TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

ProcedureAltruistic3 Archive

View 6 posts and 223 comments by ProcedureAltruistic3 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

My father is happy as a pig in slop that she is divorcing me, but not in a gloating way. Turns out my dad never trusted her, and more so my inlaws. He saw all of the red flags I missed. Knew they were trying to get me out of the house so they could move in (which, thanks to most of you saying don't leave, did not happen). He knew how much I loved her and my family so he didn't intrude. He held his thoughts thinking he was paranoid. But he knew it all along. And every day I wish he had come forwa…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 03:35 AM
2

I felt like this for a while. Now I'm angry. Hiw dare you make me want to end it! My whole life, through ups and a LOT of downs I never felt like ending it. How dare she make me feel like that. She isn't worth feeling that way. And now out of spite I'm going to make it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:05 PM
2

I let her keep the engagement ring and wedding band, but after having a rough few years I gave her a platinum version of the same wedding band, much more expensive, as a sort of vow renewal, like a gesture to show I was serious about our relationship. Once she decided to blow up our life I demanded that one back. She also said she wanted to turn the engagement diamond into something for our daughter, which I though was very strange and inappropriate. The diamond you took from me when you promise…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:52 PM
4

My ex said she would handle the bills when she decided she wanted to stay home with our first. It was part of her sales pitch. After 3 months I got a letter from a department store that my card was overcharged and no payments were made. She said well my bills are paid, I don't have the info for your accounts. Hmmm. So I gave her the log ins. Well. That was too complicated. So instead of putting in effort she said she wasn't doing it. So I paid all the bills from that moment on.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 10:09 PM
35

My mother puts it best. Whenever you gave her what she wanted, suddenly she wanted something else. Wanted a wedding, got it. Wanted to be a mom, got it x3. Wanted to stay home and home school, got it. Now she wants to be in a band and sleep with a moron who can't tie his own shoes, so of course she's got it. NEVER happy with what they have, always want everyone else's Instagram life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:05 PM
3

I'd have stayed no matter what. I'd have worked it out no matter the effort. She wanted to go try again and live a lifestyle 15 years younger than her age. She wanted to be young again and ignore the fact that we had a family. Now this guy plays with my kids. If she was the last woman on earth and she threw herself at me with all the promises I'd tell her to pound sand
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:58 AM
6

Not SINCE we've met them. Thats the key word. The woman you love has slept with at LEAST one other man SINCE your wedding. Ill never look at my ex the same. Not sure how anyone does.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:50 AM
1

This loser is the ringleader of my circus now. I should have been able to decide when to fold up the tents. Nothing I can do now I get it, but I always have hope the lions will get loose and maul them. She should be trampled by an elephant for what she did, instead she's reveling in her own misdeeds while I suffer the consequences. Just a little fairness is all I want.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:57 PM
15

I hear this loud and clear. I see this douchebag playing with my kids and at my daughter's plays and events and I see them giggle like a little family and hang out with all the people I used to associate with. She gaslit me and called me a million things while walking out the door to her "savior" and what really kills me the most is that there are people who behave the way she accused me of that are in a better place than I am. I can only hope that karma is real and one day she gets hers.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 03:54 PM
2

Mine too. And every time I have to see MIL she asks me how I'm doing in this condescending way so I always say I'm fine. Last week she dropped one of my kids off, pretty sure she was on muscle relaxers, and she pulls her shit. So I said we'll, haven't gotten up the courage to shoot myself yet, and she replies ohh good. I'm glad you are doing so well. Lol. Completely canned response every time. If you don't care how I'm doing please stop asking. Seriously, not being a part of your family anymore …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 05:43 PM
1

60/40 custody split with the kids
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:48 PM
3

In NY it doesn't matter how much time you spend unless you are the custodial parent. It could be exactly 50/50 and if she's the custodian, you pay her 100% of the ny child support calculation, the same as if you were a deadbeat. Hows that system for ya?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:03 AM
1

80k on Long island, easily a strong 40 anywhere else. 3 kids, 11 6 and 4. 60 40 time split, I think she makes more than me now (was a SAHM with a masters for a decade) and I pay $1325. Thank god my house was in my parents name or I wouldn't be able to afford an apartment with what I have left. Having to claim single on taxes and not being able to deduce support I'd the worst part of the system. I pay for everything 40% of the time and support yet I get taxed like I'm living the single life of lu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 12:37 AM
1

I'm at a year and almost a half, second holiday season with the kids splitting time on Christmas etc. I have ups and downs still. I catch myself saying I can't believe she did this. She's practically engaged and we aren't finalized yet so I know she's not thinking about me lol. I decided a few months ago that I needed a Hobbie. To be completely honest what made me realize this is how great I got at laundry, and how disappointed I was when there was no laundry to fold one night. All I can think w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 01:06 AM
6

I cant imagine what would have to happen for me to make this mistake again. It's like getting kicked in the dick. I don't care how much I love you, I've been kicked in the dick and I will not ever ask you to do that to me again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 11:16 PM
5

I think it gets more awkward when the mother screws up another marriage and step-dad is gone. Now he has zero to do with the family and he's in all the wedding videos because he happened to be plunking mom at the time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 06:32 PM
1

My stbx tubed my credit when we were together. I was essentially starting over when she left. In a year I've taken out a few cards just to increase my credit amount and finally got a car loan. Starting mid 500s I'm up to 700 just paying my bills and living within my means. It's totally doable and the only positive thing to come from this nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 08:07 PM
6

My ex is with a Mike, which sounds pretty classic to Mr too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:24 PM
23

He was loving the affair. He got what he wanted while you paid the bills and had to handle the real world. I'm sure he never wanted her full time. And she probably thought he was her "soulmate" lol. They are a joke
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:09 PM
3

I had to look it up after she constantly accused me of that and of being a narcissist. These are female talking points they get from social media and their gaggle of "friends" telling them they deserve better. Most of the time it is them gaslighting and putting their narcissistic tendency on you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 05:29 PM
7

Prove someone else is
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 11:51 PM
3

If you read the statistics I'd argue fathers are MORE important, but in this world a child with both parents is far better equipped to succeed that one in a single parent household. Taking a child away from a willing, able and loving parent isn't just a crime, it's evil.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:19 PM
2

In my case we agreed to public school. My sahm stbx was a homeschool parent and decided she would rather get a job and a boyfriend. We had been sending them part time to a private co-op for socializing and extra learning but I said no more, it's too expensive when we both live in great school districts. She insisted because she didn't want to upset the kids further. I stood my ground on that. You can't take everything I have and then stick me with half of a $25000 tuition that isn't necessary. S…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:46 PM
8

I'm over a year now and I fluctuate between sad and angry regularly still. And worst part is she moved on and started a new life and I know she pays me no mind as long as the support payments keep coming. It's really hard to get over feeling discarded especially knowing that I'd have done literally anything to work on it, while she did everything in her power to get away and not think about it. I've become more than an afterthought. I think the goal is to get into a place where you can see that …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:52 PM
5

This too. Sex as a weapon
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:49 PM
12

Women always have a reason for cheating. Men do it because they are dogs who can't control themselves. When a woman cheats people ask why. When men do it the assume they are just horny. The double standard is obvious
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:16 PM
1

Insidious is a great way to describe depression. Almost like it is its own entity out for malice. And the battle with it is truly a struggle. But ignoring it or burying it doesn't make it go away. It can sometimes make it fester and get worse. I know that I won't find my happiness in another woman, that will just bury my current feelings and if that were to end the tidal wave may be unbearable. I'm closing to feel all of this, and get through it under my own power. I'm also starting to think tha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 09:49 PM
1

