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r4nd0m-u53r Archive

View 3 posts and 205 comments by r4nd0m-u53r on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
142

Story time ☕r4nd0m-u53r/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 04:48 AM
1

QUEEN SH*Tr4nd0m-u53r/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 03:32 AM
1

SCROTES MADr4nd0m-u53r/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 04:27 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

Who says I was sleeping with them "super fast"? Or not vetting? You are making a bunch of assumptions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 03:14 AM
24

I actually agree with you here. I have high standards, but I met men along the way who might have met all my standards but didn't have the same goals as me. One wanted to move in a few years, one came into town for work (legit, he was divorced) and we didn't want to do the long distance thing. These men treated me with respect, we had the STI chat, we both knew what we wanted. So for a time (not over lapping) we were having casual dates with sex. It was nice, low pressure, they showed me a good …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 10:04 PM
67

It wasn't until I began being really intenful in my dating and did the opposite that I stopped wasting my time and had better luck. I told them what I wanted flat out, I didn't let them pressure me or rush. The second it became clear we weren't aligned I dropped them. When you find a man also being intenful about what he wants, it's very clear. The problem I found with "no pressure" dating is I don't want a man to "chase" me only to cool off because he got scared or he can't deliver. I mean if y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 03:09 PM
154

I'm not sure what you mean by servers ? I know on androids you can have completely hidden and seperate profiles and it would be impossible to tell if you didn't know exactly how it was setup. There are also apps that pretend to be innocent things like a calculator that once you type a special code into reveal hidden files. If someone is tech savvy and wanting to hide dodgy activity, you would never be able to tell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 05:31 AM
60

Throw in, wants to spend a lot of time with you / see you constantly Buys you expensive gifts very quickly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:52 PM
22

This sounds really hard to be dealing with. As another posted said take a little bit of time to think about this. I would recommend hiring a counselor to talk it out with. My counsellor has been amazing at reinforcing that my boundaries and feelings are valid and I'm not crazy and can end a relationship for any reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:33 PM
154

I really think it's a form of self delusion. They tell themsleves and everyone else someday because they are terrified of having kids but making an actual decision is too scary. "someday" makes them feel better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 06:59 PM
139

That entire relationship was so cringe. So he cheats on his wife, can't decide what he wants. Chases her when she decides she's had enough. Then he finally gets her and takes her for granted. Leaving her with the kids while he goes off to live his dream.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 11:21 PM
34

Good for you! It can take a lot to walk away from a long term relationship. I recently read "if you don't like his friends, do you really like him?" Blew my mind. Our friends are a reflection of us and our values.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 07:25 PM
41

I think it is way too common to expect love to change someone's core values. If he doesn't want kids, then don't expect him to come around to suddenly wanting kids. He wants to live in the city and you in the country. Etc etc. I vet for core values just as strongly as I vet for quality. Someone who wants the same thing as you isn't going to be turned off by you asking where they see themselves in five years or what they want out of their life! So much heart break could be avoided by recognizing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 11:47 PM
55

Because we don't know any better? People consider me intelligent, and I never thought I would be "dumb" enough to be in an abusive relationship until ... I woke up and I realized I was in an absuive relationship. And most of my friends thought it was perfect and "goals". Only one of my friends recognized it for what it was. I feel intense empathy and sadness for women who end up with these men and who feel the problem is them not their partner. Edit: I didn't actually wake up and realize it. I s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 10:50 PM
7

It's really easy to get excited and rush. Plus once a week allows you to date other people and still see your friends. Dates have gotten mad I won't put them before friends and women who ditch their friends for dates is my pet peeve. Once every 2 weeks I would be concerned because emotionally unavailable man may actually prefer the lack of contact and some healthy people may back away from it. You could throw in some phone calls though, which is again a great vetting tool! Men who are mature won…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 07:07 PM
92

Once I started to practice only seeing a new date once a week for the first two months it really opened my eyes. Not only did I feel much more relaxed and focused on me but red flags were much more apparent. It gives you time to build a healthy base and really if you looking for a long term relationship. What is the rush?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 09:33 PM
61

Yep all this. I am going through a special counselling program for females who have been abused and all of this is what my therapist is teaching me. She constantly asks me to evaluate "Are you safe?" After that it is: Are you being respected? Are your needs such as, but not limited to, validation, love, caring, friendship being met Are they able to have open and honest conversations? Can they communicate their needs/wants in a mature manner? Can they share power, or do they seek to control you? …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 10:56 PM
300

But it's okay to sexualize under aged girls because she is really a 1000 year old demon!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 09:56 PM
3

Saying you don't know what to say is at least still empathy when followed up with support. My NVM ex was pretty shitty when my mom died, it was the final straw for me, but I've since gone through a series of family deaths and he expressed his empathy by saying "I don't know what to say here, but I am here for you. Are you okay?" He was being vulnerable by admitting he was out of his depth but he cared about me enough to push through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 03:35 PM
16

I'm sorry about your sister. Losing close family is so very hard. You are right that most people don't seem to know how to hold space for those grieving. When my mom died, I just stopped picking up the phone because I couldn't handle the "condolences" which turned into people wanting me to comforting them. I tried to set boundaries around it and ended up so angery that others got mad at me for doing so. I was expected to support other family members through their grief but no one was supporting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 03:24 PM
80

There was another post where the girl asked about her boyfriend who didn't like her vaginal secretions so she never got off but he was happy to stick his dick in it and get off himself. Luckily the consensus was to drop the ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 05:16 AM
34

As a neurodivergent myself I see putting on a mask as counter intuitive. I am trying to find a partner who loves me for me and pretending to be anything other than that isn't going to meet that goal. With that said, I can be a bit aloof at times and I don't want them to get the wrong impression so I put in effort to ensure they know I am interested and that I enjoy their company. That can be as simple as having clear communication from the start if I don't want to text all day or I have a lot go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:38 PM
86

What are his views on housework. Division of labour? Does he jump to help you clean up after meals? Even if just takeout he can clear the table. Does he keep his own place tidy? My previous husband, "It was your party, why would I help?" My current bf I had a BBQ with friends and he offered to do the BBQing and the next morning I woke up and he did my dishes. What is his parents relationship dynamic like and how does he feel about it? What is his relationship with his mother? Edit: spelling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:23 PM
3

You are certainly allowed to be horny and I have a high sex drive myself but when sex starts to impact your life is when you should start to examine if there are things causing that sex drive. People are just trying to express concern that there could be an underlying factor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:17 PM
31

A therapist wouldn't prescribe anything. Counselling is designed to help you uncover the subconscious thoughts under the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:10 PM
21

My bf said I was the longest he ever waited to have sex (not that he was jumping to bed at the first date either) and I was 100% worth it and the wait made it that much better. We were both so comfortable with each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 11:03 PM
80

I see it as them needing validation. Do they still have you hooked? So they throw out a hook and when you reply that's all they wanted so they move on. They never intended to have a conversation. I had a female friend do this as well. Constantly texting Hey. How are you? Or the best was I miss you, then I reply and zero effort to engage. I offered phone calls or actually going for a walk but she kept having an excuse. Once I caught on I just stopped engaging. It's been six months and I haven't h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 08:37 PM
32

