I've been reading this group for a few months now and I want to thank all of you for the support you've given each other and by extension me. We really do feel like brothers in this nonsense. Saying that I have to ask something. I haven't shared my full story but here it is in a nutshell. Married 12 years, 3 kids 10, 5 and 3. We had hard times around the birth of our first child. But came together after a miscarriage and we were amazing together while trying and conceiving our second. I didn't think things could be as good as they were. She was a SAHM and money was tight but we were making it work. Then she git pregnant with #3. She completely changed. I got a hard time for everything, never happy, didn't want to spend time together. After he was born it got worse as he was very clingy with her. I took care of the other 2 but she was drained. Things kept getting worse, fighting all the time. Then she got a 60k injury settlement and decided not to use it as family money. I was upset as we owed taxes but she defended her choice. When I pointed out that had I done that she would have lost her mind and agreed. We did some small renovations that she was going to pay for with this money. Then all hell broke loose. She started dressing differently, joined a band, made new friends and spent less and less time at home. I came to fond out she signed a lease with her friend, paid for the renovation out of the family account, took the rest and the kids and left screaming for a divorce. Clearly this was all planned and when she announced she was dating less than a month later it became more obvious that this was a core reason for the suddenness as she was already with this schmuck before and was trying to save face saying they just met. I was devastated and angry. I worked on myself. I took care of my kids, all the things you all suggest. It was great, I felt like I could rule the world and she was pathetic for what she did. Then a month ago, about 9 months post separation I started to feel horrible. No I'm sad every day. I feel like a failure. I miss her even though I'd NEVER take her back and she isn't coming back regardless. Have any of you slipped back like this? I'm borderline suicidal, changing meds and going to therapy but the darkness won't get better. How long does this last? Is it regressing or just another stage of grief. Please help.