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View 3 posts and 63 comments by tab_log on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
23

tab_log/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 06:08 PM
22

ADVICEtab_log/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 09:27 AM
16

RELATIONSHIPStab_log/r/RedPillWomen13/05/22 10:27 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

Because they just accept every woman and you get to select them. It's such a minor thing to withold yourself from sending a first message. What's more important is what he does after you've connected. Please don't hold yourself back because you read some rules somewhere, if you feel like messaging someone first, go for it. If you don't, you're forcing it, if you don't message first because you read somewhere that women shouldn't do that, you're forcing yourself as well.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/22 05:44 PM
2

Heartwarming to see you appreciate it and care ❤️. I forgot to add that I also think it's important for the biological mom to have her support system as well. Important for both the kid and the mother/anyone else related, now and in the future. As I sense from your messages, I trust you will take care of that (within your abilities).
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:53 PM
2

Thank you for your acknowledgement! If you're determined to minimise its effects and continue to educate yourself and get support if needed, you're doing a wonderful job ❤️.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:36 PM
6

First of all, realize that (almost) every child who gets adopted carries complex trauma with them.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 09:11 PM
1

I hope so too, I'm devastated and the more it happens the more I close off and the more he gets annoyed by me closing off. I don't know how to break the cycle anymore.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 04:09 PM
2

Oh I'm sorry! That was not my intent.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 01:22 PM
2

Make the desire to the possibility stronger than the given state that you're in.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 09:25 AM
1

I do already and it changed the dynamic, but not enough to make things work. I don't know how to stretch myself any further. He keeps talking when I say I can't continue the conversation or else he'll get mad or goes blame shifting, trying to pull an "I don't want you" out of me or something.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 09:17 AM
1

Thank you! It shouldn't be this complicated.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 09:15 AM
1

He says I need to accept parts of myself I don't accept, which I acknowledged. He just takes it as if I don't want to because he sees me having those skills with other, just not with him. He thinks that's because I fear commitment, which I also acknowledged I do (to some degree, I think it's more a fear of abandonment). I know I'm "at fault" but I can't change in this environment.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 09:13 AM
1

I don't know how because I'm afraid he'll overwhelm me because he doesn't know how to read my body language. He'll just get triggered by me being overwhelmed and then I have to micromanage everything which is wayyy too exhausting. When we leave the house I have to prepare for him getting overwhelmed in reaction to me being overwhelmed. How do we plan a trip when I fear this?
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/22 08:17 AM
1

I know he shows signs of narcissism. But once I focus on that all hope is lost. I just want to know how to handle this. He wants to be with me but he doesn't know how? Or he is too anxious to do whatever it takes? I don't know.
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/22 08:12 AM
1

I expect to get overwhelmed because he doesn't know how to support me well. So that'll just end up in a fight because he keeps feeding me information I can't process.
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/22 08:10 AM
1

Fair point. Thing is, I have to compensate for everything he can't, which I also can't (without getting overwhelmed etc). I really want to find that middle ground..
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/22 08:08 AM
2

Thank you! Yes it does! Much appreciated. Good point about the desire behind the complaints. I need to practice this myself more, I'm trying to but I often find it hard to connect with my desire when I feel annoyed or overwhelmed. It's as if I don't want anything anymore at that point. Saying I can't about something and then still doing it because nobody else does it makes things complicated. We don't live together, I think I forgot to mention that. I struggle with openly communicating and that …
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/22 08:07 AM
1

That made things worse.
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/22 07:59 AM
1

Of course. I just don't know what to do when he continues to overwhelm me, I basically don't dare to leave the house together because of this, I risk getting flooded because he gets triggered by me being triggered and then I have to abandon myself and basically take over while I can't. I don't want to be like that so I avoid those situations altogether now.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 07:01 AM
2

I don't know anymore. And it saddens me.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 04:49 AM
1