You work too much, but we don't have enough money. You don't help enough with the kids but you work 2 jobs so I can stay home. You can never make them happy because they don't want to be. You'll never match the Instagram perfect man they think they can put in no effort for yet deserve. It's an odd creature that can get everything they want and demand yet never be happy with it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:12 PM
1

In my opinion after trying to date early on it takes mist people a year to get through the whole cycle of depression after a life altering event. I thought I was ready. The worst was still yet to come. I'm a firm believer now in taking the time to properly mourn your loss. My ex moved on immediately, so.probably before immediately, and I'm confident that one day that will crash and burn and ill have already worked through all of that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 09:53 PM
19

Here here. Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 09:38 PM
5

Thats most likely it. She's having a midlife crisis and here comes this woman who she now envies and emulates. Miserable women love to convince other women to torpedo their lives and join them. The fact that these women have more sway than the husbands do is a travesty. Cut her out. Let her go down that path and realize when it's too late that the grass is greener where you water it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 08:24 PM
3

Yup, I give up some time but I'd have to get a babysitter for it anyway, plus I'm already paying. Was a very easy decision to make.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 04:51 PM
2

In NY parenting time has no impact on CS amount. Someone pays in full, regardless of time spent. If I have my kids 4 less hours a week I still pay her the full third of my income. Even at 50 50 someone is the primary caregiver and they get the support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 07:57 PM
1

I have mine 3 days she has 4. I would have to pay child support even if we both were at 3.5 so it's easier for me this way. I can work and not have to worry about child care since I'm paying out the ass anyway there's no benefit to the extra few hours since they are with a babysitter regardless. She does get primary say over their Healthcare etc thus way though so keep that in mind if there are any trust issues regarding the kids. She will be the primary and make the calls.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 07:55 PM
16

Exactly this. And in my case the child support pays for the new tattoos she has every week I pick up said kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 07:00 PM
1

I think with the cheating is that more often when men cheat it's seen as a non-negotiable whereas men will more often be open to reconciliation to keep their families together. A lot of times these men are then blindsided when she leaves for AP anyway after fi ding fault in something the husband did. I'd be curious to see the numbers on infidelity reconciliation for men vs women
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 05:35 PM
5

My point exactly. I'm still mourning the loss of my marriage and family. I loved that woman more than even she will know. She was my best friend. Why would I want to meet the man who is fucking her? Why would she even think I would??
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:49 AM
3

My stbx has been dating this guy since suspiciously close to when she moved out, aka he's an AP for sure. She just started bringing him around my kids. They met him once, then 3 days later she texts saying he is watching my boys while she drops my daughter off somewhere. Weird because she never does anything without all 3. Now she's asking me if I want to meet him. It's like she's forcing him into our lives. I don't want to say one word to this guy. Nor do my kids have any interest in a relation…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:28 AM
9

Maybe he can be the first to actually learn from all of our mistakes and not get married. He's the chosen one, destined to walk the path of the truly free and ritious man.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 03:27 PM
2

My SAHM ex did the sand. All that laundry. But none of it folded or put away, you know, the actual work part. She had to clean every day, translation, she paid someone to clean. She started a business with our money, never put any back, used part of it to leave me. Just a total hypocrite. Being a stay at hone parent isn't easy, if you're doing it right. She wasn't. She wanted to honeschool. That lasted 6 months then she enrolled our daughter in a co-op that ended up becoming her only form of edu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 04:44 PM
3

17 years 3 kids here and im definitely not falling into that trap again. She sucked me dry, I'm not letting another one get that close.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 06:16 PM
16

This. I keep thinking about what I'd say to her when she realized her mistake. But then I remembered that she would never admit to making a mistake and she would be too proud to come crawling back. She will always convince herself it was the right thing to do even if it takes the most ridiculous leaps of logic to get there. Get to good riddance. That's what I'm working on now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 01:22 AM
8

My father in law was always a giant pussy. Let his wife treat him like garbage while he provided everything. She never had to work for a thing and never showed him any respect and he took all of it with a smile. His daughter was raised to think that's how a wife treats her husband so the well was always poisoned. My MIL tells him, at an amusement park, that I said something to her which I didn't (she was high on pills, as usual) and instead of trying to clarify or maybe understand how stupid it …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 11:53 PM
2

I'm at almost a year and a half and I feel the same. Motivation is my problem. I set goals and can't get myself to see any reason to accomplish them. I feel burned while I sit here and watch her live her best life. Time heals they say. So ill keep trying if only just for my kids. At least snuggling with them a couple days a week makes it worth sticking around for.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 08:46 PM
1

Thanks brother. I know. It's why I haven't. I hope I can dig myself out of this funk because right now my kids are saving my life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 07:23 PM
1

I have thought about ending it a lot lately but I know I can't do that to my kids. I just don't see an outcome where my life us worth living except for them. I'm physically falling apart. I'm broke. Most days I'm so down I can't even keep the house clean. I give myself pep talks all day about changing things around and when it comes time to do it I have zero motivation. And she's introducing my kids to her man soon according to her. I can't get the thought of another man playing with my kids out…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 03:50 PM
1

I've posted this here a few times but 6-9 months out from separating (she walked out) I started with the apps and felt great about starting over. 9 months til now I'm shot. I've sworn off dating for a while, I can't even imagine putting effort in to a woman right now, and I still have some pretty bad days. I was definitely not ready to start dating. I think you'll know when and if you start trying.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:15 PM
3

Totally agree. Splitting up a family so ONE of you can be happier is never in the kids best interest. My ex liked to say our children should see their parents happy. If that's the case then figure out how to be happy in this family you both made. If there's no violence or abuse, figure it out. Walk away wife is a trend that needs to die.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 02:47 PM
1

I always read it as if it's a cost on your day for your need to work then it's your expense. That's exactly how our child care agreement was written. If I need something covered on my day I pay. Same for her. I agree that if it's not something worth going to war over then just do it. For instance, we homeschooled before she walked out to her new life. We agreed to public school but she wanted one more year at our homeschool co-op . She's paying. I had to agree due to the travel involved etc. But…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 05:27 PM
0

My parents had an amazing team-based parenting relationship. They loved each other very much but we're not hourly affectionate so I overcompensated in my life. But I could only dream to be the parents mine were. They were not overly strict but they didn't take any shit and I never feared them physically but I fear disappointing them greatly. They always wanted the best for me. So when I got married to a woman who took complete charge of the relationship, showed me attention at all, put the child…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:19 PM
1

What's really amazing is they can become friends with some mortal enemy that legit stabbed her in the back multiple times, but the husband who did nothing wrong gets the blame and never has a chance at redemption
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 04:42 PM
1

I was called verbally abusive several times because when we would get the arguments she would blame shift, gas light, all the fun things you know about now that you didn't know existed. And I would get super frustrated and angry. Never ever would have gotten physical nor exceptionally loud but angry and she took that as abusive it is how dare I get angry with her. It's so funny when I read the definition of gaslighting and realized there was a word for what she had been doing to me for all these…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 03:42 PM
2

I love when they say they tried to fix things. In reality what they did was spend a good period of time most likely years trying to justify getting a divorce and trying to make you the evil person. If any of them Focus that much energy on saving their marriage instead of walking away to be with some new douche the divorce rate would probably drop significantly. But the only thing they try to do is make themselves happy
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 12:12 PM
3

Mine likes to say she was "trapped" and "escaped." She took her money out and used it to leave me. I don't recall that being an option for "hostsges" like her. The second she thought she could live the delusional perfect life she envisioned she took off. Guess I set a pretty terrible trap if it was that easy to "escape" from. Where do they even come up with this shit?
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 02:15 AM
8

