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View 1 posts and 355 comments by throwawaynevermindit on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
125

FDS MEMESthrowawaynevermindit/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:06 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

On-point comparison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:55 PM
149

So men use FWB to exploit mentally ill or traumatized women and to "punish" women who don't kiss their arses, gotcha. They admit it. Now watch them get squirrelly when the consequences come.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 07:24 PM
10

they treat a better woman like shit, that makes them "better" than her. They do think this way. This is why all manosphere definitions of "Chad" and "Alpha" etc are both vague and tautological. They make no sense until you realize that the only consistent trait is "treats good looking women like shit." Their benchmark for male sociosexual success is literally, treating desirable women like shit. That's it. Doesn't matter if he has to lie, cheat, steal, rape to do it, doesn't matter if he looks l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:17 AM
9

Yep, can go either way. Also, just in general, people need to be aware that a lot of David Buss's just-so stories are badly researched, cherry picked and debunked. The pop science book-friendly evopsych he deals in is often not well regarded by people into other, more established branches of psychology, evolutionary and developmental biology, anthropology, neuroscience, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:31 PM
26

They're obsessed with their pleasure, not yours. It's that simple. Your pleasure is only relevant insofar as it might enhance theirs and to do that it need not be authentic, a simulacrum or performance will do for most. Pressuring a performance out of you (rather than making sex pleasurable for you) may be more fulfilling for many men because for many men the largest part of "sexual pleasure" is not about sex or orgasm but about domination. With those for whom sex is about conquering/domination/…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:02 PM
3

Men who use privacy to exploit and abuse women forfeit the privilege of privacy. They obviously can't handle it responsibly. Cry me a river.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 08:28 PM
9

Joke's on "leftist" men. The left will BLEED support from women until they regrow an accurate theory of labor (sex work is hard, but it's not work in a Marxist sense) and become sex industry critical to the appropriate degree. Even women trying hard to tell themselves otherwise know from gut to brain that commercializing sexual access to mainly-female bodies can lead to nothing good for women. And people familiar with serious leftist thinking know: you can't do shit without women. The contempora…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:57 PM
35

"If sex with me doesn't make you cum it's because you're not emotionally attached enough to me, work on that. " "If you really cared about me you wouldn't care about yourself anyway. " Male "logic" - actual manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 03:17 PM
40

I get the sense that this is part of his plan too. That or reduce her self esteem + triangulate and reapproach later. I've been there myself and I know in my bones that if I had left the guy unblocked he would have tried to get with me again, it was not the end of his interest. Did I leave him that opening though? No, for what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 04:48 AM
31

he's been dealing with people overreacting about his age for years "People have been overreacting" = women have been having boundaries and enforcing those boundaries when he tries to sneak past them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 02:00 AM
79

Literally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:24 PM
301

This is why I've become so cynical about the direction culture is going. Every interaction is being turned into a quiet tug of war where caring the least and investing the least wins the game. It's the same ideological thrust that produces attitudes like "your feelings aren't your partner's problem" and other antisocial nonsense. I'm extremely independent and introversive by nature and even I can see that we're living in a time where the relational norms being replicated are corrosive to healthy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 08:48 PM
49

I'll take "things that should be considered lower order sex crimes for 100," Mr. Trebek.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 08:31 PM
9

What gets me is that gross men will consider stuff like this the height of cleverness. Like, simmer down, it doesn't take talent or genius to tell lies and get good at it, it just takes dedication and a total lack of integrity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 06:05 PM
63

Men love to live vicariously through other rich and famous men who run through women. That's also why they're so resistant to admitting that a lot of what these men do is only possible through abuse and should be punished and prevented, even if they're the type to whine about it. Not just rich or famous men, either... any man that "runs through women. " Men: Women LOVE rich/powerful/asshole men. Why do you reward them with sex???? Women: Actually the sex was something I was lied/forced/manipulat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 03:36 PM
168

Yes. 🙌 "I'm the prize" is better than "I'm a consolation prize" but it's still rife with internalized misogyny. You're not a thing to win, to earn, to show off or to buy. You're a partner to value and respect - accepting anything less is still settling. Golden cages are still cages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 04:02 AM
6

Only tangentially related to OP, I know, but I will never understand how people date 10+ years older than themselves. Even when you ignore the power dynamic, the almost inevitable condescension from the older party, the increased risk of abuse and even spousal homicide... how does a person tolerate the boredom, the ED, the old man look/feel/smell? I tried to go on a date here and there with guys that much older when I was dating, to be "open minded," and I absolutely could not deal. 8 years was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 11:38 PM
20

I recommend taking lessons that may require physical contact from female instructors preferentially for this reason. A man I was trying to learn to snorkel from took me out deeper than I was comfortable with before I knew how to clean my mask properly so I had to kind of hang off of him to do it. In retrospect I see very clearly that he was using the "lesson" to try and break the touch barrier. He later escalated to attempted assault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 09:23 PM
158

Same. I have a relative whose husband tried to cheat on her with an in-law after years of successful marriage, text evidence is all there... he bought her a big guilt gift for Christmas and now I suspect they'll get back together. He knew that's all it would take. That's why he felt safe stepping out. It's drama without real risk for him. I know I could never. Where there's cheating there is no respect and where there's no respect there is no love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 09:15 PM
24

So you agree these people are worth being worried about? Okay then. You don't become powerful and brave by being ignorant of what's there, you become powerful and brave by learning how to deal with it... which you can't do if you aren't even acknowledging it. Don't encourage ignorance. Encouraging ignorance and denial is not the answer, not even temporarily. Some men, too many, are very practiced and dedicated liars. They're not boogeymen but women do need to acknowledge that they're out there a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 08:48 PM
38

This is a "why not both?" situation. If you tend to rationalize other people's lies, yeah work on that, but there are some very practiced con men out there and it's stupid and dangerous to tell yourself otherwise. If you don't believe you've ever met one I submit that you probably know at least one and are still being conned as a result of your complacency. They're not that uncommon. Don't underestimate these people just to make yourself feel secure and in control, false senses of security and c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 07:45 PM
407

He's framing himself as a catch because her actions severely damaged his ego. 10-1 he wanted her to "fall in love" so he could feel desirable and superior and patronize her on top of using her sexually. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 02:26 AM
67

It varies. Many men tire quickly but the more dangerous ones play the long game and it's stupidity to underestimate them, they're light-years worse than guys that fuck and run after a week. Your guard should not be down until at LEAST a year. It shouldn't even be 1/4 down until 6 months. Pay special attention around milestones like sex, exclusivity, marriage, moving in together, pregnancy - be consciously stricter about the behavior you accept immediately after, most women are tempted to make ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 08:23 PM
14

💯 Doesn't matter whether I think this is the best possible plan to get to motherhood. The men in the screenshots are still advocating rape (by trying to whittle the definition down which is the usual approach... you know they'd never do the same when talking about fraud/scamming vs armed robbery, they know full well that both should be viewed as theft). That's still a much bigger problem than the woman's plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 06:00 PM
32

The end goal should never be finding a male protector or making more men into protectors. It should be to neutralize men as a threat, especially in one's personal life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 08:16 PM
36

Men have always been shit and women being forced to rely on them as in the past allowed them to get away with farrrrr more than they're able to get away with today, in general, lol. Things like porn and violent "consensual" sex being normalized are bad, but they literally are occurring as reactionary pushback against men losing rights to openly treat women like livestock, which they very much had in the past. The days when men were primary bread winners were days when wife beating was expected, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 03:46 PM
15

Rule of misogyny, right? Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are. Harder to control the frame that way when they're not permitted to say anything at all lol. Seriously though, there are slews of topics that affect women so disproportionately that the only place men have in discussions about them, is to shut up and sit down. Pregnancy, abortion, prostitution, domestic violence, rape and indecent assault, sexual and relational mores.... their opinions should not b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:45 PM
55

I like the thought of having an abundance mindset toward beauty, fun and fulfillment in life, and seeing a romantic relationship as one possible piece of fruit in the cornucopia. Even if it's not there, the cornucopia is still full.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 04:17 AM
54

Nah. I'm not just referring to common decency. "Pick me" really is not the totalizing thing you're making it out to be. I know women with some "pick me" traits that I still respect and admire overall, who are definitely "high value" in terms of the actual value they bring to their relationships (in their careers, with friends, and with potential mates). Having a moment or even a streak of low self worth that causes you to make yourself overly available or eager to pursue or whatever - which is w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 04:10 AM
156

I know this take won't resonate for everyone, but I think it needs put out there. HVM are objectively rare, sorry to say. If the reality of scarcity bothers you, imo you need to become more secure in yourself and in singledom before you date. Dating men without being deeply comfortable doing without one - potentially permanently - is a dangerous mistake to make. "Abundance mindset" is frankly irrational to have re: good men. They're not very abundant in comparison to HVW and telling yourself the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:42 AM
21

"Seduction" as a concept lends itself to exploitation. Its secondary definition in most dictionaries spells out that it's about luring others into doing things that are specifically against their own interests. It's not healthy or okay to view relationship building through a lens of "seduction." The tools do work often enough, but almost invariably because they're one of two things - common sense (be attractive, be able to hold a conversation, have standards), or abusive (almost everything else)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 06:35 PM
64

The break-up-reapproach-with-lower-bar tactic is really common and manipulative almost to the point of outright emotional abuse imo. The idea is to wait until you're somewhat emotionally dependent on them, then hurt you, make you miss them - hoping it'll soften you up enough that you'll accept less from them than you were willing to accept before when they come back around. Like denying someone water intending for them to get desperate enough to drink piss. Problem is, like a lot of abusive beha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 12:42 AM
16

I'm not remotely conservative, but current culture's focus on immediate gratification and unwillingness to recognize the responsibilities we innately have toward others when engaging with them socially or intimately is wildly unhealthy and untenable. Everything in OP is an expression of that imo. "Can't force it" is just a way of shrugging off people's agency in relationships - when things go bad it's because someone decided to take them in that direction or decided not to course correct. Relati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 05:13 PM
55

☝ This. Nothing wrong with having standards for the economic contribution a partner makes to a relationship, it's relevant to relationship success and personal wellbeing. But deliberately trying to marry into wealth is not something I consider a smart move unless it's the only path to success under the circumstances. I won't praise or cosign it as a general strategy for women - it's a slippery slope into commodification of the woman's body and sexual availability, which creates a net loss for wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:17 PM
313

Sounds like he's probably a rapist.** Rape (and rape-adjacent forms of coercion) aren't something you can "no homo" yourself out of. Please treat him as such. ** Women who go on a date straight-up not looking for sex rarely change their minds apropos of nothing, and notice how he places responsibility/agency for the "changed mind" on himself and not her? Well, he's likely not lying. He likely did something to push her, and if he didn't this time, the way he thinks means he either has before or c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:00 PM
34

Excess contact with an ex is a red flag, contact with step kids is not. In fact if a man has a parental role toward children for any significant length of time, I consider him stepping out on that a much bigger red flag than this is. It's irresponsible. And yes, I have met at least 2 men who remained paternal toward step children after divorce or LTR separation. One of those men I dated. Not coincidentally, while they aren't what I'd personally call HV across the board, they are still way better…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:12 PM
215

He clearly has time for a relationship because he was essentially in a whole relationship with this girl. Just wanted to label it as something other than what it clearly was so he could play the "technically we never" card if he was ever asked to be responsible to the connection and found it inconvenient, and guilt her into submission if she was rightfully disgusted and upset. We need a cultural shift toward recognizing and treating things as what they are, not as whatever paltering manipulators…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 03:29 PM
31

"Sexual compatibility" is almost never valid reason for a man to break things off with a woman. It's him showing himself to have scummy, irrational priorities for an LTR... every time. On the flip side it is often a very valid reason for a woman to break up with a man. The entitlement of males I stg. Out here trying to convince people they "need" anal - which is risky and usually painful for the receiving partner - and oral to be "sexually fulfilled" while their girlfriends are struggling to cum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:07 PM
46

I won't do this. I know it's an unpopular move but once I sense someone is coasting or even trying to "fade out," I have historically preferred to escalate being a pain in his ass (while emotionally and materially detaching in a quieter way) until he's forced to take at least enough responsibility to end things himself... then completely disappear (easily because by this point I've typically been over it for months). If someone who has gotten seriously involved with me is going to try and dog me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:58 PM
66

One of the biggest myths the manosphere tries to push is that if a man mistreats or "won't commit" to a woman it's because she's dating above her level and he just has better options. Meanwhile, back in reality, most of the bad experiences women have aren't with Endless Options Chad. I've stopped worrying too much about why I've seen men act the way they have but fact remains, every man who has turned straight NVM on me has had obvious issues with attractiveness... older, uglier, fatter, small p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 09:58 PM
106

I agree though in fairness I think pick mes tend to project jealousy onto other women in general, especially over characteristics they have that they see as setting them apart. I've also known tall pick mes to assume short women are envious of how athletic or statuesque they are (the worst I know claims she finds short people "creepy"). And then there are the skinny pick mes who shit on bigger women, and big pick mes who shit on thin women, and on and on. It's an LVM triangulation wet dream.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:25 PM
197

Normalize this. Women need to have full, unquestioned control over which fetuses we devote the resources of our bodies to and need to be willing to exercise it in this ruthless a way if necessary. Hopefully it won't ever be for any of us, but if it is.... no apologies. This level of sharkishness and unrepentant preservation of our time and bodies is what it will take to fix things for women in the world. And yes, while very unlikely to occur to me because of other selection mechanisms I use and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:59 PM
68

I once saw a guy describe a woman as "what any red blooded male would want" and immediately after say she had "an ass like a twelve year old boy. " 🥸😱
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:57 PM
22

I think shame is in a situation similar to the related concept of judgment, where people recognize that misuse of the tool has caused harm and attribute the harm to the tool rather than to the way it's used/the standard of measurement employed to gauge its use. But it's obviously better to have good judgment than no judgment, and to develop good judgment you have to practice judgment, so... Shame in and of itself is a personally and socially healthy thing. It's useful internally as an indicator …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 05:16 PM
17

One that I don't see touched on often enough is the idea that you "choose to be a victim, " which was heavily pushed on NXIVM members to the point of trivializing CSA. This same tactic is constantly being used against women, especially, ironically, in radlib/libfem circles where the word "victimize" has been twisted to mean "to recognize as a victim" rather than "to make a victim through abuse. " The ONLY people who benefit from unwillingness to recognize a victim as a victim, are the people who…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 04:33 PM
106

Baseline, women are shamed too much, men are shamed too little. Often, women feel ashamed for behavior men exhibit toward them that the men should be ashamed of. We need to work on externalizing that shame and placing it back on the people who are doing the actual bad behavior. Imagine if we find an effective way to redirect the shame we feel for "allowing" men to treat us badly onto men for trying to treat people badly in the first place. Apply shame to the source - the kind of social shame tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 03:58 PM
4

