there is no reason why either of us would even want to be in a relationship with each other, let alone sustain one long-term. Doesn’t matter how emotionally healthy they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 04:34 PM
1

It’s been up for 15 minutes, patience.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/23 05:08 AM
1

Ah yes, it is famously only or even primarily women who spend frivolous amounts of money on vehicles. Anyway, buying things activates certain pleasure centres in the brain that can be addictive, and we live in a society where expensive consumer goods are signs of status. It absolutely isn’t only women who engage in this, and it isn’t all women who do. Like you, I don’t give a shit about vehicles, I bought a very sensible basic sedan and intend to drive it until it falls apart.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/23 04:09 PM
3

I find good sex far more intimate than cuddling, and good cuddling more intimate than bad sex. I am slightly confused why you say in your first paragraph that you crave cuddling and simple affection more than outright sex, but express surprise that some women said they too found cuddling more intimate — seems basically that some women are saying they’re the same as you.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 05:39 PM
3

I have yet to see compelling evidence for “most women are happier single” versus “surveys show women who are single are overall happier than those in relationships,” which is a meaningful difference, but if you have any I’m open to seeing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 01:31 PM
–

He was an absolute mess in every way. A good guy at heart, but like — it would take pages to describe the entirety of just what a mess he was. Not in terms of addiction, but everything else. After a couple of years it was obvious we had zero actual compatibility. I was starting to get my shit together and had totally outgrown him, and we’d fully drifted apart. I don’t actually remember how we broke up. I think there was something about him meeting someone else, but by that point we were so dista…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 05:06 AM
3

Not sure how to quantify this, but I’ve had sex so pleasurable it’s like an out-of-body, I’m-meeting-god type of experience. Of course, not all sex is that pleasurable — I’ve also had sex that involved zero pleasure for me, and some that was outright just painful. But good sex, yeah, very very very pleasurable. However, I would also suggest that pleasure experienced during sex alone isn’t the main driver of how much sex people want or have. Sex drive or libido is a separate thing, and men on ave…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 03:07 AM
10

Okay. Lay it out for me then. How exactly do you think this woman is “using” her husband and being “deceitful?” Reminder: all you know about them is that she’s horny and having sex dreams, and he doesn’t want to have sex with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 01:19 AM
1

Except that Mosuo men are not treated as “second class citizen workhorses,” and they don’t live in mud huts.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 01:18 AM
7

It’s not a logical inference. You are projecting all kinds of things onto a situation and people which you know absolutely zilch about.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 01:07 AM
16

You are inventing a whole story about people you know absolutely nothing about, other than that she’s having sex dreams and they have a dead bedroom.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 12:37 AM
9

No, she doesn’t, because she just felt like making a post to vent. I am honestly baffled why you care about this at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 12:36 AM
11

Sometimes people just want to vent with people who might understand how they’re feeling. This is social interaction 101.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 12:16 AM
17

We know basically nothing about their relationship, so there’s literally no way we could say. She’s not “incessantly contemptuous,” she just said she wasn’t looking for advice and some people ignored that.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 11:54 PM
–

Not surprised, no. I’ve always made more than my partners and honestly it’s never even come up as an issue, so I expected that to be the majority. I’m also not really surprised that 30% have some sort of issue with it, as I already knew from subs like this that some guys have a more traditional take about feeling they should be the higher earner.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 11:30 PM
–

“TikTok experiments” are selective, edited entertainment and should only be viewed as such. They interview a bunch of people, only some of whom agree to participate. So right there you have a major selection bias, both for the type of people they approach to interview (from what I’ve seen: usually very hot girls who probably do get a fair bit of interest from wealthy attractive men), and then also for the type of people who are most likely to agree to be in that sort of thing. Those people then …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 08:20 PM
9

The fantasy projection of “a sweet innocent virgin gf will see me as perfect” is absolutely wild. She’s a virgin, not a simpering idiot. She’ll still see your flaws just fine, like a normal person.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 08:10 PM
–

Yes, women know that tall young handsome millionaires are in very short supply and high demand. Nobody thinks tall young handsome millionaires are the norm, with the exception of the tiny minority of women from very elite backgrounds themselves, where in their social circles it basically is the norm.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 07:55 PM
26

It may not be that they’re “holding out” for anything in particular. We’re never privy to the total dynamics of an individual relationship, and there may be something with who your friend dates or how he maintains relationships that hasn’t been conducive to finding a lasting one.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 06:39 PM
6

I just think you’re trying to establish some sort of consistent overarching and simple narrative between a multitude of different people saying entirely different things. What you can be certain of is the following: one, most people desire a relationship. Two, some people are aware of (very limited) evidence that on a population level, single women are happier than those in relationships, but the latter group includes bad or simply unfulfilling relationships. So some people will point to the lat…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 06:37 PM
6

Because most people have a strong urge to pair bond and desire a happy, healthy relationship. I don’t think women have more bad relationships than men. Very few straight women have given up on men “forever,” more just that they’re willing to stay single until they find the right person, if they find that person, and they’ve also learned they can be happy like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 06:11 PM
–

I think it’s none of the things you mentioned. Just more that people are often aware when others are looking at us with any sort of focus — we’re social animals, we pick up on all kinds of small body movements and things in our peripheral vision — and it tends to be an instinct to look back and assess that. The reason it’s an instinct, from an evolutionary perspective, is just that we gain all sorts of useful information from noticing if someone is looking at us with focus. Is there something wr…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 06:02 PM
4

The only time I’ve seen that is when people are speaking in generalities, and the concept likely came from to a survey that purported to show that single women were the happiest of all the groups surveyed. Setting aside the problem of turning what one survey may have shown into a truism, in my experience when most people discuss the concept they’re still primarily recognizing that it’s not that women are just naturally happier single, but that the prevalence of bad or unfulfilling relationships …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 05:57 PM
39

Very, very few people claim that it is “certain” women will be happier single. What most people understand when they say that is that being single is usually far better for most people than being in a bad relationship. So it’s generally a better bet to be single than to stay in a bad relationship or enter one that isn’t compatible with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 05:44 PM
3

I’d love to see the field studies from those communities showing how men there are treated like “second class citizen workhorses,” can you link them?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 03:50 PM
3

Sort of undermines your point that “matriarchal societies treat men like second class citizen workhorses,” as simply imagining what you assume one would be like isn’t sufficient grounds for a factual statement.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 03:21 PM
6

Any time you have an issue where you have core individual rights clashing against a broader social issue you’re going to have tension, but especially on social media where nuanced discussion is difficult at the best of times. To be clear, I do agree there’s a problem on social media in having constructive discussions about how young men are struggling, and what larger impacts that could have on society. But I think that’s because people tend to bring their wider gender frustrations into it from …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:44 PM
5

You might have a point if there had been any matriarchal societies of meaningful size in the history of humanity by which to test that theory, but there haven’t been.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:15 PM
2

The primary issue is demographic and economic, but lack of economic opportunity also means reducing conditions under which young people can build independence, marry and have a family. Ultimately, one of the most important jobs for any community is to healthily socialize its young men and fully integrate them into its society. If they’re unable to do that because there aren’t enough jobs, and / or aren’t enough potential partners for them or paths to stable it can be a problem, especially if the…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:13 PM
3

I’d say in most cases of civil conflict it’s coming from the youth, especially in the many cases where a youth bulge includes socially destabilizing efforts against the ruling class. How their frustration and anger gets directed, and if they are radicalized, can certainly be manipulated by elite actors, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 06:06 AM
4

Not in my 20s, but when I was, I definitely was not. I was never attracted to older men at all, had zero interest in guys more than a few years older at most.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 05:49 AM
12

Gah. I wish I could remember the book, but some years ago I read a super interesting book looking at the youth bulge + economic conditions as a predictor of major social upheaval through history and it was pretty compelling. Unfortunately I no longer remember which book it was. But here’s one study on how a youth bulge relates to civil conflict. It goes without saying that even if gender isn’t specified, young men tend to be more associated with violent conflict. Here’s another short overview th…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 05:38 AM
60

Yep. It’s a known demographic problem. It’s not just if they’re unpaired, it’s also the ratio of youth to older people (a “youth bulge”) and also when economic conditions make it difficult for young men to be integrated into society in a stabilizing way. If a country’s young men are mostly moving forward with having decent work and families, they’ll be more or less satisfied as a group to continue that path. But if you have an excess of young men with limited economic opportunities and limited c…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 05:27 AM
3

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to a club, but I’ll say this: if a guy I didn’t know came up and asked to dance I usually declined, but if I was already dancing and a guy was on the dance floor having fun and our paths started to cross, that would usually lead to more physical contact and us hanging out if he showed interest in me. It’s just easier when you’re dancing and connect that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:14 AM
5

This doesn’t apply to me, but: the majority of the time, it’s not one straightforward reason. It’s years of small resentments and frustrations that build up and aren’t dealt with properly, combined with the kind of sexual and personal boredom that often sets in over long relationships. The latter part sets the stage to be unhappy, and then the first part totally poisons the relationship. It means you no longer see each other as on the same side. Unfortunately people let it build up until the rel…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 02:06 AM
3

No, we’re not asking why — we know exactly why. We’re saying that not giving a shit isn’t a good character trait, whether an encounter is casual or otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 01:36 AM
1

My ex and I had sex for two or three hours on any number of occasions. Not every time for sure, but when were in the mood. What are you doing? Basically everything, but with a great deal of care. If you’re high it helps too because the sensations are so fucking magical you become consumed by them and lose all sense of time. Everything is just slower, more exploratory. It’s about really being present in each moment and falling deep into each sensation, going with the ebbs and flows. Those times w…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 12:12 AM
18

I’m can’t say there’s any one ideal, except to say that sex is ideal when both partners are super into and connected with each other and just ride the vibe of that particular time where it wants to go. For instance, my best-ever sex partner there was a great deal of variety, all of it wonderful. Often we had very slow, tender and incredibly erotic sex, where we’d explore and pleasure each other for hours, and that was mind-blowing. Sometimes we had much more raw, frantic and animalistic sex, and…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 11:13 PM
2

Not weird, but unless he was otherwise incredible I’d probably pass on him because I do enjoy occasional social drinking with a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 08:38 PM
3

My girlfriends’ only comment whenever I show them a guy I think is blazing hot is “…well, he’s definitely your type.”
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 05:25 AM
54

You don’t have to “warn women about makes them undesirable” to you. Date who you want to date, don’t date who you don’t want to date, and outside of that live and let live. And unless people ask for very specific honest input when you reject them, there’s no need to tell them why specifically you found them unappealing. “I’m not interested” works just fine. If they do ask for honest input, then be honest without being a jerk about it. This goes for both sexes. Outside of specific subs like this …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 04:51 AM
1

I don’t know that I agree that “most of the time” it’s like this, and also if a guy isn’t playing mindgames and is being clear with his intentions I don’t really see where he’s being toxic. But if we are talking truly toxic… I’ll put it this way. Men have the whole “don’t stick your dick in crazy” mantra because they are quite familiar with how one can, against their own better judgment, go for a hot but totally unstable woman. They’ve done it, or they’ve seen friends do it. Women have the same.…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 01:28 AM
1

Another academic who teaches the history of Islamic art wrote a great piece on the work in question: https://newlinesmag.com/argument/academic-is-fired-over-a-medieval-painting-of-the-prophet-muhammad/ This is just staggeringly bad decision-making by the Hamline administration.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 12:34 AM
7

Yup. I’m not really one into “making guys wait” for any length of time, but I learned to take more care with my feelings. Since I’m the only person who is responsible for my emotional well-being, then it’s up to me to make sure I’m at least being mindful of it in the decisions I make. And sometimes that means I know I like a guy way too much to sleep with him before I know just a bit more about how he feels about me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 04:40 PM
17

Another factor is the one of self-protection. If you’re having casual sex with someone you think you aren’t at risk of developing feelings for, there’s less chance of getting hurt if and when it ends. But if you sleep with someone you are developing feelings for and they bail, that often causes a lot of pain. So when you are starting to see someone who you really like, it can be self-protective to take a minute before getting sexually involved in order to gather more evidence that both of you ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 03:23 PM
21

When I was young I was really squicked out by very large age gaps and very judgmental about it, but at this point in my life I cannot bring myself to care about who anyone dates. So yeah, those are my honest thoughts: it doesn’t matter. If everyone is legal, it’s just not something I’m going to worry about even insofar as to try to come up with an argument for or against. I don’t care anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 04:50 AM
3

For sure, I’ve had several guys I was interested in, who liked me as a friend but weren’t interested in me romantically. Like maybe four I can think of? No big deal. Most of them I stayed good friends with.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 02:24 AM
2

I love the fantasy for sure. Unfortunately I just cannot get turned on by people I’ve just met like that. It takes more time for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 08:15 PM
2

Yeah, that wouldn’t work for me, unfortunately.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 08:08 PM
6

I concur with the OP here: friends do vent with and use friends for emotional support a great deal. It’s just more common in female friendships, though not exclusive to them. (I have close platonic male friends with whom I’ve spent hours supporting them through break-ups, grief, work frustration, mental health issues, identity crises, etc.) Female friends also tend to compliment and reassure each other a lot, like you describe. It really seems to me that the conflict here is men who perceive tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 05:49 PM
2

They come from the same communities, which are very damaged ones. I’m really not sure why it’s so hard for RP guys to grasp this.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 05:25 PM
5

A few come to mind. One is in his 50s and as far as I know has never had any romantic or sexual contact with women whatsoever. He has a significant lifelong physical disability, which makes dating extremely hard. A couple others have extremely apparent autism — even to manage normal social interaction enough to be able to make friendships has been a long road for them. The last one I can think of has some severe mental health issues and personal problems, but is also a bad person. A true narciss…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 02:48 PM
2

No, it doesn’t. It has to do with class, and the behaviours correlated with poverty and deeply unhealthy social environments.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 02:35 PM
3

There are higher rates of childbearing amongst people living in poverty, and for the same reasons linked to criminal behaviour. Spend time in the environments that the large majority of people with criminal records come from, which are the same environments the majority of women they date come from. There are typically a whole host of social issues and problems going on, and those impact the women too: addiction, high-risk behaviours, low social mobility, low education, etc. A common result is v…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 09:45 AM
8

Yeah the “look at these people on Fresh and Fit” thing is hilarious, because it’s like — there’s definitely a very specific type of person who agrees to be on stuff like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/23 02:29 AM
1

I imagine it might vary according to what native bacteria take the lead in the overgrowth. “Dead fish” is a super classic presentation though. When when I had BV, the day I drove myself to the doctor the dead fish smell was so bad, even through jeans, I had to drive with all my windows rolled down and still got enough whiffs I wanted to barf.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:37 PM
1

Yeah you’re right, I’ll edit that. Overall, though, I think the gist is that it’s not necessarily an STI, and absolutely does not mean the girl was sleeping with other people or promiscuous.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:20 PM
3

True, it could be trich, but when I hear “dead fish smell” that’s classic BV too and usually where I’d go first, anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:18 PM
6

I remember him, or else there’s (likely) multiple.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:15 PM
1

Sex can cause it, but anything that disrupts the vaginal pH or vaginal microbiome can — douching is a major cause, anything which really irritates the vagina can be too. Sometimes antibiotics themselves can cause it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:08 PM
1

No worries. If you do talk to her again, let her know that it’s likely BV (the fish smell again is absolutely classic), and that treating it is super easy — usually a simple round of antibiotics. Some people also treat it at home with boric acid and / or probiotics, which can be effective, but if she isn’t familiar with it then it would be important to get a doctor to diagnose it first.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:05 PM
3

BV isn’t considered an STI. It’s caused by an overgrowth of normally-occurring vaginal bacteria due to a disruption to the vaginal pH or normal bacterial balance.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:01 PM
4

BV is not considered an STI. It’s caused by bacteria that naturally exist in the vaginal environment. Usually, at a healthy vaginal pH, those bacteria are held in check by other bacteria. If the pH shifts, then an imbalance can occur and some bacteria multiply too much and smell awful. A pH shift or shift to the bacterial balance can be caused by a new sex partner, whether or not condoms are used. But it can also be caused by stuff like douching, antibiotics, other health issues, certain vitamin…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 11:00 PM
2

To answer your question: speaking personally, I don’t know and always stress about it a little if I’m with someone I’m not yet in a long enough relationship with to trust they’d tell me. I’m always a teensy bit worried I don’t smell good and am just nose-blind to it. I’ve never had any complaints, but that doesn’t mean anything. Side note that overwhelmingly foul dead fish smell is probably bacterial vaginosis — that’s the classic presentation. She should be able to notice it herself (I had BV o…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 10:51 PM
12

Bacterial vaginosis, which is by far the most common cause of the classic “fishy smell,” and yeast infections are due to an imbalance in vaginal pH that causes an overgrowth of microorganisms that normally exist in the vaginal canal, not “dirty penises with sexual diseases.” They can happen to people who have never had sex, or people who are extremely far from being promiscuous. I’ve gotten both YIs and BV while entirely celibate for years. To be clear a foul odour can be a sign of some STIs, bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 10:43 PM
8

In the social environments I’m talking about, there usually aren’t “good providers” who don’t have a criminal background. Usually most of the men will be involved in something. There aren’t tons of healthy, stable men sitting there getting passed over for Chad in a gang.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 10:33 PM
11

In that category — like the serial killers who get life letters — it’s an incredibly minuscule percentage of women who do that. There are various psychological things at work. Some, like many of the women who write Manson, have their own dark shit that they’re interested in. People who are into occult or creepy stuff, who really lean into the “I’m so different and edgy” bit. Others… especially with guys serving life, a standard profile is often an older woman who is lonely and hasn’t been lucky …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 10:30 PM
32

This is why the “criminals get lots of women” thing drives me insane. For the most part, women who are involved with criminals come from the same social environments, ones where criminal activity is throughly normalized, as is a whole host of other problems. They date criminals because that’s just who they know and who their dating pool is. If anything, relative to those environments, criminals aren’t seen as bad people but as good providers and protectors.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 07:56 PM
26

I don’t feel romantic or sexual interest for someone just because he’s confident. Confidence only increases the chance I will be attracted to him based on his other physical and personal qualities; confidence is just a flavour enhancer, if you will. Like salt. It can’t make a horrible meal into a great one, but it can make a good dish into something even more delicious and memorable. I’ve never been sexually attracted to someone I’d consider a bad person. I haven’t met many men who “don’t mask t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 07:46 PM
7

MMF for sure. I just find it unlikely that I’ll both find one partner who wants the same, and then that we can find a third I’m sufficiently attracted to and click with who would also want it. I can’t get aroused for randoms, it takes me a bit to develop sexual attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 06:55 PM
14

That seems pretty standard to me? Like not everyone likes it, but overall those very early dates aren’t necessarily anything, so no reason not to explore several new connections until you get to a point you think one could be goinf somewhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 05:17 AM
6

Granted that I tend to move in somewhat more egalitarian social circles, but most people I know, male and female, have good long-term platonic friends of the opposite sex and these don’t tend to cause any issues. But yes, I agree that everyone should manage their boundaries to ensure friendships are healthy for them, however that looks. And nobody should linger around in a friendship only because they hope it becomes more.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 04:44 AM
3

European and Asian history is just overall better attested than most other regions due to various technological and historical reasons, and more extensively studied on top of that for all the obvious factors, starting with that European culture is naturally most interested in itself. There was certainly all sorts of interesting shit that went on in the Americas prior to European contact that we’ll just never know about.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 09:42 PM
1

I don’t like the look when the head is much wider than the shaft, or if the shaft itself is uneven in thickness — like thicker in the middle. I love a dick that’s basically smooth and straight and even from base to head, with a nice taper at the head.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 05:17 PM
0

My ideal build-a-man: Body: 5’7 and super skinny to lean. Low body fat and low to normal muscularity. Low body hair. Face: Big round eyes, a softer and slightly rounded jawline and a “baby face” relative to his age, but still with a very strong straight nose. Slightly fucked up bottom teeth, a slightly short lower jaw. Penis Size: 6” length is absolutely perfect, much longer doesn’t work for me. Shape and appearance is more important — I like intact, straight and streamlined, no curve. Basically…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 03:57 PM
1

