shayzelala Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
11	How to become a kinder person? Also, I highly recommend the Restore the Glory podcast and the Abiding Together podcasts. Both are from a Catholic perspective but are absolutely applicable to any Christian. So much good stuff in both podcasts. The Daughter chapters in Abiding Together were amazing.	/r/RedPillWomen	20/06/22 01:50 AM
30	How to become a kinder person? Yes! So when you say “loop” I think of rumination. When you ruminate over something, you attach more emotion to it each time you revisit it. So, for me, I refuse to mentally revisit it. I’ll think of something else, I’ll listen to a podcast, play a board game or read a book, listen to a meditation app (I love Hallow). I’m not ignoring something as much as resolving what I can about it and then refusing to revisit it. I hardly ever even want to ruminate over something anymore. It’s a crappy loop …	/r/RedPillWomen	20/06/22 01:46 AM
52	How to become a kinder person? Okay, I had a super crappy upbringing as well and I was super sarcastic and could be super mean. I used to be so angry at my mother for abuse, negligence, etc but the anger just permeated my life. I have a mother AND father wound. They hurt deeply. I probably did about a decade of useless therapy. Does this sound familiar- your anger is grief. Grief that you won’t allow yourself to feel because then you would be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is scary. So you turn it into anger to protect yourself…	/r/RedPillWomen	20/06/22 12:44 AM
5	Splitting bills when he makes significantly more? The computer fixing was what struck me as super weird too. This guy is an engineer but he won’t help his girlfriend out with her computer issues out of kindness?! My good friends and siblings would offer to help for free with something like that.	/r/RedPillWomen	18/01/22 02:51 PM
4	Debating ending it with my fiancée, utterly lost. .	/r/RedPillWomen	18/12/21 11:46 PM
1	Moving forward post-divorce I’m sorry. I just lost a cousin to PTSD from the military. Treated PTSD is hard to deal with let alone untreated PTSD. And yes- with unpredictable kids it can become dangerous for them. I hope he gets help for his own sake. He deserves it.	/r/RedPillWomen	30/11/21 03:07 AM
3	F20 with body count of 9 Okay I can chime in here! I had a higher count than you by age 21. I grew up in an extremely abusive home. My dad died when I was very young and I was molested by my step-father. CLEARLY, I was looking for love. Fortunately, I came to the realization you are at now… something is wrong with ME. I took a long hard look at myself and learned to love myself. Learned that being alone is okay and formed solid friendships with other women. Built my self-esteem, got a cat to love me and snuggle me at ni…	/r/RedPillWomen	30/11/21 02:46 AM
1	Moving forward post-divorce I just want to say I’m proud of you. Leaving something safe for you to protect your children is amazing. My mother (who had her own issues like BPD and was already abusive before marrying again) put her second husband and his needs above our basic needs. He was abusive and she would set us up to be abused by him so he wouldn’t abuse her. And she wouldn’t leave him because she was so desperate for love. It basically created two sets of kids. Her abused children from my dead father who we weren’t …	/r/RedPillWomen	30/11/21 02:23 AM
15	How would you navigate this situation? I would reassess my relationship with anyone who put me down or told me I was annoying while I was experiencing joy or happiness.	/r/RedPillWomen	27/11/21 07:35 PM
6	Hubby hates my spending I’m not sure why this is being downvoted. My husband has had past libido issues and it’s from covert emotional incest from his childhood (compounded by exposure to porn at an early age). We struggled with these issues for over a decade before he could identify it and start the path to healing. The man needs to WANT to fix it though and getting him to that point is a long hard road in itself.	/r/RedPillWomen	20/11/21 12:36 PM
1	What do y'all think about a guy who wouldn't let his wife stay home until she has children, and would make her go to work once they're in school? We do! That’s why I was asking ;) I homeschool and maintain a small hobby farm. What if you wanted to homeschool? Is he open to that?I wouldn’t compromise on marrying someone who would respect you wanting to be a SAHM and let you raise your kids how you wanted and let you choose when the right time to return to the workforce was. It’s not like you are going to be making bank after a long absence. I have a career I can jump in and out of without starting at the bottom or from scratch but it sound…	/r/RedPillWomen	02/11/21 02:08 AM
