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swimmingindaisies Archive

View 6 posts and 69 comments by swimmingindaisies on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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29

No, it will never be enough. Guys that have options don’t make “deals” with women who don’t. Which means he doesn’t have options and from the way you think of yourself, you don’t either. You should not have stayed friends with him. He used you for “unexpected intimacy” and wants to keep you around for more of that with the promise of commitment only if you lose weight. He’s stringing you along until he finds something better. Don’t accept this kind of behavior from men if you want a serious rela…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/22 03:49 PM
1

Exactly! And of course, happy to help <3
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/22 07:41 PM
2

Thank you for giving an update! I don’t think that’s immature, I think it’s only human. And I think you made the right choice for your own sanity and peace of mind. Even if he did contact you again, how could he really be taken seriously or respected after how he treated you? I’m kinda proud of you right now and I hope you’ll feel better. You can always put on I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift or another breakup/“eff you” song to help you along.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/22 11:34 AM
3

Girl, I got you. Always happy to chat!
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/22 12:21 AM
5

Why isn’t your partner speaking up to him about you? Slash what I said earlier because that does not apply here. This is disrespectful and if my partner wasn’t saying anything or setting boundaries with his friend, this would be a dealbreaker for me. He cares more about defending his friend to you than defending you to his friend. What does that say about his priorities?
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/22 11:44 PM
39

I used to feel similarly every time my boyfriend and I would get in an argument. There are some things you just have to let go of, even if you feel you are right (provided that it’s a trivial matter and nothing serious that would be a dealbreaker). I would end up apologizing to him and.. he would sometimes apologize too, but he often felt that I was too sensitive and that bothered me because I’m a woman.. of course I am! But one day, we watched a movie together called The Tree of Life. In the mo…
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/22 07:26 PM
1

I think it’s definitely ok to pay for stuff and honestly, I would encourage you to do so. He might even appreciate the fact that you’re not trying to take advantage of him so much that he will happily want to take care of you more in that way. But it’s best not to hold any expectations for anyone to pay for you. If he doesn’t want you paying for things, he will make that known by his actions and you may graciously accept that. If you don’t have the means to pay for things, I would honestly just …
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/22 12:07 AM
7

Awesome! I think guys don’t mind paying more if they feel you are also putting in equivalent effort into the relationship, which it sounds like you are :)
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/22 01:03 PM
17

Going on dates doesn’t always have to mean going out to a restaurant to eat. The weather is getting warmer, so you can make lunch and take him out for a cute picnic, cook for him and have a romantic night in, etc. This puts you in a more feminine role, where you are creating something just for him, an experience, a dinner, etc. and leaves him being the “provider” more often. I don’t think it’s necessary to try to reverse the pattern of taking turns because it’s nice and common curtesy to offer t…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/22 12:59 PM
13

Yes! u/Exstntial-strawberry you can also be honest with him: “Hey, I know you want me to contribute to our dinner dates, but this is becoming too taxing on me financially and I can’t keep up.” Bring him your problem and let him come up with a better solution.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/22 12:03 PM
1

It’s all dependent on which kind of man you’d want, definitely, and using our tools to the best of our advantage. Great post, btw!
/r/RedPillWomen10/05/22 11:36 AM
18

Yes, I think also that if you really want to have an advantage in the dating world, having a low n count is more advantageous in finding a partner since that’s what most men would prefer. Therefore, you have more options, more doors are open for you as a woman to find your HVM. Yes, there are some men who don’t care about n count or would actually prefer a woman with more sexual experience, but that is not the majority. And in this society, we really can use all the advantages we can get because…
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/22 10:53 PM
3

This is an absurd claim to make without facts which apply to women who are going through or have gone through menopause. I don’t believe you intentionally meant to spread false information, but just goes to show what lies are being spread due to the sexual revolution and feminism trying to get women to “reclaim” their sexuality. u/ConfusionCritical622 you should be fine.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/22 10:41 AM
5

