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View 1 posts and 220 comments by salty-sheep-bah on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
25

salty-sheep-bah/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 03:43 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
15

The belittlement just grew out of control. She was never one to hold her tongue if she didn't like something. Frankly, I appreciated that aspect of her. But I was under 24/7 constant surveillance for any discrepancy. Over time it turned into me getting snarky remarks and fights about damn near anything. How I dry off after a shower, how I arrange chicken nuggets according to the directions, how I fold the elastic around the wrists of my hoodies inward because they bug me. I skewed it in my head …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 05:40 PM
2

I picked up cycling. It's pretty much the only thing that gets me out of the house. It tends to become an expensive hobby but it really doesn't have to be. It might play well with the bum foot. My local bike shop hosts tons of group rides. It's not really my thing but if socializing was the objective the opportunity is there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 06:21 PM
1

That seems to be about the only way to make it happen in my state. Otherwise, it's 90 consecutive days he has to sleep there. One night traveling for work and reset the timer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:44 AM
2

This was a hard and lengthy lesson for me to learn. I held on to finding some sense of justice but there is no justice. You just have to learn from it and put it behind you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 03:00 PM
1

I get what you're saying and I agree with your point. Not that it would happen in a million years though. Too many folks in wizard robes to resist such a change. But I think I'd prefer judgments to be consistent instead of a complete toss up. The results vary so wildly it's insane and it's a huge source of stress for both sides of the case.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 08:40 PM
6

They should replace these fuckin judges with AI
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 08:00 PM
1

Ohhh thanks
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 10:26 PM
1

MSA? Like Master Service Agreement? I feel like there's a great SOW pun to be had here.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 09:28 PM
6

The only friends that gave me the cold shoulder during/after my divorce were married guys. I always assumed I got nudged out by their spouse. People see divorce as contagious and I'm not sure that they are wrong. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't some newly single man having the time of his life. I was zero threat to anyone's marriage and I couldn't imagine any of my friends would have see me as some sort of inspiration to pursuing their own divorce. Some of them showed back up a couple years down …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 02:33 PM
1

Disc Golf then?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 09:54 PM
3

Amazing response!
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:17 PM
11

We had dishwasher struggles as well. I'd do it the way she wanted but then the dishwasher rules of engagement would suddenly change. Butter knives go in blade first, now it's blade up, then blade down again. Who gives a shit? I look back and have no idea how I tolerated even questioned this nonsense. A real Milquetoast I was.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 04:16 PM
7

Mine changed her name back like it was some personal jab at me. Seems stupid to me not to have the same last name as your kids but I suppose I'm just old.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:08 PM
12

I'm at about 3 years post-divorce and just recently had a complete and total anger relapse. It has nothing to do with the demise of the marriage, that was a bad deal for me from day one. It's rather, that occasionally it strikes me very firmly in the gut just how badly she won in every single aspect of the divorce. I just got completely fucking decimated and it's embarrassing. Most days I'm at peace enough with it enough that I'm not dwelling. But man, there are just those days where the injusti…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 12:57 PM
10

I got this same offer! She wanted me to move out of my house, get an apartment, and we could "go on dates". Even the way she presented it was awful. Like I was negotiating with a potential employer and getting a lowball offer spun as if it was a good deal for me. The whole thing was just cold blooded. I still don't know exactly what her angle was on that one. It certainly wasn't for us to "date" and rebuild anything. Best guess is she was talking to someone, wanted to give them a go, and wanted …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:47 PM
9

When I went through this part of the divorce I really honed in on the kid's bedrooms. Took them out and let them pick some stuff out like curtains, bedding, some posters and whatnot. I really disliked the idea of them sitting in these sterile empty rooms. It helped me take my mind of the isolation some and set some achievable goals. But I also slept on a twin mattress on the floor for two years so don't forget to take care of your space too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:38 PM
4

I guess it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has drank in a closet so the kids won't see. Those were some dark days that's for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 01:03 PM
3

She also said I have an issue when drinking. This sounds a lot like her just accusing you of shit to make herself feel less responsible. There's probably a lot more to come. Try not to shoulder ALL the blame on this mess. I think a lot of us men tend to do that. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done different? If only I did XYZ more often. It's good to learn from mistakes but It'll just keep you stuck in the rut wondering and wondering what you could have done differently. That's not a pl…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 12:00 PM
13

He really, really didn't want to pay that alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 12:49 PM
1

What was the conversation between you and the therapist like? Did you get the impression that they believed these stories or could see through the lying?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 03:52 PM
6

Then they turn around and tell everyone "he never even sees his kids"
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 02:22 PM
2

