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nutscrape Archive

View 0 posts and 65 comments by nutscrape on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I would do nothing yet. It sounds like she's acting very entitled and wants much more than her share and is starting to get ruthless. Also, think of giving yourself negotiating room for later; it's much easier to not offer generosity at first than to withdrawal generosity later, once offered.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 09:06 PM
3

It can seem so unfair. But in concur with the other comments. There is a time to work through the feelings of Injustice and unfairness. Right now you need to figure on the facts, not emotions. Get yourself out of the situation with the least damage. Also get yourself mentally prepared for injustice, but worry about that part later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:39 PM
2

I was in that boat. I stayed because of fear that she would treat the kids the same selfish and s***** way she was treating me. Eventually it got to be too much and I divorced. My advice is talk to a lawyer and pre-plan as much as you can. Find out your rights in a divorce and try to make assessment for what's best for you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 12:42 PM
3

She has already blindsided you with a life altering change after very likely manipulating you into going there in the first place. You are a fool if you trust anything more that she says or expresses at this point, and I think the absolute last thing you want is you or kids to be trapped in Spain.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 08:20 PM
6

It's easy.... For some. It was never a partnership. It was a predatory/parasitical relationship where the host/victim either kicked out the parasite, or the parasite found a better host. (Ask me how I know.. 🤬)
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 03:35 PM
17

More disgusting is when they become a stepparent. 🤮
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 07:14 PM
2

Do you split assets 50-50, or growth? It may be that money predating marriage can be excluded.as a non-joint asset.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 07:44 PM
3

I know exactly how you feel. Many of us do. What I did was I redirected my rage into planning the best exit for myself and kids. I used that as a way to feel like I could wrest control over my life from her deceptions. I control my life, not her lies. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 02:48 AM
10

The 20-year-old experience is very different than older generations. The meta of dating is garbage.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:39 PM
1

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Some people aren't looking for a partnership, they're looking for a predator/prey or a parasitical relationship. That was my misfortune too. I don't think there's an explanation that would make sense to normal people as to why. Good luck and I hope you're somewhere safe.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:49 AM
7

I'm less lonely now than I was when I was married. How much time do you have with your kids? Are you getting out of your home whenever you can?
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:36 AM
0

Some people men or women, are capable of hiding they're complete s***. I wonder if she always was that way, but then the mask came off when she thought she had you trapped far from friends and support. That's a page right out of the abusers playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:33 AM
1

With att, it was easy to split it up. No extra fees. Just split her phone into a new account.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 07:07 PM
1

Sounds like you're a victim. Your kids will leave, but there's time between now and then to raise them and teach them to become awesome people. Some other food for thought. How is your ex treating the kids? How might she treat them if she has them more?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 11:41 AM
1

It's f***** up. Unfortunately, she's a parent and she can do what she wants within extremely broad lines. It sucks. My ex rocketed her affair partner into my kids life and it makes my skin crawl knowing my kids are around two cheaters..... But I can't do anything about it. I recommend talking to a lawyer just figuring out what you actually can and can't have. Yes, your ex can introduce your kids to a new guy every week. Yes, your ex can drive drunk with the kids in the car and get a slap out of …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:00 PM
3

Yes. Ultimately we agreed in all this stuff ourselves. And then jointly hired one lawyer to file all the paperwork to make sure that the house and other things were appropriately dealt with --- that legal paperwork matched our expectations. It avoided stress, aggravation, and has made co-parenting more viable. Peace is what's best for my kids. Behind the scenes, I had done other pre-planning and was ready if things went ruthless. I had determined my BATNA.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:53 PM
18

They have to rewrite history to make themselves not look like the bad guy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:38 AM
3

I think the answer is more nuanced. I mourn the relationship I should have had with my spouse and the mother of my kids. Genuine love from both sides. Staying married with the mother of my children. Having my kids grow up with two parents in their household and demonstrating a healthy adult positive relationship. Having my kids not have a (cheater) step parent. I don't mourn the relationship I actually had. The prolific cheating. The deception. The premeditation. The slow fade of pretending to c…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 01:35 PM
7

