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roman_erudite Archive

View 1 post and 139 comments by roman_erudite on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

roman_erudite/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 01:58 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Nope. I'd cut her out. Esp when lawyers are already in, there's no going back. Disclaimer I don't have kids so I always knew I don't need to deal with her afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 02:07 AM
3

She showed bad faith. Do not meet her alone. Keep doing what you're doing looks like you got yourself to great situation and the judge on your side.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 02:05 AM
1

I didn't mean it as a feather. I meant that this may he the reason I don't like the ones I'm meeting. This is a disclaimer. Because if OP is open to chasing and doing causal maybe he won't have that problem. I just can't because I'm not a chad so it's a ton of work, and I already saw what a bad relationship can do to you so here I am. All the luck for you and others my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 06:08 AM
2

How about an abusive spoiled spouse, no kids, changed careers like socks while the husband worked AND did the chores, spent like crazy the months before pulling the trigger and then laws may still give her the right to maintain that standard? I'm sorry the other extreme is there too and WA laws are nonsense. If nothing is wrong and you decide you're leaving why is the other person responsible for maintaining your economic standard? Aren't women supposed to be equal adults capable of taking care …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:40 PM
1

100% agree with you, well put!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:26 PM
1

You gotta be white for that to work that way. Maaaybe black. Otherwise be tall.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:19 PM
1

Wow you love travel? Me too! Tell me more about that trip! (Geez.)
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:16 PM
2

The problem is that there's no accountability to spend that money on the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:13 PM
5

Let me put your mind at ease. You won't like any of them. People are still as vain and crazy in their 30s as their 20s. But I'm also looking for a relationship. Hook ups might be easier but I don't do that. Too much effort and I don't wanna get involved with risky people.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:11 PM
2

Omg 26? That's so young. I'm 37. You could say I'm in my prime right now. At least career-wise and physical fitness. However you're too young for me to date. I'm targeting early 30s. Now if you have am older friend... Relax, you're young! Just make sure to not waste your life. Enjoy it, live the most and make good decisions. Lots of good happy years ahead for you.
/r/ExRedPill04/09/24 03:51 PM
2

No. I take pride in my dutifulness and responsibility. I hate that it got abuses, but I recognize that as the other party being malicious. I kept my word to the end. Initially I did feel my principles and commitment were dumb and set me for failure but I realize now I was just being true to myself and probably wouldn't have liked myself otherwise. YMMV, but that's how I made peace with it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:07 PM
1

You used your previous houses money to get the new one? Well if you did it quickly and I assume you did, you likely didn't accumulate enough marital funds to commingle it beyond recognition. I suspect you'll recuperate most if not all the funds as separate property. Definitely talk to a lawyer, it's very likely that money won't be divided.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 09:30 PM
4

Why take the lumpsum? Unless you have so much more to protect, or expect even bigger income, wouldn't it be better to have it monthly and of you lose income you modify?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:24 PM
1

Sadly no one can tell you. You'll need to think hard and work hard on whatever decision and be ready to live with the result. Also note that things can still proceed out of your control. For example you decide to go back and 10 years later she files. Accept that you cannot control everything and accept that it's a hard decision no matter what. Nowhere near enough info here for anyone to tell you and even beyond the objective info there is your psychological makeup.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:21 PM
5

How did you marry into a rich family in the first place?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:55 PM
3

Nothing. The apps aren't working for me despite being at my best shape ever and I know for sure I'm a better catch than 10 years ago and it was easier to get dates then. Went on a bunch of dates but I was not impressed with any of them. Most aren't that interested anyway like slow texting or no 2nd date etc and obviously I'm not interested in chasing either. I just let it die and don't text again until they respond. Oh well, better alone than with a crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 01:51 AM
2

You need to get her name off the mortgage. Ask your lender about mortgage assumption, which would keep the interest rate and remove her name.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 12:57 AM
1

Wait. Is she disabled or something? Shouldn't the court impute her income? Even at minimum wage she'll be bringing something, potentially nullifying the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:23 PM
10