1	What do y'all think about a guy who wouldn't let his wife stay home until she has children, and would make her go to work once they're in school? Is that what you would do? It seems a bit condescending to assume that’s what one would do if they didn’t work! I mean- I’m all about either choice but I would never assume someone who chose to stay out of the workforce would be so unproductive all day! Who even watches soap operas anymore?! I hope he doesn’t think that low of you!	/r/RedPillWomen	02/11/21 01:55 AM
7	What do y'all think about a guy who wouldn't let his wife stay home until she has children, and would make her go to work once they're in school? I had a career I could work at until I had children. I could also choose to work part-time at this career after kids if I wanted. However, my husband and I decided early on in saying that a SAHM was fit both of us. Had he not agreed, I would have broken up with him anyway (like I did with someone else in college). I can earn a lot of money quickly but so can he. When he was still in training, we bought a home either of us could afford on one salary. That way, we could afford any emergency that t…	/r/RedPillWomen	01/11/21 04:39 PM
5	When did you decide to quit your job after you found out that you were pregnant? I worked until I couldn’t fit into my shoes anymore. So right about 38 weeks. Waiting for baby to arrive is very tough at the end so I was glad to have a distraction (and the extra money). If you are only part-time and you don’t hate your job, you will enjoy having something to do to keep you distracted. I had pretty bad morning sickness too and working seemed to keep my mind off of it.	/r/RedPillWomen	12/10/21 08:44 PM
3	Losing Baby weight... Well it’s pretty unrealistic for her to even think about losing weight at this point 😅	/r/RedPillWomen	15/09/21 12:20 AM
6	Losing Baby weight... It depends on how postpartum you are. I have a hard time losing weight while breastfeeding until about 9 months pp. When I did gain weight with my 5th child postpartum it was a combination of thyroid issues (not uncommon after birth) and eating too too much sweets. This time after baby, I’ve been taking milk thistle to keep my liver working well and hormones in check. My swelling is way down, I lost ten pounds, I feel healthier, I walk every day. I look okay but I’m still 20 pounds too heavy for…	/r/RedPillWomen	14/09/21 01:47 PM
3	My partner doesn't acknowledge how hard I'm trying They didn’t NATURALLY land on your plate. At some point, he gave you that. Sounds like he needs to grow up and learn some adult skills like using the phone and scheduling things. Give him that plate back and say that you don’t enjoy doing manly business. If the yard doesn’t get mowed for weeks/months… shrug. If he complains about having to make those calls, sweetly say how glad he does it and not you. Or agree how awful it is. Don’t volunteer to do it!!! Have you ever read The Surrendered Wife? …	/r/RedPillWomen	21/08/21 05:39 PM
7	My partner doesn't acknowledge how hard I'm trying I would agree the maintenance/anything heavy (anything electrical, painting rooms, garbage cans to the curb, yard work that isn’t weeding/light pruning) is his domain. If he doesn’t do it, hire it out with his money. I took this method over a decade ago with my husband (who also is NEVER critical of house work and doesn’t mind absentmindedly folding laundry or washing dishes either). You also aren’t in a traditional relationship… you already live with him- is this like his test to marry you? You…	/r/RedPillWomen	21/08/21 04:38 PM
2	At a crossroad with fiance Aborting vs “Avoiding suffering” is really not a logical thing. He can’t logically look at my child and say, “yes, that child would have been better off not being born because he suffers too much.” Only my son gets to make that judgement call. How would you decide what someone’s happiness level would be and when their potential suffering outweighs their future happiness?! We were told by members of my husband’s family that our son would be a burden [to us] and that we “should have let him die.” …	/r/RedPillWomen	16/08/21 06:16 PM
20	At a crossroad with fiance I share your values and this is a dealbreaker. I did want to point something out to you though- I have a severely disabled son (cerebral palsy). He was injured at birth… it absolutely could not have been predictable. Nor can disability resulting from premature birth, your child having a injury at home, near drowning, etc. My husband has been ROCK SOLID while I watched other women get left by their husbands who can’t deal with it or are just too selfish/self absorbed to make the sacrifices necess…	/r/RedPillWomen	14/08/21 10:46 PM
20	What is the best way to ease a date into me eating a special/restrictive diet? This isn’t necessarily accurate. She’s saying she gets acne from specific foods. If she has PCOS or even thin-PCOS, she may be avoiding soy and dairy which is extremely hard to avoid in restaurants... especially in salad dressing. Maybe just take her word for it and trust that she knows her own body.	/r/RedPillWomen	08/06/21 06:28 PM