50/50 later is a trap. Agreed. I went down this road after giving up a lot of my time in "the best interest of the kids" or "making the transition easier on them". Typical bullshit. I contacted 3 attorneys down the road, after my divorce was finalized, and they all had the same response. The most likely course of events would be a GAL was assigned and the first questions the GAL will ask is "Why change? What is not working about the way it is right now? How is changing the schedule helping the c…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 06:48 PM
9

What goes on in these dude's heads who just slide in and take over another man's saved game? I was in my apartment a couple days before this guy's over there in MY house, sleeping on MY side of the bed. Hanging his clothes in MY closet. Eating MY food. What sort of hobosexual loser fuck does that without feeling some sort of shame?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 12:23 PM
18

I can remember walking in the door and being able to tell instantly the tone of the evening just by how heavy her footsteps were.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 12:58 PM
2

Just chipping in my experience. We had to go find a totally separate family law attorney to handle the QDRO. It wasn't something either of our divorce attorneys handled which I thought was bizarre.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 12:07 PM
6

I feel like it in my situation it created this cycle of chasing happiness. You just see the best of people's lives on social media. Some people work really fucking hard to put on this false narrative of the perfect life, the perfect husband, the perfect family. It sets an unachievable standard.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 11:40 PM
6

My kids were about 7 and 10 when my divorce was finalized. We did a lot of activities and took a lot of vacationed while we were married. It was like my ex wife just always had to be planning something to look forward to. I think she felt these things would solve whatever struggles she was dealing with. The chronic feelings of loneliness she had for example. Which I never fully understood despite trying my best to see her perspective. These trips, outing, vacations were always her doing. Not onc…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 05:28 PM
4

In summary: You should pay for the privilege of being in her company. Which means your company is actually of negative value to her. If she commits to you than she deserves to be paid is what I I read this. Is that the sort of person you want to marry brother? One that sees you more as a transaction than a human?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 12:30 PM
6

I think 'Happy Wife, Happy Life' is the worst thing men can hear and believe. 100 percent!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:42 PM
12

My ex always gave me corporate board member vibes. Profits (the spark) must ALWAYS be rising. Only up, never flat, and damn sure never down. Like 40 year old me could keep up with 25 year old me in spark production. Come on lady..
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 12:05 PM
5

2) take all assets and close all accounts I don't know if this is good advice brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 05:53 PM
3

SAHM is about the only job left with a pension plan
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 05:54 PM
3

indentured servitude I really do not understand how anyone can look at it as anything other than this right here.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:59 PM
1

98 more payments for me then I can post too!! Congrats OP! On less hook she's got in ya
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:59 PM
13

I'm like fucking asexual now.. I think anyway. If I see an attractive woman I recognize her as attractive but I just see women are labor now. My mind immediately goes "Fuck that, that's way too much work and she'd fuck me over anyway". That has to be some sort of PTSD bullshit right?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:52 PM
3

I consider myself lucky to not know what my ex-MIL said/says about me and I sure hope she never calls. But I would imagine there was vindication in that phone call.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:33 PM
6

Seven years was the turning point. However, we kept it going a LOT longer than that by sheer stubbornness.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 08:03 PM
2

Let me tell you a story about a man, a calculator, and an attempt to "do the right thing". Ex and I decided to split in 2021. Our state has a mandatory 1 year of separation. She would stay in the house for that year with the kids and I would go find an apartment. I went online to our state's calculator which spit out a number. I've never been divorced, I'm not attorney, I had no perspective on this number. What I knew was that I could pay it and not be completely destitute. And so I started writ…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 06:19 PM
1

Has the jewelry ever been appraised or is $40k your personal estimate?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 04:58 PM
3

For as long as I've been on this sub, this is probably the first time I've seen a resume requested. I can only imagine they are trying to dispute your income vs. your income potential.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:09 PM
31

I can take a trip with the kids and 1: I can decide the destination. 2: Not have it ruined by stupid complaints like the Airbnb is smaller than the photos or this popular beach town is too crowded here in the middle of fucking summer... Vacations were the fucking worst I swear. Thousands of dollars just to be miserable for a few days somewhere other than home. Also, I can eat breakfast burritos in bed and watch whatever I want on Netflix. That's nice too
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:23 PM
1

How did you infer NPD from this post?
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 04:09 PM
3

I think the man's feelings are valid. People can absolutely be convinced to do things under duress. You can make poor financial decisions, relocate to somewhere new, abandon your dreams all for the sake of marriage. Women do it, men do it, it happens all the time. So no, she didn't put a gun to his head but I think that is a bit extreme.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 04:49 PM
3

Do you think she's actually hitting the kid?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 01:42 PM
4

No woman with anything to offer would have me. That's just the truth of the matter and that's fine. I could probably find myself some chubby unemployed single mothers, but I'll pass on that. I've accepted this life for what it is and have no expectations of dating let alone remarrying.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:07 PM
2

