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strangerinthealps_ Archive

View 0 posts and 144 comments by strangerinthealps_ on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
64

The problem with ~communication is key~ is that men like this know when they’ve done something wrong. They know, and they don’t care. It’s only been four months. He’s shown you who he is and how he feels about your concerns. It’s not going to get any better, walk away before you become further invested. Block, delete, bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 01:17 AM
5

Haha, thanks! I happen to like that album.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 06:12 PM
16

Wait, this guy is 38?! Remember ladies, men ~age like fine wine.~ 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 06:11 PM
23

“I hope you had a great time with your friends!” The unwritten, implied text? “While I was here, suffering, working on bettering myself FOR YOU.” He spends half the letter justifying his bad behavior and the other half guilting her into coming back with an action plan that he’ll most likely abandon within weeks. No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 06:06 PM
70

“If You Give a Pig a Pancake” is a children’s book. Makes sense, given that this man’s emotional maturity and reading level are probably on par with that of a six year-old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 11:21 PM
33

If you live in the US and can access court records in your state for free through their court website, plug in their first and last name and see what comes up in both criminal AND civil court. Yes, some people have common names- this is where you narrow it down by date of birth and/or location. It takes all of five minutes, and it can save you a lot of trouble. This is how my friends and I have discovered restraining orders, domestic assault charges, financial judgements (we all make mistakes, b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 07:36 PM
10

Going back to jail? 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 04:09 AM
58

I co-sign all of the above. If you have a support system that can help you move your things, awesome. If you don’t, take what you can (documents, important mementos) with you on your trip. With my alcoholic ex (years ago, before FDS), I rented a new place without his knowledge and told him I was leaving. I stayed elsewhere until move-out day, locked all my valuables in a room that he didn’t have a key to, and had family help me with the actual move so someone would be present. He may pull out al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 02:14 AM
2

If you’re on a dating app when you’re not actually interested in a relationship, then this signals that what you’re really looking for is validation. Based on your post history, honestly, you shouldn’t be on OLD. You need to figure out how to get that validation from within, not from men. Entering into any interaction with men when your self-worth is low is going to set you up for a bad time.
/r/askFDS24/02/21 04:38 PM
105

Not only is this gross, he’s trying to triangulate you and his female friend. “She thinks this would be a fun time, why don’t you?” Why is he even talking about that with her? Oh, you can also go with them if you want? How generous. It’s also incredibly manipulative to state that your discomfort is “controlling.” Dump him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 03:01 AM
30

I showed an ex hard proof that he was cheating on me, and he still said he wasn’t. Maybe your boyfriend did, maybe he didn’t, but he still sided with this woman over you in the past. That’s not okay. I’m sorry, I know this sucks, but you seem really unhappy and you’re too young to be trapped with a manipulative guy who won’t do his share of the housework or give you an orgasm.
/r/askFDS14/02/21 03:19 AM
14

He’s living rent-free in your head to the point where you’re collecting porn to send his way. You’re honestly better off deleting it and moving on, because even negative attention is “good” attention as far as men are concerned. He may initially feel like garbage (maybe), but knowing you still care enough to even send it will give him some validation. The best closure is giving him nothing and moving on to live a better life without this guy.
/r/askFDS14/02/21 03:02 AM
21

My ex gave me a card for Valentines that his mom had mailed to him. He literally crossed out his name and wrote my name under it. He thought it would be funny. 😐 This guy sucks and she needs to move out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 11:27 PM
5

It really sucks when people we thought were close to us start to show their true selves and behave badly. I definitely recommend reading the handbook, blocking him, and focusing on some self-care.
/r/askFDS11/02/21 04:44 PM
12

Nobody is saying that you’re not allowed to be upset. What I am saying as that you’re not handling this in a way that allows you to maintain any dignity or power in this situation. Being passive-aggressive helps nobody. He knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t care. Continuing to message him or wonder what he’s up to or what he’s thinking/what his motivations are just directs away energy you could be using to focus on yourself.
/r/askFDS11/02/21 04:33 PM
9

Saying things like “if you’re done with me you should just block me” is super passive-aggressive and it gives him all of the power. If he’s not meeting your expectations, block and move on.
/r/askFDS11/02/21 04:02 PM
6

She’s going to put all of this time into planning a “creative” date and all she’s going to get is mediocre dick and a few weeks of half-assed texting before he drops off the face of the planet. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 01:39 PM
16

On the plus side, she can always have the artist draw a little line through Dean’s name. That should help. 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 01:58 AM
64

