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sofiacarolina Archive

View 4 posts and 337 comments by sofiacarolina on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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26

even if he does say it. he could easily lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 05:16 AM
25

I’m 29 and in the same place after two consecutive abusive relationships. Ive been voluntarily celibate/basically living a separatist lifestyle for 3 years now while working on myself and all the trauma I’ve accumulated not just from those relationships, but a lifetime of mistreatment at the hands of men. It’s also the longest I’ve ever gone without a relationship or sex. Casual sex would only make me feel used and worse psychologically, it was a form of self harm for me, and I’m the same re bon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 04:30 PM
19

I was going to add in my OG comment that strangely enough I am actually the most anxious person alive! Ive had panic disorder and GAD since 7. not even with any trauma preceding it, I just naturally have a fight/flight system thats always been in overdrive. Maybe bc we’re naturally predisposed to be more aware of our surroundings and be in fight/flight bc of the warrior gene making us more aware of potential dangers and making us fighters back in the day, but since we’re now living in relative s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 06:21 PM
32

I have the warrior gene, too! it’s fascinating. I’m def super aggressive despite female socialization which discourages it, which I always have been rly grateful for lol even though ofc it garners backlash to be anything but submissive as a woman
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 04:39 PM
82

yep, that’s exactly what I told her. women who fake orgasms are helping churn out men who aren’t good at sex/will assume women who don’t fake it are defective bc ‘my ex would always cum while I put no effort into it’ basically. the amount of guys I’ve just told ‘well your ex was faking it, bc most women don’t cum through vaginal penetration’ is daunting. and ofc they won’t believe me bc their precious egos and years of being validated via porn/media and real life partner’s fake orgasms 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 04:57 AM
121

I was JUST having this convo w my mom (were really close obv lol) bc even in my pick me days Ive never ever faked an orgasm whereas she was telling me she would when she was sexually active which seems to be the norm. It frustrates me that women do this, not just for their own lack of satisfaction, but also bc theyre perpetuating in a behavior that encourages male mediocrity, and it fucks us all over (no pun intended) in the long run. enough!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 04:29 AM
22

i’m cuban and the funny thing is atho there are absolutely afro and even asian cubans on the island, the majority of cubans are white and of spanish descent lollll
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 08:26 PM
9

as a woman on the spectrum I feel like your garden variety masculinity and (male) symptoms of autism/aspergers are very similar lol..like men are already not taught to be socially conscious, they’re taught to speak over others, they’re taught to be self involved, they’re not taught how to socialize well, etc. this is also why it’s much more difficult for women to get a diagnosis bc female socialization masks a lot of symptoms/we ‘mask’ more than men (and i think this is due to male socialization…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 05:32 AM
32

yeah i’ve come across some men that didn’t gaf but then in those scenarios i’ve always been too embarrassed (which I shouldn’t bc there’s nothing wrong w period blood or womens body hair buuuut in these situations it works to my advantage as far as holding off on sex) so even with all their pleading and “I don’t care!!”s it didn’t matter lol…maybe try leaning into that internalized shame..lmao jk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 06:51 AM
172

this + don’t shave down there for a bit lmao. I know a hvm would accept women’s body hair but most women including myself no matter how much feminist content they consume still have reservations about a male sex partner seeing them fully grown out down there bc most men are not accepting of it. it’s the number one deterrent i’ve been able to find esp bc i’m hispanic so i’m INCREDIBLY ridiculously hairy. my mom used to do it too when she was younger and she actually gave me that piece of advice l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 03:29 AM
9

im laughing bc the red flag thing is supposed to be about assessing people you'd potentially date...like is he gonna date one of these guys? ignoring the misogynistic content of the post, he's so dumb and so desperate to call women ugly that he's not even using the concept correctly and implying he wants to date a man, an implication that would prob really upset his fragile masculinity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 11:05 PM
58

yes. this was in 2015. I got diagnosed w several chronic illnesses and developed hair loss and acne from them/meds. I have severe bdd so I reacted by not wanting to leave the house bc I had to wear a wig and was covered in acne. I was suicidal everyday. I encouraged my bf to keep going out if he wanted to on the weekends bc I didn’t want him to resent me by having to stay home w me and wanted to be a ‘cool gf’. Well ofc he ended up hanging out with a girl we all knew and all his bros he’d go out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 11:45 PM
21

it absolutely is. she consented to sex but she explicitly did not consent to the act of being peed in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 05:58 PM
16

Oh, I’ve been doing exactly that. I’m 3 years into not dating. Ive been in therapy since age 9 and I’m 28. I’ve been on this sub for the past 2-3 years learning and getting better (it’s helped more than therapy ever has tbh) but I am still nowhere near ready to date yet and I recognize that. It’s difficult tho bc according to therapists, most of the healing from interpersonal trauma comes from being in healthy relationships. Like, you can only do so much healing alone and the rest occurs in rela…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:20 AM
19

yeah, agree. I realize I have some personal issues with receiving gifts that has to do w my own self worth and people pleasing behavior (like I feel like I owe ppl something if I receive a gift so I prefer no gifts at all in any of my relationships, this includes female friendships - my love language score is literally 0 for gift giving or acts of service lol)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 11:52 PM
21

what if you’re not into holidays and don’t like receiving gifts? I guess it’s about the principe of their effort but shouldn’t they be making the same effort always? I hate the concept of v day bc i feel like lots of scrotes can use this one day to compensate for being subpar the rest of the time lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 11:02 PM
76

this is why married men have higher life expectancies than unmarried men, bc their wives are taking on the labor of taking care of their physical health (making doc appointments, urging them to be checked out when they have complaint, etc) that theyre too willingly incompetent to do themselves
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 07:12 PM
40

yes, I do this several times a week and it’s great. My teeth feel as clean as they do after a professional dental cleaning after (altho this is not a replacement for that) and ime it has whitening effects as well I guess bc of the deeper clean? Ive also noticed when I’m consistent with it, my skin is clearer. Don’t know what the correlation w that is but I always recommend it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 07:10 PM
8

Aside from his repugnant behavior that on its own is enough to drop him immediately, the fact that you would consider throwing away your dreams for a man (esp a nvm) is very concerning! you need to pursue what YOU want in life and what will make YOU happy. You are your number one priority! You’re the person you’re going to have to live with your entire life and your happiness depends on you and the choices you make. Staying with someone you’re not even satisfied with out of fear of potential pai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 08:08 PM
324

this. the scrote version of vetting lmao 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 08:41 PM
31

this is why I don’t have men on my social media accounts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 07:35 PM
121

my abusive ex was the same exact way. He refused to cuddle or give me any affection. The only time I ever got any touch was during sex which was also often violent, but I was so touch starved that I would take anything I could get. Glad we’re both out of these situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 07:18 PM
20

oh my god. I’m so glad you’re safe!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 01:43 AM
57

omg how does that not fall under some illegal action like..you could’ve been killed. how is that not attempted murder?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 07:18 PM
10

not plastic surgery per se but relate hard as recovered lip filler addict. I have bad body dysmorphic disorder and Im ngl that I have a ‘wish list’ of procedures I wish I could get if I had expendable money. It’s sad bc even as a radfem and someone w a BA in sociology who knows beauty standards are made up arbitrary patriarchal garbage, it doesn’t change how I feel about myself or my BDD, it only gives me a cause. As far as fathers, I never met my dad (he chose not to be in my life as punishment…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 06:27 AM
4

FDS aside, look into attachment theory. it sounds like you have attachment issues, most likely a dismissive avoidant attachment style. The ideal for healthy relationships is a secure attachment style. Thais Gibson’s youtube channel is a great resource.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 05:33 AM
51

Ive actually read stats about surgery being one of the fields that harbors the most psychopaths. Let me see if I can find a source. edit: According to Dutton, the ten careers with the highest proportion of psychopaths are: CEO Lawyer Media (TV/radio) Salesperson Surgeon Journalist Police officer Clergy Chef Civil servant Dutton K The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success (2012)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:25 AM
69

right, that actually illustrates the depravity even better than fuckzoned. I’ll go one step further and offer ‘holezoned’ bc thats also basically all we are to them, just a few holes, a warm fleshlight to masturbate into 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:41 PM
129

the thing is that even the term fuckzoned doesn’t communicate how awful it is to men bc they ‘wouldn’t mind being fuckzoned’ bc theyre depraved scrotes who just want to get their dick wet, and don’t live in a society where they’re routinely dehumanized and seen as sex objects. but I still think it’s at least a succinct term for the phenomena.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:34 PM
273

Ive always called this getting ‘fuckzoned’ lol 😑 I have no interest in male ‘friendships’ anymore. they don’t offer anything to women (since men lack emotional intelligence and don’t even see us as human, they’re not good friendship material) and are generally only after one thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:26 PM
40

yes, stockholm syndrome usually refers to people who have been abducted but its also used for the cycle with abuse victims and their abuser. its a trauma bond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:08 PM
22

yes. women fought for them for a reason. but now they’re being undone bc it hurts male’s feelings and they need to be validated, bc that’s more important than women’s safety ofc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 07:55 PM
24

you shouldn’t, statistically. it’s unfortunate, but that fear will keep us safer in the long run. a harrowing statistic I recently learned is that pregnant woman are in more danger of being killed by their male partner than by pregnancy complications. oof. and we already know that most women are victimized (assaulted/killed) by men they know (relatives, partners, friends, etc) rather than strangers (ie stranger danger myth).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 07:51 PM
165

meanwhile men literally do murder their children and partners in droves so this is all too morbid and not too far from reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:02 PM
4

thats so true..some of the ppl I know who are into this aesthetic are literally CSA survivors. it reminds me of when ppl reenact trauma through kink but with an aesthetic ..they think they’re embracing it in an empowered position (it now being their ‘choice’) but it rly doesn’t work that way given the societal context.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 05:45 PM
5

yes, would love some reccs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 03:00 AM
275

the backlash was successful, though. liberal aka lipstick feminism is now mainstream and anything more ‘radical’ is reviled
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 06:59 PM
66

this is the realest comment here 👏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 12:38 AM
20

I work for an oncoplastic breast surgeon and it doesn’t even make medical sense - the amount of breast tissue present has nothing to do with cyst formation. he was being an invasive creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 07:14 PM
25

great post. low distress tolerance can also come from trauma such as growing up/living in a chaotic environment for an extended period of time, which makes it so that when you feel any distress you’re overwhelmed bc of being triggered back to that experience and, as you mentioned, may fall back into the maladaptive coping skills you may have developed to get through it. for many of us with trauma, chaos is what we’re used to and the familiar is always attractive to those of us that haven’t put i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:31 PM
41

I don’t want to get married, I never have. It’s a patriarchal bargain I don’t wanna be a part of- the stats for women who are married aren’t good. Unmarried women are happier and live longer while married men are happier and live longer because of all the labor women tend to put in (esp if children are in the picture, which I also don’t want any part of). Of course you can try to change the dynamics as much as possible and try to find a HVM so that it’ll be diff but I think it’d be like pushing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 01:28 AM
44

men have and will literally fuck couches
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:53 PM
6

sending you love and support ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 12:43 AM
10

this reminds me of when a girl I knew years ago gave her then bf these special task/reward tickets that she handmade herself for his bday…it was basic relationship stuff as the tasks he needed to complete w various sex acts as rewards on the other side. it was so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 01:20 AM
54

nah apparently TB was quoted as saying he wanted to put a bullet in his ex wife’s head. don’t trust any man esp celebs - celeb world attracts abusive narcs it seems
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:32 PM
94

this is such a good contribution to the sub and I feel like there should be a deep dive post on attachment styles in general. Anyways, I totally agree and especially if you have an anxious attachment style please avoid these men. They will make your anxious attachment worse (and can even make otherwise securely attached people anxious). What’s dangerous though is that anxiously attached people tend to be attracted to avoidants and it keeps us in a perpetual cycle of being retraumatized and not h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 02:50 AM
105

