36M, how is dating

Fun_Sink_5875 · 2024-09-14T00:11:00+00:00

Comments are quite everywhere.

First and foremost I’m sorry your going through this. It’s never easy and depending on how long the relationship was it will continue to bring up sadness and loneliness. First and foremost take care of yourself. When I say that I don’t mean don’t date…. I mean take care of yourself wether that means date or don’t.

Here is my thing. I’m 38 5’10 225 average kinda chubby and have 3 kids but working on myself. Go to therapy at first once a week and now as needed maybe once a month or weekly as needed. Gym is not my thing but classes are like CrossFit, f45, hot yoga. (Highly recommend hot yoga. Chicks are hot AF, and you get the added benefit of mental meditation and body detoxification)

I thought I was worthless. Not worth love. So scared I wouldn’t even get one match on the apps. Well I was wrong. I get matches roughly on a daily basis. Im in a medium size city. If I travel to a big city my matches just explode. All this helped me at first feel validated. Then I went wild fucking stacking dates up every night and lunch. I wasn’t very selective but had a wild mix of unattractive and attractive. I learned quickly what I like and what I don’t by dating often and what I want to be with. This would have taken longer by dating one at a time. It was a lot of fun. I would do it again and suggest others try it as I got what I needed for my mental health journey. I got my confidence back. I realized I could confidently get sex when I needed it (high libido) and I am also worth love and will find someone. Also I got posted and discussed on a fb are we dating the same guy group which felt super intrusive and exposing . (I told everyone I was openly dating so I wasn’t hiding anything). I also realized some of these people really started falling hard when I wasn’t ready for it. I took a break and dated intentionally then I got caught up in two month relationship realizing she was super hot but super toxic. I took a break and then got into a dry spell but embraced it and then the matches poured in. (I think the apps prioritize you if your active on the apps daily swiping). Now dating someone and deleted the apps (kinda serious) but keeping it slow paced and enjoying the security of being ina. Relationship and not being alone. If I start again I think I will try to super selective route as I realized I have time and it’s all based on opportunity.

I am an introvert and can not talk or pick up chicks outside the apps so the text to start and meet up has worked like a charm. Also I realized older women 40+ have so much confidence and are sex freaks. 30-40 are too serious and are not fun. Haven’t hit the 20-30 yet.

So be aware if you hate loneliness that the apps can be a toxic way and at times maybe just ok time to use it for when you need it for validation and company (give yourself grace In this process). Try the non top percenters. They have been amazing to meet and honestly seem like better people. Also sign up for all the apps and just enjoy it. Explore what works for you. Swipe on everyone or be selective. Try it all. Just be present and experiment.

Millhouse201 · 2024-09-13T21:12:45+00:00

Same age.. pushing myself to look younger with hard exercise and diet… so I can tell them no I’m single for life! Plot twist!!!

Camping_Dad_RC · 2024-09-13T15:30:18+00:00

Dating is glorious, at least where I live. I met my ex pretty young and didn’t date much prior. That was obviously a mistake.

I’ve met women both online and “in the wild”. Online is pretty generally considered to be a dumpster fire, and that is accurate overall. However, it does provide you with opportunities to meet women you probably wouldn’t otherwise. Additionally, I’ve found the caliber of women I’ve met online to be as good as women I meet through traditional means. There is more time spent filtering or “casting” online, but it is convenient so it is widely used.

Ultimately, I’d suggest you avoid getting discouraged. Go with whatever approach you are comfortable with. Be yourself. There are plenty of attractive, interesting, and wonderful women out there looking for a man with similar qualities. It’s not a race. Be open, honest, and make sure you are ready - don’t play with people’s hearts. Most of all, enjoy yourself.

roman_erudite · 2024-09-13T15:11:26+00:00

Let me put your mind at ease. You won't like any of them. People are still as vain and crazy in their 30s as their 20s.

But I'm also looking for a relationship. Hook ups might be easier but I don't do that. Too much effort and I don't wanna get involved with risky people.

Still-Average9690 · 2024-09-13T13:54:16+00:00

Absolutely lol. Can be hard to tell if they're not up front about it. Which is probably the case since both are known to be extremely manipulative

ww3historian · 2024-09-13T12:29:38+00:00

Are you over 6 feet?

HawkThua01 · 2024-09-13T11:56:51+00:00

I'm 36.Non existent....Noone see me and noone wants to connect either. I'm on loads of dating apps.Literally noone...I'm lonely but not desperate so realized I have no value in the eyes of women. Here is the main thing women see me as red flag -have kid(Most women think you look for stepmom or can't dealt either the fact they not No1 or can't really tolerate other women children) -strain finances(obviusly paying CM and paying back legal fees) They look for a man can provide financial security=you have money...and savings -less time(due all those financial strain I have to work two job to be able to pay and upkeep myself in these economy)

So overall...I'm fucked beyond

This_Train340i · 2024-09-13T11:11:51+00:00

Before filing, cash out your 401k's and that will make your STBX responsible for half the tax bill no matter what happens to the money, which could very well be squandered on gambling. She's going to get half of your 401k anyway, and it will be tax free for her in a divorce.