That feels like I'm programming a robot, totally makes me loose interest. I don't have any issues with picking up social cues even though I'm autistic, but apparently I do have difficulty dealing with an autistic person who can't do so. Makes me have to take over everything, which is controlling and exhausting. It'll make me more hypervigilant so everything will go haywire anyway so.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 04:48 AM
1

Thank you, this helps. Do you have an example perhaps of how I should use it instead? By the way it's not only for things I want to do, he often wants to do something I can't without his help together. So I say "I don't know how" and then he's just like okay then we don't go.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 04:44 AM
2

That last paragraph is what bugs me as well, it seems like it's tailored for people who at least live together. I don't expect him to pick up the things a neurotypical does... I'm not a neurotypical either and I have never been in a relationship with one. Neurodivergents can also be very skilled at picking up things, he just doesn't seem like one of those people. I don't dare to pick a date that only I like anymore, I'm too afraid of hearing "you made me do this" again.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 04:43 AM
1

Frustration easily gets perceived as anger or aggression, unfortunately. When I say it makes me sad he's like me too. And then it stalls again. He keeps expecting me to fix it, it seems. As if I'm this way with everyone.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 04:39 AM
1

I'm in a relationship with someone who does things habitually that I don't like. We both knew this at the start of our relationship and he said he wanted to quit smoking at least but he still didn't after 3 years. It's indeed pretty annoying to be with, but in the end that's my fault - I fell for him as well...
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/22 04:38 AM
3

Certainly something I could use some training with. Just like someone else here commented, I can't + reason why. I'd definitely try to do this more often. Or what also helps is sharing my intention.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 06:33 PM
3

Thank you, that's a little better but then I still have to explain how to take care of it, which totally defeats the purpose. Even when I explain it some other time, after the event, he'd seem to understand but whenever there's another event with similarities I have to explain everything again because it's a different scenario or he forgot or something. I'm basically tired of explaining but I don't know how to express that without pushing him away. Feels like I have to share my desires and be ok…
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 06:31 PM
2

Thank you! Lol how ADHD of me, I forgot to add that we both have ADHD as well. I added a clarification to another comment, do you care to read that one? :) It's a comment to a comment by cupie.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 06:28 PM
3

Oh I forgot to clarify this, thank you for reminding me! The response is something like "I'd love that too". And then that's it. Sometimes he asks me to schedule a time to call for discussing this. But this is where it gets difficult, I can't discuss this, I want a clear intention and plan from him. But he doesn't, because he wants me to tell him what to do, but then I have to cross my boundaries because I loose atteaction to him that way (which I can't tell, although I did in the past, and then…
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 06:27 PM
2

As a woman and mother, this is true. I personally struggle with actually taking care of myself because I'm out of time and energy by the end of the day. I'm overstimulated so when I ask my partner for help he gets overwhelmed because I can't say how he has to do it, because if I do it will be controlling which we both hate.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 09:45 AM
1

I'm confused about this, my partner likes non-feminine clothes on me or gets too hrny when I wear something sxy. I mean, I like that he likes it but it's distracting me, as if I'm an object or something. I just want to feel free, not someone else's object of pleasure.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/22 09:40 AM
1

Yep, he needs to feel safer by himself, not depend on me to feel safe. (It's childhood trauma related -being loud/snappy at- but therapy isn't an option). But I can't control what he does.. So what would you suggest?
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/22 07:36 AM
1

Thank you so much! I indeed meant that he was still responding as if he'd get the reaction I'd give in the past. Like he's filling in what I'm going to do or say. I sometimes can't say I want a cuddle, my whole body shuts off. At times like that he tries to cuddle me but in an anxious way, which doesn't make me feel safe... Which doesn't motivate him to keep trying because I reject his offers. The rest you've said really makes sense and is encouraging, thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/22 07:32 AM
1

What if the "solution" you get is to just endure it? Whenever I say I don't geel safe when you raise your voice for example he just says that he doesn't feel safe either.
/r/RedPillWomen02/06/22 01:22 PM
1