It could also be a manipulation tactic. There's no guarantee she's not going to cheat behind your back. She wants you to be monogamous while she, single, 'plays the field'. (This is a cynical take, and I admit that.) I'll echo other thoughts, as long as you're tethered to her, you won't be able to meet the right person for you. Cut the tether and live your own life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:37 PM
5

Don't let her stay. She chose to abandon the relationship. But she's somehow trying to paint you as being the bad guy? I like the other idea. Let her speak and show that she's s***. Then let her go with you having a clean conscience. So what if she blames you in her head. No cheater ever tells all their family and friends "I was with a wonderful partner that listened to me and obliged my wants and took care of the kids. But I was selfish and decided to sleep with 10 other people." Let her tell h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 01:29 PM
2

It sucks. At some point hopefully you move on and you're with someone new and maybe she cares maybe she doesn't. But the important thing is you don't have to care. You can enjoy your new life in your new relationship. Would you rather discover she's with an unknown guy, or the guy she's been cheating on you with for a long time. From the other side, for me, I'd rather she was with a new guy than with the affair partner. He automatically sucks and should never be trusted because he knowingly slep…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 06:30 PM
1

Sounds like domestic abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 02:27 PM
11

Mine didn't change. She just stopped faking caring about me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:09 AM
17

I would be cautious given this, for a few reasons If you get angry or do other things she can use the recording against you, for restraining order or other s. I know someone that got angry at cheating, said some angry stuff, and that text message is being used to f*** him over 5 years later. You don't want her knowing what's going on inside your head. Talking to a lawyer, therapist, or friends. What's your planning and thinking about. She might learn things she could use against you in negotiati…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 03:17 PM
1

There's an implicit assumption in this statement. That she has the kids and you pay child support. Why? Is this what you want?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 03:05 PM
1

This is very interesting. It suggests she was planning this for at least the last 3 years. And she hasn't been here partner for at least that long. Roth IRA is worth 10 to 20% more than 401k money. Any negotiated asset split should reflect this. Determine how much additional taxes you paid. I would go back at least 3 years and see what other things she's done that were to her benefit and against you. She's at 3 years ahead of where you are.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 03:01 PM
15

That doesn't make it better. In the right crowd it's 100% virtue signaling to say any number of shitty stereotypes Saying bigoted things unthinkingly is still saying bigoted things. I would like to hold my friends to a higher standard. I would like to think that a good person, repeating an unthinking bigoted statement, when pointed out, would realize they are and try to be better.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates10/04/26 05:00 PM
3

Don't blame yourself. When a predator is trying to lure you, they're going to make themselves look attractive, but it's not real, it's camouflage. It was probably always there, it was just hidden.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:46 PM
1

Why are you divorcing? My big advice is to preplan as much as you can, avoid snap decisions (ideally, you've already preplanned it, but if not, you can always say, "let me think on it and get back tomorrow"), and keep in mind that they will likely become an opponent, and exploit any mistake or error you make, against you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 03:58 AM
0

I wouldn't generalize this advice. We don't know why he's divorcing. Eg, if there’s abusive behavior, then that may be bad advice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 03:52 AM
3

Why is it obvious you're paying child support? Why can't you not have 50/50 custody or have majority custody? Why must your kid be taken to another state? You have rights in a divorce.too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 01:05 PM
1

Do you think your kid (or anyone else) is going to want to be around someone who doesn't like their favorite activity, keeps on pushing them to do something else, etc? Would YOU like to spend your time around someone who kept on pushing you into [some random activity you aren't interested in]. People can be into the most random things, and that's ok. Personally, I wish one of my kids had drive and focus that you describe your kid as having. If I was you I would celebrate that, and not care as mu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 01:01 PM
1

You're leaping too fast. He's old enough to have his own Watson desires. Independent from yours. Everything in your message is about what you want, and what you want for him. What in there is about what he wants? Let me ask you? What does he want? What are his favorite activities? How much do you have to think to answer those questions? If you can reach out to him. Give him a choice to do anything he wants to do with you for a day. I do that for mine. I've done everything from pokemon go, paddle…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:03 AM
6

