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spreadmywings89 Archive

View 3 posts and 140 comments by spreadmywings89 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Thank you for your post! Truly grateful for you sharing this. This is my fear as well, that I’ll think a man is hv and then I realize I’ve been fooled once again. Can’t wait to read the follow up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:18 PM
5

Same, I refuse to be gaslit to believe otherwise. I am getting sick and tired of seeing women’s posts that include the qualifier “not all men.” F it, it’s all of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:01 PM
5

Yup, no matter how simple or unimportant the question is...if they’re vague when they don’t need to be, then it’s a red flag. I’ll use trickle truther from now on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 03:44 PM
3

I have never encountered an HVM. My experience with men has been a blessing and a curse. I weed out the obvious LVM for the seemingly HVM that end up being LVM. For some reason or another, they always take themselves out of the equation so I’ve never had to end it with them. Usually hurts at the time, but it’s better than being married to a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 04:44 AM
75

I was adamant about condoms with every single guy until the last one. Then he ghosted me after 7 months of dating. My first thought was not disappointment or sadness. It was regret over not being adamant about condoms. I swear I will never be that stupid again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:54 AM
11

As everyone already said, you’re not missing out on anything. I could give you anecdotes of all my bad experiences but OLD is just not worth it. Prior to 2020, every time things fizzled out with a man, I would throw myself into other activities. I do this on a normal basis anyway, but after something doesn’t work, I feel this overwhelming need to do a LOT. But in 2020, I realized even doing nothing is better than dealing with LVM. I’ve spent a lot of time staring into space, watching weird telev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:55 AM
2

Because I work in tech, my lowlife stepbrother told me his idea for an app - something that will help men fight against paying alimony and child support. Meanwhile, his wife was raising 3 girls, working a full time great paying job, and had a catering business on the side. He was nearly 40, working as a towel boy in a health club part time. Yeah, absolutely not helping him with this dumb idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:24 PM
33

Every single one of them operates from a level of selfishness that is beyond comprehension. Every single one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:02 PM
4

It was technically a situationship for me, but yep! When I remember the low effort and being lead on just to be ghosted, I feel like re-adding his number just to cuss him out and block him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:17 AM
19

I finally deleted the guy who wasted 7 months of my time and then ghosted me. Trying to heal over the past 5 months since being ghosted has been super difficult, given everything that’s gone awry in 2020. I hadn’t reached out to him at all, but I just never cut him out for some reason. But today, I realized I could listen to love songs without crying anymore. So it’s officially time for a new, healthier chapter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:30 AM
1

Hi there, you’re not alone. I’m 30 and have never been in a relationship, only situationships. I don’t know why. I know one thing though - I don’t want kids and I haven’t found a guy who truly doesn’t want kids. It makes me feel bad once a month. Then the rest of the month, I’m “killing it” just like you are, living the single life! I don’t have any real answers, but I do know that you should not settle or compromise. The people that I know who compromised are way unhappier on a more consistent …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:45 AM
1

That’s sad. I definitely wish FDS was around when I was in high school!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:35 AM
1

I’m sorry this hurt you, but that was not my intention, nor do I believe that is the intention of this article at all. I’m not wrong, you’re not wrong. We’re just seeing this differently. It just doesn’t refer to that at all. Everything doesn’t have to be 100% perfect to be helpful to someone. Once again, it’s up to the mods to decide whether this is more hurtful than helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:17 PM
2

Hmm, I just went back to read the comments and I don’t see any about women leeching off of them. Maybe I missed it, but I’m not seeing those. And what I see in the article are the following principles when being ghosted by someone who loved and cared for you: Don’t get angry and seek revenge, Don’t blame yourself, Focus on yourself, Accept that your ex left for good, Share your pain with others, Work on developing yourself, Learn from your experiences, Find closure on your own, Don’t be afraid t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:03 PM
2

Fine. I guess we’ll just agree to disagree here. Report it. The intention of this article or me posting this article is not to shame people who have “ghosted” out of protection. I agree 100% that “ghosting” is one of our most powerful tools when it comes to abuse, emotional or physical.But also understand that there are people who are hurting from being ghosted out of the blue. And for those people in this article goes through a lot of the same steps that are FDS approved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:48 PM
8