My boyfriend is a lot like this. Nothing else to say, except that this was a wonderful comment and observation. Not OP, but thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/22 04:27 AM
7

It means you’ve earned your stripes and your flair will signal to others in this community that your voice holds some weight around here. Congratulations :)
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 03:18 AM
3

Right?! Thanks for outing yourself with me 😂
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 03:12 AM
3

Yes, her comment was awesome! u/Ordinary-Object7260 This girl just wrote an entire essay, but I read the whole thing 😂
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 03:11 AM
7

Yep, that’s exactly it. It never works out in your favor when it’s with a HVM. They see right through it and vet you out.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 02:56 AM
7

Honestly, I completely agree with you. I do feel shit tests in their truest form are immature ways of vetting and can often come off agressive or disrespectful. It just seems unhealthy. When I used to shit test guys, it came from a place of superiority or moral high ground that I felt I had over them. Glad those days are long gone.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 02:50 AM
2

I was referring to when OP asked her bf about threesomes and got mad when he said he was open to it. But I do agree that the rest of the post is on the comfort test side.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 02:41 AM
4

Meh. There is a big difference between the two. Shit tests happen when a woman is kinda picking on a man’s masculinity to see how he holds up, if he’s a man of value or just another nice guy. Comfort tests happen when a woman is around a man she desires and values and she tries to prompt reassurance from him that he likes/loves/is committed to her, etc. That’s from my own understanding, though. I’m sure the sub’s wiki can explain it more throroughly if you’re interested.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 02:20 AM
1

I agree with a lot of what you’ve said here. Sounds like a classic shit test, to me. All women do it (myself included - I've been catching myself lately like, whoa, I really do this?). Yes. However, I feel like shit tests mostly happen at the start or early stages of a relationship while more rigorous vetting is happening and then it peters off into comfort tests? I can only speak from my own experience, but I don’t even shit test my man anymore. It’s kinda just comfort tests now. I feel like th…
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/22 02:11 AM
11

First, talk to him and find out if he even wants kids. Then go into the nitty gritty details of it. Did you just decide you wanted to have kids and previously didn’t want to or just that you feel now is the time you want to start having them? On being a caretaker: If your man keeps active, eats healthy, keeps a sharp mind, and takes care of himself well, this shouldn’t be much of a problem. You also don’t know what will happen. You could be the one needing a caretaker earlier on. Hopefully not, …
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/22 12:01 AM
1

Would you be able to tell us more about your guy and what kinds of rules he’s set for the relationship that has you having second thoughts? That would help us to personalize our answers to you and give you better advice.
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/22 09:32 AM
14

I used to feel a similar way about the hobbies thing. The thing you’re not realizing though is it can take more than just a few times to get into something. You have to put in effort and consistency when you don’t always feel like it, even in hobbies, and get to a place where you feel you’ve made good progress before you’re able to fully enjoy them. I always thought I just had to keep trying more new things until I found something that I was “naturally talented” in. There are some people in the …
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/22 08:19 PM
28

Yes, in a way. A big chunk of your appearance is connected to your lifestyle and communicates your values to men. Do you eat healthy, exercise, care for your hygiene, and groom yourself well? Those all show in how you present yourself in not just your weight, but your skin, hair, nails, scent, clothing choice, posture, etc. I know this reply probably wasn't what you were expecting, but these things do matter to HVM and could become a dealbreaker for some in particular. All of these things combin…
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/22 10:06 PM
26

Idk something about this post seems off to me. I’m wondering how I can stay “alert” in my relationship and always seek to impress him 24/7. Why do you seek to impress him 24/7? Because that’s not realistic or sustainable. Is this truly your desire or is this your desire because you feel guilty for being “complacent” (or he makes you feel guilty) and you feel this is what you should be doing? We live together and spend literally every minute together, so I suspect that my complacency could be due…
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/22 12:57 PM
6