You can't help but cry over it sometimes. It hit me like someone died. I was mourning the loss of my life and family. I agree that they are full of shit when they say they want an emotional man, but with the doors closed and the lights out, get the feelings out man. I hold them in sometimes and go full blown panic attack. Sometimes you just need to purge the emotions and the intrusive thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 03:13 PM
3

It is amazing how they will rewrite your past to justify their decision This is the worst part for me. We were SO happy together for the years before we conceived our 3rd child. That moment was when we started falling apart. And now she continually tells me no, we weren't. That she was on drugs and had to get high to be with me those years. The mind fuck comes because I swear she was happy. I know it. But the complete reinventing of our past has me questioning all of it. I'm pretty sure it's jus…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 03:10 PM
6

I've got zero interest too. I think it may be nice to have, then I think about how much work you have to put in for a woman to just decide when to throw you away again. I can't imagine right now putting that much effort into another person that isn't my children. I did all of this work already. I did the wooing I did the investing I did the emotional attachment. And I have no money and limited time with my children for it. I don't think I'll ever give another woman that much power over me as lon…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 12:02 AM
3

I've got times I feel the same way brother. It's the worst pain I've ever endured. And I've had the same thoughts. I'm sure more than a few guys here have. I was helping my stbx with her business before she left, and she replaced me with a male friend on deliveries right before she dropped the bomb. The best advice I can give on this is that this is a new life now. NOTHING she says or does will be rational or make sense to you. And it doesn't matter. Be the best you that you can be, and she can …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 11:44 PM
1

It's gotta be a form of PTSD. The intensity of the flashes and the sheer length of the associated panic attacks shows me it's impacted my brain for sure. And I know it's dumb to get caught up in it and I can think about the things I should to talk myself off the ledge but it doesn't change the physical symptoms
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 06:46 PM
1

Rogue waves is the absolute best description of what I'm feeling periodically a year in
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:58 PM
1

I just lost $4k to a secret credit card she had in collections. I never knew about it, she never paid it, and they took it out of my account with a court order. She likely used it to monkey branch which makes losing that money at this point so much worse. I paid for your flings with the money you already emptied out of our account? That's adding insult to injury. But it's part of all of this. She got away with a huge win on this and I was blindsided and left holding the empty bag. I hope every d…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:59 PM
8

I didn't initiate and it was more of a bomb drop. I'm just over a year out now. How am I handling it? Not well. If it weren't for my kids I can definitely tell you I wouldn't be here to have this conversation. But since i won't let them down I trudge through every day. I'm looking for a new therapist right now and maybe getting on some anxiety meds so I can actually focus and start routines. I have trouble with motivation for anything other than the kids and work. Normal day, I work 630 til 5, c…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:58 AM
4

Mine got an injury settlement. We had agreed to renodel and pay down some debt but suddenly this was her money, even though she was a sahm and we paid all her medical bills though family money. Turns out it was her escape fund. She knew it wad coming and planned the leave years out.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 11:10 PM
1

Thank you for the information and yeah I'm sure it was probably an internal conflict for her but I think I know who made the final decision to pull the trigger and I can't blame her for it entirely. She was a nurse practitioner that also did light therapy but mostly manage my antidepressant prescription which I've been off of for the last 6 months. I thought I was doing great but the last few days have shown me I probably need to reconsider that
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 10:08 PM
1

Ultimately I think the main issue is that there's no incentive or Reason to fight the same marriage in any way. I get why it is the way it is and I get why things are the way they are but I also feel like a large percentage of women nowadays are using it like some use abortion as birth control. It's the nuclear option and it's all too easy to employ. I think there are many relationships that could be saved if the emphasis was on keeping families together rather than keeping individual parents ha…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 12:53 PM
6

Bro I totally understand where you're coming from with this. Daily I have thoughts of what I would say and do and what stipulations I would make and I realize at the end of the day that I really don't want her back, more I want the opportunity to make the decision that I was robbed of when she walked off. I would love for her to come back with her head in her hands crying and begging for forgiveness so I could tell her to go screw herself. I think the problem I had was the lack of control of the…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 12:17 AM
9

Mine told me she was done years ago, had to get high to have sex, and had the 3rd kid with me because she wanted three and wanted them to have the same father. She was gone with them by his first birthday. She had it alllllll planned out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 10:23 AM
1

Most social causes are the same these days. People easily hold a position when it doesn't really effect them at all but let's see how well they defend it at the slightest challenge.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 02:26 PM
1

Online is the operative part of that statement. Social media is making them all think they are the best, untainted, most wonderful creatures on earth. It's Lizzo Syndrome.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 11:55 AM
7

The part that rings the truest is the all about me part. Yup, it was always all about her when we were together. How much more all about her was it supposed to be. It boils down to one thing. She thinks a new guy and new experience will be more exciting. And they ruin a perfectly good life to chase fun and adventure that most won't ever find.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 10:01 PM
1

Couple months after the separation I thought I was ready to date. I went on a couple of first dates that were absolutely horrible and then I realized that I had absolutely zero desire to put someone else first or even second at this point in my recovery. I need to do the thing for me because I was not at this point prepared to give anyone else any kind of energy. Little over a year out now and I'm still not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to give anyone that kind of effort and you know…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:40 PM
2

That was my point too. I wouldn't ever want to be friends with someone who shredded their family for some strange and a social media fueled desire for midlife "adventure." Not the kind of person I associate with.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 04:44 PM
22

My ex told me she wanted us to be friends and do things together after the divorce and still be a family and that we didn't have to let this ruin our time together. I told her she was out of her goddamn mind if she thought that I was going to be friends with her after she rejected me. I'm sorry but I don't see how people do it. I did not want this divorce and the only thing I still want in life is for my family back and there's no way I'm going to be friends with the person who drove that state …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 12:32 AM
2

Year and a few months out and I'm totally the same. It's all I think about. Everything I do or think she's there. And the absolute worst part is, I can't stop thinking about her, and I know that I'm barely a passing afterthought to her. I can't get free. I have good weeks where it's minimal but overall I find myself asking "how could you do this to me" several times a day, every day.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:13 PM
33

My story pretty much verbatim. Gross how easily they tear up a family for their own self interest. "We are all happier now!" Really? I'm not. The kids aren't. Only you are. But "we all" just means me this day and age. It's selfishness at its finest.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 05:54 PM
8

I'd give anything to be bored and still together. It's like I tell my kids, some day you'll wish to hell you were bored again, better than most alternatives. Believe me, you don't want what I've got instead of boredom
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 12:08 AM
2

It's the echo chamber, and they get empowered to tear the family apart with the promise of "what they deserve"
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 01:08 PM
3

My SAHM left when she got a cash settlement, took it all, blew through it and got herself a fairly high paying job after we struggled for 10 years on a single income so she could home school. But I was never informed that homeschooling consisted of her paying for what amounted to a private school and spending that free time on her phone doing god knows what (yes I know exactly what now) and spending the rest. Since she left my credit score has gone up 150 points, bills are actually paid, and eve…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 12:48 PM
3

POF I demanded a refund and deleted after 18 hours. My issue was ALL matches were pros.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 05:18 PM
1

In all honesty I'd take 80/20 to this horrible divorce and loneliness and only seeing my kids 30% of the time, sending her half my take home pay and knowing she's out with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 10:26 AM
2

I keep getting "I'm happier and healthier now than i ever was with you." First of all, you were 110 lbs with me and you look like you've lost 15 lbs since you ran off. Skeletons aren't healthy. And if you're so happy why do you need to keep repeating it all the time. I don't care, sounds like you're trying to convince yourself this was a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 11:19 PM
9