23	I’m a shrew. Husband is a beta. We need help. I had this issue with my husband. Instead of nagging, some things I sourced out. Like- the lawn. If he never mows the lawn, I paid someone to do it (with fair warning ahead of time). Or I would have a handyman come and do all the dirty jobs. My breaking point was when I was 9 months pregnant unclogging a nasty tub drain he had said he would take care of. I stopped nagging and changed the narrative. Like, “I’m going to be hiring lawn person.” Him- “but we don’t have the money for that.” You- “wel…	/r/RedPillWomen	15/03/21 10:24 PM
2	[discussion] Women with more "man brains"/logic over emotions, how did you come to terms with RPW? How has it impacted your relationships? I read your previous post about mommy issues and that resonated with me. I also was raised by an abusive, neurotic, single mother (my dad died when I was very little). I think that really made me guarded of my emotions and a huge need to be in control. One thing that helps is when my dh and I are going through a high anxiety life situation I tend to be more dominating, I snap at him easier, etc. I have to remind myself- “I want to yell at him because I’m actually scared so allow your self to be …	/r/RedPillWomen	08/05/19 01:37 PM
6	The story of a man worth respecting: How I met my father This is such a beautiful story. You wrote so eloquently. Even though it’s tragic that your mother failed you so badly, you gained a wonderful relationship with your dad. I just wrote on a different sub today about losing my father. My dad died shortly before you gained yours. I think to be loved and know you are loved by your father makes all the difference in the world. I wrote how that to know deep down I was lovable and deserving of love because my father once loved me made me able to mentall…	/r/RedPillWomen	02/04/19 03:09 AM
1	No sex in a year :( I deleted my first post since it’s super personal but if you ever need to chat, feel free to message me! I hope the book helps!	/r/RedPillWomen	11/02/19 12:23 AM
1	No sex in a year :( They aren’t fixed but they are higher than they were. He did a sleep study, is finally treating his sleep apnea (sleep apnea drives down T levels), he’s been doing the Keto diet to lose the dad body and hitting the gym. Using big muscle groups does help raise T levels so things like squats are pretty effective. We didn’t want to do Hormone replacement bc it can affect a man’s fertility,isn’t without side effects, and isn’t always effective.	/r/RedPillWomen	07/02/19 08:59 AM
1	No sex in a year :( Please please please do not see this as a you problem. It’s been a year and his excuses are exactly that... excuses. He’s yet to give you a real reason. Ooooh I’ve been down this road. My dh literally stopped seeing me as a sexual person the day we got married. I cried, begged, read and implemented RPW books for 8 freaking years. Finally, I read the book “I want sex, He wants fries” in my third trimester of my pregnancy of our fourth child. He was soooo offended that I was reading this book but …	/r/RedPillWomen	07/02/19 12:29 AM
9	I'm a Wife/Mother who needs to focus more on being a Wife/Mother. Seems like you would be better off without the long commutes for starters. Read up on the research about how detrimental to your health long work commutes are. It sounds like moving closer to your husband’s job and cutting his commute down would be the way to go. I see you deliver close to MIL for child care but what if... you didn’t work? What if getting rid of those long commutes and saving that gas money more than made up for your second income? Move to a new home that you can afford on one i…	/r/RedPillWomen	21/01/19 05:41 PM
3	How to talk about co-habitations expectations? It sounds like you would just be taking over the parental role unfortunately. Once you live together it will be super easy for him to go right back into child mode. And that’s super unsexy. And I reread your last post on here... there are most likely major financial issues you don’t know about with him and his parents. And with the way you described his family, your culture, and their money issues, you might end up supporting all of them. I’m sure he’s a great guy in some ways but money is a hug…	/r/RedPillWomen	16/01/19 12:40 PM
6	How to talk about co-habitations expectations? I mean really- at 33 and living at home but supposedly is financially stable... is he maxing his retirement, IRA, has an emergency fund, and a sizable nest egg for a house down payment? These aren’t too personal of a question- this is done at the vetting for marriage stage. Things that need to be discussed before marriage: money (money management, debts, retirement plans, is he okay with stay-at-home wife/mom), religion and child rearing within religion, number of kids. And OP- these aren’t too …	/r/RedPillWomen	14/01/19 10:43 PM
