Golden Handcuffs

Bipolar_investor · 2023-01-22T17:01:48+00:00

Leverage the system, go see a therapist (a PhD psychologist) get an expert opinion that can testify in court backing up your job change with factual data (I'm depressed, I'm burned out, i can't stare at this monitor forever.... ) rather than be accused of lowering your income basis to not pay child support. Nike, just do it !

5unshine_Daydream · 2023-01-23T01:09:40+00:00

I feel this. I am so burned out on my job and was looking to start winding down. My wife apparently waiting until I was at my highest income point to want a divorce. As in, I am earning over 3 times my last job of only a few years ago. Everything I worked for is slashed in half. Fuck I hate this.

captainchippsixx · 2023-01-22T17:02:54+00:00

If it has been awhile, maybe you can petition for a change if she is not trying. Did you agree to it or was it court ordered?

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-01-22T19:55:18+00:00

I'm with /u/Bipolar_investor when he says, "Leverage the system... 'I'm depressed, I'm burned out...'"

My ex-wife earned so much during the marriage, I could have made the argument that SHE should be paying ME alimony. But she had a sneaky dishonest lawyer. My wife quit her job before the divorce and claimed several non-falsifiable illnesses such as PTSD, stress, depression, and so on. Non-falsifiable means she can't prove it and I can't disprove it.

I thought the judge would see through her shit, but he bought it. I think the important thing is to get it documented early via a therapist.

A side rant, perhaps slightly off-topic: In cases like these, I always wondered if family courts ever collide with the 13th Amendment. I'm no lawyer or Constitutional scholar. But when a judge says that you MUST keep your current job and income, and you have no choice and cannot decide to take a lower-paying job, then ... how is this not involuntary servitude? How is this not a violation of the 13 Amendment? It's not like you're saying you want to be unemployed and earn zero.

Anyway, OP, last thought: A fixed-wing pilot curriculum is faster and cheaper than helicopters. There's a reason most helicopter pilots were trained in the military: The training is prohibitively expensive. I've know lots of helicopter pilots and it seems their career reaches a plateau quite quickly compared to fixed-wing pilots. Consider: a fixed-wing pilot can advance for years and eventually be an A380 captain. But a helicopter pilot, even one with thousands of hours, will end up flying tourists or oil rig workers or lifting logs or flying from car crashes to hospitals somewhere. There's no real room to grow.

gcube2000 · 2023-01-23T06:45:10+00:00

Just curious why was it so bad? Was she a stay at home mom?

I’m terrified of this, but I’m lucky right now in that my spouse makes as much if not more. That said, it’s still going to suck to drop quality of life by having to go buy a new expensive home etc etc. if I ever go through with this.

I think the depression over my horrid decision to get married is among the hardest parts for me to deal with mentally, especially since my gut was saying no at the time. I haven’t figured out how to mentally cope with that.

stumbler11 · 2023-01-23T07:53:16+00:00

I’m in the same boat. Made it through C19 only to have wife burn out, and then walk out. Permanent (lifetime)alimony is ordered, just as IT industry is laying folks off. We have two boys between us. I’ve aggressively saved for a slowdown. But as the divorce wraps up (with assets getting split & crushing alimony) - a layoff is going to be devastating. This is super hard to swallow because I was the one holding the family together while ex was melting down, moving out, etc. At 49 things feel deeply unfair, and even a bit hopeless.

jokerfriend6 · 2023-01-23T15:54:07+00:00

This really stinks for individuals. You really become a slave to your ex, and the courts enforce it. So many men feel the only way out is suicide. Beyond child support, everything should should be cut and dry at divorce with no future expectations on income.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-22T19:08:07+00:00

What happens if you go get that blue collar job? Can you go back to court and modify your alimony?

rhett342 · 2023-01-22T21:40:05+00:00

I used to work in IT. Left a decade ago to become an RN and make more money than I i ever did in IT.

WaterFountain6 · 2023-01-24T06:14:04+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, do you have any kids??? 40% is crazy.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-01-26T15:38:28+00:00

No kids, marriage 4 years. 10 years in IT, good position.

1.5 years living at 0 net ( little negative)

Due to lawyers, it becomes negative.

It has been hard, but i learned to live low

As other said, you need to fight a system. No other way

Make sure, you invest in following up ( that she works!!). You need to master art of pursuing the “managing risk of divorce” as your career and new investment.

Cause, how well you press and keep it up - better you will be .

Get few great friends around, sell everything you can legally ( to give you some extra cache). Get as cheap housing you can possibly get.

From now, you have to do only “free activities”. Social clubs, gym , dances. Whatever engages you , and doesnt cost much

You have to find new hobbies

And , start preparing for a fight.

Be super prepared. Collect any, even small evidences. Make sure, her ass is on fire and you are ready even for 20 years of battle. Let her fucking feel, that you havent gave up. And , if she loose, she gonna be fcked up

Man, you now have nothing to loose. Fight for your own happiness.

You know, we lads can leave low. We dont need much for a happiness, than a ran, talk wkth friends and going to mountains.

Title	Golden Handcuffs
Author	salty-sheep-bah
Upvotes	25
Comments	30
Date	January 22, 2023 3:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10imi2a/golden_handcuffs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/golden-handcuffs.1149360 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149360

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