I used to be as horrible as the most misogynist of men (except without the institutional power to back me up ofc so not rly as horrible but you get what I’m saying). So much self hatred and so much internalized misogyny due to being bullied/never fitting in led to me happily finding my niche as this edgy ‘not like other girls’ pickme. I was openly sexist, racist, homophobic - it didn’t help that I was homeschooled for a couple years and socialized solely with teenage boys online. I craved their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:04 AM
31

as someone who is allergic to eggs this really touched me 🥺 ty Alfred!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 10:59 PM
68

prob one of the microfiber ones that help your hair dry faster and with less frizz edit: ive also read (and tried) wrapping ur wet hair up in a cotton t shirt can be helpful for smoother hair (it works) but it def isn’t as fast as the microfiber which basically absorbs all the water quicker
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 04:32 AM
8

HAHAHAHA both of my abusive exes LOVED their dogs and treated them well. I think because they loved the authority and control they could exercise over them and a pet always loves you unconditionally. so it could go either way when it comes to animals, not inherently a green flag at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 10:33 PM
23

I’m so sorry. This is so unfair to you that you have to experience this in what should be a safe space and that he’d put you in the position of having to know about his depravity (no shame or consideration) and navigating it especially w besides the age gap, the power dynamics at play bc of his status as a mentor of a university department… I don’t know what you can do other than ignore and distance yourself, but I can tell you a very similar thing happened to me with my own advisor in my apartm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 12:28 AM
52

I agree this is such a good example of virtue signaling. His actions contradict his words/stances entirely..as well as his friend group. I don’t believe for a second that he isn’t exactly like his friends when he’s actually around them but then plays the ‘woke ally’ role w OP when he’s with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 01:23 AM
10

“what we not finna do is waste our damn time, especially not on no loser”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 07:44 PM
40

🍻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 05:00 AM
5

exactly. it’s a shame this is stuff DBT doesn’t teach you bc it’s literally lifesaving and prevents further trauma. what good are dbt skills if you’re with an abuser? (I always used to ask this in dbt and was met with silence hah. I don’t like how dbt always assumes you’re overreacting/in the wrong bc you have bpd)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:33 PM
4

that’s so true! at the same time implementing FDS has helped me manage my BPD a lot bc it addresses and curbs behaviors that would manifest due to BPD (desperation/fear of being alone causing me to ignore red flags, casual sex as self harm, low standards, no boundaries, doing anything for male approval, chasing after emotionally unavailable nvm/lvm..etc). ofc most women due to our socialization do many of the things listed, but it’s exacerbated with BPD due to our trauma/lower self esteem/attach…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:27 PM
5

another FDSer with BPD here. this is solid advice that I don’t rly have much more to add to, but I just wanted to comment letting you know that you’re doing all the right things, I’m rooting for you, you’re not alone, and I’m here if you wanna talk - just reach out ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:02 PM
62

actually, they unfortunately call ‘violence attracted persons’ kinky these days 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 09:44 PM
151

JOKER AND HARLEY QUINN TYPA LUV 🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:28 PM
47

and trucks with HANGING BALLSACKS. I want to cut them off so bad but that would be illegal. sad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:07 PM
131

ooof also he’s totally going to be different now that theyre married /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 09:31 PM
106

sorry I cant edit title but CW for domestic violence/abuse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 08:08 PM
7

exactly. I’ll wear thongs If I’m gonna be doing sexual things w a guy or bc the clothes I’m wearing require thongs (lest panty lines) but they’ll be cotton/cheap simple lacy ones from like Target hahaha. and a bra is a bra is a bra. it’s for practical purposes, I’m not gna wear a specific type (push up/lacey or whatever) for someone’s pleasure, esp when ime they’re not comfortable and more expensive…and I don’t see men doing the equivalent for women. The most I’ll do is matching thong/bra colors…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:09 AM
16

i’ve never worn ‘special’ lingerie in my life. what a waste of money. it’s going to come off anyways. We’re already putting in so much effort in every aspect of our lives to be more desirable for men. even if you enjoy sexy lingerie and think you’re doing it for yourself, why does it make you feel good? why does it make you feel sexy? it all goes back to the internalized male gaze. I broke up w my abusive NVX when he told me to put on something sexy for him and put on some makeup before having s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:30 PM
11

wooow way to make a women’s retreat an unsafe space for women. We cant have anything. glad you stood your ground.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 04:30 PM
31

exactly bc I assume that’s how..you get to know ppl?? by sharing things about yourself?? ugh it’s hard idgi. I do think I may be on the spectrum tho (women are notoriously under/misdiagnosed) so that makes things a bit difficult. For example I cant lie or keep things to myself, it physically hurts to do so. it’s second nature for me to be totally honest about all things despite any social rules so being strategic about anything is incredible difficult for me. I’ve always been this way with every…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 04:11 AM
69

oh yes I’ve read about this but only with insecurities, never with traumatic events..although it seems like a good strategy. I don’t know how I feel about the ethics of making up a traumatic event or what I’d even lie about 🤔 I hate being so compulsively open and awful at manipulation/strategy lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:19 AM
139

I need this message drilled into my head. I’m someone who has so much trauma (and yes I’m in therapy and have been since age 9) that I don’t know how to not talk about it, it’s such a huge part of my life (not that I’m defined by it, but it’s obv part of the reason I am the way I am). I will tell anyone everything about me in hopes that they will do the same, trying so badly to forge intimacy, but the average person (and even more the average man) doesn’t care at best, or at worst will use it ag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 12:39 AM
16

that’s a good point and I just remembered that when I was engaging in casual sex with men/fwb, I’d always have to be drinking when I was with them. They made me feel utterly dehumanized and that was my way of making it tolerable/trying to enjoy it. Awful. Im no puritan when it comes to substances but they do play a huge part in facilitating casual sex and women letting their guard down, if not full on coercion and date r*pe. Fun fact: First wave feminists were actually largely behind prohibition…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:30 AM
78

It literally feels like I have to converse for myself and the man and it’s so exhausting. it feels like a one woman show 🤦🏻‍♀️ I saw a meme the other day alluding to this about how every single man this woman has been with has been so boring she’s done all the work so rly she’s fallen in love with herself. lmao. youre spot on about how men interact with us as if we’re men (men with vaginas) bc the way men bond is very interesting: they don’t talk. like they don’t have deep conversations, they do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:27 AM
10

👏🏻 proud of you for realizing and doing whats healthiest for your well-being in the future
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:11 AM
40

as a fellow womand w androgenic alopecia thanks for bringing this up ❤️ and for raising awareness. I’ve commented about it before on another thread once. Reassuring to see someone else in this sub experiencing the same things (although it’s a fucking awful experience to go thru as a woman). I don’t personally care if a man is balding, but I do not expect any man to accept the same in a woman. the double standard is ridiculous. I’m still able to hide mine somewhat and I treat it in every way poss…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 08:53 PM
105

yep, and they get off on that entire dynamic too. it feeds their ego and makes them feel powerful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:30 PM
68

‘bigger dead fish’ LMAO. People rly don’t think fishing is as bad bc fish aren’t seen as special for arbitrary reasons despite being sentient beings that feel pain, but I equate those -posing with dead fish- pics with posing with any other dead animal/trophy hunting..I think it’s a red flag for a man to find joy in hurting or killing an animal and then documenting and bragging about it. it’s also a huge display of desperately trying to appear all powerful, rugged, and masculine, which is like..w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:17 PM
10

holy shit, such a similar experience here as far as talking for 3 months, but we only saw each other twice within those 3 months bc he lived a couple hours away. It was the longest I’d spoken to and gotten to know a guy without having sex w him and then being ghosted, so I guess that’s why I got rly attached bc there was actual bonding and consistency that occurred, but I still get disappointed in myself and my personal progress when I think about how much it affected me, and how even now I stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:13 PM
70

yep, and they always treat you well until they get what they want and then withdraw (which is literally a tactic of abuse) so then you question yourself, what you did wrong, what you can do to get that person back, and it becomes this neurochemical cycle that is proven to literally be addictive (hence why it’s so hard for women to leave abusers/toxic on and off relationships) bc of the highs and lows, with the addictive dopamine/endorphin rush that occurs with the highs keeping you addicted and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:57 PM
155

It literally feels like societal gaslighting/crazy-making. I know now I am not ever engaging in sex with a man until he’s emotionally invested/committed, but any man can still play the long game and manipulate you for the purpose of sex; hell, he can even go as far as to ask you to be his gf and feign commitment for it, and it’s like how can you really know for sure? even following fds guidelines, it still feels like a gamble
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:52 PM
16

Have you had any experiences with potential men while you’ve been celibate? bc although it’s been 2.5 years since I’ve had casual sex, I did ‘talk’ to one guy this past summer and despite not engaging in casual sex like my past self would have, I still got just as attached and heartbroken when things didn’t work out (he led me on, was so great at first and then became verbally abusive and hot/cold so I ended it), and that really disappointed me bc I thought not having sex would make it easier to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:48 PM
78

In my experience the LVMs are harder to get over than the NVMs bc there’s that little smidgeon of potential there that we grip onto and idealize and project our fantasies on. whereas if they’re totally awful it’s much easier to see them for what they are and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:43 PM
218

exactly! we’re socialized to seek male validation and it’s so hard to unlearn what’s been instilled in us. Like even with the awareness of how it is and why it is that way, I still struggle with craving it. But through my awareness of how men operate and how depraved the majority truly are, I’ve been able to take them off the pedestal I was socialized to put them on and build enough self respect to refrain from allowing them to use me the way they used to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:40 PM
132

you and I are most women tbh, a lot of them just won’t be honest to others and themselves about it. For me my first sexual experiences were within a long term relationship I was in from 17-24. Since I was a virgin when we got together, I waited to have sex with him until a couple months into the relationship after we were official. But after we broke up and I re entered the dating scene in my mid 20s, it was totally different since I was no longer a virgin and didn’t know how to navigate sex whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:02 PM
809

The problem is so many women are in denial about how unfulfilling and even traumatizing hookup culture/casual sex is. They won’t be honest with themselves about it and just keep engaging in it on autopilot, blaming themselves when things don’t work out (bc most are seeking relationships while operating within the confines and practices of hookup culture which aren’t conducive to forming relationships/bonds). And reflecting and realizing that this is what the majority of men want, to use your bod…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:44 PM
123

the term for this is flying monkeys I believe (coined after the wicked witch from wizard of oz’s flying monkeys). abusers purposefully strategically make positive connections and impressions with people (esp people with power) to have them as backup/support if they’re ever accused, or to dissuade victims from accusing them bc victims know they’ll be outnumbered by those who have been manipulated to perceive the abusers as good people
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 07:33 AM
175

