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View 2 posts and 41 comments by porterfive on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
19

porterfive/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 01:38 PM
8

porterfive/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 10:33 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

It’s all about the story’s these women tell themselves. Mine probably started preparing a 1.5 years before she shutdown on me in what seemed like out of nowhere. She asked to go see someone and when I asked why as I was caught off guard she said never mind and the next day I didn’t know if I needed a marriage counselor or an exorcist. If I had to guess she told herself a story but acted like everything was perfect (living two lives) and instead of talking to me about it (this was 15 years and a …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 05:35 PM
4

What’s crazy is some that I thought would be divorced, are still together and others like myself that I thought would grow old with my soon to be ex wife are in the divorce process. I have friends and family that can pickup on the slightest issues between people and nobody saw my stuff coming until it was too late. About a year and half before the shutdown our son went through a difficult period and we actually became closer but getting closer for men and women are completely different things li…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:22 AM
2

Yeah, it would be great if I could move even 45 minutes away but I coach my kids hockey team and my son and I are very close. It’s just that everything around me reminds of my ex-wife and the life we had before it all unraveled (her second divorce, my first). Not having family around hurts and since I’m an only child no siblings to turn to for support. I know that I’ll make it through it but it’s just really hard and struggle daily living minutes away from the kids and having a 3 hour mediation …
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 04:04 PM
4

Yup, I had a wife that just one day shut down on me after 14 years of marriage and then years of different marriage counselors and trying to work it out didn’t work. I had to leave the house which was the hardest thing I ever did because of my 2 kids. Now hearing kids talk about how ex-wife’s family was over and her brother was cooking up steaks on my grill hurt I have to admit as her family as soon as I left basically disowned me. It’s really hard because we moved closer to her family to have s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 08:27 PM
1

Sounds very much like my ex wife. I finally had therapist tell me that unless she works on herself which is very unlikely, your marriage is finished. One person can go first to make changes and try to do better but if the other person refuses to entertain a 2.0 marriage as they are stuck with their story of this will never work and keep looking at you through the old lenses as it serves them best to make you the bad guy, then there is absolutely nothing you can do. No spent thousands upon thousa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:36 AM
12

Women drag their feet because they want their cake and eat it too. I’ve heard some women get so stuck where they are that they just tell their husband that they can live like roommates and have two separate lives while they co-parent and split the finances. They get so stuck and comfortable in the place they are that they don’t have a need to move from their comfort zone that they created and make a decision. This is why the man needs to concentrate on himself and do what’s best for him and the …
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:41 PM
15

Mine refuses to answer anything that my lawyer sends her lawyer and is just dragging her feet on everything. Now I know why people say lawyers are the worst…well them and your ex spouse that is. This is such a terrible time mentally and financially for you. The worst is going through this alone and still having to act like dad of the year when inside you are ready to blow a head gasket! 😢
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:31 PM
13

She didn’t sweep things under the rug as much as she didn’t communicate, which turned to resentment, which eventually she told herself a story that I’m the problem and completely shut down on me before I had a chance to work or fix it. I could have saved myself a lot of energy and money by calling it quits then.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:48 PM
21

No and I don’t expect her to. We had 4+ years of marriage counseling and marriage workshops and she took zero accountability for anything or actually wanted to work on fixing things. I think in her mind she really believed she would wake up one day and just feel better like all problems miraculously would go away. In the process of all of this, I realized she has never dealt and worked through any of her past issues or traumas so even for me and our family why would she start now. Just ignore un…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:20 PM
5

Yeah, kind of like I felt like I was living in groundhogs day as there were things about my wife that I wish were different like she just didn’t challenge me or make me better but we had a good marriage outside of that, she was always trying to be perfect and never could relax and have a drink, we got along, enjoyed each others company, loved our kids, traveled, intimacy was good…and then one day out of the blue she asked me to go see a therapist and when I asked why…she completely shut down on …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 04:22 PM
4

I feel exactly the same way. She doesn’t want me to hate her but she shutdown on me and spent years going to and from marriage counselors and never worked on herself or us as she was never fully in it. Now it’s like she doesn’t know why I left so she tells kids things to make me look bad like your dad left us or your dad filed. How can you ever want to be associated with someone like that?!?!?!
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:18 PM
6

Absolutely. I think the person my ex is now is her real self and not the image she wanted me to fall in love with and start a family with. I am seeing things for what they really are and sometimes the pain is just from not realizing this earlier. But yes, you are correct in that the now and the future needs for us to be looking ahead and not behind as nothing and I mean nothing good will happen from not being able to move forward and getting stuck on an image of our ex from the past as that imag…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 08:05 PM
6