I’d hate to see what goes down when she runs into the (inevitable) other woman that has a “Dean’s submissive queen” tattoo at the local Quick Mart. There is absolutely no way this guy is loyal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 07:37 PM
27

Agree. I will take being a single mom over going back to living with a man who acts like another child I have to take care of. I’m thankful for my mistakes, though; because of the man I was married to and an LVM I lived with (with a long pause between relationships, but obviously not long enough), my standards are now higher and my ability to set boundaries and clear expectations is now top-notch. I was able to teach my teen to raise their standards and set healthy boundaries in all aspects of l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 03:05 AM
9

Feeling very blessed to come home from work and discover that I’m part of a Democrat deep state psy op, I help harvest the blood of babies, I’m a man LARPing as a woman, but also an angry femcel, AND that I’m an alt right white supremacist. Women really can do it all, huh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 02:49 AM
27

Ugh, I’m sorry you went through that. I had a friend tell me that men are “like scared baby deer” and the trick was to basically hold out my hand and let him come close on his own terms. I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in being in a relationship with a scared baby deer. Work on yourself, dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 08:16 PM
59

Yessssss. Pre-FDS, I had a guy drag things out for months. First he was into me, then he said he just didn’t feel it and I was like “Okay, cool, bye.” But we remained friends (don’t do this) and he continued to orbit (seriously, do not allow this) and eventually confessed that he liked me, but was afraid he would mess it up. Because I was a pick-me, I bought it and spent time convincing him that he was a valuable person who was capable of engaging in a relationship (I don’t know how many times I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:59 PM
9

I am so sick of seeing posts like this on my ig feed. I’ve started unfollowing old high school acquaintances because their lives could basically be every post on the breakingmom subreddit. This ain’t cute, and it’s not funny. Normalize marrying men who are actual adults with an iota of thoughtfulness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:06 PM
59

Saying he knows you’re not “that type of person” isn’t a compliment. Honestly, the fact that he’s preemptively basing your worth on how many men you’ve slept with is a red flag and not at all a sign that he views women as autonomous human beings with preferences and desires. Have you read the handbook? That would be a really good place to start!
/r/askFDS21/12/20 07:21 PM
87

No. LVM/NVM will absolutely use this information against you- if not immediately, then eventually. They may also use it as a jumping off point to talk about your past specific sexual experiences (which you’re also not obligated to disclose) and pressure you into doing things you may not want to because “you did it with your ex, why won’t you do this for me?” As long as you’re practicing safe sex and routinely screening for STIs, that’s all you owe your partners (and yourself, honestly) on that f…
/r/askFDS21/12/20 07:14 PM
87

Friendly reminder that there’s still time to #KickHimOut2020.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:49 PM
36

Some of these are absolutely horrifying. I’ve been there, and I’m so happy to (now) have a peaceful space for my child and myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 04:23 PM
142

Imagine what the world would be like if men took this energy and put it toward doing something useful instead of yelling out about their wank material. Just, imagine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 04:55 PM
9

Are you in the United States? If so, you may need to check into tenants rights in your specific state. Even though he’s not on the lease, depending on your state and how long he’s been staying there, he may still have squatter’s rights (basically.) Unfortunately, it’s not always as easy as calling the police to have someone removed, and changing the locks could be illegal depending on where you live. Google your state and “tenant advocate” and you may be able to find someone who can assist you w…
/r/askFDS16/12/20 03:02 AM
11

Not alone. My ex would get drunk and deliberately pick fights while I was trying to study/write papers. I couldn’t leave the house and study elsewhere because I refused to either drag my child out of bed at night to sit in a library or leave them home with a drunk adult. Once I moved out, my grades soared and I published research. Amazing how that happens. 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:38 AM
2

I’m not sure who is who or what is even happening, here. So a guy asked for your discord and you called him a clown? Did he send you a dick pic or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 11:37 PM
9

If he’s coming over to my place hungry, he can order takeout for both of us or he can cook the food he brought over. I might make a meal for someone I’ve been dating for a long while, but I’m not about to set that as an expectation. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 02:24 AM
37

Came here to comment, but this honestly sums it up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 01:57 PM
6

“According to people who know me I’m either the biggest teddy bear you’ll ever meet, or the biggest asshole.” My vote is on the latter. “Fluent in sarcasm” “My humor tends towards the sarcastic” “Message me if you like sarcastic humor lol.” 🤮🤮🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:26 PM
6

I know it’s hard (change is hard! Even good change!), but you’ve got this and you deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:18 PM
17