Oh we definitely had more intense, animalistic sessions too. I’d just never call the dynamic him fucking me, exactly. It was always more like we just became one being.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 03:01 PM
3

Nah. It’s one of those sensations like trying to tickle yourself, it just doesn’t have the same effect. Penetration by a partner is fucking amazing — I prefer PIV to oral sex by a large margin. But by myself, it just isn’t the same, that’s all. Nothing feels quite like a real dick either.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 04:06 AM
36

The “friend zone” can also quite simply be called friendship. It’s having a friend you’re not attracted to and do not want to date. That’s real. The division you refer to is a result of one party perceiving this type of friendship as something that’s been done to them, a place they’ve been “put” when they were hoping for more, and other people finding that concept annoying.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 12:43 AM
5

Being able to be comfortably silent with someone is the best. It’s sort of a decent test, actually, as to how comfortable two people are with each other — when I can just be silent with someone and we’re both totally cool with it, I know we’re in a good place in terms of our connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 12:13 AM
2

People have extremely strong negative feelings on cheating, and also understand that infidelity is very often habitual behaviour. I think most people think of themselves as someone who would end a relationship if there was infidelity. Meanwhile, most people giving advice want the best for the other person, and since they don’t have any complex feelings or investment in the relationship, it’s quite easy for them to say “break up.” They don’t have to do the hard part of doing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 12:07 AM
1

Yes, for sure. My longest relationship (10 years) was with a man who was incredibly shy, timid / meek and extremely passive. Our sex life was wonderful for the first half of our relationship. Sex was a huge part of how we first connected, and it was the most erotic, beautiful, pleasurable sex I’ve ever had. I don’t know if I’d describe at as he “confidently fucked” me, as that was not really the vibe — it was always very gentle and tender. We would make love for hours, and I learned more about m…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 10:10 PM
7

Every day. Clitoral only, vaginal is amazing during partner sex but does absolutely nothing for me in masturbation.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 10:04 PM
1

I appreciate this. Thank you!!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 09:45 PM
1

I accept that this is probably right. I have a lifelong fear of being a burden to basically anyone, so this is probably just that working on my mind too.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 09:28 PM
3

Eh, I just never want to make someone annoyed or uncomfortable, like if he isn’t single, or simply doesn’t want some random woman bothering him.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 09:13 PM
4

Q4A: my 2023 resolution is to be more assertive and approach men more. When I was doing online dating I was always the first to suggest a date, and when I get to know a guy socially I’ve gotten a lot better at being the first to make a move, so I’m not a total stranger to kicking things off. But I still have lots of room to improve meeting guys at bars or other public social spaces — I always feel a bit awkward, and also don’t want to put him in an awkward position, so I guess it’s not knowing t…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 08:14 PM
7

Speaking for myself, yeah, I definitely try to make some form of tacit connection with a guy who has some kind of vibe I’m interested in. Eye contact, usually, and smiling if he looks back. It’s not only an “elite class” of men. I only tend to do this in bars though, mostly because when I’m out at one is when I’m feeling most social and open to meeting new people.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 08:07 PM
13

My guy friends are always super stoked for me. Or else they warn me when I very initially start dating a guy because they know something about him I don’t, that’s happened a couple of times and both times they were incredibly correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 02:40 AM
3

Bad sex is a dealbreaker. 100%. I mean the first time or two with a new person isn’t always great, sometimes there are nerves and it takes a bit to learn each other, but if it doesn’t improve it pretty much kills any interest I have in continuing.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/23 12:42 AM
2

Depends on the woman he’s dating, I suppose. Some women evidently don’t like any vulnerability. Personally, being very vulnerable and open makes me feel way more intimately connected to a man and thus more attracted to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 05:41 PM
5

When I think of the typically average couple I see: usually both are slightly overweight, if not outright obese. The man is balding but hasn’t gone for the full shave yet, has a pudgy, totally unremarkable face, and has basically no fashion sense — just slouchy jeans and t-shirts. The woman is basically his female equivalent — maybe she dresses a bit better but not much. Basically just unremarkable people overall.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 04:08 PM
7

All I can say is simply that this doesn’t track with my experience, as a woman. I absolutely had to change and work on myself and become a better, healthier, happier, more attractive, more socially successful, more confident and more overall appealing partner in order to start getting much attention from men. The difference in both the quantity and quality of male interest I received as I worked on improving myself was night and day. And to be clear, I don’t blame men at all for not being intere…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 05:15 AM
1

“Most women don’t want casual sex” isn’t the same thing as “casual sex almost never happens.” And the accurate fact that the majority of average men date and find partners is not equivalent to saying that that individual women find the majority of men attractive. Literally every time we’ve done a “how many men do you find attractive” thread on PPD, basically all the “blue pill” women clearly state it’s only a very small minority. I’ve never once seen anyone say that women find most men attractiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 01:33 AM
1

In my city there are teams of people with mental health and social work credentials who are extensively trained in safely managing and de-escalating mental health crises, and absolutely do want to do that work. It’s not the right approach for every single situation, but they can handle the vast majority of mental health calls that police currently handle, and they do it at a much more affordable cost to city finances. A far more efficient use of taxpayer dollars, with better overall outcomes.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 12:57 AM
2

If you don’t find any value in a relationship other than sex, then you shouldn’t have a relationship. Many men find a relationship very meaningful. They really like their partner, first and foremost. They want to have that person in their life and often see that person as their best friend. They like having a companion to build a life with and typically start a family with. They find that their life is overall much better with their partner than it would be without them. If that’s not meaningful…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 07:58 PM
3

This point of this sub isn’t to “help” anyone. It’s not an advice or support sub. It’s a debate sub where people come to argue. If you’re finding that it’s not good or helpful for you personally to be on it, I’d suggest unsubscribing and muting it. But expecting it to become a helpful place is wanting it to be something it isn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 11:11 AM
22

To start with the quick, usual disclaimer that “blue pill” isn’t any single belief set, and just refers to anyone who doesn’t subscribe to red pill beliefs: I don’t even know anyone on the “blue pill” side here who argues most of these things. For example, I’ve never seen a single person here argue that “most women are attracted to most men,” that casual sex “almost never happens,” or that physical appearance carries “very little weight” and that people select for personality “95 per cent of the…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 11:07 AM
1

My last relationship was sexless for its final three years. The reasons are somewhat complex and I don’t want to get deep into them for privacy reasons. The long story short is my partner went through some stuff and made some life decisions that made him lose his libido and become completely disinterested in sex with me. Those decisions also damaged my attraction to him significantly. I tried really hard to communicate with him about this and see if we could rebuild the intimacy, because we’d ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 04:33 AM
1

This was an amazing year for me. Without getting into details I got to do a lot of insanely cool and meaningful things I still can’t believe I got to do, I found new work opportunities I never imagined I’d have, and I made so many wonderful friends. All of that is putting me in a place to have an incredible 2023, I am making some big changes that are putting me exactly where I want to be. I feel happier, healthier and more optimistic about life than I ever have. I just want to keep exploring and…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 06:02 AM
20

Yeah this one has me nailed for sure
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/23 05:48 AM
17

Of the four women interviewed in the story, two of them did find a man to marry and have kids when they felt like it. And all four did go on to get pregnant and have kids. Not getting everything you want in life isn’t the worst thing that can happen; overall sounds like things turned out pretty good for all of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 07:00 PM
22

She has at least one kid now, yeah. (This story is from 2018). The eggs she froze didn’t work out, because the clinics that freeze them often oversell the efficacy rates of freezing, but she went on to get pregnant with a donor egg + donor sperm and IVF. https://nationalpost.com/news/world/i-was-sad-i-was-angry-i-was-ashamed-inside-the-struggle-to-conceive-with-frozen-eggs
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 06:42 PM
1

Nah. I was with my very average former partner, who I was very attracted to, for 10 years and was never once tempted to cheat. Not even when my partner lost his libido entirely and we didn’t have sex for the last three years.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/23 12:35 AM
-2

This is the difference between “how many men are you attracted to” and “how many men are unattractive.” Not being immediately attracted to a guy does not mean I think he’s unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 09:11 PM
1

I am very glad he’s bringing more skinny hot into Hollywood. Hasn’t been enough of that IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 04:46 AM
1

Not who you asked, but I stumbled across this guy yesterday and I think I’m in love, he has very close to my absolute ideal male face: https://youtu.be/CgtMq77466Q In terms of my preferred male body type, probably like a slightly shorter Timothee Chalamet. Knock a few inches off him and that basically every guy I check out.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 04:36 AM
2

As someone who has sought out and followed a great deal of female self-improvement, I do not agree. It starts with appearance for both sexes — body, grooming, style. It doesn’t end there for either of us, and it doesn’t just make a “marginal” difference. For me, working on my personality, overall life and well-being and especially my confidence and social skills made a very significant difference in how well I did with men. It was not a “marginal” difference, at all, I assure you, and it did tak…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/22 01:48 AM
3

Finally, someone appreciates what I bring to the table 😭
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 11:14 PM
3

Oh please don’t, clone someone with a better butt than mine at least
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 11:09 PM
2

I totally agree that women can’t be convinced to be aroused by somebody they aren’t. No need for the “average” or “below average” qualifier if you consider it to be subjective, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 09:52 PM
4

Well, if we’re going with the idea that “average” and “above average” is entirely subjective, sure. But I mean, that then renders posts like this entirely meaningless.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 09:47 PM
7

Oh I dunno, every guy I’ve ever dated with the exception of one has been solidly in the “average” range. You guys would probably call at least a couple of them considerably below average. They aroused the hell out of me though. 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 09:34 PM
2

Impeccable logic
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 08:42 PM
2

I might steal that bet idea actually, that’s fun!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 08:34 PM
5

I have a firm rule that a guy does not pay for me on a first date. Either we pay separate or I’ll pay; or if we’re just getting drinks I can get the first round and he can get the second. If we have a second date and I know I want a third, I’ll let him pay if he offers, but it’s never expected by me. If he does offer, then I’ll for sure get the next one. I’ve never liked the idea that men should pay, for a lot of reasons. Seems very unfair and makes zero sense to me in today’s context. That’s no…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 08:28 PM
2

I agree with this, yeah. I mean, I’m “blue pill,” but I think RP can be useful as a kick in the ass to folks who are stuck, and for whom certain things I kinda see as common sense didn’t quite register earlier. The danger is if they get consumed by the rage bait or slide deep into the more extreme elements. Anger can be quite the drug for a lot of people, especially if you’re using it to distract you from your own unhappiness. It’s good if you can use it to kickstart motivation, much less so if …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 05:50 PM
2

No, it isn’t. “Nice” is just more or less synonymous with or a combo of “kind,” “friendly” and “pleasant.” None of those meaning bend over backwards to elevate other people’s needs above your own all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 05:16 PM
6

In short: falling into a rabbit hole of consuming endless rage bait about how women are evil whores, while doing absolutely nothing to improve yourself and your life, results in zero improvements in one’s dating or overall life success.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 04:23 PM
3

Yep. A lot of people have a very blurry definition of “objectification.” (Including, I will say, a lot of the people who criticize it.) Objectification is not the same thing as finding someone sexually or physically attractive. It is the process of literally seeing a person as an object, a thing. You can look at someone and think “damn, they’re hot” while still seeing them as a person and without reducing them to status of a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 04:07 PM
7

As others said, I think some people have a lot of difficulty differentiating between “nice” and “being a doormat.” You need to have your own identity and boundaries, in a relationship and out. It’s more attractive, yes, but also ensures healthier and more balanced relationships. Overly people-pleasing behaviour isn’t the same as being “nice.” Honestly, I think “nice” as a personality descriptor is nearly meaningless. Most people are pleasant enough, at least to the people they like.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 04:03 PM
1

I vastly prefer to be given. I think it shows confidence (not needing to be in control of the situation, can happily take it or leave it) and respect for my comfort, both of which are very attractive qualities.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 02:11 PM
2

I’m definitely the wrong person to ask about how to meet and approach women, but there’s always r/cougarsandcubs if you want to read a community discussing the dynamics of meeting and dating with that kind of age gap. Overall, most women will not date all too much younger, and it’s not a matter of how the guy looks. It’s a life stage thing, mostly. I’m a bit unusual in that I’ve only dated younger men, not intentionally just the way it’s worked out, but even then my age cut-off has definitely gr…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 05:27 AM
11

My simple answer is I think people who engage in these kinds of games have issues. So: someone who will block you hoping you will keep texting from an unblocked number strikes me as someone who doesn’t know how to articulate what they want, probably doesn’t know how to maintain healthy boundaries, and probably doesn’t have a secure attachment style. Every healthy and successful lasting relationship I personally can think of went more or less the same way: two people liked each other, and basical…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/22 02:01 AM
–

Physical attraction is to large extent innate and cannot be controlled. So, to be clear: you would like women to not be “shallow,” which means to date you even though they do not find your body physically attractive and are not sexually aroused by you? In your view, they should simply overlook that and, I guess, push themselves to have sex with you despite not feeling attraction?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 11:58 PM
2

It’s hard for me to answer this, being straight. I mean, I date men because I’m attracted to men so that’s the overarching positive. But I’ll try this. The men in my life have almost all been wonderful. There are no men in my life who hate women. Are they out there? For sure. But I find it’s not too hard to suss them out, honestly, and since I choose who to associate with, I can easily avoid them when I do encounter them. So many men, including many of those I’ve dated, have brought something me…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 11:29 PM
2

Define “shallow.” It isn’t shallow to not date people you are not attracted to, because attraction is the necessary basis for most modern relationships. If you’re overweight or obese, I agree that’s likely a significant barrier to dating — it shrinks the pool of people who will be attracted to you considerably.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 11:14 PM
5

Given what I recall of the situation, it’s simply that she saw potential at first, but after spending more time together she no longer did. The question of whether it’s anything you did or didn’t do is sort of weird to untangle. To put it this way: I don’t think there is any one thing you could have done to change the outcome. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. For instance, with the guy I described above: I definitely know what turned him off on our third date, just one of my favourite co…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 10:39 PM
7

Because the entire point of dating is to determine attraction and romantic compatibility. She likely enjoyed spending time with you on the first few dates and was open to exploring the connection further, but as it progressed she decided she was not feeling a romantic attraction to you and didn’t wish to continue. That’s what dating is, that’s how it goes. I went on three dates in the course of a week with a guy this spring and had a lot of fun. He told me shortly before a planned fourth date th…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 10:25 PM
1

If I am attracted to a guy, I will be attracted to him regardless of if he makes a move right away. If I’m attracted to him, then I will fucking love to do “chit chat” with him for hours and I will not only remain attracted, but become even moreso. That said, if we see each other multiple times and he doesn’t make a move, and doesn’t respond to mine when I do, I will probably conclude he’s not interested, soothe my disappointment and move on, after which point I may not want to revisit it. But i…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 10:14 PM
3

There are a minority of women who are attracted to just the money, period. I would try to vet out those women and avoid them, unless you accept that dynamic and are okay with it. There are a larger portion of women who find success, including financial success, to make someone a more attractive and appealing partner than they would be without it, but it is not the only or factor. They will still be weighing physical attraction and personal compatibility, etc. Then there are some women who do not…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 08:50 PM
1

Depends on the guy, but silver fox is definitely a good look on a lot of dudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 08:21 PM
1

A cruise is like my personal travel hell. Never been on one, no plans to ever be on one, nothing about it appeals.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 04:46 PM
1

It depends on women you like, I suppose. A hitch is that a lot of older women don’t feel comfortable dating younger, but some do. That said, not really sure there’s any one place beyond the usual — apps, social groups and shared activities, yadda yadda. There’s always cougar bars if you wanna go real older, but “level headed” isn’t the word I’d use for the cougar bar crowd. (And I say that with much fondness.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 03:16 PM
1

Not even remotely close, heh.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:59 AM
1

LOL yeah, I’m up way too late for work but with nothing to do except wait for some info, so rooting through your comment history for more stuff to reply to is the only thing keeping me awake, thank you for this service. But yeah, I do agree. I often wish I’d gotten my overall shit together younger, as I have such an easier time connecting with people and dating now than I used to. But those years had their lessons too, so ultimately life just works out the way it does and I try to appreciate whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:59 AM
1

Not the men I personally know and have in my life. Just not a way they think or behave, with anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:40 AM
1

Where I am it’s immigration. My high school had, I recall, maybe 5-6 non-white kids out of 300 students in my grade. My sister now works in administration at the same school, and just the other day mentioned there are now 10 white kids in the entire school. Huge demographic change.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:32 AM
2

Yeah I’m doing fine. Very lucky.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:27 AM
2

Eh, if we’re talking about me, I spent 19-23 single and celibate, then again from 25 to 27, then a year between 30 and 31 before getting into my last LTR, and didn’t casually date during those times. I was still overall okay, although very lonely for some of that for sure. These days it’s more like what you describe, more dating around, but that’s basically the point — I’m fine without a relationship, just meeting interesting people and letting life happen how it will. Not needing to jump on any…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 07:04 AM
1

No, it isn’t. Just a region that isn’t diverse, at least not in my age range (the younger generation here is totally different, way, way more diverse.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 06:51 AM
1

Low six figures, in a LCOL area.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 06:41 AM
1

Nah. Not the men I’m around or spend time with. And I mean that in all sincerity.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 06:34 AM
1

I can absolutely assure you the men I’ve been with legitimately did not notice the things I eventually asked about. 100% certain they were being fully truthful. My entire experience with men has consistently been that I am a thousand times more critical of my body than men ever are. A thousand times.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 06:25 AM
10

Yes, this. You know, the guy I’ve most recently been involved with… if I’d seen him first on an app, I don’t think I would have swiped right, for a few reasons. I don’t think his looks or personality or overall vibe come across online, and the photos he seems to choose of himself are not the most flattering. But I saw him first in person. I was curious about him the second I saw him, like… “who is that guy?” He stood out. As we got to know each other over the next week, I got so fucking hot for …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 06:05 AM
9

Up to you. To me personally, I go by what I can tell people feel about me. And if he’s into me, that’s all that matters, not a past snap judgment on one or two photos when mindlessly swiping through a thousand bios.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 05:20 AM
16

No. Like I said, I’d think it was funny and for sure tease him about it, but it wouldn’t bother me at all. I cannot possibly take that seriously his split-second snap judgment over a photo or two versus what he actually sees and feels about me in person.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 05:15 AM
28

That’s up to you, but personally if a guy swiped left on me but then we met in person and he was into it and I was into it — that’s literally all that matters to me. The apps are just a couple of photos and a few words, I already know I’m not super photogenic, I don’t care if his impression from that wasn’t accurate to how I am IRL.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 05:11 AM
32

Yeah for sure. Wouldn’t bother me at all, I’d think it was funny. And if anything, if he’d swiped left on me but was super into me after meeting IRL I’d take that as a compliment — like hell yeah, I’m more charming and fun and sexy than my awkward photos suggest. There are lots of people I have been wildly attracted to when meeting them IRL but probably would not have swiped if I’d only seen them on the apps, which is part of the reason I quit the apps and focused on meeting people IRL instead. …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 05:06 AM
15

Yeah. The amount of time I spent thinking no man would ever want to see me naked because of my normal thigh cellulite, or the fact my tits and ass aren’t perfectly perky, or that I have a weird birthmark or whatever. And not a single man I’ve ever been with has given a single shit about any of that. Not even a little.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 05:00 AM
2

Woman here, but I’m with you. It’s a thoroughly practical object for me, give me a car that will reliably take me from point A to point B at as reasonable a cost-basic comfort ratio as possible. I cannot fathom giving a shit about a car beyond that, and the amount some people spend on cars is bonkers to me, even if they can easily afford it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 04:42 AM
4

So regardless of everything else, this relationship doesn’t sound healthy for you, given your last paragraph. Why remain in it?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 04:35 AM
34

