TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

nruthh Archive

View 1 posts and 151 comments by nruthh on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

SEEKING ADVICEnruthh/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 08:40 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Don't be fooled by entrepreneur glitz. There's a lot of bullshit artists out there. Many of them like your bf jump from thing to thing because there's a hole inside them they're trying to fill with "being their own boss." I've honestly only ever known this type, and entrepreneur is a red flag/no go for me because of it. I simply refuse to entertain a man who describes himself this way. If he says "business owner," and can show evidence of an actual business that he actually owns, sure. But a man…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 04:30 AM
3

I absolutely agree that sometimes people on this sub forget about the recessions those of us, say, 28-35 weathered, and the fact that we're living through another one. Like a man can be an incredibly HVM and a good man without having a ton of savings or a high income. Not me though -- I won't date under six figures lol, so I get the urge to hold out for that. Honestly, if you can, you should, but there's a lot of grey area, especially with the realities of our economy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 04:27 AM
3

No. Six months is short enough where you are still in the honeymoon phase and he can still maintain a mask. Do not commit further until he has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is comfortable providing. He should have taken this already as an opportunity to get his shit straight and step into the grown up role he needs to be for himself, let alone for you and any future kids. Don't date or commit to potential. Date and commit to exactly who's in front of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 04:24 AM
7

God I'm so glad I left the clown world of polyamory. That woman will never be as important as that man's wife and she is absolutely deluding herself getting involved with a married man. Clowns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 03:47 AM
113

The more I see love languages get popularized, the more I hate them. They’re concepts, constructs, and totally fluid. They’re far from the only ways to express and receive love, and people (men) just misuse them to manipulate their partners into having sex ~ * bEcAuSe iTs hOw I fEeL lOvEd ~*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 10:24 PM
10

It was a rough journey, I should’ve listened to y’all at first tbh 😭😭😭😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 11:32 PM
8

I would say it’s only worth sticking around for if it’s not a turn off. If it’s a turn off, don’t wait for it to change, over time it’ll just bother you more. There’s a difference between a neutral and a brake, you know? So in other words, this sounds like it won’t work, because it’s such a visceral response in you. And same — super feminine mannerisms like that are a turn off for me. Also, re: abused ... SAME. I hate that it’s a yellow flag for me now, but it is. I only know of one man who was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 06:58 PM
16

A year ago, I got downgraded from FDS Apprentice to Pickmeisha because I tried to defend polyamory. I no longer support polyamory and have changed that, but I can’t figure out how to get my flair changed by a mod. Can someone help?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:04 PM
41

I mean this with lots of love, not to be presumptuous at all, but have you looked into the concept of compulsory heterosexuality?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:21 AM
13

I think separate bedrooms for things like sleep issues is a great idea. I personally prefer sleeping next to my partner now, but my ex husband had sleep apnea and trying to sleep next to him was torture. I would have preferred my own bedroom. It’s not inherently secretive, especially since his reasoning is health-based and makes total sense!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:40 PM
8

Anything with respect or core beliefs is a red flag issue though. So really, we are saying the same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 12:18 AM
22

I’m not talking about red flags or giving chances. I’m saying if he does something in your yellow flag list, it’s okay to use your judgment and talk to him. How he responds to you is extremely telling. The idea that he has to be absolutely perfect without any feedback from you sounds nice on Reddit, but irl will lead to extremely dysfunctional relationship development. A HVM is receptive to feedback and wants to ensure your comfort, safety, and enjoyment. If he crosses that line, or does somethi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 11:45 PM
2

We didn’t miss the point, we saw it and disagreed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 08:14 PM
119

There’s a fine line here though. Literally no one is perfect for another human. A trait of a HVM is how he responds when you inform him he’s hurt you, crossed a line, or done something you don’t like. Conflict resolution needs to exist at all stages of healthy relationships, and that can’t happen if we insist on playing a game all of the time. Give him rope, yes, but also communicate. Walk the line. This applies to yellow flags, not red; it’s super useful to have a personal list and make sure yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 08:04 PM
27

Um, how long was the vacation? Sorry but most people couldn’t put on 20 lbs in a vacation if we tried. Are you sure he’s not just a little puffy after long travel and will slim down over time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 10:42 AM
30

I think a loving, honest conversation is a good place to start. Have you talked to him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 05:09 AM
51

When a woman doesn’t trust a man or want to help him, even her father, trust that she has a reason. Don’t give the benefit of the doubt to the man. Give it to HER.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 09:43 PM
24

You called three times, which means he put within you a panic response. This is what narcs do. They create a sense of urgency that activates our fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. He got you. He won that round. Drop him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 09:39 PM
23