Honestly, I think this is it for me. If I want to eat a breakfast burrito for dinner I just do it now. There's no extra consideration beyond "ohh, I want a breakfast burrito". A few years ago it would have included a strategical assessment as to whether or not that burrito would lead to trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:26 PM
9

You'll slowly progress into not giving a shit. It might take a few more months, it might take a few more years. But as someone who swore I'd "never get over the lies" I am over the lies.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 03:11 PM
1

Man I hear ya! I had a hookup in my early 20's and I actually puked afterward. Fuckin Catholic guilt ingrained into my soul I guess. It bet would be pretty sweet to not feel so damn demi all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:20 PM
3

Take care brother!
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 02:11 PM
6

Start with the gym, that part you have full control over. Get ripped, get confident, dating will be easier. If you even choose to date. Also, don't beat yourself up for watching tv and reading in bed. Those are important and there's nothing inherently wrong with either.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 07:56 PM
6

She said she would never put me on CS You may not have a choice in the matter. I'm sure there's some state specific cases but I have seen more than a few times in these subs where the court orders CS and there's no option for "I don't want it" Frankly, she may end up having to pay you child support and I'd take this kind gesture of hers as a manipulation strategy to encourage you to do the same for her when the time comes that she's ordered to pay you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:29 PM
6

As an IT guy I have had to do this several times. It's certainly a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 07:14 PM
2

I've developed this sort of catastrophic thinking and it's miserable. I'm not so sure it's going to go away, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 07:45 PM
3

Who would want to basically move themselves into a house occupied by a couple in the divorce process? The entire thing is baffling to me. Did this guy try to talk to you? Did he ask you to pass the milk at breakfast? I can't get my head around it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 03:17 PM
6

Alimony from a 4 year marriage isn't common.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 07:12 PM
9

Dude, stop that right this instant!
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:38 PM
6

She seems just as angry as when we were together. Part of me wanted her to feel regret but the majority of me wanted her to be happy, because my kids deserve a happy mom. Major reason I left was that she became incapable of not putting her hands on me. Too many arguments resulted in me getting smacked around and I just could not let my kids see that as normal. She has an apartment now and a boyfriend that's been around a couple years. He's ok, he hasn't put me in a position where I need to deal …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 04:46 PM
1

Where is she getting money to party?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:17 PM
5

I had family members cast me out in favor of my ex. It was and continues to be a horrible experience. I feel like people immediately assume I did something terrible to end my marriage if my own family is taking sides. She cheated on me, she put her hands on me, and I couldn't handle it anymore so I'm the piece of shit? The fucked up part is I went into trying to "take the high road". I didn't demand anyone take sides or sever long standing relationships as a result of the divorce. Yet here we ar…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:54 PM
7

1st court hearing, she gets awarded $200/week in alimony since she plans on going to grad school (a virtual program) and needs financial support. That's absurd. Is your alimony contingent upon cohabitation? She's living with her boyfriend right? I've often seen alimony come with a cohabitation and remarriage clause of some kind.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 02:23 PM
3

That'll do it
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 08:11 PM
2

Some sort of exposure therapy maybe. Although I think that's more "Oh, you hate spiders? Sit in this tub of spiders."
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 06:28 PM
1

The court blessed this move beforehand or did she move and then the court wouldn't do anything about it? My ex ran with my kids but it was an backhanded move under the cover of darkness. I didn't have all the challenges you do with relocating, so I was able to make that happen the following year after my lease ran out. I brought her back into court not really sure what to expect. The judge called her "disingenuous" and that was the end of it. Fuck me I guess. Maybe you should hire a GAL and put …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:22 PM
2

I think it's supposed to be r/breakingmom It's a spin off of r/breakingdad because who needs an original concept I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:23 PM
16

I'd say just the autonomy of being a dad. When I was married I never really took the kids anywhere without my ex. She always had the reigns and I simply played the party healer at the ready. I can't remember a single trip or vacation with her, the kids, and myself where it wasn't an absolute disaster. For a while I thought I was agoraphobic or something. Turns out when I take the kids out we have a blast. It's a night and day difference between myself and them when we are without my ex. There's …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:30 PM
4

My situation involved some fairly egregious events which made my decision easier than most, I suspect. If I were in your situation I think I'd advocate for some form of counseling before pulling the plug.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 05:53 PM
5

bingo
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:12 PM
14

The endless criticism was difficult to handle. Like many of you, I could do nothing right. Zero... She had commentary on how I dried myself off after a shower. I shit you not. This was all in stark contrast to how she viewed me initially. Or she always thought I was an idiot and hid it well for years. I'm not sure. But I often wonder where did my ability to do anything right went.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:42 PM
4

What are they expecting? We talking free coffee or a car payment here?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 02:56 PM
2

see if you can get on legal insurance I'm surprised I've never seen this advice on here before. That's smart
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:03 PM
3