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-09-13T10:33:51+00:00

I'm 43. Imagine a dumpster fire, full off shit, and surrounded by shit that's on fire.

I went on a couple horrible dates. Then accidentally met a wonderful woman. No guarantee because of my history, not hers. But it can happen.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2024-09-13T05:29:14+00:00

Terrible

skepticismlot · 2024-09-13T04:26:51+00:00

Brother, focus on your mental wellbeing, and healing first…

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-13T03:57:25+00:00

If you’re doing 50 push-ups first thing in the morning it’ll be a cakewalk. If you’re relying on your world class personality and wallet it’ll be horrible.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-09-13T03:44:08+00:00

Since you don’t have children, it should be manageable. Not good, but okay.

CRobinsFly · 2024-09-13T02:37:08+00:00

Bruh. I'm also a 36M. Let me share my insights.

Dating market absolutely blows unless you're in the top 25% of men. I probably am and I tend to do okay(when on the apps, I easily manage a match every few days and usually run a queue of women "interested"), haven't been >6mo without a reliable 'GF' and I have been "divorced" for years. That's not to say these women are any good, last two have been divorced/broke/little fat and the current one has two kids I haven't met yet (I buzz by for nooners or weekends when she doesn't have her kids, let her feed me, work on her house, fuck her brains out and then bounce - she doesn't know it but I have already decided we're incompatible long term and when she asks me to meet her kids/merge families, I'm dumping her). Definitely get snipped too, dont impregnate any of these losers (and they mostly are after 35); don't tell them either.

I guess my point here is, this is about the age when your big head should overcome the little one. I gleam much more satisfaction out of succeeding in my career, having adventures with my daughter and other hobbies(currently remodeling a foreclosure!) than any nut these women provide and they're obviously temporary. Strive to make yourself great first and women will come.

NorseVegan · 2024-09-13T02:12:57+00:00

I’m in the same boat… I’m not going to go date American women. Think they are the problem.

Fyfel · 2024-09-13T02:10:46+00:00

Considering where it sounds like you’re at right now emotionally, dating should be your last concern. If you do end up divorced you definitely need to take time to heal. Therapy, physical fitness in some fashion whichever you enjoy, spending time with friends and family and coping and dealing with the hard part of being alone and being ok with that. Once you’re ok being alone and starting to enjoy your new norm then it is time to start dating.

itsallright_now · 2024-09-13T01:52:30+00:00

For me, it was pickleball. Be active. Do things. I was in your spot, just turned 38 this week. Find something you like to do and join a community of it. You’ll make friends and potential partners.

azwildcat74 · 2024-09-13T01:36:55+00:00

Apps. If you have things going for you it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, if you’ve not invested in yourself in any way or are extremely bad looking, out of shape, sloppy dresser etc you’re going to have a bad time.

shalalala77 · 2024-09-13T01:22:20+00:00

If you’re confident in yourself and enjoy having conversations it really comes more natural than you think.

You end up realizing how much experience you have being with one woman that it becomes easy to just relax and let things flow.

DarthBroker · 2024-09-13T01:17:19+00:00

I’m around your age. Workout, read a book or two, and dress well. It’s too easy. I go 25-40 personally.

My problem is, I don’t have the patience for the dating, spending money, and monotony of having the same convo over and over again.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-09-13T01:00:02+00:00

If you’re even remotely put together physically, can dress and groom yourself, have a car, own house and a decent paying job with disposable income the single mom scene is pretty wild. They will be planning how to move their kids into your house on the second date. Obviously, don’t do this.

rickyspanish12345 · 2024-09-13T00:59:24+00:00

It's going to be awesome for you. You're in your prime. I banged so many chicks in their '20s when I was your age it's not even funny.

You have to make the effort though. Get off the couch!

Paradiseplunge · 2024-09-13T00:53:54+00:00

It’s bad

Left-Ad-6691 · 2024-09-13T00:46:53+00:00

This should be the last thing on your mind bro. But to answer the question, it can be whatever you want it to be.

abort_retry_flail · 2024-09-13T00:43:43+00:00

If you're fit and have your shit together it's great.

Title	36M, how is dating
Author	giantblueasian
Upvotes	12
Comments	75
Date	September 13, 2024 12:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ffht0z/36m_how_is_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/36m-how-is-dating.1530113 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530113