Change that baby’s diaper, jeez. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 09:33 PM
568

They act like it’s so damn hard. It really is this easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 03:20 AM
62

Don’t use the mental illness excuse for him. Women have mental illnesses too and we don’t fucking act like that. That male socialization is a helluva drug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 08:04 PM
182

Sounds like unresolved sexual trauma. I know we love to hate on couch creatures, as we should, but this is actually classic behavior for men who have unresolved childhood sexual trauma. I hope she gets advice on advising him to see a therapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 06:58 AM
58

I think this rule is ridiculous and it’s not a part of FDS. Having standards is fine, but no sex till 10k is problematic for a thousand reasons. If it works for you, fine. Do your thing. But I think it’s foolish to say we should adopt that as a rule of thumb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 07:42 PM
0

How many times do I have to say it’s not pain? Defining nuance is not “playing with words.” We’re better than this, come on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:15 AM
0

Considering I already said it’s not pain, but the line between it, and that he’s my best friend and we have light hearted play in this area ... no one. This is why I say kink and BDSM are different, because conflating the two helps no one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:13 AM
1

No. It’s not pain. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t trust men who are aroused by pain. I trust men who are aroused by my arousal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 08:25 PM
1

Oh, sorry, I must’ve missed that part entirely! My bad. My point about this being a huge incompatibility stands. I think you should have a heart to heart again and make it explicitly clear that you won’t wait seven years. No woman should sit around for seven years and hope her boyfriend will be ready for marriage by then. He needs to grow up, frankly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 06:59 PM
-4

I think you’ll get better advice in the r/polyamory sub. This sub hates polyamory. I’m polyamorous and actually LIKE it, and CHOOSE it, so I get what you’re saying. Edit: loving someone doesn’t mean compatible. 7 years is too damn long to wait for marriage if that’s what you want. That’s deeply unfair to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 06:55 PM
9

Yep. BDSM is the trauma bonding cycle to a T. It’s fucked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:12 AM
8

Kink doesn’t always equal pain, which is what I was trying to say but said poorly. The types of things I enjoy I find thrilling and right on the edge of pain and pleasure. I do the same things to him, so he’s not getting off on my pain, if that makes sense. I completely agree that men who get off on hurting women are all trash, and women can’t truly consent to BDSM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:11 AM
2

This is a gross post and you should feel bad. “The only thing is ... she consented.” Frankly fuck you. You don’t know shit about emotional abuse, sexual coercion, and trauma bonds if you’re blaming her for her abuse by saying she consented.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 06:40 AM
24

Kink can be separate from BDSM. I'm kinky and my boyfriend is too, but he's much more into the sensory play aspect of it than the power dynamic exchanges. PM me if you want more detail, because kink can definitely have a role in a healthy relationship between a HVW and a HVM, but I strongly believe BDSM cannot. BDSM attracts dangerous men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 09:21 PM
13

Sis, you hit the nail on the head here. I got chills reading that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 09:19 PM
4

Not every single store everywhere was sold out. It’s an excuse. He could have gone to Etsy, to another store, etc. I mean you seem okay settling for crumbs but sis you don’t have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 06:17 PM
2

How did he get you a bottle of tequila if he can’t legally purchase alcohol?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 03:59 AM
11

Sparks are nice when they happen, but very often it doesn’t happen right away. Good, reliable, ethical, steady men often don’t make my sparks fly at first either. But I’ve had enough of that draining type of love/affection. Give it time. Often the best romances take time to build, you know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 02:07 AM
9

You told him you wanted gold, and he got you silver. That's the bigger issue IMO, because simulated diamonds are a far more ethical way to get diamonds (lab-created diamonds are real diamonds, but I don't know if that's the same as simulated tbh). I'm also a gemstone person. I love rubies, emeralds, all toned sapphires, and I also want gold. If my dude gave me a sterling silver ring I'd be pissed. Gold isn't that expensive. You told him you wanted gold. He just had the thought in his head "ring.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:33 AM
3

Girl you are 22 and sound like you're a HVW, based on this alone. You will find plenty of HVM. If I can, at 29 and divorced with two kids, you can. They're hard to find but not impossible, especially when you know what to look for and how to not waste your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:28 AM
2

I'd say yes. My weight fluctuated a lot this last year, and I know I allowed bullshit from men that I wouldn't have allowed otherwise if I had been more confident. The thing about low self-esteem is that you don't always know you're doing it in the moment, until much later, you know? I don't believe that you have to think you're Adriana Lima to date; but looking in the mirror and liking what you see will only help, not hinder, your dating. Plus, sex when you like your body vs when you're insecur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:19 AM
11