I’ll be honest that I haven’t found this at all. I think by and large, influencers and their perfect filtered bodies and faces cause a ton of insecurities in women, but most men are still totally attracted to and aroused by “real” female bodies just fine. I was always outright shocked to discover men didn’t even notice, let alone give a shit, about the things on my body I was super self conscious about, until I eventually realized that the IG model shit was just doing a number on my head and men…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 03:38 AM
2

Depends on the shy guy. My longest-term ex was like that for sure, he had really severe social anxiety and a lot going on in his mind at all times. I’d still describe him as “chill” though, at least in the way that I’m thinking of it. Maybe it’s not quite the right word. But whatever storms were going on in his mind, he was still my most calming person to be around, in large part because he was so introverted. We made a happy little cocoon for the two of us, and it was very good for a very long …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 12:52 AM
3

I agree that women on average prefer taller men, I would never dispute that. I also acknowledge the dating challenges short men experience. However, I still am personally most attracted to short guys. I notice short guys more, and check them out more. I think a skinny, compact frame is overall super hot. (I’m short and tiny myself at 5’2, if that means anything.) In non-chronological order, I have dated men who are 5’1, 5’3, two that were 5’5, two that were 5’6, a couple in the 5’8-5’9 range and…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 12:37 AM
1

For the physical, just always thought that body type was hot. Couldn’t tell you why. Never liked big or stocky guys at all, always the skinny ones. And I was always more likely to check out shorter guys. I have idly wondered: my very first boyfriend in high school was 5’5 and about 110 lbs, as well as painfully shy. He was wonderful. Most of the guys I’ve dated since look and act a fair bit like him. There’s a chicken or the egg question I’ve mused over: do I like that type because my first teen…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 12:21 AM
6

Speaking for myself, I can assure you, when I say I tend to be more attracted to short, shy and skinny guys, I’m telling the truth. Always have been, and my dating history backs that up. I don’t think this makes me special, and I don’t think it’s in any way “morally superior.” I just like what I like, and it’s been more or less the same type of guy since I was in junior high. It’s not better or worse than anything else, just what floats my own particular boat. I do expect there’s a skew on Reddi…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/22 12:02 AM
2

This is sort of secondary to your point, but worth noting that contraceptive efficacy stats are for the year, not per act. So for example if 100 couples use only condoms correctly every time for one year, researchers expect to see two pregnancies in that time due to method failure. Also, “perfect use” efficacy stats are usually theorized based on the known method failure rate, whereas “typical use” stats usually reflect what is documented in real-life populations, though that can also be mislead…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 10:32 PM
5

I do empathize because I remember the anxiety I had when first becoming sexually active. But I went on to do a lot of education and counselling work in women’s sexual and reproductive health, and that left me feeling overall quite empowered about all of it. Knowledge is power, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 10:25 PM
3

Honestly, 15 years ago I would have said yes and we would break up, etc. Now? Nah, I don’t need to know, it’s fine. Actually, even if they told me, it might be fine. My views on strict sexual monogamy have mellowed a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 07:08 PM
1

May I note that almost nobody, including who is BP, recommends treating women “like a princess.” Most women don’t want that and don’t like it (and the ones who do, I’d be wary of). I also don’t think BP exactly advises becoming a “best friend” to date someone. Anyway, there are a ton of variables at play, and can be no one answer that covers all situations. For instance, if you’ve met someone at a bar and have been chatting for an hour, and you’d like to see them again, then just go ahead and as…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 06:08 PM
1

Oh, also.Billy Talent “The Ex.” Where my 2000s Canadians at?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:52 PM
1

He’s not my type personally, but he’s beautiful IMO with striking, interesting features.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:51 PM
2

Not a break-up tune as such and this is a very geographic and era-specific tune; but half the posts from guys on this sub have me mentally humming The Northern Pikes’s She Ain’t Pretty as the theme song.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:16 PM
4

Emergency contraception works primarily by delaying ovulation (some studies have shown this is likely its only method of action, though others have been theorized). This means it is not an abortifacient. So, if it’s taken within the fertile window but with enough time to delay ovulation, it is quite effective. But if taken too close to ovulation to prevent it, the efficacy seems minimal, as per that study above. It’s also less effective in larger women, though that part is not as well known as i…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 03:49 PM
34

Coming to terms with the fact that you could get pregnant from being sexually active is a process most women who have sex with men go through, yes, whether they have casual sex or not. How that impacts one’s sexual choices depends on the individual. For me personally, while I’m not a big fan of casual sex for several reasons, pregnancy risk isn’t one of them. I am comfortable with the protection offered by the methods I choose, and also comfortable with my ability to handle an unplanned pregnanc…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 03:42 PM
4

I’m in the “as long as he can support himself” camp, and I mean it. I make a very good income and have been the higher earner in my relationships by a large margin. In my past relationships we went on lots of vacations because even adding his lower salary to mine, we could easily afford it. Gifts aren’t my love language at all — my exes and I never did gifts, by my request (and to their relief), so no I don’t care about nice Christmas presents. And I don’t want children.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 02:39 PM
1

Not because of his body type, LOL. We were together a decade! I actively look for skinny guys now. Hottest body type to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 02:12 PM
1

Hell yesssss. That’s my type. My longest-term ex had a 17.5 BMI. I adored his body.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 01:38 PM
1

I’m white.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:22 AM
14

Mostly, there are very few men I’m attracted to. Besides looks, I have a very specific personality type that I find attractive and that is compatible with mine, and can’t be sexually attracted to anyone without it. Since marriage and kids isn’t a priority for me, I’m in no huge rush to change that for the sake of just having a relationship — I’m happy to enjoy life, meet people and see what happens. Also, I was in a 10-year LTR I thought would be forever. Unfortunately, for reasons outside our c…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:21 AM
14

Height: 5’1 to 6’2 is fine. I am short, usually go for short guys, and have dated men within that full range. Under five feet would maybe be a little iffy. Over 6’2 the height difference would feel weird to me. 5’5 to 5’8 is kinda my sweet spot. Income: I do not give a shit. So long as he can take care of himself like an adult, income is irrelevant to me. Race: I live in a region that isn’t super diverse and as a result have only ever dated white or South Asian men because that’s most of who I’m…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 05:12 AM
2

I 100% look better on video (and, I’m told, in person) than still photos. I swear some features just don’t photograph well but look fine IRL.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 02:32 AM
1

Every time I meet a guy without any tattoos now I’m like “damn, how’d you manage that?”
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 11:50 PM
5

Correct, when someone is into you it’s not that difficult. If it is, they aren’t that into you.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 10:13 PM
5

Not super often. Depends what I’m doing in any given month, but maybe once or twice a month on average that I notice a guy I think is attractive. And yeah it has nothing to do with most guys being ugly or anything. They’re not. I just have a very specific type that flips all the switches for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 10:09 PM
3

My point is this: if there is no widespread uptake of “flipped” gender roles in relationships, it’s potentially an argument that feminism is simply wrong that such gender roles are alterable on a broad scale, but it’s not an argument that feminism is at fault for men not being able to do so. I’m not saying RP “caused” it. I’m saying if that’s your evaluation, it would mean that RP is correct in its analysis of gender dynamics in dating; but it makes no sense to say “feminism is at fault for more…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 06:01 PM
6

Alimony, which is gender neutral by law, is only awarded in a small minority of modern divorce cases in North America, about 1 in 10 — because most women now continue to work through marriage and are able to be financially self-sufficient after. Meanwhile, men make up a larger share of alimony recipients than ever, a rate that will likely continue to increase as the rate of households with a much higher female earner does — it actually could be higher, but some experts have observed many men who…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 03:55 PM
2

I don’t disagree with you, but let me reiterate: that points to Red Pill’s arguments about how the world and dating works, not feminism. But OP seems to be blaming it on feminism.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 02:50 PM
0

I’ve never once seen men like that. How could I? Men are half the people in my life, half my lifetime mentors, colleagues and positive relationships, probably more than half my closest friends. I cannot imagine conceiving men as an enemy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 02:45 PM
2

Resentment isn’t the same as blame. It’s not a feeling you can control. How one deals with it is another story. But telling everyone who feels it they’re a shitty person is a good way to stop people from being able to talk about it and address it in healthy ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 06:44 AM
2

They might have, had they been happy and fulfilled people.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 06:06 AM
24

Women are smaller with lower muscle mass on average and need fewer calories even with all other things being equal; so in the calorie-rich environment that we’re in today it’s easier for women to become obese. Meanwhile, OP acts like every obese guy gets told to get his shit together and loses the weight. But male obesity rates and female obesity rates aren’t much different in the United States; or [in the United Kingdom]. (https://www.statista.com/statistics/334126/obesity-prevalence-by-gender-…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 05:49 AM
74

These seem to all be your gripes with women, not feminism. Feminism doesn’t have any particular investment or encouragement of “clubbing, partying and excessive drug use,” for instance, and I daresay women who really identify as feminists are less often the clubbing type. Feminism has also largely advocated in favour of reducing gender roles for men, including men taking on more active parenting roles. The fact it hasn’t seen a lot of uptake actually points more to Red Pill ideas than feminist o…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 05:33 AM
6

My imaginary children in an imaginary situation I’d never be in appreciate your concern. Anyway, it’s rarely publicly discussed but also not uncommon for a parent to have complex feelings, including resentment, towards children when those children altered the parent’s life path in a way that made them deeply unhappy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 05:24 AM
1

Yeah, I’d call that dad bod. For me, staggeringly unsexy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 02:28 AM
1

No, quite the opposite. My father always stressed that marriage was optional, only held as much value as one personally placed in it, and wasn’t something to do young at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 02:26 AM
3

1, 2 and 3 in that order, with 3 being a very, very distant 3 for me. Can’t be attracted to a guy with that build.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 02:17 AM
4

Answering as a woman: I would never have been a SAHM. I wouldn’t be happy or fulfilled at all, and as a result I would resent my spouse and any children we had. I also would not be comfortable at all giving up so much of my potential earning ability to rely on my partner economically. Shit happens that one can’t predict, even in the best marriages. It’s important to me to be able to contribute economically to my household, but also to know I can support myself if I had to. I’ve seen the SAHM sce…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 01:38 AM
1

There’s quite a long way between “romance and taking it slow” and “sending a dick pic to someone you’ve sent a few texts to again after years.” She might have been considering giving you a chance to see if you were interested in more than sex, and the dick pic absolutely ended any hope of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 01:24 AM
2

Women rarely want to see dick pics from someone they don’t have an ongoing thing with, and even then, it varies. If we want to see them, we’ll generally let you know. This is a girl you slept with years ago. You’d had a sparse bit of chatting again recently. She might have been up for meeting and seeing if the vibe was the same, but sending a dick pic was too aggressive considering you barely have any sort of communication. In her shoes I would have been turned off too. Beyond that, stop overthi…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 12:31 AM
144

You have it backwards. Women do have lower sex drives overall. But the actual harsh truth for men who aren’t having much luck dating isn’t that women “barely want sex,” that’s sugarcoating it for those guys. Many women absolutely love and crave sex — with men they’re attracted to and enjoy having sex with. Many of us simply can’t enjoy sex unless we’re attracted to the man, but nonetheless crave it with someone we are attracted to. So if you’re not finding women who want to have sex with you, it…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/22 12:22 AM
3

Both sexes cheat for the same general reason: they get bored with only having sex with each other and other people are attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 08:56 PM
3

It’s never inevitable to be fat?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 08:40 PM
2

Self-improvement for men is the same: fitness / physique / weight loss, grooming and fashion are the three biggest categories of self-improvement for men, and not by coincidence the same areas OP himself lists first in his post. You’ll notice OP’s post does the exact same thing, yes? Appearance is a very obvious starting point for both sexes when looking to make themselves more attractive. It’s what people literally see first, after all. Then there are all the other same areas commonly featured …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 06:32 PM
70

It’s a class thing. People tend to date most within their own socioeconomic class — which isn’t strictly about income — and while a university degree is an imperfect indicator of that, it’s still an indicator.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 03:42 PM
1

I don’t disagree. But it’s up to everyone what they’re willing to change, ultimately.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 05:07 AM
6

Yeah, I don’t get that either personally. Some people I suppose are genuinely happy with their bodies at a higher weight, and even in the name of self-improvement there’s no reason to change something you like about yourself. I also think there’s a lot of unfortunate misinformation around weight loss. That and I think it’s just a psychologically more difficult thing for a lot of people. But it’s not something I’ve ever experienced so honestly, I don’t know.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 04:46 AM
3

He can do whatever he needs to. She’s fine to be hurt that someone she had considered a friend suddenly blocked her. When deciding whether to continue a friendship with someone one has romantic interest in, it’s best to consider whether you’re really genuinely cool with a friendship to avoid this sort of situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 04:41 AM
6

I strongly advise getting off PPD. Strongly. It clearly isn’t affecting you well.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 04:37 AM
3

It’s still something people do to improve themselves in the way they define, often in hopes of being more attractive. Spending a couple hundred bucks on a new haircut and colour isn’t “meaningful” either, it’s just a matter of degree to which you decide to change your appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/22 01:37 AM
4

Sure, but they’re still very much a part of self-improvement stuff marketed to us and that women choose. Whether one personally recommends it or not is a different story.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 11:53 PM
8

I mean, I hear what you’re saying, but that applies to most men’s self-improvement as well: fitness and weight, grooming and dressing better are basically the big top three for men. Then you have the social confidence and mental health stuff, hobbies and activities, and self-improvement by making more money (that one does tend to be more prevalent in men’s self-improvement spaces than women’s). I haven’t personally seen much, if any, self-improvement material by men for men that is focused on st…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 11:22 PM
12

Yeah, I’ve definitely known people at a point in their lives where there was absolutely no way they could take on a romantic relationship any more involved than “we can hang out and sleep together sometimes.” That said, it is often used as a gentle let-down to someone a person isn’t all that interested in. But for sure it does happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 08:08 PM
21

Not sure what you’re on about. OP asked if women do self-improvement, and the answer is “absolutely yes,” in many ways and avenues. You don’t personally have to agree with how any particular strain is done, but it still exists.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 07:57 PM
2

The idea that he was literally repulsed by me for however long it took to accept my presence would be so damaging to how I saw myself and our relationship I’m not sure I’d want to continue it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 07:18 PM
2

If I knew that I’d end it immediately. I want to be with someone who is attracted to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 07:10 PM
38

I might suggest that some of what is absolutely self-improvement content aimed at women may iterates a bit differently than it does for men. It might be packaged in a more cheerful way, but make no mistake, every IG guru that’s doing reels of her workouts or try-on hauls or make-up tutorials or “how I make my favourite smoothie” or whatever is selling self-improvement. The reason they get popular is that they’re selling aspirational examples and instructions to women on how to be happier, health…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 07:03 PM
4

What percentage of women do you think are ever offered vast amounts of cash and luxurious trips on a private jet? Hint: it’s so low that it’s really not relevant to most of us.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 06:11 PM
8

I mean, “good” is a matter of debate since there are a whole lot of dodgy grifters in the entire self-improvement space, but yes women absolutely apply self-improvement advice in real-life.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 05:45 PM
155

Absolutely. I mean, there are entire industries devoted to this. It’s largely all the same stuff as you listed: working out, improving nutrition, losing weight if you need to, getting fit, dressing better, getting a better hairstyle and grooming, learning how to do better makeup and hair, improving their mental health, improving their overall lifestyle, learning how to be more social and confident, getting involved in new activities and building healthier social networks. It may also include med…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 05:29 PM
1

People can also say meaner things than they actually think, as well as nicer. Especially when there’s a pile-on — social conforming behaviour can be very toxic.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:20 AM
1

That’s awful, and it’s not okay. Why do people leave such childish and hateful comments? Because the Internet enables people to be assholes for laughs with minimal consequence.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 12:05 AM
1

No problem though for OP, it’s morally justified!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 10:28 PM
1

As someone with big boobs for my frame, we’ll have to agree to disagree — they’re incredibly unflattering on me. But I honestly just hate them on everyone. Proud turtleneck hater.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 10:24 PM
4

For what it’s worth, I’m a feminist and thought that episode was appalling. Pointless outrage over absolutely nothing. I felt awful for the dude. And tbh most feminists I know felt the same. None of us cared about the shirt and all of us felt terrible for the guy. One problem is that social media really rewards the most edgy or ridiculous takes. One person screaming for someone to be cancelled will get more engagement and amplification than 100 saying “I don’t see the big deal” and moving on wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 10:14 PM
1

Turtlenecks are horrendously unattractive articles of clothing on pretty much anyone, and nothing will ever CMV on this. I mean, I’m not gonna make it a dealbreaker or anything, but yeah if a guy showed up to a date wearing a turtleneck I’d be like… well… that… looks terrible.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 09:56 PM
8

Men can absolutely point to their risk of being victims of violence to inform why they choose to be cautious about engaging strangers or avoiding situations that feel risky or unsafe. Sounds smart to me, go for it. Nobody is telling you otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 09:49 PM
8

I live in the core area of a city with a high violent crime rate relative to equivalent cities, very much not a “gated community,” and not only do I only know one person who‘s ever been jumped amongst my circle of friends, but the stats are quite clear that only a small minority of people here will be a victim of violent crime in their lifetimes, including assault. Obviously it’s more common in some places than others, and I am not doubting at all that most people you know have been jumped, but …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 09:45 PM
1

41 years old, 10.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 04:29 PM
2

Yep, that’s correct!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 09:31 AM
7

I’m definitely sure they’d continue to hold that view if they married a woman who made much more and found out she was cheating :)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 09:19 AM
8

His last paragraph literally says a man in this situation has “a moral right” to cheat, so yeah he is saying it’s okay morally.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 08:44 AM
14

I’ve always made considerably more than my partners, and I’d say about half of my female friends make more than theirs. Glad to know y’all think we can cheat because of that! P.S. no “most guys” would not agree it’s cool for women to cheat just because she craves variety and contributed more to the marital assets
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 08:37 AM
66

Sure, although by that logic I’d assume you also feel that women who earn much more than their spouse and stand to lose a great deal in the divorce are also justified in cheating for better sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 07:56 AM
1

I’m suggesting that many things we tend to find attractive in the opposite sex, we do so because they are signals of health and nutrition. Height is very impacted by those things, especially in an ancestral environment where calories, nutrition and good overall health was much harder to come by than it is today and very few people reached what would have been their maximum genetic potential height because of lack of sufficient resources. And once again: it can also be both things, which you seem…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 03:36 AM
15

Zelenskyy, by far, hands down, I am personally wildly attracted to him. This isn’t just a wartime president thing either. He was once named the handsomest man in Ukraine. And there is no shortage of video of women tripping over themselves to flirt with him from over the last 20 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 03:13 AM
4

I don’t know if I think dominance and extroversion are the same thing or even necessarily all that correlated, but you seem to be describing only the latter. Being social or outgoing or more talkative isn’t the same as being dominant.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 01:56 AM
1

We don’t always consciously identify why we are attracted to what we are, and many things we find attractive are understood to be signs of health and good nutrition, so no reason height — which is absolutely linked to nutrition and good health and, thus, superior access to resources — wouldn’t be among them. I also assume you’d agree that access to resources influences perceptions of female attraction. The prevalence of height preference could also be a blend of many factors.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 01:50 AM
2

A 6-7 would widely be considered very pretty and is not a truly average girl. The most attractive men are not dating, swiping on, hitting on, sleeping with, or responding to interest from actually average women. They don’t need to because, as you point out, they can get a 6-7 if an 8-9 isn’t available.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 12:51 AM
1

I was bullied a bit. Nothing too horrible, but definitely on the receiving end of some shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 12:47 AM
1

Personally, I have never thought about nor cared what a guy was or wasn’t like with his ex before dating me. Am I happy with how our relationship is, how he treats me and our dynamic? Is it compatible with my relationship needs? Yes? Cool, we’re good, don’t care what he did in the past. No? Then that would be true regardless of what he was like with his exes.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/22 12:42 AM
14