64	How to talk about co-habitations expectations? Personally, I would never marry a guy who hasn’t lived on his own. I want to see how functional he is without his mom around. I also wouldn’t live with a guy before we married. Especially not straight from his mom’s house. To me that screams, “I need someone to look after me.” If it’s about money, then he isn’t making enough. When my dh’s lease was up, I owned my own (tiny) place. We were engaged and yet, I still didn’t offer my place. We bought a house together. He moved in first and I moved in…	/r/RedPillWomen	14/01/19 11:56 AM
10	Being ghosted after more than a year and struggling The silent treatment in relationships is a form of abuse. So yes- this is an abusive relationship if he ignores you and then comes back over and over. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants you as much as you want them. He is a poor communicator at best and a manipulative asshole at worst. Block his number and move on. It’s a new year, stay single for awhile and learn how to love yourself and be happy alone. Only then will you realize your self-wroth and dignify isn’t tied to…	/r/RedPillWomen	13/01/19 08:41 PM
10	Winding down and sleep ritual ideas for child? Sleep study! Kids can and do have sleep apnea. The other major sleep interrupter is ezcema. Talk to his pediatrician and ask for a pulmonologist consult. Listen for teeth grinding and snoring! Otherwise, your routine is solid. We put on stories on CD. My same age son loves the Land of Stories fairytales CD, Rohld Dale’s narrated CDs, and Curious George. If he keeps getting out of bed, try the Super Nanny method. We’ve had to do that for a couple of our kids. We do co-sleep but encourage them to …	/r/RedPillWomen	12/01/19 09:01 PM
4	Should I share RPW with my mother? I would bet there is a lot more going on in her head than just a need to follow suggestions from the Surrendered Wife. Sounds like she has issues with others as well as your dad... my mom is similar and checks off almost all the boxes for a personality disorder (BPD with a touch of narcissism). I think you offering her relationship advice will probably make you enemy number one. Your best bet will be learning how to minimize how her drama affects you especially as you get older, start becoming i…	/r/RedPillWomen	10/01/19 01:34 PM
2	Am I allowed to ask for orgasms? And you shouldn’t! Hope you guys figure this out together!	/r/RedPillWomen	08/01/19 02:20 PM
1	Career advice for a young woman? Sure! It is a female friendly profession and it was great when I was single! I did critical care which was exciting. It got tough when I was working after our first child. I never had time to pump, I worked day shift 12s so baby was asleep before I left and before I came home. The downsides were- night shift and heavy manual labor. If I knew then what I knew now, I would tell people interested in health care to look into radiology, speech or occupational therapy. The pay increases over time for …	/r/RedPillWomen	07/01/19 07:04 PM
1	Career advice for a young woman? I’ve been married to a doctor since his residency. Of the women who were in his program either dropped out, never married, and one had only one child with her dh as a stay-at-home. My cousin is a ER doc and she worked full-time with her dh as a stay-at-home dad. I truly think in medicine, women can’t have it all. And you especially can’t have babies during residency without being harassed to return ASAP. After residency, the best fields for women who want marriage and babies are the ones where y…	/r/RedPillWomen	07/01/19 12:34 AM
13	I have a LTR with an amazing soft-Alpha man who wants children, but I’m on the fence. Have you two talked about your fears and his expectations? Maybe he doesn’t expect you to suddenly be a wonderful housekeeper and cook once you have kids? Or maybe he’s hoping to be a stay at home dad? My point is- talk to him! My dh and I had this conversation about 6 months into dating in which he said- He didn’t want to marry until he was at least 30 and then have only two kids. That would have meant 4 more years of dating for us and I was absolutely not willing to wait that long and I wanted…	/r/RedPillWomen	06/01/19 12:58 PM
3	Opinions about public school? I homeschool! For various reasons but mostly because a full day of school was not kind to my oldest son’s mental well-being by second grade. I love in a homeschool friendly community where several local schools offer a part-time program and we switched him to part-time. The difference in my son is amazing. His self-esteem sky rocketed. Plus, he actually has more of a social life as a homeschooled kid over a full-day. Also, we repeated him so he’s now the oldest boy instead of the youngest for hi…	/r/RedPillWomen	20/12/18 08:24 AM
