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ornerycrank Archive

View 8 posts and 52 comments by ornerycrank on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

In terms of the wall - what does her mother look like? Any older sisters or grandmother you can see? But especially mom. If she's still attractive at 60+ her daughters probably have the genetics to keep themselves up and attractive as they age as well.
/r/askMRP03/06/16 02:36 PM
2

Have you tried talking to her using the assertive techniques from WISNIFG when you're having problems? They can really defuse a lot of the defensiveness. Your example quotes of things you've said to her really come across as manipulative, aggressive and judgmental. When she's venting about work you should give her a bit of beta comfort and then learn to change the fucking subject! Kiss her, play with her, learn to redirect her negative energy into something positive and productive. Draw her into…
/r/askMRP29/05/16 10:32 PM
3

That's a shitty hamster rationalization going on there - and a fucking huge covert contract that you've got to kill. Have you read NNMNG and how Nice Guys are fundamentally dishonest? You seem to have a high opinion of yourself and think you're a really good, nice person. You're not. You're just as shitty and dishonest as the rest of us. You'll never get anywhere if you keep rationalizing your bad behavior in this way. Instead you'll just continue this pattern with your wife - whether it's your …
/r/askMRP29/05/16 10:26 PM
5

He fucking specifically said if she says no get up and leave. How is that continuing to pursue sex through physical means? Are you seriously suggesting that a husband shouldn't try to talk his wife into sex? Almost every consensual sexual event happens because one party talks the other into it.
/r/askMRP09/05/16 04:44 PM
1

Thank you for the book recommendations. I'll definitely check them out. And I agree completely that our financial problems are my fault. Before MRP I felt completely powerless to assert myself, was locked into scarcity mentality and letting my overdeveloped flight (fear) coping mechanism dictate my behavior. This pretty much amounted to an ostrich like head burying avoidance of any discussions on how to really improve things and a lot of internalized anxiety over our shaky situation. I realize n…
/r/askMRP27/04/16 05:40 PM
1

Thanks for this - your reputation precedes you and it is clearly well warranted. I was able to smooth over the situation basically using the gentle approach you advocated here - I was assertive and used negative assertion to make my points about stepping up and taking a more active role in our family finances. We arrived at a workable compromise where we will put the extra money into a joint savings account that she's agreed not to touch without prior discussion. I'll see if she can abide by tha…
/r/askMRP27/04/16 04:48 PM
1

We arrived at a workable compromise - a joint savings account that she's agreed she won't touch without prior discussion. I was trying to open, assertive and honest in my communications with her as well as attempting to take some control and responsibility for our finances. If she raids this savings account and proves she can't be trusted with access to the money then I'll reevaluate the compromise.
/r/askMRP27/04/16 04:36 PM
1

Holy shit that really sounds like what's going on - even more than the cluster B stuff. It happens every month like clockwork in the week leading up to her period and her emotions stabilize 2-3 days after her period starts. She's still prone to emotional outburst and swings but the extreme sadness, hopelessness and anger aren't really there the rest of the time. Thank you for pointing me in that direction - I might even be able to get her to see her doctor about that.
/r/askMRP27/04/16 03:46 PM
1

Thanks I will check that out.
/r/askMRP27/04/16 02:55 PM
1

I've been trying to get her to get fully employed for the last seven years (when she lost her very good attorney job) and she hasn't been willing or able to land a decent job in that time. I'm considering this third job because I can't wait any more for her to step up and fix our finances. She's demonstrated over and over that she's not capable. The schedule will work out - during the school year I'll lose about five hours a week with the family but I will still have a much lighter schedule duri…
/r/askMRP27/04/16 02:54 PM
1

Finances are that tight only during the three summer months. I wanted primarily to save for that. And I never said my telling her was accidental. I certainly meant to tell her: I was trying to be upfront. I think it was a mistake to tell her now.
/r/askMRP27/04/16 02:12 AM
1

Thanks - regarding the boundary I'm planning on defending it with fogging, broken record and negative inquiry ("I don't understand - why is it a problem for me to save that money?") And that's a good point. It's only since I discovered MRP that I've realized what kind of a role I have in how my wife feels and acts. (I used to think I was acting practically perfectly and couldn't understand why my life wasn't better and smoother.) So I hear what you're saying and I'm completely open to the possib…
/r/askMRP27/04/16 01:27 AM
1

Oneitis and you clearly need her more than she needs you. Get back together with her and cede all power in the relationship to her. Her pussy is magic isn't it? One of a kind? And you'll be lucky to get into it once a month. Worth it, right?
/r/askMRP22/04/16 11:45 PM
1

Yeah, she's overweight. She lost a ton of weight a few years ago (70 lbs) and has gradually put back on about 30 lbs. she's been trying to lose them again but hasn't had much success. Her mom is also fat as were both of her grandmothers. Men in her family are typically quite trim. While she watches what she eats she has no interest in researching nutrition and diet or listening to anything I have to say on the subject. Her only exercise right now is walking a few times each week.
/r/askMRP16/04/16 05:52 PM
1