My marriage fell apart when we conceived our third child. Came to realize 3 was her dream number and she had been faking it all those years, doing drugs, God knows what else, so she got her 3 with the same last name, then fired a torpedo into it and took off to be a "rockstar" and bang musicians. Amazing how they can just fake an entire relationship to achieve their vision.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 08:06 PM
5

I thought at a couple of months I was good to go. Started going on some dates. Then I crashed again. I've decided I'm not going to rush anything and I'm just going to spend every day trying to improve my situation even slightly, and raising my kids the best I can. Only important things I have left.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:36 PM
5

Mine didn't come off until the day she walked out
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 06:04 PM
2

Mine was 36 when she started singing in a cover band, got several (12) New tattoos and a brand new wardrobe. He go to line is that she refused to he a hostage hahaha. The second she wanted to she changed entirely and took off. I don't know many hostages pulling that off. Just needs to justify her crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 10:25 PM
2

I feel the exact same way brother, and to top it off I just found out that I have cancer so I'm ready to punch my ticket. The only reason I'm still here is that my kids deserve to have a father growing up, and it's not their fault that all this is happening. I've never been lower than right this moment. I've known raging drug addicts that get more sympathy and it's gross. Thus is why mens self harm rates are so high. No one cares. If I had a needle in my arm I'd get more from everyone. The gover…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:28 PM
1

They can say and do anything they want "out if character" and exoect you to be over it immediately but if you aren't who they expect you to be every moment then they imply that's who you are now and beat a hasty retreat. You better be there for them in their numerous moments if weakness but don't you dare falter at all. Be a man, and maybe you'll be lucky enough for them to stay a bit longer. As my ex so eloquently put it when I said I was lonely and needed her, "suck it up."
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 12:12 AM
3

I blame her of course but I think a lot of it is the fault of social media. If there wasn't an audience for her "healing journey" she would have actually put effort into her actual real life
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 04:08 PM
3

Haha! That's the one. And the sharpie analogy is what I've been looking for all year to describe the look. It's horrible and tacky.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 04:01 PM
2

Don't get me wrong some girls look really good with like a sleeve of tattoos or some kind of theme but she's got straight up black and white tattoos mixed up all over her legs and arms and they look absolutely horrible. I couldn't even tell you what some of them are. I do know that she has some song lyrics from obscure '90s punk songs on there so I guess it makes her feel special. She always thought her life would be like song lyrics and when I didn't make that happen she went out and did it her…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:46 PM
10

Oh yeah my super entitled ex mother in law taught her that you should walk all over men and run the family. That's because her father is king if the simps. Not how the world works. She gets her money management from her too. My ex FIL works at a car dealership as a service manager and my ex MIL tried to tell me one day that he makes $300/hr. I said um yeah no way. She doesn't even know how much money he makes! Makes sense why they've foreclosed on 3 different houses just since I've known them, n…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:58 PM
7

Mine got like no exaggeration 24 new tattoos, 2 a month since she left, and they look TERRIBLE. She didn't put on any weight which would have been good for her, now she's 5'7 and no more than 100lbs, and at 36 it's ALL starting to sag off her bones. She looks like a crack head skeleton. And she likes to text me how much happier and healthier she's been since she left me, but damn she doesn't look it. And she cries poverty every other week, but those awful tattoos weren't free lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:52 PM
3

Me too. Just cleaned out my boys room, getting rid of old toys, thinking about his much if their growing up I've missed since their mom ran off for her boyfriend. Realizing it'll be over and I'll have missed 75% of that because of someone else's decisions. Crying out loud asking why??? A year later and I still can't wrap my head around why! I'm broken man. I've gone on dates and ghosted after every one. I'm not even interested in finding someone. I don't work right anymore. And the one thing I c…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:11 PM
2

Totally agree with this but I would like to maybe expand it to say most things will be covered under child support unless it's something your specifically doing with the child yourself. Don't let them convince you that whatever they decide to enroll the child and needs to be split. The game they like to play is saying child support is for basic needs. It should literally cover everything
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 09:46 PM
–

Garbage. And probably not a shred of guilt or remorse. The echo chamber made sure there was no second guessing. Go queen!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 03:38 AM
7

Exact same thing is happening right now with me. She ran off spent all her money and most of mine, rushed to get mediation done, agreed to pay ALL fees just to get it done, played around with her new boyfriend, the whole deal. Then all of a sudden the lawyer and finalizing wasn't a priority at all anymore. She says she'll pay it when she gets around to it now. And here I am wondering what the sudden change is. Guaranteed things are starting to get Rocky with the boyfriend because she realizes th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 06:15 PM
3

Or that it benefits the children in ANY way. If you want to leave don't dare say it's better for the kids. A woman like that is looking out for herself only.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:57 PM
2

In my case I've been hoping like hell for the last year that her AP breaks her heart or something and she comes crawling back, just so I can be the one to say no this time. I feel like I want that win, but I know it doesn't matter, and her narc tendencies will prevent it from happening. But a guy can daydream. I think for me really moving on is when I can think about her as the mother of our kids rather than my former lover. Hoping that happens soon.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:55 PM
1

It feels quick but she started leaving months ago if not longer. You've been plan b. She had the guy or guys already lined up, already primed with stories about hiw miserable her marriage is and how badly she needed companionship and they ate it up. Only after they bit the line did she pull the trigger on the separation. And that should piss you off like it no doubt does. She doesn't need to "work on herself " she needs to be alone so she can monkeybranch in peace. Start the process, but DONT le…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 12:22 PM
2

Time. It's the only thing that worked for me. Be sad, be angry. Allow yourself all the emotions. Stay off of her social media because you really just don't even need to know what's going on there but read all you can about self-help in divorce and learn from all of your past mistakes. But right now is the time for you to grieve and recover and not rush into something else
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:56 PM
2

I struggled with the same things but in my case my ex was the one who blindsided me with a divorce. She claims that everyone is happier this way, though myself and my kids are all miserable. Again all that really matters is her happiness but then why are you trying to drag me through the mud and take everything from me? If this is something you're doing for your happiness why does my misery become a requirement. There's no way for you to be happy without totally destroying me? I think that's pro…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 02:28 PM
7

I'm just past the 1 year mark. Very similar circumstances. My mental health came and went several times. Be prepared for a long ride. And just when I thought I was turning a corner i crashed again. This may happen a few times. I had days I called in sick because I couldn't get out of bed. Once it all clicked for me, though, I used all of it to fuel anger instead of despair. I'm mad she made me waste a year if my life. I'm mad she made me feel this way. Accept, accept again, then see her for she …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 02:40 PM
2

I would definitely agree that that is an option however my kids can't keep them out shut about anything. They tell me all sorts of things I definitely shouldn't know about what goes on at that house. I don't report it because I like having a man on the inside
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 11:40 PM
3

My ex was already dating her new man when she left but we did actually discuss the introduction to the children. After she spent a while yelling and screaming about how it's her life and she can do what she wants she realized that I could then go ahead and introduce someone also and we decided to be fair about it. There is no time limit on what we discussed but we did state that when you are ready to introduce this person to the children you would let the other party know in advance so you don't…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 08:04 PM
4

I'd say that the two of you couldn't figure out a personal relationship that's probably the last person you should enter into a business relationship with. Specially in my case my ex is terrible with money and I know for a fact lose out big time
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:25 PM
3

Agreed because one if you end up in marriage counseling it's because one person wanted to go there, and the other person isn't even going to try to fix things. And if you married a narcissist then that person is going to use therapy as a way to validate their terrible Behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:45 AM
3