I've yet to find a healthy context where this is brought up in a way where it matters, personally. For ummm medical purposes, meaning PIV, I know the number, it would have been hard to lose track as I haven't covered that much ground. I differentiate between coerced sex/sexual abuse and actual sex, the number I count as actual sexual partners is lower than for PIV - there are some guys out there who see me as a past hookup or fling who I will only ever name and view as abusers. The number of par…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 03:10 PM
34

I want to go a step further and do the same to anyone backward enough to claim this was "consensual. " I'm so over tolerating these people. Enough is enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:58 PM
50

Men who frame chewing women up and spitting them out as pivotal to their personal growth disgust me even more than unrepentant men do. Like it's all fine and fair as long as they "learned a lesson"? I don't care. Sorry, we're not side characters in someone's morality tale. Our wellbeing is more valuable than their growth. If a man's "self improvement" and "life lessons" must be purchased with a woman's trauma... throw the whole man away, he's not worth upgrading.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 02:46 AM
60

I gave community dick chances so you don't have to! Learn from the mistakes of those of us who learned the hard way - these men aren't getting passed around because they're good and honest keepers lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 12:01 AM
15

Badass. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 11:03 PM
15

The context is interesting! To add some to my POV, there was a girl in my friend group in college who went on tour with a pretty successful band and ended up in a years long situationship with the lead that began while he had a girlfriend at home. I have 0 doubt his looks and the fact that he was lead in her favorite band had her following him around like a puppy dog by default. But I also saw all the texts between them where he fed her lies about his GF, about how she (my friend) was his muse, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:45 PM
27

I don't really doubt your past or think you're lying per se. I do admittedly doubt I'd have viewed the men as non-participants or unencouraging of the behavior had I been there to see and interpret it myself, because I've seen enough similar situations to know a lot of men get off on the fighting, set it up deliberately and play innocent... and women often prefer to blame it all on other women instead of acknowledging where the man is pulling the strings and loving the tension. 9/10 times you sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:00 PM
44

I'm not taking a stranger's word on this, sorry. I've seen it too many times. I've been with and otherwise known conventionally attractive men and while they got flirted with frequently, even in those cases, no woman was shoving anyone out of the way for them (lol). Said attention did not usually escalate to actual sex, sexting or nudes - the kind of "attention" OP is about - sans invitation/encouragement from the man (whether misleading or honest). I can't be sure how hot OP's guy is, but unles…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:38 PM
91

It's extremely difficult for a man to get sexual attention** from a large amount of women without coercion having been involved in some way - most often economic coercion or deception/manipulation (deliberately generating ambiguity and taking advantage is deception). And I have yet to meet a man who acted this way who did not end up with misogyny permanently ingrained in his brain from it... most men are morally habitual, they are only ever as good as the worst behavior they've spent significant…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:05 PM
31

There is truth in this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:53 PM
41

He needs to be permanently, forcefully ejected from the friend group, bare minimum, possibly to lose his job, etc. Ideally the AoC would be raised at least a year and he'd be prosecuted. It's long past time society turned this into a "fuck around and find out" situation for people that do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:30 PM
15

My reward is this post breaking a personal record for # of men messaging to tell me "WeLl I dIsAgReE" as though that doesn't confirm my point for me. 😂 Even when I've seen people try to apply the concept to women, it's geared toward letting them claim it was only "buyer's remorse" when a woman admits a man sexually abused her. So PNC in men is an excuse for men to abuse women (or to consume sick porn), and PNC in women is... an excuse for men to abuse women. The operant definition is very much a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:41 PM
70

"Post nut clarity" is not real for the scrotes. Just because they pretend they can't possibly know what they want - or if they want - long term until they've gotten what they want short term, doesn't make it true. That's what they mean when they use that phrase - they're not sorry they "shared intimacy" with you in any event. Basically it's just dumb shit they say to negotiate your boundaries down ("he'll never know if he likes me until I sleep with him so I guess...") and to asspat each other a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 07:46 PM
127

You have to ask, who do these "unrealistic expectations" benefit? Romcoms and romance novels give hope to women, which results in them... tolerating misbehavior from men and reading true love into situations where none exists. Insofar as these forms of media are inaccurate, they are inaccurate in ways that benefit men, because without that propaganda of hope and decency fewer of us would be giving real men chances at all. At other times romance media expresses and reinforces fantasies of women w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:54 PM
113

They act like this because they think we're dumb, then when we don't want them for obvious reasons, they make up weird stories about how they're too betabuxx and we just want Chad or vice versa. 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 11:52 AM
135

Yep. You should not be getting downvotes. De Beauvoir was a brilliant philosopher, she's correct in this quote and in much of her writing... but her relationship with Sartre (who was a mediocre thinker in comparison to her) was peak pickme. Her professional work is foundational to feminism, but her personal life was some Ghislaine Maxwell bullshit. She seduced young female students and pipelined them to his goggle eyed ass, and her diary was full of her obsessing over whether men find her pretty…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 01:12 AM
102

This. High likelihood of orgasm + less physical risk (of pregnancy or rape/violence) + social reward (which lesbians in some circles can get for using other women just like men do) + selfishness/lack of empathy = predatory fuckboyism. It's not a biological imperative it's about cost/benefit ratio. "Muh biology" is rationalization from shitlords who still think David Buss is a serious scientist. 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 03:51 PM
21

A real "the personal is political" moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 11:19 PM
155

Out of nowhere he told me he wished an old lady tenant in his parents' rented out apartment would die so he could move in instead and have more space. Casual as you please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:38 PM
6

I won't say it if they don't. Hell, I won't feel it if they don't. I have never loved anyone that didn't love me. I've only been IN love the once. I suspected my current and I were falling in love (and no, I don't buy into the idea that love is an obvious state - it's more than just a strong feeling) at around the 3 month mark. He said it on our first Valentine's day, which was 6 months in - and I did too. That was 1 month after we became official. I felt very little anxiety over any of it becau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 05:52 PM
453

Having no income stream that is independent of your sexual relationships is virtually never a good choice and is deeply unwise to aspire to with or without marriage. It might end up being the best option of bad options for some but playing it off as a neutral, harmless choice is "failures of choice feminism 101." Editing to address a comment that I cannot reply to directly: No, having children does not change this. Having children makes it more true, not less, even as it increases the likelihood…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 09:50 PM
25

No, they aren't. They don't even exist except in relation to men and male power.... which men benefit from and which men maintain for their own benefit. Focusing on them is focusing on a symptom instead of the disease. Pickmes are, in the purely self-destructive cases, merely mislead and self-hating (and worth helping every time), and in the pragmatic/malicious/competitive cases, trying to gain social influence by appealing to men - by any means necessary - usually for personal gain. They might …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 09:22 PM
21

Important for free-spirited Western women who like to travel and learn about other cultures (no shade because I am one) to consider this story. That said, the direction some people are taking with it is weird. This didn't happen because Western women are over-encouraged to think we're "equal to men" and act with confidence. If this woman had been acting with confidence she'd have dipped when she initially felt creeped out. If she had felt equal to him in context, she would have had the guts to q…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 05:11 PM
6

Surprising myself by almost agreeing with this, I just think there's not enough info. It doesn't sound like he pushed for sex and three dates isn't a big deal - this situation hasn't graduated to high stakes, thankfully. The biggest issue I have with either of their behaviors is him externalizing the problem ie framing it as "her looks" vs "my lack of attraction. " She may be cute, he may have excessively high standards. I don't even have too much of a problem with her wanting his rationale, I'v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:18 PM
3

Yes, this book is about being a pickme playing "hard to get." And spoiler: doing this makes you vulnerable to certain types of LVM. A lot of its advice = "cool girl" tactics that enable LVM behavior. A deeply misogynistic, scary manipulative rapist I know likes the FB page for this book. Not a coincidence. Men that live to chase are NOT good men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 01:25 AM
105

I heavily recommend people read some critiques of the "codependency" model before reading this book as the book is largely built on it. Personally I don't put much stock in it and more generally find "codependency" frequently used to shift blame away from the party in the dynamic who is primarily at fault (whether that person is an addict or a selfish boyfriend). Ex. I don't buy that people break your boundaries because "you break your boundaries." People break boundaries when they can and when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 04:45 AM
9

Imagine being so unattractive that you have to sacrifice your whole ass integrity and dignity just to get a scrap of sex and being proud of yourself for it. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:41 AM
25

I'm a purist regarding the word "pick me" so idk if I'd consider these "pick me" because my reasoning was never about getting picked but they'll probably still fit... My naive, under-experienced early-mid 20 something self definitely gave liberal feminist opinions more play than they deserved even though I was always more of a radical feminist overall in my thinking. There are still some aspects of "sex positivity" that I agree with but the framing of that discourse clearly allowed for huge amou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:45 AM
58

People whose "mental health" issues translate to abuse of any kind (physical, sexual, emotional-psychological) don't get to hide behind their mental health struggles. Fundamentally, they aren't abusing because of their mental health - they're abusing because it WORKS for them and gets them something they want. I don't take attachment styles too seriously but especially when I was younger I probably fit the avoidant or disorganized style best, and what did I do? Abuse people? No. (In fact it prob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:10 AM
3

There are no "players," only predators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:30 PM
43

I'm sure he does. I'm equally sure that most of them have long since deleted him and don't think about him nearly as often as he tells himself - he probably thinks about them more often. That's the thing about women - a lot of our relationships involve abusive and misleading behavior from partners, so much so that few hetero women I know get through the dating scene without accumulating trauma.... but in spite of that, over the long haul, we usually stick in their brains much more than they stic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:02 AM
31

Firstly I do not want to victimize women or give that feeling. You're not victimizing anyone, you're recognizing that women are disproportionately victimized by men. Pointing out that someone has been a victim of some type of predation or mistreatment isn't what "victimizes" them, it's just an assessment of the situation. The predation and mistreatment are what victimized them. We're often victims in the ways you're describing whether we see it, name it, feel it or not. No one but abusers benefi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 06:02 PM
253

Let's be realistic please, 5000 women did not consent to "sleep with" this man. Men don't get to a body count of 5000 without coercion being involved. Hell they generally don't get to a body count of 15 without coercion, at some point, being involved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 02:36 AM
44

Yup. They're more interested in talking about what they think you did wrong/what they think you should learn than they are in penalizing the man. That is how you know they're really just interested in creating an environment where men aren't held accountable even a little bit. "Take some responsibility" = "Don't hold me (us) responsible for what I (or people like me) do, I don't want to take responsibility!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:25 PM
90

scrotes foaming at the mouth for me to take some responsability on another subreddit. 🤢 Gross. Nevermind them. When men like that say that women should "take responsibility" for sexual mistreatment they've endured, they're trying to deflect and avoid being recognized as culpable for what they and they alone are dishing out. It's good to protect yourself and good to improve your ability to do so, but it's not a moral obligation. Whereas refraining from abusing others IS a moral obligation, no mat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 10:50 PM
18

The idea that whatever triggers your emotions controls you is an overstatement. Especially when it comes to anger. Anger is often triggered by attempts to harm, attempts to dominate, attempts to control - in a very real way, anger's raison d'être is to motivate you to resist the domination and control of others and protect you from harm at their hands. It is true that if you react to your emotions blindly you may put yourself in a position that makes you even easier to control, and in that sense…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:51 PM
27

Completely agree with this and your other reply. it’s going to take us being a lot louder and making certain relationship behaviors publicly shame-able by society to change the norm. 💯 There’s no power or honor in being made the patsy left holding the bag all while thinking you’re being strong and silent 💯 We really have to see this kind of respectability politics for what it is and reject it. When the terms male-dominated society has set for women to command respect are terms that just happen t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 04:30 PM
40

I feel like it’s just one more form of being controlled by the abuse/ relationship etc even after it’s ended It is! And it directly benefits men to exert control over us in this way. The Zora Neale Hurston quote "If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it" is truth. Apparent lack of reaction can become justification for repeating the behavior. Society will use your lack of emotion against you just as quickly as they'll use your anger or pain. People pretending the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:21 PM
7

So that's why you don't do "pain and anguish." No one said anything about "pain and anguish" tbh. You do anger. And you do it effectually, not ineffectually - you use it to actually mess with their life. Make some aspect of their life suddenly inconvenient. If you do this correctly the material consequences absolutely outweigh any ego boost they get lol. Real consequences can teach people lessons - you just have to make sure there are actual consequences. For their wallet, for their reputation -…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 03:21 PM
26

IMO she'll care less than he thinks she will in the ways he thinks she will - men are delusional and have trouble telling the difference between types of attention so any attention = "she really liked me!!!!!" 🤡. She may or may not particularly like him, idk. But there's a high chance she'll still feel used, disgusted and angry because well, he did use her, he is behaving disgustingly, and he is disrespecting her - objectively. She may even feel more gross and angry about it if the sex was trash…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:50 AM
44

. My only hope is that she does freak out and make him miserable for a bit. Women are way too polite to LVM like this. Call it out. Tbh if we want men to stop acting like this whenever they see an opportunity, we have to make them regret it when they do by making it troublesome for them. Easier said than done but it needs doing - they're not going to develop a social conscience out of thin air.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:34 AM
84

Exactly. He 100% knew before he had sex with her that he wasn't interested, it's not realistic to think otherwise. He might be lying to himself about it, he might not have been thinking about it, but he knew. He put his desire for sex ahead of her right to factor his true feelings for her into her sexual decision making, knowing she was likely to end up hurt and violated after. There's nothing benign about it. It's fucked. Just hope she doesn't let him dissemble to her about his "good intentions…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:28 AM
617

It's not "being honest" (with her, with yourself) if you wait until after sex to do it, because you know that if you're truthful (with her or with yourself) sex will be off the table. That's what's called "deceptive" and "kinda coercive" and "sexually exploitative." Rejecting her gently doesn't count toward your good guy points if you do it after you've gotten what you wanted at her physical and emotional expense, under questionable pretenses. And 1 awkward sex does not make a person change thei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:47 PM
44

"Submissive feminine energy" is what people go into when they're being successfully psychologically, emotionally or physically abused. It's nothing specifically female and nothing positive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:03 PM
1

It's true. Low level male-on-female sexual and emotional abuse is basically endemic to heterosexual relationships. More severe abuse is common.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 04:31 AM
2

Don't think about your mistakes, think about what you owe yourself. You owe yourself better emotional, physical and financial protection, right? Well, the best way to give yourself that is to regard past missteps long enough to learn from them... but without dwelling on them in a way that causes you pain, harms your self esteem, or otherwise occupies an ounce more of your time than it has to. Distill things into a lesson or two, then find something bright to focus on and forget about those loser…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 05:26 PM
20

I guarantee you that this woman is not "invisible to the male gaze" even now. What she is is a casualty of a subculture that is superficial and (for women) youth focused - even more so than the culture at large. She probably doesn't even process interest that isn't explicitly objectifying (either in a vulgar way OR in a pedastalizing way) as interest, because that was the world she lived in for most of her life, that was her role - in her career, in her marriage with an old waster, etc. She was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:31 PM
6

