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ralviee Archive

View 0 posts and 58 comments by ralviee on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

Almost anything by Terry Pratchett is worth a read, but I’m especially fond of the novels with the three witches in them. Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies, Carpe Jugulum... Granny Weatherwax was FDS incarnate before the internet was even popular, and even the most timid character has a steel core if you push her long enough. They were a balm to my soul in my youth, and I still reread them to this day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:30 PM
21

We’ve never needed anyone’s permission, approval, or understanding to have the standards we have. They’re there. They’re non-negotiable. If someone doesn’t like it, keep on walking. That said, the listed red flags are excellent, and a good thing to watch out for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 05:57 PM
1

A complete fuckup, probably. Or the first son to not fuck up their life, but that requires certain experiences that just wouldn’t have happened if I’d been born male. So it’s a toss-up.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/20 02:04 PM
39

DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Part of the abusers handbook, and one of the many reasons it’s just not worth the time trying to educate these idiots directly. Raise awareness of these tactics, both in relationships and out in the wild like we see here, and we could slowly start to see change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 07:03 PM
4

Been living single and happy for a long time. ✌️ No stress, heartache, or pain relating to it, just a sense of peace and freedom that’s hard to really describe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:05 PM
24

Effort is what you’re looking for: a picnic where he prepared the food, set out the blanket, etc. shows he sees you as worth his time, ie a good sign. A walk in the park where he does nothing but talk about himself is no effort at all, meaning he doesn’t see you as worth his time, ie a bad sign. The end result might look similar on the surface, but there’s a very important difference between the two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:18 PM
11

I learned to really embrace the idea that good is not always nice, boundaries are Not Optional, and I deserve to have my standards met and respected. It also helped me look critically at myself and what needed changing. Not sure I would have kept to my goals or changed for the better as much as I have were it not for the uncompromising tough love you all share on the daily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:20 AM
11

Well written and clear, thank you for making this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 10:04 PM
16

Oof, yes, this was my exact experience standing up to my abuser and their enablers. “YOULL DIE COLD AND ALONE” “YOULL JUST BECOME A BITTER OLD WOMAN” “YOURE TOO HARSH” etc etc. I finally was like “you know what? Fine. I’ll be the bad guy if it means you actually respect my fucking boundaries.” And wouldn’t you know it? It worked. Never be afraid of being the villain when your boundaries are crossed. They can whine and cry all day long, but boundaries are never optional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:12 AM
2

Doesn’t have to be about your own life either. I ignored my gut about a loved ones narcissistic, abusive waste of human life. I had reoccurring nightmares about needing to save her from him, had anxiety attacks where my subconscious almost brought me to the right conclusion, but pride and an overwhelming sense of guilt kept me from the truth. He manipulated me like he did everyone else, and got past my defenses by using a blind spot I didn’t know I had. It wasn’t until she was in a special care …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:55 AM
20

They’re trying to drown out the little voice in their head telling them something’s wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 01:57 AM
17

Oof, yeah, I’ve had an aggressive enabler in my life before. The most wild thing is how hypocritical they can be, vehemently defending an abusers shit and trying to “stand up” to you instead. As if the spine they were trying to show didn’t have the durability of wet toilet paper. Life gets better, though, when you can get away from them. I’ve never been happier since my situation improved and I was able to keep myself at a healthy distance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 08:09 PM
141

The zero tolerance policy for bullshit sounds harsh to some people, but things like this are exactly why it’s needed. We train people how to treat us, with what we let slide, and what we call out or walk away from. Letting planned incompetence slide is just another way of saying “yes, trample over me! I’m a doormat!” Not that it’s our fault they do so, nor is it our fault if we end up letting it go due to other manipulations like gaslighting. But it is in our hands to change ourselves and what w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 05:00 PM
8

I definitely feel rage, yes. That rage fuels the engine that keeps me going. It is the fiery star in my sky that warms my internal garden. It hasn’t always had purpose, or direction; when I was young it was more an erupting super volcano that scorched the earth. Once I learned to make peace with it, guide it to better paths and turn it into useful energy rather than destructive, I started to see real growth for the first time. Don’t be afraid of being angry. Just know how to wield it effectively…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 12:26 AM
122

That’s exactly what I’ve observed irl. Men will twist themselves into knots trying to rationalize how their—or other dudes— actions “totally weren’t rape guys!!” Even in the face of the evidence. I always figured anyone deplorable enough to commit it was evil enough to not care in the first place. Everything else was just trying to avoid punishment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 02:17 AM
25