The kids with "bad" dads think remember is coming from the mother that you are talking to. Not all of them are bad, and a woman who puts all the blame for their failed marriage at the feet of their "abusive" ex has red flags. Be careful and make your own judgements
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 11:59 PM
4

I was very happy. And blindsided. I think the social media point is so accurate. They think that what's on social media is what they are missing. These are glorified versions of people's lives, not reality. And now we have a broken home because one of us was unhappy. I'd have put in as much work as needed to save things. She wanted to be a SAHM, so I worked 3 jobs to make sure that happened. She was the most beautiful, most wonderful person I knew and my best friend. And now she takes my child s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 08:30 PM
1

Sum of all fears was a MUCH better book than the Affleck movie. I like most early Clancy but nuke at the super bowl is probably the best plot. Reads like an episode of 24
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 07:59 PM
5

I'm a victim of the "unhappy" spouse. Leaving to find "your happiness" is hurtful to everyone else. I ask myself regularly if her happiness was so important why was the happiness of myself and our 3 children not just as important? Because it's selfish. That's it. It's pure selfishness. And those of us on the receiving end are miserable and lonely. At least you're happy, right??
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:25 PM
12

Also the echo chamber that some women end up in with their miserable friends does no favors to a relationship. They come out thinking the did the right thing, but then those other women who are egging her on are either divorced and miserable, or never take their own terrible advice. Im convinced they get excited destroying another marriage since they are unhappy in theirs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 11:32 PM
8

I honestly can't help with this as we did it all through mediation, no serving of papers. My concern is you said first divorce, and I would hate to hear someone had more than one. Don't make the same mistake again. Sounds like no kids involved? So that's for the best. Good luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 10:32 PM
6

The worst was that the 5 year period before my last child was conceived were magical. We had a second kid, unfortunately had a miscarriage that we worked through together, had really fun times. But once the last kid came it was a nightmare. But she now says she was never happy, and the only reason it seemed that way was because she was on drugs. It's complete revisionist history, and I know that she says that to convince herself she made a "good" decision, but it's complete gaslighting. She want…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 08:01 PM
15

I only disagree with the first part because they choose divorce waaaaay too easily and the profit huge from it. I get relationships that are dangerous and all but not wanting to put in the work to be a happy family is NOT being trapped in a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 07:14 PM
9

Bro mine did the same. Says it was better for everyone because now everyone is happier. She's happier getting some strange, the 3 kids and I are all miserable. But that shows who really matters. Her happiness dictates the direction of the rest of us. I hate when she says no one was happy, because it's clear all she wanted was a relationship with her AP and the rest of us suffering for it is irrelevant. My advise, when you inevitably meet someone else, remember this when you think about getting r…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 07:11 PM
6

I wish I was given the opportunity to work on things instead of being blindsided and replaced. Tale that for what it's worth.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 06:07 PM
1

Because by default she gets to claim all three by virtue of being the custodial parent. In order to split them I would need her permission which she is definitely not giving because she would be sacrificing thousands of dollars and she would never willingly do that for me. When she took off in the beginning she tried to bury me financially as much as possible
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 10:51 PM
2

I'm assuming that if it's in your parenting plan it's definitely doable but that's not something I even thought to ask about because I was still in a fog while she was trying to rush through all of the procedural stuff
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:48 AM
2

We have 3 but in order to claim any I need to have her submit a signed form to the IRS giving up her right to the dependents. She gets them all by default and has to willingly give up the tax credit. Guess whether or not she'll give up thousands for me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:18 AM
8

Isn't that the truth. I would say don't marry or have kids at all nowadays. The system is so screwed, most divorces initiated by women, men have a much higher rate of suicide, there's so few potentially positive outcomes that it's not worth the risk anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 11:13 PM
5

It's NY and that's the facts here. 50/50 in New York does not exist. There is always a custodial parent and the other non-custodial parent will pay 100% of Child Support factored by amount of children, days of custody have zero impact so if she has them for a few hours more than I do I owe full child support on all three children. It's a travesty
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 09:44 PM
16

Oh right. I forget how good I've got it while I'm scraping pennies together to feed myself. Maybe next week my male privilege with get me more than ramen.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 08:50 PM
1

This is a great point. I never thought of it this way but from this point forward I'm going to see this attempt at being a united front as the manipulation tactic that it definitely is. It's not that it's good for the kids or that it's good for people to see you working together. It's so that they can feel better about the terrible decisions they made and I'm not allowing that manipulation in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 05:48 PM
2

13 year old daughter? God bless you for that alone by brother
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 08:55 PM
1

I'm hoping mine does so I can be the one to say no to her instead of being bullied anymore
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:21 PM
2

What's worse as I was just thinking of how I will ever get ahead. I have zero large income potential in the near future only current earnings and without an injection of money I don't see how I'm ever going to be able to start a new life so effectively she'll be able to improve her life and Advance while I suffer and finance it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:00 AM
1

Very similar story. I'll give you a quick analysis of my mental health over the previous 1 year since the rest of these guys are much better with advice (they shook me back to normal on more than a few occasions). First few weeks were confusion and anger. Then the next few months was soul crushing despair and self pity. Then it cleared. I felt great, started riding a bike again, physically and mentally felt better than ever. Then at the 9 month mark I suddenly crashed to my lowest point yet. I t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 06:28 PM
2

My kids are too but I can barely tread water taking care of myself after child support. Knowing how much I'd save not paying it doesn't cover childcare. Her job is very flexible. Mine is 60 hours same times and days every week. I could most likely get 50/50 but I don't have the means at the moment to make that happen. She made sure of that when she spent all of our assets on her business and then kept a settlement that she's using to live on right now. This was all meticulously planned. Man, wom…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 05:51 PM
13

Yeah my stbx moved out a year ago now with the kids and she "started" dating a month after. Or at least that's how long she felt she should wait to tell people. She had already moved on. There was zero waiting time. I couldn't even bring myself to think of another woman for 6 months and then I relapsed into severe depression and now I don't care if I ever date again. I can't imagine leaving that much of my life and happiness in the untrustworthy hands of another person again
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:07 PM
4

Lady the problem is that he HAS had interactions with your deceitful species and broke the code. Go "find yourself" on some other board where a bunch if likeminded women can tell each other how good divorce is for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 02:41 PM
6

Mine too. She had a settlement coming that was supposed to pay our taxes and renovate the house. She paid the contractors out of the family account instead and said it was a mistake and she used the wrong card. Well 2 months later she was gone with the kids and the money and she had a signed lease at a new house a county over that started a month prior. Now it's been a while since I had to go rent a place but I know it took a lot more than two weeks to find a place to live cut checks sign a leas…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 09:07 PM
5

I didn't even have to. She spent our relationship alienating me from my friends and family so all we had left were her friends. So I assumed that would be it but I got calls from quite a few of her "friends" that didn't believe a word of her nonsense spin on the reason she left so they actually came to my side. Very sad for her to have friends that don't even believe her. Guess her new BF is enough lol
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 08:43 PM
2

Mine agreed to only child support because she had just gotten a nice settlement and that was what spurred her to "rediscover " her hoe side. Well, less than a year and the money is allllllll gone. Oops.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 12:53 AM
2

I keep thinking this, and when she's mad at him for something we may be in the same boat, but those kids are mine pal lol. He has to do the sucking up now and the one thing he will never be is the father of my kids. Makes me really think twice about dating single mothers. You're in a tough spot there. If it was a break up it's ugly in some way, and if he died you can never live up to that. I'm finding it very hard to see why anyone dates a woman with someone else's kids. It's kinda a weird part …
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 12:07 AM
4