Thank you. It's just difficult to change when things I say will be heard with ears from the past, if you get what I mean. I don't want to get annoyed by not getting what I want (which is his protective arms around me, telling me he loves me no matter what). But I also don't want to be anxious about me possibly getting annoyed which will push him away. Puts so much pressure on me. I just want to be held when I feel off. Also he never wants someone to hold him when he feels sick, so he thinks that…
/r/RedPillWomen02/06/22 09:55 AM
2

Exactly, don't expect him to have time and attention all the time.. I'm pretty sure no one can. But, what I don't know is how do we women get the time we want from our partner? Can we ask for it or how do we communicate that without coming across as too needy or something?
/r/RedPillWomen01/06/22 12:20 PM
1

I totally agree. This is why I've been hesitant to even think of this and post it. Diagnosing doesn't help, that's why I mentioned my fear. It's just an easy explanation for what kind of behavior I'm thinking of. And yes I am also aware that I have narcissistic traits myself, which I don't like, and get triggered by someone else being controlling. I question myself a lot and get confused about who is responsible for what. This explanation you're giving is also why I don't talk about my partner w…
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/22 04:46 PM
1

It certainly helps not thinking about his narc traits and putting in full trust. But I don't know how to keep it up anymore.
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/22 05:35 AM
1

Thank you. That'll be my focus first indeed. It takes me longer to get triggered nowadays but I still do. I just don't know how to go from there. Do you have any advice or ideas on what to do in case you do get triggered? Or how do you prevent yourself from getting triggered? Or what does your relationship look like before and after not getting triggered anymore?
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 03:11 PM
2

That's exactly what I'm waiting for, for him to acknowledge his part. And going to therapy would be a confirmation for me, although I can't push him because he has to admit it first for therapy to actually have an effect. He has admitted it in the past but still lacks accountability. He keeps using relationship drama as an excuse to not look at himself so I want to see what happens when I don't feed the drama.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 09:45 AM
2

I did, doesn't work. Only makes him feel less accepted and respected. He probably isn't a full narc but I just mentioned it because of these traits.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 09:44 AM
1

Thank you, that's mostly avoidant but it's hard to distinguish sometimes. This is why I don't know what to do.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 05:57 AM
1

Indeed, he keeps asking me to explain and when I do he either doesn't understand or I feel like his mother and he feels like I'm his therapist. And when I don't he'll just wait for me to come back, which I do.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 05:29 AM
1

I did in the past yes. In person he says a more genuine sorry. I really don't know how to deal with all this.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 05:22 AM
1

I do believe that is possible yes, but I don't know how to do it myself. I've been trying to get that idea out of my head but I keep falling back into old behaviour and don't know how to go from there. Conflicts keep happening and it just overwhelms me.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 05:18 AM
2

I had the same feeling, yet I'm still here.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 05:16 AM
3

That's true. I'm just trying to understand the situation and see if I'm having too many hopes up and if I'm abandoning myself.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 05:15 AM
3

Narcs do have a fragile ego though. I know there's PTSD at play but he doesn't acknowledge that. When I ignore he keeps quiet or says he loves me. Or he'll try to start a conversation seemingly calm but suppressed anger so it's only a matter of time to get triggered myself so that he can use that as a silent excuse to not look in the mirror himself. (At least this is how I perceive that behaviour.) He says he tries all his best to communicate with me but I don't say anything anymore so suddenly …
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 11:01 PM
1

That can be said for both of us though, and it's amplified by one another. Having a PD doesn't mean people can't be together, right? No not a full narcissist but some traits. It definitely feels like everything resolves around him, while it feels like he uses exactly that as an excuse to not face his own stuff (meaning, he says the exact same thing about me).
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 10:22 PM
8