You might incur some charges for the attorneys travel to a courthouse but I can't imagine that would be enough to deter me from picking the better lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 05:37 PM
14

It's embarrassing to admit but I gained the rights to be a father. When we were married she was always in charge of everything. In ten years I could count on one hand how many times I took the kids out alone. She was always there, always taking over, always the big fat star of the show. The kids and I have a blast now and I didn't at all expect it. For the longest time I thought it was me, I was agoraphobic, a recluse, whatever else she called me over the years. Here it was that I just hated goi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:55 PM
7

I did it too man. Tried to do the right thing, got too generous, and ended up establishing status quo in the process. Only nine years to go.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:37 PM
3

let it slip that her intentions are to stop working in the next 5 years and i can continue working multiple jobs to support her lifestyle Did she say this?!
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 08:57 PM
5

Our judge didn't give a shit about anything other than getting us out of her court room.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 05:35 PM
5

She sure is and it's unfortunately working pretty well.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 05:40 PM
3

I remember finding myself summoned to fix my ex's internet shortly after I moved out. I stopped what I was doing and drove over there to fix it. It wasn't until the ride home I was like "what in the fuck am I doing?!". I'm such a sucker.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 03:49 PM
12

That's the perspective I lose often.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:59 PM
11

My thought is to simply go up to him, shake his hand, introduce myself, and tell him its nice to meet him, and leave it at that. That's what I did and it's worked so far. I talk to dude more than the ex normally. She probably hates that lol
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:03 PM
23

4) Stay out of the booze!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 07:55 PM
4

I no longer see the point anymore. I have nothing to gain from a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:25 PM
3

I remember my first trip to court. It was months and months of preparations, arguing, stress. All that for some mysterious authority in a nightgown to shuffle through the pages for 3 minutes and say "I've reviewed your statements". No, you most certainly did not.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 05:14 PM
1

Sounds like family court is a shit job none of them wants.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 05:13 PM
12

This is becoming the standard playbook and any family court that entertains this shit should have their robe wearing wizard removed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 09:26 PM
2

I should have left the first time I got blamed for Jupiter doing some shit..
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:52 PM
8

I’m not letting my kids see it, but I’m wrecked. I call it "happy dad face". Stay positive friend, I hope it works out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 03:25 PM
13

Bro, this was a fucking nightmare for me. I spent so much many nights fearing what I had no control over. Shit I could not change. A million and one unknowns. I tell my kids all the time not to get worked up about something they're unsure of. Why shouldn't I do the same? I'd say take into consideration that this guy might not be all as bad as you think. Hell, he has custody, he might even be on this sub. Just my two cents brother.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 01:57 PM
7

Curious how long y'all tried to analyze the relationship and try to understand how you got to the end. I'm not sure there is an end to the potential analysis, it's more a matter of no longer caring enough to dwell on it any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 02:06 PM
6

Was it really about the chores? Seems like it was just a reason to bitch and whine in my house.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 01:15 PM
5

My ex went to rehome my daughters cat when she moved my kids away to her boyfriend's town. She didn't want to deal with the cat so she was going to toss away my child's best friend. I managed to get the cat, but man, if that doesn't say everything there is to say about our ex wives. How cold and self centered can someone be?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 05:28 PM
5

Amen to the no drinking. I spent a year+ just getting through that part.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 03:01 PM
1

You'd likely need a PI. I'm in the same situation and have spoken to three. All three told me it would be near to impossible to prove. While they would gladly take my money none of them felt I would get the results I was after. Their advice was anecdotal of course and your results may be different but I think you'll need to start with a PI.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 05:02 PM
1

Could that be grounds for annulment?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 02:19 PM
2

She had the kids ask? The fuuuuuck?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 02:14 PM
1

If there were no kids involved, I'd say go for it. Fully agree. I have kids holding me to the area but if I didn't I'd have been down to two bags and on the road to somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 06:18 PM
1

I swear to you I’m not doing a damn thing wrong. For what it's worth, I believe you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 06:15 PM
15

"At some point in the future" is not going to make it through court. But one person buying the other out of the home is pretty common. Don't put too much weight in these early stage negotiations. She can say she's keeping it all and you can sleep in the street. That doesn't make it true and it's just going to spin you up.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 04:34 PM
4

My copy of that book is so dog eared and marked up it's like a family bible.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 08:42 PM
6

Yoouuuu! I see what you did there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 08:13 PM
2

I got some decent advice for a similar issue. Maybe it'll be helpful to you as well. https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10imi2a/golden_handcuffs/
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 05:56 PM
7

Everything is a debate.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 04:15 PM
1

I respect you sticking to your guns OP.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 03:27 PM
13

she could theoretically go after his parents for money. I've never heard of this. That's absurd.
/r/PussyPassDenied13/10/23 06:11 PM
42

So you are saying I should take "cock guzzling whore" out the script?
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:53 PM
2