I’ve always thought it was more about it coming across as another sign of health and success in acquiring resources. Historically (and still today in food-insecure areas) potential adult height was really constrained by nutrition. During most of our evolutionary time, taller height relative to the norm in an area would sure seem like that person came from a family or community that was healthier and had better success in securing food.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 11:48 PM
2

Sometimes I truly think men on this sub have a very, very different idea of “average” than I do, is all I can say.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 10:56 PM
1

No, I’m talking only about sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 08:02 PM
3

Nah. The most attractive men have options and don’t often go for truly average women. Average women are more or less invisible to extremely attractive men, who can easily get very pretty ones. Not saying that’s wrong, to be clear, just how it goes on all sides.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:49 PM
2

Two basic reasons: bad injectors because they went for the cheapest they could get, or the ones who do super dramatic (fake-looking) results, and way too much filler. Filler done best, including in the lips, is usually quite subtle and constrained by individual anatomy — if you have thin lips and try to give yourself a whole different lip shape and size it’s almost always gonna look unnatural and have major migration issues. Injectors need to use the right techniques as well. Good lip filler isn…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:13 PM
5

I know you’re not speaking to me and that’s fine, because it doesn’t apply to me, but — I mean, IMO it’s only a “pump and dump” if the woman was expecting or hoping for anything different, and not every case of “I was hooking up with this hot person, we’re not compatible for LTR” is that.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 05:50 PM
1

Totally. I got there in the end, to a place I felt really good about it and knew how I worked, I just wish it had come a bit sooner, for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 05:46 PM
5

Speaking as a woman, LTR for sure. It’s a bit of a myth that every average girl can easily score a ONS with “Chad,” or however you define the most conventionally attractive men, but there’s no question there are men who will sleep with you but not consider dating you. It doesn’t necessarily always have to be a “league” issue, sometimes it’s just there’s mutual lust but not enough personality compatibility to sustain that for anything long-term. But overall, yeah, who wants to date you is the bet…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 04:20 PM
1

Honestly, I think one factor for me in not being that interested in bringing in other things is that it took me a long time to unlearn a lot of negative feelings about being “broken” because I wasn’t like, super quick orgasms and such, and just get to a place of peace, knowledge and happiness in how my body works, sexually. It really damaged my early sexual self-esteem. I do like the vibe when single for those work-a-day orgasms, but bringing in other stuff with a partner risks brings up twinges…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 04:14 PM
1

Ah yeah. No it just makes it possible once I wean off. And the orgasms are exponentially better without a vibe, and it makes it possible to orgasm with a partner without bringing a vibe into it, which I prefer. Thanks for the tip — honestly I’m not a big fan of toys and don’t personally want to add more to my life. But maybe it will help others! When I’m weaned off my vibe I don’t actually think my issue is lack of sensitivity, it’s just more how I’m wired. And the warming lubes are horrible for…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 03:34 PM
1

Because to achieve it with my hands, even in good circumstances, takes at least 45 minutes to an hour from start to finish. I have to be extremely aroused first, so gotta pull out all the bells and whistles and fantasies to get fully turned on. Then it’s another 30 minutes or more to cum. Like I said, I’m a difficult orgasmer in the best of circumstances, lol. I just don’t have the time or energy for that most days. I like to have a nice quick orgasm before falling asleep, or sometimes right whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 03:10 PM
1

Bouldering, absolutely not. Only one person at a time on any given route. You also don’t go up on a different route that runs too close to someone else’s who is already on the wall. Everyone on the ground stands well away from the fall zone. These are basic bouldering gym safety rules. (Applies outside too.) Not minding them can risk serious injury. Even if that wasn’t the case, it’s also, culturally, not really something you’d physically “help” someone with. The whole point is to challenge your…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 06:05 AM
1

Only thing I’d say is you don’t “help” people physically on a wall, at least not at any gym I go to — when someone’s on the wall you shouldn’t be too near or under them at all. You definitely give tips if asked and demonstrate moves to solve a problem yourself (though tbh sometimes the move choices from guys don’t carry over that well to women, especially if the guy is tall), but you don’t physically touch them to help.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 05:51 AM
1

Pretty simple: it’s a really social, positive sport filled with lots of fit, attractive, active people and a really good gender balance. The social thing is a big part of it. Hang around at any good climbing gym for any length of time and all the regulars get to know each other. Sharing tips / beta and offering vocal support is a big part of the culture, so it’s super acceptable to strike up a convo with anyone. Climbers have a super solid community with lots of social events in and outside the …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 05:42 AM
2

Yay! Glad it was interesting for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 03:47 AM
3

Lol, I’m not sure what the averages are. I think daily vibrator use at least qualifies as extremely regular, however one wants to define it. I’m sure people have very different experiences — I’m still a really difficult orgasmer in the best of circumstances, so for me the loss of sensitivity is the difference between able to orgasm without a vibrator and not. For folks that have an easier time of it, even if there is desensitization it wouldn’t really impact sexual pleasure as much or even be no…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 03:13 AM
1

Me too, lol. Though I’m about to wean myself off again and I’m dreading the sexual frustration of those first weeks if I don’t get laid during them, ugh.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 02:18 AM
1

Totally. If you’re only using it here or there, it wouldn’t make a difference in any sort of lasting way. I started using a vibrator at 17, a couple years before I was sexually active. I couldn’t figure out how to cum with my hands, and was really worried I was sexually broken, so I got a vibrator to see if that worked. It did, and after that I used it often. Five to seven times a week, and with at least a couple of those being marathon sessions. I would still very often try with my hands. When …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 01:24 AM
4

Not saying it’s a majority, but based on a lot of discussion about this topic, I don’t think it’s super rare — it would really depend how often you use them and with how much stimulation, though. I think a lot of us truly don’t realize it for quite awhile, especially if we’ve used vibrators a lot for a long time and are able to orgasm without them. My journey was interesting. For the first 10 or so years I was sexually active, I thought I couldn’t orgasm without a vibrator, because I never had. …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 01:01 AM
3

Honestly — for some of us, no, the previous comment is super true. I learned through extensive trial and error that I have to stop using a vibrator entirely for about two months before my clit gets all its sensitivity back, and I can cum from partner play alone again. I now have a strict rule that I only use a vibrator when single for that reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:42 AM
5

Well, they might starfish if it’s bad sex and they’re not into it. I shouldn’t have to spell out that “we do enjoy sex” doesn’t mean bad sex doesn’t exist. Beyond that, can’t speak for girls who starfish during sex they’re enjoying, but I’d think simply not knowing they’re supposed to do anything different would be a big factor, same as for the guys that don’t really know how to make sex super fun for women because nobody has communicated to them about it. I imagine they’d just see that the guy …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:38 AM
7

While libidos vary, women have lower sex drives than men overall. Women are also less likely to have spontaneous sexual desire, whereas the majority of men do. This does not mean that women do not enjoy sex or penetration, or that they’re “not being honest” when they tell you they do. Differing levels of sex drive is not the same as the physical experience of pleasure.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:27 AM
9

I’m someone who does not orgasm through PIV alone. It’s still extremely enjoyable and pleasurable, one of my favourite things and something I deeply miss when single. More than that, when I’m aroused, my body absolutely craves it — like my vagina just hungers for penetration and isn’t satisfied without it, even if that doesn’t result in orgasm itself. Masturbation isn’t equivalent. Different things. Most women would not choose masturbation to good partner sex — most of us love good sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 12:09 AM
2

To be clear, I’m absolutely not a subscriber to a a myth of a “matriarchal proto-communist utopia.” For one thing, I don’t consider a matriarchal social organization to be inherently better. I’m also quite familiar with the history and frequency of violence amongst Indigenous communities (at least in my own region). And most of all, I would never, ever consider any society a utopia. As per your last paragraph, I’m in full agreement: patriarchies flourished because men have a far greater capacity…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:13 PM
6

Believe me, I’m not underestimating. I won’t write a novel about my own life and experiences, but just please believe me that I know what it takes. All I’m suggesting to OP is that I personally think it’s reductive to make it all about circumstances, when plenty of people come from non-ideal childhood environments and would be healthy partners — folks who have insight and awareness into unhealthy dynamics. I think there are other ways to evaluate. But that’s up to OP.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 12:10 AM
9

YUP. Very much this. Some divorced parents have way healthier and more stable family dynamics than a whole lot of parents that are still together and look “perfect.”
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 12:09 AM
27

If that’s what you want to make your standard, go nuts. However, I would suggest a better metric would be to evaluate how a person has understood their own upbringing and its effect on them, and how they show those lessons in their lives. People can heal from bad or even simply non-ideal childhood situations and come out of that with a lot of clarity, insight and knowledge about how to build a healthier family than the one they had. And some people simply are more resilient to those early challe…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 10:23 PM
–

I agree with this, but in this regard OP’s post is wrong: I don’t think gay men “have it easier” when it comes to long-term dating and companionship. It’s in the area of casual sex where it’s easier, and that’s largely due to unmoderated male sexuality and the absence of inter-gender dynamics. Not “personality” or looks. That said, gay male dynamics around long-term relationships are also different. Non-monogamy is much more common amongst partnered gay men, for instance. By no means universal, …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 09:33 PM
–

Haha, that’s great. A close gay friend of mine has an N-count in the high hundreds, by his estimate, and that’s even despite he likes to take regular months-long breaks from sex for a bit of a zen, mental health cleansing thing. I am always fascinated by how easy it is for him to get casual sex — not surprised in the slightest, but the dynamic is just so different than anything in the straight world. Some of his stories about how easy it is are hilarious and we always joke he just never tell str…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 08:44 PM
–

The biggest difference is simply the difference between male and female sexuality and sex drive. That’s it. We know, for instance, that straight men generally have a much larger range of women they’ll consider fucking than women do men. Take women out of the equation, and make both parties as interested in casual sex as most men are, and you get the relative extreme ease of finding sex in gay male spaces.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 06:46 PM
5

I think women are often attracted to men who have some quality or skill that’s stronger than their own, but “in every way” or else “a girl will not want you” is such an overstatement. Plenty of women are quite happily the more outgoing partner in their relationship, for instance.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 05:43 PM
2

Not even a twinge, no
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 04:16 PM
4

I have a few theories but I don’t know if any are the right one. It’s just fun to think about. In terms of physical attraction, for instance, I notice my “type” my whole life is basically my first boyfriend: small, quiet / shy, big eyes. Is that because that was always my type, or is it that because he was the first person I dated that shaped who my type was in the future? Sometimes I wonder if it’s the latter, but it could just as easily be the former. If the former, I have no idea why it’s my …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 03:12 PM
1

Yep, totally. That got ingrained into me pretty young, that I’d always be rejected, and then for most of my teens and early to mid-20s it was usually true, so I fully internalized it and always expected it. It held me back a lot. I’ve been working on that in recent years, not so much thinking “maybe I won’t be rejected” but more learning to just think primarily about the present and not try to do predictions about the future. In other words, to let go of expectations entirely. I’m a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 03:05 PM
–

Shit happens. I know of any number of young mothers or pregnant women in their 20s who died of cancer, car accidents or in childbirth. Life is a dice roll, always. Our role in it is just to make the choices that will give ourselves the best chance at the sort of life we want. But nothing is guaranteed. If a career is very important to someone — as it is to me and, I presume, your aunt — then it’s not a bad choice to prioritize that. If having a family is the most important, then one may want to …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 01:47 AM
–

I am very sorry for your loss. I think that none of us can know the future. All any of us can do is make the best decisions for our life at the time we’re living it — keeping an eye to our long-term goals, but also what is important to us in the present. It’s all a bit of a crap shoot. Nobody who is otherwise healthy expects to die young, although people do all the time. Your aunt had reasons she wished to focus on her career and start a family in life later, reasons that were obviously meaningf…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 01:29 AM
1

My ex and I lived together 10 years and wore the same size (he was super short and skinny), and had a similar style, so our clothes became significantly intermingled. I still have quite a few things that were originally his — some hoodies, a tank top or two, I think two pairs of jeans. He probably ended up with stuff of mine too so idk, we’re probably even.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 09:21 PM
3

Awww thanks! I’ll have to send my regrets on the harem invite, but I appreciate the thought.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 08:32 PM
1

I think more women would find the second guy more appealing, although women who have similar interests as the first guy would prefer him. Speaking for myself: I care about the type of job a man has, but not in terms of income or status. I’ve found the type of men I am compatible with are far more concentrated in job fields similar or adjacent to mine; so I basically always seek out meeting new men from those fields. We just always have a lot more chemistry and a lot more in common in terms of va…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 05:39 PM
2

OP definitely not overrating himself in this case
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 02:57 PM
2

Can confirm OP is not overrating his looks at all
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 02:57 PM
1

0.5 velocity.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 02:20 PM
1

Nah, women just don’t approach men very much. I’ll give you feedback on your pics though if you want and can assure I have zero interest in saving or sharing them.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 02:18 PM
3

Yep. One of the toughest parts of getting out of this sort of situation and mental health issue is learning how to do things when you don’t feel like doing them; how to start setting small goals and making steps towards improving what you need to improve. No, you don’t feel like doing it at all, especially not at first. Learning how to do it anyway is a skill that needs to be cultivated like any other.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 06:21 AM
3

During the honeymoon phase for the first year or so I’m usually very down for 5-7 times a week, but once we settle in for the long-term I’ve found 3-4 times is a good average number for me, so someone who can be happy around there too is ideal.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 05:55 AM
6

I want a partner with an average libido. Goldilocks level. Not too hot, not too cold, just right. But higher-libido women would want a higher-libido partner, and lower-libido women would be happy with a lower-libido partner. It’s just important that both partners are more or less compatible in their sex drives. A happy sexless relationship is certainly possible, for instance between two asexual people or people with libidos so low they just don’t really care, but still enjoy the emotional and ro…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 05:50 AM
8

Don’t worry about libido right now. You’d need to get your life together before that becomes something you need to worry about, and that process starts with small steps.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 05:46 AM
3

I’m so far outside your chosen age range you don’t need to consider my answer as meaningful, but hey, I’ll give it anyway. For me personally, the “next to no libido” part would be the main killer — sex is really important to me in a relationship. I’d be very cautious about a guy with zero sex or relationship experience, but it wouldn’t necessarily be a dealbreaker if we were otherwise good and once I understood what had been the issue there. But no libido, yeah, that would be a dealbreaker. That…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 05:32 AM
1

Nah, it helps but it takes more than that. Source: lifelong skinny girl, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/22 04:52 AM
2

Ok thanks
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 10:06 PM
4

Not at all, I’ve only ever been part of cultural and social spheres with very liberal attitudes to sex. Judgment wasn’t a concern. My issue was I was an incredibly unhappy person. I had body dysmoprhia, depression, social anxiety and cripplingly low self-esteem. That general air of misery and self-consciousness absolutely turned off men, which validated the body dysmorphia (“I must indeed be freakishly hideous”) so I was just stuck in this negative feedback loop. It also caused me to cling to re…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 09:21 PM
10

Which isn’t about “shallowness,” as that paper you keep linking lays out quite clearly multiple very logical reasons why women experience and express higher levels of disgust across the board.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 08:17 PM
6

Yes, your entire complaint is essentially “men have a wider range of women they think are fuckable than women have for men,” which we know, but then you went and overcomplicated it by making up imaginary things you think women think and ranting about “empathy” and “shallowness.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 08:09 PM
5

Lol exactly. And then threw in the PPD classic, asserting as fact an inner monologue he made up but is nonetheless certain all women have
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 08:06 PM
8

It’s incredible to me how OP isn’t getting this, lol. “Women never find random dudes interesting unless they’re hot! As for men, we’re not shallow like that, we just approach girls we think are attractive enough to fuck, how could we possibly know if you’re interesting.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 08:00 PM
4

And women have nothing to go by with you other than looks either, which is why we don’t respond with interest to an advance from a person who falls below our personal attraction threshold. Same as men. If a guy I find attractive approaches me, then I am 100% thinking “hmm, he’s interesting, maybe this will be something.” If I don’t find him attractive, I’m not thinking “what can he do for me,” I’m thinking “I don’t want to continue this.” And yes, the only difference here men have lower standard…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 07:55 PM
13

Exactly. And it’s no different than what you’re accusing women of being uniquely bad for, here. A man approaching a woman he doesn’t know because she meets his threshold for what he’ll have sex with, and he hopes their contact results in that, is quite literally “what will she do for me?” Men really don’t treat unknown women below their personal fuckability threshold with any particular empathy or interest. I’m not saying that’s wrong. But it’s the same thing, and just because women don’t cast a…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 07:49 PM
13

I’m a straight female. My n-count is 10 at 41. I don’t think that’s high. I’ve said this before but — I don’t care about the number, so I don’t wish it was higher or lower. I regret the reasons I didn’t explore more sex with more people when I was younger, so I guess in that sense I wish my N-count was higher. But it’s not the number I actually care about, just the negative life circumstances that stopped me from dating and connecting with people.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 05:50 PM
3

Short and simple: no, I don’t find it weird. I know that this is the most common pattern for a male sex drive to have, and I have known that since I was old enough to understand what sexuality and sexual attraction was. We’re shown, told and reminded of this all the time, whether through media or simply our experience with men in our lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 03:43 AM
15

Women have these thought processes too, you do realize. When I’m with a man I’m attracted to, I’m definitely looking to read him, thinking about when I could touch his shoulder, maybe rest my hand on his thigh, all these little things. And I’m seeing how he responds to those things, reading his body language and then using those cues to flirt a little more, understand his boundaries and what the vibe is, etc. It’s a conversation, with or without words, and when the chemistry is good then it proc…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 02:13 AM
1

Oh I remember, and I think most women of my generation still see Pitt as peak hot of that era, but for whatever reason younger women today who weren’t alive back then seem to almost always rank DiCaprio, Depp, and a couple others above Pitt when they’re asked to rank 90s celebrity men by hotness. I don’t think they’re lying. Nobody disagrees that Pitt was seen as super hot back then. More that for whatever reason, it seems as if his celebrity and appeal hasn’t carried over as well to a younger g…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 01:46 AM
27

Women aren’t passive actors in a relationship becoming physical. We have our own thoughts, feelings and resulting actions to move towards or away from sex, according to how we feel. Building real sexual chemistry and tension is thus a mutual process. He’s giving me signals, I’m giving him mine. We play off each other and take cues from each other, and it advances in that way. That’s what I mean by “natural.” If he’s focused on “escalating” or “trying” for sex instead of just riding that vibe wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 01:09 AM
50

It’s thoroughly normal. The vast majority of men I’ve dated don’t try to push a first date to sex, it’s just not a thing the men I date do. To me sex has always been something the two of us are naturally moving towards together, not something he’s “escalating” to or “trying” for. That said, I got nothing against a guy putting sex on the table on the first date if we’re vibing. It doesn’t make it more “exciting” though, I’ll either be excited by him or not regardless. And if he’s too aggressive a…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 12:48 AM
2

The idea that CAIS women have larger breasts on average comes from a lot of the first reports by doctors that were studying the condition, who pretty uniformly declared XY CAIS women tended to have more voluptuous, large breasts. Subsequent understanding though is they have essentially the same adult breast size range as XX females. In general, I find CAIS women tend to be indistinguishable from average XX females in terms of range of everything — not necessarily more masculine or more feminine …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 07:19 PM
1

Men are simply better at seeking, seizing, defending and enforcing hierarchical dominance in many ways. If your social organization is built around that, then it will result in a patriarchy.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 07:04 PM
6

I’d date a PPD user for sure. I’d never date a RP guy, and they’d never date me so it’s all good. In general I only date people with the same broad views and values. I do enjoy a debate and getting to know different perspectives, but that’s not something I feel a need to bring into the context of a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 03:48 PM
1

My parents are dead. In-law relationship isn’t really important to me. Like I’m happy to have a relationship with them, but also happy not to if my partner isn’t close with them. Ultimately, I’m not a person that has much of a family orientation.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 03:20 PM
6