In all likelihood he’s picked up on your hints, but he’s not going to leave a situation that benefits him (i.e. having a live-in maid and zero responsibilities) until he has someone else lined up. Preserve your energy and peace of mind and kick him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:08 PM
6

Out of all the personal information that could leak about my life, I think I would be the most embarrassed about my 1990s Geocities websites. 😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:41 PM
16

Radaris and Spokeo are also notorious for gathering your personal info and putting it on blast for the internet to see. Not sure about websites outside of the US. Thanks for the list!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:20 PM
3

Trust your gut. If you’re not into him, you’re not into him. That being said, are you sort of ambivalent about dating, or more into the idea of a relationship itself than you are the actual guys you’re seeing? If so, it might help to take a step back from it for a while and focus on yourself. If not, disregard! Also: Two dates is far too soon to know if he’s a HVM. Ideally, if you want to continue to see him you should be vetting for months. What looks good on paper isn’t always the reality, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:16 PM
6

Full name, age, location. You can also try your phone number. The option to “opt out” of these websites is usually in teeny-tiny print, but it can be done!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:11 PM
7

Great advice, and scrubbing my info from those websites is something I routinely do. It’s like playing whack-a-mole since new ones seem to crop up all the time, but I still make the time to do it. Some of them had the names and current phone numbers of my family members, ex-husband, and anyone I’ve ever lived with. Having this information out there can make you a target for scammers too, which is very frustrating. It is also incredibly easy to find someone’s identity based on very few details, e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:04 PM
3

These are the same guys who think we can just “hold in” our periods and ration out one jumbo box of tampons per year instead of “being wasteful” and changing them every few hours. What are men, seriously. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:59 PM
15

Why are these still being posted? This space isn’t for them, and I don’t need to see multiple posts that show screenshots of the same exact message. 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:07 PM
29

Wild how men can say the vilest things, and instead of sending them a long, angry message about how wrong they are, I can just choose to...not. I turned off my message/chat function because I just don’t feel like directing my energy towards validating some guy who wants me to ~dEbATe HiM~ over whether or not I deserve respect. LVM can never turn down an opportunity to hear themselves talk, but that doesn’t mean I need to oblige them while they verbally ejaculate all over their keyboards. You’re …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:57 PM
234

Men can’t relate to women unless they’re viewing us as an extension of themselves/their property. MY wife, MY daughters. Women are human beings who deserve respect whether or not we’re related to you and we’re not your teachable moments, assholes. Tangentially, men: please stop using “having women in some functional or familial role in your life” as reasons why you would never engage in verbal/emotional/sexual abuse. Husbands, fathers, and friends are all capable of verbal, physical, and sexual …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 08:04 PM
12

I remember watching this show and loving it in 2007-ish, but I tried to give it a re-watch and it has not aged well at all. It doesn’t help that I originally got into it to impress a guy (I was 23 and a pickme supreme) who wasn’t worth the next five years of situationship hell. This AND the post about Scrubs is taking me on a journey and I don’t like it. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 05:04 PM
5

Apparently he thought this would be a funny thing to say to someone he had just met two hours previous. I work in mental health, and I’m difficult to shock. However, there are times! This was one. ETA: did not actually see said video, so this could have been a very bad joke. Either way: not cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 10:01 PM
7

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry that this happened to you and to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 07:26 PM
21

This happened to a friend of mine years ago, as well, but she was in his house in the middle of nowhere. She ended up dating him for a while and referred to him as “the naked cowboy.” We were 19 and thought it was funny, because we’d been groomed by older guy “friends” to think this kind of thing was weird but okay. Now, I just think this kind of thing is disturbing. I got off of OLD after that and stopped letting men come to my house as a “date.” Pre-FDS days, and they were one big yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 06:17 PM
31

Several years ago (like, early ‘00s), a guy took me to dinner at a chain restaurant as a first date. 15 minutes after we were seated, a waiter sat down and joined us. It was his brother, and the guy was using his employee discount for the meal. They talked for the next several minutes about anime. I was 17, and he was my ride home (45 minutes), so I stuck it out and deleted him on AOL Instant Messenger after he dropped me off. He called my house repeatedly until my dad asked him to stop. Last su…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 05:59 PM
19

I don’t like to go to the dentist, but I do it because I’m not lazy and I value my teeth. If a man won’t take you out to dinner because “he doesn’t like it” and a woman decides she’s okay with that, she’s in for either a ghosting or a relationship/situationship where her preferences are never taken into account. Unless the woman truly hates dinner dates, but that doesn’t seem like the case here. A margarita and ~maybe~ bar food? Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 05:22 PM
10