I saw that post! She is gorgeous too. Such a shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 05:55 PM
346

I don't understand. If a man wants to sleep with a prostitute he is going to, with or without onlyfans. Adding more prostitutes to the mix isn't going to make him more likely to hire one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 05:25 PM
163

The amount of syphilis infections in Alberta Canada is reaching pre-antibiotic levels now ... Just let that sink in for a minute. I'm with you on the if they have a history of not using them it is such a crazy turn off. Also, for many men you not being on BC is a kink and a huge turn on. They WANT to risk getting you pregnant. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:37 PM
116

I always keep note of how they interact with my cat. When my bf stays over he is always up before me for work and he will go feed my cat rather then have him wait for me to get up, he'll also tell me he fed the cat because he is greedy and pretends he didn't get breakfast. My ex of 17 years would NEVER feed the cat we got together. Had every excuse as to why not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:36 PM
56

Don't forgot you need to have sex with him within a few days to "test" sexual compatilibity, So you need to give it up. But not too quick !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:26 PM
34

Want to send me the thread? I can't find it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 09:49 PM
9

The only time I blocked a guy was after he told me that he will end things with a women after sex because sometimes their bodies just don't do it for him and he thought it was obsurd that I would never let it get to sex if it wasn't working for me. He said you can never tell which tells me he is rushing things. You 100% can tell if you take your time and mature adults communicate if things aren't quite right. I've only ever had sex get better when I take my time and find respectful people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 07:20 PM
4

Yep. I knew I needed therapy for years and even then I put it off. I can totally see how people who don't even think they need therapy would never end up going. I really believe our schools should be teaching emotional intelligence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:43 PM
82

I've met someone who I think has examined it as fully as anyone and I feel like he is a unicorn. He routinely points out when being a white male is benefiting him. He stands up for me and other women in the office. He is respectful of everyone and has even been known to cross a street so as to not walk behind a women at night because he didn't want to freak her out. From what I've seen he more than pulls his weight at home raising his daughter. He said his mom instilled all of this in him, inclu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 09:49 PM
22

All my previous attactions were to not very healthy men, so I started to ask myself a few questions. How does he make you feel? Do you enjoy your time together? Do you look forward to plans you make together? Do you find yourself smiling when he sends a nice text? Can you goof off or joke around with him? Does he make you feel safe? Is this a relationship that could have love, care, trust and respect?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:40 PM
61

This seems a bit narrow minded. Some people can be in counselling for years and never get rid of their triggers. Does that mean they should never date? cPTSD is something that even with treatment you can get emotional flashbacks and get "triggered".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:02 PM
60

I hate their whole 80% of women go for 20% of men. It's obviously working for women... We are not dumb we are not going to continually go after a demographic that we get no results with, women have no issues getting dates. So instead of bitching about the high quality men who do get dates... How about you make yourself part of that 20% ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:21 AM
109

I was in the same place. Why bother having sex when men suck at it. So I waited to have sex with a new partner until I could confirm they met my expectations. Committed exclusive relationship + STI test + condoms without complaint + enjoys making me orgasm. My current bf, when I asked him to get tested he went the next day, but he also didn't pressure me after he got his results back, nor did he ask what I was waiting for. I won't do birth control, there were no complaints about condoms. I didn'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 04:06 PM
29

We all had to have coping mechanisms for Covid. But the male video game issue has been going on for much longer than that. I was married to someone who would literally game from 6pm - 2am every night and I could barely get him to budge for anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 12:32 AM
107

I have no problem with a man playing a healthy amount of video games to blow off some steam, or picking a game to play with each other for a few hours. I take issue with how our society has normalized excessive video game playing. Any hobby taken to the extreme that men take video games is unhealthy and addiction. Yet we view playing video games from when they come home from work to when they go to bed as fine. "It's just unwinding", "He's just a nerd", "Hardcore gamer" etc. This needs to be rec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 09:03 PM
9

This doesn't work in all situations but I once had someone tell me to lean into uncomfortable / ackward situations if you know you can't avoid them. I had a toxic work environment with a supervisor who said some pretty terrible things to me, her superiors were aware but asked if I could suck it up because her contract was almost up. Since I had to continue being around her and working with her. Instead of giving her the cold shoulder which I think she was expecting, I leaned into it and I acted …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:13 AM
55

If I notice a guy is verging into over sharing I love to ask them what their red flags are... I do it really light and playful, they think it's funny and they often answer pretty honestly. One guy told me he has an anger problem but he is "working on it" no thanks !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 02:25 AM
23

Someone can also be high value and add to your life but still not be the person for you. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of you, it's just that your values / goals don't align. The high value thing to do is end things. Too many people hang onto relationships thinking their partners will change their mind on a fundamental value like when one wants kids and the other doesn't instead of moving on to find someone who wants the same things out of life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 03:42 AM
82

You have to consider that the men who are incapable of relationships are going to be the majority on OLD because the rare good one who wanders on is going to find someone quickly and get off. Leaving the ones who are just incapable of connection floating around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 12:55 AM
105

Took me a long time to learn this, and I still struggle yet everytime I am assertive with my bf and clearly state my needs or that I was unhappy with how he handled things he only treats me BETTER. It might have been on here that I saw a meme that said when you are first learning to be assertive you wrongly feel aggressive because society has conditioned us to think that. Whenever I put myself first my bf understands, he knows my needs are important, so he looks for ways he assist me in meeting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 06:14 PM
82

Even with condoms there is a small chance of transferring some STIs so now I won't sleep with someone until they test. If they won't test it tells me everything I need to know about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 09:26 PM
50

I wish I could find it but there was a post on one of the dating subs for older folks that a man was having a hard time dating because although he owns an apartment he rented it out and lived in a van and get this ... Didn't have a bathroom. Every single female comment was why would I date you, what do you possibly have to offer to make up for that? 🤣 I think having to find a gas station bathroom after sex is too much even for the pickmeish of pickmes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:44 AM
11

I am not sure I could ever trust a partner 100% but I'm struggling with if I should snoop. My bf of 4 months gave me the passcode to his phone to check something for him, he hasn't changed it since. Part of me wants to think if he gave it he has nothing to hide and yet another part of me wants to snoop to make sure this man who I am starting to get serious with isn't hiding anything. He doesn't use his phone often when we are together so it wouldn't be hard for me to grab and look through. We ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 05:29 AM
42

Wow. I could have written this! He was so charming and smart, but something didn't sit right so I jokingly asked him if he was married. He said no. Then later on he admitted to separated. Then it came out still living in the same house !!! Stupid me kept seeing him and to this day he was still one of the best dates I've been on. But the day he told me he was in a relationship now but could he still get nudes ... Even my old pickme self knew that was disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 02:25 AM
14

Yep, I was in a verbally abusive marriage. One of his big things was If I wasn't silent as a mouse once he went to bed he would get mad, yet it was perfectly acceptable for him to wake me up all night when he stayed up to game. Pointed out the double standard and it barely sunk in to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 10:01 PM
9