I'm having a rough one right now too. She keeps popping into my head. It's more anger than sadness like it used to be so I feel like I've retained my progress but I'm getting an overwhelming feeling of betrayal today. Just thinking about how she's out being all cute and lovey with some skinny jeans little bitch while I'm sending giant checks for child support every week. I just can't describe how much of a pit in my soul there is, and knowing I'll never be able to get back at her is the most fru…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 11:38 PM
6

It's insane how the default solution is to screw over the father. When the kids grow up they will know who the problem was. Kids are smart and observant. They'll figure it out outside of complete brainwashing and alienation so you have to keep fighting
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 12:03 AM
21

I miss my marriage. I never wanted it to end. I was happy with that life. That said, after that betrayal I can't look at any women without extreme suspicion now. Especially divorced women. They tell their tales and spin their yarns and all I think is that she did exactly what my ex did, but to one of yall. I doubt I'll ever think a mother woman is genuine or trustworthy. And if I do it'll be with a grain of salt and an eye on her at all times. That's no way to live. I'll take the one person I ca…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 06:00 PM
1

Agreed and when we set up.our parenting plan and I agreed to a child support amount I had I clearly written that my financial contributions to her choices of activities would be whether or not I agreed with signing them up. That way if she wants to start stacking activities it comes entirely out if her pocket and she thinks twice about it. I support private school and quite a few activities for all 3 but im not on the side of keeping them busy all day everyday. I think a big part of childhood is…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 02:41 PM
1

Mine got her car accident injury settlement and thats what she used to finance her "rediscovery" but now that the money is gone it's become funny to me. Not funny though is my child support going to her 12 new tattoos in 3 months while she cries poverty
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 04:20 PM
7

Saying no thank you with a smile will hurt her the worst. Living a better life without her a close second. There is no way you should ever take her back. You would be approving all of her bad behavior and validating what she did. Don't give her the satisfaction
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 11:47 PM
5

It gets better. It may get bad again, but it gets better after that. I had similar. She graduated 2 colleges, had 3 babies, shared everything. Shared a life. Ran off with a punk rock pathetic shitbag. It's her, not you. And it hurts sooooo bad fir a while. But there's a light. And I'm kinda happy for the lows now because I know how she made me feel, and that she chose that for me, and was ok with it. So now I'd never consider taking her back. I know what not to do in the future. I know what and …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 11:44 PM
1

Mine kept telling me she was going to leave with the kids and od have child support and maintenance since I have to provide her lifestyle. That all changed when she finally did leave and tried to be somewhat diplomatic, and I started to get an awful lot of my demands met. I wish I could say it was a change of heart. It was actually getting slapped in the face by the real world and finally realizing the peer group echo chamber telling her to leave me was completely wrong about what was going to h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 08:43 PM
6

I just read the other thread and threw up in my mouth. This is why women initiate divorce and cackle with their approving friends that they did the right thing. Disgusting saying it's something he did. And abuse? She left the kids there. If there is abuse and she left the kids in that scenario that's almost worse. Wtf are those people thinking? The whole concept if divorce is being used as a weapon for these women now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 11:21 PM
1

Are you using marital funds for the purchase? I don't know if that's something you can keep separate if it's not inherited.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 08:04 PM
2

This. People move on differently. I was close to a year separated before I even had an interest in finding a partner. Some people need companionship so dating is for you not your kids. They need a healthy happy parent. In my case the divorce was not my choice at all and was very much a surprise so she moved on prior to the separation. I don't feel the need to stay single for my kids however. And I do know that even giving them 100% of my time and giving work 150% of my effort I still have time t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 05:40 PM
5

And that conversation in clerks is the perfect example of how they justify lying about body count and why their number is always MUCH higher than you will know.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 12:08 AM
7

Yes RUN FAST AND DONT LOOK BACK. "Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot"
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 11:57 PM
7

Yes. My stbx shared her body count early on. Later she gave a lower number and when called out on it she counted intentionally leaving out 2 people I knew of but she was unaware I had that info. Then later a friend blew up her spot at a party and she almost had a panic attack because it was significantly higher than stated. And she left me for another guy she "reconnected" with. So take that how you will.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 11:44 PM
7

Yes. Very much yes. But it matters more if you find out they lied about it
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 11:33 PM
2

People who are not the ones choosing divorce can't be expected to play house just so the other parent can have their cake and eat it too. It's more than swallowing pride. It's your own value and mental health. If you want to live close for the kids and have joint birthdays then don't divorce. The wounded parent should never be expected yo play along if it's a one sided decision. Sorry, if you can't stay together for the kids then I can't play along for the kids. Divorce should be the last option…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 10:02 PM
6

The recliner isn't a hill to die on, it's a consolation prize for taking the beating. I think all men should get a discount on recliners post divorce. It should be a universal post-divorce purchase and I'm sure lay-z-boy can figure out cross promotion with a law firm for a package deal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 08:29 PM
1

I want a full Golden Tee cabinet
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 08:26 PM
3

I didnt HAVE to consult since she never consulted me. However, might as well jump off a bridge if I didn't consult. And this is the same woman who walked away with a 60k injury settlement and put nothing towards the family expenses even though she was a SAHM for 12 years. Used it to get an apartment and leave. She's broke now less than a year later. But apparently her tattoo artist is doing well for himself off that and my child support.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 08:25 PM
3

Unfortunately there aren't any. Can't meet someone at work because you're probably violating some kind of HR rule. People don't really go to bars to meet people anymore. We should all get together and wear "single" shirts so that part is easy enough to figure our at the grocery store or whatever. I look for wedding rings lol. But I know a lot of people who don't wear them so that's not a guarantee.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 02:12 PM
12

Mine was under the impression we wouldn't have to split holidays or things of that nature because we would still be doing them together for the kids. I had to point out that she left for herself and her wants not for the kids and I wasn't going to play house and confuse them. If she wanted out then fine but im not lying to my kids so you can sleep around but still feel like part of a family. They get this from these bullshit social media accounts that talk about how great coparenting is. You can…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 08:31 PM
5

When my divorce first started sometime last year the biggest concern I had was that I was the first person in my family to get divorced. I called my parents and spoke to my mother with tears in my eyes apologizing that I was the guy who couldn't figure out how to stay married. My mother told me at that exact moment that most of the people in her family who stayed married definitely should not have and everyone she knows that got divorced ended up much better in the long run. Don't worry about wh…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 11:13 PM
2

Unpopular opinion: Karl urbans bones was much more entertaining
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 05:34 PM
2

I'd probably be driving the bus that hit mine
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 09:59 PM
9

Yeah I'm 43 and I had a long period of crying etc. Almost a year out and I'm finally starting to feel like myself and I'm finally happy with time alone. Hurts missing the kids most.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 05:34 PM
1

It takes a lot of time. And phases of grief. And eventually your eyes open and it clicks. It really does happen.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 02:03 PM
2

Ain't that the truth
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 11:14 PM
9

I spent almost a year now stewing over those same things. I was sad and angry and lonely. But I listened to all you brothers on here, took time for myself, got through my sadness and grief and just a few weeks ago finally was able to say I'm ok. Almost like clockwork i met a woman in a similar position that immediately clicked and it all became much clearer. I didn't deserve what I was given and now I've got something worth working on and it feels much more right. Give it time. It's really true.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 09:56 PM
1

Or before he breaks it off because his wife finds out and she realizes she's a side piece. She'll try to monkey branch right back
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 09:58 PM
5

My stbx had a similar midlife crisis type thing where all of a sudden she needed to go and get tattooed and join a band and all of that fun stuff before she left. I highly doubt that there will ever be a time that she tries to come back if not for lack of wanting but because she'll never admit that she was wrong. However I have had the thought about what I would do in that situation and I am afraid that I would take her back myself even though I know full well I should not. As I grieve more and …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 09:54 PM
3