I’ve always gotten the same feedback and I take it as a compliment, too. I’ve also been told it makes me more unapproachable and I do find that I get less men trying to mess with me in public due to this aura. The truly depraved ones won’t care ofc, but it keeps the average ‘nice guy’ away I think. I agree that intimidating is just code for women who project confidence or who are more assertive; however, it’s not an entire failsafe since men get off on breaking down strong women sometimes even m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 01:50 AM
7

whaaat? wondering if she’s being used by a tool by the producers to create conflict/drama~. shes prob not even an actual waitress but hired by the show? everything is usually staged in these things. the men are still reacting and showing us who they really are, though, regardless if she’s been hired/staged to flirt with them or not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 08:59 PM
108

does this man scream closeted and insecure to anyone else?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 06:52 PM
2

I was this friend once. It’s sad because no one should suffer esp when it’s preventable, esp with the advice youre providing, but.. you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. As others have said, this is something she’s prob going to have to learn for herself. You’re a great friend and I would suggest you continue what you’re doing as far as being there to support and reaffirm things every time she makes these mistakes and gets hurt. However there is also the chance that she m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 04:42 PM
188

I love the mullet and his opinions lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:13 PM
19

I was gna comment something along the lines of ‘well I’m just looking forward to my halloween photo shoot in my bedroom’ lmao. cheers to us -clink-
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 04:56 AM
37

omg yes way better. i’ve actually been compared to the character in it w guys insinuating i have teeth in my vagina and they’re prob trying to neg but I tell them it’s a compliment, I love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:35 PM
90

make them watch Jennifer’s Body with you 🥰 it still contains gratuitous sexy shots of megan fox and an unnecessary scene of her and her best friend making out, but otherwise it’s men being eaten alive so it’s a fun one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 08:52 PM
34

I’m not familiar with this youtuber but I’m looking forward to watching her vids. I’m 28 now but I remember when I was in my teens I also thought I was asexual for the same reason. Even in my late teens I still felt that way - it wasn’t until my 20s that I really started experiencing sexual attraction. We all develop at different paces and that’s totally okay. Im glad I listened to my body/didn’t give into societal pressure for the most part and waited to engage in sexual activities. There is th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 08:28 PM
5

I lack object permanence too, but it doesn’t get in the way of functioning as much as my lack of spatial/environmental awareness does (like for example being 28 and still struggling to drive due to it 😩). I have major anxiety like I said so I also don’t know if a stimulant would help since even caffeine causes me to have major panic attacks. I’d still like a diagnosis though bc I want to know wtf is wrong with me lol. it suuuucks. But yeah, I take all the precautions you mentioned as far as loca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:23 PM
4

no yeah I agree, if you read my other comment I elaborate a bit. I basically only have the music on super high when I’m in a super busy crowded place bc all the stimuli there is what gives me major anxiety, but also those are the only places I go to if at all (bc COVID/homebody). Im never alone or in isolated places and if I was I’d put my volume down so I could be more aware of my surroundings. But usually i’m in a store or a mall, that sort of place. however if I was in like a dark parking lot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:07 PM
14

this is true and good advice, thank you. it’s tough for me bc it’s a coping mechanism for my anxiety and the lack of awareness of my environment also has to do with possible autism/add (pursuing a diagnosis but it’s hard getting diagnosed as a female). So I can only work on it so much bc my mind is like..literally incapable of environmental awareness. I even have issues learning to drive bc I won’t even notice pedestrians or a stop sign. It just doesn’t register. It’s like a serious cognitive de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:02 PM
22

I always have mine on the highest volume which is prob not safe lmao but it helps my anxiety to drown out the world as much as possible bc all the stimuli overwhelms me if that makes sense? so the loud music helps keep me in a safe contained experience. I def lower the volume if I’m alone and someone could be following me (rarely in this sitch tho) or if I notice a creep but otherwise I’m so oblivious (headphones or not, I’m such an oblivious unobservant person lmao I have to work on it but idk …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 05:53 PM
95

I go everywhere with headphones on (music helps my anxiety) and I’ve noticed it keeps people away and I love it. Also do not ever make eye contact. the combo of headphones + no eye contact rly creates an unapproachable aura I swear. obv the onus shouldn’t be on us, we should be able to go out and about without having to worry, but we have to do what we have to do to stay safe and unbothered
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 04:38 PM
22

HAHAHAHA not in my experience. they do not have the self awareness to even think of compensating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:18 AM
157

so true, they even took the Ex That Got Away for granted while they were with them, but now that they’re not with them they pine for them because they ALWAYS WANT WHAT THEY DONT/CANT HAVE. It’s almost like they’re only stimulated by the chase and ultimately incapable of love (this is personally my conclusion, and it’s a sad one. men cannot love a woman the way that a woman can love a man due to the different ways we’ve been socialized).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:16 AM
41

same here Ive never cared bc I’m 5 feet tall but there is usually a difference in terms of complexes when it comes to short vs taller guys so just watch out for those red flags from shorter guys 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 09:06 PM
94

god i live in this hellhole too, the pickings are so slim and by slim i mean short
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 09:04 PM
50

toxic masculinity is a redundant term. masculinity as in the socially constructed set of behaviors and roles that the male sex class is socialized into in order to dominate/subjugate women and perpetuate/ensure patriarchy is inherently toxic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 07:18 AM
43

my ex was like this. Due to his fear of needles I had to beg him to visit me in the hospital when I had to undergo a cardiac procedure and when he finally did visit me he made me cover the IV with my blanket and kept cringing at me because he was so uncomfortable, not showing any concern or compassion for me at any moment, and making it all about himself and his discomfort. so awful. traits like these have consequences and are not benign little idiosyncrasies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 04:47 AM
62

masculinity = not showing vulnerability no matter the consequences
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 02:14 AM
12

as a woman with female pattern thinning brought on by androgenic birth control at age 22 (so, also caused by the lack of medical research into/concern for women’s health/wellbeing when I wasn’t even warned this could be a potential side effect, and if you google it’s so sad the amount of women whove experienced this, something so devastating [obv bc society values our looks above all and hair being an important part of ~femininity~ but i also have body dysmorphic disorder so you can imagine the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 10:18 PM
264

this tactic is so redundant bc it doesn’t prevent you from undergoing the unpleasant and potentially traumatizing/dangerous experience of sleeping with someone awful, rather it’s a matter of timing instead of prevention. it just reminds me of all the times ive slept with a man when i didn’t actually want to or ended up regretting it later, and how it felt like i sexually assaulted myself in the process. like that shit is actually really psychologically damaging (and potentially physically damagi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 04:08 AM
8

this is exactly how I justified the violent sex my abusive ex would have with me. I had only been with one man before and he was like a robot in bed, so being hit and strangled felt like passion in comparison to not being touched at all. also couple that with the fact that most abusers tend to withhold affection making it so that when you do finally have sex, even if it’s awful violent sex, youre finally being shown some sort of physical ‘affection’ which then reaffirms the cycle of abuse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 06:58 PM
36

who would even do a poll like that??? sociopaths
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 04:56 PM
13

exactly..I always say there’s no such thing as jokes such as these bc that thought literally had to occur in his brain
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 04:54 PM
2

yeah, I don’t usually like them bc I have rejection/abandonment issues and as silly as it may sound, it hurts me when an animal doesn’t like me bc it triggers those wounds..yes, I’m aware i’m projecting my psychological issues onto cats which is a little nuts, at least I’m self aware! lmao. i’ve become better about it over the years and have learned to like them more bc theyre animals after all and I do love animals. when I was younger and in a lot of pain over these issues I literally hated the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 10:13 PM
31

I plan on owning firearms, as well. Lots of libs will get angry about it but I believe women should be armed and know their way with guns. They’ll throw statistics at us like well youre more likely to be harmed by your own weapon but most people don’t get adequate training as far as handling firearms and I wonder if that’s why that’s the case. I cant imagine relying only on what…pepper spray? a rape whistle??! THE POLICE? LOL. seriously though, imagine what a diff it would make if more women wer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 07:35 AM
24

yeah, I have 0 men in my life by choice, but it still gets me down (anger, depression) because it’s ubiquitous whether or not there are actual individual men around me. there’s no way to not be exposed to it if you’re alive and breathing. and there’s this pervasive hopelessness because the circles that should be combating this pretend to care but keep us going backwards. Like I used to channel it all into feminism but then gave up on that a couple years ago due to the popularity of counterproduc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 05:21 AM
242

I don’t want to live in this world anymore. How do you guys keep going with all this misogyny and male violence around us? It’s hard to not feel hopeless. RIP queen. I hope her murderer rots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:15 AM
17

This is such a great breakdown. The line about being taught to not empathize with women bc that’s what it means to be a man…oof. Male socialization summarized right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 04:13 AM
34

god how did you know I’m watching GG atm?!? It’s my first time watching and i’m already on second ep of a year in the life (already knew spoilers but thanks for the spoiler alert). I cannot believe this is the second time she’s sleeping with a man who has an SO. It’s so awful (it takes two to tango of course but … I cannot). I love logan physically/personality wise, but he’s a cheater so he’s out. Dean is also a cheater. Jess is an emotionally unavailable asshole but he doesn’t cheat with anyone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 01:30 AM
49

god yeah this is so true, I’ve experienced it. I had always avoided dating hispanic men due to the machismo but then I ended up getting lovebombed by one and ended up in a relationship with him. No surprise, he ended up being an abuser (not bc he was hispanic but no surprise bc of the lovebombing which is part of the cycle of abuse). I was used to white guys which ime tend to be more detached and so this was an entirely diff approach I wasn’t used to, although like I said it was emphasized bc th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 08:41 PM
102

I’m hispanic so I understand what you’re saying, but is there any culture that doesn’t push some form of machismo? In the sense that male socialization is pretty much the same wherever you go in that it socializes men to subjugate women in service of patriarchy. The only difference is that some cultures are more blatantly obvious about it than others, but at the end of the day it’s all to the same effect. Maybe in some non patriarchal society it’s different, but you’d have to go scouting for an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 07:49 PM
15

GDI now I’m mad that I never hooked up with the last guy I had a thing with bc he was the first guy I’ve seen with a really girthy dick specifically towards the base. It looked like a weird tree trunk, kinda deformed lmao, but I wonder if I would’ve finally experienced the mythological penetrative orgasm. Then again I’m happy I wasn’t another notch on his belt..but I wonder..all my friends are like girth is where it’s at! But I haven’t had the opportunity to SAMPLE it yet. 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 03:37 AM
20

holy shit, I had no idea it was a sexually dimorphic trait. that’s so cool! the more you know ~
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 05:43 AM
13

‘he’s personally dead’ HAHA this is what I always tell people when talking about men who have wronged me. like ‘he died, so..’ or ‘too bad he’s dead’ and people will always be like WAIT WHAT?? and I have to clarify like ‘DEAD TO ME!’ haha..it helps ok. but yes, that was exactly the situation with this guy, too. I’m a pretty entertaining person and it’s really hard to find someone else who makes me laugh, and men are SO boring, making it usually feel like i’m running a one woman show, but this gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 11:45 PM
38

god this is super relatable. I ALWAYS fall for guys with demons like this. The more tortured and especially emotionally unavailable, the more I want them obv bc of the challenge aspect but also bc I have a rescuer complex 🙄 Ik the bar is low but that is great he backed off. this guy who said ‘i’m dead inside’ just kept doing the push/pull dance on my emotions and it messed me up big time. All I saw was his potential. Then he started breadcrumbing me and I then finally cut things off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:54 PM
93