Thanks. I used to struggle with this a lot and old me might have rush to get ready and run out the door to meet him but now I realize men just aren't worth it. I used to think that spending time with myself didn't really qualify as "other plans" but FDS helped me learn that cooking myself a nice dinner and watching a movie ARE plans. A few weeks later I met by now bf who setup a day, a time and a place without me even lifting a finger and continues to do so. I don't think many of us women unders…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 10:06 PM
16

Yep. Had a guy asked me out, sounded like he wanted to plan it. Asked me what sort of dates I like to go on. I told him a few things I enjoy to do on dates and then he seemed wishy washy. He finally set a weekend dinner date but didn't tell me where, said he would figure it out later. I said sure but day of he didn't text me till 4:30 and even then he still hadn't picked a place, when I said I made other plans because I hadn't heard from him all day, he got super offended and acted like I was th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 09:20 PM
11

It's a fboi who has emotions, displays just enough feelings to reel you in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 07:53 AM
7

Don't forget the softbois which can be trickier to spot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 11:46 PM
7

Can you send me the posts? I can't find them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:57 PM
5

Wow. I'm so sorry for what you went through. I also had a hard time processing that I was "raped" by someone I trusted. A friend of mine recieved almost an identical apology from a scote last week. Like they all just share the same scripts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 08:03 PM
12

Right? The best was when we were debating the usage of a word and I defined it as how I knew it... So he googled it and we were both right and then for some reason he ... Gave me the same definition I had already given him. I pointed it out and in that case he backed down and said I was right, it was obvious I fully understood the definition since I just gave it. I told him I'm a fully functional adult, and if I'm the one who brought a subject up maybe he should just assume I have a base level o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 11:03 PM
28

Oh gosh, this is triggering me. I have gallstones, it runs in my family so I'm pretty well educated already but spoke with a surgeon to go over what option would be best for my mild case. I told a guy I was dating I had the consult, but I didn't even get to bring up that we had settled on diet and medication instead of surgical intervention at this point, and his response... after asking me zero questions and with no further context was "You should go with the laser surgery, it looks less invasi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 10:44 PM
5

I cohabited for 12 years with my first LVM before he finally proposed and then he kept throwing up more and more criteria for the wedding, but he refused to help plan it. 5 years later still unwed I ended things. My current bf told me he doesn't want to live with me until we are married and then he will sell his condo so we can buy a bigger place together. I was put off by this at first but now I know it's because he isn't afraid of committing to me so it's not a super far off dream. We've been …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:10 PM
9

This. It's almost more telling if you don't live together and you get to see his habits first hand when he is caught off guard. The messiest I've ever seen my bfs place was the day after a camping trip, when he didn't expect me to come by, but sure enough a week later it was tidied up. I always feel he is being very genuine about his cleaning habits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:01 PM
45

Ugh, I have a high pressure job and when I'm not working I enjoy being submissive. I mean who doesn't want to have someone else do the mental labour so you can relax. But I quickly learned men can barely take care of themselves. I do think society as a whole has a warped sense of what an "alpha" male is. My bfs ex made fun of him for not being masculine enough and that he wasn't an "alpha" and it deeply hurt him. All I can think of is that she has no clue what healthy masculinity looks like. In …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:23 AM
17

Good for you. No is a complete sentence. Which has taken me a long time to put into practice without being uncomfortable. Some people in your life will come around and others won't. My ex did something similar to your husband, I asked for respect for 17 years. It wasnt until I dumped his ass, kicked him out and kept the house that he treated me with respect. Karma got him though because he rebounded to a engaged coworker who would promise to break things off then run back to her fiance over and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 07:28 PM
113

I never tell a man my values or what I look for in a partner. Instead I ask HIM and let him tell on himself. They always do. 🤭. I knew my bf had potential when he demonstrated his values time and again sometimes without even knowing it was something I valued as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 02:41 AM
60

I joked with my bf he needs to offer a web seminar called "three easy tricks to get your wife to fuck you" he rolled with the joke and said "do the dishes" "cook dinner" and "give her plenty of orgasms". He added in "do the laundry" as a bonus. He fully understands the relation between being a great partner who is giving and me not being able to keep my hands off of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 02:23 AM
7

I don't do anything for my bf that he doesn't do for me first. He cooked me multiple meals before I ever cooked for him. I don't do his dishes yet he does mine. When he stays over my bed is made when I get out of the shower. If I'm staying at his, he will wait till I wake up then serve me breakfast. Had a BBQ lastnight with my friends, at my house. He noticed some lose decking and proactively fixed it. He did the bbqing so I could relax. Then this morning I woke up to clean dishes because he fel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 01:50 AM
292

I always like to think of Bridget Jones diary where she picks the high wasted support underwear and then ends up making out with a guy but he laughs and finds them cute. He should be so thrilled to be making out with your undergarments are the last thing he is concerned with and if he is then throw the man out !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:16 PM
29

I realized it was a me problem when I looked at the types of men I was attracted to. I didn't feel much for this one at first, in fact at times I felt the ick. BUT he treated me with love, care, trust and respect. We share the same values and life goals and I genuinely enjoy his company and can just be myself and goof around. The first few times we kissed was more of a oh shit we've been dating a month, I should kiss him and it was awkward and uncomfortable. Then one night we spent a really plea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 12:57 AM
35

You might want to explore this in therapy. I used to be bored of the nice ones and it took a lot of work but now I have someone who treats me amazing and I want to rip his clothes off. Win win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 11:22 PM
27

Men who aren't trash will often comment on men who are ! They are well aware of all the trash men out there and want nothing to do with them. If you bring up a story or a situation you went through, they will give you empathy that members of their sex treated you like that. I explained why I have a knee jerk reaction to having my neck touched in any way (fear of strangling from a LVM) and the man I am with just gave me the biggest hug and said that was awful that I had experienced that and he wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 02:10 AM
1

I find it hard to believe that someone would commit to as much therapy and self improvement as he has just to "manipulate" people. We were together so long he has never had another serious relationship to draw from. He treats me like gold and routinely shows me how much he cares about me. I would not continue to be friends with him if I didn't believe his commitment to be better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 02:09 AM
32

We are taught from a young age that if we were worth it, they would change. If we could just find the right way to communicate, they would understand. It is very hard to fight that conditioning. Just remember that every baby step is still a step :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:11 PM
14

They can change, but they won't change for you, that is the important distinction. I tried for years to support and build up my (39M) ex and he just kept sinking lower and lower. I dumped his ass and cut contact for 6 months. He finally went to therapy and started to get his act together, not in an attempt to win me back, but so that the next time he met someone as amazing as me he wouldn't fuck it up again. He went from a LVM to someone working towards being HV. We will never get back together …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:10 PM
38

Exactly. My current guy touches me so sweetly and so softly. He wanted me to stay over just to cuddle. No advances were made that I didn't make first. When we finally progressed to a bit more he gave me multiple orgasms without anything in return. I knew well before intercourse that he would be a great lover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:50 PM
59