I'm improving for myself and no one else - and that's what's different this time versus my prior aborted efforts to get in shape.
/r/askMRP15/04/16 11:39 PM
1

Yeah, I didn't want to A&A over text - but later in the evening I gave her a passionate kiss goodnight and told her "that's how I kiss the women I love!" to get the hamster running a bit. She responded appropriately, I thought.
/r/askMRP14/04/16 08:59 PM
1

Yes! I'm doing this for me, 100%. Living life with purpose is wonderful.
/r/askMRP14/04/16 08:49 PM
1

She lost a lot of weight a few years ago with a careful diet and running. She ran a half marathon last year though due to a knee problem she walked a lot of it. Also because of the knee problem she mostly stopped running after that and also let her diet go so she put back on a third of what she lost. Anyway all the exercise she gets now is walking though she's making noise about doing more.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 03:19 PM
1

Absolutely. I'm going to be the master of my destiny because I'm the only one responsible for it. I've realized I can't save her or fix her.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 02:31 PM
2

That's my plan. I figure it'll take the better part of two years and I'm all of two weeks in. I'm going to stick to it because I can't go on living like I have been.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 02:30 PM
1

Oh my god you're so mean to me! I'm just going to go cry and cry and cry because some stranger was mean to me on the Internet. My precious widdle fee fees are so hurt I'm just going to run back to my shrew of a wife, beg her forgiveness for showing a tiny bit of spine and cry on her chest. Maybe if I'm lucky she'll let me suck on a titty like a baby.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 02:27 PM
2

She's literally said that she doesn't know what to do - about her life. Probably one of the most completely honest things she's ever said. I guess it's obvious to everyone but me that she's looking for real life leadership, isn't she? While she's been the de facto family leader for most of our relationship she's clearly in over her head and wants me to step up she just doesn't realize it yet. She also resists my control. She likes to tell me that I'm not the boss of her. Just the other day we we…
/r/askMRP31/03/16 02:16 AM
2

Yes. I finished NMMNG this week though I'm still working through the exercises. It's already helping. I see 70-80% of the book applying directly to me. It's helped my mindset already. I plan to read it over and over again. I'm starting WISNIFG tomorrow. I bet my wife is subconsciously pissed at me for underachieving in my career. I know she's pissed at herself for that same thing.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 02:03 AM
1

Yeah, I tried to do that last night but chickened out. Typical. I'll be reading the books over and over until it's completely internalized. I'm dreading the pain of ripping that bandaid off - but it's going to be better than dying.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:31 AM
1

Nope. Not going back to that weak, bluepill life. It's killing me - death by 1000 cuts. I seriously don't think I'll make it to 50 with my soul intact if I don't take care of myself and my life now. It's hanging on by a thread as it is.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:30 AM
1

She's a lovely cocktail of depression, narcissism and histrionics. She wields her emotions like a battering ram and she's always ready for a fight. I'm sick of her shit and finally starting to man up. I'm not sure my marriage will survive this. And yeah - she didn't send me a text all day which NEVER HAPPENS. I saw her when she showed up at church for choir (I'm the director) - but I was kind of worried that she just wouldn't show. Choir did seem to help, as did seeing our children.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:24 AM
1

Most of her crying is tearing up over touching things but she has probably a good 10-15 days each month where she's an emotional basket-case and wishing she were dead/gone/never born and feels hopeless/like a failure/only makes mistakes. It's exhausting and draining the life out of me.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:21 AM
1

I thought about saying No in that moment - and just the thought of it made me feel intensely guilty. I clearly need WISNIFG because I'm not yet equipped to handle those kind of interactions. I'm starting it tomorrow. I'm still working through the exercises in NMMNG. This is going to take time.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:20 AM
1

She's tough for me to deal with because she's got theatre training, legal training, she's a brilliant writer and a skillful, fast speaker. I literally cannot keep up. Add in an age differential (she's 6 years older) and a maturity imbalance when we started dating (I was 21, she 27) and I don't think I had any hope of ever keeping my spine - it wasn't ever fully grown before I met her. I never had boundary issues with prior girlfriends. I also moved away from home to go to graduate school and be …
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:18 AM
2

Yes, I've realized that our bedroom issues are a consequence of our bigger communication/relationship issues. I don't really hold out any hope that bettering myself will fix those problems between us. If they don't, I expect that becoming a strong, independent man will give me the strength to leave her.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:14 AM
1

I'm realizing my passivity and agreeableness isn't helping anything. It's really ironic that being such a "good" helper has actually hurt myself, her and our relationship. I take responsibility for this and am working hard to better myself and break this mold. That said, depression runs in her family (her mother is constantly medicated for depression and anxiety, her grandfather was depressed, her father and brother are depressed, there's suicide back in the family history as well) so it's hard …
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:12 AM
1

You're absolutely right. I'm terrified of her emotions. The kids are terrified of them. She's lost friends because of them. My mother has commented on them when she's come to visit. My conciliatory, comforting approach clearly doesn't work. I'm realizing I can't save her or heal her - her mental health is her own - but I can save and better myself. I'm hoping that will be help her. I'm working on it and I recognize that this is going to take a long time as I have to overwrite 39 years of program…
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:08 AM
2