YUP X100
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 11:42 PM
14

A "king" provides for his kingdom ...he doesn't expect women to take care of him. Scrotes mad indeed. (In this case, straight up emotionally abusive, but I digress.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 11:03 PM
49

Same. And the parts he disagreed with, so do I. So it’s like ... eh. A HVM isn’t insecure about HVW trying to discuss amongst themselves the best way to date HVM, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 10:35 PM
23

Yeah. Never has, but with this woman it’s only on date 3? No, this sets off alarm bells, not butterflies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 10:28 PM
145

Expressing interest in marriage within a month of knowing you is a red flag. Not a yellow flag, a red one. I’m glad this is going well but please try to slow down. I had a relationship like this for 4 months, and then his mask slipped. Anyone can be anything for a month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 10:13 PM
42

Girl his brain isn't even fully developed at 20.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 09:13 PM
94

This made me spit out my water. Thank you. She's on some queen shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 09:12 PM
79

Agreed! To me a HVM is one who has character and treats all humans with dignity; not just a woman he may want to marry. This sub's ethos is bizarre and split on this, but I hope more people come to realize that a man who treats you well as the exception is a man who cannot be trusted. He is not HV. George Clooney is not HV, he's just smitten. Next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 09:11 PM
212

My boyfriend saw my Reddit activity in FDS and doesn’t care. Because he’s not an insecure dipshit. 🤷🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 04:53 PM
41

Good character is 98% of what makes a HVM a HVM. If all else truly, actually checks out, there’s no reason to not dip your toes and see what’s here. I’m not saying marry him tomorrow. I’m saying you’re not crazy. Especially if you two are young.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 07:54 AM
23

That means nothing. My abusive ex husband had only one relationship for me that lasted two years. HVM has nothing to do with that, and is a pattern of behavior. Don’t expect less from your boyfriend than you would from a close friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 08:19 PM
49

Agreed to a one night stand, blows you off, lives with his parents, isnt communicative with you and blames work .... What about this man is high value? I’m confused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 08:06 PM
31

What’s your preference? Your compatibility? I don’t like fancy restaurants. I prefer casual. A high effort date is one where he pays attention to you, is generous with his time, money, and attention; where he chose a place you’d like and asks you questions and answers yours. The venue’s price range is very low on the list of things that make a good first date, with exceptions being things that are obviously low effort, like fast food or fast-casual. I know this sub frowns on coffee dates, but I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 08:02 PM
3

I mean, same, but it’s a green light job for me lol. Are you in Seattle or SF or Atlanta?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 12:31 AM
31

If they’re actually software developers or engineers, that’s my wheelhouse. Make sure (especially devs) that they work for an actual company though and not freelance. Then it’s still suspect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 12:19 AM
16

I think she means men who call themselves entrepreneurs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 12:18 AM
8

I didn’t say it’s a requirement, and it needs to be taken in conjunction with his other behavior. Having her stand in as a representative for all females is a deal breaker, as is gaslighting. No, I just have, in my experience, found that men who have genuine friendships with people of both sexes tend to have more emotional maturity than men who only have male friends. There are exceptions to this of course, and again, any shitty behavior like that is a deal breaker, but having a close, non-sexua…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 10:01 PM
-1

I think it’s case by case. Listen to your gut. For me, a close female friend OR close relationship with a sister or female cousin is a good sign, and something I place more weight on than a good relationship with his mom. I also personally don’t mind if he’s attracted to his female friend. As long as he is respectful to her and to me, being attracted to a friend that he’s never made uncomfortable shows maturity, and that he can still be kind/respectful/controlled/affectionate to women who won’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 08:55 PM
1

Alright, good. Hope it goes well for you. ❤️👌🏼
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:05 PM
9

Careful. This is coming on quite strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:02 PM
13

No, not really. Truly this thinking of wealth as a virtue is part of what makes capitalism so insidious and harmful to our psyches. Look, I’m out for a high income HVM too. A good income is a prerequisite. But to say that poorer folks are, on average, that way because of character is a lie American capitalism sells and simply is not true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 02:32 AM
2

To piggyback off of the last poster, she’s not using queer as a slur against actual LGB folks. She’s using it as a slight against straight people who co-opt our movement and try to force themselves in to feel special. They’re also known as spicy straights in some circles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 09:47 PM
18

Don’t listen to the police, they’re male apologists who fucking suck. They fucking suck, even female cops. If you can talk to an attorney, do that. Those texts are absolutely incriminating. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 08:54 PM
29