I'd rather die alone than take that traitor back.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:13 PM
4

Can your lawyer ask for a fee award?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 03:21 PM
6

Awesome. Document her assets. You get half if earned after marriage. Even if not, can be a better position for alimony and child support. That's much better than a greedy one who is abusing everything to get more assets and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 03:19 PM
2

What's that expression, egg timer relationship. You mean it'll explode in the time it takes an egg to boil?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:28 PM
3

She's a traitor, and either a cheater or an idiot marrying in 6 months. The poor dude either deserves it or is just a new victim (although again marrying in 6months is crazy). She betrayed you so she will betray him. Dude doesn't know what he's in for whereas you survived.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:27 PM
2

I hear you. To me there was validation in knowing it was not me and that this cruelty by our exes is common. I'm already not checking as often as when I was in the thick of it but still there is some catharsis. I imaging I'll move on eventually, hopefully not in the very far future.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 04:29 PM
2

Please read what I said. SHE cheated on her husband. Not talking about you. She didn't tell you she's married so she lied to you as well. She clearly has big issues when it comes to morality. You should write her off right away.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 07:17 PM
2

Smells like fraud. I'd call the lender, dispute the bureau, and if she indeed used your info that is fraud and I'd pursue it separately and potentially use it as leverage. Ask your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 09:21 AM
8

Blah blah blah. She cheated on her husband with you. That'd an immediate out. There's no excuse for cheating. She showed she's capable of it, today it's with you, tomorrow it'll be on you. Run!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 09:08 AM
1

I don't think it needs to be so torturing. You can keep them as part of yourself from back then. Imagine going on a trip and having souvenirs from the first day but on the second it turned out to be a scam and you got mugged by the tour company. You may still wanna keep that as a reminder of that part of your life. It doesn't mean you want to go back.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:27 PM
2

This 1000 times!! The ring price ratio doesn't stop there.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:25 PM
2

What I don't get is this traitor abuser wanted to keep her wedding dress. The ring I understand, sure sell it and make a few grand. But the wedding dress? You hate me why do you wanna keep it? I wanted it so I can give it to goodwill or something...My ring was like $200 so not even worth anything but like I said on here before, I'm keeping it like a veteran returning from war keeping the bullet that almost killed him and gave it to him after surgery. An eternal reminder of the abuse and betrayal…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:24 PM
1

Man I'm so sorry you had to go through this but I'm so happy for you in how it all turned out. Can I ask you to describe to us how it felt when your victory was announced and the days after? How good did it feel that vindication and watching her melt and scream?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 03:19 AM
1

What's wrong with renting? At least in my area prices are so off the charts that renting is much more beneficial. What decides whether it was a mistake or not is whether the valuation of the house was OK or way too low.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:38 PM
3

This 1000 times! She will pull horrific moves on you. Expect lying, and purely hateful and hurtful moves for no reason. She is not the woman you know. Protect yourself from every angle.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:15 PM
10

You realize she's not the woman you built up in your head and love so much. You realize that this is her reality. She turned out to be a traitor and you misjudged her character. She's not deserving of that love. You need to cut your losses and recover what's left of your life. Don't fall to the sunken cost fallacy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:12 PM
3

Wow. But how. Did it go all the way to trial? Congrats my friend!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:08 PM
2

Yes. But when the funds are depleted, go ask for alimony and more awards. Obviously do that stuff with your lawyer. It's a very long battle not a single shot. And make sure your story is credible and looks good. Like don't go spending extravagantly. Keep meticulous records of your expenses and receipts and show how depleted you are. And alimony can go years after the thing is over BESIDES a fee award.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:38 AM
2

As much as it stings, you're right. I mean I'm fresh off of the divorce rape where the courts reward my abusive ex who cheated by ensuring my hands are tied and the threat of alimony and even legal fees to pursue my rights (marital property waste). So I'm fresh and raw and the pain just forces you to drop any romantic illusions you had. That said, you do have a logic and I hope you don't get down voted. You pose a difficult question. I don't have the answer. But also my eyes are now open. I saw …
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:55 AM
1