“I’m dead inside”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 08:18 PM
3

same experience here. I was so desperate for passion of any kind that I settled for it in the form of an abusive relationship. Hope you’re safe now. Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 07:04 PM
23

This! When I was being lovebombed by my narc ex, my body was not liking it..It was literally in fight or flight mode. I had no idea why. I assumed I was ‘lovesick’ or something. I had to go to the ER because I had constant tachycardia for days. They tested me and everything was fine. I even would joke about it with people like ‘Im so into him, I had to go to the ER!’ Now looking back, I know that I had subconsciously picked up on the cues that that guy was dangerous and my body was warning me, b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:25 PM
5

I noticed this too. I’ve seen Missing white woman syndrome used by misogynists to dismiss the case, but it’s still an important conversation to have, and factor to address (that being race). The first time I watched the body cam footage, I actually had to laugh bc it was so ridiculous to see the way they asked Brian if he was armed and just took his word for it. No suspicion, no pat down, absolutely nothing. It wasn’t just male camaraderie that was on display, but white male camaraderie specific…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 01:23 AM
56

yeah, attractive men are awful. I mean so are ugly ones because they all have the same male socialization and ingrained misogyny and entitlement either way..but idk..there’s something particularly bad about a man who knows he’s good looking and thus believes he can get away with shit. but i’ve also been with more average or even ugly dudes who I’ve been attracted to as well and the moment you pay attention to them they think they’re hot shit just like the attractive men do lol so it’s the same t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 08:52 PM
22

No, never. I am however a more dominant person and tend to ‘wear the pants’ in serious relationships (which is bs bc things should be equal but unfortunately there’s always an inevitable power dynamic). The only exceptions to this have been two abusive relationships i’ve been in (one of the abusers was definitely a closeted gay man and I have sm trauma from that experience and how sexually undesirable he made me feel). I’ve also been told Im really intimidating and unapproachable which I take as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 08:29 PM
49

Yep totally agree. I also apparently have a rly bad gaydar? bc many of my friends and most importantly my mom (mom knows best lmao) are always like ‘he’s gay’ and I just don’t listen bc I truly can’t tell 😂😭 until after the fact then I see all the red flags I missed..it’s honestly a running joke at this point, why am I a beard/rehab center for all these broken closeted men? It’s 2021! please love yourselves and leave me the f alone! lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 08:18 PM
100

YES. I honestly feel like most of the men I’ve been with have been closeted gay if not at least bi. idk how to talk about it without coming off as homophobic, but nothing else would explain their deep self hatred, homophobia, compensatory performance of masculinity, and their distaste for oral sex LOL. then again, thats also just your run of the mill male socialization and misogyny, like even heterosexual men truly hate women, so it’s hard to tell. I don’t understand why they even have sex with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 08:01 PM
51

I just added this edit to my og comment but this makes it impossible for me to have a rotation of men to date like FDS suggests. Like I prob see or meet ONE guy I find attractive ONCE a year, if at all lmao. How am I going to meet a handful of them? I’d have to settle for guys I’m not attracted to, which I’m not doing lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:53 PM
352

I’m 28 and feel like a damn teenage girl bc I only have crushes on male celebs due to how ugly all the men around me are lol 😭 like it’s so bad that I’ve even questioned whether I’m asexual before! but I’m def not, that’s just how bad it is out here! it’s also rly devastating bc the slim pickings available then set me up for hyperfixation when I do find a guy Im into, bc it’s such a rarity and I’ve been so deprived, which I know is super unhealthy. Working on that…😬 edit: this is also why having…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:40 PM
19

it rly goes to show how male as default/ male defined everything is that women have to create alternative terminology and concepts for what half of the human population experiences lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:35 PM
12

the cause of it is denial as a coping mechanism. also intelligence =\= critical thinking skills sometimes unfortunately, esp when brainwashed by lib feminism which totes that if you question sex positivity then youre sex negative/anti feminist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 07:34 PM
41

yeah, this sadly isn’t the first time I’ve heard anecdotes about this phenomena! this is the first time I’ve read about a man drinking formula, though, lmao 😬 poor woman, poor baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:29 AM
188

omg. I wonder if he’s one of those scrotes that gets jealous when their wife has a child and is paying attention to the kid instead of them, hence why he wanted to split things 50/50 (not for equity reasons but so that his wife isn’t spending so much time with the child) and is taking out his contempt on the kid by drinking his formula or as some weird coping mechanism for how possessive he feels over his wife now that he’s not the only male (i think the fact the child is a son is a big part of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:43 AM
27

Also wanted to add that even without orgasming in a vagina (aka the ever popular pull out method) a woman can still be impregnated. Pre cum. I am the source of the pull out method that my narc PHYSICIAN father thought was reliable (it’s effective 78% of the time according to google), then he got angry that my mom didn’t wanna abort/asked for child support, so he vowed to not be in my life as punishment. this all could’ve been prevented if he’d just…worn a condom if he didn’t want a kid. It shoul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:11 AM
5

I know, this guy is the epitome of the manipulative sad boy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 10:31 PM
9

shes also an alt right trump supporter that conveniently hides her political beliefs from her followers lol. ofc some of her stuff is good and we can separate the content creator from the content to a degree lmao but i always like to inform people of this in case they didn’t know and would rather not support her. the.wellness.therapist has tons of receipts in her insta highlights as well as receipts from others etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 07:54 PM
25

oh it’s the high school and college we attended and not new scrote terminology lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 09:56 AM
108

right, notice he didn’t even deny that it was for sexual purposes? I saw a thread on xx chromosomes where a woman’s boyfriend’s friend confessed to her bf that he had jerked off to her instagram selfies which she noted were not revealing or sexual in the slightest. it’s terrifying how men are so depraved and pornsick that any image of a woman, even the most modest selfie, can be turned into sexual material for them. it feels like virtual assault. this is why I don’t even accept males onto my soc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 01:29 AM
197

for the helga pataki style shrine in their closet. jk we’re literally like pokémon cards to them, to collect as trophies and show to their friends. its less about actual sexual pleasure and so much more abour possession…which also applies to the way they view sex since it’s the same way they treat women they’ve had sex with as just another notch on their belt. reminds me of how dworkin described pornography as men possessing women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 01:23 AM
119

note: I blocked/did not engage any further after this ofc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:33 PM
2

i’m personally motivated by the fact that I want to create my own happiness rather than relying on anyone else to make me happy and personally what I’ve always wanted to do is travel - it may sound crazy to some but literally living out a van and traveling around the US has always been a dream of mine and I recently decided to pursue it instead of waiting around for someone to do it with me, and so obviously driving is a necessity for that..so that’s what’s been motivating me. other than that, i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 09:45 PM
8

same recent experience, except his line was ‘I’m dead inside’ 😑 I sympathized instead of running like I shouldve
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:48 PM
10

I’m finally fully committing myself to learning how to drive. I’m 28 and have what I believe to be undiagnosed ADD and dyspraxia which has made it super difficult to learn, but I’m giving it another try and not giving up this time. this is my second week of practicing and so far so good!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:33 PM
39

mhm, I agree with what she’s saying about men befriending women usually only to have sex with them, but when she said they can’t control themselves..nah. that’s rape culture bs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 06:18 AM
5

yeah, I was never able to expose them until locally someone created a page that allowed people to submit abusers/their stories anonymously. it’s totally understandable that you can’t expose them, and anyways your safety and sanity are the priority. I know how frustrating it is, especially because there’s no justice for what they’ve done and will continue to do. it’s best to just focus on yourself and your healing. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 11:04 PM
9

i’m so sorry you went through that, too. locally I have tried to as best as I could, anonymously, without endangering myself. I don’t know if you’re capable of that but I def felt it was necessary for me and the safety of others (altho ofc not everyone will believe you but I felt I had to do what I could as far as sharing my experiences and it was def a part of my specific healing journey). also once you know one, you know them all. at least we can easily identify them now and stay the fuck away…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 10:58 PM
11

thank you for the sweet comment! it sounds so silly to describe it because of how childish the behavior was but it’s really important for others to be able to recognize the warning signs and that this will likely escalate further.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 10:33 PM
37

me! or asked myself if I’m asexual because it’s so rare for me to be attracted to a guy irl. turns out I just have standards 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:07 PM
54

any guy that will do this will do worse. it’s the principle of the action which is pinning the person down and making them endure something unpleasant for their entertainment. that’s sociopathic. someone who loves and respects you would not gain pleasure or entertainment from doing that to you. my abusive ex did this to me once except he pinned me down and shoved his finger that he had just had in his sweaty butt crack in my face, rubbing it into my skin. he laughed maniacally while i screamed a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 04:26 PM
62

exactly. I was talking to my mom about this the other day. She would hit me even as a baby and I told her imagine how traumatizing and confusing it was for the same person that loves me and cares for me one moment to hit me the next. your parents relationship with you is supposed to be a model of what love/a healthy relationship is. so you eventually implicitly learn that that’s part of ‘love’. and of course it does a number on your self worth. the consequences of that are devastating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:43 PM
32

The amount of times I fell for this -___- and if you do eventually see them, they learn this behavior is acceptable and will keep pulling this, just stringing you along intermittently
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 05:26 PM
2

Same here! Im 5’1”, 117, and im a size 4-6 usually. I think it has to do w proportions. My waist is 26 inches while my hips are 38 inches (theyre not even that wide at all, it’s just my bubble butt adding the inches) so even tho my waist is on the smaller side, I cant fit into smaller sizes because of my butt. And this is why the one pair of jeans I have are from fashion nova lmao. And then a dress is impossible bc itll fit well around my butt but not my waist, etc. i have to stick to slip dress…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 01:51 PM
6

It's okay, I'm just happy he has never been in my life because if he was (as my mom wishes he had been at first because she was in love with him, going against what was best for her and her child, although now she agrees with what Im saying) I would have way more trauma for sure. So him not being in my life was a blessing, even though I'd rather not have been born in this situation at all. It's also totally turned me off from ever having kids which I'm really thankful for! lol. I just wish peopl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 12:13 AM
16

Wish I could stay in my room upvoting this comment for eternity lmao, and I say this as the child of a single mom who was so in love w my abusive dad that one of the main reasons she decided to have me 'to have a part of him forever'. I've never met my dad because he promised he wouldnt be in my life as soon as she asked for child support. it's unfair and not the right reason to have a kid, just like having a kid to save a marriage or force a man to grow up (he wont) isnt either. the trauma kids…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 10:52 PM
29

Lately Ive been noticing a correlation with the philosophy of stoicism and incels/misogynists. They flock to it for some reason, I think some of the men they worship mustve started espousing it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 07:00 AM
7