“Entrepreneurs” and “business owners” never make actual money. CFO, CEO, etc., are all men just lying. I never date these men because it’s never true. In terms of visual cues, YMMV because I do live in Seattle which has its own strange culture and rules around money. But tons of men around here are fucking loaded, and here’s what I’ve found. (The exception to this is people who work in the financial industry and are loaded from that; most everyone else here who is loaded is loaded from tech, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 08:40 PM
13

I used to identify as demisexual before I realized literally that’s just normal human sexual behavior and doesn’t need its own label. I’m also bisexual, so I’ve struggled with actual human sexuality that suffers from societal misunderstanding and oppression and bigotry. Demisexuality isn’t really a thing — literally everyone falls on the spectrum of “demisexual,” which makes it not its own category but just “human sexuality.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 08:24 PM
2

Mine too lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 02:57 AM
11

Jesus, I’m sorry. My dad sucks horrifically too. When I found out about the depths of his depravity and misogyny, I struggled with self worth in a way I didn’t expect. Sorry your mom had such a horrible reaction to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 12:38 AM
37

Yep!! People who say that shit have no idea how important marriage actually is for protections, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 10:37 PM
37

The only women who think they looked fully grown at 16 are either still super young (like under 25), or they’re the type of women who blame other women for cheating husbands. Like. No. 16 year olds look like 16 year olds. The most mature teenager still looks like a teenager.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 10:23 PM
17

It doesn’t sound pathetic. I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone. It’s hard but worth it. Any relationship you get into will be immensely satisfying for you holding your boundaries. But today, it’s okay to feel so so so alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 08:36 PM
67

These men have no idea how much work goes into maintaining long curly hair. They just see the end result. Worse, sometimes when they do see how much work it is, we’re labeled “high maintenance.” They really want us to just roll out of bed looking as gorgeous as we do after an hour of getting ready. They don’t use shit except a 3-in-1 for their bald heads, face, and ass, and don’t understand why we don’t do the same. God forbid a woman cut her hair (especially long curls) to reduce how much bulls…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 08:06 PM
16

Also way to have zero understanding of trauma bonds, abusive relationships, and the fallacy of free choice for women. But go off on some new age pseudo-empowered bullshit. Whatever makes you feel good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:52 PM
7

You actually don’t know anything about me. I did enter that relationship before I was an adult. So, try again. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:51 PM
14

I’m not downvoting you for my sake. I’m downvoting you because your bullshit about “take responsibility for the abuse” isn’t stuff other women need to hear or take seriously. You have no idea how toxic that mindset is and how dangerous it is for women recovering from abusive situations. Abuse isn’t just a matter of a LVM being a shithead. Abuse isn’t just incompatibility. You don’t know what you’re talking about if you think your comment is remotely useful to victims of intimate partner violence…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:50 PM
9

Okay? Yeah, that’s why I divorced him. I’m not blaming my behavior on anyone. Explaining the effects of emotional abuse is not “blaming” someone else, so you can go away with that victim blaming nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:48 PM
21

Yep. This is how my ex speaks about me. “You’re not the person I thought you were” “you put up a front when we first started dating” “you used to be XYZ, now you’re ABC” like HMMM maybe because you fucking broke me?? Noooo it couldn’t possibly be your abuse, it’s all me, a conniving woman. My favorite is that he accuses me of being a gold digger when we met. Bruh, when we met you worked security and wanted to be a cop. What gold was I digging for???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:40 PM
32

And is she really a terrible woman, or was he terrible to her which made her appear crazy to him and his friends? You know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 06:50 PM
44

This is nice but you can’t possibly claim that this makes HVM crave you. You can’t tell if someone is a HVM until you get to know them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 04:11 AM
6

On the second date, he asked me how I felt about prenuptial agreements. “My ex has BPD” “If a woman hits a man, he gets to hit her back, right? Like you want equality, that’s equality.” He punched a hole in the wall behind my head when I was six months pregnant with his baby. I stayed for seven years after that, and of course it only got worse. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 12:29 AM
25

Any dude who mentions intellect/how smart they are on their profile is definitely stupid and knows it. Boringgggg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 07:34 PM
86

It’s a lazy shortcut to intimacy. Men who insist on anal sex have toxic views on ownership and intimacy. They lack the skills necessary to be skillful lovers and are insecure porn sick fuck boys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 07:31 PM
21

Exactly. Hair loss is fine on confident men. Hiding it is instant turnoff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 04:54 AM
10

I’m not “barking orders,” but way to play into trope of angry feminists. Girl why are you even here?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:51 PM
11

He didn’t say that, so again, you’re male sympathizing. He said what he said, which we take at face value. Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt on things like sexism, wtf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:49 PM
15