You would be surprised how many out themsleves. They don't really see anything wrong with it and have little remorse. They feel almost justified in what they did. These type of men also throw up red flags with saying negative things about their ex, usually as the reason why they cheated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 09:10 PM
29

They pay attention to things you say. They show concern, they follow up if something is happening in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 07:54 AM
62

I think it makes me extra annoyed now because the amount of people who told me I should date men who aren't sure they want kids because they'll fall in love with me and want me to have their kids. Yeah, no. If you are a man in your 30s you should be able to answer that question, and at the very least, know what direction you are leaning. Currently dating a man who KNOWs he wants kids and talks about his future with kids in mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 09:15 PM
264

One of my friends is trying for a baby, except her husband is luke warm at best about kids. She said she is sure that once they have one he will be a great dad. It takes a lot to bite my tongue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 08:00 PM
40

1 always boggled me. "the last women I slept with is clean". Like wtf? No. Just. No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:44 AM
56

I highly recommend to all my friends to get the vaccination, they keep upping the age range it is recommended for and it such a simple thing you can do to protect yourself. It also protects against the types of HPV that are known to cause cancer and warts. I don't advocate sharing you have it with any man though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:41 AM
66

They did a study that showed men actually like watching porn with overweight women they just don't want to admit to finding overweight women sexy. A horrible double standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:49 AM
27

I'd love it too :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:47 AM
73

My uncle is a HVM. He started his own company and was very successful. When he was home he adored his daughters and spent serious quality time with them. I remember doing more outings and fun things with him than my aunt even. Throwing big family gatherings where he did all the cooking and cleaning. Despite having a stay at home wife he took care of all the yard work, the cars, bills etc. When my aunt got sick with early onset Alzheimer's he hired care aids/nurses and got a hospital bed moved in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 01:38 AM
45

Men who say women hit a wall are just projecting because in reality they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 07:49 AM
10

Look into staying regulated during conflict. I use the term conflict very loosely, as in any situation that you find stressful / you are worried about their response to you having a boundary. If you haven't read it Pete Walkers book on PTSD is amazing and so is his first book on feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 09:36 PM
37

Dated a guy who said his ex wife suffered from untreatable depression and no longer wanted to even be touched and he had to do everything for her. Then went on to say all the girls he dated since we're crazy... The kicker was when he described something one of these "crazy" girls had done, and it was me!! He described me!! When I questioned him he said I was fine and it was someone else but it was way too specific. When his ex wife started to date again he was MAD and said some pretty mean thing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 03:32 PM
19

I used to work with a guy like this when I did telephone customer service. We were supposed to leave an abbreviated summary on customers accounts after we spoke with them. Like 2-3 lines max. You could tell which customers had pissed him off because you would have entire novels written. We would send them around and laugh. He was basically transcribing the entire interaction from his point of view.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 07:49 PM
162

Women literally get smarter after carrying a baby. Our brains go through neuroplasticity and major changes occur.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:38 AM
7

I know three dates isn't much but if I never have chemistry with the men who treat me well I don't quite know what to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 03:24 PM
17

I guess I'm worried that I won't be attracted to any healthy relationship. I have been on A LOT of first dates. The majority of the men want to see me again and I have zero interest even though I enjoyed their company. You would think I would stumble on one nice man I was attracted to but the last one was over a year ago to someone even more emotionally closed off than I am.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 03:46 AM
27

What do you do when they all give you the ick? I am in therapy and have a fearful avoidant attachment styles and am struggling with attraction to healthy choices. I can subjectively appreciate a man for being attractive but it doesn't translate to attraction. I have only ever been attracted to a small handful of men and most of them unavailable in some way or another. In general I don't like being touched by strangers but once you are in my bubble I am super touchy and cuddly. I'm now dating an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 02:55 AM
20

Rogain actually works really well for male pattern baldness. You just have to start it before you have bald spots. It's not even that expensive if you compare it to how much women spend per month to maintain our looks. I have had to start using the women's version due to having the female equiv and it's the quickest part of my routine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:37 AM
9

No problem! A HVM will never stop chasing, even after sex. Those are the men you see who treat their wives like queens because he never wants to lose her. What I was referring to is the LVM who end the chase once they get sex. Due to a whole host of reasons, none of them good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 10:07 PM
7

I'm not saying you are. To me saying it is in a mans nature to chase feels like giving them a free pass. Because they need to chase we need to give them something to chase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:56 PM
23

Yep, I think FDS has evolved out of a need for women to realize that we need to take personal responsibility and have strong boundaries because LVM don't have any except self promotion. Men often make the excuse "I haven't found the one". ... You are 45, you really think you haven't found the one? Or have you found her repeatedly and self sabotaged. I also see a lot of self deception. Well she knew what I was about (cause we are all mind readers) and she still slept with me so she consented to b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:52 PM
20

I don't believe this. While we all like feeling we have earned something we are not captive to our base instincts. It's in my nature to have children yet I haven't had one yet. It would be in my nature to secure a man who can provide for me and my child, yet I walked away from that because it wasn't emotionally fulfilling for me. Men don't just lose interest because sex was on the first or second date. It can be weeks sometimes even months then as soon as it is clear you have the person, boom! Y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:44 PM
45

I think society also teaches us that dating is a game and that not having sex is a game. But it really comes down to, two people getting to know each other and determining if your core values align and having open and honest communication. Then you determine when is the right time for "you" to progress things. I also have a hard time with boundaries and I've found what greatly helps is to set boundaries from minute 1 and assert myself early. It's harder to claw back boundaries then to never have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:11 PM
5

For my friends yes, for me it was when I was comfortable enough with who I am to show just normal photos that weren't posed and be really specific in my profile that yep, I'm a dork and I'm smart and I want a relationship that a lot of the DTF stopped. Not all of it, but a lot of them self selected out. Now it may not apply to everyone but it was pointed out to me that my look is one that some men might fetishize to some degree so I think making myself more of a normal person helped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:53 PM
48

Don't put yourself in situations that would be easy to escalate into sex. I also find it helps to communicate my boundaries up front. So if I find myself on that situation I have said "hey so I'm not comfortable with sex yet, my clothes are staying on". The only person I had sex with that I wasn't compatible (ie, our bodies just kept moving out of sync no matter how much we tried to fix it) we just didn't have a great connection to begin with and kept trying to force one because we liked each ot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:47 PM
117

We need to stop that narrative. Everytime I used to hear it, I felt like it was somehow my fault I was having relationship problems "you can't get a man to love you, because you have sex too soon". How about, men who view women like that have issues that run deep and even if they do commit is that going to be the type of person I want a relationship with? I value someone who treats everyone with decency no matter what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:43 PM
120

It's just fucked up that men lose respect for someone when they are commiting the same act. I don't view it as playing keep away. I don't even want a man that views women that way and would lose respect for a women just because they've had sex. I view it as we are giving them time to show themseleves because men who lose interest after sex are not going to wait, and if they do they are going to do something else in the time to reveal their contempt for women. Edit: If they lose interest after se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:39 PM
6