I love all of this. To be happy with yourself is to have the ability to walk away when a relationship is no longer healthy. It’s the ability to take time to heal before jumping into the next thing that comes along, and convincing yourself they’re a HVM before they’ve truly been vetted. You owe it to yourself to level up. And if a relationship with a HVM is what you want, you need to be a HVW. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 05:09 PM
73

Openers that include “sexy” “gorgeous” “beautiful” “baby” or are nothing but “heeyyyyyyy” are so low-everything (effort, value, intelligence) they’ve literally sunken into the ground and tunneled to the other side of the earth. Miss me with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 04:53 PM
8

I’m sorry that you’ve been mistreated to the point that you feel like this. There are people in my life whom I trust, but they’ve earned it. However, if my gut sense said that something was “off” with them, I would still look into it. There needs to be a balance between trusting another person and trusting your intuition. If you build your SO up to the point where they’re the center of your universe and can do no wrong, then yes, you may actively be silencing that voice (which is why we don’t en…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 09:57 PM
3

“I wasn’t going to open my bobs, but then he used the prayer emoji,” said absolutely no one, anywhere, ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 09:32 PM
14

Imagine asking a man to have a painful surgery in order to beautify his ballsack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:50 PM
3

So when a woman doesn’t cheat, a man gets bored and...cheats? What? Is this satire?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:27 PM
3

Apparently! They seem to genuinely believe that the women here are just angrily demanding piles of cash from multiple men and boo-hoo-ing over how single we are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 01:59 PM
11

That’s great! I apologize, that came off like a huge assumption on my part when I was trying to generalize my advice. It’s been a long day. 🙃 I would continue to observe his actions both on dates and between dates, but if you start to get the sense that he’s just not putting in the effort, then it’s probably not worth continuing.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 03:51 AM
58

I thought about making one of these, but I can’t find a picture of a guy drunkenly microwaving a frozen burrito for 60 minutes and subsequently starting a small fire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:46 AM
17

Typically, it’s an excuse. Mirror his effort. If he sends a two-sentence text, send a 1-2 sentence text back. Don’t send walls of text or double-message him. Also, leaving someone on read is disrespectful. You can send a text from the toilet, it’s not hard to write a quick “I hope you’re having a great day, super busy at work but talk later?” How are you filling your time? Don’t sit around waiting for him to reach out, and don’t play the “wait several hours to respond while pretending to be busy…
/r/askFDS16/09/20 03:20 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:11 AM
26

You’re investing entirely too much energy towards a guy you’ve gone on one date with, and one you didn’t feel a “click” with, at that. Don’t travel to meet a man. Don’t pay him back for the date. Don’t date someone who talks nonstop about their ex. Don’t continue to text with someone you’re not really into- there are plenty of guys out there. Do read the handbook.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 03:10 AM
49

I agree with all of this. What he said was horrible, OP, and I’m sorry he hurt you. If you push him on what he said to you, he’s just going to continue to deny it, and you’ll end up even more angry and frustrated. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Take care of yourself (adequate sleep, hydration, exercise, healthy food, facial masks, good books, hobbies, socializing) and do it for you, to make you feel good. Not for him.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 03:05 AM
1

Requesting approval to comment, please!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 02:46 AM
150

“No Drama Queens Allowed” says the sign with rules 2, 4, 6, 9, and 10.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:44 PM
6

Staying in a relationship when you’re not happy because you’re afraid you’ll never be able to do better is the antithesis of FDS. Definitely let him go and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:29 PM
19

Let’s just not tell them. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 09:07 PM
172

We do have options, which is why we reject the garbage instead of settling for some guy who uses the word “simp” unironically. Edited to add: to the guys messaging me to ask why I’m still single if I have options/why I allow LVM to take up so much of my time and energy- 1) I’m not single. Many of the ladies here are in relationships, but stay for the community and support. 2) The point of FDS is to prevent LVM from taking up that space and energy. Vet, block, delete, bye. It takes far less energ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 09:01 PM
28

It sounds like it was written by a man who wants to post it on Reddit and cry about how men are so at risk when they get married and have children. “This woman was rejected and now she’s helping RIP HIM OFF, the HUMANITY, the COURTS HATE MEN and this proves it, etc.” Edit: a word.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 08:47 PM
34

Who is even responding to this to the point that so many guys think this is actually successful? Did you accidentally drop your self-respect off at Goodwill in a donation bag? Lose it in the wash machine? Why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 07:14 PM
37