I’ve seen my own brother struggle like that, and I’m going to tell you: the only person who can heal him is himself. The whole family tried to get through to him to no avail. It was only after he started taking his own shit seriously that we started seeing any real improvement; I don’t know exactly what triggered the change, but he ultimately managed to kick his inner demons and land his dream job. But it took years, and heartache, and struggle, and there’s still more path to walk to this day. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 02:21 PM
42

Male lurkers that are being respectful about it are fine. The obnoxious ones with a victim complex are definitely annoying, though. As if it’s the end of the world that someone doesn’t agree with them, or, gods forbid, dislike them in any way. Or, worse than that: not care about them in any way, as if one persons indifference cancels out the friends/family/etc they already have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 04:12 PM
36

The friend zone doesn’t exist. Keeping things casual, not putting out or being exclusive? Yes. But “friend zone” has a connotation that friendship is somehow second place, a consolation prize that shouldn’t be valued. Fuck. That. If a guy doesn’t see your friendship as worthwhile, as if it’s some inferior status, drop him. He is not worth your valuable energy. And yes, men tend to value things they’ve had to work for. Giving him exactly what he wants without effort cheapens the experience, and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 05:47 PM
7

Ngl that’s kinda hilarious lol Oh definitely, if you can spot the shit beforehand then avoid it. No amount of suffering is worth a lesson you could have learned the easy way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 01:54 PM
100

It’s like stepping in shit barefoot: the only good thing to come of it is to learn not to do that again. That said, there are lessons that stick better when learned the hard way: be careful with your empathy. Some see an extended hand as a weakness, and will bleed you dry before you realize what’s going on. sometimes, what’s broken cannot be fixed, no matter how hard you try. monsters thrive on second chances. you can only control your own actions, not other peoples’. Any who would imply otherwi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:01 AM
1

It’s vital advice for retaining true happiness in this world. You’re the only person who will be with you your entire life: from beginning to end. Nobody else can be there for that length of time, nor be with you for literally all of your troubles. The only person who can is yourself. Learning to accept/be happy by yourself means always having an avenue of support. No person is an island, but if you at least have yourself in your own corner then problems become much less stressful to deal with. …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/20 09:34 PM
27

Take a deep breath, sis. The hardest part is over; now you can start healing. My advice is to write down everything—no matter how small—that they did to hurt, belittle, or otherwise hold you back/make you feel worthless or hurt. You can return to those notes to remind yourself of why you left, or add to it when you remember something. Then focus on a routine and let yourself grieve. You’ve still suffered a loss, even if it’s a positive change ultimately; you’re well within your rights to feel sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 12:11 PM
11

Getting a new therapist is perfectly valid in this situation. Remember, therapists are paid to help with your problems, not cause new ones; if the way they’re presenting makes you uncomfortable then they aren’t doing their job—that you’re paying hundreds of dollars a session for. It isn’t a judgment on them, or you, or anything else like that. It’s just a matter of finding the help that you need, in a way that relates to your personal growth. Kind of like changing medications after the side effe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 02:24 AM
144

LVM are attracted to things that grant immediate gratification: video games, porn, alcohol, drugs, it all pushes the same buttons of “good now forget later.” Being able to hold off gratification for better reward later is a mark of maturity: high value. That goes for men and women alike.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 05:59 PM
29

Yeah, it’s incredibly rare to find a man who isn’t selfish. I’ve been lucky in the past to meet a few, but they can be counted on one hand and are often drowned out by the awful majority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 12:35 PM
67

They get so close, yet completely miss the point. It would almost be sad if it wasn’t so dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 12:06 PM
8

Oh yeah, it’s one of the best things about being single. I’ve been able to dive headlong into my passions, and find new hobbies to develop them on top of that. Trying to date only took away from what made me truly happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 06:34 PM
177

“You had casual sex before and changed your mind, so now I’m going to disrespect you!! Because.... reasons!!!” What the fuck sense does that make? If you lend your friends $100 any time they ask for awhile, but stop because they never paid you back, does it now mean you have to lend any friend who asks $100, or you’re somehow worthy of disrespect? The fucking mental gymnastics these guys come up with are atrocious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 10:26 PM
69