Energy you expend on an animal is energy you're not expending on a man and/or his progeny so ofc it's to be discouraged. They feel shortchanged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:51 PM
9

It's like saying that the rental industry isn't about selling products, it's just about monetizing the provisioning of temporary access to products as a "service". Technically okay. Congrats. But the implications are virtually identical so hush up until you find something novel to say, or at least leave these comparisons to those who actually understand labor as a concept. (Which most contemporary western radical liberal "Leftists" do not, hence their popular support for the sex industry. )
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:47 AM
28

Women like this really are super dangerous - they're the women with whom abusers construct reputation shields. It should go without saying that abusive men don't abuse every single person, or even every single woman, that they have a personal relationship with. They need 9 to believe they're good men so that the 10th isn't believed when she speaks up. It's deliberate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 05:06 PM
13

The secret of the "protective male" thing is that they "protect" us from men just like them so that they have access to us and the other men don't. It's not for our wellbeing, it's not because they're good - it's resource competition. They heavily rely on us fearing "the devil we don't know" vs the one we do, the badDER men, the stranger, the out group, to get us to not only tolerate the abuse they enact on us in our own countries, communities, families and relationships, but submit to them and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:54 PM
40

Evidently in his response video he's flashing texts of the girls "being flirty" with him after the fact and reddit dummies are latching onto it as proof of lies so let me say this once real loud and clear: Making nice with an abuser and having trouble breaking contact with them is a well known, common trauma response. ESPECIALLY in cases of sexual assault. Harvey Weinstein's victims also tended to keep in "friendly" contact with him for long periods after. Men who are reading this story and sayi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 05:29 AM
61

By default it's more sus for a man to multi-date than for a woman to do it, yes. Usually a man with a roster would be having sex with all of them if he could: potential is high for it to turn into a harem/string along situation and > 50% of the time that is the man's ideal. Or, if you're the last woman standing after the others ditch him for his indecisiveness, he'll settle for you and pretend you're his pick. The same simply isn't as likely to be true for women. My bf canceled dates with anothe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:50 AM
55

"Young adult" needs to be a made a distinct legal class entitled to certain protections. Leaving kids who are just finding their footing in the real world to figure out how to fend off the wolves entirely on their own is stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:10 AM
224

99% of the mistakes I've made with men trace back to this moreso than to pure/classic "pick-me"-ism. Don't underestimate how dangerous this is. Even at my lowest points I've never desperately wanted a boyfriend, or been prone to pandering to men too much or throwing women under the bus for men. I've never thought that highly of them. But I have tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, be understanding and sympathetic toward them out of a sense of shared humanity and out of principle. Every t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 06:51 PM
1

That I was right about them. I caught on pretty quickly, but society wore me down and got me to try and play nice to my own detriment, and ultimately proved my male-critical 14 year old self correct. I would really just tell myself to trust my own perception and intuition on this one, and not to fall prey to idealism. Yes, most of them really are that bad. Yes, you have good reason to be made uncomfortable by the way women's bodies are presented. Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:41 AM
53

The only "feelings" women are more likely to catch are: Feelings of disgust and anger at having been used and/or disrespected. (Because this happens to us in sexual relationships more often than it happens to men, and because if sex has been involved, we have usually put more on the line than they did, for less reward.) Feelings of vulnerability, because we're objectively more vulnerable in intimate relationships with men than they are in their relationships with us. Rollercoaster-y attachment f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 12:25 AM
2

IMO, Romance can and does happen before actual Love is built I actually agree with you there, I think I said "leading up to" at some point but it was kind of poorly addressed. Which is always a problem when talking about concepts like "love" and "romance" seems like - they're used so variably it's easy to get vague. And yeah, I get your point and I do think it's a good point! I'm just making one of my own (and perhaps being a bit nitpicky). No offense intended.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:55 PM
19

Close but from me, no cigar. Romance and love aren't the same thing but IMO - you can't have real romance without love. Romance isn't just Fun. It is the fun that leads up to and proceeds from love - it's a form of fun specific to love. And men know it. We decide what these things mean, not men. That's for us to do, not them. The fact that so many women read romance as a sign of serious interest speaks for itself. We're not wrong. It IS meant to telegraph serious interest... it's just that the p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 02:41 AM
9

From personal experience, the men who looked amazing on paper (great career, successful, attractive) were the LOWEST value of all time. Also true in my experience. At the very least, there are higher concentrations of LVM toward the far ends of the "social success" scale. Very unsuccessful LVM are often unsuccessful in part due to incompetence and laziness. Very successful LVM are often successful in part due to their having dark triad traits + reasonably high intelligence, etc and to me that's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 12:45 AM
5

I've heard both rationales straight from men that do it, personally. Not sure what the original point of it was - splatter guard makes more sense. But even so, I haven't seen people get road splattered from the sidewalk on a fine sunny day often enough to justify the song and dance that men who do it sometimes put on. The presumption involved in trying to prevent me from standing in a certain place is a bigger indicator to me than an empty "protective" formality that costs nothing to perform.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 08:29 PM
11

If the damage was so bad that your obgyn asked if it was rape.... ma'am whatever went down there was not ethical for that man to do. A "yes" that is not enthusiastic or that takes pressure and convincing to elicit is NOT "consent. " Ignoring a sexual partner's pain is never acceptable. He should be feeling the weight of the guilt, NOT you. You were sexually abused. It was traumatic both physically and mentally. You have to accept the truth of the wound to treat it successfully. Be easy with your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:37 PM
35

Ymmv but this is one I'd be careful of. The only man I've had act like this was a controlling weirdo. It allowed him to put on a show of "chivalry" at little cost to himself, at a time when there was, realistically, very little danger - it's not like cars regularly jump the curb to hit people on the sidewalk lol. It also desensitized me to him making decisions on my behalf: it really isn't up to a man to decide where you ought to be walking, gently or not. Bet you can all guess where that desens…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 05:23 PM
46

IF and COULD are key words. He's only posturing about his lack of "entitlement" because he doesn't believe leaving him is a possibility for her. If she did it he'd cry foul. Anyway, someone needs to tell him that oop guess what? People ARE actually entitled to honesty in their romantic relationships and to you making an honest effort to do the things you're intentionally leading them to believe you'll do. He's leading her to believe he's going to stay with her - if that wasn't his intention, he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 03:52 AM
14

This is a tactic men are taught to use against women more or less from birth and because women are taught to be less confident in themselves, we're more susceptible to this kind of confidence trick by default. Psychologists call it "gaslighting," red pill nerds call it "controlling the frame." If there's one aspect of red pill I think is actually beneficial for women to study, understand and practice, it's frame control... not only does it help you see through their BS, it helps you counter it. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 12:19 AM
14

That's definitely fair, not dramatic. I feel like it's important to highlight that pattern and I'm glad you did, because it lays bare that when men callously throw women away it's not necessarily because they "don't care," it can be because they DO care - about how that woman makes them look and feel or otherwise impacts them - and are more or less deliberately trying to bring her low and neutralise her as a threat by wounding her confidence or reputation. They know that sexual objectification a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 10:35 PM
36

I've noticed this pattern. Hurting a man's ego (and it's not like it really takes much) can make him very eager to chase you, but it also makes him more likely to try and hurt you, usually via discard, once he feels he's gotten you into a state of emotional vulnerability. IIRC even Ted Bundy pulled this with a girlfriend that broke up with him. Kind of blows my mind how much effort I've seen some of them expend to take petty revenge for perceived ego threats in this way. By contrast the women th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 09:24 PM
52

My mother died recently. When she called and asked me to take her to the hospital, my boyfriend drove me to pick her up and take her at a moment's notice though it was a 4 hour round trip. I stayed at his place (close to the hospital) during her weeks long stay and he generally supported me throughout. It was a big job as I was her only sound-minded, available "next of kin" and all responsibilities fell to me. When we were called about her being non responsive he took like 3 days off work to be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 01:01 AM
25

Aggression, and out-crazying them. Escalate to the moon. Women that are still self-conscious about men calling them "crazy" don't like to hear this but it's the actual answer. They call you "crazy" to disincentivize the exact behavior that will scare them into leaving you tf alone. Don't burn your bridges, nuke them and set up a perimeter with concertina.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 09:50 PM
45

I've got a hook up checklist or vetting process, that until now works as a charm. I'm a rather horny gal and I don't want to practice celibacy... I don't care if the men I'm with want a relationship or not because I don't want one either. Find a place to share it: a lot of women will find exactly this kind of thing valuable. I'm not remotely available for "hooking up" myself these days, but there was definitely a period in my 20s where I dated around some, yet was not in a hurry to get into a re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:08 PM
29

I keep reptiles. There is almost never a good reason to do live feedings unless your animal is an insectivore. Live feeding is less humane for prey items and it's also more dangerous for the predator. It's fair to do if you're trying to establish a picky eater esp. if recently wild caught/imported but if possible the predator should be switched to stunned/fresh killed items and then to (humanely dispatched) frozen/thawed as soon as possible. A lot of these animals can be kept humanely and respon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 04:29 AM
19

Any time I doubt the validity of my reactions to Certified Male Bullshit I do this. Like... have I ever been in a position where I did something similar and had to deal with a reaction like the one I'm giving, and didn't like it? And I literally can never quite get whatever they're grinding through my grinder... Because the answer is always "no." No, I have never and would never behave the way men so often behave toward women in context. No, I've never done anything nearly as bad as some of the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 04:52 PM
205

If a man is saying they "don't know what they want," it typically means that they DO know.... that they want the option to use you under false pretenses (this kind of manufactured ambiguity IS a false pretense) for as long as they can, but don't want to put actual effort into being with you. Sometimes they fool themselves into believing they really don't know, they really are open... but that's just a psychological trick to help them sell the lie back to you more convincingly - the best liars ke…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 01:37 AM
5

Hard agree. The other factor is that when actual sexual arousal and pleasure are in scarce supply (as they are in many hetero relationships), it can be tempting to seek adrenaline as a stand-in for those things, or even to mistake an adrenaline rush as sexual arousal (which, the nervous system is the nervous system, there's interplay between types of arousal, so it can be easy to do.) The relationships where I tolerated (or, sadly, even encouraged) the most "weird" sex were relationships where I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 09:14 PM
13

The only people who could look around at the way women are treated, compare it to the way dogs and chldren are treated (!!), and conclude that that's "unconditional love" or love at all, are people who don't understand love and probably aren't capable of it. Most men's idea of romantically loving a woman is the most conditional idea in the world, and the conditions are by and large unreasonable, which is why their so-called "love" fails to hold up under the pressures of reality. In fact IME lion…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:23 PM
58

This is a complete "hit dogs holler" situation, poor girl just didn't realize she was hitting him with her words because she hadn't seen the evidence personally and he hadn't started hollering yet. Then he did, now she knows. It'll take her a minute to come to terms but I'm sure she'll get over the "loss" just fine lol. He knew she was going to figure him out, and was trying to get ahead of it to hurt her/ditch her before she could call him out. I also had a guy bring up "the bad way [I] talk ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 03:56 AM
177

Having low expectations reads as a challenge for gross men. They seem to ask themselves: Can I swing so low I disappoint her anyway? Can I deliberately raise her expectations for the thrill of disappointing her later? Better to have high expectations and rigorously enforce them by weeding out those who have no interest in meeting them, and meting out consequences to those who volunteer to meet them and fail at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 05:10 PM
12

If I could give an award for this comment I would. It's not only okay to be angry in response to mistreatment, it's often advisable - and it can be advisable to act on that anger too, particularly when the deck is stacked against you re: getting justice through 'standard' societally-approved channels. Just use your best judgment and discretion. A little pettiness and a lot of outrage on the part of a person who has been exploited or mistreated is not the cardinal sin in the equation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 10:21 PM
64

and if her social circle has any hint of HV-ness on it they should feel it too It boggles my mind that they were allowed to stay. If someone pulled this at my birthday party I'd take them to the side and ask them to leave (and apologize to their date that they were put in such a situation).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 07:43 PM
13

I've always hated this logic. Anything like "If you can't X yourself how can you expect anyone else to?" has always struck me as incredibly dumb. I expect people to treat me appropriately irrespective of how I'm feeling about myself at that moment and I expect grown adults to be able to make up their minds about me independently - of other people's opinions and even of my own opinion. I don't refer to how much people like/love/respect themselves when I'm deciding how much respect and affection t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:56 PM
17

These guys all think they're great Creatives and Artists too. I almost cringe when a man tells me he's a photographer tbh... 85% chance his portfolio is all bog standard high contrast T&A pics or bikini pics on a beach. PSA, not to be mean but because I've known a lot of women that need to be told this but didn't want to hear it: if you think you're a model, but most of the modeling you've done has been for photogs who mostly shoot swimsuit/boudoir/"artistic" nudes... you're not a model, you're …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 05:56 AM
11

The thing about the "patriarchy hurts men too" narrative is that it's... false. Patriarchy benefits men overwhelmingly. Obviously. If it didn't it wouldn't be so widespread and they wouldn't be so devoted to maintaining it (which they are, in differing forms). Sure, they have to emotionally cripple themselves in pursuit of dominance, and some men, especially genuinely sensitive ones, fall through the cracks. But the mass of men don't care about being psychologically whole humans, they don't even…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 04:45 AM
397

OP is so on point. There are only three men around whom I've had near-panic attacks: My father, who has a history of DV and has been physically violent with me (strangulation, restraint) + is a serial boundary violator even when not being physically aggressive. My college boyfriend, who spat in my face, threatened to run a car off the road with me in it, threatened to break my things, gaslit me and laughed maniacally when called out on it, had rape fantasies, engaged in reproductive coercion tow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 12:40 AM
71

Men like sexual notches on their belt yet catch seizures when they see what “notches” means to a woman like me. Sex is not my prize the rubble of a beast’s life is. 🙌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 01:40 AM
167

Yep. You can't educate men out of misogyny either epistemically or morally. They know what they're doing. They buy into, perpetuate and enact misogyny because it benefits them by helping them get things they value, like sexual access, reproduction, low-cost emotional and domestic labor, and someone to dominate. Feminism isn't about morality and it isn't about teaching men to be better. It's about finding ways to put power into women's collective hands so that men can't hurt us even if they want …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 01:30 AM
29

- Asking me if I've ever had "awkward sex," giving an example of "awkward sex" in his life where the girl was dissociated/unresponsive and crying afterward. - Getting angry at me for not kissing him soon enough or holding his hand in public. (I was just inexperienced and too shy for PDA at the time) - Telling me he had "low empathy." - Getting angry at me when I, upset, told him about a video of clear anal rape I'd found online... telling me I'm "not the judge." - Telling me his neighbors have a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 02:45 PM
98

My BF and I watched this together and he was completely grossed out by Honnold's cold, douchey behavior toward his girlfriend, probably even moreso than I was. We agreed that while we admire the guy's climbing skill we don't admire him as a person - he has obvious issues and uses Sanni as an emotional punching bag. They are still together AFAIK. She's pivoted off of his climbing notoriety and launched an outdoors-centered life coaching business, among other things. I don't doubt she makes good $…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 02:29 AM
146

I loathe JFK the way I loathe a slug in my house and I loathe his golden reputation even more. He was nothing but an overgrown rich boy with a bad back, poor sexual self control and a tendency toward cruelty and callousness and predatory opportunism with women. Solve the Cuban missile crisis? It likely wouldn't have escalated to the point it did if he hadn't been on his chauvinistic bullshit, the whole thing was avoidable. Civil rights? Not on board until he was politically forced to be. I'm far…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 06:18 PM
18

You don't get it because it doesn't make actual sense, especially the bit about hormone levels. But, it's an across-the-board human tendency to base how much you like a person and will invest in them in the future, more on what you've done for them than on what they've done for you - kind of a social version of sunk cost fallacy. (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect ) In fact, leveraging that bias is one common way that shitty men manipulate women who don't know any better. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:02 PM
26

How men treat women is the crucible of their value as human beings. It's not debatable. Excellent behavior toward women, particularly where sex is involved, is a requisite for a man to have any value. If he fucks that up, it doesn't matter how good he is at anything, especially if his talent is something totally low-stakes like music, art, media or sports - he's trash and should be regarded as such socially. Even if he has valuable skills in say, science or medicine... I guarantee you there are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 02:25 PM
12

P-r-o-j-e-c-t-i-o-n. IME women come far closer to loving men for who they really are than vice versa, especially since many more women than men have a default level of care/sympathy they exhibit toward almost everyone by default. (I believe this is called "human decency" or "empathy" lolol.) What men call "love" is 9/10 times attachment to and possessiveness over a woman as a domestic/psychological/reproductive and most of all sexual appliance. They are only able to tell themselves they love us …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:36 PM
33

The essence of sexual objectification is sexual treatment of someone without respect to how they, as a subject, feel about being treated sexually in that moment. In other words, he outed himself as an objectifier the minute she expressed discomfort with other men's behavior and he started defending them. Realistically, too, this IS about the behavior of these men and not merely about what they're thinking, as if their attraction was really remaining respectful/staying in their heads, she obvious…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:47 AM
38

Besides the lack of actual truth value... imagine admitting that you don't care about the future of a woman you are involved with and expecting that woman to accept that as hArSh BiOtRuTh instead of just nexting you for being an obviously unsuitable person to build a life with. Everything you move toward in a relationship is "future" - if you don't care about mine, piss off?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:26 AM
49

No. No. The common male concern about women with a past being unable to happily commit/bond to a single partner is 10000% projection. Women who were wild for a little while can and often do move on and end up in happy monogamous relationships. It's not as difficult for us in general because women's morality is based more on empathy and principle, and our preferences mature as we mature... what passes for morality in most men, on the other hand, is more habit than anything, and society allows the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:10 AM
74

AFAIK the first published use of this phrase was by Rudyard "white man's burden" Kipling (yes, the Jungle Book guy) and it was essentially him taking a potshot at Indian women. There is literally 0 evidence that it's true. It's the phrase I think of when people talk about how repetition can make things SEEM true even when there's no reason to believe them. (Anyone who brings up "prostitution in chimps" etc studies can stfu already, those were all reliant on observer interpretation of animal beha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 05:16 PM
17

A lot of talk about "taking accountability" for failure to protect one's self in past relationships just becomes an invitation to women to bully themselves and sometimes each other... which does not help them improve, and directs attention and energy away from the much more important task of holding men accountable to their behavior. While it's better to be invulnerable, someone's vulnerability is never an excuse for abuse and abusive people need to be taken to task just as much if not moreso th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 02:09 PM
1

Of course.... I never said "don't talk about any of it publicly." Particularly when it comes to things like DV shelters, etc. there's no reason not to and plenty of reason to. However it's always worth emphasizing that the kinds of strategies that will actually gain us traction/make progress long-term (vs damage control measures) aren't going to be strategies it's easy or advisable to talk about on Reddit of all places. If it's palatable to Reddit it's probably a short-term fix at best. Generati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:58 PM
2

These discussions need had, but frankly, it would be better to have them on somewhat more secure channels like private Discord groups, etc. because the problem of misogyny is fundamentally old enough, entrenched enough, extreme enough and (for men who value their sexual entitlement) rational enough, that it's going to take more dedicated and severe action to cripple it than most people want to recognize. Achieving real, consistent female liberation won't be a gentle process because men won't let…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:15 PM
333

JFK was an actual piece of shit. Even politically he really was not all he was cracked up to be... there was a certain machismo to his political style that helped to CREATE the problems he's credited with solving. Never has a man been so lauded for cleaning up his own spilt milk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 02:08 AM
2

I would really like to try and find good advice for situations like this... actionable advice for victims of sexual assault or attempted assault who aren't being believed or who are not likely to be believed. I need some myself tbh. I'm going to be reporting an attempted assault that happened to me several years ago to a business/app the man works through. A police report wasn't really feasible for a number of reasons and I had a relationship with him after the fact (long story) and I know these…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 10:22 PM
3

The place I think we see this most clearly, that lots of people are in deep denial about, is BDSM. There's a demonstrable relationship between sexual trauma and development of masochistic or "submissive" fantasies and many "subs" are open about using BDSM to "heal" (trauma repetition isn't healing but w/e). And people try to act like that's a defense of the practice when in reality what it tells you is that there are a lot of men out there who are not only comfortable with but actually EAGER to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 10:03 PM
4

Yup, most men absolutely are not rotating women lol. Most men who try to triangulate by mentioning other women aren't even actually "rotating women," they're just interpreting politeness and other innocuous interaction as sexual interest, the majority of the the opportunities they tell themselves they have won't amount to anything. But that doesn't mean they won't try to rotate if they're given half a chance, and it doesn't mean they're going to respect their date and her time if it gets in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 09:53 PM
16

^^ Holding men accountable does NOT start with the men you go on dates with. DTMFA applies to friends, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 09:33 PM
30

Looking forward to watching this... and appreciate the story behind it. Mostly because it gives lie to the ideas that women who are taken in by long-game manipulation are unintelligent or unsuccessful, and that men that pull off this kind of deception are like, necessarily attractive and slick in the usual sense of the word lol. IME elaborate deception from men in romantic relationships is more common than many people think and successful execution mostly depends on their being willing to put a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 04:32 PM
5

Shame is one of men's most powerful tools for oppressing women, women internalize it far, far too easily. At this point I borderline read shame spirals from past dating behavior as a sign of internalized misogyny. The internalized misogyny is the bigger problem than the past behavior. You didn't actually do anything wrong here - they did. Maybe you didn't manage to protect yourself as fully as you should in the future, but that's not immoral it's just unfortunate. Some things take time to learn,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 10:30 PM
25

Million dollar question. When you realize a person is making a play to use you by knowingly leveraging your affection for them without returning it the correct course of action is not to "stay friends" or "keep in touch." If they want friends they can earn them by being proactively honest and by not acting like parasites.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 10:46 PM
2

Have you ever heard that saying MRA types pass around, something like, "unconditional love is for dogs, children and women?" They're telling on themselves. Many men, when they "care" for us, really do "care" for women (and their kids) in about the same way they'd care for a dog. It's not a human-to-human kind of love, it's not an affection that is based on who we are as whole people... that kind of love they reserve for male friends, if they feel it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:57 PM
2

Exactly, acknowledging the reality of situations and protecting yourself gets manipulatively framed as "making yourself a victim" even when it keeps you from further harm or prevents harm to you. What men like this seem to want is for women to pretend that victimization never happens / there are no risks... so that they can victimize us, but obfuscate the situation and therefore get away with it. It works on the premise that things are what you call them vs. what they are... of course not acknow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:16 PM
3

Hollywood and the music industry in particular are super full of skeeze, maybe because a lot of males' ambitions only exist as a hopeful vehicle for womanizing anyway - men fail at art for arts' sake by and large, and it shows in the quality of what they produce. Age gaps are more normalized in those industries and in areas thick with them than they are in most other milieus. Unfortunately since the details of the lives of industry people are highly publicized and people look up to them, having …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:53 PM
2

This is some of the best insight and advice I've seen on this sub in a long time. The rules don't work - we have got to stop playing by them and hold men accountable/make them suffer for misdeeds in every single way we can manage. We have to get brave and we have to get clever and we have to get creative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 06:41 AM
9

A lot of the tactics that have been normalized, by men, for obtaining sex, are acts of coercion - deception by omission at the low end (which flouts the requirement that consent be informed to be valid) and it just gets worse from there. It's crazy that we've been talked out of recognizing this stuff as COERCION for so long. Half of it shouldn't even be legal, on paper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 04:03 PM
1

It's possible this was written by a man BUT I've heard similar sentiments from other actual-factual young women, if worded somewhat differently. Unfortunate PSA to all the doubters in the audience: you shouldn't underestimate how much red pill/manosphere rhetoric has filtered into general discourse. Some of the shit I hear younger Millenial and Gen Z women say/see them conform to makes it seem like they were raised by 4Chan creepers that time-traveled from 2007 for mass grooming purposes. Things…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 07:11 AM
96

I can make myself cum in under 30 seconds masturbating so no, it's not that complicated. We might have a smaller target but decent sex isn't rocket science.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 06:29 AM
70

This is a weird and highly specific one but one guy I dated was Very Interested in seeing photos of me as a child/teenager. At the time I rationalized it as being because he cared about me - because hey, I think seeing pics of men I like as kids is non-sexually cute, wanting to understand someone's past and how they grew up is part of loving the whole person. Then he dropped the bomb that he was really only interested in me for sexual reasons and his determination to see pics of me as a literal …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 06:12 AM
59

OP is spot on. Racism undoubtedly contributed too. maybe via fetishization and definitely via economic pressures/trafficking that make immigrant asian women cheaply accessible as prostitutes in massage parlors. (Whether the specific women murdered were actually working in that capacity is irrelevant: the parlors were targeted because it was assumed prostitution was occurring there, and it was assumed it was going on there because it frequently DOES go on in such businesses, denying that helps no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 08:18 PM
1

I stan this. I never dress up for men before I know they're men I want to make an effort for - it's up to them to impress me first. They'll get clean and cute-ish work clothes for date one, IF it's convenient, nothing more, and if they say a damned word about it, next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:14 PM
3

Tbh a lot of SW have such poor self-esteem and self-respect that they really, really cling to the idea that they're "helping" the men that see them. It makes them feel needed/good at something. Of course in reality the men don't NEED anything from them, they WANT to fuck, and throw themselves pity parties to justify their mistreatment of their wives (chronic cheating is abuse yo) and extract some free emotional labor from the SW. The SW herself is a paid enabler of male bullshit - if these men d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 12:03 AM
19

get out the water Swim all you like - you don't have to concede. Carry a bang stick. Invent a better one. True enough that men will never willingly give up male dominance because nearly to an individual, it BENEFITS them and they LIKE it. It won't be voluntary. We've got to get over whatever is in us that keeps us hesitant about forcing them to act better whether they're volunteering for it or not - and get tough enough, creative enough and clever enough to pull it off. It's a lot but we just ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 03:55 AM
5

I have a large, intimidating working-bred dog and he's a force unto himself when it comes to vetting men lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 02:20 AM
19

IF even 1/8th the things people say are true of men "because biology" are really true because of biology, men shouldn't be allowed to participate in society in a whole lot of significant ways. Don't justify yourself with "I'm an animal" if you don't want me to advocate treating you like one. 💯 Even my dog has enough self-control to stop trying to hump things when I tell him to knock it off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 10:18 PM
5

We had had sex a few minutes earlier and I walked into the kitchen to check my phone, he came in after me and while I was standing there he just like, thrust his hips out/side to side and rubbed his flaccid dick on me. He had this grin/twinkle in his eye that made it clear he thought he was being charming in some way. I made a disgusted face and asked him if he was 12 and he did not take it well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 07:27 PM
33

Toward the end of my last r-ship, there was a huge energy shift that occurred at the end of a visit where I had met one of the guy's two closest friends. I'd met the other closest friend prior and he obviously liked me, but I got weird/bad vibes off of guy 2. I fully believe that his stank attitude toward me had something to do with the interest switch rapidly flipping off over the course of a mere few days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 04:49 AM
11

I've been saying this for a while. Women need to learn to recognize when a frame for some phenomenon has been designed by men, to benefit men. The "player" trope is that kind of frame - it's meant to make sleazy behavior that harms women seem cool, light-hearted, skillful and worth admiring. In reality, "players" are at best liars, feeding lies to as many people as they can until they get a bite, and at worst predatory opportunists. What they do is anti-social, NOT lighthearted, and it doesn't r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 01:34 AM
3

That's true... there is something to be said for framing lessons in a way people are already primed to hear and women who are deeply focused on men are most primed to hear things that keep the focus on men (male psychology, "what he wants", how to get him to want you, etc.) It can be used to get practical advice that will help the woman protect her boundaries through the door, which can be good. The best example I can think of is the book "Ignore the guy, get the guy" which has "get the guy" in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 04:16 AM
3

I also think "He's Just Not That Into You" is sort of useless. (It's not about who and what he's into it's about whether he's doing me any good. + level of interest is not an accurate explanation for ambivalent, dishonest or otherwise borderline antisocial behavior in dating.. that comes down to character which is either fundamentally there, or not.) So yeah, I'd say our tastes are probably very different. :P
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 03:58 AM
3

Perusing as an example of LVM thinking is fine but I would never recommend women expose themselves to a trash man's takes on women and dating for any studied period. Great way to internalize some horror show logic and undermine yourself... even if you think you're wise enough to take it with a grain of salt, repetition alone is enough to drive things into the brain. PS something being offensive does not make it "no BS." This guy is super full of shit... he's just more explicit about it in these …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 03:42 AM
4

This. Puts into perspective how normalized rape is, that we're supposed to act like 1 in 10 men being outright rapists doesn't = horrifyingly bad odds for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 11:45 PM
2

Mmmmmmbut uh, sex, to males, is almost always at least as much about power/ego as it is about sexual pleasure or pure sex drive, often moreso. For many of them the two things bleed into one another to the point of being nearly indistinguishable. What's that Oscar Wilde quote? "Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.” He was right... from his own male POV. It's one of their key solipsisms. I've known more women for whom sex was "just sex" than men. Even consensual se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 09:37 PM
34

There are already jurisdictions that recognize rape by fraud as a class of sex crime, just not enough of them. Women MUST get behind having this kind of coercion formally recognized as criminal en masse. Even if it's difficult to prove, having it recognized as Deviant According To Law will be beneficial. It is completely absurd and inconsistent that consent must be informed to be considered legally valid and meaningful in other contexts, only for the standard to be lower in sexual contexts. It m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:55 PM
23

Women feeling pressured to say "I'm fine" when they're obviously definitely not is such an accepted detail of reality that in other contexts it gets joked about. No one will never convince me that a man who assaulted a woman coming out of his bathroom wasn't very well aware that her "it's fine"s might not reflect her actual level of comfort with what was going down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 07:15 PM
15

Being suddenly physically, sexually and psychologically bullied upon coming out of a bathroom by someone larger and stronger than you is going to put you into a frame of mind where you assent to things very easily when the "dom" AKA assaulter is asking if you're okay - whether or whether not you ARE actually okay with that's going on. That seems fucking obvious. I'm beyond sure it was obvious to him. Why do they think he went with that approach? The fact that she is having this much trouble proc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 07:02 PM
18

This comment is so much closer to the truth than the highly upvoted comments in this topic. When men quickly settle down with woman B after things end with woman A, it is basically never because woman B is just "the one" and omg he just knew, blah blah. His reasons for doing the thing are guaranteeably 1/3 circumstantial 1/3 dipshittery 1/3 opportunism, and if he was stringing you along, over the long haul he will very likely mistreat her in some way as well, quite probably in ways that are wors…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 12:39 AM
11

You're right, though my top 3 reasons for why men need slut shaming (and women don't, not in the same way) are that: You can debate why, but as it stands men are less ethically conscientious and what passes for their "ethics" is often more habitual than principled. IME a man that gets into the habit of fucking around is nearly never able to fully adapt to a lifestyle of fidelity. Women don't want sex with most men as much, or as casually, as men want sex with most women. If a man has slept with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 06:35 PM
241

But the subtler the gaslighting, the more damaging it is. Quoted for emphasis. It's more damaging because it makes it easier for the perpetrator, the victim, and everyone surrounding them, to shift blame back onto the victim. The cure as far as I can tell is to internalize and promote this: If an otherwise reasonably well-adjusted woman has a severe emotional reaction to a man's behavior in a sexual relationship (so beyond just run of the mill disappointment), there is a 99% chance that that man…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:23 PM
20

It's not just a patriarchal lie, it's often "supported" with a cartoonish oversimplification of how chemicals like oxytocin even work. I facepalm every time I see women here repeat it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 03:09 PM
54

I like the direction you're going but IMO you've got it a bit backwards. Men value us for our sex appeal for physiological reasons and that's why avenues to attaining power that don't involve us trading on "beauty" are usually blocked off to us, systematically. (If we have to trade on it, at least some of it will always be available based on predictable principles, which benefits them.) "Beauty as power" is fundamentally non-threatening to men, because "beauty" isn't actually powerful. Beauty is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:34 AM
2

The most blown away by male entitlement I am, is when men make statements like this. As though men raping us (via economic coercion or forcibly) is just something we're obligated to put up with while also allowing them to participate in society as equals. If they really can't control themselves or help acting like animals, we would be justified in treating them like animals and handling the problem the same way you would with an animal. I don't negotiate with terrorists or rabid dogs, sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:47 AM
2

Yep I think it's a necessary counterpoint to most of what's being said here! Though there's enough pressure on women to repress anger, or turn it into a less status-quo-threatening emotion like sadness, that emphasizing that it's healthy and useful to be angry sometimes is also quite a necessary thing. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:25 PM
7

That's the thing - it's not that anger can't become unhealthily stressful. It's that that is, IME, most likely to happen if you can't find a way to externalize the anger effectively - use the anger to protect yourself or achieve what feels like a victory against the person/people that caused it (even indirectly). When you can do that, it dissipates somewhat day-to-day, like a tool you can put away because you've used it when you needed it. Anger + perceived powerlessness results in anger being t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 02:24 PM
11

I've never gone so far as to do this myself but IMO it is an objectively good policy for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:49 AM
7

I do more or less the same and it does the trick. There was no affection for them in me, really... just affection for the misconception they worked so hard to give me. I don't even feel as though I was really involved with these people for the most part... I was involved with better men they pretended to be. Them I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole... and they know it already, or else they wouldn't have bent over backward to lie. The fact that they lost something valuable while I only lost an i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 09:47 PM
122

This post is brilliant. I cringe every time I see women in this sub trying to steer others away from "bitterness" or anger, or encouraging them to redirect the anger they have at men back at themselves in the form of shame. Being angry at someone for disrespecting and mistreating you, individually or as a class, is the healthiest possible reaction. And it has the potential to be an incredibly useful reaction. I got myself into more trouble dating by being numb to anger and playing it cool in the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 09:06 PM
16

This is the catch-22 of "sex work is work" rhetoric that most of them have yet to square with. I don't believe most sex work is a choice, I've known enough to know they're overwhelmingly vulnerable and maladjusted people. But if it WAS a choice, in those few privileged instances where it MAYBE is more of a choice, just a hot girl getting free vacations and bags... We get to judge them just like we judge big tobacco marketing execs when we hear about second hand smoke killing kids. Why not? It's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 08:09 PM
31

Men who play the long game and try to use you in 10 different ways vs just the one are objectively much scarier than trifling fuckboys and should be treated as such. And that's not limited to the ones that refuse to propose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 06:21 AM
35

This. The brakes need pumped on "tough love" justifications for down-talking women when they're psychologically trapped in situations where they're being abused or mistreated. It causes a rise in shame and a dip in self-esteem and self-respect that can really make them more vulnerable to the abuser's BS, not less, and therefore more likely to keep going back, keep tolerating the disrespect, etc. Support and patience are key. No, she probably won't listen and go cold turkey off the guy right away…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 04:26 AM
3

"Post-nut clarity" is clarity you would have had "pre-nut" if your goal was to be clear and not just to "nut." (What a gross way to put it though. 🤢 ) IME a lot of men have some strange combination of sexual guilt and repression and sexual compulsion.... they act on the compulsion and then project the guilt/desired repression onto the person who had sex with them. This is one result.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:39 PM
16

What's more, when a HVM breaks up, he will then LEAVE YOU ALONE. This part is important. I have almost never seen a man try to "be friends" after breaking things off with someone who didn't end up disrespecting the other person's healing process by expecting too much of them, usually knowingly. Often they will even try and pivot "being friends" into hook ups of convenience. I've been rejected by men I still basically respect and to a one they did it quickly and cleanly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:22 PM
18

I do this too as I'm naturally very curious, but it does create the expectation that I entertain them and the assumption that I'm more specifically interested in them than they are in me, so I've learned to hush up a bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 05:08 PM
0

? If you and others want to downvote posts with good info in them, that make points about contextual semantics worth taking note of, because you found the tone a little sharp, be my guest. But you aren't helping lol. I'm glad the poster I was replying to was a little more reasonable/gracious than that (even if I initially misinterpreted her tone...and of course apologized where I thought appropriate... without even requiring third party intervention....).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:03 AM
-1

On point 1: Gotcha. I think we were talking past one another a bit so sorry about that. I actually would prefer if the word "decriminalization" was used in a more literal way in discussions about this stuff - if it was easier to use the word the way you're using it - because there is a pretty popular misunderstanding that people that are pro-NM and against full decrim are for criminalizing women in prostitution. I originally just meant to note that because supply-side decrim only is IME usually …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 02:00 AM
3

You realize you're describing issues with the implementation and enforcement of the model more than with the model itself, right? Generating the political will and resources amongst police to enforce it properly is its own issue to be sure, but that's not uncommon when you're taking a radical approach to an entrenched problem. Expecting perfection out of the gate is unrealistic. But according to reports from countries that have tried it, it does decrease the size of demand and of the market, inc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 01:02 AM
11

No offense, but you're incorrect in the context of the "sex work" debate. When organizations that advocate for prostitutes (and the sex industry) refer to "decriminalization" they are generally referring to full decriminalization, which means decriminalization of sex buying and pimping in addition to sex selling, and relative deregulation of the industry. It differs from legalization in that legalization has more intensive governmental/legal regulation, despite allowing prostitution to occur. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 11:04 PM
30

Never take anyone trying to pull a "did someone hurt you?" seriously or at face value. It's an attempt at undermining your criticism and transmuting your righteous anger into pain, ie neutralizing the threat. It says a lot of negative things about our society that people are able to use it to any effect at all. Yes, some people have hurt me. That's what makes the criticism valid and the anger deserved. My feelings about what they've done aren't the problem and shouldn't be the focus - spotlight …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 05:14 PM
22

I don't? Yikes. Anger is useful, seeking to completely let go of it where you've been genuinely wronged is a failure of self-preservation that patriarchy cultivates in us. If anything, the problem I've observed in myself and in other women is that we are not quick enough to anger or fail to truly sustain anger where appropriate. Without anger being there to light a fire under our butts, we de facto end up tolerating poor treatment or (if we do at least remove ourselves) enabling bullies and expl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:21 PM
18

That's not a "crush" it's a creepy personal obsession with a subadult he's already sexually exploiting in an impersonal way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 12:07 AM
2

More true than not, if in a roundabout way. The Lib Fem take on prostitution shows a massive failure of sytematic thinking. Framing prostitution as just another kind of totally-legitimate paid labor DOES erode the framework that supports protections female workers have against sexual harassment and exploitation in the form of economically pressured quid pro quo in the (actual) workplace. The reason Me Too and "sex work is work" have comingled so little is literally because they implicitly contra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 07:58 PM
8

I don’t have feelings for him but he has a way to put himself on my mind. I'm proud of you for being able to recognize that these are NOT the same thing. Other women: take notes. A lot of women assume that if a guy is sticking in their mind it's because they "caught (romantic) feelings." Buying into the idea that they're in love with the dude exacerbates the issue and makes them more vulnerable - and simultaneously confuses their sense of what real love looks/feels like. The guy has been using i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 06:57 PM
26

Article is accurate and clearly something a lot of women still need to come to terms with, even on FDS. The one big caveat is that modern marriage =/= traditional marriage. Many of the legal drawbacks to marriage that existed for women in times past have been removed from the institution in many places... what you get these days legally, in the US and in countries with similarly inspired laws, can be more beneficial than not if you're careful about things. (Socially, however, marriage and all lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 06:36 PM
9

Because women grade men on a curve... the more high-performing dudes there are in the class, the harder the slackers have to work not to fail. And they can't have that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 02:18 AM
45

Men referring to sex they got through manipulation, that unsurprisingly leaves the partner feeling used and even traumatized (because uhhh if it's not informed consent it's not exactly consent at all...), as "having fun" ....is like my #1 overly specific trigger right now. I think it's supplanted "she just regrets it" for the top spot. Like imagine if you fed a bunch of dinner guests a cake laced with poison. (If poisoned cake is too OTT for you, imagine shrimp salad w/mayo negligently but unint…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 02:05 AM
69

I think most women don't really understand how far the metaphor with commercial goods goes for shitty men... the point in their minds isn't for women not to get used by men, they see women as there for their use. They just want to be the first one to use her, same as with a new pair of sneakers, a brand new car...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 01:50 AM
9

Whoever drew this cartoon, and anyone that approvingly shares it, needs to be cast out into the wilderness to get eaten by a mountain lion. Unironically. Some objectification in this world is subtle but this is not, if a man relates to this pic I don't know how they or anyone else could deny that they're a danger to other people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 01:42 AM
15

Yep. I hurt for all the women on this forum that talk about how "ashamed" they feel over how they "let" men treat them in the past. You had an emotional reaction to someone behaving badly toward you. He would have, too, if the situation had been reversed... but you're not like that and he is. There is no purpose or sense in feeling shame over this stuff, if anything too much shame will keep you trapped repeating your past insufficiently-self-protective behavior. The shame is a residual of the ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 04:40 PM
25

It's actual hate speech. Fucking crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 04:24 PM
6

We need to do what we can to generate the backlash ourselves. Men need to be held fully accountable for scummy sexual behavior in all possible contexts, at all possible times. Not being sexually scummy is literally THE crucible of value for male humans. If they can't get that right nothing else they do should matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 03:06 AM
6

Davos was one of my favorite characters and if this bullshit had gone through it would have completely spoiled my respect for him, just as it did with creepazoid Jorah. I respect the actor a whole lot more now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 02:20 AM
8

Buttholes are natural exits, not entrances. You'd have to get the exact right angle and use a lot of force to just randomly end up anally penetrating someone during sex. In other words, it wasn't an accident. "Wrong hole" is wildly unlikely to happen by accident. You'd sooner glance off of a butthole than end up in it unless you were aiming just-so and making a violent attempt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:57 PM
5

The average 28 year old man looks like a middle-aged man to be honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:30 PM
34

A whole lot of pop psychology promotes socially irresponsible BS that is downright dangerous in the hands of LVM and other self-involved people, or in the hands of vulnerable people who don't know how to separate the wheat from the chafe and end up hurting themselves by trying to take it seriously. (I'm glad you're not one!) PUA and self-help literature intersect big time for a reason. Self-help lit itself is a bit of a racket in that people who have successfully fixed their problems and are fee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:10 PM
1

You did the right thing even if it doesn't seem like it had an impact. If you can warn another woman without much risk to yourself (read the situation lol) you're morally obligated to do it IMO. No, she probably won't believe you right off the bat, she has a relationship with and attachment to him so the tendency will be to want to give him the benefit of the doubt, not give it to you, a stranger who he's likely been trash talking. Still, if you described how he's fucked up, it might help her no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:53 PM
5

This is actually pretty much my point, I don't disagree. :) 99% of the time, they know they acted badly, they know it'll have affected you. You're not going to be able to prove they didn't affect you no matter how you respond, because... that's not the truth. Being affected by someone acting shitty toward you isn't a flaw. It's completely human and par for the course. Denying the impact of a misdeed doesn't erase the fact that it was done, or undo the damage, usually. So respond in the way that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 01:20 AM
14

I know some people think they're getting one up on the guy by being polite but you're usually not. GUYS, YOU'RE NOT. I'm sorry lol but you're not. Do you think they're stupid? "Wish you luck all the best xxx" is very common social bullshit, so common that everyone knows it usually contains an implicit "fuck you." Especially when you cut off contact after. Cutting off contact itself can always be interpreted as a result of butthurt. Pretending to be above it all isn't as convincing as you think i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 09:10 PM
9

They are a man you respect and admire, like you would a woman Man that is a confusing concept. No wonder my brain gets it twisted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 02:28 PM
2

In many cases you have to toe the line, as I said. But not toeing it is realistic in more cases than you probably think, particularly if you've been careful about the involvement up until that point/you've curated your social circle in a woman-friendly way... and believing otherwise is learned helplessness that indicates you've internalized a whole lot of what they want you to. Ex. is giving them unnecessary power and ammo. These are two different paths to the same end- neutralizing and disempow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 10:27 PM
1

Shower thoughts: you should work on being less worried about whether men call your actions "crazy." It's the word they slap onto behavior that inconveniences them and makes them uncomfy. We all know it. Discrediting the word >> changing your behavior to avoid slander. The ONLY time it makes sense to care is if you run in circles where his opinion will get around and impact the way other people treat you. Granted that's a common enough scenario. If you find yourself in it, work on getting into a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 09:56 PM
9

I always thought that if a guy liked me for me it wouldn’t matter when we slept together or how it happened. Spoiler alert: Even if it doesn't seem like it, this is actually true. If he really likes you for you, it won't matter when or how it happens. What you have realize is that the overwhelming majority of males, even those that are affecting superficially "high value" behavior and treatting their wives/gfs well, absolutely do not like their wives/gfs for who they really are. Nor do they genu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 10:13 PM
167

This is the core of all truly good dating advice for women. Anything that doesn't have this as principle 1 tends to devolve into a kind of covert Pick Me-ism where the goal becomes to game a bad guy into acting halfway good, as long as you keep yanking his chain and triggering push/pull or whatever. That's a damn drag though and generally no way to live unless it's literally your only way to live. Men "needing" women to keep them in line is also a form of enabling: you aren't his parent, the law…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 12:04 AM
8

I love hearing about women doing this and would give you a medal if I could. Forcing males into a position where they have to act better than the current standard demands doesn't even start with women they're dating/sleeping with, it starts with friends and family and coworkers. Every time a woman slams a door in the fact of an NVM/LVM that she isn't actually involved with, an angel gets its wings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 08:44 PM
22

It's unfair to claim that a woman not shaving is unhygienic. Not washing your damn hands, though, actually IS fucking unhygienic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 08:27 PM
27

I know an almost 40 yo NEET who started talking to me about how surprised he was that young women seemed attracted to him. When I, skeptical, asked him what made him think they were, he proceeded to talk about how this one had made eye contact and that one had made a joke to/about him. Just totally innocuous every day stuff. Like wtf get a grip. IME old men with porn issues tend to contextualize everything young women do as sexual because 99% of the "interaction" they have with young women is...…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:44 PM
26

I suggest people look at average age of LAST birth for women historically, to better understand how fertility decline works in real female bodies. Hint: It's not 35 for most populations and never was. Unless you're going for Duggar numbers women are plenty fertile into their 40s at any rate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 09:57 PM
7

technically he was honest with me about not wanting anything serious - albeit after almost 6 months of love bombing and confusion So he love-bombed you while omitting the fact that he didn't want anything serious to encourage you to develop feelings, so that you'd be more likely to go along with his plan once he finally came clean months too late. Was he even independently honest when he finally was? Or did he wait for you to bring it up like a lazy ass coward, too? "Technically" is bullshit. Ly…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 07:37 PM
2

Frankly it depends on context, sometimes just ignoring IS really the only thing to be done, but I've done everything from telling men off in ways that make them visibly feel awkward to calling their parents on them and if it makes his life even a little bit harder than it would have been otherwise, I can safely say I have no regrets. Of course I ignore them after - you have to be sure you're serious about cutting bait. But social misbehavior calls for social consequences, just on principle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 03:21 AM
9

Things like the 90 day rule benefit men because they feel more confident in their eventual ability to monopolize you sexually, which is one of organized patriarchy's main goals. Women acting according to their own sexual instincts - out of male control, where male mistreatment of "easy" women is effectively a control tactic - is in conflict with those goals. So yes, women who seem like they're going to be easier to corral for patriarchy (whether it turns out to be true or not) because they're go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 03:10 AM
2

Yeah, I wasn't responding specifically to the arguments in the Eisler book so much as to the direction I know people take these discussions in. :) WRT Bonobos, they're less male-dominant than Chimps by far, but I've seen it pointed out that the tendency of female Bonobos to defuse conflict with sexual contact can still be interpreted as sex in response to pressure. If we were to totally anthropomorphize, it could be construed as coercive, and still not necessarily something to idealize. I'll try…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:07 PM
9

That's the kind of thing that's hard to get solid behavioral evidence for. If you look at our closest primate relatives to try and use them as flawed proxies for shared ancestors' likely behavior... well, in Chimps and Bonobos, both sexes are promiscuous and rely a lot on sperm competition. Personally though what I find is, most consistent differences in sexual behavior between the sexes in humans are easily explained without having to dig deep into "instinct modules" or difficult to actually pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 06:56 PM
11

This isn't really accurate. Men pursue sex readily because the risks are low for them (or they perceive them to be), they orgasm easily, and they are encouraged to build their egos around it... not because fucking everything that moves has historically been a good enough repro strategy for most human males that it's baked into instinct in the way people like to imply. Offspring survival is every bit as relevant to male reproductive success as female - if it doesn't live to reproduce itself it ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 06:40 PM
9

Do you know of any good resources that analyze the subject in a way that you think is... competent? Easy to understand?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:08 PM
11

The FDS standard points that I hear most from men are the exact points I would recommend people think about harder, to understand WHY they work in a more realistic (and not faux-empowering) light. What men reward with better treatment, serves men in some way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:08 PM
4

That's the usual story here, but it's actually incorrect. What hurts abusive fuckers most is punishment for their abuse, and feigning indifference to the point of failing to pursue that is helpful to them, not harmful. The fact that it's the best strategy most women can come up with is a form of learned helplessness and/or (if there really is no better strategy) as result of social biases tipping the playing field in male favor. The fact that people will call it the most "dignified" response is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 02:35 PM
24

It actually really weirds me out the way men want to go on and on about all the pain and damage they caused you in their "apologies." There's just something so egotistical about it. Not to underplay the trauma shitty male behavior causes, because it does. But even so, guys that feel the need to write apology letters like this are 9/10 just hurdles that women trip over then learn to jump over on their way to being cooler and better people. Imagine if you were a track and field champion and the gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:13 AM
8

Confidence in one's ideas =/= hostility. And most of what I've said has very little to do with history of how women have been viewed lol. Most of what you've said def. shows you didn't read me. (Like I guess I might speculate that silly shit like the concept of women being "life givers" in contrast to men might have proliferated more before reproductive biology - ex the fact that semen is a necessary ingredient in "creating life" - was widely understood... but we're so far past that understandin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:02 AM
16

Entertain yourself with at best non-foundational, at worst mythical causes if you want. Don't blame me when your solutions prove ineffectual because the diagnosis was ever-so-subtly off. Maybe in some modest % of men the desire to control women as a reproductive resource, when frustrated, manifests in these kinds of ways. But it is a modest %, and the underlying cause is still the desire to control women as a reproductive resource. The rest is just a series of psychological permutations of that.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 02:06 AM
61

I know you're about to get inundated with theories that make misogyny out to be a response to some kind of cool power women have, like men are just jealous or something, but those are bullshit. We can't "create life" any more than men can, in fact it's very convenient for them that they are not the gestating sex because gestation is a huge drain on bodily resources and very risky. Sex appeal isn't power and they know it. If it was do-able to leverage it in a way that got us significant social po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 05:56 PM
4

If you find out about it, no, you should not. How people treat those that are vulnerable (including, for instance, women with poor boundaries and attachment issues) tells you more about their character than anything else will. HVM don't string women - ANY women - along, they bow out proactively and gracefully when they realize there's a mismatch in interest and goals. YMMV but I honestly find women who brag about relationships where they've had to keep the guy in line embarrassing, even if they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 12:40 AM
1

Saying "I have hair and live on my own" like it's in any way special is such a 30-something hitting on early 20-something thing to say I don't even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 12:19 AM
10

ACLU is not a wonderful organization. Look up their history with regard to the women's movement. They've had to be dragged kicking and screaming into offering any kind of support for women. Civil liberties == male sexual liberties. Those are more important to the ACLU than women and girls' safety. Hell they've even been opposing bans on child marriage, using much the same logic as they give for wanting to decriminalize prostitution. Sounds like a bad joke but it's true. ETA: 'Cause comments are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 02:04 AM
32

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/jan/28/she-cant-say-no-the-men-who-take-breast-milk-from-babies Apparently in certain regions men coercing their partners to let them suckle is such a problem that it puts infant nutrition at risk. When you're no longer surprised by this, you've groked men. They're far more likely to be selfish bullies than protectors, even to their own wives and kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:47 PM
8

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_trust_and_low_trust_societies A Lebanese person I was speaking with (who had spent a lot of time living in America) used this theory to pinpoint a primary cultural difference between the two places - the US is a much higher trust society in comparison. It's a difference I'd been observing too but I was having a hard time describing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:29 AM
19

I'd never rule out a guy based solely on ethnicity but I've noticed the reasons why I dislike them vary by culture in a predictable way. So IME: American men are most likely to be loooooow effort, princess-y and committed to defending literally any form of degeneracy. (Men of all cultures can BE degenerate as fuck, but many at least pretend to have morals. I almost prefer occasional hypocrites to unrepentant perverts if I have to choose.) Canadian men are likely to be similar to American men, bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 02:34 AM
8

I'm a white woman who used to work in a department with around 50% Indian nationals and kept running into issues I couldn't explain like having requests ignored for no reason, etc. until a female Indian coworker took me aside and offered to give me a lesson on dealing w/ Indian men. For reals. When she went into detail about some of the complaints she was hearing about me it was fragile ego / mommy issues city. My mind was blown at the level of hand-holding she thought it was fair to be doing fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 12:31 AM
19

It's really funny to me when people who do unethical things think they have a right to not have those things talked about at the neighborhood potluck. If you don't want to be embarrassed when people air your dirty laundry, top strategy is to keep your clothes clean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:19 PM
3

It's probably a combination of the two. And I don't know how to head it off: all I can do is refuse to let them control the narrative by backing down and agreeing with them the way so many women do, emphasize why what they did was bullshit on principle, and behave as an angry person who is in the right does - by imposing consequences for THEM and not by taking it out on myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:14 PM
10

Male dominant culture is VERY invested in trying to get women to feel pain when they feel, or should feel, anger, and this misinterpretation is a form of gaslighting that accomplishes that. Sadness is painful to the person feeling it, anger is usually directed at others - potentially at men - and that's a threat. Too many women, treated poorly in a situation, get rightfully angry, then when the man pulls a "gosh sorry I didn't mean to hurt you" think to themselves... am I just hurt? Did I just "…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:07 PM
8

I'm in the minority here but if I'm removing a person from my life for any reason, I will ALWAYS tell them exactly why, in cutting detail. Leave mystery and if they wonder about the loss at all, they'll come up with a reason that exculpates themselves aka does not reflect the reality of how trash they are. If they can't accurately identify the cause, then the consequence of losing a contact is even less likely to have an impact on their behavior. I know some folks think this is a big "waste of e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 07:23 PM
145

He's not mad she said it in front of the child. The child is 2, doesn't know wtf they're talking about and probably won't remember this convo in a week: he knows it and she knows it. He's mad she's outing him in front of his current GF. And she's completely right to do it. More sisters of brothers should be friends to other women in this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:57 PM
21

I most recently got out of a relationship with a man that chased me for over a year before we slept together and treated me very well for about six months after, before trying to reduce his investment and string me along for months more (even, of course, when I straight up pointed out that I was fine just not talking if he wasn't into it anymore - especially then) before deciding that he was going to become more religious in a way that meant we couldn't be a thing. (Hard to say if this was a gen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:37 PM
10

The amount of sexual misconduct that it's normalized for men to take part in is insane once you really start to think about it. And the level of sexual trauma in the female population, if not from rape, date rape, etc. but from lesser (but still psychologically significant) violations like men getting women to assent to sex through dishonesty, is deeply depressing. But yes. Any time a man tries to make a sexual situation out to have been unclear, he's likely a rapist. Any time a man tries to fra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:53 PM
6

This is actually a fucking fantastic rule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:55 AM
11

Yep, sentiment in OP is functional in that it promotes smart behavior, but it's factually false. There are a number of scenarios where a person can be into you and send mixed signals. The more important lesson is that how a person treats you matters more than how they feel about you. Emphasis should always be placed on behavior first - theirs and yours. Only once all behavioral standards are met should feelings be allowed to enter the equation. Whether they do/don't like you literally doesn't me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 01:16 AM
3

The most recent one, I wasn't particularly attracted to. He chased me hard for around a year. Then we had about 6 good months before he started letting the mask slip. I wasn't even super into him at the height of things tbh, obviously some latent physical attraction was eventually triggered, but I was more in it for entertainment and company (I'm not marriage minded) and him being relatively non threatening emotionally was part of the appeal. Still, when his effort started dropping I gave him wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 12:38 AM
4

If the whole staff knew he was sleaze and no one warned you, I'd be embarrassed for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 05:29 PM
5

What frustrates me is this: even when women try not to coddle their sons, the sons look around at their peer group and see other males getting coddled by mommy, decide they are entitled to such treatment, start to feel resentful that their mother didn't provide what they were entitled to, and end up with mommy issues that they take out on all other women regardless. I've met so many misogynists with feminist moms that I would never risk raising a son myself, personally, unless we experienced a s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:20 PM
1

He's jealous and trying embarrass her / her man by pulling an "I fucked her first!!!" like an angry middle school virgin playing COD. So, yeah, embarrassing himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 02:55 PM
19

If a guy is posting shit like this he's questionable himself. Decent men don't tell women asking Qs like this to shut up. They don't give women reasons to ask Qs like this at all. They say "no thanks" to girls that aren't "the one" instead of stringing them along for benefits and lulz. PSA: Dudes pretending they'd really shape up for the right woman are mostly just using the "haven't found The One" thing as an excuse for their trashy behavior. It's shows a lack of accountability. Like it's not t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 11:08 PM
11

It's not that a woman "reads too much into things", it's that a man manipulates her and doesn't communicate honestly. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you're at fault here. No one has to nor should they expect the worst from a person they're dating. This is the ACTUAL key, people. Stop being ashamed of yourself when your behavior wasn't unethical. Stop blaming yourself for your victimization. Stop internalizing male bullshit. Women feeling shame over shit that isn't their issue is a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 04:36 PM
12

Points 1 and 2 have less than nothing to do with how I evaluate other people's merit - basing your opinion of someone's value on their own opinion of their value is a common bias that makes people VERY vulnerable to getting conned. You should be able to make up your mind about their value without referencing their perspective at all. You should be able to respect others even - perhaps especially - when they are having trouble respecting themselves. Anyway, a lot of fuckboys, when they decide it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:32 PM
13

Yep. Teenagers are allowed to choose to get abortions not because anyone believes they're adults with fully formed frontal lobes who are ready for that kind of responsibility, but because either alternative (forcing them to abort or forcing them to carry to term) is a LITERAL HORRIFIC HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION that would set a bad precedent not just for teenagers but for all women. No matter which way things go, teen pregnancy is always a tragedy. Not allowing nasty old men to fuck pubescent and po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 07:16 PM
3

Women feeling bad about themselves for initially assuming that men are reasonable and deserve reciprocity and kindness and are capable of meeting women as peers/equals, just needs to stop. Now, is it an incorrect assumption? Yeah. So few men are like that that defaulting to the kind of behavior you showed is an incredibly big risk for a woman to take. But Is it a stupid assumption? No. They walk and talk like us and we use our own minds to model the minds of others so you used yours. It's natura…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 12:33 AM
2

Lmao, I'd probably find the ex on FB and send her this to use in any potential custody or child support case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 11:21 PM
38

It's depressing to realize that men emotionally abusing women they sleep with and/or have relationships with is basically the statistical norm but it's the truth. Typical male behavior in sexual relationships is not okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 07:32 PM
25

The biggest tip I have is to just... not exaggerate the significance of the feelings/of "catching feels." Including if you sleep with the guy sooner than was wise for you and that triggers you. It's just infatuation, which is a chemical response. It's not deep. They won't derail you if you don't let them (ie, convince yourself it's love or the mistake is big and irreparable, start dabbling in sunk cost fallacy and keep feeding it). Even if you let them derail you for a minute, you can always cho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:42 PM
7

Yep, this is the truth. Please don't buy into the "he just knew you were the one right away" / "you were so hot he had to have you" hype. Of the two guys who tried to get committal with me the fastest - and these weren't explicitly or obviously low value men, they were treating me well - listening carefully made it clear that their main reason for being commitment minded was because they felt it was "time." Their friends all had SOs, they needed someone to learn how to make pancakes for them lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:03 PM
8

Yep. A man targeting a woman for something long-term isn't always a compliment. Far from it: they often stick with women who they think will placidly eat their shit for fifteen or twenty years, who best meet some of the most unreasonable patriarchal standards (which 100% disadvantage those same women).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:02 PM
12

Someone seeing your worth when you were having trouble seeing it is a green flag, provided he treated you well then and treats you well now, and you're still into him ie weren't settling because your self-esteem was low at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 05:09 PM
2

Imagine trying to convince women that you beating them while beating off is going to heal their trauma. Imagine convincing yourself that your perversion is actually some kind of godsend to the people you're taking it out on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:54 PM
179

If a man requires facefucking a woman until she barfs and the corners of her mouth are split to be sexually fulfilled/happy, he absolute does not deserve to be happy. Opposite. Opposite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:41 PM
23

He's full-on sexually abusing her and she doesn't seem to realize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:36 PM
8

An LVM I know once compared the dynamic between him and his "one that got away" to the dynamic between Howl and Sophie. Shoulda been a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:08 AM
10

Society has a serious issue with seeing women as cannon fodder for male character development. Please normalize the idea that no man who mistreats even one woman, let alone a string of them, will ever become a good enough person to fully make up for it. 'Cause it's true. Like k Brock you don't get a cookie for not being an outright trash person anymore, assuming that's even true. I don't care. I don't derive any sense of fulfillment from being treated like a set of training wheels for your socia…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 11:52 PM
28

So much bullshit trying to play this off as an oopsie when what he's doing is scummy as fuck. Like when did you conclude you weren't into her buddy? During climax after the third fuck? Or did you have an inkling before, likely even before you had sex with her, and decide it'd be NBD to just bang her (again) instead of being honest about your concerns, bringing them up yourself like an adult? Is dating a person just long enough to fuck them really giving them an "honest try"? And when you say you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:40 AM
6

It actually is our job, collectively, if we want it to get done at all. No one (male) is going to volunteer to do it for us. Yet for women's own good, it does need doing. Tough cookie but that's life. And not getting laid in a specific instance isn't a big enough consequence to create meaningful change, it's just better for the individual woman in terms of keeping that guy out of her hair. This is why men play the numbers: there will ALWAYS be women in a vulnerable state, lie to enough women and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 02:14 PM
4

Female ridicule isn't much of a nightmare at all, it's nothing compared to being truly afraid of another person's rage, and that's why men rule the world and women don't tbqh. To tell yourself otherwise is to stick your head in the sand. Women need to creatively find ways to make their ire more genuinely threatening, not pretend they don't have it when they have it and have a right to it. If you want to use laughter or no contact as a stop gap, do that. That's good for maximizing your power with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 05:24 AM
30

Tying a woman's value to who she has and hasn't slept with in the past is a rigged and dangerous game. Women disadvantage themselves by trying to play it. The way she conducted herself otherwise is 10x as important and was admirable as fuck. She won a lot of respect from fans for how she handled a shitball situation in context, and she deserves it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:23 AM
31

IMO "sex by fraud" and "sex by deception" need to be on the books as sex crimes in more places. (They are in some already.) Uninformed "consent" isn't consent... in fact there's another word for that - assent. Assenting is not consenting. It's as simple as. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/23/well/mind/is-sex-by-deception-a-form-of-rape.html The reality that in quite a few places this shit is legally recognized as a form of sexual misconduct, rightly so, also needs shouted from the rooftops. It's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:08 PM
14

This, this, this. There's no excuse. If they can't figure out if they really like a woman before they've slept with her, that just means they need to spend some time sorting out their priorities, possibly with the help of a therapist, BEFORE trying to date or sleep with anyone. If they spent the time they are spending swiping on Tinder looking for ways to vet their interest in a woman before asking her to take her panties off, they wouldn't be surprising themselves and traumatizing women left an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 05:40 AM
5

The "total indifference" take sounds good, so people will keep repeating it, but it is unrealistic in many cases. If someone has done something nasty enough to you, you're going to retain negative feelings toward them that'll resurface with vivid enough memories. But you shouldn't be living in those feelings, and they're usually well separate from romantic/sexual jealousy. They won't compete with new love, at all. I have exes who, honestly, I'd be relieved to see their obit in the paper, because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:31 AM
18

It's a gross saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 12:13 AM
7

It's true. One of the weirder myths that I see popped around on this sub is the idea that men just know right away that you're their "dream girl." They literally don't know that in any significant way I stg. They just take it into their head that it's Time To Settle Down (can happen for a variety of reasons) and the first woman they come across (usually a new one so they can sell the flattering "love at first sight" angle) who a) meets some usually-rather-nonspecific qualifications such that bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 05:16 PM
18

They always rationalize this stuff in a way that suits their ego, I've noticed. I had a guy that I broke up with because I realized I wanted to get to know someone else, and later broke a post-relationship friendship off with after literal years of getting increasingly bored of and annoyed by him, write me to "apologize for hurting me" in that way they do where you can just tell that whatever guilt they think they feel is actually self-congratulatory and and downright masturbatory. "I was such a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:50 PM
36

They don't really. "Attachments" that form that quickly/circumstantially can dissolve just as quickly/circumstantially as they came about. You cannot form a deep attachment to someone in a rapidfire way. It doesn't work that way for anyone. Real love and healthy attachment are predicated on understanding a person, and that takes time. But men have dumber ideas about what things like "love" and "attachment" even are, which they use to make decisions on a more superficial/circumstantial basis. Tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 07:19 PM
60

It's a lesson in not internalizing the bullshit men may put you through. His trashy behavior isn't her problem, it's a problem with him, as a person. She knows it, and she knows other women need to know what he's like. The culture will try to use shame to keep women from speaking up when things like this (or worse) happen to them. Why? Because the culture is weighted to favor men, and women that have been mistreated keeping quiet ("not embarrassing themselves") is grrrr8 for enabling the men tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 11:06 PM
10

It's absolutely not a good idea and people idealizing it are signing up for trouble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 12:10 AM
8

NSWP has an ex VP in prison in Mexico for sex trafficking lmao. Connect the dots people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 07:53 PM
24

PSA to males: don't get into a relationship when you know you don't want or value the person. It's not hard at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:01 PM
3

I put higher priority on defending other women from shitty men by making sure social pressure is applied appropriately than I do even on weeding lame men out in my personal life. There really is no line for me. I'd tell her, albeit with the expectation that she wouldn't believe me. I'd also get on my brother's ass for even being friends with the guy, and perhaps eventually cut ties with the brother, but I know I'm extreme and mean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:37 PM
39

The biggest issue with OLD is that it's easier to meet people with whom you have zero social circle overlap, which means the likelihood that he'll be held accountable by third parties if he acts awful just drops like a rock because hey, they don't know that Tinder girl, who cares. As opposed to hey, you made our other friend/daughter/sister/cousin cry, five of us will now be avoiding parties with you to hang with her instead.... not that it ALWAYS works out that way of course, far from it, but t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 05:04 PM
4

My personal favorite variation is "if he cheats on me I'd rather he do it with a prostitute."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:30 PM
11

The amount of women I've met who WISH they could feel safe enough to sleep rough, and instead end up sucking some nasty man's dick and putting up with abuse to keep a roof over their head, has been rather high. So "more men are homeless" has never exactly impressed me as a matter of men being oppressed or w/e. I'm not sure the women who would otherwise be homeless are actually in much better positions than homeless men, they're just trying to avoid it harder because they know they'd end up raped…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 07:03 PM
94

Lol yes. When I was a kid I was also the oldest girl in the second crop of cousins on my mother's side so when we were playing together at family gatherings, if anything went wrong, I'd get screamed at. Including when what went wrong was the direct fault of males in batch 1. Ex we were once playing tag with some of the older kids and a 15 year old locked a door with a partially broken glass pane so that the 7 year old chasing couldn't get to him. The 7 year old tried to slide his arm through whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 08:58 AM
7

Lol, this is exactly my point: " Acting like a boyfriend does not make him a boyfriend. He’s doing this deliberately so he doesn’t have to show up for her. " If he's going to act like her boyfriend, and accept her acting like his girlfriend, people need to start treating him like he DOES either have to show up for her, or let her go himself. That is the social pressure that needs applied to this kid in this situation. Period. Of course he still won't do it, so she needs to dump him. Recognizing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 06:16 PM
18

Men (or in this case, boys) like this need to be held to the standard of what they communicate with their behavior, not just their mouths. I find it really interesting that "pay attention to what he DOES not what he SAYS" is such a big point in dating advice for women, because it seems like men are just finding new ways to manipulate women using that MO. They overtly foster attachment with their actions - like literally PURSUE the closeness, mate guard, deliberately attempt to trigger lovey feel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 06:10 PM
32

Lol what you did wasn't really a "waste of energy." That's mostly BS believed by women who have internalized the idea that female anger is ill-dignified or purposeless even when it's perfectly understandable and rational. There is nothing wrong with being righteously pissed and expressing it. It's not like we get X amount of life energy and once it runs out we never get it back, and anyhow specific outrage like this isn't always something you can sublimate in a useful way, it has to be expended …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:58 AM
14

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but men have been doing whatever they could get away with for centuries, and if anything the strictures allowing them to get away with this stuff have TIGHTENED over the last 40-50 years or so. Porn and its contents are a response to the fact that they can't get away with as much as they used to be able to in other contexts. In the 70s and 80s when my parents were coming up people were trying to fuck 13 year olds openly, all over the place. It wasn't remotely rare.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:01 PM
3

Correct. It never fails to amuse me how much internalized misogyny the women on this sub have. 5 texts in a day with him apparently texting in between isn't particularly "clingy." and I find his inability to just communicate his disinterest v-e-r-b-a-l-l-y and instead letting her flounder WAY more cringe than anything she's doing. Now, with this particular dude, might ignoring him get her further? Yeah. Sure. And tell her that by all means. Better yet, tell her to interpret his behavior as insuf…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 11:14 PM
10

Not a long-term ex, but there's 1 guy I hooked up with who I am sure calls me "crazy" and I am deeply proud of it. Without doing anything genuinely OTT or illegal, I scared him badly enough that he'd have for sure hesitated before trying to pull the same shit again with another woman he didn't know so well. Not only that, but based on my experience with him he'll definitely gab about it to women in the future, and his use of the c-word will have the savvy ones thinking "but what did he do to ear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 10:31 PM
5

Yes. If you want to experiment to see if he can satisfy you, and you're comfortable doing it - do it. You have good reason. But don't let men use the "test of sexual compatibility" concept to pressure you into anything a minute before you're prepared for it. If they're healthy in the D they'll figure out how to cum with you either way, their erogenous target is so huge it's hard to miss. If they have some super highly specific "need" that they want to test you to see if you'll fulfill that's in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 12:44 AM
9

Stuff like this should absolutely be considered some form of sex crime. Some countries and/or jurisdictions within countries have written "rape by fraud" into their sex crimes statutes explicitly, but not nearly enough. Even if you think of sexual consent in terms of contract law though... AFAIK only a few types strictly have to be written/notarized. In many cases verbal agreements are legally binding in theory, it's just that it's hard to prove that they've been made and broken in most cases. M…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 12:27 AM
3

"why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Women aren't cows, aren't for sale, and unless living in bad circumstances that we should focus on helping them change, they aren't in need of keepers. The minute you start agreeing to cooperate with, reinforce and perpetuate a framework that wants us to be when you have an opt-out option, you've done a disservice to yourself and all of us. Enough said. Red pill has a lot in common with what would have been construed as "common sense" in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 04:34 PM
2

I rarely accuse specific people of larping but like it is a little on the nose, isn't it. One way or another it's easy to see what sauce this brain has been marinated in if you're actually paying attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 07:12 AM
3

I realize you didn't ask me but FWIW: You can tell a lot through making out/heavy petting. The way he moves, whether he's willing to be patient and go slow, how responsive he is to you in kissing (naturally mirroring you, softening when you soften - it's like a dance, he needs to be able to follow a little). You can also tell a lot by what he volunteers to do without you asking. It's a relatively good sign if he offers or moves to go down on you by himself, or engages in a lot of skillful manual…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:43 AM
5

Your posts have been some of the most reasonable in this thread. I'm disappointed-but-not-surprised that there are people labeling what you've said "libfem" because it shows how out of touch with the definitions of the various -fem terms we've gotten. It's like centrists and conservatives started mixing with radfems due to the transgender debates, realized that they, like radfems, aren't comfortable with porn for some of the same reasons, mistakenly convinced themselves that those two points of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 04:05 AM
3

I think that that's true for most women definitely, but in the absolute sense, whether it's the preferable strategy depends on how well-defended you are against that poor treatment in terms of being able to shut it down. It also depends on how comfortable you are with the concept of accidentally (or purposefully, even, for the cynics) "gaming" a guy into treating you well even if he'd have treated you poorly had you made other choices. And how comfortable you are effectively cooperating with/cap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 07:23 AM
2

This is something I've been trying to express to people that think making him wait/making him commit before sex is some kind of cure-all for bad male behavior... some guys are obsessed with getting large quantities of sex cheaply, yeah, but there are also men obsessed with getting RARE AND UNOBTAINABLE sex. To the point that they will string someone along for ages and jump through all kinds of hoops only to bounce or start treating her like crap after she finally sleeps with him or otherwise dem…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 06:47 AM
37

These men don't really respect women that they approach first either, though. They're just less likely to jump straight to taking them for granted. The dynamic keeps their interest, not the person. Men that operate this way are interested in the chase/the concept of getting something difficult to obtain, not the actual woman - so if they don't feel there's a chase or if the difficulty of the "achievement" isn't made obvious to them, there's no interest even if the woman is practically their idea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 06:06 AM
4

Bracing for downvotes but uh, this is extremely good advice and frankly much more practical than the "casual sex R bad" stuff some women on this sub push. They can ree about it/accuse others of lying all they like. It's not going to change the reality of the thing... there have always and will always be women that willfully engage in casual sex, some for good reasons that will enable them to have fun with it, and some for flimsy reasons (like mere need for validation) that almost guarantee they'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 03:52 AM
4

I get what you're saying. Though IME holding others accountable is often painted as "revenge" by people that don't want to be held accountable. Even something like you refusing to speak when he wants to... I've known people that would paint that as vengeful and unreasonable. So while there probably is some theoretical/ethical distinction there that's good to make, as far as how the terms are popularly used the difference can be immaterial, and I really don't want people to accidentally tar holdi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 12:03 PM
3

Damn, even I didn't expect my read to be that accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 10:09 AM
22

Nah. I understand the appeal of this because it gives women permission to walk away from things that are a fruitless energy suck while putting a go-girl spin on it. It's a call to defuse/disown anger, which is very in keeping with female socialization and probably sort of a soothing concept. But... men need actual punishment for their shitty behavior if and when you can find ways to dole it out. Granted, finding those ways/opportunities is difficult and you shouldn't get caught up brooding on so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 10:04 PM
5

She does sound like exactly the naive kid she is trying to convince everyone she's not. I hereby diagnose her as protesting too much. When people tell her to be cautious there are very good reasons as to why. Sometimes age gaps can work/be navigated healthily (for sure rarely but like... every great once in a while...) Her indignation at the suggestion that her being young has implications for how developed her judgment will be just makes her seem careless/contrary and particularly childish, tho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 07:40 AM
15

Extreme examples make the difference obvious: ask most people whether they'd rather be raped or robbed and they will see the latter as the lesser of two evils to endure. (Unless they are seriously lacking in perspective and/or just trying to contrarian and edgy.) Having someone gain access to the inside of your body via questionable methods or on terms that are anything less than kind and transparent can, especially over time, be really disturbing/traumatic - even if the sex wasn't totally unwan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 10:41 PM
31

This is the spoiler of the century: it's not that there is a big shortage of women that, under the right circumstances, at some point in their lives, might want NSA sex. It's that most men have serious difficulty handling NSA sex in a mature way. (And a lot of women are leery of it or get burned out by it partly because they observe/experience men's inability to handle it respectfully.) I've definitely had men I was open to about probably not wanting anything serious, who I don't think I ever wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 05:17 AM
2

I get that, and focusing on what we should do is more to the point on this sub anyway. I just try to be careful about wording because placing responsibility exclusively on women tends to devolve very quickly into forms of shaming and victim blaming women and excusing men, since society leans in that direction anyway. IME women in turn internalize that and it has a negative impact on our functional ability to protect ourselves/implement good strategy when we find it. Besides, it's kinda fatalisti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 06:05 PM
9

I think your first comment is pretty on point but this rephrasing seems a little off. The burden is on people of either sex to not get sexually involved with people they're not serious about unless they can do it with total transparency and without needing to leverage obvious one-sided infatuation as a persuasive tool. Otherwise, if everyone's on board: yeah, not a moral issue. The BDSM thing is worth criticizing, but separately. Similarly, if he's selfish in the sack or whatever that would be w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:11 AM
29

Yep to both posts above. It's not that it never, ever works. It's that how a relationship starts can shift the power dynamic. By default the initiator/pursuer begins the interaction at a disadvantage. When men a) have the overall power advantage in the culture as well as just in terms of physical size and b) are statistically way more likely to be fucking terrible, exploitative people... adding to their advantage by placing yourself in the position of initiator makes you more vulnerable. To add …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 12:21 AM
25

People that have been taken advantage of or otherwise victimized aren't responsible for their own victimization. Period. A lot of "pickmeisha" behavior is the direct product of female socialization which damn near exists to groom women to make them easier for men to victimize and take advantage of. Nearly all of us are subject to it from childhood up. If you can learn to protect yourself better, do so, but do not ever blame yourself for other people's fuckery. That's what you're doing. You know …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 11:46 PM
30

The past absolutely was not any better and the fact that so many women are engaging in wildly unrealistic "good ole days" gender relations fantasies is scary as shit. You might think you wanna go back there but you don't lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:30 PM
15

IME a lot of guys that aren't standard-issue fuckboys will try to pull fuckboyish behavior the minute they think they can start getting away with it. It's like a switch flips in their head. The idea incels have that it's all "Chads" or men with consistent sexual success that are lying to women to get sex and then treating them badly is wrong though. Average-to-desperate guys do this shit when you give them a shot ALL THE TIME. I've probably hooked up with 1 fully-hatched fuckboy. I dealt with hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 02:31 AM
13

Hard agree. I've been put off by advice on this sub to the tune of "don't say anything/don't waste your energy/don't let them know they got to you/don't validate their perspective that women are crazy." I think that's a good rule for women who are in danger of telling him off in hopes he will change for them and then pining about it/continuing to engage. If he's consistently fucking up, whatever faint hope there may be for him to improve as a person, it's not going to be on your timeline so don'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 05:20 PM
8

When in reality I don’t feel like that was ever how I felt inside except maybe when I was very young. Most men really are going to interpret everything you do with/toward them in these situations through a highly misogynistic, self-aggrandizing lens, and it's your job to be confident enough in your own perception of things not to allow them to get into your head. If that's not how you felt, that's not how you felt. The amount of times I've seen guys effectively try to gaslight a woman into belie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 02:07 PM
10

Don't be embarrassed over something you said to a guy who evidently wasn't going to be part of your life anyway. There's literally 0 practical reason to even be worried about how he sees you or that text. His opinion is irrelevant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 01:49 PM
9

Yep... if a guy claims to be 36 + on OLD it's smart to assume he may be at least 2-5 years older, and if he claims to be in the vicinity of 5'8-5'10 he's almost certainly 2-3 inches shorter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 04:34 AM
3

When I hear women make disparaging comments about their own age or men make disparaging comments about a woman's age I just pretend I don't understand what they're getting at, and try to lead by example WRT not being concerned about my own. It's usually more hard-hitting and effective than doing an impromptu Ted Talk about ageism and sexism would be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 02:22 AM
3

You don't hit a wall at 40. You're just not wrecking your car because you hydroplaned on a fuckboy. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 09:13 PM
3

#1 Stop demonizing women (including your past self) that are "too nice" and getting taken advantage of. While they may be frustrating to deal with, they're not fiends and they're not the major problem. They're just making themselves too vulnerable - that's not a crime. The way men treat them because of it however, the readiness with which even "good guys" will jump to screw over any woman that gives them half an opportunity, should be penalized more harshly in every way possible. I know this is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 08:58 PM
5

I'd add that it's also an issue if they're dishonest in some way or fail to meet a minimum level of polite respectfulness - I think a lot of women imagine they've "caught feelings" because they feel bad about objectively dismissive behavior/feel violated by lying when they're really just outraged by a guy trying to push boundaries and treat them like a doormat. But yeah. A lot of the anti-FWB rhetoric on this sub is a) projection by women that still rely or want to rely more on men and relations…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 04:23 AM
21

What you've said here is 100% true. Focusing too much on monetary aspects has, based on anecdotes, made some of the younger women that read this sub vulnerable to approaches from much older/more established men who are willing to spend a lot of money on them but do so because they see very young women as RL porn, not because they're in any way "high value." It's mainly the % of what he has that he's investing in making your life better/happier that should be considered. Overall earning ability/p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 03:56 AM
29

Context/typing style/timing is usually enough for me. I will multidate but I'm introverted so I don't want to be dealing with too many at once, which makes it easier. I have had issues if the guy hasn't texted in forever - once I accepted a date with someone thinking it was a different person (who I had interacted with more recently), then realised the mistake and had to explain. "Ops, nevermind, thought you were someone else lol" is fair payment for trying to ping me a month later though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 08:18 PM
21

I don't keep men in my phone as contacts tbh. I delete convos and numbers as soon as I'm finished speaking/listening for the time being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 07:31 PM
17

I had a guy try to jerk me around for a hot minute over a year ago and when I noticed the profile pic had changed while scrolling down my FB messages 6 months later, I went in for a closer look and... he had gotten the Macklemore haircut w/a manbun. Any traces of regret I had harbored in the deep dark corners of my soul instantly vanished to be replaced with disdain and amusement bordering on pity. This guy is in is late 30s FFS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 05:50 AM
3

Sometimes I think all the talk about getting dates paid for on this sub causes certain women to overemphasize that aspect of things in relation to everything else. Maybe because it's one of the more concrete/objective metrics. So lemme just say... A lot of the time a guy being willing to blow too much $ on you, too fast, in the wrong ways, can be a huge red flag. There's a line between men that are trying to make your life more pleasant and men that are trying to love bomb you or encourage you t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 03:35 PM
34

I think there's an "early warning" version of this with men in their late 20s/early 30s that say they "feel like [their] life is just beginning. " I mean you're hardly old at that point but you are definitely well into whatever you're gonna get and not being realistic about it is a red, red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 07:34 AM
30

The overlap between men in their 30s, 40s, 50s that are eager to date 20-somethings (or for the older ones, 30-somethings) and men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s that I respect has always been extremely low so... no, I won't ever be doing that, even indirectly. I don't consider these men a desirable target demographic. Didn't want them at 20 and won't at 75. In all seriousness, while late teens/early 20s women get hit on borderline sociopathically by creeps of all ages my experience has been that as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 06:28 PM
22

Thirded. I don't have a great answer for OP's actual question but...this guy very likely is one of those crusty old men into BDSM and polyamory, or plans to be some day, and is using his position as a therapist to groom young women with sexual trauma and/or daddy issues into engaging with his ilk by selling trauma re-enactment as a healing experience. Please write to the board that oversees his licensure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 12:53 AM
0

- More than 8-9 years older - More than around 5 years younger (may expand a little as I age but I'm 30 and 24 year olds are borderline children to me in terms of development and life experience) - Not reasonably generous with money/time/etc BUT ALSO: - Tries to use money as a form of control either by cultivating my dependence on his money for necessities or even just for lifestyle staples that would be psychologically hard to adjust to leaving behind on short notice - Not attractive - Can't ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 12:04 AM
7

Unfortunately when I have felt very sexually attracted to a man I have ended up ignored or used by him. Yes. In some cases maybe the attraction just wasn't mutual, but re: being used, unfortunately a large % of men are opportunists, and if they perceive that you're very physically attracted to them they feel that you may be "easy" and that they have you hooked, and are more likely to take you for granted and attempt to use it against you at every opportunity or leverage it to get away with shit.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 02:46 AM
18

How hot is he, like in the straight-up superficial sex appeal department? How good in bed is he? One of the main mistakes I feel like I see women make in relationships is under-estimating the importance of raw attraction/chemistry, apart from all this other very-important-but-not-sufficient stuff like "respect" and "generosity." Sometimes a combination of newness and being treated well can get the engine going initially, and people mistake that for primal desire - women in particular are really …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 02:19 AM
5

Some male stars just become known as Hot Guys and because the ingrained assumption is that men don't get less hot as they age, they continue to be cast/talked about as a Hot Guy well past the point that they've ceased to be attractive. Unless they've let themselves go extremely e.g. gotten a pronounced beer belly, it's like people don't bother looking at them and re-assessing. I realized how true this is while watching the last season of Scream Queens. John Stamos was cast in a very explicit Hot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 01:28 AM
2

Count of men I know that I would consider HVM that are dating women more than 9 years their junior: 0 lol. YMMV on your personal definition of HVM and your sampling of men of course. Really started realizing how true to my experience this has been when an HVM I see began introducing me to his friends, who also seem to have their shit together and be good, interesting people. They are all highschool buds that went to the same private school - ergo come from well-off families that are considered h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 12:12 AM
5

women who take care of themselves seem to age way more slowly than men Fun Fact: there's mounting evidence that women literally do age a bit more slowly than men... like, at the cellular level. https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-10-women-age-slower-men.html
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 01:39 PM
11

If a woman is looking for marriage/a serious relationship it is a huge red flag. In fact IIRC if, by around 36, a man hasn't married at least once, he is statistically unlikely ever to do so. It's a massive sign that he has ingrained commitment issues/is not marriage-minded. People on this sub do like to emphasize that women shouldn't be settling for men that have been relationally used up for no good reason and taken stringently (no divorcees!) that's great advice for younger women. But once me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 01:31 PM
6

Men feel able to behave this way because there are next to no real penalties for them doing so. A lot of women tolerate it as long as it isn't directed at them and other men... well, many will metaphorically high-five them for it, some know it's wrong but compartmentalize so hard that their disapproval will never go beyond a bit of joking/side-eye. If you have any desire to see men as a group become more respectful/responsible in their sexual relationships, the strategy has to go beyond trying t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 02:15 AM
3

Correct. I would have to dig to find it, but I read a study once that suggested that women see "like" and "love" as having greater connection/continuity whereas for men romantic "love" is separable from liking. Women tended to say they both liked and loved their husbands more than their friends, but men liked their friends more than their wives, and "loved" their wives more than their friends. "Love" is a fuzzy concept and people assuming its meaning is obvious or that it necessarily has the sam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 11:42 PM
14

I don't think I've ever hung onto a guy that was trying to breadcrumb me for more than 1.5 months. I've had experimental phases where I tried giving men the benefit of the doubt to see what they'd do with it, but once I got a clear view of them, I've always been good at walking away. Any time I let one overstay their emotional welcome even a little, it was because I was blaming myself. I shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have done that, should have communicated expectations better, shouldn't h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 12:30 AM
15

Yep. Which is why I find it so very awkward when I hear women brag about how the man they're dating respects and supports them but didn't respect/support previous women he was involved with. Like... you're knowingly giving time to and probably having sex with a LVM?.... weird flex but ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 05:07 AM
5

I'm not the one missing any points here. I never said OP was arguing for that per se nor did I think so. Didn't I point out that most of what was posted - at least the latter half - makes sense? But this isn't a debate. You wouldn't have the material for it. Even few LibFems would deny that trying to control female sexuality is a big motivator for most men, however overly naive their approaches to correction are... so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your reality perception is kind of off on t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 05:05 AM
11

The sex == power take is total bullshit and helps make sure that women don't accrue real power, lmao. Sex appeal is not power, ever - at best it can give you some social leverage within highly specific situations if you trade on it "correctly." Sex appeal is also not your sexuality - sexuality is something you experience internally. The fact that so many women conflate the two is troubling. Case in point: the second half of this post makes a lot of sense, the first has nothing to do with female …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 01:56 AM
1

No, there aren't enough to go around, not even for all women that are themselves "high value" let alone for every woman period. Maaaybe someday in the far flung future they'll be truly abundant but it's not worth counting on. This is why putting your life together so that your romantic/sexual relationships are basically extraneous to your happiness, social status and economic well-being is the most important thing you can do for yourself as a woman, in general and in terms of improving your posi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 12:48 AM
12

This is an underrated comment. You are correct. Men who act disrespectfully after early sex are fundamentally damaged/disrespectful toward women. They highly likely to start showing their true colors eventually, even toward the perfect unicorn wifey some of them genuinely believe they want. I facepalm every time I see someone frame* sleeping with a guy on date 2 as a mistake because he pulled away/ghosted. It might very well have been a mistake for other reasons, but it's never a mistake because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 12:21 AM
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