Nah. Most men do look for a partner around their same general age range. Some men for sure do always prefer to date younger, and that’s totally fine for them too. But it isn’t all of them. There is really no shortage of men in my general age range and social groups who are looking for commitment with women in the same age range, and I wouldn’t call any of them “desperate.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 03:04 PM
1

It sort of depends how you define matriarchy, which is why everyone argues about it. Generally there’s a debate about whether a true matriarchy must be a perfectly gender-flipped version of a patriarchy, or whether matriarchies have their own characteristics. There’s never been a matriarchy I’m aware of past a certain level of social complexity, wealth and power. There are OTOH quite a number of historic and modern Indigenous cultures that are at the very least matrilineal, where wealth and / or…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 02:53 PM
2

Young women seem to have zero interest in Pitt, I notice. Don’t know why. Always surprises me on some of the subs when there are votes about 90s celebrity hunks and Pitt is always last place in whatever line-up they choose.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 06:15 AM
4

Haha, I know. Oscar Isaac isn’t normally my type, but he’s just one of those dudes who is so cool and attractive and charming he transcends type. Pratt OTOH makes my vagina shrivel and want to hide. Hamm seems like a cool guy and I enjoyed him in Mad Men, but appearance-wise he’s never done anything for me. The type I go wild for IRL isn’t quite like Cera, but it’s really close. If we vibed I’d be super attracted to him for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 05:52 AM
12

I’m 41 so I’m probably the wrong demographic for this question, though tbh I’ve never slept with a man older than me. But I think I’ve decided no more twenty somethings and the 40 year olds are in my wheelhouse now for sure, so I’ll go with the hot guy closer to my age. Except Pratt. Absolutely never Pratt, in either his fat or fit iterations. Extremely not my type. So of these options, I’ll take Oscar Isaac please. If that doesn’t pan out, Michael Cera is pretty close to my typical type so I gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 05:40 AM
1

I don’t even know that I chose, as such. As a little kid my dad always told me I only had to have kids if I really wanted them, and if I really wanted them, I’d know. Just like he knew that his biggest goal in life was being a dad. IMO all kids deserve parents that truly and deeply want to be a parent, and so the advice made sense. So I was never like, hard no. I was always open to that desire arriving, but it never did. Not even a flutter. I can’t imagine myself as a parent at all. AFAIK I’m st…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 05:30 AM
2

Yep. I often think of this 52-year-old IG model who embraced her grey hair — she’s happily married AFAIK, but if she became single tomorrow she’d have no shortage of high quality men very interested in her. We can’t all be that outright gorgeous, but keep in shape and fit and energetic like that? Yeah you’ll have options always.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 02:27 AM
1

No worries, Reddit is nothing if not an unexpected adventure
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 01:29 AM
2

Not sure how we got onto this topic from the question of what generated historical patriarchies and matriarchies, but I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 01:15 AM
5

Yes, and men are better at that sort of hierarchical dominance, which is why at a certain point of development matriarchies disappeared. I’m literally not arguing with you, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 01:12 AM
4

Ah. My views could generally be summarized as “men are better at hierarchical dominance in many ways.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 01:06 AM
2

No argument there, not quite sure of the relevance.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:58 AM
1

Not just talking about hunter-gatherers, to be clear. But the hierarchy of small-group cultures of say 200 people or so per village, who are largely related to each other in some way, are more communalist and fairly equitable in wealth, is and was certainly less pronounced and more flexible than the hierarchy of, say, Ancient Rome or any complex civilization that enabled and enforced class stratification and concentrated power and even required it to operate.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:58 AM
5

Farming is a huge part of this, but I don’t know that men were blanket better at farming prior to a certain stage of technological development — there certainly were successful farming cultures in which women were the primary farmers, staying closer to the village and such than men. And at least one culture I can think of in that regard was matriarchal. But the impact of more developed farming on wealth accumulation, economic specialization and stratification (and the need to defend that stratif…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:20 AM
2

Doesn’t matter. I’m not talking about individual violence, but violence as a systemic and social tool. Historically, where we tend to see matriarchies or at best very loose, non-restrictive patriarchies is in societies which were smaller, more communal and co-operative, and also more centred around short-term subsistence. There are a number of worldwide Indigenous cultures, for instance, that were or still are more matriarchal — where children are considered to belong to the mother’s clan / exte…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:12 AM
28

This doesn’t make a ton of sense historically as to “why past civilizations were largely patriarchal,” since the options available to us now in all areas relevant (contraception, education, wealth accumulation) weren’t as widely relevant as they are now. I think a simpler explanation for the historical prevalence of patriarchies is that men are far more biologically suited to violence. So as societies became more complex, and moved away from more loosely hierarchical communalist organizing and t…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 11:42 PM
5

Nope, no kids for me. Nothing against them, I just never had even a single flicker of a maternal desire or feeling. And the lifestyle which is most fulfilling to me is… not very compatible with children. Most women in my field don’t have or want kids. If I had wanted kids I would have done things much differently, since all the men I’ve ever dated didn’t want kids either. Like my last LTR wouldn’t have happened at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 10:53 PM
1

Oh, it’s entirely that I have a very, very specific type of man that I’m interested in for either sex or relationships, and since I have no particular reason to rush the process of finding my next LTR (not interested in children), I’m mostly just prioritizing meeting new people and getting to know more men, and not on a mission to lock one down. I was in a 10 year LTR that I truly believed would be forever. Without getting into details, the fact it didn’t work out was neither his fault nor mine …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 09:40 PM
1

For me it’s been work-related, without getting into detail my line of work also involves ending up in a lot of social environments where it’s very easy to meet likeminded people from both in and outside the same field. So I’m kinda lucky like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 06:35 PM
4

FWIW, this last year I quit OLD and did exactly what you describe — focused on investing in my existing social circles and meeting new people organically through various means, and holy shit has that been so much better for me than OLD. Highly recommended, if you’re in an area where you have those sorts of social options.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 06:14 PM
6

The cutest thing with one of those care home couples was when both of their adult kids / grandkids started doing Christmas dinners all together with them too. Just so fucking sweet on all levels. Yeah, I know most guys on PPD are adamant that all men will only ever truly want younger women, but it’s just not the case. Many guys do for sure, and I take no issue with that preference, but most guys I know in their 30s and 40s, including ones who are very attractive and who could definitely have suc…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 05:54 PM
2

Hahah thank you. Life is good. It took a rough road to get here for a lot of reasons, but that was just stuff I had to learn too.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 05:40 PM
16

I’ve slept with two people since turning 40. One was… awful sex and just once. No fault to the guy or to me. I just really wanted to break a three-year dry spell, as I hadn’t slept with anyone since my ex and my ex had lost his interest in sex two years before we broke up. So I figured I’d give casual sex a go just to get back on the horse, so to speak. It sucked and I was like… ok, lesson learned lol, hook-ups don’t do it for me, not doing that again. But the second guy I slept with was phenome…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 05:34 PM
15

I’ve said this before, but I’ve known two couples in different personal care homes who met, fell in love and married at the care home. Obviously their relationships looked different than younger and more mobile people, but they had lots of fun together, were a hoot to spend time with and loved each other very much. People seek and find companionship at any age.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 05:17 PM
70

I’m 41. I was in a 10-year LTR that sadly ended at 38, and I was absolutely terrified about dating at this age. As in, absolutely convinced it was over for me and I’d die alone because I’d what I’d read online about “the wall.” The first year and a half of being single weren’t a great barometer, because it coincided directly with the pandemic and we had pretty tight restrictions. I did have a lot of good first dates in the brief gaps of time when we were allowed to go out in public and meet peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 04:50 PM
1

Yes, I have a number of close gay friends, and my best friend and longest-time friend is gay. What makes him my best friend is just that we accept each other totally. It’s very hard to explain. We’ve known each other so long and been through so much together that we’re just kind of like a part of each other now. It doesn’t matter how often we see each other or what we talk about. (If anything, we tend to talk about “deep stuff” less these days just because… I don’t know, it’s like we know each o…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 08:44 AM
2

I tend to agree with the above comment. And it’s basically just that the strength of the male sex drive makes that sex drive more likely to become entangled with objects, thoughts, memories or ideas that provoke strong emotions, and from there crystallize into kink or fetish. In women, the drive simply isn’t as strong and so doesn’t get tied up with other outside things in such a wide variety of ways — as you observe, female kink tends to stay a bit closer to typical sexual situations, like your…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 06:00 AM
2

I’ve only had a handful of cold approaches in my entire life, like very few, and no none have ever worked.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 06:39 PM
10

Well yeah, obviously, if your goal is a tradcon female partner. Tradcon women are much more likely to be religious, and religious women are much more likely (and in many cases, only open to) dating men of their same religion.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 06:27 PM
1

You don’t have to keep defending it, lol. I get it! You’re a normal guy! You don’t need to ask for verbal consent or want to do so because it’s not how you do things and you don’t benefit from it. That’s fine, that’s cool. Still reason to judge it for others, or make weird blanket statements about it being bad. Some people like having it in their toolbox and find it works well for them or for their partners. Personally, when guys have done it I’ve found it can be super hot. If a guy doesn’t want…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 06:24 PM
1

Oh I’m just confused why you’re telling me your kissing bona fides, when I stated that not everyone finds they need to ask for it explicitly. You’re not a person who does, obviously, so that’s fine. Some people benefit from it because they can’t read cues as well, some partners benefit from it because they have issues that make it helpful, and some people just like doing it sometimes because they find it sexy and fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 06:13 PM
1

Congrats on the sex. Like I said, I don’t think people always need to. If you didn’t that’s fine. I just think it’s silly to say that it’s “antisocial” or should never be used, or that if someone does use verbal consent it means the girl isn’t that into them. Not always the case.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 05:43 PM
0

Eh. I guess it depends if you see incel primarily as a mindset or in the most literal meaning.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 05:39 PM
1

Whenever people post something like this, I’m always amused they apparently can’t think of creative and extremely sexy ways to verbally ask for consent, and can only imagine it as “weird and antisocial.” Anyway, I mostly agree with you as I am a believer in non-verbal consent being sufficiently effective. But not everyone reads cues as well as others, so it’s not like it should never happen — it’s a tool in a toolbox, if you don’t need it in your situation then don’t sweat it. Also, if the perso…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 05:32 PM
1

I agree, but I also don’t think a 35-year-old woman who, judging by OP’s description, isn’t staggeringly unattractive can be an incel.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 05:11 PM
1

She’s not an “incel.” She obviously has mental health issues that are way beyond your pay grade, and should seek professional mental health support. There is nothing you can say to fix that for her — she needs therapy. Her mental health issues are certainly negatively impacting her dating life, but do trust me there is zero reason that a 35 year old woman is doomed to be alone forever.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 04:58 PM
11

I’m quite neutral on the sustainability of plural marriages, but I don’t think the internal drama of a reality TV family is evidence of anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 04:40 PM
2

Men do this too when turning down women, FWIW — it really isn’t gendered. I’ve never had a guy say “I think your nose is too big” or “tbh face is a soft 4” or whatever when rejecting me, it’s always “I’m not feeling a romantic connection” or “I’m not feeling the vibe.” Anyway, IMO it’s fine. “We didn’t vibe” is just as true as anything more specific, and it’s generally considered rude to tell people things you don’t find attractive about them that they can’t change unless they have very specific…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 03:55 PM
4

Being desirable and being objectified are different things. The word “objectification” gets misused a lot (just as frequently by feminists as everyone else). It doesn’t mean “people are physically attracted to you.” It means that a person or group of people are literally perceived and treated as an object, and it isn’t generally a good thing for individual or social well-being.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 03:46 PM
3

Uh yeah, and I made my choice: everyone is nice. Clearly the superior option.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 03:31 PM
3

I’m saying every guy being nice is clearly the better option when you consider the totality of positive social effects. As much as I personally would enjoy every guy being an amazing lover.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:54 PM
3

That was my last relationship of 10 years. I don’t think he ever planned anything we did. Every trip, every outing, every dinner date, everything, all my idea and all my planning. Honestly, it got old. I don’t mind doing the majority of planning at all, but the fact he did none of it for almost a decade really did get exhausting after awhile. I kinda wanted him to just once come home one day and say “hey, wanna do X this weekend?” Never happened.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:04 PM
3

You know, I started to say “I already find most men I meet are nice,” and go for the “perfect lover” third option as a result. But then I realized that every man being a “gentleman” would significantly improve safety and reduce abuse and murder, so yeah I’ll take the first one.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 12:55 PM
10

With the disclaimer that I’m not myself a nudist but know folks who are, the nudist spaces I’m aware of have very strong community vibes and protect that very diligently. Pervs and sexual abuse are not common — certainly not more common than any other space, and I’d suspect much less so, since people are on the lookout for it and members are screened, etc. Also, at least the naturist clubs in my area don’t let single men come — members are mostly older couples and families. They just kinda hang …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 06:36 AM
1

Eh, people are different in this regard, and our psychology is also complex, not well-understood and heavily influenced by many social factors — too many to insist everything has a simple evolutionary explanation. Some people have a definite type, some are more flexible. People with a higher sex drive overall I think tend to also have a wider range of people they’re attracted to, and will also tend to enjoy casual sex more so it all goes together.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 04:36 AM
17

They don’t. Nobody “deserves” anything in particular.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 04:04 AM
9

Japan has a whole bunch of economic, social and cultural factors impacting dating and sex that shouldn’t be assumed to apply elsewhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 04:02 AM
2

Maybe for some people, but think people are mostly just having fun and happy to sleep with whoever they find attractive (if they like casual sex). If they’re attracted to a wide variety then they’ll take the variety, and if they have a specific type it’ll be a range within the type.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 03:57 AM
8

Does there need to be a long explanation? Sex is fun and many people are attractive. If you’re a person who does enjoy casual sex, why wouldn’t you want to enjoy it with more of those attractive people?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 02:53 AM
6

Short answer is yes, many women (and I’d say the vast majority of women who do actually enjoy casual sex) also crave a variety of partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 02:43 AM
3

I’ve never asked my guy friends to do any of these things, except maybe a couple times a guy friend has offered to walk me to my car for safety but I mean, I really don’t see where that conflicts with us being friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 02:26 AM
9

In the past I’ve had sex with guys I wouldn’t have wanted a relationship with. Nothing to do with cheating, they were good dudes, they just weren’t people I would have been compatible with… too young, or we had nothing in common, etc. Now, nah. If I sleep with a guy now I’m at least into seeing where it can go.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 02:24 AM
6

Oh, the first guy I had sex with isn’t counted as a love. We dated a few weeks and he dumped me right after we had sex, lol. Just stopped returning my calls. It broke my heart at the time because I was super naïve and really liked him, but I got over it pretty quick. It’s been 22 years now, we’re Facebook friends and exchange extremely light pleasantries once in a blue moon, but there’s zero emotion attached. We’ve lived an entire adulthood since then, who cares.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:49 AM
8

Yes, we absolutely do. I don’t think of my first love (or the first person I had sex with, who are different people) except when questions like these come up. When I think about them, there is zero emotion attached, just a sort of pleasant neutrality, hope they’re doing well in life, etc. Then I go back to not thinking or feeling anything about them. And it’s been that way for a very very long time. I’m also entirely over my second and third love. The love I may never fully “get over” is my four…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:41 AM
16

Eh, I truly think sexes are overall the same in this regard, though it may centre around different things and express itself in different ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 12:13 AM
5

Gabor Mate is a really interesting guy who has made many good contributions to the world, and has a lot of really valuable ideas to offer. I also think adults should really avoid looking for a single “role model” or guru, or holding any one person up as such. Take many ideas from many different people, recognize the ones that are most interesting, but don’t make the individual people who hold them into saints. Because they never are.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 10:41 PM
31

I do like when men come here to say they don’t like their options (in this case, “single mothers with multiple kids”) and don’t find it appealing to date from amongst those options, but at the same time state that those same unappealing women should be “appreciative” of chances with men they don’t like. If you aren’t interested in any of your options, and don’t think there are ways to meaningfully improve those options to something you actually would be happy with, then don’t date. That’s fine! …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 07:48 PM
1

I think you replied to the wrong comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 07:42 PM
2

We like sex with people we’re attracted to. The rest of this comment is not relevant to this particular discussion; we have plenty of posts where we debate and discuss the particulars of what generates female attraction. But for the purposes of this thread about whether women only see sex as a “calculation” or treat it as entirely transactional, the answer is no, we enjoy sex and crave it with men we’re attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 07:13 PM
2

It can be super good to step away after a rough break-up, for sure. Taking time to let the heart heal, get back to yourself and evaluate your life and priorities is useful. When you’re freshly hurt it’s harder to see any of those things clearly.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 06:45 PM
3

It depends on how you balance it. If you stop dating, then you eliminate any chance you will ever find someone with whom you have that mutual sexual fire and compatibility. And you eliminate the chance of any other positive things you may find from a relationship. So the question is just weighing how it affects you. If the negative impacts of dating on your life are greater than the negative impact of removing all chance of finding the positives, then sure, you might be better off stopping. It’s…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 06:30 PM
1

Because “any random man” doesn’t physically attract or arouse us. If they do, then we want to fuck them. We’re not doing calculations.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 06:16 PM
2

Yeah, we actually like sex with people we want to have sex with, and people get mad when that’s not them.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 06:12 PM
1

I’m not on Tinder anymore, but in my imagination it would probably change how I swipe, yeah. For instance, I think of how I always swiped left on men who were clearly out of my league, there’s just no point. So if I saw a guy I wanted to swipe right on, but he had a whole shitload of matches, yeah I might be more likely to swipe left. I don’t know if that’s insecurity, or just realism and not wanting to waste my time. To me it feels more like the latter — I like myself just fine, but I’m also qu…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 04:42 PM
11

This sub: women are driven solely by emotion and have no capability for logical thought! Also this sub: women are cold, calculating manipulators who cannot experience love or desire, and only leverage sex as a transactional means to an end.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 03:34 PM
3

Even if one does subscribe to the belief of female hypergamy, it absolutely does not inherently imply that women experience sexual desire as a “calculation” rather than an urge. If man sees an attractive young woman he wants to fuck, is the feeling of lust he experiences and the urge to have sex with her just a “calculation” he’s making to reproduce? You’d say no, right? But it’s exactly the same thing. Sex is a biological imperative hardwired in both men and women; we desire it and it feels goo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 03:26 PM
2

We still love sex, dude.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 03:00 PM
8

That’s a lot of armchair psychoanalysis, but no. People aren’t “lashing out,” this is just a sub set up so bored people can argue about these things and it can get snarky. Half the discussions here are just people telling each other why they think the other one’s views are bad or wrong or whatever. People aren’t “chastising” you because they “have no control over the men in their life.” They’re just telling you what they think of your opinions, take it or leave it as you want. Nobody actually gi…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 08:25 AM
9

For what it’s worth, I have social anxiety, and my longest-term partner (10 years) had absolutely crippling social anxiety, and had it when we got together. He’d had several girlfriends before me, too, and he’s had one after. It absolutely makes dating much, much harder but it doesn’t have to be a death sentence for your dating chances. Sometimes it means you have to find different ways of meeting people that are more conducive to managing your anxiety. In the meantime, getting the right therapy…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 06:50 AM
6

Most people would think the bottom of that age range would reflect equally poorly on the older partner if it was a 30+ year old woman and a teenage young man. I know I sure would.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 04:26 AM
9

It depends on the guy and the situation. I’m not super confident when it comes to approaching guys, but in many cases I will ask him out or make the first move. At a minimum (like if I don’t know that he’s single and so want to be more cautious about being too forward), I will be reaching out in various ways and making sure I leave lots of conversational doors wide open for him to walk through if he’s interested in spending more time with me. For instance, mentioning how we should do an activity…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 03:17 AM
16

If I’m genuinely interested in a guy, he doesn’t have to do basically anything except show me the interest is reciprocated.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 03:03 AM
4