Couldn't read it all but if she makes more you're golden. The system is set up for the lower earning to abuse the shit out of the main earner esp if the roles are traditional. Get a win for us and make her pay your legal fees (fee award) and use alimony as leverage. GET A LAWYER
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:50 AM
1

I no longer subscribe as I couldn't reconcile with how the world works, a prime example today for me is trump. The problem of evil basically. But that doesn't get at all in the way of feeling happy for you brother and wishing you the best. Hang in there, persevere and things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:44 AM
1

Amen. I'm one of those who never thought it'll be them even as I was taking to a lawyer. Must get her to work and for a while, and make it work. Absolutely inhumane system. And when it's over don't repeat the mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:59 AM
3

Yeah it sucks but imagine giving up a house not just some wedding fund. Some of us here had to give up 401ks and life savings. And I can't even imagine those who can't see their kids etc. You're lucky, you won't even remember that money in a few years. You dodged a bullet. Never marry or cohabitation my friend. And if you must educate yourself on how unfair divorce laws are. And count your blessings the one thing I wish for in the world is to rewind my worst mistake, getting with this terribly h…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:44 AM
8

You count your blessings you dodged this bullet. Imagine on top of everything the state is making you PAY her as a reward as well as her lawyer. Do you know how many wish they were in your position?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:37 AM
6

I'm glad for you. I don't believe in Karma* and I'm even ready for the possibility that my tormentor may just win the lottery one day and just be that lucky. As such I just blocked her on everything. I won't know if she fails or tries talking to me. But I think ultimately her punishment is within. Not because there's justice in this world but part of the dynamic that led to her abusing me is her incapacity of being happy and inability to take responsibility, thus punishing me no matter how far a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 01:58 AM
4

She's ahead? Well I hope you're milking those checks of alimony and child supoort.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 05:38 AM
2

Many state are even title-less so even if your name is not on the title the mortgage being paid is from marital funds so ownership wise you won't lose regardless. However i think it gets complicated with custody fights as well as "use of the residence". In my case I wanted to move anyway and I didn't trust the b*** even when it started amicable, but turned out she was lying and putting a facade. I'm glad I did, because when it turned ugly I wasn't under her mercy.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 01:45 AM
1

Fellow WA victim! How long was your "contract"?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 01:39 AM
2

Shouldn't your lawyer sue for a few award? At least going forward this should be a precedent. The court is supposed to punish frivolous litigation that is used as a weapon.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 01:30 AM
3

It'll hurt for a bit. But you are in the best position than anyone here IMO. And you're wiser unlike your plucky counterparts who still think they'll find "the one". Have a good life my friend. You're lucky she left you young right before you hit your best decade!
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:41 PM
5

I envy you. You got your lesson early on and cheap. At mid thirties even without kids that b*** stole and spent my earnings of prime years and my chances to have kids (if I meet someone today ill be 40 by the time I have kids) so that's also out the window. I can't imagine those older than myself or with kids but dude count your blessings.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:31 PM
6

I don't even think it matters. To me it's the incentive. You tell a human they can break their oath and they'll get free money for it and half the assets they didn't work for. The longer it's been the more they get. Add to it the entitlement and lack of accountability, what do you expect such a human to do?
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:23 PM
1

Are you in a community property state? If so then you're filing 2023 as either joint or married filing separately. And probably the latter is easier since you essentially get the same breaks but avoid liability like her hiding income. Talk to a CPA.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 07:25 AM
2

Hidden spending mostly, from credit cards I didn't know of. Money earmarked for something spent on stuff she didn't disclose (until the discovery period where things got exposed). I was actually getting ready to depose her but she reached out with a more or less reasonable offer (still favoring her a bit but in totality cheaper for me than going full legal just for the fees) so I dropped it. But it cost her later because I was no longer generous like in the start of the process.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:29 PM
2