So I’ll let the moderators decide whether this is “pick me trash” or not. But this article also says multiple times that it is referring to ghosting someone who loves and cares about you. If someone is abusing you, then in reality, they neither love or care about you. This article is not about that. Ghosting someone who abuses you in any form, is not ghosting, it’s survival and protection. This article doesn’t condone nor condemn it, it just doesn’t talk about it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:39 PM
1

Thats so lovely. While it sounds like they aren’t an inter-abled couple yet, they seem similar to Cole and Charisma in the effort they put in for each other. So I’ll definitely check them out. Thank you for the recommendation!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:39 AM
1

I hope that yours stays that way too! I’m happy that you found someone willing to work with you in building a great relationship! ❤️ I wish I could relate, but it seems that is not the case so far in my life. I love your point about hearing good stories being helpful for having healthy relationship role models! I’m surrounded by people who are in dysfunctional relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:35 AM
6

I feel this. I definitely feel like I missed out. I just turned 30 and on one hand, it feels like almost all hope is lost in this arena. But on the other hand, we’re still young in our 30s so anything good could still happen (not just in dating, life wise). I don’t consider any of my friends or family to be with HVM, but the okay-est of the men were found when my friends were in their 20s. Well I wish you the best in recovering from those terrible men! I can relate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:31 AM
3

Wow that’s better odds than what I see. I don’t see any marriages with HVM in my circle! I wish go back to the person I was for the first 24 years of my life - completely given up on the idea and filled my life with other things that made me happy. You’re so right about being busy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:22 AM
4

Aw thank you! I don’t seek out this content, but when it falls in my lap, I end up watching it and getting pretty sad. But I like your outlook - “maybe they’re out there but until then, I’m just going to be happy doing my own thing!” ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:13 AM
13

This is so beautifully worded. Gratitude is such a wonderful thing and I am grateful for what I do have. I saved your comment as a reminder of gratitude!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:10 AM
5

Agree with you both completely! I’m a skeptic by nature and I’ve seen so many “happy” relationships irl turn out to be a facade. Especially the ones that broadcast all over social media. But every so often, I’ll come across a happy couple that seem to be very genuine. And the skeptic in me dies down and I just feel heartbroken. 😩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 11:53 PM
2

You are right. There’s so much more to life. I wish you the best in working on your dreams and career! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 11:47 PM
3

Bi here too. The world is so full of sick pickmes and LVMs that I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. While I’ve wanted to, I haven’t tried dating other women on apps because I’ve heard so many stories like this. Sorry this happened to you but glad you made your way out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:14 PM
3

Agree, agree agree. There is nothing good about the bachelor for women or society as a whole! A month or two before my last guy ghosted me, I asked him what reality show he would be on if he had to be. He said he would never want to be on any reality show ever in life, but if he was forced, he would pick The Bachelor. I should have got up and left right then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:09 PM
66

I literally laughed out loud. Someone please tell me this is fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:32 AM
3

I had a platonic acquaintance/church friend who misinterpreted my kindness for attraction. After telling him I no longer wanted anything to do with him in 2016, he finds a way to get in contact with me almost every year. The last platform I blocked him on was LinkedIn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 10:12 PM
2

Personally, I would consider this a red flag if I have made it clear I don’t want to/no longer want to be contacted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 10:07 PM
5

I don’t understand anything after the first paragraph
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:35 PM
8

And he’s a Libra smh. I didn’t believe in astrology until my friend and I both dated Libra men. Libra men are by far the wackest men on the planet. Leos aren’t far behind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:27 PM
3

It really is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:20 PM
41

Wow this is bad. Left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:19 PM
10

My gut told me around month 2 that I was just a placeholder, but I didn’t have much to point to as definitive reasons. Actions not matching words and future faking are big signs. Although at the time, I didn’t realize it was future faking, so that was hard. Another big sign that encapsulates a lot of the comments here is: not making you feel special. When my last guy would sing some romantic songs from the radio, I would joke, “aww that’s so sweet, thanks for serenading me.” Then he would protes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:57 PM
175

That’s absolutely disgusting. I hope she leaves him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:44 AM
41

Seriously. I need to know what this means.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 03:12 AM
8

This is too cute! Love you ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:43 AM
29

Lmao!! Seriously tired of these long ass string-alongs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:27 PM
43

There are so many great statements in here, but I want to draw attention to one point in your post. “I am not the problem. He is. I am out of his league on almost every level- educationally, hustle, looks (if I do say so myself), productivity. Yet I’m the one with my feelings hurt?” Time and time again, the woman in the hetero relationship is way out of the man’s league in multiple aspects - education, personality, hustle, looks, productivity, human decency, the list goes on. But due to daily at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 12:05 AM
28