Well a consequence of the surgery was not supposed to be pain with sex, so it sounds botched (unless they warned you of that possibility and you still agreed to it). :/ Maybe there's some physical therapy or something that could help...I cant believe this shit, I hope your ex rots
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 12:04 AM
5

oh my god im so sorry what the fuck. Can you sue the doctor for damages or something!?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 11:56 PM
30

omg I didnt make the connection between the psychology of small/average dicks and hurting a woman to feel more secure about their size. I just assumed it was pornsickness but youre so right that it's both. What's fucked up is he didn't even ever do anything performance wise..he just laid there 'like a starfish' (the way men say women do lol the irony) while I did everything, basically servicing him.. And sometimes he'd even watch the TV behind my head. Def a power thing to show me I was insignif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 10:33 PM
10

Yeah, literally anything they say to put you down is an abuse tactic. They want to make you feel insecure so that you rely on them for validation and so that they can control you that way, making you think no one else would want you. it's deplorable. I'm glad you're out too <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 10:30 PM
42

he was a textbook narcissist, so yeah extremely insecure and had to constantly compensate. I wish I'd defended myself but at least I was the one to end things when the physical abuse really escalated. Ironically he had been with over 100 women and constantly bragged about it, bc of course that's seen as something to brag about and not at all disgusting /s. I remember he'd also brag about how his ex wouldnt be able to walk after they had sex lol never happened to me bruv. guess I have a monstrous…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 09:20 PM
119

and even if your body count is low they'll still find a way to spin it and put you down..example: my abusive ex was the second guy i'd ever slept with. He told me I was loose in comparison to his ex who had been with more men despite me only having been with two guys because I had been with my first boyfriend for 7 years, so I had had way more consistent sex like someone with a higher body count. LMFAO. If a guy told me that now I'd laugh at them for not knowing how vaginas work, but back then i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 07:48 PM
80

yes, he does, because he thinks women are all just waiting for him to hit them up with open legs and open mouths because women arent people with their own lives, theyre just toys for him to play with when he feels like it and that's what he feels entitled to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:20 PM
188

'no excuses'???? ok rapist. and he expects you to stop everything youre doing and run over to him immediately when you havent even exchanged a convo. the entitlement is strong with this one. and already using abusive tactics within the first convo. glad you defended yourself and dodged the bullet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:15 PM
27

this guy said 'anime harem' in total seriousness. oh....my...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:45 AM
10

yeah, that's what I was gonna say. I dont feel bad for that sad little boy, either. FOH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 11:13 PM
87

Thank your past self you didn't put out, though - that wouldve left you feeling SO much worse. You did the right thing and dodged a huge bullet. You didnt give that mf anything of yourself. I've been there so many times except I did put out...it's the worst feeling in the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 06:52 PM
6

Omg I was recently going through my comp deleting old stuff and I had this saved on my computer (apparently since 2014) lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 09:11 PM
170

YES. Came here to post this. There’s also another quote ive read that goes something like ‘men make up elaborate games so they can touch each other.’ Male camaraderie is homoerotic as hell and also built on a foundation of misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:13 AM
75

This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:12 AM
17

Lmao. Always. I didn't even get sex ed...love living in a red state! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 11:12 PM
43

yes! It should be part of sex ed (which we dont even really have in the US, either). Like a class that teaches safe sex, warning signs of abuse/what abuse is/etc, healthy relationships, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 09:56 PM
118

The irony when the first part is literally WHAT MOST WOMEN THINK...until theyre enlightened of course, but this is literally how women are conditioned to think. The moment any man mistreats them they think it's their fault, or if they realize maybe there's something wrong with the guy AND NOT THEM, they think "what can I do to fix him? maybe if I do this, this, and that, he'll love me." The obliviousness is astounding. Imagine all the women OP has had do this exact emotional labor for him and he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 08:09 PM
18

He's the Cocaine Crooner, aka Dr. TGIF, have some respect!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 08:02 PM
22

OMG SMH. Women aren't even the ones who have a gspot in their ass. Men should really be more open to trying all this buttplay they're so obsessed with! (But not with me....Im not going near anyone's ass and no one is going near mine lmao)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:55 PM
73

youre not!! women have been conditioned to not think of sex in equal terms
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:23 PM
71

"you lose them how you got them" or however that accurate af quote goes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:02 PM
213

Every time a man has ever brought up anal I ask them if they'd like to be pegged. Their answer is always no. It's a really great way to get them to shut the fuck up about anal ime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:26 PM
32

Thoughts: women shouldnt have to be fucking doing these things, this isn't an inherent part of womanhood, it's socially constructed BS and I don't want a man to pay for it, I want a man that also understands it's BS (yes I know I will be hard pressed to find that, but, speaking ideally) and doesnt expect me to be waxed, primped, and made up like a sex doll for his/societal consumption.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 01:05 PM
17

Beauty & Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys is another must read that goes even deeper, it's life changing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 01:03 PM
2

Oh god yeah. I tend to go for ‘intelligent‘ men or else I’d have to dumb myself down too much but they usually just end up being manipulative psuedo intelligent psuedo woke bros. at the end of the day every type of guy is a different flavor of misogynist toxic bs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:42 AM
2

Yep. I def dont want either. The innocuous men are the worst imo bc theyre more manipulative. Gymbros are just blatant idiots lmao. But i still cant 🤢 it has a lot to do with where I live and being surrounded by them all the time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:50 AM
1

Most men are pornsick, gamers or not. Gamers spend more time on the comp so they may watch more porn yeah but both groups are pornsick. Idk which group of men isnt. Im not trying to defend gamers but I live somewhere where 95% of the male pop are gymbros and In my humble experience they are not any less toxic than gamers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:18 AM
3

Where I live in miami this is all they do, it’s a huge part of the male culture here, all weve got is gym bros that think bc theyve got muscles theyre gods gift to women when muscles does not make a man inherently attractive or hvm. Unfortunately it’s a hard feat for a man to go to the gym without becoming a self absorbed misogynist douchebag which along with going to the gym is their personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:10 AM
2

Exactly! Gym bro = blatant douchebro misogyny, gamer = woe is me nerd misogyny. Its true that a lot of these nerdy gamers become Incels which is more dangerous than a douchebag gymbro because they feel theyve failed as men for not getting the women they feel entitled to and hate women even more than your average male for it..but id still rather deal with an insecure nerd (Obv not the incel kind tho) than an obnoxious douchebag. You get misogyny either way though, which flavor do you prefer? Lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:07 AM
5

I'd rather date a gamer. The type of masculinity gym bros adhere to is way more toxic/misogynist than your average gamer ime...and theyre SO fucking cocky. EW. But both are two diff versions of horrible. Anyways, I wish I could send this meme to all my exes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:44 AM
21

the source of this meme is ghosted1996 on insta. Her page is gold. I ordered a sticker from her that I have on the cover of my laptop that says "all men know is eat u out for 30 seconds, test boundaries, and lie". I positioned it on the laptop so that when I opened it it was at the right angle so that people passing by or around me could read it. Makes using my laptop in public so much fun lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:38 AM
38

"WHY DO YOU HATE MY NEST?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 05:58 AM
45

I dont think he's actually a doctor ('Doctor at Med Center' + Yale sounds too generic/fake), but if he is, as a chronic illness patient and as someone who was pre-med before being disabled due to aforementioned chronic illnesses, empathy is a huge issue within medicine. Lots of docs start out with empathy but then burn out, or they go into it for reasons besides altruism (money, power, notoriety, good reputation). Then there's the issue that a lot of them have to 'turn off' their empathy or else…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 10:44 PM
2

My best friend of ten years did this to me for our entire relationship and it gave me HUGE abandonment issues/trauma. Like I literally have Complex PTSD from our relationship. It's still affecting the relationships I have with people TODAY. I never knew when she was going to ghost me so I was always on high alert. The way our friendship eventually ended a couple of years ago is that she ghosted me from one day to the next after meeting a guy except that time she never came back into my life. Dis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 06:45 PM
7

I LITERALLY CAME HERE TO COMMENT OF COURSE HE'S AN AQUARIUS. I love aquarius women but aquarius is the most fuckboy sign
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 04:33 AM
26

Trust me...I know....I've kept tabs. LMAO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 12:44 AM
73

Lets be honest...Antoni can get it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:21 PM
14

no, as ugly as it is it's hilarious because theyre actual neanderthals
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 03:07 AM
40

They see it in porn and think it's what women like because of the porn actress' fake orgasmic reactions to any little mediocre thing a man does with his dick. Also I feel like there's a part of it that's violent. Kind of like, I hate mentioning it because it's so disgusting, but slapping a woman's face with their penis? It gets them off because it's dehumanizing/debasing. They just wanna slap everything with their dumb penis. lmfao. pathetic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 12:09 AM
26

Yep! Just remembered this Reductress article LOL https://reductress.com/post/report-slapping-vagina-with-dick-isnt-foreplay/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 07:07 PM
3

True on all points. I haven't listened to their rants because I can't handle stuff like that for my own mental wellbeing. I'll take your word for it! I think A LOT of these more violent entitled men def suffer from personality disorders, NPD comes to mind specifically. Or at least narcissistic tendencies. As a sociology/psych major though, I have to include the fact that men have higher rates of NPD/sociopathy/psychopathy and that I think this is largely due to socialization into masculinity (wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 07:06 PM
70

The most foreplay they do is slapping your vagina with their dick. Awful and dehumanizing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:09 PM
8

This is prob gna get downvoted but why do you use mentally ill as an insult? Do you know how many mentally ill women will read this? Especially concerning that rates of mental illness are higher in women (due to oppression and higher rates of trauma ofC)..I see a lot of insults using mental illness on this sub and other female centered subs and I just hope you guys realize you throw women who struggle w mental illness under the bus when you do that. Also it’s just redundant because the majority …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:02 PM
61

Ok thats the moment id become a karen and ask to speak to the manager about the way their employee thinks its appropriate to talk to customers, tf?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:57 PM
53

Is she ok? I hope shes doing ok
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:56 PM
10

Feeling like I just took so many steps back and dont know where to go from here. Id been not talking to any man for months in order to heal and level up but then this guy who hits me up literally every time hes in town to fuck and ignores me otherwise, who i last saw And was intimate w/ on new years, hit me up and at first I was able to ignore him but bc im so lonely (my one and only friend, my female best friend moved to another country and i dont have any other friends bc I lost them all when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 11:31 PM
12

Im 5’1” so I have no problem with a guy’s height as long as he’s at least my height or taller lol. Shortest Ive dated was a 5’4” guy (who ofc was an abusive pos w a napoleon complex lol). Average ive dated has been 5’8”. I dont personally know any woman who sees height as a dealbreaker. These standards of like the tall muscular Chad werent created by women, they were created by men as masculine power fantasies that theyve imposed on themselves. Meanwhile we have all these women obsessed w dad bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 10:14 AM
9

Right. It's like a realtime social experiment happening before our eyes...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 08:21 PM
18

Ive always said this!! Men complain about women and their ‘drama’ or how ‘crazy’ women are but Ive always noticed men love or at least fetishize the shit our of ‘crazy’ women. My theory is that men find them exciting due to their immaturity (the men’s immaturity) and dont take them seriously as people but rather as novelties. They use them for sex (Theres a stereotype so many men share that ‘crazy’ women are the best in bed, yuck) and the stimulation that comes with the ‘drama’. Also i feel like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 10:20 AM
97