Ugh. No. Hard enough to find one quality male, why would I want to deal with a whole cluster of men? But, more seriously, no. I prefer to be intimate with one person at a time (emotionally and physically) and I can’t give a partner what they deserve if I have to increase my bandwidth and devote that energy to multiple people- it’s rare that anyone can. My personal preference is monogamy. In the initial stages of dating I’m seeing other people and vetting them (and I assume they’re doing the same…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 04:32 PM
14

I don’t know many people who would think the latter is worse than the former, though? Who is actually arguing this (outside of this guy’s mind)? Huge difference between a drone strike and an emotionally immature, manipulative person dating someone much younger than them. Both are bad, one is clearly worse. What a weird statement to make; he clearly has some issues he needs to work out. 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 02:51 PM
24

THIRTY-NINE? No thanks, pal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 11:10 PM
48

So many men asking why their wives aren’t into having sex all of the time after several years and a handful of kids. How much work does she do around the house in addition to work outside of the house? How much effort do you put into caring for the children you helped produce? How often does she get time to pursue her hobbies and dreams, or just spend time to herself? Do you take the time to make her feel special, loved, and appreciated? Or is it just all about your needs and validation? I swear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 10:35 PM
73

“You wanna have him? Have him, take care of that shit every fucking night.” I don’t think she’s glorifying taking care of him or bragging about him, I think it’s more “You want him? You can deal with this shit, come scoop him up.” This girl is maaaaaad, but she should be focusing that 100% on him and not splitting her anger between him + girls on Snapchat. Either way: messy af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 01:46 PM
9

Personally, I would dump him. Two years? Two years. Two. Years. If you’re not going to dump him right now, call his bluff and tell him to ask his dad. If he reverts to “my dad says you can’t come over” like y’all are in elementary school, dump him then. Lastly, if you need alcohol to be honest with your partner, the relationship isn’t going to work. After two years you should be comfortable enough to have a conversation with him about things that are upsetting you. It seems as though he makes it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 02:26 AM
15

Definitely not Sylvia Plath. It started popping up on tumblr and twitter around 2010-2011; it was part of a thread dispelling the “friendzone” myth/outlining why that specific term is garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 06:40 PM
1

I’m not a Miley fan, but she had a TV show and several albums, and the woman can sing. I wouldn’t really call that “famous for no reason.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 03:34 PM
16

Haha I wish I could forget the nest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:29 AM
45

There needs to be a little ~nest~ of fresh Parmesan sprinkled on top.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:19 AM
29

It’s fantastic that you’ve come to these realizations and that you’re willing to walk, but it concerns me that you want a legal commitment from someone who has shown himself to be abusive. Abuse escalates. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next year, but eventually it will. You deserve better, and your kids deserve a better example than a man who screams and has tantrums when things don’t go his way. Take that energy you put towards building up his business and focus on building up your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:44 AM
137

“aS a dOm”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:25 AM
9

This is so timely! I actually sat down today and wrote out all the ways in which I’ve made progress this past month- sometimes it really helps to see it on paper. You’re doing amazing, and I love that last quote. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:23 AM
9

I’d also like to submit “Ben” and “Kyle” to the mix.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 12:59 AM
179

Is this guy named Jason? I feel like this guy is definitely named Jason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:47 PM
11

Reactions to her are mixed here, but I like her podcast. I take what I need and leave the rest. She’s been reading and reviewing “Why Men Love Bitches” lately, and I’m enjoying the refresher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:35 PM
81

He could have deleted every line of this and replaced it with “waaaaaaaaaaah.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:31 PM
60

Do not meet this man. I understand wanting to have sex, but it’s not worth having it with a predator whose interest was piqued by your virginity like you’re some kind of trophy. He’s not interested in you, he’s interested in having sex that most likely won’t be good for you and going on his merry way. You have plenty of time to experience this with someone worthwhile. Make the most out of your trip, go do something exciting and treat yourself, and be safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:28 PM
13

He’s persisting despite the lack of response because he’s hoping that you’ll respond and give him some kind of reaction to work with. If you do respond, he’ll take that opportunity to be inappropriate. If he was interested in being friendly, he would message you something based on your common interests and back off after one non-response. “Hey” is low-effort garbage and you’re not rude for ignoring it, but you are unnecessarily distressing yourself by not blocking him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:22 PM
29

He literally thinks a $5 bottle of Barefoot and some shit he got off Wikipedia is enough to get you to “hang.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:32 PM
7

We no longer work together, fortunately!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:30 PM
37

I don’t know if it’s in the handbook specifically, but you’re 25 and he’s 35, and you both have very different amounts of life experience and frames of reference. That, and older LVM tend to date younger, more inexperienced women because they feel they can be easily manipulated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 02:25 AM
71