Yep. It's funny how many split second judgements we make on people just based on a photo and some lines of text. I had half assed my profile for the longest time, I think I was afraid to post who I really was and still not meet someone. One of the friends I helped told me that I needed to show who I really was. I made my profile much more specific, picked some photos that were not glamorous but were real, and got way less matches but the matches I got were just better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:05 PM
41

I've had two male friends ask for help with their profiles and both were much more successful after. One had gone a year with barely any matches. Slight tweaking of his profile and a new photo, bam a gf. The other said he couldn't believe how many matches he was getting suddenly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:41 AM
17

That feeling when you catch just the faintest bit of their cologne. Mmmmmm. Or after the date and I realize my shirt smells slightly like him, that makes my heart swoon 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:30 AM
58

Yep. Once had a date joke that all he had to do was take a shower and put some product in his hair before our date ... Thanks dude, that comment is super appreciated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:23 AM
24

I have plenty of male friends who dress very sharply without having tailored clothes. When we compare shopping experiences they have a much easier time. They find a few high quality brands that fit their body type and tend to stick to them. My LV ex I set the bar with how I expect men to dress and now I am continually let down. He even got me dressing nicer and somehow used to be able to buy me clothes that fit better than stuff I picked out for myself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:21 AM
15

When they ask if you orgasmed I have to wonder... Have they never made a women orgasm before? I feel like it would be obvious that you have orgasmed. Like ... If you have to ask me. No. And now you've just told on yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 01:32 AM
10

Oh haha. So I wasn't on birth control and he wouldn't use a condom and he said "I want to knock you up, it's hot". He kept questioning if I really wasn't on birth control and when I tried to get out of him like is this just a fantasy do you want to role play or like what, he just said. "kids are fun". It just so didn't line up with the rest of his personality. He had only been married once, three kids. No baby mamas running around as far as I could tell. Very successful. It was super intriguing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 12:30 AM
155

Or the really twisted ones who have an impregnation kink. Ask me how I know.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 07:38 AM
78

Interesting that so many men result to calling us fat or prudes when they get turned down, even if done nicely. Can you imagine if women started to say "your dick is small anyways" or "your short" in similar situations. Their brains would explode 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 06:50 AM
18

Thank you for the kind correction. I should say. I know my STI status as I believe in regular testing. Which as you point out. A lot of scrotes don't even bother. I slept with one guy who said he was super super paranoid about STIs so I wrongly took that as he would be tested. Right? Wrong he admitted to so many one night stands he couldn't remember how many and hadn't been tested in 6 years because "I use protection" 😑 in my area discussing STI status seems to be as taboo as "don't define the r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 01:48 AM
27

I don't even see it as their business anymore. I'm monogamous and I'm clean. It shouldn't matter to him who I was with previously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 11:49 PM
18

I don't just have them insisting I come over, but I constantly get ones trying to invite themselves to my house because they have roommates (I suspect their "roommate" is their mom)... How about not? Do they seriously expect me to not only give a stranger my address but let him into my house ?! My cat is in my profile so I can't help but say "I'm sorry, my pussy doesn't like strangers" then once I know they've seen it I unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 07:48 PM
10

wow, the audacity to gaslight you that he said Happy Birthday, wtf. It is actually more effort to gaslight you then to just say it. I once read about how when you are a nice person, and they aren't but they see themselves as a nice person, that makes them treat you even worse because they can't stand their crappiness mirrored back at them when you are understandably hurt. Which is just bizarre when they could just not do it in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:15 PM
24

Wow, very similar thing happened to me. After about a year of just being a booty call every few months when he felt like it, and never asking him for anything, I told him I wanted to see him for my birthday and he seemed super on board. Said he put it into his calendar ... well, I'm sure you can guess what happened. He started to randomly ignore me, then couldn't even be bothered to text me a Happy birthday... and that is when I truly realized how little I meant to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:58 AM
25

People keep telling me to date around because "you never know" and to "give him a chance" ... along with telling me to lower my standards. Yeah, 20 first dates later and they were mostly dumpster fires
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:52 AM
102

I strongly feel attachment styles are best used in the context of helping to understand and work on ourselves. I have a mixed attachment style that leans avoidant, but I try really hard to not take it out on people I date, if necessary I tell them what is freaking me out, or if I need space I communicate that. Because silent treatments, withdrawing for no reason, sulking, and being passive aggressive is all immature. It is my responsibility to communicate what I am thinking / feeling to my partn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:41 AM
24

I feel this same way, I stopped dating for most of Covid but with vaccinations I dipped my toes back in. Endless left swipes on unattractive men, endless unmatching when they try to solicit sex. It is just kinda depressing at this point and there are so many better things to do with my time. The only positive is now because of FDS I don't even try with low effort men, I am not going to strike up or carry a conversation. If they open with "Hey" or variations I just ignore it. If I get one worded …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:30 AM
52

30 minutes is being generous, I matched with a guy whose entire profile was marriage minded then his 2nd sentence was asking if I was DTF... when I called him out on it, he said "I just can't picture myself with you" then immediately after went back to trying to convince me to have sex with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:21 AM
49

cock goblin Is my new favorite term
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:13 AM
49

Yep. The second she loses interest or gets another date he is going to chase her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 01:40 AM
6

Love it. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:57 PM
6

This reminds me of something esther perel has said in a few of her talks. We will have only a few major relationships in our loves but people change and you have to either consciously decide to renegotiate the relationship you are in, or move on to a new one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 07:02 AM
41

I hate "why are you still single?" I get it from potential dates, and even friends. Such a thinly veiled insult. I love when they add, "you are so pretty and succesfull. Lots of guys would want to be with you" I used to try to defend myself and now I just say.they don't meet my standards. Of course then some people take it upon themselves to say I should lower my standards. Pft.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:34 AM
34

Excellent comment. The low effort dates thing took me a while because I have anxiety so legit can't eat in front of people until I get comfortable. I had some really awkward dinner dates where I kinda just picked at my food and then they felt bad. So I prefer something where all the attention isn't on me like a walk. But I totally get the intent behind it now. Had a really nice guy taking me out for a surprise walk with a picnic where he bought all kinds of small tasty snacks catered to what I l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:04 AM
40

Yep. LV ex only started to change after I ended it. He is in therapy and is working his way back into being my friend with the understanding we will never be romantic again. He thanks me all the time that now he stands a chance at having a healthy loving relationship with another women. He texted me to asked what bakery he could buy me a cake from for my birthday. While we were married he would have scofted at the idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:30 AM
10

I don't usually buy outfits, but the restaurant he picked was nice so I had some fun and bought a new dress and heels ... He had kept up a great act, but the morning of he made a joke that my dress would look nice on the floor, when I playfully indicated it was going to be staying on he stopped replying until 6 hours later when he said he had to work that night and cancelled without a reschedule. That dress became a constant reminder that to him I was only worth spending time with if he was guar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:54 PM
118