I don’t think it’s counter to RPW at all. In this case, he told her he didn’t see himself being with anyone until 10 years from now and, “He said he doesn’t know me… doesn’t feel he’s in the right place to think about these things… he can’t sit there and tell me he wants to be my boyfriend…” This guy is cruel to have led her on this long when he knew he didn’t want anything serious. She gave him her all, literally went “all the way” with him, but nothing could change his mind. I think withdrawin…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/22 12:22 PM
3

And as a side note...I get the feeling you can be quite the romantic when you want to be. Ah, you caught the part I tried to edit out. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day.” I have been found out! You're such a character! Haha Actually, what you are picking up on is that I rather enjoy the company of women, which I do, provided they are of the 'man-friendly' sort. Teamwork makes the dream work, and all that. Although I hav…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 03:19 AM
10

I second everything you said here. Especially loved your jump right to “prison.” I also wanted to say I noticed some of your comments in this sub recently and have appreciated your contributions.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 12:33 AM
3

u/aquariangem I think this is a bit of a desperate move. You already reached out to him, although seemingly too late, so it’s up to him now if he wants further contact with you.
/r/RedPillWomen29/03/22 04:06 PM
7

I’m really sorry. Maybe this will be a good lesson to learn from and reflect on in the future. HVM don’t wait around for one woman because they have options. You either show active interest or he moves on. If it’s not the phone number mix up, then that’s likely what’s happened here.
/r/RedPillWomen29/03/22 02:52 AM
21

I mean.. I’m not too sure what you’re expecting. He’s made himself available and wanted to see you again, he said so himself. If he was so eager in his pursuit of you, you would probably lose respect for him. I’m sure he feels tired of chasing you only to get half-hearted interest and effort in return. You are allowed to text first, to show interest. Opportunities in life will pass you by if you treat everything and everyone this way. Take some initiative. Edit to add: Just because you gave him …
/r/RedPillWomen29/03/22 02:26 AM
3

Thank you!! :)
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 09:47 PM
5

Yes, there is too much nuance in these situations to give such a black and white answer. Truly this is the first post I remember that tells women how to decide for themselves if they are on the right track without saying "if he doesn't pop the question soon enough you should bail". That's exactly what I was intending with this post. I understand this sub has a lot of younger women on it, but it's so refreshing to have a wiser, more seasoned woman sharing thoughts. How invaluable to have someone …
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 05:36 PM
4

What a compliment, thank you! I wasn’t sure how this post was going to be received. Much appreciated. I agree that everyone’s relationship looks different. Some get married in 2 weeks and their marriage lasts a lifetime, and others, 5+ years. People will always have strong opinions on either one and there will never be just one formula to encapsulate everybody.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 04:07 PM
4

You said everything I wanted to say. I can feel the conviction from your comment, love it.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 04:03 PM
12

Yes, I have mentioned in my post that we do talk about marriage and I also said this post isn’t a guarantee of any kind that a man will marry even if he checks all these boxes. However, for me personally, they are good signs, along with our discussions, that he is planning his future with me and I wanted to share them with others. I think women on this subreddit, especially, understand the complexities and risks that marriage brings for a man. Edit: I’m not sure why you feel qualified to post he…
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 02:03 PM
7

I agree. I’m not at all saying waiting years is right for everybody or even that you should. Unless you were Kate Middleton or dating a future king, 10 years is an excessive wait. This was just a post on being content through and accepting the waiting period. I think women are more likely to want to rush this period and get married faster than men.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 01:56 PM
9

Yes, definitely. And with that, Kate has all my respect for her perseverance and strength to be able to deal with how the press treated her all throughout her waiting period.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 11:11 AM
6

Yes, that’s a great pre-requisite question to address before reading. Thank you for bringing that up. A whole post in itself, although I don’t think I can fully speak on the subject, but maybe one of our more experienced, married RPW can.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/22 11:07 AM
3