STOP! OP is female, the man she is texting is male. She texted him an interesting study and he shut her down by saying pointing out sexism is negativity. If you agree with that, congrats girl, you’re a pickme! 👌🏼👌🏼
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:47 PM
10

Yeah that’s male sympathizing lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:45 PM
13

Girl, nothing about that he said was fine. He only said one thing. Stop this male sympathizing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:40 PM
11

...oh....kay? Then he should say that, and not what he said. Either way, you said it was fine, then it’s not fine. Which is it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:38 PM
21

What’s fine about a man dismissing a woman’s empirical evidence of sexism?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:36 PM
23

This is classic toxic positivity. This is the type of person who will push you and then act baffled when your knee is bleeding. Tell you to look on the bright side, it’s only a scratch. Some people have it worse! Easy. Dump his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:35 PM
95

“Looking for a strong, independent woman.” “I like my dog more than you.” “I like hiking, travel, and my dog.” Shirtless pictures and car pictures Every picture has a hat. “Need a woman who takes care of herself.” “I’m an entrepreneur” There are others but that’s it for now lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:26 PM
41

He respects you, so he wants to get you a gift? What does he respect? He doesn’t know you. Why is a 31 year old reaching out to a woman over Facebook who he doesn’t know, but that woman isn’t even old enough to grab a drink with him at the bar? Run run run. Just stop talking. Block if he gets clingy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:21 PM
10

Forgot to add: has he ever pressured you incessantly into sex you didn’t want? How about sex you didn’t want after a fight that made you feel bad about your entire self? Has sex with him ever left your skin crawling because even though you didn’t say no, you only didn’t say no because your no’s dont mean much to him? If so, he’s already “gotten physical.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 10:34 PM
14

You don’t know that he’d never get physical. Has he ever thrown things? Punched a wall? Slammed cupboards or doors? Slammed his fists against a counter? If so, he’d get physical with you too, the moment you step out of line with his emotional manipulation and abuse one too many times. They’re always “never physical” until they are. Then, you see the red flags all along the pathway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 10:31 PM
36

You can’t change him. When you start to see yourself better and stand up for yourself and demand he change how he interacts with you, his controlling nature will flare. He will become more emotionally abusive. Your story was mine. I questioned if I bought the right shampoo for my fucking self, if I took the trash out at the right time, etc. He is still in my head. I am still prone to freezing. I didn’t realize he was abusive until I stopped bending to everything. I was in therapy becuase he had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 08:36 PM
17

Exactly it. I don’t sleep around anymore because men are just fucking dangerous. We have too much to lose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 09:08 PM
37

God, that post and the comments made my anxiety sky high. Why are men so fucking depraved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 12:39 AM
-7

Right, yep. These are things we’re talking about amongst the three of us. Because you’re right, emotional commitment is nice, but a long-term primary partnership is toothless without legal and financial protections. There are frameworks to add me to some of these, but to what end? And is that enough? I don’t know. (The only thing that cant ever be legally changed is who gets his health care. The others can be hammered out with relative ease, some requiring an attorney, many of them not. I just .…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 12:08 AM
-2

I’m not saying I’m super open and cool. At all. I’m literally saying I am conflicted. Honestly it’s not that she’s his wife. It’s that I’m not and can’t be. If we both could be, I wouldn’t even be conflicted. I genuinely do not care that they love each other and are married. I love both of them too, and his relationship with her is part of the piece that makes me respect and like him so much. He is special to me, and he’s special to her too. That doesn’t faze me. I don’t know why you’re here if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:50 PM
2

Sure, but marriage is also a useful end goal of a relationship lmao. I don’t know what I said that’s giving you “desperate” vibes, but I’m literally the opposite, which is why I’m in a polyam relationship. Desiring marriage is not inherently desperate, otherwise this sub wouldn’t even exist, but okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:42 PM
-9

If you don't know the value of marriage, I'm not going to sit here and explain to you thousands of years of human social evolution. Secondly, I care about society because we live in a society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:21 PM
2

He is definitely supportive. The thing that brought this on, actually, was a discussion we had last night. He divulged that he’s been so afraid that he will lose me, because I want marriage and that’s the one thing he can’t give me. We’ve talked about how to make me more entwined in his life, more interwoven in the ways a wife would be, but he’s never been that clear that he’s terrified of losing me as a primary partner. I didn’t realize the fear was so intense for him. He helps set me up on dat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:12 PM
12

I feel so stupid for this never having occurred to me. In my mind, it’s been “keep dating him and entertain other men I enjoy.” It never entered my mind that another HVM could enter the picture. See, this is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 11:01 PM
10