So... you fight LVM... by acting like one? Sis, no, that’s not the way to go about it. All you’re doing is lowering yourself to their level. You’re better than that. Say what you are going to do. Don’t argue about it. Don’t nag. Be a woman of your word. That is how you level up and become stronger, and gain the self esteem to become a HVW. Playing games and being passive aggressive is just childish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:48 PM
70

Improved mental health is the epitome of level up, yeah. Congratulations on kicking your habit! May it be one of a long string of successes for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:01 PM
16

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. There’s nothing that will show someone’s true colors quite like the anonymity of the internet. Block his ass so fast rings fall out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:17 PM
41

The best weapon is using your attackers bulk against them, so I second/third a self defense class. Remember that everything can be a weapon if need be, and it’s entirely plausible to run to a stranger for help: that cashier behind the counter, the random old lady, hell even banging on a random door increases your chances for help rather than decreasing. Also, it probably doesn’t need to be said but I’ll say it anyway, stay alert and be aware of your surroundings. If something doesn’t feel right,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 02:25 PM
5

This right here. We are much more free in this day and age than when that phrase was coined. Get an education, work hard on yourself, and make sure you’re financially independent. Then you won’t have to worry about money, or having to marry for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:56 AM
120

Reddit is LVM central. They hate us here because we call them out on their bullshit, and nothing makes an abuser more angry than being called out. The rest of the internet is either too lazy to read what’s here, or is also an abusive LVM, so the sentiment is the same. Bonus points for PickMeishas who haven’t woken up yet. But they, at least, have the ability to learn and better themselves. A man who can do that much introspection is rare. HVM aren’t bothered by this at all, and in fact encourage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:24 AM
289

It seriously baffles me that men think this is so hard. When you’re at your job, do you sit in your ass until a manager physically tells you what to do? No, not unless you want your first day to also be your last. They’re fully capable of acting like grown-ass adults. They just don’t care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 01:33 AM
27

It’s all in where we put our focus, yeah. Forget guys; what do you want out of life? How do you get there? The most powerful feeling in the world is to erase the problematic people of our lives right down to our language. “I want a committed relationship. Is it here? No? Moving on then. Is it over there? Maybe. Let’s find out.” And that goes for a lot of areas in life. Negative affects don’t feel nearly as burdensome when you focus on what you can do versus what you cant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:38 PM
68

Enya. Lives the single life in a castle in Ireland, surrounded by cats and security guards. Life goals!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:49 PM
19

Stay in, draw some maps, paint some minis. Make my favorite meal and chill out to some games or something. It’s 100% Me-Time and I plan on utilizing it to the fullest. :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:43 PM
19

I like to use the holiday to express appreciation to my friends and family. After all, romantic isn’t the only kind of love out there; familial and platonic love is just as important. More so if you’re like me and eschew romantic love in general. :P
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 06:11 PM
17

Terry Pratchett is some of the best female characters imo. Look up Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, and Lords and Ladies. The witch trio are gold, and Granny Weatherwax was a FDS goddess before reddit was someone’s quirky idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 01:08 PM
178

If there’s one thing toxic people hate, it’s being called out on their shitty behavior. I’ve also noticed a fundamental misunderstanding of our end goals. People opposed to this sub seem to think we want to fuck every man we date, while using them for their wallets and attention. They don’t seem to grasp that we aren’t like them; we want a husband, and the only way to track one down is to avoid anyone who just wants to casually date. Not that I condemn casual dating; it’s just not a good fit if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 04:37 PM
21

For me, no information = automatic rejection. Can’t be arsed to come up with one thing about yourself? I can’t be arsed to entertain you, then. Goodbye. It’s depressingly common where I am as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 09:18 PM
20

I did this, but in a lesbian relationship—and the advice rings just as true. It lasted a year and a half, but I could tell we were both getting miserable trying to meet needs and respect boundaries (I’m ace, she’s not, and it ended up spelling our doom.) Never be afraid to end things! I’m happier than I’ve been in years and she’s found someone else. The pain was temporary, and will be for you, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 12:21 PM
61

What kills me is he spends half his “why I’m the catch” section on things he lacks. Like ??? The absence of a negative trait does not equal the presence of a positive one. Even if we ignore the other bullshit, he’s clearly oblivious to what constitutes a “catch” to begin with. Physical appearance and something incredibly vague like “chill dude” tells your audience nothing. What do you do as a hobby? Do you like dogs? Why is physical health and appearance so important to you yet you shit on menta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 02:11 AM
282