If you aren’t leading well, she won’t follow. Giving her a book or other resource for her to follow instead of you is not the way. That’s passing off your leadership and excusing yourself from taking the reigns. She wants to follow you, but she doesn’t see you as high value, judging by all the pushback you’re getting from her. I recommend checking out r/marriedredpill or if you’re Christian, r/RPChristians. They’ll be able to help you better than we can. Good luck.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/22 09:26 PM
71

I agree with a lot of what was already said, but here are some unique/important ones for me: High intelligence - I finally don’t feel like I’m mentally 3 steps ahead of the guy I’m with and I know I can trust him to lead me and our future family. Asks for my opinion - This is so simple, but always surprises me because although he’s older, more experienced, and more intelligent, he wants to know what I think on certain things and values/considers my opinion when making decisions, which is not som…
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/22 02:18 PM
3

There’s a quote, surprisingly from Bruce Jenner: “When you’re dating somebody, that’s as good as it’s ever going to get.” The time when you are in the dating phase with your partner is the time when the tingly butterflies are at their peak and when they are showing you the best parts of themselves to attract you, their best efforts. I was once in your situation and my ex was a very passive man, also living in comfort. I am naturally a very feminine woman and in every other relationship, I was ab…
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/22 12:07 AM
6

“This guy has chased me for years and I finally gave him a chance..” What was the reason you held off on dating him previously? Because from this sentence alone, it sounds like you’re settling. I’ve been there before too (think we all have), but you’re gambling with the rest of your life and millions of dollars in assets if you marry him without being attracted to him and you can’t negotiate desire.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/22 01:21 PM
6

I’m doing a “5 senses” gift for my long distance boyfriend: Sight - sexy, but tasteful pictures of me in lingerie Touch - sewing him a pillow with a cute embroidery of a guy with a cup to his mouth connected with a heart string to a girl with a cup to her ear (idk if that makes sense haha but it’s a really cute picture of our long distance relationship) Sound - a 20-30 minute ASMR recording of me (he listens to ASMR to fall asleep sometimes) Smell - Lush bath bomb because he loves taking baths a…
/r/RedPillWomen03/02/22 04:10 AM
80

So I have dealt with this with my boyfriend early on. He’s extremely intelligent. Your husband sounds very intelligent as well and seems like he’s genuinely not trying to make you feel bad and reassuring you. I used to feel a little dumb next to him, although he wasn’t intentionally making me feeling that way. But then I realized.. I should want him to be right because if he’s not right more than he’s wrong or if I’m right more than him, how can I trust him as a leader? How can I respect him if …
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/22 10:58 AM
2

I don't think of sexting in that way. Even just him expressing he wants to hold/kiss/caress me, any romantic touch, will help. I have expressed that to him, he said he would consider it, and then nothing. I wouldn't say sexting is something I need in a relationship or a dealbreaker, but we are long distance right now and have been for a while and won't be able to close that gap until the spring. It's a little challenging navigating a relationship from hundreds of miles away. The sexting wouldn't…
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/22 01:14 AM
3

Yes, that may be a cause in this that I haven't considered before. I think I'll have to think on that some more. I will share that with him about being being extremely anxious about it when the time comes. He knows about my experiences with my ex and I have told him that being so vulnerable feels scary for me. Thanks for the suggestions.
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/22 01:02 AM
1

When you said how you use "being disconnected from life experiences as a shield," it really resonated with me. I have seen a Ted Talk by Brene Brown and she was great. I'll check out her book now that you've recommended it; it sounds very helpful. As for the mantras, I do think I can work on thinking more positively about the situation like that, instead of zeroing in and magnifying things by constantly only thinking about my fears. That last point sounds like a great idea! Thank you for the hel…
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/22 12:56 AM
2

That sounds really interesting; I will check that out. Thanks for the resource! I appreciate your help. :)
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/22 12:46 AM
1

Thank you for that resource! I will check it out. I appreciate your help :)
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/22 07:41 PM
2