Sorry for you my man. I don't know what to say because each person is different. I found Darren Magees videos the most helpful and I'd say it's a must see for anyone like us. I'm a hardliner on integrity, honesty, etc so I can never tolerate breaking trust. It makes things easier because I'm immediately disgusted by her and her actions. For example, I'm not jealous of her new love object, I rather pity him. Poor dude doesn't know what he's in for. And also he's doing mankind a favor by keeping h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:26 PM
8

I did truly love my ex. But for me it's the lying being undeniably exposed in the paperwork. That to me is irrefutable proof of betrayal. The first few days of the divorce I treated it as a tragedy of incompatibility and tortured myself with what could be my role in it, until I saw she filed against our agreement asking for attorney fees and alimony which she knew no way in hell I'd accept. Thankfully that little checkbox is what prompted me to halt everything and get a lawyer, and got me ready …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 05:58 PM
4

There is no excuse for cheating. I don't care how much stressed or unhappy you are. Man or woman, there's no excuse! It's an automatic wrap. No second chances.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 01:53 AM
4

IANAL. Last resort is the court and there also ask for legal fees since she's the reason you had to go. Document that you made all possible attempts, including giving the court order to the bank and requesting removal etc.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 09:15 PM
2

Relieved. I always hated it and considered it a sham. The ex wife always made a big deal while I'd rather go on a date on the 13th or the weekend before, instead of overpriced and overcrowded. If anything it's sex day nothing more but the xw didn't share that vision. This time I happened to be a on a first date but I was absolutely oblivious it's valentines until minutes before she arrived I noticed too many people holding flowers. Thankfully my date was a good sport and didn't make it a big dea…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 06:10 AM
1

Talk to a lawyer before paying any debt or doing anything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:34 AM
1

The loans may be marital but it may matter what they were spent on. You may have a claim of marital waste if say she's gambling it away, or spending on the AP, or running up unusual and exceptional expenses clearly just for herself right before filing. A lawyer is your best resource here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:41 AM
1

I'd go. At least ask your attorney if things change after matching her legal fees and you getting close to zero. Also get a second opinion. You'll have to be smart about temp alimony and demonstrate need etc. So don't be afraid to actually spend and go to zero during the fight if she makes more.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:14 PM
1

Damn. Good for you bro! What possessed her to say that? But we are really happy for you!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:22 AM
0

The bonus counts in most states. It's all about the W2 baby. If we get railed with it then you can use it to your advantage. If she makes more you're golden. You file for award fees and alimony even now, and child support. The system is set up for thr lower earner to bleed the higher earner. Get the best lawyer you find, she'll be paying anyway and you pursue the most aggressive strategy. Go file this temporary alimony now. Courts want to level the playing field so thatll be your leverage coz sh…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:57 AM
6

Can you milk the divorce like our tormentors did? If so then it's much easier to be friends. You're the one taking half of what she built. You win.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:55 AM
3

Very similar story here but no kids and only half of your marriage. I think it's just you're too good of a person so you go on assuming others are decent. But she just showed her true colors to you. It's on her not you. Your work, and money will be to not let this color our interactions with everyone else for the rest of our lives. Although we have to learn and be a bit wiser and less naive.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 03:55 PM
3

Get a second lawyer opinion. If you can fight the BS claims first and prevail it might help. Of course need a lawyer's opinion there. I have seen posts here of people prevailing and even helped them come custody times.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:37 AM
4

How do these women not know you have access to phone records?! In this day and age...
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:24 PM
15

Is this even a question? Breaking a marriage is already a betrayal. How can I possibly give a second chance? It's over. You can use it to get your best outcome in divorce but there's no real marriage to be had here. The person showed their moral fiber.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:21 PM
6

I can take that one having learned what narcissism is after my ex wife's betrayal and educating myself ok the subject to understand her behavior. There are 3 hallmarks for narcissism: 1. Self importance (feeling better, superior, more important, victimhood- the world isn't treating me the way it should) 2. Lack of empathy: narcissists are incapable of, not just unwilling to, feel other people's pain. Not genuinely. They may learn how to emulate it for social benefits but they do not have this hu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:37 PM
1