I think poly is your shield from the potential of being hurt and finding true intimacy I think that's probably very true, actually. I am terrified of building intimacy again, putting all my eggs in one basket. I've done that before, and I have zero interest in ever again being broken in such a profound way. I honestly don't think I have it in me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:53 PM
2

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved Sure, that's all poly is if all feminism is is the idea that women are equal to men. What I mean is, of course that sentence is true, but then in practice what that means, the guiding principles from that, and how that looks day-to-day is the meat of it. I don't know. I'm not saying you're all wrong and I'm right. I'm literally just saying I'm so confused and I don't know how to untan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:50 PM
-11

Well, he's committed to both of us. What do you mean by commitment? Why would there ever be a "her or me"? These are things we've talked about a lot, so I'm not arguing with you, I'm trying to understand. By any definition of commitment, I feel like we have it. Work on the relationship, him changing things to make things better for me, talk about the legal frameworks for protection for me as time goes on and we become more entwined, i.e., how to make me have the legal and financial protections o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:46 PM
2

Um, you can definitely love twenty people. That aside, no one here is loving twenty people. Ugh, see, I want someone to talk to about this who understands what polyamory actually is. If I'm spending all my time saying "no, that's not true, that's a stereotype," etc., then I'm never going to actually get anywhere with figuring out how to proceed. FYI, the people who introduced me to polyam are all radical feminists, and I learned so much from them about self-love, relationships, etc. How to not b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:42 PM
-8

No, I don't want to marry to be number one. I don't want the wife spot at the expense of her. I want to marry because I want the legal privileges of being a wife (which, there are options for that I suppose outside of marriage), and also because I don't want to call my long-term partner my partner or my boyfriend forever. Being a wife has privileges in society, we all know that, and that's why I want it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:38 PM
5

Thank you for this. I do need to really figure out what it is I want. I feel so conflicted all of the time, but it seems like the refutations people give me are all based on misconceptions of what poly is, so that I can't even get to the heart of getting help figuring out what I want and what's more important to me/what I'm willing to compromise on that doesn't sacrifice myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:37 PM
-6

But again, that's not poly. Yeah, see, I'm asking in the wrong place. We're all working from a different understanding of what this is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:36 PM
-3

I like the freedom of multiple romantic partners for me personally. It makes a lot of sense to me - I have multiple friends and multiple lovers, and my affection for one doesn’t detract from my affection for another. This is the kind of thing I think is one of the misconceptions that I talked about, that it’s just a bunch of people wandering around fucking and falling in love with no commitment to their own relationships. That’s not what it is, at all, so I just don’t know if this sub is anti-wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:27 PM
16

Write him off. He’s not interested. If he wanted it to happen, he’d make it happen. Don’t embarrass yourself by asking him for more concrete plans. He’s not into it. (Not a reflection on you!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 09:53 PM
17

You don’t cancel a date with some one you’re interested in because you’re a little hungover. Responsible adults don’t get so hungover that they can’t follow through on obligations; and if they do, they’re extremely embarrassed and certainly don’t advertise it to people they’re trying to impress. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 09:51 PM
5

Leave him. I’m 29, divorced with two kids. Had almost nothing. It’s a struggle now, but this struggle is far preferable to my struggle being married to a cruel man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 09:32 PM
45

THISSSSSS My ex husband told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me six weeks after we started dating. “I found the woman I want to marry, I knew on our second date,” etc etc. He’s a classic narc and I gave that man my 20s. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 08:54 PM
10

This is so true! Why do they stop taking care of themselves in such dramatic ways? They don’t know how to groom themselves. Basic hair care, a basic skin care routine, and a basic sense of fashion would go such a long way. But so many men after 30 literally look disgusting. Saying we hit a wall is laughable. The most confident, sexy, and stylish women I know all become their best selves after 28, and it just gets better from there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 07:42 PM
9

Heavy drinking, butt stuff, and squeamish around periods are all dealbreakers. Men who like anal always have toxic ideas about ownership and intimacy and are lacking the skills to make them excellent lifelong lovers, and they use anal sex as a shortcut to it. It’s toxic. Don’t do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 08:12 PM
11

Dismissive and avoidant men make you feel insane after awhile. It’s not healthy. Part of being a high-value person is having emotional depth and intelligence; we do this and expect it of our friends, and a HVM inherently must also have those things. Yeah, he might be depressed. But untreated mental health issues are a dealbreaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 07:55 PM
132

Don't believe men that say they don't do it because it doesn't come naturally to them. They'll do it for the girl it comes naturally to them for. If it's not you, it's not you, and don't humiliate yourself trying to make it you. You deserve it for your damn self and if he doesn't see that, it's not you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 12:35 AM
2