Thank you. I'm working on the spine. Bone takes some time and effort to form. I finished reading NMMNG this week and am still working on the exercises. I have WISNIFG and will read that over the next several days. I'm sick of walking on eggshells around her and dealing with her overly sensitive and reactive emotions. It's hard for me because it's going against a lifetime of conditioning coupled with my natural tendencies. ETA: while she hasn't been diagnosed with any mental issues I strongly sus…
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:06 AM
2

Thing that pisses me off is that I knew I was saying the wrong thing when I said it. I thought about saying "No" but didn't... because I felt guilty evening thinking about it. I clearly need WISNIFG. I finished NMMNG a couple of days ago but I'm still working on the exercises in it. I have a really hard time saying No in general and to her specifically and that's been the pattern in our relationship since day one.
/r/askMRP31/03/16 01:02 AM
1

Part of my problem is I really repress my emotions - NMMNG is helping me address that, as well. (And can I just shout out to how awesome that book is? So many fucking AHA! moments reading that where it described me to a T.) So I'm not even really in tune to when I'm having an unconscious beta emotional response to a situation. Just baaarely beginning to recognize those. Biggest breakthrough was on Thursday. Wife was super cranky and just shit testing constantly - little grubby things - and it wa…
/r/askMRP29/03/16 04:12 PM
1

Thank you. Yes, it's hard for me to get out of my own head. As an INTJ I spend most of my time there and it's hard not to have such a cerebral approach to things - especially since I can see, intellectually, the value of the red pill approach. It'll take some time to get my emotions there as well.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 04:06 PM
1

I read an article the other day saying basically that muscular men have more sex with more women then men without muscles. It was a "NO DUH" moment for me. Like - of course they do! It's clearly biologically hard wired. Fuck me. It's amazing how women will lie to men though I guess beta me lies to women (especially my wife) about the same thing. I told her I was just as attracted to her when she was 250lb as when she weighed 180. I liked her better at 180 and even better at the 160 she was at wh…
/r/askMRP29/03/16 04:02 PM
2

Yeah I can see that. Hard to lack for confidence if you know you can lift 150lb over your head or pick 500lb up off the floor. I definitely want to be and look strong. That will be a welcome fucking change from being a fat schlub. It feels good to really, finally be taking charge of my own life - that's some real purpose.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 03:57 PM
2

My problem is almost nothing I knew to do in the past brought results. MRP appears to show a path towards success and I'm excited about that. It's also different from my past approaches, which is not at all shocking.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 03:55 PM
2

I agree completely. Weights are completely honest. As Henry Rollins says in "The Iron" - 200lbs is 200 lbs. The only way to cheat lifting weights is to use bad form - which will catch up to you eventually.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 03:54 PM
2

That's so, so true. When we've discussed our lack of sex in the past she's always offered up helpful suggestions like "clean more" and "don't talk about sex so much" and "don't ask for sex just let it happen." Following those always lead to a distinct reduction in sexual frequency and quality. Her conscious mind is clearly full of shit - and she doesn't even realize it. She offered those suggestions with complete sincerity. Beta me didn't even call her on it.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 03:53 PM
1

Yes I agree - your third point is what feels different to me this time. Every time I've lifted before it's been 90% motivated by my desire to appeal to her more - outside validation. Not nearly enough of a motivating factor for long term success. This time feels different for me - it feels really fucking good to have something I'm doing that's purely for my benefit, and to think of it that way.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 03:49 PM
1

Yes - whenever I started a lifting program in the past my motivation was 90% to make myself more appealing to her. When I didn't see dramatic enough results I inevitably lost motivation after 2-4 months and quit. Outside validation is clearly not enough of a motivating force for me! Doing it for myself though is going to be different. It certainly feels different so far.
/r/askMRP29/03/16 03:47 PM
1

Yes, my planned routine is barbell lifting - combination Starting Strength and Stronglifts. I've had success with that in the past but stupidly fell out of the routine.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/16 03:11 PM
1

Good advice, thank you. I think of the "I will" statements more as a roadmap rather than an attempt to pump up my motivation but I take your point.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/16 09:34 PM
1

Yes it does, thank you. That's why I'm doing this - for myself. I've spent the last 20 years putting others first. It's time to change that equation.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/16 05:59 PM
1

I just read The Iron by him and it's gold. Thank you for pointing me in that direction.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/16 05:58 PM
2

Thank you, yes. I need to define my life with me in the center - as the primary. This mantra will be helpful as I work to overcome decades of conditioning and inertia. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/16 01:02 AM
1

Very much so, yes. 39 years of conditioning and inertia will be difficult to overcome.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/16 12:45 AM
1

Thank you, I will.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/16 12:43 AM
2

I have an important concert Tuesday evening. If I have DOMS I won't be able to perform as well as I should.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/16 11:27 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/16 10:14 PM
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