You sound like a great friend and he's lucky to have someone this concerned with his well being. That alone is fucking gold. I'd reiterate many times that you are there to listen whenever he needs. I failed to lean on people who were there for me because I was afraid of "trauma dumping" and running off the last few people who didn't turn their backs on me. I think if I could have been more open with my friends it would have sped up my return to the living.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 09:15 PM
14

She would hold over my head cleaning and laundry because in her mind it was a favor to me, not a distribution of labor. It was all transactional, she was keeping score from day one. When I finally had enough, I started doing ALL chores directly related to me in addition to the routine kid stuff. After that she began vocalizing how "no one needs her". The kids need you, I wanted her, I never needed her. I'll never let anyone have that level of control over my life and emotions like that again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 06:22 PM
8

I can lay in bed and eat breakfast burritos for dinner while watching whatever I want on Netflix.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 05:46 PM
3

Fucking hell OP I'm sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:47 PM
3

I started hiking. Well, hiking more. I can burn 4 hours wandering around the woods easy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:12 PM
3

It's important to note that it got better because you made it better OP.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:30 PM
11

Sorry bro, I know what you mean.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:36 PM
4

Unconditional love is for women, children, and dogs.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:07 PM
4

All her friends are living vicariously through her new "freedom" and encouraging it?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:02 PM
3

It was actually a bit of a blessing. It really amplified our problems and tipped the scales toward divorce. She's probably still be shoving me around the house and finding Warcraft boyfriends if it wasn't for COVID.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 03:25 PM
3

Time to get a dog?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 06:12 PM
7

It comes with the role of main character.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 08:05 PM
5

Maybe she's demisexual? Maybe she's concerned about STDs? Maybe she's just a one man kinda gal?
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 06:34 PM
1

After 5 years without alimony has she not established status quo here? She's clearly shown she doesn't NEED it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:07 PM
2

Why is she doing this? Is it just to fuck with your life still or is she asking for something that she's not getting?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 12:53 PM
1

Stay at home mom
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 07:32 PM
3

Anytime I see this still living together sleepover shit, I wonder what kind of dude goes into another mans house and does that? I can't imagine any conditions where I'd be comfortable enough with that to even get it up. Maybe I'm just a total prude or something, I don't know. I'm sorry OP that's some amazingly disrespectful shit you do not deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:35 PM
17

My ex told me she "shouldn't have to settle". After 15 years I assumed we had both willfully settled. Isn't any marriage by definition settling? But ok babe, you need more. Now she makes chicken strips at Publix.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 04:08 PM
4

So it's a "I can change his mind" sort of thing?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 06:03 PM
2

I'd just assume she's lying.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:37 PM
1

She laughed and said I’ll make a woman very happy someday. Was she sincere or was that a jab?
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 05:28 PM
3

I'm not sure I ever really knew her and I'm not sure I can hate someone I don't know.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:28 PM
3

To be fair there's a ton of "my ex is a narcissist" stuff said by men in this sub too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:36 PM
3

What was your interaction(s) with the GAL like? Was there something specific that swayed the GALs opinion from 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 02:53 PM
5

You ok dude?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 02:17 PM
3

This is how you end up establishing status quo. I did the same damn thing trying to be a "good guy".
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 03:40 PM
12

But he's 6 feet tall and has a masters!!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:22 PM
2

You should write a book homie!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 05:24 PM
2

the court is not allowed to validate any financial numbers or property titles Is there a reason for this?
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 11:31 PM
1

He comes over a lot. Wow, that's some ruthless shit I'm not at all surprised by. I'm sorry OP
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 07:30 PM
3

Go away lady
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 05:11 PM
5

Don't get too comfy with Mr. Daniels. I spent the first two years after my marriage failed hanging with that guy. He's a real dick!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 01:11 PM
6

I can't get my head around men who will move into another dudes house like that and not feel like a deadbeat.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 08:12 PM
1

I made a post concerning a similar topic. There was some good advice in there. Particularly in seeing a psychologist and discussing the damage this job is doing to your health. https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10imi2a/golden_handcuffs/
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:33 PM
1

All I can figure is she had been done with me for a while, I had no idea because I'm not very bright, and she thought a second kid might fix something. I routinely feel stupid for dwelling on things like this. Things that have no impact on the future and things I can't change. Things that ultimately do not matter at this point. I am allowing her to "live rent free" as they say. I understand the logic but I can't seem to stick the implementation. I am unfortunately in this case, the type of perso…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 03:05 PM
3

Midway through the second pregnancy things between my ex wife and I just flipped completely upside down. Our entire dynamic changed and suddenly I went from being a valued member of our family to an idiot who couldn't do anything right. And no, for the ladies in the back, it was not "weaponized incompetence". I had been relegated to little more than a paycheck and even that was minimized as if I was drinking beer and playing darts with the boys at the office all day. Things just escalated from t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 01:48 PM
1