The fact that they had five boys through IVF gave me the creeps. You can only guess it was his decision. The worse part is when they divorced it was during the time when his net worth had taken a nose dive and considering how much he was and is now worth she did not get a great settlement out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 06:58 AM
204

I think because we are conditioned to believe that it is our self worth in question. If we were worth it we would change him. So him doing this to us, makes us believe there is something wrong with us. Even the principal of "Men love bitches" so we need to have better boundaries can feel a bit like "If I had better boundaries this man would love me". I now reframe this as "Even if I had better boundaries I would not want a man who treated me without decency just because he "could" I want a man w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 07:07 PM
23

As a 16 year old virgin I was manipulated and coerced into sex by a 24 year old. He didn't use a condom and turns out he wanted to get me pregnant. To this day I remember how it hurt and he kept telling me to be quiet because his mom was in the other room. 😑. There was zero concern for my wellbeing. I have carried that shame with me for two decades, and have on going issues with sex. I was telling the story to a friend recently and he said "you were raped" and I was like no... And my friend just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 03:56 AM
90

He is amazing and he said he loves the crazy stories I have so it is win win. The thing I found interesting is that gay men have just as many problems with LVM as we do !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 11:20 PM
331

My gay male friend is my biggest advocate for being a HVW he is always telling me to "block and delete" at the SLIGHTEST sign of disrespect. He has spent the last year drilling into my head all the same principles that FDS is about. He constantly reminds me my time is valuable so don't waste it on LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 10:02 PM
10

Right? It's sad when a toddler acts more appropriate than a grown ass man. My ex once threw expired produce on the floor and walked away because apparently I'm the only one living here and it's exclusively my fault it went bad? When we neared the end I did the same thing to show him how obsurd he was being. He was SO entitled that he told his counselor some of the things he did to me because he was "right" and even she called him out on his BS. I realized too late that he needed to have his ass …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 05:46 PM
49

My ex once admitted he purposely would do the opposite of what I wanted because he couldn't stand for me to "win".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:21 PM
20

The amount of people, female and male that are aghast that I would only have one date a week at first ... Is insane. I'm sorry, if it is meant to be then once a week is not going to cause problems. It allows both people to stay grounded and vet each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:42 PM
1

Sorry. Can I see as well?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:39 PM
62

I think it's a very common thing for men to just assume you are all on the same page. Where as HVM have no issue actually having a chat to ensure you are on the same page. I think it comes out of respecting and valuing others. You don't assume they are an extension of yourself and you want to know their inner world. The most recent gem was a male friend saying you shouldn't have to "define the relationship" you should just know .... ......
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:36 PM
140

But we are good enough to have sex with. Just not to actually date ... Pft
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 01:57 AM
3

Forget not knowing how to properly use it... some of them can't even find it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 09:10 AM
23

Were we dating the same man?!? Mine had such gems as "you are forgetting you didn't get along with your mom that well" ... "Do you want to go look at the new car we are going to buy (with your inheritance)" and my favorite as I was depressed on the couch for days, barely eating. "I didn't know you were upset, if you had just asked me for help I would have helped you"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:23 PM
41

Not just crazy. I had one guy say all the women he dates are "to demanding" interesting because he complained that his mom was a control freak and so was he. Yet voicing reasonable things like, please don't give me the silent treatment because you are mad at me was seen as too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:19 PM
9

Wow! I think the most eye opening part for my journey of heeling was meeting someone who showed me true caring and affection... I never realized how deficient I was in these areas and most people would say I am a kind person. He would touch foreheads with me, gently touch my shoulder when I was driving. Tell me it was okay (and mean it) if I wasn't in the mood for sex. Want to sincerely know about my day. Yet, I kept mistrusting him and it was that disconnection that caused him to end things. It…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 08:02 PM
16

Yep, I was diagnosed with BPD and then realized I better fit CPTSD it just isn't in the DSM. I went from an abusive home to an abusive relationship. My entire life I've been told I'm too sensitive or too much so I now gaslit myself that I'm over reacting, or that I'm the problem and don't trust my intuition about anyone. Which means I give far too many people unlimited chances. Even after therapy I thought I was doing better... Jumped right into a hot and cold situationship. The good part about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 06:36 PM
3

When I was 16 I was involved with a 24 year old ....he shared my nudes with his 40 yr old uncle who was a friends father. When I found out it was the biggest wtf moment. Apparently her dad ripped a strip off the guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 09:32 AM
15

I am heavily involved in animal rescue for over a decade and have owned pet rats for over 20 years. After talking to a date about my hobby ... He then turns around and tries to mansplain rats to me because he had pet rats once. I was flabbergasted. The info wasn't even right. 🙄. He then went on to dig himself deeper by trying to explain to me how our immune systems have little soilders ... I had been talking about Covid vaccine and how I was fascinated by the mechanisms behind how it works... No…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 09:18 AM
36

The amount of men who date me while being super allergic to my cat is insane... What do they expect is going to happen??? That I'll fall so far in love I'll dump my cat?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 07:01 PM
12

Wow the timing. Just tonight I reconnected with an old friend who used to intimate me with how confident and successful she is. We got to chatting and she wanted to grab a coffee once restrictions in our area let up. She said the longer she is single the less she wants to date. I'm so glad I reached out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 06:03 AM
21

This to me is the most damaging. It causes women to just hang in there because if she was good enough he would change and if he doesn't, well she must not be good enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 12:07 AM
13

Even if he is into you, if he is playing games and emotionally unavailable. NEXT !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 04:23 AM
2

Funny enough ... Got such a bad UTI it took multiple rounds of ABs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 02:23 AM
34

I'm always amazed by A they have no clue and B obviously learned from porn... Like did a single women never correct them? Is that how bad pressure to perform has gotten for women.l? The last guy I was with verbally went "oh... That's where your clit is" ... Like he wasn't trying to be a jerk and he wanted to make me cum he just kept vigorously rubbing my urethra and I mean most porn I've seen that is what you do and the women love it so much they moan even when they aren't being touched....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:04 PM
12

As terrible as it is that we go through this it is so nice to know we aren't alone. That our experiences are in fact normal. That other perfectly lovely women also get mistreated for no reason at all. It somehow makes it easier for me to take the judgement away from my worth and realize I am worthy of love trust care and respect and boundaries is how I get there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 08:43 PM
40

Yes. I still work with that man and he really is amazing. He is one of the few HVM I know. He is self aware and will fully admit when he is wrong. I call him my work brother which people find confusing but there isn't a sexual component or flirting. There is mutual trust and respect and he protects me. He sometimes nudges me to speak up or will speak up for me when I feel intimidated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:14 PM
54

My old boss once came to me to rant that "women shouldn't cry at work". He instantly lost what little respect I had left for him. It was so sad that not only he held that view but he felt another women would support that?! He used to ignore my ideas and a male coworker always enjoyed bringing up the same idea almost immediately after and when he got a "good idea" back he would instantly point out it was mine. He sadly had to do that multiple times and I don't think our boss ever caught on...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:50 PM
10