It is a mix of anxiety over my inexperience and not being good enough for him, as well as embarrassment over expressing sexual desire and possibly desiring him in this way more than he does me. His rejection from not wanting to sext with me still stings. I expressed to him that it would make me feel closer to him and more desired, but he says it’s not his thing and he doesn’t like partaking in it. He assures me of his attraction to me and does compliment me and makes sexual innuendos every once …
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/22 06:52 PM
2

Definitely! Thank you!!
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 03:14 PM
2

It was one heck of a diversion tactic! 😂 Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 03:12 PM
1

Yeah, 3 years would be a bit much! Haha! I posted an update!: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/r80uj9/update_i_22f_thought_my_boyfriend_was_planning_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 03:01 PM
1

I posted an update!: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/r80uj9/update_i_22f_thought_my_boyfriend_was_planning_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 03:00 PM
1

I posted an update!: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/r80uj9/update_i_22f_thought_my_boyfriend_was_planning_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 03:00 PM
1

Yeah, I definitely overthought what was happening, you’re right. I posted an update here: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/r80uj9/update_i_22f_thought_my_boyfriend_was_planning_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 02:59 PM
6

I’m surprised no one’s really mentioned this but why not add in some sexual innuendos/teasing about your interests here and there to test the waters? “Sounds like you need a spanking,” “Good boy”, etc. See how he reacts. Mentioning sex so directly and too early in dating can often give the guy the wrong impression.
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/21 02:44 AM
6

I had the SAME realization a few weeks ago. My brows are thick as caterpillars and I always got praise and envy on my thick brows, but in reality, they looked a little messy and took the attention away from the rest of my face. Finally had the guts to whittle them down and I look noticeably (to me) more feminine and my face looks a lot more balanced. Eyebrows can really make or break your look! Edit to say: Just because you have thick brows, doesn’t mean they suit you!! Also wanted to include th…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/21 07:52 PM
1

Aw, thank you very much!! That’s very sweet of you. And yes, that’s so true, you’re right!
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/21 09:41 PM
5

Thank you for sharing your story with me! I’m glad you were able to get out of that and build a better life for yourself! In some ways, our similar stories are almost reminiscent of Cinderella in that her marrying the prince helped her move on to a better life. In a similar way, it feels like my boyfriend has pulled me out of living a life of mediocrity and built me up into a better person. Thank you for your words of advice! Do you have times where you still feel that way? Or what helped you pa…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/21 12:34 AM
3

Thank you for the reassurance! I appreciate your perspective :)
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/21 05:48 PM
4

Thank you so much for your words. You are very kind! I’ll have to keep all of this in mind
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/21 05:47 PM
14

Yes, this is why I held off doing so. I don’t want to seem like such a fragile girl that he constantly needs to keep picking up my ego time and time again. That’s also not his responsibility. He’s very encouraging and supportive of me already, but there is only so much he can do. It’s something I have to work through
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/21 05:43 PM
8

He really could have anyone. He knows a lot about a lot of things. When we talk, he often has to explain things to me because I’m not as knowledgeable on certain things. It’s very sweet that he takes the time to do so, but it must be quite tiresome having to explain things to me all the time. He says he really enjoys our conversations and my company in general. He’s planning on going back to school sometime to change his career and I keep thinking he’ll meet more educated women that he can talk …
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/21 05:05 PM
2

Thank you. It’s hard to keep that in mind sometimes. I appreciate your perspective!
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/21 04:54 PM
1

Hey! I’m 21 and I actually wear heels on the daily! Smaller heels/pumps are better for the daytime and higher heels for the nighttime. You’ll look less out of place but still super feminine. And generally, shorter heels with shorter dresses and higher heels with longer dresses work best if you’re going for classy/modest. Just some suggestions, but even I don’t stick to those all the time! I’ve gotten to a point where I’m quite comfortable with looking more dolled up and I hope you’ll be able to …
/r/RedPillWomen12/08/20 05:03 PM
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