Do they just take the 130k or is it an agreement that you will invest at least 130k into property or something? I've run across some countries that are looking for an investment agreement to gain citizenship.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 08:13 PM
1

How long have you been sober?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 04:18 PM
15

Anyone who would subjects their children to this drama to "win" is fucked in the head.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 04:06 PM
1

I don't know why she told me that Was some attempt at soft balling you the idea of going poly?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 04:59 PM
2

I take the kids to the store and they pick out a card and a gift of their choosing. I try to be out of there under 40 bucks but it doesn't always work. I drop the kids off with their little gift bag and we never speak of it again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 01:47 PM
8

15 years, 2 kids (9 and 13). It had turned physical a couple years before I left. Started as you'd expect, blocking my exit, shoulder checking me, ended in closed fist punching me. It was sort of then I realized this wasn't just her losing control of her emotions like I thought. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to hurt me. I was terrified of her as I was of involving the police. I thought it wouldn't take much for her to turn it around and I'd be in jail for the night. I likely would have…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 05:26 PM
6

There's really no reason to believe she meant what she. But I'm not entirely sure despite spending far too much time trying to understand it. If her intention was for me to let my guard down then she succeeded. I suppose I just wanted to believe that we could be two reasonable adults and that overpowered logic. Certainly would not have been the first time in this relationship I got the long con. On the other hand we were both enormous assholes to each other during our mandatory separation which …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 05:09 PM
34

no stigma anymore for women to be divorced I'd say this is actually a good thing. There's no reason for anyone to be stuck in a marriage because the folks at church will gossip or their family might not approve. But your point to it being celebrated seems spot on. My ex told me early in our separation about how everyone was telling her to "take him for every penny". She said that's not what she wanted, she wanted us to be "friends" and cooperant effectively. Then she took me for every penny!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 04:48 PM
1

I think a missing piece of information here is are you supportive of this move or trying to stop it?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:58 PM
1

My ex lost so much weight when we divorced I swear she used some hex to transfer it all to me!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:33 PM
1

They'll take everything down to your families legacy. Fuckin smart move OP. In at least some states inheritance obtained even after marriage is not marital property. Which is good. No one should be entitled so someone else's family estate. I can see it being a joint asset if someone took money from inheritance and purchased something jointly for the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 05:27 PM
1

will she have to bring the kids back I've always wondered if anyone successfully had their kids returned to their home state. I don't have any advice but I wish you the best OP.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 07:37 PM
0

looked up how much my house cost I can only think of one reason to do that and it's not romance.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 05:28 PM
1

Sorry, I got turned around. Still, holy shit my dude
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 09:58 PM
2

Sorry friend! A BPD ex and an NPD spouse? The perfect storm. It really sucks to lose a sibling but I guess we have to consider ourselves better off. Edit: NPD Sibling
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 05:03 PM
5

Went through similar with my sister who is now absolutely dead to me. This bitch made my divorce her on personal interactive reality show. The drama she generated for me, my kids, and my ex (her "real sister") was outrageous. FFS she had my ex convinced I had money in off shore accounts. I don't even know who you call to get one of those nor did I have any fucking money to put into it anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 03:31 PM
4

Thanks man. I try not to dwell on it too much. But I acknowledge my mistake, and in hindsight it's so obvious. How sad I'd be willing to beg her to love me with labor. It's hard not to beat yourself up for behaving with such clear disregard for your own feelings. That said, my EX was probably on the r/divorce sub going on about my "weaponized incompetence". Fuck man, if only we could have TALKED and TRUSTED each other. I try to mention covert contracts whenever it fits in this sub. I think many …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 06:32 PM
7

Excellent point. Similar to the tragic ending that was my marriage. Only I didn't negotiate, I just did chores hoping she's be nice to me for once. "Covert contracts"
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 05:14 PM
6

The vow goes "in sickness and in health", you have a sickness. Maybe you failed to manage it well and that's part of being human.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:20 PM
2

So what you're saying is it actually was my fault?! /s
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 03:53 PM
2

My interpretation of the covert contract isn't that it's a manipulation tool (at least not purposely). If she was in one of those cold distant modes I'd think maybe if I take the kids out for the day or handled whatever task for her that maybe she'd be nice to me. And when I'd do all these things thinking "yep, she's gonna appreciate this and she might not yell at me!" but she'd remain mad or cold. Then I'd be upset when I didn't meet my objective of my seeing my happy loving wife for a bit as a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 01:50 PM
4

She told me less than a week after our agreement to separate that he's her soul mate I'll go out on a limb here and guess she's had him setup as plan B for a while. My ex also quickly found herself a hobosexual soulmate to play house with. I assume I'm also paying to feed the man these days.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 02:59 PM
6