Dunno man. I don't find even mildly sexy single women around anymore let alone be in the bedroom with sexy one. Hope you can fix it and lice for the both of us, hehe.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:47 PM
1

Unfortunately in my case it was the opposite. I thought they were a great example and it made me think she'll grow to be a close family like they were. Except that she never outgrew the child phase. If there were flags they were definitely hidden super well till after the bitter end. There were red flags elsewhere though, but my inexperienced self missed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:43 PM
5

Sorry mate but I cannot entertain folks who subscribe to conspiracy theories. Good luck though. Edit: skimming the second part I retract the good luck wish. Geez.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:38 PM
1

Counterpoint: I feel it's easier for me saying she filed as in she's the bad one who didn't hold her commitment. I'd find it harder explaining why I had to file. And I felt I got to set the pace because I took all the time I want until service and responding, ex powerless doing nothing but waiting.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:35 PM
1

Well did she have the advantage really? Because as soon as she moved you could've filed anyway :) I had that plan in mind in case she moved to another state or country.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:32 PM
1

In my case I feel I got the advantage being the respondent. We have no kids. I chose the pace of when and where to accept service and took my sweet time to strategize and respond while ex had to wait. I'm sure she strategized too (or at least could have. Her financial were so messy and could've been more deliberate). But file first if you made the decision. If not, don't feel like you necessarily missed out. The real advantage is in knowing the financials, the process, how it works. This is all …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:31 PM
4

Stop working. Spend as much as you can. Get a lawyer and ask for alimony and for her to pay for your lawyer. That's how most of us get railed. You seem to he on the other, lucky side. She'll have to pay for your lawyer anyway if you're making less, esp much less. But be careful with imputed income. If you can get away with being a stay at home dad...but likely you need a lawyer, seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:27 PM
16

I think marriage should be abolished. A marriage that can be ended unilaterally is not a marriage in my opinion. Either eternal, the catholic way, except in cases of abuse, addiction, etc. Or no marriage whatsoever and just make it boyfriend-girlfriend. This whole business of I'm bored and unfulfilled so I go and somehow now the other party is responsible for supporting an adult is just insane.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 03:07 AM
1

That's still a major W for you in my books. And wow @ her still refusing to work. The entitlement! Btw from stories here it seems AZ laws and judges are solid, u like effing WA here were we get railed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:47 AM
2

Wow what state? How come no alimony when she's working? What about child support?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 10:38 PM
2

Nice stories. Thank you for sharing and happy for you my friend. I imagine I'll have good luck eventually though atm I'm still jaded. It's quite fresh.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:18 AM
3

Amazing story. Thank you for sharing. I'm so happy for you. Enjoy it as it goes. Don't forget the lessons from the first one and no matter what, enjoy the good times. Happy for you my brother!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:16 AM
5

Dating doesn't work, for me, online at least. How do yall find these women? Half of those online are single moms or have no jobs.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:00 AM
3

How did you meet? I feel I'm back to my single years where all good women are taken and there just aren't any for me anymore. Thought I had one turned out to be a monster especially towards the end.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:00 AM
2

Damn. "Wrong side of the divorce coin flip". Incredibly will said. I'm gonna have to steal this gem in the future so I apologize in advance 😅
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 09:04 PM
1

Same here. It's honestly a blessing. Never have to think about it or fight against myself hehe. Out of sight out of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:53 PM
2

For me it was her showing her extreme selfishness, lies and absolute lack of self awareness so the other guy doesn't "get to be with her" but rather "oh my that poor person doesn't know what he's about to walk into". I feel pity rather than jealousy. In a sick way, sometimes there's a hint of "thank God I'm not the only fool she abuses"
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:50 PM
2

Gotcha. No idea but ask a lawyer what happens if she moves to a state that recognizes it and files there?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:02 AM
2