Oh interesting, I read this differently. I read it as if s/he’s using the divorce issues from when he was 5 to excuse things he’s doing at a much, much older age. That being said, every guy I’ve dated came from a broken home - father left mom when he was young, or parents still married but not talking, etc. I’d be interested in dating a man who comes from a divorced but happy family or happy 2 parent household. I come from a divorced but happy family, so it exists. My parents are friendly with e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 11:34 PM
6

Agreed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 11:22 PM
3

So when I was dating my last guy, I felt something was “off” so I would read things like this to see if I was on the right track. Problem is that since he only met a few of the more “minor” red flags, I thought I could dismiss them. Nah, next time, if I see one red flag that doesn’t get resolved, I’m gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 11:03 PM
2

Well that’s terrifying. Glad you’re safe!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 10:54 PM
9

I think you’re right, women should be wary of men who are overly vulnerable and play the victim. I have encountered both type of men - one who used me as a therapist as a manipulation tactic and one who seriously didn’t know any better. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether it’s manipulation or not, it’s just bad news! Avoid avoid avoid!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 10:50 PM
36

Yep. I didn’t realize mine was toxic either, especially since there was no drama. Sure, he didn’t give me enough consistent attention and he didn’t get into deep conversations often, but he was so much better than the others. I thought, he’s good on the inside, and I was so sure over time it would get smoother. It did not. The intermittent reinforcement just continued. The future faking continued. I didn’t explicitly beg, but I was craving more attention, more time together, just more everything…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 09:44 PM
69

It is absolutely SICK. But the comments gave me a little hope. Nearly everyone roasted him and warned the girlfriend that she’s in for years of pain with this guy. Apparently the girlfriend later posted something in defense of this clown, and many women continued to tell her that she was making a huge mistake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:38 AM
7

Wow. Good for you! I am so glad you didn’t entertain this any further!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:38 AM
13

She absolutely needs to send him an invoice for wasted time. This guy has lost his mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:36 AM
38

You’re right. This is so next level, I’m unable to comprehend it. Why are the ladies buying lunch? There are so many good causes they can donate their money to, why is it being given to random men on twitter?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:16 AM
23

I laughed so hard at this. I feel you. I personally am taking a short break, but I will get back to dating soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:23 AM
28

Eyes for sure. And then this is going to be a weird one, but something I’ve thought about recently. Do they look or “feel” like a different person across a majority of their pictures? We all have pictures where we don’t quite look like the same person, but across a majority of pictures, we look and “feel” like the same person. And I’ve found this to be true in most men’s profiles too. They may have one or two pictures that makes me say “oh they look different in these than the others” but across…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:18 AM
21

Wow. Looks like these “shortcells” are short of quite a few brain cells. Illiterate, racist, and sexist comments everywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:36 AM
5

Oooh I like the idea of a FDS group trip or retreat when things get to normal!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 07:55 AM
34

Agreed! Always pay attention to his friends and family, especially when it comes to cheating, but even when it’s not about cheating. My friends - we come up with an idea, plan, then act. My last guy’s friends - come up with an idea, make wishy washy plans, back out, then leave people to handle the mess of cancellations. He was around a bunch of future fakers, so he future faked with me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 07:50 PM
1

It truly is disgusting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 06:44 PM
13

I wish she used Roman numerals so I can easily count how many times he was CAUGHT lying, but more than 1 time is too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 05:15 PM
71

Right?! One guy I dated didn’t even “act single”, he simply mentioned something that sounded like he thought he was single and I noped the f out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 05:13 PM
23

This angers me. I mean this girl in particular made some really dumb mistakes that I can’t comprehend nor can I relate. However, I’ve run across this sentiment from men that women are always to blame when they accept men’s shitty behavior and believe their lies. “That’s her fault, she should have known.” The victim blaming has GOT to stop. Now of course, at some point if you continue to accept clearly bad behavior, you gotta take responsibility. But men have to take the responsibility for not le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 04:28 PM
9

Anyone who has social media handles in their bio gets a swipe left from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 05:27 AM
25

Sis, could you please pass the eyebleach to me when you’re done?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 01:27 AM
103

What?! She left the kids with her cousin and stayed with the patchy bearded idiot for 2 years? Even if she visited the kids every day, living with the guy still shows the kids that she’ll prioritize him over them. There should have been a better alternative than that. Make him work 7 jobs to afford to pay for her apartment, something. He burned down the house, killed the dog, and yet she still chose this clown. That’s sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 01:12 AM
3

Wow. I am truly speechless. You really dodged a bullet there. Thank you for sharing. If you ever decide to write a book about this dude, I will be the first to buy it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 10:17 PM
46

It’s a shame that so many men are so unstable that we have to figure out the safest way to say no. The other day, I took a walk to ease my anxiety. I live in a city so I wasn’t completely alone on the street, but there was a lot of distance between me and the next person. I’m wearing a mask, sunglasses, hair scarf, and baggy black clothing. A guy on one of those bikeshare bikes slowly rolls up beside me. He says hey and proceeds to hit on me. Usually, I’m naturally rude to these clowns in public…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:51 PM
9

This was sick and sad to read. I think all the comments said it all, but this comment on twitter got me: “Reading the first few paragraphs, I felt like this guy was trying to gaslight ME” Absolutely. F this guy, he is beyond sick and abusive. I hope she’s long gone now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 03:27 PM
7

The most I ever did for a man was make the bed when I was the last one to get up. Even that might have been too much. Never would I ever clean up after a man. I used to like Amara but something about her always felt off to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 03:07 PM
48

Oh my gosh, this sounds amazing! I have to say, the more I read this sub, the more I realize that the way LVMs react to birthdays/holidays is always a telltale sign they’re LVM. If you make it clear that a day is important to you and they make little to no effort or behave badly the whole time, they gotta go. No man has ever done anything for my birthday or any holiday, so I’ve always spent it with family and friends. But even setting the bar as low as expecting a call/text from them on my birth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 02:10 PM
15

I can’t imagine walking into someone’s place and they don’t have any furniture...especially a bed. I’ve always had a diverse group of friends and I gotta say, not once did I run across someone who didn’t have a bed. And no food, dishes, or even cups?! Especially making as much as he did? The last guy didn’t have any tables in his apartment. I thought it was weird as hell for a grown man to not have a single table or table-like structure at his place. Especially one who has been working from home…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 01:56 PM
14

Yep, RUN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 02:10 AM
54

I absolutely agree with this! Over the past 5 years, I’ve lowered my standards because I thought I was being unreasonable and needed to give these people a chance. Although I don’t agree that I have “black-and-white thinking”, I was trying to embrace more “gray area” because that’s how my pickme friends were “successful” with men. Never ever again. It’s not like I was valued by these men I lowered my standards for. Not worth it at all. I’d rather just assume there’s someone out there who will me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 02:09 AM
39

Oh boy. Where do I start? Did he just imply all women are bipolar? And tried to defend men who are judged on emotionally abusive behaviors? That’s interesting, one of my LVM friends called me judgmental this week because I called a tv character a fuckboy for stringing women along and sending mixed signals. If judgmental means calling out emotionally abusive behaviors, then that’s just how it’s gonna be. The world should be more judgmental then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 01:58 AM
18

Watching this, I just know the wife has been through some shit with the guy. I feel pity and sadness too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:47 PM
127

Same here. I’m done. If that means I “lose out” on someone who felt I should initiate texts, so be it. Not really a loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:40 PM
45

I guess if you’re going to be a pickme, do it for a good cause?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:34 PM
29

I agree with this. I tried to do a balanced approach with the last guy. I would wait for him some days and other days I would make the first move. I will never do that again. If he’s HVM and the actual conversations are going well, he should want to initiate everyday until we become official.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:15 PM
44

I don’t understand how any racism, especially self-hatred-based racism is something to brag about? It makes people look really stupid. To all the white women viewing this, please note that this is not a compliment. Men who say these things are sinister. Stay far away from any other clown who says similar things. I can’t believe this loon has so many followers and is in a relationship. That woman gains the pickme crown of the year. If you insult a group of people in any way, you’re dead to me. Wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:02 PM
5

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a civilian wearing an all camo outfit. I know that’s not the point, but it strikes me as odd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:29 AM
5

Poshmark?! What confuses me the most is...are there pickmeishas out there who actually would respond positively to this? I’ve always wondered if creeps get any positive reinforcement or if they just keep doing crazy stuff regardless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:25 AM
5