1) That’s a huge age gap. 2) Don’t give up your hobbies and interests for a man. 3) You need to make him a priority, but he won’t compromise and sleep over because he doesn’t like the size of your TV? 4) In what ways has he tried to make your comfort and boundaries a priority?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 02:08 AM
21

It initially shocked me, then it hurt my feelings, and then it pissed me off. I’m sitting with that for a bit, and then I’m going to let it go and move on (I don’t need that kind of shitty energy in my life) but I wanted to vent for a minute because ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 02:02 AM
57

A man and former co-worker whom I considered to be a good friend (until about twenty minutes ago) just asked me via text if we could have sex, “but not too often, maybe once a month or so.” Because if we did start having sex, having it too often would “make him feel like we were in a relationship.” I just...what? This was the first inappropriate thing he’s ever said to me, and it’s also the last because I blocked him. Time to step up my vetting game in my friendships in addition to my dating lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 01:49 AM
26

I can’t believe I used to find self-deprecation to be charming. I wish movies/tv would stop feeding us the idea that bumbling men who can barely make it through getting dressed for the day are somehow adorable (they just need a little fixing! He’s a project, ladies. Take him on out to the she-shed and build him into a competent man, it’s cute!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 01:28 AM
14

The next guy who tells me to read Infinite Jest is getting hit over the head with the copy that’s been sitting on the shelf since I read it back in my early 20s. Might as well put it to some use, right? It’s fine, but have y’all ever read anything but white male literary canon?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:41 PM
16

Don’t feel bad, from afar I was trying to figure out if that was a bowl of oatmeal. 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:32 PM
4

“Baggage Reclaim” by Natalie Lue is pretty good. I know people here have a lot of mixed feelings about Shallon Lester, but I do agree with some of what she has to say, especially in regards to being honest with yourself when your boundaries aren’t being respected and your standards aren’t being met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:27 PM
47

Same. I always sit in the back. I’ll make small talk back sometimes, but only if I’m not getting a creepy vibe. The majority of the time my drivers have been fine, but I wish that was the case everywhere. I want to say that I probably get creeped on less because I’m in my mid-30s and look like a nice soccer mom (this isn’t in reference to her outfit, women have the right to wear what they want without being touched or leered at! I’m referring to my general vibe), but I think we all know that if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:23 PM
41

What a time to be alive. I hope they got matching neck tattoos to seal the deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 11:02 AM
11

The problem happened before you even went on the date, when you had to do all the planning because he couldn’t get it together. Block and delete. He can have fun with his dorm hookups (that probably don’t exist.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 05:45 PM
6

It’s hard when someone whom we really like behaves like this. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you know that you’re worthy of love and respect. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:21 PM
6

Uh, and why is he telling you that she said this? He knows what he’s doing. He wants you to be angry with her, not with him. Please dump this jackass and quit wasting your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 09:09 PM
9

Rescuing you when your car breaks down and giving you compliments are the bare minimum and something any decent human being will do. He knows that the texting bothers you, and he couldn’t even put the phone down while you were giving him a back massage. 🙄 Men will promise you the moon during the chase (and often during the first several months of dating.) Never stop vetting. Trust your gut. If you want to stay with him, that’s your prerogative, but you made this post for a reason. You know somet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 09:03 PM
8

“Newsies suit.” 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 07:45 PM
7

I feel like there should be an entire post on this sub dedicated to taking a break and being single instead of trying to fish for validation in a sea of LVM on OLD. FDS isn’t going to help if you don’t love and respect yourself enough to fill your life with something besides dating and thinking about dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 05:10 PM
30

So you’re dating him because you’re impressed by his ability to play multiple instruments and the potential to rent a bigger place from...his mom? You can’t teach a guy to appreciate you, and you shouldn’t be doing all of the housework. You’re 20. You have years ahead of you to date guys who will appreciate you and impress you for the right reasons. Dump him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 04:48 PM
121

Trust your gut. You made it clear that this bothers you, and he’s not prioritizing your feelings. Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can buy you gifts in the early stages, but what is he CURRENTLY doing to show that he’s high value? Also, it’s incredibly creepy that he’s texting this much with someone 15 years his junior. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 01:41 PM
25

Any time a guy says “I can be a huge perv” it inevitably translates to “I will make unfunny, immature sexual comments out of context and/or at completely inappropriate times. I call breasts ‘boobies’ and I proudly own several t-shirts with ‘witty’ slogans on them, like ‘Save the Boobies.’ Physically I’m here, but spiritually I’m in the fifth grade.” Just, nah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:34 AM
1