They won't perceive it as abusive even if they see those results (which is what they're jacking off to anyways) because it's so normalized that they see nothing wrong with it. and "it's porn! It's fantasy and has no real life consequences!!!1" It would overload their brain with cognitive dissonance and threaten their ability to get off if they were to understand (or care about) how harmful this content is for all involved (including consumers). Their orgasms are more important than ethics and wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 09:04 AM
4

Exactly. At first watching this video I was like yesss girlll but then the critical thinking came in lol. Omfg I LOVE YOUR USERNAME SO MUCH SNDHSJDND
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:34 AM
27

Came to say this. Both are true - Im elated that any woman could overcome her insecurities that were all socialized to have, but also, valuing our appearance to the point that being hot is the goal is part of our patriarchal socialization, so it’s a catch-22 and not TRUE liberation. This is a really basic example of libfem vs radfem Ideology. Libfems: all women should feel hot! Radfems: women are more than their appearance. Lol. It’s like theyre so close but miss the point entirely. Which is und…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:33 AM
21

He hit her TWICE in the face AND KICKED HER. Nothing is excusable, but like consider that for a moment...Not just one slap or shove, he hit her once and continued going. What the FUCK. I'm speechless. "Oh but it's okay because of what he did afterwards!" That doesn't change that he has the that propensity to do that inside of him...fuck that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 04:37 AM
76

With the dermal omg...I know we shouldnt judge people's aesthetic choices but......help
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 04:34 AM
79

Ew. Maybe our attitude comes from having to deal with fetishization and racist stereotypes like this. Bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:16 AM
2

wow, thank you so much for this. I'm surrounded by people that are really invalidating about what I've been through (to be fair, abuse is extremely common to the point that so many people see it as average, but...not helpful) and it really helps to hear this. I wish I could erase them too, it's not fair that abusers can walk away unphased and the victims are left dealing with the scars and that justice will rarely occur. I deal with a lot of anger daily due to this even though it's been years. A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 05:08 PM
12

agree, I don't think it's ever a good idea to get married. I'm also biased in some form because it's never appealed to me. But I don't get how women who are otherwise so educated about the stats and male behavior still dream of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 02:39 AM
35

You honestly will never TRULY know until you get sick, though (or, rather, you cant ever know for sure how a man will react to a tough situation until you guys are faced with it, even if you THINK, according to past behavior/vetting, that he will be a supportive partner, it doesn't guarantee it). Vetting gives you the tool to make the best decision based on information available, but just because a guy has been great so far doesn't mean he won't turn around and pull some heinous shit. Not trying…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:39 PM
11

Seriously. I've read about a couple of prolific serial killers just out of boredom and SO MANY OF THEM had 'mommy issues' and end up murdering their mom before then murdering women...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:14 PM
26

IME 'mommy issues' actually breed men who are EXTREMELY misogynistic. They resent and hate their mom for whatever mistreatment or neglect they endured and project it onto women. Men with mommy issues are the actual worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:01 PM
86

for some reason the last bullet point here is making me crack up. Like it's such an obvious thing to ask but because it's a movie and suspension of disbelief no one ever vocalizes those questions and it's funny to see someone ask the hard questions lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 06:59 PM
19

as someone who's been in two abusive relationships, one with a narc, I completely understand where you're coming from and agree. I ignored plenty of very obvious red flags, family and friend's input/advice, etc. And I was only hurting myself. I knew these men were abusive when I was with them. I didn't leave because I didn't want to be alone. Most women know, but they're in denial or have stockholm syndrome and don't WANT to confront the truth. But they're not idiots. This woman brought a CHILD …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 05:23 PM
35

We've been gaslit and dismissed by society to give guys a chance no matter how we may feel or we're bitches. We need to relearn how to trust our bodies and our feelings, which includes our intuition. It's a vital part of the healing/leveling up process. It'll save us from time wasted and it'll save us from life-threatening situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 10:15 PM
12

I wonder if it’s rather that you’re more able to identify it now versus before rather than it actually happening more often? Either way, it sucks and I’m glad youre able to recognize it and hopefully remove thyself from red flag
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 08:02 AM
26

Oh, hell yeah. I see that shit in spiritual communities a lot. Like as if we’d attract better people if we raise our vibrations haha. It’s spiritual victim blaming and gaslighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 07:56 AM
14

Exactly what I came here to comment nshfjshd
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 07:52 AM
66

One thing is attracting them, which we have no part in, and another thing is tolerating them, which we do have a part in. Ive been in a couple of abusive relationships and I know I was victimized, but at the same time I did ignore pretty much everything, the huge red flags, my friends and moms input, etc. I dont think the fact that theres a surplus of shitty men is mutually exclusive with the fact that a lot of women also play a part in surrounding themselves with these men, by ignoring red flag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 07:50 AM
2

Completely agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 05:58 AM
23

And this is framed as being a ‘supportive girlfriend’. No, being a supportive partner is being there for your SO emotionally (always with your own boundaries ofc), encouraging them in their endeavors, etc. Not being an indentured servant/sex slave/mommy to a manchild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 04:26 AM
4

I remember this boyfriend’s sister telling me something about her dad possibly sexually molesting her half sister (her moms daughter, not his) but my memory is foggy and im not 100% sure she was referring to him or another man..But if she was, then there we go. Not only do you have to watch out for the men you date, but also their fathers! The guy I was with for seven years, his dad was actually freakishly obsessed with me and always hitting on me. He would say things like ‘youve got a nice litt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:50 AM
4

CONT. ​ - Last one. You'll see in my post history that I posted this lvm that sent me screencap from Hinge with a girl who looked like me obv trying to make me jealous. This guy and I last hooked up on New Year's, even though I honestly didnt want to and was just forcing myself because I hoped I would feel something for him like I used to months before (he'd made it clear he was a fuckboy several times but I kept hoping 'this time itll be different' lol). It was horrible because not only were we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 09:13 PM
5

CONT. ​ - After this relationship, I moved onto another abusive relationship. This one was emotionally abusive, not physical or sexually. He was my age and he had a 2 year old kid from a TINDER HOOKUP and ofc was a deadbeat dad. As someone whose father isnt in her life, I should've ran, but I was so afraid of being alone after the dissolution of my seven year relationship; I didnt know HOW to be alone. My identity for so long had been me in a relationship. Which puts you at risk to make horrible…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 09:12 PM
5

CONT. - After this long term relationship, I got with this guy who was the total opposite of my ex. He was a couple years older (I was 24 and he was 29 but still lived at home with his parents, claimed he 'takes care of them' but he doesnt lol). I'd always known him and it was inevitable that once me and my ex broke up that he'd try to get with me, so I let it happen. I'd only been with my ex at this point so this was a new world for me - this guy was, how do I put it, very experienced. Super hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 09:12 PM
1

CONT. Then, 5 years into our relationship, I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses, lost so much hair I had to wear a wig for a while, and obviously didn't want to go out with the way I felt and looked. I wanted to be the "COOL GF" and so I urged him to go out and have fun without me because I didn't wannt bring him down with me. What happened? He ended up meeting a girl and crushing on her and then broke up with me, basically to have sex with her. We were broken up for a week, and you k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 09:12 PM
8

I wrote my whole comment but it went past the max letter count so I'm going to have to post it in a couple of parts: I've been wanting to post a thread like this for a couple of days, you beat me to it OP! This is really important consciousness raising for any lurkers that may be experiencing/have experienced the same stuff. I don't even know where to begin... - I think this is one of the worst things ever and want to insert a CW for sexual abuse, possible incest??, and just straight up bizarren…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 09:11 PM
11

Username checks out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:43 AM
19

FTR, marriage being oppressive is not a libfem stance but more of a radfem stance. Remember that libfems are all about ‘any choice a woman makes is empowering’ regardless of the historical and social impact of the things theyre buying into and without any critical analysis of oppressive institutions. I wish libfems were critical enough to be anti marriage, but theyre not, they just wrap up any patriarchal tradition in a new bow and call it feminist/empowering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 10:17 PM
21

This is really good advice that Im def gonna use the next time I date. I have issues with impulse control and sex and even if I told myself I cant have sex with this person, I eventually give in even if it’s in some place like the goddamn car! It’s ridiculous. And it never occurred to me to just cut out the middleman and not allow myself to be alone with them. D’oh. It sucks to not be able to be strong when it comes to it though. Hopefully I’ll get to that place in the future where I dont have t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 09:38 AM
7

Exactly. He’s using her to absolve his white guilt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 08:46 PM
18

😂🏅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 07:11 PM
2

Nah he didnt say. I dont talk to him. I just assumed bumble bc idk these apps lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:57 PM
67

Omg the virtue signaling + wanting you to provide him w the free labor of educating him. Nope. There are so many resources out there if he wants to learn about this stuff and places online where he can have discussions wth people who are willing to. This is so entitled and inconsiderate. And then you try to set q a boundary and he ignores it! 🚩🚩🚩 I cant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 07:14 AM
11

Yep. I refuse to use dating apps. Theyre cesspools. And as far as ‘how will I meet men!?!?’ I think women should focus on themselves, learn to be single and fulfilled by ourselves, etc. I feel like dating for me has only ever set me back and Im happily single for now. Whatever happens happens. I dont need to degrade myself going on a dating app that men use for free sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 07:10 AM
14

This is the truth about sooo many professions we associate with intelligence (and also when it comes to being good at school) and it’s not rly the case. It’s more about responsibility, self discipline, and memorizing. To me, true intelligence is not how much information you know, but the ability to think critically, analyze things, etc. of course there are also diff types of intelligence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:55 AM
7

Right! I'm a really insightful person and as much as I want to understand myself I equally also want to understand others and help them understand themselves. I've run into issues due to it with both sexes (everyone using me as their therapist and the exhaustion that comes with it..we have to learn we can't change anybody and to prioritize ourselves always) but men are the worst 'consumers' of this trait we have for every reason you listed above. We all know the term 'hurt people hurt people' bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:38 AM
6

Great psychoanalysis, spot on. He was in a relationship for two years and still ‘struggles w the guilt of hurting his ex’ when he broke up w her. He’s got some demons for sure. Ive always been attracted to those types bc im a natural therapist. He always used me for emotional labor/free therapy and a fuck. Now I see through it. 👋🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:04 AM
3

Also, just to blow your mind even more, this man literally told me ‘te quiero’ which means I love you in spanish the last time we were intimate and when I freaked out afterwards like ‘ummmm you barely know me you dont love me’ he goes ‘it doesnt mean i love you it means I care for you’....WHERE!?! amdjskfkkssn I have to share these insane stories because it still blows my mind. I wont even get into how he had a torn frenulum (from his last one night stand) so we couldnt have sex because his actu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:58 AM
12

Exactly!! He’s 25 or 26? Im 27. What’s infuriating is obv I want a smart man, and then when we get it ITS THIS. Theyre not any better bc at the end of the day theyre socialized the same way as any male and view women the same way. 🙄 so disappointing. And yeah, red flag when a man plays the male feminist card. It’s a strategy. What’s sad is intellectually we have great rapport and I know he’s really impressed by me on that level, but because I have a vagina and weve had sex, he treats me like a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:53 AM
29

The reason I sometimes dont block is bc I love seeing them try. It’s literally entertaining. It’s not a good idea in general tho bc if you dont have total self control you may fall for their bs. I dont think hes a manosphere type at all. His manipulativeness is totally instinctive and not learned lmao which is frightening. He’s a ‘woke feminist ally’ type lvm. Seems like a good guy but is actually insidiously The Worst. He’s in med school, intelligent af, hard working, ‘respectful’. Total farce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:19 AM
49