Nah, my female friends never think the guys I like are hot, we have different types. I only care if I find the guy hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 09:41 PM
1

As a woman dating the male version of this person: he has some things I find highly attractive and where we might be compatible, but being fat and very brash / loud, as well as too involved with his phone and not having any interests besides drinking, all make him an easy no.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 02:07 PM
5

Unlike some here, I don’t consider that inherently bad. Relationships failing also doesn’t mean there’s a gender war.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 01:39 PM
47

Having one’s own life is generally an attractive quality. More importantly, it’s not healthy for anyone, male or female, to “stop everything you’re doing” for someone else, especially early in dating. So yes, you’re correct that you shouldn’t do that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 06:42 AM
5

This is exactly it. I mean, i don’t think things between men and women are bad in the first place, because they truly haven’t been in my experience. Overall, in my social circles men and women get along great, there’s no gender war, we all respect each other as a gender, things are just fine. Sure, relationships can get complex, people can get hurt, that’s life. Yes, there are some issues that we work on ironing out about gender and perception. None of it is that big a deal. I read posts like OP…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 04:13 AM
2

No, it’s definitely the husband getting fat.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 09:04 PM
3

Marriage does confer some security that can be important if you’re building an intertwined life and family with someone. When I was in my longest LTR, we weren’t legally married, but in our jurisdiction the same legal scheme applies to people living common law. So it’s stuff like: if I died suddenly, my partner would be the beneficiary of my estate and have survivor benefits on my pension (which is an option only available to spouses or common law partners), and so wouldn’t be at immediate finan…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 06:52 PM
1

Total opposite for me, honestly. Like last time I fell in love, that energy carried over into my career and life — I was absolutely thriving, doing the best work I’d ever done, happier and more productive, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 08:24 AM
3

I wouldn’t glean too much from watching 1950s videos. You must also remember that social mores about what was appropriate to talk about were different; there’s quite a lot more room now for both men and women to speak freely about sex. I also wouldn’t assume that women were more fulfilled in their relationships with men at that time. Anyway, life is too short for bad sex. To the extent that for me sex is a major part of intimacy and bonding, it’s gotta be great sex. So I’d agree with the women y…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 08:23 AM
10

Most women don’t. Of those who do, a minority really enjoy the sexual experiences, but most do it due to wanting to seem cool and / or seeking love or validation in the wrong places.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 08:13 AM
7

For what it’s worth, I’m BP and I loathe the phrase and idea behind “happy wife, happy life.” Irritates the shit out of me. Anyway, yes an equal partnership can definitely work, and I would say describes the majority of happy relationships I know. It doesn’t have to be literally 50/50 on every single thing, it’s more a matter that both partners are contributing their skills, talents, abilities, labour etc. equally to the relationship overall. And it works well for the folks I know, and worked we…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 05:09 AM
1

If we’re talking about my life, which I was, men weren’t setting up dates or paying for anything, and ideally we were both flirting. But anyway, the reason I quit OLD was because that process wasn’t beneficial or working for me, and I shouldn’t waste these guys’ time and energy (or mine) when the format wasn’t clicking.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 04:59 AM
15

I’m a bit older, so by now most guys I know are happily married or in a very long-term relationship. Of the minority that are single, there are maybe a few I would say are “killing the game.” One stands out most in terms of the sheer number of attractive women he’s been casually sleeping with since ending his last very serious LTR. It’s well into the dozens this year alone I believe. I’d rather not say his career, but his education is a BA. He’s not at all rich, his income would be under $55k US…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 04:36 AM
2

No. People don’t generally think this way, and in the cultures and countries where some form of prostitution has been totally legal, relationships and sex continue on just fine. Women don’t like prostitution for many reasons, depending on the person. One of those many reasons is that we can very easily imagine ourselves in those shoes — having sex with men she wouldn’t want to have sex with, if she didn’t need to for an income. That is disturbing to many on a very gut level.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 02:41 AM
12

You note that you’ve seen the same pressure in one situation where the girlfriend is the higher-earner, which should give an indication that this pressure is not primarily financial: a lot of it is tied up with traditional views of women’s value. In fact, I’d say the pressure essentially stems from RP concepts. RP generally asserts that women’s leverage in the dating market is sex, while men’s leverage is commitment. And the most concrete demonstration of commitment, whatever your personal opini…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 10:22 PM
1

The second one is wrong for me. Little arousal is bad sex, no matter how good the technical skill is. Technical skill can’t do shit for me if I’m not aroused.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 04:22 PM
18

Most women don’t want to do sex work on the Internet. Most women don’t want to sell feet pics to randos. Pretty girls aren’t all treated like a “princess” in their family and many families don’t have the resources to support an adult child, or the desire to do so if they did. Beyond that, I find it bizarre that a young woman can have a totally normal job for a young person to have and you act like it’s a tragedy. It doesn’t need to be analyzed. Frankly, seems like pedestalizing women in a weird …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 03:53 PM
3

Yep. I was in a LTR for 10 years I truly and happily believed would be the rest of my life. When it fell apart, it fell apart suddenly and totally and there was no way to see it coming or to fix it. You can’t ever see the future, gotta do your best with the present.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:48 PM
1

What can I say, this guy makes good choices. Always has.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:07 PM
1

I got lucky, mine are super easy. Never had a period cramp in my life. A minor inconvenience, but I forget I’m on mine 99.9 of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 07:07 AM
2

A. Society B just seems like mad overkill. It sucks if men lie to get sex, but I don’t think they need to be run out of society for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 05:44 AM
2

It doesn’t matter. Could be anything from “she didn’t have anything specific to say except that she wasn’t feeling it” to the fact most people just find it extremely uncomfortable to be that frank with people. But it doesn’t matter. She didn’t want to keep talking to you about it, that’s all that matters. Honestly, if you “poured your heart out” in a text when asking after only four dates, I’d probably want to discourage any further communication too. You’d only gone out on four dates and had ki…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:10 AM
2

Yeah this. I guess one easy way to say is… if you show me a bunch of pictures of guys I know which could be someone I’d find attractive, but I can’t know if I will until I meet them, which means a lot of setting up dates with people the chemistry just isn’t gonna be there. If I’m meeting people IRL that second process is happening first and without anyone having to do anything special. You can just judge the energy without pressure and notice who you gravitate towards.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:03 AM
1

“New relationship energy.”
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 12:14 AM
1

Number one, whatever you do don’t call her. Just don’t. If someone I went on four dates with before ending it messaged me three times and then called me a whole year later asking why I didn’t want to continue it… yeah that doesn’t go over well. If the therapist didn’t help find a different one, getting better help managing intrusive thoughts is what you need. Anyway, there’s no such thing as a “platonic chit chat buddy” problem if the conversation flows and she’s physically attracted to you, so …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 11:16 PM
2

No woman rejects a man they are sexually attracted to and want to date because they’re a friend. Ever. They just see that man only as a friend and do not want to date them. If a guy asks a girl out and she says something like “no, we’re just friends,” it means she isn’t physically or romantically attracted to him. Ergo, she rejects him for dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 10:20 PM
1

Because they aren’t attracted to that person and don’t want to date them. They may like that person as a friend, but they aren’t sexually attracted to them. If a woman is attracted to you, she’ll date you.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 09:37 PM
40

I know a guy who is easy in the top 1% of physical attractiveness. He’s stunning, supermodel-level good looks and body. Also one of the kindest, all-around most decent and good men I know. Anyway, his wife is amazing. Beautiful, for sure, in a really natural way — not as in IG model hot, more a classic, understated beauty. Very elegant and highly educated with a highly successful creative career. And she’s also super kind. Just one of those warm people who seems to have her whole life together, …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 09:21 PM
6

Friend zone is the “mindset” that you’re not interested in a someone romantically, and see them as a friend. It’s okay for women to complain about losing guy friends. That doesn’t mean anything needs to be changed. It’s okay to be sad or hurt if someone doesn’t want to be your friend. And it’s okay not to want to be someone’s friend because you’re more interested in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 09:13 PM
15

We don’t need to “abolish friend zone.” It’s called a friendship, and it’s fine for friendships to exist. You cannot “prevent friend zone from happening.” Some people will like you as a friend and not want to date you. Women know that sometimes friends can become lovers. Sometimes it happens if things change and feelings grow. Usually it doesn’t. People are fine not to continue a friendship after being rejected for dating, if a friendship is not what they want. That’s up to them. And people are …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 07:06 PM
2

If I ever go on a tinder date again I’ll give it a whirl for the sake of science and see what happens
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 06:37 PM
9

You don’t pick up on tongue-in-cheek, eh? Point is, I think it’s silly and frankly obnoxious to insist someone come to a first date ready to lay out every flaw and weakness they have. We all have flaws and weaknesses, and we don’t always even know or understand our own. A first date is a chance to have a good time seeing if you have a connection with someone that could grow into more. I can’t imagine anything I’d rather a man do less on a first date than tell me all the reasons he thinks he suck…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 05:05 PM
2

I can think of a few people I know personally and would call undateable. All are just so messed up in terms of their mental health or behaviours that there is zero possibility they could have a healthy relationship whatsoever (and next to zero chance they’d ever find someone who wanted to date them), and given how resistant they are to making actual changes to their life there’s no hope of that being better in the future. ETA: I guess when I think “undateable,” I think of it as “should never in …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:27 PM
11

“Have you been to that new taco place near the mall yet? Me either but it looks so good. Oh by the way, I leave clothes on the floor and have a super anxious attachment style that sometimes makes me really oversensitive to a partner’s behaviours to me, but the good news is I’ve made a lot of strides on that in therapy. So what do you like to do on the weekend?”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:23 PM
1

OP was clear in what OP meant. OP said: “sexually attracted towards, meaning, upon the first few moments of meeting him, your brain thought about him sexually, or you were aroused by his presence.” My answer to that is no, I have never. But now you’re arguing that because I can meet a guy who is, for instance, obese and know right away I’d never fuck him, that somehow means I’m wrong. I can rule men out right away, sexually. I can’t rule them in that fast. As in: I know what repulses me, physica…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:07 PM
1

That wouldn’t happen for the communities I work with.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:01 PM
18

It’s okay to leave a relationship that you don’t want to be in for any reason, even if neither partner did anything specifically wrong. However, I think most people who leave a stable and generally good (if settled) long-term relationship because they met someone they’re getting a lot of NRE excitement from, and can’t see that for what it is, will generally regret it. And the hurt that will cause their partner given that it comes out of the blue is staggering.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 09:28 AM
1

I’m with you on the “just do you” thing. That’s basically all I try to do. Sometimes it just takes a bit of trial and error, lol, but that’s what life is. I was in a 10-year LTR during the time OLD really became a thing, so I’d never done it until the last couple of years, and I hadn’t really “dated” before that (all my relationships were of the type that “we’re hanging out as friends, and whoops now we’re in love and basically live together”). So when I started OLD I was pretty excited about it…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 08:37 AM
3

More or less yeah. At a certain point it was just like — with OLD the pressure is there to build that intimacy and decide quick, lest you be wasting the other person’s time, right? That works ok if you’re someone who can get to the “holy shit I want to fuck your brains out” point in a night or two, which I think the large majority of men and at least good chunk of women are. But if you’re not, it’s just not a great format. And I’m not, which is something I just had to learn about myself through …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 08:05 AM
6

First, I gotta say something quick: none of the guys I met on OLD spent money on me. I don’t let men pay for first dates, no matter where I meet them, very firm rule I have. Either I paid or we paid separate cheques. Time, for sure. But they were all fun dates. Beyond that, to reiterate: no, I don’t think the guys I met on OLD were lesser because we met on OLD. I was super excited about meeting them and enjoyed meeting them. All I’m telling you is that for me, sexual desire — real lust — happens…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 07:14 AM
8

Nah. For one thing, I don’t “make guys wait.” I have always had sex with a man as soon as I want to have sex, which is the moment when I physically desire a man and he feels the same. And I think looks are very important in dating, which is why I only went on OLD dates with men I thought were very attractive physically. But I could not feel any sexual desire for them within the first date or two, because that’s not how sexual desire works for me. So I didn’t continue to see them, so that I wasn’…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 06:33 AM
43

Both sides tend to do this to each other. I mean, some RP guys on this sub are out here every single day insisting that BP posters’ “lived experiences” (God I hate that term) aren’t real and are full-blown lies or delusions or whatever. There also tends to be a question of how much a person think things need an “explanation.” For instance, i assume you’re referring to wanting an overarching theory for whatever messy cheating shit you’re talking about in this post. BP people tend to not see a nee…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 05:36 AM
10

Not who you asked but… I quit OLD because after two years of going on first dates with attractive men and feeling absolutely zero sexual interest, I realized it doesn’t work for my attraction style and was never going to. I just could not get to the point of desiring guys sexually in that format and the time frame OLD tends to want of expect. But when I meet guys organically out in the world, it’s totally different. So I quit the apps and started focusing on meeting people through existing socia…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 04:12 AM
4

No trailer parks where I live. But there are definitely a lot of very attractive low-income women here that get absolutely zero upward social mobility due to other social factors.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 04:02 AM
6

It differs with each couple. Personally, I know from experience that I do like a true 50-50 in the overall balance. I do best in that type of relationship and feel happiest when it’s a partnership of equals. It’s very important to me to contribute equitably financially, for instance, which as I’ve always been the higher income-earner in my relationships has meant I’ve paid more; I liked that and wouldn’t feel comfortable with a relationship that was more traditional with a man paying more for no…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 04:00 AM
2

OP asked about sexual thoughts and feelings. My answers are basically identical to roughly half of women’s here, and reflect a very common female sexual desire response. Beyond that: correct, I will never be physically attracted to men who don’t broadly fall into my type. I’ve always stated that quite clearly in this sub. As for the toxic relationship I mentioned, it was over 15 years ago, LOL. I was young and, yes, have had plenty of time to reflect on it just fine. My ex and I were both young …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:50 AM
1

No, short answer is “no, many women can think a man looks attractive, but do not experience sexual thoughts or feelings about a man within the first few minutes of meeting him, as per your question.”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:43 AM
1

I think there are certainly objective elements to beauty, insofar as we can all recognize features and combinations of features that are mostly widely considered attractive and have the most aesthetic harmony. That said, what what we individually may find attractive is far more subjective.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 03:20 AM
1

Some billionaires might if they choose to, but there are too few billionaires for that to skew the actual data — to be clear I’m curious about population-level impact of wealth on sexual choices, not whether the 1% of very rich folks get laid. (Though there’s definitely a ton of other factors here, especially cultural norms.)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:53 AM
2

One thing we know is that in most countries birth rates are always negatively corresponded to rising income; as people get wealthier they tend to have fewer children. What I’d be really interested in seeing is if there’s also a correlation between wealth and lifetime sexual partners, with wealthier people (relatively speaking) having fewer. My hunch and observation says yes, but I’ve never seen any data on this.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:40 AM
6

That would be a very complicated answer. There is certainly a survival pressure on both men and women — not just money as such (the men don’t usually have any money anyway, and it’s not at all unusual amongst this class for women to be the only employed partner or primary earners with social benefits based on custody of the children) but partnering always helps both with housing, food, labour, childcare, etc. Beyond that, I think you get a combo of things. These tend to be highly social environm…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:30 AM
4

Yes, but they’re never single for too long and are partnered more often than they’re not, even if it isn’t with the children’s biological father. In most poor communities I’ve worked in it’s fairly normative to be a single parent and date other single parents, since at a fairly young age basically everyone is.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:19 AM
20

No. People tend to date amongst their own social class. Actual poor and working-class people do not experience dating as a “luxury” and generally do not have difficulty finding partners from within their social class. Birth rates tend to be much higher as well. It’s primarily the middle and upper-middle classes where you see the dynamics you’re talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:15 AM
7

In my region, birth rates are much higher among the lowest income bracket.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:10 AM
–

Goes with the flow. Soft spoken. Able to calmly and non-confrontationally assert their boundaries and opinions. That’s my ideal.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 08:45 PM
1

I’m too blinded by lust still to answer objectively, but I’d think most people would call him average. All of my female friends’ only comment on him was “well, he’s definitely your type,” lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 06:30 PM
5

Some guys on PPD need a safe space to rant that women who have had sex with someone who isn’t them are used up holes, it’s nice to give them one place to do that so they don’t have to dribble it all over the sub every other day
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 06:23 PM
1

credit cards, I’m oddly fixated by all their many little designs
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 06:32 AM
5

I mean, I love how dicks look, but like someone else said, very few women buy the “veined up ball textured dildos.” Women usually buy sleek vibrators more than dildos anyway, a dildo doesn’t do much.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 03:56 AM
1

LOL, this guy is definitely not a Casanova. Kind of a robot. He didn’t work any “magic,” he just did his thing — he treated me the exact same as he did everyone, including men, other than those little moments where I could tell he was attracted to me too. But I was interested in him from the start, and he just chilled out and gave me room to get to know him until I was ready to eat him.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 07:27 PM
3

It can’t be broken if it’s the way it was designed to be. Male and female sexuality is different and that’s fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 04:15 PM
3

Correct, this. I hear a lot (both on this sub and elsewhere) the idea that women had no agency in who they dated for most of history. That was reasonably true for most women of the nobility in certain places and times, but it was not the case for the lower classes. (And this isn’t even getting into how things would have worked in the small tribal societies in which humans spent the majority of our development, the lifestyle patterns of which likely wouldn’t be too different from groups with litt…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:41 PM
2

I’m responding primarily to OP’s question. Perhaps it’s a type of sexual attraction, but it does not come with any sexual arousal, and definitely no sexual thoughts or fantasies. I still do not think about a guy sexually at that point, feel no sexual arousal, and don’t desire to have sex with him yet, the latter being the big one. I do not want his body at that point. Many men really, really want to try to fit a common (not universal) female sexual desire and attraction pattern into the framewor…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:16 PM
3

I’ve consistently described the same thing throughout. OP asked if we have had sexual feelings, thoughts, fantasies or outright sexual desire for a man the very first time we saw him or briefly spoke to him. I have not, and many women have not, because that’s not how sexual thoughts and desires are aroused in us. For us, we can think someone is attractive and feel a desire to be around them upon seeing them, but it isn’t overtly sexual yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 03:07 PM
2

Not all of us, no. You’re describing spontaneous desire, which is far more common in men than in women. While some women can and do experience spontaneous desire (and they’ve answered here as well), many of us do not. I’ve had plenty of experiences of overwhelming lust in my life, but they do not occur instantly and only based on seeing an attractive man or having a few minutes of conversation with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 02:50 PM
2

I never said it was an intellectual one. That “first time I saw them” spark is obviously a physical attraction, because you can’t exactly have an intellectual attraction for someone you literally don’t know. But OP is asking about a specific experience of sexual arousal, sexual thoughts and sexual desire. That does not occur with the “spark” for me; many women’s sexual desire and arousal patterns work differently than they do for many men, and are not immediately linked to, say, finding that som…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 02:27 PM
6

In other words, the very specific sexual feelings, desires and thoughts OP describes and is asking about aren’t linked to the most initial interest and curiosity for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 02:25 PM
2

What I regret is the reasons why I didn’t sleep around when I was thing. I regret that I lacked the self-esteem and the confidence to make myself a more appealing person, approach more men, flirt and have more sexual confidence. I’m sad I didn’t have those things when I was younger and should have been exploring. Yet at the same time I don’t regret not having a lot of shitty casual sex, which is all that my few forays into casual ever were. That part, I didn’t miss out on at all. But as someone …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 07:02 AM
6

I dunno man, the responses here all describe it pretty clearly in my opinion. Don’t have to experience something yourself to see how it can work.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:23 AM
3

Absolutely thank you for explaining this. You nailed it for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:11 AM
3

Okay, so let me describe the guy I’ve been most recently involved with. He was a lightning bolt for me. I remember exactly where I was, what he looked like, when I saw him walk out of this building for the first time. I can’t explain why it was him and don’t care to figure out why it was him. It was only a split second that I saw him, but he smiled at me and nodded and as soon as he was out of earshot I turned to my friend and I was like “…who is that guy?” I will never be able to explain it, ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:11 AM
7