Get a cohabitation agreement to avoid accidental common law partnerships
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 02:01 PM
1

I never understand filing for separation. Just file for divorce and get your freedom. Oh trust me they show their colors for real, all the lies, contempt and exploitation come in all their ugly colors and you'll pay up just to get your freedom back from the state. The parasite that abused me for years is legally someone else's problem now _^
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 08:19 AM
5

How can she? If marital funds are paying its better they pay for yours than just hers. If she has funds and is richer, baby you're in luck. You ask for a fee award and she has to pay you to bleed her. Def lawyer up!
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 08:09 AM
5

I didn't. And I don't care (except that if there's no infidelity then I don't have to worry about hpv, for which there's no test for males). My problems with her were her abuse, selfishness and irresponsibility so even if infidelity is not a factor I still want her gone. To that end, I don't care. I pity anyone who has to deal with the parasite. They do not know what they're walking into. Pr they deserve each other. So I don't even care.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:15 AM
14

No kids. Zero contact. Still communicating only through lawyers (coz she's dumb) on follow up items even after everything finalized. But I like it this way because I don't even want to hear her voice. I want her absolutely out of my life forever.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:13 AM
1

Where are you even getting these numbers from? Just because she asks for it doesn't mean she can get it necessarily. Need more context.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 01:30 PM
-5

Sorry my friend but say he didn't. She would likely cheat or at the very least file for divorce herself anyway and get the state to give her 80% of things even if he's angel. Just because x led to y, doesn't mean that lack of x will guarantee the lack of y. X is his mistakes, y is the sotuation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 12:51 PM
3

A few months ago I'd be judgmental. But having gone through the usual gamut where I did everything right and endured abuse and in return my no fault state rewarded my abuser with so much and yet more. So I'd say even if you didn't make your mistakes your wife was likely going to rake you anyway. It's a divorce and especially if no fault, fight, fight and fight. There's no justice and the court won't consider any of her faults or part of this. Lawyer up. Although this advice is just for the finan…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 12:47 PM
1

If ex isn't cooperating how is joint gonna work anyway? At least MFS during audit they'll have less to answer for.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:41 PM
2

Layoff in day 1 of the process is probably the best time right? Did she pay you alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:17 AM
1

Tech market isn't the best right now but also you don't need formal degrees or at least it's not like being a doctor so can learn on the side or by yourself. I feel jobs like electrician, plumber etc are very secure and pay well if you have such interests.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:16 AM
1

Not if married filing separately in a community state
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:13 AM
1

It's the same amount wise for community states but filing separately has the advantage of avoiding liability. She hid income? Her problem alone.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:12 AM
1

Not necessarily. If they're in a community property state it's likely equivalent. But no liability
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:11 AM
13

Mine showed me her true color I'd rather cut an arm and give up the half I got than take her back. I paid the ransom to finally be free and she's someone else's problem now. She left you once. That's an absolute no. Betrayal can never be forgotten. She vowed to stay till death do us apart, througg sickness and health, forsake all others, etc etc. And didn't. Then never. In a family, it's about the family not your happiness. You break it, it's over. Period. No second chances.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:00 AM
2

You need to ask your lawyer to see if you have a case for fraud. She was required to disclose everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:48 AM
3

You need to share the state, incomes, and asset division to even get anywhere near an answer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:39 AM
2

Can you move to another state and file there? WA is no fault and brutal but you can file on day 1. But of course research first. Some say 25 years is the magic number while others say 20. And that's one state. Oh and WA is no fault AND community. But you get the idea. You can shop around and file in a friendly venue if available. Talk to lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:59 AM
6

Not just half and spousal supoort but most likely pay your fees too. Get a lawyer and drain every penny. You win Sir.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 07:51 PM
7

I keep it as a reminder of the lessons. Much like a veteran who keeps the bullet that fucked them up after the surgeon pulls it out. An eternal reminder of not falling for bad people.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 07:14 PM
1