Sounds a lot like mindfulness. One of the meditations I do says to picture thoughts like balloons and let them go. It takes awhile to get the hang of but consistent mindfulness practice is being proven to be good for so many things. Now when I find myself day dreaming of someone I literally picture a balloon with their name floating away and redirect my thoughts. If that doesn't work I go for a walk, exercise briefly, or dance around. It also helps to just sit and take a few deep breaths and ack…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 08:37 AM
3

You are beautiful and amazing just the way you are. I know it isn't easy but don't spend any more time wondering if it was you, it was him and his own shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 05:12 AM
3

I feel this so strongly. At 15 the first boy to kiss me, didn't evan wait an hour after making out to call me fat (I was barely overweight) Luckily I had the common sense back then to knee him in the balls and all my friends were not kind to him when they found out. Then there was the 24 year old pedophile who coerced me into sex at 16 and insulted my body after sleeping with me. The second he told me he wanted to get me pregnant I freaked out and blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 11:16 PM
44

A close friend was cheated on and she was 15 years his junior. She is gorgeous and said to me "I thought I was safe because I was the hot young thing and we had constant good sex". She only found out because his hot, even younger thing made a huge scene that he had to pick one of them. My friend was devastated because she had treated this women like family before. It later turned out he would also visit prostitutes. He would even have sex with her AND prostitutes on the same day. The really sad …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 11:00 PM
27

My ex and I never combined accounts and the house was in my name because I picked it out and provided the down payment. Turns out the law in my area doesn't care who paid for what, nor that he was bad with money. He was legally entitled to half of everything I own. I ended up having to cut him a rather large check to keep my house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 11:23 PM
2

So much this. I think we are so conditioned to believe that it is us causing the men to not respect us / treat us poorly, but a high value person doesn't just go around disrespecting people. They don't test boundaries and they will respect any boundaries you set.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:58 AM
15

Can I ask why you don't want to confront her? If you've been friends that long and this is a first offense why not just ask and then make a decision if it seems plausible or not? If she does it again then you could go straight to ignoring. Friendships are just relationships and even in the best relationships misunderstandings can occur.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:50 AM
23

Also put up with zero effort and when he decides to "pull away" for whatever BS reason you better not expect anything from him or else you are being "clingy".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 12:33 AM
50

It is okay because she is really a 200 year old demon who just looks like a child! 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 09:56 PM
2

Is that supposed to be 2-3 different dates a week?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 05:10 PM
80

The second they have her they will turn around and treat her horribly because how dare she love them !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 04:38 AM
13

Some of these make me mad, like they know they can't even connect to their friends and are emotionally unavailable yet don't seek counselling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:48 AM
37

Yep. Even my LV ex gladly switched to condoms after many years of not when I didn't like the side effects of birth control. He even had to special order them because of his size and not a single complaint was had.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:44 AM
6

As someone previously obese and still quite overweight it is the journey to loving myself that is allowing me to lose weight. No amount of "do it for your health" sunk in before. I had to realize that even obese I deserved respect and love. I did not deserve to have men try to use me for sex and decide I wasn't "gf" material because of my weight. I am sexy AND smart and you can tell a lot about a man based on if he compliments my brains or my boobs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:27 AM
107

I recently listened to a podcast talk about how some men hate you because just you being a nice person makes them feel bad about how shitty of a person they are, and how badly they treat you and it was like a lightbulb. They could treat us better but nah, let's just treat the person even worse! Male logic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:11 AM
11

I got a bit tipsy on a first date and ended up back at the guys place, we started to make out. As soon as he went for my pants I set a hard boundary. He kept pushing it so I left... he was very much shocked that I wouldn't let him push me into sex and after over text he acted like I didn't like him just because I didn't want to have sex yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:23 AM
10

Yeah there are two types of men but not how they think. Men who respect women and men who don't. I am all for self respect and boundaries but NO ONE should ever have to ask for basic human decency. I recently told a friend, even if a man treats me well because I have boundaries I don't want to date him if he doesn't show a basic inherent respect for others. men like this do exist, because I've met them and some of them are my friends. They are just rare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:04 AM
13

Taking over responsibility is very common. We are conditioned to believe all the emotional lifting should come from us. We are usually raised to be nurturing so when a relationship fails it feels like our fault. Not the other person who didn't bother to try at all, or may have been actively sabbotaged it. The baggage reclaim blog and podcast are amazing if you want someone who will just keep hammering into you that it isn't your fault. Everytime I listen to an episode I feel more empowered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 05:58 AM
31

People who have low self esteem/self worth don't like others being nice to them. They feel like they don't deserve to be treated well so if you treat them well they will either resent it or think you are garbage for not seeing how shitty they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 10:14 PM
101

Yep. Had a male coworker make a joke in bad taste on a work call about me being single. All he got from me was silence. It was so amazingly awkward and he immediately aologized and said it was pretty out of line. Normal me would have played along to downplay it. Nah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 10:06 PM
5

But is that really respect? I would say high standards don't expose a HVM. High standards let the lesser men fall away. You should NEVER have to ask a men for basic respect. HVM are the ones that are capable of communicating and letting you know what bucket you are in, they are not the ones stringing women along with vagueness. I'm not saying a HVM would want a women who doesn't respect herself if anything he would be turned off by this and walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 08:50 PM
13

I was replying to the part where she said that LVM can become HVM if you set your standards high enough. Where as I believe respect is not something a LVM can learn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 07:34 PM
18

I've had a man go all pickme.and beg for me not to end things and I still treated him with respect and kindness. I could have used him for sex or attention but I didn't see a need. I refuse to believe a HVM would disrespect a pickme me just because he can. I've had more than one men tell me he doesn't see a future but I'm sexy so would I be open to sex. Even they are showing me respect in openly communicating where he was at when he didn't technically need to. It was early days and neither of us…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:40 PM
23

I also love how two of the smartest and longest living animals are matriarchal. Elephants and Whales.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:18 PM
12

Exactly. He would only care if it impacts him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 05:54 PM
133

"Instead of blowing up, completely shutting down when I do or say anything he disagrees with. In public or private, no matter where we were or what we were doing the conversation would be over and he'd just be sitting there staring at the floor, ignoring me." Many professionals refer to Stonewalling aka "the silent treatment" as a form of torture. Dr. John Gottman calls Stonewalling one of the four horsemen and it is one of the number one predictors of divorce. The other three are Criticism, Con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:26 AM
7

I'm so sorry. The book attached is a great resource to really understand that dynamic and it highly recommends not to date someone who is avoidant. It gives you signs to look for as well. I was dating a guy for awhile and we hadn't seen each other for a bit due to Covid. I told him I was planning a funeral service (he knows my family died) and without missing a beat he not only ignored my comment he turned the conversation into asking for a shirtless photo... I told him I wasn't in the right fra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 07:15 AM
13

In the middle of making out after a date the guy got all weird and said he wasn't interested in dating me so was going to leave sex on the table only if I was okay with that. It was annoying but I also had to respect his honesty. We didn't have sex and I appreciated that he didn't lead me on. But why even make out then ... He could have ended the night after the date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:00 PM
18