Not to me, but given how similar so many of the female responses are, I understand this is something many men have difficulty understanding about a common female attraction pattern.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:06 AM
14

I know within 10 seconds whether I will never be sexually attracted to someone, no matter what. Like I can rule him out for sure, but it can take more time to rule him in.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:02 AM
9

They aren’t. I still don’t and cannot think of a man sexually at that point, don’t feel arousal with him, don’t and can’t imagine anything sexual happening and don’t feel true desire. It takes a bit more chemistry to bring the sexual component about. When they do come out though, they’re strong.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:01 AM
10

No. Just different. I love my sexuality.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:00 AM
3

It doesn’t for me. That takes a bit more time. I cannot think of a guy sexually until a bit more chemistry has been established.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:00 AM
4

Every guy I’ve ever been sexually attracted to falls into what would broadly be considered my type — skinny, big eyes. I’ve 100% become madly in lust with men I wasn’t initially attracted to at all, but they still fell into my parameters for what type I can be attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 05:59 AM
9

No. Sexual attraction is different. I have no problems describing being aroused by a man. But I know the point at which a guy goes from someone I am interested in getting to know to someone I can actually even think about sexually or desire to see naked.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 05:57 AM
1

Yeah. Like being hit by lightning.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 01:06 AM
1

I’m never sure how to square that with the 90-10 gender ratio on Tinder, which AFAIK is slightly, but not much, better on other apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 01:06 AM
1

Haha thank you very much. Coming up very soon.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 12:49 AM
7

I followed through both times. Had a long serious relationship with the first. Ended up being a bad relationship, for sure. I got in over my head. The second was quite recent and we ended up having an incredibly passionate sexual relationship for awhile that we had to put on pause for logistic reasons, but those will be resolved soon and I’m hoping we can pick up where we left off. There was definite potential there.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 12:20 AM
14

The fact in my entire life it’s happened exactly twice is like… that’s rare. But dang, when it happens it’s wiiiiild. I can remember every detail of each occasion, where I was, what I was wearing, the exact moment I saw him.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 12:13 AM
39

No. I’ve never thought about a man sexually or been aroused by him within the first few minutes of meeting him, ever. I definitely have met a lot of men I thought were very attractive, but it takes more for sexual feelings to develop. I’ve twice had an incredibly strong initial electric spark feeling when seeing a guy for the first time, which is definitely a physical component, but it’s still not quite the same as sexual attraction — at that stage I still don’t feel aroused by him or think abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 11:43 PM
7

I 100% agree that OLD sucks for men, and I think it in fact sucks much worse for men than women, so I’m not sure what you’re arguing with me about. OLD is a shitty platform that isn’t a great stand in for other dating avenues, in part because the gender imbalance on it is so dramatic, among other things.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 11:20 PM
6

The gender imbalance on Tinder is about 9-1 men to women. That is not the gender imbalance of single people looking for relationships. That’s why we say it isn’t real life. It
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 11:18 PM
3

You don’t have to close off the avenue. Stay on them by all means if you want. Just remember not to make it the be all and end all of one’s dating life, which to my understanding is what “OLD isn’t real life” is basically trying to say. And yes, I agree dating sites are bad on purpose. Also, let’s not go too overboard on me being a functional person!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 11:15 PM
21

Most women aren’t on online dating, many of us because we found it a poor method of dating compared to “real life.” Hence the massive gender imbalances on the platforms, hence us suggesting to men not to rely on it too heavily. If, as you note, OLD magnifies disadvantages for men, then you should agree with that advice, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 10:22 PM
1

Literally no idea what you’re trying to say, but I’m up to date on all recommended vaccinations, and a few extras due to travel to risk regions.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 10:01 PM
10

The cheating I’ve been aware of is the same for both men and women — usually it’s someone they meet at a bar / event on a work trip and hit it off with, a coworker, or someone they meet through a social environment that doesn’t include their spouse. They click, they get close, and eventually it spills over into cheating. That describes the vast majority of cheating I’ve ever been aware of, for sure. I don’t personally know any woman who has cheated with a pre-existing friend, or one of their par…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 08:37 PM
3

Yep, every guy I date has very similar interests and a broadly similar approach to the world as I do. I already know I like a very niche type of guy, but the social circles I run in tend to be full of that type of guy, so it’s not really a huge problem honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 07:40 PM
2

Not who you asked, but I like rail thin and short to average, though overall height just isn’t really a factor for me. (I’m short.) 5’5 to 5’8 is kinda the sweet spot where the majority of guys I’m really attracted to fall in that range, but I have dated or pursued both shorter and taller men.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 06:49 PM
2

I’ll tell that to my raging embarrassment as I heard the dorkiest shit spill out of my mouth while also, strangely, totally unable to stop it
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 06:37 PM
3

Yep. So I mean, it’s common sense really. Being more attractive doesn’t make bad people not attracted to you. It just makes more people attracted to you, good and bad. You’ll get better options on the upper end than most people. But it’s still up to you to filter out the bad ones and make good dating decisions.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 06:25 PM
20

Short answer: yes, obviously. I mean, this isn’t even really a matter of debate. The more attractive you are, the more people will be attracted to you, the more options you have and thus the better ones you will find. You still have to have a fundamentally okay picker, like if you‘re terrible at seeing red flags or have unresolved issues of your own that impact how you choose a partner (such as insecurity or unhealthy attachment patterns), then you can be wildly attractive and still end up with …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 06:07 PM
2

Yeah, let me tell you that finding men who like it is a challenge too, I’ve blown a couple of first dates on these topics, lol. Folks like different things with partners and I accept not everyone is into my same interests. But hey, no surprise the guy I’m into now is a history teacher.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 06:03 PM
5

Overall, a reasonably muscular body type with a low body fat will appeal to the largest percentage of women, by far, and will benefit your attractiveness, definitely. You definitely do not need to be “body builder buff.” While some women do like men at that extreme of development (and those who like it really like it), there’s definitely a point where a good chunk of women find it a turn-off. For me personally, low body fat is a massive factor in attraction — I’m really only attracted to very le…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 05:47 PM
3

We really don’t need to put a list of disclaimers every time we wish to talk about an interest we like to share, or activity we’ve enjoyed with a partner. We all know that there are a multitude of factors that go into dating, with physical attraction being a big one. Any guy who goes “I like museums and I don’t get dates so she’s lying” because he saw one random stranger on the Internet making a lighthearted comment about a single activity they have enjoyed with a partner has some bigger issues …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 05:39 PM
4

A man who is physically attractive to me, yes. It really goes without saying that one should want to have sex with your romantic partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 04:56 PM
1

lol I actually used to do archery, you got yerself a deal
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 03:55 PM
1

Alright, let’s get hitched
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 03:35 PM
5

ah, troll job, carry on.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:49 PM
1

You should have seen us get into 16th century blacksmithing. There were YouTube videos about steel composition involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:49 PM
6

LOL, no. You don’t know what I find sexually attractive. At all. I named that example because it was one of my ex and my favourite activities from our 10-year relationship. I was extremely sexually attracted to him, did not cheat on him, and if it had only been up to me, we would have stayed together our whole lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:18 PM
2

The nervous guy. Cocky guys clash with my personality really badly, it’s a big turn-off. But I’m all about the more shy, reserved type that can be a little nervous.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 06:02 AM
4

My ex and I were all about that, it was legit one of the best parts of that relationship. Just going absolutely full nerd on every interesting artifact and sharing every little tidbit we dug up.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 03:31 AM
0

Eh, I’m only attracted to people with many of the same interests. We don’t have to have all the same interests, but enough overlap and a similar enough way of approaching things that we can dive really deep into our things together and both get super excited to talk about them for hours. Such a turn-on for me. The “I love that you love it” thing isn’t really the vibe I do best with — I really need partners who are as excited about the same general range of things, and we can introduce each other…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 03:21 AM
1

I’m not a fella, though this is a solid unisex frag. I truly regret that I’m one of the people for whom it comes across way too medicinal. I love the basic DNA of BR540 and really like a lot of fragrances that are built off similar DNA, but the original just smells like a hospital to me and it makes me sad.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 03:05 AM
2

I’ve had lots. I love psychedelics. All of them have been incredibly positive experiences, even if they were challenging in the moment. Haven’t gone for an ego death trip yet, I’m not ready for it. I want to one day for sure, but I’m in no rush, it will happen when the time is right. I think when used with intention and respect for what they can do, psychedelics can be amazing tools for mental health and exploration of self and reality. I’ve never used them as a party thing, only solo or with on…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 03:01 AM
1

I’m a woman. I really struggle with eye contact and have my whole life. (I have ADHD, and apparently that’s a symptom.) Both male and female friends and male partners have always gently raised it to me as an issue because, like you say, historically I could hang out with someone for hours and never look them in the eye. But it is a socially valuable tool, and does help a lot with intimacy and communicating interest (and I don’t just mean romantically), so I’ve spent some years working on it. I’m…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:55 AM
3

You’re muddying up your thinking too much. There is no standardized metric of performance to worry about when it comes to social confidence. The value of social confidence is in the positive impacts it has on one’s ability to relate to others, navigate new social situations and assert one’s boundaries. Those are all qualities which can be quite attractive and healthy, and generate more and better-quality interactions with others.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:52 AM
8

So I fit into most of those (I rent, not own, because it makes much more financial sense for my current situation), but to be honest that would turn me off as a bio and I’d probably swipe left. When I look at a guy’s bio I’m really hoping to get a sense of what he’s like to spend time with — what his personality is like, his lifestyle and interests, his sense of humour. And I can’t get a sense of that really from reading this. I get that you have your life together, but I just don’t know what yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:48 AM
8

There are a good number of us out there, and a lot of us are looking for men without kids too I think.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:43 AM
20

I just want a man to go to museums with who will get equally as excited about retreating to some corner to furiously Google more info about neat historical facts we read on the artifact cards. But seriously, if depends on the people. Ultimately, most people want a partner who complements them and makes their lives better, but what that actually means and looks like will vary by the personality, preferences and shaping experiences of the people involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/22 02:38 AM
14

I’ve never slept with a single person I’d call toxic, so I couldn’t tell you. The best sex I’ve ever had by far was in my longest LTR. He was a good, gentle loving person, we were very sexually compatible, and we were both very openly communicative about sex and invested in each other’s pleasure. Our sex life was fantastic. Very erotic, exploratory, deeply intimate. The second best sex I ever had was with someone I was seeing for awhile while living abroad and hope to see again when we live in t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 09:11 PM
2

I wouldn’t date an unvaccinated man, no, unless he was in one of the very small minority people who were medically advised not to. Someone who chose not to do it would have far too different an outlook on a number of key things for us to be compatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 08:16 PM
5

Exactly this. Most men have average dating lives and some relationship success, with better or worse periods in their lives based on various factors.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 08:12 PM
10

There is simply no basis in reality or statistics to assert that nearly 90% of men are either assholes in constant relationships with multiple divorces or forever alone virgins.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 08:11 PM
3

My ex had severe depression and nearly crippling social anxiety. He had several girlfriends before me, then we dated for 10 years, and he now has a new and attractive long-term partner he’s been with for over a year after me. (He is also neither tall, nor rich, nor “high-status.” But he is a good man.) So it’s not the be all and end all. But it does make dating more difficult. In general, it depends what your condition is and how it’s managed. Unmanaged mental illness can make dating really toug…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 06:00 PM
45

“Can we just be fucking normal” is the basically my first and strongest feeling about every single question ever posted here on “dominance.” Please dear god can we just all be normal and not make everything a weird power thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 04:55 PM
5

I mean, just speaking personally, even if I wasn’t to assume that the dominance extended to relationships, the “non-dominant” John sounds way more like someone I’d want to know. He sounds more easy-going and more fun to do things with. I prefer people who enjoy games or hobbies for the sake of just having fun or improving themselves, and aren’t hyper-focused on defeating their opponents.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 04:54 PM
39

This doesn’t describe the vast majority of men I know. I’m not sure what circles you’re running in, but all I can say is this is not the reality I’ve ever seen.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 04:49 PM
1

If you are physically attractive and fit, then I’m wagering it’s something about how you interact with women that is not conducive to sparking attraction. It may not be something you’re aware of or easily able to identify, and your therapist may also not be the best judge as they don’t see you out and about in organic social environments. Do you have any friends who would give you very honest feedback if you asked? Also, where and how are you trying to make connections with women?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 05:08 AM
3

It isn’t fulfilling at all for many people. I would lose my mind with boredom and outright unhappiness if my work was confined to my own home and family, and I’m not unusual in this regard. Most people do best when they are able to devote their skills to labour they find satisfying and even challenging, and take a meaningful role in their community. For some women, that can be found as a housewife. For some of us, it definitely cannot.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 01:02 AM
2

I’m a woman so… My firm position is that for a first date, we each pay for ourselves. Sometimes if I’m really feeling it I’ll pay. I will not allow a man to pay for me on the first date. If we’re just doing drinks, then we can take turns buying rounds. If we have a second date and I know for sure I want a third, and he offers to pay, I’ll accept. In that case I will pay for the third date. Otherwise we can just each pay separate again is fine. From there on we can just switch off who pays, or ea…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 12:35 AM
5

Yeah, this is my ideal relationship and makes the most sense to me personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 10:14 PM
15

Of course there are exceptions. Nothing in human personality types, dating and relationship preferences is universal — it all exists on a wide spectrum. Within that spectrum there are general tendencies and distribution trends, but it’s never a descriptor of every single person. Why are some men more submissive and some women more dominant? There doesn’t have to be any fancy reason beyond the normal: because our personalities are a combo of nurture and nature and can end up a variety of ways. Pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 09:35 PM
19

I think there are a good chunk of people these days who absolutely are not getting proper socialization at a relatively young age, and it continues to have domino effect impacts well into adulthood.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 07:02 PM
2

or the goals, anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 05:59 PM
1

Exactly this. I don’t have any particular attachment to any moral viewpoints on sex, dating or attraction, for me. When I answer here it’s based on experience. Could that experience change in the future? Sure, and then I’d update my answer accordingly. But when I say (to use OP’s example) that I find no value in one night stands, it’s because I had a couple and found them to be absolutely valueless and very unpleasant for me. I have no desire to repeat them, and have turned down any situation th…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 04:32 PM
33

Most people I know tend to date more or less looks-matched, unless they have something that holds them back, like social anxiety or self-esteem problems or just a flat-out bad personality. So the men I know IRL who have always only dated very attractive women are very attractive men who are all-around good dudes. The guys like that I know personally don’t tend to date casually much though, they mostly are in happy LTRs with wonderful women.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 05:23 AM
1

I can’t say I’ve ever noticed veins through a shirt, but in general that would also ick me out. Veins popping out is just gross to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 04:11 AM
1

Oh I know it’s not too crazy, I just find it freaky if veins have any sort of 3D element to them. Grosses me out.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 04:07 AM
3

Nay, vascularity like that weirds me out, looks like worms under the skin, gives me the no feeling.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 03:53 AM
1

It’s pretty significant. A quality mattress suited for your sleep style and weight can make a huge difference in back issues. (The weight issue blew my mind when it was first explained to me by a guy who owns a mattress factory, but it makes total sense — a mattress’s uhhhh springiness is measured in pounds per inch to compress a certain amount. So if you’re very small then a mattress will feel too hard, and if you’re heavier then even a firm mattress compress more than you want.)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/22 12:51 AM
7

If this is something you want to work on because you think it isn’t serving you, then yes, it is possible to change. Not guaranteed, but possible. Working with a good therapist can help you learn to manage intrusive thoughts, and also explore and reframe the underlying feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 09:04 PM
5

It really depends on the couple. In my 10-year LTR, what worked out best for us was to have a shared account for shared bills that everything automatically came out of, a shared savings account for shared goals (household emergency fund, vacations), and then separate personal chequing and savings accounts. That is how I personally prefer to do it, for sure. But if one spouse is a SAHP, that might not make the most sense, it might be better to use shared accounts more. Overall, I do think it’s be…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 05:15 PM
29

My boring answer is it depends on the couple. I have zero views on what men or women as a whole “should” bring to a relationship, other than the basics of treating each other with respect and such. Beyond that, people should bring what they think their skills and strengths are, and look for partners that have the qualities they want in a partner. That will be different for different people.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 03:47 AM
9

Men aren’t forced to date marry women they don’t like. They can choose to date people they like or remain single. Women also have this choice. I’ll also say that the idea that most relationships a century ago happened how you describe is a bit of a myth. Obviously, sexual and marriage practices have varied considerably across time and cultures, as well as class (women of the nobility in many eras and cultures were married off very much like how you describe) but definitely women in many times an…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 02:36 AM
2

I’d rather not say, though if I’m understanding OP’s definitions mine would fall into his category of exclusions so I could continue my career with this hypothetical dream partner billionaire. But if it didn’t, I wouldn’t take this up. There would be zero other replacement for the amount of creative and personal satisfaction and meaning I derive from my work. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who expected me to give it up; I’d want to be with someone who celebrated it with me. So someone who nee…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 07:58 PM
5

Some women, myself included, have work that is fulfilling and meaningful to us, and without which we would simply not be happy or thriving people.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 07:53 PM
1

I have a successful career that I love and from which I derive a ton of fulfillment, and by your definition that career is compatible with this arrangement, so yes of course I’d marry the perfect partner for me who’s a billionaire and continue my career I love. I don’t see how that would qualify me as a stay-at-home-wife though.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 07:03 PM
16

This may or may not be somewhat misreported: https://twitter.com/arash_tehran/status/1599395316339703808?s=46&t=CwIv4C3gev8THznk98jpsA If it’s true, a historic moment and achievement for these protests, but not the end of the road. The protests since the beginning have been pushing for full regime change.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 02:53 PM
1

Usually when people move in with someone they don’t immediately become SAHMs. And most parents are not SAHPs. I’ve literally known one SAHP my entire adult life, which is one of my sisters. (She went back to work later.) You said it’s the norm for women not to pay bills; it isn’t anywhere I’ve ever seen outside of SAHPs, who are the minority of people in live-in relationships. It’s also not the ideal in any social echelon I’m associated with either. I understand and believe you that it may be in…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 03:09 AM
2

It wasn’t nearly as much of the norm as you think. Teenagers absolutely still fooled around and had sex with people they didn’t marry, always. It just wasn’t discussed openly nearly as much.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 02:03 AM
1

If I was attracted to someone both physically and emotionally enough to want to be both friends and lovers, then I’d absolutely 100% of the time want to be more than just friends, so a FWB situation is a hard no-go for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:43 AM
3

It’s honestly not the norm in any social world I’ve ever been a part of. I believe you that it may be for some, but I’ve never known any woman in a live-in relationship outside of SAHMs who weren’t paying an equitable share of household bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:40 AM
1

In my long-term live-in relationship we paid shared household bills by percentage of household income, so I paid 60% and he paid 40% for most of it, and by the eighth or ninth year we were 50-50. I’d never want a man to pay all the bills, it’s not okay with me. I’d feel like a freeloader and I would not like that at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:38 AM
1

There really doesn’t have to be, and this way of thinking about relationships — as who has “power” over the other — doesn’t tend to lead to very good ones.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 12:14 AM
2

A ring isn’t important to me. If I were ever to be engaged, I would definitely not want a diamond at all — total waste of money. If my partner wanted to get me a ring as a symbol or because he liked the tradition, that would be lovely, but something simple like a plain steel band would be fine, that’s more my style. If it isn’t important to him to get a ring, I wouldn’t care.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 11:10 PM
1

Makeup is all about adding contrast, colour, light and shade to enhance and define the features you want to bring out and de-emphasize what you want to hide. Eyeliner, mascara and tightlining all defines the eyes, which can make them look bigger and brighter and overall more dramatic (eyeliner on the lower lash line can also make them look smaller, but if you have big eyes to start with this isn’t a huge concern and the definition may still overall look more appealing). Eyeliner can also make ey…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 11:07 PM
15