Not sure about your case but mine very much aligned with that boiling a frog analogy. After 8ish years of that I just snapped out of it one day. Sort of, not that leaving was at all easy. Like a snippet of my favorite Theory of a Deadman track Straightjacket Go from weak in the knees to be too weak I can't leave You called it, it's all my fault, this I know Guess I'm better off dead inside than being alone
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 11:41 PM
68

I like that I can watch what I want, load the dishwasher how I want, sleep in if I want. Just existing without the threat of being berated for something completely fucking stupid is quite liberating. No eggshells, no 4D chess about what might set her off, no mysterious "figure out why I'm mad" games.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 09:06 PM
14

Giving everything away for peace of mind. I gave it all away... Ended up with nothing and still no peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 06:41 PM
3

Mine too! It must have been divine intervention that 15 years later he just appears several states away in our area JUST as we started this divorce thing. Never even heard of him before that. Like, what are the chances?! Fate in action right there! Must have been all the magic in those crystals she bought.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:59 PM
13

My ex was told by the judge that her behavior was "disingenuous". That was it, that was the entire bucket of repercussions. I still got fucked in every way but hey, at least I didn't get called "disingenuous" by the lady in the wizard robe if that's worth anything.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:26 PM
2

So you and your ex have sort of informally figured out a number that you are have been paying and now she's asking for more? That is exactly what was used against me to establish status quo and I got fucked. Sounds like you might be able to use that to your advantage. If she's been making it on $X so far the $X must be enough.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 07:26 PM
1

How would you see your involvement and relationship with your kids being if you were to have another child? Lesser? More? The same?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 07:29 PM
5

This kind of reads to me like your ex ostracized you from your kids, you can't be the parent you want, and you want to have another with your partner? Is it being disconnected from your children driving this?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 07:14 PM
3

How old are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 07:09 PM
1

I've kept some detailed timelines of specific incidents that spanned days but really most everything I'd ever need in in my journal. It's a win win really as I can spew my rage all day in the journal and I have a chronological document of pretty much every thing. For example I randomly chose an incident. It was a day when my ex and I took the kids to a restaurant to have a "family" conversation and that happened on 24 July 2021. Not that I would think anyone would drag a journal into court but a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 06:13 PM
2

she would probably take your dead body over the cash LOL that actually cracked me up! Thanks bro, I needed that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 07:10 PM
3

Only 119 more payments for me! Jokes on her though, I won't live that long.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 06:01 PM
2

That was my experience. Used a calculator and started paying her before an order of spousal maintenance was even started. Ended up paying WAY to much and establishing status quo which made sure I continued to pay too much.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 06:48 PM
3

she didn’t know what “pre-tax dollars” meant The spiteful side of me wishes I hadn't explained this to my ex lol
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 12:22 AM
1

Ahhh gotcha, I thought she just volunteered this information or something. Glad it worked out for you my dude!
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 04:52 PM
2

During the course of her testimony, she admitted to an affair that I suspected but didn't have proof of. Why did she do that?! I mean good! But why?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 04:39 PM
6

Throwing shit at the walls and hoping something sticks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 01:40 PM
2

I mean 40% of my net paycheck. They didn't grant her a percentage if that's what you mean. It just works out to about 40%. For the most part it's about half alimony and half child support. Everything else (real estate, 401ks, other martial assets, etc) were split 50/50. I might be misunderstanding your question though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 11:10 PM
1

Yes, 2.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 02:09 PM
1

My alimony is non-adjustable. I could have child support adjusted but I would have to take the new job, keeps paying out my nose from savings, wait 6 months minimum for a hearing, and might get fucked anyway. Unless I do what else has been recommended here. Perhaps work it in some way to get the adjustment first then reevaluated after I find work. I'm speculating though.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 08:02 PM
10

I've never considered this. It's never even crossed my mind. Thank you!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 07:04 PM
1

No. But I got in right after everything went back to "normal" and had to listen to my attorney complain about everything that was in person.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 02:14 PM
3

Fun age for magnet fishing and a cheap hobby to break into.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 08:45 PM
1

The number of people who made comments like "common, she could really hurt you" was not what I expected. I just quit even talking about it with anyone for the most part. I mean, they are right, she didn't hurt me all that badly physically. It wasn't the physical part I'm still reeling from.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 03:46 PM
4

a good provider Knew I was done for as soon as she said this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 03:59 PM
1

Ill wait for your response. I simply addressed the one false statement you made. The rest of it I had and have no opinion on nor desire to debate you about. Have a good one!
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 05:15 PM
2

She has to be made aware she is being recorded. Depends on the state.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 04:59 PM
15

I am looking for a divorce lawyer as we speak. Honestly man, this is the first step and they should answer a lot of the questions you have posted here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 06:22 PM
2

This sub really could use more jokes :D
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:56 PM
2