Hmmm.. WA is a "title-less" state as far as I understand. The title has no bearing on the division. I wonder if that's the difference. Can you share more about deed disclaimers? Never heard that term before.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 10:14 PM
1

Ouch. WA case law apparently states that equity portion is half, even though the paid mortgage part pales compared to the down-payment. I asked my lawyer specifically and she told me there is no case law supporting this. So the increase in value from 2018 through the pandemic goes as half hers. Oh, community property state yay!
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 04:44 PM
1

Wow. Good for you! Does she make equal to you? and how did she get only 10% of the house equity, not 50%? God bless AZ hehe. In one month each sides fee here was in the 5 digits. WA, FML and we didn't even go as far as mediation. I think she spent like $50k and we don't even have a complex case. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 10:22 PM
6

Thank you for the kind words my friend :)
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:44 PM
1

First, congrats. You should write your story if you haven't already, for folks to learn. And your case went all the way to trial? Is this the norm? Did you have to pay any of her legal fees? How much if I may ask?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:38 PM
5

Not just married. Even just cohabitation opens you up. You need a prenup even in that case!
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:18 PM
3

Tell her why then did mine get anything even though no kids, I paid for her degrees, was doing most chores while she's studying, and she gets money for doing jack shit? The entitlement is real. And the funny thing is, she would go around really thinking it's her success that got her a house at 30, despite working for a measly 1 year. But unless she finds a new victim soon, she's in for a really rude awakening...
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:17 PM
19

I want to add a different angle: instead of worrying about "female nature" etc I just want to look at the incentive structure made by family law. It is incentivizing a person to stop working, spend as much as they can for as long as they can, and increasing the reward everyday for breaking the contract. No accountability whatsoever. One phone call to the police and you're leaving in handcuffs. Now even if I find a Saint, they're supposed to resist these temptations every day for decades, despite…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:13 PM
1

Good luck bro. Don't worry it's just a process. You'll be fine. But don't just give up stuff. She'll still go for more. Also it's likely she already decided to end it months ago, so if she started spending insanely leading up to now, discuss with your lawyer whether you have a good case for marital waste (it'd come from her half). Of course if it's only 10k and you'll pay 20k in fees to pursue it, it's not worth it. Your lawyer should advise you. And get a solid prenup next time, if you really w…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:06 PM
12

Don't be generous. Take everything that's yours. Lawyer up. I wouldn't worry about citizenship status. All you need is to have evidence the marriage wasn't fraud. Lawyer up and do not assume any goodwill will be reciprocated even if she appears amicable. What state? Honestly the only risk I see for you is the income disparity but def don't just leave all marital assets. Let your lawyer help you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:19 PM
1

I can't be sure myself yet as I have yet to need to enforce it, and of course it depends on state law, etc. But the key is that it goes to contract law not family law BS. The protections I went for are "I will pay the mortgage myself and you pay me", with interest and penalties for any late payments. This is so she cannot harm my credit. There's a time limit to remove the name from the mortgage, otherwise must sell it. E.g. 4 months. If I need the court to enforce, then she must pay legal fees. …
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:58 AM
2

I'm on the same page. I just want to warn folks so they don't get my experience. I thought were amicable but she was lying for months and on obvious things like credit card statements and filings. All of which she knew ill be reading. And then her true colors showed, unimaginable things. All the stuff I gave early on as a goodwill amounted to nothing. So cautionary tale, never give up leverage. Do not assume any goodwill will be reciprocated.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:47 AM
1

I'd tweak goodwill to be leverage instead. Oh you want the house? Then you gotta give me x and give up y.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:06 AM
3

I dunno how to handle kids and im not a lawyer but It's leverage. If you milk it and let her have it you can get her to make concessions just to take over it. E.g. require a high enough valuation. If she values it too low you buy her out. Ultimately the more flexible would have more leverage than the one who just wants to keep it regardless. But make sure to have ironclad protections about the mortgage transfer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:05 AM
1