This sounds just like my life, except for last year when she started a business and got highly motivated, changed everything about herself and left with the kids and got a boyfriend. She told me I constantly put her down when I asked why we needed a cleaning lady if she was a stay at home mom, or why she couldn't stop buying things from Amazon when we were broke. This midlife crisis may end some day but now she's going to have to live with what she created.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 12:30 AM
2

Thats very true! It's been so helpful!
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 03:56 AM
4

This sounds all like the risk of getting married. I didn't want my divorce. Still don't. I'll never marry again because if it. But if you told me this back then I'd have said we were never getting divorced. It's the risk you run with women today.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 05:33 PM
11

For me it's amplified over all the other ones because of the drastically different length. It's 17 years together married for 12, suddenly over and without any input on my part. It's literally the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and while she has her support system telling her what she wants to hear I have just me in my corner. It's been a ride for sure and I want to get off now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 05:28 PM
11

It gets easier in my experience, and then much much harder before it levels out again. Prepare for all the stages. I was great at one point, and I just am getting through the hardest 5 months of my life looking back and questioning everything I did. I missed her, wanted her back, I'd have given anything. It's slowly turning back to anger and hopefully acceptance after that, but it changes a lot in the beginning. Focus on you, that's the best advice I've gotten here. Also, if it gets bad it's not…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 03:41 PM
2

We are working with a mediator at my stbx insistence. I was able to meet with several options and select the one I wanted since they don't represent either of us but we have really only the children and not many assets as she's been a stay-at-home mom for the last 12 years and she was the one who wanted this divorce so she essentially gave in to most things just so she could go be with her new boyfriend. We agreed on the parenting plan and splitting of bills so there was no reason to get other l…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 02:04 PM
3

Same here. Mine had a boyfriend within weeks of leaving. That was the catalyst in the end. The things she's bringing up are justifications for her behavior behind your back. And her friend group either doesn't know about him yet, or they do and like him better because she's literally been poisoning the well knowing this is the direction she's going. Women, for all their emotion, don't make sudden decisions. This is all planned out to your detriment. The advice I have is stop trying to get her ba…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 10:23 PM
7

This is a great idea. I'm sure in your field there are plenty of actual injuries (carpal tunnel, eye strain, orthopedic problems) that this is a no brainer
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 07:58 PM
7

All men are welcome in my opinion. Vent away. These guys have let me vent several times and it helps a lot. They are a fair and honest group
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 12:38 AM
5

Last night it was just my 2 boys 5,3 and I. My 10 yo daughter was away with the other side. We decided on a movie night. I had them make tickets on construction paper, we made popcorn and took a bunch of snacks out of the cabinet, set up a concession stand and took turns working it and being the ticket takers, then watched the movie (well first half hour) and they fell asleep smiling.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 08:06 PM
1

I feel like maybe you are holding out hope that she will take it well. Read some of the other posts here, hope for the better outcomes, but be prepared for yours to end up like the horror stories. They don't say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for nothing. As a previous post stated, she won't be the same person you married once you drop this bomb.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 11:43 PM
4

Ditto that exactly. I'm sure you've had the same thoughts about the couple weeks being a cover so it didn't look like an affair to everyone else. She cheated and needed to save face.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 10:03 PM
8

This works if it's all your choice or even expected. When it's a total blindside or result of someone else's midlife crisis or poor choices the silence is deafening
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 05:54 PM
1

Exactly what it was. Except her response was a permanent distraction of her current life. I'd rather she bought a sports car or something.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 03:26 AM
1

I wish that was the case. I had a wife that decided 36 meant 21, joined a band, changed her wardrobe, friends, etc. loaded up on new tattoos and locked in an on brand boyfriend to complete her punk rock transformation. Stay at home mom to single Rockstar in a matter if weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 02:55 AM
1

Yeah that seems to be the consensus here. I've uploaded them all to a few places to give to my kids some day. I got them off the phone though because the constant reminder is killing me. I'm also wondering how the next person I date (God knows when that'll be, I'm still working on myself) how is she going to feel about me having pictures of my ex that readily available. Questions I wish I never had to thing of. Divorce is awful.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 02:46 AM
2

Thank you brother. Best to you in all of this too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 10:58 PM
1

Its always when I'm way down that something with her pops up, just to twist the knife a little more
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 10:32 PM
1

Thats outstanding
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 10:07 PM
2

I like getting the ones of my kids though. It's just a double edged sword.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 03:49 AM
2

I had a picture in my wallet of us in our early 20s at a theme park. I looked so young with a full head of hair, and she was just stunning, huge smile, happy with everything. It was the most beautiful she had ever been, and over time the anger and resentment started to show on her face as well. She became bitter and mean and that smile disappeared. She's gotten tattoos and piercings and tried to change herself in every way imaginable, but in the moments when I'm in the dumps because of her leavi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 03:42 AM
2

That was beautiful. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 10:22 PM
5

I'm not on any social but this and tiktok so no other place to keep photos but Google drive. I'll keep them there but they can't be on my phone at this point. It's a terrible trigger and I'm still going through emotional waves 10 months later. I get on a roll then grind to a halt. But I get back up and keep trying.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 09:29 PM
3

Mine came into some money from an injury lawsuit and kept it all separate from family money, was a stay at home mom, joined a band, new wardrobe, new tattoos, new friends, new car, followed shortly after by new apartment and new boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 08:41 PM
2

I feel every bit of that ache. I see the pictures and try to pinpoint when she decided our family wasn't enough, so I have to stop and not put myself in that headspace.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 08:21 PM
2

I have a Google drive of all the family photos. That'll stay where it is. I just don't think I can handle the constant reminders on my phone every day
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:42 PM
2

This is wise advice. Ill start doing thar for sure
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:39 PM
1

Yeah I see that. The behavior comment threw me for a loop. I've saved some for nostalgia but I also have moments where I still question what if, and I get upset knowing there's not going to be a second act and I feel like deleting them is my brain taking a stand against my heart and accepting it. I'm just going through a very tough phase right now and I'm trying anything I can to get my head back in the game, it's proving very difficult. That's why I've been posting and responding. This group ha…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:24 PM
1

I'm not sure if there's a misunderstanding here but I'm removing reminders not maliciously deleting memories. I've gotten through my anger phase and I'm trying to move on. Having pictures of my ex-wife on my phone that come up daily as a reminder isn't really conducive to that. I still have copies of my wedding video and the album, not planning on throwing them away, they just don't start playing themselves once a day like my photos app does
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 06:54 PM
7

I keep the occasional one of all of us but for the mist part I took several shots of each situation so I have almost duplicate photos of the kids with and without her in them. So I delete the ones that I have other copies of if that makes sense. But if it's just her it's in the trash. The constant pop up reminders from the photos app about look at this time 2 years ago was just destroying me so I needed a huge purge.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 06:30 PM
1

I have 2200 to keep clean and 3/4 of an acre to maintain. I thought it would be good to stay busy but I literally use probably 200 also and it's such a waste of space. I have kids though so I need space and extra bedrooms for them. They come over and then I have 2000 sq/ft to clean up again! Yay!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 06:20 PM
1

I should have found the therapist myself. She's in the field so I defaulted to her expertise. But clearly that wasn't smart. I'm cursed with 20/20 hindsight
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 02:36 PM
1

The therapists encourage this. Even when they claim to be independent they always side with the wife, especially when she's louder. They know that getting her to open her eyes isn't making them any money, they've gotta keep getting you to come back. So they play to her ego and she'll keep bringing you and you'll have to keep paying for it
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 02:17 PM
1