I heard before that before a woman is done, she has started this planned exit at least 1.5 years ago but they do such a great way of disguising it that we as men would never know. I had no idea until mine shutdown on me and went cold and angry as any physical was gone. I seriously didn’t know if I needed a marriage counselor or an exorcist then. She may have had an emotional affair or whatever but the hardest part is that when these thoughts popped into her head at first she didn’t come to me so…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 07:39 PM
3

Problem was not what I found to be the marital issues or complaints but the fact that she let these build up for so long in her head while being the stepford wife that when we finally got to a good marriage counselor (I think about 85% of marriage counselors make the situation worse and not better as they don’t know what they are doing or they don’t remain a neutral party) they asked my ex to list out things she has issues with which she did from say money to say bringing my work problems home. …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 02:09 PM
12

My situation was kind of different because I thought everything was fine for 14 years (outside of the normal everyday stuff but no abuse, cheating, or anything like that especially from me) and then one day out of nowhere I was asked for us to go see a marriage counselor. When I asked why, she wouldn’t explain but just shut down on me and got raging mad at that point I didn’t know if I needed a marriage counselor or an exorcist. I tried to put the toothpaste in the bottle for the next 5 years wh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 09:32 PM
6

One of the biggest things I did wrong was do nothing for myself but put all my efforts into fixing the marriage after she shut down on me. Everything I did was aimed at moving the needle towards fixing the marriage (problem is she didn’t know how to fix it or didn’t want it fixed) and that my friend never works. You really need to find a good therapist or men’s group and start doing your own work on what do you want your life to look like and start making that happen now. First go find a good la…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:38 PM
7

My ex went to individual counseling weekly for years but she never really worked on anything as it was just a vent session. When out of the blue one day she asked to go see a marriage counselor, I asked why before I go and all I got was why can’t you do this for me? When I said sure but I just want to know why we are going and soon after that she didn’t want to go and completely shut down on me. Once, I finally did get her to go she was raging and very angry and I had zero idea why. The therapis…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 08:03 PM
15

That is exactly what happened above and with a lot of men. She is either having an emotional or physical affair and thinks that this new affair is better than what she currently has. She has probably been thinking about doing this 18-24 months before she actually tells the husband. He’s destroyed and she is ok as she has planned all of this out. Guy then tries to do everything and anything to fix it but most of the time it’s already done so the guy works on himself and they go to marriage counse…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 06:51 PM
0

Appreciate that. I do now understand where she was coming from but it was basically me reading the tea leaves and piecing the puzzle together. It took a lot of work on my end to look at how I could have done things differently as that’s all I can do as I cannot control my STBXW and whether she wants to work on herself or not. It’s tough with co-parenting and not seeing the kids 100% of the time but it is what it is and now I just have to make the bets of it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 03:21 AM
6

What my STBXW did was clear now as I put the puzzle together after so many therapists and marriage counselors didn’t. Basically she felt things and didn’t voice them out in a way any guy would understand, then anytime we had a disagreement like buying bedroom furniture (to a guy it’s simple, the furniture is fine and there is no reason to spend money on it but to a woman that is not about the money but about connection and if the man doesn’t do it then he obviously doesn’t want connection with h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 08:42 PM
1

I have tried Facebook Dating and what a chit show that is. One girl I matched with turned into a nightmare as she showed up to our date looking like her profile pictures were from 5 years and about 50+ pounds ago. What’s worst is she showed up looking like she just rolled out of bed. I was a gentleman but inside I was what would make people do this? Now I ask them before the date which profile picture is their current one and also just meet up for a drink or coffee the first time. So many you st…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:55 PM
5

Somebody called dating now like going through “discounted Walmart meat.” SMH & LOL
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 07:50 PM
1

Appreciate it. I have to believe that better days are ahead otherwise I’m stuck in limbo land with her until kids leave the nest. Worst part about it is she was fine doing that. I think at one point t she mentioned co-parenting while living separate lives. That was a hard no from me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 03:41 AM
3

Wow, that is some seriously sound advice. I greatly appreciate it! Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 06:15 PM
2

Thanks again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:27 PM
3

Thanks. Appreciate the kind and uplifting words. My parents got divorced and it was ugly from my dad lying about why he is moving out to then hiding out not to be served with divorce papers. We still do not have a relationship to this day because he thinks everything I remember is wrong and a lie. He has been remarried twice since and seems happy now. Go figure…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:17 PM
1

Appreciate the advice. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:36 PM
2

Thanks and you hit on all the things that are causing me stress in your reply. Our lawyers sent us to work with a social worker in a parenting plan and that was waste of $3k as my STBXW’s stance was unless he remains in the same house, I’m not entertaining a parenting plan. My stance was if we are no longer working on the marriage, then I need to move on. I finally told the social worker that I need to talk to her 1 on 1 and said we are at a standstill as for me to remain in the house she would …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 04:51 PM
1