I'm not saying he is, but he has some characteristics. It could just as well be avoidance. *Deflecting criticism or something *Refusing therapy *My needs are perceived as a personal threat *Crossing boundaries *Saying sorry without taking full responsibility (vague excuses like "I'm sorry you perceived me that way") *Lack of self reflection or acknowledging their part, nothing is ever his fault And for myself, I have to bend over backwards to not trigger him or I'll have to deal with it on my ow…
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 10:20 PM
2

Where? I read a couple of chapters from one of her books and it bugs me not to know what to do in situations that seem like narcissistic traits.
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 07:03 PM
2

Yes you can. But you'd benefit from respecting yourself more. But also forgive! You didn't know better but there is a way out. I'm familiar with "letting myself get raped" as in I didn't know where my boundaries were and just dissociated when having s3x. I'd focus on getting in touch with your body and exploring its boundaries. If you're in an abusive relationship now that's probably not a good environment to learn something new in... You could get therapy for healing your attachment wounds and …
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/22 12:01 PM
2

What did you both do to get there?
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/22 02:56 PM
1

I'd love to join a group chat here on Reddit!
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/22 03:40 AM
1

This is where I mess up, I end up not communicating correctly because I don't know how. And then things explode. I don't dare to express myself anymore because I'm too afraid of their reaction. I don't know what is being disrespectful or not anymore.
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/22 12:08 PM
1

To me it's confusing, when he shows disrespect towards me how can I continue to respect him without disrespecting myself by allowing him to treat me badly?
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/22 08:02 AM
1

I tried all of this more than once and for quite a while but to no avail unfortunately. I mean it takes some of the edge off but not enough, it's valuable but just not enough.
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/22 07:58 AM
1

No ptsd isn't, I've got an auto immune disease and I mentioned my neurological disorder. I don't want him to manage my anxiety. I didn't even mention his alcoholism I'm having to deal with.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/22 12:57 AM
1

That's the thing, we never talk about it unless I bring it up, but most of the times we don't because we don't see each other often and he doesn't know how to start a conversation. He says he tried but it's always at some awful timing and then he just gives up trying to talk about it. Avoidant much. And when I do it's pretty longwinded since he doesn't understand any psychological background. I know about attachment styles. He refuses to learn about it.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/22 03:36 PM
2

Really? You're saying a rpw can't have a physical illness?
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/22 02:33 PM
1

Thank you. This conflict happened in person. I indeed do not want to have an important conversation via text messaging. I just can't find the opportunity to talk when he keeps running away. In regards to bringing up therapy he just says that he doesn't want me to bring it up ever again because he already said no, and doesn't want to have this sword hanging above his head (of me bringing up therapy). I've even laid out a plan, he can join where I am treated, but he doesn't want me to fill it all …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/22 07:49 AM
1

Yes I took as much responsibility for my triggers as I could, which triggered him. I feel like I have to be a solid rock that can't make any mistakes for this to work. I was patient for hours but he was snappy still. So I couldn't handle it that much longer.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/22 07:47 AM
1

Well at least I was crying this time, which is an improvement to getting angry. I was calm for hours but he wasn't so I ended up crying in the end because I couldn't reach him. For the record I'm in therapy myself already.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/22 07:45 AM
2

I don't know how to encourage him anymore. Especially after such a conflict as this, he doesn't feel loved by me so my suggestion for therapy will reinforce his belief. I have tried this more than once. It only results in him feeling rejected. If you've got any idea on how to handle this, I'd be pleased.
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/22 11:16 PM
1

Conflict starts with me getting triggered by sound or smell, I've got a neurological disorder and cptsd. I basically need a calm response or my nervous system gets flooded. Today I tried to drive us towards a place where I can get my calm on my own but he got all mad that I needed a quiet space. I stepped out of the car and went for a walk to calm myself down. When I returned he was calmer but I wasn't allowed to have any needs anymore. So I kept quiet and began crying at some point. That made m…
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/22 10:42 PM
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