Seriously. Jesus fucking Christ this is such a bad idea. “Lose custody of their children by default?” My father initiated the divorce with my mother. No wrongdoing on either part, he just wasn’t happy and hadn’t been for a long time, and they both deserved a chance to find better partners. I cannot even imagine the trauma and emotional devastation for me if this had automatically meant he lost custody of me too. Beyond that, this makes no sense because it just means more people stuck in miserabl…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 04:57 PM
21

I agree that what people describe as “love at first sight” is largely physical attraction that may later be retroactively described as love; it’s also IMO rare for it to be experienced that strongly by both partners that they view it as such. Many good relationships with strong physical attraction aren’t described as “love at first sight” by the partners. What I disagree with is that a lack of “spark” on a date only and always means the man is not physically attractive enough. That has profoundl…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 04:26 AM
12

It’s not treating “an SO as a roommate.” It’s just allowing a different division of household labour than is seen as traditional in this culture and some others. Some of us do much better contributing to the household by our interests and strengths, and not by what’s expected to us simply due to gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 07:53 PM
45

Haha yeah that’s happened a few times. I don’t relate to how you experienced it though — I didn’t take it personally at all, they clicked better with that other person, good for them. I also find it odd how much analysis you put into why this woman should be “almost invisible” to attractive men. To be honest, you don’t sound as if you liked or respected her very much, more that you just thought nobody else would like her so you’d be a shoe-in. Glad she found someone else. I mean, “how she had ba…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 05:07 PM
1

From the dawn of human history. One of the most ahistorical ideas I sometimes see tossed around here is that the 20th Century was the first time women experienced agency in their choice of partner. In reality, while there has always been a diversity of ways in which cultures managed pairing off, we can look at cultures existing today which would be a good stand-in for our most ancestral, pre- environments, and see that pro-social traits such as “likability” are important in men (since you live a…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:31 PM
2

Oh I don’t care about exposing anyone, because I generally have very good views of both men and women and think things aren’t nearly as bad as the dire voices here insist. I’m just bored and this sub is like a fascinating train wreck I can’t get away from. Fun to kill time, sometimes learn a few things and challenge myself on others, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:18 PM
8

We do have the option of sex and relationships with men our age, don’t worry about us. The majority of people, including the majority of men, date in their general age bracket.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:03 PM
2

You’re dragging a lot of stuff into this that goes off-topic from what I was saying, which is simply that not finding a guy compatible is not the same as thinking you’re “above” that person. Rejection isn’t always that loaded. It just means you’re not a match. I’ve turned down some truly awesome and attractive guys. I just knew we weren’t the person for each other, romantically. Beyond that: the majority of average women quite happily pair off with average men. The majority of women are not out …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 01:56 PM
31

Yeah, I was a thousand times more judgmental and grossed out by large age gaps at 18 through my early 20s than I am at 40, and most people I know were similar. I still maintain a healthy level of concern in situations that seem skeevy, but otherwise now I fall more into the “eh, live and let live” category.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 11:54 AM
3

I’m going to suggest that not wanting to date any given average man doesn’t equate to thinking one is “above” or “better than” that person. I don’t think I’m above most men I’ve rejected, hell if anything I know they can do better than me and they often have gone on to do just that. I think women are just more specific about what works for them, and very willing to stay single if they don’t find that.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:58 AM
1

This is extremely correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:54 AM
1

“Chill” is not the word I’d use for gay male dating, lol. Also, women don’t all want the same men. Of a group of five female friends, for instance, none of us ever go after the same guy, our preferences are totally different. Very useful for us when going out on the town. That said, gay men definitely do create more defined identities to seek and find partners in certain attraction niches than heterosexual spaces do. But that just has to do with male sexuality and how it expresses itself when un…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 11:41 PM
1

I was happy to be the higher earner and contribute more to the household in my last two relationships and am currently taking applications for the next
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 11:34 PM
1

Pillow talk for SURE. I can enjoy a little dirty talk but pillow talk is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 11:30 PM
12

Basically true. Actual leftists definitely call themselves a leftist, but conservatives usually call liberal centrists leftists which is just hilarious.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 09:29 PM
1

I’m not interested in a polyamorous relationship. Short and sweet. I don’t expect him to be exclusive in early dating until we’ve had that talk and agreed, but over the long term I do want monogamy and would not date someone who didn’t similarly want that.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 06:18 PM
–

Speaking for myself, the simplest answer would be that my father didn’t see either men or the world in that way. He generally saw most people as being good, and always focused on teaching us to see the good in people.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 03:39 PM
21

I never know how to square these posts with the fact that most women I know think they’re far less attractive than they are, and don’t get anything like the “millions of simps” in her DMs that you’re describing. I know that situation may be true for some women, especially very attractive ones or those who cultivate a particular type of online image that draws more male attention, but I really think it’s a vast overstatement for most.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 04:59 AM
33

This is basically a lightbulb I had about men. I used to think men were super complicated and hard to understand, until I realized — no, when men like me, they aren’t. It’s only when I wanted them to like me and they didn’t, or didn’t quite enough, that I’d make it out in my mind as if they were so complicated. Now, I know — if he seems confusing and hard to understand, he’s just not that into you, and I think the same thing goes with women towards men.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 03:33 AM
1

Yep. Some men have it too for sure. No idea how, you have it or you don’t, I think. It’s just sort of an ease in who they are that is incredibly charming and draws people in. I eventually accepted that I don’t have it and never will, and that’s ok.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/22 02:30 AM
5

I tend to agree, though I think perceived social location plays a big role too. EDIT: Also timing. I was walking home the other night when some attractive, friendly guys started hitting me up. They were fine, not weird or aggressive at all, but I just really wanted to go home ASAP and didn’t feel like having any sort of conversation, so they got the brief but polite one-word response without further engagement from me. Mostly, you just learn very early that if you’re friendly to a guy even while…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 10:45 PM
11

I’d say yes, in the way that I’m thinking. I’m never mean to anyone. But if it’s someone “within my league” or above it, it’s usually someone I want to maintain a positive social relationship with, so I’ll make sure to be friendly about it. If it’s someone I wouldn’t want anything to do with, aka someone I see as “below my league,” I mostly just endeavour to give them as little response as possible because I don’t want to encourage any further contact whatsoever. So: the old drunk guy with the s…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 10:25 PM
1

For sure, normal to be unsure, not saying anyone has to get one (and I don’t think anyone actually is). But never a bad thing to have wider public discussion and knowledge about that procedure or any other method of preventing unintended pregnancy.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 09:59 PM
5

Yeah. Awhile back I was interested to be in a conversation with several younger guys who started talking about vasectomies — one was childfree and had gotten one and the others were all super curious and asking a lot of questions. In light of restrictions on abortion, certainly not a bad time for men to talk about one of the few options available to them to prevent unintended pregnancy.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 09:57 PM
6

I’m 5’3 and to me it’s always seemed the opposite of what you’ve seen — slightly taller women (5’6 to 5’7) always seemed to get more attention. When I was younger I really wished I could be just a few inches taller, because women closer to that height seemed to get so much more interest. It always felt like — taller women with an otherwise similar body type as me got to be “hot,” but when men commented on my height and build, it was always in a more… amused way. “Oh you’re so teensy!” That kind …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 08:50 PM
7

Yes, this. Reading these comments I feel as if I’m in crazy town. Nobody of any consequence is seriously advocating mass vasectomies for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 06:40 PM
28

I do think more men who know they don’t want children (or more children) should consider it. I don’t think it’s guilt-tripping to have more public conversations about it as an option.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 05:34 PM
13

Individual male commenters here say either highly individual or just outright bonkers shit every time. A single woman here expressing discomfort with sex does not equal a majority opinion. For the most part PPD women are quite unanimous that sex is an important part of their lives and the life of a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/22 12:48 AM
8

Absolutely not, period, for a pile of reasons, the first and most important of which is I cannot imagine anything I’d want to do less than make OnlyFans content with some random dude. I don’t care how hot he is.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 11:34 PM
1

I look for people who align with my values and behaviours. We don’t have to be the same, but the ways we differ have to be compatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 07:49 PM
2

Not taking a husband’s last name isn’t “masculine.” It’s a custom that some cultures practice, and like all cultural conventions will change through time. Many cultures never even adopted this custom. In Islamic cultures, for instance, women traditionally keep their own surname. So do Chinese women, and women from many other places. There’s nothing about it that is inherently “masculine” or defines the dynamic of a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 07:40 PM
4

A disability doesn’t make someone undeserving of love and companionship. It certainly increases the challenges to finding it. As for who they should seek, like anyone else they should be realistic about their situation while seeking the best partner they can find for them. Nobody “should” take an interest in anyone else; there’s no obligation. The government has no role in finding people relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 05:46 PM
3

If they’re married and have shared finances, they both worked for the money that is going to the car, and the car purchase affects their shared finances. This is not exclusive to a male spouse. Women in relationships with shared finances absolutely shouldn’t be buying something as expensive as a car without consulting their partner either. It’s really not that hard and shouldn’t make anyone “miserable,” it’s just about being a team in the household spending, as one is legally considered a financ…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 05:41 PM
6

Both partners should consult each other on large purchases that make a meaningful impact on the household finances. It doesn’t mean the other one “wears the pants,” it means when you are building a household together, with shared income, the big decisions should be done together.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 05:27 PM
1

Oh, lots of women like their guys hairy. Not me, but it’s an avid discussion I’ve had with friends. Some definitely are hot for the very furry lumberjack guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 05:25 PM
20

My first reaction too. OP didn’t want the women who sought and responded well to behaviours which better support stable, mutually respectful relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 05:16 PM
2

Yes. I can remember the exact moment I realized this. I don’t think we ever had sex again after that, I couldn’t bear the thought of doing it again. It was a very, very painful moment.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 02:37 PM
2

They can date me, I’ve never dated men with much of any ambition and don’t intend to start anytime soon. But seriously, it basically comes down to: what is the lifestyle you would ideally want, that’s satisfying to you? Okay, now work on building that, and find someone who wants the same. It doesn’t need to be classically “ambitious,” so long as you are clear in your own mind what gives you fulfillment and peace and can find someone similar.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 07:42 AM
30

Just because you haven’t seen or experienced something yourself doesn’t mean it’s a “complete and utter lie.” Observe patterns and discuss their reasons, sure, but variances from those patterns happen and assuming bad faith doesn’t lead to anything productive.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 07:38 AM
1

I didn’t take it as an insult, your previous reply to me was just phrased as arguing against a point I didn’t make, so I responded.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 05:43 AM
1

Don’t put words in my mouth, please. I never said it was invalid, and I specifically did not say “racist.” In fact, I said people are free to have that preference and it probably works out for the best if they don’t date people they have issues with anyway. I simply said that I find whenever people say things like “I’m only attracted to X” or “I’m not attracted to X,” it’s most often bound up in some other shit — in other words, a red flag for it — and I personally take a dim view of people who …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 02:37 AM
1

I mean, I definitely like to feel desired, but it depends how he shows it. Personally, I find it a huge turn-off when men are too direct too soon. If I’m in a relationship with a guy, directness is fine, but prior to that I just honestly get really uncomfortable and turned off when someone is showing they “desire” me early on. I like guys who just kind of chill and let me come to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 01:57 AM
7

I think almost all physical preferences are valid. At the end of the day a lot of it isn’t in your conscious control, and nobody is entitled to you being attracted to them. The only one I can think of where I personally tend to take a dim view is blanket racial preferences on a purely looks basis. I get why someone would prefer to date someone from their own ethnic / cultural background; but a hard physical preference for or against any one race (“I’m not attracted to X girls / I’m only attracte…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/22 12:33 AM
3

For me it was pretty simple, I was afraid of rejection. I’ve been working on changing that, but it takes awhile.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 11:13 PM
3

Yeah. I have a friend just wrapped up that exact situation. For many reasons, I do think the guy is / was genuinely interested, but his communication style just isn’t a good match and wasn’t good for her. So she decided to let it go.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 03:14 AM
16

For myself, I like to simplify by remembering the following. One, people have lives and do stuff that doesn’t revolve around me, and especially in early dating, having minimal expectations of texting response is best. Two, I just try to be true to my own style, be mindful of their energy and give them time to respond, and see how things settle naturally. Three, if after giving it a genuine chance, a dynamic isn’t working for me — as in, if I don’t feel good about the way someone interacts with m…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 03:11 AM
5

When I was younger I definitely assumed exclusivity, maybe because my relationships tended to be of the variety of “we’ve been hanging out as friends and now we hooked up and now we’re together 24/7 and a couple.” I didn’t really date in the way that you’d be seeing and potentially having sex with multiple people. Now, I don’t assume exclusivity, mostly because when I ended a very long-term relationship and got into dating for essentially the first time in my life, I understood from reading dati…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/22 02:15 AM
21

The familiarity and routine that comes from living with someone over a long period of time changes the sexual dynamic considerably from someone you call up occasionally when you’re in the mood. So many couples have to develop new approaches to ensure you’re maintaining the sexual spark. This also isn’t unique to women. While male and female sexual responses have differing tendencies, with men’s tending to be more spontaneous and women’s more responsive, you often see quite the change over the co…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/22 01:28 AM
2

A gold digger would typically be much better off going for number two, since assets acquired prior to marriage are often not included in divorce settlements unless they become intermingled in the marital funds in other ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 11:56 PM
3

It’s about mechanics and technique, for sure for sure. At least it was for me, can’t speak to others obviously, but zero question mechanics and technique were a huge issue preventing me from accessing pleasure, both with partners and in masturbation. I mean, it can still a problem with partners now, but now I have the knowledge, confidence and language to express what I need. I didn’t then. Beyond that, I never had an issue with “passion,” but I did have a problem with the very negative things I…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 04:14 PM
5

I spent years trying to understand that question. I’m not saying it’s the definitive answer, but I think it’s some combo of the fact that certainly at that time, and likely still now, we just don’t get enough exposure to depictions of sexuality that centres female pleasure and female patterns of arousal and desire, and also that being sexual is so tied up in pressure to “be cool” for a lot of young women. And being cool is being a specific iteration what men want you to be, essentially. I also t…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 03:51 PM
2

For me to answer this question presents a problem with definitions. Growing up, the men I was surrounded by were all similar in that they were all very gentle, nurturing, verbose, patient, incredibly empathetic and very emotionally open people. I was closer to these male role models than to any female ones. But I saw them (correctly) as being very strong. People you could be safe with precisely because they were so loving and so gentle. So to me, that’s how I understood masculinity: as strong, h…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 03:17 PM
7

As a teen but before I had a boyfriend, I was incredibly curious about sex. Almost obsessed. This was the 1990s. I snuck around to watch the soft-core movies on late night TV. I read adult guides to sex I’d swiped from various places, and I lied about my age go into adult BBSes and MUSHes to roleplay sex by 12-13. I did a lot of self-exploration, but none of it was pleasurable. So I think sex became two things for me. I believed it must be the most incredible thing ever, since that’s how everyon…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 03:06 PM
11

You do not understand how abuse operates. You also clearly don’t understand the range of barriers to leaving. For shelters, many, many women do not live in an area with easy access to a shelter and may not have transportation to get to one. For finances, again, there are situational variations. It’s not uncommon for abuse victims to have a job; often they are even the sole employed partner, but the abuser totally controls their money and making it difficult to set aside anything for themselves. …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 11:34 PM
8

This argument is so goofy completely ignores the social realities of who those men are dating. Typically, men from social backgrounds heavily linked to crime grew up in conditions with very high rates of addiction, poverty, domestic abuse, trauma, and normalization of high-risk, low-inhibition behaviours, including promiscuous sexual behaviour, young pregnancy, etc. But so did the women they have sex with. To those women, men with criminal records are normal — very often, most men they’ve ever k…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 11:22 PM
8

You don’t work in domestic violence support then, I take it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 11:06 PM
10

No. Most people in abusive relationships can absolutely 100% get better relationships, and usually do once they’ve left. Abuse psychology is a long story, but we do understand pretty well the psychological forces are play in how people get into abusive relationships and why they may remain in them.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 11:05 PM
6

It plays 0 conscious role in my dating choices. It’s only something I ever think about on this sub. As far as I know what is “true,” I mean — I lived in the world my whole life and seen the variety of ways people operate and interact. Beyond that I’ve never needed any sort of theory or structured idea about dating that was “true.”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 11:01 PM
5

What people “notice generally” isn’t necessarily reliable. Whenever I see rants about how men are less masculine and women are less feminine, absent any firm definition of those terms, let alone evidence beyond the writer’s conviction, all I can think of is how every generation whines that people aren’t what they used to be — including, for instance, at least 140 documented years of complaining that men are becoming too feminine and women too masculine. OP says his friend basically said that “me…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 01:58 PM
3

Good lord no, not for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 01:36 AM
15

This just isn’t true, but whatever you wanna think. Sometimes a dude just has sex with a girl and even if the sex itself was good, he isn’t all that into her and possibly doesn’t want to lead her on or risk her getting attached, so he bails and moves on. I don’t think guys take “joy” in it, as such, it’s just how things go. Perhaps if a dude has zero other options for sex what you’re saying might be true, but men who do decent with women and have other opportunities to pursue lose interest after…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 01:22 AM
11

I wouldn’t personally do it, I just find video calls so awkward at the best of times and would rather just grab a drink with zero expectations. But when I was on OLD I wasn’t matching with or wanting to meet nearly as many people as you are, so it makes sense I suppose if you’re doing that kind of volume. Whatever works for you, for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/22 12:45 AM
7

Yup, exactly. Everything OP described in the post isn’t “playing hard to get,” it’s someone not being that into you, and like most people not really able to say that directly. And men do it too, 100%. Any woman who dates has had a guy say they had an amazing date and then ghost, for instance. It’s hardly unusual for anyone. Both sexes make time for the people they like. If they don’t, for the most part it’s because they’re not into you that much. The trick is to look for people who are matching …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/22 10:18 PM
1

Tbh it could be any of them, they all have the exact same body type. He’s just the most famous so comes up first, ha.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/22 08:37 PM
2

I don’t think this has anything to do with anything? Marjorie Taylor Green doesn’t have an OF, and young women who dress sexy or have an OF aren’t necessarily liberal. “Conservative” and “traditional and / or modest” may be fellow travellers, but they’re not the same thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/22 06:40 PM
1

Low-skill immigration can be a net drain in the short term, but states need to think long-term, and on the long term they deliver significant economic benefit. A first generation of low-skill immigrants that arrives may struggle and require more social support than their non-migrant peers, but their kids tend to do far better provided sufficient intro support for their parents, and become the next generation of skilled labour, refreshing an aging population and reinvigorating an economy. Persona…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/22 06:35 PM
3

I’ve said this before, but: if someone who is “sex only and nothing more” never calls you again, it doesn’t matter. If someone you really like ghosts you after sex, then it hurts. That creates an added risk. And since you are responsible for your own feelings, you gotta measure when you’re willing to risk it. You’re right that “if a man really likes you, he’s not going to pump and dump.” That’s super true — I’ve always said that sex can kind of magnify what’s there, so if someone is super into y…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/22 03:08 PM
2

The biggest underlying difference to me would simply be cognitive patterns. Obsessive cyclical thinking, hyperfixation, intrusive thoughts, inability to effectively process negative emotion (such as loneliness and anger), stuff like that. Some of those are more common with certain underlying mental health conditions or neuroatypical function. The second guy for instance could have any range of existing atypical cognitive function exacerbating his pain and unhappiness. But the first guy is able t…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/22 11:59 PM
3

There are body types that are considered very attractive and desirable by a very large percentage of people, and body types that are only considered attractive by a very tiny percentage of people, and then a spectrum of where the others fall. For me, for instance, IRL I’m far and away most attracted to skinny men — I like bones and angles more than muscles, very hot to me — but any lean build will appeal to me, and height isn’t really a factor for me, I tend to date short guys. OTOH, most women …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/22 07:36 PM
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