Exacrtly! Thank you for explaining it so beautifully. What’s funny is that he lives elsewhere for school so its not like he could even have access physically to me rn, so he literally just wants to get his ego stroked and also have me secured for the next time he’s in town. FOH 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:43 AM
108

Havent spoken to him in months and I get this msg today. Screencap of some girl on Bumble. What does he think this will do for him? Am I supposed to be flattered his next fuckbuddy looks like me? It’s so hard for me to not say anything bc I wanna cuss him out for trying this, but I’m going to ignore, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:18 AM
-1

I dont disagree with any of this, like I said below I empathize with the gf but that doesnt change my disappointment of someone who was my best friend discarding me like that. Also just for further clarification I didnt have any female friends after we broke up, I literally only had him, because my female best friend of 10 years ghosted me from one day to the next when she got a boyfriend who didnt like me and weve never spoken since, and my other good female friend was my ex’s brother’s gf (I i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 05:21 PM
2

Of course. Also wanted to add that I know Im so biased and if I was the new gf Id be insecure too but...it’s hard. Id NEVER expect to be chosen over a new gf, nonono!!, but I was just hoping we couldve remained friends. Literally by the time he was dating her we only ever texted too, never hung out or anything bc of her discomfort. And she snooped thru his phone and read our convos (to which I was like SEE!?! ITS ENTIRELY JUST A FRIENDSHIP) but it didnt reassure her bc she was still insecure of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 05:18 AM
0

I was with my ex for 7 years and for the last like 2-3 of those years we were honestly in a loveless marriage and just best friends so the breakup was mutual and we were able to remain best friends. We were super close and it was entirely one hundred percent platonic. Nothing EVER happened and we had nothing but sibling type feelings for each other bc it had been so long. He helped me through an abusive relationship I had after him, helped me leave him and was there for me when my girl friends w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:12 AM
37

10000% agree..theres like nothing worse than a guy sticking out his tongue. Ultimate fuckboy move lmao. But also just physically the left are at least cute...🤢 it hurts to say
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:35 AM
21

That is honestly such an important rule. Also guys that are constantly looking at themselves in the mirror. I had an ex like that. He was basically Patrick Bateman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:01 AM
167

Although not my type, I wouldnt say theyre technically ugly, but what makes them straight up disgusting is their cockiness and how hard they try. Constantly trying to do their version of sexy faces and biting their lips oh my god the cringe is UNBEARABLE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:04 AM
4

Thanks for saying this. I understand it can be inappropriate to say things like ‘wait till he cheats on you’ to a woman who is in what seems to be a good relationship, but this is also a female space where we talk about the ins and outs of dating which include all experiences w dating men, and guess what, the majority of these experiences tend to be bad! That’s why so many women end up here in the first place. Im shocked your comment could be downvoted at all. I thought there was more compassion…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 02:31 PM
18

im also physically attracted to more feminine guys. Masculinity disgusts me, I guess bc of what its associated with. I like cute boyish guys, no muscles, etc. However, in my experience, I dont think ‘soft boys’ are better than conventionally masculine men as far as how they treat women. Diff sides of the same coin. Theyre just better at hiding it and less overt. They dont wear their misogyny on their sleeve but instead it comes out later. Theyre still men who have been socialized in this woman h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 01:30 AM
8

Yes, and I cant tell you how many times I had sex because I felt I had to when I didnt even want to. I dont know how else to describe it, but looking back it feels like I was raping myself. Ive discussed this with lots of women who have done the same and feel the same way. I actually do have a high libido but mostly when it comes to masturbation because no one can treat me right like I can, lmao. It honestly makes sense bc most women are not orgasming when they have sex w men. High libido for wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 01:00 AM
10

So being taught to not hit girls is both a sign of a lack of privilege and also implied as basic boy behavior. Nice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 12:57 AM
9

Me too, at age 25. It gave me lasting issues with insecurity when it came to my self esteem that I still deal with. He rarely wanted to have sex and when he did he’d constantly lose his boner. It made me feel so inadequate. It’s been two years since we broke up and thinking about it still hurts bc I still take it personally, but I also know rationally that he had a problem. I just wish I’d known better and never put up with it (he was also emotionally abusive so that didnt help). For those askin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 12:46 AM
14

Too bad it may ruin the life of the person outing them :/ I cant out my abuser because Im pretty sure he’d literally murder me/get all his fans to attack me. It’s not a case I can take to the police bc I have no evidence so if I did out them it would be through sharing my story and naming him on social media etc so I wouldnt have any protection. So instead I warn individual people about him but there’s nothing more I want than go totally public about it, esp because he’s well known locally. But …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 06:37 PM
14

Fellow Miamian here! This is the most frustrating stuff. im Cuban and honestly want nothing to do with other cubans 99% of the time due to this. Even my own family. Also hispanics are incredibly anti black which I do not tolerate. They also even hate other hispanics like mexicans for example. The amount of racism, colorism, classism, and reactionary conservativism in the hispanic community (but specifically with cubans IME due to where I live) is embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 12:24 AM
26

Notice it’s mostly women who identify as empaths. It’s no coincidence. Women are socialized to be this way, to be placating and understanding. Of course this sets us up to be easily groomed, manipulated, and abused. I see women in abuse communities often using their status as ‘empaths’ as the reason theyve been targeted by abusers. Something about it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but it’s hard for me to articulate it I guess bc it’s so personal to me as a survivor. According to psychologists, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 11:10 PM
19

Oh im not trying to give you advice, I know racists are gonna continue protecting each other. But I just wanted to break it down for everyone to see how ignorant you are. :P
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 10:45 PM
41

i havent read the post yet but omg..this was actually the straw that broke the camel’s back and led me to break up with my abusive ex. We were about to have sex and he asked me to ‘put on some makeup/something sexy on’. Now, he’d said much worse things to me and was consistently physically and emotionally abusive, but somehow for some reason this particular comment was something I would not tolerate. For the first time in the relationship i stood up for myself. I said something along the lines o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 10:40 PM
104

Pussy diggers, emotional labor diggers, mommy replacement diggers, servant diggers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 10:32 PM
23

Lmao. You should have solidarity with women as an oppressed group that needs to ban together to support one another and fight back. Solidarity with whites is not an apt comparison since white people arent oppressed. They dont need solidarity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 10:29 PM
3

Omg. Theyre such selfish petulant children. Babies having babies. I know it’s unrealistic but I wish women would stop mating with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 10:27 PM
3

Im so sorry you went through all that. Health issues are so scary and that compounded with the people that are supposed to be there for us betraying us..it’s the most painful thing Ive ever gone through. Youre so strong not only for everything youve been through but for never taking them back. It also happened to me a second time, but there was no cheating involved - I was in the ER for a new heart condition that cropped up after collapsing at work. My then abusive boyfriend used that opportunit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 08:29 PM
14

Oh yeah, I know why in the sociological sense but as for the women like us who know the truth behind it all, I dont understand why so many of them still want to get married or have kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 09:45 AM
111

I’ll never understand why any woman wants to get married. Or have kids. The women lose every time. They become nannies to their kids and husband. Their mental health suffers (I remember reading stats about this and how its the opposite for men in marriage/relationships because they benefit from being with a woman...because women do everything for them while they sit back and enjoy). Weve been brainwashed by patriarchy to see marriage as the end goal when it shouldnt be, it’s not even in our best…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 07:39 AM
159

Always guys that wouldnt text me all day then finally hit me up after midnight and my desperate ass would talk to them all night because “FINALLY HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME!!” 🤢🤢🤢 or theyd be spending all night trying to get me to go over their place as a last minute bootycall..and the amount of times I would excitedly immediately accept..embarrassing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 04:55 AM
19

I like how men use liberal feminist buzzwords to manipulate women now. I blame sex positivity/libfem for this all the way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 07:52 AM
20

The projection is strong in this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 07:44 AM
157

As someone w various chronic illnesses who gets down about how nobody would ever wanna take on the burden that being partner/caretaker would be this made my day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 09:26 PM
7

This is so common. Ive yet to see a man IRL who DOESNT have plaque between his bottom front teeth. Fucking puke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 10:55 PM
23

They really dont know what love is or how to love. They only care about what’s fun and the moment shit gets serious and they have to show their commitment theyre outta there. Im sorry it happened to you too, and I hope youre doing better health wise (altho ofc chronic illnesses dont ever get rly better, but you know what I mean)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 10:30 PM
56

This is real. When I was diagnosed w chronic illnesses my boyfriend of 5 years who had always been great decided to cheat on me. I remember being like ‘is this what you wouldve done if I had cancer?’ Turns out statistically the answer to that is yes :) POS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 06:46 PM
14

Also Beauty & Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys. Lifechanging
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 05:40 PM
9

And this is like the first world version of it. Meanwhile female infanticide is still a thing that happens in many countries around the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 05:20 AM
35

No the video did not make me wanna be poly, all it did was make my synesthesia act up and I could smell everybody’s BO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 04:54 AM
83

The episode about their relationship on his youtube show was so horrible. Shes super submissive and always taking care of him and thats what him and his entourage praise her for, how good she is for him and its like..what does he do for her? Slam car doors in her face? He reminds me so much of my narcissist abusive ex, and she reminds me sm of myself in that relationship..the desperation, trying to do whatever you can to coddle them so they wont blow up on you, exhausting yourself waiting on the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 06:55 PM
40

“Nearly 90 per cent of women in the sex industry said they wanted to escape, but had no other means for survival and also experienced post traumatic stress disorder at rates of nearly 70 per cent equivalent to veterans of combat war.” https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.unilad.co.uk/featured/the-dark-reason-porn-stars-keep-dying/amp/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 09:08 AM
27

There’s much more to it. Many of these women are in compromised positions due to lack of education and access to greater opportunities, having to support kids/family, drug addiction, etc...I suggest you read Gail Dines’ Pornland to learn more about the dynamics of porn and the sex industry in general.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 09:02 AM
31

Thats not really an option unless she wants to lose her job and also suffer possible retaliation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 08:52 AM
15

She needs to write a new song called whiney white girl bc thats what she is. She’s whining over people rightfully criticizing her glamorization/romanticization of abuse. We all have the right to express ourselves and share our experiences no matter how dark they are, but it is dangerous to portray something like abuse in a romantic light. She’s taken it so personally that she cant see what the critiques are even directed at; not her sharing of her experiences but the way she portrays them. Gross…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 12:18 AM
17

Totally. I think Natalie is one of the most beautiful women but I find guys that are into her to always be creeps because their image of her is always inseparable from extremely young Natalie. Like none of them are into 2020 Natalie, you know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 05:32 PM
4

ugh, l'eric banana is gorgeous with such kind eyes. I always got good vibes from him lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 08:04 PM
13

Immediately thought of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95sZd6PiLn0
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 05:11 PM
6

Hugs and much love to you. I know im never gna meet my dad bc hes a stubborn SOB who is fully convinced my mom AND I are both goldiggers that only want his money (hes a doctor so hes well off). Im an only child too so its just my mom and me so when my mom started dating it rly messed me up. I developed an eating disorder and shit cause i felt abandoned and rejected by my mom and couldnt deal w any strange men around, even tho they never hurt me. What messes me up a lot more than my dad who is ob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 07:14 AM
59