This is just messy. 1) I read a little of your post history, you should probably break it off with your ex and walk for good because this “are we or aren’t we” “on and off” is unhealthy and low value. 2) Hopping onto a dating site immediately after a breakup is (temporarily) nice for the ego, but usually results in dealing with a bunch of garbage guys while you’re not even in a good headspace to be looking. I’m not going to act like I’ve never done it, but do you see what I’m saying here? 3) Rea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:39 PM
34

I just zoomed in and asked myself the same thing. 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:20 PM
18

It’s easier to sift through the trash if you’re coming at this from a place of loving yourself and having an abundant, joyful life that you could easily maintain on your own. Every time someone says that “the good men are all being snatched up,” a Pickmeisha gets her wings. Having the strength and patience to vet, vet, vet without settling is CRUCIAL, and that’s why FDS outlines a solid foundation for acquiring self-respect and self-worth. Edit: words. Haha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 05:46 PM
9

Mark Kozelek is the goddamn worst and I’m embarrassed that I ever enjoyed Red House Painters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 05:32 PM
126

You forgot to mention that we’re all too fat to have “high standards” such as “doesn’t think it’s gay to wipe your own butt” and “doesn’t pee in drinking glasses.” 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 05:10 PM
67

A girlfriend OR a casual hookup, you say? And he’ll have SEX? Groundbreaking! If this pandemic brings nothing else of value to humanity as a collective, at least Ben has realized that he wants to put his penis inside of a woman, either within a relationship OR outside of one. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:06 PM
60

“Any suggestions?” Yes: stop using alcohol to get women to let their guard down around you. Creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 01:07 PM
22

The light at the end of the tunnel is a life that’s free of constant resentment and stress. You got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:07 PM
54

Honestly? I divorced my ex because I knew I could provide a better, safer, and more fulfilling life for my child and for myself than I could if I had stayed. I realize it’s hard to walk away, but I would focus less on “finding love again” and more on caring for yourself, caring for your kid/s, and healing. Being lonely sucks, but jumping into something new (or not leaving) because you’re afraid to be alone is worse. Re-frame this as an exciting time to work on yourself and love yourself, a time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:00 PM
12

I was just about to! My worst exes: Jason, Ian, Ben, a few Craigs, and a few Mikes. Edit: and a Kyle. Uggghhh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 01:22 AM
18

Aside from the obvious (yes, you should block him and move on, and yes, you need to read the handbook), it’s a red flag for me when a guy refers to his ex as “crazy.” It’s lazy, disrespectful, and immature, and 99% of the time when a man has told me his ex is crazy, she’s actually been a reasonable human being who just got tired of his garbage behavior and moved on. 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:00 PM
93

Definitely. I know she brought up the “I’m a daughter” in response to Rep. Yoho’s non-apology (where he essentially said that he has a wife and daughter and would neeeeeever disrespect women, the second part of which is obviously a lie), but it sucks in general that to get men to listen, we often have to discuss ourselves relative to them because they can’t imagine a world where they aren’t somehow centered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:39 AM
30

Women have been trained to cater to the male gaze since childhood, so (sadly) we know how to take flattering photos of ourselves/put the time in to find and upload the best-looking pics. Men haven’t had to deal with that garbage to the same extent, so they think “this looks just fine” and make that up-the-nostrils shot of them behind the wheel of their Toyota Yaris their profile picture without a second thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 09:16 AM
10

I don’t disagree. Long-time lurker, newer poster. I engaged with giving someone advice the other day, and honestly should have just stopped at one comment because the OP absolutely wanted validation but not any real direction. I don’t want to discourage anyone, but I also don’t want to feed into a negativity cycle (and finally snap and get crabby.) But at the same time, I’m here for helping women out of terrible situations when I’ve been there myself. Sometimes voicing it and writing it all down…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:16 AM
12

These are all excellent points. If you need additional guidance on walking through this, you could also connect with a local domestic violence advocacy center. The one in my hometown helped a friend file a restraining order and paid for her to change her locks on a guy who wouldn’t get out of her house. Sometimes it’s really nice to have a professional in your corner who will keep this confidential and help you with the necessary legal steps!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:20 PM
5

The “Boobs doesn’t attract me anymore” text overlay on the Joker made me cackle so loudly that my sleeping dog looked offended and left the room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:15 PM
11