I think two things have to be in place for this to be true: they have to be tall, and well-endowed. I've slept with well-endowed men who aren't exceptionally tall or have less sexual experience than they'd like, and this generally isn't true for them. Tall men with big dicks make terrible lovers, because they literally never try.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 10:03 PM
48

I lost all respect for her after she stayed with him. There is no reason to let a man humiliate you in such a public way and then just move on. Lemonade is a good album I guess (I don't know, I can't stand her music), but what would have been actually impactful is for her to just walk away from a man who never saw her worth. True PickMe enabling PickMes everywhere. She's also gotten so insane with her ego and I feel like it's directly related to the fallout from her cheating husband. If she can'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 10:01 PM
24

THANK YOU! A HVM is not just a checklist. It's about patterns of behavior and a personality. There's no way to assess that after a few dates!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 09:57 PM
4

I don't agree that the paying thing is an immediate write-off. Generosity is non-negotiable for me, and I generally don't go on dates with men who don't offer to pay. I have paid before, my pre-FDS days, but I didn't see them again. If I offered to split before they had the chance to pay (like in your second date), I didn't count that. But if they didn't so much as offer (like your first date), they didn't get a second one. Anyway, yeah, there's no way to know if he's HVM or not after three date…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 09:56 PM
12

Oh,exactly. It's well-known in the kink community that most of the women come here with a trauma background, but it's touted as a positive thing. Corrective emotional experiences, taking back power, etc. It's stupid, because that shit should be done under the care of a therapist, not some neck beard "dom" who gets off on choking women and googled what a safe word is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 08:24 PM
25

It confuses me too. I used to be heavily into it. Now, not so much. I think most women who are into it are pretending. They really think they’re enjoying themselves, but one of the magic tricks of patriarchy is making women active participants in our own subjugation, and BDSM is no different. That said, I am still kinky. I won’t get into detail, but I do genuinely enjoy the rush of floggers, ropes, sharp objects; I love the sound and feel of chains and leather. I love breath play, I love losing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 07:44 PM
53

Adding men who want “a strong woman” to the yellow flag list. Have yet to meet a man who lists that right away who isn’t a total fucking emotionally abusive asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 06:52 PM
3

This just seems like you want a relationship where you are allowed to keep tons of secrets. That’s fine, but that’s not how a HVM treats his woman when he finds out information about her she may be embarrassed by or has grown from. A HVM is a HVM, regardless of whether or not you were his friend first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 02:26 AM
46

I had a therapy experience very similar. Write him an email, if you feel up to it. His response doesn't matter -- you doing it for yourself is the part that matters. And write to the board that oversees his license. Do not fear getting him in trouble. He crossed a professional line and the people who have the power to renew his license need to be aware of that. I was so glad when I wrote to his licensing board. He didn't lose his license, but he did need to go to CE and now has his license under…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:26 PM
3

I truly hate this show. All of the characters are misogynistic tropes of women. I wasn't surprised to find out it was directed by a man and most of the show's writers were men. The characters are all trash and really difficult to relate to, and the plot lines were just so stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 10:19 PM
4

Do whatever you want, but you’re still being racist even if you think your reasons are solid. All racists think their reasons are the good reasons and so it’s not really racism. I’m not conflating them, I’m just calling a spade a spade. Racial deal breakers like that aren’t “standards,” they’re racism. If this sub is pro-racism, fine, but I think this comment and sentiment is gross and should be stomped out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 09:29 PM
13

This is me too. In my marriage, I actually thought I was asexual because I couldn't remember ever enjoying sex. In my relationship now, I'm always either initiating or immediately receptive to his advances, and I could have sex literally every day. My ex's eyes would pop out to see how much I enjoy sex these days. Amazing what having a loving, attentive partner can do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 09:21 PM
3

Yo, big yikes at the racism, acknowledging it's racist, and then moving on like we're supposed to just accept it in the spirit of not "standard shaming." Refusing to date certain ethnic backgrounds is the definition of racist, and is not the same thing as having standards about parental structure or education.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 09:10 PM
6

No children of divorce is beyond bizarre, you're not damaged. She also used the term "breed" to refer to human procreation which is high-key misogynistic, won't date non-vegans or people who like tech, so...to each their own. Don't take her list personally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 09:08 PM
1

Gosh, yes, all of these.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 09:02 PM
6

I have a lot of deal breakers. I can't even list them all here, so I'll preface this by saying the obvious things like negging, ignoring boundaries of ANY KIND/being pushy, and any classic narc red flag is an immediate termination. Also, yellow flags require two to be a deal breaker, all else are basically a no from jump. So, I won't seriously date men who: Hate or actively dislike kids. Not wanting kids is something different, but a grown adult who hates kids is not a person that is emotionally…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:57 PM
56

So low effort. My goodness. A man who invites you out for a beer is looking for a CoolGirl™️.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 02:39 AM
12

Good! Not saying he’s love bombing, just saying I see a potential for that. He might be wonderful. The age and time thing are red flags, not dealbreakers. Keep your guard up. Hopefully he’s a good one. ❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 03:11 AM
30

38 and 26 is big. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. What is it about women his own age that isn’t appealing to him? Chronic tardiness too. Being late sometimes is one thing ... being late to everything speaks to a certain frame of mind (ie, at the end of the day, his time is more important than anyone else’s.) I had a boyfriend very similar to this. I was 28, he was 42. Everything else you said was true: paying for lavish dates, paying for my Ubers, drawing baths, bringing me coffee or Ol…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 03:00 AM
7

Hockey dudes are assholes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 02:54 AM
6

I’ve lived in Minneapolis, Phoenix, and Seattle. I’ve spent a lot of time in Austin, San Diego, and Los Angeles. I think Seattle has a good mix. Tucson had a lot of good looking men, but also a lot of rough slobs, and not much in between. Minneapolis is full of midwestern assholes, and don’t get me started on the women in the Midwest. Going back there is culture shock. People truly do wear their pajamas everywhere — both men and women. Seattle has a good mix. Even the casual tech dress code, a l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 05:49 PM
5

Where do you live? I’ve lived in some bigger cities and now I’m in Seattle and spend a bit of time in LA too. So, just curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 05:45 PM
59

He didn’t gaslight you. People use that word way too loosely and it diminishes actual gaslighting. Other than that, your reaction was fine. No man who’s interested in wooing you is going to invite you to hang out at an Arby’s, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 11:04 PM
17

MY EX TO A T. He had houses, met the 666 rule, charming af, handsome as hell, but narcissistic mommy’s boy enmeshed with his mother. Get this y’all: we divorced and she now LIVES WITH HIM, helping to raise the kids, when I told him to stay close to me so we could do it. Nope. Moves an hour away, the courts say it’s reasonable, then she moves in to take over my role. I fucking hate him, and this is so true. On the surface he looked like a HVM, but then....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 05:19 PM
9

Because everyone knows cops beat their wives, and we’re not interested in taking that chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/19 02:07 AM
7

I’m glad you blocked him. It’s way too much, way too soon. Also it’s you’re. The only men I give a pass to on grammar issues are men who are extremely smart in a science/engineering field, like doctors, software developers, other types of engineers, etc. Everyone else gets no pass, it’s an immediate turn off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 10:25 PM
2

Form fitting without being revealing. I have a small waist and large breasts, so I never show off my cleavage. They do all the talking for themselves. I tend to wear boat-neck cut dresses or similar cut, that come in at the waist and show off my legs. It’s tailored, form-fitting, classy, and sexy without trying. Every woman has her line of alluring without being trashy, but I think skin tight or too much skin are always going to put you in the trashy category. Women with smaller breasts can get …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 05:50 AM
4

I don’t mind beards. What I’m sick to death of us men who dress like slobs literally everywhere they go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 06:43 AM
2

I’ve only been dating for about a year or so. 3/4 have been tall with a good income, which isn’t hard to come by in Seattle. But they’re also all here, in Seattle, which is another factor to consider in my analysis of the types of men I’m encountering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 02:54 AM
6

Oh, I see why I’m getting down voted. I don’t mean that they don’t exist. I know they do! I more mean that they’re so few and far between in my experience because having those things makes them think they’re gods among us. I’d love to meet one who isn’t awful, ha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 02:37 AM
21

I’ve never met a tall guy who is also a good guy. My ex met all of these criteria, but he was also a raging narcissist who I should have run from instead of marrying and being with for 7 years + two kids. My ex from the outside was perfect. Generous, charming, very good looking, 6”2, 150k+ salary. We had a huge house, a pool, two kids, a dog, new cars. Our lives looked perfect from the outside. I’m just thankful to this sub for showing me all of the behaviors he engaged in at the beginning that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 02:10 AM
6

Yes, I enjoy sex with attentive men. “Just sticking it in” can feel really good, depending on all else that’s going on. I will say though that I also enjoy sex with women, and sometimes ive been really grossed out or afraid of heterosexual sex. If you’re uninterested in or fearful/skeptical of heterosexual sex, has the thought of sex with other women crossed your mind? Does that lend itself to more interest? It’s just a thought, but something to think about if you notice less hesitation there th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/19 05:48 AM
7

You just described my ex husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 03:28 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter