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tempintheeastbay Archive

View 29 posts and 889 comments by tempintheeastbay on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
80

FIELD REPORTtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen20/07/18 09:18 AM
76

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 10:58 PM
68

LIFESTYLEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen12/11/17 01:10 AM
50

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen18/04/17 05:56 AM
48

LIFESTYLEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen06/06/17 06:20 AM
42

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen22/04/18 11:18 PM
41

OFF TOPICtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 03:00 AM
33

FIELD REPORTtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen24/03/17 03:17 PM
33

ADVICEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 07:47 AM
26

RELATIONSHIPStempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen23/10/17 07:55 AM
22

LIFESTYLEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 03:51 AM
22

FIELD REPORTtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen17/02/17 03:56 AM
21

ADVICEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen06/11/17 06:00 AM
19

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen07/04/18 11:03 PM
17

LIFESTYLEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen05/03/17 11:06 PM
17

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 05:53 AM
17

FIELD REPORTtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen10/05/17 05:58 AM
15

ADVICEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 08:40 AM
14

LTR/MARRIAGEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 05:15 AM
14

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen16/03/17 02:19 AM
13

ADVICEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen10/04/17 01:00 AM
11

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen20/07/17 04:32 PM
11

OFF TOPICtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 04:34 AM
9

LIFESTYLEtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen05/03/18 02:52 AM
9

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:41 AM
7

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen31/10/17 07:09 PM
6

DISCUSSIONtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen26/03/17 09:11 PM
2

tempintheeastbay/r/askTRP06/11/17 02:34 AM
1

OFF TOPICtempintheeastbay/r/RedPillWomen20/05/18 09:01 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

How did you end up resolving your terrible periods?? Struggling with this now.
/r/RedPillWives24/08/18 07:28 AM
5

if a woman doesn't marry during school, she can find herself on the wrong side of her twenties before she even begins her career, which limits her options considerably. Bit confused. Again, VERY few Americans attending top 100 colleges marry while they're in school. Virtually all of them graduate at age 21 and begin their careers at age 21. I'm simply saying that the idea that your college education and earning potential are sexually attractive traits in women is wrong. It is not a SEXUALLY attr…
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/18 01:37 AM
1

A lot of this resonates with me! Excited to interact in the future :)
/r/RedPillWives15/08/18 04:45 AM
4

What an awesome story, you sound like an incredible wife! I will agree w/ the OP in saying that statistically, marriage rates have fallen the most in the demographic that struggles to reach OTHER traditional markers of adulthood - i.e. too poor to own a house, too poor to own a car, too poor to live independently, so in some sense marriage is becoming more of a middle and upper class phenomenon. I think the slow erosion of those traditionally solid, blue collar communities full of married couple…
/r/RedPillWives15/08/18 03:58 AM
1

I love this! One thing my fiancee and I are trying is actually using the "pomodoro" technique. We work side by side then take a little break and kiss and cuddle for 5 min, then go back to what we were doing :)
/r/RedPillWives15/08/18 02:09 AM
2

I agree with everyone else :) Do NOT bring up getting engaged since it's already on his mind and there is no need to push. Instead, just let him know it's not the right time (you can mention wanting to be there for your parents just a tiny bit longer). I say this as someone who DID move in with her BF and who is very happily engaged! I still think there would've been tremendous benefits to NOT having moved in, and it would've made this post-engagement period a little more distinctive.
/r/RedPillWives15/08/18 02:06 AM
3

Yes. In many circles a college degree is table stakes **if you want him to commit and/or marry you**.
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/18 02:03 AM
8

Yup, this is absolutely my experience. I know tons of what we'd all agree are very high value men --bankers, entrepreneurs, ex-military officers turned businessmen, etc., in shape, making mid 6 figures, generally living pretty enviable lifestyles-- and I don't know a single one who isn't dating someone reasonably clever, articulate, well-read and with an interesting career or non-romantic goal. And yes, their partners are also usually gorgeous and sweet etc., but hey, that wasn't enough.
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/18 02:02 AM
6

I don't see why a woman capable of making $150K+ a year has to be 40. Men who are young, hot, and making $250K+ have lots of choice, which means they can choose from many young, attractive women who can cook, etc., including many young attractive women who make $150K+ AND who display all the other traits this sub talks about. Almost every friend I have falls into these income buckets. My perspective is informed by the fact, however, that I live in a coastal state and major city. Nonetheless, eve…
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/18 01:58 AM
14

Actually, most men I know making $250K+ a year want to marry a woman *capable of making* $150K+ a year. Those women sometimes quit, slow down, or adapt their careers after getting married, of course, but it's important for them to have reached those career landmarks. The vast majority of American men in the top 1% marry women in the top 1% (note, I said 1%, not .001%, so we're talking the average multi-millionaire).
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/18 04:50 AM
3

I’m not sure if it’s contributing to his frustration, but after being a student/working part time with my husband as the breadwinner, I am now making more money. My guess is this is definitely contributing to his frustration! I find that when men feel a little emasculated, they express their frustration by attacking YOUR ability to fulfill a feminine role (i.e. you're a bad GF, housewife, mom etc.). Obviously as other commenters have said, you're juggling an incredible amount between the job and…
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/18 12:40 AM
14

One thing I found effective, even though this sounds weird: ask for favors/help/advice, as long as what you're asking for is reasonable, meaningful, and allows him a chance to be skillful. Then stand back and keep your mouth shut except for expressions of thanks, patience and delight. Basically give him a chance to rise to the challenge and shine! A lot of women feel the need to do everything themselves ("He'll just mess it up"). I think it's important to combat that. Examples: Ask to go on an o…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/18 06:41 AM
1

I LOVE Reformation - just wished it was priced more reasonably!
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/18 09:02 PM
2

deserve the most profound devotion and adulation merely for existing Yes yes yes. I used to think my natural personality should inspire total love all on its own - as if a person's identity and character is no more than a set of passive preferences and impulses.
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/18 09:01 PM
1

I remember yours so distinctly too!!
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/18 08:53 PM
15

I mess up *all* the time and I have soooo far to go. But I think my fiancee has been so patient because I've earned a lot of leeway through a couple key factors: I, first in my own heart and then out loud, committed to allow my fiancee to be the leader in our lives. I remind myself of this all the time and even though it chafed against my ego at first, the weight it took off my shoulders completely revolutionized how I behave in our relationship Finances were a rocky area for us for a while, mos…
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/18 08:51 PM
15

His friends are all attractive, wealthy, high value guys, and every single one of them has paired off with an educated, noteworthy woman. Yup this is exactly my experience as well. When I see people advising women to spend $ on plastic surgery instead of college, I conclude they're either very young or in some kind of wildly different social milieu.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/18 09:22 AM
1

I know that sounds harsh, but he has even admitted to me that he is hard to live with. He runs on full tilt most of the time. Is there any way you can learn to see some of these traits in a positive light?? What originally attracted you to the man? I know plenty of women married to "intense" guys who are always "on full tilt" - they may not be easy to live with but their wives have learned to love and admire their passion, enthusiasm, energy, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/18 09:05 AM
8

This is great advice, in my opinion! > I strongly encourage you to speak to him as if it's possible for him to wake up tomorrow as a new man. This line in particular really stands out to me as key. I'm sure that when the situation has been tough for so many years, true sincere hope and openness will be hard to feel, let alone show. But I really believe people can sense, if only subconsciously, when you approach a conversation holding a grudge or expecting failure.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/18 08:58 AM
1

respect and kindness are the only two things he's asking of me. How POIGNANT! I hope when he says that it inspires deep humility and vulnerability in you - think about how little he's really asking here.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/18 08:52 AM
2

I REALLY really understand and empathize - I have been and sometimes can be a little brat too! Here's what I've learned - eye-rolling and sighing are 2 of the THE MOST annoying, frustrating, disrespectful and rude behaviors. As you deal with whatever underlying issues you have, it'll probably help a lot just to cut down on these specifically. Be frustrated if you must (obviously better not to be).... But find a different way to communicate it!
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/18 03:11 AM
6

I really do NOT think you should give him an ultimatum, in general but especially right now. You're still fairly young and you have time. Your current behavior would endear you to NO man, and you still love this guy, so why not improve yourself in the context of this relationship before making demands?
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/18 03:01 AM
1

I really, really empathize with this problem. Here's how I deal with it: I came up with a mantra to calm me down - in my case it's "breathe first, talk later." Bit cheesy, but it really works for me! Whenever I feel even the tiny beginnings of annoyance I say it to myself, and sometimes even tap my finger into my palm 4 times to remind myself of the phrase. I've even doodled the letters ("BFTL") into a notebook as I listen to particularly frustrating people talk (not my partner, obviously, but c…
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/18 02:58 AM
8

"I need my boyfriend to be wealthy and attractive so other women are jealous of me, whenever we are seen in public. I can't imagine not having this feeling if I'm with a guy." "I need a constant sense of drama from a man. I need to not know from day to day where I stand with him. This kind of excitement distracts me from my problems and I love it." There's also always the chance that once you truly admit to yourself what your motivations are, you'll see how silly they may be, and it'll help you …
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/18 07:43 PM
1

Thank you for letting me know! Rule makes sense. Will refrain!
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 06:55 AM
1

Whoops, didn't realize! My apologies!
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 04:49 AM
1

to build WITH a woman Every truly ambitious "Captain" type I've ever met wants to build with his woman. The question is, how can she best help him build? Where is his first mate best deployed? Do they envision having lots of kids? A big role in the local community? If that's the life they want to build the best way you can contribute may be staying home. For my (strong and willful) BF, what he envisions building requires a different kind of assistance.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 04:46 AM
3

Men feel powerful when they provide I didn't find this explanation weird at all! My father is a classically dominant man, and takes such clear pleasure in buying my mother (and his kids) creature comforts. It not only defines his status and importance in our family structure ("Without me, they'd struggle"), but also externally ("Everyone knows MY wife will have everything she needs"). He's quite old school and though he'd never say it, I suspect he takes quiet pride in the fact that my mother's …
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 04:41 AM
4

Be the kind of wife that would be married to the kind of husband you want your husband to be WHAT a fantastic aphorism and way to express that! I'm going to hang onto that one and repeat it myself. It's so inspiring to think about my BF 5, 10 years from now, as the man I know he can become! And it's really invigorating to think about the kind of partner he deserves.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 04:23 AM
4

I suppose the standards are different for the "heir" versus the "spare", to use terms I have learned entirely from viewing The Crown on Netflix ;p I think by cable TV show actress standards, it seems she had a reputation for being relatively boring and wholesome, but I can definitely see how she seems super risque compared to Kate (who I absolutely adore)! Again, it makes it all the more remarkable how quickly she persuaded Harry to commit!
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/18 09:52 PM
7

Just want to share a charming video about a "femininity coach": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACVM1BUY8tY who works with trans individuals I think it shows how lovely a celebration of traditional femininity can be, regardless of how you arrived at that desire to be super feminine. I, for one, would welcome your presence.
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/18 08:54 PM
21

Yeah in a weird, surreal way...KKW seems very red pill.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 02:49 AM
2

Yes, the minimum incomes necessary to have an upper middle class life in these big cities is totally crazy, and it affects partner selection and dating strategy SO MUCH. It brings its own challenges, which I wrestle with often. How do you function as one half of a "power couple", being intense and competitive at work all day (if necessary), while still switching it off as soon as you get home? I agree NFL players are a terrible example haha. I've only posted in TRP once, and it was on this topic…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/18 10:31 PM
5

Totally agree w/ all the comments on DDLG. Just FYI though - you do not need to turn to an explicitly BDSM community (if you don't want to) to find a guy who likes this dynamic. It's trickier, though, of course. My BF and I do not explicitly participate in that sort of thing but we have a dynamic I love, where I exaggerate my child-like tendencies. He often approvingly pats my head (I'm much shorter so it's not quite that odd to see), put a hand on the back of my neck (again, I'm much shorter), …
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/18 07:25 PM
2

I love these suggestions. On a purely theoretical note, I think the exact mirror equivalent of "frame" for us is the ability to stay in your man's frame, or as I think of it internally, staying in *our* house (metaphorically). On a very basic level that means not letting your eyes wander of course, but it also means staying deeply rooted in your identity as his partner. Most of our fights take place when some external force intrudes --other people, money concerns, comparisons with others' lives,…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/18 07:20 PM
2

Anyway, the trouble I'm seeming to have is that when he is doing nothing (playing video games, playing his drums, hanging out with buddies) I also go into this relax mode where I read or watch youtube or play games. I totally understand and empathize - my BF and I struggle with the same thing. I always have to remind myself, if I'm frustrated nothing got done all day... that's on ME! He didn't stop me! If it's time for him to relax and unwind, and I choose to join him, that's a choice *I* made t…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/18 08:23 PM
6

Something to think about is the MINDSET in terms of social class, not just income brackets. A tech analyst making 60-90k creating apps or software for his business partner wouldn't have a job unless the partner had the creative idea and a business model. In that case the tech analyst would be in a white collar LABOR position that puts his income high but his brain is in a lower class "mindset" (strong at problem solving, or designing systems, weak at creating new ideas). Someone who has a manage…
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 11:19 PM
5

Yes I agree! This was perfunctory and brief, I was trying to ignore a discussion where people would delve into greater detail and open up on how money/class (I agree they are quite different) has affected their choices and options and preferences :)
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 12:13 AM
6

This isn't a first-person field guide, I'm interested in studying the behavior of the average person simply because most people are in the middle of the bell curve! :) It's the most relevant demographic.
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 05:34 PM
6

Interesting! In what way? Every thing I espouse this theory someone starts telling me about how NFL players, celebrities etc. marry random hot strangers and waitresses and cheerleaders hence the only thing that matters is looks and those choices (“with unlimited choice”) are some universal convergence point. In my experience the VAST majority of me worth $10m+ marry a nice, college-educated, pretty friend of a friend, who has great bone structure and not a body so luscious as to be unseemly. I’m…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 03:33 PM
12

Agree 100%, yes. "wife material" instead of just "fuck material". Yup. I think of looks and femininity as necessary but not sufficient - in terms of attracting a, say, high-earning and professionally accomplished man, they're mandatory, but not all it takes. I get a little frustrated because the conversation on RP message boards sometimes seems to imply that every 35 year old, good-looking, "alpha" corporate guy is going to commit to any his super hot cocktail waitress as long as she's virginal,…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 07:53 AM
17

I'm going to opt out of this exchange because I feel like we're not quite connecting - you keep using the word "attraction" and "attracting", but I'm interested in discussing the choice to commit -- move in, marry, have kids, co-sign mortgages, etc. :) Perhaps we simply travel in different circles. I don't hang around anyone mean-spirited enough to make overt negative remarks but to use my own life as an example, I don't know any guys with a college degree and desirable job willing to commit to …
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 06:57 AM
4

I'm not trying to debate the primacy of looks versus other factors - I'm actually trying to discuss other factors BESIDES looks and femininity specifically, because I think they get addressed less. I'm not really sure where you disagree with me TBH. I agree any man would probably prefer the best looking possible mate, sure - and I don't disagree that physical attraction is a near universally codified set of criteria, with much less variance than personality preference. I also certainly agree the…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 03:06 AM
8

I don't disagree, that's why I differentiate right up front between attraction and the decision to commit.
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 01:39 AM
9

Options definitely change even more drastically than preferences, yes. But WITHIN a man's actual options, who does he decide to commit to? I'm positing that men do not always commit to the woman they are most attracted to, and that furthermore, they make that commitment decision based on different criteria depending on the unique problems and difficulties of their socio-economic status. In other words, for a guy with the world at his feet, where there are many different beautiful women to choose…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 01:38 AM
2

Totally agree - this, to me, is the key and correct answer. In many subculture and situations men will INDEED screen rigorously based on earning potential and $ - that should NOT be denied. However, it's not based on a deep-rooted instinct, rather based on much more modern social mores and pragmatic concerns.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/18 10:31 PM
2

I agree - rules of the game are also so different in China, for instance, b/c divorce laws work differently and divorce remains much less common.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/18 10:27 PM
1

OH yeah I forgot about them - they tend to attract a geekier, more educated crowd (which I loved!).
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/18 01:35 AM
3

Dating apps in general are skeezy, but I'd say the potential for finding a LTR varies depending on the area. If you keep your geographical radius tight enough to only match with other students at your own university (or the other university), your mileage may vary. I found that meeting grad students on dating apps felt a lot less sketchy and their expectations and goals were a lot more traditional, compared to meeting other young professionals in the city. If you do want to use these apps, OKC >…
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/18 03:52 PM
3

Yes, I often see older men doing exactly that - because they've dated so many women, they have a lot of data points and they know a good one when they see one :) TBH I've actually never met a truly non-monogamous man. I know they're out there, probably just rare. Only a man with as much monogamous capacity as any other, who hasn't met the right kind of women!
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/18 03:57 PM
3

Yes, I felt the same way - it's funny how being shy and hating strangers' attentions is considered quite feminine, but when you're shy and attention is being THRUST upon you, you can come off as the opposite! I think her husband's total love and devotion is the best positive review she could receive. In another video, they're traveling (somewhere fancy, flying first class etc etc) and he tells the viewers that Candice has brought a ziploc bag of little sugar packets (some weirdly specific brand …
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/18 03:54 PM
1

Me too! I can't quite explain why but it's in part because she's seem soooo profoundly red pill.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/18 03:49 PM
2

When you and your husband decide it makes financial sense for your family to buy a house, you should be on the title. Simple as that.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/18 11:36 PM
2

Have 2 months clean drinking water Woah that escalated quickly. :p But yes, SAHM's should definitely get life insurance per /u/lateralthinker13 's comment, and up your policy each time you have a kid.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/18 11:35 PM
8

Unless you're a political activist down to your bones, I seriously doubt disagreement on political issues should hinder any relationship. Why let something so abstract damage your real-life, day-to-day happiness? I like to remind myself, as silly as it sounds, "tempintheeasybay, you're not on the Supreme Court, so stop acting like you are" :)
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 02:13 PM
40

The key is self-knowledge. A guy who isn't very bright, who thinks he's super bright, even when I know he isn't, can never really earn my respect. Conversely, a guy who knows he isn't book smart but doesn't care and is confident anyway, and maximizes the impact of the areas where he IS talented, that's attractive.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 02:57 AM
7

I love this! "Nooyi agreed that it was unfair, but also explained how it's been useful." That's true pragmatism and someone who is putting a real-life marriage ahead of abstract arguments.
/r/RedPillWomen29/03/18 03:29 AM
1

How old are y'all?
/r/RedPillWomen22/03/18 04:43 PM
3

Option A: You earn enough that your wife does not have to work full-time slash intensively and has the hours to devote keeping the household Option B: You accept that a wife working 40+ hours a day needs help with household chores and you pitch in Option C: One or both of you make enough money that almost all tasks are outsourced so remaining tasks are high-value/highly feminine (i.e. making decorating decisions and hosting dinner parties) I think these are all feasible. What seems not feasible …
/r/RedPillWives20/03/18 05:00 PM
3

Depends how sensitive your man is! Sometimes pulling a face just once might be enough.
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/18 02:30 AM
13

I've run into the baby voice/childish mannerisms issue before. This is what I did, paraphrased: "Hey no fair, I'm the cute one around here!" (in a babyish voice myself) "You're supposed to be the grumpy one!" In other words, I re-set the dynamic by temporarily swinging into a really child-like, goofy state and thereby forcing him to not. I did NOT invite him to join me in those mannerisms as an inside joke. CONTINUE to never respond to his baby voices in a baby voice though. EDIT: realized it so…
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/18 10:38 PM
3

I feel some women who are naturally very submissive and giving may be best suited to date a man who's naturally more considerate and gentle (or at least, a man from whom they evoke considerate and gentle behavior). Other women who are naturally quite feisty and temperamental may, for lack of a better term, require a firmer hand. I certainly count myself in this latter group. It sounds like maybe you're in the former?
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/18 04:39 AM
1

Career change. While on the younger side (early 20s), she started her first business at 15 and was far along her chosen field both in higher education and practice. The problem was that she did not have a mastery in this field, and never would. It also required too many masculine skills. She would never be able to mentally step away for very long, and it impacted her confidence and self-esteem. I'm very curious about this bit. Did she step away from the business she owned? Is she now in a totall…
/r/RedPillWomen11/03/18 10:37 PM
1

I also need to get better about telling him my problem and not just telling him my solution. He does say he likes it when I suggest possible solutions. I posted this in a diff thread but it might be easier to think of this rule as "no complaining". My BF also likes it when I suggest solutions because that's showing a positive, proactive attitude. What he HATES is whining - I think the key is to be positive, vulnerable and thoughtful when you bring up problems, not negative, accusatory, and react…
/r/RedPillWomen07/03/18 07:07 PM
3

Unrelated but probably a bad idea to ask the agent about that kind of stuff. He has to give you "by the book" answers and it also adds a note to your file that you even inquired about it.
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/18 07:20 PM
2

Ooh, date night activities would be great! I'm also thinking of having one that's just little gift ideas for him.
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/18 02:46 AM
1

I love how protective / proud she gets in interviews about her husband's games!
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/18 12:50 AM
5

It's impossible to ever know how anyone is within their relationship, but if we're going to discuss celebrities, I prefer to hold up women whose first marriage has stuck :) It's particularly unusual in the world of famous people, thus particularly notable.
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/18 02:45 AM
2

1.5 years is a very specific timeline - when you're setting out to resolve MAJOR mental health issues like your own, such a specific timeline is an illusion. And while someday being a loving and stable family member, friend, wife and mother can be a great motivation for recovery and growth, it honestly sounds like you're mis-targeting a little. For instance, focusing on fixing your body through weight loss and surgery, instead of focusing on finding mental health resources, finding non-external …
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/18 02:40 AM
4

I know this type of guy - I'm with one now. I find that asking him a question about his past is like throwing a stone into a very deep, very still pond that hasn't been disturbed in a really long time. In other words, I ask questions sparingly and delicately, and I do NOT follow up if he doesn't answer. I let him muse on the question, trusting that he'll share whatever he's comfortable with in his own time, knowing that my curiosity is not lost on him. Many stoic men are much more sensitive to t…
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/18 09:41 PM
9

You're 19, you have serious mental health issues, and you're on the verge of taking drastic actions (you mention you're planning on having plastic surgery next year??) that might be driven by those mental health issues. I believe you have bigger picture problems to address before you even contemplate dating and sex and red pill theory. Your relationship with your ex sounds tortured and unhealthy - staying faithful to him post break-up sounds tortured and unhealthy - having lots of casual sex in …
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/18 09:36 PM
3

It takes such a big heart and profound humility and love to look THROUGH the cheating (not away from it, not ignoring it, not past it) and see your role in its underlying causes. Your attitude sounds mature, well-adjusted and strong in the face of what must have been a very painful time. I'm so glad you're starting to find the joy on the other side of it!
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/18 04:48 AM
36

"Men aren't drawn to the obedience. They are being drawn to the respect. " That's a very good line.
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/18 04:45 AM
10

For me, there was in fact a distinct honeymoon phase, which means there was also a pretty clear end to the honeymoon phase. That was heightened and made more extreme because our 18-mo relationship mark coincided with some life changes (increase in work hours and time apart, health issues) that also put a damper on the amount of fun/sexy time. That being said, it wasn't a drop in happiness or relationship satisfaction. The % of times I get butterflies when I see my BF has fallen, but we also didn…
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/18 11:07 PM
3

Congratulations on the change! :) Yes, energy is so finite. Try as we might we can't be superhuman! One can only excel at a few things at a time!
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/18 05:58 AM
1

Haha, that's exactly my situation in reverse! I hate having piles of clothes but I don't mind cluttered tables and shelves - that's what they're for, right? Whereas my lovely BF considers a pile a perfectly reasonable way to store clothes, but MUST have clear surfaces to work. :)
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/18 06:01 PM
2

It's probably not fair, but it's absolutely possible. I think that's a good point to remind us all of - holding onto some idea of "fairness" may or may not be serving you! Is it "fair" for 1 partner to clean more if both earn exactly the same salary and work exactly the same hours? Maybe that's totally the wrong question - perhaps the better one is, why wouldn't you want to make a nice living environment for you and your loved one if you have the energy!
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/18 06:00 PM
1

so she hasn't contacted him for 15 years but still talks about him all the time? super odd. does it seem like she's wistful that you're...not more of a beta, under her thumb? or is she simply trying to provoke a jealous reaction but she's god no material that's more recent?
/r/TheRedPill01/03/18 06:32 AM
6

However, these instincts are not always expressed in balance. A woman who is submissive to a man who feels no urge to take care of her, or a man who is protective of a woman who does not submit to him, will end up being harmed. I love this - a great overall framework and aphoristic summary. One question I'm super fascinated with: in the dance of early dating, who shows what tendency first? Of course there's a give and take, with each party in turn showing a little more vulnerability, a little mo…
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/18 06:25 AM
2

/u/Whisper - this is the most articulate explanation of TRP's reason for existing that I've ever read, found it so helpful. Thanks for posting!
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/18 04:23 AM
2

1) you simply have more energy in your 20's I think 2) Better to make a fortune now and let it compound 3) we'd rather be parents who are very financially prepared for the responsibility, not parents now with limited savings who have to work constantly in their children's formative early childhood 4) In our fields you kind of transition from working a lot of hours to being a pure decision-maker who works less but of course, makes more. That transition will naturally occurring over time and again…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 04:32 PM
2

That's a great point! Post was about challenges and not highlights but I obviously think my BF is way more compelling than the fancy bros I see all day, and when the worlds intersect I always enjoy seeing him shine! I think we've BOTH been inspired to up our game, because we both know the other is surrounded by brilliant, insightful people all day.
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 04:28 PM
3

I'm not trying to fit myself into a traditional lifestyle. I am trying to be a respectful GF who has a sustainable, healthy dynamic with her partner, and for us, that's one where he's the clear leader and, for lack of a better term right now, "boss". Def not trying to transition to anything more traditional, that's my whole point - you can embrace RPW concepts while working 80 hours a week and being on cover of magazines etc etc It just comes with DIFF challenges! Doesn't make your efforts less …
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 04:25 PM
5

Thanks for understanding the intent behind this post! ;) I thought it'd be helpful to identify the mental obstacles people with a similar lifestyle might face, so we can collectively brainstorm ways to overcome. This is not some kind of personal bad GF confessional, ha!
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 04:20 PM
2

You've already received fantastic advice so I'll just echo 2 things: 1) there are TONS of friend circles comprised of quiet, daydreaming, literary girls whose company you'd love. I've hung out with many who just want to craft and read together and write fanficfion and watch anime. Why not? Those are legitimate hobbies and interests! Trust me, you sound thoughtful and soulful and I'm sure there are friends and activities out there for you! 2) you're looking for a shortcut. THERE IS NO SHORTCUT. A…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 08:39 AM
1

I don't know why it has so many names lol ahaha this made me giggle - chinese shows sometimes have a "formal" name (sort of a subtitle) and a shorter actual title!
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 07:56 AM
4

Congrats, keep up the progress! I'm not sure what the appropriate calorie amount is etc., but it sounds like what you're doing takes a lot of discipline so kudos on that!
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 07:53 AM
4

Love it! One good trick I've found for maintaining my composure when I'm in pain or sick is to embrace the vulnerability. For instance, when my BF is helping me get up and I'm in pain and scared of the motion, instead of snapping at him out of fear and distress, I lean INTO the vulnerability and show it! And of course, he never fails to respond to my whimper/however I show my fear by being extra gentle and considerate.
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 04:11 AM
25

Yes yes yes. I LOVE re-examining the 'why' and thinking about the 'how' in broader strokes like this! I truly believe there are deeply submissive, respectful women in thriving "RP" type relationships with short hair, tattoos, no kids and a condo in Manhattan, just as there are shrewish, hurtful, domineering wives who make a mean pot roast, only paint their nails pale pink and have a well-decorated McMansion! I love a good girly gab sesh about aesthetics as much as anyone, but psychological metho…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 04:05 AM
3

I think this would be a fascinating topic. I do think some women get the impression from RPW that we advocate an almost unnatural level of self-infantilization though, which I actually think is a misconception. My impression (may be inaccurate) is actually what you're saying - being first mate should be a meaty, appropriate, engaging challenge, NOT a role you SHRINK into. And if you find yourself acting falsely helpless, childish, and frankly incompetent, I actually think something's gone wrong.
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/18 06:13 PM
2

I totally understand what you mean re: how to truly embrace your partner as leader without feeling incompetent or little. I personally don't relate to the parent-child analogy and have never thought of it that way, though. A child is helpless and almost inherently innocent - I don't see myself as helpless and certainly don't wish to let myself off the hook in that way. It's not about a CARETAKER and someone who is cared for, for me personally. When I think "bring him your problem, not your solut…
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/18 06:04 PM
1

Exactly! You could consider diversifying who you spend time with, but I honestly believe no matter how different your outlooks, it's still possible to find a positive human connection! :) It might actually be good practice.
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/18 05:55 PM
3

we see things the same way - outsource what's not meaningful. pretty much all time spent with your kids is meaningful in some way. but straightforward, solitary chores are not for me.
/r/RedPillWives26/02/18 06:38 AM
5

”I’m not clear if the trash on the counter is trash or something you are saving for later, if you have a solution for this, I’ll implement whatever strategy you like, otherwise, I’m assuming that stuff on the counter is trash” This thought process actually reminded me a lot of the way really good colleagues talk at work! Obviously personal and professional interactions are diff but it never ceases to amaze me how similar the skills involved are. I work with mostly men so maybe that's why "bring …
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/18 04:03 AM
8

that makes me lose attraction to you Interesting advice. This seems like it could be a potentially hurtful and potentially inflammatory sentence in other relationships to me, can you elaborate on exactly how you communicate this? I'm impressed you have such a frank and trusting marriage that you're able to talk about that head on!
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/18 03:53 AM
4

Don't take this too personally, that phone and everything on it was carefully designed by hordes of brilliant people to be as addictive as humanly possible! New studies are released constantly that basically show the little dopamine hits we get from texts, likes, comments, and new content in our feed is as addictive as many physical substances. SO MANY modern men and women struggle with this, I'm sure it's not reflective of any particular lack of interest or affection from your boyfriend! Especi…
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/18 03:49 AM
7

You are a human being with dignity, you are not “goods.” Try dropping that label. I second this advice! You sound like an incredibly self-aware person, and that's always the first step. I think maybe you should try first building up really strong, deep, positive relationships with others in your life - sister, friends, etc. (doesn't have to be family if that's tough for you). That way you have a strong foundation of emotional stability and support and confidence from which to seek a romantic rel…
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/18 03:39 AM
1

I think very similarly. And when we actually opened up a spreadsheet and calculated the cost of a lifestyle you're describing (PLUS college, I do not want my kids to be unable to attend the school of their choice), the cost blew us away. For now, deeply infeasible on 1 salary.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/18 04:56 PM
1

If you make $200K, you can DEFINITELY afford the occasional homecleaner. I HIGHLY recommend you look into this. It's 100% worth it for us. I don't feel less feminine because I didn't personally scrub the toilet. If anything it frees me up to decorate, re-arrange things, add little feminine touches, and spend quality time w/ BF!
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/18 04:54 PM
1

it is just a trade of priorities, But some of those priorities are going to be: -Where do we live? It is absolutely impossible to rent or get a mortgage on a 3 BR home with <$30k in household income in many major American metros, for instance. You may need to move, or live somewhere less urban. -What kind of retirement do we have? When do we retire? Again, saving up enough to retire early is going to be very difficult on 1 income, especially 1 income <$30K. -Are our children able to attend out-o…
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/18 04:49 PM
3

Yes, I've found with bashful guys it's best to start specific and small to get his imagination going! Pulling your hair is a great example. Others might be having sex in a particular position or place, light spanking, holding your hands above your head, etc. Be vocal and enthusiastic, insofar as feels natural. Once he starts feeling confident, he may start coming up with more elaborate or intense things he wants to try on his own! It's VERY hard for most vanilla guys to take a suggestion like "b…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/18 10:15 PM
9

Some things one can only EVER fix themselves.
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/18 04:10 PM
7

This is excellent advice! Some degree of emotional self-sufficiency is important for everyone :)
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/18 08:03 PM
1

I think for most relationships you only "fake" it rarely. For instance, when I pretend my husband is an amazing singer and it turns me on, when in fact, he's terrible at karaoke ;) But hey, when I act like it worked, I start to actually get turned on! But you're not in "most relationships" and that's ok. Love stories can have different paths.
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 01:17 AM
2

Fake it till you make it, they say. In all seriousness though, "faking it" can produce real feelings in you and real change in others.
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/18 10:57 PM
7

It will be tough, but not impossible. I would, however, try to move to a more liberal environment (coasts, cities). I know you're seeking someone w/ a conservative outlook but I think the biggest filter you need to get through is someone being comfortable with your gender identity.
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/18 03:28 PM
5

but it seems like a bit of a misplaced fantasy more than anything else I think your pessimism is misguided. You mistake it for realism, but actually, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You keep setting up this false challenge/dichotomy for yourself saying: "Should I leave him, or accept that I just won't ever have fun, laugh, be impressed or turned on by my husband? Guess I should eat humble pie and accept the latter!" Then surprise surprise, weeks go by, turns out you can't, you're still miserabl…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 04:51 PM
5

I think this is the best advice you've gotten so far, OP. I would heed it carefully. You THINK you're "working on your side" but you're only working on it superficially, not really engaging in the deeper/messier work of changing your relationship dynamic and your own perspective. One woman's boring beta is another woman's dream guy. If you don't have the optionality, attractiveness, financial independence or cajones to leave your man, then you have to TRULY buckle down. THROW OUT THE "it's just …
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 10:12 AM
1

holy crap, sounds like /u/lord-denning was RIGHT ON. This stuff IS correctable, just not easily.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 10:02 AM
1

Yes, I think there will always be all types of people! I firmly believe there are many women who are most fulfilled by working full time at demanding high level jobs, and I think that's great! That's totally fine if you are a career person! I also think it's totally fine if that's not who you are, and if you prefer to be at home. I also think it's awesome if you're part of both, and want a rewarding job that's low-stress and a family life, and desire that balance. I just want every woman to have…
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/18 08:40 PM
6

Sex aside, are you guys intimate? I mean, do you express affection through casual, comfortable physical contact? Do you hold hands, make out, cuddle? Maybe there's not actually anything wrong. Maybe he actually doesn't want to get off that often.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/18 08:04 AM
1

If his libido has taken a sharp nosedive despite only being 29, there could be several causes: -Physical health issue -Mental health issue -Relatedly, stress or unhappiness elsewhere in lfe -Your relationship is not what he wants right now Another possibility... maybe he just prefers when you initiate? Everyone's tastes in bed changes over time. Even very alpha men sometimes get off on a woman who is more of the dominant type in bed.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/18 02:58 AM
4

I think that's a wonderful suggestion. My parents don't know how to have "fun" either, in the traditional sense, they're practically addicted to productivity :) For fun they re-landscape our home, refurbish furniture, flip homes, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/18 10:35 PM
1

If you can take care of that child, no matter what medical issues it might have due to your more advanced age, then you do you. And yes... that does take a lot of money.
/r/RedPillWives04/02/18 03:25 AM
3

How well do you actually know them? You say she's almost intimidatingly confident - some men LOVE that - I know my BFs have. For my boyfriend, "wifey" qualities include ones that are harder for outsiders to perceive. A woman who's tough, confident and outspoken in public but very vulnerable, gentle, and goofy with you, is often an appealing combination.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/18 02:54 AM
2

If your parents fought over a secret house, you probably shouldn't have a secret house. Gosh!!
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/18 09:01 PM
2

I save enough money to buy a land and build a house of our own and it makes me happy to see it in construction. (This will be a secret from my future husband of course). Why would this be a secret?!
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/18 04:34 PM
2

That's so sweet! I know healthy cookies (or at least paleo cookies) are a possibility :)
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/18 01:48 AM
2

I find a lot of people like to eat slightly more and slightly unhealthier during stressful times. Nothing wrong with that IMO as long as you pick up the slack when you do have time! If your husband is like my BF, I'd provide some more indulgent snacks, soda, candy, whatever he turns to :)
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/18 01:26 AM
6

God, this is so true. Many women don't enter LTRs unless he's marriage materiel, yet men enter LTRs with women all the time where the question hasn't even occurred to them.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/18 06:55 PM
7

Intelligence doesn't necessarily have to come in a career (although it could) but it does have to come in hobbies, street smarts, worldly/cultural knowledge, social network, life skills, etc. I totally agree. It doesn't have to be a traditional career by any means. But most men I know prefer partners who have done something with difficulty and substance - it could be running a marathon, leading a small church group or mission trip, curating local art exhibits, etc. - because it shows your charac…
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/18 07:32 PM
4

Yes, this is definitely my social reality. A crazy proportion of female graduates from top the 3 business schools in the country still end up staying home with kids - and it's totally respected and validated, which I think is great! It does means these women can design (or overdesign! depending on your parenting philosophies) their kids' educations and childhoods with a loottt of intellectual enrichment :)
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/18 05:31 PM
3

I guess the top 1% seems like a big group to me because it's 3m people and a big chunk live here in California. For better or worse...
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/18 12:01 PM
10

Don't think we're that far apart from agreeing. :) Let's go high-level here! Men choose women based not solely on personal traits (i.e. does she make me happy) but also based on status and social context (i.e. does she make me look good). It is in fact rare in the U.S. for men to judge women's social status based purely on earnings, but social status is absolutely judged based on education level and independent accomplishment, and the 1%-.1% is especially sensitive to these criteria. (Note I sai…
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/18 11:10 AM
11

Yeah, 100% agree. Maybe if your entire social group is low to lower-middle-income and tends to have jobs and not careers, men will be totally indifferent to a woman's professional path. But in middle, upper-middle class circles (and certainly beyond), as you said, Men are going to want someone who is on a similar level to them, not someone who reflects poorly on them. Every man I know absolutely has bare minimum rules for the women they'd date (even casually!). College education, white collar or…
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/18 10:37 AM
3

hi, fellow super political californian leftie here. you're being profoundly irrational. I think your muscular intellect is actually being controlled by your anxiety and it's trampling all over your life. I'm really sorry your husband experienced anti-Muslim or anti-immigrant actions in the Bay Area. I understand that's bad for both his and your quality of life. But it seems undeniable that remaining UNDER-employed in a foreign country is MUCH worse for his and your quality of life. Life is scary…
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/18 09:19 PM
2

And yet he had a daughter with his ex-wife. holy crap what? didn't think this story could get worse. even more horrifying for a FATHER to behave this way and contribute nothing to his child's care.
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/18 10:34 PM
1

Thanks for the harsh but insightful advice. I really appreciate it. If I may dig a little though- If he were to get into an accident and I had to empty out my savings to cover his care, I would without any hesitation. I'd happily bury myself in a lifetime of debt if I had to! But paying off his debts doesn't feel like a sacrifice so much as a bailout. It's not just the loss of the money point blank, but whether such a move will irreversibly damage our dynamic.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 11:25 PM
3

All women grow old. All men know their female partners will grow old. His debt is a pre-existing circumstance I was previously NOT fully aware of, that was certainly not inevitable. And no, to not perfectly acceptable to me, it's profoundly unsettling and awful.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 11:20 PM
2

I'm young, never been married, probably an 8/10, maybe higher if I primp, independently wealthy. He's older, been married, probably a 7-8/10, has financial issues. However, he's charming, likable, confident and stable. I tend towards the neurotic, temperamental, and prickly, although my RMV has improved a lot because I've learned so much in this relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 06:52 PM
2

Live together. Split expenses somewhat equally, I subsidize. Yes, let me clarify - I basically periodically give him big gifts (nice vacations) because I can afford to, and I know he'd like those things. But day-to-day he likes to be gallant and picks up meals and coffees and what not. So I'm not actually sure if I subsidize him, it's possible he actually subsidizes me, my estimation is I spend more. We definitely didn't agree to like, split rent 60/40 or anything.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 06:48 PM
1

I also don't see where OP I'd subsidizing him, those were just her intentions if they do marry. That's the situation, yes. He would NEVER ask me to spend my income subsidizing his payments, and until I brought up the fact that, should we marry soon, I'd probably pay off his debts, the thought had not occurred to him. He's fundamentally more risk-tolerant and optimistic than me. He basically thought he'd make hundreds of thousands of dollars in the next 2-3 years and fix all this himself. It's no…
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 06:41 PM
1

Plan + hard convo + revisit in a month is likely the route I will take. The reason I am alarmed is because he's already had super high paying jobs, so getting a new job is not going to be the trigger to change. Hopefully something else will be.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 06:14 PM
1

Has a transition period where he gets paid without having to work. Like I said, he's an amazing employee / professional. He's putting respectable effort into job hunting. He's extremely employable and that's surprisingly not a huge issue, whether he chooses a higher or lower paying job is the question.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 06:00 PM
2

I completely understand that and would NEVER normally date a divorced man. I hope you won't mind if I copy/paste an explanation from a different comment: To provide more background context re: marrying a low value woman (and the existence of this debt at all), he's a rags-to-riches story. His socio-economic context and options when he was a teenager or in his early 20's were extraordinarily, insanely different than they are today. I don't really fault him anymore for his first marriage, and I do…
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 05:58 PM
3

Yes, those red flags are really causing me to wring my hands and re-evaluate now. He has been in denial regarding his debt - hence the spending, and the plans to get married. He certainly wouldn't want me to subsidize him but he didn't realize he had all but made it an inevitability, were we to get together. It's hard to explain or understand for me, but it seems he basically didn't do the math - he seems to have assumed he'd be making more money. To provide more background context re: marrying …
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 05:56 PM
1

Yes insurance, usually, no to retire accounts. But he's between jobs right now, which you can imagine, is not helping. Yes, those are absolutely things that he wishes he could pursue.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 05:49 PM
1

Illuminating back and forth -- thank you both so much for weighing in. To clarify, yes, he's absolutely current and making progress. When it comes to managing the balance sheet of life he's like a C-, not an F. Although of course, I'm not sure he's made sufficient allowances in his plan for accidents, unemployment, etc. so an alternate universe of total fiscal catastrophe is possible for him, whereas it's impossible for me. To continue the accounting analogy, his P+L skills are fine. Compared to…
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 05:06 PM
2

Yes, this is accurate. He isn't struggling with the payments. However payments are DEFINITELY impactjng quality of life! It restricts monthly spending (whatever), means no savings (ahh), and means he can only pursue high-paying jobs (no risks, no self-employment, etc.).
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 04:58 PM
5

Thanks for the empathy :) good to remind myself there are lots of people invisibly walking around with 10's of thousands in loans. Statistically I am the anomaly, I realize. Bankruptcy often does NOT clear our student loans, FYI! He hasn't considered it because the risks and ramifications are quite bad if you deliberately default despite high income. Plus, we both actually do agree the idea of bankruptcy is fundamentally intolerable.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 04:56 PM
2

I too am concerned about our alternate spending habits. His spending is sort of calibrated to his income, not his debt... does that make sense? He's fundamentally more comfortable with debt than I am. I'm likely too conservative but I've never carried a balance anywhere ever! I completely agree with your comments re: the challenges of dating. One reason why I'm so nervous to wait until my 30's to marry.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 04:54 PM
4

Mid 20's (me), early 30's (him). Breaking up as an option definitely entered my mind for the first time following this revelation. And it immediately disturbed me - I feel incredibly disloyal for even contemplating it! Re: coffees, yes, I now do feel those spending habits are irresponsible, hence the arguing about it... it's because we had been mirroring the spending habits of those in our income bracket / our friends, and as mentioned, we usually have very high incomes.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 04:52 PM
5

We both live in the house I bought when I was 21 and the repairs that need done are not in my budget. Wanted to add - a reasonable, masculine, helpful guy who's willfully unemployed would probably volunteer to learn how to perform these repairs. A great way to add value, be helpful, and contribute financially.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 09:54 AM
3

.... what's...what's the S word?? ;)
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 09:52 AM
2

This was really cute day-in-the-life. Thanks for taking the time to write it!
/r/RedPillWives18/01/18 09:08 AM
9

Maybe the therapists can't help because you don't have any actual underlying mental health issues and instead have been slowly driven into believing you are too messy and emotional and crazy by your BF....
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 05:32 AM
12

IS he strong? Is he logical? Truthful? He might be consistent but he seems consistently self-serving. A man who is consistently, truthfully, willfully attached to a certain way of life, when that way of life is incompatible with being a leader or husband or father or good partner, is not a catch.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 01:18 AM
17

There's not really a form of BDSM that renders IUDs ineffective...
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 01:15 AM
29

What the... You aren't perfect, obviously, you're emotional, 30, and almost overweight, but nonetheless, you can do better. Leave him. Find a new mate. Can't find a job he ethically believes in? Spends his days in internet debates about politics? Refrains from sex (torturing both of you) for sweeping, overly moralistic reasons? I know this type VERY WELL and this is NOT going to end well. A 34 year old man who refuses to work for no real reason (while probably constantly patting himself on the b…
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 12:56 AM
28

Don't date men you don't respect. Don't disrespect men you date.
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/18 11:47 PM
2

Unrelatedly, again...I meant wealthier than the women he currently dates. I doubt that's an unrealistic scenario at all, b/c it doesn't sound like he dates very professionally minded women.
/r/askTRP16/01/18 09:02 PM
2

I meant wealthier than the women he currently dates, not necessarily wealthier than himself (same w/ the other adverbs). Unrelatedly, although rare, this does happen. I am one case. Money is only way avenue to status, gravitas, and respect. There are plenty of instances of women being attracted to other archetypes - starving artists, bad boys, etc. etc.
/r/askTRP16/01/18 07:54 AM
15

Date a wealthier, classier, independently successful woman who you meet at a networking event, at church, at some charity event, etc., not a woman who makes much less than you at the club. In the right circles, your description of yourself would not turn any heads or be out of the norm at all. Then you can rest more assured that women who like you, like your specific personality and set of traits. That's not to say they would date you if you were to be some chronically unemployed type, but at le…
/r/askTRP16/01/18 01:35 AM
3

It sounds like even though he loves you, his SMV growth is just outpacing yours too quickly. He's far away from you, probably constantly getting exposed to very educated, accomplished, attractive young women - it's quite a challenge for anyone woman to lock down a HBS, etc. student, let alone a woman who it sounds like doesn't routinely travel in those circles, or fit in those circles.
/r/RedPillWomen14/01/18 11:26 PM
2

Yeah, that's why I asked questions about your social context. I live, for instance, in a social context where: -My BF does not expect us to get divorced. We know very few people who have, neither of our parents have, and people of our cultural background and income level have very low divorce rates. -Having a child out of wedlock would have insane stigma and high social costs, and virtually no women he'd be willing to father a child with would ever sign up for this - basically the education leve…
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/18 08:43 PM
4

Yes! Remember the episode where she supports him in his desire to become an FBI agent? :)
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/18 09:48 AM
2

I admire your loyalty. I can't say I'd want to stay with a husband incapable of contributing at least a substantial minority of a livable, family-sustaining income. Though it seems hard to believe (no one has bad luck continuously for 7 years, they just don't) you say he's actually a hard worker and good employee. If that's the case, a HIGHLY well-defined, stable option like the military seems like your ideal bet. Is he attempting to join as an officer, b/c he has a college degree? otherwise, ba…
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/18 07:52 AM
10

There is no magic that will find/make your husband a job. He needs to do this himself. So if you stay, then you have to have zero expectations on him ever working. Period. You will always be the one working 2 jobs. I am telling you that the “fights” you have today will be the exact same fights, for the most part, as you will have in 10 years. That’s a guarantee. This is incredibly good advice. People rarely change in drastic ways when they're past their mid-20's. He, frankly, doesn't sound like …
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/18 07:49 AM
3

Hmmm. It's interesting that you travel in circles where having kids out of wedlock is common; I'd say it probably increases the chances that your BF does not feel marriage is an inevitability or a necessity?
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/18 05:47 PM
3

The right question for you to be asking is not "How do I get him to propose?", but "He clearly has specific reservations about marriage, but I can't get him to tell me what they are. How do I start this discussion without pestering?". That is fantastic advice, imo. Regarding this view of marriage as very low upside, very high downside for men though, the likelihood your BF shares it will depend on your socio-economic and cultural context. For instance, I know extremely few men who share this vie…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/18 03:42 AM
6

Saw a suggestion on here once that you talk about your desire to be a wife and mother, not his wife and mother of his kids. It can put less pressure on him during the initial convos. Specific wording aside I think that's the tone I would strike: "Here's what I want for my life and what my plans and hopes are. I want you to know what they are." NOT "When are YOU going to marry me? When are YOU going to settle down? When do YOU want kids?" Does that make sense? The more you're asking him to do thi…
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 04:59 PM
8

Not sure how great your BF is but I know a helluva lot more women who were dumped for being neurotic, insecure, and self-loathing than women who were dumped for being too unattractive. Looks and SMV matter - because those open the door for the relationship to begin in the first place - but once someone has decided you're attractive enough for a relationship, no good can come from obsessively dwelling on the kind of features that only surgery can fix. If you truly have a great man, I wouldn't obs…
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 08:30 AM
3

Yeah, I wouldn't subject a sensitive and impressionable mind to too much stuff that causes it to spin in circles. The vast world of women over 30 do not have "no value." And even if they did, according to that philosophy, there's nothing to do about it! So why tear your hair out about it now? :) Focus on the parts of your life where you can make progress, and from which you find sustainable joy.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 07:57 AM
3

I see - I thought you meant you literally work on your hair all day, not that you go about your day while it air dries! :)
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 07:10 AM
4

Well, one comment -- it's none of my business but you can probably have nice hair without spending a FULL day on it.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 06:11 AM
3

How would anyone who doesn't live with you even know about those habits?
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 06:10 AM
2

You're not insane, that all sounds very reasonable. Noticeable is not the same thing as bothersome let alone inconsiderate. It's fully your prerogative to set your own social schedule or eat what you'd like for lunch.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 06:09 AM
6

Is it possible you've spent too much time reading TRP? There are other personality traits
/r/RedPillWomen09/01/18 05:12 AM
8

This seems like a youthful concern ;) The majority of educated, mentally healthy, reasonable young women who marry educated, mentally healthy, reasonable young men who go on to do well in life, DO NOT ever divorce them. They have 2.1 babies, grow old and retire.
/r/RedPillWomen09/01/18 05:11 AM
4

I'm also an ENFP, an EXTREME, like 85% ENFP, and very extroverted to be sure :)
/r/RedPillWomen08/01/18 02:38 AM
14

This is so true and I think a very un-acknowledged benefit of marriage around here. And it kind of works both ways - I feel married women have an extra level of gravitas.
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/18 09:17 PM
7

A quote from her in another interview: “It’s all about contempt. Never roll your eyes at someone,” she told Us. “You might as well break up right then because its contempt. I’m telling you — I disagree with him on almost everything, but I have intense respect for his critical thinking skills and the fact that we were raised differently. I always see his point. I do not and will not ever have contempt for him.”
/r/RedPillWives05/01/18 08:30 PM
5

The socio-economic group with the largest decline in in-wedlock births and marriage in general in the U.S. are non-urban, non-college-educated, lower-income young people. I think this is by-and-large because it's hard to get married and take those next steps with intentionality and wise planning when typical adult milestones --finding an actual career, buying a home, being able to move out of your parents' -- are very far away for certain populations. Out-of-wedlock births AFAIK have not actuall…
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/18 08:04 PM
8

I think that's great advice. You may well walk away from this unfortunate experience with a lot more maturity, resolve, sense of calm and perspective, etc. etc. than the average person your age, which will make you ultimately a more pleasant person to be around and a higher RMV GF!
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/18 07:49 PM
1

This was SUCH a charming video. They've always struck me as an incredibly RP couple. EDIT: watched some more interviews and Dax seems incredibly charming and confident, can definitely see him as a leader in their relationship, which is unusual, because in most celebrity couples where 1 partner has significantly more work than the other, it seems unbalanced.
/r/RedPillWives05/01/18 07:37 PM
11

I see, so in a way it means, "I decide how I feel about you"? As in, stop projecting onto me, don't just unilaterally declare how I "must" feel and take action based on it?
/r/RedPillWives05/01/18 07:33 PM
10

"If mommy doesn't give me enough BJ's...."
/r/RedPillWives30/12/17 02:08 AM
4

They did not choose the birth control method with the highest perfect use success rate. However, although I totally understand that "birth control app" sounds profoundly asinine, these apps actually have millions of users across the developed world, largely positive reviews, and pretty respectable typical use success rates. It's not AS RIDICULOUS as it sounds at first.
/r/RedPillWives30/12/17 02:06 AM
6

God, the PASSIVITY. Opposite of a true captain. RPW emphasizes that the woman should change her behavior first because it's a forum meant for WOMEN, that believes in taking responsibility for your own actions. Analogously, YOU should assume YOU need to take the first step. You claim you'd prefer to save your marriage. So save it! It takes two. And any true captain work keeping around will TAKE ACTION, not sit around pouting.
/r/RedPillWives30/12/17 01:58 AM
15

it is all very uncharacteristic of her. "she's always wanted a 3rd child" you say. you've never mentioned that she's ever had an abortion in the past. why the hell would you assume she would now?
/r/RedPillWives30/12/17 01:53 AM
3

A couple questions. How closely would you be working together? Is either of you clearly the other's direct report, manager, etc.?
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/17 03:41 AM
2

I don't think this is so complicated in theory, merely tricky to execute. There's more you can provide in a romantic relationship than sex. Usually sex is a major value-add, in your case it'll be a minor one. Like any woman, you need to find a man whose honest, true sexual needs are ones you can COMFORTABLY and sustainably meet in the long-term. For some men who are asexual, they will require virtually no sexual activity. For some very libido men, they may require only handjobs, blowjobs, or oth…
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/17 06:42 PM
6

^ this. I actually know asexual women I'd consider in "RP-style" relationships with very low libido men. And no, the mere lack of traditional sexual activity does not make these "platonic" relationships. They have the same intensity, singular focus, and special warmth of any other romantic partnership.
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/17 06:27 PM
14

To echo /u/queenofquac, I don't think this has anything to do with RPW tor TRP. Please be careful not to be judgmental - I was with sick relatives in the past and I regret it profoundly. It's hard to go through what your mother is going through.... period. It's even harder to go through something so scary and painful AND think about charming your doctor. Sometimes it's all we can do to keep going, and introducing the added stress of "maybe you're not getting the best care because your attitude" …
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 07:20 PM
7

"people can admit fault without fear when they are secure in their position and standing." This was a really interesting post. In my experience, a leader with a lot of authority and responsibility may actually have a HARDER time dealing with their failures, because they feel they've let down those who trust and depend on them. The difference is, they're hard on themselves and they're worried about letting you down. Compare this to a situation where the husband feels the wife is hard on him and h…
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 07:12 PM
25

I've felt this way before. It didn't lead me to break up with my BF, but I complained about it a lot. And you know what? I was foolish. It does NOT matter. Allow me to be frank. You don't work in politics. You read about it, maybe even a lot, and go to protests. In other words, you participate at the level of a hobby. It may have great emotional significance to you, but many hobbies do. It is NOT IMPORTANT that your SO shares every single one of your hobbies. At most, one can use "interest in po…
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/17 04:45 PM
2

"You know what was so unbelievably hot? That time you went down on me." "I can't stop thinking about that time..." Praise works better than complaining in this dept, I've found. Also effective for me - waxes, at-home or through a spa (unless you explicitly know your man does not like the look). I'm not talking necessarily a full Brazilian, but a. It can never hurt to be more tidied up down there b. It makes it easier to insinuate you want head or to bring up the topic! i.e. "I have a surprise fo…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 04:30 AM
5

You've got a husband who works hard enough to support 5 children and allow you stay home with them. He handles the finances sufficiently well that you don't sound stressed about them at all - in fact you have enough stability to contemplate things like side businesses. Hopefully you and your husband are able to get fit and prepare for old age well, but I just want to emphasize that masculinity has a lot of dimensions. If your husband isn't appealingly masculine in one way right now (you say "he …
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/17 09:43 PM
2

I've never dated a man younger than me, but I have dated men less experienced in specific professional aspects, so I can really relate to what you said here: Although I find it hard sometimes accepting his decisions because I feel in some things I'm wiser. Im also leagues above him in my career. He works in entry level at our workplace im the facility manager. I hold alot of leverage over him both in life knowledge and career ... I've really struggled when it comes to that dynamic, especially wh…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/17 09:28 PM
1

Zombies swarm the city and surround you, your fault. u/TheLaughingRhino 's comments are definitely interesting food for thought but delivered on such a conceptual, ivory tower level that I understand OP's reaction entirely. Zero tolerance or mercy? OP's problems take place on a human scale, not a Darwinian, eons-long scale. Is anyone married to a man who has never shown weakness or vulnerability? Does every woman find herself incapable of true love and respect after a momentary lapse in strength…
/r/RedPillWomen16/12/17 12:08 AM
1

Thanks for the thoughtful reply! I find it hard to untangle sexual dynamics and power dynamics, and hard to untangle power dynamics and economic dynamics. Personally, I'm attracted to an attitude of dominance. It's possible to create sexual attraction through interpersonal dominance even in a situation of economic dependence, but it's much harder. In other words, I totally agree w/ you.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 08:20 AM
2

Intriguing anecdotes. I love hearing about families that successfully pull off red pill dynamics without traditional earning dynamics. I often find the MOST challenging thing about RPW-thinking for me is that it's clearly a dynamic developed in situations where the man went out into the world and earned most of the income, and that's not realistic for me (or statistically most American women). I really like hearing about RP thinking universalized or broadened like this.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 05:45 AM
3

Fully agree with the above comments. The 50% divorce rate thing isn't that accurate, actually: -Divorce rate has fallen since its peak at 50% in the 80's -If you look at subgroups like: -Got married after 25 -Both have college education -Religious background etc. it actually falls A LOT.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 05:37 AM
3

I think that's actually a very apt observation. With the rare exception of the occasional "rebel against my rich daddy and marry a bohemian artist whose social value is much higher in other ways" type, almost everyone male or female expects a standard of living higher than that they grew up with.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 05:36 AM
3

This is a really good point. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Sounds like your sex life is great, and if you do want to spice it up, there are probably lower risk options than a 3 some.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 03:00 AM
1

Ooh both those sound great (especially if you're near water). If you guys like to run, really good running shoes (or a gift certificate for them) could be an option.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 02:56 AM
2

wanted to add - I think your goal is to communicate something like, "I love that you go to the gym and I want to support you in that," NOT "I wish you'd go to the gym more"
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 12:29 AM
2

I don't know your partner so I can't tell if that would come off as supportive or passive aggressive, hopefully the former... And alternative would be to get him something to make working out more fun, i.e.: -Funny/goofy gym t-shirts (my friend got her BF a few that had weight-lifting puns and he constantly wears them and loves them) -Music player, iPod, etc. if he doesn't have an easy way to listening to music at the gym and likes to -Wireless headphones (same rationale) -Gift certificate to a …
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 12:28 AM
1

Holy crap that's a great idea. Ordering!!
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 12:23 AM
8

I'm not 100% sure what the phrase "hold frame" does or does not include, but I will say I think it's a desirable quality in any human to have: -Emotional self-awareness -Emotional self-control -Ability to step back and choose how you react to a situation For instance, say you and your partner have decided X action is not appropriate in your relationship. Say, going over to some other guy's apartment after midnight. One night you find yourself hanging out with your girlfriends, who are pressuring…
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/17 12:22 AM
1

I don't think you're being a doormat by following your instincts. I think the questions other commenters raise are very important, namely: -How remorseful did he feel after he cheated? -Has he ever cheated again? -Would he ever have confessed if you didn't find out? -Were these mistakes an aberration or part of some larger pattern of disrespect and deceit? But only YOU can answer then, and you must reach a place of strong internal certainty. If you need your husband to offer special additional t…
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/17 01:37 AM
22

:( "He had me block her" -> That to me sounds potentially manipulative, and basically him covering his tracks. That would've been a good opportunity for him to come clean and he chose not to, and instead specifically chose to deceive.
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/17 12:41 AM
1

More importantly, he hasn't left your house for weeks and you've only been exclusive "as of a week ago"?? Clearly he doesn't live with you?? This is bizarre and concerning. Is there any chance he...doesn't have a place to live?
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/17 12:33 AM
2

This is super silly but you know how some people just HAVE to work at a coffee shop, not in their own house? (Understandable, a change of environment can help you focus) My local coffee shops get ridiculously crowded and sometimes it literally feels like fighting over table space and outlets. A friend of mine once went to a coffee shop ahead of time and literally squatted a table for me.
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/17 04:32 AM
1

Love the diversity of perspective. Quick question, out of curiosity - what is a "FIRE couple"?
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/17 04:21 AM
3

Divorcing your husband so he can find someone who IS crazy about him, who ADORES him, who will NOT "crush" on others and think him boring or dull... that can be an unselfish choice. Redoubling your commitment to this marriage, finding a way to fall in love or something close to it, permitting yourself NO wandering eyes or thoughts or exit option, in an attempt to craft a good marriage and a happy life out of a non-ideal beginning... that's also a potential, unselfish choice. What you're doing no…
/r/RedPillWives27/11/17 02:22 AM
1

developing crushes on others That's the warning sign IMO. You're actively dissatisfied and part of you is already looking elsewhere.
/r/RedPillWives27/11/17 02:18 AM
4

I'm not sure there is a nice way to say "I don't like the way you dress", or "I don't like your hair." These are pretty minor preferences that certainly aren't worth hurting your SO's feelings over IMO. As others have said, when it comes to minor adjustments like this, just compliment what you like and learn to overlook what you don't.
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/17 07:28 PM
8

All the tips below are amazing, but as someone with similar or worse hours, I just want to emphasize, OUTSOURCE when you can! One of the perks of having 2 partners who work this hard is that you can often afford help. There is no reason to argue or stress over chores when you can easily afford the $100 for a good cleaner. My BF and I both value our peace of mind and don't mind spending the money. Similarly, we order in when we have to (in addition to Blue Apron esque services there are also ones…
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/17 07:23 PM
3

I didn't read your post that way at all, FWIW. And there are plenty of cities and desired lifestyles that require 2 incomes. Not every person is willing to live the way 1 salary is going to buy you in a major metropolis.
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/17 08:52 PM
2

That makes more sense, I've sometimes felt the same way, but I find very chill 1 on 1 hang-outs satisfy that need to socialize while not being very stressful.
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/17 08:45 PM
8

I have a very hard time imagining why a young woman who's 23 needs to exclusively date men in their 40's. The reasons you've provided make me think you should find a mature man perhaps slightly older than yourself. But I think you're overly fixated on your future BF's age for artificial reasons. I think you're projecting a lot of desires onto this "REAL MAN". You imagine this "REAL MAN" will bring you all the stability, safety, sense of identity that you crave. You imagine this "REAL MAN" will f…
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/17 08:12 PM
4

This particular incident aside, I think you should aim for a level of scheduled social interaction that's high enough such that the cancellation of a plan or two isn't as big a deal. I think 2-3 social interactions of your own (outside being a plus-one or a family member) is, to me at least, on the low end. It's wrong to snap and be impatient, but it's hard not to if you don't take enough time for self-care. If your spouse is going out 10-12 times as often as you (is what it sounds like from the…
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/17 07:37 PM
3

Yes. Intelligence is not enough. Are you kind? Are you warm? Do you choose to use your intelligence to lift up those around you, or to condescend?
/r/RedPillWomen17/11/17 06:33 PM
1

I freakin LOVE this pinterest board. And I love that you still dress up for your husband - I want to work on that myself. Definitely have a bad habit of wearing sweats on the weekend, which is when we see each other the most.
/r/RedPillWomen17/11/17 02:38 AM
2

Fancy candles are a great, suuuuper neutral gift. No one has ever been offended by nice candles.
/r/RedPillWomen17/11/17 02:34 AM
5

Very accurate observation - that's what I was trying to convey. This sub definitely skews towards a specific demo. Fundamental truths manifest themselves differently sometimes!
/r/RedPillWomen17/11/17 02:32 AM
9

Gosh, that rubs me the wrong way about TRP too. My education, career and intellect also bring me tons of joy, and not just that - they enable me to do helpful and useful and valuable things for other people. I think sometimes the discussion conflates 2 VERY DIFFERENT questions: -What is the value of your career to YOU? and -What is the value of your career when it comes to securing early romantic interest from potential straight male partners
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/17 11:01 PM
10

No, I value my own intelligence insofar as it makes me who I am, and allows me to make the largest possible positive impact on the world. My BF values my intelligence insofar as it makes me the woman he loves, and insofar as it makes me a good fit for his life (i.e. his interests, goals, and how he likes to spend his time). Men I casually dated in the past did value my intelligence as a way to signal to their friends, sure. Or more accurately, had I been less intelligent it would have been a neg…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/17 10:21 PM
22

Fundamentally very sound. I want to share my particular perspective though. I feel this forum often underestimates how much value very well-educated, urban, liberal men are going to place on your intelligence and accomplishments. Not necessarily because it plays a role in their daily life but because a wife with minimum credentials has signaling value and won't fit into their social circle and usual life otherwise. I know you have 8) ("you don't have to work a menial minimum wage job?") up there…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/17 06:22 PM
28

Yes. Depends on the socio-economic class but men in the top 1% are not looking to see if you're smart enough to make dinner per se, they're looking to see if you can intelligently chat about politics, business, pop science and the latest Ted Talk over brunch. Because that's how they socialize and that's how someone fits into their life. EDIT: to sound less snarky, didn't mean to
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/17 05:17 PM
3

Those are really cute! I just made a spreadsheet and outlined the 25 gifts I want to do - I tried to schedule it so it's a big gift every 5-6 days, and little ones in between. My gosh this is gonna be a lot of work... but very excited for it! Some ones I came up with: Customized lighter 1 day, then nice cigar the next Custom cozy (that thing you use to hold beer), then a really nice bottle of beer the next (will have to just stick it in the fridge in the back and put a little card referencing it…
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 05:08 AM
2

Strongly recommend this Youtube channel/ instagram: https://www.youtube.com/user/MissJessicaKH She's lesbian, so obviously it's not about attracting men, but she often uses a wheelchair and posts really cute outfits that she knows are wheelchair friendly. She has a VERY feminine, vintage style. Not sure if it's relevant for you but she also has a cute video showing how she does her makeup when finger function is compromised.
/r/RedPillWives13/11/17 03:06 AM
2

I think this is super super true. That thought pops into my head all time the time for both genders (i.e. "wow he committed so quickly to her, she must be awesome"). it's part of the reason I'm working on being more explicitly respectful and clearly admiring of my BF in social settings.
/r/RedPillWives13/11/17 02:43 AM
3

Haha a very familiar modern problem. I'm always working on trying to create really nice neat "charging stations" for us for this reason! EDIT- just fyi, there are some really nice "clips" that hold charging cables on the edge of a desk, nightstand, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 12:50 AM
2

OMG I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan! That sounds amazing. A little winter reading nook sounds absolutely lovely.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 12:45 AM
2

Ooh, that's cool that you experienced the real thing. :) I'm actually grateful 'hygge' has become such a trend because I can just look it up on Pinterest and Instagram. I can judge what is and is not working but I don't always know how to get there myself.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 12:43 AM
2

THANK you, these are great tips. BF freakin' LOVES cheddar, so that recipe seems absolutely perfect. I'm not that great in the kitchen and thick soups are not super advanced so yay!
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 12:37 AM
1

Really hit the nail on the head. There's a season (literally) for everything. :) Even over the course of a week you can see these patterns - if we've gone out every weekday night when Friday comes around we feel the need to shrink our world back down a little.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 12:32 AM
3

Thanks, these are awesome ideas! The smell of mulled wine is amazingly festive. I LOVE the idea of a home-made advent calendar. I sometimes indulge in ones for myself but it'd be so much more meaningful to find or make one for both of us to share. I think it's a good example of the kind of thing men might find delight in, but would never think to give themselves :) EDIT: ok /u/teaandtalk I am now all in on this advent calendar. It'll be a challenge to find that many cute (but physically small) g…
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/17 12:28 AM
3

Your place sounds really lovely! I miss living in a snowier area, there is absolutely a 'regenerative' (good word) feeling all that stark whiteness brings about. I've never made non-instant hot cocoa, that's a good idea, I bet it makes a big difference. As you can tell from my posting history my BF has had a stressful time of it, and since he NEVER requests ANYTHING, I was really excited that this time he asked me for something explicit. I've gone a little all out but it's been an intense year f…
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/17 02:24 AM
13

No, just very overworked 20-somethings
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/17 01:30 AM
3

^ Exactly the same for me. Took the words right out of my mouth.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/17 12:52 AM
3

Interesting question. I actually love the symbolism of having the same last name as your husband, but the symbolism of leaving my father's name behind also pains me - I come from a very tight-knit, loving nuclear family, and because our family is quite small, there aren't that many people around to carry on our family name. It's unclear what my BF and I will do when we marry (if life goes according to plan). For "foreign and no one can spell or pronounce" reasons and also complicated "someone in…
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/17 12:44 AM
1

That's fine, I can delete the post if you prefer too. FYI, the phrase "You want to help men achieve that goal" in the Rule Zero post led me to make the post - I read it and drew the conclusion that posts asking how to help men "increase their sexual power and options" were welcome, and I wrongly concluded that my Q was fundamentally about helping my BF increase his power (as I'm on-board with the idea that when he has an external mission, he becomes more highly desirable). Feel free to delete!
/r/askTRP06/11/17 04:13 PM
2

Thanks, this is really good advice. I see now that I am indeed overthinking it! I was reluctant to be frank because in the past, I've been really, really really bad at having these conversations. I have a history of being critical and condescending towards my male partners, and I've been working extremely hard at correcting this behavior and attitude. I think the WORLD of my BF and do not want to convey otherwise! But that's not a good reason to avoid communication.
/r/RedPillWomen06/11/17 08:35 AM
9

Be careful about risky photos like that! But other ideas: -Put those little notes and gifts (i.e. candies) in places he'll find them later, that are not super obtrusive (I like leaving cute things in the cupholders of his car) -Find an interesting new activity for you guys to try once a month - depending on your dynamic you may just want to suggest this activity (and let him do the planning, if he agrees). For instance, in my case, I find wine tastings, cooking classes, and send him links -Don't…
/r/RedPillWomen06/11/17 06:38 AM
2

Thank you so much for being so thoughtful. No can do - he has to want it own his own. You can't create that effect. In particular this is a great reminder. Sadly it's one of those bad absentee dad situations but there are always close substitutes. I am having hard time tracking his thought process. It's not making sense - unless he knows information on a sure thing and just waiting for a specific time/time frame. I don't think it's an explicit thought process, switching jobs is just scary and di…
/r/askTRP06/11/17 05:42 AM
1

I will probably repost this in RPW. Discussions there have been helpful in the past, but I specifically was curious what a more mixed-gender audience would have to say.
/r/askTRP06/11/17 05:33 AM
2

Thanks, this is encouraging to hear frankness wouldn't be unwelcome.
/r/askTRP06/11/17 05:32 AM
2

I'm not going to do that. Even if I did nothing I'm sure he'd turn it around in time, I'm just wondering what I can do to be a positive catalyst. Thanks for responding though, I appreciate it. I do want to be genuinely busy and no, not out drinking :p
/r/askTRP06/11/17 05:32 AM
2

Well, I'm concerned b/c instead of putting 100% of his energy into recovery, he's allocating a higher % than normal towards me. Pampering me, babying me, in ways that are unusual. For instance, spending more time doing cute couple-y stuff than independent stuff. I would rather he re-allocate that energy towards himself. I want to be supportive in the best possible way, so I'm not sure if I should lean into what he seems to want (i.e. "yes, let's go somewhere just the two of us this weekend!") or…
/r/askTRP06/11/17 03:08 AM
3

I use and enjoy that forum, but I was hoping to get a male perspective :)
/r/askTRP06/11/17 02:49 AM
11

Look for signs that he's willing to increase the cost of walking away. In other words, not just that he says he's open to a relationship, but that he: -Makes firm plans for the future (i.e. buys tickets for something in two weeks) -Introduces you to his friends and wants to meet yours -If he's a social media user, posts photos with you -Generally integrates you into his life (encourages you to leave stuff at his place or vice versa)
/r/RedPillWomen04/11/17 01:29 AM
1

That's great advice, my parents did this too. Good alternative for when y'all don't trust a sitter yet. Or ask family/friends if you can!
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/17 10:19 PM
3

Presumably around 18 (she mentions she's in her first year of college)
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/17 05:59 AM
7

I thought the wallet bit at least was kind of cute, I read it as "we all make silly slip-ups, look for a partner who doesn't rip you apart because of them." I would never DEMAND my partner to come drop off my wallet, but I've definitely forgotten dumb things like keys and wallets, and it means a lot that he's patient with me when that happens.
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/17 08:23 PM
2

I assumed it was one of those FB meme type things that you "share" without having written it - if she actually wrote it out herself that does change the context! Perhaps I misunderstood. I thought it was a hypothetical husband. Not like, her husband
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/17 08:21 PM
19

I don't understand what's wrong with this at all. It sounds one-sided because the post is specifically about what's so amazing about her husband, not about what makes for a good marriage in general. Not every piece of writing has to include both. Plenty of stuff isn't mentioned, i.e. cleaning, making dinner, etc. so you can assume the wife in this hypothetical story is handling a lot of it. Plus, the wife works - I don't think it's insane for the husband to pick up some household chores if the w…
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/17 07:00 PM
1

We've all been there. But every pattern has outliers. I recommend bemused indifference if you can summon that, or at the very least just put it out of your mind. Wishing romantic disaster and ill fortune on someone you don't actually know can't be good for your own mental health or character.
/r/RedPillWomen30/10/17 02:59 AM
1

I think sometimes gossipy family are trying to show that they trust you and want you in their inner circle. They probably do gossip about you, but that doesn't mean they dislike you. That's a really good point. It's probably not actually malicious, even if they do talk about you.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/17 07:00 PM
3

This is a great essay and I appreciate you taking the time to write it. Whether you believe it or not I can't help but defend myself and my relationship (and my BF!!) a little though-- I chose to write this post in order to correct some bad habits that have arisen occasionally, especially in times of stress. I hardly think it's helpful for you to make such a strong and sweeping statement about my relationship. Life isn't black and white - most men are a little of A, a little of B, or A most of t…
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/17 05:31 PM
2

Thanks! Will do.
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/17 03:28 AM
2

Thanks for that reminder :) It's so tricky to be one way at work all day and then turn it off completely when I get home... "bring the solution not the problem" might as well actually be the MANTRA of my field, so it's definitely hard to switch contexts at home.
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/17 03:27 AM
1

Thank you. This is so encouraging! The relationship is young and still malleable...there's time!
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/17 03:26 AM
2

That's a great point! And in my case, I think it's actually not primarily a fear of being vulnerable with my BF, but a fear of being vulnerable externally, if that makes sense. Like I'm so scared we'll look foolish or make a mistake that I nitpick to try and control and prevent that outcome, when really I should trust and surrender.
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/17 03:43 PM
4

That's great advice, thank you! I think I've got the sex kitten bit down but I really really need to be a better cheerleader. It's actually a great analogy because even in interactions with just the 2 of us, I need to work on imagining HIM in the spotlight and ME on the sidelines. In other words...I'm not always the main character here, it's not always about me :p
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/17 08:11 AM
4

Not to sound too Gen X but I find Snapchat perfect for this use case. NOT for sending explicit photos but for sending goofy random photos that wouldn't normally merit a message. It makes photo-sharing more casual because the photos don't stick around forever. For instance, we'd snap little things like a photo of our breakfast, goofy faces a few times a day, a cute dog we ran into... I don't know why but texting 20x a day felt needy but sending a dozen disappearing photos did not. There are also …
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/17 01:25 AM
3

Some might find this narcissistic but when I was long distance, I actually found frequent little pics/selfies to be quite helpful. Men don't always want to reciprocate, but my BF really liked getting the digital equivalent of a big smile a couple times a day. Sometimes a loving look and a beaming smile can go a lot further than an equivalent text.
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/17 12:14 AM
2

Our relationship is starting to feel very adult and very serious, I've been looking forward to this for a long time but the thought of marriage and kids in the future makes me a tiny bit nervous. Should I expect big moves in the near future?
/r/RedPillWomen22/10/17 11:21 PM
2

I found that my SO basically doesn't hear things delivered through text. Emotionally, anyway. Compliments just don't really land and get felt when he's looking at a phone screen - perhaps the person you're involved with has a similar obstacle.
/r/RedPillWomen22/10/17 11:15 PM
4

To me the issue is not whether he will wear a ring or not, but that: he won't wear a ring because it's not a wedding but a PACS. You seem like a reasonable person and I'm sure you aren't looking for a reason to fight. And you posted in this subreddit, so it doesn't seem like you're operating under the assumption that male and female expressions of affection must be identical in order to be equivalent. Is there any chance that this fight is tapping into your feelings about something else? Would y…
/r/RedPillWomen22/10/17 11:11 PM
1

That's a good point- if anyone has more cultural context it'd be fascinating to know what is typical for pacséd man
/r/RedPillWomen22/10/17 11:05 PM
8

she's an ex GF and he didn't immediately mention that?? strongly recommend you move on - this story just gets worse and worse and it doesn't sound like his behavior is exactly going to improve
/r/RedPillWomen22/10/17 09:59 PM
1

This is really helpful and specific advice, thank you for taking the time to share!
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/17 01:50 AM
5

I'd say, lean into your playful, naughty, humorous side. The biggest negative stereotype older virgins encounter IMO is being seen as frigid, judgmental, old-fashioned, and prudish. You can quickly dispel that by leading with your fun, witty self. That way your virginity will be an interesting but hopefully not unpleasant surprise, and not the big fact that frames and colors all future interactions.
/r/RedPillWomen18/10/17 08:20 PM
5

The author of that piece was SO annoying! Dramatic, overly emotional...why is she weeping in the lawyers' office? Of COURSE her husband needed a pre-nup, she's in her 40's with 0 assets, no plan for retirement, 5 digits of CC debt....
/r/RedPillWomen17/10/17 09:40 PM
2

That's a really good point. I have no idea what's going to happen once we throw kids into the equation but I do realize that not having enough juice left at the end of the day for my husband means it'd be hard to keep up with kids. That's part of the reason I want to work so hard now - so we have the option of pulling back once we have kids.
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/17 10:53 PM
2

If you give the post another look you'll notice I work now ;) In fact, I make more money, have more savings, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 09:29 AM
1

He must be able to smell my insecurity no matter how much I think I'm keeping it under wraps. chasing after him like a dog. Your language sounds confusingly adversarial to me. You talk of tactics and upper hands and power dynamics. It's like you think staying together is a potentially optimal strategy but if inputs change, finding a new husband is an optimal strategy. All to say - that doesn't sound like remorse to me? Remorse entails vulnerability, and it sounds like you are desperately avoidin…
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 08:28 AM
1

will make a great wife for someone. Also a problematic attitude, as someone else above also pointed out. A great wife for someone? That sounds like one foot in and one foot out.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 08:23 AM
1

If you want to save it, your efforts 100% need to be on being a great wife, now, with consistency. You want no one but him, and you want him bad. Expect one full month of behaving exceptionally for every year of bad behavior (marriage and courtship) without expecting him to notice or thank you for it. Own your shit. That's such a great rule of thumb. I have a little internal rule like this myself where I try to give my SO a really great week after any 1 bad day or fight.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 08:21 AM
2

Sorry - wanted to elaborate more - what I'm trying to get at is, my ideal balance may look a little diff than the typical member of this community, but we are making that choice (this is as much something my partner wants as myself, we have discussed this issue explicitly). I love reading and participating here because within the boundaries of that decision, I still do want to be the best possible GF I can be.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 06:15 AM
6

Thanks for the lovely comments! I definitely don't think any choice is lesser than. In my case I'm at peace with my choices - I find my work sufficient socially impactful and unique that the trade-off is indeed worth it. It's not about the money, though I think I over-emphasized that in the original post - it's about the impact, success and legacy that the money can signify. I guess the biggest thing I've taken away from RPW is again, that there is a trade-off, and it can't be denied. Based on o…
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 06:05 AM
11

Make sure to give him space. Don't hang out in his home office or wherever he goes to have space within the house. If he doesn't have such a space, create one for him. Offer to bring him a coffee or tea etc and then let him be. That's a great one.
/r/RedPillWomen08/10/17 08:44 PM
2

I don't understand the point of this question at all. I assume you're attempting to use "Ivy League" as a shorthand for "silver spoon" or other personality traits, otherwise you're just asking people if they'd rather have a larger amount of money (obviously yes).
/r/RedPillWomen08/10/17 08:43 PM
1

just FYI the "Ivy League" usually refers to undergrad schools, not law schools, and all Ivy League schools have very strong need-based financial aid programs, so very few graduates have debt and those who do have much, much less than average.
/r/RedPillWomen08/10/17 01:25 AM
2

What a fun questionnaire and chance to reflect! 1. What is it like? At first this relationship's impact on my life was hugely noticeable - I was so much happier and gigglier and at peace than I had been in the past. Over time it's gotten subtler but to me my relationship feels like the warm, safe molten core of my life. It's also the first one I've consciously worked on in this way. 2. How do you feel when you are with your Captain? Girly, youthful, vulnerable, cute. Occasionally we get out of w…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/17 10:06 PM
6

It's a legitimate threat to our marriage due to current situation. I feel that this could be a bad attitude. My suggestion is to truly root out all defensiveness.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/17 07:10 AM
3

They're way farther down the list for automation compared to many traditional blue-collar, male-dominated jobs. The more human interaction a job requires, the farther down the list; the more mechanical, the higher on the list.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/17 05:16 AM
7

"Rude" and "reckless" may be traits more commonly found in the male population but it doesn't mean they're desirable, especially in the wrong context. A little bravado and recklessness in terms of boldly pursuing interesting work opportunities? Great. Reckless on the road where, as /u/HB3234 is pointing out, he could get us both killed? That is NOT manly. A manly man takes care of those he loves and drives protectively.
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/17 04:01 AM
10

That particular wording is smug and annoying BUT there has never been a widespread pattern of women marrying those lower income than themselves (or, in times when women didn't work, lower income than their family of origin). This is not a modern phenomenon, isolated to annoying millennials. There are many exceptions to the rule, but broadly it cannot be denied that a college education is correlated with higher income (and other desirable attributes, like strong credit, savings, etc.). In the US,…
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/17 10:52 PM
6

Just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading the above ^ as well as your initial post. So many of the posts in this forum come from women living or aspiring to live a very traditional life where the primary earner is their husband. Refreshing to hear from someone who's enjoying a successful marriage with a different situation.
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/17 09:58 PM
2

Think of prenups this way: Prenups are drafted by people when they deeply love and care for each other and want to treat each other fairly. The same cannot be said for divorce decrees. That's so well said!
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/17 09:41 PM
6

Generally this is a good principle but in this case I worry that it could backfire. In my experience the phrasing "your debt makes me feel X" or "I feel X when I think about your debt" has made men super depressed/hurt/defensive because it puts the focus of the conversation on their financial weaknesses. I've had more success keeping it broader, like "In general I believe that in worst case scenarios each member of a married couple should walk away with what they put in" etc.
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/17 09:41 PM
1

I see. You're answering the question - what's the best way for OP to forgive and heal the marriage? I'm answering the question - SHOULD OP forgive and heal the marriage?
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/17 01:54 AM
1

I see your reasoning but I just feel like they are not analogous to a punch and a black eye. I'd love to elaborate: a black eye is a natural consequence of a punch. Unavoidable. As you said, forgive one and you forgive the other. However, OP's husband could have confessed before he slept with her. He could have simply abstained from sex and made up an excuse if he wasn't ready to confess. It's not an unavoidable consequence of infidelity at all. It's a totally avoidable and specific choice. To m…
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/17 03:35 PM
5

This quote of yours changes everything. Excuse my language, but your husband is a sorry sack of shit. He literally could have exposed you and your child to a death sentence, and that's not something that a man does. Thank you - this is exactly what I felt, that my reaction really hinged on this detail because it shows the husband making a CHOICE to endanger his wife and child. He made that choice presumably sober, without his friends around, and his retroactive guilt means he probably was fully …
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/17 03:32 PM
2

There's no right or wrong choice objectively for her - I'm not saying that. I think we all realize that her choice is ultimately her own, and should be predicated on her own unique set of priorities and values and feelings. I was curious though how you'd react to that detail and whether it changes at all your feelings about the situation, or your imaginative/empathetic reaction regarding what you'd do in her shoes. It's not just the choice to have unprotected PIV sex with a stranger, it's the ch…
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/17 03:02 PM
5

I feel like your response makes sense maybe in response to the cheating alone, but for me, it'd be the risk to my health and the baby's that I couldn't forgive. Failing to use a condom in both situations seems truly irresponsible and negligent. What if the prostitute had a serious STD? What if she was HIV+? Fine, he cheated, but why did he then have unprotected sex with his pregnant wife? That's not a man with his wife and child at the center of his heart.
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/17 08:01 AM
1

I have always been complimented on being bright, funny, ambitious, and fun to be around, not afraid of a debate and drawn to people who were intellectually rigorous and made me strive to be better. My last relationship really took a lot of that out of me. There's your problem right there. There's a difference between being a RPW and being...frankly, downtrodden. You're pretty enough to find a BF. You know that. I bet what's getting in your way is your emotional baggage and scar tissue. You sound…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/17 01:14 AM
2

needs compliments like water This made me laugh - I'm exactly the same way! I'm sure it'd annoy some people.
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/17 05:35 AM
3

Generally no but plenty of men I know would never a woman who was chronically unemployed, especially before having kids.
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/17 08:24 PM
3

Modcloth on sale is nice. Sometimes cheesy but sometimes so amazing and classic.
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/17 02:52 AM
24

What does make you have an orgasm? Have you ever had one, including by yourself?
/r/RedPillWomen12/08/17 03:37 AM
6

Fix yourself first. I've never respected a man who had to coax me into respecting him. You need to change your own energy and vibe and attitude so she senses the dynamic will change, before she is receptive to any input. How do you react when she nags? What are you doing differently now that should command her respect? Go to your wife AS a leader and say, now I want to lead this relationship. Don't go to your wife now as someone she clearly does NOT see as a leader and ask for that - if she isn'…
/r/RedPillWomen11/08/17 07:17 PM
3

I completely agree. Nuance is a universal characteristic of what is considered high-brow, sophisticated, elegant.
/r/RedPillWomen11/08/17 02:42 AM
5

I'm so sorry - this sounds like an incomprehensibly hard position to be in. Sometimes people have these parts of their personality that are unapparent in normal times but suddenly emerge in difficult ones, and it's hard to think that ugly streak has been there the whole time. And what blows my mind about this situation is that these "difficult" ones are not in fact that difficult. If he behaves like this because your family's income diminished by such a small fraction, would he be a strong and l…
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/17 08:52 PM
2

I'm not crafty so I rely on Etsy a lot :p You could commission or create a cute image of Mario and Peach (or any other appropriate couple). I saw a friend get her BF a custom shirt with Spiderman and Mary Jane kissing, with a funny quote about them underneath.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/17 04:50 AM
12

TRP thinking is the kind of tool that a good man uses to build a relationship up, and that bad man uses to make a relationship a exploitive catastrophe. A confident person's natural focus in a relationship is bringing the other person up to their level - whatever their strengths, you'll feel the benefit of them. An insecure, self-loathing person's natural focus in a relationship is bringing the other person DOWN to their level - they are so constantly filled with shame and shame-induced rage tha…
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/17 02:38 AM
2

You're giving really great advice. My own thinking is mostly aligned with yours, with one exception: My dad is my best friend, but my first duty is to my boyfriend. There's no right answer here but for me, my loyalty is to my family. When I marry my BF he will become my family but until then, as profoundly as I love him and as big a presence as he is day-to-day, if push REALLY came to shove, God forbid, I'm still a member of my father's household.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/17 02:24 AM
2

you should tell him it's not Christ-like to profess support for someone while expecting a romantic relationship out of it. If Christ were here, he certainly wouldn't be looking for a romantic relationship with this girl. That's a really great way to look at it, I love that! I also like to ask myself, what is sincerely the most generous thing I can do for someone? And even though continuing to "orbit" may feel generous, in the long run it doesn't benefit them - they get reliant on support that wo…
/r/RPChristians09/08/17 09:11 AM
10

told me that he feels depressed about the future because he has a wife that doesn't even know how to have sex which he says even 16 year old girls know how to do. Your husband sounds really cruel. Is he also unsure what to do? Maybe he's taking his vulnerability and insecurity out on you, because frankly, it takes 2 to tango and this is as much HIS issue as yours. My first sexual partner guided me by physically putting me in the right place and helping me figure out how to move. And also by havi…
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/17 12:02 AM
2

There's a really interesting article here: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.html That summarizes many studies that show it's extremely hard to keep weight off weight once you've crossed into obesity. It's definitely possible, but requires more self-discipline than staying at a lower weight if you've never been larger. Basically, if you came down to 150 lbs you must have a larger intake-exertion delta than someone who has always been 150 lbs. This is not to say …
/r/RedPillWomen07/08/17 09:12 AM
7

('Honey, what so you think about this thong/bra/whatever?'). Be careful about this though - I used to do this a lot but ultimately it was clear that for us it's just another way to bother/annoy/beg for attention :(
/r/RedPillWomen06/08/17 06:47 PM
9

The attractive, educated, "high value" people tend to get married late 20's and early 30's, and they tend to marry within 3 years of one another. 100% true, statistically and anecdotally in my life.
/r/RedPillWomen04/08/17 04:02 AM
4

As you said, I think those problems are true of any demanding job. I don't actually think being a software engineer (or some kind of technical professional whose job involves software) is inherently going to test your partner's patience. There are intense and less intense versions of any profession, really. People often suggest "nurse" as a feminine, flexible, mom-friendly job but there are plenty of nurses who choose super demanding specialties that have crazy hours and years of required traini…
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 05:08 AM
4

I strongly disagree that CS is not conducive to a relationship or motherhood. Why would that be? If anything studying CS is very conducive to meeting men.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 02:52 AM
3

That's not necessarily true!! IT REALLY DEPENDS. Actually, coding, being a designer w/ technical understanding, etc. are really GREAT skills if you want to work part-time, on your own schedule. There are challenges but it's absolutely possible to build an amazing freelance career with those skills, and unlike many freelance jobs you can actually bring in serious money. There are lots of remote and part-time jobs in this field. I know SO MANY people who succeed going down this route!
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 02:51 AM
1

re: 1 RPW is its own reward for me. I don't care if someone can land a man of "equal SMV" being lazier or brattier or what not. When I was cruel and belittling and disrespectful I actually had plenty of super high SMV men pursue and/or commit to me, but it actually brought me no satisfaction or joy. The sweetest romantic gestures just turned me off; the most masculine, commanding behaviors just made me belligerent. Adding RPW-esque thinking into my life makes the good stuff better and bad stuff …
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/17 04:46 AM
2

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like such a beautiful relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/17 04:40 AM
8

I'd like to add another reason to get married, albeit a subtle one. In my circles, a man is taken more seriously (as is his relationship of course) if he is married. Having a wife gives him a sense of gravitas and maturity. Our friends, family, co-workers, etc. will treat our relationship with a level of respect that a GF/BF relationship, even a 10 year one, just doesn't command. Our respective families and friends will invest more heavily in getting to know the partner, it becomes more normal t…
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/17 04:39 AM
0

I don't think you need to attract men who are a little more forgiving, I think maybe you need to figure out how to communicate your needs better to man you're already with :) My BF was not always the perfect balance of forgiving and demanding - we figured out that balance over time. I had to figure out how to communicate what I needed - when I wanted advice and help and motivation and when I just wanted sympathy. I now communicate that very explicitly, instead of assuming he'll understand implic…
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/17 11:40 PM
2

Ugh, I know, that line is so packed with melancholy that when I first read it I was stunned
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/17 06:15 PM
5

I'm not going to say anything to you about dating or men because I think you have so many bigger things to figure out first (as it seems you're well-aware). I empathize with your fear and frustration. When your present life is very far away from the dream in your mind, it's easy to feel totally despairing and lost and have no idea what the first step even is. I used to be constantly overwhelmed by how far away a "rich life" was, or as I once read, "the weight of all the lives I'm not living." Bu…
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/17 12:46 AM
1

I think there's a whole sidebar post about this ;) https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4u2854/alternative_way_to_embrace_redpill_as_a_woman_the/
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/17 04:25 AM
1

I really admire your attitude! I totally agree that when you're really committed to someone, you should always keep an internal feeling that you're on the same team, and one of your roles is inevitably to play "PR person" for your team :) It's an important point and honestly, I wish I had internalized it earlier - I deeply regret some of the stuff I shared about my BF earlier in our relationship, when I wasn't sure how serious it'd ultimately become. Women don't necessarily play fair when their …
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/17 04:18 AM
1

Venting is an unnecessary indulgence that women justify to talk badly about their relationship, and petty grievances. I have never said a bad word about my man, ever, to anyone. I've never said a cross word to him either. Woah, I think that's quite extreme, but perhaps we're using a different definition of the words "venting", "cross word", etc.?? I really admire your self-control. When my best friends "vent" to me about their partners, it's clear that they're just looking for a light-hearted ch…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/17 01:27 AM
2

Hmm. I think we 80% agree, 20% disagree. Definitely agree the sources of one's esteem should be balanced and reasonably diverse. Here's where I disagree (bear with me, this is going sound insanely hair-splitting): I think you and I have talked about 3 different things: 1) Being proud of your man. I feel that way right now - I'm proud as hell of who he is, he's awesome and brilliant and tough. 2) Being proud of what you've contributed to your man/relationship. i.e. you've supported him well and g…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/17 01:18 AM
1

that's a cool suggestion! if there's something intellectual that's up his alley & plays to his strengths. that would be an awesome thing to pick up together - it will give him a chance to lead you, help you along, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/17 12:15 AM
1

He thinks I should be confident mainly because he is my boyfriend, Hm, that strikes me as a little strange. I don't think anyone's sense of self-esteem should derive from the mate they managed to land. I think it's fine to feel confident and to feel pride in what a good girlfriend you are, but that's different than saying you're only confident because he's your BF.
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/17 12:07 AM
2

I love thisgatherednest!
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/17 02:40 AM
11

^ This!!! Oh my gosh, this added context explains a lot. I think OP is dealing simultaneously with the inevitable growing pains and occasional self-loathing of being a young person who is changing quickly and rethinking their views, but also with a relationship that based on the above is not healthy. Submission to the right man in the right relationship does not feel this forced or this miserable.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/17 12:17 AM
1

yes, his essays are fantastic! not related to RPW, but I love his sports writing in particular, "string theory" is an amazing look at what it takes to find true success and focus
/r/RedPillWomen21/07/17 09:13 PM
2

if something serious happens, it happens." SUCH good advice - when guys say that, they generally do NOT mean they are truly open to a LTR. They actually mean they will be completely passive about the possibility of a LTR, at best. I think a lot of young women get hung up on these words and get too hopeful. Other similar phrases: "go with the flow" "just see what happens" "I just want to meet cool people"
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/17 06:20 PM
1

Have you ever heard of a speech called "this is water"? I feel like you may get something out of it. There's a good abbreviated version on Youtube if you just search for 'this is water speech' (it's the video that starts with 2 goldfish). I'd try to "TLDR" it here but truly it's an amazing speech. It's not 100% about what you are talking about but a lot of it is relevant.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/17 04:26 PM
5

I fully agree. I think /u/bedaking 's comments make sense only if we substitute the word "Depression" (especially b/c they use the capital D) with "sadness" or "despairing feelings" etc. But if OP uses the word "depression" to mean doctor diagnosed clinical depression, then it's going way too far to say "his depression is guaranteed to be gone in six months."
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/17 04:23 PM
6

I think you're mixing up 2 issues here - personality type, and respect. I think you can be brash, talkative, and a smartass without being hurtfully critical, disrespectful, etc. Some men are attracted to louder, more extroverted personalities. I'm extremely brash and talkative myself, and it's a good fit with my BF's personality. But the key to making our relationship work is indeed that I deeply, deeply respect him (and vice versa). I see a lot of conflating on this forum between personality ty…
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/17 04:18 PM
1

ooh!! can you link the RP christian sub?
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 10:07 PM
4

Have you ever heard elna baker's story? She's been featured on some podcasts & "storytelling competitions" (I think there's a Youtube video). There's a really poignant bit where she talks about that "looking right through you" phenomenon that really stuck with me. She says after she lost a ton of weight (100lbs+ as well i think) it was like she found a parallel universe where people were nicer and friendlier and talked to you so much more.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 10:02 PM
2

That makes more sense!
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 09:45 PM
17

Hm. I'm happy you're making positive changes in your life, and generally I very much agree that difficult truths should be said, and that we too often attack people for recognizing them. However, at least where I'm from, this part seemed a little weird: "He then sat me down and told me that he believed I had tremendous potential. He was willing to help me lose the weight. He told me he wants me to go to the gym every day, no excuses." Perhaps you're summarizing multiple interactions into 1 sente…
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 04:32 PM
8

STRONGLY agree. Something sounds so intensely self-obsessed, narcissistic, and preening in this post - I think partly because she's clearly sharing this story to try and make herself seem desirable. She's taking clear pride in this guy's attraction to her, and extracting ego points from his devotion. I also feel like I really, really, really know this type of guy, solely from his texts. There's something so universally sad & painfully lame and familiar about lines like "Then you'd only have bitt…
/r/TheRedPill19/07/17 06:55 AM
4

I draw the line at anal, have never and will never consent to it. I think that's a common and reasonable hard line. If you want to expand your boundaries, go slow, don't do anything that makes you too uncomfortable, pick something small and playful that's just a tiny bit outside of your comfort zone and start there. You'll build your confidence and discover your more sensual side.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 06:33 AM
2

I agree, it sounds like they're just trying to reassure OP about her current single status, nothing malicious at all.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/17 11:31 PM
3

When in Rome. If you're being stereotyped you need to adapt to that reality and figure out a way to give a different first impression. "Skirt" can mean a lot of things, as can "jeans" - there will exist a happy medium between looking too 'sexy' and giving up your own sense of style.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/17 11:24 PM
2

I think it depends on where in the country you live, your social circle, and how you do it. It's always worked for me but YMMV!
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/17 12:35 AM
3

yaaaaaas I love spending time with dogs. I volunteer to walk dogs at the shelter so it's a win/win :) I get de-stressed...as do they!
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/17 11:39 PM
4

This post is riddled with inaccuracies so profound as to be total falsehoods. Among other, it's a horrific crime when a man is raped (just like it is when a woman is raped). Obviously many men who have been assaulted do care. They do not wish it would happen. That kind of myth is exactly what makes it hard for male victims of sexual assault to speak up and get support. I'm shocked someone interested in men's rights would say this kind of thing.
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/17 09:49 PM
12

Hm. I do agree that high n-counts negatively affect men as well. But what was always more concerning to me was a man with lots of rapid-onset romantic commitments, versus a man with lots of sexual experience. I know the type - some men fall hard, fall fast, and fall indiscriminately. I always found it more troubling to know that my man had been ready to romantically commit to women left and right than to know that my man had been willing to sleep with lots of women.
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/17 09:45 PM
2

I don't really care to use Reddit classifications but wanted to say, you are a fantastic, fun, super vivid writer. And your love just OOZES off the screen :) Congrats on building such a beautiful relationship. I think I know this "type" very well and whatever you want to call them, the quiet dignity, confident strength, and true comfort with oneself is amazingly attractive (without getting into personal details, my days are filled with techies who cosplay, rock climb, and like to overanalyze). I…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 11:33 PM
1

This sounds really adorable, congrats on becoming official!! Your story is really incredible and I applaud your efforts to better your life (and your pragmatic realization of what it will take to do so). Don't want to rain on the parade by any means! but do be careful about looking too far forward in time (to moving in together, etc.). The high of those early days can be amazing and is worth savoring.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 11:24 PM
3

Haha, you and I are running into each other a lot today! :) :) I basically agree - I think there's a feminine way to present yourself, which relates to clothes. How that manifests (like, what clothes exactly you wear) will vary depending on the era and culture. I actually do not think it's impossible to have a face full of metal and be feminine, if you live in a culture where your piercings successfully signal feminine traits. I get that the vast majority of RPW commenters come from cultures/sub…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 01:16 AM
3

Yes exactly! To me it usually signals a guy who's good to have around in a tough situation. Do I need a guy who can fight off an attacker? probably not, that's unlikely to happen in my life, but my god it is appealing to think about.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 01:07 AM
3

yeah...giant face palm over here from me! Thank you for the benefit of the doubt, as well. I like your definitions above a lot, would you say the difference between a shit test and a fitness test is that the latter is done with neutral/good intentions? Based on what you wrote, I'm thinking of it as: Shit test = challenge to his authority/sense of self/masculinity, etc. Fitness test = inquiring as to his authority/sense of self/masculinity, etc. Comfort test = inquiring as to his commitment/affec…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 01:04 AM
5

I don't think lack of femininity has to do with how you dress. I don't agree with all the qualities you listed but I do agree with this overall point very much!
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 12:53 AM
3

I know this is going against the grain around here but I personally believe femininity is largely a way of doing things and not the list of things itself. Femininity cannot be a trait that's only defined in the context of, say, 21st century mainstream American culture (where short hair is not the norm for women). Femininity ought to be a trait more universally defined. For instance, if you came from a culture where most women's natural hair texture was very, very kinky, I could definitely see sh…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 12:51 AM
1

I have a wonderful relationship with my dad, but one thing I wish had been different is that my parents had more strongly discouraged me from dating in high school (or maybe even the first 2 years of college). It distracts from your personal development and education, and it's so, so unlikely that a relationship that begins when you're 15 is really going to go anywhere. Luckily I didn't get into really risky (sexual) behaviors but there was plenty of pressure to, pressure I would have avoided ha…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 12:44 AM
3

I've always been super interested in this question and very confused, thanks for asking it! I did do something recently though that struck me as a shit test (apologies if I've identified incorrectly) instinctually. I had asked my BF to do something, and he had forgotten, and had offered to do it again (think, a minor errand). I responded with, basically, "Ugh no, never mind, I'LL DO IT MYSELF." (You can imagine the tone). It seemed like a shit test because it was passive aggressive and had basic…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 12:36 AM
2

Gah, I love a man in uniform as well. :p But could never put up with the constant moving around! It ended up being a "dealbreaker" for me too.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 12:31 AM
6

It sounds like you may have generally very volatile emotions, is that right? (I'm going off of your story and the tone of this post, particularly the last line). Others have made good tactical suggestions, but I want to add that as someone who also struggles with this, I benefit a lot from having a VERY full calendar, which leaves me less time and energy to be self-destructive, self-indulgent, or overly upset about small things. Even something small like always having a good novel queued up that…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 12:28 AM
6

I relate so hard to this line: I think the craziest thing is, by being with a man like him, I started naturally gravitating into becoming the woman I am today. That's exactly how I feel. It's like, in the right environment, what seemed inconceivable became easy and natural. It always blows my mind how hard my ex BFs had to fight for what I immediately felt compelled to give my current BF.
/r/RedPillWomen10/07/17 03:01 AM
9

Have you spoken to him frankly (but kindly) about your preferences? I've found my man responds well to positively worded requests (i.e. "I love it when" NOT "I don't like it when" or "I wish you would"). Instead of giving negative feedback on your current sexual chemistry, maybe reminisce affectionately ("Do you remember that time when... that was so X"). Depends on the person but in my experience men appreciate it when you enthusiastically ask for what you like.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/17 10:47 PM
1

Ah, I wasn't clear...! I meant it sounds like he is orbiting, though what you said also sounds true
/r/RedPillWomen30/06/17 03:37 AM
5

GREAT post. To elaborate on your "childlike enjoyment" point: children are simple to please. Picture a woman who, after a fight, gracefully and happily accepts a hug and maybe a token of affection (candy, flowers, whatever). Contrast that with the stereotype of a hapless BF who's constantly saying, "what do you WANT??!" in the face of a woman who just can't be pleased.
/r/RedPillWomen30/06/17 01:19 AM
1

Maybe he doesn't talk to you seriously because he already knows how thirsty you are for marriage, and he doesn't want to start a conversation you have already decided must end with concrete details. He can't talk to you abstractly about things, so he doesn't talk to you about it at all. That is great advice. When you make a conversation loaded (with emotion, frustration, need for a timeline) people are scared to enter that conversation. When you make a conversation open-ended, friendly, gentle e…
/r/RedPillWomen30/06/17 12:02 AM
2

I completely agree - reading this thread makes me super confused because to me, this sounds like classic orbiting accompanied by lots of hamstering.
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/17 11:58 PM
3

Oh totally, I think it's higher than 1% luck even! :) Successful people may or may not be virtuous, but in some way shape or form they all got lucky IMO (even if that luck was just being born in a first world nation, etc) It sounds like you really respect his work ethic and character! That's really great. Do you think see him as capable and (however you define it) intelligent as well? One thing that's helped me is thinking of faith and doubt as muscles - the one you exercise will get stronger. I…
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/17 07:59 PM
6

OP, I think on the surface we may have similar situations. I am fortunate to have a very high salary job, and to come from money. My Capt (using the term intentionally) had a much rougher start in life and has had periods of financial struggle (we're in one now). Is it hard to look at pictures of lavish vacations he and his ex took back when times were easier? Of course. There's a primal sense of protectiveness over shared resources and I understand the desire to be with someone who makes you fe…
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/17 06:25 PM
3

Although it's fun to chat about, I don't think men are "alpha/beta/sigma". I think men have alpha/beta/etc. traits or behave in an alpha/beta/etc. way in certain situations. To echo something someone else said, virtually no one has NO alpha/beta/etc. traits or NEVER has those behaviors. For instance, men who can't accept others' leadership at work will have a really difficult time with most careers - and even men who work for themselves usually must put on a patient, indulgent face when dealing …
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/17 05:12 PM
6

Oh my goodness I LOVE this post, thanks so much for articulating this subtle point! I completely agree. And I like how you pointed our several ways people sometimes try to fake gravitas. For instance, by being very vulgar and sexually explicit, or very cynical and abrasive, all in an attempt to seem world-weary. Or by being very aggressive and loud, in an attempt to seem truly in control.
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/17 03:02 PM
2

What an amazing beautiful inspiring post. I hope to show the same loyalty and resolve if illness ever strikes in our future. Your partner also sounds like an incredibly stoic individual.
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/17 03:46 AM
0

You say it in a couple comments - what does "the red flags are the evidence" mean? I read it as, by the time you see red flags it's too late? Is that right?
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/17 07:54 AM
1

if you have savvy female friends, ask them who they think you'd be "good with" or who they might want to set you up with. if they're honest with you, it'll be a good indication of their assessment of you.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 06:19 PM
1

That wine advice is really great! Thoughtful, medium-sized gifts like that are wonderful ways to show affection / reciprocate financially. Drinks/food are especially good because they're more casual (whereas I think buying a guy clothes or anything would be kind of pushing it if you haven't known each other long). Even little bags of candy, snacks, etc. have gotten huuge reactions in my experience.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 06:06 PM
0

I definitely agree that there are lots of diff possible value systems at work here. That's why I'm a big fan of having these "future family" convos with men fairly early - so you can make sure you and your partner are totally aligned. Though of course it can be awkward and tricky to do so.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 05:48 PM
1

I use phrases like "to me" because it shows that what I'm saying is only my own opinion, and not an attempt to tell people that there is o one correct way to interact with children >10, for instance. I find that personal anecdote is really the best way to make a point on the internet, because unless you're really an expert, it doesn't make sense to lecture.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 05:46 PM
5

So, first off - I share your perspective, do not plan on being a SAHM, and absolutely plan on and hope to hire professional help. Actually, on the spectrum from "DIY" to "Hands-off" I think I'm even farther on the latter side than you are - I see nothing wrong with having a nanny, many of the families I know with young children have them, and I've only heard good things from the people in my life. I'm not sure if I'll have one given the expense, but I may split one with friends or siblings if th…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 05:43 PM
0

That's how I read it. My family used to looove Nintendo Wii and my mother used to crush me at Wii games all the time, and I loved it. It was a fun chance to see her "cool mom" side because I would've never guessed she was so good at video games! For me, when kids are >10 and able to start interacting in more complex ways, authentic play, goofiness, and just "hanging out" become really valuable forms of motherly love, in addition to the more core tasks like discipline.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 05:26 PM
1

To each their own! To me, cleaning & cooking isn't necessarily the work of a parent. Certainly when my mother was cleaning our home, and I was off playing, I didn't feel like that was deepening our bond or anything like that. In fact, once we had a maid and she would spend that time speaking with ,e and hanging out with me, while the maid cleaned, I actually felt like we got a lot closer. Having staff like cleaners, drivers, chefs, etc. can sometimes mean that parents can focus on being parents,…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 05:19 PM
2

The goal is to win the game, not to test what your SO can do the game without any input. Thank you for writing this! I absolutely feel this way and really relate to this post. (Also, it's cool to hear from the OG coiner of this phrase). It actually makes "bring your capt your prob..." a really relatable piece of advice for me now, whereas before I could not empathize with it or see how to effectively implement it. The idea of purposefully withholding useful info/suggestions always struck me as s…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/17 03:58 AM
1

I'm fascinated by sociology and discussions of the class system in America, so thank you for posting this and instigating this very interesting discussion! I really empathize with your story. I was raised MC/UMC and as I've gotten older, my family has entered probably the top tenth of a percent wealth-wise. It's been, for me, totally ideal, because I feel like when I was very young and impressionable we lived modestly, but when I was looking for grad schools, homes, etc. as an adult, we had lots…
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 09:09 PM
2

I don't think life is so binary. It's not just "trust" and "not trust." There are gradations. I disagree that to recognize those gradations makes me a "BP jackoff". Dating is a crescendo of trust. Many women, especially RPW IMO, will become exclusive quite early in the relationship. I, for instance, stop seeing other people and ask my partner to do the same around date 4 or 5 if it's going really well. Yet, I don't know someone I've been on 4 dates with very well. I trust him to watch my dog but…
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 05:45 AM
1

Yeah this comment makes me picture Marissa Meyer, back at work very quickly after having a baby...but she could literally have a nursery installed in an office next to hers
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 04:33 AM
2

This sounds amazing! I wish more offices had on-site daycare, it's such an amazing perk, and I totally believe it would improve productivity for parents that work.
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 04:33 AM
2

Woah... I think the best course of action depends a lot on how serious/committed/old this relationship is. As a relationship deepens, you want to build trust and gradually follow your partner's lead more and more, but I certainly don't think you need to follow your partner's lead 100% in a "pretty new relationship," to quote OP. Perhaps OP's deleted posts contain more info on how long they've been together, but I personally would not accept serious financial assistance (say, >$1000) unless my BF…
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 04:18 AM
2

Wow, how unusual! My family has always done the exact opposite - if we're a family, literally everything belongs to everyone, shared. Obviously it's not like all my siblings and I have shared bank accounts, but we share loads of real estate, etc. and are super open about all financial info. I fully expect to completely merge assets with future husband. To each their own!
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 03:22 AM
1

To help alleviate risks of waiting - did y'all know there's a test out there that can help shed some light on how your fertility compares to that of a typical woman your age? Will help illuminate if you need to make a decision sooner - I got it done at local fertility clinic and was super interesting albeit not covered by insurance
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/17 07:35 PM
2

Yes I definitely think the practicality of "investing" in a man early tends to get complicated as you get older :) A hopeful, wide-eyed young man with big dreams and not so much as a used Honda to his name is a romantic image I've had in my mind since I'm in my 20's, but I agree that if I was dating men in their 40's... it'd be much more unusual that they'd be in that position! You'd sort of have to have a good reason.
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/17 04:49 AM
2

What a fantastic story! I love that you had the chance to show him not only your faith in him and his professional worth...but also your street smarts :)
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/17 04:44 AM
2

Ha! Your comment made me laugh out loud - I feel the exact same way.
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/17 04:43 AM
2

love it! the version i've heard is - lincoln freed all men, but smith and wesson made them equal :)
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/17 03:58 PM
3

I definitely don't think I'll ever plausibly fight off an attacker - I'm interested in self defense classes personally largely because I want to learn techniques to loosen someone's grip to run away, to buy myself time to scream/make a scene etc., and to become generally more fit
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/17 03:57 PM
1

That's the only way I can get myself to clean! Actually I only let myself listen to my guilty pleasure podcasts when I'm cleaning or commuting as a way to motivate myself :p
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/17 12:21 AM
1

Wow, I don't think so. Christian Grey is super emotionally fucked up, if I remember the movies correctly, and also, you know, a billionaire, which I hardly think my description necessitates. I was honestly describing nearly all the guys I've dated, so I don't think I was depicting someone un-findable. Perhaps I should have said something like "your HS quarterback" as better shorthand? Yes, I recognize the irony that I am aware of what I am doing, yet continue to do it, hence the word "meta."
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/17 06:40 PM
1

Hm, maybe we read that description differently :) I feel like I know tons of guys like that!
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/17 02:38 AM
0

I don't follow, are you pointing to the self-referential logical circle in the last bit?
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/17 02:37 AM
1

What the heck?! This is so specific!! I've never heard this definition ever, but I kind of love it?? What's a Trixie? ;p
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/17 02:37 AM
2

So we did :) we had already discussed future life plans (kids, # of kids, where we'd live, priorities, religion, etc.) and agreed we were planning to marry each other as soon as we hit certain life goals, all before we moved in. We weren't at "I could see myself marrying you" or "maybe one day we'll get married" - I made sure we were at "I can't see myself not marrying you." For instance, if I unexpectedly got pregnant at this point and wanted to keep the child, we've agreed we'd get married imm…
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/17 02:35 AM
2

Or here's another way to look at it. Many women come to RPW because they're happy and in love and want to be better (that's me!). Many men go to TRP because they're unhappy and single, or MRP because they're unhappy in their marriage. Hence...different emotions coursing through those groups.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 05:37 AM
2

This is now a totally diff topic than what RPW is meant for but I cannot help but offer a contrary opinion. Certain types of trading are indeed very similar to gambling. Anyone with less than a true multi-million net worth for instance, should not be putting tens of thousands of dollars into OTC stocks, penny stocks, exotic derivatives, etc. and people often approach investing in these types of assets with a gambler's mentality (responding to losses by betting HUGE in an attempt to win back thei…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 05:34 AM
1

I usually agree with you but I think this sounds like more than just a bad investment (sounds like maybe you adjusted your opinion too). It sounds like a bit of a pattern and also a bit of a crazy investment choice.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 05:24 AM
2

Hm. Maybe. I'm not really sure what other people mean by those terms, I'd love to hear how you define "alpha captain" and "RP man"! :) I know what qualities I use to define an "alpha captain" but to me a "RP man" is just a guy who reads a lot of this one subreddit and adopts that subreddit's value system. I would never personally date a guy who adopts that value system, and I don't consider it synonymous with "captain" at all. This might rub y'all the wrong way, but you know that guy (I think th…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 05:20 AM
7

Don't date a guy who thinks like that, is my conclusion...
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 04:58 AM
1

On one hand I'm thrilled everyone in this community has such wonderful relationships. On the other hand I'm really curious how women who do cheat think! :p I listen a podcast called Dear Sugar that did a 4 part series on infidelity. The episode interviewing "the other women" is pretty amoral and therefore infuriating but overall pretty intriguing stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 04:56 AM
2

Haha that is 100% the level of slobbishness I was at!! I can't tell you how miraculous it is to me that I don't live like that now, I guess that's how I know it's true love ;) I'd love to get that advice too! It's easy to keep things "clean" because we hire people, but we might be tightening the budget so I need to be able to handle this stuff in the future.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 04:52 AM
7

I agree. Life is short. My BF & I work insane hours and if we lived apart we would either not see each other very often, or we'd be constantly sleeping over and therefore paying two rents for no reason (that is substantial $ around here). We love each other and I don't want to give up a single wonderful moment we could be spending together - even brushing our teeth next to each other every night feels magical and giggly and special. Instant gratification? Hm, maybe! :) I know we'll marry as soon…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 04:48 AM
7

I haven't read her book but from reviews it's very very snarky and the tone is super different than this essay - it's a very literary exploration of what it means to be a "housewife", not a book that advocates that lifestyle or anything. Just so everyone's reasonably warned!
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/17 12:44 AM
1

Oh god, I am so sorry. This all sounds so stressful and honestly, I can imagine why you feel so angry and resentful. You look at that house and car everyday, so it's probably hard not to dwell on this issue, and how many places you need that money. It sounds like you have 3 goals here: 1: Gradually release your anger until it's a smaller and smaller presence in your mind 2: Work with your husband to find a family financial management system that ensures your trust 3: Maintain a loving and respec…
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/17 08:31 AM
12

The younger you are, the longer you tend to date. In my part of the world, if you met in your 20's, I think a multi-year dating period is normal, since the average age of marriage in my circles is around 27-30. If you meet in your 30's, I think a short dating period is typical, maybe even just a year.
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/17 08:13 AM
2

Here's a very small thing - bring him a drink when he's seated or in bed and too comfy to want to get up. My mother always did it for my father and I try to do it often now.
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/17 06:29 AM
4

Super easy but amazing tip!! Going to start implementing this ASAP. Also a good tip for the workplace.
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/17 01:51 AM
2

Definitely strongly agree with /u/teaandtalk. I'd like to share a quote from one of my favorite authors, Wendell Berry, who I strongly recommend (especially if you're religiously-minded, as he writes particularly beautifully on theological issues): “Lovers must not, like usurers, live for themselves alone. They must finally turn from their gaze at one another back toward the community. If they had only themselves to consider, lovers would not need to marry, but they must think of others and of o…
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/17 01:50 AM
2

I really empathize - navigating feelings around money is really complicated for any couple, but I think it gets especially thorny for traditionally-minded couples when the female makes more money at any point in time. I've also really, really struggled to trust my BF in this arena since he's made some bad choices (and my record is a lot more unblemished). So I personally do not believe finances should always be the domain of the male partner. It depends on relative strengths. I know plenty of co…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/17 03:42 AM
7

RP blogs or "RP men" on the Internet are not necessarily the "Captains" RPW talk about or aspire to. I don't trust men filled with anger to lead me, just as I don't trust people who are overwhelmed by any emotion to lead me. Trust me, you are not looking for a "RP Blog Man". There is no justification for domestic violence.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 04:24 PM
2

I think I'm just squeamish!!
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 05:48 AM
5

re: making men happy yeah I've found guys are disproportionately flattered and happy that you conformed to their body hair preferences, my BF's have really felt like I want to make them happy / I belong to them
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 05:41 AM
2

oh my god that sounds hard even just reading about it...! :p do I just have weird anatomy maybe?
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 05:37 AM
10

I occasionally shave my legs (for whatever reason I don't get a ton of hair there) Shave armpits whenever I notice it's a problem (I bought this "hair reducing" cream or whatever a long time ago and ever since it hasn't been a big issue) get waxed down there about once every month and a half - this is BY FAR the biggest pain in the ass. OMFG. SO expensive! I pay like, $70 every time, at least!! But my BF prefers that area be cleaned up, and I just don't understand how anyone shaves themselves do…
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 05:22 AM
6

Same for me - all men have been disappointed to see me bare, including current BF! Once in a blue moon it's welcome but most of the time I just leave a landing strip.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 05:13 AM
2

Hm, well, it's hard to criticize that attitude, which sounds great. I would caution you though, that what I meant to suggest was that you fulfill yourself by building a life you find exciting and challenging and fulfilling. For me, that's meant investing more in my female friendships, joining a church, and finding a capital-M Mission for my life that I can pursue independently. I do not mean to suggest that if you do these things...your BF will change. I don't think anyone should enter a marriag…
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 05:11 AM
1

People are attracted to joy, not anger. People are attracted to openness and empathy, not resentment and a "prove yourself to me, women suck" attitude. This is directly related to "abundance mentality" advice.
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 09:09 PM
3

what words are you using? are you saying..."I'd like to find a woman to cook and clean for me?" because i can see how that would backfire. also, use of the phrase "decent girl" (if you do indeed express anything like that sentiment) to me is also a red flag - it signals that you feel most women are not "decent women" - which in turns signals a kind of resentment, anger, and even self-pity that as you can imagine, is a turn-off.
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 08:08 PM
3

It doesn't seem like he consciously finds ways to make things happen, and when I ask specifically and lay out a plan, he doesn't follow through. also wanted to add...people are diagnosing communication issues, which I definitely think it sounds like you have, but one specific one I'd like to highlight: are you being really vague? What exactly did you ask your fiancee to "make a plan" for? I often find that men are not good at making a plan to "spice up the relationship" or "make our days less ro…
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 04:06 PM
1

everyone loves him and thinks we seem great together which is why the relationship has lasted as long as it has Does this mean, the relationship has lasted so long because you're great together? Or do you mean to say, the relationship has lasted so long because everyone ELSE approves and so, inertia has carried you forward? Your unhappinesses are significant, daunting symptoms. These feelings of dread are particularly concerning. To me they don't sound like they're about the wedding - they sound…
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 03:55 PM
3

I anticipate this will be a very unpopular comment. Depends on your taste in men, but I find there's a very high correlation between Western men who uses websites seeking foreign women, and being an angry, resentful guy. You know, the type that feels wronged by all Western women and has a tremendous reservoir of self-pity and resentment. The kind of guy who demands submission and meekness from his GF's and wife not in a calm, loving way, but in a petulant, foot-stamping way, that's actually all …
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 05:42 AM
5

This is completely unrelated to this uh.... contentious thread but HIGHLY recommend great British baking show on Netflix (and the GBBS masterclass series which is more cooking instruction). Fun, totally wholesome, 100% OK for little kids, everyone is polite and helps each other, etc. NOT what you think of when you think reality show. It's like....hypnotically soothing and you pick up these amazing practical baking tips, and it's a super fun look into British culture. All that to say....they make…
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/17 05:05 AM
3

Your relationship sounds so lovely! And really exemplifies one of the posts above from /u/Shaela90 in that you showed yourself first to be an attractive woman, then an interesting person....THEN a good potential future mate
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/17 06:19 PM
2

Yes yes exactly, totally agree!!
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/17 06:14 PM
2

I want to acknowledge that what you're getting at can be a real source of tension. For instance at my college lots of girls hooked up with these amazing 1% guys--famous athletes, billionaire heirs, guys who'd go on to become well-known artists, etc-- that had no intention of committing to them, and now they're upset that as adults they can't get similar "quality" guys to commit. Classic alpha widow situations. Those distinctions are shallow, yes, but the same could be true of any trait. I don't …
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 10:57 PM
1

This is amazing advice. I'm ambitious and career-focused and I look for men who are the same. That generally has the side effect that the men I date are high earners, but that's just a side effect, NOT what I'm after.
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 10:15 PM
7

^ this. This is the biggest diff between a GF and a wife. No one is advocating that you act like a different person when dating, just that your BF be a smaller component of your life than a husband would be.
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 09:46 PM
9

It not about "too much" girl game...the Q is, what is "GF" game and how is that different than "wife game"? The problem with the path you described is women often vet, approve the guy, then work on becoming "the most awesome part of his life" aka he gets all the benefits of having a wife without marrying her....then when it gets to the "don't lose me" part, all that's left for the woman is to issue an ultimatum, an unpleasant, risky proposition. There's no finesse. If you've found a guy intent o…
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 07:02 PM
2

That sounds awesome!! I don't mean to say those dates are a bad sign, on the contrary I think they're usually a good sign. I just wanted to be a bit of a counterweight to prevailing RPW advice and point out that SOMETIMES they can backfire. In my friend's case....I think the guy was putting out plenty of signals that she needed to turn up her "exciting" side and turn down her "comfort" side :) I think it's all.about understanding what your date is trying to get from your interactions and whether…
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 12:49 AM
1

Can you truly know someone before living with them? (That's the reason people mostly give to justify cohabitation prior to marriage) I agree w/ /u/Kara_El and several of you. Yes, of course you can!! Go on trips! Spend time together! Anything you can ONLY LEARN from living together seems so minor as to hardly matter (are you going to base your decision to marry him on what his bathroom habits are like?!). UNLESS...! You have a LDR or one in which it's very hard to spend time together without coh…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 08:30 PM
2

What a romantic story :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 08:23 PM
2

cryptocurrency is hard, you have to be really into it not to lose $. bitcoin specifically is probably peaked, and way risky at this point.
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 08:20 PM
5

This is such a good idea, I want to make sure I do these regularly (perhaps in my diary for extra personal accountability). I'll think about this tonight!
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 08:16 PM
6

Yup, on my dating adventures I used to separate men into 2 camps...men who have pillows on their couch and men who didn't ;) (this was a jokey theory of mine not some kind of screening procedure) men who have pillows on their couch = men who stay in = men who are ready to invest in a happy home life = late 20's or early 30's men whose apt looks like a student dorm = men who spend all their time going out = they may commit but they want an adventure partner I once dated a guy who made high six fi…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 08:12 PM
3

Your friend's mistake was that she was a doormat. She definitely had a lot of cool interests that she is not shy about discussing or demonstrating, but yes, she seemed like a doormat, because in her social circles, domestic activity is SUCH a sign of commitment, that she was acting like she was 1 or 2 years into the relationship when she was only a few weeks in. I think it's a matter of timing. You have to be able to read people's expectations and have a sense of how your actions will be perceiv…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 08:00 PM
3

I've heard good things about Surrendered Single! Take everyone's advice (I guess especially mine) with a grain of salt, I think everything depends on where you live, what types of people you date, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 07:57 PM
13

Depends on your social context but among high-earning young people in the big, liberal, coastal cities I've lived in, some guys will find it off-putting if you stay in and cook for them for too many of your early dates. I actually had a friend who got dumped for being "boring" basically for this reason - their first date was at a restaurant, but dates 2-5 were all staying in, eating her cooking, and doing something at home (movie, etc.). YMMV and again, depends on where you are, but when I've li…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 06:55 PM
1

You're 20!!!! When I was 20 I was miserable. Miserable. Romantically, especially. I had taken the worst parts of conservative thinking and turned it into over-dependence and over-obsession with men, being obsessed with getting married and getting commitment, defining my self-worth by my success in that field. Huge mistake (plus as another commenter pointed out, the average age of marriage for a woman in the US is now 27, so....) I also took the worst parts of 3rd wave feminism and turned them in…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 05:24 PM
5

I define "girl game" as 2 things: the tactics to get a man to commit (marrying you being the ultimate goal), which often are very different than what it takes to be a good wife the ability to make a man feel totally adored and secure...while still making him feel a little dazzled & in disbelief of his good luck in landing you
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 05:20 PM
16

YES YES YES. It really concerns me that single women come to this forum and leave with the intention to behave like RPW wives! If I ever have time I intend to reread "Why Men Loves Bitches" and do a little summarizing because as both of you have said: You're still vetting You need to limit your availability (of all kinds, sexual, time together, etc.) so you have room to ramp it up as he ramps up his commitment Because you're not seeing each other as often (and presumably not living together righ…
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/17 05:17 PM
2

Ugh ^ this. So annoying!!
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/17 08:21 PM
11

Yes, leave leave leave leave. And for the love of god, no more unprotected sex with him (OR ANY SEX).
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/17 08:18 PM
3

I think this is super super context specific (sorry I'm sounding like a broken record, always saying that). For instance, not only do younger people expect/accept a higher level of social media usage, but certain generational cohorts specifically have high levels of social media use. If you were in college when Facebook first came out, you may have thousands and thousands of FB friends because everyone added each other; if you're not in the US, or you're in your late 30's, that's a lot more unus…
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/17 04:48 PM
1

The part where I disagree with prevailing "hypergamy" claims is as follows: Assortative mating does go both ways. Female preference for males of equal or higher SES is indeed more intense, BUT male preference for similar SES is also very real and prevalent!! Increasingly, white collar, upper middle class men prefer to marry a woman of similar background, not, say, the hottest, most feminine woman regardless of SES match. This pattern breaks down at the EXTREME ends - star athletes, movie stars, …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/17 02:47 AM
3

what is love bombing?
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 07:43 AM
2

Yay! I'm excited for you - living together has been so so wonderful for us. It adds so indescribably to the intimacy of the relationship. You sound like my kind of friend, seeing your posts has been really fun!
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 07:22 AM
3

Yup. Emphasis on "people"...plenty to learn here even if you're single!
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 07:09 AM
1

every goddamned time I try something out that I read here it fucking works. haha that's exactly how I'd express it, swears and all. I haven't read that book but I hope to soon.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 07:02 AM
1

aw, thank you so much.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 06:59 AM
1

Yes, this is exactly how I feel! I try not to stress about whether some broader ideology sits well with me if the effects in my actual life are positive.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 06:59 AM
5

That's awesome! It is indeed a surprise to hear but a very pleasant one.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 06:55 AM
3

the part I agree with: To echo /u/crownoffeathers I do also agree that "mental load" is real! For instance when we go on road trips, my BF is firmly in charge. Even if he delegates a million little things to me, even if we take turns driving, at the end of the day he's way more tired than I am because he's been figuring things out all day and taking on the burden of designing a fun time for everyone. The opposite holds true for most parties we hold. :) He might go get the wine for me but I'm the…
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 05:38 AM
2

Not to speak to for /u/waterboo2 but you're being super rude and condescending to like...the last remaining person who is taking you seriously and trying to help
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 02:04 AM
1

Aw thanks, it's easy to be loyal when you got lucky enough to be with someone so amazing :) Not my husband yet but someday soon!
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 01:59 AM
3

I don't think commentor above is saying that both roles don't have "mental load", I think they're just agreeing that a long list of seemingly simple household chores is more work than the sum of its parts, due to mental load. Definitely also true at work! I'd way rather be given 1 big project than 10 tiny ones.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 01:50 AM
3

The heart wants what it wants :) I'm in love and very happy and wouldn't ever leave my man just go find someone who makes more, and besides, I want to support him so that he can become the man he wants to be. I want to be there for the journey. I don't want to just skip to the end.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 09:19 PM
2

Love that book! this is really good advice. I just want to add - I often find that a man becomes more attractive over time as you a. learn positive things about him and honestly, b. discover your chemistry with him (whether that's kissing or more). It's almost Pavlovian; if he brings you joy and turns you on, you're going to start associating his appearance with those feelings and he will become more attractive to you.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 07:57 PM
4

the alignment of the values the underlying values that manifest as the surface level traits. YAAAAS ^ this That's exactly the phrase that bubbles up inside my heart when a relationship is really working - "a deeper alignment"! I specifically wrote this in my diary when my BF and I were first dating. Sometimes it's hard to even articulate, but what really matters is this kind of invisible, underlying compatibility of attitudes/world views/ways of moving through life.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 07:54 PM
11

The part that's cringeworthy to me is a 31 year old describing his romantic life as "chilling" :p
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 03:16 PM
2

Sooooo many confounding variables.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 06:20 AM
5

Great book. HIGHLY recommend.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 06:14 AM
8

I would express this sentiment differently but I agree. I want to live in a coastal urban centers, I want my kids to be able to study and learn anything they want, and go to private college with no debt (maybe even private school the whole way). This is also the life my BF wants (actually his expectations are even higher!! He wants several homes in diff countries, total freedom, big family, etc). I feel it's unfair and unrealistic to expect my wonderful BF to make the $500K a year this requires …
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:36 AM
1

Yeah, the stats are damning. Vast majority of people in MLM's don't make any profit! I struggle with this issue since my BF & I have separate accounts and thus his spending and $ choices are not really my business, but we are 100% open with each other and do our books together (in preparation to marry, etc.) so it's hard not to give him advice! I've questioned his career choices too harshly in the past and I regret not behaving more respectfully (plus he was right and I was wrong, it turns out).…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:19 AM
12

Guys care, but to echo /u/Cardiscappa if you don't seem promiscuous, don't rub your past in their face, and didn't sleep with their friends, in my social circles he can usually get past it. It's a lower priority than things like compatible personality
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:14 AM
–

There are also lots of stories that are SO HARD to believe, I.e. My GF is a HB9 virgin who is from a remote Swedish hamlet, never seen another man in her life as the hamlet is populated by nuns, she worships me and cooks and cleans and doesn't work but I also don't support her
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:10 AM
2

Maybe but count me in the Mike Rowe category. I don't date men born with silver spoon in their mouth - I've been surrounded by those with inherited wealth my whole life and it deteriorates character 99 times out of 100.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:08 AM
1

I'm with you, that sounds hot as hell!
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:04 AM
2

Gaaaahh that'd stress me out so much, I know people who truly lost IT ALL in pyramid schemes and I'm very angry about the recruitment tactics of some of these companies. Perhaps there's a way to neutrally present your observations re: this company's lack of neutral reviews, etc. Basically provide more data but leave the decision to him.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 04:36 AM
9

This is such a lovely description, I hope it came to mind because you have this in your life! It's very true - devotion and admiration are usually clear as day when they're sincere. Another little thing - does she try to.make you look as good as possible in front of other people? Does she take evident pride in being on your arm?
/r/TheRedPill22/05/17 04:25 AM
17

I agree - this topic seems to be discussed way more on TRP than in the real world
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 04:18 AM
5

Even if they were, one must take care of oneself before you're married and in case of disaster. Being weak and jobless is hardly a good idea.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 04:16 AM
5

Thanks! Many of these are qualities I seek to embody myself too.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 11:53 PM
27

a calm head under pressure - doesn't panic, doesn't act rashly knows how to set his emotions aside to make a rational decision, whether those emotions are anger, fear, or even positive ones welcomes responsibility; a man who is willing to accept that the well-being of others depends on his choices and capability moves on after a mistake, accident or misfortune. Doesn't dwell unnecessarily, blame the universe, etc self-aware. Knows his own limits and also is in touch with his own emotions, so he …
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 11:37 PM
3

This happens like, 50% as often as you claim, or less. Signed, An attractive woman from a large, liberal city
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 03:06 AM
1

You sound so patient and reasonable. Lots of women would be looking for ammo! Props to you. I really hope you do have a VERY direct convo with your BF, OP, and if it's not too selfish an ask, that you provide an update after. Best wishes!!
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 08:02 AM
2

Omg I LOVE pet names and I've never used them before this relationship! :) we use "honeybee"....☺️😳
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 07:58 AM
10

Vet, don't compromise, and don't have sex unless you've vetted him thoroughly. It's harder to make LTRs work in your early 20's but obviously not impossible, plenty of people do.
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 07:56 AM
14

That's such an interesting observation. The whole "men are gatekeepers of sex, women are gatekeepers of commitment" thing always made me think that in LGBT communities, gay guys have super easy access to sex (I think typical Grindr behavior testifies to this) and gay women ave super easy access to commitment (there's that old joke, what's a lesbian's 2nd date? buying furniture). So it's interesting to hear that you've seen more STR than LTR in the lesbian community! I think the rules of attracti…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/17 09:49 PM
3

Love this, but would add that what matters is that X is more difficult for you or your partner, not whether it's more difficult for men or women in general, or on average. I'm not a good cook. It's stressful and hard for me. It's fun, easy, and very enjoyable for my BF. Therefore, he does it! It makes us both happier. The reverse holds for cleaning. I don't take care of it because it's easier "for women", but for me. We're all complex people with many different facets to our nature. I think true…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/17 07:21 PM
1

Are you on step #2? Do you truly accept that YOU are making mistakes and have personal characteristics to work on? Do you accept that it's not (solely) your location's fault, men's fault, etc.?
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/17 04:48 AM
1

I can provide things "wrong" with myself, but it doesn't really relate to my issue. I'm not asking you to provide them to me, I'm telling you that your problem is most likely on that list. Step 1: accept that you're doing something wrong. Step 2: figure out what it is. Being convinced there's nothing about yourself you need to fix, doesn't seem like it's working for you. You're not in a happy LTR now, and that's what you want. So why not try something new?
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/17 12:52 AM
1

I mean....they're a family....so both? I don't even understand that question. I don't think I (or anyone) would argue that SAHM is NEVER a better option. I'm merely pointing out that it has cons, as well as pros. Surveys consistently show that the majority of Americans expect and want to be in two-earner households, whether that's because they'd like to be or they feel they have no choice.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 07:54 PM
1

Maybe we just live in really diff parts of the US! :) I also didn't realize you were talking about someone who only stays at home for a few years - that is a LOT more achievable than a permanent SAHM. Where I've lived, a nice home in a nice area is going to be at the very least, $500K-$1m. That means a couple thousand dollars a month at the very least in mortgage (never mind how you got your hands on $100K down payment, that's a lot to ask someone to have in savings). Throw in normal household e…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 06:54 PM
1

I don't think it's about "who is getting more," it's about how much competition there is. It's relatively RARE for a guy to make enough $ to have a SAHW/SAHM, and possess all the other traits /u/Thelaughingrhino mentioned. Probably 5% of all men? 10%, at most? (Depends on the country, and where people are willing to live, only the top 1% can afford a good single-salary lifestyle where I'm from). Conversely how many women would be willing to be a SAHM? Would be a loving mother to their own childr…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 06:23 PM
2

As everyone else had made clear... There's no clear line between social/emotional and utility. I help my BF network and socialize. That's "social" but is also critical to our careers, and therefore utilitarian. Like many other women have said, I feel I "make him look good." A GF provides social lubricant, her adoration and respect serves as testimony of your virtues, and in my case, I have more classically impressive educational and professional credentials, so that further creates the impressio…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 04:29 PM
1

I have read your history. If you can't provide 10 things wrong with yourself, then you lack humility and self-awareness. We all have at least 10 flaws. It's NOT LA. You need to stop telling yourself that story. Venice and Hollywood are not considered easy places to find LTRs yet I had >6 friends in LTRs there and 2 get married.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 03:58 PM
1

Podcast rec. honey with Julia meltzer. She interviews couples. There are of course dozens of young people in LTRs or engaged. Literally thousands of couples in LA get married every month.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 03:45 PM
1

I think you follow the advice someone gave you above and you have a straightforward convo with your BF, bringing him your prob. Express how much you care for him and how this makes you feel. It'll be hard not to sound accusatory but do your best, my BF always says the most annoying thing I can do is tell him how he feels, as if he wouldn't know himself.
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/17 02:19 AM
3

Oh OP...I really, really feel you. I struggle with jealousy around exes a lot, sometimes I think I'm more jealous of people from the past than people in the present. I don't care if my BF checks out a waitress at dinner but a woman he loved, pledged loyalty to? That's so painful! I've had to wrestle with how to get over these feelings, but also to figure out when they're legitimate warning signs and when they're not. It sounds very much like you already know in your heart that your BF isn't over…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/17 06:39 PM
1

This is such good advice and so well-written! Past me could have used it too.
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/17 03:54 PM
3

That was an awful thing for him to say, I'm so sorry!! I...guess it's the 4th one. Do his comments line up with your experience of the relationship? It sounds like things are pretty broken? In any case you deserve someone who doesn't think being with you is like "emotionally and sexually starving"
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/17 05:53 AM
1

Welcome! Self-awareness is an incredible superpower... it's in such short supply these days. You sound like you have a lovely marriage and I can't wait to learn more about you and your story.
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/17 05:06 AM
1

Aww that's so incredible, what a sign of love and devotion!
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/17 05:03 AM
24

"But I just want a man to be a provider and have my back while I do what I do. I want that support system." 1) There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be a SAHM or SAHW. Not every woman needs to be a high-powered career woman. For that matter, not every guy needs to be a high-powered career guy! Realistically speaking for the vast majority of people, the highlight of their lives will be their children and spouse, and they'll pursue work to make ends meet, not because it's the passionate center of…
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/17 02:24 AM
3

Do you mind if I answer too? :) I believe that around 1 in 5 women experience sexual assault. I can PM you a link if you'd like to a study of Navy enlistees that helped persuade me. I also believe this because around 1 in 5 of my close female friends (specifically about 4 in 20) have been sexually assaulted. I agree with /u/Larry-Man that most data points to the fact that the vast majority of assaults are committed by "a few bad apples" and I'm angry about the fact that those bad apples are ofte…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 08:14 PM
2

Rejected Princesses is amazing! I love those stories and I think they're healthier for young girls to hear than the typical princess narrative (though I guess I'd be careful about the really dark ones...jeez some of them are horrifying!)
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 08:04 PM
1

That's fair! The stereotypes are dragged out to the point of inanity/being nonsensical! I work with geeks and Silicon Valley on HBO is a way better portrayal :) What I meant though is that it's IMHO a classically well-executed show. Its jokes come as a consistent, rapid pace (whether or not they land for you), its A and B plots are interwoven at the same pace every week, it's just extremely consistent. You might hate all the content but I think it's a show that's structured by comedic veterans. …
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 04:54 PM
6

Wow. I'm not sure what to say! When I saw the title I thought, "Oh it's not important to be your BF's type at all!" My BF is not what I thought "my type" was, for instance, but as I've grown to love him he has actually changed what my "type" is. I honestly have no idea if I am my BF's type and I wouldn't care either way! I think I'm in a similar situation as you; I'm either very irresistible or totally forgettable for guys, since I have quite particular looks that are either your thing or not yo…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 05:40 AM
12

Yup. I mean, I do have my occasional beef with the field & what I see as the over-application of evolutionary psychology... but the thing I enjoy is, as you say, the observation. Specifically, the right to free and even cynical observation!
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 04:51 AM
8

I have to be honest, for a long time I was one of those "black and white" people... I've made several embarrassing scenes because someone made a joke I was "so offended" by, etc. I probably would've ex-communicated my last BF for being on TRP! I'm young-ish and ok-looking and so I think I could've actually slid by for another half decade at least without being forced by circumstance to seriously re-examine the way I behave in relationships. I am SO GRATEFUL that it didn't get to that point. I lo…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 04:47 AM
11

YES that's such an enjoyable element too! First of all, usually it's "OUR life", right? So why is it so crazy to give him a say or follow his lead? :)
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 04:44 AM
4

Aw thanks you're always so fun to read yourself, it's one of the reasons I felt RPW could be for me :)
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/17 01:13 AM
4

Yes, definitely! America has both a puritanical and a sex-obsessed culture...those combine in scary ways sometimes.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 11:03 PM
5

The article is relevant; your situations aren't exactly the article buy they're similar and analogous. Both of you can't get men to give you something you want; both of you are baffled as to why because "you're doing it all right." Last comment. This is an exercise that worked for me. List out 10 things you want to work on about yourself (10 flaws). So far on this thread you've said shy and awkward (possibly those only count as 1). You have said everyone else's diagnoses are wrong. The reason yo…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 08:40 PM
9

1) > The men are behaving fine, like they want a real relationship, until I ask for exclusivity. Maybe they're not behaving "fine". Are you sure you know what an enthusiastic potential BF looks like? How often are they asking you out as you get to know them? Are they taking you on formal dates? How much effort are they exerting? Do they love to speak to you about a wide variety of topics? Do they seek your advice and opinion on important matters in their life? Do they speak to their friends and …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 09:36 AM
3

Here are some little specific things I've found in the past (probably obvious): -He encourages you to leave stuff at his place (if you're spending the night) -He makes plans with you well into the future (6 months+) -He wants your opinion on big life Q's -He says "we" a lot -You guys run errands together -You spend time together even when not doing anything in particular
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 09:11 AM
3

There are ONLY two possibilities. ONLY these two. 1) You are vetting incorrectly. There's lots of versions of this. Your bar could be too high. You could systematically attract players. Your "type" could be a kind of guy you just don't click with. For instance, I used to just loooove the rugged, outdoorsy, mountain man in a log cabin type. I can't explain it, I just did. But I've had super low success rates attracting that kind of guy - I'm prissy, a city girl, I've got a mouth on me, etc. Even …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 07:52 AM
3

Ahaha love this. Btw sounds very "agree & amplify" ;p
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 05:56 AM
1

I don't know, I wasn't really trying. I met guys in big friend groups, hit it off. Also used dating apps. Mostly they asked me out, very rarely I asked them out. Things progressed and within 1-2 months each time, the guy asked me to be exclusive (one time he asked on 3rd date but I wasn't into it). I had a few serious relationships and more that were very casual (but I like to know we're exclusive even if it's only like 2 months).
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 05:33 AM
7

Hm. Do you have very close friends? I would define very close friends as people you interact with at least several times a week, see in person several times a month, with whom you share confidences and secrets regularly. People who go out of their way to do you favors, and for whom you reciprocate. If so, are they mostly male or female? Do you find it easy or hard to hold onto these close friends in the very long term? And would you describe these close friends as people you admire? Are they in …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 03:59 AM
2

This is a great post. Props for taking time to write it. Hope everyone, including OP, gives it a read!
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 03:49 AM
6

This syncs up with my observations. So many Asian -American men who are everything women say they want--great careers, they lift, they're family -oriented (pun intended?)-- who white women refuse to date... Probanly for the same fundamental reason Asian men are a super high % of tech workers but not tech senior leadership
/r/TheRedPill14/05/17 02:55 AM
1

Someone I knew had POTS (super hard to diagnose, took years, weird symptoms, was bedridden) and following theor journey...it takes so much strength and faith to deal with complex, multi-faceted illnesses. I really applaud you two for it!
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 02:25 AM
15

I've never met anyone with this much trouble securing a LTR who's reasonably good looking and reasonably charming. To reiterate my comment from above, I've lived in several big cities on both coasts (even internationally). My friends range from pretty to knockouts. I truly mean this earnestly - I think romantic happiness is probably on the other side of some self exploration for you.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 02:16 AM
5

MI'd strongly recommend you jack up FB, Insta and Snapchat privacy settings. If a relationship ends badly, unfriend and block. All major social media platforms have a "follow with permission only" option. Use it. If they request to follow you, say no. Alternatively....who cares if they "like" a photo? Perhaps you can cultivate an attitude that permits this kind of activity to not bother you - after all, you can always just ignore calls and messages. They're just pixels on a screen. Big picture, …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 02:06 AM
7

Nothing wrong with that, to each their own! You sound like a very devoted mom.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/17 01:23 AM
1

Omg same, that's half of why I'm on RPW....all my friends are sick of me gushing 😂😅
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 08:48 PM
1

Swoon!!! That sounds like such a beautiful experience to be having!! And truly kudos on your relationship. It's so rare to hear of long relationships that start when people are so young. I would not have had the maturity at 20....AT ALL. That's incredible!
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 08:35 PM
2

:( I got so lucky and I honestly thank the Lord every day I met him. If it helps, most of the guys Ive personally met like this are Asian-American guys who are older-30 or so, and have gained lots of confidence from their careers, come from happy and traditional families (maybe 1st gen). I don't understand why women refuse to date Asian guys - they don't know what they're missing! In a weird way I am grateful I didn't meet my man sooner too. I've been so immature in the past and just not ready. …
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 08:29 PM
1

:) :) 4 years; that's awesome. I so look forward to being at that point too!
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 08:24 PM
1

That sounds a lot like a M/s dynamic. I know lots of happy people in those relationships... But the key is that it's safe and negotiated! I suppose if there's always mutual consent and you always have an "out" if you'd like it.... You do you! To me "creepy" starts where safety ends.
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 07:46 PM
2

I love Parks & Rec! What about Diane & Ron? Also in a weird way I think April/Andy are a cute pair. For one thing, they're just crazy about each other, and genuinely kind to each other. That episode where April takes Andy to the Grand Canyon just to make him happy? Or when April thinks she deleted a bunch of files & she panickedly turns to Andy? His idiocy is played up a ton for comic effect but in the end they seem to be a respectful couple. I also love Leslie + Ben :)
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 06:15 AM
1

Thats my interpretation too. Life is tough....I'm sure there's more than enough hard stuff to go around for everyone ;p
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 04:38 AM
1

Glad to hear he's on the mend! I remember reading your last post and it's such a tough position you're in. All my sympathy!
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/17 03:21 AM
7

This is why I'm such a big fan of little relationship tokens (obviously the ultimate one is the wedding band but there are others). In the heat of the moment (especially if you are legitimately and righteously frustrated) it's so hard to remember there's a larger priority (health of marriage/relationship)! This is a 100% different arena but to me it's like how my office has massive mission statement posters where everyone can see them (and in conf rooms where many arguments happen). That way whe…
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 11:14 PM
44

"I'll make up the sleep tonight, but the damage my harsh words could have done to our relationship and his confidence as my captain could have lasted for far longer than that." I love this. 99% of the time the 'damage' a husband can do through his mistakes is temporary (as is the 'damage' our mistakes do!). Overspending will eventually be made up for. A mess will eventually be cleaned up. A lost date night will eventually be forgotten. But hurtful words can start a damaging pattern that can haun…
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 11:07 PM
1

If you and your family are religious at all, perhaps there's a church group you can join! Those are often really great, generous sources of support that launch into action when a member has medical recovery issues :) Might be a little close to the date this time around but it sounds like potentially a good source of community for the future if you have such inclinations.
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 06:09 PM
1

That totally makes sense - trad mind set I think means you want to part of a specific social milieu and attract a specific kind of guy. Just wanted to express the ideal that RPW is an inclusionary mindset / big tent!
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 05:26 PM
1

In her defense I guess this woman had already committed to this course of action, plus is on the older side (not tons of alternatives?) but yes I was shocked!! I love some of her advice but upon further research I personally believe in tougher standards I think, for instance, verbal abuse or diagnosed personality disorders are impermissible to me.
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 04:40 PM
9

The last line broke my heart. Daniel says he's happy wife asked him,"What can I do to make you happy?" Spouses should ask each other that all the time. It shouldn't take 2 affairs.
/r/TheRedPill12/05/17 03:12 PM
11

Doctor in the NYT comments added that common Parkinson's medication increases sex drive and impulsiveness, to your point. Definitely should have been mentioned. EDIT: "doctor"....don't wanna sound too gullible, now
/r/TheRedPill12/05/17 03:11 PM
15

Hm. To each their own! If this analogy makes more sense to you, that's awesome. For me & my relationship, I play a much more crucial role in building our lives together than a 'stewardess'. Where should we invest our money? What direction should our careers take? Where should we live? How are we going to build the life, family, empire, etc. that we want? When it comes to questions like this, I'm his partner in answering them and executing our plan. He's can't turn to "another man" because there'…
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 04:07 AM
1

I don't know if I've had this experience but I'm certainly hoping it happens for me soon work-wise... :) Been really confused lately and hoping for clarity!
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 02:06 AM
2

It's not modern romance but I wanted to rant about The Big Bang Theory. It's a well-written, funny show, but MAN the females HATE their male partners! The cruelty is actually breathtaking in every interaction between Penny and Leonard. Drives me crazy that they're starting to write Amy & Sheldon similarly.
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/17 12:28 AM
6

Yeah I think it's totally crazy to be "appreciative" of how your husband casually asked you to grab food while he is taking his mistress of 2+ years out on proper dates. If anything at that point you're not really his wife, you're another woman competing for his attention. She's letting him have his cake and eat it too- no divorce, her company and love, AND his mistress and bachelor life. This would be strategically poor behavior for a single woman and I suspect it may well be strategically poor…
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/17 07:21 PM
3

Haha that's so true! And yes I totally agree, the fantasy for me really is a guy who's got a tough exterior and a secret soft spot for you :) it makes me feel like I have to extra careful and respectful and sure to not abuse the privilege! You & your husband sound like you have an amazing relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/17 03:33 PM
1

Yes!! No one's perfect so it's easy to find things about your ex to blame, but that's unproductive. It's so much more helpful to ask, what can I improve?
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/17 03:08 PM
4

Watching it right now! Would love to hear other people's reactions and opinions. I've just finished episode 1. My god, I feel so so so bad for poor Carla! Do we have an update on her and her marriage? I can see why it was the right thing to do to encourage her to continue down this path she had already committed to, but it honestly didn't sound like things were going to change for her :( I really admire her interview style. It's so thoughtful and quiet while still guiding the conversation and pu…
/r/RedPillWomen10/05/17 04:04 AM
3

This is great advice! I looove dating and I think the reason is that I really focus on the other person. There's always something fascinating about them! Maybe it's their job, or a trip they took, or just their perspective on the world and how they tell a story. I find that by focusing on them, like you say, I feel so much less self-conscious. One thing I remind myself of, is that most people rarely get truly truly listened to. All day everyone who chats with them is usually half distracted, on …
/r/RedPillWomen10/05/17 03:55 AM
13

I definitely agree w/ all the other reasons other commentors have listed that Kylie slash general desperation for social media attention isn't RPW. But re: the clothes very specifically... I personally really believe there's no such thing as "RPW fashion" or "RPW style." First of all, there are better ways to express your beliefs and values than your outfit. Secondly, fashion and style are so, so individual and context-specific. I truly believe there are gorgeous, tatted-up, "alternative" girls …
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/17 07:48 PM
4

abusive husband (see post history) who spends $ on cam girls forces wife to literally dance in exchange for money, get this off RPW
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/17 03:02 PM
5

Do most couples have conflicts so deep and wide that the only way to settle them is for the husband to make a unilateral decision even if it's contrary to his wife's wishes? This Q is really interesting to me. To me, there are 3 buckets of disagreements. Bucket 1: So minor that they're resolved in the natural flow of conversation without a formal decision-making process. I think most healthy couples end up resolving these in such a way that they don't even know who "wins" most of the time - they…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 11:21 PM
10

Yes, love this. Captain does not = making a certain % of the decisions. Maybe your Captain truly doesn't care about 80% of the things it takes to run a household/family/etc. and you're very opinionated. Maybe a lot gets delegated to you. Maybe your ideas get implemented a lot. That can happen and IMO you can still promote a capt/first mate dynamic
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 11:14 PM
5

Hm, I meant something slightly different. Let's say you are looking for a LTR that builds even to marriage. Aren't there still different...er...for lack of a better word... "tactics" in the first few weeks versus first few years versus year 10? For instance, when I was single I was often advised to NOT be too available. If a guy would take 24+ hours to text me back each time, I would adopt a similar pace, rather than rushing to my phone right away each time to respond ASAP. Whereas now, I always…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 10:00 PM
4

This is solid advice. I'd add, when you're on Pinterest, Instagram, etc. look for women with a similar height and body shape to yourself. What seems flattering on them will help you get a sense of what seems flattering on you. Based on your height and weight, maybe check out Modcloth? They're got some great, very classic A-line stuff you might find flattering.
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 09:21 PM
3

That's a super interesting point that I hope gets a thread to itself soon. That what it takes to land a man and keep him are differentreally makes sense to me and I'm curious how it lines up with RPW
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 05:57 PM
2

That stood out to me and confused me as well. On apps like tinder and Bumble, do you not get swiped right on? Or do you indeed match, then get ignored? Both odd experiences for a woman on those platforms. If there's any way to anonymously & safely get help with your profile, maybe there's something wrong there (assuming you're pretty cute :))
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 05:46 PM
1

This is a lil off-topic but really wanted to share and there was no live thread on this topic.... watching The Voice RN and I think Gwen is so feminine and adorable, and her dynamic with Blake is so cute!
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 05:09 AM
4

Hm, if he works in STEM maybe some kind of aerospace engineering museum might be fun? There are lots of small aero/astro museums in random places around the country :) My engineer BF's have always loved air and space museums. It might well be too much of a datey-date but there are some awesome really random classes friends of mine have taken... like lock-picking classes and graffiti classes. There might be something like that out-of-the-box that he'd enjoy? A friend of mine has a BF who's a hard…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 01:55 AM
2

ooh, /u/myrpwi_account, would love to hear the tale. how did you meet him?
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/17 01:03 AM
4

I'd just like to gently insert here though that a stay-at-home mom can raise bratty children, and a working mom can raise wonderful children. Just because someone seems to have a bratty child does not mean that them staying at home is the answer. I try not to judge anyone's parenting or their children's behavior, since I don't have kids :) There's a lot of funny stand-up material to this effect... when you're young and childless (me!) you think, "Omg I would never just yell at my kids like that,…
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/17 01:25 AM
2

ahaha i had no idea that was what that even meant, i thought you were saying your BF was 19 years old and had made a typo
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/17 12:56 AM
2

Go have an adventure. Seriously, do something unusual, whimsical, out of your comfort zone. Maybe take a class in something strange (trapeze, flying planes, making your own cheese, drawing anime characters). Travel somewhere interesting, alone or with friends. My rules are: I cannot be doing it with or for the sake of my BF It can't take place in my home I feel like this could be a good actionable thing for OP too- since based on your history you seem to have the disposable income to do this, + …
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/17 12:44 AM
5

I'm seeing a crazy theme in this thread of dictating a woman's choices as opposed to arguing for her right to make them, whether it concerns her body size, her hypothetical kids, or her career. RP is amoral, so any argument that it's immoral for a woman to choose, say, to work long hours instead of having a family is kind of missing the point. It's not immoral to not want children. It's not immoral to work when you have children (as long as the children are well cared for). It's not immoral if y…
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/17 12:36 AM
6

No one "opts" for postpartum depression, it happens to people who did nothing to deserve it, and many times there is no easy medical solution. Many women have no financial choice but to work all day long and entrust their children to the best daycare they can find. 1 salary families are by and large a thing of the past. MANY women have been driven to extreme despair and depression, especially in the past, when they find themselves trapped in life circumstances incompatible with their own happine…
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/17 12:31 AM
2

Same! I love her, she's so cute and her vlogs are really fun to watch. Her accent is super charming too.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/17 12:27 AM
2

Wow, this sounds like quite a small spat. Can you elaborate on what caused it to become such an explosive argument??
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 04:33 PM
2

wanted to add, your comment reminded me to this: http://zenpencils.com/comic/kalam/
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 03:23 AM
2

Yes, absolutely! Let's go along with the potentially untrue assumptions about the "female brain." If some woman out there is superb at multi-tasking, empathy, creative thinking, and possesses a great aesthetic sense, in today's first world workplace that actually qualifies her for loads of professions. Would it make her a great homemaker? Sure, if that's what she wants, that's a challenging and satisfying mission. But it might also make her a great designer.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 01:00 AM
1

*misogynist I'm not sure what you mean by "more functional." If women outstrip men in all academic areas, I don't see how that's true.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 12:57 AM
2

Thank you for saying this, I very much agree.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 12:54 AM
2

YES this is exactly how I feel. Women have an "easy out" in that you can be a SAHM and basically avoid the question of, "what do I really want to be doing with my life"
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 12:53 AM
2

The acting is quite cheesy, but in a funny way :) Very pleasant to listen to! Thanks for sharing
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 12:50 AM
8

Yes x 1000!! I think the generalizable solution here is that everyone of all genders needs to be honest with themselves and seek out the 'mission' that is fulfilling and exciting and BIGGER than themselves. Building an amazing family is a great 'mission'. But so is becoming a wonderful teacher, or starting a church, or building a company, or reviving an old town. Women & men should not be shamed for any of these choices and YES they all require so much intelligence!! But there is real and import…
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/17 03:54 PM
3

How could accidentally slipping over some lines be disheartening? Unless you feel my sexist subconscious caused me to, in which case thats super presumptuous & quite the stretch. I actually find it interesting that the author only devotes a passing mention to her husband's infidelity. She dwells so much more on his other, much subtler "failings". Making it possible at all to skip that line. Also, IMHO, 100% of RPW would be considered "sexist" by a pretty huge swath of America.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:06 PM
7

Whoops, skipped over that line reading on mobile! That definitely is awful & helps explain her feelings, though it still seems like she's almost willfully not working on her marriage. I'm a little put out to be totally honest at the veiled accusation of being sexist though :/ I use RPW because it's the only place you can chat without that accusation getting flung around! But I really appreciate you pointing that line out, it's so silly of me to have missed it and it def changes the interpretatio…
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 05:56 AM
1

I do think Grey's takes an honest look (by TV standards) at varying options for women though. For instance, that convo between Cristina & Meredith where they argue about whether Meredith has fallen behind due to her marriage/kids. I think it's one of the few times I saw TV characters debate the compromises one has to make to have a family (esp a big family) in anything close to an honest way. I do think Mer/Dere had a beautiful family! Pretty aspirational for me TBH (the later parts not the earl…
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 04:06 AM
3

Hahaha I totally feel the same. My relationship has turned me into such a homebody!!
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 03:03 AM
2

...ok, that seems like it'd be damaging too (I wouldn't want to be someone's 7th wife, that seems alarming).
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:54 AM
2

ok literally just read a list of top grey's couples in order to answer this q...and couldn't find any remotely RPish ones? :) the relationships I found most compelling were, of course, meredith/derek, and also weirdly the chief + adele.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:51 AM
5

that sounds so lovely! and yes, after a long day it's SUCH a nice feeling to go home and hang out with a significant other who understands your need for a little quiet time :) It's not until I'm back at home w/ my BF that I realize how "on" I've been all day
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:47 AM
10

More time together with ZERO screens - no cell phones, no computer, no TV!
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:25 AM
2

I 100% do not believe in the 'soulmate myth' and heartily applaud everyone gently trying to dissuade OP of this myth. It's a bit of a catch-22/tricky situation from my perspective though, because I also believe (plz feel free to tell me I'm totally wrong) that most happy marriages begin with someone walking down the aisle feeling 0% doubt in her/his head - I read a statistic somewhere that a significant minority of divorcees felt even on their wedding day that they might be making a mistake. If …
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:19 AM
2

I loved that book & think it makes a lot of sense! What you wrote is exactly how I think-- I like ambitious guys and that's already quite a strict filter, so when I was dating I sure as hell wasn't going to care about things like height, hobbies, and other things non-critical to my own personal happiness
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:13 AM
3

For the life of me I cannot find the particular quote I'm looking for - I'll edit this comment when I do - but there's 1 quote I really love that goes something like this: Marriage is like a dance. Sometimes you're closer and sometimes you're farther away, but you're always connected to your partner, in sync, guiding them with a light touch. Grab them too tightly and the dance is ruined; spin them too far away and the dance ends. Do it right and you're floating across the dance floor, as if conn…
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:09 AM
4

Ooh this quote is fantastic! I love Grey's and I love to analyze fictional relationships through a RPW lens (don't even get me started on the sitcoms I usually watch, HIMYM, Friends, etc.).
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:07 AM
2

my bf & I occupy diff spaces within our shared apartment (literally diff rooms sometimes) and we also find ways to share physical closeness without psychological closeness (reading separate books quietly with feet touching or something), which also provides some relief.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 02:03 AM
1

hm, well it sounds like you're not doing anything in particular to pressure him! :) but it's just a nice thing to continue to be aware of. I'm sure it'll get harder at times to be patient if you indeed decide to wait it out and the situation does not change. best of luck!
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 01:58 AM
3

Interesting, I hadn't heard anyone declare that a guy's RMV falls if he commits too easily! That really jives with my life experience though!
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/17 06:06 PM
1

It will also make him feel less pressured to be the sole big emotional presence in your life. It's maybe possible you're making him feel pressured now (it doesn't sound like you bug him about his feelings for you TOO much but it's hard to say what the situation is from his perspective, you're very young, 4 months is not a long time, and in my experience men hate being asked to verbally articulate their feelings for you on command)
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/17 06:03 PM
4

I don't agree with, basically, ANY part of their broader philosophy but in a weird way the Duggar women & the Bates family have always been so thought-provoking to me. For instance, when they interview couples, I always really noticed the way both people would listen attentively and watch each other adoringly. A real contrast to all the couples you see in restaurants, both on their phones all the time
/r/RedPillWomen29/04/17 06:50 PM
8

That's fantastic!!! I also struggle with pinning my self worth way too much on how my career is going, and not only has RP made my relationship better, but moving the emotional center of my life to my BF (and family) has actually made work less stressful and more enjoyable.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/17 10:57 PM
1

I really empathize. Im also a switch and though I haven't had a chance to explore that side of me, imagine I'd like to top of I had a female partner. I have the good fortune to release my aggressive, take-charge energy at work. I also try to find activities outside work to channel that side of me - leading various groups, boxing classes, etc I'm not sure if this is going to be articulate, or make sense, but I've found that I can express my admiration, devotion, submission and intense love withou…
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/17 04:39 AM
2

Super interesting Q! My BF & I are both in finance (sort of, hard to be more specific) though I do slightly more people oriented things and he does slightly more hardcore things. The job pairing is definitely reflective of our general chemistry and reasons for being together. We're both ambitious, pragmatic, cynical and like puzzles. We both work really long hours and are always thinking about business. I could never be with someone who didn't fit that general mold.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/17 03:58 AM
-2

Ok seriously? what the heck could be wrong with this comment??
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/17 10:13 PM
1

Love this! Esp the "passionate about worldview" part. For my own list, I also include personally: Super ambitious, either in the sense that he wants to change the world or in a more "buildings with my name on it" sense, preferably both ;p (kind of also on your list) Pragmatic - he is capable of idealism but puts taking care of our family first Independent - not a follower, not a sheep. Unafraid to go it alone. Doesn't care about convention or what's cool. Intense - I love guys with big personali…
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/17 06:04 AM
0

I accept the criticism that I might be denying female nature, but I also didn't use any foul language or name-calling. Thanks for the pointer & feedback.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 08:06 PM
1

I think all my comments are constructive, but here's a more concrete one - this was a huge overreaction. Perhaps you should work on your emotional volatility and ask yourself if you're projecting this anger problem thing? Comparative tenor here is a bit cray IMO
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 04:06 PM
-1

You're basically contemplating marrying someone you had a BACKUP plan for after he was merely unemployed for a few months. I'll not criticizing you for trying to be better, im criticizing you for where you're at now, which seems to be a very primally hypergamous place. Why wouldn't I? You're exhibiting the classic behaviors the entire RP theology is built to counter and you're posting in a RP forum.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:33 PM
2

My BF storms off sometimes when were fighting to get some fresh air - sometimes he'll get a snack at our corner store and bring me back something. It's so sweet and always triggers reconciliation! You could go out and buy some special treat he likes, maybe leave it on the counter and not even say anything?
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:28 PM
–

Ive honestly never understood TRP because I've never felt my attraction to a man diminish becausr I now had "the upper hand" but if girls like you are truly all over the place then ... You're too young to get married. Or at least, not sufficiently in love. You honestly sound terrifying to date, let alone marry, like the kind of woman a man has to be constantly ON HIS GAME with, always seducing, always showing you he's higher value than you... ... Oh so this is what TRP men feel like 😅🙁😵
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:25 PM
-1

Omg you're the woman TRP is always talking about!! You DO exist
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:20 PM
0

Interesting! Do you consider Natalia Poklonskaya for instance an "alpha" female, or a higher status woman? I ask because you cite their ideal-driven work and their success, and I'm curious how that reconciled with your "women in men's suit" comment. Do you think hard work and professional success is a gender-neutral goal that can be accomplished in feminine and masculine ways?
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 04:10 PM
2

This is amazing!! This should be linked constantly in rpw
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:10 PM
1

That totally makes sense, I could tell I was...er, projecting ;)
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:02 PM
2

One can always be mistaken but I think he's very satisfied! :) I hardly ever turn him down, initiate often, the sex is super fun and just the right level of kinky as far as I can tell (our main issue is that I push him to be kinkiest). That was the start of our relationship, it's been over a year since then.
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:02 PM
1

sorry for misunderstanding then!
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 05:42 AM
2

I think that's completely, totally, utterly untrue.
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 05:24 AM
3

Sounds like he wants to be dominated. My suggestions: Do what comes naturally! Do not force it. Push yourself to try new things but don't go so far that it feels fake and you aren't having a good time. Make little playful rules. For instance "no touching me until I say so." You can control the interaction in this way while still using a girly, feminine voice if you'd like. No need to assume some faux-dominatrix persona that doesn't really feel natural to it (unless you'd like to). To build on th…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 05:23 AM
2

I sadly don't have any tips but just wanted to say, best of luck with your journey! You sound like a really devoted and loving wife, whose past failings have really pained her - I'm sure with such an attitude you'll see improvements soon.
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:49 AM
3

just think, someday "clock ticking" will itself be one of those artifact phrases that people don't really understand the origins of! For instance, a nephew once asked me where the word 'rewind' comes from because of course, he's never seen a physical tape!
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:47 AM
2

A good excuse is when he's looking away and you want to get his attention in a slightly urgent manner. That sounds weird but for instance, you're at the movies, he's looking away and it's your turn to order at the concession stand. You touch his arm lightly and say, "Hi, what should we get?"
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:43 AM
1

Yes that makes it extra extra important that you not emasculate him!!
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:32 AM
3

hahaha his is a great comment, super helpful, but this was also hilarious
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:29 AM
8

Apologies to everyone for what's gonna sound like a really arrogant post! "I do everything the books and people have taught me, and at the same time I embrace who I am with confidence." This line almost told me everything I needed to hear. Someone truly, deeply confident doesn't read books and hear advice and then change their demeanor like this. You sound desperate TBH and I'm sure that's coming off in your energy. Try "Why Men Love Bitches" - great book. I've never had trouble attracting 'alph…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 03:21 AM
6

1) Tackle any projects you both have been meaning to get done but didn't have time to (if these exist for you two. For instance, for my BF & I, we have huge boxes of old papers to sort and discard or scan, we have apartment improvements projects we mean to do, etc.) 2) Be the social secretary! My BF & I both work super long hours and the main thing we wish we could do is take a step back and make plans. Leave time for him to sleep in and recover, but weekend plans could be welcome. Schedule thin…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 02:37 AM
3

I have 2 examples. I would flip my shit honestly if my BF flirted with other women in front of me in such a way as to be transparently trying to induce 'dread' or other similar feelings. As others have said, I'd perceive it as a cruel, disrespectful thing to do. However, completely unprovoked, mutual female acquaintances have expressed their admiration of him to me, in the kind of tone where you just know that they'd like to be dating him. I like to think I already work on treating my BF as well…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 02:32 AM
2

punching the numbers once, twice or three times to get the desired letter. ahaha loved this...how retro! ;)
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 02:24 AM
1

I think of "dread" as the stick and other, more respectful tactics as the carrot. I say that in the sense that, if you're using 'sticks' to get your wife to stay in your marriage, as y'all have already said, you've got biiiigger problems.
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 02:21 AM
3

Totally. I'd love to read a high quality RP FR actually where a guy tries to employ TRP advice in, say...his church group ;p
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 02:17 AM
2

OMG you were right! Now I can downvote! Though I miss the pink so much!!
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 02:14 AM
1

I don't like this aphorism, but wanna point out it can indeed still be applied to wanting "specific" milk. As in, if you act like wifey & give him all the benefits without him marrying you, why would he marry you? Again, don't agree with this - lots of reasons a confident man wants to marry the woman he loves
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/17 04:22 AM
1

It sounds like she has a really unrealistic set of expectations ;p
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/17 04:18 AM
3

while we're discussing unhelpful posts, can I ask an embarrassingly dumb Q? how do I downvote? (Or can I?) I've been assuming I can't.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/17 04:17 AM
2

I think I'd start with RPW actions (loads of sidebar material on this). 1) it might provoke with reaction you want 2) if you still feel the need to show him RP stuff after that, he'll be more predisposed to like it since it's already yielding benefits for his relationship. I get the excitement to share RP with your husband for sure but not sure if sending him to TRP will have the intended effect.
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/17 09:15 PM
6

DONT EVER TELL YOUR HUSBAND (in those words) to "be more masculine" Can't think of anything meaner
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/17 07:24 PM
3

This gets more esoteric but: Try doing something scary together. Even a scary film, or for me, rock climbing (he's quite good). Hiking somewhere tall, if he's not scared of heights and you are. Put yourself in a VULNERABLE position where he's going to be your protector. Similarly, try stuff he's good at and you're not, and fully appreciate how skilled he is. Let him be your teacher. Skiing, Excel, reading science fiction, anything. Blow jobs. Nothing like being on your knees to make you feel wor…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/17 06:33 PM
2

Probably other commenters are right (like /u/cynicalhousewife) and this is incurable. But FWIW as long as you feel like you're settling for him, I doubt you'll able to feel attracted to him at all. Short-term solution: get lots of good lube, tell him you love fucking him but your body is having some kind of issue, maybe you're wildly dehydrated or a yeast infection from ages ago never resolved fully, and fake it 'till you make it. Post-sex hormones will help, and it'll make him happy. Can't say …
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/17 06:23 PM
3

Yo this whole thread is 100% spot on. Amazing, tough, accurate advice.
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/17 06:01 PM
12

That people want what they can't have and it makes them miserable? That people should seek deeper fulfilment than possessing something (or someone) flashy that everyone else wants? That men and women both foolishly believe the answer to all their problems lies with finding that 1 perfect partner when in fact they need to improve themselves?
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/17 01:32 AM
3

I completely agree. I believe happy marriages start with enthusiastic grooms/BFs. If he isn't ready to thoughtfully execute what is ultimately a symbolic gesture of commitment, is he ready to be your husband for 40, 50, 60 years?
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/17 06:02 PM
2

Ugh never. Friends? Totally fine. I have lots of male friends with whom I discuss politics, work, literature, etc. My best friends are the people I go to to spill emotional intimacies, confessions, fears. My BF & myself are each others' best friends. We have other best friends, but they sure as hell better be the same gender.
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/17 05:29 PM
2

If I remember correctly, it was basically stuff like: -people left hats, purses, other personal belongings behind by accident -some vendors had random stuff they needed to pick up later, but someone had to store for them (DJ's speakers, caterer's serving tools) -there was some stuff where no one was sure if the bride wanted us to keep it or toss it out (little table setting decorations we had made together) :)
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/17 05:24 PM
1

yup that's how I operate too
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/17 04:12 AM
4

Hm. I think people change. Especially during malleable periods like 20-30. So your man may change. But you can't change him. You can't control how he'll evolve. Will your presence influence him? Sure, but you can't just pick how.
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/17 01:44 AM
11

I prefer personally to date older men but like 1-5 years older. Dunno anyone around here who would advise girl who's 20 to seek out a 35 YO.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 09:58 PM
3

Not married but tip from a friend - figure out who's cleaning up the venue after if that is in fact necessary. Though she rented a space (so they handled stuff like mopping) there were lots of random bits and pieces left behind that had to be gathered, etc .
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 09:56 PM
12

YES EXACTLY. RPW are not looking for a jerk to boss them around. I hate when people assume that - why would we need a forum!? Do people realize how easy it'd be to find a jerk to boss us around?! You think we'd need a whole strategy if all we wanted was any human with a dick whose laundry we could do, and whose sexual need we could slavishly satisfy?? a man worthy capable and willing to be an actual leader is so much harder to find!
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 06:11 PM
4

Being RPW doesn't mean I can't kick her ass in the real world, ahaha i always feel that way too! I always just wanna be like, girl, come MEET me, I am the most free-wheeling, happy, adventurous person you'll see all day. and yes I also kick ass in the real world :p
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 06:08 PM
5

Definitely don't see the former as anything resembling a role model. Love Michelle though. Annie Glenn!! Read about her and John Glenn's love story and Annie's under-the-radar activism for the disabled. Guys, it's SO moving!
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 03:10 PM
2

Could not agree more.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 03:09 PM
13

I consider myself a very passionate liberal and feminist and have found no issue browsing and enjoying this place. To parody the quote, in this case the personal is NOT political for me
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 03:08 PM
10

I disagree with most of your feedback, stuff like using the word strange twice in a row is really clearly intentional and stylized and actually nicely done.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 02:54 PM
5

Yeah why are women the lock? What if men are the lock? I feel like this is like saying, 2+2=4, but 4-2=2.... sounds profound but not
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/17 05:41 AM
3

seriously. don't change your personality based on some offhand advice.
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/17 08:05 PM
8

I've never really 'waited' very long. So flip side is, there are more than a few choices I really, really regret, that squick me out just remembering they happened :( Ladies, don't be me! Don't sleep with a guy just because you fear it'd be awkward if you didn't!
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/17 02:16 AM
1

I think this is really good advice! I always try to help frame the Q rather than answer it, exactly as you say. Questions like, well what do you value more? What do you think your priorities are? What are the biggest pros and cons to each option? Etc really help someone move their decision process along without butting in.
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/17 02:15 AM
4

I empathize with this so much! This is very similar to my/our story. We had gotten Sunday brunch & coffee and he mentioned he missed having a gaming console. I insisted we drive straight to a Best Buy & pick up a console + a game, and then we spent a few hours hanging out, him with his new game, me half watching him play half reading a novel, splitting a few beers & pizza. No idea why but the afternoon meant a lot to him!
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/17 02:13 AM
2

this could be straight out of a sitcom, I love it. I assume it was so meaningful not just because it showed her insightfulness but it showed that she was watching you from her window?
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/17 02:11 AM
6

This is so adorable! My very crass friend used to say, find a funny man, he'll be making you laugh long after he's stopped making you, well, you know ;)
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/17 02:11 AM
1

The more ammo you have the more of a douche they'll be. If a guy can't handle rejection gracefully no amount of finesse on your part will prevent his behavior. Block the #. Move on. Say a prayer for him next Sunday if you need to clear your conscience ;)
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/17 08:04 AM
1

I think this v much depends on the context: country, city, ethnic/religious groups, etc etc. I think RPW is a lens through which to view your own life/social group/situation. Low n-count translates to diff #'s depending on context.
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/17 07:59 AM
23

If you can get into Caltech, you can get in virtually anywhere. CalTech's admission rate is 8%, lower for international students, and it has a self-selecting applicant pool, which means its effective admission rate is probably even lower. If you get into Caltech but no comparably ranked schools, for the love of God go to Caltech regardless of what "red pill theory" says about LA. Going to a school of that caliber is life-changing.
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/17 05:23 AM
9

I really wanna emphasize, I find it a little crazy to discuss specific plans for children when you're 21. It sounds like y'all have already agreed you hope to get married and have around 3 kids. Great. If you're asking him whether they should go to public or private school, what their names should be, etc I find that a little overboard. Don't scare off a good guy.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/17 07:00 AM
9

To me it sounds like a normal sentiment at your ages. I don't know what social context you're in, but any guy I know would be freaking out at 25 if his GF wanted to discuss the details of having kids.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/17 04:41 AM
6

Try teeth-whitening strips. They can be highly effective. Blue-red lipsticks are great for making teeth seem whiter.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/17 04:18 AM
6

You check in with your man every half hour every day even at work?? Woah that's so extreme
/r/RedPillWomen15/04/17 03:06 AM
13

Sometimes good men find RP and a little overboard for a while in their attempt to change their relationsship, but it all comes from a place of love. Sometimes jerks find RP and use it as a cover to be insensitive, demanding and controlling. Cutting you off from friends sound bizarre and classically abusive. A "traditional gender relations model" has no room for emotional abuse.
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/17 03:19 PM
2

I see it as: type 1: woman who thinks she's too good for him (and he agrees) type 2: woman who thinks she's lucky to have him (and he agrees) Woman 1 doesn't treat him super well, and he's always pursuing her and chasing her down for affection. More likely that she doesn't need his $ (she comes from more $ than he, makes her own $ etc.). Woman 2 treats him like a king. She's likely to need his $, make less than he, etc. Sort of corresponds to treating him like beta/alpha. I've almost always been…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/17 07:23 AM
4

I love this! These are my thoughts on submission for its own sake or "own your submission" as you so nicely put it. (I want to write more on general self-improvement and awareness later). At first I thought the idea of wanting to be a good First Mate "for your own sake" didn't make sense. What is a First Mate without a Captain? Surely being a good First Mate is something one inherently does to please ones Captain? But we love for its own sake - the experience of loving, of loving actively, lovin…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/17 07:08 AM
2

Well, at the very very very very very top of the pyramid you're for sure right, that ceases to be true. There are very few female billionaires, so I suppose it'd be borderline impossible for a double-digit billionaire to find an "exact dupe" female. But I think this is a. very true if we look at the top 10% of Snap's management, b. very true if we look at upper management of tech companies in general and c. assortative mating is an undeniable trend outside of just tech. College-educated men are …
/r/TheRedPill11/04/17 07:48 AM
4

Not sure if it evaluates looks, but definitely screens out anyone w/ a blue-collar job or who went to a non-competitive college (or who didn't go to college). I think women who successfully clear this bar (again, let's be clear, I think it's such a snobby classist app) are actually happy about the exclusivity, because it narrows the competitive field. People are loyal along gender lines but I think they're even more loyal along class lines.
/r/TheRedPill11/04/17 07:01 AM
3

this is really beautiful. if it's not too personal can you give an example of such "flattery"?
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 06:42 AM
3

I think that's increasingly untrue in liberal, urban centers. Certainly not true in Silicon Valley.
/r/TheRedPill11/04/17 06:31 AM
1

bay area is INSANE. i got 10x more male attention in bay area than in nyc, london, other big cities. the ratio of men : women is really off somehow.
/r/TheRedPill11/04/17 06:30 AM
3

to be fair, then this hypothetical woman wouldn't be allowed on that app, they screen for education and career w/ women as well. not that I find that app abhorrent.
/r/TheRedPill11/04/17 06:27 AM
1

yes, totally. always baffles me the focus on lifting, etc. versus having a good career, being well-read and travelled, etc.
/r/TheRedPill11/04/17 06:21 AM
1

yes, and these are weirdly so cheap!
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:54 AM
1

we use crystals! i honestly think it happens b/c our cat is totally insane & likes to sprint into his litter box and then sprint out.
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:52 AM
1

haha I want one! 90% b/c i want to see if i can get the cat to ride it like in all those Youtube videos. they're sooo expensive, but I want to get my parents' old one sometime.
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:52 AM
2

to make this a lil hypothetical, I think of this as the same idea expressed in different languages. I'm the same person in all scenarios, I have the same values, same beliefs, same fundamental personality tenets. I just translate :)
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:51 AM
3

I'm a RIDICULOUSLY messy person. Like, famously messy. Like, you couldn't walk 1 foot in my room. My roommates were always laughing about it. Yet now that I've moved in with Capt I clean our place constantly! My parents can't believe their eyes. Amazing how motivating love can be ;p
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:43 AM
1

We live with a cat now and grrrrrr the floors are always covered with litter he tracks around (we keep buying rubber mats with little paw cleaning bits and they're not working).
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:41 AM
4

Do you explicitly say, "Babe, I recognize X just happened and you want to discuss it, give me Y hours and we can"?
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:38 AM
4

I totally relate to this, thanks for sharing your musings. I also chafe sometimes against the idea that I ought to be submissive, let alone meek - it's not in my nature. I've always prided myself on my independence, adventurousness, ambition, toughness. Sometimes I worry too that all this STFU-ness is diluting my true nature, or giving it up. I have always spoken my mind and prided myself on it. To me there's meekness that comes from a place of fear, and gentleness that comes from a place of lov…
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 03:34 AM
3

WTF
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 02:09 AM
3

Maybe they mean, 1-10 on a scale that is graded on a curve according to your life's typical population :p
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 02:07 AM
3

If a woman picks a guy whose SMV is "higher" I think this often means he's ambitious, smart, on track for great things (at least in my eyes, I couldn't care less about looks). That means the more time goes by probably the more attractive he becomes to her (as he continues to ascend in the world). If a man picks a woman whose SMV is "higher" this often means she's just incredibly hot. This will depreciate over time. I assume the theory is that men choose high RMV women, because those qualities ho…
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 02:06 AM
1

I've heard this is unfortunately quite common after birth. It's not sex-specific but I've heard absorbent underwear are great for this - helps you feel sexier than having to wear pads all the time.
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/17 02:00 AM
1

Hm, maybe I've misunderstood its scope. I get that it includes self-improvement, I just figured that self-improvement in the financial sense would mean seeking out advice from specialists.
/r/askTRP11/04/17 01:59 AM
1

I think this is great advice. Any guy who tries to signal he has a "great job" too overtly or intentionally seems lame IMO. I'd rather see that a guy is: -passionate about his job and speaks enthusiastically about it (signals he's ambitious, has a career and not a job, probably has a good work ethic) -can describe what he does in an interesting way (shows he's smart, I believe anyone who can't explain their field to someone outside it is pretentious or doesn't really get it) -confident enough to…
/r/askTRP10/04/17 02:16 AM
1

Don't mean to be confrontational, I think this is a great question to ask, but why does this strike you as a "red pill" question? This question seems to have 0 to do with sexual strategy.
/r/askTRP10/04/17 02:07 AM
3

Haha that's what girlfriends are for ;) I completely understand though! My BFF got married and it definitely got me fantasizing about rings and centerpieces. For us, we're trying to wait until we're financially better prepared (like, we could never buy a house right now, etc.)
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/17 02:06 AM
2

Ugggh. So self-centered! That tendency to be myopically obsessed w/ one's own feelings is so frustrating. It's not always about you!! Come to think of it, maybe that's the quote I should write in my journal tonight. I actually still detected a small tiny bit of this even in the blog post above - author is using their own feelings in the moment to make decisions on where she's aligned politically.
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/17 01:58 AM
9

I think you're doing the right thing in not saying anything to him about this 'ring fever.' I'm not sure where you live, but in many parts of the US it's pretty atypical to get married at 23/20. It's an amazing sign that he casually brings up marriage! Continue to be a wonderful GF and let him proceed down the marriage path at his own pace. I understand the impatience though! A month into dating my BF asked me if I saw myself having a big or small wedding and I've been unable to stop secretly pi…
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/17 01:54 AM
5

haha I'm imagining my BF's reaction coming home and finding, "is this the hill you want to die on?" hung above our bed... ;p But in all seriousness, love those, thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/17 01:48 AM
8

Its comical to me when people get married expecting things to change or get better, There was a NYT article called 'why you will marry the wrong person' (it's a pro-marriage article ultimately) that had this great line - basically it said that you have an amazing time with someone, and then you decide to get married "to try and bottle that." I found that very true. People have these amazing experiences while dating then believe that if they get married it'll be just like that forever, even thoug…
/r/TheRedPill10/04/17 01:39 AM
4

Are you serious? That sounds quite frustrating :( One of my issues with the "liberal SJW" world is also that they fail to appropriately prioritize economic issues. What's more important, that a child has food instability, or that he unknowingly said something offensive about gender/sexuality?
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 09:08 PM
3

Aesthetics depend on context. For instance, in LA there was a big streetwear scene, and loads of super feminine, charming girls rocked jeans and hoodies and were dressing to the 9's.... just in their own social context. If your BF likes your style and it feels good to you, rock it.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 09:01 PM
2

Don't feel bad!! Loads of women have no idea re: hair & makeup. (Makeup especially). There's so so so much good content online, and I would love to take a trip to Sephora w/ any female friend and walk her through some suggestions. I'm sure your friends feel similarly.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 02:44 AM
5

"Being interested in HIM, not just wanting a relationship." & "Most men would prefer a 6-7 who thought he was a god to a 9-10 who thought he was okay." Yes x 10. One of the most seductive things you can do is to deliver what I call, The Compliment He's Always Been Waiting For. I think all men have a few cardinal virtues (to paraphrase F Scott Fitzgerald a little) he's always suspected himself to possess. Similarly, all men have an archetype they aspire to embody. If you're perceptive and complim…
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 02:09 AM
3

Great tips! I'd add: -Being sincerely interested in someone else's story/life goes a long way in being charming. Actively listen. Act intelligent, interesting questions. To use the puppy example, don't just nod and say, "that's nice." Ask them what made them choose that puppy. Ask them if they've had other pets before. Etc. -Read the room & understand social context! Not every group of people unfortunately is going to be warm and welcoming. For instance, some of my BF's work friends can be a lit…
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 01:51 AM
3

Yes. I find guys are alarmed if you have a bad credit score, but not as alarmed if you're just not making a lot of $ or don't have a lot of assets.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 01:01 AM
9

yeah I've never met a decent guy who expects that. I've met men who expect you to look nice even w/o makeup (you maintain your skin, etc.) but I've never met a guy who expects you to look fully made up at home.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/17 01:00 AM
3

Volunteering!! I can't recommend it enough. It selects for so many amazing characteristics. In particular animal shelters tend to attract more of a co-ed crowd (stuff that involves seniors and children is of course worthwhile though tends to attract more women than men). Also, dodgeball and kickball leagues are a big thing these days!
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/17 05:15 AM
3

In my experience partner dancing attracts 3 types: very traditional men, very geeky men, and the world's most awkward men... ;p maybe that's just here on the W coast! I'm not saying that as a bad thing at all, geeky awkward and conservative was just my type at one pt.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/17 05:12 AM
14

"Being aware in social situations." I really agree with this one! (Sorry keep forgetting how to do that darn quoting thing) I had an ex who told me one of the qualities he valued most was someone who was comfortable in any room, who was socially fluent and was never a risk to bring anywhere. If your man feels comfortable leaving you alone at a family gathering, at a rowdy party, with his work friends, and with his childhood friends, he'll value you so much more as a life companion.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/17 02:17 AM
1

Yup. I like proactive, confident men who know what they want and go after it. Men like that also tend not to become too deferential and submissive (to quote /u/ivegotsomequestions0) when in love, even when very in love they retain that confidence and vigor.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/17 03:24 AM
3

Yes exactly!! You cannot coax a man into loving you. I've never seen it happen, ever. You can't coax a woman who doesn't respect you into loving you or anything, but all the time I see really great couples where the woman just wasn't crazy about him when they were first dating, but as she got to know him over the first few months, came to really adore him! A lot of my male friends are quite quiet and stoic, and this happens with them.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/17 03:20 AM
5

I don't think my parents meant that I should find "a beta" who'd do anything or put up with anything, FWIW :) They're very RP (though obviously never in a million years would have heard of the term). I did not express this well, but what they meant was that they believe men are generally decisive about personal matters, deviate less from their first impressions, and can learn almost everything they need to know about a woman quickly (they would say that although a man should investigate a woman'…
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/17 03:18 AM
2

He's simply not blossomed yet and I have a choice to practice hypergamy and trade up or trust he's going to blossom. No BS, that's a hard choice for a woman to make. I feel you. I felt I had to make the same choice when I started dating my BF. But I also believe we're more loyal and bonded to each other b/c of that experience.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/17 03:08 AM
2

Dated a very short Army sniper once. Definitely felt as physically protected as it gets ;)
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/17 03:01 AM
10

Strongly agree. You sound freakin' adorable. Loads of guys will find you adorable. Sounds like this guy does too. Super masculine men often love hyper feminine women.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/17 03:00 AM
1

girl get yourself over here to the states! :)
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 06:58 AM
1

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this :( good luck with your healing & your recovery
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 03:38 AM
4

so 2 separate things: I personally only apply RP thinking to my romantic relationship \ In my interactions with customers/end-users, clients, and the general public, I try to practice courtesy, empathy, and generosity. In this case it would mean understanding that this particular end-user meant no harm and was trying to express a nice sentiment, as others on this thread have commented. So I definitely think you did the right thing by not saying anything! :) But I did want to generally make the p…
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 01:08 AM
2

European & AA LTR here :)
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 12:45 AM
4

That's so true! I think very high value men want a woman who he can find not only adorable and sweet etc., but a woman whose deep inner strength, moral compass, and character he can admire. Those deeper feelings of admiration are the foundation for something truly long lasting IMO.
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 12:45 AM
3

I have to be the voice of dissent here. I don't apply RP thinking to anyone but my family. My coworkers should see me as a fellow coworker, not as a sweet submissive woman. I would be offended and I see nothing wrong with you being offended (though of course this specific battle wouldn't be worth fighting).
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 12:42 AM
3

Oh fun me too :) started a bit of a Dd/lg dynamic and it was so good for our relationship that I realized I wanted to start implementing RO principles across the board
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/17 12:39 AM
8

I read in some psych study that the single feeling most deleterious to a relationship is pity/condescension. I totally agree - deep admiration is what's missing from so many otherwise compatible pairs.
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 04:13 PM
3

I think in the looks department specifically it's really cute when both parties think they got lucky :) I have a friend who's always saying her BF is far too handsome for her (in a joking way not an insecure way) and apparently he says the same about her!
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 04:10 PM
5

I've seen that effect in action for sure. I meant to allude to the way my estimation of a man often rises as I get to know him better though! For instance I've been with my current Capt a year, and I'm confident that each month I learn something about him that makes me admire him more deeply. As he's revealed himself to me, we've shifted towards a 2:1 balance, though we started out as 1:1.
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 04:08 PM
3

Oh gosh that makes so much more sense!! 😳😳 My bad! Just totally let the math slip by me there
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 04:06 PM
8

I feel the same way - this is classic RP theory and I absolutely see it everywhere. For me, I struggle with self-discipline and work ethic, so I'm extremely attracted to men with extremely rigorous personalities & those 2 qualities in excess.
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 06:49 AM
1

yeah and that is an actual real series of events that happens to people!
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/17 05:57 AM
–

clay + mint sounds nice! i'll try that :) lol i'm so sad everyone thinks my Capt is gross now - honestly he's an incredibly hygienic dude, that's why we're both so confused about this
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/17 07:05 AM
3

This is a great response! Push yourself to access your kind, empathetic side. Feed that side. Challenge yourself to really experience warm feelings towards her.
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/17 07:03 AM
16

Authenticity is good to develop, thanks This is exactly the issue. Authenticity is NOT JUST ANOTHER item on a list of "to do's" that you can develop to "get a man to commit." Thinking of it that way...inherently makes you inauthentic. You've posted a lot but I feel like I don't have a sense of your actual personality at all! You say things about yourself but they're strangely generic descriptions. That could mean this is an insincere set of posts (but let's put that aside and assume the best). O…
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/17 01:45 AM
5

by definition your MMV qualities can't be that good if you can't get exclusivity.
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/17 01:42 AM
1

hm, see, that's a good example of what i mean. i'm sure there's a sweet spot where you can find a smart, competent woman who nonetheless will be satisfied as a complement to and component of your life. but if you date a woman who's too ambitious, she won't be satisfied with just managing your investment properties, checking on your portfolio, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 06:18 AM
3

ah, I meant that comment in a diff context. not like, my husband would have to be a superstar or else i'd wanna lounge around all day. I meant, my husband would have to be a superstar or else I'd want to work and have my own career. supporting him would not be enough for me unless his life/career/mission were truly compelling and dazzling to me and much greater than what i could achieve and yes, i aspire to be a superstar woman ;)
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 05:47 AM
1

thanks everyone for comments. i joined RPW specifically b/c I have a tendency to be snotty, entitled and mean about my BF's past. the ways in which my objections are legitimate encourage me to take my objections to a place where they become illegitimate. I can't talk to my friends about my occasional "omg you're divorced" panic attacks for fear of making Capt look bad. We're very happy on the whole but whenever certain issues come up it's like we suddenly are transported to a completely differen…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 04:33 AM
3

yeah you wouldn't think "doesn't enjoy being in offices" was a legitimate reason to be able to lay claim to someone else's salary... obviously I'm biased but jeez
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 03:27 AM
1

yes, I admit this is in part a hypergamous instinct. maybe like, 50% hypergamy ("I can do better, I don't need to settle for guy with baggage") 50% just raw jealousy ("I want to be the only person you've ever loved"). Countered by the fact that I understand why he made the decisions he made at the time + I love and respect the person he is now.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 03:25 AM
–

haha i don't mean to make him sound unclean!! he's almost OCD-level clean and tidy which is why I'm so confused :p
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 03:02 AM
1

That's a really lovely way to put it; thanks for that. You're definitely right that I have no right to pass judgment. Not only was it in the past, but I've never been in the position he was in (impoverished, isolated, confused). I'll definitely try to keep my mind on that fact rather than the primal jealousy of it all.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 02:02 AM
2

That was indeed a flip comment. This was kind of a live-action fight (as in, he and I were bickering when I made the original post) and because he and I had kissed and made up I guess I wrote that in a more light-hearted mood. I do honestly feel like it'll be easier to put his past out of my mind when it's no longer part of our financial present. And yes I fully realize it's weird and presumptuous to say "our" when we're not married - I only use the term because we do our books together every mo…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 01:36 AM
1

This is a really good point - I didn't think through my decision to rush into this relationship and neither did he. We're now both super invested and everything's a lot more complicated for it! I think your "put up or shut up" advice is correct. There's not really much to be done other than that. I guess I should have phrased my question like this - "how do I make my own peace internally with this choice"?
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 01:09 AM
2

That's a bit cruel :( Most people are their spouse's first spouse. Condemning me because my BF's enormous alimony obligations give me pause seems a bit extreme. I've never been married and I don't know anyone else who has been, other than him, so it's a relatively shocking issue for me.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 01:01 AM
1

Hm, I've got no strong opinion on americas alimony laws but this discussion has been thought-provoking. I suppose it does help to see my BF as part of a potentially larger unfair situation (I certainly believe he's personally embedded in an unfair situation). I don't know if I've offended someone with my comments? Not sure how down votes work but if I have, I hope no one thinks I'm arguing that my BF or any man's has moral guilt or obligation as a necessary conclusion of owing alimony. If anyone…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/17 12:00 AM
–

Is anyone else dating a man with a beard? If so....how does he prevent food smells from lodging themselves within the beard?!? My man has pizza and his beard smells like pizza for a week
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 11:47 PM
1

exactly!
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 09:39 PM
7

your user name is so funny to me! your comments & writing style are SO sweet.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 09:04 PM
1

Hm, thanks for sharing that story :) I feel like "are you settling" is such an important question - no one else can answer it for you, but if deep in your heart you feel like you might be, you need to get out of there. I do worry that I'm allowing sympathy/pity to cloud how I see his situation. This much resentment this early on in a relationship is fucked up for sure. On the other hand, he's definitely nothing like a bum - we split all expenses about 60/40 (60% him, 40% me) and his career is re…
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 09:01 PM
2

That's definitely true! Median income to home value has been slowly decreasing since 60's. (Average income to home value, AFAIK has not been). I just don't think women entering the workforce is a cause of that. Actually, women entering the workforce is a symptom of that. Edit: Also wanted to add, median income relative to 2 other HUGE costs has been falling very rapidly: healthcare and college tuition. It's borderline impossible to send the average 2.1 American children to private colleges debt-…
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:39 PM
16

Great prompt! Excited to see everyone's responses. One thing that works for me (as dumb as this is going to sound) is picking one thing and being MILITANT about it, no matter what. For instance, making the bed every morning no matter what, or writing in your journal no matter what. Be an absolute crazy person about it. Once you have ONE good, new habit down...for some reason it's so much easier to add on the second, and the third. It's like you have a foothold on self-improvement.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:24 PM
1

My ex tried using a straight razor... one bathroom sink full of blood later, we never tried again.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:18 PM
1

5% BACK ON AMAZON PURCHASES?! Dear god that's amazing
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:16 PM
5

This is really good advice, I really appreciate it. I was kind of secretly hoping someone would give me an icy bucket of reality :p I think part of the reason I'm upset is precisely because he does talk about us getting married all the time, and because since we live together, our lives are increasingly co-mingled (there's just a lot of shared expenses and shared vacations). It might be wise for us to avoid any financial entanglements actually, until he's 100% free and clear from this last relat…
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:12 PM
10

it's just extremely unlikely, bordering on impossible, that 100% of the guys you have dated are unwilling to enter a LTR with you unless you have a personality flaw. so yes, I'm looking for one, because it's basically the only explanation left.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:07 PM
13

Honestly maybe it's your personality. You've told us you have an hourglass shape literally 100 times in this thread.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:03 PM
2

That's definitely true, thanks for that reminder. I know it's something he's subjected to. There are still prickles of resentment because I think he could have been more frugal in the past and not found himself owing this family $, or I think he could have negotiated the terms of his divorce more intelligently. I 100% do not claim the feelings of resentment are rational. They're more...primal?
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 08:01 PM
1

Oh he definitely had bad judgment, definitely gave in on her divorce demands quickly (we had met and I had laid down an ultimatum that we wouldn't date if he didn't wrap it up). But to be fair to him, it's a bit of an unusual situation, sort of hard to go into without revealing personal details, he basically went from washing dishes in the back of a restaurant to earning 6 figures in about 10 years (hence the huge amount of spousal support). Not to sound wildy arrogant, but the honest answer is …
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 07:53 PM
1

I'd probably be over it once the actual payments stopped (I have a short term memory like that). I just don't know if I can wait that long!
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 07:27 PM
1

Luckily no child support (phew). Wouldn't have dated him had that been the case. I don't want to be a SAHM but you're right, it'd be hard to afford that in the future. Maybe not impossible- we have kind of volatile incomes so it's hard to say what the future will bring, but he is a great earner. Thanks for taking the time to reply-- that's exactly how I feel, that I deserve a clean slate (as I have one myself). What holds me back is that he is truly a great partner for me in all idiosyncratic wa…
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 07:22 PM
1

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place :( I can't imagine ending it with him, but I can't imagine being ok with this crazy amount of alimony either.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 07:16 PM
1

A cut off after about another year. In his case there's a special repayment that will probably take 3-5 years to pay off even after that. We're talking probably the equivalent of our wedding cost, or a down payment on a home. It's just so frustrating to think of the money going towards that instead of towards our lives.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 07:15 PM
1

Unfair or not the problem is I resent him, not the system, for paying. I'm not saying that's rational, to resent someone for choices they made before they met you, of course, but resent him I do. I guess I'm asking for help getting over that?
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 07:08 PM
9

He probably thinks you're biased because you're his loving GF :) parrot compliments from other people to him ("my friend Sarah was saying how XYZ you are") and tell him stories about men who don't have his virtues ("so you won't believe what Sarah's new BF did, if only he were more like you"). :p
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:31 PM
2

Ok here's what you do. Ignore WeHo. Avoid Hollywood in general. Head to the W side and find yourself a nice geeky tech guy.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:29 PM
5

In the circles I run in, basically, everyone, male or female, needs a household manager. The workplace is getting insanely competitive and people are expected to be available 24/7. Bringing home a fat paycheck while working 9-5 and taking lunch off is a non-existent option; everyone I know works 50+ hour weeks at least and that's just to sustain themselves as a single person.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:20 PM
3

Depends on the career. I'd consider acting in that role if my husband was a superstar but nothing less.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:17 PM
5

You are the most painfully realistic internet commentor I have ever come across.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:16 PM
2

Exactly.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:12 PM
7

it's extremely hard to substantiate claims that women entering the workforce hurt wages. the data just doesn't show this. millennials are definitely suffering from anemic or non-existent median wage growth but that trend dates back only to the 70's and 80's, whereas female participation in workforce dates back much further. counties with higher female workforce participation also are generally more economically vibrant (correlation but notable). the median American home is around $200,000. down …
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:12 PM
7

Any time I've been able to even have that thought OCCUR to me.... I wasn't truly enamored. When I've been my most loving self -- and ended up in LTR's -- I basically could not even connect the words "my man" and "mediocre" in my head. Date a man who impresses you and treat him that way.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 06:06 PM
2

There's no clear answer on this Q. The data is ambiguous because as /u/crimsonrpw has said, divorce is correlated strongly with things like low-income, lower education levels, unemployment, etc and it's hard to figure out how much of the childrens' outcomes are related to which events.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 05:55 PM
1

I could not agree more. Her marriage is in some ways a symptom and not just a cause of her misery.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 04:54 PM
2

Actually the reverse is true in the US right now. The vast majority of well-paid non-degree-requiring jobs that are experiencing anything like employment growth are popular with women, not men. Basically, loads of healthcare jobs. There's a huge deficit of "trade jobs" that men want to take that still pay really well.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 04:52 PM
2

This sounds so adorable. My male housecat would be pretty concerned... for me. He DGAF about Man ;p
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 04:48 PM
8

You say your problems require specific socio-economic context, so lemme chime in. I've lived in LA, I've dated in LA. I made well into the 6 figures as did everyone I knew. Etc. basically......I can hang lol There's no way you're having these problems for this long a time unless you're doing something VERY wrong. It's not your skirt. It's not your dating app. It's not something subtle. It's just not THAT hard to find a LTR especially if you are as non-picky as you claim. Maybe men can tell you r…
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/17 04:47 PM
1

haha that sounds lovely too! I often fantasize about huge families but know that's probably not going to be possible given the other priorities my BF & I have. I think it's important in "relationship C" as I described it, that you and your partner focus on values-based goals rather than just "our goal is to become as rich and powerful as possible." not that my BF & I are that moralistic, but I often think about couples who work in ministry together as a great template for what I want out of a pa…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 08:22 PM
3

Neither! I want Relationship C, where girl and boy are compatible and have many of the same interests and passions and values. Even though they have separate jobs they both find the other's job interesting and are able to give lots of thoughtful and useful feedback. In fact they hope to one day work together, maybe even on a company of their own, where they can set their own hours and build a real legacy for their family. They're intellectually well-matched and love sharpening each others' minds…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 08:01 PM
2

I really empathize with this - I'm fiercely ambitious, stubborn as hell, fixated on my own dreams and goals, etc. I ignore the "tradlife" parts of RP as well. I find that femininity is exactly as you put it - almost a spiritual experience. The truth is, you can't build a solid life and moral system just on always trying to get what you want - you have to find a way to structure in selflessness and empathy and love, or else you'll find yourself an unhappy hedonist. That love doesn't always have t…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 05:24 AM
1

To each their own! To me this sounds like it would deplete the marriage. A lot of Christian marriage counselors I've met have told me, always remember you were a wife before you were a mother! You & your husband, God willing, will be living together with kids out of the house for decades... you gotta always be nurturing your marriage and romantic passion, not losing that connection in the midst of busyness.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 05:20 AM
1

is that sarcastic? no it is definitely not having kids.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 05:16 AM
1

Quality time in marriage is a myth?! Woah I couldn't disagree more. My Capt & I are starting a business together.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 03:34 AM
3

Yes. How to appropriately express femininity really depends on culture and context. No offense but it would not be perceived as classy, feminine or attractive if someone in my office wore Mary Janes. I think you can express a sleek, clean, modern, even menswear-inspired aesthetic and still be radiating femininity and beauty.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/17 03:14 AM
2

I love debate but some topics and too broad and inflammatory to constantly re-debate in the same space you seek to use to apply one particular viewpoint. It's like having /r/democrats for democrats-- if they wanna be challenged they'll seek out a mixed audience subreddit
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/17 03:11 PM
9

I like this post and I don't disagree with a lot of it. I find TRP absolutely horrifying. I'm a dyed in the wool, hardcore feminist. That's how I vote, that's how I donate, that's how I volunteer...gender equality on an economic and political level is a cause ferociously dear to my heart. So this is my response (and my 'hamstering' perhaps teehee) in terms of what I find redemptive about RPW. Re: "Isn't RPW advice obvious?" Most good relationship advice seems obvious and simple. Relationships th…
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/17 04:31 AM
1

Disagreements always attract a lot of posts but that doesn't mean this one really belonged in RPW.
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/17 04:20 AM
7

I don't listen to RPW advice when it comes to picking which man to be with (though this is theoretical point since I already had a man when I started reading). I know what I like, I know when I'm happy. I also don't take RP advice too seriously when it comes to what I want from life broadly. Again, I don't need help figuring that out from a subreddit, right? I don't want to stay at home, quite the opposite, I never wanted to marry young, etc etc The part of RPW I find helpful is quite specific -…
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/17 04:16 AM
13

well I always love hearing from her :p
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/17 04:09 AM
9

Jeez. I don't even disagree with everything OP said but this post to me seems like you're just tryna say, "I'm too young and hot and cool to need Red Pill! I naturally have all RP virtues plus unlike y'all, I'm still fun and modern and who even needs to be taught this obvious stuff?" Then you follow it up with some vague cliches, none of which contradict Red Pill in the least. Not every post has to be detailed or ask a question, but I don't understand what you're trying to contribute to the disc…
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/17 04:07 AM
2

Yeah oh gosh, don't mean to suggest any normal guy should feel threatened if you compliment Picasso :p just that I've realized I should be a littttttle more sensitive when I compliment other men on the very specific things my BF is insecure about, prides himself on, etc. I hardly think he'd be maniacal enough to react if I said Andrew Rockefeller was a badass, but because he's insecure about his ability to provide right now, its a bit inconsiderate of me to gush about our male friend's big raise
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/17 12:14 AM
3

haha that is a funny coincidence... I think being obnoxious in that way is a universal issue across marital statuses and ages :p
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/17 10:38 PM
3

I agree, I find this problem exists with women across the spectrum of life choices. Older married women with children (in my part of the world) are often wildly passive aggressive and competitive. "MY child is a whole grade level ahead in reading!" "Well MY child is an artistic genius!" "Oh it's SO hard having such a GIFTED little child"
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/17 08:58 PM
5

that's so amazing!! I felt the same way - "I respect you" is a sentence we rarely say. I think we rarely even use the word "respect" as a verb without being a little ironic! I had to work my way up to it...first it was "you're so awesome, babe" and other informal words....then "I think the world of you"....etc. so amazing how he responded!
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/17 08:55 PM
9

that's what I did! people would ask me, why don't you date a guy in his early 20's [like you]? and i'd reply, omg have you MET guys in their early 20's?!
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/17 04:00 AM
8

there were loads of super hot CS students at my school! like, many varsity athletes who studied CS. may be diff in UK but in the US, if you're in the middle 3/5's of talent, degree definitely predicts earning power. if you're in the top 1/5 of talent and intelligence and hustle, sure, it doesn't matter nearly as much, but by definition most women aren't dating those men.
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/17 03:59 AM
1

yes, that's exactly what I do/did!:) I would find projects I could do while he was busy that were quiet, fun enough to entertain me, but trivial enough that I could instantly put them down the second he was also done ;) These days it's one way to try and have my BF's excellent work ethic rub off on me!
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/17 03:36 AM
1

This Q is a bit too late since it sounds like he's already there, but does he have work to do while he's visiting? Or did he take a week off? If the former, I found that while we were LD, my BF felt super stressed and guilty when we were together but he was doing work. I totally understood of course but feeling like someone is waiting on you is really a lot of pressure! I'd make it clear if he does do some work while he's there, that youdont mind at all.
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/17 02:53 AM
2

I agree. The difference to me between saying you want to be a housewife, and saying you want to be an architect, is that the former statement carries more risk for the other participant. You might be hard-working, ethical, etc but there's also a chance you're lazy, exploitative, etc. He can't know and he may not want to take the risk. So I think you have to de-risk this statement. If a woman who is clearly hard-working (has a good career, her life in order, lots of activities, etc.) says she wan…
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/17 02:43 AM
6

Follow up Q: how do make it clear you enjoy traditional gender roles? Should you literally write, "I enjoy traditional gender roles" in your profile? What's a subtler way to maybe hint at it?
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/17 01:44 AM
9

Finances are such a tricky arena, right?? I have 0 hypergamous instinct when it comes to things like looks, social status, etc. but it's really hard not to have unpleasant, resentful thoughts when you're looking at the ugly calculations of "can we buy a house before I'm 30" etc. Plus for me, my BF still pays alimony, so financial resentment mixes with ex-wife jealousy in a super bad way. I just keep trying to tell myself that he must already be suffering so much internally over his financial iss…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/17 08:07 PM
4

service sub high five?
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/17 07:09 PM
6

to add some more color/detail, for example, we had to sit down last weekend and do our monthly finances. I'm usually very mean about these b/c I'm upset about how much high-interest debt he has (although while we've been together he's been v responsible). He's more stressed about it than I am but I'm rarely sympathetic to that. this time, I tried a. being more sympathetic b. communicating my fears but also communicating my total confidence in his ability to remedy the situation and c. explicitly…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/17 07:07 PM
2

contemplative prayer has been a really beautiful practice in my life, albeit a more solitary one even when experienced alongside a loved one. a more partnership-based practice I've enjoyed is saying grace before meals together - a sort of less Christian version might be taking turns saying what you're grateful for. to me there's nothing more beautiful than serving your man a meal, taking a moment to bow your heads and celebrate that moment and ritual as special - one of the things I love about r…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/17 04:51 AM
1

an early congratulations!
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/17 03:27 AM
2

How beautiful :) How long have you been married now?
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 06:17 PM
1

makes sense! romantic involvement + being roommates does seem complicated, though my only source on that is New Girl ;p To use your language then, I guess I'm acting "like a wife" in my current situation; fully see how that might seem like a risky/terrible idea, and definitely sometimes we run into awkward moments where we kiiiiind of act like a household unit but we kiiiiind of don't. Still, working for us so far!
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 05:48 PM
1

I think I have an idea of how a home life should be with a man and if he's not my husband, I'm unable to fulfill that. Interesting, can you elaborate?
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 04:17 PM
3

Just wanted to say y'all's suggestion to find non-cost related reasons to love a cheaper apartment is the epitome (to me) of considerate, tender, graceful, morally applied feminine wiles :) Such an amazing example! So many women these days would be cruel and rub their partners' face in their inability to afford a large apartment, and make the transition a passive aggressive, "you disappointed me" nightmare.
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 06:34 AM
14

Weird analogy but one thing I've heard is: getting married young is like a startup, getting married later is like a merger. When you marry young you build your whole life together - everything in your adult life has your partner's stamp. But it can be like the blind leading the blind. When you get married at a later age, you both already have fully formed lives, and you have to figure out how to merge them. Neither better or worse, just diff challenges!
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 06:28 AM
2

I had always thought I'd never move in with a man I wasn't at least engaged to. My reasoning was similar to some of y'all in this thread: -it lessens the weight of the decision to marry -even though I've been sexually active with all my long-term boyfriends, the symbolic representation of purity mattered to me -I wanted to indulge my gross single behaviors some more! ;P (i.e. drinking milk out of the box, etc.) I moved in with my current BF after only 6 mo's of dating - not the plan! Did so beca…
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 06:27 AM
2

same! gosh I shudder to think how i'd explain this subreddit to friends
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/17 06:19 AM
9

Love this. I think one way to tell the difference is to ask yourself, how do I feel after speaking to this person? Confident people often make others around them feel more inspired, not less - their passion, joy, and appropriate pride make others excited to pursue their own passions. Arrogant people will leave you feeling small and insignificant, like you can never, ever achieve what they can (their whole intent, subconsciously). I often find myself in a position where I'm asking male experts in…
/r/RedPillWomen22/03/17 01:38 AM
3

FWIW my friend in a LDR (now happily married) said one of the hardest things when they finally moved to the same city was being disciplined in terms of how much time they'd spend together. On one hand, it's like giving a starving man food - he just wants to gorge himself, and in their case, spend 100% of their time together. Although she said a celebratory week of that behavior is great, after 1-2 weeks you want to try and hold to a normal schedule.
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 11:14 PM
2

Sounds like a great day! Always blows my mind what a difference finding the right brow shape can make to a face - the tiniest, subtlest changes in brow shape can really affect your appearance.
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 08:47 PM
2

Anger issues. History of abuse. Sex addiction. Praising yourself for having the COURAGE of hurt your wife's feelings.
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 05:20 PM
2

She gives me more hugs than ever and at a concert recently she even put her arm in mine. And well she is so sweet to me, more than ever before. Creepy! Creepy! Oh my god! What is this bizarre phrasing "who doesn't LOVE a happy ending" "who can argue with success"? Your daughter is just being crushed under your sociopathic rule, you're in fact setting an absolutely awful example. Separation as a ploy?? Abusing your wife?? Why would anyone on RPW condone staying with a man like this?!
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 05:18 PM
2

oh my god is this bot (which was clearly trained on transcripts of Josef Fritzl and Brian David Mitchell) finally passing the Turing Test?
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 05:15 PM
–

I'm sorry, but I'm so baffled by the support for this post. This is a story about a suicide.
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 05:10 PM
3

some women i've met have commented that I'm "sooo lucky" to have found my BF. I am, of course, incredibly lucky. but it also makes me smirk because I worked hard to be the kind of girl he'd commit to!
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 06:04 AM
1

:p well...it happened...I straight up said "aw no" in the tiniest little baby voice at work after someone delivered some bad news to the team...most embarrassing moment ever...eeeeek! on the bright side my boyfriend loves "kitty"...sigh.
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 04:34 AM
7

THANK YOU. Dear god what is happening in this thread?! I feel like I'm losing my mind. Let me get this straight. Weird point 1: OP is here to tell us the story of a man who abandons the woman carrying his child. Not sure how this isn't an INSANELY clear dealbreaker by RPW standards. Weird point 2: The night after holding his newborn child, this man tragically kills himself! Weird point 3: OP then tells us he fantasized sexually about the man's widow. Somehow this all adds up to a tender, touchin…
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 04:31 AM
11

I don't think his profession sounds like a dealbreaker! In fact it sounds a lot like trading stock options or being a freelance data science consultant, both jobs held by friends of mine, who themselves are normal, sweet, traditional guys. You guys sound like you'd be an amazing couple. Although the risk exists that this relationship won't feel the same in-person, I think if you can talk for hours on the phone, that's seriously promising.
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/17 04:19 AM
1

I do agree that very broadly speaking, psychiatric medication is overprescribed an overused. So I don't feel I'm pressuring her to take meds - OP, please don't feel pressured to take meds or not take meds! :) You know what's best for you. I actually believe that anti-depressants are not a "quick fix" alternative to "fix[ing] the actual issues in life." I think that people who are prescribed meds and who find those meds work for them, still have to do both. In fact, I think anti-depressants, anti…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/17 02:10 AM
2

Same! BF has lied about his past (just once, but it was biggie) but never about present-tense stuff, and I don't believe he has since. It's funny, TBH, had I heard a friend was going through our exact situation I'd have advised her to break it off and told her "YOU AREN'T THE EXCEPTION". However... we're very happy now!
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/17 07:50 AM
1

I agree with the premise of this & the overall message, but I think that in all cases where a man abandons his fiancee upon realizing she's pregnant, a very, VERY tiny percent of those cases involves a man who has been horribly abused who can fairly quickly, without extensive therapy, overcome this abuse and become a mentally stable responsible Captain whose wife's obedience isn't going to feed into his issues.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/17 06:31 AM
11

Yes, "the wall" is a lot more noticeable in big cities where variety and supply are endless so men, especially high value men, can be endlesslt picky
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/17 07:01 PM
1

Omg the statistics and large scale behavior of men and women on dating apps is FASCINATING to me - in the cold harsh light of data aggregation, red pill theory is validated lol I've read a book by founder of OKCupid about this topic, plan to summarize here sometime. Basically, 2 opposing forces take place, age and attractiveness. Men will "swipe right" (or click or whatever for other sires) on people at their level of SMV or higher. Women may generally overestimate their SMV and reach. However w…
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/17 06:57 PM
1

You dont and can't know which of those groups OP is in, so why would you pressure her not to take meds?
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/17 06:39 PM
3

Yes! Hahaha my BF jokes sometimes that I have an "angry quota" and if I don't hit it at work... I'll have to hit it at home :p
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 05:35 AM
4

I appreciate the warm welcome so much! I think being a good mom is SO important; it's really the crux of society. But the truth is... being a good wife and mother isn't all I want. It's not enough for me. I agree I have lots of hard questions... many many days worth of hard decisions and questions coming my way. I have seen families that as far as I know are happy, with 2 children, and 2 parents both working very intense jobs. My own parents fell into this mold. Of course, it requires a lot of c…
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 05:27 AM
3

Haha SUCH A GOOD TIP. Don't know what I would do without our cleaner.
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 05:06 AM
1

Thanks so much for the reply!! Really makes me feel welcome :)
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 04:58 AM
3

Of course you can be 20 and have 0 experience with boys! Of course. There is NOTHING wrong with that. You have bigger problems and other priorities right now: your mental health. If you are (and you sound like you are) clinically depressed, seek professional help. Get a good therapist and if necessary, a psychiatrist. You can and will blossom. You're so young! You have SO MUCH JOY ahead of you. Please put this "wall" talk out of your mind, it won't serve you right now.
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 04:53 AM
13

OTOH...medication works for a lot of people. Depression is physiological, not just psycological. Don't feel "weak" or bad or "in denial" if your psychiatrist does recommend medication.
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 04:43 AM
3

TBH I'm having the opposite problem right now. My current relationship is so absorbing and so much the emotional center of my life that I've been bringing my feminine energy into the office way too much! Haha My BF jokes that I'm going to use my "baby voice" with my boss by accident any day now :p (it's not exactly a literal baby voice, but I'm sure y'all know what I mean)
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/17 02:18 AM
7

WOAH omg I have so many questions.
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/17 01:30 AM
2

There's a funny Chinese saying, basically goes: raise your sons as if they're poor, raise your daughters as if they're rich. The idea is your sons should come out scrappy, hardened, even a little cynical. Your daughters should come out soft, gentle-hearted, and optimistic, convinced of the world's goodness. Didn't exactly work out in my family (my bro and I flipped that on its head, both for inborn personality reasons and because my family's financial circumstances changed a lot over time). On o…
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/17 01:28 AM
2

Yeah....Amurica, man. Where I live (big city, West coast), I swear to god, a 1 BR home is about $1M. Sending each kid to college is probably $100-400K (assuming they go to a private college, and I would like them to have that option). It's ridiculous. If I want a yard and a 3BR, we'd be looking at around $2M if we live in a less cool neighborhood. Of course, we'll probably end up moving to a cheaper city in midwest or something but even then, you're looking at at least $500K for your home, same …
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/17 01:19 AM
1

Haha, that's very true, that's a bad example :) goodness knows I could've used a lesson in being nicer to.my brother! I was thinking of my BF, whose family lived in a studio his whole life. Glad the rest seemed reasonable to you!
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 09:07 PM
2

That sounds like such a lovely routine...!! I don't know if I can achieve quite those levels of companionship :( since my jobs becoming increasingly time-consuming, but you're definitely inspiring me to think of those little consistent things I can do! I'm going to try to lay out his PJs and a cup of tea at night ...
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 05:12 PM
3

MY FAV TOPIC haha! I have 2 rules: I NEVER respond after midnight (except for extremely necessary logistical texts maybe). Even an innocuous text conversation can turn sordid quickly at this hour. I want to make it clear to my potential partner that what we're engaging in is clean-cut. Helps show that sexting & bootie calls are not an option without explicitly saying that. As other commenters have said, I do not drop what I'm doing to check my phone.
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 08:20 AM
6

hahahaha it was a car?! dear lord I noticed the exact same thing when I was at home between jobs. I felt like I had some internal quota for emotional activity, and when I wasn't interacting as much with the outside world 90% of that activity had to happen with my BF, which inevitably led to being demanding and creating drama.
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 02:38 AM
8

Hm, this isn't a direct response to OP (seems like you've gotten a lot of good advice already, seems there's a consensus, with which I agree, that your ex was bananas), but I just wanted to contribute my 2 cents. I actually feel very differently than a lot of the conversation in this thread. I'm an ambitious person and I like to date ambitious people - the idea of being with a man who decides to make a middling income in order to come home early to me is kind of crazy. I think I read on TRP some…
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 02:29 AM
3

Totally agree. Plus, confidence earned through success, mastery, etc. Will be sturdier than confidence acquired from something minor like height
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 09:21 PM
2

can be done?
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 09:06 PM
5

FWIW I, a female, totally agree. I think it's downright cruel the way women say they won't date short (or balding) guys.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 09:01 PM
3

^ THIS. I find this height requirement the height of unreasonableness (teehee). Height is 1) genetic, so not a virtue 2) doesn't make him a more effective...ANYTHING, not a better provider, not even necessarily better in bar fights 3) won't get you off anymore than a good haircut.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 08:59 PM
1

Yes but...a short man can protect and provide for you for years of your life...
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 08:57 PM
3

Or find another way to make the woman feel protected/feminine/safe. I had an ex who was far shorter than I, and I'm under 5'5". On the other hand, he was a world class athlete (literally).
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 08:56 PM
10

What? Strongly beg to disagree plus...this is RPW...the place you're least likely to find that
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 08:54 PM
2

By the way, I seriously relate & I'm happy to talk whenever... I consider myself pretty intelligent & am at least seriously geeky. I've worked in tech & finance, am Asian, went to a hardcore nerdy school... you can imagine that my male friends (and my first BF!) have always been the high IQ, highly neurotic, "sigma" type. My preferences however tend towards the less intellectual & more traditionally masculine, so I've gone on plenty of those dates as well, and I think I've ultimately on several …
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 06:44 PM
2

Holy crap, I had no idea those 2 celebs were married!! Off to see if I can stalk wedding photos
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 02:21 AM
2

That's a lovely story, and it's great that you and he have what sounds like a good relationship as well!
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 02:20 AM
1

ahaha I've never heard the phrase "dumber than a box of hair" - laughed out loud at work
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/17 02:17 AM
1

That's an amazing suggestion, thank you so much! I'll absolutely try a 0 complaint week and report back :) I suspect I'll discover to my horror how much I really do complain about problems that are entirely theoretical....
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/17 04:52 PM
3

Still uncommon but I see many successful post 35 marriages in a particular class of highly educated / highly mobile / urbane professionals. Had a friend who met husband @36 and married at like, 38 or 39. She was a high powered attorney & he was a software engineer who had lived in like, 4 diff countries. However, he did had a kid...!! So even then, she was making compromises.
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 07:12 PM
3

Sounds like y'all are still in that very fragile, malleable, early stage. I would definitely not initiate the kind of convo you describe - could seem needy or like you're pressuring him. I'd give it a few more weeks; you can show him you like him through your behavior and enthusiasm when you do see each other, but I'd try to continue to let him initiate contact. If it's still unclear how he feels about you after another month or so... Hes just not that into you
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 07:09 PM
2

1) I have a bad habit of taking any and all insecurities out on him - for instance, I'm sad I don't yet have many close friends in our new city, so when I feel lonely or left out, I'll pick a fight with him about how we "never do anything" or never go out. 2) specifically, I get really upset and butthurt about his ex-wife and his 1 ex-GF-- I'd appreciate any advice from RPW with divorced BFs and spouses on how to get over this. I'm an extremely, wildly jealous person :( and it bugs me to no end …
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 06:49 PM
4

Aw, this hit so close to home. My BF calls me kitty and pets me all the time :)
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 08:37 AM
1

Hm, that's fair, I didn't have a dilemma I was looking to resolve so I didn't feel the need to share much: I was just sort of sharing my story and strengthening my resolve :) FWIW, I don't think we currently have any real problems, other than my hamstering/ shittests. He's wonderful, far too patient with me, has a super calm, indulgent, confident demeanor. He's smart, tough, ambitious, gentlemanly. When we fight, it's always either because of his past, or purely because I'm neurotic and crazy!
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 08:30 AM
2

It's not that I get upset when he gets home late (I often work from home most of the evening too)-- it's that I need to be especially conscious not to pick fights or stress him out during this period, and that can be tough for me :/ but remembering how hard he's working, in large part for me, will definitely help!
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 08:15 AM
2

Cant say it enough: don't date actors
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/17 08:09 AM
1

Amazing advice, thank you! He's not home (it's 10pm here) and that was a good reminder not to text & bug him while he's still working :p
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 06:21 AM
1

Haha yeah, was v tired, excuse the inarticulateness :) I guess I meant, early in the relationship you spend lots of time trying to impress each other, then you start relaxing and show each other your slob side, your lazy side, your neurotic side...
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 05:29 AM
1

...have you ever watched Bones? I watched Seeley Booth for like, 4 seasons and it left my permanently attracted to a slightly more brutish man ;) Also it's a show about a woman who's much more intelligent, and their chemistry is electrifying.
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 05:25 AM
5

OHHHH I'm so silly. That makes sense. Hadn't thought of that. #spoiled
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 05:24 AM
8

I actually disagree. For a certain type of guy, he just wants women to have his kids...period. Doesn't necessarily signal deep commitment, especially if he knows she'll figure out a way to take care of them regardless.
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 05:22 AM
1

what do you mean?
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 05:04 AM
2

I posted about this a while ago but a friend of mine who's mid-20's is dating a woman who's now 35, very serious, very happy. She's a extremely well-maintained career woman who's got a close circle of friends; he's a huge step up from her previous BF's; waiting seems to have worked out for her. Side note, I guess, she's very RP.
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 04:42 AM
1

I strongly disagree with all the 'no fap' content on TRP and around Reddit. Porn gets weird. As another commenter has said, if you have a good sex life otherwise (provides satisfaction, intimacy, warmth, excitement) what's the big deal? I assure you plenty of well-adjusted, happy, healthy, in-love men and women occasionally get their rocks off to some weird, weird stuff. Sometimes porn reflects a man's secret desire for his real sex life. Mostly porn reflects a weird little subset of a man's min…
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 04:40 AM
2

Congrats on the great new relationship! My BF & I experienced the world's worst parental introduction... I'd say, prep him on subjects your parents enjoy discussing, explain the family dynamic to him beforehand, if you have siblings, consider introducing a sibling or two first.
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 04:34 AM
10

I chalk it up potentially to cultural diff but I am also extremely suspicious of that line...I've met too many douchey "libertarian" men who actually just don't wanna commit
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/17 04:27 AM
3

What kinds of dudes are you dating? I've never heard a guy say anything like "you're intimidatingly pretty" in earnest, just due to the sheer cheesiness of it... Is there any chance that you are creating this reaction by making it clear you consider yourself extremely hot?
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/17 06:17 AM
2

I've only been in my current relationship for about a year, but I've had several longer relationships in the past. Man I could write a book on all the mistakes I've/we've made, but a big one was letting go of that admiration that I felt early in the relationship. When you see a guy every day you inevitably see so much more of his bad side than you used to, and conversely even though you may spend a lot of casual time together, you may not spend time seeing him in his element and having a chance …
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/17 06:01 AM
2

Good reminder...deep in the work eat sleep repeat rut right now, myself...really want to shake me & BF out of it but it's so hard not to be exhausted at the end of the day!
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/17 05:34 AM
3

haha same! it puts me to sleep instantly. I've always been so embarrassed that I watch asmr videos and use them to fall asleep...it was a big deal to me when I confessed that to my BF!
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/17 05:30 AM
3

so anthropologie must be your happy place
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/17 05:26 AM
2

And her 'how to be seductive' videos are great!
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/17 05:24 AM
3

:( Based on this and your past posts, it sounds like maybe it's hard for you to rely on your fiancee to be an appropriately responsible, caring leader within your relationship. I honestly don't think you're doing much if anything wrong. I think, plz pardon my tone, that he needs to get his shit together. Being an attorney who can barely afford to live in Manhattan does not make you an adult, let alone a high powered one. Handling your own finances in a responsible way, and being reliable and tho…
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 06:30 AM
3

It's a deal-breaker for me largely because it's transgressive & I like a straight-laced guy, and because I have a (perhaps unreasonable) idea in my head that people smoke weed to achieve a zoned-out, uber-relaxed state, and I'm attracted to a kind of type-A, super responsible guy.
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 06:24 AM
2

Yup!! Though, IMO (obviously I think I disagree with the prevailing wisdom around here on this), lots of different people of both genders exhibit this kind of "must optimize, novelty-seeking" behavior in different categories of their life. Picture someone who takes 2 hours to decide what restaurant to eat at and has to read every single possible review, and even while eating is thinking about where else they should have gone... I do think that some combination of high-frequency-dating-culture + …
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 02:42 AM
3

Table stakes: On top of his shit. Runs his life well. (How is he going to help run a family's life if he can't run his own?) Moral compass. Comfortable in his own skin. Dignity. So many men in their 20's are actually desperate for others' approval. Bonus points: Ambitious. Protective. Warm. Dream man/exemplar - Booth, from Bones.
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 02:35 AM
12

I 100% agree. I'm constantly exposed to super driven, ambitious, successful guys and sometimes that little voice in my head starts to say, "Don't you wish Mr. Temp was like that?" If you're with someone whose lack of XYZ is making you truly unhappy there's nothing wrong with this voice IMHO. BUT in many cases, and in my case, I love my man and am happy with him. This voice is nothing but destructive. I should focus on a. my own career/ambition/drive and b. providing more faith/support/empathy fo…
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 02:29 AM
1

Such a good tip :) I'm Asian...maybe why I love Korean beauty looks so much :p
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 02:26 AM
2

omg shoutout to a fellow asmr-er? :)
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/17 02:22 AM
3

I strongly recommend BB creams in general (and CC, not much of a diff, mostly marketing) It's an amazing everyday makeup tool and a wonderful alternative when you don't have the time for a full face of foundation - many BB creams can be applied with fingers or quite quickly. Korean BB creams, IF you are sufficiently pale, are amazing: Dr. Jart and Missha are particularly popular. E-tailers like Memebox and Peach & Lily carry lots and have good customer service. Side note: if you Youtube some Kor…
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/17 10:26 PM
1

healthy! i find it helps uh...rev the engines
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/17 03:45 AM
3

maybe this q is big enough for another post, not sure, but what is the difference between RPW and "trad life"? just read 'fascinating womanhood', text that I thought RPW endorsed, and this seems like the kind of situation where FW would say "stay home at all costs"
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/17 09:43 PM
4

Cheryl Strayed has an AMAZING essay on her struggle to return to writing after having a child, highly highly recommend. https://www.brainchildmag.com/2013/02/from-the-archive-baby-weight/ Also wanted to add, I think there's a happy place where the two sides of your personality can ADD to each other-- as other commenters have said you don't need to choose. I've heard many great female writers say that being in love, being a wife, and being a mother intensified their experience of the world, sharp…
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/17 02:35 AM
3

are most members of the RPW stay-at-home wives/mothers or working?
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/17 10:23 PM
6

Woah that's uh...an extreme comparison
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/17 10:19 PM
1

It's not exactly RP (in the sense that it's primarily about family life and not about romantic relationship or anything) but there's a vlogger on Youtube called 'thisgatherednest' who I LOVE. Amazing family, amazing wife & mother.
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/17 10:00 PM
1

This is fantastic advice for any LDR or honestly, any plain ol' relationship where you're apart :) Thanks so much for sharing!
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/17 09:59 PM
1

I love this Q! I have a physical type - linebackers. Don't even care if he's on the chubby side, I just like an enormous dude. My boyfriend, who I deeply adore, is fit and hot, but more the soccer player figure. I could not care less. I adore his body utterly and totally. So physical type for me matters extremely little. I have a ...how shall we say, weakness for certain archetypes. Loved anyone with a southern accent, a cowboy hat, or a uniform (very cliche, I realize). Never been into a dandy,…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/17 09:55 PM
1

Hm, this is from forever ago, but I thought y'all would find it really interesting. I actually sometimes love Dear Polly, but this advice is craaaaaazy esp from a RPW perspective!! http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/03/ask-polly-why-are-the-guys-i-date-so-boring.html TLDR: she tells a young woman nice normal young men ARE IN FACT too boring for her
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/17 06:02 AM
2

Obviously if you're TRULY not in the mood, all sexual interaction may be off the table, but honestly, when I know I won't be able to get off or get going, I just give some quick shower head or a sort of, cozy, under-the-blankets hand job... teehee :p In all seriousness though, I think even casual 'sexual' contact (charged snuggle, good make out) can go a long way towards preserving intimacy,
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/17 04:13 AM
3

been rewatching my fav lisa eldridge (youtube guru) videos and highly recommend her videos for this type of look. nearly all of her videos feature extremely feminine, natural looks and practical tips (she is also an incredibly well-regarded, experienced, actual professional makeup artist).
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 04:00 AM
5

Find a group of friends who give each other shit a lot and hang out with them? I think the only way to be wittier and more articulate is to practice in real-time, reading stuff etc. won't help.
/r/askTRP25/02/17 03:26 AM
5

First of all, I'm really sorry! This sounds like such a stressful situation to be dealing with, LET ALONE to be dealing with this while deployed. My deepest sympathies :( My darling BF is also definitely a spender, not a saver (though ironically it's because he grew up poor and now having experienced nice things is unable to stop), and we have fought and continue to sometimes fight about his CC debt (which he also wracked up with a full-time job that paid well!! GAH, makes me wanna pull my hair …
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 03:22 AM
2

amazing, I will DEFINITELY try this! My man loves breakfast burritos and it's our anniversary Sunday so this is perfect.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 03:08 AM
1

Yes thank you. OP sounds a little defensive to me?? I'm new to this mindset but I hope RPW is not about being a doormat
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 02:55 AM
2

I knooooow! Highlighting and contouring is meant to be practically an optical illusion, not a statement unto itself! To the extent it makes you LOOK like you have high cheekbones that can be attractive. It's not like pale stripes on your face is in and of itself a good look! Don't get me wrong, I love me my drag queens and their amazing makeup abilities, but the way modern beauty trends have been inspired by drag is quite evident.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/17 02:18 AM
2

Totally! I think you can look super feminine and put-together in jeans and a t-shirt and a leather jacket :) Depends on your style, I don't like the idea that every RPW has to dress like Betty from Mad Men. I think this kind of thing also really depends on your culture context. Here in the Bay Area, expectations and prevailing style are definitely not A-line skirts among the 20's tech set, for instance.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/17 02:16 AM
2

I've also found it extremely, especially difficult to get over breakups when maybe you're not the one to initiate, or you initiated but know you would take him back if you could. It prevents you from following my fellow commenter's advice, because fundamentally, on some level, you wish you hadn't broken up. All I can say is, pining over him and nursing the heartbreak won't make it any more likely that he will come back. And it certainly won't help you find your someone-even-better. I just remind…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/17 02:11 AM
3

Makeup "technology" has improved a ton in the last 10 years or so, thank goodness. It can be a controversial ingredient, but a silicone-based primer + a modern foundation can create a truly beautifully flawless base; I honestly don't know how people with acne coped back when there was only powder foundation! Annoying modern beauty trend: OVER HIGHLIGHTING. I love a good glow but you do not need a white stripe under your eyebrow! I feel like people sometimes watch 1 youtube beauty video and just …
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/17 02:06 AM
1

THIS was an amazing post. Such a well-written look at what a M/s relationship is like from the inside.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/17 05:35 AM
1

you might enjoy 'some girls' by jillian lauren. memoir of a woman with a very checkered past who made peace with herself (not sure if she's very RP though, just a good writer).
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/17 12:46 AM
1

oh my god, i've never even seen elk in a store
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/17 12:44 AM
1

Would LOVE to hear if anyone's read "the cozy life" and found it more anthropological or actually practical/useful.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/17 12:30 AM
2

I mean, it does sound he took advantage of that, I certainly wouldn't condone his actions. But amorally speaking, my take is this: a career coach and a girlfriend are really different relationships, that take place in entirely different realms. I know people who coach companies and/or execs. They don't give out too much free advice without a contract dictating the price of their time and expertise. If they gave someone terrific advice, guidance, etc. for years and then found that person moved on…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/17 10:11 PM
1

This is a little off-topic, and apparently everyone else I've ever recommended this show to HATES it... :p But Happy Endings (sitcom, Friends-esque) had an episode called "Making Changes" that featured basically this storyline. Penny, a 30-something character very much freaking out about being post-Wall, decides on her married friend's advice to "change a man to suit her" instead of the other way around. The exact phrase they use it "woman him around a little". What ends up happening is that she…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/17 10:02 PM
1

My parents had a rough patch but are pretty happy now (been together 40+ years now!). It's definitely been a struggle and a mindfuck to see myself repeating their patterns; for me I think the biggest "inherited" issue is a kind of passive aggressive wallowing. (Maybe this is something you observed in fam dynamics too). After I feel I've been "wronged" (sometimes legitimately, often not), sometimes I'd rather continue to nurse that feeling rather than actually allow my partner to resolve the issu…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/17 09:53 PM
1

Totally. Plus when you look at it that way it doesn't seem like an unreasonable standard for either party: if you're ignoring your partner's bids more than 10% of the time... why would you date them?? Can you imagine ignoring more than 1 in 10 things someone says to you?
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/17 09:48 PM
2

My ex tried to set a boundary within our relationship at one point: no being alone with male friends (no colleagues, anything) in a private setting (basically, someone's home, restaurant is fine). At the time I found it outrageous and unrealistic, and I still don't think I could abide by it 100%, but now that I'm older and in a happier relationship I find the prospect of such a boundary a lot more reasonable.
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/17 11:54 PM
3

I LOVE that study! I often think about the 'threshold' Gottman cites: 86%. I try to ask myself once a week, have I been receptive to almost 90% of my partners' bids?
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/17 07:36 PM
4

Ditto what radioactivities said...! You find nothing out by fucking around. Your logic re: discovering your favorite fruit IMO dictates you should meet, interact with, and go on dates with lots of different types of men, so you can figure out what personality traits are compatible with your own. NOT that you'll gain anything from sleeping with all these guys. Most of the "flavors" of sex IMO can be more healthily and productively discovered through experimentation within the bounds of a committe…
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/17 07:26 PM
1

We hadn't planned to do anything (our anniversary is super close to Valentines' Day) but when I realized he had planned a dinner I panicked and bought him... sweatpants T_T (I swear, he had requested this ludicrously specific type, so it's not quite as lame as it sounds). I'm going to compensate by cleaning our apt, taking him to the movies, and getting thoroughly waxed this weekend...
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/17 07:13 PM
1

Depends on your area but I found Hinge to be really great. It pulls very heavily from your friends-of-friends (on Facebook) so if you want someone from your own social strata, it's great.
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/17 04:16 AM
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