I was in a similar situation, and no, you’re not wrong for being upset by the drinking. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic, and you’re not going to change him or “fix” this. He will change when he wants to change, if ever, but that’s not your responsibility. If his cat wasn’t sick, he would STILL find another excuse to drink all night. He thinks another woman would tolerate this? Let him go find one. He’s not on the lease or mortgage, and if your state law doesn’t give him some kind of rights for es…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 01:57 PM
3

I didn’t say that you’re not a good match. I said that he was immature and treating you with disrespect. It concerns me that what you’re getting out of everything I wrote was “so he would treat someone else better than me?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 04:51 AM
22

If he wanted a relationship, you would know where you stand. It sounds like this situation is convenient for him- you already live together, and you’ve shown that you seem to be fine with him messing you around and feeding you crumbs. If you have to expend this much emotional and mental energy trying to figure out what he’s feeling when he already knows where you stand and hasn’t committed, there’s your answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 04:44 AM
1

I mean that he’s not right for you if he treats you like garbage. I can’t predict how he would treat someone else, but if this is the way he’s acting towards YOU, why put up with it? You’re coming at this from a place of self-blame when the blame lies with his inability to be a mature and respectful partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 04:31 AM
1

I believe it’s possible that someone may not be right for you, and they may not treat you well, and that doesn’t mean that it was “all an act.” Men can say nice things, and mean them, but that doesn’t mean they’re not capable of being low value or engaging in low-value behavior. It’s really important to remember that his actions are his, and poor treatment isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person. It sounds like you’re really struggling right now, and it’s hard to be optimistic at this poin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 03:52 AM
5

Reading through your post history, it seems pretty clear that this guy is incredibly immature and has no respect for you. If you don’t want to break up with him, don’t break up with him, but he’s already shown you that he’s fine with walking away in the middle of arguments and/or leaving you alone when you feel vulnerable and upset, and these situations don’t tend to improve. I’m saying this gently, and with care: do you have anyone you can talk to? Is therapy an option for you at this time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 03:38 AM
17

Her responses to the comments are killing me. It’s not a compromise to sleep on the floor so the overgrown baby you live with can play video games! They gave her bed to his parents to hold on to, which will give her more space to spread out on the floor and let him literally walk on her (in addition to doing it metaphorically.) 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 06:05 PM
2

It’s not your job to reassure him. You can’t “fix” someone’s insecurity, and you’re not his therapist. That, and even if you did try to reach out and reassure him (although I honestly don’t know why you would want to, nor should you), it’s not going to be coming from a place of sincerity. He knows how small his penis is. He knows you know. He says awful things because he knows, and you’re not going to change that. Block and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 09:02 PM
123

“I’m sure your ‘no’ isn’t actually a ‘no’ because I don’t understand what boundaries are or how they apply to me.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 07:09 PM
9

“Social distancing times don’t have to be lonely, and can be actually exciting” = “send nudes, please.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 01:36 PM
92

My brain still refuses to comprehend that a woman could date someone for three years and never see the inside of their home. Three years! Three years. Three. Years. 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 05:34 AM
11

I once showed a man I was dating/living with (ugh) his own active dating profile in addition to screenshots another woman sent me, and he still tried to lie his way out of it and claim it wasn’t him. Don’t waste your precious time and energy confronting him, just block and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 07:49 PM
3

The fact that he’s trying to bring you down has been covered really well by the other comments, and I don’t have anything valuable to add there. That being said, I hope you realize how manipulative a 48-hour Xanax bender as a “fuck you” is. Making you worry, causing you the anxiety of not knowing whether he was alive or dead, putting his happiness directly into your hands: textbook “look what you made me do” manipulation. In my experience, this type of behavior only gets worse and leads to a ser…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:01 AM
1

Reading Melody Beattie was the first of several steps I took towards breaking it off with an abusive, substance-abusing, BPD ex. I definitely recommend. Unlearning that sense of “I am responsible for keeping my partner emotionally healthy at all times and substance-free” was difficult, but it was very freeing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:24 PM
2

Yessssss congrats! When I left my last long-term relationship (with an abusive alcoholic), I purchased a bed set that I loved/he would have hated and a set of pink dishes. Granted, I needed to replace most of my things anyway because I was “leaving him with nothing” (including a job, as he quit his to play on my sense of feeling responsible for others and try to get me to stay) and I said “screw it” and let him keep a bunch of my kitchen items. That was almost three years ago, I’ve since wised u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:35 PM
1

It’s concerning to me that he’s more worried about HIMSELF getting sick than he is about being asymptomatic and potentially infecting people who are more vulnerable. I wouldn’t wait for additional red flags- there are a lot of men out there who are fun to talk to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:21 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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