Can I petition to get this pinned? This is beautifully written and exactly what I get out of FDS every day. It isn’t about men themselves; it’s about behavior. Low value behavior is neither tolerated nor encouraged—on either side of the gender fence. We demand the standards we already have for ourselves. That isn’t hatred. It’s self care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 03:28 AM
14

“It’S nOrMaL tO WaNt To HuRt PeOpLe” yeah, when you’re a toddler and have no emotional control. Jesus, has this kid had any amount of introspection in their life? I’m hoping they’re young, anyway, it would be depressing if this was a full-ass grown adult saying this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 04:04 PM
6

This. The real tell if he’s a good person or not depends on how he handles constructive criticism; not necessarily that he makes mistakes (if they’re minor.) if he puts in the effort to change his behavior and you can tell he’s doing his best, that’s a good sign. If he blows you off or gets angry, that’s your cue to dump him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 03:01 AM
14

What makes losing weight so difficult is people ignore the mental/emotional process of it, and only focus on the “easy” (term used very loosely) physical part of it. Your mind plays a much bigger role than people realize, in my experience. Stress, putting way too much pressure on yourself, not forgiving yourself or being too harsh when you make mistakes... there are a million ways to sabotage your own progress—and that goes for any goal you’re trying to reach—that people can’t physically see. It…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 03:58 PM
13

I mean, if the important elements are there (he respects your boundaries, sees you as a whole person with agency, communicates or is willing to communicate) I don’t see why not. We all have growth and improvements to do, and growing during a relationship is pretty normal. Just be on the lookout for red flags and you’re golden.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 12:01 PM
25

Yikes, 10k!? That’s a couple months wages in my corner of the world; completely unreasonable to expect someone to pay that much in a relatively short amount of time. The point of the “wait until x” rule is to weed out people who lie about wanting commitment just to get in your pants. What exactly you wait for depends; usually it’s time, because we all have a finite amount of that and people who would rather sleep around don’t want to wait that long. Money, if your date has an abundance of it, re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 07:05 PM
9

If he feels that way... go play games then? Leave the ladies alone and bury yourself in your fantasies. Does he expect us to weep at the lost opportunity or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 03:46 PM
6

I’ve learned to only forgive myself. Abusive people can get fucked sideways with a cactus, but I need to forgive myself for the hurt I wouldn’t have been able to stop anyway. Makes life a lot better imo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:36 PM
89

He had me in the first half, not gonna lie. Taking time off of dating to work on yourself and improve is really good advice, even if it was dripping with condescension in his paragraph. Then he went off the deep end and never found sanity again. Throw yourself at a mans mercy? Fuck him anyway? Fuck that, I just spent all this time improving myself, you think I’m gonna settle for an entitled shit who doesn’t appreciate that? Like you I am disgusted, but not surprised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 09:11 PM
35

Some do, most don’t. Especially the unsavory types you find on dating apps and the like; they’re too absorbed in themselves to recognize that other people—women in particular—are human, with the same dreams, aspirations, and rights as they do. Not that the attitude is isolated to online. It’s pretty easy, once you know the pattern, to spot them in real life too. They’re everywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:58 PM
10

In a word? No. Revenge is petty and a waste of energy. Focus on self improvement instead, where the fruits of your labor can be enjoyed for a long time to come. There are countless people who care about you and want to see you succeed, so by putting your energy towards that, you’re benefitting yourself and everyone who cares about you. Much better in my opinion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 11:10 PM
28

I’m living the life you’re talking about and have never been happier. Single, able to dedicate myself to things I want to do, have a support network of friends that fulfill any social need; I’m asexual so no worries in that department. Feels good. Not the life for everyone, but feels like I’ve finally found my niche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 02:54 AM
2

That’s wonderful! Congratulations on sticking to your boundaries, and I’m sure you’ll feel like the valued person you are in no time. Let no one else stay if they’re going to drag you down~
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 02:23 AM
26

That’s a brilliant strategy, and also keeps the separation of person to behavior that I’ve, personally, been struggling with. People have inherent value that cannot be changed; but viewing it as “I will not tolerate (behavior) so I will not tolerate (person)” frames it in a way that you can keep your standards high while not succumbing to thinking of a person as inferior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 06:14 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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