Is this the same guy who dumped you in that one-sided text “convo”? You’ve been dating for a few months, right? If this is the same guy, I don’t think I’d trust him. That behavior was really too weird and felt like it signified miles and miles of issues under the surface. Also, in my personal experience, the road for recovery when it comes to men’s drinking issues is a really tough one to navigate. I guess you’d have to ask yourself is it worth it? Youve seen how he could treat you on one of his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:02 AM
3

Yup, I definitely understand this. The quarantine is making it hard to do many of the actionable steps to get through. But please be easy with yourself at this time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:46 AM
1

Thank you! You’re absolutely right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:43 AM
9

Thank you for this. It’s been 3 weeks since the guy of 7 months ghosted me. I thought I was getting better, but last night I really broke down crying. I wanted to call him, text him, something, but I knew I couldn’t do that. Not if I want to actually level up. But still, it hurt. I don’t know what made me look at his social media last night, but I did. He hasn’t posted anything since he ghosted me, but to see him surrounded by all of these potentially positive influences and yet to CHOSE to trea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 01:15 AM
3

Right!! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 02:57 PM
3

Same here. I found this sub 5 days after I was ghosted, thanks to Reddit suggestion notification. I was struggling to figure out what I did wrong, how could I have lost such a quality man, but this sub came just in time. Healing is definitely not linear, but I also realize that this guy had shown LVM signs since day one and there were red flags that I thought were yellow at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 04:10 AM
3

Good thing you’ve found this out and made the call early. You undoubtedly saved yourself months or years of hurt!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 04:04 AM
1

Immediately classifies him as LVM, if not NVM. Inconsistent emotional support when they know you’re having a tough time is emotionally abusive. You are justified in feeling betrayed because you have been betrayed. You deserve better than that. I hope you are doing okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 04:02 AM
18

LVM and NVM just don’t make sense. I slept over at the last guy’s house in month 2, after 10 dates, but did not have sex with him. The next night, I did have sex with him. A week later, he told me that the first sleepover was a test - if I had slept with him that first night, then he would have known I was not long-term material. But since I passed the test, I was long term material. But would he have slept with me on that first night? Absolutely. He would not have politely declined. I felt unco…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 03:48 AM
12

Thank you for sharing your experience with the 3 month rule! Definitely bookmarked! I implemented the 3 month rule with a guy in 2017. But still, he ghosted right after sex. I had no hope in the 3 month rule until I found this sub. It’s about implementing all of the other HVW strategies in conjunction with the 3 month rule in order to find a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 03:30 AM
18

I agree with this. For a HVM, it really wouldn’t matter when you sleep with him. However, by implementing the 3 month rule, we can better weed out the LVM. There are too many LVM out there to take the gamble of sleeping with them too early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 03:25 AM
3

Yep, same. My innate rudeness and RBF have undoubtedly saved me many a time. Strangers have cursed me out and told me to smile but never would they dare to walk up to me and kiss my hand. Probably the wildest story I have is when some college guy grabbed my hair from behind because he didn’t see my RBF. He literally jumped back once he saw my actual angry face. Then I cursed him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 03:15 AM
8

This. I was exposed to internet porn when I was 10 and that was...2 decades ago. But at least back then, the degenerates (including myself) knew to hide it and be ashamed. This new world is crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 02:07 AM
3

This was my reaction LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 02:03 AM
6

I don’t think I’ve said this aloud, but I simply want a relationship for the experience of it. At 30, I’ve never had one - only situationships and other nonsense. What would life be like if I had a man who loved me and expressed it? Writes sweet little love notes, does things for me, and takes pics with me while on our fun vacations? What would it be like to be part of an actual “we”? So yep, it’s mostly a FOMO situation, which I admit isn’t the greatest reason. I don’t have a real goal for this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:54 AM
6

Yep. It’s not PC, but I agree. I have a family history of severe mental illness and thought I had seen it all. I thought I could handle dating a guy guy who was managing his mental illness. But nope, I couldn’t, so now I will avoid men with mental illnesses. Men just have too many additional negative factors that this becomes the final straw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:17 AM
4

No one here would put up with that behavior, that’s for sure! You are a strong woman and you will get through this, even if it has hit you a bit harder than expected. Even though this selfish baby is incapable of caring about anyone except himself, there are people who do care about you! Please take care of yourself during this time doing whatever you need to do to heal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:00 AM
30

THIS! I got ghosted after 7 months with a guy! No warning, no argument, nothing, just completely gone. The day before he ghosted, he mentioned that he wanted to see me soon. That was 3 weeks ago. Now that I’m back on the dating apps, I told my friend I ghosted a guy because he was pushy about meeting up after I told him no. She yelled at me for ghosting a guy that a) I never met, b) never even gave my phone number to, c) only chatted to for a few days, and d) showed complete disrespect of my bou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 12:12 AM
10

I’m so sorry that you have been going through a tough time, both physically and emotionally. You are so right- it is best you were able to see this relatively early on. But I understand it doesn’t take away from the current hurt right now. I hope you at least know you have support here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 11:43 PM
18

Yuck. I hope every woman runs fast away from this loon. Is that OkCupid? I don’t know about you, but I found a LOT more LVM on OkCupid than any other app. I might be being biased here but run from that app too lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 11:32 PM
5

This is terrifying. Sounds like a Lifetime movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 07:01 AM
5

Hi! I’m 30 and have never had a relationship. Only situationships and other gray-area nonsense. Just figured we should virtually meet! Lol. I’m torn here. I would love to disagree with you and say hey I’m totally awesome, no red flags here! But truth be told, there probably are some red flags. Or were some red flags back when I didn’t know how to cope with overwhelming anxiety and depression. But then again, I’ve actually never met a HVM - no HV male friends, no HV men in my family, the guys I’v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 06:56 AM
5

Okay this is going to be a hard one to explain, especially since it’s more intuition based, but look at his eyes. Sometimes it’s hard to see in person when there are so many other distractions, but the eyes in pictures will show if this man has some unresolved issues. I’m not talking about a superficial-level anomaly or anything like that. It’s like a profound sadness or detachment even when they’re smiling. There were 2 men I dated last year that I met online and there was something about their…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 06:28 AM
8

“If he’s HV and not interested he wouldn’t reach out again at all.” If he’s HV, he wouldn’t have just disappeared. But agreed, ghost his ass!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 06:01 AM
15

Oh man. Back when I was a teenager, To Catch a Predator was one of my favorite shows. But it baffles me that this guy doesn’t know Chris Hansen’s face immediately. And I didn’t know he still did these segments on True Crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 05:40 AM
54

LOVED THIS ARTICLE. While some comments took issue with him wanting to drive in order to maintain his masculinity, I don’t see the problem. He wants to take care of her by driving and cooking, that’s what made him personally feel like a man, and I think that’s great. Didn’t seem like this guy was sexist or believed that women should do specific roles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 05:25 AM
13

Paying your rent and buying your groceries? Sis, where’s the manual for this?! I need it ASAP Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 02:13 AM
7

Ooh I agree with this one! The nice guy fuckboys are seriously the worst. In my experience, the “bad guy fuckboys” will take full advantage of the easy outs we give them and actually go when they want to go. The nice guy fuckboys will maintain their nice guy facade and lie even when given an easy out! It’s like the bad guy fuckboys derive their self worth from their looks and material things, while the nice guy fuckboys derive their self-worth from making sure others always see them as the nice …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 02:10 AM
5

I absolutely love this topic, OP! I’m trying to re-enter the dating world after being ghosted by a guy I thought was HVM but was very much LVM. And a major reason why I overlooked some LVM behavior is because I rationalized them as human mistakes rather than LVM behavior. I think the responses here make sense - the frequency of mistakes, type of mistakes, and the way he reacts to those mistakes. Over the course of 7 months, this guy only canceled 3 times. I told myself these were just mistakes, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 01:50 AM
2

Same here. No more Leos or Libras for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 07:44 AM
3

Yep, I feel for her, as I learned this with my last guy. Unlike the codependent guy I dated before him, this guy was independent and family-oriented. I admired this so when he delayed a date due to being with family, I was fine with the shifted time and place. Plus, this was 5 months in and he’d only canceled one date prior to that. When he was done with the family, he FaceTimed me to confirm that I was sure he could come over to my place to cook me dinner. Like any normal human being, I assumed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 07:06 AM
5

While I can’t say I’ve “never been a pick me”, for me, it was only recently (within the last 5 years) that I started to adopt some pickme behaviors. When I was younger than 25, being single bothered me but I wasn’t going to change myself or lower my standards for any man. But when I turned 25, I looked around and saw that I was the only one who had never been in a LTR out of all of my friends. I thought something was deeply wrong with me so I changed. I stopped listening to myself and started li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 11:16 PM
5

Are we talking about HVM or LVM here?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 10:31 PM
26

That was frightening to read! One of my friends did something similar to one of our roommates back in college. The pickmeisha knowingly brought our troubled, suicidal roommate to the house of a predator. The troubled roommate was “date” raped and coerced into doing things she didn’t want to with a group of people she didn’t know. She couldn’t escape because it was late at night, a house in the woods, and had no cell service. This was also before the time of social media and rideshare services. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 09:03 PM
2

Sounds like there is a lot missing from this story. How does it go from “I put my wife through law school”, “I’ve been denied from all the jobs I’ve applied to, so I want to stay home and take care of my kids” to “my wife left me for her boss”? Wait and now he’s wanting to go for his pilot’s license because wildlife career isn’t taking off? Something seems odd about this whole story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 06:48 PM
3

Hey there, this is not really an appropriate comment for a topic regarding black men in the legal field/similar jobs who think they’re the prize. Not sure why catcalling was brought up here or the races/ethnicities of your friends’ boyfriends. Also, every single part of this statement is offensive. If you have to justify a statement with “some of my best friends are black” or anything similar, it’s probably not a great statement to make. Talk to your friends about why that is. Or google search, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 01:47 PM
5

All of my “relationships” have been disasters, regardless of whether I picked them or not. And although I agree in theory, “let the man approach you” causes some issues for me because people (friends, acquaintances, anyone really) say that I’m intimidating. So how I’ve decided to address this is by taking the initiative to show interest maybe a bit more assertively and explicitly than other women, but then put the ball in his court to do the actual work that comes after that. And not feed his eg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 05:12 AM
25

This is such a great topic! When Love Island comes back (fingers crossed), we should have an ongoing FDS thread, if this is not already a thing here. While everyone is still living in a fishbowl, it still highlights behaviors we’d see in real life because everyone has free will in who they want to couple up with. Even if you’re technically coupled up with someone, you can go sleep on the couch or outside. Unlike the bachelor/bachelorette which just highlights desperation and weirdness in my book…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 04:33 AM
6

And her voice?! Unrelated to FDS but I could listen to her sing all day. She was my favorite from the moment I saw her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 04:21 AM
7

I’m sorry to hear that! I feel your pain, and I have to say I’m glad that you were able to notice the signs and get out of there with some dignity. I couldn’t even bring myself to ask those hard questions to mine because I knew I’d be disappointed with the answers. Are you in therapy? I’m in therapy and it helps a lot when going through these endings. One thing that I’ve personally found helpful is the acceptance that recovery is going to be a rollercoaster with a lot of ups and downs. Be gentle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 04:32 AM
18

I really really hope that woman leaves him. I personally don’t understand going to couples therapy unless you’re married or both people are serious about leading up to marriage. It’s gonna hurt, but she needs to drop him. I’m OLD right now and I DEFINITELY see a pattern with many black LVMs in top jobs thinking they’re the catch. Sometimes I’ll match with them just for laughs but every time it’s clear they’re there for some ego boost. The conversations are so bad lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:39 AM
12

This. That man is the ultimate clown. I don’t understand who gave him more than 3K likes on that post. Who is hyping up these weirdos?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:32 AM
294

I almost did this today, but instead I just wrote it in a notes app and went about my day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:18 AM
3

I’m personally seeing an interesting spectrum. 1) There are some complete trash there to pick up some desperate quarantine chicks. One guy that I started chatting with a few days ago tried to pressure me into meeting up with him this week. I already told him no, but he still pushed. I don’t typically call this ghosting when convos are in-app only, but he got ghosted. These clowns are easier to weed out than ever. 2) Then there are the guys who are clearly there to entertain themselves from the b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 07:22 AM
35

6 months?! 6 months?! I’m speechless. Disgusting set of morals this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 06:39 AM
46

When I was walking home in 7th grade, I got into a heated argument with some girl who said some weird racist nonsense. She ran away crying, then came back to me asking, “why didn’t you chase after me?” I said, “now why would I do that?” and continued to walk home. Anytime a guy does something stupid to see if I’m going to chase them, I think of that 7th grade girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:51 AM
27

This better mean secretly kill the bastard. Then she should still divorce the husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:39 AM
2

We could hope, but they don’t lol. At least I haven’t seen it. I’ve seen some women do 180s from circumstances you wouldn’t even believe. But an LVM truly change his ways? Nope. At best, I’ve seen them morph into an LVM with different disrespectful habits instead of their original ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:31 AM
40