This. Ive never met my dad bc he vowed to not be in my life after my mom asked for child support and although sometimes I get sad, I always tell myself I would be infinitely more messed up if hed been in my life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 07:28 PM
3

Very true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:18 PM
13

I struggle with valuing money when it comes to a partner because it’s just not who I am. I couldnt care less whether a man will buy me things or not, but that doesnt mean I dont want him to be putting in effort in every other way...gift giving makes me super super uncomfortable (even with friends im like please no gifts ever), my love language is words/touch/time. Im never gonna want jewelry or anything like that. I DONT want to get married. I just want to find a partner who I can share my life …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:40 AM
2

http://radfem.org/category/andrea-dworkin/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:13 AM
3

http://radfem.org/category/various-authors/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:12 AM
9

Im ashamed I was ever a libfem but also most radical feminists started out as libfems so we cant be too ashamed as long as it was a stepping stone and not where we stayed stuck, lacking critical thinking. If you havent already, read some Andrea Dworkin and Sheila Jeffreys. Life changing. Theres a website that’s got free pdf’s of radical feminist lit:
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:11 AM
59

Browsing most popular subs is really alienating due to this. I dont bother to participate because theyre male dominated environments and theres all this male camaraderie and the moment they sniff out a woman they immediately approach you with attitude And condescension like youre ruining their boys club.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:08 AM
80

This def applies to women but not to men imo. Men that are comfortable being single are usually emotionally unavailable, unwilling/afraid to commit, and just wanna use women for sex in my experience. Edit: Obv there is a difference between being comfortable being single and preferring it/the bachelor lifestyle, and ofc we want partners who are healthy enough to be on their own but...men distort everything lol. I feel like Comfortable being single is the goal and empowering af for a woman but whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:03 AM
19

Girl 😒 he’s the one who asked her out. So it’s up to him to make the plan (not some vague shit) and follow through which includes texting the day before and day of. You dont go silent and then text 5 minutes before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:01 PM
17

Where is his effort? He made a vague plan and didnt even talk to her at all after or follow up to confirm. He made no effort in planning or in follow through. You shouldnt have to be sending a confirmation text bc there shouldnt be any ambiguity!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:54 PM
13

I know you asked OP but if he was interested and worth her time he would have made more effort
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:44 PM
40

Yeah, that’s the issue...idk any man(child) that isnt this 🥴 And Im in my late 20s..they dont grow up. This isnt an excuse to settle for it though, im just complaining
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:27 PM
7

No, but you know one and you know them all lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:22 PM
70

The one time I ever had sex with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. He strung me along for months and made me feel like he liked me so much but then didnt want anything but to ‘have fun’ and thinking I could make him fall in love with me (LOL) i kept having casual sex with him and ofc falling deeper in infatuation or whatever it was. I have severe abandonment issues from C-PTSD/abusive relationships (i had just gotten out of one before h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 03:17 AM
26

This is why mother in laws are often horrible imo..no woman (except for mommy) is good enough for their perfect son who is a gift to this earth. Fucking ew. You and your son aint shit lmao 🤭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:25 PM
30

Ive always noticed and criticized this too. The moment a woman has a son all critical/feminist thought goes out the window because HER PRECIOUS BOY!!! 🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:38 PM
49

Or it could be in her other messages folder so you should comment on one of her pics telling her to check it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 06:05 AM
89

Ime they dont care as much about looks (And even less personality) as much as they care about getting their dick wet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 04:31 AM
5

Wow. Honestly for me at this point tattoos and being in a band is a red flag and such a cliche anyways
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:39 PM
19

I know im dying, but also maybe the chances arent that low since hes a pornstar and all these pornsick men wanting to emulate them i guess? Ewww. And prob to get nudes then ghost bc obv they cant meet up with anyone, but its so obvious. Hope no one falls for that shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:29 AM
65

Omg this is a fake account and I know because (and Im dying laughing rn) I kissed the guy in this picture, the real one, during truth or dare when I was like 16..This is a guy that used to live where Im from, was in a band that was successful for one second, and is now a pornstar from what Ive heard 😬 And his name’s not Damien! LOL I had to comment hahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 05:21 AM
1

omg this is crazy!!! I live in Miami!!! Although I'm hispanic, my issue is...I like white tall skinny 'alternative' men and like....the five of those guys that exist here I already dated. lmao. The culture of masculinity/machismo here is gross, all these men are obsessed w it and they're all toxic and UGLY. I know I'd be happier if I lived somewhere up north as far as the dating pool goes. I mean I know men are usually horrible across all lines, but as far as physical attraction goes, LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 06:16 AM
12

Yeah I have this issue. My standards are really specific and totally diff from the general population where I live so the men I find attractive are a rarity. The whole "dick is abundant" thing doesnt apply to me because the dick I'm into is so rare here that when I do come across it it's hard to act right -__- And then it takes so much more so things line up correctly, like obviously their personalities/being a HVM, which is usually 0/10. So I feel fuuuucked
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 07:28 AM
3

thank you <3 I'm not ok yet but it gets better
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 06:17 AM
20

ew the OP in that thread has got to be queen of the pickme's. as if men are out there being neglected by women lmfaoo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 06:21 AM
3

This made me soooo happy. Cinematic proportions of leveling up. Love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 03:01 AM
16

The thing with pickme's is that they'll also always choose their bf's over you so they dont make really good friends in the end. I literally had my best friend of 10 years stop talking to me overnight when she got a longterm BF who didnt like me. Besides that, likemindedness is really important to me (as intolerant as that sounds lmao) and I have to be able to talk to friends about politics and just like life philosophy and stuff, I CANNOT be friends with like an anti feminist for example but th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 02:42 AM
21

100% agree it's tied to capitalism and patriarchy. without these systems, it wouldn't exist because women wouldn't have to do it out of financial necessity and we'd be valued enough that the idea of sexploitation and buying our bodies would be looked down upon rather than normalized and even glorified
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 02:26 AM
11

YES! this is what I came here to comment. it's lowkey manipulative
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 02:21 AM
16

too bad grownassmen make up like 2% of the male population (this doesn't mean lower your standards tho obv)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 02:20 AM
5

True story tho
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 11:28 PM
8

I had to hit rock bottom. Even though I had been a radfem for years I still faltered when it came to applying my analysis/values to the men I dated/my romantic life. hopeless romantic bs. It took 2 consecutive abusive relationships, losing all my friends, a NSA relationship landing me back in therapy and causing me to quit school for a semester, and it all accumulating in my mental and physical health going to shit (I had a cardiac emergency at work and literally cried to EMS about how mad my [a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 06:42 AM
20

past me would be sharing anecdotes like this then laughing about it w my friends before crying over why john who accidentally drooled on me during sex hasnt texted me back
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 06:32 AM
17

He literally did not make ONE point that could come comparably close to the ways in which women suffer from HBC. Also there's no compromise if the dynamic is not equal, ie woman risking her health for contraception while man does nothing. For all the ways men worship their own 'logic and rationality' they really cant argue or assess the strength of their arguments for shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 06:30 AM
43

men really think their pull out game is strong when it's not lmao and anyways that's not how biology works. even my own dad who is a fucking cardiologist and SHOULD KNOW HOW REPRODUCTION WORKS reassured my mom nothing would happen and that she was just being paranoid but here I am!!! product of the pull out method!! my mom asked for child support so he vowed to never be in my life (ive never even met him) because 'she got pregnant for his money'. I have to laugh about it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 06:27 AM
3

Thanks for the sweet message. Even though I was off it for two years, I ended up going back on it as a last resort for treatment of exactly what it caused (the hair loss and acne) so I'm still on it, even though it doesn't even help, and I'm scared of coming off it in the unstable state I'm in because I fear for the effect another androgen surge (aka more acne and hair loss etc) from coming off it may cause me. :( I feel imprisoned by this pill I could have avoided with the right education! By t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 06:22 AM
13

BC straight up ruined my life. And I only went on it because I got into a serious relationship at 17 and knew I was gonna start having sex and of course it was my responsibility to prevent pregnancy even though it wouldnt be possible without 50% of his participation and he took 0% of the responsibility. I didnt question it at the time because of course I had no consciousness of this inequality. I wasn't informed of any chronic side effects, just potential nausea, weight gain, dizziness, all the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 03:21 AM
21

My other favorite (as in immediate nope) is "here for a good time, not a long time" vomit emoji
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 09:30 PM
1

I've been in two abusive relationships, so you dont have to explain the psychology of it to me. It's true that just saying it's abuse won't get a woman to leave, but it's still important for abuse to be recognized as abuse. Not because it's going to get victims of abuse to leave - unfortunately - but for everyone to be able to identify it, its red flags, etc. Part of preventing abuse is knowing what abuse is, how it works, what it looks like, and I think obfuscating it as just toxicity is not he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:42 AM
1

But abuse is abuse is abuse. Calling it toxic dismisses the seriousness of it. Abuse IS toxic, of course, but there are also many relationships that are toxic and not abusive. So I feel like calling it toxic alone doesn't capture exactly what's going on. And abuse entails their actions and the effect it has on the victim, I don't know what you mean. Abuse is a societal problem for sure, but when you're in an abusive relationship it's also a personal problem...and calling it abuse doesnt mean the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 07:06 PM
2

I wish people would say 'abusive' instead of 'toxic', I feel like the word toxic can be dismissive because it gets thrown around a lot. Like no, it's way more serious than just some toxic bs, it's A B U S E.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:53 PM
5

Also sounds like a covert narcissist. I highly recommend watching Dr. Ramani's videos on narcissists - she's a psychologist who is an expert on narcissism, she has a youtube channel and lots of incredibly educational youtube videos. On par with Bancroft's book as far as how important it is for women to read/learn this shit so they can make safer and better choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 09:37 AM
2

same! was about to comment why does this read like a Mean Girls scene lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 09:32 AM
10

I dont even think they see us as people but rather objects for sex or emotional/etc labor. So of course they see us as a source to extract things from - and if there's nothing to gain from this source, they're not going to bother treating it well. It's sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 09:29 AM
6

I totally get it and you didnt need to go out of your way to reassure me but that was nice of you :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/19 04:35 PM
7

Hey girl, I have BPD too so I relate. Please try to rationalize and try to talk down to the part of your brain that's idealizing him. Like others said, you don't know him. You are projecting an idealized image onto him. You WANT to be enchanted so you believe you are. This happens to me every time and I have to ask myself if I really like this guy or if I'm just afraid of being alone. It's almost always actually the latter. Anyways, don't text him again. Let him reach out. He'll do the work if h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/19 12:19 AM
9

I love this. I think we should also add (what should be obvious)...NEVER FAKE AN ORGASM. It enrages me to no end that women are out there building up these aint shit's egos with their fake moans and getting NOTHING from them. It's so sad and needs to stop. Women are definitely socialized into valuing male pleasure about their own, but we have to unlearn it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/19 12:15 AM
19

thanks for this, lauren. I'm a 26 year old female still finishing my BA because of ongoing mental and physical health issues. I feel like a loser for it all the time and that comment definitely stung a bit. I do understand this guy's situation is different, though, but we do have to be careful about the messages things we say convey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/19 12:10 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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