No I haven't that's true.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 12:08 AM
1

I would totally have the same concern. That's why I was wondering if a GAL reports to a board or someone that could be contacted to look into their performance.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 10:22 PM
2

The lawyers insist they uploaded everything, the GAL swears that is what she got. Then who told you the drive was full? Someone here did not do their due diligence that's for certain. What that means in terms of your options here who knows. I would think this GAL would be obligated to review all material and that the report should be amended. But I am not a lawyer and this is clearly not a place of logic and fairness.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 10:09 PM
2

Was the GAL aware that they did not have all of the evidence or did the attorneys just say "fuck it we can't upload anymore"? I would have to assume a job as critical as a GAL has some code of conduct and board they report to. We're talking about a job where lives can literally be at risk.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 10:04 PM
2

Oh yes, they will be drooling over this whale of a case and play every game to keep the shit going. Be vigilant OP
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 04:32 PM
10

Anecdotal of course, but pretty much every single mom I've had any interest in had "narcissistic, violent, and abusive ex's". Two options as I see it. The ex is just your everyday dude who got divorced and she's inventing tales of woe. Which makes her a fucking liar. Or he is a fucking nightmare and I can't imagine a woman worth willingly bringing her "narcissistic, violent, and abusive ex" into my life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 02:18 PM
3

I'm 100% sure my ex's new boyfriend will get a lovely Christmas gift purchased with support money I provided. You just have to accept the reality that it's not your money once the check gets cashed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 06:45 PM
12

This!! You can sit around a LONG time hoping for "karma". I did it, it sucked, I lost years of my life, stop OP!
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 11:11 PM
2

Yea this is how I get any extra time really. Of course, it's always proposed to me in favor form as if it's not obvious she has plans.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 02:43 PM
8

Then why is she always "I'm the mother of your children I'll always love you!" huh? /s
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 10:22 PM
3

You should try planning a solo adventure for yourself in the near future. Maybe she'll change her tune and join you if she see's you'll go with or without her. Maybe she'll find it more entertaining than she thought it would be.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:48 PM
1

I think it means the wife would stink the place up dropping a deuce and he'd take the hit for it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 04:39 PM
4

I don't mean to be a downer but don't go in there convinced this is the last time you'll be in court. That's what I did and it was a pretty big blow to just find myself back in court a month later. Sort of like when you mentally move into a house before closing just to have the deal bust at the last minute.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 04:30 PM
1

The first year was miserable. This will be my second. A long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 05:32 PM
3

I should have had a stipulation requiring the kids stay in what was their current school district. When she informed me she was moving 2 hours away with my kids and there was not a thing I could do about it. We do a lot of unnecessary driving these days.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 06:19 PM
1

Some restrictions on relocation. Really got my ass burnt with that oversight.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 05:07 PM
5

A forensic accountant would handle this if you want to throw the money at hiring one.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 05:06 PM
2

I live with a buddy and his wife and kids for a bit while i go out and start to date. Just to clarify, you're planning to date in order to essentially gain a financial partner and a place to stay? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding this. As for the kids, pack a lunch and take em to the park. That's be one low cost option.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 04:22 PM
6

It does suck. My also divorced buddy has this air fryer obsession and it's always sending me pics of these elaborate meals for one he makes. All I can think is "that's an awful lot of work. Hot Pockets are good too"
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:34 PM
8

Ha, I lost my own sister in the divorce to this playbook. I mean, not that I'm broken up about it or anything. It's funny that my ex actually referred to her and my sister as a "couple of hens just complaining".
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 12:47 PM
1

If I hear one more time that I didn't load the dishwasher properly, I will lose my mind. What is it with the dishwasher?! She wants the tines down, now she wants them facing up, now down again. She'd just randomly switch it up just to bitch at me I swear.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 01:05 PM
3

Not having my every move scrutinized. I didn't realize the stress I was experiencing from being under constant observation until I left. Escaping her indecisiveness and last second course corrections was amazing. That constant chaos was another source of stress I didn't recognize until after. I can parent the way I want without commentary or blatant "don't worry about what dad said you can do X" Getting away from the constant need to have something planned in terms of vacations. We were pending …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 01:00 PM
2

Wow, that thread really is a shit show.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 12:45 PM
3

Have you tried doing something about it or are you just going to wait on her?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 08:42 PM
8

You don't need advice, you need a lawyer. can I be on the hook for alimony too? I'd assume so. Get used to the idea
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 07:13 PM
3

Anger and hearty dosages of revenge
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 05:27 PM
6

I started paying as soon as I moved out w/o a court order or sensible legal guidance. Ended up paying too much and establishing status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:21 PM
2

r/survivinginfidelity might be a good place to check
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 02:13 PM
2

It should have been listed on your financial declaration. Was it on there?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 03:06 PM
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