Even when I was a die-hard-feminist-equal-in-relationships person, I would never have even considered doing this. A woman proposing to a man is just a total nope for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:21 AM
17

Lol nope they don’t. I don’t care about this now, but I used to think about this in the past. Even if you see them treat someone better based on social media or hearsay, whatever the case may be, nope. They may be able to treat them better for a little while, that phase will end and those girls will be treated terribly. I do think that people can change, but unless it’s been at least a decade, I don’t believe 99% of LVM truly change. I have LVM friends and family, and the things that happen behi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 11:01 PM
39

I saw a special on this man years ago, before the Model S came out. I don’t remember anything specific about it, I just remember thinking this is a disgusting man and I am never going to buy a Tesla or anything that would contribute to this weirdo’s wealth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:20 PM
89

This just doesn’t make any sense at all. I don’t even begin to understand this person’s logic. In no way does “I wasted 10 years on you”= “I wanted other men...” Regardless of topic or gender, saying “I wasted 10 years” means the speaker has wasted 10 years on something that has brought back little to no payoff in return for time and effort. Life is short and 10 years is a long time to spend on anything that doesn’t yield results, especially on a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:15 PM
7

I completely agree with this. There are some other subcategories, but they’re all bad. I worked for a consulting firm that had the hardcore software engineers who were the variations of weirdo stereotypes that you see on tv, and then you had the implementation consultants who were less “weird” and more misogynistic creeps. The consultants would be able to connect with people at certain levels (many had humanities and business degrees) but as I got to know them, I realized they were bad in a diff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 03:20 AM
4

Yep I just learned this over this past week. I have never been so attracted and excited about someone in my life, and thought he felt the same, but after 7 months he has disappeared out of nowhere. I will never put myself in this position again. Attraction is not even close to being valued.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:02 AM
11

While I definitely could understand others’ needs for a shorter time, I actually prefer this rule of threes for myself. I am just coming around to the idea of marriage, I’m too career-minded, and I don’t really want kids. There’s no way that I’d be interested in marrying someone after 1-1.5 years. But I do believe that by the 1.5 year mark, they should express explicit interest in marriage. This is the only time in life I’ve ever agreed with Wendy Williams.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 12:30 AM
17

I work in tech and I can wholeheartedly say YES. Even the ones you think aren’t will show their weird, crazy, creepy colors eventually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 11:24 PM
6

So true! And this is why I love FDS. The levels of LVM, ZVM, and NVM really gave me perspective. The LVM had me thinking he was HVM because there were basic green flags there, albeit inconsistently. And he was better than the ZVM and NVM that I was used to. The NVM and ZVM won’t do these things consistently, if at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 05:49 PM
30

I love this game! My ratings from worst to “best” (but still not good): 2 - Multiple spelling errors are a huge no for me! It shows that they have made no effort 1 - Anything with cutie in it is a hard pass. 3 - Can we go together? How old is he, 12? Also I think the first message should be more about getting to know you rather than jumping to an outcome. 5 - Hi? No effort. Goodbye. 4 - I’m curious, do you have anything about bad roommates in your profile? If not, what kind of nonsense is this q…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 05:37 PM
1

I’m sorry, I understand this is a rough time right now. I hope you’re doing okay sis. These NVM/LVM are so outrageous. Did he say anything after your response or did you block him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 04:43 AM
5

Are you sure he’s LVM? I’m new here but this sounds NV to me. What a worthless human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 04:33 AM
5

This is a great question. I wonder! I’ve given into some pickme tendencies over the years, but overall I’m not a pickme and every time I did give in, I felt so mad at myself. However, I do have a certified pickme friend who would cry hysterically every time her NVM would disrespect her, but then she would use her pickme ways to reel him back in and forgive him. She managed to upgrade him to a LVM and got married. From the outside looking in, it seems she’s happy. Happier than my friend who broke…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:14 PM
4

This is amazing. I could never figure out why “he’s just not that into you” made me feel so irritated and icky. It’s this. And I’ve seen it with my friend (an ex who is a complete narcissist but somehow works well as a friend) and his wife. I’ve seen it with my cousin and his wife. They didn’t change into HVM because they were interested in someone. These guys were not and still are not husband material but somehow they found women who deal with their nonsense in the way they want them to. No ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 04:12 PM
2

In a similar boat here! Thought my LVM was a HVM for 7 months. Thanks for sharing. Did you block and delete him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 12:37 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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