I once had a guy suggest a brewery for a date and I said I can't drink beer (allergic) but would be happy to have a drink somewhere else. He invited me out for a walk and then he suggests we walk over to a... Brewery !!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:48 PM
53

Nature is filled with examples of this. Typically the female of the species is less showy and the males all compete and show off for her attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:13 PM
68

I think I needed to read these, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 04:26 AM
66

The worse is when other women tell us our standards are too high. I don't have a degree but I still etched out a career. I am in average shape, but take care of myself. I own a home through years of hard work and saving. Somehow wanting a man in a similar position in life is too much to expect? My friends keep telling me at my age I need to just settle for a man who wants a family and that asking to be attracted to him is being unrealistic. And asking for someone meaningfully employed AND he wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 10:07 PM
10

Thank you! I see it as the ultimate act of love to put a potential childs needs before your desire to have one. It made the decision for me to keep waiting easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 11:56 PM
1

Can you tell me more about boric acid? I have had doctors tell me I'm yeasty pretty much every pap for life and any AB gives me an instant full blown infection. But when they swab me it all comes back negative. Drives me batty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 01:22 AM
32

Just tonight I asked my sister if she was my brother in law's mother... She said "no...but... If I don't nag and stand there he doesn't do it" she is 46 and he is 51 .. wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:17 AM
1

I don't understand how ghosting would prevent this? If someone is that violitile than surely they would do the same thing when they realize you have ghosted them? Maybe even be madder?
/r/seduction21/11/20 05:36 AM
–

I'm curious what your direct statement of rejection is? If multiple girls aren't getting that you aren't interested after directly say you are not than maybe you aren't being as clear as you thought you were being. If you clearly say please don't text me again we are done and they keep texting you. Then that isn't ghosting because you told them you were done.
/r/seduction21/11/20 05:31 AM
4

Basically. Went through this exact thing. We agreed to casual up front because that was all he really wanted, but he knew I was dating with the intention of an LTR and kids. He constantly wanted to know about other dates I had and told me about his dates and how someone else he was seeing wanted to fuck him. He went on to demand I cancel a third date with someone who seemed to actually want a relationship. Said for me to choose. I asked for exclusivity. He said no, got really upset, accused me o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:45 AM
4

Right. They set the tone and frequency then they shift dramatically. After a bit you realize so you drop. Then it keeps dropping. When you communicate about this drop you either get called crazy or they say they are just "busy". If you just start ignoring their texts then they double text / get mad. Edit: I think we have all accidentally done this to someone before. The difference with us is, we either realize we are being shitty and communicate or when called out we aplogize and mean it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 12:42 AM
6

Yep. Used to say this exact same thing to my ex. "you know if I did this to you, you would be livid". He would acknowledge my point and then just do the same thing over again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 06:32 PM
2

Yes. Legally he is my husband and has the same entitlements as if we were married. If he took me to court it would be a 50/50 split. It feels so unfair that I saved every penny to buy a house and now he gets to benefit from it but at least I know he just got involved with an engaged coworker after I warned him not to and it turned into a massive flaming trainwreck when she ended things but they still have to work together. I want to say I'm the bigger person here but him having his heart broken …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 03:49 AM
31

I bought the house after 12 years together He was my common law husband by that point. I kept asking for an offical marriage and he would say things like "I'm not sure I want to marry you until you change x and x about yourself" he finally proposed after the house and by that time I started to have reservations. At 16 years in, my mom died and within two weeks he asked me what sort of car we would be buying with the money... I told him I was done and asked him to leave. He thought I was joking a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 06:33 AM
32

My ex didn't contribute a penny to the downpayment. He said if we split then or course it was my down payment and I'm the only one on the title. I gave him a few chances after the fact of contributing the same amount so we could be on equal footing. Of course when we split he wanted a full 50% of the house and even had the gall to ask for 50% of a recent inheritance. Started to backslide when I sent him the rules that he couldn't touch my inheritance and all his accounts would also be 50/50.. he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 04:18 AM
7

But if you stop having hobbies and give me more attention I'm going to accuse you of being clingy / needy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 06:07 AM
7

Wow. This is some queen energy. I would also love to know what you saw and what he admitted to after. Now I'm wondering if I should be checking phones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:00 AM
10

I have only had one guy who flat out refused to orgasm until I did. It was pretty amazing to have someone insist. It gave me freedom to just enjoy the experience and not worry I was "forcing" him cause he was just so dang enthusiastic. He was a class act thru and thru and it wasn't just in the bedroom where he was considerate. When I gushed to my friends they rolled their eyes and told me the things he was doing were the bare minimum.. I had no clue my bar was so low.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 05:25 AM
12

I'm so sorry. :( It's awful to feel like a life sized sex doll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:52 AM
50

I was 16 and got involved with a 24 year old who refused to date me but was okay fucking me. he wouldn't use a condom and as it turns out was trying to get me pregnant. So later that year meeting a 21 year old that seemed to actually want to be with me ... I jumped at this. I always thought I was broken. That normal women could orgasm from sex. Hell... I even went to the doctor because I couldn't get sufficiently wet. I stayed in that mentally abusive relationship for 17 years. Even with therapy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:37 PM
220

Yep. Ex would literally finish and walk away. The few times I would ask for an orgasm he said it was "gross to even think about that" after he came. I felt so shameful and disgusting I just stopped asking. I now have a really hard time asserting my right to have one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 07:09 PM
32

Oh gosh yes. My most recent one was 7 years my Jr. I could tell from the start I always made him insecure, and it didn't seem to matter how kind or reassuring I was, he didn't seem to think we were equals. Despite us wanting the same things in life and getting on fabulously, he ended it at 3 months with a "I can't give you the commitment you want and I'll only disappoint you". Old me would have immediately tried to convince him that he was wrong, but this wasn't the first time he had expressed s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:22 AM
3

Childhood abuse and trauma which led me into the arms of a controlling and abusive man for 17 years. Anytime I tried to have a boundary he would stomp right over it or gas light me into submission. I was so proud the day I kicked him out of my house and tried to put my life back together. After counselling and medication I thought I was ready to dip my toe into dating... And I was good for awhile. I had built up a great life, I'm amazing and confident and I'm told fairly attractive .. I spent ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 07:38 PM
4

Everyone used to say I had the perfect marriage.. they didn't know how dysfunctional it was under it all. The best thing I ever did to help my ex after 17 years, was dumping his ass. He got into therapy, has given me more sincere apologies in the last year than our entire relationship and recently admitted he never would have changed his life for the better had I not kicked him out. We are never getting back together but it made me realize you can't change a person, no matter how much love you g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:18 PM
5

Oh god I hate this. When I first got back into dating, I would go out with any man who was even maybe okay or had even a passing thought once about kids. I would ask when this someday is ... and they could never tell me. Or even why they bother to answer to list yes to kids but want something casual. I'm no longer afraid to only date men looking for something more serious and I tell them fairly quickly that since I have my career sorted, having a family is a priority and the LVM self select out.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 12:56 AM
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