Yeah, I have been made aware of that by my attorney. We have not filed as my STBXW refused to work on parenting plan unless I stayed in the house which I said no. Yes, one mortgage and one rent but according to my lawyer I will only be responsible for my residence and expenses for kids that we share. STBXW can say later that I owe her back for 1/2 of mortgage for the months I didn’t pay as I am in the mortgage and that would be figured out in the divorce financials. I just feel for my sanity tha…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 12:52 PM
4

Mine would open up about some past issues or traumas in marriage counseling which were even before me and when the therapist would want to put a tool in place to work together and move forward, she wouldn’t do it but just shut down. So sessions turned into her opening up a journal of what I did wrong that most I had no idea about as she never said anything about it or stuff from her past that she didn’t want to fix. When therapists would challenge her, she would want a new therapist or counselor…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 04:33 PM
6

Yeah, wish there was something more I could say that would make it easier for you but one of our marriage counselors once told us in a session it takes two to get married but only one to get divorced. Like many guys have said here, they don’t know there is a problem until it’s too late. Nobody around me saw any issues either from family to friends. As guys we are programmed to take people at their word more then their actions so when wife doesn’t say anything and say the sex and touch is still t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 04:27 PM
7

Yeah, I really thought mine was salvageable and worked hard to fix it through marriage counseling, working on myself, etc….but it seemed the harder I worked the more she dug into her journal of stuff I did wrong over the years to justify her current position and not move from it. Marriage issues are only salvageable if both people truly want to pull back the curtain not just on the marriage but themselves including any past issues or traumas from childhood to now and really work on them. If one …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 03:22 PM
1

That sounds very familiar with where I am at in my STBXW would rather remain living under the same roof but life separate lives which doesn’t work for me not will never work for me. I have tried to talk to her, we have gone to counseling, etc… and all I get is that it was my fault and how bad I am but she doesn’t want any fixes, tools or anything to try to make our marriage healthy. It’s crazy to me but I feel what is crazier is remaining in this pressure cooker anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 07:23 PM
2

Yup, wish I knew at your age what I know now. It would have really saved me. Not sure if my STBXW hit menopause or a mid life crisis or just couldn’t bottle up her chit no more and blew up but there are always ways to work stuff out especially to show the kids how a healthy relationship should be. Best of luck to you and choose wisely…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 09:22 PM
2

Yup, silent assassin. Now dealing with everything even with a difficult kid it’s like she takes everything out on me. What I realized is even going to see an individual therapist 1-2 times a week, she has never really worked on herself and it’s just easier for her to just move on than to work on herself and fix what we have. I would walk through walls for my family but one person can’t save a marriage if the other person doesn’t want to put in the work. It’s very sad but it is what it is and I h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 09:08 PM
3

Yeah, mine was very passive aggressive so only after she shut down 14 years into marriage did I find out that everything that I thought we agreed to or worked out we never really did. This is not what I ever wanted and took her at her word, which was my mistake. Now this will be her second divorce and my first. Not fun to get divorced with teen kids and when you are entering your 50’s. I thought at this point in my life I would start to really enjoy the fruits of my labor and not having to start…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 09:03 PM
2

Yup, I thought I had a very good marriage but come to find out my wife basically kept a journal of all the chit I did wrong for 14 years and then when she shut down on me we were pretty much over. I still thought we can fix it and I did everything I could but she would not commit to marriage counseling as she would go there and speak up to everything I do wrong and then shut down. She also raged when in marriage counseling then would just cry when and be very sentimental with me. It’s been a rol…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 08:43 PM
2

My divorce is not yet filed and I’m already 10’s of thousands in the hole. I have advised my lawyer many times that I’d like to move faster and to do this and that and still see monthly bills of between $2500-5600 for answering emails, call with opposing counsel. They really don’t care or give two you know whats about the family or the hurt that the divorce is doing to them as they continue to charge $450+ an hour for BS while prolonging your case as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:59 PM
3

Don’t trust just her words but look at the actions and see if they really match what your significant other is saying. I trusted the words until it was too late and she completely shut down on me. No amount of marriage counseling or marriage crisis counselors could save it then as she refused to take any accountability or ownership for anything as everything was my fault. Divorce is a very lonely place.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 03:25 PM
3

I thought everything was fine then I felt like I was blindsided by almost 15 years of built up rage and anger and a total shutdown from her. I’m usually good at picking up on things and I didn’t feel anything was building up or anything until the “we need to go see someone question was raised.” I didn’t know if I needed a marriage counselor or an exorcist at that point?!?!? SMH
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 07:22 PM
2

Wow, indeed he does. Thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 05:21 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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