I'm sorry. Yours is a tough spot. I guess I had it easier when she broke things and I stuck to my vows to the end. I still was wrong and should've set boundaries but no situation is easy. Would you mind sharing what makes you feel unhappy in the marriage? Also be very careful of extra spending and not working. The longer it goes, it may establish a "standard of living", as well as looting right before the end.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 02:09 PM
11

Damn. This is definitely happier than the usual case. What state if I may ask?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 07:35 AM
0

200k/2k/mo = 100 months. That's a very long time my friend. 8 years. Sounds like you're in a much better position than many if us here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:24 PM
1

Ask a lawyer. May not be enforceable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 01:55 AM
1

Bad advice in many us states. Doesn't matter if separate or joint. Any income earned after that piece of paper is split regardless of who earns it or where it goes. Do not get married and avoid common law partnerships.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 01:53 AM
1

What if she dies first? And you're assuming she's staying that long to begin with. Terrible reason.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 01:52 AM
4

Isn't there a restraining order? Plus wyy give it away. Never buddy. Tell her she can settle fast if she wants it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:33 AM
5

Wtf? The dude is a winner unlike us. He can milk it and ask the court to make her pay legal fees too!
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:31 AM
3

Nice. How do you find out and enforce by the way?
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 10:09 AM
1

Yeah mine spent 16k and so far only petition is filed. So I think she'll outstand yours. I'm actually not sure how I'll cover my own legal expenses since all the money is joint and the new paychecks are the start of separate funds. It's almost funny if it weren't sad.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:37 AM
1

Please keep posting! All info is welcome! My attorney thinks it's looking good but I cannot find any firm rules. The problem also is that her expenses/need would be low (e.g. housing would be only 2k/mo) but also she gets a good amount from the community. And if they decide to equalize income, it is not always liquid. I get to sell only once a quarter or so and it may be less than when granted. My attorney also thinks it typically ends with settlement anyway so it's really stressful.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:33 AM
1

Yes 24 length is predictable but at what amount? 30% of income? Or just some smaller amount based on expenses? There's also the problem that half of my income is those stocks which is often under a trading window restriction so it's not liquid all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:28 AM
1

WA is a lot more variable. Even in division of assets, they're allowed to split the community disproportionately. It's all over the place. But really what scares me the most is alimony and legal fees coz my income can easily fall, and ex us running up fees like crazy (who spends 16k just to file the petition? Like how many consultations do you need?)
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:29 AM
3

The hardest part of all is how unpredictable the judge part is. It's surprising how such a common occurrence (divorce) still has so much variability. It should be like taxes IMO. Oh well..
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:37 AM
1

It changes. Last year their was a signing bonus, this year the stocks got up. So 2 good years. Let's say incomes are 350k. And 100k. Before that it was 200 and 0 when she was in school. Assets are one thing, but what about alimony? All I read is that there's no formula and it's all over the place.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 04:37 AM
2

Its fresh and my lawyer asked for a ton of docs for the disclosures. But how do you get the other side to also want to settle? She's hostile and I get the feeling she won't accept reasonable divides. Well I also need to know what reasonable is in reality before I even engage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 04:33 AM
1

We haven't started as in, she filed, and now waiting for me to accept and respond but the separation date is in (thankfully)
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:49 AM
2

Omg I'm so sorry to hear. 350k in legal fees means neither of us will get anything... that's pretty much each half. I think we'll try negotiating then mediation before court. But I feel at a loss not knowing the base outcome before heading in, and it'll be a while before my lawyer has all the docs but I'm too anxious to wait...I'm surprised she hasn't filed for temp alimony at the same time she filed, but my guess is that she cannot prove need. Do you have any tips to get the ex to settle faster…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:48 AM
2

Thank you. I keep hearing it's easy but apparently she already paid her lawyer like 16k and we haven't even started. I get the length but it's unclear to me what the amount is. Like 1 year of gutting 40% of mine? If I may ask have you gone through it? And does this pending process factor in length? Coz if so she'll drag it for years.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 02:52 AM
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