I strayed in a mostly emotional and very mild (occasionally kissing) affair 10 years ago. I was feeling very alone and the AP obviously made me feel good about myself, something my ex was not doing. She found out and begged me to stay but I was convinced she would never get over it. I ended up freaking out, dropping the AP and begged for forgiveness. What followed were some of the most difficult years of my life. But put in the work, came clean about everything and eventually years later she for…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 12:59 AM
13

I'm right here with you. About 10 months post separation and I was feeling great for a few months there and the last couple I've been down in the dumps feeling bad sadness killing me everyday and just pissed that she moved on so quickly and I'm still Mourning my marriage. She jumped in the bed with a guy allegedly a month after the separation after 17 years together but you and I both know that means they were in bed already at that point so here I am mourning my marriage and missing my ex-wife …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 11:06 PM
1

I'm still on several times daily. I was so strong in the beginning but now, at the 9 month mark, and with her 7 month (definitely longer, most likely am AP) boyfriend in the picture I'm losing it. I would have thrown her out 6 months ago if she tried to come back (she left) but now I can't help but feel I'd do anything to have my family back. This shit is getting VERY hard right now but it's helpful knowing it spreads out and gets better with time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 02:07 PM
5

Before the separation I made this mistake and told her why I was acting or feeling a certain way, and that I always put her first because we raise the kids together so we are important, her answer was we have kids now. You don't get to have feelings and you aren't even close to the top of the importance list so suck it up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 02:00 PM
1

Mine changed from dada to your father
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 06:57 PM
3

I find myself now wishing for more hate. I hated so hard and so aggressively in the beginning and I was okay. As my hate his subsided I'm feeling horrible regret and longing. It was much easier when I couldn't stand her, and it's much harder acknowledging the part I played and how badly I miss them all
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 12:34 AM
2

I let her convince me a few years ago that I had an anger problem and started taking these as a side effect of that. My anger was always from the poor treatment, disrespect, lack of caring etc. But I gave in and started taking them. Now I feel a very distinct shift if I stop. I'm dependent on them right now to keep myself sort of normal. I've met with a new Dr that has agreed to get me off slowly as I'm very worried about my patience and lack of control around the kids. I don't want to end up ru…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 05:24 PM
1

Thank you. This has given me a different perspective on things. I started a list of things a few months ago as I thought of them. It consists of times she hurt me, things she did but denies, and all of the stuff I'd tell her if I wanted to just lay it all out. Writing it down made it real and I was ok with not being able to tell her all of it. It would have been pointless as she is a narcissist and the most self centered person I've associated with so the fight would have been a pointless exerci…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 05:18 PM
3

You know, I actually thought about it when I had a bunch of money locked up by a legal order that was filed on a secret credit card it turned out that she had. But 2 of the 3 are clones of me and the first one is pretty convincingly mine. Lol. It's ironic that I thought about it before.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 02:45 AM
5

Yeah I was looking forward to new years eve as a new fresh start and new years day I was a freaking mess. Couldn't stop thinking about how different and wrong it felt this year.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 12:04 AM
4

I agree. And my parents and I lost my sister to drug abuse so I'd never hurt them or my kids like that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 09:06 PM
2

Looking forward to some answers because I'll be in this spot sooner than later and I don't know how to handle it. In my case she moved on to him weeks after moving out with the kids (which tells me this started BEFORE she left for sure knowing how codependent she is) so I don't know if that changes things. Help me too, please!
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 05:05 PM
16

Perfect definition of a narcissistic woman.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 10:23 PM
9

I've got the pills one. My fault because I was so miserable it was the only way to stay together. Only wanted to sleep with me and be with me because she was high. My behavior made her an addict. What a joke
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 10:22 PM
1

Yup.mine spent 60k in 5 months. Bought a car but I found out she didn't pay it off immediately like was planned. Couldn't even tell you how she spent it all but wasn't drugs or anything. I think just trying to celebrate her "freedom" and got way carried away. She was always terrible with money and I'm actually saving more now with support and all my expenses than when we were together. Hope she goes completely broke so she can at least understand part of what I did for this family.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 11:37 PM
1

Mine left when she got a nice sized injury settlement, rented a house with her friend and their kids, bought all new furniture, got a new car, new boyfriend, bought him gifts and sports tickets. Now she's broke. I better not ever get a call about anything because this was her choice and it will be her Hill to die on. It's just really nice knowing that she can barely afford anything. And I know the kids will be fine because I pay a ton of child support and take great care of them when they're wit…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 11:14 PM
3

My ex thinks song lyrics are life. If her life isn't working out like some dumb song she likes then she has a breakdown. She left saying we weren't enough like jack and Sally lol lol lol
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 05:56 PM
1

Oh I totally agree and I believe in my case she really is changing personality completely. My use of fraud is implying that the person I met was not her Baseline personality but now you got me thinking there is no Baseline personality and it's just a constant trip between who she feels like being this year. I literally just had a text conversation about my children's schooling with her where she said something that would have disgusted her 3 years ago and now she stands by at 100%. I just want t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 04:17 PM
2

With the kids yes I get them 3 days a week. She ran off and got a bunch of new tattoos and had a young boyfriend the minute she moved out so she pretends I don't exist and that our relationship was suffocating her and she's finally her true self. In reality she adopts the personality of whomever she currently is in to or idolized so that's all a lie. When she wanted to be a pintrest supermom that's what she became. Then she wanted to be a Rockstar so that was her lifestyle. Now she's into things…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 03:38 PM
2

I had a 15 year relationship including a 12 year marriage with 3 kids with the woman who said I deserve better. It slowly changed into she deserves better. She played games for a lot of years and then up and disappeared. And here I am thinking if the first one was the one that I actually deserved. Way too late now for second guessing but the struggle is real.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 03:29 PM
3

Mine told me we were only happy and she was only sleeping with me because she was on drugs and when she stopped she realized she wasn't ever going to sleep with me again. After 16 years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 02:59 PM
4

My ex did exactly this for 12 years while she was a stay-at-home and the real bitch of it was the last 3 years she started a fairly lucrative business out of the house and contributed $0 to the marital fund and when she left I had to give up any claim on that in order to get my custody agreement where I needed it to be. She also received a very large personal injury settlement that she decided not to share with the family. Now I understand the law is that you don't count personal injury as marit…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 11:08 PM
4

I'll volunteer any services needed and I'd definitely pledge money to a cause such as this. My ex thank God took the civil route but I was popped for a huge fight I thankfully didn't have to have. But while preparing I read and heard all of the horror stores and realized we are an under represented group who has been failed by government and society. When you need help look me up. This is something I can and will get behind.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 09:40 PM
4

Thanks. It was really bad at first, got a few months of positive feelings, but the last few weeks the depression and self loathing came back hard. Struggling every single day while she's living her best life is the hardest part.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:09 PM
6

I definitely was made to feel pressue because everyone around her was getting married. Worse was once everyone started having kids. One of our couple friends came over to tell us the were pregnant and when they left she cried and screamed at me that we weren't first. Down hill from there. The minute she had some of her own money she got a boyfriend and moved out with the kids. I had no say in any of it. Been a whirlwind year so far, ready for it to end now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:02 PM
1

Sounds just like mine. Married 12 years, she leaves and takes the kids saying we need time apart Turns out she had rented a house with a friend, signed the lease 2 months earlier. I go there to pick up something one of the kids left behind. Get permission to go in, bunch of condom wrappers everywhere. So much for time apart. She was already with someone else when she made the decision, just waited a while to fill me in
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 11:42 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter