nuclearxp Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
0	Please stop trashing your stbx then pretend you don’t need help.		nuclearxp	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/21 11:08 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Well, that was an awkward school pick up. Spot on. Best of luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/12/21 05:34 PM
2	Well, that was an awkward school pick up. Minor correction “the narrative my son is sharing”… Assuming he’s young since you’re picking him up, I doubt it’s his narrative at all. That’s a large contextual assumption for a child. He is probably getting that from someone else. Manipulation of their perspective is a dirty game I won’t play. You were right, don’t drill into it until they ask. Prove day in and day out with your behavior you’re not that person. My ex runs these narratives and I just play the long game and let those she lies to…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/12/21 02:53 PM
4	Probably an unpopular opinion, but I’m tired seeing the comments section filled with “GET A LAWYER”. Disagree. I think most men and pre-divorce people in general have a fundamental lack of understanding of what aspects of their state laws and the courts involvement play. Many don’t realize for the most cases their finances and child support stuff will get thrown into some formulas and finalized with little to no regard what context from your divorce exists. There’s some misconception by men that there’s “wiggle room” and that despite overwhelming evidence available to the contrary, many men kee…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/21 04:56 PM
11	My wife says her lawyer told her not to let me see my child. This, and only this. What her lawyer says to her, and whatever nonsense she parlays to you, is meaningless.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/11/21 04:37 PM
3	Holiday Schedule - Kids My agreement had specific verbiage around vacations and holidays. What has worked for me that could work for you: if she wants to trump your vacation plans with her designated holiday, that’s probably fair… so text her back “just putting this in writing, please confirm in the future you will never ask me to take the kids on vacation over any of my holidays, and also on any future personal vacations of your own you will find your child care in advance “. I found when they see the prospect of gett…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/11/21 08:12 PM
2	How do you manage your parenting schedule? Be specific on how you want any changes to be addressed. In the long run it’s often less about who has them on any given day and more about how do you communicate vacations, sick days, events.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/21 04:36 PM
2	Ex wife has already started to violate JOD (Michigan) Just an aside, I’m also in MI and the courts seem a good 4 months behind. She will probably waste a grand on an attorney only to maybe have it approved around the same time as the original 6 month stipulation shows. If I were you and you can’t prove her SO presence will harm the kids, save your $ and maybe fight a bigger fight another day.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/11/21 05:14 PM
3	What do you wish (in hindsight!) was part of the legal agreement? This is a GREAT list. A basic rule, ensure anything not in the legal agreement requires mutual agreement, in advance, IN WRITING.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/21 02:28 PM
2	How would you have handled this? I’ll be honest, I didn’t read your whole exchange. The second you start throwing barbs, insults, and passive aggressive comments back and forth you’ll be at a perpetual stalemate. You must get the communication free of emotional setbacks. Nothing will work until that’s done. Next, MY tactic is just locking my ex into her own decisions. She lacks long term vision. So I’m your situation, I would turn back to her with clarifying a precedence: say something like “OK, going forward I understand you d…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/21 03:50 PM
1	How to communicate when angry? Great idea. If your parents are around have them proofread. Theo age and experience, patience could help.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/07/21 12:12 AM
0	Found out my wife has been cheating for the last 10 days. I would try and get through to you, but your whole comment history is disproportionately negative and ill willed towards this matter. I hope you sort out your issues and get with a therapist and get some professional non internet sources guidance.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/21 04:06 PM
2	Found out my wife has been cheating for the last 10 days. Please back up that argument. Not sure what planet you live on where, explaining to a judge you told young kids their mom banged another dude makes you a fit parent. Just because your feelings are hurt doesn’t make it a good idea.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/07/21 07:01 PM
8	Found out my wife has been cheating for the last 10 days. Terrible idea regardless of age. Work the divorce out first, then get guidance from a child therapist. Your heart may be telling you to shit on your wife, god knows I wanted to more than I did, but ask yourself this: how does telling them have their best interests in mind? Answer: it doesn’t. It’s irrelevant for their lives. Their mom may be a shitbag of a spouse, but you telling them only makes you look like a jerk later on and to the courts. If she banged every thing with a pulse while married…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/07/21 03:22 PM
3	First full weekend with my son since moving to my new place. We kept it simple for dinner There’s absolutely nothing wrong especially if you spring for the pretzel buns!	/r/Divorce_Men	20/06/21 10:56 AM
2	Thought you might get a kick out of this. Please don’t take this advice. Recording without consent is illegal in many states and a judge is probably going to look at you like an asshole not some some clever genius. Talk to your lawyer about a plan.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/06/21 08:24 PM
1	If I start contributing to an IRA, is that money still counted as “income” when it comes to child support figures? Generally the amount is averaged over the past for some duration, so this probably won't even help. Additionally, if you're caught making abnormal changes in finances it'll make it far, far worse. Stop trying to skirt the law, get a lawyer, and get ready to pay more than you think is fair.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/21 11:52 PM
2	Can I quit my job .. I'm not sure you asked the right question here... generally divorce agreements don't have verbiage about how you work. You're almost certainly going to get tasked with a lot of spousal/child support. Quitting won't get you out of that, let alone even lower it. If you're asking if you can quit because you think you can afford your support obligations - I doubt the court cares. If you're asking if you can quit and pocket other money or avoid paying a lot of money, you may need to talk to your lawy…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/21 02:26 PM
-1	Housework I understand how you feel, I really do. However, I would just caution you to not use that verbiage around her attorney and definitely the judge. They may get the wrong impression. If I were you, I would try to just encapsulate it in terms of time spent. If your ex did X hours a day/week then go off that. No judge on earth IMHO is going to get into micro-managing the actual value of work done.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/21 11:09 AM
3	Advice This is the only right answer. Nothing else matters if you have had suicidal thoughts. PLEASE call or use the above resources. You cannot tackle divorce, kids, or money with that on your mind.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/04/21 01:18 AM
1	Q for Divorced/Separated parents. If you could go back and time and not meet the person you separated from and gave you your children,would you? Even though that would mean you would of never have had your current kids. Kids > ex.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/04/21 01:28 AM
2	Vigilance is Key - Important Lesson Learned (Don’t answer her) Excellent advice. Bonus points for solid advice without going on a diatribe about their EX like so many others.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/04/21 12:37 AM
-6	Please stop trashing your stbx then pretend you don’t need help. Bro. Your public post history is Biden bashing and diatribes about women. Just get some help please. You have the anger of like 1,000 virgin teenage boys.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/03/21 01:57 AM
3	Are they going to pick apart my taxes for ever? They’re looking for more money. Are the courts asking or the attorney? Around me they can only ask for updates every 3 years. One common counter tactic is demand their taxes every time as well, especially if you have a hint of a chance of them making more.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/03/21 05:04 PM
3	The paperwork boys. It's important. Agree x1000. Read this carefully people: every single stipulation should have a contingency. Every single payment, statement, date, agreement, whatever should have a “what if”. For example, my ex had to refinance the house and wanted to say I had to be out 30 days after the divorce finalized and I had to initiate the refi within a week, but didn’t initially commit to how long she had to give me my equity. We wrote in multiple contingency plans if she refi’d and it took too long, or failed to get…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/02/21 11:52 PM
-4	Working through divorce Where are the moderators? We need an auto response “90% of posts in this group can be answered by getting a lawyer. This space is not for legal advice.” Honestly I think people know this and are just fishing for someone to give them an answer they want to hear.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/21 02:53 AM
1	Advice for potential 2nd marriage I'm big on open communication. Be honest and have a conversation and tell your new fling where you are coming from. You do not want to be taken advantage again and could have trust issues (my words not yours) without protecting yourself financially and that you would like to propose a mutually developed prenup. Maybe make clear you are not trying to prevent splitting things equally, but instead limiting any imbalances. Personally, I may go that route in my life and while there are tons of nuance…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/01/21 05:54 PM
8	Question re. Alimony? No. Get a lawyer and try reading a few pages in the sub to get an idea of what to expect.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/01/21 03:33 AM
2	Soon to be divorcing, send help Totally agree. I started seeing a therapist before ours even finalized and it's by far been one of, if not the most valuable thing to my health (mental) I have ever done. While you make that point, I'll even add find yourself a good therapist. My first didn't thrill me. My second I got luck, I honestly look forward to talking to them.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/01/21 02:25 AM
2	Soon to be divorcing, send help I wish someone would have told me before getting married literally NO personal conduct by a married party matters in divorce. Spouse killed baby puppies? Doesn't matter. Spouse banged the whole neighborhood? Nobody cares. So get over the emotional stuff and don't waste expensive lawyer time reconciling how shitty they were. Your attorney doesn't want or need to hear back stories unless they ask. Next, similar to my 1st post, division of assets and stuff is usually pretty cut and dry based on you…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/01/21 12:59 AM
1	Need New Mantras Love this idea. “You are loved”, “be healthy”, “take your time”, “focus on what matters”, “know your priorities”. I wouldn’t get too specific so you don’t get tunnel vision.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/21 12:29 AM
4	Post-Divorce, are you happier? Yep, same. She would drop $275+ a week on groceries and in 3 days we’d be out of food ordering meals the next 4 days.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/01/21 12:59 PM
34	Post-Divorce, are you happier? Even just from a financial perspective, even with giving her MY house, splitting savings, what little deb, all her debt. I have more money now that I ever have, because I don't have someone stealing or spending every last dollar.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/12/20 10:05 PM
1	ALIMONY.. What if I just STOP paying ? LOL coming from someone with 141 comment karma? Touché.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/12/20 01:29 AM
1	Does anyone else read r/divorce and see a ton of toxic women? I have never seen a mod interact here. The space lacks vision or scope. My observation is the topics relate to IF you’re a man OR you will/are/was/maybe involved in a divorce then post whatever is on your mind. 30% are legal questions that should only be answered by attorneys.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/12/20 01:27 AM
-3	ALIMONY.. What if I just STOP paying ? Why are you asking Reddit a legal question? Do you just want the answer you want to hear?	/r/Divorce_Men	28/12/20 02:08 AM
6	How would you react to this Agree ^	/r/Divorce_Men	21/12/20 06:39 PM
3	The Bedroom! Get out man. You sound like you already know what to do.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/20 01:20 AM
4	Why working out is your most important tool I get a laughable amount of colds when my young kids start each school year in the fall. By far the #1 thing that helps me through is plain old Zicam and exercise. I struggle overcoming my body's desire to just lay in bed and sleep, and 9 times out of 10 find that even if I walk, exercise, do push ups, situps, I rarely if ever feel worse after and often end up feeling better faster.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/20 09:53 PM
1	With the holidays approaching, do you still gift and if so any ideas? Stop listening to other bitter men. Talk to a therapist or do what you feel is right. You could always buy something “on behalf” of the kids and have them give it to her. Or make it something for her but has to be used with the kids, like cedar point tickets or something. You may want to separate your feelings from what would be setting a mature and family oriented example for your kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/11/20 03:00 AM
2	Both Attorneys are old friends I'm just going to echo what everyone else said, the more they know each other AND the judge this is to your advantage. They can't break the law, a judge has to sign off on what they do, and I'm presuming they are approved to practice law so it's not like they're just going to make something up and ram it through. It'll likely just save you a lot of time and money with them not wasting each other's time with ludicrous requests.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/20 02:09 AM
3	Please post your postive post divorce stories I feel like my relationships with kids and even some friends/family are already repairing due to the toxicity and mental damage done by my marriage. Every single life in and around mine is improving.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/20 06:13 PM
5	Lawyer sucking everything she can These situations can get emotionally overwhelming. I just went through all this and came out OK. I suggest you take a step back and write down on a piece of paper, the hierarchy of your priorities. Was grounded me was my priority was my kids, and sometimes even though I made concessions that meant sacrifices with the kids, it was to better the kids lives and by extension that was what was best for me, because I wanted what was best for the kids. Perhaps your having grace is it sounds like your s…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/09/20 01:10 PM
1	I get 20% time with my kids-what do I talk about when I call them? Strongly suggest you get a family counselor. Mine is GREAT at helping with this stuff.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/08/20 10:32 AM
2	Need to know how to protect myself in dovorce This post is all you need to read .	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/20 11:25 PM
1	A friend knew and didn't tell me Well, these situations are huge double edged swords. Sometimes getting involved fucks up the kids lives and makes the situation worse. Also I know you’re hurt, but your friend runs the risk of throwing his wife under the bus for telling you when he probably wasn’t supposed to know. If you ask me I keep those friends closer because they know where their priorities lie and stick to it.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/20 02:40 PM
11	Update: got psych/custody results back slow and steady my friend. stay the course and best of luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/20 09:28 PM
2	Post Covid Filing Experience Correction: divide assets by two for assets obtained or accrued during marriage.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/06/20 11:50 AM
2	How do you handle the bad parenting days? Maybe to help you out, 3 kids under 7 regardless of a divorce of the parents are a handful. They’re children... even married parents struggle. Try speaking to a family therapist or have family around.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/06/20 10:26 PM
3	Can I avoid paying alimony by moving to Texas You’re asking Reddit for legal advice, as opposed to a lawyer?	/r/Divorce_Men	08/06/20 05:40 PM
5	Rationalizing alimony One of the massive, incredible failures of our marriage systems is a failure to explain legal post-marriage situations. I never would have fathomed infidelity wouldn’t matter. No fault states are NO FAULT. Nobody cares. I get everyone’s hurt and angry, but the time wasted posting the back story just doesn’t help. I hate to see post after post of hurt men who get shit in and, over and over, have to come to the expensive realization that nothing fucking matters.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/05/20 11:28 PM
2	She cheated she wants divorce It surprises me you’ve “spent $14,000 I lawyers” then recommend removing from credit cards and joint accounts. That’s illegal under a status quo order and bad advice before speaking to their own attorney.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/20 08:15 PM
1	STBX subpoena employer Sorry, I should clarify: I have contingency plans, separate savings, and more than sufficient income to handle it.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/04/20 12:17 PM
8	Preemptive private investigators or spying on wife for cheating? What state do you live in? More than likely, as much as it’s sucks, none of that matters. Get a lawyer and decouple your emotions from reality.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/04/20 06:34 PM
3	STBX subpoena employer This is a better question for your attorney, wouldn’t it? Just let her burn your post marital funds with stupid litigation looking for nothing.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/04/20 11:14 AM
0	1st weekend away from kids and STBXW will not return texts and turned off the kids phones x100. Document it. When you exchange document you expressed concern with no communication. For the time being, catch up on Netflix or get some exercise in. Dwelling on these issues you can’t fix will carry over to your time with the kids which is the last thing you need.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/04/20 12:43 PM
2	Can life still be normal and enjoyable after divorce with kids? Yup. My priorities are now my life and my kids. Money and the stbx are all after that. Stop focusing on the past and what you can’t control, that shits over. Set your priorities and have a clear understanding what you are in control of to make them happen. Hint - the thing you’re 100% of control of is yourself and your attitude.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/04/20 07:49 PM
3	Can life still be normal and enjoyable after divorce with kids? Fuck yeah dude. Mines not even final and life is already getting better.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/04/20 07:46 PM
10	She's manipulating the kids and I am starting to see them change Be the adult. It will be a LONG game for the kids to see you were the adult... probably years. Do not drop the ball on your core parental duties. Get, in WRITING any obligations your stbxw expects from you so when the “dad broke a promise” comes up you have evidence (or lack there of) to the contrary.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/04/20 03:19 PM
1	Video calls Get video calls in writing. Get grounds of calls/video in writing. Get a lawyer. Did I mention get it in writing?	/r/Divorce_Men	03/04/20 11:39 PM
3	I am so pissed at my ex for taking my kids to the grocery store. Wel OP is clearly upset she chose to go in her small window instead of the entire rest of the week. However if OP was smart use your 9 free hours to go out yourself so you don’t have the reverse problem albeit far more justified.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/03/20 04:44 PM
5	Just heard from my attorney and after 10 years of marriage... Jesus Christ what a blessing. Avoiding Detroit 33rd district court would be a godsend.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/03/20 12:16 AM
2	This virus is going to screw some divorces up Fuck that shit I’ll run the risk of the courts are open.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/03/20 10:53 PM
3	How Long Did You Guys Wait To Get Serious Again? Just a non partial opinion, but I wouldn’t schedule a whole wedding, reception, catering, family around my exes kids weekend. Don’t take something like this personal. Get an extra weekend in exchange and treat your kids to some fun. THAT is your solace.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/03/20 11:28 PM
1	Wife Wants $18k to Walk Away - should I take it? Get it in writing. Contact your work HR immediately. Get a lawyer and say NOTHING.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/03/20 02:21 AM
2	What constitutes duress during a divorce? Crying and lying aren’t criteria for POs - evidence is. If you’re concerned with her theatrics not lack of evidence that’s a problem.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/02/20 06:23 PM
3	What constitutes duress during a divorce? You sound like you’re fighting the wrong fight. If the charges are false then fight that, then the pressure to sign something else is irrelevant.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/02/20 01:40 AM
7	NEED HELP - Wife cheated Stop interacting with her and get a lawyer. Communicate in writing. Stop focusing on her cheating, it unfortunately doesn’t matter in almost every state. Every bit their shittyness bothers you is lost effort focusing on your own life.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/02/20 07:19 PM
1	Sure your wife cheated... just know her poor decisions weren’t because of you.... it never was because of you AMEN	/r/Divorce_Men	22/02/20 12:18 PM
1	Can my STBX assume the VA loan? Where and what the fuck is a no alimony state? Don’t say Alaska...	/r/Divorce_Men	21/02/20 06:03 PM
1	Stressed about finances Sorry maybe we have very different financial situations, so can you explain how your taxes have such a large impact on your finances? Mine generally come out pretty low for returns if you have your dependent exemptions right.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/02/20 07:27 PM
2	Wife wants a divorce. Wants me to move out. Is it fair to ask for 5000 to move out? Shit I’d say if you can get out of 50k in CC debt in writing fucking cut and run. Even if you split it to pay that off in 5 years at a conservative interest rate is $530/mo.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/01/20 02:41 AM
1	The level of petty is strong in this one Stop playing the game. Call a friend or family member next time to wrap up dinner. Just do the basic shit so she can’t bitch. You’re divorced, the shitty description she put in a calendar is a speck of an incident compare to others in bitter battles. If you want I’ll trade you my alimony for your calendar battles?	/r/Divorce_Men	15/01/20 10:59 PM
1	Advice for sleeping aids? Well, consult a doctor. Just because it didn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for someone else. I have had luck with Zomig for migraines that even years after having took it I’m still shocked how it tackles migraines. I’ve taken Ambien a few times and for me it’s a miracle drug like the Zomig. One pill and 30 minutes later I’m getting the best sleep of my life. 8.5 hours later I wake up refreshed. No weird dreams, no sleep walking, no grogginess. Nothing.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/01/20 01:38 AM
1	I learned to fold a fitted sheet this weekend This is an amazingly overlooked thing. Win the small battles and chain them together.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/01/20 10:18 PM
2	Spousal Support - lump sum payout or pay for 14 years? Jesus fucking Christ I fail to understand what logic makes it reasonable to pay someone else for that long or that much. These laws are just unacceptable. There should be a responsibility for a bread winner to support a spouse so they can get on their feet and meet basic obligations but why more?	/r/Divorce_Men	12/01/20 10:14 PM