Honestly, what you say makes you look pretty bad. A custody t agreement isn't a magic potion to get you involved with your son. You need to do that. Then maybe your son will spend more time with you. I would suggest think pretty hard what you do for your son. Come up with a list of all the positive things you do and have done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:05 PM
14

She never left me because she was never with me. I was a useful tool for her convenience. I initiated the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 02:39 PM
2

She may have always been that way. It just was she hid it when she was younger. Now her kids are grown she has no need to hide it. Thinking about my sutuation, my ex's cruelty also ramped up around when she turned 40. It didn't start then, she just decided to stop faking niceness and giving a s*** about my feelings or needs. You know the stereotype that old people have no filter. I wonder if it's true. When people are young they're more able to hide their true nature, but when they get older, th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 05:48 PM
2

Ouch. Sounds like the cheater playbook. Blameshifting, manipulation, lying. Sounds like the right move is to disengage. Channel your desire to take charge of your life into another direction than confrontation. Gym, divorce planning, getting your best at <fill in the blank>, understanding the warning sighs you missed, etc. Let me give a ringing endorsement of chumplady. Check out her blog and book. It helped me a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 06:46 AM
5

You're right to be angry. I was and still am. It's unfair. I know exactly who the primary affair partner was (there were many). I have never confronted him. Never spoken to him. I channeled my anger and loss of control in the direction of planning the best exit I could for me and kids. SWOT analysis. I think this helped restore some sense of control of my life to me. I bet you're suffering under a similar issue. The rug got pulled from under you, and you're trying to restore a sense of control o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 02:55 AM
2

Have a plan. Figure it out as much as you can upfront, talk to lawyer to help figure it out. Collect evidence. Even if you can't use it in court you may find a comforting reminder of why to never go back. It may also be valuable and non-court contexts. She is your opponent. Just because she hasn't told you that yet doesn't mean she isn't. She might be nice, generous or agreeable, or she may not. But the cheating 100% proves she has her interests in her forefront, not yours. Plan accordingly. (An…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:39 PM
1

I'll echo this. My decree has all the rules for no school. That said we also have swaps and give-ups.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 01:43 PM
16

Not a counterexample. Cancers that predominantly affect women get 3x the research funding of ones that affect men. https://www.cancer.gov/about-nci/budget/fact-book/data/research-funding
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates08/03/26 05:08 AM
4

It's so unfair, it may not get fair, but it gets better. Be strong for your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 02:23 AM
1

That's really insightful. You're right. She's not a less cruel or abusive person. I'm just not around to experience.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 02:45 PM
2

It's so asymmetric. My ex co-parents fairly cooperatively and seems like a mostly reasonable person. The divorce was relatively fair. However, they were borderline abusive before the divorce, and they were prolific cheater. They're still and will always be a manipulative cheating piece of s***. But if I have to be fair, divorce improved them in some ways,
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 12:18 AM
2

I can relate. I put my thoughts up as a comment on an earlier post about to the desire for fairness and how sometimes you don't get it. https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/C5QUBk1Efa
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 03:08 AM
2

I can think of two answers to this She's trying to wom her way into your life for her own selfish reasons. Who gives a fuck why she's doing it. You know she's a cheater, and that comes with inherent selfishness and manipulation. Is there any reason for you let any of that back into your life and respond?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 10:13 AM
4

Been there. My advice. Avoid fake. (Imo, I think that kind of AI use is like the crack version of social media. I see the lure, and flee.) Find a way to be around real people. Arcade, gym, meetup group, hobby, something, anything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 03:28 AM
1

Lawyers are hired to advocate for their side, Even if their side is somewhat unreasonable or unfair. It's they're obligation, which is understandable and I think a good thing. A vindictive a****** with a lawyer is a terrible thing. An unfair person and a lawyer is a terrible thing. And even if most lawyers see the bullshit, and step back, the a****** only has to find one that will 'zealously advocate'. 🤮
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 02:12 PM
4

This description resonates with my experience too. I too had a taker that kept on taking.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 02:42 AM
4

I planned it pretty deeply with all my ducks in a row and an even split. She asked for some changes, and I acquiesced with counter offers and trades. What helped a lot was having everything ready. I preplanned and knew immediately what I was giving up and getting in any offer and could recognize favorable trades and unfavorable trades. The few missteps were the times I responded without analyzing first. If you're not sure, delay giving an answer. Don't forget, if things are bad, the priceless ou…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:49 AM
1

Mine could be nice. Still is 'most' of the time. But that does not and will never negate that she's untrustworthy and abusive. (Though not as bad as that.) I divorced her. I believe it's camouflage, given what I've read of narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 04:37 AM
2

Are you going for 50% custody? There's a mystery in what you say, why does your ex have a say in your relationship with your daughter?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 10:18 PM
3

Lol. It wasn't court. But my ex lied about so much. I think people have to rationalize why they do awful stuff. They rewrite history. They give excuses They explain why you're an awful person and deserve what they're doing to you. Few people could generally go up and admit, even to.themselves: "I married a good guy. I screwed him over. He wasn't perfect, but he tried. I never loved him, but he was smart, educated and I thought he'd make a good dad. I used him, manipulated him, and what I did was…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 12:30 AM
7

I like what you wrote overall, but, there's not enough evidence that he should accept 50% of the blame for the end of the romantic relationship. Some people are predators looking for a victim. They never had an intention of being in an honest relationship, only finding someone they could exploit. In that case the responsibility is 100% on them for the breakup of the relationshi questions. (Arguably there wasn't a relationship to break up, it was a farce, but that framing is even worse.)
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:47 PM
1

I made a token effort for family therapy pre-divorce, but when I realized what was behind the mask, I realized there was NOTHING worth saving. Better the kids spend 50% of their time in a healthy home post-divorce than an unhealthy home 100% of the time without the divorce. It sucks, but it's the least damaging alternative.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 04:53 AM
6

For me I'm the opposite viewpoint. It's motivated me to teach my kids about toxic and abusive behavior and manipulation tactics. Can they recognize DARVO, bread crumbing? Can they recognize that those that are dishonest in one aspect of their life are likely to be dishonest in other aspects of their life? Can they identify people that reject accountability in their lives? Those are warning signs I was never taught to look for. I am teaching my kids differently than I was taught. Despite what hap…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:29 PM
1

I'm at an arcade this evening mastering rhythm games. 😀 Does Meetup have anything local?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 01:25 AM
2

Can you collect the numbers of parenting time file to get her to pay you child support? I don't know about you, but I'm glad when my ex gives up any of her time. More time with my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:23 AM
5

She did it because she sucks. She's a predator or a parasite. She always was. But just decided to remove her camouflage. Good luck getting over and I hope you're spending a wonderful holiday season this year.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 09:01 PM
7

If you don't mind me asking, how can you be friends with her, with her betrayal? (In my case the divorce was easy as far as kids and finances, but the emotional fallout of the betrayal and borderline abusive behavior still lingers in me.)
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 10:02 PM
3

Although I have no personal experience, I've heard that joint therapy with a narcissist can be fraught with peril. (And have you said those words to the therapist? What was their reaction?)
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 12:27 AM
1

Aaah.. That sucks. I started from a roughly equal position, so letting it go from 51% to 52% on 'just money' wasn't that big of a deal,
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:57 PM
2

It's only money. Maybe she needs the satisfaction of getting this one last win over you.. let her, if you're getting the things that truly matter most. (And it sounds like you are.) She goes away 'satisfied', But who cares. She's going away. And that should be the important thing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:20 PM
6

Not me, But I'm not sure that's any better. Not a lot changed for me, except now I get a break. I was doing 90% of the parenting before, and I still do 90% and have them about 70% time now, after divorcing her cheating and borderline abusive personality. So to be honest, not a lot has changed. The big downside is my kids are with her and her (formerly married) AP, and the the thought of my kids with two dishonest manipulative liars makes my skin crawl. So, which is better?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:21 PM
4

It is stories like this I think god that my situation didn't end this way. I'm sure you're dealing with this, and it sucks tha so much dishonesty, even in front of the judges face, is ignored. It truly is unfair, be strong.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:09 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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