3	How to know when to move on You can’t change him. He hasn’t had a steady job and he’s in his thirties with two kids. If having kids isn’t enough motivation, he certainly won’t be convinced by a woman who he hasn’t been motivated enough to marry after three years of dating. It’s time to move on! He might act alpha in bed but an alpha wouldn’t be dependent on a woman to financially support him and his children.	/r/RedPillWomen	11/12/18 07:16 AM
6	How to know when to move on It’s been three years. You aren’t married, you are financially supporting him, cooking and cleaning for him, while he is still enmeshed with his parents and hasn’t fully committed to you aside from offering you sex and the expectation that you will be his maid. You can find a man that will cherish you and treat you well. You are still young! Now you know what to avoid while dating and what qualities you like! There are plenty of men out there still!	/r/RedPillWomen	11/12/18 07:13 AM
3	I'm so tired I’m sorry. I only co-slept with my second for the first couple months bc he had reflux and needed to be propped up so I know how disappointing that can be. He slept in the arms reach co-sleeper on an incline but it wasn’t the same! Anyway, if your husband has a habit of going to bed late, maybe he can take over any night wakening before midnight. Don’t feel bad for going to be early. Your husband’s emotional needs aren’t as important as your health. It’s like when you are on an airplane- they te…	/r/RedPillWomen	07/12/18 10:41 PM
6	I'm so tired I co-sleep with my babies and I’ve always gotten decent sleep. But they all loved to wake up at 5:30/6am and I was still tired. So my husband would get up then and keep baby with him while he got ready for work. Baby would hang with dad while he drank his coffee, sit in a bouncer while he showered, etc. My husband actually really likes this time with them and even now makes breakfast for whoever is up at 6am before he leaves for work between 7-8. That hour or more of sleep I get alone is amazing…	/r/RedPillWomen	07/12/18 01:42 AM
0	Struggling with keeping up? I use alba botanica Hawaiian/pineapple enzyme face wash (and shampoo and conditioner), occasionally the alba Hawaiian facial mask (only 5 mins!) while I’m shaving, and the earth science almond-aloe moisturizer (I use the one with SPF 15 in summer).	/r/RedPillWomen	26/11/18 02:30 AM
15	Struggling with keeping up? I only struggle with a beauty routine after I’ve had babies but I do have some advice that can be helpful! I’m super low maintenance! I brush my teeth after every meal and/or before I leave the house. Some might say this is overkill... but I’ve never had a cavity or any teeth issues and I’m in my mid 30’s. I also will do a swish of mouthwash to freshen up before I leave the house if I’ve recently brushed and haven’t eaten again. Or before my DH comes home. I shower EVERY morning. I wear a shower…	/r/RedPillWomen	25/11/18 06:37 PM
15	Considering other options? Wife of a doctor here. Not sure why you think they are the kind of guy you wouldn’t have to worry about. Having also worked in the hospital, on the floor, I’ve witnessed many women throwing themselves at/having affairs with married doctors... who might not even be physically attractive. The title increases their attractiveness significantly. I don’t worry about my husband straying because I’m pretty secure in our relationship (for many reasons... he’s attractive but so am I, we have a pretty vib…	/r/RedPillWomen	24/11/18 03:10 PM
55	I’m meeting the president... What to wear??? Can’t go wrong with a Ralph Lauren Navy dress (usually hit just above the knees) with 3/4 inch sleeves and some suede navy pointy heels. I have several colors and styles in that brand dress! Oversized pearl earrings and a matching bracelet. I’m not a necklace person but if I was, I would wear one! Edited a typo!	/r/RedPillWomen	18/11/18 12:14 AM
6	Help, I'm stuck. I usually lurk here but I feel I can contribute to this. First- I’m so sorry for your loss. There are free resources available to help with that. Not sure what they are but google can help I’m sure! Next, yes, I was in a similar situation. Dating a miserable guy who was failing at school, jobless leech at your age. I examined my own behavior. Thanks to my awful role model of a mother, I took whatever love was offered. I realized I needed to build myself up. I switched degrees and schools- I swit…	/r/RedPillWomen	14/11/18 01:53 PM
4	I'm back again. This time with my mother. My mom is this way. Lots worse because she is a control freak in everything... like what your mom did to your husband, my mom did to me every visit. The solution was much shorter visits. Like 3 days max. And she STILL stomped on our boundaries... even going so far as to tell my husband how to manage his office and operating room staff/hours. We eventually had to go no contact because if I said anything, she had a good reason for it and would defend herself and work herself up to tantrum levels. …	/r/RedPillWomen	18/10/18 01:47 PM